HealthyGamerGG - What you Don’t Understand about Job Interviews

Episode Date: April 5, 2022

Today Doctor K talks about interview tips, how to prepare for one, what you have to offer, and how this can apply to even more than just job interviews. Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/healthygamergg/donationsAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

A lot of times I'll work with patients who will say, like, I'm socially anxious. I have to give a presentation. Oh, my God. I'm socially anxious. Or like, what if I screw up? Or I have this big interview. What if I screw up? Am I going to get the job?

Am I not going to get the job? Are they going to like it? Are they going to like it? Am I screwing up? Am I not screwing up? It's all about me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me. Then you start to think, oh, I hate giving speeches. I'm bad at giving speeches.

And once you say, I'm bad at giving speeches, what have you determined? Once, like, simple idea that if you can sort of center in yourself, before you give a speech, I think it's going to make your speeches 10 times better. Interviews too. Yeah, so average X2 says, I have an interview in one hour, big if I get it. Any tips? Absolutely. So here's a tip.

So while I was talking, so I gave a speech recently, right? So here's the thing. Someone from our community asked me afterward, they're like, you know, did you like get any formal training in like giving a speech? Like, did you, like, how did you learn how to give a speech? speeches. The really good question. The interesting thing is I have very little if no formal training. So I had about a two-hour workshop in preparation for a talk that I gave when I graduated from residency. So that was pretty cool. But here's my advice for both interviews. Like if you want to learn how to

give a good speech, it's very, very simple. So a lot of times I'll work with patients who will say, like, I'm socially anxious. I have to give a presentation. Oh my God. I'm socially anxious. Or like, what if I screw up? Or I have this big interview. What if I screw up? So you go into the speech, you try to prepare for it, you practice for it, you memorize everything you're going to say, you talk in front of a mirror, all that kind of stuff. So let's think for a second, what's going on in your head when you give a speech? What are you worried about? Like what is you're occupied by your mind? Okay, I have to remember all these things. I wrote 300 lines. I have to remember what comes next and what comes next, what comes next? What if I look like an idiot? Are they liking it? Are they disliking it?

what if people like, what if I stutter? What if I do this? What if I do this? So where is your mind occupied? It's not occupied on the speech. It's occupied with the way that you are being judged. You're worried about judgment, right? And that is going to lead to a suboptimal delivery of a speech. So there's one really simple tip. One, like simple idea that if you can sort of center in yourself before you give a speech, I think it's going to make your speeches 10 times better. Interviews too. And that is to remember that. if you're giving a speech, right, even if it's for a class, so you're giving a presentation. You can't just randomly give a speech. The only time you can give a speech or a presentation is if

someone asks you to do it. Someone asks you to invite you to do it. Like so at the end of class, like, even your professor, I know it sounds kind of weird, but is giving you the opportunity to like give a speech. They're giving you an opportunity to give a presentation. Even for an interview, someone is inviting you there to talk to you. So they are there to listen to you. Everyone in the room is not there to judge you. That's not actually what they're there for. The reason you are being called to give a presentation or give a speech is because they want to hear what you have to say. It may be part of a class, but still, you are being invited. So here's the main thing you need to remember. This is an opportunity for you to share and enrich the lives of everyone who's like listening to you.

So if you're giving a presentation, I sort of learned this in medical school where I realized even as a medical student, so I'm giving a presentation in front of people who have 30 years more experience than I do. And at the same time, like, I'm studying this stuff, I can share some piece of information that a room full of doctors can listen to that may actually help them save a life one day. Even though I'm a student, right? Like, there's some tidbit that this person may not know. These people are not omniscient. And in the same way, any time you give a presentation, you are there to enrich and explain and share information about something that you know about that other people don't know about. You can enrich the lives of other people.

even your professors. So anytime you give a speech, remember that you're there for them. They're not there for you, right? Like you're the one who's giving something. It's not about judgment. It's not about grades. It's not about any of that stuff. You are there to share a piece of what you understand with the rest of the world and enrich

their lives by it. That's the way you should give a speech. So this is 15 minutes where if I'm going to talk about, let's say, familial, fatal insomnia, or hypertensive urgency, or. or how to be positive in video games. What I'm thinking about when I go up there is, now I have 15 minutes with a room full of developers. And what I say in the next 15 minutes may equip them to build games

that have more positive communities. If they have games that have more positive communities, it'll help people who are feeling suicidal have a better day. It'll help people who are bullied in the rest of their life, have a safe place to go to. This is why I'm here. I'm here out of service. It's not about whether I'm good.

