HealthyGamerGG - Spirituality With Simply

Episode Date: August 13, 2020

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Cool. Cool, man. So I see you have a shirt that says your name on. I mean, sorry, a hat. Yes, my mom made it. I went bald recently for content, and it was not a very good look. So I'm a hat guy now. You went bald for content?

What does that mean? I was doing marbles. Do you know what Marbles is? Nope. It's like this thing where you can have some random marble win. It's just completely luck-based. And one of the marbles was give myself a haircut. It was getting out of hand, quarantine.

And I tried to do a haircut. I did, but it was going really bad. So I was like, I'm going to just cut it all off. So I ended up going bald. It wasn't good. So it wasn't malding? No, I wasn't malden. I was probably kind of malden by the end of it because then I was bald.

But it wasn't, yeah. And do you normally do your speed runs without a shirt on? Uh, yeah. People were asking if you were going to have a shirt. I got a little bit scared. Because I don't really know what I'm getting myself into before I interview someone. Yeah. But it just kind of became a meme. I had like this reward on my channel where you could have me take my shirt off and then another reward where you can have me put it back on. People would always just take it off. So I was just off a lot. And yeah. It just happened while I had world record, and now everyone thinks I'm just never wear a shirt.

Cool. Well, I mean, I feel a little bit more comfortable with you wearing your shirt today. I'm glad you're also wearing a shirt. Yep. And, you know, I don't know about you, but I'm naked from below the waist. Yeah, same. Because that's the advantage of COVID. You got to let them breathe.

Got to let it breathe. And so you're a speed runner for Mario 64? Yeah. One of my favorite games of all time. It's a good game. They knocked it out of the park. Yeah, they really did. Any, and so how, I mean, help me understand, like, when you're a speed runner for a game, like, is that something that you do on a daily basis?

Yeah. Yeah, so it's basically a grind. Like, for months at a time, I mean, I started playing, you take a lot of breaks. Like, I've gotten a lot of burnout, but I started playing the game in 2012 on and off since then, so for the past eight years. and for the past, it's been about nine months now, nine, ten months. I've been pretty much playing it almost every day and just trying to lower my time. And like a typical stream is just restarting over and over for like upwards of six, eight hours and just trying to beat your best run.

Interesting. That's kind of the idea. And what is the record? I currently hold the record with 138, 28, 28 of doing all the stars, but there's different categories. There's like beat the game with no stars. beat the game with like 16 stars. So there's different categories.

Some of them are like memes that people don't really care that much about. And then some of them are like very competitive. A lot of people run them and are trying to get the record. Cool. So you hold the record for 120 stars and in Mario 64? Yeah. Shortest amount of wow. Yeah.

One hour and 38 minutes. And 28 seconds. Wow, that's crazy. It's pretty fast. Yeah. I mean, I can't even imagine. I've seen some speed runs of Mario 64 where they like bug the game out. Is that like common or?

Yeah, that's more common for the shorter categories. But for 120 star, there's actually not that much like glitching that you do. There's a couple things here and there, but most of it's just moving really fast. Like the mechanics of the game are really good. So it's mostly just legit, just moving quick. Cool. And when do you decide when you're done? how do you figure that out?

When you're done as in like when to restart? No, like when you're done with this endeavor in your life. That's, I mean, that's kind of where I'm at right now because like the goal for the past eight years was get the world record. It was like, it was kind of haunted me for a while. I was like, because I got very close to getting the record multiple times in the past. I was like number three or number four and I was able to get the record, but I'd never sealed the deal. And it was only until recently that I got it for the first time. and that felt like my, I guess, Dharma, I don't know, it felt like my grand goal.

Like I had to do it. And if I couldn't do it, then I was like a failure or something. Like I wouldn't be able to do anything else. If I put my mind to it, I would fail like I did with this. But now I have it. And now I'm like, I do want to keep playing and push the time lower, but I'm struggling to find that same meaning or that same passion that I had before getting the record. Makes sense. And is that what we're talking?

about today? Yeah, that's part of what I want to talk about today, like Dharma, that kind of thing. Yeah, what else do you want to talk about when you say it's part? What else? Changing undesirable traits through meditation, like what that process looks like. Okay. And what else? Probably flow state. I'd like to talk about that a bit. Okay. We can do all of those things. Anything else? I think that will probably cover Yeah, I'll probably cover most of it

And am I calling you simply Or would you like me to call you something else? You can call me Ryan. Ryan, okay. Is that a randomly generated name from one of the little marbles or is that? Ryan? Yeah.

Yeah. Okay, so what do you want to start with? Dharma changing undesirable states, I mean, traits or flow states? I think we should start with Dharma because it's kind of what we're on right now. Okay. So tell me what, what's your understanding of karma? My understanding of Dharma is it's your, it's like what will give you life or like what your passion is, like what you want to do, what you feel like you should be doing, just kind of your duty, like your natural thing you'll gravitate towards.

what feels the best to do, like, most pure kind of thing. So. Yeah. Like your meaning. What gives you a lot of meaning? Like, feeling connected. Okay. So the first thing that I want to point out is that you tossed out a bunch of things that are all very different.

Okay. Right? So what you should do and what you want to do are very different. Yeah. So I think, I think you have an understanding. of Dharma, I don't mean to say that you don't understand it. What I'm pointing out is that when we define the term, the first thing is like what you want to do, what feels the best to do, what you gravitate towards, what makes you feel connected and what you should do can actually all be

different things. That's true. And so this is the first thing that's tricky about Dharma is like which one of these is it? I think you're close to it. So, okay, so I just want to point that out, right? So those are all different things. And it sounds like, to me like you have a good sense of what it truly means because you're kind of approaching Dharma from a lot of different angles, what I want to do, what feels good. And so what do you believe your Dharma is? Well, about like the nine months ago when I started grinding once again, about a month into the grind, I was in master's.

I was getting my master's degree going for computer science. And then I just had like a very deep feeling inside that I had never had before in my life. That was like basically telling me, okay, you have to, you have to like drop out and just go full time with Mario. And I was like, wow. It just felt it. It just felt right. I was like, this is what I have to do. And then I talked with my parents about that.

They were like, whatever, you know, they were not, not the happiest about it, but they're, they're pretty supportive parents. Wow. And so that, at that moment, it felt like my Dharma was like full time streaming and doing speed running to get the record. That's kind of where I was at. And yeah, that's pretty much it. And how did you feel grinding, grinding it out? There's a lot of days where it felt really good, like some full days of just absolute joy feeling like really, really connected with my, chat, with my community, and just with myself. Like I felt very in tune, I guess might be the word, just very good. And then there was weeks where

I was playing really bad, like getting nothing going at all, and I felt really down. And I felt like I was in a really weird spot because I dropped out to pursue this, you know, kind of dream. And it wasn't going well. And I was like, it felt almost like my Dharma got corrupted because I feel like I lost sight. Like normally it was like playing because I like the game. And then it turned into, okay, I need to play good so I can get like my viewers so I can still have the stream running. Because like if you're playing really bad and you're just not in the best mood, obviously people don't really care to watch, you know? Like part of being a speed runner is you're going to get viewers based off like how good you're playing.

Are you on a run? Because people like to come in when somebody's on a run. And there's like full days where you don't get anywhere. You're just resetting in the beginning. Okay. And so how did your Dharma get corrupted? I think it's a good way to put it. What corrupts the tarma?

It was just things that I ran into while. like going for the Dharma I guess yeah I just I noticed I started caring a lot more about viewers and like watching that and yeah that kind of thing because I knew you know this is only sustainable as long as I can like keep viewers or keep getting money because I need to pay rent or whatever and so I started worrying more about those things and it kind of didn't allow me to feel like comfortable like I just always had that fear in the back of my head so I was unable to to, I felt like I couldn't hit a flow state at all because I was always thinking about those kind of things. Yep. And I know that's when I would play the best. It's like when I'm actually having fun. I just like stopped having fun. So what's your understanding of how thinking about viewership corrupts your Dharma? What do you mean? So how does that work? Like so you're, you're suggesting to us a couple of observations. One is that you had this, you know, calling deep within your chest that was like drop out of your master's program and play super mario 64

all day every day and you did that for a little while and you felt fulfilled you were entering flow states it felt like it was the right thing to do um you were you were you were in tune as you put it which is such a great way to put it and then things started to not go well i'm not entirely clear what's we know what came first but then your dharma became corrupted and what it feels like it got corrupted by is you started thinking about viewers, you started thinking about making your rent, you started thinking about things being sustainable or unsustainable. And then you were in a dark place. So how does, how do those thoughts corrupt your Dharma? Like, what is the mechanism there? Um, I'm not really sure. Okay. So we'll explain that. Okay. So the first question,

before that happened, what was your mind focused on? Just Mario. like stream was doing fine so i was like okay i'm just focusing on mario like i don't know it felt it feels kind of momentum based a lot i think life in general just momentum is a word i find myself using a lot to describe how things go on for and i feel like i can describe a lot of things well and in speed running like you can have a good week where like you're playing good but above flow state whatever you're just popping off and then i think there's like some weird thing that happens where you start to expect that. And then maybe you have one bad day. And then that's the beginning of the ball. And then the momentum just picks up. And then it's not just a bad day. It's like two bad days.

