HealthyGamerGG - Open Relationships ft. Melina

Episode Date: April 21, 2020

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So I'm going to use like an analogy with food. Okay. Okay. So I was eating eggs and toast this morning. And I was sitting next to my two-year-old. And she wanted a bite of my eggs. And I said, sure, honey, take a bite of my eggs. And then I asked her, can I have a bite of your eggs?

And she said, no. These are my eggs, Daddy. And I was like, how is that fair? Is that, I mean, I realize that it's like really apples and oranges and night and date it compared to what you're talking about, but is that the general sentiment that you're letting these people in and they're not letting, and they're pushing you out? Mm-hmm. Okay, let's do this. All right. Hey.

So am I calling you Molina? Is that right? Yeah, that's my name. That's my real name and Twitch name and everything. Okay. Oh, so you stream on Twitch. Mm-hmm. Okay.

Cool. So how are you handling COVID? Right now I'm in Sweden and I'm stuck here. Okay. I'm separated from my fiancé. Okay. Who's destiny? Oh, okay.

About that. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. So that kind of sucks, but it's okay. What about you? Yeah, so I am not quarantined from my partner. We are together. So I'm actually with my family.

We move from Boston to Texas, actually. for the duration of COVID. Because we have a relatively small place in Boston and I have two young children and so they need a place to run around. So we came down here for a little while. So it's been... What a great start.

Yeah, it's been interesting because we had to ship down some stuff and most of our stuff is still up there and things like that. So like I understand the topic today is like trust issues. Can you help me understand what that means? Um, so I would say, especially since I got, I'm not sure if it's because I'm getting like older or if it's because I've been on the internet more or if it's because I've been traveling like outside of Sweden or if it's because I've been in America a lot. I feel like a lot of people lately has been like disappointing me. And it feels like I've met like a lot of people that is like it's always like turned out really dramatic or I felt like they've like become really. mean basically and it just makes me feel like um like it's like hard for me to like trust people

okay and i'm not sure if it's because i've been like naive in the past or if it's like sure yeah i don't know yeah it can be hard if like people um you know if you give someone your trust and they don't you know treat it well and they hurt you in some way or or it can be hard to trust people if you kind of get like betrayed you know when you trust something yeah and it just like it's been like happening like almost like like like a like a lot like yeah lately yeah like in like just a year it's been like a lot of really like dramatic events and stuff wow that sounds rough yeah i don't know it's i'm i'm very like surprised and it's i remember a few months ago i felt like um like it made be like sad and especially like scared like meet new people and stuff oh interesting so you found

yourself kind of pulling back a little bit because of what it happened and can you tell me a little bit about what what happened over the last year you said like a several events what do you mean by yeah um and if there's anything you're not comfortable sharing just let me know i'm i'm just i don't yeah i don't think it's it would be like good to like talk about like very very like specific things because there's like people that maybe don't want that information to like come out like fully but there's it has been out

like the information is like out there for sure but I just I just feel like I think something that was like really good about me was that I used to like see a lot of positivity like the positivity and stuff in people and I feel like I don't do that as much anymore and it's kind of sad I don't know

how does it feel to not see positivity in people anymore Um, it's, um, I, I just feel a bit scared. It's almost like, it, it almost feels a bit trippy. I don't know. It's just like, it's just like so much. It's just like intense. I don't know. Hmm. What's intense about it? Um, like it feels almost like a bit unreal. Huh. There's like been like so many. I don't know. So it does it feel unreal because it's very different from the way that you've seen people before? So you're kind of like, look. looking at like the world seems like a different place to you? Or is it, is that what you mean? I'm a little bit, I'm trying to understand what's unreal about that. I'm not sure. Maybe it was like that before, but I just couldn't really realize it. I see.

So the issue is like, and this kind of goes back to earlier, you were kind of saying like you were wondering now whether you were naive before or, I mean, do you believe you were naive before? What you are now? That's what I've been told by people. So I don't know. That's what it feels like people tell me. Like, yeah, this is just like how the world is sort of.

But it just like kind of sucks because I really feel like I mean well to a lot of people. And I would say that I'm pretty like genuine and like very generous. Yeah. To a lot of stuff. Especially like with a kind of relationship that me and my fiancé has and everything too. What kind of relationship do you and your fiance have? What does that mean? We have an open relationship.

And help, I mean, so I have an idea of what that means. What do you mean? Can you help me understand what that means? Like, we're able to, like, see people, both romantically and sexually. Like, outside of ourselves, basically, yeah. Okay. And your relationship with Desi, you say he's your fiancé? Mm-hmm.

And so you guys have a romantic relationship. Yeah. Can you help me understand a little bit about, is that something that you're interested in talking about today? Or do you want to talk kind of more about trust and other people? I think everything just like goes like. Okay. Sure. So tell me a little, can you just tell me a little bit about your relationship with destiny, like how you guys met and?

We met, so I was a fan of him. Okay. Like, what is it? Two years ago, I think I started watching it on YouTube. So I didn't know what Twitch was. And then I Yeah, I found out that he had Instagram So I texted him there

And then we started chatting And then he I was in New Zealand at the time Traveling around like in a van He was like living life Being very happy Probably like yeah Like one of the most like happiest times I've ever had

Yeah and then to tell me about that time So So like five years ago I went to New Zealand with my mom And my two sisters And we went there because I'm a huge Lord of the Rings fan. So, yeah, we went there, and when I got there, I felt like, I felt like that's like where

I'm supposed to be. So I saved up a lot of money for about three, four years. Still, when I was in high school, and then after high school, I worked a lot to, like, get over there. And my whole plan was basically to, like, go there and, like, start life, basically, because I really wanted to move there. In New Zealand. And how old are you now?

I'm 21. I'm 22 in the summer. 21 and 22. Okay. Yeah, I'm 22 this summer. Okay. And so you had this idea to move to New Zealand when you were like 18? No, like 16. 16, okay. Yeah, 16. So then you saved up money for three or four years.

And then what happened? I went there. We bought a car or like a van. lived in that one basically and just like traveled around. I really like traveling. I'm really into traveling. Me and my partner at the time, Max. Okay. So you guys traveled around New Zealand and that was one of the happiest times of your life? What was happy about it? Tell me that. Sounds cool. Yeah, I'm very, I'm very much of a person I really like, I really like traveling and I really like, I don't know, the people that are very nice, very, like, open and, like, genuine and,

like, happy and adventurous and everyone just likes to, like, do fun things and create fun memories. And I would say that I'm, like, that kind of person as well. I've never really felt like I belong in Sweden, where I come from. I don't, I've never really felt like it fit in. What, what hasn't, what about Sweden, hasn't fit with you? Um, I, I think, I, I think, think it's it's just like i've never really felt like i'm not sure if it's because of like if my i don't know i would say that i sort of grew up with the idea of that sweden wasn't really the place for me to be and i'm not sure if it has to do with has that been the feeling that you've had you just kind of always known that yeah yeah because i was a kid like very young yeah so i was just

like planning to like go there and everything and that was super fun and then uh and stephen came down and that was really, really good. And then you have... Who's Stephen? Destiny. So you were traveling in New Zealand? Mm-hmm. And Destiny came to visit you?

Yeah. Oh, wow. So is that the first time you all had met? Yeah. Okay. Mm-hmm. You're making that sound so matter of fact, but I think it's quite remarkable. Is that, it's kind of like unbelievable?

Yeah. Yeah. That you, yeah, that I found him, like, and started. like watch his like content and stuff and then I got in contact with him and then yeah he flew all the way down there and that was really good and we got along really well and then we continued talking and then I just like flew over to him and then we like been traveling around together and like doing stuff okay and so you said you were traveling in New Zealand with your partner at the time right so when destiny came to visit you you guys were friends or was there kind of a romantic element to the relationship with

um so uh This person that I was together with back then, he and I, we were together for about four years. And we had a polyamist relationship, which meant that we could, like, date multiple people at the same time. Okay. And we decided that... Sorry, what's the difference between polyamorous and open, or is there one? I would guess that polyamorous means more that you can, like, have feelings for multiple people at the same time and stuff, and you can, like, date them. Okay.

What you think is, like, dating, I guess. Like I think the labels are like bad. I just think it's like I'm very like. Okay, sure. And what so but I'm just trying to understand when you use the word open relationship and use the word polyamorous, are those the same thing or those different? I would say that we maybe use open now because we're not like living with like a third person or like dating another person at the moment. Okay. So it's just like we're dating each other.

We're not dating anyone else. So like whenever we go to see people, we could like have feelings and. stuff for them as well or like have some sort of romantic relationship with them but we're not like living with them because I think both of us would see living with someone it's like more of a dating thing for us so okay so so like so like like a polyamorous relationship people sometimes like live together with like multiple partners yeah I think they can do that if you want to sure I think it's just like it's very non monogamous that's maybe that's like a better word for a non monogamous really so so an open

relationship is a little bit more like primarily monogamous but open. Is that? Yeah, I guess. I would say maybe like non-monogamous is the right world to use. I don't know. It's just words. Okay. But like we're yeah, we can see multiple people at the same like yeah.

Okay. Okay. And so, okay. So you, you started so, so, but you guys were, when destiny came to visit you guys were friends or was there like a romantic element to that? No, I didn't see anything romantic. Okay. I thought it was like, it was a fun. funny thing. But we like we texted and stuff and it was fun. And yeah, we opened up and talked a lot.

How did you understand why he was coming to visit you? Um, like why he did that? Yeah. He probably thought it was like a fun idea. And I think he needed a break like from streaming and like from. Yeah, like everything in his life at the moment. And he lives somewhere in North America, right? He lives in California. Okay. Okay. So you thought that he was coming to see you because he kind of needed a break to recharge and and yeah and I thought it was like fun yeah certainly it sounds like New Zealand is a very nice place it's like it's like a great location like location to go take you need a vacation how long was he down there uh for about two weeks okay so it sounds like you guys had a lot of a lot of fun sounds great yeah yeah it was fun we did like adventure stuff

and like um saw beautiful things like mountains and like just like really really fun i'm very adventurous I like planning like adventurous stuff and stuff like that. Cool. That's what we did. You striped me as somewhat of a free spirit. Yeah. Cool. I'm like, I'm very, I like to travel.

