HealthyGamerGG - Why cant I talk like the way I do in my mind?

Episode Date: February 1, 2022

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And so the first thing to understand is that, like, as long as that process can be improved, then you will be a better communicator. Okay. So to start with, let's understand this. Okay. So why can't I talk like the way I do in my mind? This is such a great question. Whenever I'm in my head rehearsing speeches or conversations, I talk so eloquently and articulated. But when it's time to speak to, when it's time to come to speak with my mouth,

I end up stumbling, stuttering, or forgetting what I'm saying and about to say. It happens to me a lot to the point where I don't want to speak sometimes, and I wish I can talk like that attractive Chad inside my head. I do have anxiety and fear of judgment along with ADHD in case that affects it. Why does this happen and how can we train to overcome this? Does it have a term? What a great question. So, a lot of times we think thoughts in our head. and the thoughts in our head are so pure, so clean, they make such perfect sense.

And then our beautiful mind is like, hey, let us share this brilliance with the world. And then something happens, somewhere between the brilliance in your mind and the words that come out of your mouth, something gets super garbled and it comes out like a hot mess. And then people are super confused because they're like, why is this happening? I understood it. It made so much sense in my head. I understood it so well in my head. Like what happened? okay so we're going to talk a little bit about um you know why this happens so to start off with

we have thoughts that are kind of perfect in our head right so let's start with this like what part of our brain dictates speech right so we have like our left hemisphere is very speech oriented we have something that i'm just going to go ahead and call the linguistic cortex so we have a part of our that like chooses words and formulates like how to say things. But the interesting thing is that thoughts are not restricted to the linguistic cortex. Right. So for example, we have the default mode network, which is the part of our mind that gives us the capacity to self-reflect and is hyperactive when we're depressed. So when we're beating ourselves up in depression, oh, I'm, I'm stupid, I'm dumb, I'm this, people don't like me, people would be better off without me.

Everyone would have more fun at the party if I wasn't there. Like all these kinds of thoughts, Those are not coming from the linguistic cortex, right? Those are coming from your default mode network. We have a limbic system. We have frontal lobes. We have all these different cortices that will manage things like risk assessment and anxiety and mathematics. We have all these different parts of our brain that think. We also have empathic circuits of the brain, right?

Which are like to help us understand other people. None of those things are the linguistic cortex. So the first thing to understand is that when we have thoughts, they exist in all these. different parts of our brain. And when we speak, all that crap has to get channeled through the linguistic cortex. And by channeling it through the linguistic cortex,

we talk. And so the first thing to understand is that, like, as long as that process can be improved, then you will be a better communicator. Okay? So to start with, let's understand this. So, why can't the thoughts in my head

translate to the words that come out of my mouth. And the short answer is because communication is a skill. So, you know, there are all kinds of other things I can do in my head besides think. Right? So I was like in the shower this morning and I was, you know, washing my hair and whatnot and washing my face. And I imagine doing a ninja kick. I don't even know what that is. Right.

So I'm just making this up. But like, I imagine like jumping over the fence and like doing all this parkour and it would be so cool if I could like jump and like I'm going to be like Star Wars kid and Darth Mall and all this good stuff. Right? And I can imagine those things, but why can't my body do those things? I can imagine it. And so why do we assume that communication is different? Why do we assume that just because we can think one thing, I can think in ninja moves or matrix martial arts sequences, but that doesn't mean my body can do them. Why do we assume for a moment that just because I can think articulately, that speaking articulately should come automatically.

Right? So it comes down to the fact that communication is a skill. So what are the components of communication? So the first that we kind of talked about is the linguistic cortex. So if you want to be an effective speaker, you have to like work on the neurons that translate thoughts into words. And we know that people do this. right? So like we know, for example, like, if you're an author, or let's say, like, you do creative writing. So I'm just going to use writing as an example where you can have a scene in your head. You can even have the words in your head. He walked into the room and he was, you know, covered in sweat. Like, you can, like, think that. And then you write it out and it's like, that doesn't convey what I want.

Right? So, like, getting stuff through the linguistic cortex takes practice. So then people may wonder a little bit about, you know, so what are some of the ways in which you can do this? So the first thing that you can do is you can write stuff out. I don't know if you guys just noticed, but what did I just look at? Did you all notice? What was I looking at? I did this. I was like, what was I looking at?

What do you all think? Right? So I've written things out. And so as I write things out, it clarifies things in my mind and facilitates the process. of getting the thoughts in my head out the linguistic cortex and like through my mouth. So it's interesting, right? So you can write things out. So I've also, I sort of also recently discovered, or like not recently, but somewhat, you know, maybe a year or two ago. The part of the reason I'm successful on stream is that I spent about 10 years like trying to write a book and it was

crap. So like the book sucked. But what happened during those 10 years is I clarified a lot of my ideas. So when you write stuff out, you know, you can go through the process of clarifying ideas. And so the clarification of ideas can be done through writing stuff out, but I also do this in terms of like verbal communication without writing things out. So let's say I've got a patient with narcissistic parents and the holidays are coming up. So when they come into my office and they're saying, I'm anxious about the holidays. I don't want to see my parents. I know they're going to fight about this. Or they don't have to be narcissistic. They even be like irregular people, but they're just going to ask me when am I going to get married and like I don't want to have that conversation.

