HealthyGamerGG - Why You Can't Control Your Motivation

Episode Date: May 21, 2022

Today Dr. K talks about fluctuating motivation, the concept of "moving forward" in life, and more! Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/healthygamergg/donationsAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hi, welcome to your neighborhood pharmacy. Hi, I've got a prescription for diabetes test strips. How much is the copay? Well, it depends on your type of commercial insurance and factoring in your yearly spend, subtracting the deductibles, also depending on your monthly allowance base. Why can't there be a better option?

Or you could try Contournext test strips. A 35 counts only 1999 over-the-counter and proven to be highly accurate. Go to contournex.com slash radio to see if over-the-counter strips are a more affordable option for you. Hmm, I think I'll try Contour Next. lot of people who are stuck with a lack of motivation. One of the key things that you need to do is first, define what going forward in life is. Right. So what does that actually mean? Like, what are the tasks that you need to accomplish to, quote, unquote, move forward? Because a lot of the

reason that we stay stuck in life is because we set ourselves up with a goal that's impossible to achieve. Okay. So yesterday, you know, at 12 o'clock when we were concerned that our guest today may not be able to make it. We sent out a panic tweet. And thankfully, the internet responded. So thank you, internet. Otherwise, we would just be, I don't even know what we would be doing today, maybe playing some Dota. Okay. So let's start from the top. This is like so good, right? So I lack any motivation going forward in life. What can I do? And this is going to be like a common theme that we see here. So let's just see if there's, is there more? No. Wow, is this the only one? I could have sworn there was a ton of questions about motivation.

Okay. What can I do? So, and I saw that there was a reply here where someone was talking about, you know, don't rely on motivation, build habits instead. And that's a good thought. Habit development, I think, is a very, very good way to get productive. The problem with developing habits is that they require some amount of, like, effort to start, right? So this is like a really, really excellent point that you should rely on habits instead of motivation for productivity. But the problem with habits is that in order to form a habit, you have to do something for somewhere between two weeks and six months.

And if you look at research on habit formation, that's actually how long it can take. So like the earliest habits tend to form in a few weeks. And some studies on habit formation show that it actually takes like six months. So the challenge here is that, sure, if we can get to the point of habit that outweighs most, motivation, but if you lack any motivation going forward in life, like, what can you do? And so I think this is where a lot of times, you know, when we sort of lack any motivation, there's this concept of going forward in my life, which I think you really have to deconstruct. So like when people say, like, I lack any motivation to go forward in my life.

But I want y'all to think for a second about the frontal lobes. So our frontal lobes are the part of our brain that plan and execute tasks. So if I say like, okay, like I have to talk about crypto today, then my frontal lobes are like, okay, so let's think a little bit about, okay, what's the sequence, when are we going to talk about crypto, what are we going to say about crypto? And there's certain like, there's certain operationalizing, so breaking a task into its constituent pieces. And then once we break that task into its constituent pieces, we can sort of move forward

with it. The problem is that going forward in my life is not a, task that your brain can accomplish. Right? So it's like, how do you measure going forward in life? How does your brain know that you have moved forward in life? And this is the important thing about the brain is that the brain is a very, very efficient organ and it's not going to waste energy. Okay? So if you think about like, what does your brain get motivated to do? It gets motivated to do things that it knows are possible. Okay. So this is really, really important to understand. So if we think a little bit about, you know, if you're confident in yourself and you believe that you bring

value to the world, it's easier to get motivated to like find a job or change your job or things like that. Because our brain sort of has this like, there's this part of our brain that essentially determines the chances of success before we engage in a behavior. So this is why, I don't know about y'all, but I haven't tried out for the Olympic swimming team, even though I think it would be kind of cool. I don't know if y'all have tried out for the Olympic swimming team, but probably the reason that don't feel very motivated to try out for the Olympic swimming team is because your brain is sort of like, don't bother, it's not worth your time. So one of the key things to understand about motivation is we can't be motivated towards things unless we have a sense that we can accomplish

them. And so the first thing that you really need to do is like reframe this. So what does it mean to go forward in your life? Like what does that even mean? How do you know, so if you wake up today and your brain is like, you're like, okay, like, I need to go move forward in my life. And then your frontal lobes are like, what am I supposed to do with that? Like, what does that mean? Like, how do I know if I move forward in my life? Is it doing five push-ups today? Is it cleaning out my closet?