I'm like very, I have a lot of love to give and receive or whatever. Yeah. And yeah, that's, I feel like I figure out like what the meaning of like my life is sort of. It's just that, yeah, I don't know. It just gets me sad when I see. see people like being like I don't know you know like about the trust thing whatever yeah so malina I mean I'm honestly a little bit confused because I really don't understand what you mean by that because I don't you know you're saying that and we don't have to talk about it because you

mentioned that you kind of don't want to mention it but I'm confused by what you mean by that okay right so let me just tell you what I heard so so I'm envisioning you know Molina traveling around New Zealand being very adventurous, free spirit, never really tied to Sweden. And that's kind of who you are. And I see that person and I understand where she's coming from. And I feel like I know her a little bit. And then something changes. And I can see how like that person could change a little bit if she gave her trust too easily or too freely

or maybe people took advantage or something like that. I'm not so sure that I quite see it that way because I think you're a giver. Like I think Wait, who are you talking about? I'm talking about you. I think you're a giver. Yeah. Yeah, I would say so.

Yeah, and I think that... Even like probably call me a fixer. Like I like... I like give and like people happy around me. Yeah, so, you know, it's interesting. Fixer has such a negative connotation to it, right? Yeah, maybe, yeah. But I'm not sure if it's like a good thing.

I don't think you probably can't fix anyone. I don't know about that. Or I thought so in the past, but now I feel like maybe I can't. Can I tell you something completely random and unrelated to what we're talking about? Any interest in religion or spirituality? Psychedelics. Okay. So I just like to share with you like a concept from the Hindu tradition that I think actually kind of describes you pretty well.

I'm not saying that it's not really a religion. It's just a way of conceptualizing people. So when I look at you, what I see is something called shakti. Shakti is the Sanskrit word for energy. And the interesting thing in the Sanskrit language is that energy is a feminine word. So the idea of energy actually has like a feminine connotation to it. And it's sort of like kind of a, I mean, this is going to sound, yeah, it's kind of weird. So like energy is just sort of a feminine word.

And this could be my, you know, very much a bias of the culture that I was raised in or studying some of these things. but I feel like I've met some women who were just givers and seemed to almost give out their energy to other people. And I've also noticed that, so the other thing about Shakti is it's sort of like a maternal kind of energy or it can be. And this may have something to do with, you know, primitive cultures and when they think about creating life, like that is like a very energy intensive process.

And it's like the woman who creates life. So it's been a lot of academic study around like, you know, five thousand years ago when people, people were living in India, they sort of felt like energy is a feminine quality, which is a little bit different in Western culture. And so sometimes I meet people who I think have Shakti. So Shakti also is the word, it's the word for energy, it's also the word for goddess. And so that, that like, there are some kind of maternal or maternal figures that sort of give energy out to other people and you strike me as one of those people who sort of gives other.

themselves to other people and then like and kind of there's this idea that like all energy in the universe comes from the goddess it's not actually doesn't come from God it comes from the feminine version of God and just listening to you and talking to you and even looking at you I sort of that word shakti comes to mind because you seem to me to be a very energetic and giving person and other people I would guess so people who I've met who seem to have a shakti like yours I'd say that you're almost like a light that people are attracted to. And it's like they're drawn to you because you give so freely.

And then people who are kind of hungry come and want a piece of your energy. And you give it so freely to them. And they live in a world where energy is not freely given. And so it can be very, very intoxicating for them to like be in your presence because you so, you are open in a world where most people, have trust issues. Does that make sense at all? Yeah.

Does that fit at all with kind of your experience about people kind of coming to you to take your radiance for lack of a better term? Yeah, yeah, I would say so. Can you tell me in what way it fits with you? Like what resonates about that? I feel like,

like in situations, for example, when if I've had like a really close relationship with someone and it's like really good really fun and they feel like they get like help from me and stuff and I like doing that with them and I like to like make them happy and stuff it's really like it happens a lot that something happens that makes them do something really mean or like hurtful towards me and then a time goes by and they come back later and it feels really weird yeah I don't know it feels really strange that's that's a very that's a great description so I think that's kind of what I I envision that

almost like a mother, right? A mother is someone that you have a conflict with, but then like you always kind of go back. Does that sort of make sense? Like it's almost like that kind of psychological. Yeah, maybe. And it just, it feels like I'm getting used. Yeah. So it sounds like the relationship is lopsided.

So one of the hard things, unfortunately, for people who have this shakti is that their relationships often become one-sided. And oddly enough, I don't necessarily think that's a bad thing once you understand it. Like once you understand that you have something to give, anyway, we'll maybe get there, maybe we won't, I don't know. But can you give me an example?

Because I'm still having trouble sort of envisioning. Like, can you give me an example of this happening? I think it's like the people that I get interested in like romantically. Not at the time now, but like it's happened in the past and stuff. Then there's also like friends. This is something that people just generally know, but like because of all the drama that's happened, like, between me and Stephen and, like, other people that gets involved with, like, us romantically or, like, sexually, whatever, there's been a lot of people getting really jealous, probably, and turn out, like, being really mean or trying to, like, sabotage and stuff. And that feels really shitty, because I feel very generous, and I've never done anything. anything to them, like, that's bad or...

Can you give me an example of sabotage? What does that mean? Like, trying to make me feel bad. How do they try to make you feel bad? They try to make me feel jealous. How do they do that? Um, like, well, gosh. No, I feel like, wait, um, just like being really mean and stuff for like, try to make me feel bad that they had some sort of,

romantic or sexually relationship with my partner, basically. By saying mean things or try to tell me that they're sort of like the one instead of me or something like that, basically. So when someone says they're the one instead of you. Or like they're not saying it, but they mean it by their actions and stuff. How do they turn up? So let me tell you. Can I explain why I'm asking you such specific questions? So you're saying that.

people, you're talking about your experience of people's actions, right? You're saying they try to make me feel bad, they try to make me feel jealous. Whereas in my experience, oftentimes, people don't try to make someone feel a certain way. Usually when people make other people feel bad, that's like a con, like it's not the intended consequence. It's like, almost like collateral damage. So for example, let's say that I had a relationship. with destiny and I felt like I was in love with him. I may make you feel like I'm the one or I may make you feel like I think I'm the one, but that's not because I'm trying to make you feel a certain way, it's because I want

destiny all to myself. Does that make sense? And so I could understand how you would feel that way, but I don't necessarily know that they're intending to make you feel that way. Like I've had girls basically like shutting like the door and, you know. in front of me with like that person and him in the room like like clinging on him and stuff and like looking me in the eyes and like shutting the door in front of me and to that make me feel how does that make you feel like i i just don't understand like why what have i done like i think

so okay so why i really like this sort of relationship and i know there's a lot of people like meaming and stuff on the internet that i'm the one getting all of this like like yeah the extra of the relationship or whatever like i'm the only one who's getting to see people and stuff a lot of people think that um but like wait what was i even going with this so you were telling me that someone shut the door in your face and i'm like someone you there's a physical room where destiny's in it and there's another person in it and they shut the door in your face oh yeah so i mean i think the most like the the best thing about this kind of relationship for me is that i make it possible for my partner that I love to like experience multiple things in life and not just me you understand for

the rest of her or his life or whatever and and I also feel like I really do love him so much and it makes me happy thinking that he can like give that happiness to other people as well so when people start like being really mean and stuff and like they start draw on stuff and they they absolutely don't have to it makes me really sad why don't they have to start drawing up because I think they like probably hopefully get what they like can or want like I hope they know that what they can get out of it you know yeah but what if they what they want is exclusivity then I guess it's I guess it's on them I don't know I don't think it's like it doesn't have to like me and me right or like I completely agree with you so I'm just so I'm going to put myself in the

shoes of the person who closes the door in your face for a moment right so I'm imagining if I want exclusivity with destiny, then it's on me to try to get it. And part of that involves closing the door in your face. Right? And what are you feeling right now? You look like you're getting a little bit emotional. I'm sorry. Did I? No, it's okay. I'm curious what you're feeling. I think it's just really unfair. What's unfair about it? It does seem unfair to me too. It sounds to me like you're being open, but the other people that you invite into your relationship are not being as open as you are. Is that what feels unfair about it?

Yeah. Because I don't know. I don't really know. I guess like that just makes me feel like I'm losing hope and people around me. I don't know. Because I just want everyone to like be happier. I mean, it just like everything gets really complicated. I don't know.

or I don't know or when they when they do that it's just really unfair what's unfair what's unfair about it um

like I feel like I'm just like giving them a lot of like happiness it's also the other way around they could be like people getting jealous of him as well like because they want to be with me

and I'm like I can like even though like I give them almost like all I can I don't know. It just feels like, I don't know. I don't get it. Yeah, let me see if I understand you. It's just really, it's really like complicated. It's just like a lot, but. What's complicated about it?

It seems like it's hard for you to understand, or like not understand, but like it's so hard to like explain maybe. Yeah, so let me see if I understand. So I'm going to use like an. analogy with food. Okay. Okay. So I was eating eggs and toast this morning and I was sitting next to my two-year-old and she wanted a bite of my eggs and I said, sure, honey, take a bite of my eggs. And then I asked her, can I have a bite of your eggs? And she said, no. These are my eggs, daddy. And I was like, how is that fair? Is that? I mean, I realize that it's like really apples and oranges and night and date it compared to what you're talking about but is that the general

sentiment that you're letting these people in and they're not letting and they're pushing you out like you're letting this person into presumably your home i don't know exactly if it's your home or you know because you say that destiny's your fiance um but and so i'm i'm i'm a little bit you know i'm confused about the logistics of like who's living where and you know where are you and is that your home i'm like i live in sweden so i'm only like visiting him. I see. So there's like there's someone who shuts the door in your face and in a sense, I mean, I guess I have a certain possessiveness when you use the word fiancee. Like I feel like you have dibs. You have the first right to destiny if you let someone else in. Maybe that's wrong.

