HealthyGamerGG - Why You Don't Understand Others... ft. Tectone

Episode Date: July 9, 2021

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There we go. Yeah, of course, man. Happy we could help. What's, what's been going on? A lot. I can honestly probably say the past three days have most likely been the worst days of my content creating career, I guess, ever. And it combined with things from my personal life as well, stacking up at like inopportune times, it's been pretty damn rough. And that's what seems to happen. Yeah. And then, Yeah. And then the worst thing that happened is like,

this is the one time where like I finally thought that like, okay, I'm good. Like, okay, we're all good. This isn't going to happen this time. And then it happened. It happened again. Even though like I tried so hard to like, like I thought I was good.

I thought I was, I was chill. And then all of a sudden, an unexpected conduit that caused, negative emotions en masse happened again, which caused situations that I wasn't foreseeing, which is very unfortunate. Yeah, I'm losing you a little bit in the abstractness. So let's take a step back.

Yeah, sure. Yeah. Of course. So can you start by just telling me what you go by or what you want me to call you today? Yeah, I would love for you just to call me, John. Okay. So, John, so just so you know, I understand that our team was quite responsive. to you, which is fantastic. I'm really happy to hear that they, you know, but I don't know anything.

So I have no idea. And that's actually how I prefer to have it. So I try not to be like biased by like things that get posted and anything like that. So I come into these completely blind. Sometimes it's confusing for people, especially the audience if they know like if there's some kind of drama going on. But like I try to be blind to the drama and like I don't pay attention to it. I stay off. of social media and stuff like that. You know, I mean, Reddit just for fun. Yeah. And I really appreciate that because I need a non-biased individual like yourself, uh, lo, like so badly because. Sure.

It's hard to know. Like, sorry. It's really hard to know whether I'm the problem or not. Because it keeps happening. And it's happened so many times. that I don't know when it's going to stop. Because it just keeps happening over and over again. And pretty much what's happening is that I just keep pissing people off.

And I keep on hurting people who I really care about. And I've pretty much lost every single person that I've ever been close with for longer than like two years besides my best friend Edrick. and my wife frame. Okay. I only really connect with one member of my family anymore. I'm not going to lie. I've had a pretty, pretty bad experience with that.

But it's just, it's so hard to know. Like, I mean, you got to understand from, and I'm sure you do understand from my perspective, is that I'm always the common denominator. And so eventually I'm going to assume, well, it's probably me. It was probably me. So it's just trying to determine that. Okay.

What sucks. John, can I just think for a second? Of course. Yep, of course. So I'm trying to figure out how to phrase this. So, you know, when you use phrases like I'm the, whether I'm the problem or I'm the common denominator, there can, it's a really tricky place to be because there can be a lot of blame with that, right? And the tricky thing here is that if. if you are responsible, then you actually have the power to change it because it's like in your wheelhouse.

Does that make sense? 100% yes. The challenge is that if you're not responsible, then you may not have the power to change it. So it's sort of like a double-edged sword either way. So either you aren't quote or quote the problem, in which case you're just kind of like unlucky and you may not be able to do anything about it. Because at the end of the day, the only thing you can control is yourself. Right. And if you are, quote, unquote, the problem, the challenge is that in my experience, that comes with a lot of blame.

But it also comes with a lot of power. So what I, I mean, already I have no idea what we're talking about. But my first thought here is like, what I want you to understand is that if we're talking about interpersonal relationships here, a lot of our problems and interpersonal relationships do have, we do have an. element, like we're at least 50%, right? Or at most 50%, depending on how you want to look at it. And what I've seen in people who, like, continually have the same problem in relationships is that they do have some kind of contribution.

But I know it sounds kind of weird, but that contribution may not be your fault, even though it's your contribution, which I know sounds like this needs to be disentangled. But like, so I'll just give you an example, you know, if your parents grew up in a particular way and there was a. certain like husband, wife dynamic that you internalized and got socially conditioned to be acceptable. And then like you take that programming into all of your relationships and then you wind up getting like divorced twice. In a sense, you're responsible for it. But in a sense, like you didn't really know better. Right. So I think it's like it's important to be careful about like responsibility and

blame. And already my sense, I don't, I don't really know anything. So this could be like completely off here. But my thought is, you know, the goal, already I have a goal in my mind, which is to try to understand your interpersonal dynamics, raise awareness as to what you do that could impact those. And I know it sounds kind of weird, but we have to like really be careful about non-judgment there. And then we have to understand like what drives you to engage in relationships the way that you do. Yes. Okay. So it's not like, does that sort of make sense? So it's going to be like a tricky tightrope to walk, to sort of become aware of what the problem is and like work on changing it without like self-flagellating yourself and like thinking that you're a POS and like things like that

for like doing that so far. Like what's happened in the past has happened in the past. And you know, we can you can apologize for it. You can try to make up for it. All those things are healthy. But at the same time like self-blame doesn't really help very much. And so what I'm going to what we may do is like hold you accountable. and hold you responsible for your actions, but we also want to do that, like, with compassion. Yes. Okay.

Okay. So tell me, what are we talking about, John? Well, see, I have this mentality where I don't know if this is good or not, but like, I have been, is it okay if I cuss? Yeah, I think so. Okay. I've been fucked so many goddamn times by the people who I've trusted the most. Like, I'm underneath the mentality now where, like,

I would rather, like, I don't believe in turning a new leaf for the majority of people. Like, everybody who's ever fucked me, if I ever gave them another chance, they turned around and fucked me again. So, like, for example, like, the reason why me and my family don't have that good of a relationship is because I never knew when my parents were together because they were divorced before I was born. And so my mom and dad, they went their separate ways. My mom had a new boyfriend every week. And my dad currently is on a seventh divorce right now. So like, I don't know, yeah, I don't know what a good relationship looks like from a family standpoint. My sister, when my house burnt down, my sister came out.

My sister's been in jail more times than she's been out of jail since she was like 14. So she went to Jimmy and all that stuff. So my house burnt down when both my brothers were deployed and she was supposed to take care of me. But instead what she did was she came to my house, took all of my money that I had to survive until my dad came out of prison and then left me alone. so then I had to live and find somebody else to stay with during that time period. So I got fucked by her, and I already knew she was going to fuck me because there were some other things that happened in the past. My brother, Ben, is very, very, very agro,

and he just scares the shit out of man. He's made me lose a lot of friends, so I don't think he was good for my life. But my brother, Mike, is a massive inspiration. He's one of the people who I look up to most in life, and he was around me more than my dad when I was a kid. So I used to call him dad because I didn't actually, yeah. I that's what I thought so he's he's like my rock

like he's a person I can always go back to and then I have my uh my aunt and my uncle Bruce who were like the first people in my family to ever talk to me like I was an adult and not just because I'm the youngest of my family so everybody talked to me like I was a kid like I was a baby like I was wasted my life

but uh they were the first people to ever talk to me like I was an actual adult like I actually wasn't a complete absolute idiot because pretty much I was always told everything that I did, which was, I'm not going to lie, I was a kid. The only thing I enjoyed was playing World Warcraft and League of Legends. And so that's all I did. I just played video games. And I always knew I wanted to be a content creator, and I always knew I could do it.

And that's all I did. And I was always thought I was wasting my time and all that jazz. I was always trying to be forced into sports. But I don't give a shit about sports. I hate sports. I think they're boring. I'd rather just watch anime about sports because that's more interesting than me. So I wanted to become a content creator.

So I went to college for theater. And I did professional theater for about a year and a half. And then after that, I did professional wrestling for about two years. I got injured. And then I went back into college to do interactive media and 3D design. I got a course in video game theory that made me do a video essay on Banjo and Kazui. And then I was like, wow, I just made my first YouTube video. And I was like, why am I not doing this all the time?

This is the best thing ever. And so then I dropped out of college and I've been doing that ever since. And then things have been going great ever since. So that's kind of where I'm at with my family. And then my buddies, I guess it's really hard to know boundaries that have never been said. Like, so for example. Beautiful. Oh, my God.

Yeah. Yeah. Like, I don't know how to. not cross somebody's boundaries if they never told me them. And the first time I lost my virginity, which was when I was 18, I didn't know that my buddy was in love with the girl who I lost my virginity to. And so you'd think, because we had like an eight year long friendship. You'd think that we'd be good, but instead, oh, well, you had sex with that girl. And I didn't, I didn't even enjoy it. It sucked. Well, you had sex with her, so now we're gone forever. And that was the first time I was

really ever hurt. Because I was like, first of all, I didn't even want to do it. Two, it was her who came to me. And I was just like, okay, well, now I can stop being called a virgin and that'll be awesome. Because good Lord, that shit haunted me for so long. And so my other buddy, his girlfriend told me that I was too passive aggressive. Get this. I'm literally not even kidding. For some reason I'm called passive aggressive, constantly. Like constantly. And the reason why I was called passive aggressive is because I used the, the kitty face emoji when I would talk to her, because I use that for everybody. I think emojis or emotes are required to fully encapsulate human speech over text.

Because if I send you a message saying, I'm fine, period. You're going to think that I'm pissed. But then if I send I'm fine with like a happy face, then you know, oh, okay, well, you're actually fine. Like, I don't like leaving room to let people intuit what I'm saying. So I like using emojis in order to fill that gap, but then I was called condescending and passive aggressive. And so she said it's either me or him, and then he chose her. So I lost him as well.

Another eight-year-long friendship that is pretty much down the drain. And it just keeps going on like that, where I just keep losing people, and I keep on getting called things that I don't understand, because I'm a guy who does a lot of meditation. I do a lot of self-reflecting. And yet, in my mind, there's no way that people could ever get to these, I guess, conclusions that they're getting to. Yet they seem to get to them regardless.

