HealthyGamerGG - Why New Years Resolutions Don't Work

Episode Date: January 10, 2022

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And then, like, once you start doing those things, you're going to wake up one day and you're going to realize, you know what? I am actually an athlete. I am a scholar. Because I am doing those things. Holy shit. Like, I can do this. Like, this is me. Like, this is actually who I am. This is who I've always been. I just haven't realized it. So let's talk about New Year's resolutions. So when the New Year rolls around, a lot of people make a resolution, right? They decide that in this year, I am going to do X, Y, and Z. and the challenge with New Year's resolutions is that most people don't stick to them. And so what I'd like to do today is talk to you all a little bit about a few different perspectives that we can understand about how to stick to your New Year's resolution. And the interesting thing about this is going to be like, you know, sticking to it involves,

first of all, understanding why you don't stick to it. So it's my hypothesis that I'm going to lay out today that you can start a New Year's resolution and then at some point it's going to fall apart. and the question is why does it fall apart? Because if you can prevent that falling apart from happening, if you can understand why the falling apart happens, then you can take steps to sort of prevent it from happening, and then you can kind of stick with your New Year's resolution.

So to begin with, if we want to start on a very simple level with New Year's resolutions, we have to start by understanding where does a New Year's resolution come from? So what do you all think motivates people what motivates people to do a new year's resolution? Right? Where does this motivation come from? So first thing that I want to share with y'all,

if you guys have seen the goal setting and motivation set of lectures, this will be pretty familiar to you. If you haven't seen this, I highly, highly recommend you check it out. The first thing to understand is that human beings, when they decide to do something, they tend to have a couple of different reasons why they do stuff. And if you kind of think about a New Year's resolution, it's sort of weird, right? Because you say, I want to give up sugar, let's say, for 2022.

No more sugar. And so there's like one part of your mind, right? No sugar. And then there's a second part of your mind that like a week later or a month later is like, ah, I want sugar. So the first thing to understand is that if you want to stick to a New Year's, resolution, you have to understand that your mind is not homogenous. So your mind has multiple pieces. And if we want to create a behavior, we have to understand what are the pieces of my

mind and which one is operating and which one takes over and like how does that kind of stuff work. I'm going to actually just move this real quick. No, alert box. Right there. Move the alert box like, okay? All right. So does that make sense? So our mind is conflicted. So let's start by understanding, like, what are the different parts of the mind? What are the different sources of motivation? So the first thing that we're going to talk about is desires. Okay? So these are things that, like, you want.

So we'll use the word want. Like, I want a Coke or I want a yacht or I want to be on a beach. I want to quit my job. Next thing that motivates us is shoulds, right? So these are things that, like, you should do. Like I should study for my test, but I want to play a video game. So we can already see that like these two things can conflict, right? The next thing that we have are duties.

These are kind of like obligations. And this is what gets super confusing is that a lot of times we think that our duties are duties, but they're actually shoulds. Like we say like, oh, it's my duty to be healthy. No, it's not. It's not your duty. These are things that you're like kind of obligated or you have an external thing that is like kind of forcing you to do stuff. And then the next thing that we have, the last thing that we have are values or things that we care about. So I know it sounds kind of weird, but a lot of people will,

when they think about a New Year's resolution, what they'll do is they'll think of it as a goal. Right. I'm going to exercise every day. I'm going to lose 10 pounds. I'm going to cut out sugar. It's basically something that's hard. And basically what a New Year's resolution is is stuff that I should do. Most New Year's resolutions come from the should category. But if we look at like basically science, I mean gross over generalization here, but if you look at what people are actually motivated towards, they tend to be happy and productive when they're more on this side of the quadrant than on this side of the quadrant. When you're way over here, you have a hedonistic empty life.

When you're over here, you can have a successful, empty life. Right? So like if I listened to my parents and I was a good Indian boy and I went and I became a doctor, even though I wanted to become a video game programmer, I can become successful by doing all the stuff that I should do, but it's going to be empty. I'm going to be like not happy on the inside.