And so there's a lot of stuff that they can tell me in their office, right? They can say to me like, hey, like, I want to say this and I want to say this and I want to say this. But when it comes to actually talking to them, it's hard. So what do we do? We roll play. Right? We're like, okay, so like tell me what you would want to say. And then I'll help them with their phrasing.

And we'll kind of like coach them through like, okay, why don't you say this? Or you could say this. I've had conversations like this with like patients of mine who want to talk to their boss about wanting more time off or like, you know, breaking the news to their boss that they're pregnant because they're terrified of, you know, how it's going to affect their promotion and things like that. Forget the fact that it's illegal, but, you know, no one cares about that. So there's all kinds of, like, practice you can literally do with your linguistic cortex. So this can be things like role-playing conversations.

And you can, like, roll-play it in your head if you want to. But I think if you've got someone that you can talk things through with, right? So we also have these phrases like sounding board. You can just practice. So that's like the first thing. If you want to be an effective communicator, you can practice. The second reason, this is kind of big, that communication, everything makes perfect sense in your head and doesn't translate, is because of assumptions. So, when you are thinking in your head, you have a bunch of assumptions.

but you perfectly understand what your assumptions are because they're your assumptions. So there's no gap between like, you know, if I'm trying to say one, two, three, four, but I don't realize that my mind is automatically filling in these gaps. Right? So then, oh, this is like perfect. It's a complete line. Fantastic. But when I start talking, it comes out jarbled. And what's missing? It's the assumptions. So when you communicate, it doesn't come out the right way or people don't understand it the right way. So the other thing to think a little bit about is if we're saying, how do I communicate effectively?

Part of that effective communication involves the other person, right? So how do you deal with assumptions? So this is where it's kind of interesting, but this is where the empathic circuits of your brain come in. So even authors do this, right? Because when an author is writing something, they may know more of the story than they want the reader to know. But what they literally have to do is put themselves in the shoes of the reader

and look at things from the reader's perspective. What are the things that are missing from this story? What do I need to explain? What are the things that I want to purposely keep from the story? Because every author who has sat down to write a best-selling novel that had a plot twist at the end, they know the plot twist from moment one. But it's their ability to empathize with the reader

that allows them to put in the plot twist. because for them it's not a plot twist, it's all figured out. Like, they know everything right at the beginning, right? So in a similar way, if we want to communicate with someone else, what we need to understand is what are our own assumptions? And how can we have our audience understand those assumptions? And oftentimes what's missing between our head and the perfection of our head and what we give to the rest of the world, what's missing is this stuff, right?

It's the in-between stuff. So as we learn how to be more empathic, and we think a little bit about our audience, we will start to be better at communicating. So I know this sounds kind of weird, but like, I'm a psychiatrist, right? So like, what is my job? What have I trained myself to do? What I've trained myself to do is put myself into someone else's shoes.

Okay, what's going on in this person's head? It's not about who's right and who's wrong. If I tell this person, hey, you're thinking is wrong, G, G, this is what you should do. Just get up every day. Like, I wouldn't be successful at all, right? So being a successful psychiatrist, being a successful therapist, being a good friend, being a good parent, being a good kid is about acknowledging your own assumptions and meeting people where they're at. So if I want to like, if I want to be an effective communicator and I want to convey, you know, this line, I have to start by understanding, okay, like, where is my audience? What do they have and what do they not have?

Oh, that's kind of interesting. So they already have this part. So actually what I need to say is this. part, which is very different from what I was envisioning, because in my original vision, I only needed this, this, this, and this. And so if you want to effectively communicate, instead of, like, operating from your own mind, and this is how we get all these kinds of things like, why can't you understand? I don't know.

How do I get my kids to realize? How do I get my parents to realize? That is you pulling them towards this. Instead of operating from here. Because when you start communicating this way, you're like, okay, so they already get this part. So I'm going to provide this and I'm going to provide this and then we'll be golden. So this is how you be an effective communicator. So if you want your thoughts to translate in a way that lands well with other people,

it involves your empathic circuits of the brain. Okay? So in short, we've got a couple of things to think about. So if your problem is, why can't I talk the way I do in my mind? The first thing that you've got to understand is that being able to convey the thoughts out of your head is a skill. So it can be practiced. Like I can imagine a drawing, but I can't make a drawing. I can imagine doing gymnastics, but I can't do gymnastics.