Maybe that's not. I don't know if I say boyfriend. It's not really boyfriend. That seems kind of, but partner, I guess. I don't know. It's just words to me. Yeah, but I mean, I'm wondering like who's got dibs, right? Like, does it, do you get, like, so you're the one who, is that, like, if you're, if you're in a relationship with someone who's your fiance, like, you sort of, you know, let other people into your relationship, right? But it's still you letting them in. They don't have a right to come in. It's like you, you're choosing to open the door. And they're, you're letting them walk in if they want to, but it's still your door to open or close. I guess, like, the only boundary, basically that I have in or like the boundary that we have is that if there's someone that we're

interested in or like doing some romantic or sexually thing with if they don't respect our relationship or um or try to like sabotage it or whatever or does like hates the other one like that's like the boundary basically and it feels like everything is going well until there's like some point it doesn't and it's and then I feel like I've just like I don't know really I think it's really sad. What's sad about it? Because I used to have like a lot of hope for people to just, I don't know. I think it's like a beautiful thing that there's not really like any, I don't see love

as some sort of control when it comes to relationships, basically. I think that's really, for me, that's strange. So if love isn't control, what's hurtful about someone closing the door in your face, what makes it hard for you to just appreciate that. They are, you know, that that person and destiny are about to share something beautiful. Why is that hurtful to you? It's not like that. It's just more.

I don't think he thinks that because, like, that person is not really respecting us by being mean to one another, like to any of us, basically. So it's not like that. That person is not respecting you guys? I wouldn't say so if one of the, like if that person starts to like get really mean and stuff But is closing the door in your face, is that mean? I would say so. Okay. To like try to make me feel bad.

Try to make you feel bad. Yeah. Why do you think they're trying to make you feel bad? Because they probably wants him for themselves. But how, but see, in my mind those are two different things, Alina. So, so maybe this is. So I'd like to clarify this. In my mind, like, let's say there's a pancake.

And just because I want to eat the pancake doesn't mean I want to take the pancake away from someone else. Does that make sense? So in my mind, you're kind of, just because somebody wants destiny doesn't mean that they want to hurt you. Like, they get mean in other ways as well. Like, one of them made fun of me for being Swedish. because they wanted me to feel like shit like why do you think they want to hurt you because they they probably wants to be in my position in what is your position like the person that lives with them and sees them every single day so it's to like spend my life with them in that way

okay that makes sense to me so it sounds like they're jealous yeah and so let me just take a step back So it sounds like, I feel like I'm getting it now. So thank you so much for explaining. Let me see if I get it, okay? So you have this kind of, you know, view that relationship. So you love destiny and destiny loves you? Okay. And that you guys have this open relationship and you think it's a beautiful thing to be able to love and to be loved.

And you think that it's, you know, beautiful to share that love and for other people to experience destiny's love. because you've experienced it as well, and it's a wonderful thing, and you want to share that. So you're inviting everyone to the table and let's all eat together, right? Yeah, that's like the dream picture. That's what I want. Absolutely. And so everyone kind of brings, it's like a potluck. So everyone brings something, and then we all share what we all have to bring. Yeah. And so you also have this idea that, like, other people can come to the table and share in the way that you do.

Yeah, and it works sometimes, but it feels like most of the times things have gone like really bad and like really horrible. Really bad and really horrible. I would say so or like it's been like it's been, I would say it's horrible because I feel like, I feel like tired or I feel like bad and it feels like it's like really like affecting me pretty hard. What feels bad? Like the way I start to view people around me. starts become really negative and every time there's like a new person coming in i get really scared instead of like being happy as i used to be yeah and what do you think about that why do you think you're starting to do that i think it's really because i feel like i've gotten like disappointed so much

so many times so i start to like feel really scared and that's like more things happening again yeah And do you are you Are you afraid that at some point You're going to have to change the way that you view people Yeah but I think it's the worst way to view people It's not fun It's not like I don't know It just seems like everyone has so many issues

And everything is just chaos Like everyone is putting their issues And everyone else around them instead of just I don't know I think it's really sad I think it's sad too I think it's sad that the world isn't a perfect place that people aren't perfect. Is there a part of you that doesn't want to be in a polyamorous or open relationship?

Not if I'm going to get hurt by people like this. So, you know, but that's it. Like, it's not, like, I don't think about it. But I start to, like, get scared that I'm going into, like, a bad path. What's a bad path? If it starts to affect me, like, mentally, really bad, I guess, but more, like, experiences that's like really horrible. Yeah, so if would you be willing to be in a non-poly amorous relationship?

It would feel really strange to me. What would feel strange about? To control my partner from feeling things for other people. Ah, interesting. So you think that a non-polyamorous relationship involves controlling your partner's feelings? Yeah. For me, it does. Huh. That's not my impression of most monogamous relationships.

I don't know. It seems like there's a lot of jealousy and stuff. Why is there a jealous? I'm confused. Why is it? Have you been in a monogamous relationship before? No. Huh? Ever. So what's your understanding of what a monogamous relationship is? Basically they want to be with one person, romantically and sexually. You want to be with one person. What do you mean by the person? the word want um like that's that's what you like the way you choose time is yeah so i i like the

word choose said two-year-old is outside my window now oh she's confused um so i i think i'm a little bit curious you know that you're do you feel like you would be a less good person if you chose to be a monogamous relationship? Maybe. I haven't thought about it. So can I share with you what my understanding of a monogamous relationship is? So I don't think it's about controlling anyone's feelings. In fact, I don't think it's about controlling at all. I think a good monogamous relationship has nothing to do with control.

A good monogamous relationship has everything to do with choice. So it's when two people choose to engage in a romantic and sexual relationship only with each other. and I don't think that there's any controlling of feelings. Like, I don't think that, so I don't think it's reasonable to expect people to control their own feelings, let alone have your partner control your feelings. That sounds like a toxic relationship to me. When one partner tries to control the way that the other partner feels, that sounds toxic to me. I'd say that people have feelings towards other human beings. That's completely normal.

I can be romantically or sexually interested with people that. that are not my wife. She can be romantically or sexually interested in people that are not me. That's completely reasonable. Human beings have feelings. We don't really control our feelings. What we control are our actions.

And so I think a monogamous relationship is a choice that your actions, that you're going to restrain certain feelings and not choose to act on them for the sake of supporting a particular relationship. What do you think? think about that? Can you say that one more time?

The last thing. Yeah. So, like, it's not about controlling your feelings. It's about controlling your actions for the sake of your relationship. Right? So I choose to not act upon the impulses that I have towards other women because I value my relationship more than a relationship with another woman. Okay.

What do you think about that? I guess it makes sense what makes sense about it um that it's about like your actions with other people like I don't know how to I don't know what to say sure

I mean because I don't think monogamy is about control like that's my main point I think it's about choice right it's sort of like I mean I can choose to live in a van and drive around in New Zealand and that's I'm not saying that that's good or bad I'm saying that or I can choose to have a house and live there every day and sleep in the same place every day.

I'm not placing a value judgment. I'm just saying that they're different. Do you think a lot of people use it as some sort of control? Absolutely. I think that people are assholes. And I think that being in a polyamorous relationship does not protect you from assholes. And I think that being in a monogamous relationship does not protect you from assholes. Although arguably...

So that's just how it is. Yeah. Although arguably being in a polyamorous relationship protects you less from assholes because there are more people coming in and out of the door of your relationship. Does that make sense? I just think statistically like, you know, if, yeah. With me? I mean, I'm not trying to advocate that you should be in a monogamous relationship.

Are you getting that for me? No. Okay. It's just your perception of a monogamous relationship is different from the way that I see it. Mm-hmm. And so what are you thinking? Let me just think for a second. So no part of you wants to be in a monogamous relationship.

Of course I could, like, I could probably be happy with one person. But I don't really, I don't feel like it's necessary for me to like, like, try to, like, tell my partner that that partner, like, can't see anyone. else than me. Yeah, so that actually sounds a lot like monogamy, oddly enough. So let me tell you why. So because I think that in, my wife, I don't think at least, I mean, I don't think I've ever, you know, my, I'd like to think that my wife doesn't see other people because I tell her not to.

She doesn't see other people because she chooses not to. Or, I mean, I should speak for myself. So my wife hasn't told me that, you know, I'm not allowed to. see other women. It's just we sort of made a mutual choice that we're not going to do that. So I don't get the sense that I'm controlled by her, at least not in this aspect. When it comes to how much I play games and things like that, she definitely is very controlling. But, you know, like, that's the thing is, I mean, you keep on using the word control when you talk about monogamous relationship, and certainly there are people who are controlling.

But I just don't know that that's restricted to monogamy. So help me understand. What do you mean by fiancé? Are you guys engaged to be married? Mm-hmm. Can you help me understand a little bit about how y'all decided to do that? So we can continue dating each other. What does marriage have to do with that?

Because I'm a Swedish citizen. I see. So just from a logistical perspective, it's hard for you to visit him so often unless... So it's kind of like... If laws did not prevent you, if you lived in the U.S. and you had a greener... card or something like that, would you guys be getting married? I don't know. That's another dimension.

Okay. But like, yeah. So I'm just hearing that, that, so it seems like it's primarily a legal thing. It's not like you guys. No, we love each other and we want to get married. Okay, so you value the instant, like that marriage means something to you. Yeah, of course. Okay.

Of course it is like, we go through a lot to like be able to like be together. Sure. Yeah. Yeah. What does it mean to you? to go through so much. Yeah. Like with a person?

Yeah. That we become really strong, I would say. What are you feeling now? Some sort of a happiness. I don't know. It feels like we go through a lot of things together. If we become really good. So that's really good.