So over here, when we live like on this side, we're going to tend to have a fuller life. Like we'll be happy. Right. And hopefully we'll be successful too, but we'll kind of get to that in a second. So the first thing to understand is that where do, the first question you should ask yourself. So this is step number one is where does my New Year's resolution come from? Okay. I know it sounds kind of weird, but like a lot of times we don't introspect.

So step number one is to actually introspect about your New Year's resolution. Like think it, think about it. Like ask yourself, like, is this something I'm just coming up with arbitrarily because it's something I should do? Is this something that I really want? Is this something that I care about? Because the good news is that these two things tend to drive behavior way stronger than these two things. And the main reason that they drive behavior is that they tend to be resistant to costs. So when I care about something, I'm willing to pay something for it.

When I have a desire, it's like harder to pay something for it. When I have a should, it's like harder to like expend something for the sake of like something I should do. But if I feel obliged to do something, if I feel duty bound to do something, if I feel honor bound to do something, I'm going to make a sacrifice for that sort of thing. I'm going to make sacrifices for stuff that I care about, but not things that I want. So this side is way more sacrifice oriented. Now here's the main problem. When we make New Year's resolutions, we focus on a should.

and we tend to not think about costs. So when I think about like, okay, I want to give up sugar in 2022, like, what is that going to cost me? Am I willing to pay that cost? Like, am I really willing to no longer eat like for the rest of the year? Like, am I honestly willing? And this is a question to ask yourself. Am I willing to pay this cost? Because a lot of times when people sign up for resolutions, they don't really think about what it's going to cost them.

So like think about if you give up sugar, for example, that means, like, you know, no more frappuccinos or whatever you like to drink. Like, if I go to a birthday party, like, I'm not going to get to eat cake. If I have my own birthday party, I'm not allowed to eat cake. Like, am I willing to give all of that up? If my friends go out for dessert, I'm just going to tag along and, like, not have a single bite. When it's 2 a.m. in the morning, sure, you can do all those things. And we'll talk about why it's easier to go for dessert with your friends and not eat a single bite.

But you crack when it's 2 a.m. in the morning, you're feeling a little bit hungry. and there's like, you know, your roommate bought some brownies and they're just sitting there. And like, no one is watching. And that's when you're going to crack. Right. So the first thing that you've got to do if you want to be successful in a New Year's resolution is introspect. And ask yourself, where is this coming from? Is it something that I should do?

And this is where if it's coming from one of these two quadrants, the cost really needs to be low. Otherwise, it's not going to work. So you need to try to minimize the cost as much as possible. So instead of, like, you know, setting your New Year's resolution at no sugar, it may be something like, you know, like no sugar, no sugar in beverages. So like no beverage with any sugar. So I can like eat a cupcake, but no sugar in a beverage. So no sodas, no sugar in my coffee, no like, you know, sweet tea or like whatever. So you need to adjust the cost, especially if it comes from the should want quadrant. Okay.

And I know it sounds kind of weird, but if you really want to be successful, you have to like introspect and then prep your brain. for the cost. This is going to increase your chance of success. So when you think out, think through the cost, I would actually write it out. So I would like take a piece of paper and write out like, why is this,

like, why am I picking this? Which quadrant is this is coming from? And the second thing you should write out is like, what is this going to cost me? And even writing it out is going to be like prepping your brain for the cost. Because what tends to happen with New Year's resolutions is that we're unprepared for the cost. And then the cost hits us.

And then we're like, it's too much. And then our mind starts to conflux. right? We have this side and then we have this side and then we weren't ready for it. So side number two wins. So start by introspecting and like doing that awareness-oriented work and prepare yourself for how bad this is going to suck. If you can, if it's really coming from a should or want, I'd highly, highly recommend reducing how difficult you make it. But at least prep for the cost. Okay. So this is number one, is to introspect. Now the second problem that we tend to run into is

that we're going to talk for a second about the addict's brain. So I don't know exactly, this isn't like a real term or anything. It's just something I come up with. So when I work with people with addictions, what I find is that their mind has a certain gravity to it. And what do I mean by gravity? I mean that it's endlessly attracted to the source of addiction. So you'll see this a lot. Like when people ask, like if we talk about marijuana, for example, if I mention marijuana, we're going to get all these different questions, right? And it's going to be, Dr. K, do you think that marijuana is ever useful? Is it ever okay to use? And that's a question that has a gravity towards it. You guys see what that question, like what that person is looking

