HealthyGamerGG - Wildcat Talks Stress and Productivity with Dr. K

Episode Date: August 29, 2021

Taken from stream dated August 28, 2021. Stream Schedule: https://www.twitch.tv/healthygamer_gg on Twitch. Youtube: https://youtu.be/s5cjlHMkOUM for VoD Archive. Support us at https://ko-fi.com/healthygamer if you enjoy our content and would continue helping making it accessible to everyone! Timestamps: 00:00:00 Intro 00:01:04 Interview Start, Productivity As Avoidance 00:09:40 Anxiety Due to Stress 00:14:23 Growing Up in Indiana, YouTube Journey 00:22:34 Can’t Complain About Own Problems 00:31:44 Dealing With Judgement 00:38:10 What Happened in the Fourth Grade? 00:49:20 ADHD, Devaluing Own Experience 00:59:45 Operationalizing and Gamer Brain 01:15:49 Gatekeeping Suffering, Cognitive RAM, Karmic Drains 01:30:36 Difficulty Trying To Open Up 01:42:43 Closing Thoughts Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/healthygamergg/donationsAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey man. Hello. Can you hear me okay? I can hear you just fine. Awesome, man. I can hear you just fine too. Thank you so much for coming on today. Hey, thanks for having me.

Yeah. So can you, what do you go by? How would you like to hear it? Tyler or Wildcat. Tyler's fine. Okay. So thank you very much for coming on today, Tyler. You know, anything in particular that you wanted to kind of talk about today?

or anything you've got questions about anything you want to share? I mean, nothing real specific, I guess, but, you know, I'd struggle a little bit with, like, anxiety. And I had tweeted out that, like, one of my biggest weaknesses is, like, how I handle stress and, like, being overwhelmed. And that's when you guys reached out and was like, hey, would you be interested in talking? And you actually reached out, like, a year ago. And at the time, I was like, no, I just didn't feel like I was, I don't know, ready to do that, I guess. like on on on stream and everything um but now i'm a little i'm more open to it so okay sure um yeah so you know a couple of just ground rules since it seems like in the past maybe you were a little bit

reluctant um you know you don't have to talk about anything that you don't feel comfortable talking about um you know if i sense that we're going into territory that may feel a little bit hesitant i may actually point that out to you like hey i'm noticing that maybe this is making you feel uncomfortable and you're welcome to just kind of step away from those topics. So we'll try to keep things kind of safe and, you know, in territories that, you know, you're comfortable talking about. And the last thing that I want to say is I really appreciate you coming on because I think how to handle stress is something that a lot of people really struggle with. I think it's like, you know, we use the word stress like a catch-all, but like what does that mean? And as we get into the

different components of stress, we can start to figure out almost like targeted ways to think about our stress level and like potentially like mechanisms that we can use to sort of manage it. So I think it's a really important topic. And if you're willing to, you know, talk about that today, I think a lot of people could benefit from it. Yeah. Hopefully. Okay. So, so when you say you have trouble handling stress, help me understand what that means. Yeah. Not necessarily that I have like trouble handling. I just think I handle it poorly in terms of like I don't. I feel like when I feel overwhelmed, what I should be doing is, you know, getting motivated to take things out one by one and just getting getting everything done. But instead what I do is I generally just block out the things

that are either least interesting or not as important or whatever. And I, and I, I put my focus on other things, especially when it comes to like doing YouTube. Like, I feel like I make an excuse for myself where, you know, whatever it may be, like, I recently moved. And so, like, moving was like a big ordeal. And I was like, oh, it's so overwhelming. There's all these things I have to do. And I was like, I'll just focus on my YouTube channel. I'll just make some videos or whatever, because I have to do that anyway, you know, like I would just kind of make that excuse for myself. Yeah. Yeah. So I'm noticing that your mind sort of retreats from things that feel important to you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, in a way, yeah. And it sort of picks other important things to focus on.