I don't think I've ever gone through so much with someone. And the fact that you guys have stayed together through it all seems to be really important. Yeah. Because it sounds like the last year of your life has been really tough. Yeah. But we always come out together, which is really cool. It sounds like you can really count on him. Yeah.

Yeah, I really, really do love him so much. I used to get scared when more like bad stuff happens because I just want us to be together so badly. What are you afraid of? I'm scared. that I'm not going to be able to, like, go through it. Go through what? Just, like, more, like, difficult scenarios. That could basically be other people or this fucking pandemic or, like, his paperwork, like, all of this stuff.

I just hope, you know, there's, like, a lot of, like, scary stuff. You're afraid you're not going to be strong enough? Yeah. Where do you get that idea? Because I'm not sure how much I can push myself, right? Or... Why are you pushing yourself? Because...

Because... Because it's really important for me and for him, too, to do that. Help me understand what... So when you say the phrase, push yourself, I think about, like, when I push myself, there's a part of me that wants to do something. there's a part of me that doesn't want to do something. And so the part of me that wants to do it pushes the part that doesn't want to do it.

That's what pushing yourself is, right? What is the part of you, what do you want to push yourself to do? What do you mean practically? Does that look like in your relationship or in your life? It feels like it's just like a really hard mountain to climb, I guess. What's the mountain? I'm having trouble understanding. I mean, you're conveying a lot of feelings in imagery.

So I get the sense that it's a tall, you know, there's a long road ahead of you, right? And it seems really awesome that it's actually been a long road behind you too. And you guys have been through it together. And y'all are still here. Y'all are still together. And there's still a long way to go. That I understand.

But I'm not quite sure what the mountain looks like. Like, it could be, um, just think about it, like being me, um, like leaving New Zealand. Or like, going to America away from, like a lot of friends in Sweden or being away from my friends in New Zealand or having a lot of audience on the internet or having not being able to work because I can't work in America. Like giving up a lot of things, you know? Wow. And also go through a lot of crazy people and like go through like a lot and then now have long distance that I don't know when it's going to end. Like, this is like a lot of things.

Yeah. Oh my God. Very intense. Yeah, it sounds overwhelming, actually. I mean, issues of, yeah, I mean, it sounds like being stuck in Sweden is really rough on you. Yeah, I don't want to be here. You've never wanted to be there. No.

Can I just think for a second? It's so scary. You think so? Yeah, I mean, because. you don't know what's going to happen, right? You don't know what you're going to, like you're thinking about what you're going to give up and what you're giving it up for.

And you don't know when it's going to happen or what's going to happen. I mean, I can just imagine that, like, if you're giving up your friends in New Zealand and Sweden to move to America and you're streaming on Twitch, or are there other streamers that have been part of the drama between, like, involving you and Destiny, or it's like non-streamer people?

They're a streamer and non-streamer people. Yeah, so just kind of like, you know, what I'm hearing from you is that you're engaged in this world, right? This world of destiny and open relationships and streaming. And some of that stuff has been awesome and is amazing and is like really, really a solid foundation for you to build on. And some of it sounds like it's been kind of like really toxic and hurtful. And what I'm, the thing that just hearing everything that you said, the thing that kind of, it worries me the most is you're you're sort of diving into all of that really quick really fast yeah yeah you're really going in and i'm only 21 it's like it's like a lot of it's a lot yeah what do you

think about when are you guys going to get married do you know if covid wasn't happening and y'all talked about it i was supposed like why i'm in sweden is basically because i had to do an interview that i can't do because the american embassy is closed i see and and what do you think about getting engaged at the age of 21. It doesn't, it doesn't, like, to me it doesn't really mean like I'm becoming something different.

Like, it doesn't really do that for me. Like, what it means is probably that I'm going through a lot for a person that I really love and that I really care about and that I want to be with. And how long do you guys think you're going to be together? Hopefully for the rest of my life. Sure.

Yeah, I hope so too. It sounds like it's a very strong relationship that. You've talked to him too, if you remember. I'm a huge fan of Destinies. I think he's a fantastic guy. Yeah. I think it's, to be honest, Malina, I'm a little bit impressed. He's in love with you, right?

That's not easy to do. For him? Yeah. Yeah. That was it. That was also. struggle for a long time but yeah I think it's I think we like came to a point where it's like okay I think that y'all's relationship is really special yeah I would say so too that's why I'm

like I can't like I'm not going to give that up fuck no yeah it's worth fighting for is there something in particular I can help you with I think maybe like I feel I feel like I don't really understand myself that well like why I am the way I am because I feel like Like with all of this experience, it feels like it's very hard for me to find people that that has gone through something similar or that is like really similar minded to me. So I feel a little bit lonely with it. Yeah. And I feel like I'm not like, yeah. You feel alone?

Mm-hmm. A bit like with that, like with all this. With my life. I don't know. It's just people like if I talk to people that I used to know like five years ago, it's like we don't have anything to talk about and if I really like have a lot of things that I feel like I want to vent about It's like they they don't know like what to say or like they don't really know like they they don't know like they they don't know like they can't understand what do you feel like venting about today Um

Probably that I'm scared You're scared of what? What are you afraid of? Maybe like going in the wrong direction. shit. What direction? What is it? What does that look like? Tell me what the direction is like the way the way life is now compared to what it was about like two years ago is very different. And there's like a lot of really cool things but it's very very very intense. What do you know what's intense about it? Um, that there's it feels like there's no like time to like process because there's like new things all the time happening. That gets me. And I feel like every time something new happens, I feel like I get like way, like, I feel like I get sadder because of it, because I feel like, oh, no, another, like another thing happening. Can you give me an example of a new thing that happened recently that made you sadder? The whole Kitterino drama, for example, made me really sad. What is that?

I don't know what. Is Kitterina or a person? Mm-hmm. She's a streamer. Okay. What happened? What, what, what? Can I say?

She basically was lying to a bunch of people. About what? And that's a really fucking hardcore. And I'm sorry? Like her, she lied to a lot of people and stuff. About what? About what? Like romantically, sort of.

She cheated on people, basically. That's what she did. She cheated on people? what does that have to do with you? No, it just makes me sad to like see that a person that I am close with can do something like that. I see. Yeah, because I never thought that like I didn't know any like about anything and then it just like came out. And it's also really sad that someone like gets so much hate from the internet as well and stuff and it's just like really hard.

Kidarina got a lot of hate? Yeah. How do you feel about that? I don't think anyone deserves. that much hate, no matter what they do, from so many people. I don't think so. Just the judgment of the internet. Yeah, it's just, but it's just, like, insane.

It's just crazy. And it just makes me sad that so many people can be so mean about things they're not, like, involved with at all. And then that someone that I care about and really, like, I love Kate. I do. Like, seeing her, like, doing something like that makes me really sad. And then, like, seeing people, like, got hurt by it, feeling sad. It makes me sad, too.

I don't know. I just, it has nothing to do. with me, but I just feel sad about like watching things like happening. Yeah, it seems to me like you're also someone. So this happens with people who have shakti, by the way, is that they take on the heart of other people. So it's almost like, so the people that I work with who have powerful shaktis, I kind of think of them like a sponge.

They, so they can be a wonderful influence for a family or a company or a relationship because they can absorb a lot of the hurt of other people. and that's part of what draws people to you, is that by having you be a part of their conversations and things like that, they actually feel better because it's almost like there's a transfer of their pain to you. Does that sort of make sense?

Do you say one more time? Yeah, so it's almost like they're transferring their pain to you. So I kind of think about you like a sponge that's absorbing something. So if I have like water that's spilled on the table and I take a sponge and I wipe it across the table, there's no more water on the table, but the water is in the sponge. And you are that sponge.

And where there used to be water in the table, like now that's filled, you're holding that. And so a lot of people who have Shakti like you do, I see this pattern where I have to teach them how to squeeze out the water from their sponge because they take it in so easily from other people. And it's kind of like, you know, we were talking about this earlier,

about you giving you give and you also absorb negativity from others and you're very sensitive to negativity you're probably also very empathic that's another way that people put it and i'm wondering if the reason that you're scared so so i'm sorry you were saying that maybe the way to you maybe the way that i could help you is by handling the intensity right you were talking about intensity and all this twitch streaming stuff there's a lot of drama on twitch yeah and it sucks I feel like I don't really know what the fuck I'm doing it because of it because I don't

I don't really see myself as being like a Twitch person like I'm not a part of that why are you a part of it then because I the way they are and the way they do things and the way people talk and the whole commuted and all the like the we call it like the vibes from everything

is just like very like not from where I come from I'm you're not built for streaming, you're built for being in a van that's driving across New Zealand. Yeah. So why are you a part of this community? Because it sort of just happened because I'm dating a streamer. And then I think the main thing for me to do it the first place was to sort of make more people happy with my words or with, to like show them like the adventures that I do to like make them happy.

maybe like try to make them feel like they can get out of their like computer and like chair and like go on an adventure sort of because I do that because it makes me really happy. So how long have you wanted to make people happy? I just think that's just my nature. It's just like how I work, I guess. I think I've always been like that since I was very like young. Can you tell me what growing up in Sweden was like? I have two sisters, two younger ones. Um, my mom is very, very, she's always been very depressed, very dramatic, very emotional,

and she's been putting it out on her kids a lot. My dad is very, um, he's a happy person. But you can tell that he, that he gets, I can tell that he gets really sad about really dramatic, sad people. So he kind of just like shuts off and like he doesn't really show a lot of feelings in that way. He gets shut off by dramatic people. Yeah, like he doesn't, whenever my mom wanted to talk to him about something, and she was like being very, very dramatic, he would just like go up to his bedroom and go to sleep.

And she would sit and cry. Or like take it out on us, basically. That's like the whole, when it comes to family. How would your dad react to you when you were happy? I don't remember that. Did you? So you said that you said that you. you've always sort of wanted to make people happy.