for is an answer that I say yes. Of course it's ever useful. Aha, I have my justification. So now I can move towards the marijuana. Excellent. And so there's something that people will say, but I have insomnia. And they'll come up with really good reasons, right? They'll use a lot of logic oh, I'll quit next year. They'll have all kinds of reasons, but you drink alcohol, right, when talking to your partner. Easy. And they'll come up with all kinds of reasons.

It helps with my anxiety. I do it for the fun. And no matter how you frame things, no matter how you discuss things, no matter what direction you go in, the gravity, the mind has a gravity towards the, the addiction. So this is the key thing to understand about the mind. The mind is always going to want to move in the direction that it wants to move in. And if you want to succeed in a New Year's resolution,

you need to understand that the thing, oftentimes is like the goal that you have or you're giving something up, that your mind is going to want to move there. And so what I'd like to do is share with you all some of the tools that your mind uses and that you can use to sort of deflect this sort of very natural gravity of the addict's brain. And so you may say like, okay, but we just have to acknowledge that like your mind is not going to want to do the thing. This is essentially the point of like bringing up the addict's brain. That no matter how you twist and turn, at its core, your mind may not be working for you

towards the goal. This is why we want to operate from here because this is the quad, these are the two quadrants that will help us make sacrifices. So even the mind wants it, we're going to be able to give something up. we're okay with a sacrifice if it's on the right two quadrants. Okay. So just be aware. So look out for the addict's brain.

Look out for your mind and how it's going to try to convince you to give up the resolution. Because it's not going to be working for you. It's going to be working against you. It's going to be like, ah, you did it good for a month. You can have a cheat day. Like, don't worry about it. Like, it's okay. All right?

So beware the addict's brain. Okay. So here's the first tip of, that I'd give you. Keep your New Year's resolution secret. Critical, critical, critical, critical, critical, critical, critical. Critical. So, there is a psychological aspect of this and a spiritual aspect of this. So the psychological aspect of this. So when I'm giving up sugar and I go out to dessert with my friends, Okay? It's so easy to not eat it, right? Because it's like, look at me. Like, look at me. I'm a stick to my New Year's resolution, bitches. Y'all all plebs are going to eat that crap, but I'm going to show you how awesome I am by being so resistant and so willful. Right? So the key thing about advertising your New Year's resolution is that it leads to a positive emotion with no cost. right? So if you tell someone, you're like, yeah, I'm giving up alcohol for 2022. What are they going to do? They're going to be like, screw you, no, they're going to say, wow, that must be so hard. That's awesome. I'm so happy for you. So you're like, you just said some words. And suddenly people are like, oh, wow, look at this Chad. Isn't this person great? And so if you advertise like your New Year's resolution, people are going to be like, oh, look at how amazing you are for giving this thing up. You haven't actually, like, they're like, they're going to be like, like, they're going to be like, like, they're like, they're. Like, they're. They're going to be like, like, like, You're not there in the quiet moments when you're struggling.

Like, you've got the cookie in your hand. You're like, don't eat the cookie. Don't eat the cookie. Throw the cookie away. No cookie. No cookie for you, Dr. K. Right? So, like, this also recruits ego.

This is a little bit more spiritual. But advertising your New Year's resolution gives you a benefit without any kind of cost. And then what happens is your brain is like, oh, cool. Like, if I can get a benefit without a cost, why the hell am I paying a cost? If I can just get the benefit by talking the talk. And now we know, right? So there's two kinds of people in life. There are people who talk the talk.

There are people who walk the walk. Right? There's like, there are two kinds of people that have to do, like, with startups. There are people who talk about starting startups. And there are people who actually start startups. The people who are talking about are the ones that are like, oh, I've got this great idea for a company. I'm going to do this.