Yeah, I guess I kind of like I set like a priority list in my own head and like instead of taking things out one by one, I just focus on like the top two or whatever like the most, you know, a couple important things that are, you know, both important but also like easier, you know. Okay. So it looks like sometimes your mind chooses to tackle, chooses to tackle easier problems rather than hard ones. Yeah, just the things that come natural to me. Sure. So Tyler, I'm going to ask you kind of weird question. What's wrong with that? I just think it's like a little lazy and a little like unproductive. You know, I feel like everybody has things that they don't want to do that they need to do. And it's just it's easier to just do them. But for whatever reason, sometimes I just can't, especially when it's like a lot of stuff.

And I feel overwhelmed. And I don't know how to like even break it down of like a list of things to do and where to start. I guess that's really where it is. When I'm so overwhelmed, I don't even know where to start. That's when it's really hard. Okay. What's lazier, unproductive about that? I'm just putting things off. I don't know, just not getting things done, I guess.

Well, so I'm going to play devil's advocate. By the way, your camera seems to be like zooming in or out. I'm not sure if that's lag on my end, or it just blurs and then refocuses. Yeah, I think it's trying to autofocus. I could change it over to manual a bit. So I'm going to just play devil's advocate and push back for a second, okay? Which is totally fine because I think it will learn as we kind of... So here you make a priority list and you say, okay, there are 10 things to do.

And you kind of rank them in terms of priority. And what I'm hearing you say is that like you pick number one and number two on the list and you just focus on those and kind of forget about everything else. That seems to be like a pretty good strategy, right? Like if you've got a ton of stuff to do and you can't do it all, you know, making a priority list and then focusing on the most important seems like actually kind of a winning strategy. Kind of, except when one and two are like things I can do infinitely, you know, when it comes to like making videos or content, like I can literally do it all day and call myself being productive. But at the end of the day, I'm still putting off other things I need to do. And the more I put off those little things, you know, every day another little thing gets added and it just adds up and piles up. Then it gets overwhelming.

Yeah. So that's kind of interesting. So what I'm hearing, this is going to sound kind of weird, is that you use being productive as an avoidance strategy. Yeah. Yeah. But it's like almost overproductive. It's like being productive in something that I don't need to be productive in anymore

because there's other things I should do. Oh, absolutely, right? So when we think about avoidance strategies, the purpose of being productive is to avoid doing this other stuff. So you will be, like, productive until the end of time. I think you brought up a really good point that the things at number one and number two, you never check. Like, you never check the box. You're complete.

Now time to move on to number three. So it's really interesting that, like, I've, you know, I've actually heard this every now and then that some people will use productivity as a method of avoidance. Yeah. And so let's try to understand what do you think it is that you're avoiding by, you know, focusing on YouTube? I don't know if it's necessarily I'm I guess it's just like it's just mundane boring stuff I guess you know just because YouTube has always like been so compelling and interesting and it's always exciting and fun um I also value like maintaining relationships and so that's like another thing that I think is high on the priority list where it's like not necessarily being productive you know maybe

it's like going out to eat with friends or something but it's maintaining relationships that I do feel is important, whether it's just friendship, family, or, you know, business, whatever. Like, that's another thing where it's not really being productive, but it is important. Sure. So I'm hearing that relationships is important, like YouTube is important. And so what kind of stuff do you tend to avoid? You mentioned, like, mundane? Like, what, what's something that you wish you could do more easily? Um, I don't know. I guess one example was just like I moved recently. And it was, and it was, It was like that was just such an overwhelming like task to me.

It was like to move everything out of one house into a new house. And I still am not fully done. Like all my boxes are in this new house. But I haven't gone through all my boxes and organized everything and done all that. And it's like, oh, they're fine sitting in the box in my garage or whatever. Like technically this stuff is here. It's fine. But it's like something I need to do.

But it's something I can easily excuse and be like, oh, I'll just go like stream or make a video or something or do something like that instead. I guess that would be an example. And what do you... So you mentioned earlier that, like, you don't handle stress well. Is there something stressful about this situation that we're describing? Yeah, it just gives me, like, a lot of anxiety, I guess, to, like, think about trying to do it, I guess. So when it comes, like, the moving, it's just, like, it's so overwhelmingly. There's so much stuff to go through and organize.