There are all kinds of things I can imagine in my mind, and your thoughts, like, you know, communicating is no different. And so this is a skill. And what are the components of the skill? Okay, just to kind of summarize. Number one is training the linguistic cortex. So everything's got to come through the linguistic cortex, whether you write or you speak. So this can involve things like writing things out. This can involve role playing, even rehearsal.

So these are examples of essentially practice. They're practicing a skill. The second thing is it comes down to assumptions. So the biggest gaps in our thinking are assumptions. So like we just don't realize what other people are missing. and if we want to be effective communicators, we need to engage our empathic circuitry and understand

what does someone else understand? We need to start there because our communication is going to depend on their understanding, not our understanding. To bridge the gap between where they are and where you are, I'm trying to drag people over here.

Why don't you understand? Why don't you understand? Why can't you understand? My boss doesn't understand. My girlfriend doesn't understand. My boyfriend doesn't understand. My dog doesn't understand. instead we need to go where they are right and then we're going to go here and then we're going to go here

and then we're going to go here and then we're going to go here and then we're going to go here then we're going to go here this is how coaching works so we train our coaches to meet their clients where they're at so a client comes in and says I need to you know I need to get a job and so the coach is like okay cool so that's your goal for coaching right and they're like yeah my goal is to get a job and then over time like they may realize that like okay so that's what the client wants, it's the fantasy that the client wants. But they have so much crap on their plate that they're not ready for a job yet. Every time they try to work on a resume, they deal with so much emotional resistance and shame. They're like, oh my God, I'm so like, they try to put together

and I have nothing to put on my resume. And then they quit and they like go distract themselves for a week. And so it's like the first thing that coach has to do is like work on their shame. But like if you tell the client, hey, you need to like process your shame before you get a job. They're like, no, I need a job. I need a job. I need a job. Like, that's my goal. So you have to, like, lead them there, like, one step at a time, right? So you have to start, like, you got to meet them where they're at, if that makes sense. Okay?

So the last thing that you can do is calm the mind. Okay? So this is where if we look at clinical stuff. So, for example, like, let's look at mania. So when someone has bipolar disorder and they become manic, there's an alteration to the thought process. And there's an increase of rapidity of speech. As a result, manic people make no sense. If you guys have ever like talked to a manic person, you kind of know what I'm talking about. But like their thoughts are super, super rapid and they speak very, very, very rapidly

and they make no sense. I know everyone is joking about XQC, but XQC is not a good example of this. XQC is actually very, very effective at communicating. XQC can summarize things very, very easily. Right? Like he'll drop serious like knowledge bombs. Seriously, I'm not kidding. That's why. If he was really nonsensical and unable to communicate,

he would not succeed on Twitch. You guys get that? So I know everyone memes about that. He's definitely very Vata, for sure. And his thoughts kind of jump around all over the place. So, so do I, for that matter. So in Mania, what we see is that, you know, speeding up the thought process and the rapidity of speech correlates with making no sense to the other people.

So what we can kind of infer is that calming down yourself will probably lead to better communication. So if I'm planning on giving a speech in front of my class and I do some kind of breathing exercises, sometimes even as a psychiatrist, I'll prescribe something like propranol, which is an adrenergic blocker. So reduces the effects of the sympathetic nervous system and reduces the effects of adrenaline and helps people give a public speech. what are we doing? Propranolol is literally a drug that slows down the speed of your mind, the speed of your nervous system. And as a result, people are able to communicate more effectively.

So calm the mind and slow things down is the last thing. So you can do breathing exercises, et cetera, et cetera. So if you want to be able to communicate effectively and you want the stuff in here to come out of your mouth in a way that other people can understand, do these three things. practice with your linguistic cortex, focus on assumptions, and think about their point of view so that you can structure your communication to be more effective and calm down the mind and slow

down a little bit. Questions. Can you only do third? Sure. You don't have to do all three. But those are the three different mechanisms that in my experience are at play. There are probably many more. Generally speaking, when I face a problem, I find that rather than going all in on one solution that's sort of recognizing that problems are multifactorial, right? So like the inability to speak coherently is it's not like there's a coherent speech circuit

in your brain. I mean, there's sort of is the linguistic cortex. But there's all kinds of other things going on, right? Because your brain is inside your body. If your body is flooded with adrenaline, that's going to affect your neurochemistry. So it's not just as simple as the linguistic cortex. Speech in the translation of thought

is a complex phenomenon in the brain. brain and therefore we can it has a complex solution do you think it's possible for people to rationalize their thoughts uh they can't say through expression arts music math problems sports free foreign games absolutely there's overwhelming evidence that that is the case so for example if you look at things like art therapy not only can you like rationalize your thoughts you can even heal the mind through some of these things so we assume that therapy involves one human being talking to another human being, but there are all kinds of other things that you can do through music, through art that will like emotionally process stuff. So there's strong, strong evidence of that.

Yeah, can you do the same type of practicing for casual conversations as well? Absolutely, right? So like casual conversation is something you can practice. Like just about anything in life can be practiced.