Can you tell me a little bit about when you said your mom was depressed and emotional? You said something towards her kids. What do you mean by that? Like I think she sort of did not think about what to say to her kids when she was being said. She would tell, I don't know, she would tell me a lot about her herself feeling really bad and stuff how would you feel when she told you those kinds of things

that it was my that I was supposed to take care of her like make you feel happy you felt a responsibility to make her happy so like I became a little bit like her therapist the kid since I was like seven since you were what

hold on let me see if I can switch servers since you were seven. Mm-hmm. Let's try moving servers because you're in Europe, right? Let's see. What? I thought it's better. Yeah.

Hmm. So it sounds like from a young age, you started to feel like you were giving that energy to her, actually. Mm-hmm. What about to your dad? He was just like a lot on his own, sort of, or like a little bit. Like he, I think the best. thing probably like growing up was probably what my dad even though he doesn't really he didn't really talk about feelings and stuff he we used to have a country house where he grew up so he took us out

there and that was probably the best thing in my whole childhood because i just got to be in nature and just being like alone like taking walks like going to swim like he's like being close to nature was really important and watching movies with him and like him like taking us like on walks and stuff was really good even though he didn't talk about feelings and stuff and my mom didn't really like come with us on that at all she didn't like it hmm do you think maybe the reason you enjoyed it was because your mom wasn't there what do you think maybe the reason oh hold let me see if I can switch servers again because it's like we're lagging yeah let's go straight to Europe. Let me just check Twitch real quick. So do you feel like any chance that you reason,

one of the reasons you liked being traveling with your dad was because your mom didn't come with you? Like so you weren't around her and you didn't feel? No, I remember. I remember we wanted her to come all the time. But she didn't. She was busy. Other things. And I remember there was like it felt like she focused a lot about like on random people all the time I remember that she had some sort of friend from another country coming up for about two weeks and she took two weeks

like vacation from her job because she wanted to like show him around in Sweden and I remember I felt really sad because I felt like she never took two weeks off to like be with us and that yeah i remember i was really sad about that it's funny maybe this is a little bit too much of like you know

therapisty but i mean it sounds to me like it now i understand why it was so significant for destiny to fly halfway across the world to like hang out with you for two weeks why i mean because it sounds like it's the exact opposite of what your mom did right i mean it's like your your mom would spend go out of her a way to spend time with a random person from another country, but she wouldn't come with you to

like a cabin in the wilderness. And, you know, so she was prioritizing this random person and like for destiny to fly halfway across the world and spend time with you. Like he was, like you, like you mattered to him. He wanted to be with you. And that sounds, I mean, I can sort of see. Like, does that seem, feel related to you at all or not really? Um I Oh we're lagging

Hold on Yeah Fuck Is it my internet Or I'm not sure if it's an internet To be honest It could just be the Discord servers

Mm-hmm Let's see Hmm And that maybe Or like what do you What do you mean by that Like that it's like Well I mean I just

So Let me try to share a couple of thoughts I don't know how well these are going to land with you. So I apologize. I'm happy to sort of have a follow-up conversation to kind of dig into some of this stuff. But so the first thing, Malina, is that, you know, I think that, let me just think for a second. I think it's interesting that you grew up in a place where it seems like you had to have your happy feelings on the outside and your sad feelings on the inside. that's kind of the picture that I get.

I don't think it really matter about me being said. It probably mattered more about other people being said in me. Absolutely, right? Because you also said, so it's not only your mom, because you kind of said that you were sort of your mom's therapist from the age of seven. You were try to comfort her. You would try to make her happy.

But you also said that your dad shut down anytime someone approached him with negative emotion and he would withdraw from it. So the funny thing... Yeah, so the funny thing there is I'm imagining seven-year-old you, and you have a pile of feelings, some of which are good and some of which are bad. And so if your mom sort of takes all the good feelings, because those are the ones that you show her, where do you put the bad feelings? And usually what happens in a relationship is you show those feelings to the other parent. Right?

So like if like two-year-old once again, if two-year-old, if I use... yell at my two-year-old, she runs to her mom for comfort. So anytime like one parent puts pressure on a child, usually that child turns to the other parent to balance that pressure. The tricky thing about your situation is that I'm hearing that I can imagine that you probably, when you were very young, tried to share your negative feelings with your dad, but you noticed that he retreated from them. And so you had to be happy with your mom and you had to be happy. And you had to be happy with your dad. And so that sort of makes sense because this whole time we've been talking to you and it seems like all you really care about is other people's happiness. Like when we ask you,

like you belong in a van in New Zealand and camping and in nature and wilderness. And why are you streaming? It's because you want to make other people happy. That's what you said. So you're sacrificing yourself for the sake of making other people happy. And would you say that you're someone who does that? Yeah. And then we get to the polyamorous relationship. And so is the polyamorous relationship painful for you? Well, not working out with other people, yeah.

Yeah, so let me ask you again, is the polyamorous relationship painful for you? Yes, something. And if we ask you why you do it, your answer is because you really love being loved by destiny and you want other people to experience that love. So I think we have another case of something actually being quite painful for you, and it sounds like it's been pretty rough over the last year, and you're willing to do it to make other people happy, to give other people the opportunity to be loved by destiny.

What do you think about that? Yeah, it sounds very correct. So I think the tricky thing for you, Molinas, I wonder how you would feel, if you started putting yourself first. I don't know. I'm not sure if I've ever done that. Yeah. What do you think about that?

Tells me that it's selfish. Huh? Fuck. Something is... I don't know what's going on with the server. Hold on, one second. Let me see if I can do this. I'm also...

Yeah. Okay. Let's just let... God damn it. We're right at the climb. Max. Okay. All right. Try again. How does it feel put yourself first? Something inside me tells me that it's selfish. So now we get to push yourself. Because you said earlier that you were pushing yourself.

And I think what you're pushing, what you have to push against is the part of you that feels like you're being selfish. What do you think? This is also what feels unfair to you because other people are being selfish in your Emmer's relationship and you are not. And so it's like other people are coming and it's just like with the eggs. Like she takes a bite of my eggs, but I don't get a bite of hers. Right? That doesn't work. So Molina, I'm going to share one or any thoughts or questions?

No, I think it's maybe later. So can I share with you like a story? And I guess we have maybe somewhat of a conclusion for you. so I think you're a wonderful person and I think it's wonderful that you put other people first but I think unless you get to be really really good at what you do you're going to get you're going to continue getting hurt if you continue to be in the situation

and I'm not trying to say you should or shouldn't do anything it's just I've worked with a fair number of people who have been an open or polyamorous relationships and there's usually like a lot of hurt I don't know how else to put it Can you hear me okay? Yeah Okay

So my mom once told me that If you want to be happy Okay Let me just think about where to start with this So in Hinduism There are two incarnations of This particular God named Vishnu One of the incarnations is this guy named Ram

And Ram was sort of like this idea of like The ideal human being So he was just and he was kind and he was noble and he was honest and he was giving. And Rahm's story is that he, this is going to be great, actually, it's a great story. So what happens is he decides that there's a princess that he wants to marry. And then there's another king that wants to marry that same princess. The princess's name is Sita. So they actually have this kind of competition where the winner of the competition gets to marry Sita.

And so Rom ends up winning the competition because Sita actually, doesn't let this other king, this other guy's name is Ravin, she doesn't let him compete. So we're going to have a contest and the winner of the contest gets Sita's hand in marriage. So Ramb wins, he ends up marrying Sita, and Sita doesn't let this guy Ravin. She doesn't let him compete. So Robin gets pissed because he's like, that's unfair. I should be able to compete too. And so after Ramin Sita get married, Ravin actually kidnaps her and takes her to his island

where he tries to get her to fall in love with him. and then Rahm essentially raises an army and fights a war, kills Robin, and then brings Sita back. With me so far? So once he comes back, something funny happens. So Ram is a king at this point and Sita is a queen. And his court really doesn't like Sita. And Rama is like, what's wrong? Like, I don't understand.

Like, why don't you guys like her? And they say, well, she was kind of like living in Robin's house for a couple of years. Like, you never really know what happened. Maybe she was unfaithful to you. and Rahm says, well, she says she's not an unfaithful, and I don't, I mean, she says she was faithful, and I believe her. So, like, I don't see why it's a problem for you guys. And despite Rahm's best attempts to convince his court

that she's, we should be, everything should be fine now because I fought a battle and I won and I killed the bad guy and I came home with the queen. Like, everything's good, right? This is how the story ends. His court is basically like, nah, we just don't trust her. They're haters. They're like the internet.

Mm-hmm. And so Rahm decides that he's going to put the needs of the kingdom ahead of his marriage and decides that it's better for a kingdom to have a queen that they can love and respect. Even that's more important than like whether she was faithful or not. So he ends up divorcing her. What do you think about that? I don't know. Okay.

So now let me tell you about the other incarnation. Okay. So a thousand years later, the same God supposedly incarnates as another person named Krishna. And Krishna is different from Rahm. Even though it's sort of supposed to be the same God in two different bodies, Krishna, you know, grows up and has a couple of wives and up to maybe a thousand girlfriends. So he maybe was, it sounds like he was in a polyamber's relationship. Yeah. And so part of the reason that he actually had a thousand girlfriends or what some people say is that like there were a fair, number of women who were unsupported.

And so he ended up marrying them. Maybe was a player. Actually, he was a player. The story is also kind of described as a player. But he, like, supported a lot of women and had, like, lots of wives. And he also does, like, all kinds of, like, relatively shady things. So, whereas Ram would never lie, like, Krishna would... Let me try to come up with a quick story.

