HealthyGamerGG - What is a Quarter Life Crisis?

Episode Date: June 29, 2024

In today's episode, Dr K explains the concept of a 'Quarter Life Crisis', why it's happening more, what could be the cause, and why it might actually be a good thing! Check out more mental health resources here! https://bit.ly/3xsk6fE Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Is this what my life is? Do I wake up every day, commute an hour to work, work nine to five, commute an hour back, have 45 minutes of recreation time, and then go to sleep because I need to get eight hours of sleep and night. Is this what life is? This is not what I was promised. This is not what I thought. I thought I was going to be free and having fun. So I went through a quarter of life crisis a little bit before it was cool. About 20 years ago, I was stuck, I was failing out of college. We'll get into some details. I went to India. I found myself today I'm very happy. And what I see in the world around me is that so many young people have no idea what to do with their lives. They're living in a world where they were taught these expectations

of if you do A, B, and C, you will be happy, you will be successful. But it seems like this is a huge scam. And so they end up having this crisis, this existential crisis in their early 20s or mid-20s. They don't know who they are. They don't know what they should do. They don't know how to take risks. They don't know how to make choices. And at first, I thought that this was like a minority of people, right? I thought I was the exception because 20 years ago, not everyone was doing it. But if you look at research today, quarter life crises are one of the most common experiences of young people. One study by LinkedIn actually found that 75% of people go through a quarter life crisis. And this is what I see. There is a generation of people who don't know what to do

with their lives, who don't know who they are because y'all were given a script, right? You were told, do this, go to college, get a job, find love, buy a house, get a mortgage, do all these things, and then you will be happy. And y'all did what you were supposed to do. You did everything that the older generation told you to do. But now you find yourself in your mid-20s, maybe a little bit older, maybe a little bit younger, and 75% of y'all, and you have no idea what to do. You don't know who you are.

You don't know what you want. You are watching all these fucking videos on the internet from gurus who are telling you, do this, do this, do this, do this. You chase those things. And for some of y'all, it works. And for some of you, it doesn't. And that's the real tragedy of a quarter life crisis, which is that a quarter life crisis is not a bad thing. If you look at the Chinese character or the Japanese kanji for crisis, it is two pictograms put together. It is danger and opportunity.

That's really what a crisis is. And what we know from the research on quarter life crises is that they are something that is a very powerful developmental tool. The problem is that navigating the quarter life crisis is not something that we know how to do. Sometimes people will ask me this question. If you could go back in time and give advice to your younger self, what would you tell yourself? And I tell them, I would not tell myself a damn thing. Because everything that I went through made me the person that I am today. So in my case, I had no idea what I was doing.

I failed out of college, went to India, found myself, now I'm happily married. I have a job that I love. I work really hard. My external environment and my internal environment are in sync, and I'm pretty happy today, thankfully. And that's what we see with a quarter life crisis, is that some people successfully navigate it and are so much stronger at the end. All of us are looking for solutions, but the problem is that the solutions seem to work for some people, but don't work for other people. A great example of this is put yourself out there. Right.

So when you talk to people who have successfully found relationships or found their career and you ask them, what do I need to do? They say you just have to put yourself out there. And then you may try to put yourself out there, but for some reason it doesn't work for you. And then you're left scratching your head. I don't know. Is this like, are they different? Am I different?

Why does it not work for me? Am I doing it wrong? We're struggling with all of these questions. But this is what's really cool. In the last five years, there's been an experience. explosion of research on the quarter life crisis because so many people are experiencing it. And what we figured out is that there are actually four to five stages to this process. And it is textbook.

I will tell you all a little bit about my life. And as we go through the stages, if you all have been watching this channel for a while, you'll have heard me talk about each of these steps. And the problem that we run into is not that the advice doesn't work, but that we sometimes apply it out of order. that putting yourself out there only works if you do a set of things first. That's what makes it successful. Hey, all, if you're interested in applying some of the principles that we share to actually create

change in your life, check out Dr. Kay's Guide to Mental Health. It combines over two decades of my experience of both being a monk and a psychiatrist and distills all of the most important things I've learned into a choose-your-own-adventure format. So check out the link in the bio and start your journey today. Let's start with the goal. So a life structure is a developmentally achieved integration of internal structures such as values, goals, and beliefs, allied to external structures such as roles, commitments, relationships, and activities. So what are we looking for? What's the basic problem? The basic problem is that this thing in here and that thing out there don't fit. And there's a really good reason for this. So if you look at the research on quarter to life crises, what you find is. is that early on we're teenagers, right?