Is it taking out the trash? Is it applying for a job? Is it updating my dating profiles online? Like, what is going forward in life even mean? And so what tends to happen is that a lot of times we have a sense, that we're stuck, right? We feel like we're behind. We feel like we're not moving anywhere. But that's an emotion, or it's like a global sort of like problem that we sort of feel. And so if I'm stuck, how do I get unstuck? Well, that's kind of weird because your brain doesn't know how to operationalize

and break apart a feel, like the feeling, right, if that sort of makes sense. So if I have the emotion that I'm stuck in life and I sort of feel globally stuck, and that could be based on, you know, what I see on social media and like comparing myself to other people and all other kinds of like a humkar ego related things, then my then I sort of think naturally the antidote is to get unstuck. But unstuck is such a vague thing that like you can't really your brain doesn't know how to execute on the task. It's sort of like you know, if you were to tell your brain, you know, make sure you plan for the alien invasion. And it's sort of like what how do you even do that? Right? Like, what does that entail? What are the outcomes? When is the invasion? Well, we don't know. How do you prepare for it? I don't know. And so, like, that's where your brain can't really capitalize it. So a lot of people who are stuck with a lack of motivation, one of the key things that you need to do is just first define what going forward in life is. Right. So what does that actually mean? Like, what are the tasks that you need to accomplish to, quote, quote, move forward? Because a lot of the reason that we stay stuck in life,

is because we set ourselves up with a goal that's impossible to achieve. Like, literally think about this for a second. Going forward in my life. What is the verb? What is the action that I have to take to go forward in my life? Is it taking a step? Is it walking a mile? Is it moving in this direction or that direction?

Is it increasing the amount of my in my bank account? Is it stocking my fridge? Like, it's not a thing. You can't go forward in life. Like, that's impossible. So a lot of the reason that we lack motivation is because we set up goals for ourselves. We set up, you know, directions for ourselves, which are impossible to attain. And then our brain has trouble figuring out how I'm supposed to do that, right?

Because you're like, okay, like, I don't know. And then what we interpret that as is a lack of motivation. So our brain is motivated to, let's say, go to the bathroom when we, you know, when our bladder is full. And why is it motivated to do that? It knows that it can accomplish it, right? It knows where you start. It knows where you end.

It knows how to actually do it. The first thing that we've got to do if you're lacking motivation is define what going forward in my life actually is. The second thing that you can do is understand why you need to go forward in life. And I know that's kind of a weird question, but where do you get the idea that you need to move forward? And I'm not saying that your life is necessarily perfect. And so you may say, well, duh, like clearly I need to move forward in life. But in what ways? Right?

Like what makes you think you even need to move forward? Well, I'm living at home with my parents. Okay, so like, so what? Well, that's not good. Okay, so what's not good about it? Well, I don't know, like I'm not going to be able to find a romantic partner if I'm living at home. Okay, so it sounds like romantic partners are interesting to you. Let's like think about that.

So you have to figure out where it is that you feel stuck from. Because what you'll sort of discover is when you sort of notice why you're stuck, that's the process with which you break apart. going forward looks like. Okay, so like I'm interested in romantic partners. I'm interested in financial independence. I'm interested in everything. Getting in shape. Okay, then let's like, let's try to prioritize those things. Okay, what do you want to start with today? What can you accomplish today? Well, I can like, you know, I can update my resume. Okay, fantastic. So by exploring why you feel stuck, you will naturally sort of start to figure out what are the dimensions of your life that you need to change. And then what you do is you tunnel down and you