And I don't know how to stop them. Okay. So just to clarify a couple things. So it seems like multiple people have told you that you are passive aggressive. Is that fair? Yes. Yes. Okay.

All right, John. I'm going to need another second to process. Is that cool? gave me a lot. Love it. I love it. I'm just going to try to organize and try to figure out how to help you. Okay. Sure. Okay. So here's the general direction I'm feeling like we should go first. And that's, I love the way that you said, you know, I don't know how to respect boundaries that were not taught to me. So I'm noticing, you know, that given your home situation, there's a lot of like social behavior, which we like internalize and are conditioned to when we see. see healthy relationships. So like, you know, if you think about like how a child learns language, right? Like everyone around them is like talking that language.

So they learn the language and it feels supernatural to them. So there's also a language of healthy relationships. Right? So like our brain learns all kinds of stuff. We learn like mannerisms. Right. So my kids like sigh in the way that I sigh. They'll be like, oh.

You know, like when when they like when they don't. get the card that they wanted and go fish. They'll have like this subconscious kind of like behavioral response. They also have ways that they like relate to each other and things like that. So for example, like sometimes they come into the office and like they're they know they're not supposed to come into the office, but I'll say like, hey, do you remember you're not supposed to come into the office? And then I'll, I'll listen to why they came in and then I'll like send them out. And so like if you think about it like, you know, different parents may respond to their kids in different ways. Like if they violate the boundary, do they get punished? Do they get reminded of the

boundary? Do I like, you know, evaluate them? So I try to be like, I try to evaluate them when they come in and be like, is this emergency? Because I want them to come in if it's an emergency. And so there's just a lot of stuff that like hopefully my kids are learning. And I think they have because they do this with other humans now too where they like, you know, understand boundaries a lot. And they understand like kids at the playground. There's some kids at the playground who don't respect their boundaries and some kids at the playground that do respect their boundaries. And in terms of when a kid doesn't respect their boundaries, like what is the way that we interact with that kid and how do I talk to them? So there's like a lot of stuff that like our human brain when we're like a six year old is like a sponge. And it absorbs all kind of crap. And what I'm noticing just based on your history is it sounds like the rules of relationships. The rules of healthy relationships was not something that your five year old brain knew. how to like didn't get taught. And so then what happens is as you become an adult and you engage in other people who are like conditioned or they were taught a set of rules, which like you guys are playing a game where like 90% of the population or let's say 80% of the population has a shared rule set.

And then you're playing some weird ass hardcore, you know, Iron Man mod. And so it changes the way that you interact with them. and then like the passive aggressive is is a good term for like when when you're doing something that someone doesn't like and they can't point to a behavior what they call you as passive aggressive. They feel like you're doing something wrong, but you're not actually breaking any of the rules, which is how you learned it, right? Like you learned like very consciously like these are the rules of how you behave with people. Case in point. I mean, you can think about just the cognitive work that you've done. If I tell people, it's like an if then statement, you're like a fucking robot.

If I say, I'm fine, period, they will be upset. If I type, I'm fine, period. You're like an AI trying to learn human interactions. And then I add this emoji, then they won't be upset. And so what's happening is you're engaging with people where you're like following all the rules as you've learned them because you like had to figure this shit out very like cognitively. It wasn't like internalized. It wasn't baked in.

And then what happens is you're not violating any of the rules. But something is rubbing someone the wrong way to where they're like, I can't point to anything wrong that he's doing, but I just don't like him. And then they call you passive aggressive. Because there's no sin, right? There's no mistake. There's nothing that they can actually call you out on.

And that's why it's even more confusing for you because then you're like, what the fuck am I doing wrong? Like, if I'm making a mistake, I will try to correct it because I care about these people and I care about these relationships. But they're like, you're passive aggressive and you're like, I don't know how to be not that. Yes. Yes. Exactly what you're saying yes. I mean, if I'm screwing up somewhere, just like tell me what I'm screwing up and I want to apologize and I want to change because this matters to me. But they're like, you're passive aggressive and there's no, it's like a dead end. There's no solution there. Yeah. So does that make sense? That makes a lot of sense. Yeah. I've actually, I've never thought of it like that way my entire life. Yeah. So I think it's like you've learned, it's a really interesting pattern, but like, you weren't taught the rules of the game

intuitively. So when you don't have the intuitive knowledge, like, you know, I don't know how to say this, but like, I mean, you played a bunch of games, right? So if you play like League of Legends, like, you know that there's, there's these abstract concepts like map control and pressure, like lane pressure, right? Like, and the problem is like if you don't, you can't teach someone lane pressure. They have to like understand it. you know, like, it's like a principle. And so what can happen is I can analyze a game of League of Legends and I can sort of like come up with a set of if-then statements. If three players are pushing top, then I should go bottom. And then like, like, you know, I can do as many of those if-then statements

that I want to and it will sort of approximate lane pressure, but it'll never truly be an understanding of lane pressure. And then what happens is the number of if-then statements you have in your head works for like a certain amount of time, but unless you understand the equation underneath, eventually you'll hit a social situation where you don't have an if-then statement for it, and you'll lose because you don't understand lane pressure. Yeah. And that's why it sounds like you're able to maintain relationships for a while, but it sounds like eventually you hit some scenario where like you don't know the equation and you're like, if-then statements don't match it. And then you kind of screw up in some way. Yeah, like I had this situation with my buddy and we were so close for like nine months,

like so close. And then literally out of nowhere, this guy pulls me aside in the Discord call and says, hey, you know all of your friends actually hate you, right? And they're completely faked you. And the moment that you're not in the call, like they're all just shitting on you constantly. And it was just completely out of the blue. and like my wife was in those calls and like obviously you know she wouldn't lie to me because we've been together for about 10 years

and it's just sometimes I have this experience where I don't know if I'm just not observant but it almost feels like some of the people who are the closest to me have like this flip where they just say like these ridiculously rude things to me out of nowhere that are completely unbased and just try to destroy me

it's very strange and I don't I don't know what to do about it, because I don't know if I'm just not perceptive enough or I don't even know what their motive is. Well, so. Okay, so let's, let's bump a couple of thoughts there, but I think probably what I need to do is I'm sort of flying blind here. Like I'm taking Hail Mary shots here.

There seems like they're hitting so far. But I want to take a step back because I have a lot of thoughts about, you know, what you can do to, you know, transform your social interactions. But before we get there, I want to just make sure. that I understand your situation. So can you just like tell me more, John, like what's been happening to you recently? Like what's been going on? Like, help me understand like what your experience of things is. Sure. When you say with things, do you mean with my friends or like what's happening with the content creating side or just whatever. Whatever you want to talk about.

Like whatever you want, whatever you wish was different, just tell me about it. All right. So the thing that I'm having an issue is with content creating is, is that I have been called dramatic. Like I cause drama. And in my perspective, and maybe you disagree, like if somebody says literally fake things about me, and they have a

if it's a small channel, it's easy to ignore. But if it's a big channel saying that I did this, this and this, if I respond to them and tell them why they're wrong and prove why, because I, like he said, she said scenarios

are toxic. I try not to get involved in those. But if I have literal hard proof of that, no, I didn't do any of that. Look at this. And then, like, I don't get how that's me being dramatic. That's me just, I don't get the difference between causing drama and just trying to clear my name. Like, another, another big example of that is five months ago, no joke, I got canceled on Twitter. And they took all of these clips from me out of context. And I was called transphobic, homophobic.

and a pedophile. Okay, and my little sister and my niece saw that. The reason why I was called a pedophile was because I was making this thing called a wifoo tier list where there's this character in this game I called her name. She's 12 years old. And the statement I said was that Klee could be a wifu for another 12-year-old. So I wanted to rank her at a B-tier because I think in a middle school setting, I think they would be cute to be boyfriend and girlfriend.

but instead what people took from that was Oh, Tectone likes to fuck kids. This retweet thing got over 20,000 retweets. And I disproved every single claim and showed those clips in full context, but the problem is, is the person who made the post admitted that they were trying to paint me in a bad light.

They admitted that they hated me and they wanted to cause me shit, but they felt bad because apparently someone from my community went and tried to docks them. and I told them, don't fucking do that. What are you doing? This person's just confused. I go to their channel.

I reach out. I try to check in on them. And they said, wow, I would have never expected this behavior from you. Admitted the entire thing that was a lie and took the entire post down. But the problem is, with me in particular, maybe it happens to everybody. Everybody's there when somebody calls you a dickhead. But nobody was there when they admitted, oh, hey, that was a lie. So now so many people have this impression of me from an article that got so.

so much traction that was completely unbased, completely inaccurate, and nobody saw the apology because the post itself got 20,000 retweets. The apology got about seven hearts. So it just sucks. Because like I don't get why like things that are hateful about me get so much traction, but anything that's good gets like nothing. And there are even people who like say, if you support tech tone, you can go fuck yourself unfollow me. Like I just don't get it. Like I don't get that shit at all. Okay. Why do you think they target you?

I have a lot of, I have a lot of, I have a lot of, I have a lot of reasons. One is that when I do stream, because I was taught this in professional wrestling in theater, the most authentic acting is when you take yourself and you turn it up to 11. So I like to portray myself as like this super, like, happy, loud, fun guy, but in reality, I'm actually quite depressed, but I like doing that because I feel that positivity spreads. And if I come on stream, because I'm not, so two days ago was the first time I ever actually cried on stream, because generally when I feel sad, I just turn off the camera and I just go away. I have a panic attack, and I have tons of anxiety, but I recently started this stuff called Ashwaganda,

which has been great. It's been changed my life, to be honest. And I don't really have that many panic attacks anymore, but I have anxiety nonstop. I mean, the reason why I think people shit on me is probably because, I definitely give a reaction. When somebody, you know, says some bullshit about me, I can't ignore it. I have to say it if it has, you know, at least a... If too many people say it, I have to give a statement.