So in ancient India, there was a code of... war. Am I losing you, by the way? I don't know. I can't tell. Okay. So there's this code of war where you basically are not allowed to fight after the sun goes down. So like everyone wakes up in the morning once dawn, once the sun is above the horizon, you start fighting and then you fight all day and when the sun goes down, you stop fighting. No sneak attacks, no nighttime attacks, nothing like that. So there's like a code that people adhere to. So one day, Krishna realizes that there's going to be an eclipse. And so it's going to look like the sun is going to go down. So he goes to his army, basically, he's an advisor. He doesn't actually fight himself. And he says,

by the way, something funny is going to happen today. The sun is going to go down or it's going to look like it gets dark. And then you guys are going to, everyone's going to want to stop fighting, and I want you guys to stop fighting for like 10 minutes. And when the other army puts their weapons away, I want you to pull out your weapons and then basically slaughter them while they're defenseless. And then his troops are like, but wait, so you want to, to violate the code of war? And he's like, no, no, no, trust me. You're not violating the code of war, but just do what I say. And so sure enough, the eclipse happens, the sun appears to go down, or it gets dark like the sun is going down. So everyone stops fighting. Everyone's kind of confused

because it happened a couple of hours early, but maybe they'll last track of time. And Krishna's side waits for everyone to put their weapons away. And then he gives the order, and then his troops basically slaughter like thousands or tens of thousands of unarmed people. And they win the day. And then Krishna says, by the way, technically we didn't make a mistake. Like, technically we did exactly what we were supposed to do. So good job. Can you see how Rah and Krishna are different? Like, have I sort of made it clear that they're kind of like different people?

I think you have to explain a little bit. So, like, Rahm is a super noble guy. Like, Ram would never do that. He's a good guy. He cares about other people. Krishna doesn't give a shit about other people. He'll adhere to the code of what he's technically supposed to do. but he puts himself first, right?

Ram puts other people first. And it's not that Krishna puts himself first at the expense of other people. He's not a bad person. But he doesn't like adhere to a code. He's sort of, have you heard this phrase, the ends justifies the means? No.

So that's a phrase that means like, you know, if you have to steal to feed your family, that's okay. Like the end goal is the important thing. Even if you have to do something bad in the middle, like it's okay to do something. It's okay to do bad things for good reasons. Does that make sense? So Ram is someone who would say

it's not okay to do bad things for good reasons. And Krishna is someone that it's okay to do bad things if you're doing it for the right reasons. What do you think? Do you think it's okay to do bad things for good reasons? I don't think I would do it. I completely agree. Yeah.

So I think you're more like Ram than you are like Krishna. Yeah. Yeah. So there are two things that I'd leave you with. My mom once told me something very, very wise when I was 15. She says, if you want to live a good life, live like Ram. And if you want to live a happy life, live like Krishna. So I put the same thing to you, Molina, that, you know, I don't really know,

but sometimes I pretend to be a wise person when I stream on Twitch. So what I would tell you is that I think the person that you are who's incredibly giving and you put other people ahead of yourself, the world is filled with a lot of people who will take advantage of you. And it's sad that you've had to learn that lesson. But I also think that the world was filled with lots of good people too.

In fact, I believe that it's not good people or bad people, that everyone has a good side and everyone has a bad side. That's what I believe. So I believe that we all have Ram within us and we all have Krishna within us. And I think you're in for a lot of suffering if you continue to sort of mindlessly put other people first. So I put other people first too,

but I'm just really mindful about the way that I do it. Like I think, you know, some people think I'm a good person. I think I'm kind of like a good person, kind of. But I also set limits. Like I'm not going to sacrifice some things about my health and well-being for the sake of helping other people. And I think going forward, I would really encourage you to think a little bit

about whether you can be a little bit more selfish and what that would feel like. Because I think you're learning... I'm not sure if I can do it. Yeah, go ahead. Sorry. I don't know how I can do that. Yeah, I don't know how you can do it either. I'm not even sure that you should do it.

What I think you should do, though, is I think you have this reflexive part of you that probably started when you were a child, where you started putting other people ahead of you. And I think that that's actually not healthy for people. It's not even healthy for the people that you do that for. And I don't know, maybe I can explain this real quick. So, you know, if you have a relationship where one person does all of the work and one person does all of the relaxation, that's not healthy for either person. Does that make sense?

Yeah. And so I wonder if like all of these relationships that you engage in, you're sharing your food and they're not sharing theirs. I don't know if that's actually good for them. It feels like it's everyone almost. I don't know. It feels like it's a lot of people. Yeah. So I think you've got to make a decision about whether you want to continue being taken advantage of,

because it sounds like that's what's happening. Would you say that that's fair? No. No? How would you describe it? You don't think you're getting taken advantage of? Yeah, yeah, I think so. Okay.

Yeah. Yeah. So I think you've got to think a lot about whether you want to let yourself do that. And I think if you don't want to be taken advantage of, I think part of what that means is being a little bit more selfish. And I don't think being selfish is a bad thing. That's the whole point of all of this stuff is I think you've got to think about it. You know, when you let someone into your life because you want them to be loved by destiny, are you willing to have them shut the door in your face?

No. Okay. Isn't that being selfish, though? aren't you depriving them of destiny's love I don't think it's okay to me good I don't think it is either and I don't think being selfish is a bad person especially someone like you

because the last thing that I'll share with you is this is what I see with people who have Shakti is that they get drained dry by the hungry people that everyone wants a piece of you and you're so loving and you're so kind that they're just going to suck you dry and you have to learn

you have to learn how to like when to give and when not to give. And that should be under your control instead of it being like completely random and under their control. Because otherwise I think you're in for years and years and years of suffering and pain. What like situations could it be? What situations could what like years of suffering and pain? Like when I know like more what situation could it be where I have to like think more selfish? I mean, personally, I would start with, the two things I would think about would be

streaming and your relationship. So I'd think about everything that you do is a transaction. You're giving something and you're getting something. Because that's what it is, right? If you don't, if streaming opens you up to drama, you're what, you're helping a bunch of people, but you're also opening yourself up to drama. So like, which one do you want to do? Like, is it worth it or is it not worth it. That's one example. I think the other thing which I think you guys are, it sounds like you all are already exploring is like being a little bit careful about who you let into your open relationship. Yeah. And the last thing, this is going to be the hardest one is if you feel hurt by something, can you ask people to make a sacrifice so that you feel less hurt?

I guess I can ask. Do you feel comfortable asking? Yeah. So let's say that there was someone that you felt like was toxic for your relationship. Would you feel comfortable asking destiny to, like, remove them from your life or see less of them or anything like that? Or would you feel like that's controlling? I don't think he would be very happy with it. Okay. So beautiful.

So notice I asked you a question and what was your answer? And he wouldn't be happy with it, which is not selfish. Exactly. That's exactly what I'm saying. That's what you need to think about. Right? So then, I mean, if you guys are married, in my mind, that means that y'all are special. And there are other people that are less special than you are in the relationship.

That could be a problem on my end, right? That you guys love each other. I would say that's pretty accurate. Yeah. So I, and in my mind, that sort of means that like, so the way that you're putting him first, I think he should put you first. Right? That's the only way it works.

It's like you're saying like he wouldn't be very happy with it. And that's so the question is like, are you okay with that? Is he okay with that? Are you guys in a relationship where it's okay for him to be happy? Because think about the opposite. Like if you don't talk to him about that, you're unhappy, right? If there's someone toxic in y'all's relationship, you're unhappy, and he's fine with it. And if you talk to him, maybe he becomes unhappy and then do you become happy?

Or does it end up somewhere in the middle? I would feel so bad. Yeah. I don't think I would be happy about him not being happy. Yeah. So in my mind, it's not asking him to necessarily do something. I think the healthiest thing to do is have a conversation about it. Mm-hmm.

Right? And to me, it seems very clear that you put him ahead of you. I would say so. I feel like I give up a lot of things. Yeah. I think he does that too. Sure. And that's how a marriage works.

Yeah. Right? So even an open one. So I think about marriage is giving 60 and taking 40. You give 60. and he takes 40, and he gives 60, and you take 40. That's the only way it works. So, but I mean, hopefully you caught that, right?

Like your first thought is not about you, it's about other people. It doesn't make you, I mean, that makes you a good person by all means. And I'm not saying that you should become a selfish asshole. I'm not saying that you should try to control destiny. I'm saying that if something hurts you and you're in a relationship, I would advise you to talk to your partner or fiancé about what's painful to you. Because you're not, remember, once again, it's not about like you controlling him and making him giving, making him give something up. In my mind, it's about you sharing your feelings with them.

And then hopefully he'll choose what you would choose. Like if he came to you and he said, hey, you're in this relationship with this person. It's very hurtful to me. What would you do? I would probably try to talk about it and like see if there's any, if there's anything we could do or if there's any misunderstandings or any. Yeah. Yeah. So I think that's what we're talking about, right? But I would be careful because I would imagine, just based on your thoughts, that you wouldn't even bring it up with him because you're afraid that he wouldn't like it. I think I'm better at doing that now. Good. And I think you better. But I think, yeah.

Yeah, you think what? I think it maybe was worse before, maybe. Yep. I can imagine. I think you're, I'm sure you're better now, Malina. I think you still have a little ways to go. Why do you think that? Because I think it's hard to undo a life, an upbringing, and a life of putting other people first. I think it's hard to be less selfish. I mean, more selfish, sorry, because you've been a giver your entire life,

and it can feel very, very bad to not be a giver. But I'm happy for you. I'm hopeful for you. And I'm rooting for you. I'm rooting for destiny. I'm a big fan of both you all at this point. So I hope you guys can really work. Huh? Why is that? Why are you a big fan?

Of you or of destiny? Both or anything. I'm a big fan of destiny because I just have a lot of respect for him. Like I think he's one of the very few people who practices what he preaches. So I think that he doesn't take things that face vexed. value in the conclusions that he comes to are really, like, thought out, and he's very open-minded. So I respect him for that. I just personally, I like him.

Like, I enjoy watching his stream. Like, I find him to be entertaining. Why am I a fan for you? Because I think that you are a good person. I'm not so sure he is, but I think he chooses to be good. And I think he's a good person. I think he chooses to be good. Yeah.

