HealthyGamerGG - Only Listen To This if You're Average

Episode Date: January 3, 2024

Today's video marks a new approach as we aim to extend support to a group we haven't focused on much within our community: the average person. Often, our advice tends to cater to specific challenges, but today, we're addressing those who may feel they're simply 'chilling in the parking lot of life.' Check out HG coaching: https://bit.ly/47dF7rF Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Want to get started? Head to CarMax.com for details and get pre-qualified today. Want to drive? CarMax. Today, we're going to try to help people that we've never helped before in this community. And that is average people. So in psychiatry, we try to help the people who are busted, right? The people who are traumatized and addicted and, oh, my God.

And we're going to help you fix your life, right? And then there's also a group of us that are, like, all about optimizing performance and, like, finding, like, your best inner self and, like, I did some work at, like, Harvard Business School where we're like, oh, my God, like, let's help you, like, achieve, like, your dreams and all this kind of stuff. It's about becoming amazing or calling out of the pit. We're really good at helping people get away from bad stuff or go to really good stuff. But we don't have a whole lot of advice for people that are just kind of like chilling in the parking lot of life, right? You're not really going anywhere.

You're not really running away from anything. Just kind of chilling. So what should y'all do? If you're ready to take the next step on your mental health journey, check out Dr. Kay's guide. It's an immersive resource that distills over. 20 years of my experience laid out in a way that is tailored to your needs. So if you're ready to better understand your mind and take control of it, check out the link in the description below.

And today we're going to talk a little bit about if you're kind of an average person, which let's be honest is like the majority of people out there, what you should be thinking through. And we're going to share a couple of things that you need to think through. Because for average people, what I've found, and that's actually the majority of people that I've worked with at some time. When I was working like outpatient medicine, medicine at a hospital, you get average people. They're not CEOs. They're not all addicts. They're like people who are like married with two kids and have pensions and mortgages and like, whatever. They're just average people. And even with working with them, I've sort of found that there

are two things that are really, really important to think through if you're average. So the first thing that I noticed working with average people is that they're both risk averse and passion averse. And this is what this kind of looks like, right? So if you think about your life and how you made your decisions. You had this internal voice inside you that was kind of saying like, hey, bro, we should get a job. And then there's another part of you that's like, as a rock star. And what you do with that internal voice is you're like, yes, yes, yes, we shouldn't get a job, but like not as a rock star. And so when I work with average people, what I sort of find is that they have a lot of their behaviors are kind of like avoiding risk. And this is probably the way that

they were conditioned where you sort of think through how you want to live your life and like, how did you pick your job or pick your major? You probably pick something that, like, is safe, right? Like, you're like an accounting major, or you decided to become a web developer. And you're not someone who's going to, like, drop out a college to, like, start a company. Because that's crazy. We're not going to do that. And at the same time, there are oftentimes passions that these people have.

Like, if you're kind of like an average person who's not exceptional at anything, chances are you have been passionate about something. Like, you've been, like, super excited about. maybe learning how to play guitar or becoming a rock star or something like that. But then you do something really interesting, which is that you are very self-critical or judgmental towards your passions. There's some voice inside you that's like, that's silly, right? There's something about risk aversion and passion aversion where you're not actually like very open to your passions. You don't do things because that would be silly. And so if we sort

of think a little bit about if you do this in life, where is that going to end up? So if you're risk-averse, like, that's good in a lot of ways. And if you're passionate-averse, that's good in a lot of ways. Because if we think about who drops out of school, those people are like pro-risk and pro-passion, right? I'm going to drop out and I'm going to start a company because I believe in myself. But some of us just aren't wired that way. And we're more risk-averse and passion-averse. So how do you address this? First of all, notice if you do this. This is the first thing to do, right? Is there an inner voice that you sort of say like, hey, that's silly, we're not going to do that, right? Do you do that?

And if the answer to that question is yes, then if you want to be like a little bit more passionate, exceptional, whatever in life, we need to actually stoke that flame a little bit. We can no longer keep suppressing it. And so this is what I'd recommend that you do. And this is the kind of work that I do with people. I'll ask people who are average, you come into my office. Tell me about things that you wanted to do, but that you thought were like, like kind of silly or idiotic to do. And what ended up happening? And so what happens is when you sort of quiet that voice or you squash that voice or you're critical of it. And maybe your parents

did the same thing, by the way. Did you have some like interesting desire or passion where your parents are like, oh, that is you can't major in arts alok. You should do medicine or engineering. That's your options, right? Law, finance, computer. You can do computer. That one is okay. There's just a limited set of options. You can't do anything else. The second thing is if you sort of find that you have done that to yourself, now the question becomes, how do you change that? And that's where what I'll really encourage people to do is move towards their passion and especially move towards a little bit of risk. Now, this is where things get a little bit tricky because I'm not suggesting that you do risky things. So don't do things that are