And when we're teenagers, we don't have freedom. Oh, my God, my parents are telling me to stop playing video games. They're telling me, I don't want to stay. I don't want to do it. I want to be an adult. And when I'm an adult, I get to do whatever I want. And then what happens is you become an adult. And then you discover that despite you having all of the freedom, you have no freedom at all.

You thought that the moment that you became an adult, everything becomes easy. But what I see more and more and more is constantly these posts of, Is this what my life is? Do I wake up every day, commute an hour to work, work nine to five, commute an hour back, work out because I'm supposed to work out, have 45 minutes of recreation time and then go to sleep because I need to get eight hours of sleep and night. Is this what life is? This is not what I was promised. This is not what I thought. I thought I was going to be free and having fun. And so this is where the quarter life crisis starts. We have this conception that as we grow older, we will be free. But as we grow older, we will be free. we discover our freedom is restricted by the world around us, that we actually need some way to fit into the world. So as teenagers, all we want is freedom. And then once we get our freedom, what ends up happening is we realize we need to fit into the world around us.

And that leads to stage number one, which is locked in. So oftentimes when we're trying to figure out what we want to do in life, we don't know what we want. We don't know who we are, right? Because we haven't lived life yet. So we look to other people. So for example, when I was nine years old, my dad told me and my brother, one of y'all is going to be a doctor and one of y'all is going to be a lawyer. My brother was older.

He went to law school, so I felt like I had to become a doctor. I was genetically premed. And so phase one of the quarter life crisis is called locked in. And it's a sense of being trapped. So early on in life, you make decisions based on extrinsic motivation. Right. You're told to study this. People say, oh, this is going to be a good job.

You should do this thing. You should do this. Should, should, should, should, should. And you're like, yes, sir, I will do it. Yes, sir. Yes, sir. Yes, ma'am. Yes, ma'am.

I will do it. I will do it. I will do it. You follow all of these external scripts. And then you find yourself in a place that you don't like. And you feel trapped. So phase one is defined by a central commitment or set of commitments within a life structure that is no longer desired, but which is not yet perceived as a

realistic target of change. This leads to a felt sense of powerlessness and being trapped. So what ends up happening is we're following these extrinsic motivations and we find ourselves, we wake up one day in a life that we no longer like. So there are many things that can trigger this feeling. Sometimes it's a relationship. We started dating in high school and we've been together for seven years, but I don't know if I want to be with this person. I'm kind of operating based on momentum or inertia. I'm operating, I'm living my life based on autopilot. Or it's something like a career where like now I have this job. I majored in this thing. I studied this crap for four years. I got this job. Now this is the only thing that I know how to do and I don't enjoy it anymore. But it feels

like it is impossible to realistically change. So I see this a lot in residency. So I work with medical residents. These are people who are pre-med in college. So they spent four years planning to become a doctor. Then they do four years of medical school where you learn about being a doctor. And then they're halfway through residency. They're on year three of their surgical residency. Now they devoted 11 years of their life to this career path. And they wake up one day and they realize, I don't like being a doctor. Right. So the first four years of pre-med, you're like studying literature and organic chemistry. That's not being a doctor. Med school isn't really being a doctor. It's learning about medicine. Then you start actually practicing medicine. And then for the first year,

you're like, oh my God, it's so hard and I'm so burnt out and it's so stressful. It'll get better. And the second year old is around, it'll get better. I'll get used to it. And people tell themselves these kinds of things and they wake up in year three, 11 years of investment at this point. And they're like, I don't like this, but it's too late. I feel incredibly trapped. This is what triggers the quarter life crisis. And when this crisis gets triggered, it also affects the way that we see ourselves. So in terms of identity, a person in phase one experiences a sense of outward identity that has been formed to adapt to the role they are in, which conceals a more authentic sense of self. Now, this is no longer what I want, but it is something that I have to do. This is where

the quarter life crisis begins. So during this first phase of the quarter life crisis called locked in, we see that it also affects someone's identity. A person in phase one experiences a sense of outward identity that has been formed to adapt to the roles they are in, which conceals a more authentic sense of self. And this is why a quarter life crisis is so important. We view it as a problem, but it is critical to our development, because without this sensation, we would stay trapped in our life. If we actually look at the research behind crises, what we find is that a crisis can help overcome the change inertia that has been found to characterize adult life structure. So this kind of goes back to this, you know, this kanji of crisis, which is danger and opportunity.