Which I respect more than someone who has to be good, which is you. So I think you're not actually in control of your goodness, which I think is actually a problem. But I think that you're a wonderful person, and I think that the world needs more people like you. And the world would be a better place if there were more people like you. But unfortunately, the world isn't filled with people like you. So I think you're in for a lot of hurt, which doesn't mean that you can't live a fulfilling life. I think it'll just be you're going to have to make a lot of sacrifices if you continue living the way that you're, you used to.

And I think it's going to be hard because, you know, the first thought that you have is about other people. Yeah. And that's a painful way to live. It's not my place to say that you should do this or shouldn't do that. I mean, that's for you to decide. All I really want you to do is notice when you think about other people instead of yourself. And especially if there's one person in the world that you should be able to have, and this is my

value, so this is my bias. There's one person in the world that you should be able to have a conversation about your feelings about. Even if it negatively impacts them, it's your fiancé or husband. Yeah. Right? That's the one person that you should not feel alone from. Whereas I feel like you probably withhold a lot of stuff because of the way that you're concerned about his reactions. Does that make sense?

Any other thoughts or questions? No, I think it's good. I'm really happy that I got to talk to you. Me too. I'm afraid that I wasn't very helpful to you, but I really enjoyed... You don't think so? I don't know. I don't know if what I said...

I felt like I wasn't very clear today. But we'll see. It's... Sometimes it's a little bit hard for me to follow, I think, especially with, like, language stuff. Yeah. But it's okay. Like, I followed everything. Yeah.

So good luck. ask if there's something. Yeah, thank you. And, you know, if you have any other questions or you want to follow up at some point, I'd be more than happy to. And I really, Malian, I wish you all the best. Like, I know COVID sucks and all that stuff, but I really hope that, you know, things do work out between the two of y'all. I'm sure they will. It sounds like both of you guys care a lot about each other. I think so, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And yeah, I'm really happy that you have someone in your life like that, and I'm really happy for destiny that he has someone in his life like you. Thank you. Take care.

Okay, thank you so much Bye Bye All righty Fuck, I didn't meditate Let me actually message you real quick See if you want Do you want to meditate

Okay, we're meditating Hold on What about the meditation? Yeah, do you want to So I teach people meditation Sometimes on stream Do you meditate? It comes in periods

Okay They do that Do you like to do some meditation Is there some kind of meditation That you like to do? I don't think there's like any specific ones that I do. It's just more like, I don't know.

I think I do like a little bit in my own way when I do it. Can I, can I try to teach you something? Yeah. Okay. So this is, I'm going to try to figure this out myself as we're doing it, okay? So I apologize for that.

So I want the people who are watching also follow along. But I'm used to try something. If it doesn't work, well, I'll teach you some very focused breathing or something like that. So I want you to close your eyes. I'm going to ask you to explore. some stuff within you, okay?

Great. See, already the breath changes. So you're already doing it. This is fantastic. So I want you to just notice, what do you, like, how are you, what's changed? When I focus on it? Yeah, like, like, do you feel different? Um, yeah.

How do you feel? What's different? We've been talking for almost like an hour and a half, right? So how do you feel different now? Like all of the things that I usually think about when I think, you know? I don't know. It's gone. Yes.

Beautiful. Right. So you guys can see it. Like, especially we can see your clavicle, like a collarbone. Is that neat? The right side of your neck. So because of the shirt that you're wearing, you can actually see the way that you're taking a breath really very easily.

So that's very helpful, actually. So I'm going to ask you. to look for the part of you that wants to make the world a better place look for that part inside you the part of you that wants other people to be happy can you find it yeah what does that feel like

I think that's where I usually feel stuff most from where it's either like a pressure or I feel I don't know this is where I feel anxious or this is where I feel like really like if I feel a lot of love I feel it from there as well Yeah. So then I want you to just think about this. When you feel a lot of love for people, is that just a positive feeling in your chest or is there also a negative feeling that comes with it? There's a negative thing too.

So let's just pause and think about that for a second. Right? That's kind of strange because generally speaking when, like when I think about, you know, when I'm loving, one of my kids, I don't have a negative feeling that comes with that. Does that make sense? But I do imagine that when you feel some amount of love, sometimes you feel something negative with it. What do you, just can you, can you help us understand a little bit, and this may be hard? Can you help us understand like what the positive feels like and what the negative feels like? But they're almost like two sides of a coin. The positive is like that I want people to be happy. And I think that's good.

Yeah. And I want that. And that makes me happy. Yep. But I also feel like I'm not in the picture. Yep. Some way. What does that feel like in your body?

What is not being in the picture feel like in your body? Very small. Yes. And like not worth it sort of. Yeah. Right. So I want you to just focus on those two sensations. I want you to find the love in the positivity.

that you feel towards other people. And then I want you to at the same time notice that feeling of not being in the picture. Man, that's such a good summary for our entire conversation. And because Molina, I think that's beautifully put. Because I think when you put other people first, you remove yourself in the picture from the picture. And I think the whole thing is that for you to truly be peaceful, I think you have to be a part of that picture. that's what you did with your mom right you set your own feelings aside you let the whole picture the whole picture is dominated by her and notice whenever you i want you to think back to like

when she was struggling and you were able to help her how good you felt about yourself how good you felt about her and then also try to catch that little part of your sacrifice what you gave up in order to do that. You gave something up from you and find that little thing. Can you find it? Where is it? It's like in the back, I don't know,

like it's like, I don't know. It's hard to describe it. It feels like it like pulls me back a little bit. Yeah. It does pull you back, right? Because it helps, it keeps you from being this perfect person, this perfect giver. And how do you feel about that part of you? Um, something I, I realize that I do. Whenever I look at a picture of myself as a kid, I get really sad. Yeah. And that's like the same

feeling I get when I think about this. Yeah. Because your childhood was very sad. So I want you to sit with that feeling. And I think what you've got to stop doing is trying to push it away. So I want you to understand this, Melina, that you have a six-year-old or seven-year-old inside you that wants to make the world a better place for everyone else. But no one takes care of her. Oh, that wouldn't make destiny very happy. There she is again. Always looking to help others.

But she needs someone to take care of her too. And that person has to be you. So right now these two feelings of caring for others, and neglecting yourself for removing yourself in the picture from feeling like you're not in the picture, that's got to change. And I want you to sit with these two feelings

and just let them be and see if there's some way that you can let both of them coexist. So take a deep breath in and notice that the front of your chest and your back both change. They expand, they move away from each other, and then as you breathe out, they come together.

breathe in they move away and breathe out they come together breathe in and breathe out and now let them naturally come together let them sit with each other let them mingle together now malina i don't know exactly how to do this but i'm going to ask you to try i want you to take that part of you that puts, that loves other people unconditionally, the part of you that's capable of love, and I want you to turn it towards yourself. Because all of your love always is going out, is going out, is going out. And then inside is a six or seven year old girl who gets neglected. She's the one who's giving, giving, giving. And give that to yourself. Send it from you to you. And now for the last phase, I want you to just try to notice your whole body.

We've talked about things. We've felt things. They're feelings, their thoughts, emotions, physical sensations. Just notice all of those things. And take a moment to realize that you are actually none of that. That's all in your body. It's all in your mind. But that there is a part of you that is underneath or above all of that and can see all of these things happening.

and that that place is a little bit separated. It's a little bit peaceful. And now you can kind of take a little bit of a time out from everything that we've done and just sit with that part and just watch your body. Let it do whatever it wants now. Whether it be breathing a certain way, feeling a certain way, no problem.

And when you're ready, let yourself come back to Sweden, to COVID, to uncertainty, streaming toxicity longing for a van in New Zealand that is your life and it's okay

because you're you and you have that peaceful part of you you have that loving part of you that you have the foundation of your relationship with destiny and you guys have been through a lot doing okay? It's very nice

good I'm glad you enjoyed it I don't really know how you can do that every day but do what just because I try to teach people meditation like a practice

they can do every day I'm not quite sure but what I would say to you is I want you to notice that those two sides of the coin whenever you find yourself like

struggling to make a decision should I talk should I not talk should I say this or I feel hurt try to find both of those parts of yourself and try to bring them together

and I think that'll help you it's interesting I've never heard someone tell me this tell you what that that I seem to put myself away from like because of other people that I want to make them happier

yep oh yeah I don't think people notice it no they take it for granted yeah that's what's unfair about it so I feel very surprised which was kind of what I really like I'm really happy

that you sort of told me that yeah so I'll leave you with one last thing I want you to do a Google image search of Durga. Durga is D-U-R-G-A. I'll DM you in a second. And just take a look at it and let me know what you see. You know, if it resonates with you at all,

what you think that person represents. And then, yeah, we can, I'm just curious. Because I think that that's you. When I see you, I see Durga inside you. And so we'll see what your reactions. Maybe. Yeah. Pleasant.

But anyway, thank you so much for coming on, Molina. I really am rooting for you, and I hope everything works out and stay safe and stuff. Thank you so much. And if there's some way we can support you, just let us know. Mm-hmm. Take care. It's very sweet. Thank you.

Bye. Okay. So let's do this real quick. Uh-oh. So this is, oh, God. Can we do a full image search of Durga? So this is Durga, if you guys are one. wondering, but I think she kind of really embodies that. Absolutely. So this guy who's saying

there are guys like, do I have to do everything around here? Absolutely. We'll go back to that real quick. Let me show you guys this. Right. So yeah, man. Like, don't you guys, like, don't you guys realize that's what Molina's doing? She's doing like 15 things. She's like taking care of everybody. Like when when people were trying to symbolize people like Molina, they recognize that there's some, you know, women especially who were very badass and took care of everything around them and they realized that like two hands

is insufficient to capture the essence of who Molina is taking care of. Right? So here's so this is a good one. Let's see what this is. Right? So she's also like

stabbing people with spears and shit. So I Hinduism is quite a Game of Thrones kind of it's like a fantasy RPG mythology and tiger symbolizes their friendship with the Tiger King

hell yeah man oh man that's too funny okay let's see if we can do let's do questions we're doing questions here we go okay got a question hello

hey Hey. Oh, okay. So if you're very empathic, how should you leave a relationship in reference to like the difficulty of feeling the pain they feel? And like... Did you say how should you leave a relationship? Yeah, because we were like, Malina can do it. Malina can like be in that relationship and she can hold on and stuff.

but some people can't handle relationships, like when they're very empathic. Yep. So it's like the pain that you feel when you hurt someone is kind of like it doesn't help when you want to break up with them. Ah, excellent question. Okay. So there are two kind of answers.