And it's like, oh, my good. I'm not, I'm not good anymore. I can't play anymore. Like, people don't want to watch. So I don't know if it, if it's like a switch to viewers right away. I think it's like a gradual thing. Okay. So it's almost like there's a momentum with the badness and a momentum with the goodness. Yeah. So, Ryan, let me ask you a couple questions first. So are you, I'm finding the desire to teach. Do you, are you looking more for me to explore things with you or to teach you things? Um, I'm down for either one. Okay.

So I think what I would like to do is I think your, you're, the description of your experience is wonderful. So I think you've stumbled upon a couple of really, really key concepts. and when I ask you, how does Dharma get corrupted? So here's what you're giving me. I had Dharma. This is what it felt like. It came from somewhere. I dropped out of my master's program.

Then my Dharma got corrupted and I noticed these thoughts. And then I ask you, how does Dharma get corrupted? I ask you to tell me the principle behind your observation and you're not quite able to describe it, which is perfectly fine. So then what I feel like I should do is I should take your observations, which are spot on and try to give you the equation that governs your observations. Okay. Does that make sense?

Yeah. So I'd like to teach you how the Haremah gets corrupted. Okay. How momentum works, because wouldn't it be cool if you understood how to make momentum? That would be pretty dope. Yeah. So we're going to talk about that. And also to understand that momentum goes both ways, right?

You can have a negative momentum and you can have a positive momentum. And so what we understand as people, because no one teaches this stuff, is like, we observe that there's momentum, but we like don't understand. If I asked you, Ryan, where does momentum come from? It's like, I mean, little by little, like a little thing. You do laundry and then that's building up a little bit of momentum. And then you're like, okay, I can take care of a chore. Maybe I can do like something. Okay.

Just Mario. Yeah. So we'll talk about that. So the first thing that I want to point out to people is that, you know, when, When Ryan, when you talk about Mario and living your Dharma, you're not, how much are you thinking about the world record when you feel in tune with your Dharma? Not at all. Explain that to us.

I mean, when, like, when I'm actually playing, like, I'm playing well or whatever, like I'm in the middle of a run. I guess you just get stung so much as a runner where you make a mistake and lose the run that you learn that you can't really get a time. And you can't think about, oh, this is the one. This will be the one. This is the record. Because, I mean, that'll probably mess you up.

You'll get psyched out. And then it's just inefficient. Because if you do reset, then you're going to be like hurt. And then playing when you're hurt sucks. So what causes the hurt? Where is the hurt born? Expectation. Beautiful.

Right. So I want you guys to really listen to what Ryan is saying. This is a guy who quit his master's degree to beat the world record. And my question to him is, how much do you think about the world record when you play, and he says, not at all. Which sounds, huh? Ideally, you're not thinking about it at all. Yeah. Right. So, like, which sounds bizarre. Like, that sounds contradictory, but I think the reason that Ryan has beat the world record is because he understands this stuff pretty well. And to understand that, like, so here's how I'll explain it. So when you're doing

your Dharma, you're not actually thinking about an outcome. You're focused on the task. So what, what Ryan fell in love with is Mario. And like he had set sort of the world record is almost like an arbitrary goal because your mind needs something to move towards. But generally speaking, when you wake up and you stream, you're trying your best not to think about viewers, not to think about your time. You're just devoting yourself to the task at hand.

So an analogy that I oftentimes use is like one from medicine, right? So like in medicine, like you train a lot and you work a lot. but at the end of the day, like you can't save a life. It's just not something you can do. So whenever you're a doctor and let's say you go to the hospital to do your job, you've prepared to be in the moment and you have a Dharma to, you have a duty to save lives, but you actually can't do it, which sounds bizarre. And, and, you know, the best doctors are the ones who just give it their all.

And that's really the most that you can do. And it's the ones who create expectations that first of all tend to do a work job and also actually I don't know if that's true they suffer more for sure but I think it's interesting because if you really like listen to Ryan it's like very bizarre to hear the guys who holds the world record for 120 stars in Mario 64 to say when you think when you play the game what do you do you think about the record and he's like I try not to but that is what what I've heard time and time and time again for people who pursue their tarma, right? If we, you know, you can take your pick of whoever. So when I think about my

Dharma, like, I just show up. And whether the dude has a shirt or doesn't have a shirt or whatever, right, I can't like be expecting certain things. And when I expect certain things, it tends to get worse. So what I really try to do is I show up and I tell myself every day that I stream that, you know, I hope people watch. It's great if people watch. I'm here for people to watch. But at the end of the day, I'm going to talk to you, Ryan. for like an hour and a half, and I'm going to try to help you. And that's what I devote myself to.

So I want to use this word, which we don't really use very much in the West nowadays because it has religious connotations, but devotion. So when we think about devotion, we think about like religion. But what I hear from you, Ryan, is that you devoted yourself to the task of Mario. Does that make sense?

Yeah. And so there's something subtly lacking ego. there. It's actually not about you. It's about the purity of Mario. Does that make sense? So you're smiling. So what feels like that's resonating with you? Can you tell us about that? The game is good. And it's just like it's done so much for me as a person. And so that's definitely what it is about is like just for Mario to be able to push it further and like see what the game can go. Yeah, right? So I want you guys to pay attention. are you talking in first person, second person, or third person?

That third person, I think? Absolutely. Which is strange, right? So we'd expect a speed runner to talk in the first person about Mario. I really enjoy the game. I want to do the best. I want to hold the world record. But the interesting thing is that I would venture that your Dharma gets corrupted

when you start thinking in the first person. yeah definitely so when you say yeah definitely can you give us an example i mean and this this a link to something else like changing our undesirable traits but for a long time i was in like the shadow it felt like of the other runners that held the record and when i was in those modes of operation like seeing them get good runs or seeing them like get more viewers or like do better than me would just make things worse because i would like compare myself and kind of feel guilty and feel like jealous and then trying to play with that on your shoulders is just like really tough like you have you have to learn how to like transcend it into admiration or like turn it into them making you more

competitive how do you do that finding inspiration uh i think it was just like dealing with the jealousy for too long and just feeling like it i mean i still i still have like jealousy i don't think that's gone um i think just now that i'm on top it's like harder to be jealous because i'm like I have, I finally did it, but it's just finally being able to get good runs and like feel like you can do it. And yeah. How do you do that though? Right?

So I'm imagining like I'm watching other people's record and I get number three. And I look at them and I say, fuck those guys. And I find myself wanting to be like them. Why can't I be like them? Why can't I be better? why can't I focus on the game? Why do I have to have these kinds of thoughts? I know I shouldn't worry about them.

I should just worry about Mario. Yeah. How do you actually get out of that frame of mind? Probably looking at it more objectively, like not even looking at the run as their run, just looking at their run as the run. Like this is the run to beat and looking at their strategies and seeing,

okay, what am I not doing? Because not everybody's doing the same strats. Like some people are doing faster stuff here, faster stuff there. and so I basically just kept working on my own strats until I felt like I until it just felt like I can definitely get record no problem like just practicing a lot off stream learning new stuff and then get into the point where I'm doing the same stuff as them I'm I am fast enough etc and then finally being able to see the results from

how do you how do you go from why can't I be like them to because this is important right the person who is jealous of the number one who's sitting at number three is lacking confidence. They have jealousy. They have envy. How do you move from there to, I can do this? I am fast enough. You finally have a run that's like really good pace. You finally like, you don't beat it.

Like you don't finish it, but you get close. Like you're getting to the end of the run. And that's after just practicing and finally like hitting the stuff that I've been practicing in a run. Because like practice versus runs There's two completely different worlds You can hit something in practice But then when you're actually trying to go and doing that stride on a run It's like it's going to be a lot different

Okay So what I'm here you say is that you practice And when you practice I think what you're doing is you're devoting yourself Once again to the task And then the ego steps aside So I want to point out a couple things One is that

So what are the things that corrupt Dharma? So ego is one. When you start to compare, and if we listen to Ryan, Twitch chat, what you guys will also see is he says that the jealousy is still there. Right? And I think a big mistake that people make is they assume

that once they conquer something, it's gone. Even the word conquer implies like victory forever. But that's not how it works. And tarma is not something you find that is like finite and then you've done it. It's something that I want you guys to understand that Ryan has been struggling to find his Dharma like every single day for the last nine months. Because it gets corrupted and you feel it slip away. Right.

And then you have to like try to get it again. And then you've got it for a little while and then it like slips away. And then you have to like get it again. Yeah. And so it's a practice. So the biggest thing that people I think misunderstand is that when we talk about Dharma, it's sort of like, oh, I found my Dharma period. Even I struggle every day with like finding my Dharma.

It's something that is like kind of an ongoing task. So ego. So what are the signs of ego? You find yourself comparing. What is the solution to comparison? You practice. And what practice means is that you focus on the task. Because then it's not about them or you or their time or your time.

It's about I'm going to try to do this thing in the game. Does that make sense? Yeah. And then what happens is like when you start to do the thing and you stop worrying about other people, then what happens is your mind is, free of the bias of other people. And then you're like, oh, when I actually look at what I'm able to produce, it's actually pretty good. It still needs work, but it's pretty good.