Without this internal sense of unhappiness, we would be stuck in this life of autopilot. And it is this sense of unhappiness which actually prompts us to change. The challenge is that unless we know how to do it right, we'll get stuck. There's another feature of phase one, which is really, really interesting and may resonate with y'all, which is that phase one frequently involves compulsive activities such as drug or alcohol use, particularly in males, which may add to the sense of being out of control. And so this paper was written in 2013. So back then, social media, technology, video games weren't as prevalent as they are now.

But this is the other thing that happens in phase one. is that we feel internally trapped. We don't enjoy our life. So what do we do? We go to these compulsive activities, drugs, alcohol, video games, pornography that help us cope with this life that is unfixable. This is literally in the scientific research.

And then we move on to phase two, which is separation. So in phase two, we either physically or mentally check out of our situation. So internally, I don't want to do this anymore. externally, I'm trapped in this life. I can't change it, right? I can't really go back. I've wasted 11 years in this medical career. I've wasted seven years in this relationship. I can't change it. So what do we do? We mentally or physically check out. This is actually a developmental step. Now, this is what's crazy. So checking out is actually the process of the quarter life crisis. It is something that is not a problem to be fixed. It is a phase to be gone through. The separation. phase is the most affectively intensive period. That means emotionally intensive period of a crisis. Emotions experience may include guilt, sadness, anxiety, excitement, relief and shame, while self-evaluations

may oscillate between upbeat self-confidence and self-discussed. So I see this so much where everyone's like, I'm so checked out a life, I'm so burnt out, how do I find motivation? How do I make this checked outness go away? How do I find this intrinsic motivation? Which, by the way, I, a quarter life crisis, going through a quarter life crisis is literally how we move from extrinsic motivation to intrinsic motivation. And so what we are filled with is all kinds of piles of emotions. I'm worried about my future. But I feel guilty for like, I don't, like I'm not putting forth the effort that I need to. I feel ashamed of myself. And you all may be confused by this oscillation between confidence and shame or feeling upbeat and feeling depressed. But this is something

that I've seen so much in my clinical practice, right? And I'll explain it to you. you're in phase two, you're mentally checked out, but you look back at your life. And it seems good on paper, right? So you look at this and you're like, oh, I've been in this relationship for five years. Like, it's a good relationship for a lot of reasons. My partner is not abusive, but I don't enjoy it anymore. So there are times where you can look back. You're in your third year of residency, and you've accomplished so much. You go to a place like Harvard Medical School and you have so much to be proud of. Sometimes in this separation phase, we can look back and feel really good about some of the

things that we did. But something is missing. And when that thing is missing, we also beat ourselves up a lot. Because I worked really hard, but I'm unhappy. I feel stuck. So this is the most, as the paper points out, affectively intense period of the quarter life crisis. This is where a lot of people get stuck because there is a very specific way to navigate

this, which a lot of people don't really understand and they actually make a mistake. So phase two is when a lot of people end up getting stuck. This is where they stall because they don't know how to move out of this phase. They view this as a problem, not part of the process. This affects our sense of identity, okay? So having lost the identity that defined them during phase one, right? So you grew up and you were like, I'm going to be this thing when I grow up. You have this sense of identity. You're going to be this person. You fall in love with your high school sweetheart, y'all are going to grow up and get married and get a house and have kids, and everything was planned out.

You constructed this false identity of yourself based on expectations of the external world. But this is no longer working. And so, but not having yet gained a new identity to replace it, right, this is no longer who you are. So this doesn't feel like you. You have a temporary identity vacuum. I've invested all my life in this identity, but I don't like that. So then we're left with this identity vacuum. Now we move on to phase 2B, which is time out.

And this is a big mistake that a lot of people make is they think that once I separate, right, once I'm mentally checked out, this is a problem. And I need to retreat back into life. So here's life that I don't like. This is the extrinsically motivated life that I've constructed. I feel mentally checked out. And so what everyone does is they try to move back into this life. Okay?