focus on just one. Because the third thing, which is really important, is there's a pitfall here, which is as you dig into why you feel stuck, your brain is going to logically give you lots of answers. So if I ask anyone, why do you feel stuck? Their brain will produce lots of answers, but that's an intellectual answer that is born from a feeling. And I don't know if this is getting a little bit too complicated, but oftentimes if I feel a particular way, my mind will be able to justify it however I want to. So if you talk to someone who feels like they're going to be doomed to be alone forever, they'll come up with a thousand justifications. But interestingly enough, if you actually do like psychotherapy with these people or work with these people, what you'll

discover is that the feeling of alone came first. There's usually some kind of traumatic event where they like, you know, they had a birthday party when they were eight years old and they prepped everything for it and then like no one showed up. And that's where the feeling of being alone was born from. And once that feeling is born, then your mind creates a cognitive bias. You start to justify it, right? You start to look at all of these reasons why you believe this thing. But the truth is that that justification comes after the fact. So a simple way to understand this is if you have, if you're politically oriented in one particular way, it's going to be very easy for you to see the mental gymnastics of people who are oriented the opposite way. Right? We all go through these

mental gymnastics and how does that work? Why does our mind do that? That's because the feeling actually comes first. The emotion comes first. The emotion isn't born of logic, right? But anytime you ask yourself, why do I feel this way, the mind will generate a thousand different answers. But those answers come from the emotion. They don't result in the emotion. So you have to be super careful when you ask yourself, why am I stuck? If your mind comes up with a laundry list of different things, some of those can be useful for operationalizing, but don't fall into the trap of just because I'm operationalizing doesn't mean that the feeling is actually justified or because of all of these things. Chances are if you feel stuck, that feeling has an emotional

root and some kind of like experience. So if you're lacking motivation, first thing to do is recognize that going forward in my life is not an action you can take. Like literally, you cannot go forward in your life. Like that's like physically impossible. It's not something you can do. So you have to better define what your goals are because then your brain, your frontal lobes can be like, okay, like now I understand. Okay, put my books on the bookshelf. That's something that my brain can actually like understand and develop some degree of motivation towards. The second thing to do is dig into the roots of why you feel stuck or why you feel like you need to go forward in your life. And once you dig into the roots of that and sort of emotionally process that, understand that

some, you'll recognize that that emotion is holding back your motivation. And if you can get to the bottom of that emotion, your motivation will naturally start to flourish. The third thing to keep in mind is there's a particular pitfall here, which is as you go down that path, be super careful for all of the justifications that your mind uses. Like, oh, I'm stuck because A, B, C, and D. Whereas chances are those things are not the cause of you being stuck. Those things are the result of you feeling stuck plus the cognitive bias or cognitive filter that you apply from being stuck.

So hopefully that makes sense. And if you go through that process, hopefully you can start to develop some kind of motivation. And then, as you start to develop some kind of motivation, lean into habit. Thoughts on the general impact. Okay? Questions. Literally picking a needle from a haystack where the problem found supposed to locate it. Yeah.

So that's what it can feel like. That's exactly the, so it's a great point. So remix gen is saying, it's like trying to find a needle in a haystack in terms of the source of my, my, you know, why I feel stuck. And that's exactly what it feels like, because your mind will generate a thousand reasons for feeling a particular way. But even if you think about it, we don't feel a particular way because of a thousand things, right? And just think about your life for a second. If you feel a particular way, chances are it's not like an amalgamation of a thousand experiences, chances are it's one experience or a couple of experiences that you repeat over and over and over

again. And so that's exactly right. That's why what you've got to do is like kind of go to the source of the emotion, right? So there's an interesting tip there, which is ask yourself how long you've been feeling this way, and when was the last time you didn't feel this way? And then what you want to look for is a change. So what changed? So like if I started, I felt pretty good back when I was 16 or 17 and now I'm 22. What changed between like 17 and 18? Or what changed between 16 and 17 and 18 and 19? And so that's how you could sort of find where that process is. We go into this in a bunch of detail in Dr. K's guide if you look at the Vedic psychology portion, because this is like a skill that you can learn in terms of finding the root of your kind of like cognitive biases.