And even if it's crappy, you can still work on it and then eventually you'll get to pretty good. But the key thing is to focus on the task at hand. And this is where people talk about being in the present. But ego corrupts the Dharma. That's number one. next thing that corrupts Dharma is expectation. And, you know, Ryan, you said something about this. Can you say something a little bit more about, you know, how expectation creeps in?

It's very subtle. Like for me, at least in speed running, it'll be, it'll be like, okay, this level that I'm going into is pretty easy. You know, like from an objective standpoint, what we do in this level isn't that hard. And what's funny is that when you have those thoughts, like those levels will slap you the hardest. Like I'll get through the hardest part, objectively the hardest part of the run, slam it, be like, oh, that was so good. Now I just need to make it through this level. And once I do that thought, I think that's already the expectation. It's like, this is an easy level.

And like, classifying it as easy. And now it's like, okay, if I mess it up, I'm a big failure. Like, I just messed that up so bad. I lost my time. And now I feel terrible. And if it's a reset, I feel like a huge asshole because I'm just like, wow, I can't believe I messed up on the, easy level. And now the next runs are going to hurt because I'm like in that hurt mindset. Yeah. So, you know, it's interesting. So I work with some e-sports professionals. And one of the

interesting things that we uncover, like you know what causes tilt? Is it expectation? Yes. And and what kind of expectation? So I was talking to someone, are you familiar with mobas? Yep. So I was working with league is actually what got me into Mario, funny enough. How does that work? So you play league and then you're like, fuck this shit on everyone's face to give you something. I mean, yeah, league, not a lot of good experiences with that game. But it brought me to Twitch and Twitch is where I found Mario. Like in 2012, one of the biggest streamers on Twitch was Siglimic and he was a Mario speed runner. And that's what gave me inspiration to try it out.

Cool. So here's an interesting thing. So you're right. It's expectation. So let me ask you something. if you're playing a game and let's say you go 0 and 2 in mid, there's a chance you get tilted, right? Yeah.

So do you think you're more likely to get tilted? By the end of the game, are you more likely to be tilted if you start 0 and 2 or you start 2 and 0? 2 and 0 for sure. Why? Interesting, right? Very interesting. Pay attention, folks. So if you're starting 2 and 0, you're like, oh, man, I'm popping off.

I got this. I'm in a good spot. Like, you're probably a little bit fed, you know, you feel like you can influence the game a lot. And then if anything goes wrong or you start to fall apart, you're going to be way more upset. But a comeback is way more hype. Like, O2, you're like, well, this game's already in the shitter. And now you're just kind of grinding away. And then if you can bring it back, it's like, it's, you didn't expect it at all.

You don't expect nothing. When you're 02, you're like, all right, I'm expecting a loss. So anything's better than a loss. Yep. Absolutely. Right. So it's bizarre. So like this is something that I think really holds back a lot of good players is this idea that when you're 2 and O, you're expecting a win.

And when they're like jungler or whatever, ganks you twice, you're way more tilted. Because you were supposed to win that game. You dumpstered all over that shitty. And then you're a jungler as fucking AFK while theirs is ganking you. Whereas like bizarrely, if you're 0 and 2 because their juggler gang, you twice, you can still be a little bit tilted there, but it's completely different. Yeah. You can go 0 and 2 because they're a jungler gang twice, and then you can get one solo kill,

or their jungler, your jungler finally shows up and gangs them once, and then you're one and two, completely different game from if you're 2 and O, and their jungler gangs you twice, or even once, and then you're two and one, and you're still more tilted. Yeah, for sure. Crazy, right? Expectation. expectation is the enemy meditation and spiritual training is like so this is the thing

no one teaches us this stuff but literally you can train yourself to expect less it's a cognitive process and we'll talk about changing undesirable traits and meditation and stuff like that you can literally rewire your brain

to expect less when you rewire your brain to expect less you'll be less likely to tilt and therefore you'll win more games. Because the crazy thing is that when you're 2-0 and you get ganged twice by their jungler and you start tilting,

the funny thing is like you're probably still even, or maybe you're a little bit behind because later kills are worth more than early kills. But you're not as far behind as your tilted self would think. Yeah, it distorts your perspective. It absolutely distorts it. And then you end up losing more games

than you really should. And the reason that you lose the game, game that you should win is because you thought you should have won it already, which is bizarre. Yeah. So freeing yourself an expectation. And the thoughts are subtle, right? And this is also where meditation comes in. Because like you see, and if you train yourself to catch the subtlety, so meditation is about actually increasing the subtlety of your mind.

That's one of the definitions of the practice. It's your ability to notice things that are smaller and smaller and smaller about yourself. And so when you It's like you're watching Like you're playing the game And then you look over And you happen to see your viewer count Yeah

And if you glance over And your viewer count is lower Than it was yesterday What happens? You start to feel worse Why? What are the thoughts you have? It's like why am I lower than usual

Am I not being as entertaining? Sometimes it's obvious like you just know that you're, I mean, especially back when I would like months ago when I was grinding, if you're doing bad runs, you're going to expect it to be lower because you're just like playing bad. It's like people aren't going to be there. But it still hurts. You're like, wow, people just want to see like good runs. And that's fair. That's how it is. It's kind of how speed running works. Yep. Well, so the interesting thing is that I think that when you say that's fair, that's not expectation.

my sense is that when you look at the lower view account and you say that's fair you're actually moving towards tarma what i think looking back on these moments i can say that it's fair but in those moments when it actually's happening i probably don't feel that same way because if it's hurting then i'm probably not thinking it's fair i'm like yeah yeah right so but that too you can see the difference the way that you respond to that moves you further away from tarma or closer to thurama you say you yeah, these guys are, you know, my, my viewer count is lower because I'm not performing as well. Let me focus on performing. And if the viewers are going to come, they're going to come, but it has to do, ultimately do with the way that I play the game.

And if you start thinking about, oh, the viewers are not coming and then you start thinking if ego arises. And this too, if you start to feel bad, then ego is more likely to arise. What do you think about that? when you feel bad is when you compare more. That's definitely pretty accurate. If you feel bad, you start to compare more. Yeah, because, I mean, you'll be lower and you'll be like, well, yesterday I had more viewers. Or these other players get more viewers when they play worse than me or something like that.

You just start going on weird tangents that don't even make sense anymore. It's like the momentum. Yep. Yeah. Yeah. So this is what happens. So bad emotion leads to ego. Ego leads to comparison.

Comparison is a function of the ego. So if you're comparing, are you always in an ego state? Generally speaking, I'm going to say yes. You can make comparisons without ego, but for the most part, ego is what triggers the most comparison. So you know this because you can look at a different speed runner and you can analyze how they do things. and how you do things, and there doesn't have to be ego there. Yeah.

But comparison is usually ego. You can look at their thing as their own thing, and you can look at your thing as your own thing, and you can acknowledge the difference between those two, but that isn't comparison. Right. Comparison is when you set the two side by side, and you say like this.

Does that make sense? Yeah. And so you can look at a gazelle and you can say, wow, a gazelle is fast. And you can look at a cheetah and you can say, wow, cheetah is fast. And then the second you say like, oh, like look at that cheetah, that cheetah is so much faster than the gazelle, that becomes a comparison. Although that doesn't sound like it's ego at all. But, you know, generally speaking, I'd say that for our population and our community, most of the comparisons they make are not dispassionate. And that most of them are dependent on ego.

Okay. So how do you protect yourself from that? Do you have any ideas? From getting caught in like an ego state? Yep. Just staying as focused as you can on the task. Like the flow state or whatever, you kind of hit that. What I do is just like listen to sounds in the game. And if I can listen to those for a prolonged amount of time like deeply, then all of a sudden I'm like, it's like, I don't. built that momentum up. Like, I was able to put one minute or two minutes of pure focus in, and now I'm like in the zone. Okay. Beautiful. So that is Adharna that you're doing. So I want you guys to notice Adharna means a focusing technique. Your camera's broke. Yeah, thank you. I got you. So Adharna is a focusing technique. It's essentially a meditative practice.

And what I want you guys to notice is that when he focuses his mind on sounds, what he does is doesn't give fuel to the negative thoughts. And the negative thoughts breed additional thoughts. Yeah. Right? When you give into an expectation, what happens? You've basically opened Pandora's Box. Like, that's the beginning of the negative momentum. Yep. So tell me what Pandora's Box looks like. Can you give us an actual example?

I mean, one that I'm dealing with a lot recently is like, so I have the decision. Like, I want to keep my sleep schedule good, right? So it's like 2 a.m. and I'm like, okay, I can either go to bed or I can go like, one of my big vices is eating and just like staying up late. So it's like either I go to bed or I just make like a plate of chips, watch a quick video, then I go to bed. And then if I go make that food come back down, then before I know it, I'm like, it's like two hours later. I ate like multiple bags of chips or like, I'll just make snacks. Like we have so much junk food in this house.

I'll just be like deep in the dumpster all of a sudden. And it feels like I got there. Like, I don't even remember how I got here, you know? It's just like all of a sudden you're in the gutter. Yep. Right? So Pandora's box, one thing leads to another. There's a, so I want you guys to notice that the deviation from Dharma starts with a subtle thought.