I'm going to do this. I'm going to do this. They're talking, talking, talking, talking, talking. Gratifies the ego, gives them some kind of, oh my God, that's such a great idea. Oh my God, you're so revolutionary. You're going to be the next, like, Elon Musk. Oh, my God, that's so amazing.

Just imagine. It's going to be fantastic. You're so brilliant. I wish I was like you, and I wish I could start a startup number is like, yeah, I'm so great. I'll tell you about my next idea next week and get another ego boost. It's going to be so awesome. And then there are people who are like actually like, you know, run startups and you don't, you know, they don't hang around on Discord. They're just like, I mean, maybe they do.

Not to bash Discord. But like, there are people out there who are actually doing it. people who are like talking about, right? So if you like think about people who are in shape, like they just go to the gym and they don't, maybe they advertise, maybe they're egotistical, but generally speaking, they just like go to the gym. Like most of the people who are in shape are not like advertising it all the time and talking about how they're going to get in shape. They're like, they're actually in shape. There are people who talk about getting in shape and there are people who are in shape. You guys get that? Now there's another aspect of this which is a

little bit spiritual, which may be psychological too, but this is sort of the tradition that I learned this from, is that anything kept internal compounds. Okay? So this is why a mantra is kept secret. So when you do your mantra practice, you never share your mantra. I've never told a single soul what my mantra is. My personal mantra is known by two people, me and the guru who gave it to me. Okay? So you don't tell anyone about your mantra. And what people realized, like the yogi sort of figured this out, is if you never tell anyone, it will increase in power. And if you vent it out to the world, if you vent that energy by sharing it with the world, it will decrease in power. So another good example of this is actually trauma. So in trauma, what we want to do is vent it out, right? So if someone has

experienced trauma, they keep it inside and it eats them alive. This is bad. So what is the solution? How do we get that energy out of them and stop compounding? We vent. it through therapy. So when we want to do therapy or something, we're trying to vent the negative energy, that depressive energy you have in your mind, the anxious energy that you have in your mind, because you all know this if you have like anxiety. Like it just loops in that in there, right? It just loops and loops and loops and loops and loops and loops. It never like gets worse and worse and you work yourself up into a frenzy and then you've got a panic attack. And what you really want to do is you just need to get it out. You want to vent it out.

If you talk to a friend, they can help decompress you. You feel so much better. So energy that is kept within the mind will compound. And energy that is vented will diminish. And this is how you get talkers and walkers. Because these are the people who aren't talking about it. It just stays in there and actually produces behavior. And then you have the talkers who are just talking about it all the time and they never

like do anything. Okay. So keep your New Year's resolution secret. For those of you saying, oh my God, Dr. K, I already failed. Beautiful. You've activated a. my trap card. Don't let failure stop you. This is the biggest thing for New Year's resolution.

Don't let failure stop you. Okay, you're going to give up alcohol. You've gone 22 days without a single sip of alcohol, then you screwed up your New Year's resolution. Like, where did we get the idea that New Year's resolutions have to be perfect from day one? Like, what the... Think about that for a second. Like, if you fail, so be it. Like, on day 24, you can be sober again. Right? So this is where it's like, everyone's like, someone's like, just don't fail. No, no, no, this is the whole thing. Don't let failure stop. If you screwed up, like if you resolve to exercise every single day and you go a weekend without exercise, it's like, I guess that's G. It's now February 8th and I've failed at my New Year's resolution.

So I guess I'll try again in 2023. There's the addict's brain. You guys see that? Easy. You don't have to worry about it. Try again in 2023. I'm going to go get high. Stop the exercise. Don't let failure stop you.

New Year's resolution. Where does it? Where do we get the idea that it has to be perfect? The addict's brain gave it to us. That's where it comes from. Because then it's got the excuse. It's like, this is easy. This noob.