So I do think maybe I respond too much. And I guess I'm just... In my demographic, which is like Gotcha games, I feel like I'm extremely outspoken and incredibly loud. And I also don't think people know the difference between my persona, tectone, and then who I actually am, which is just John. It's my theory. Okay. Okay.

Okay. John, I think there's, I'm going to, so there's, this is a whole different can, it's not a different can of worms. There's a whole separate can of worms that is also involved here, which has to do with like what we've learned at HG about content creators. and the first thing to understand is like you're going to get a disproportionate amount of hate because of the way that content creation works. So for example, like, you know, I don't know how much of this is personally you and how much of it is just like there's almost like a behavioral reinforcement where like if I know that I'm going to get an 11 out of 10 response,

if I crap on tectone, then what I'm going to do is crap on tectone. then what I'm going to do is crap on tectone because he's going to respond and then like it's going to become a thing right and then like there's also there's like a whole there's a whole I mean it gets complicated because then people feel like self-righteous because now if they think that you're a

pedophile they'll go out of their way to expose you because they think that they're doing the world like good and then if you respond to that like you know it just every response feeds the flames and so it's strange but there's almost like a behavioral reinforcement to even responding to drama. You're actually like reinforcing the drama because there are these other things.

Like there's like this Darwinian effect where, you know, the hate post gets 20,000 whatever. And then the apology post gets seven whatever, which means that what's happening is the internet from a Darwinian fashion is actually like selecting for hateful content. So like that, it's just a function of like the way that are are like, propagation algorithms in human psychology work. Does that make sense? Yeah, it does, yes. So I think the other thing, though, is that I think that what this could overlap is I'm curious why, like, someone would go out of their way to take a bunch of your clips and put them out of context to try to, like, smear you. So there may be something there that you are actually doing that, like, puts a target on your back in the first place. I 100% agree. I just have

no idea what that is. So this is where the overlap may be. Go ahead. Do you have ideas? Um... You sounded like you're about to say something and I cut you off. No, yeah, no, because that's what it's always been like. It's just like, there has to be a reason.

And it sucks because I don't do anything necessarily that other streamers don't do. Like, I pretty much... I don't... No. I mean, to be all, no, I don't. I mean, no, I don't really know. Okay. I wish, I've been trying to, because like, I'm at like, it sometimes feel like my brain is exploding.

Because like, I'll just think and I'll think and I'll think and I'll think and I'll think. And like, I haven't got that much sleep in the past three days. I'm not going to lie. Sure. Because even now, like, I don't even know. I'm just trying to process and figure out how do I get this to never happen again? Like, how do I, how do I stop this? I don't know that you can stop it, but I think what I would try to help you do is not stop it, but rather reduce it and be able to like process it.

Right? Because as long as you're a content creator, like people are going to shit on you. Like it's just it's part of the business. Yeah. And and so maybe let's go a little bit more personal and see if there are particular aspects of your behavior or your personality that like translate on to strange. that are causing, because if you have problems on stream and you have problems in your personal relationships, there's usually a common element there. So like maybe the way that we can try to elucidate those, because there's some problem, right? Because you're not like a dumb guy. And if you're saying like, hey, this pattern keeps happening, like you are the common denominator. So that should be like explored. So can you give me an example? So that's really helpful from like a professional standpoint that it seems like you do something people, you get you have a target on your back. You

kind of work like, you know, and then they smear you and then you defend yourself. And it's It's absolutely frustrating that, you know, the smear post gets 20,000 whatever. And then like the apology post, I've seen the same thing in terms of accusations of sexual assault and stuff like that with people who are innocent. It's actually really tragic. That, you know, the accusation gets like spread like wildfire and it's like guilty until proven innocent. And then like when someone comes out with a, you know, with an apology or even like rescinds it, there's like nothing. It's like crickets. And I've seen this a lot.

a lot of the men in my practice where there's almost like a trauma from being accused of sexual assault especially. And I'm not saying that, you know, it just gets tricky. But sometimes, you know, people are innocent and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, you know, I think there's going to be, like, there's definitely, like, just this aspect in human society where, like, accusations, um, spread farther than, like, um, um, vindications. Yeah.

And I don't really know what to do about that. So let's like kind of focus a little bit more on, you know, your personal relationship. So can you tell me, like, just pick something that's been happening recently with you and what your understanding of it is? Sure. Well, I would like to say the majority of friends that I have lost is mainly just because I've moved around a lot. Like, and they don't play video games.

So, like, I don't know how to talk to people unless we're playing a video game together. Okay. So that's the majority of them. It's just, I move, don't know how to connect with regular conversation. We don't put the same games or they don't play games. So I don't know what they do. Like, for example, like with my brother, who's like one of the guys I'm closed with ever, he doesn't play video games either.

So we just talk like once a year. But when we talk, it's like nothing ever changed. Like we're right there. With other issues, I guess I have had a lot of friends who have not wanted to be my friend because ugh, God, it feels, I guess maybe I'd

I say too much. Like, and I think I give my opinion a little bit too quick. What do you mean like that? So like, I'm pretty aware when somebody is like, like, when a girl is trying to get with a guy

and I know, I know when somebody's, I think I know when somebody's a piece of yet. But like, for example, like, when I see one of my buddies with a girl who I know is not good for them, because, like, I don't know how to, I don't know how to tell my buddy to leave a fucking girl when they've cheated on them twice. So I'm like, okay, like, they may want to deal with it, but I'm just like, it's just going to happen again. Like, they fucked another dude when you were gone. Why would you forgive that? And, like, I guess I'm,

I'm too, I'm too abrasive because when I see things so black and white. And like when I see somebody that's fucked up, when I see somebody hurt one of my friends, I have to say something. And maybe, maybe I don't give them their time to deal with things naturally, but I'm just like, girl cheats on boy, boy should leave girl because if not boy gets hurt again. And so like, I don't know how, yes, sorry, go ahead. Why do you have to say something? because I don't want to see my friends get hurt again.

Like, if I know what's going to happen again, and it'll happen again, I don't know how to not say, yo, man, you should be careful. And I'm never abrasive about it. I'm just like, do you really want to go through with this again? Like, I don't, I hate, like, I can't stand. I can't stand seeing my friends get hurt. And so when I try to, sorry, go ahead. What makes that hard for you?

I think I actually know the point. I think I know why it's been so hard. Because I once again, I try to figure out why do I think this way? Why is it so important to me? And so I backtracked way back, way back. And this was like first, second grade. And my mom had a really rough life

because she had to take care of four kids by herself because my dad wasn't in the picture early on. My mom was so stressed all the time. so she would get angry, and she would just unleash havoc on my two brothers. And I love them more than anything to where my brother, Mike, would call me the sacrificial lamb of the family. Because when I would see my mother yelling at my brothers, I would do something intentionally horrible. That way I could shift her being angry at them to her being angry at me, because then I also know that I can get her to accept what I did

because I can actually give a heartfelt apology because when I fuck up and I'm going into that with the mindset of, okay, I'm going to fuck up tremendously, I know how to apologize and mean it because I did know my action was wrong, but like, I just, I can't, it just came back from that. It's just when I see other people in pain, it's easier for myself to be in pain than see them in pain

because this way I can make that go away for them. and just kind of take that on myself, which I understand is incredibly unhealthy. Unhealthy in what way? Unhealthy for me, but good for them, because on one hand, that's just going to continue to, you know, I guess send people the wrong message of who I am because I'm doing things that I wouldn't naturally do so that way I can get people to fuck off the other people. But then on the other hand, that I don't have to see my brothers or my friends get fucked. So, John, I'm going to ask you some weird questions.

Okay. Anything. I'm an open book. So when you say, when you say, I can't stand seeing my friends hurt. So I have to say something. Whose feelings are you prioritizing in that interaction? Trying to prioritize theirs. Really?

Think about that for a second. So what is the emotional driver that is prompting you to action? Me not wanting to see them hurt. So that's a, that's my thing. That is my thing. Oh, absolutely. Yeah, that is. I never thought about it that way. So, like, here's the crazy thing, right?

Like, it's actually your intolerance of their pain that drives you to act, which means there actually isn't, you're not placing their feelings above your own. I mean, it's the other way around, even though it's done with love. But it's really tricky, right? But it's your intolerance. And this is why, like, I mean, I think it could be anticlimactic, but this could be a huge part of it. right? Because when you say like, I don't understand why someone would, you know, forgive someone who's cheated on them twice. Absolutely. And that's where you screw up because you don't, like, they're not stupid, man. Like, they understand that their girlfriend cheated on them twice. And you're missing a huge part of the puzzle if they're going back. That's true. And so then what you do is you try to push them based on your standard. which once again I know it's going to happen again

like you can't see the future no one can yeah you know so it's kind of interesting because like I think like part of the problem when you say like I think you're sort of right in the sense that are you abrasive yes like I think that

the tricky thing here is that you're abrasive but you're also like kind of justified right you're not like telling people things that are like super distort like it's not unreasonable to think that hey if like this person that you're dating cheats on you twice like maybe you should find someone else else.

Yeah. But I do think that something, you're probably missing something because if the primary, if you are able to, if you are not able to emotionally tolerate your friends like making mistakes and doing in your mind stupid things. Yeah. That emotional intolerance is probably blinding you to some signals that they're sending your way. I agree 10 billion percent. I think I started realizing that when I played League of Legends, because whenever I would watch people, miss. playing League of Legends, I would lose my absolute shit. Because like, I can't see, I can't stand watching people make mistakes.