It's a tiny, tiny thought. I can go to bed or it's not even a decision. It's just a possibility at that point. Yeah. And then you give in to that possibility and then that thought breeds another thought. which breeds another thought, which breeds another thought. And then you get stuck in a cycle of shame or a like a panic attack or stuck in anxiety, paralyzed by fear.

And all of those big, big thoughts that two hours later, you're covered in crumbs and your stomach is upset. And there's like grease on your face. And you said, make a plate of chips, which sounds delicious. Usually I eat them out of the bag, but it sounds like you take it to the next level. Yeah. I've never heard of anyone making a plate of chips. Maybe nachos. Yeah, I make nachos.

I'll just like get tortilla chips and put cheese on them. And then if we have meat, I'll put some meat on them. Damn straight. My dude. Nice little snack. I didn't, that didn't slip by me. I can tell. Make a plate.

I know what that's like. I put some black beans on there. If you want to be, if you want to alleviate your guilt, you can even chop up like fresh tomatoes are good. Bell pepper is good. Ooh, that's dangerous. No, but I mean, like, at least, if you're going to eat the plate of nachos, like chop some shit in there and then get some veggies. You know what I'm saying?

True. You know, black beans also potentially healthier alternative to like taco meat. I get you, though. I get you. Not as tasty. Sometimes you want it to just be free seed. You just want to be. Yeah, but the chips and the cheese is going to do that.

Trust me. You try putting some black beans on there and you season them. You got to season them well. Okay, I'll get the job. If you're hungry enough at 2.30 in the morning, it's going to taste a lot. You don't really need the taco meat. Try it. Get back to me. Let me know. I'll let you know. DM me. Let me know. For sure. But the key thing here is that there's a subtle thought, and then it leads to this Pandora's box as you put it. And so the key thing is if you can catch that subtle thought at its inception and kind of catch it and not let it grow.

And the way that you not let it grow is you can refocus your mind. So I think you do a good. job of like your pattern a practice, which is you listen to the sounds. So literally what you're doing with your concentration and your attention is you're focusing on a sound. And if you're focusing on a sound, you literally cannot think at the same time. You may have distracting thoughts. So like your mind is focused on the sound and then it like deviates this way and then you bring it back to the sound. And then it deviates this way and you bring it back to the sound. If it deviates a third time and each time it deviates, it gets a little bit weaker, a little bit weaker, a little bit weaker, and then ultimately it'll stop and then you'll be in the zone.

So that's literally the practice of meditation. Yeah. And it starts with a subtle thought. We talked about expectation. We talked about ego. So now we're going to talk about momentum. Any questions so far? No.

Okay. So quick question. We're going to, I'm going to just check in with Twitch chat for a second. I usually don't look at Twitter chat. but Twitch chat, do you guys have any questions so far? Is this making sense? I see you got some new emotes in the chat. I was looking earlier.

You got the fish, fish pog. Do you see those on your screen? I don't know what that is. It's like the fish that's just going crazy. Oh, that's what that is. I've been seeing that thing a lot. I don't realize it was a fish. Okay, so I'm asking them if they have questions and all I'm seeing is the fish.

I should have said anything, my bad. No, no, no, I mean, it's fine. It's just... They're going crazy. Okay. Okay, so I'm going to assume that this is good, because we're just seeing fish. What does the fish mean? Does the fish mean people are happy or unhappy?

Yeah, it's just like excitement. It's just like intensity. Like, you just amplify whatever you're saying. If you put the fish next to it, I feel like it's just high intensity. Okay. Okay. So they seem to be, they feel like this is a super high intensity conversation. About the solitude of the ego.

No, they're just saying it because I said fish fog. Okay. Yeah. Okay, so let's talk about momentum. So I want you to reframe. So momentum is like something that you observe after the fact, first thing. Right? You're like, yeah, like momentum is happening.

You don't know exactly how you create it, but you observe it as an after effect. Yeah. I mean, at least in the negative senses. I think when I'm doing like positive things, I can kind of feel it in the moment. But when it's like negative or bad, it's like I go and start to go out of touch and just sort of unconscious. And then I look back and I'm like, wow, that that escalated quickly. So I'm going to reframe momentum with a different word.

I'm going to call it karma or karma. Okay. What do you think about that? Does that ring any bells for you? Yeah. I've heard you talk a lot about karma. it's like the cause and effect. Yep.

And it's rawest form. You'd call it like cause effect. Yep. So if we think about momentum, what I think this means is that you're sowing a seed that reaps a fruit, which in turn gives you many more seeds that you can plant, and that it like exponentially amplifies. Yep.

So sewing positive karma leads to positive karma. and then if you continue to sow positive karma, you're going to reap positive karma. And the same is true of negativity. If you give into that first subtle negative thought, you will reap 10 more negative thoughts. Yeah. And then if you...

And then if you indulge those 10 thoughts, you will reap 100 negative thoughts. And if you're swimming... And then you're swimming. And then you find yourself being 25 years old, living at home, not sure what to do with your life, because you are swimming in a half decade of negative karma that you've sewed for yourself.

And whether it be nachos at 2 a.m. Or, you know, indulging in certain kinds of like content on the internet that sort of traps you or makes you thumb sick, which you can explain what that is. But like there's a lot of like negative karma, like using substances, I think is a good example. of something that alleviates feelings in the present, but opens you up for negative karma down the road. Yeah, you're more likely to turn to that again. Absolutely, because it doesn't actually solve anything, right?

It just makes you feel better. Yeah. And even in some cases, like if you look at substances like marijuana, marijuana actually decreases your motivation. It doesn't make people stupider, but what it does is hamper with your motivational drives. And so the classic idea of a pot head is someone who sits around and doesn't do anything all day.

That's because, you know, that's sort of somewhat true. So there are productive people who use marijuana on a regular basis, but if you take 100 people and they use marijuana and you take 100 people who don't use marijuana, the people who don't use marijuana are more likely to be more productive on average. And so a lot of what happens in terms of like being stuck in life is essentially you're reaping all of these bad fruits, fruits, I mean the seeds that you sow. So you're reaping negative fruit from sowing bad seeds. and in momentum, it works both ways. Right? Like if you maintain a good sleep schedule, like why do you care about maintaining good sleep schedule?

Because then everything else will be better. Like I cannot focus on it. How the fuck does that? What do you mean everything else will be better? How does that work? What do you mean everything will be better? What is it like just a flat out buff 20%? Yeah.

Yes. You're damn right it is. And that's exactly how it works. This is sewing positive karma. right? Like literally your cognitions are better. Your brain clears out this waste product called adenosine, which is like a waste product from your brain. And adenosine, when your brain uses energy for cognition,

it takes this thing called ATP and turns it into adenosine. And then when you sleep, you clear out that adenosine and you turn it back into ATP. And it literally means that your brain has more energy when you have restful sleep. and people who do not have good restful sleep cycles, which doesn't just mean the hours that you sleep. It also means the kind of substances that are in your brain when you fall asleep. It also means the ratio of like REM sleep to non-REM sleep. So generally speaking, your sleep cycle changes over the duration of your sleep.

So it starts out with longer, I think, phase one and phase two sleep. And over time, as you go through multiple sleep cycles, the phase one and phase two shrink, and I think you have more non-REM sleep. I'm a little bit rusty on the details. But literally, your fifth hour and sixth hour of sleep

are not the same as your first or second hour of sleep, from a physiologic and neuroscientific sense. And then furthermore, that shift in your sleep cycle is reinforced by a circadian rhythm. Do you know what that means? that's just like your general sleep schedule I don't know too much

so circadian rhythm is your body clock so if you're used to sleeping at the same time every day and it also is like your bodily clock it'll enhance the quality of your sleep so I think a big problem in terms of negative karma that our community faces is that they're like they have crappy sleep which in turn means that they're like

when they you know when you rest you play RPGs on occasion so when you rest in and in what happens to your manabar. Refill. Everything refills. Your back. Absolutely. In our community, when they go to sleep,

their manabar only fills up 60%. And then they're confused as why they suck at life. Right? So it's nuts. But like this kind of physiology stuff is important. And then the other thing, Ryan, I just want to say explicitly is you are the guy

who holds the world record for 120 stars in Super Mario. And you are also, saying that sleep is vitally important. Yeah. And so if you guys don't believe me, listen to the world champion. It's tough though now because like I feel like since I got it, it's hard to care as much about that. You know, like the hunger for the thirst to play well isn't as in front of my mind.

Like I feel like that I was able to keep a more consistent sleep schedule before the world record than after. Yep. So it's just whatever. Now we're going to talk about that and we're going to explore a little bit further. I just want to tie up one last thing about karma. So what I want you to think about for all of you guys is what are you sewing for tomorrow? And just like you said earlier,

if I can do the laundry, maybe I can play Super Mario. Right? So every action you take, you're sewing a seed that's going to bear fruit. And so when you eat those nachos, that's cool. Like if you can even deviate a little bit

and throw a little bit of tomato or bell pepper or cilantro on there, That's actually going to help you out the next day. That makes sense. Right? So it's going to help with your fiber. It's going to keep you regular. It's going to promote bacteria that are anti-anxiety and anti-depression in your gut when you have fresh fruits and vegetables.