They go see a therapist. They try to learn how to be accept. And they learn how to do resignation and they go to therapy and they do this. They try to make this old life work. You go to couples counseling to try to make the relationship work even though it's dead on the inside and you don't want to do it. But you try to make it work. This is what's crazy. This is a mistake.

Don't move back towards your old life. So phase 2B is something called time out. So after separation, the best thing to do in a quarter life, crisis is to intentionally move away from your old life. Separation is not something that you choose. It's something that happens to you. You mentally check out. You kind of burn out. Timeout is when you say, hey, I'm done with that. I don't want to do that. This is not working for me. I need some kind of break. You intentionally move away from your old life, which is the exact opposite of what a lot of us feel like doing. We feel like clinging to the old life, which is a mistake. So during this phase,

intentionally takes time to reflect on their transitional situation, to resolve painful emotions, and develop a new foundation for their adult identity. I think this is the biggest mistake that most people make. During the timeout period, a person often travels or moves to a different physical location in order to gain some distance and perspective on their troubles into A. Motivationally, this period is described by avoidance, the desire to not bind into new commitments or pursue future aspirations. So the first thing is like research, and this study was examining themes from 50 people who went through a quarter life crisis. And what this study

basically found is once you feel mentally checked out, you have to embrace that. And people will literally gain physical distance. Hell, I flew halfway across the world, right, to a different location that allowed me to take a step out of my life. So what my life used to be was great. grades, grades, grades. Got to get to medical school. I'm competing with all these premeds. These fucking tryhards are like gunners, and they want to be the best. They all want to go to Harvard.

I want to go to Harvard. It's like, oh, I want to be the best. I want to be the best. I was surrounded by this very incestuous culture. And I literally went halfway across the world, which is a theme that has been supported in research. People will get physical distance. They will move out.

They will take a break from their relationship. And you have to embrace that. Now, here's the other really interesting thing about Phase 2B that a lot of people miss out on. See, when I'm leaving my old life, it's very anxiety provoking. There's a lot of uncertainty. And so what a lot of people want to do is they want to leave this old life, but they want the security of a new life. So I see this all the time on our subreddit. People ask me questions, how do I know if this is the right choice?

How do I know what should I study? How do I know if I should break up with this person, if I should stay with this person? How do I know that going on this trip will, how do I guarantee that I will find a new partner if I break up with this person? How do I know that I'll be happy in this new career? So people who successfully navigate phase 2B actually have avoidance of the future as well. Now, this is something that we think is a problem, right? Everyone thinks like, okay, now that I'm abandoning this old life, I need to make sure that my new life is kind of set. You know, in order to find your way, you have to leave home. You don't know exactly

where you're going to end up when you leave. And it's that uncertainty that you have to be able to sit with. Instead, what we find is that a lot of people are looking for a guaranteed future. They're not willing to tolerate the uncertainty of, I don't know what's going to happen. Everyone is looking for a surefire thing, which makes perfect sense, right? Because you made this mistake the first time. When I work with a resident who has invested 11 years of their life into becoming a surgeon, they are terrified of wasting more time. I don't have the time to afford, so I need to figure it all out before I get started. This keeps them stuck in phase 2A. Phase 2B is characterized by a timeout and an intentional avoidance of the past and avoidance of the future.

You can't start planning yet. This is a huge mistake that people make. You're not ready to make a plan. Now, let's talk about phase three. Okay? So phase three is exploration. So in this phase, new commitments and goals are proactively tried out and explored. But you can't do this until you decide that like, okay, it's not about finding your future,

if this makes sense. It's about figuring things out, right? It's not about finding the right answer. A person now purposefully looks for ways of developing a life structure that is more aligned with their own values, aspirations, and inner identity more so than the pre-crisis. Okay? Participants describe becoming increasingly comfortable with exploring their identity in an open-ended way, allowing it to evolve and change rather than fix onto a particularly externally defined role.

The self becomes a question rather than an answer, a process rather than a product. So people will ask me, Dr. Kay, how do I find myself? How do I figure out what is right for me? Right? So what they're always focused on is the finding of yourself. And this is the reframe that people who successfully navigate phase three do. They reframe from finding themselves to exploring themselves. They reframe from figuring out what is right for them or discovering who they are into crafting who they are.