It drives me fucking nuts. So I, what's up with that? It's just annoying. There's nothing. There's nothing. Oh, it's so frustrating. Because like, in my mind, it's like, okay, well, one plus two equals three. But then when I see people doing one plus two equals five over and over and over again,

it's just like, I fucking wish people could just get it a little bit quicker. and when I it it it because like because for once again like things just make sense it's like okay you you last hit the minions and then once you last hit their minions and if you have more then you go for the poke you go for the agro but then when I see people who like just to talking the the video game terms when I see people who like shoot act like shoot poke at people and then they get minion agro and then they take more damage from the minions than they did that they did the opponent and they just lose but they think they was It's just like I can't stand people having, I guess, it's hard for me to watch people make mistakes.

It's hard for me to see people who have, I guess, an illogical train of thought. And it just irritates me to no end. But how do you know, or do they think they're illogical? No, they think that they're doing it right. So how do you know who's right? Oh, God. Well, I guess back in the day, I would justify it by saying, well, I'm this rank and you're that rank, so then I could use that as a justifier,

but that's also incredibly toxic. What makes that toxic? Well, I think flexing rank is pretty egotistical. Like, I'm underneath the mindset. I have a lot of very strong opinions, Alok. Is it okay if I call you a loke? Sure, absolutely, man. Okay, I remember you taught me an analogy.

I think I was watching a lot of your videos. I've always watched your videos. You said an analogy where it's like it's not it's not all wood, it's all oak. I think that's what you said. Yeah, I loved that so much. I guess I have, I think my opinions are like borderline too strong. And that's probably something I need to stop. Because I'll say things like on stream, for example.

I don't think people play League of Legends because they like League of Legends. I think people play League of Legends because they're not doing anything in the real life. And when they get a rank up or they go for Bronze 4 to Bronze 3, they feel established, even though they didn't do fuck all the entire day. nothing. So like... So John, I'm gonna rain in a little bit, buddy. So let's go back to... So like I know it sounds kind of weird, but like your mind produces things that are right, right? I think so.

And your friend produces things that are wrong, right? I would agree with this, yes. So how do you know who's right and who's wrong? By showing them the errors of their actions. But so if you get into an argument with someone on league and you say, hey, man, don't poke unless you've got creep advantage. Yeah. Do they respond with some incorrect logical argument? Some friends, yes, and some friends know.

So like then how do you know, like you have what you perceive to be a logical argument? They have what they perceive to be a logical argument, right? Yeah, yeah. How do you know who's right and who's wrong? You can continue trying to convince them. they're going to continue trying to convince you. Yeah, I guess by demonstrating, like showing them, you know, like, okay, well, then let's go into a game and I will show you right now. Okay.

So that may work in league. But how do you resolve that in real life? I have no idea. So here's the thing. So oddly enough, I think that flexing rank is about ego, but like, let's be clear. right so sometimes I'll you know I'm I'm a crappy player in Dota used to be pretty good but you know over the over the decades over the decade I've you know drifted downward and skill and Dota players have gotten better over a decade like I think the people who still play like

take the game pretty seriously and so like I think you can make a strong argument that if I have an opinion about what's right and what's wrong and then there's like someone who's top 10 on the on the North American ladder who tells me that I'm wrong, I think there's a reasonable argument that we're like, I have no leg to stand on. Like, irrespective of how logical I think I am and how logical they think they are. We both think we're logical, but they're just right and I'm wrong by virtue of like an objective quantifier about our skill, right?

Yeah. So flexing rank is egotistical, absolutely. But like, there's no question here that I'm wrong and they're right. So here's the question. What's your real life social rank? In my, I have no idea how people perceive me. What do you think? Okay.

So on the internet, it's really high. I think in real life, I can barely string together sentences in front of actual people. So this is where like, I know it sounds crazy, but when your friend decides to give this girl another chance after she's cheated on him twice. Yeah. You know, like maybe be a little bit more open-minded. Like when you ask the question, like, why would anyone do that? Actually try to find an answer because they're not stupid, right? Like, there's got to be like the more, the worse that she treats him, the bigger, the reason, because there's a scale in their mind.

Right? Like, this person has cheated on me twice. I should break up with them. But there's got to be something stronger than that negative that's keeping them in the relationship. My mind is because I'm very, I'm very asexual. Like I don't give a fuck about sex. So like in my mind, I'm just like, okay, well, maybe the sex is really good. And that's the only thing I ever think of.

And that's probably my bad because I'm out of play. Yeah. So here's where I think we run into the problem, John. Yes. When you don't know something in your mind, where do you go to for answers? How do you? So when you say, I don't understand why they're in a relationship, how did you figure out? what conclusion do you come to?

It must be for the sex. Yeah, it must be the effects. And also this particular friend has been cheated on in every single one of his relationships. Okay. This particular one. So I figured, okay, well, it's just going to happen again. And then for all other questions, I'm just like, I'm just Google it. Every single time I have a single question in my head ever, I'm interested to Google it.

Let me share something with you. If you don't understand something in a relationship, maybe try asking the other person. I have never tried that once ever. And therein lies, I think, a major piece of social conditioning that you probably never saw at home. Yeah. Yeah. That makes a lot of sense. I can honestly say I've never done that a single time.

Ever. So now we're walking the tightrope because how do you feel, John? I feel really stupid. Yeah. So do you remember what the tightrope is? We talked about a type of... So we talked about, you know, this whole thing about accepting responsibility, but like treating yourself with compassion and being careful about blaming yourself? Yeah.

Yeah. So do you see how it's like, because it seems so idiotic, right? So let's try to be a little bit compassionate and understanding, because I know it's kind of weird, but I want you to try to understand yourself. And in this moment, you may feel like an idiot, but understand. And what kind of upbringing does someone need to have to where they like never ask someone questions and relationships? Is it really that you're that idiotic or simply that like you were never exposed to it, right? Like it's really not your fault, man. It's crazy.

Yeah, because when you said that, I had a, I had an issue with another content credit where it literally all could have been solved if I just sent them one Discord message and said, hey, are you okay, man? but I just I just don't do that and I don't know why I don't do that okay because it's so simple I literally don't get why I don't do that at all well so all the most brilliant revelations seems simple afterward right

but like like so let's now let's try to be like understanding so like I know it's kind of weird but you're making that you're doing the same thing again where like let's try to accept that there's a damn good reason you don't do it instead of saying it's stupid I should just do it. Does that make sense? Yeah, and it's weird because the reason why that affects me so much is like, I've literally never considered that a single time ever. And I'm 27. Yeah, that's shocking.

So what's what's your understanding of why you haven't considered it a single time? I guess I judge people too quickly and when I think someone's a bad person I don't want to speak to them and I don't really I really I don't like hearing them out but I definitely should yeah so let's got to be careful John because your mind is jump into conclusions pretty quickly okay

so now I'm going to share a couple of other things so I think that the reason that you don't do this is because you were taught or there was like an evolutionary like your mind evolved in a particular like circumstance right like you

your mind evolved in a place where black and white judgment was critical like you had to like go all in like when your mom is yelling at your two brothers you don't have time to appreciate nuance or ask her how she's feeling because that's not going to do anything

what you've got to do is like go black and white, you go ham, you go hard, and you commit to an action. And you follow through completely because it's going to be a bumpy ride. You see that? Yeah. And so like, I want you to be really careful about blaming yourself because like, I think this is the trick that you use to survive. Because in, in the environment you grew up in, people who seemed to be bad, like, were bad. Like, divorce one is followed by divorce two, three, three, four. four, five, six, and seven. That is staggering.

That is the most diverse divorces I've ever heard of. Yeah. It's honestly quite impressive. So like here, here's the problem. Like, you're playing, like, so the rules of the game that you learned are like a mod. That's the way that I want you to think about it. It doesn't make you stupid. It's just like, if I started off playing, you know, Dota was originally a Warcraft 3 mod?

Yep. Right? Yes, I do. So like when I play Dota and I learn the rules of Dota in the Warcraft 3 engine and then I play a game of Warcraft 3 on ladder, boy, am I going to feel stupid? Because like the mod is just completely different. But it's not that I'm stupid. It's just that like I've played with this mod and there's this whole different rule set. And you just haven't learned the rule set.

You've learned in some way, right? It's sort of like you're playing like your micro is so. intensive in Warcraft 3 that you even win some games. But in Dota, there's no such thing as like mining gold out of your gold mine. And so you're not mining gold in Warcraft 3 and you're still managing to win games because you're missing some huge key mechanical differences in relationships. And I think the reason that you get called passive aggressive is because your mind comes to a conclusion and you don't really try to understand someone else's perspective because, like,

in your experience, that's been a waste of bad. time or not your experience your your brain is telling you there's no point in doing that because you just said i'm pretty sure i know when someone is a POS like i can judge them very quickly yeah right so like that is the strategy that worked that was the meta in your household is there's like there's the good apples and there's the bad apples like barely clearly like you've got your sister you've got your dad and you've got your mom which are bad apples and then you've got your one brother which is a good apple and you've got your wife which is a good apple and you've got this other friend who's a good apple and everyone else is bad apples. But that conception, I think the

biggest thing, John, is that I'm not hearing space for another person in your relationships. You are 100% correct. That is how it goes with me. It's either we're like best friends or I want nothing to do with you. And it's always been that way. There's never been. There's never, I don't have acquaintances. It's either like I'm all in or I'm all out, 100%. yeah so I and that too I think that those are going to be like unless you can navigate the shades of gray like I think this is going to continue happening right because you're going to get super tight with people super quick and then like that's fine because both you all are like you know nitro boosts all in for this relationship and then eventually like something is going to it's just not sustainable it's just you can't you know maybe with a wife you can swing that right because you all are like you all are like like tied together and there's like no coming back from that sort of thing. But I mean, I think it's like, I know it sounds kind of silly, but like I think it's sort of like, you know, I suspect that the more you try to understand someone else in your relationships, the less passive aggressive you will be

perceived. Because I think you're right that like you don't make mistakes per se, right? But that there's no understanding of them. So what you're doing, you're almost like flying in this relationship blind. Like, you don't really know what they're thinking or feeling, but you sort of have like a rule set that you follow. And since you're a smart motherfucker, your rule set has become really good. You know how to, like, not make a mistake in a relationship, but there's no space for the other person's thoughts, feelings, perspectives. It's about right or wrong. Yeah. Yeah.