Literally. Not kidding. There are studies that show that you can take depressed mice and do a stool transplant into healthy mice. And once you transplant their stool from the depressed mouse to the breast mouse, the healthy mouse, the healthy mouse becomes depressed. Wild. But even something as simple as eating fresh fruits and vegetables can actually affect your mood. So think about it. Sleep good. Absolutely. So, but think about those things as positive gharmas and tell yourself that like every time you do an action, you're setting yourself up for a man a buff or a man a debuff

three days from now. And the more that you can focus on buffing up your manna bar, like three, four, five, six, seven days down the road, the better off you're going to be. Okay. Any questions about that, or you want to move to the hunger that's now been satisfied and no longer keeps you on track? I guess one question about that is like, how, why is it so hard? Like, even if you know fully well, like, oh, yeah, if I go to sleep, that's definitely the better move.

It's still really difficult to just not go to, like, it's so easy to just stay up and just make that plate of nachos. Why do you think it's hard? Probably because it's like an immediate thing. Like you get an immediate immediate satisfaction versus the delayed. I'd go even further. I'd say that what you're getting,

so this is the struggle. It's not even about immediate versus delayed. It's about real versus unreal. Because what is that, if you don't eat the plate of nachos, what does tomorrow look like? It's the same. And if you do eat the nachos, what does it?

tomorrow look like. Hopefully the same. Like you want to believe. There's no difference in your mind. Just think about that for a second. And that's like the subtle thing. Yep. Like if you, you think you can just do one.

But then once you do one, that's where it starts to, everything starts to like get distorted. Because like, like really when you're sitting there, you're looking at the plate of nachos and you say, if I don't eat this like, what's going to happen? Like, you're not really sure. it's just better for you. But what does that practically mean?

It means nothing. Yeah. There's no tangible cost in your mind. So the reason that it's hard is not because you're dumb or you're lazy. It's because your mind has a tangible benefit versus nothing. And if you really stop and think about it like what, you're going to eat some, you're going to chop up some bell pepper on your nachos. So what happens?

Nothing. nothing is going to happen. If you eat the bell pepper, you don't eat the bell pepper. How are you going to ever notice a difference? You're not going to notice a difference. Yeah. So this is where what you guys need to learn how to do is to act for no reason. The problem is that all of our actions are driven by reasons.

This is what paralyzes us. Because we know what happens when you play the game for reasons. Because we talked about this, right? What happens when you play the game for reasons, Ryan? You start to get lost in the sauce. Bizarre and crazy, right? Yeah. We're conditioned our entire life to do something because of something.

That's what fucks us. Because what happened in our generation's case is we were taught you do this and then this will happen. And in our case, what happened is like we were told go to college and then you'll be by a house and then like that was a scam. Yeah. And so we were taught. Yep. We were taught to do things for reasons and then those reasons turned out to be false.

So now you have a generation of people who don't know how to act because every time they've acted, it's for a reason. And so bizarrely, the way that you stop doing it is that like you let go of the reason. You say to yourself, I'm not doing this because stool transplants and rats alleviate depression. Like, that's a stretch. Yeah. Right? I'm doing this because I choose to. I'm doing this because, like, as a human being, I want the capacity to control my own life. And I want you guys to understand that if you're doing something for a reason, you're not in control. Because if you take the reason away,

you wouldn't do it. But there's like a greater reason. And that, would that be Dharma? Yes. That reason is internal, though. What I'm talking about is a particular outcome. Okay. In terms of a reason, right? Like, If I tell you why would you eat bell pepper, like there's an external reason that you're weighing against the immediate satisfaction of eating the food. Does that make sense or do I lose you? It's getting abstract. Okay.

Yeah. Let me try again. So, you know, there's a good outcome to eating the plate of nachos. Whereas not eating the nachos has an unclear, vague, I'll be healthy. Like, that's not a real thing, right? you have to like zoom out zoom out and then also just do something for the sake of doing it

just like you said when you play the game of Mario you're not thinking about an outcome you're just doing it for the sake of doing it so what you need to train yourself to do and it starts and then people say how do you do this it starts small right so the next time that you're eating you prepare some food for yourself what you need to do is like do a tiny

get a little bit of XP and the way that you get a little bit of XB is you spend a little bit more effort, putting something on there that you normally wouldn't put that's supposed to be good for you. And you recognize that you are never going to notice the difference. But you are doing it for the sake of doing it. You're playing the game for Mario. You're not doing it for the world record. So to act in that moment for the sake of the thing as opposed to some other thing. You're not doing it for viewership count. You're not doing it for world record. You're not doing it to refill your man a bar. You're not doing it.

to live longer you're not doing it to prevent hemorrhoids you're just going to do it because that's what you've decided to do just do it yes but just do it is not easy that's not how it works just doing it is a god-awful struggle against yourself

you recognize that within yourself there are going to be a thousand reasons which tell you don't do this thing and then you tell them to go fuck themselves and you do it anyway Just do it is not easy. It's in spite of yourself. You just have to like force yourself. Yeah, not force overcome.

Okay. And you're going to lose that battle a lot. And that's okay. Okay. Just got to keep resetting, just like in Mario 64, man. Just got to keep going. Yep. Push through it.

Okay. Other questions. Does that make sense? Yeah. Okay. So let's talk about the hunger. So you used to have this hunger that aligned all of your actions. Yes.

Now what? I don't know, man. Now I'm just like, I got it. And before it was like, this is a challenge worth going for. I've never done it. Like if I can do it and conquer the nerves, that's huge. And now I did it once. And I'm like, and usually when people have gotten a world record in the past,

they keep going and keep pushing and like push it lower. But every time it gets pushed lower, it does get harder to do. And so I'm just, I'm really struggling to find. find that hunger, yeah. Yeah, so it sounds to me like you've, in a sense, completed this chapter of your life. Yeah, that's kind of where I'm at. Like, I feel sort of in limbo in that sense.

Yeah, so then the question, so that's okay. So let's start by just thinking, acknowledging that, that just because some people continue to try to push it lower doesn't mean you have to. How do you feel about yourself, right? Pretty good. Okay. In general. How did you feel about yourself 10 months ago?

10 months ago, that's when I started playing. I felt really good. So I was like at the beginning of the journey, it felt like very fulfilled. Okay, 12 months ago. Really bad. Tell me about that. So at that time, I was dealing with like carpal tunnel and tendonitis. And that was something, that's why I had taken a break from Mario in the first place.

And I was like really lost because I wasn't doing anything. Like anything that I like to do in hurt because I had like this chronic pain. And so like I like to make music. I like to, what else? Coding, obviously computer science. Like I'd like to code stuff. And all of that would just hurt. And so I was just kind of in pain and that was not fun.

And so I didn't want to do anything. I couldn't play Mario. And yeah, I felt very, very unfulfilled. That was probably like the worst part. Probably like one of the darkest moments of my life, at least it felt like. just like very numb, very unconscious, very robotic. And then a viewer recommended a book to me that I was able to like conquer the tendonitis and carpal tunnel with. And then I came back.

What's the book? The mind-body prescription. Interesting. Can you tell us about that? It's this idea that your repressed emotions are causing your pain, like your tendonitis or carpal tunnel. And so you have to like journal and try to reflect and figure out what are you not addressing in your life that might be pressuring you that you have no idea about. Like, yeah. And did you find that you were repressing something?

Yeah. It was mostly stuff relating to my family, just like worrying about parts of my family was like a big one. And myself, like my pressure with school and like doing the master's program. I think was causing a fair amount. How do you feel about the master's program? At the moment? Yeah. Like now.

I feel like it was a waste of time. Like I did it mostly because my parents wanted me to do it. And it was like a free ride. Like I was able to get in and do teachers assistantship. So I was a TA. And then it was all paid for, which sounded like a great deal. And I was like, okay, I should do this. But then when I was actually doing it, like it felt very mundane.

And it felt like if I wanted to keep doing it, I could just do it on my own at this point. Like I knew enough that I could just figure out what I wanted to figure out if I wanted to code something or whatever. Do you want to code? Yeah. So are you learning how to code? That's something that is like, it feels like one of those side things that I want to do

that kind of fulfills like, I don't know, soul, I guess. Like it feels very good to code. I've had some side projects in the past. And at the moment, I'm like waiting to get into the next one. Like I have an idea. I haven't sat down and started it. It keeps you from sitting down and starting it. I'm not really sure.

So I think that's what we have to explore. So here's what I think, Ryan. So I think that your karma and your Dharma, so karma triggers your Dharma. This is the first thing to understand. So the example that I use is, let's say I'm a doctor and I'm working in the emergency room. And what is my Dharma?

It depends on who comes in. right so if like no one comes in then my tarma is to sleep well and if someone does come in overnight it's to wake up and help those people so in your case i think that your karma called you to do certain things right so if you think about it your circumstances gave you the opportunity to do a master's degree for free and that sounds like a wonderful wonderful thing you were so lucky ryan so privileged And then you were given that opportunity And then in that opportunity

You had this little voice that said This is not for me And then you embarked on this journey Your camera's blurry again by the way Oh no You embarked on this journey And then you became a different person Over the course of the last year

And it is my belief That the person that you are today Is necessary for the next thing that you have to do Okay And that if you had not dropped out of your master's program, you would still have to conquer that level before

you moved on to the next one. But think about the person that you've become over the last year. It's a completely different person. Yeah. And I don't think it's like, it's kind of bizarre, but like, you know, in video games, we don't like go to the last boss at level two. We go to the first boss at level two.