Okay. So we've got Vita Boy who's saying, if my issue is when I create goals, I feel like they aren't genuine, like writing on paper what I want to accomplish, really hard to believe myself. 100%. Right. So that's because your goals are being created from your intellect as opposed to to, like, they're like things that you should do, right? So this is a challenge where if we look at, like, what's the problem with, like, how we generate goals? So when I generate goals, like, let's just think for a second about where do those goals come from? I sit down for a second, like, I grab a piece of paper and I start listing all the things I should do. Well, just think about this for a second. How important is a should for generating motivation? How motivated are you to do

the things that you should do. By nature, the fact that it's something you should do, you're not intrinsically motivated at all. So if you want to generate goals, what I'd recommend is instead of writing down all the stuff you should be doing, instead ask yourself, what do you care about? What do you actually value in this life? Not what you should do. What do you care to do?

And this is where you've got to be kind of careful because you may fall into a pitfall. Well, what I care to do is play video games all day. I don't think so. I don't think you wake up today and you say to yourself, well, for the next five years, I'd love nothing more than to sit in my room and play video games for 16 hours a day. Like, I don't think that you actually care about that. I think that's what we do as a default. When we're looking at a list of all the stuff we should be doing, it feels overwhelming and

we don't know what to do, so we might as well play a video game. That's how you end up playing video games for 16 hours a day for five years. It's not because you wake up and you're like, man, I really love this. or if you do, usually end up as a pro gamer, like, you know, an esports athlete. Like that happens. And usually that's where those people end up. So I'd start by really digging into like what you care about. And this is where like, so part of what we try to help our, what we teach our coaches is if you're trying to work with someone who struggles with motivation,

what you need to do is move from the should to the care. Like, what do you care about? What do you value? Because that's what creates motivation. So someone's asking, how do I keep constantly motivated? So this is important to understand about motivation. You don't want to keep constantly motivated. You have to understand that motivation is going to fluctuate.

I don't know that you can say constantly motivated, but what you can do is create a life in which two things happen. One is that you capitalize on motivation in a way that is not lost when it happens. So you kind of strike while the iron is hot. Okay? So that's where, like, you acknowledge that motivation isn't going to be. all the time. You're a human. Human beings fluctuate, right? They're not robots. They're not machines. So the question is, when you are motivated, how do you capitalize on it in a way that you don't lose it? So that's where, you know, for example, like if I'm writing a book, that's somewhat

easy because I can, you know, keep it. And every time I feel inspired, I sit down to write. There are other things that are a little bit harder. Like, I feel motivated to study today. I don't feel motivated to study tomorrow. So like, if you don't feel motivated often enough, if you're studying, like, that can be a real problem, which is why we come to number two. So if motivation, if we acknowledge for a moment that motivation is fluctuate, then the question becomes what dictates how motivated you are. And this is where people lose out, I think, a lot on understanding motivation, is that motivation is triggered by all kinds of different things. And the more that you shape your life to have pro-motivational external sources,

the better off you'll be. So this is where, like, I don't feel like studying today, but if I I get together with five of my friends, Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday in the library for three hours, and I have a standing appointment, even if I don't feel like studying, I will do some work. So this is where I think a lot of people who are struggling with motivation, you've got to do two things. One is capitalize when the motivation is there. And second is figure out, like, how to blow, you know, increase the oxygen and the embers to rekindle that flame. So that's really what I would recommend.

So just capitalize on it in a way that's kind of like sustainable, not sustainable, but preservable is a better term. So a lot of times we'll get motivated, but the amount of work that we'll do is not conducive to being picked up later. So we'll like do something half finished, whereas like, you know, if you can complete a segment and then have the next part ready for yourself, it can really help. So you can't stay constantly motivated and you don't need to. Just capitalize on it when it's there and then figure out how to stoke it is the word I was

looking for, I think. Right? How to evoke it. And then set up those kinds of exposures for yourself. And then your motivation will go a lot. You'll get a lot more done.