It's not about whether they like me. It's not about whether people clap at the end. It has nothing to do with me. I am here for 15 minutes to try to enrich the lives of other people and help them do their jobs. That's why I'm here. And that's what you should base your entire speech on. So then the question becomes, what can I teach these people in 15 minutes that will help them build positive communities within video games? And in terms of an interview, this is the way you should interview.

You have to understand that this company is looking for someone to do it. job for them. And ideally, they're looking for someone good because the job that they have to do is very legitimate, right? Like they want to do a good job. It could be very important. Hopefully it's important. So you were there not to get the job. That's not your goal in the interview. Is to land the job. Forget about whether it's good for you, if it's big for you. Forget about all that stuff. When you go into the interview, remember that you could be the savior that this company needs, not out of arrogance, but that you have something to offer and that this could be exactly what the company needs. So that's what you should try to do. You should go there and try to offer

whatever you have and let them decide. Don't try to convince them to hire you. Just genuinely offer whatever it is that you have to offer. Try to do it out of service, right? So say, hey, here's who I am. This is what I'm good at. This is what I can help you with. It's up to you to decide whether you want that help or not. It's up to you to decide whether I'm a good fit or not. It's not for me to convince you. This is just what I'm good at. This is what I'm bad at. This is my strengths. These are my weaknesses. Here's my experience. Here's what I'm looking for. I'm hoping that this will be a good fit. But if it's not a good fit, that's actually totally fine. Right? So what you have to do is let go of that idea of you being judged. Am I going to get the job?

Am I not going to get the job? Are they going to like it? Are they not going to like it? Am I screwing up? Am I not screwing up? It's all about me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, right? And if your mind is thinking about you when you're giving a speech, you're going to be empathically disconnected from your audience. If you're empathically disconnected from your audience, it's going to lower the quality of your speech. Oh, what do they think? What do they think? It's not about what they think. You're not there to convince them of something. You're there to offer or to try to help. And once you shift that from your ego and the way that people are perceiving you to genuinely trying to help, and if it's not helpful, it's not helpful. Like, even when I gave that speech, like, on Friday or Saturday,

I knew it could have been useless, or sorry, on Thursday, right? Like, maybe these people aren't, it's not going to benefit them. Like, I have no idea. I don't know what it's like to be a game developer. So I'm going to show up. I have no idea if it's good or bad. I didn't check with anyone ahead of time. Maybe I should have retrospect. But all it is is, like, I'm going to try to do the best that I can, given the task that I've been given, and try to help and enrich the lives of other people. That's what you should focus on. It's going to make. It's going to make it beautiful in terms of like the way that you conceptualize what you're going to say. Because okay, who is this person? What do they need to understand? What am I trying to teach them?

What can I accomplish in 15 minutes? All of these questions will then like sort of come to the surface and they'll organize your speech for you. Okay? And if you have an interview, just do the same thing. Recognize that like take a look at your resume, take a look at your CV, look in the mirror and recognize that you are the person who may be able to help this company immensely. It's not for them, it's not for you to decide whether it's the right job or the wrong job. It's for you to go to them and showcase who you are, right? You want to let them know what you're capable of. So you don't want to like upsell yourself or anything. Just be authentic. Be like, hey, here's who I am. This is what I'm good at. This is what I can do for you.

Now, you tell me whether that's something that you all want or don't want. Right? And so the more that you kind of orient yourself towards service, and this is something where you've got to be careful because a lot of companies will take advantage of that sort of thing, so that's like a little bit different. But we're talking about foreign interview. I genuinely do think. So even like as an employer, like I do the same thing when I interview someone. I'll sort of think a little bit about what can I do for this person? Right. It's not just about a job. It's about like someone's growth longitudinally. Like is this the right place for them to be? Can I do a lot to help this person? Is this the right place for them to be? Right. And the more that you think about the other person, the more you

step away from your ego. The more you step away from your ego, the less you engage your default mode network, for those of you that have seen Dr. Kay's guide in depression, the neuroscience lecture, right? And the more you step away from the default mode network, the less self-critical you're going to be, the more natural you're going to feel. The better your interview will go, the better your speech will go. Make sense? Hopefully that helps. That's how you interview. That's how you give a speech. Think about them, not about you. I know it's kind of wild, but the interview is not about you. Right? It's kind of weird. The speech is not about you. That's easier to understand. Okay. Sounds an awful lot like detachment. You are correct. So this is the thing about detachment.