Yeah. And then you get stronger and then you do the next thing. So now you have a good understanding of like to a certain degree expectation your mind how to do dharana how to focus how to let go of expectation how to let go of comparison that those are going to be important skills for the next phase of your life because the next phase of your life sounds like it's going to be directionless and what you're going to happen is as you're directionless and you're working on this little project which is going to be your Dharma you're going to look at a dozen other people who finish their master's degrees and got jobs.

And you're going to need a certain amount of fortitude to stick with your thing. Yeah. Instead of deviating. And the way that you leveled that up is through Mario Speed Runs. Yeah. And so recognize that whatever force it is that has brought you this far is also supporting you now. And now the next thing it's trying to teach you is like, why aren't you doing that coding?

project. That's the next phase. I suspect. It may be something else. But I think that you know what you want to do and your next phase isn't just figuring out like the motivation and studying yourself and looking at yourself and starting to do those things. And remembering that like you can get caught up about what you should do and stuff like that. But once you pick up the controller and you start playing the game, the rest is going to take care of itself. Yeah. Starting is the hardest part. Yep. And so now you need to learn how to do that. Because now you've got 10% to 90% taken care of. It's zero to 10. You've been training on 10 to 90 for the last year. And even to a certain degree, you've also trained about getting zero to 10. But to me, it feels like you should code. What do you think about that?

I mean, well, I'm still streaming. Like, that's my main thing. I'm still doing full-time streaming. So I obviously want to keep doing that. But yeah, I think, When I think about like when I felt the best, it's like I'm feeding myself. I feel like there's two pillars of my well-being. It's like health is like sleeping, eating, meditating, exercising, and then there's like soul. And that's like the hobbies, like Mario, Coden, music, whatever. And so I just need to actually do it. But once again, notice that, you know, actually doing it is not just doing it. It's the opposite.

that every day you wake up. And because remember, like, the reason you can't do it is because you don't know why you're doing it. There's no goal. Does that make sense? Yeah. And so what's the solution to that? Do you have a sense? Going in without any expectations.

Yep. And just what that means is to have no reason to do it. Remember that, right? So, like, the key here is, like, why is it hard to eat the plate of, I mean, why is it easy to eat the plate of nachos? it's because you do something for a reason or no reason. And it's hard to pick no reason over a reason. Yeah, for sure. And so you're going to wake up tomorrow

and you're going to have no reason to code and you've got to do it anyway. Acknowledge that, notice that. Say that there's a part of me that wants to sow the seed of karma that will bear fruit three months from now. But the effort of digging and planting and sticking the seed in is like you're not going to see any yield from that. Maybe the seed will never grow.

Just do it is not easy. It's actually very hard. You have to do it in spite of all the things that hold you back. I like that. Right? It's like you have to continue playing in spite of the fact that you're number three. Moving forward in life is about abandoning reasons,

not finding them. Yeah. I think I realized that when I actually like finally made that final push to record, Like, I was like, I know I can't do anything about viewership or anything. I just, like, completely surrendered. And I was like, I'm just going to play. I'm not looking anymore. And then that's when everything just got way better.

Yep. So. So these are concepts that unfortunately have gotten tangled up with religion, but devotion and surrender are key. Yeah. This concept of like, that's literally what happened with me too. Like, I showed up on Twitch one day and I was like, I'm going to do this thing. And I thought that in one year, if I had 200 concurrent viewers, that would be a success. Turns out that you're talking.

Slightly more than that. Yeah. Right. And I think it's about devoting yourself to the action and not worrying about the viewership count. Recently, too, we had a little bit of a, you know, an interesting conversation at Healthy Gamer about like who we interview on stream and what kind of content we do. Because we noticed that the more bigger streamers we have, the bigger our viewership is. And so it's like, do we want to cater to that?

Do we want to continue growing? We said actually, no. That's not what we showed up here to do. We showed up here to help people. And if our viewership tanks are viewership tanks, so be it. It's about having conversations. Oh, you're not like, because here's the thing, Ryan, you're not going to have some kind of emotional catharsis at the end of this conversation.

Yeah. Which is going to impact our viewership. But instead, what we're going to try to do is help you. And if the viewership goes down, the viewership goes down. Right? You do the thing for the sake of the thing. Yeah.

And in your case, I don't know exactly what it looks like, but I think I'm not too worried about you finding your Dharma because I think it's just, you've got that voice. Like you know you want to code or make music or whatever. So you start planting those seeds and then something will take root and then karma will show up and will tell you what to do. But karma waits until you're ready. And what that made?

Do you want, what kind of coding do you want to do if you don't mind me asking? Making games. Obviously, right? So like, this is where I think bizarrely, if you want to make a particular kind of game or you want to work for a studio, do you have a resume? No. I mean, yeah, but it's outdated, kind of. So, like, I think that, you know, as crazy as this sounds, I think if you say I was in a master's program, so you're going to have a cover letter. And you say, I love games.

I love to code. You've got to code a couple of things so that you have like some kind of resume. Then I would put on your cover letter, I had a full ride master's program that I dropped out of to become a streamer and I hold the record for Super Mario 64 and now I'm ready to get back into coding.

I understand games. I understand them in and out. I'm also a good coder and I don't need a degree for that. Will you give me a job? Here's what I can do. And if I was a game developer, I would fucking hire you in the next step.

It's good. Right? It's bizarre. There are a thousand kids out there who have masters in computer science. Very few hold the world record in anything. It speaks to me of dedication, of focus,

of a love of video games. And if you can code on top of that, fucking A. Okay. What do you think about that? I think you're right. I think I just got to, like just doing it.

but not doing it for any reason. Yep. Right. And I would suspect that you thought that certain things needed to happen before you could get a job where you want a job. I guess. I mean, I'm not really at the moment thinking about getting a job, though. Like, I kind of want to do it solo. I do stuff like good streaming, but yeah.

Yeah. So, I mean, I think if you want to do stuff solo, you do so. You don't have to get a job. But I think if you want to make games, you should fucking wake up tomorrow and you should start making games. Or today. Right. Or today. Beautiful.

It's a trick question. Saw through the trap. Right? So I pay attention to a chat. This guy understands what he's talking about. Tomorrow is easy. It's hard. So the last thing that I'll leave you with, Ryan, is that there is a game inside you.

And that one day, maybe a year from now, maybe five years from now, or 10 years from now, there's going to be a kid who is lost and directionless. And in order to help him, you have to make the game that he's going to play to inspire him. I like that. So that is your problem. That like you have to understand that somewhere just think about the person who made Supermaudorio 64. What kind of struggles do you think they had? How did the game get made?

I mean, consoles coming out, pressure to bring out like the first 3D game. And like you want it to be good. You want it to be memorable. You want it to be like a crazy experience. Wrong on all of those accounts. Those are all expectations. You see that? That is not, it's meeting expectations

that gets the kind of AAA trash that we see. It's formulaic video gaming that we see a lot of. I don't believe for a second that the person who made Super Mario 64, the team that made Super Mario 64, was trying to live up to expectations. I think what happened, if I had to bet money, what I would say is there was a group of people who loved Mario and said, we now have the technology to have Mario move in more than due directions. What kind of game can we make?

And it's that desire. It's the desire to like create something that in the frontier of video gaming, nothing had ever been made before. I want to make a Mario game where I can hide a star in a place that has never been hidden before. even the concept of stars, just think about that. Non-linearity of levels necessitated the concept of stars to begin with. Because where is the point? There's a linear trajectory in a 2D game. In a 3D game, like, how do you design a linear trajectory?

They had to break out of the idea of a start and a finish tool level. How do you guide a player when there's no end of the level? Got to have the objectives. collectibles, the moons, the stars. But see, the moons and the stars are all objectives. That's not what the first person thought. That's what the duplicators thought. Does that make sense?

Yeah. They'd seen it done before. Yep. So that's what I think it happens to Mario now, is they're like repeating a formula. And they innovate a little bit. But I think the person who made Super Mario 64 was true, like the team was truly revolutionary.

They tried to make the best game that they could with like this entire new dimension of technology. It's like, I've played the flute my whole life, and suddenly you're giving me a set of drums. It's like, what can I make with this entire other instrument? And I think that's what you've got to do. You've got to think about the game that hasn't been made before that you have to make.

Because you're a fucking gamer, man, and you're one of us. So we need good shit to play. How does that sound for the Tanba? That sounds pretty good. That does sound pretty good. Hesitations? I mean, a little bit. I still, like, I think that is definitely part of it, but I feel like I still have, like,

streaming is like my main thing that I'm doing, like, with most of my time. And so I guess, I mean, the game does involve streaming, so that would make sense. So I don't think it's, like, exclusive. I think the big problem that I see with you is, like, a, hump to get started. So I'd say get started. And maybe you won't end up making a game. Maybe it won't work out, whatever. But devote yourself to the task and see if that amount of inspiration is enough to get you started. And then your karma will determine the rest. You'll wake up one day and then just like you said with Super Mario 64, you'll wake up one day and you'll say, I can do this.