dangerous. But as I'll work with people like in my office, I'll ask them, what is something that you've always wanted to do that you thought was silly? And so I had one patient who was like, you know, I've always wanted to go skydiving or I've always wanted to do karaoke, but I feel like an idiot doing karaoke. I've always wanted to learn how to sing. Like I think singers are the coolest things and coolest people in the world, but like I've never known how to sing. I'm tone deaf. They make all these kinds of excuses. This kind of rational part of them that is risk averse is actually telling them all the reasons why this is a bad idea. And so I know it sounds kind of weird, but from an emotional standpoint, what I'll sort of advocate for these people? is that they start to actually tolerate some of that risk and even embrace it. Not do things that are stupid, but hey, if you always wanted to go skydiving your life,

look into it. If it's safe, go skydiving. On the flip side, if there's some part of you that has always wanted to acquire a skill, but you felt too silly doing it, like sign up for singing lessons or voice lessons, and like, by all means, learn how to sing. Start really paying attention to that critical voice and use. Start to think a little bit about what you want to do. And then also catch it in the act. That's the third thing. So as I'm making these suggestions to you, if you're an average person

that this applies to, chances are you're feeling a tiny bit uncomfortable because you're like, yeah, like, but who would actually do that, right? That's silly. That's crazy. I wouldn't do that. So notice that self-critical part. And you don't even need to fight it or overcome it or combat it or anything like that. You can if you want to. But the most important thing is notice that you have all these little impulses in your life that the smarter, more logical, more risk-averse, part of you is squashing. So this is a situation where internally you want to do something, but externally, the world is telling you that this is silly, this is dumb, this is whatever. So this is a discrepancy between the internal and the external. It turns out that the reverse

of that is also true, where there's still a discrepancy, but the other crop of people that I've worked with who are average actually feel internally content. But the external world is telling them that they need to be doing more. So maybe you're someone who's saying to yourself, like, actually, I'm okay. Like, I'm a web developer at a mid-sized company. You know, I'm a paper salesman in a mid-size company from Pennsylvania. And I'm actually pretty happy with my life. Like, I know that there are a lot of people out there who are always talking about grinding

and always talking about this and people have problems, but like, I'm actually kind of okay. But then there's usually a part of you that is not okay with being okay. okay. That's kind of worried. They're like, but what if I like, I should be grinding, right? Like, if I don't grind right now, am I going to be unhappy later in life? Like, you know, I'm 26. I'm kind of chilling. I go on one vacation a year. You know, I can't afford first class. I'm dating someone who's like kind of okay. Like everything seems, I'm actually like, I don't feel like I need to be grinding, but maybe I should be grinding. The rest of the world is telling you that you should be more passionate and you should be like better and you should be hungrier and you should

be like creating passive income and you should be working at Google instead of like whatever mid-size like web development company you're working at. And the external world is telling you that you should be unhappy because people who are content with less than everything are idiots. And this is a huge problem in our society. We don't allow people to be content with average. And so the second thing that I'll help people work through is like they're actually okay with being. average, but they're not okay with being okay with being average. So they come to me looking for permission or license or for me to say, hey, it's actually okay for you to be average. So this is the second thing that you need to worry about or think through, which is that are you not okay

with being average? And if the answer is I'm not okay, then where does your doubt come from? Is it because you're afraid that in the future, if you don't grind right now, you could wind up in a situation where you're filled with regret and you should have grind it. But here's the problem is that like if you're some, just think about that. Like, if you're afraid of future regret that isn't even guaranteed because you're pretty content today, that doesn't actually create the motivation for you to actually go out and grind. And I've worked with average people who will try that for a little while, right? They're like, well, maybe one day I'll regret. There's a possibility of a regret. So therefore, let me grind today.

But think about that. Like the possibility of future regret, it's not even that you're going to regret, right? Like you could actually be totally fine for 40 years, 50 years the rest of your life. You could be completely happy. But you're afraid that maybe you won't be happy. And so you end up trying to force yourself into grinding when internally you're content. And why does that happen? Because the rest of the world tells you that you shouldn't be.

content. It is silly to be content where you are. You're not dating someone who's a 10 out of 10. You don't have a chiseled physique. You're not one of the most beautiful people on the planet. You're not one of the richest people of the planet. How dare you be content? And let's look at the flip side. On the other hand, we have people like celebrities, right? Who are some of the most beautiful people on the planet? Who are some of the most successful people on the planet? Who are some of the richest people of the planet? Are they sitting there content every single day? There are a couple of them that are actually like that.