He's going to screw up a single time. All I have to do is what the addict's brain is saying. Like, let's talk about. sugar. This is what your brain is saying. This noob, I just have to trip him up once. We're gonna, so he has to win a hundred percent of the time. And I just have to win once. Because if I can get him to win once, this dumbass has this idea that if he slips up once, his resolution is broken, then sugar, sugar, sugar, all day long. So then your mind is like, all right, let's throw down. And then you win on day one. The lizard's mind is like, let's throw down on day two, day three, day four, day five, day six, day seven, day eight, day nine, day ten. It stops you once. And then it's like, easy. And then you're sitting there and you're like, oh, I failed my New Year's resolution. And then your brain is like, yeah, that's okay.

Try again next year, bro. You'll get it next year. It's okay. Try it next year, girl. You got this next year. But this year, just let it go. You screwed up. It's all right.

Very important. Don't let failure stop you. If you really want to have a resolution, it doesn't stop. No matter what. Right? Like, don't let failure stop you. This is what screws people up the most. It's like, everyone's going to make mistakes. You're not perfect. You're not enlightened. You're not a yogi. Or yogini. Right? You're not any of those things, which is okay. You don't need to be. So if you screw up, just pick it up tomorrow or pick it up today. Oh my God, I'm supposed to exercise every single day and it's now 8 p.m. And I haven't exercised. I skipped my morning workout. Do something. Don't let failure stop you. We see this a lot in actual addictions. right? So someone's like, oh my God, I was sober for 362 days. And I screwed up. And it's like, okay, so you had a drink, which is okay. So you can still be sober tomorrow. It's like, you know, like it's not a big deal. You can go another 362 days. And then you'll have gone like,

you know, 724 days and you'll have had one drink in 724 days. Like that sounds pretty legit. It sounds pretty good. But the brain is like, No, no, no, no. I've screwed up. Now I can drink all I want to. Because I screwed up. The resolution is broken. So step number two, don't let failure stop you. Okay? And then the last thought. So we talk a lot about ego. And so this is something that, you know, people will ask me the question. Is ego bad? Because when we talk about ego, we tend to think a little bit about, we talk about the negatives of ego. But one thing that can be really, really helpful for New Year's resolutions is to actually think about your identity. So who am I? And to try to develop an identity that's positive.

So I'll give you guys just an example. So a lot of times when we struggle to adopt a New Year's resolution, we have an identity of ourselves. I'm going to just be harsh here for a second. So I am an out of shape. nerd. Okay? Doesn't mean that nerds are out of shape, but we'll identify with some of these things, right?

I'm not a very healthy person. So we'll have all kinds of negative, like, conceptions. I'm a loser. Right? So we'll believe these things about ourselves. And then if you kind of think about it, what you'll start to do is like, as you start, like, the New York, resolution, these people are trying to be something else. Right? You're trying to be something else.

But you sort of fundamentally like don't believe that you are this like better person. Like you think you're a loser who's trying to lose weight. So at the core, you have an identity that's sort of sabotaging you in the quiet moments because on some level you don't believe that you can do this kind of thing. And so I know it sounds kind of weird, but what I would love it if you guys try to do is start to, like, change who you are. And I know it make it sound so simple, but I'll explain. So like, I want you guys to like tell yourselves, I am an athlete or I am a scholar. So pick something that you actually want to be.

And like just start telling yourself. Like, I know it sounds weird. I'm saying just change. But I want you guys to really try this. It'll, it's going to be easier than you think it is. So then as you go about your day, like, ask yourself, what would an athlete do? Or what would a scholar do? Just ask yourself.

Like, in this moment, like, when you're thinking about what to eat, you know, if you're an athlete, like, just what would an athlete eat in this situation? What would a scholar do in this situation? Like, would a scholar, like, play World Warcraft? Or would they actually, like, sit down and read a book? And I'm going to be that thing. Like, you can be that thing. Because what's the difference between a scholar and a loser? It's like the choice that they make, right?

Like if we look at someone who's an athlete, it's like the food that they put into their body, the way that they like treat their body. Like do they take care of their body on a daily basis? And if you start doing those things, you will be that thing. I know it's kind of weird, but it's actually really simple and it's actually like bizarrely easy. The problem is that deep down,

if you believe you're a loser, you're going to go up against all of this like negative energy anytime you try to make a change. And then what I want y'all to realize is that if you tell yourself, I am an athlete, and then you go to lunch and you ask yourself, like, what would an athlete order? And you order that thing? There's no difference between you and an athlete. Because what is an athlete?