I 100% agree. It makes a lot of sense. Help me understand why you agree. Because, first of all, there's this other thing that I do. do in conversations, which is, and also if I swear, I have this problem where I switch topics a lot. I have a really hard time like locking it in. It's all good, man. Yeah, as you were, as you were speaking to me about, um, about like why I work the way that I work

in like the different rule sets. I was always thinking, why do I get so close with people so quick? And it's because I have like this massive fear of like not having a good conversation. So like when I talk to a new person, like I want it to be like, I watched too much goddamn anime. And I wanted to be like, oh, like, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, with every single new person I meet. Which is why I'm so rapid fire all the time.

Like, I can't stand dead space and conversation. And that leads me to where, like, if I get that rapid fire successful conversation, then, okay, we're best friends. But then if I don't get that, then I'm like, okay, well, we're just incompatible. And then I don't know what to do with you. So, yeah. Sorry, my brain is. all over the place.

That's, I think it's really helpful. I think your tangents are filled with hidden treasure. So what I'm hearing there once again, like I want you to just pay attention to this, John, that like in a relationship, when you say, I don't know what to do with you, that's a very lopsided way to look at a relationship.

Right? Because whose responsibility is it to figure out how to make the relationship work? That's... Mine slash ours? Can't be both. Ours? That's the right answer. Is that the way that you do it?

No, not really, no. There we go. Right? So if a conversation isn't going bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, whose fault is it? Both of ours, not just mine. But what do you think?

It's my fault. Absolutely. I have to make it go. bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop. Yeah. So you're accepting too much responsibility for the conversation. Yeah. And then what happens is even if you can make the conversation work, I know it sounds

kind of weird, but then it's like it's 100% you and 0% them. And that's just not sustainable in a relationship. I agree. 100%. Right? So let's talk about your wife for a second if you're okay with that. I would love to. So like, what is your,

what are your conversations with her like? I act with my wife like with no one else on this entire earth. The moment I get off, that's why you've been together for 10 years, but let's keep listening, because I think we've found our formula for success. So let's hear it.

Yeah, with Fram, there's this little bucket of sunshine. I instantly go to like, you know, baby talk. like talking, just goofing around. Just we even have like our own terminology that we only use with each other. It's just I can literally count on one hand the amount of arguments we've had in 10 years. Because we've never done that.

We just don't do that. Like I don't know. I feel like Frames is perfect for me. Yeah, she's just very nice. She's very understanding. I definitely talk way more than she does. She is an incredible listener, which is great. And she does not understand anything in the world.

So she comes to me for guidance on pretty much every single decision she makes in her entire life. Because she just doesn't know what to do because she also had a very, her and I have very similar backgrounds. She got really messed up by a lot of people. And then when I came into her life, I cleaned her up. she had a lot of bad habits that we got her to kick ones that were very unhealthy for her body and I make her happy

and she makes me happy I understand her 100%, she understands me 100%. Forgiveness is everything and I'm underneath the mindset we're like I don't think it's hard to not fuck up like I feel like it takes a lot of, like if you're in a relationship I feel like it's very hard to fuck up with somebody if you truly care about them.

So like her and I have pretty much never fucked up. And when it has happened, we talk about it on the spot. We have never gone to bed angry a single time. Whenever there's an issue, we talk about it instantly. And we also don't leave each other's side ever. The longest she's ever left my side was probably like an hour to go to groceries. Other than that, we go absolutely everywhere together. We're attached on the hip. She's amazing. But yeah, we do everything together. We play games together. We watch the same movies. We watch the same anime. And yeah, she's just amazing. And when you guys have an argument and y'all talk it out,

do you usually find that she ends up understanding your perspective pretty well? Yes. Do you understand her perspective pretty well? Yes. Are you sure about that? Like, I'll have no idea how like she'll came to do what she did. But then after she explains it, I just think, oh, okay, well, she never loved. learned that doing that was wrong, and then I feel it's okay.

Okay. So are you wrong in the relationship ever? I, I get, okay. Now, this is a, this is a tricky situation along. Yeah. Because I get afraid of my wife because she's never, ever mad at me. She, and I can say this honestly, she has said, I have never. made a mistake, ever.

And that freaks me out. Because the reason why that freaks me out is is now that we're 10 years into a relationship. If I do fuck up and she hasn't seen this before, is it going to be okay? But I can honestly say this genuinely. She has told me

and like, I'll even say, are you sure you're okay with what happened? Are you sure you're okay? And she's like, it's absolutely okay. I understand. It's not a problem. She, no. I can honestly say I've, I hate saying that it makes me feel like such a dick, but no,

I can honestly say I have, in her eyes, never been wrong. Even, even when I feel that I am, when I feel that I've fucked up, she'll still say, no,

you're good. It's okay. What do you think about that? It freaks me the fuck out. What freaks you out about it? I feel like my wife is way too accepting of me. Like, too accepting.

Like, it's like, it's, it is, fucking weird. Because I'm just like, I feel like I fucked up here. Why is she not mad at me? Why is she never angry at me? Like, ever. And it's been like this way for a decade, a decade. Like a fucking decade, dude. So it is scary. What's scary about it? I feel like there's something in her brain that's wired, strangely, to make her over forgiving.

because I will say my wife has come from very abusive relationships, very abusive. And in my head, I'm like, has my wife been conditioned to just forgiving poor behavior out of fear for herself? And is that happening with us? Sure. So I think that that's a reasonable hypothesis, right? Yeah. And then the other thing to kind of think a little bit about is so I think the reason y'all's relationship works is because there's, matching conditioning.

Okay. That like if you kind of think about it, you're telling me that you have relationship problems with a lot of people, but that this seems to be like a very successful relationship. And what I'm hearing is that both of you guys were kind of like screwed up in a particular way. But the way that each of you has sort of like cracked and fractured sort of fits well with each other. Is that fair to say? Yeah.

Yeah. We also share the same mental illness, which is actually how we bonded. Okay. And how do you understand if she's sort of been conditioned in a particular way to be overly forgiving? What kind of person does she need to date to have a successful relationship?

What balances that out? She's over. Well, I guess a guy who messes up a lot would make sense in my head than the Yinn and Yang or someone who doesn't mess up ever in that way she doesn't get mistreated. are the two things that I have in my head. Yeah, so I'd say the third thing is someone who's not forgiving enough.

Man, you are messing me out today. Jesus, yep, yep, I agree. Right, so it didn't mean to body blow you there, but I recognize that may have been a little bit of a body blow. Yeah, I agree. So we're going to try to like help you out there. But, and I think, I think just to be fair, it sounds like you've made every effort.

It's just her, you know, saint like forgiveness outweighs. Yeah. So I think she's just, she's outplaying you there. She's higher MMR. So you've tried to accept fault time and time and time again, but she just won't let you. Yeah. Right? But I think the key thing here, I'm not trying to paint you out to be an asshole or anything

like that. I recognize that there's going to be like a lot of blame and stuff. But I think it's just like, I know. know it sounds kind of weird, but I've seen people have this idea that, you know, a successful relationship is a particular thing. Like, it means that two human beings are a particular way, whereas my experience has been actually that like a lot of really successful relationships come when two screwed up people are like screwed up in the right ways for each other. And so, so I think that there's something about, you know, I don't get the sense that you're actually

abusive. And so it's probably like, like, and at the same time, you know, it does sound a little bit like there's a power dynamic in the relationship or some degree of codependency. There is 100% of power dynamic, one billion percent. Because like, and I'm so sent the of it. I'm so worried about it. I asked my wife at least twice a week, hey, if I were to mess up, you know it's okay to be angry at me. You know it's okay to tell me that I did something wrong. It's just like, yeah, you just, you never do. And I'm like, all right. And it's uncomfortable for me. It is uncomfortable because I am so worried because of the shit that she's been through that I will also be part of the problem.

So I try to be so cognizant of how she's feeling about what she's doing, why she's doing that. But it is scary because I don't want to ever do anything to hurt her ever. Yeah, I get that, John. So I'm going to try to equip you with a slightly different approach, right? So when you say, you know it's okay to be angry with me. Yeah. Who has the power in that relationship? that's me giving her permission to

absolutely permission is the right word yep right so then the question so what I would what I would recommend I think here's the big thing right so like you'll give her permission but I'm not hearing a question right so I think the biggest thing that you need to add to your relationships is questions okay so like like what I would recommend to you am I making you feel like an asshole no you are it feels

like I have a puzzle in my head that you're adding more pieces and solve everything. So the next time you think you screw up. Yeah. And you ask her, are you sure I didn't screw up? And she's like, no, it's totally fine. Like, it's fine. She has, like, forgiveness. Cool.