Everyone's like, oh, be detached. Question is how. How? How do we become detached? If you want to understand how to become detached, look at your mind, right? What are you thinking about? Oh my God, what are they going to think? What are they going to think? Am I going to say too much? am I going to say um too much? If you start thinking in the middle of a speech, am I saying, ah, too much? Am I going to say, uh, um, too much? What do you think you're going to start doing?

Say, ah, and um, and then you panic. Oh my God, I'm saying, uh, and um, uh. And then you're like, oh, my God, I'm doing it again. Then you start stalling. Your flow gets disrupted. It gets worse. Then you get into a vicious cycle. Then you're traumatized.

Then you end up with, then you start to think, oh, I hate giving speeches. I'm bad at giving speeches. And once you say, I'm bad. at giving speeches, what have you determined? You've determined that your identity, you've become deterministic. Now, I am something, right? I'm so bad at it, never again. You see how deterministic that is? It's not, I screwed up. It's not my mind got away from me. I got distracted. I couldn't focus on the speech. I started thinking about the wrong things. That's not what you think. You say, I'm bad at giving speeches. And why is that? That's because your default mode network is activated.

your default mode network, your ability to self-reflect, a lot of your sense of identity comes out of that. And then you lose sight of the other person. Then you lose sight of empathy when you get caught up with yourself. When you lose sight of empathy and you don't understand the other person's perspective, your ability to tune into the audience gets shattered because all you're doing is tuning into yourself. And then your speech is going to come across poorly, right?

Because you're not connected with your audience. It's about the audience. It's about the interviewer. Got it? Make sense? Yeah. So XE11 is saying, wow, can we use this for social situations? Yes, but there's an important caveat for social situations, okay? So in social situations, you're not actually there to serve. Right? So that's important because if you're not careful, if you adopt fully the same idea as a job interview or giving a speech, you're going to be tuned into just them, which is going to make it a poor experience for you. So what I would devote yourself to in a social situation, situation is having a good time yourself and creating a good time for other people. But you don't want to make it too lopsided. We see this problem a lot where people are like, you'll emphasize everyone else in the social situation without looking for your own entertainment. Because in a social situation, it's more even, right? You're there to have a good time and other people are there to have a

good time. But I'd still do the same thing in terms of don't get caught up about, oh my God, am I having a good time. Oh my God, it's not fun here. Oh, my God. These people aren't having a good time. Oh, my God. You're just thinking all up here. Which that may be somewhat true. Like, you know, there's elements of that could be true, but you don't want to get caught up in that, right? So it's just like, try to enjoy yourself. Like, what could you do? If other people are playing a game, you may think to yourself, oh, I suck at that game. I don't want to look like an idiot. So then you don't play the game. You're standing in the corner on your phone, looking at other people with envy. And then you start thinking, oh, my God, I'm such a loser. They're all hanging out.

I'm just sitting here on the corner of my phone. They're going to think I'm a loser. And then the more they think you think you're a loser, what do you end up doing, scrolling? Right? And it just gets worse. So like if you feel like an idiot, you can say, hey, I've never played this game before it. Does it matter if I suck? And then what are they going to say?

They're not going to say, yeah, it matters if you suck. Screw you. Go to the corner and start browsing Reddit, noob. No one's ever going to say that, right? You're going to say, like, no big deal. Like, join us. Now they have low expectations for you. And then you just try to have a good time.

You're there to have a good time. Right? You're not there to win. You're there to have a good time. And then like, what are people going to think if you show up and you suck? Like, oh, look at that guy. Like, he's confident. And all the other three people in the corner who don't know how to play either.

They're like, oh, man, I wish I could be like that guy. That guy sucks in. He's playing. He's not in the corner on his phone. I wish I could be like him. Right? You don't get it? just tell people like, hey, I suck at this.

Can you all teach me? Cool, right? Because, like, who's going to, like, yeah, of course we can teach you. Absolutely. I would love to teach you. Okay, here's how this works. And then what's going to happen if they're decent human beings? One of them is going to be better at all the rest.