It is a process of discovery and reinvention, not finding the right answers. And if y'all are members of this community, and hopefully y'all can like comment and stuff like that too, if you know what I'm talking about, pay attention to people's language who are struggling. Because what everyone is looking for, they assume that the right answer is out there. The perfect career exists for me. I just need to find it. And the problem is I don't have the time to experiment, right? So that's what everyone assumes there's a right answer. I just don't have the luxury to experiment.

that's not actually what goes on. Phase three in a quarter life crisis is not about finding what is right for you. That is an old way of thinking, right? That's what people told you at the beginning. They told you this is the right career. Alok, you will be a very good doctor one day. That is what you should do. Everyone told you there was a right answer.

There is no right answer. The right answer has to be crafted. You have to change. You have to reinvent yourself. And this is also where we get to putting yourself out there. Unless you have separated from your first. past life, unless you have taken an intentional time out, you've said, I'm done with that. Then putting yourself out there doesn't do you any good. This is what I see so much with my patients.

They're like, okay, people say I should date, so I should just put myself out there. But in their heart of hearts, they're still attached to their ex. They have so much emotional baggage. We all know if you have emotional baggage, screws your next relationship. You can't really put yourself out there until you leave home. And this is what happens with people is mentally, they stay in their old life. They stay attached to their old identity. They stay hung up full of resentment or love for their ex. And then when they put themselves out there,

they're not cognitively in the right frame of mind. So then people tell you, oh yeah, just put yourself out there. It worked for me. But that's because that person was ready for phase three, which involves that intentional separation from your old life. And then we move on to the last phase, which is rebuilding. So the rebuilding phase involves a really, renewed engagement with long-term commitments and clear plans.

Motivationally, this period is defined by a stronger sense of intrinsic motivation than pre-crisis. Work-in-life, a home-life are described as more inherently satisfying and enjoyable, okay? Work-in-home life are described as more inherently satisfying and enjoyable and more reflective of personal interests and passions compared with pre-crisis. Identity in Phase 4 when compared with pre-crisis descriptions is distinct. by being more coherent, inner values, preferences, feelings, and goals are now expressed in outward behavior leading to a stronger sense of authenticity. What got us in this problem in the first place is that we crafted a life without understanding who we are, without sort of reinventing ourselves, exploring ourselves. So there is a fundamental mismatch between the life around you and

who you are. In order to get through the quarter life crisis, you have to, First of all, recognize that this sucks for you. Secondly, you mentally check out. Third, you intentionally check out. Then you start exploring yourself. It's not about finding the right answer. It's about discovering who you are. And unless you've intentionally left your life,

which sometimes means going to a different physical location, finding a different group of friends, you can't do that exploration. Once you have that exploration done, not 100% done, but then you have a sense of intrinsically who you are. This is when we get to phase four. So once you know who you are, you start crafting your external life in alignment with who you are.

This is who you are. This is who I've discovered who I am. And now I'm crafting my external life to be aligned with who I am internally. And this is the story of my life. I was failed out of school, right, had all these high expectations. And literally like all this stuff about autonomy and stuff, that's me textbook as well. So my parents were very restrictive. They were like strict Indian parents.

So when I went to college, I was like, I'm going to parties, I'm going to join a fraternity, I'm going to play video games all night. I had so much freedom. And then the world smacked me in the face and is like, hey, you can't be doing this. Otherwise, we're going to kick you out of college. And then I created, and then I mentally checked out. I was burnt out. I had maladaptive coping behaviors like video games, very common for men in phase one.

Shocking. I mentally checked out. I gave up on life. Then there was physical separation. I went to India. Then I started literally exploring who I am. I discovered a technique for self-exploration. I let go of all of my past answers.

I didn't care about the future. I said, fuck the future. I'm going to be a monk. I'm not going to have a job. I'm not going to get married. I'm not going to do anything ever for sit on my ass and meditate. This is textbook. Then I discovered who I am.

Once I discovered who I am, then I discovered I actually don't want to be a monk. I'm in love with this woman. And that's how I feel. This is not something to be conquered spiritually. it is part of who I am. So I went back. I got married. Paradoxically went to med school.

But this time, instead of trying to force myself to study, I didn't even care about the grades. Like, this is terrible. I did not show up at my med school award ceremony where I got two awards because I never looked at my grades. I gave so little shits about the external world that I didn't even show up. It's so embarrassing. One of my professors was like, I nominated you for an award.