An athlete who is someone who eats particular things, exercises in a particular way. A scholar is someone who chooses to read instead of play video games. And so you can do all of those things and you can actually become all that person. It's actually so close to you. It's super, super bizarre. Okay? So I know this is like, I see that Chad is meme. and stuff, but for those of you, if you, I want you to really try this. And this is one way that you

can harness ego is to actually like consider for a moment if your mind. So for those of you that are rebelling against this, that is the biggest sign of the addict's brain. Right? Because your brain is like, ha ha ha, it's so easy. Huh, this is ridiculous. I could never do this. This is idiotic. This guy's just saying, oh, just call yourself an athlete and then stop eating sugar. No, no, no. That's stupid. That's so ridiculous. I don't have to do that. It's dumb.

It's not going to work. And because I don't have to do that, I don't have to give up sugar. Fuck you. That's so idiotic. Just change. This is new? Realize how hard it is to change?

Oh, yeah. You see what's happening there? Your mind is telling you it's hard to change. Don't bother, bro. Just sit there. Don't even try it. Oh my God. You guys see that?

For all of y'all that are being smart asses. Where is that thought coming from? Where is that thought coming from? Why do you resist calling yourself an athlete? Like, why do you think you're not an athlete? Why do you think you're not a scholar? Like, where do you get that idea? It's not true.

It's because of a conception. I'm a loser. Like, that's not, I can't biopsy you and find a loserness. I cannot. Even if you're the biggest loser on the internet, it's impossible. I'm not a very healthy person. I'm not like the other healthy people. and if you're trying to create a New Year's resolution and stick to it

and you're holding onto this crap on the inside, it's never going to work. Start to realize that you are actually an athlete. That what is an athlete? An athlete is someone who makes different choices, from the choices you've made in the past. Therefore, you can become an athlete like this. Get up off your ass right now and exercise a little bit because that's what an athlete. If we stuck an athlete in your body and in your circumstance,

a real athlete, and we stuck them in your circumstance, what would they do? They'd start getting their shit in order. Right? They'd start exercising. They'd start eating healthy. They can start from wherever you are. Don't be held back by this identity. And if your mind is rebelling against that, it's because it loves this identity.

It loves it. Because if you conceptualize it yourself as, I'm a loser, what do you get to do? If your brain calls you a loser and you accept that, What do you get license to do? What do you get freedom to do? Tendies. We all love Tendies. Gabor's eat Tendies.

Ah, you see that? You don't have to resist. Play games. Sure. Right? Not bother learning how to socialize. Ooh, this is a big one. Absolve myself of responsibility.

because I'm lazy. And I'm not like the other people. I'm not like the other people. Those other people that were born with the discipline gene, I got the short end of the stick, so I'm a loser. G.G., no point in trying. I guess my mind gets to smoke pot and eat tendies all day. Easy.

Whatever your vice is. When you start to believe that you're a loser, it's not actually true. This is the craziest thing. You're not a loser. There's like no such. thing. No such thing is a loser. It's not an identity. You can lose in a game, sure. Like, in that moment, you can lose a game, but you are not a loser. It's like, you know, like, it's a state. It's not a

trait. It's not a being. But you call yourself this, and then it opens the door to all kinds of behaviors. So if you really want to change your life and you want to, like, resolve to be something else, adopt a different identity. And you say, like, but how do I, how do I adopt the identity? And I guarantee you this is going to happen. You behave like that thing. And you say, what would an athlete do in this situation? Because how do you define, how do you tell who's an athlete and who's a scholar?

How do you determine that? Like, how do we judge that? It's based on their actions. And then, like, once you start doing those things, you're going to wake up one day and you're going to realize, you know what? I am actually an athlete. I am a scholar. Because I am doing those things. Holy shit.

like I can do this. Like this is me. Like this is actually who I am. This is who I've always been. I just haven't realized it. So this is a positive way to like use ego. Right. Okay.