And I don't do that. Exactly. And so all you have to do is sew the karma to give yourself. a chance. All right. Sounds good. I will give it a chance. Okay. Give it a shot. What about undesirable traits? Something that has come up and has always kind of been around is like jealousy. Like I said before, like that was with Mario and now getting blurry, man. I don't know why. It's every time you're forward in the chair. Like when you do that is when it gets bored. Okay. That's okay. And now it's like I have seen some growth from streaming. And now I've, I'm, I'm not. I'm And before I wasn't really comparing, or sorry, before I was comparing, and then I saw some growth, you know, from world record. And now it's like, I thought that I solved it because I wasn't doing it anymore.

But now I'm finding, like, new things to compare to other streamers that are bigger. You know, it's always like the climb. And it's just, it feels awful. And that's part of the thing that pushes the momentum sometimes. Like, it's not even about, like, should I get a plate of chips? It's like, I'm comparing. And then the next thing I know, I'm, like, eating. And then I'm up late.

if that makes sense at all. Yeah, explain that to us a little bit. So, like, up late at night and I'm looking at my stats, and then I'm thinking about other streamers who are around my size or who are bigger than me or who have, like, grown faster than me and just looking at their size, just like literally just looking at the stats, looking back and forth and being like, okay, I'm not as, I'm not growing as fast or like, I'm not seeing, like, growth that I want. And then, I mean, it seems so obvious, like, looking back on it now, but in the moment, it feels like it just makes perfect sense.

Like, I'm not, it's not like egotistical, but, or it's not, like, negative. But that's, like, the subtle thoughts. Yep. So let me ask you a question. Why do you look at the stats late at night? It's like when I end stream. I finish stream and then I'll, like, look at my stats and then be like, okay. What frame of mind are you in when you finish stream?

kind of tired like feeling like I accomplished that so now I can like turn my brain off kind of thing and be lazy yep and then when you when your brain is in a lazy place and you look at stats what happens I start comparing myself it's just like it's so easy to do yeah automatic like and and Twitch I'll do it for you they'll be like oh this stream compared to your last stream like it'll say right in run like less followers or more viewers, you know, and you either feel good or bad, but like, I don't, I don't want to have that at all. I don't want to be like, have those good feelings or have those bad feelings. So we can talk about, you know, the nature of your confidence and jealousy and all that kind of crap. But today I want to focus on the process and mechanism of mind.

So the first thing that I want to point out is that when you're feeling lazy and you're out of mana and you look at your stats when you're exhausted, how able are you to catch the subtle thoughts and steer them in a different direction? Not at all. Right? And so then they start to feed and they start to grow.

It's just as simple as when you look at your Twitch stats. I would once again, I would once again bet money that if you looked at Twitch stats, if you dedicated a time of your day to work on your stream, not just look at it like a report card, but say like, okay, how can I grow my stream? Let's do some analysis. But you did so with a full mana bar.

Your experience will be completely different. So maybe don't do it late at night after I'm burnt out when I'm not really in a great place to be doing it. Exactly, right? So if you're not in a great place, your mind is going to be exhausted. and then you're going to latch on to things that you normally wouldn't latch on to with a clean head. Definitely.

And so as bizarre as that is, like, it's strange, but like just the fact that you're looking. And it's hard because I don't know why our mind does this, but our mind feeds us the worst kind of information when we are the most vulnerable. When you're feeling bad about yourself is when you go and like you look at. at like the social media profile of your ex-girlfriend who cheated on you and saw how awesome her life is. Yeah. You just want to, it's weird. I have no idea, but it's like you wanted to get worse. Yep. In a way, like a part of you, you just want to make it the worst it can be. Absolutely. It's weird, right, that our mind does it. And you let it. Yeah. Because there's like a- I mean, that happens like with friends too, like good friends,

Like friends that I really like hanging out with and like talking with, you know, when the good things happen to them, like, there is always that side that's like, man, I want, I want that to happen to me. Like I envy or jealousy and trying to find a way to like, you know, sometimes I'm like, I'm so happy for you. But like, I'm really like the way I'm feeling is not exactly that. But I don't want to say that because it's like you're just bad bad friend if you're just like jealous of someone. Yep. So I think, Ryan, you have some work left to do, my friend. right so there's something about you and and maybe this is a conversation for a different day because i don't know we have we have the time for it today but to think a little bit about why can't you be happy for someone's because something within you is unsatisfied that makes sense right

it's like when i sit down to dinner and i eat my meal and then someone else is eating their meal and they say wow this is really delicious and i can be like oh wow that's awesome man i'm glad you really enjoyed it. But if I don't have any food and I'm broke and homeless and someone else is talking about how their food is so delicious, it's really hard for me to be genuinely happy with that, for that. So what's missing?

You got to have a good meal. You got to be enjoying what you're eating, then you don't care. Yeah. Yeah. I think the jealousy has definitely been worse after the world record than before for sure. I felt like way more fulfilled during the grind. That makes sense.

And so there's something left where, like, you had to conquer some demons to be able to walk away from, on paper, what seemed like a wonderful opportunity for a master's degree and live your life and you've achieved. And it sounds also like you had to do some emotional work around conquering your tendonitis and your carpal tunnel. Yeah. But I think there's definitely a conversation that needs to be had about, like, why are you unsatisfied with the life that you have? And I think you know the answer. Yeah. You have a sense? Got a code. Got to feed my soul a little bit more.

I don't think that that's the entirety of it. I think that something happened to you that left you very unsatisfied. You felt like you got a bad beat. I think that there's some expectation in your life that has been dashed. Yeah. What do you think about that? It's probably the world record. Like I had this big goal and then I finally achieved it and then like nothing really changed.

I was surprised how little I felt after getting it felt like a void kind of interesting I would suspect that something happened even earlier in your life and that it's not related to the world record at all but definitely you know you're saying that the world record felt

kind of like a letdown yeah I mean in the moment it felt amazing but like the following days it's like okay now what yeah so the now what is also some part of your being telling you Now what? Let's do something else, which is okay. I have a question about like when, is there any like question I can ask myself when I, to check like if I'm in the state of, am I sewing like negative or positive karma? Is there a way to check or do you just have,

is it just depend on the thought? Like better ways to tell, okay, is this going to be bad or good? Yeah. I think it's not so much a question, but a state of mind. So I'd say, say that the two things to look at is, am I experiencing negative emotion and is ego present here? Right. So it's about looking at expectation. It's about looking at ego. It's about looking at your internal state of self. And if you're behaving from a tranquil center, then you'll sew positive karma. And if you're behaving from a non-tranqual center, then you'll sew negative karma. And I would really like, so I think a good example is like really look at yourself when you finish stream. Why do you want to look at streams?

stats then. It's just like, it's become a habit over time, I guess. I don't doubt it. But why did you start? I'm not sure. I mean, I think it's just like a natural thing. You want to see if you're growing or not. You want to see if you're doing good. See, there's reasons there.

You want to see if you're growing or not. That's expectation. It's about benchmarks. You know, and I do think it's important to do as a streamer. you've got to look at your stats. But like you want to do so. Like I would check your stats like once a week. That's a good idea.

And also compile it with like, okay, what are strategies? Like don't just look at other people and be like driven by jealousy in a sense of whether you're falling behind or not. Recognize that as a streamer you need to do some things to grow your stream and sit down. I mean, this is in a sense I'm lucky because like I don't worry about growing my stream. Like someone is kind enough to help me do that. So they worry about all that shit. And for them, like, so it's nice because I, like, literally in my life, I've been lucky enough to separate out the stream growth from the actual streaming. That is nice.

And not everyone has that privilege. And so I'm grateful for it. And at the same time, you've got to do that cognitively. Yeah. Be your own, like, stream producer for some hours of the day. And I'd even go as far as to say, like, I don't know if you adhere to a schedule or a calendar. But I'd block off time and be like, okay. I'm going to look at three other streamers and try to figure out what are they doing that I want to do.

Just the same way that you did it with Super Mario 64, which is not to compare yourself, but be like, okay, what are the tricks that they're using that I could think about implementing? What do I want to go with? What do I not want to go with? Sit down. Look at all your stream stats. Okay. Because one of the most dangerous things, we see this in our coaching program is like we collect a lot of feedback,

but we don't share it with our coaches right away. Can you imagine why? Collect a lot of feedback. but you don't share it with the coaches right away. No. So if we share bad feedback too quickly, it's going to bias them the next session. Sure.

Right? So what we want to do is aggregate feedback and look at trends. Not let people get biased because anyone can have a bad day. But if I share a bad feedback, what kind of karma am I sewing for them for the next week? More. Like they'll be in their head more. They won't be able to just do the tab.

They're going to be like, I want to keep, I want to be a coach. Yep. I want to do good. And then that will inevitably be bad. Yep. Right. So we actually are careful with how we share our data. So we amalgamate it and we look for trends.