But what I would really, like, encourage you to do is, like, you know, switch characters for a second. Instead of spamming, you know, animo DPS, like, switch. And then, like, you know, go to, like, an Earth character and, like, use a shield. It's like a different, sure, it's the same. button, but it's a completely different thing. It doesn't even do any damage. Yeah. But it will help you win the encounter and ask her, can you help me understand why you don't think I screwed up? Yep. Right? That's a damn good question. So, so like, and it's not, it's not about like permission or anything because it's, it's tricky because I, I don't doubt, like, I really

don't think you're sort of to blame for this, John, because I think this relationship, like, you guys sort of managed to make it work, like in a particular way. So we don't want to like, give her, I know it sounds kind of weird, but like, it's going to be like very hard on both of you if the power dynamic switches rapidly. Right. She doesn't know what to do with it and you don't know how to let it go. So like, y'all aren't ready for that yet. But at the same time, I think the main thing is when you have a friend, you know, this is where like the main thing that you need to learn is like six out of the seven characters or five out of six characters you've got are going to have like an R2 that does damage. But like you just need that one shield.

Right. there's like a different dynamic. So when you have a friend who, and this is where I'd be careful about your, your like black and white judgments, I'm not blaming you, I'm not blaming that your mind makes them. Right. So like you've just learned how to do that fine.

But I think what you've got to incorporate is like if your friend is like dating someone again for like the next, you know, the end time and you're afraid that they're going to cheat, you should try to understand them. Right? Try to ask like, what do you see in this person?

And then share your feelings and then listen. So another technique that I'm going to do is sometimes I get worried that this person may cheat on you again. And then instead of trying to convince them, ask them, what do you think about that? Like instead of trying to convince them, ask why they disagree with what I'm saying? Not even disagree. Because disagree and agree means that one of y'all loses and one of y'all wins. Okay. Just open-ended, like they can move in whatever direction they want to in the conversation.

What do you think? you know, they say, yeah, I know they may disagree. I mean, I know that they may cheat, but like, I care about them so much. And then your mind is going to tell you that's idiotic. Okay. Right? Yeah, it is. It is.

Yeah. You're restraining it, John. Yep. Yep. And then you can say, like, it's hard. But then, you know, you don't, this is where maybe you are a little bit abrasive. Right? Because then your mind is going to be like, you're a dumbass bro. Yeah. So don't say that, right? So this is where you can say, I'm having trouble,

like, understanding, like, how you can be so forgiving and how you can like take that risk again. Can you help me understand, like, how you're able to take that risk? It feels like it would be too much for me. Yeah. And what you're saying is, uh, would also help. click in my head is that I can definitely I don't know if this is passive aggressive or aggressive or it's just a fucking dick thing to do but when I have in the past

ask people like how the fuck could you possibly think that and they give me their rationale I have this really bad habit where when I get frustrated I start laughing and it's really bad because it's really offensive but yeah I'll be like

okay so you don't think she's gonna do this again no she won't do it again I'll just start laughing hysterically which is really bad. It's really bad. That is bad. Yeah, it's like, I, yeah, I smile when I get angry. I laugh when I get angry. And yeah, I pretty much mask everything when I get sad. So that's something that I need to, I need to fucking stop. And it's not like, extent, it's just like, like just one loud laugh. It's, it's bad. Yeah. Yeah. So it's, it's, it comes across as very condescending.

Yes, it does. Yes, it does. It is horrible. And so, so I, so I'd say, you know, tips there are first of all, let people know. that that's how you, like, you have a lot of trouble processing negative emotions. The other thing you can do is apologize. Yes. And then once again, like, when you apologize, like, listen to them. Like, don't apologize for what you feel bad for. I know it sounds kind of weird.

But apologize for how they are hurt. And that involves listening to them first. So you'll probably, like, if you laugh inappropriately, you'll be like, I'm so sorry, that was a mean thing to do. But once again, there's not room for them to tell you, like, whether it was okay or not okay. Does that make sense? So I think the biggest thing, John, is like, and I think the passive aggressive stuff will sort of go away because I think you've learned how to not break the rules of the relationship, but also like you manage to not let other people be in the relationship. Yeah. And so that's going to come across as like, and they don't know how to like

point this out, right? Because they're like, they don't know what else to call it because you're not really doing anything wrong. It's just you're not giving them space to participate in the conversation, you're not trying to really understand them and stuff like that, which, you know, you got to be careful about. I think that's another thing that I greatly made a mistake with was that even though I'm all in on them, I never asked if they were all in on me. Or whether they're okay with you being all in on them. Exactly.

And so, like, I will joke with people who I love, but then I realize they're indifferent about me. So then the jokes I say towards them are perceived as passive aggressiveness when, in reality, it's just a joke. And if we were as close together as I thought we were, then it would have just been, we're buddies, at least in my head. So I think I need before I joke with people, I need to make sure that we're as good as each other like I think.

Yeah. So you got to be careful because like there's the problem. It's super subtle. I'd say like go back and watch this vaude, but pay attention to your words. And you said they, we weren't that tight. And in reality, and then. you share your opinion. It's like really interesting how you construct it because you're saying that there's you're right at the end, but it's it's really interesting. I don't know how to like

highlight this, but you said, I said something and they perceived it this way, but in reality, this is really what it was. Whereas no, it's not in reality. Like that's the whole problem. It's like their perceptions are just as valid as yours. Okay. Right. And yeah, I've been told I I do something weird when I talk. So I'm thinking you just told me, what that was. So I think I need to identify that. Yeah, like I would say like literally go back and like watch this timestamp in the Vod because what I'm noticing in your mind is like they have a perception, but you are entitled to the reality of the situation, which is the whole crux of the problem.

Yeah. Right? So like like this is where like communication, it's not like one party has the reality of it. Yeah, because their reality is just as important as my reality. Absolutely. So even though I know my intentions, they don't know my intentions. So that doesn't justify the reality in my perception because the reality is both of ours combined, not my exclusively. Exactly.

Let's go, Dr. Kay. Kay, you're a goddamn magician. Jesus, God. Well, it's nice to have a five-star character to talk to because everything is just going to work better. Yeah, I agree. Yeah, I agree. God damn. You're doing really well, John. You're able to tolerate a lot of things that, you know, can be like very devastating to feel.

Yeah, I'm trying. I see that. I see that. We're going to do it. You know, I'm not being, I'm not pulling my punches. Yeah. So, you know. And I appreciate that because I feel like I've needed this for a very long time.

Yeah, I mean, I appreciate it too because I, I try, you know, I don't, I, I, yeah, I try not to pull my punches when people can handle it. Yeah. But handling it is tough. So, so be careful because, you know, today, tomorrow, the next week, there may be like residual feelings of that blame and that guilt or I'm such an asshole and things like that. Like, those may come up. Yeah. You know, so just be prepared for those.

It doesn't mean that they're true because once again, those are thoughts produced by your mind. They're your black and white thinking telling you, oh, my God. I can't believe I have been so dumb. Right? Like it's all like be careful because that black and white thinking may cause you to conclude particular things, which I want you to be careful of. Of course. I don't think you're a bad person. I think that you just haven't learned how to do this yet.

And that's because you weren't taught. Like it was, you were never given the opportunity. Right. Questions, thoughts? Well, I think I will be okay with self-depreciation Because now that I know This information you've given to me I think I'm going to be okay

I know that I have some apologizing to do for sure But I think I'm going to be able to I guess understand myself and understand other people a lot more better Or just a lot better, sorry Another question is, you've been made making a lot of references to the game that I played.

Do you know what Genshin Impact is? Yeah, I just, so I heard that you were a Genshin Impact streamer and I literally installed Genshin Impact like three years, three weeks ago. Okay. So I've been playing it.

Like, how does he know what Agamo is? That's like, okay, that's crazy. Yeah. All I know about you is that you're a Genshin Impact streamer. That's all I knew. Yeah. Yeah, of course. Um, that's like,

another question I had. Oh, man, I wish I wrote these down. You've helped me with so much. And I know I'm going to be a, able to use this really good for the future. Oh, yeah, then you said, you don't have to respond to that. I guess another random question is,

I don't know if I'll do anything. How much time do you think I should be getting away from my computer and devices? Because I'm on them nonstop. Like, that's probably not good for me, right? What do you think? I think I should minimize my time.

I'm content grading by so much because I'm doing that for like 12, 14 hours a day. And then I try to get away from my computer, but wait. Oh, yes. Okay. This is the real question I want to ask. That one, I'm pretty sure I can handle it. I want to get off the computer a lot more. But what I wanted to say is I have this problem where sometimes I get afraid of speaking

because I, I, I analyze everything that I say and I try to limit the amount that people can intuit from what I say. that way I can say correct statements. Like so before I say anything, and I have a really quick thinker, I'm like, if I say this, it will trigger that. If I say this, it will give them that idea. That's really bad to do, right? Yeah. So, John, all roads lead to home or Rome.

So let me ask you, when you do that, you're in a conversation, right? Yes. So are you playing a single player game or a co-op game? Go off game. Co-off game. Well, not. Oh, no, when I do that, it's single player. Absolutely.

There's the problem, right? So you're trying so hard to predict and determine the rightness of things that you say, but you're treating the other person like an NPC. Yes, I am. Right? So like, like, don't rely so much on yourself and let them share some of the responsibility of, like, the conversation. Okay. Right? Because like when...

Yeah. Yeah, I knew that was fucked up. And I knew it was so horrible for me to do that. I need to stop that. I need to stop that so much. Because that is the thing. Like, sometimes I'll be afraid to like join like Discord calls with my buddies. Because then I know like, it's like, all right, here we go.

Like this needs to go perfectly. Here we go. Yeah. So I'm going to ask you something, John. How do you think it feels to be on the receiving end of your conversations? I have been told it's very fun. Yep. I have been told that I make things very fun.