Where the fuck were you? And I was like, my bad, I'm a degenerate gamer who doesn't show up and leave the house. I finished med school and I was like, I'm going to play video games. That's literally what I did. And then I went to residency. I decided I actually love psychiatry. I don't care that psychiatrists aren't real doctors. That's what my grandmother told me.

She's like, don't do this. It's not a real doctor. And I was like, no, I'm going to do this. So I started crafting my life. And then when I finished residency, I had two amazing job offers from two amazing mentors. And I turned them all down and started this. I started crafting my external life to fit who I am on the inside. This is the resolution of a quarter life crisis.

Crisis helps us overcome the change inertia that has been found to characterize adult life structure. Without this crisis, you would never have the energy or momentum to leave the autopilot of your relatively comfortable but quite unsatisfying life. And 75% of young people are going through this. We've accelerated this process. It used to take human beings about 40 years to figure this out. But the world is becoming increasingly difficult to live in. People are becoming increasingly happy and it's happening earlier. And as someone who has been through the end of this, I love the fact that I had a

quarter life crisis. Med school was incredibly easy for me. Everyone else was so caught up about failing and being at the top of my class, I had already failed. I was like, I know who I am at this point. I'm going to work really hard and whatever happens happens. If I'm at the top of my class, great. If I'm at the bottom of my class, also totally fine.

The only thing I care about is not failing out. That internal sense of confidence that people sort of, why do you all watch that? Why do people watch me? Right. And I kind of say I'm not special and I still insist that. I want you all to understand now more than ever that I am not superhuman. The only difference between potentially me and you, but even though I don't know that there's a difference, or maybe a little bit younger than I am, that's the biggest difference,

is I went through this process. And it is absolutely a process. It is not magic. It is not brilliance. It is like literally a scientifically explored hypothesis that has been developed in 2013 and has been expanded on over the last decade. And you can go through it too. The quarter life crisis is your inner self telling you to wake the fuck up.

And then you look around and you see your life and you're like, I can't change this. And then you mentally check out and you're like, this is a problem. I feel burnt out. How do I reengage in life? So I had a patient once who came in and he kept on having these relapses of depression. And so three or four years into our treatment, he was like, you know, like, I need your help again. And I was like, no.

And he was like, surprised. And he's like, I'm done doing this. I'm tired of patching you back up and sending you back into battle where you're just going to get eaten alive. This is not working anymore. something fundamental needs to change. It's not about coping. It's not about therapy. It's not about adjusting.

It's not about accepting. If your life is not what you want, you need to change it. That is what the quarter life crisis is all about. The reason it's hard to change is because it's fucking scary to abandon it. You have to embrace uncertainty. You have to jump off of the coast and start swimming into the ocean without seeing land on the other side. Don't do that practically. That sounds hell of dangerous.

And it's so hard because when you say enough with that life, this voice inside, you will panic. And it'll say, what if there's nothing on the other side? Damn right. Because your strength, your resilience is born of making that jump and not knowing what's on the other side. And then when you get to the other side, nothing will be able to stop you. The very thing that you are looking for is what is holding you back. You want assurances that the. other side is there. And so you're waiting and waiting and looking and looking and looking and

listening to podcasts and watching videos and reading books and seeing therapists just so you're looking for a guarantee. But as long as you're looking for a guarantee, you will never believe in yourself. The quarter life crisis is the problem of this generation. There are papers that talk about it in Indonesia, papers that talk about it in the United States, up to 75% of people are experiencing it. We see it on the internet. Is this what my life is? I'm so burnt out. I'm so checked out. This sucks. I don't know what to do. Dating is a mess. I'm alone. I'm on autopilot. I'm burnt out. I want to stop. I don't know how to continue. I want to find myself. I don't know what the right answer. How do I find the right answer? This is the problem of our generation. And it's not just

about the abstract. It's about you as an individual. This is the problem of your life. And I can tell you as someone who's jumped into the ocean and ended up on the other side, holy shit, it's amazing. y'all should come and join me. So thank you for coming to my TED Talk and good luck. And lastly, we're here to help. So if you need more from me, you let me know. Let us know what's next. What is the challenge that you face?

And we will build videos to help you. That's all I have to say. Good luck.