So to summarize, New Year's resolutions are tough. Why are they tough? The first thing is because they come from a stupid place. Right? We just come from like they just like, we just come up with this idea. We're like, oh, I'm going to do this in 2022.

And the mind loves that kind of thing because it's like, you're not going to do that. So it has no problem with that. So it's going to get super excited. We get a burst of emotional energy that drives us to make a New Year's resolution. And the interesting thing is that if the behavior

is driven by that burst of emotional energy, as soon as the emotion wanes, the behavior will disappear. This is why most people screw up with their New Year's resolutions. So instead we're going to start by actually introspecting and trying to figure out, okay, where does this New Year's resolution come from? Like, where does it come from? Like, why do I want this thing?

What part of me wants this thing? because there are going to be parts of you that don't want to think. And that's where the addict's brain comes in. Your mind is not going to want the New Year's resolution. There's a part of you that's like, yeah, I'd be so cool if I was like, oh yeah, I gave up this or I did this every day. Then some part you're running like, uh-uh, bro, I don't want to do that. So to think a little bit about where the New Year's resolution is coming from

and what it will cost you. I want you to know what you're signing up for. Read the fine print of the New Year's resolution. List out the costs. write them down and understand what you're signing up for. And then if you're like, yeah, that's too tough. That's okay. So tone down the goal, right?

Decrease the loan amount. You know, so like adjust. Adjust until there's something that you can comfortably handle. All right. Second thing, don't tell anyone about it. Don't tell anyone. Keep your New Year's resolution a secret. If people ask you questions, like, do you have a New Year's resolution this year?

If you don't want to lie, you can say, yeah, I'm kind of working on of stuff. Keep it secret. Because if you start telling people, they're going to start supporting you emotionally, and then your brain is going to be like, we just talk about doing it and people will love us anyway. So like, why bother, bro? So keep it secret. Keep it to yourself. Next thing, don't let failure stop you. You're going to screw up at some point. It's part of life. You're not perfect. But the addict's brain loves to let a screw up result in complete absolution of responsibility. right? Oh, well, now that I'm not, I, I drank yesterday, so I might as well drink today because like my year of sobriety is broken anyway. Now that it's broken, I might as well enjoy myself.

Okay. Keep it secret. Absolutely. Well said, is it secret? Is it safe? So Gandalf the Grey understood this, right? He understood that to be safe, it must be secret. And then if you don't make it secret, it won't stay safe. So if you want your New Year's resolution to be intact and safe, don't tell a soul. All right? Don't let failure stop you. And the last thing is to use identity in your favor.

So that a lot of times when we come up with a resolution, we are trying to be someone else. But all of that internal stuff is going to resist the goal that other people can accomplish. And that's why you fail, because you don't think it's actually you. When you need to actually realize, that this is you, that you are not a loser, that you are an athlete, you are a scholar, you are an entrepreneur. You don't have to be grandiose about it. It's not like something to be proud of. It's just what you are. It is simple. You don't need to tell a damn soul. You don't

need to walk around saying, I'm an athlete, scholar, entrepreneur, polymath. Oh, yeah, I'm all of those things. No, no, no. You're not going to tell damn soul. It's what you keep on the inside. Just imagine how your life is shaped by the way that you view yourself on the inside and everything that it shapes about your interactions. So start to realize, it's not believe, it's realize that you are those things. The only thing that is stopping you is your choice. And then when it comes down to making a choice, ask yourself, what would this person do? And then if I do that thing, I am that person, because that's all an athlete is.

An athlete is just someone who exercises and eats healthy, right? Like, that's what it is. A scholar is someone who has learned it in studies. Like, who's curious about the world and, like, tries to learn things. So you can do all of that. You just have to do it. And then if you try this for a little while, you may be shocked to believe that, holy crap, you can actually be this thing. That you are this thing.

That this entire time, you just not realize that you were to that thing. And it is your own mental conception, which has held you back. So this is what I would recommend. If you want to do a New Year's resolution, go for it. But just make sure you take care of your identity. Make sure you understand where it comes from. Make sure you understand what it's going to cost you. Don't tell a damn soul and don't let failure stop you.