But anyone can have an off day and any client can be upset on a particular day or not feel like they were helped. That's good. I got to get the big sample size. Exactly. And the problem is that when you're out of mana at the end of the day, and you look at your stats, your mind has a cognitive bias towards the negative. And then over time,

it creates the impression that you're doing a bad job. Okay. Because not only is there insufficient sample size, there's selectivity of the data that you collect. And we do this to ourselves all the time. Right? Like there are people like in our community who have a lot of evidence

that they're going to die alone. And sure, like that evidence is there. it's just incomplete or it's selected. Sure. Biased. Yep. And it's because they look for it at that time when they're like, they're feeling bad about themselves. So let me go hit myself in the nuts and look at how my best friend is now doing awesome and I'm a piece of shit.

And then it confirms for them, right? Oh, I'm a piece of shit. See, here's data right here. Let me go look at that other guy who's also successful. Oh, see, they're doing better. you never compare yourself to the the streamers that stopped streaming six months ago do you? No. Why not?

Because they're not streaming. You want to just compare with whoever's around, whoever you can see, whoever you hear about. Yeah, but you're not, it's not a fair sample size because when you started streaming, let's say, 10 months ago, some people washed out. Yeah. And so you're always comparing yourself to people above you, and it gives you a really, really bad sense of where you truly we are. That's true. You got to watch out for all these biases, man. There are a lot. I'm biased. So really simply what I would say you should do is really pay attention to the way that you feel when you're looking at data, especially at the end of streams. Okay. Because I think

your jealousy drives your data collection. Definitely. And that is not good collection. Skewed. Skewing it. Okay. Right. And then if you skewed, data collection driven by jealousy, what is it going to do to the feelings of jealousy? Amplify them. And then what's going to happen to the kind of data you collect? It's going to be bad. And eventually, they'll spiral. Small karma, big fruit, 10 more karmas, more jealousy, more data skewing, more jealousy, data skewing.

Got it. And now we get to watch any of our. streams with popular streamers, and you'll see that all of them have fucking imposter syndrome. Yeah. It's like, why is that? It's because these mechanisms are happening in your mind. Any other undesirable traits you want to talk about?

Um, I mean, that's probably the biggest one is just like the jealousy thing. So concretely for jealousy, the two things I'd say to you. One is be careful about the way that you reinforce it, right? So we just talked about that. Second is I would do whatever that mind-body prescription book told you to do, I would consider doing that again, but focusing on jealousy. If you want to come back on stream, we can dig into that together. Okay. Or you can kind of do it on your own.

But I think that that jealousy is a sumskar. I don't know how many of our streams that you watch. But we've talked about, you can check out our YouTube channel on the Vedic psychology or like the Vedic model of the mind. But I think you have... Do you have like a specific video on... I've heard you say Sumskar a lot. It's like tissues from like childhood. Yep. So let me see if I can find it. Let's see if our mods are around.

I can do some digging afterwards. Okay. Around. Actually, actually, what you should do is go to our wiki because I think there's a link and information on our wiki. Okay. Okay. Yeah, here's the link. I'm going to post in a Twitch chat, okay?

Okay. And then just look at Sumskart. And then, yeah, let's see if we can. Yep. Yeah, there's a link in there. So the wikis had to do it. All right. Sweet.

I'll check that out. Yeah. So any other questions? How much time do you have? About 10, 15 minutes. What's up? I think the last thing, something I forgot to mention is like going deeper with meditation or like meditating on those undesirable. traits like obviously outside of meditation is one thing but am i able to like tackle the jealousy like

inside of meditation like absolutely okay yeah so you want to tackle jealousy yeah what kind of meditation do you do for a while i was doing zen and then i saw you do third eye and that that was like a really good session for me and so i've started doing that sense so that's all i've done third eye meditation is very well suited for you right so i would encourage you to do it again i can teach you another third I practice today if you want. Sure. So I'm going to combine two things. Okay.

The first is, so I would feel the, the, you can dissolve, you can both use meditation to dissolve and to understand the jumps. Third eye is not going to be about dissolving. Third eye is going to be about understanding. Okay.

So what I would do is put yourself into a particular meditative state that is cultivated by a third eye practice. And then generally direct your intent. I don't know if that makes sense to you or not. But you know when you get into a meditative state, you're kind of there but not there. Sure. Okay.

And then just let the jealousy come. And from that state, experience the jealousy. I know it's kind of hard to describe, but it's like this is hard to, you just have to do it. And then you'll kind of get a sense of it. So if you've been doing, you've been doing this charging the laser beam practice. Yeah. Okay. Can you breathe in and out through your nose?

nose? Yes. Can you tell which of your nostrils is more open than the other? I think my left nostril. Okay, go ahead and check with a finger. Were you right? Yeah. Okay. So I want you to sit up straight.

Okay. So when you do the charging the laser beam practice, what do you feel? Like once I'm there where I'm kind of feeling the sensation in my forehead. Yeah. What does the sensation feel like? It's like a tingling. pretty much just like a tingling in my forehead. It feels like very exaggerated feeling, like almost a bump or something. Like there's just, yeah, a lot of...

Okay. So that's good. So you're awakening your third eye, which is great. It's buttoned out there. So now what I'm going to teach you to do is just clean out that area so that it'll facilitate the growing. Okay. Okay.

So it's not going to directly help. but it'll help you a little bit. And then as your third eye, as you grow in your third eye practice, you'll understand your jealousy. It'll sort it out. Don't worry about it. So I want you to close your eyes. It's actually a pretty simple practice.

And I want you to feel that cool air in your open nostril. Can you feel the coldness of the air? Yeah. And where do you feel it? It's like right at the base of the nostrils. Okay, so eyes closed. And now I want you to focus sort of on the middle of your nose, sort of the bridge of your nose,

and try to feel the coldness there. Can you feel it? Mm-hmm. And now I want you to follow that coldness all the way up to your third eye, the center of your forehead. Can you feel the coolness there? Yeah. So what I want you to do is just sort of imagine that you're leaning,

out that area with that breath. So that cool air travels up and then out, and we'll do this for about 30 to 60 seconds. Just follow each breath as it travels up into the middle of your forehead. If you get distracted, just return to that sensation of coolness in your forehead, that fresh air kind of traveling in, cleaning it out. And now we're going to go to our charging the laser beam practice.

So take your right hand, your middle finger, and hover it above the point and just focus on the sensation. You want to be about a quarter inch to half an inch away from your skin. You can move closer and just focus on the sensation of your forehead. We'll do this for about a minute. or two, go ahead and let your hand rest and continue focusing on the sensation. You feeling it? Yeah. Now we're going to go to the third phase of the practice. So what I want you to do is take your eyes and with your lids closed, look towards that point on your forehead where you feel the sensation. So you're almost going to be looking up and cross-eyed. Drive your attention

towards your third eye. You may feel a strain or a dizziness. Do you need to relax your eyes? And then return again. Don't hold it too long. Drive your attention towards that point with your vision. You can hold the gaze for about five to ten seconds at a time and then relax. Now let yourself relax.

Good. Basque in the person that you are. And now notice how four, jealousy may feel. And if it arises for you, let it arise. When you're ready, go ahead and open your eyes. Hello. Hey man. How are you feeling? I feel very good. What was it like when you were looking cross-eyed at the third eye? I'd never done that part. It felt, it didn't really feel dizzying. It just felt like I was focusing extra hard.

Mm-hmm. And I found that that tranquil spot, just like pure joy, I guess. Great. Great. Fantastic. Pure joy and connected is ultimately, you know, you can't be doing it wrong if that's how you feel. But, yeah, so focusing extra hard is the point. So another thing that you guys should understand is you all should not do that third part unless you've been doing the other parts first.

So in your case, it doesn't surprise me, Ryan, that you've been doing third eye meditation. And now you can push harder towards it. So should I be doing that, that I thing? Like you do it in phases, like first get like the sensation and then start looking up there. Yep. You can do it in that sequence. So you can do the should be practice first, which is breathing into it and then out. And then using the charging of the laser beam.

and then you can I mean the charging laser beam you actually may not even need to do that anymore at all Yeah And then you can direct your attention with your gaze But that too you want to be careful You don't want to strain your eyes or anything like that

It's just I don't know how to describe it But for me it feels like You know I'm turning the hose on high And then I turn it down to low Does that make sense? Not entirely Okay I mean it's

Yeah don't worry about it then Okay. It's just different explanations for. Someone in chat came up with charging the laser beam, which I think is actually a pretty good description of what it feels like. That's how it feels. Yeah. And so different words for these strange sensations that we don't know how to describe.

But overall, thanks for coming on, man. Thank you for having me. Yeah, of course. I've been following since I saw Rickville's video first, and your videos have done a lot for me. and I'm sure you're helping a lot of people. So thank you very much for having me on. And you definitely help me.

Cool. Good luck to you, man. Thank you. And, you know, I'm hopeful about this next phase. I think you can handle it, but I don't think it's going to be easy. It's going to be hard in a subtle way. Yeah. That makes sense.

Definitely. Yeah. So good luck to you, dude. Thank you. And congrats on the world record. That blows my mind. Thank you very much. Take care, man.

Have a good one. Bye-bye. Okay. So this is a little bit different.