The first is that if you are an empathic person, there is a general way that you should learn how to manage your emotions. And then the breaking up is like a particular instance of that. So there's like a general principle and this is a practical application. Does that make sense? Yeah. Okay. So first of all, the general principle is that you have to think about yourself like a sponge.

So the thing about a sponge is you absorb things from other people. And the goal of a sponge is not necessarily to stop absorbing. it's to be able to ring the sponge out. So if you want to break up with someone, what you really need to do is have a place where you can ring those emotions out. Because if you try to, if the emotions are too much for you to bear,

then you won't be able to break up with them, right? That's the basic problem. Yeah? Yeah. What do you mean by place, though? Huh? What do you mean by a place to ring them out? Yeah, great question.

So that can be anything from friends or other kinds of emotional support to like physical practices like meditation or yoga to seeing a therapist. You just need some way to let the emotion inside you out. Because what's going to happen is as you fill up with their hurt, your desire to comfort them is going to take over because they're hurting and it's going to not let you break up with them. Yeah, that's what happens. Exactly. So what you need to do is take that hurt on and instead of responding to it on your own, you need to like ring it out with someone else. So that can be like talking to a friend and just sort of talking to them about like, hey, like I'm really afraid that I'm hurting this person and I really want to help them and I don't want to break up with them. But like I feel like I have to, but I don't want to hurt them. You need some place to process those emotions outside of giving into the relationship. Okay, I think I get it. Yeah, so that can be, I mean, as bizarre as it sounds,

like, so that doesn't have to just be one thing. So I'd think a little bit about like, you know, strengthening yourself in terms of like, do you do yoga? Yeah, yoga helped a lot. Absolutely, right? So you say helped like it's in the past tense. So I don't, when I started the, the webinar that really like helped a lot. then. Now it's just like helping.

Good. Yeah. So I would say like if you can like try to even go to a yoga class because I think doing an hour of yoga three times a week, oh, you can't go to yoga class. It's COVID. Never mind. That doesn't help. Yeah. But I would say that, you know, doing a formal yoga practice can help a lot. And then think a little bit about a couple of, I mean, do you have social supports you can lean on? I have, I have family, I guess. I have people I can talk to. Um, But my issue then becomes like, okay, but then I actually, like, I can leave my emotions, let's say, with them. And I can talk to them about the hurt that I may feel. But, you know, the hurt's still going to be there.

It's just going to be less. Absolutely. And that's the beautiful part. So then I think the next thing is to recognize that this is going to be painful. Right. And you have to develop. And this is why, like, yoga and medicine. meditation is important, that you have to develop the capacity within yourself to tolerate some of that pain until you bring the sponge out, or ring the sponge out. So you're going to absorb a bunch of water. You're going to have to hold it in your sponge for a while, and then you're going to ring it out over there. And then you're going to come back and you're going to mop up more. And then you're going to go over there and you're going to ring it out. And as you start to understand this about yourself, it'll actually become easier. Because the problem is that when you're a sponge and you don't have

a place to ring out, you look at this puddle of water and you're like, I can't take care of all this water. So the process of breaking up with this person is going to hurt them so much. It's too much hurt for them to handle and it's too much hurt for you to handle. So you don't actually break up with them. Right? Yep. So what you've got to do is recognize that like you can manage that amount of water if you can ring yourself out a couple of times. And while you're carrying that sponge from the puddle to where you're going to ring it out in the bucket or the sink, it's going to be painful. The last thing that I would do is consider telling your social supports that, hey, I'm going to try to break up with so-and-so, and I'm going to need to lean on you for a couple of weeks. Can we set aside some time to talk like every other day or something like that and set up like a formal structure to it and then go through the process?

A structure. So like a schedule with like the friend or whatever. Yeah. So like you decide how formal it is. but just first of all, signal to them that you want to do this and see if you can get them to like understand that you're expecting something from them over a couple of weeks. Okay. Right?

Like you don't want to like start day eight and they're like they stop taking your calls because they don't have the emotional bandwidth and then you're kind of fucked because you're halfway through the process and then someone's taking your bucket away. Okay. Okay. Okay. Yeah, I'm good with that. Okay.

Good luck. Fantastic question. Take care. Ready. Hi. Hey. How you doing, Duke? Good.

All right. So my question is, how do you transition to being more selfish instead of putting people you love and care, like first, without neglecting them afterward? Well, let me think about that. So first of all, there are a couple of different things in that question. So how do you get to be more selfish without neglecting them? So you have to see, that question is the problem because you think that putting yourself first is neglecting them. Do you see that like you're tying neglecting them with being selfish together? That in and of itself is the problem.

Because just because you're being selfish doesn't mean that you're going to be neglecting them. Right? If we think about supporting another human being, there's a spectrum. There's like 100% supporting them and 0% supporting them. Let's say like less than 10% support is neglectful. But like there's a big middle range there where you can start to take care of yourself and prioritize yourself without being neglectful. Does that make sense?

Sure. I follow. Right. So why do you think that being selfish is going to neglect other people? Well, it's the sense that like people rely on you. You know, either like mental support or like any kind of support or like just being out there. And like if it's people you know for a long time, now you like kind of change to be more about yourself and like less like you more focus on your own circle. Yeah. So I think you can do that, right? So like you start to focus on yourself and then you recognize I think it's useful to have conversations with people.

So like if you think about who are the people that are relying on you right now. just start by like picking two or three of them and then like having conversations with them and say like hey i'm going through some stuff right now i really want to be able to support you but i may not be quite as available as i used to be could you have a conversation like that uh sure but i think like you gotta like go through like some sort of like realization what you want to achieve before you do that but that's just me. Well, there's your problem. So I don't think you, no,

you don't have to go through any realization of what you need to achieve before you start setting boundaries with people who are emotionally dependent on you. You don't need to do that. Like, I understand that you feel you need to do that, but do you see how that's the problem? Like, how much you support,

so I think, dude, I think the problem is that you spend so much of your time supporting other people that you never give yourself the time or space to figure out what you want to achieve. You've got it backwards. what do you think about that yeah it's like the whole meditation thing really like resonated that what you did with the emilina so yeah i kind of agree with that yeah so the first

yeah go ahead sorry i'm done yeah yeah i mean so the first thing is that you've got to like like set aside some time for yourself even if you don't even if it's a waste of time right because you probably feel guilty if you're like okay why am i not emotionally supporting this person if i'm like not working towards anything. Do you have those kinds of thoughts? Yeah, sure. Yeah. So you've got to let yourself think that because what you're working towards is figuring out what you're working towards.

And you can't do that if you're consumed by helping other people. Right? Like here's the problem. You play RPGs? Sure. Okay. So like the problem here is that you spend all of your mana like healing other people. and then when it comes to like self-development, your oom, right?

So it starts by like reserving some of your manipool for yourself and then letting people know that like, hey, I can't answer my phone every time you call. I'm working on a couple of things and I'll like call you back at like within an hour or two or shoot me a text if you need to talk like right now, right now. I guess I never thought about those things because when you like so far deep in, you know, you don't like really raise the question. Absolutely. You're 100% correct.

The deeper in you are, the harder it is to see. Right? So this is where you've got to take a step back and try to set some boundaries, which are going to feel awkward, but have a conversation about it and be like, hey, I want to continue to support you, but I'm working on a couple of things. Is it okay if we like, like, I'm a big fan of scheduling? Because scheduling lets people know that they're a priority. Like when I come to someone and I say that I am taking time out of my day to be available for you,

it's hard for people to feel like you don't care about them. And more importantly, it's hard for you to feel like you don't care about them. Got it? Yep. Okay. Other questions? No, that's it. Okay.

Good luck, man. Thank you, thank you. All right, let's do one more. All right. The person's mic isn't working, so I'm just going to ask you for him. Sure. essentially is like being a sponge and ego are they tied together because both want to make like other people happy? Ego doesn't want to make other people happy.

So they can be tied together. But let's start by understanding this. Ego doesn't want to make other people happy. Ego wants to make yourself feel better. So if we look at Molina, I think Malina's ego is actually quite active. So she doesn't come across as egotistical. but I think her ego is quite strong. And we see her ego because she doesn't view herself as a selfish person.

So like her ego is about being this like selfless, loving, caring, want to make the world a better place. And it's not that she's, that's false. It's just the ego kind of takes one part, one real part of us and then like uses that to like shut down everything else. So if we think about, you know, let's say like a League of Legends or Dota player who feels, really, really, like they're good at those games. And so their identity revolves around that. Like people who are doctors have their identity revolve around the doctor.

So our ego tends to build on the things about us that are true and positive. And in doing so, it like shoves away a lot of negative and darker stuff that then becomes hard to work on. So the sponge and the ego can become related

because you can start to develop an ego around being a sponge. Oh, look at how helpful I am. look at how wonderful I am look at how much I want the world to be a good place all of these other people are selfish but I am selfless I'm a good person and I want

everyone to be happy and I'm willing to sacrifice myself to other people and then when you try to tell that person oh maybe you should try being a little bit more selfish their ego rebels against that because if they derive their value from being a selfless person and you threaten

to take that away then who are they there no one does that make sense Yeah, he said that answer the question, and he also says that he loves you. Okay, well, I love him too. But not in a polyamorous open relationship kind of way. All right, man, thanks a lot. No problem. Okay.