And they rise to prominence because they're the exception. 50% of them are in fucking rehab because they've got addiction problems because they're internally unhappy with themselves. So here is life telling you to chase all of this crap, which like when everyone gets it leads them to rehab. So the second problem that I find with people who are average is that they do not allow themselves to be content and not grind because the external world is telling them you shouldn't feel that way. So if you're average, I think first of all, it's okay for you to be content. It's okay

for you to be content when you're poor. It's okay for you to be content when you're rich. It's okay for you to be content when you're average. And now I'm going to draw on some of this eastern stuff a little bit. So like in the east, they think that if you want to be happy in life, you need to do four things. Dharma, eartha, karma, karma, karma, ma'amok. Okay? Dharmah means duty. So like be like a decent human being. Like do what you're supposed to do, get a job, get married, have kids, whatever. Okay, if that's what you want. Second thing they say that's important to be happy in life is Arta, which means wealth. So if you're an average person, are you financially secure? You should check that box. The third thing that you should do to be

happy in life is karma or pleasure. So are you having fun on a day-to-day basis? Like are you enjoying life? Do you eat a good taco from time to time? Do you go for? for a walk on the beach? Do you go for like a middling vacation where you're renting a car and eating at budget places but then have one nice meal? So do those three things. And the four things is Moksha or Enlightenment. And the key thing that I like about this philosophy is that in the East, and this is basically like Indian or Hindu philosophy, is they sort of assume that you don't have to fix all of your problems right at the beginning. You can work on one thing. You can work on the second thing. You can work on the third thing. And then once you have all those things settled,

later in life, you will be more, it's okay to be discontent. You don't have to fix all of your contentment in the first 25 years of life. It's actually totally fine for you to have a midlife crisis and then seek spiritual satisfaction. It's actually normal for you when you're at the age of 60 or 65 to start to worry about what you're doing in this world, to become discontent at the age of 60, and then start your spiritual growth. And this is mirrored, by the way, in Western psychology. as well if you look at the work of someone like Eric Erickson. And Eric Erickson basically said that at different points in life, there are different things

that are going to make you unhappy. And at the end of your life, you're going to look at the whole life you've lived and you're going to be filled with some amount of regret. And the natural thing to do when you're 70 is to work through that regret. But the problem is in today's society, we think that we have to live perfectly today so that we avoid all regrets in the future. And this is what tortures the average people that I work with. They're like, how do I, even if I'm content today, how do I avoid regret in the future?

Don't I need to be doing more or meditating more or making more money? And the answer is no. If you are content today, let yourself be content today. Will you have problems tomorrow? Yes. And you don't need to do anything about it today. You can let that problem arise when you're having your problem. midlife crisis. You can let that problem arise when you're 60, and you can actually work through it then.

You don't need to torture yourself today, make sacrifices to avoid hypothetical problems in the future. This is actually how the worst way to live your life, because now you're solving for problems that you don't even know that are happening and may not ever exist. And you are sacrificing your contentment today to avoid a hypothetical problem in the future. And you can live your entire life doing that. And I have worked with people who are 70 years old, who live their entire life avoiding future problems. And then what is the problem that they have? They wasted their fucking life solving problems that never arised.

Arisen, arose. So if you're average, first of all, totally cool. No big deal. Main thing you need to think about is, first of all, internally, Has there been a voice inside you? Has there been some kind of passion? Are you risk averse and passion averse? And the rest of the world told you, hey, don't do that stuff because it's silly.

If it did, start to tunnel down into that and start to awaken that voice a little bit. As you awaken that voice, as you lean into your passion, you may one day become exceptional. On the flip side, if you're average and you're actually okay with it, you don't need to be fucking exceptional. Not everyone in life needs to be exceptional. You can chase it if you want to. But if you're happy, it's okay to be happy. And you don't have to anticipate all the problems in the future and start grinding today. If you're in your 20s and you are actually enjoying the life that you're living, making a moderate amount of money with moderate relationships, with a moderate amount of fun, you do not need to sacrifice the best years of your life to avoid some hypothetical problem down the road.

If the rest of the world is telling you that you need to be grinding, but internally you're kind of content, lean into that, baby. And have some faith that if you've gotten this far and you learned how to be content and you're kind of like you lean into that, that'll actually protect you against all the crap to come. So I know it's kind of weird, but we spend most of our time helping this is a society. Two poles of people, the people who are doing the worst in life and the people who are doing the best in life. And we actually ignore the most important chunk of people, which are average people. And so if you fall into that camp, here's some stuff that I hope will help you. So give it a shot, think through it, and let us know. Like if you're an average person, you've got some kind of other problem, post on Reddit

or like, you know, post in the comments or something like that. And we'll try to help you more because y'all are the people that we should be helping the most. The last thing to consider is that if you want help getting through some of this stuff, I think working with like a coach or a therapist is like a really good idea. If you're really quashing a lot of stuff and very self-critical, then by all means like, therapy is like kind of a better thing. But the whole problem is that the system of psychotherapy was designed to help people with pathology. And then we have all this like positive psychology, optimal performance, like business coaching kind of crap too. But what about like all the average

people? And that's kind of what our coaching program is for. It's sort of to help people who are at all spectrums. So we have engineers at Google and we have people who are like 24 and like have their first job and they're not really sure whether they want to be ambitious or not. At the end of the day, the majority of people in the world are average, and that's perfectly okay because that doesn't necessarily mean that you will be unhappy. So think through some of this stuff and let us know how it goes for you.