Yep. I don't doubt that for a second. But it's generally also not that fun for me to do because sometimes I just want a fucking chill. Yes. So what I would suggest or what I would imagine is that you dominate a conversation. Yes, I do. To the benefit of others, sure, because it's like you come in and they get their own

personal stand-up comedian. But there's absolutely a comedian on stage, which is hilarious. And then there's an audience. Yeah. Right? So, like, it's fun. I have no doubt in my mind that being in a Discord call with you is a riot. But I also think it's closer to watching a Netflix special by a comedian than it is to a conversation.

I would agree. I think you occupy a lot of space in the room. Yeah. Yeah, I would say my amount of real conversations, as you said, I've probably not had that many. Yeah. Because, yeah. Yeah, I agree. What do you think about our conversation? I thought it was a complete dialogue.

I felt like it was two human beings attempting to connect with each other. And I think that, I mean, I would say that we have because I felt like I've learned a lot. I felt a lot. And I think that's why I had to just strong emotional reaction. because I don't cry. I don't. But like I've, my tear ducts have been exploding for the past two hours to much more where my eyes burn.

I feel like I've held a lot of baggage. I feel like you've relieved a lot of that stress. And I feel like this is, I'm going to remember this for a long time because I feel like there's going to be a big turning point for me. And I just feel like our conversation was very authentic. What makes it a dialogue? How much more I was listening to you than thinking about the things that were coming out of my mouth.

Right? And so I'm doing the same thing. Yeah. So you're giving me space at times, and then I'm giving you space at times. It's almost like, you know, we're tossing a ball back and forth. Which is really what a dialogue should be. Like, because you're not responsible for making the conversation work. So I think, oddly enough, this has been helpful because you came into this.

I imagine that you may actually feel less pressure. So notice what I'm doing. I'm about to check in with you, right? I have a hypothesis. So I'm going to check in with you. We're going to see, maybe I'm right, maybe I'm wrong. In a bizarre way, I wonder if you actually feel less pressure in this conversation than you do in a Discord call with your friends. Yes.

I feel pretty much zero pressure whatsoever. And how do you understand why don't you feel pressure here? Why don't I feel pressure here? Well, one, because I think that you care. And one, I think that you are trying to help me. And two, I have a lot of trust in you. So I think it's a combination of those three things. Okay.

So I think those are all wonderful things. And I'd like to toss out a fourth. Okay? Sure. Which is that you're not responsible entirely for this conversation going well. Yeah. Right? So you're putting some of that responsibility on me.

And I think the reason it's a good, conversation is because we're actually like seriously like we're going co-op mode here. Yeah. Whereas from what I've heard from you is that a lot of times when you have conversations, it's like you feel so responsible for making sure the conversation goes right that you don't go into co-op mode. Yeah, I would agree with that. Right? So it's like, am I playing League of Legends is the ADC and it's me versus nine bots?

or are we actually playing a team game where like each person is supposed to carry their weight and actually if people like take farm in the wrong place and start to carry more than their weight it actually hurts the team yeah yeah i'm seeing that a lot i sometimes see some comments on my videos where i do collabs with other people where it says that like i'm very like abrasive and then i was like very like all encompassing yeah and then i realized yeah it's because i was make I was I wasn't trusting the other person to help me out. I was like, okay, we're going to collab and it's going to be fucking awesome. Yep.

So we're going to do this. But if I just put trust in other people to be there with me, then it wouldn't be that way. So now we come full circle, John. Why is it hard for you to put trust in other people? Oh. That's my shit. Right? Yeah.

So this is why we don't blame you. Right? Like, this is why it's unfair for you to blame yourself. Because, like, there's a damn good reason. In fact, there are hundreds, if not thousands of instances where you learned that you can't trust other people. Yeah. They can't be relied on.

If she cheats once, what's she going to do? You're going to do it again? Absolutely. Yep. Jesus. I'm, like, currently in my head. Like playing every scenario where I'm just like, no, fuck I'll just do everything. Yep. I got to stop that shit.

Be careful, okay? Yeah, of course. So do you want to stop? Yes. Be compassionate towards yourself. Be patient with yourself. You can't undo 28 years of programming overnight just because you understand what the problem is. Right.

Because like along with the, I just got to do the shit myself. there's also the like, like just think about how hard it's going to be to like not do that. Yep. I'm not even kidding with you, Dr. K. For World Warcraft, from Vanilla to, I think I quit in Legion.

I was the guildmaster and raid leader of every single guild I've ever been a part of and that was even in mythic because I was just like, I fucking nobody's going to do it better than me. I might as well just fucking do everything. Yep, this has been ingrained in me. Okay, yep.

Because at first, because at first I was like, oh, yo, I'm fucking sick. Look at all this shit that I'm fucking doing. And then I realized, oh, I shouldn't have done this. I should just trust other people to help me there when I need the help. It's going to be a slow process. Yeah. You're going to have to learn how to tolerate a lot of like internal discomfort in order to trust other people. Yeah.

Right? It kind of goes back to like, I can't, I can't bear to see my friends hurt again. So that's where like you got to trust your friend to make the right decision for himself. So it's going to require a lot of tolerance on your part. Patience, tolerance, and compassion for yourself, for them, for everyone in the universe. Yeah. And that may be tough because I don't know that you were taught how to like do that by your home situation. Yeah.

Right? What you were taught is like survival of the fifth. and the only person you can rely on is yourself. Yep. Yeah, even thinking about what I'm going to have to do over the next couple weeks, months, years is, I can already feel like the uneasiness in my stomach. Hmm. But I do think, well, I know that it's for the best. So I will.

I'm going to give it my good old college try. Good. That's. Because that's going to be brutal. Yeah. So I don't think it's going to be quite as bad as you think it is. Okay. Because that's your black and white mind telling you it's going to be brutal all over again.

There are a couple of different things here. One is your black and white mind. But that's, that's okay. Like, John, like, you're a good dude and, like, as long as you care and just be, like, patient with yourself, like, you'll get there. Yeah. Like, you'll get there, bro. I hope.

That would be pretty damn awesome. Good. I think hoping is the right thing to do. It may not happen, actually. But like, have faith in yourself, you know? I've got faith in you. Thank you. I appreciate that.

Yeah. Thank you for this. Although I really appreciate this. Welcome, John. You'd think they'd teach you this, you know, in school over the powerhouse of the cell as the mitochondria. Like, teaching you some, like, useful shit would be pretty nice. Oh, God. Oh.

Yeah, so that's our mission, right? Yeah. To teach people this stuff. And so what I want you to think about John for a second is like, you came on here. You know, you took a few licks from me. Yeah. And so what you've managed to do today is like teach a bunch of people that are watching. Because you're not the only one, my friend.

A lot of people in our community. gravitate towards the lure of video games because they do come from broken homes and it's what they love right it's like it's like a place where you know like this community can be like really supportive can be toxic but can also be really supportive this is sort of like like i sometimes feel like twitch has become the family for people who like didn't have good families growing up yep i agree the donations and the messages i get where they're just like oh hey you know, had a really shitty day, but I can always turn on this stream and have a good time.

I'm just like, fuck. I love that, but also I wish that wasn't the case for you. Yep. That's actually a good. That's the way you want your mind to work, right? You accept their perspective and you can hope for something else. It's good. It's a very healthy dialectic.

It's like when you hold two contrary thoughts that together at the same time. So it's not black and white thinking, but you just did there. Does that make sense? Yes. Yes. It's like, it's good, but it's also bad. Yep.

Right. So that's not black and white. Yeah. Perfect. So I think, John, the more that your mind starts operating that way, the better your relationships will become. I have one billion percent of gray. Right?

Because then it's like your girlfriend cheated on you. That's bad. And there's like, there's still something keeping you in the relationship. So the more that you understand that kind of stuff, the more that you're able to like meet people halfway. bizarrely, the other interesting thing that'll happen is they'll start listening to you more too. Yeah. So when I'm trying to convince someone or when I'm trying to help someone get sober, I don't just talk about how bad alcohol is.

That's what their partner does. And it causes a divorce. What I talk about is how good it is and how bad it is. And we sit on both sides of that equation. And that's when I really see people make the like the most. change. Yeah, that's really smart. That is very smart.

So it sounds like you meditate a lot? Almost every night for hours. Can you tell me about that? Yeah, so I have like this nightly ritual where like I'll go upstairs and then I'll turn on the water like to trickle down from the shower and like the sound of the water will like kind of block out the rest of the noise in my entire house. And then I'll just be able to sit there and think about what I could. do to improve myself or or further my career or how to repair current relationships or what

works in me, what doesn't. And I try very hard to figure that out because I took this course in college called Movement, which was like how to make the body go to a neutral state to where it just, it doesn't feel good, but it feels like nothing. And that way your mind can like be free to wander and all that. I used to do yoga, but now I'm way too lazy for that shit. But yeah, for meditation. I guess, I don't know if meditation is the same thing as self-reflecting at length.

I think it is? I think. I wouldn't quite call it that, but I think that there's some amount of overlap there. Oh, okay. It sounds like what you're doing is I would use the word contemplation. That's it. Yeah, contemplation. Which is a path of spiritual growth.

But yeah, because I do try to be the best person I can be like the reason why I strive so hard to like be successful and like why I do what I do is because I've kind of like seen from the past what I don't want to be and I think I actually grew more from knowing what I don't want to be rather than knowing what I do want to be by what I want to be. I just know what I don't want to be. And so then I kind of reflect on why certain scenarios have happened in my life and how to prevent those scenarios from happening again. And sometimes I think I just get a little bit too lost in the sauce up there. And I might go a little bit overboard with the analytical. Because sometimes I can't go to bed at night unless I play a podcast of something. So that way, because when I hear other voices, my brain will go blank. But like if I don't have background noise, then my mind is just like exploding information of like different scenarios in my head. If that answers your question.

Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. I think the closest thing that you, of your nightly ritual, which sounds very healthy, don't get me wrong, is actually the listening to the water trickle. That's, I would say, the thing that sounds the most like meditation to me. Okay. So before the thought process starts, it sounds like you do a particular practice to empty your mind. And once it's empty, then you can point it in a particular direction and it can productively work in that direction. That is exactly it.

Yes. So I'd say the meditation process is really that first part. Gotcha. And it's sort of focusing on that. Do you, I'm curious, do you want to learn like a more formal technique? I think I know the one that you're talking. It's the, it's the nose one, right? That one?

Do you know what I'm talking about? Yeah. I mean, I could teach you that one. But I'm just curious about whether you want to learn something today. And it's not. I would love to. I was going to say, I remember the first time you ever showed that technique. I can't do that because I can only breathe out of one nostril.

So I wanted to do that one that you showed. I can't remember how it went. But that is one that I wish I could do, but I can't because only my left nostril works, not my right one. Yeah. So I would say, let me just think for a second about what to teach you. Sure. I know breathing is a big part of everything.

And I do have breathing issues. So that's always... You sound kind of stuffed up right now. Yeah, that's how I always sound, which sucks. What are your bowel movements like? Before terrible. Like, terrible. Like, I used to go, like, once every three, four days.

But now I'm going, like, twice a day. So, like, I'm trying to really take care of myself currently. So they're pretty good. You go twice a day and how... What's the consistency of them? You know, I mean, they're pretty good. I mean, not like loose or hard or anything like that. No, just good.

Once in the morning, once before I go to bed. And you have allergies? Just mint, only meant. But you're stuffed up all the time? Yeah. What's your diet like? Like what you have for breakfast, lunch, dinner yesterday, or would you eat yesterday? So I was 300 pounds at the beginning of this year.

I am now 276. I've changed my diet quite drastically because before it was just McDonald's, Popeyes, just junk food. But now when I wake up, I have one apple with peanut butter. And that holds me over until lunch. And then for lunch, I'll generally have a foot long sum from Subway. And then at night, I'll have one chicken breast with like one green pepper and then a bed of rice. And that's pretty much what I eat every single day. So I think your nasal stuff will get better depending on your.

diet. Okay. Let me just think a little bit about this for a second. Could I have 30 seconds? Yeah. Okay, I'm going to about it real quick. That's chat. You know what the hardest part about streaming is?

Like, with interviews? Is that I don't get to read chat. So, you know, there's an interesting sort of like diagnostic concept from Ayurveda. that involves like toxin production. And I think that's, I've seen a lot of like progress with like people who really clean up their diet, especially with like upper respiratory like nasal crap. I don't know exactly how that works and stuff. Have you seen like a doctor about your, your nose always being stuffy? I haven't been to the doctor in about 10 years.

I got blood work done two days ago, which was terrifying because my wife passed out 10 minutes after. her blood work. I caught her as she was falling to the ground. It was terrifying. That's what freaked me. Because that was the first time I ever thought that my wife was dying. God, it fucked me up. That's the reason why I'm still a little bit fucked up from it.

But I, so when I was 17, 18, I decided that I needed to get away from my family. And I just moved to Canada. And after about a decade of being up here, like, now my citizenship has like, they've accepted my application, but they haven't confirmed whether I've made it or not. So until I get accepted or not is when I will go see the doctor. But before that I was not able to.

I would definitely recommend that you go see a doctor and just get especially your nasal stuff checked out, man. Yeah, I agree. But in terms of meditation, so like it seems to me like you actually would do well with something called a Bratiyahara technique. So Bratiyahara means sensory withdrawal. so like essentially most of the speed of the flow of our thoughts is affected by our senses. So the more that our sensory energy is dispersed, the more chaotic our mind will be. So if you kind of think about like a light bulb that is shining light in like a thousand directions versus a flashlight, which is like shining it in one direction with some mirrors,

versus like a laser beam, which is like highly, highly concentrated. So like the process of getting our mind from being diffuse and all over the place, this also has to do with things like motivation, for example. Because if you think about someone who's not motivated, it's not that they're not motivated. It's that their motivational energy is diffused in a thousand directions. And we call that not motivated. So instead, if we think about, you know,

we have a certain amount of cognitive energy that, when dispersed over a thousand directions, we call motivation. Sorry, a lack of motivation. And then as we concentrate the energy of our mind as we turn from a light bulb to a flashlight, and then ultimately from a flashlight to a laser beam. So if we talk, you know, if we think about like casual law players versus pro players, they both actually may play for 10 hours a day. But what's the difference?

It has to do with their focus. Right. So the fact that you sort of like the technique that you talk about in terms of the listening to the water trickle is actually like a breathalaata technique. Because it sounds like what you do is you put your attention on one thing and it blocks out all of the other things. And then as you block out all of the other stuff, your mind kind of gets cleaned out and then you can engage in some really like fruitful contemplation. Does that make sense? Yes, it does. So what I would recommend to you also because breathing is hard is a breathalaata technique that's probably based on sound.

So what I would ask you to do in terms of like a meditation is to concentrate on a particular sound. How do you feel about that? That sounds fantastic. If there's something that I can do to kind of calm my mind down, that sounds like a great thing that I would like to do. So when you wear headphones and no one is talking, what do you hear? It feels like somebody is muffling my ears with like cotton balls. Okay. And so if you're, if the sound from the outside is muffled out, can you hear sounds from within your body more clearly?

Sound from the outside is blocked out. Can I hear sounds inside of my body? I would say yes. Okay. So what we're going to do is sit up straight. Okay. Back straight. Okay.

Okay. And now what I'm going to ask you to do is close your eyes. The first thing that I want you to notice is the sound of your breath. Just concentrate on that sound for a second. Try to detect as much as you can. Sort of notice the pitch. And now what I want you to do is listen for the sound of your heartbeat. Or even feel it if that's easier.

Are you able to find something? Yeah. Tell me what you found. I noticed that I'm not thinking. about literally anything else. Okay. I hate the fact that I'm a mouth breather. I know that.

I wish I could breathe in my nose. That's okay. Yeah, and my heartbeat, it's a lot fainter than what I remember. I used to, I always thought it was super loud and powerful, but it's actually quite, it's actually quite quiet, which I wasn't expecting. Okay, so... Listen careful. for it. The other thing that I want you to appreciate, John, is that all heartbeats are by definition co-op. Can you hear the co-opness of your heartbeat? Is it like the ba-dum, but dumb, but down? Can you

hear that? I feel like I can, but I can't tell if it's my mind telling me that I know that it's going to sound like that, or if I am hearing it. It's very hard to differentiate it. Okay, good. So that means you're doing the practice right. So meditation is about evolving your subtle awareness. And this is what I will tell you. When you can securely and confidently feel the co-opness of the heartbeat, your relationships will improve. Right now, all you hear is one sound. You know there should be two. But as you get better at this practice and as you hear both parts of the sound, as you start to hear the dance, as you start to hear the duality of it, as you sit with that kind of, I know we're talking about like understanding lane pressure now, so it's going to be abstract and cannot be transmitted. It's not something I can teach you,

but it's something that can only be understood. So as you listen for it, if you do this practice for a while and you begin to actually be able to hear the concert of two sounds, your relationships will start to get better as well. Okay. What was this practice called again? It's a Bratiyahara practice. So Bratiyahara means sensory deprivation, or sensory withdrawal. It's a class of practices. I don't know that this particular practice has a name because I sort of made it up just now.

Okay. That's good to make. Yeah. Right. So there are a couple of different levels on which this practice works. It also has to do with the Anahat Chakra. So the Anahat Chakra is the heart chakra. And generally speaking, people who have trouble with like compassion and things like that, doing heart-oriented practices seems to work. There's another set of practices which are specifically geared towards improving relationships. But I don't, I think that you, you don't actually need to improve relationships, this is like more internal. You need to be able to see the other person in the relationship. And right now it's almost like iconic that when you do this practice, you know what should be there, but you can only see one dimension of it. Okay. And so you need to be able to see both of those and that this practice will help you subtly detect that. Okay. Okay. Any last... Oh yeah, I'm mad about my cat sending your messages right now. She was

sitting on the keyboard while my eyes are closed. I didn't notice. fine. Okay. Any last thoughts or questions before we wrap up for the day? I think I am now a lot better than where I was this morning. So I think I'm, I want to be able to absorb all this before I try to take on anything else. So I think I'm absolutely great. Okay, fantastic. I'm, I'm really happy to hear that. That's why we're here. So thanks for coming today. Do you want to just tell people a little bit about where they can find you if they're interested in watching your streams and stuff? Oh, just Twitch.tv.com. T-E-O-N-E, right?

And it sounds like you do mostly gaming and, like, particular games, or mostly Genshinepak? I do a variety. I do some Genshin. Mainly it's just building my chat, just trying to make sure my chat's good. And I do a lot of check-in in my chats and try to listen to problems and see if I can give any advice. That's pretty much what I try to do. Because my community to me is everything. Awesome, man. Well, thank you so much for coming and good luck.

With everything, you know, be careful about the self-judgment, be patient, and make space for other people, man. You're lifting too much for too long. Yeah, I will try to relax in a lot of aspects of life. Sounds good, dude. All right, take care, man. You too. Thank you so much. You're welcome. Bye. Bye.

Yeah, seems like a good dude.