And that person is going to be on your team. And then you'll kind of break even because they're going to carry your shitty ass. But then you still get to kind of high five and you can say, hey, man, like, thank you so much for carrying my shitty ass. If I was a little bit better, then you'd go turn to your opponents. You could say, if I was a little bit better, I'd be trash talking, y'all, because we would have absolutely destroyed you. I suck at this, and this guy is, like, amazing, and we still ended up somewhat even. Right? And then, like, then I'd be trash talking, but it's clear that I can, even though we kind of broke even.

And then you all just laugh, right? Y'all get this? It's just, I don't know how else this. You just, you get it? So, if you guys are curious. how to do this, okay? If you're curious, like, because, like, what am I doing? Right?

Like, we're sort of commenting in a meta-sad, it's hard to internalize. That's why I'm talking about. We're going to, this is why we develop, I swear to God, this is the hardest thing that we're trying to do. So we developed group coaching to help you with this stuff. The thing is, it is so hard to help people. understand what group coaching is. So if we think a little bit about not getting too caught up in yourself, paying attention to what's going on in the room, reflecting or commenting about what's going on in the room, but not excessively, tuning into other people, having a shared experience

with other people that you benefit from, and other people benefit from. The reason we developed group coaching is because we realize that we need a sandbox for. people to learn this crap and actually implement it. So group coaching has two levels. It's not, so we're going to formally train you in these techniques about how to interact with another human being, how to be empathic. We've got a study running right now to see if group coaching boosts EQ, which is, we're pretty sure it does. The other thing about group coaching is we're going to use these skills, though. We're going to teach it to you and then you won't even realize how well you're learning them because then we're going to turn it to like more standard goals.

Like, I don't know what kind of job to get. I don't know. I'm struggling to find a relationship. I have trouble setting limits with my parents. Like, I'm confused about what to do with my life. Like, I'm stuck in a dead end job. You take all of these problems and then, like, you know, we're going to like try to help you with those problems, but we're going to use a skill set, which is transferable to

other parts of your life. and as you boost your EQ, you're going to be able to tune into other people. You're going to be able to tune into yourself. And once you tune into yourself, then you're going to understand resistance. Oh, I should do this, but why don't I do this? You don't know you're blind as to why you don't do something

because you don't know what's your internal state. Right? So how do you learn that stuff? You have to practice this stuff. You have to work with these skills. Other people are going to reflect. They're going to notice things about you in group. You're going to notice things.

about other people in group. The wildest thing is that you will notice things about yourself in other people, and that's when it clicks. Holy crap, this is exactly what happens to me. So why did we do group coaching? It's because of the AOE effect. This is wild, right? Because everyone's like, okay, personal coaching, like, sure, is great and fantastic, and it tends to be full. Because people get a lot of value out of it, so I'm not saying it's bad in any way. But the key thing that we discovered that I discovered by showing up on Twitch and YouTube and doing stuff publicly is that you can actually learn about yourself by observing another person. But the observation that what you observe has to be authentic. It can't be like an edited blog post. It has to be an

unfiltered experience of the person. And you're going to see the resistance in your colleagues. When you're in group, you guys said, I remember there was one, I was running a group once where one person was like, my goal for the week is I'm going to cook something. We're like, okay, what are you going to cook? I'm going to make Shakshuka. Then we check in next week. Did you make Shakshuka? No, I didn't.

And then the excuses start coming. Right? And then as you see that your bullshit meter starts going off. And then you learn how to detect the BS. You pointed out to that person, hey, man, you're BSing. What really got in the way? And then when you try to do something and the excuses start popping up in your mind, your BS meter is going to go off because now you've developed it.

And then you'll see the BS and you'll be like, hey, wait a minute, what am I doing to myself? How am I shooting myself in the foot? Right? So that's why we do it. Because there's a certain amount of like getting in the ring that group coaching offers that personal coaching sort of doesn't. Like you're also in the ring. I mean, it's good because you're working with someone who's, you know, tuned into you so that they've been formally trained in all this stuff. But if you want to learn this stuff, if you want to boost your EQ, we think personal

coaching also boosts EQ. But group is like, it's, it's fun. Like, I think consistently there's a handful of coaches and I sort of fall into this category where I personally prefer group work to personal work as a facilitator. So I really enjoy working with people individually. It's like really fantastic. But man, it's group fun. Like, it's great.