It's going to take so much time. And at the end of the day, it's, like, it's just fine sitting. there in the box or whatever, you know, like, that's how my head works. Okay. So can you help me understand what you mean by anxiety? Um, I don't know. I mean, just like an anxious feeling. Just, you know, my heart gets racing or whatever and my brain just like tries to figure out and just can't.

And it's just like, it's just so much easier to just go focus on something else, you know? What is it that your brain can't do? Um, break down like where to start doing something like that. Okay. you know, it's like, I, like, I get it. Yeah, sure, just go open the first box and, like, see what's in it and start organizing it. But, like, that sounds easy. But to me, for whatever reason, my brain is just like, oh, that's, that's not the best way to do it.

You should do it this way or, like, you know, I don't know. Okay. How are you feeling right now, Tyler, talking about this? I feel fine. I'm just, want to make sure I convey how I feel appropriately, you know? Do you feel like you're doing a good job of conveying how you feel, or you think we're, like, missing pieces of it. No.

No, I think it just is, I don't know. I think I'm doing okay. Okay. I think you're doing great, man. Can I think for a second and just try to put some stuff together? Yeah. Ooh, we may go into teaching mode today. Are you hoping to like have some kind of emotional catharsis on stream today and cry and

learn something deep? No, but I mean, we can. I don't. If there's positive to come up. not the other end. Yeah. So, I mean, sometimes people are sort of like, look. Yeah, I guess the only reason I'm anxious about that is just because like,

like we're on Twitch, right? And Twitch is a bit of a bubble in terms of like, you know, like a lot of people on Twitch probably haven't heard of me because I don't really stream on Twitch. So it's like, I don't know, I feel like I'm opening up to like a lot of strangers right now, you know? Yeah. So, you know, what we try to do, Tyler, so look, let me just kind of take a step back and explain.

So, you know, I have a lot of different experience. So I studied for about seven years to become a monk. And then I did neuroscience research and went to medical school and became a psychiatrist. So through all of that, you know, I've gained a lot of interesting perspectives. And sometimes when we try to like teach people about themselves, it involves like digging into their emotions and stuff. We'll get there. I think there's a piece of that here. But basically what I, you know, what we can try to do is try to like help you understand like the mechanism of your mind.

Like what are the rules? Because there's definitely like all kinds of consistent programming in your mind. that something feels overwhelming, you don't know how to start, it's not the best way to do it. Like all of those thoughts, I think are really important because I think they make it hard for you to actually engage in the action. And then what happens is you've got something that your mind can justify as a good use of your time. And so here you've got thing number one that like you kind of don't want to do, you don't really know how to do. And even if you just opened the first box, you would sort of be doing it inefficiently. Like, does that make sense?

Yeah. And then on the other side, you've got things that are, like, clearly important. Like, how can you argue against, like, hey, my, you know, I'm like, I'm a YouTuber. So making, like, YouTube content is, like, part of my job. Like, relationships are important to me as a human being. And so anytime there's that conflict in your mind, like, YouTube and relationships, like, always went out because it's like, you know, compared to doing a crappy job of opening boxes. Like, come on, man. Like, why, you know?

So I think that that. what we can try to do is sort of understand a little bit about how your mind like looks at those problems and hopefully help you make it easier for you to sort of open up boxes by helping you understand like what the resistance in your mind is. Do you think that's a good use of our time today? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. So can I just ask you a couple of like, you know, background questions a little bit about how you got to where you are? And yeah, so can you tell me a little about where you grew up and how you what growing up was like for you uh yeah i guess first of all i'll just fully introduce myself my name is tyler a wildcat um i have a youtube channel uh i have almost eight

million subscribers uh i've been doing it for damn son almost a decade uh my channel will turn 10 years old in a month um i'm 28 years old i don't know if i already said that uh but i grew up in northeast indiana pretty much the middle of nowhere small town um and recently moved six years ago to Nashville, Tennessee area. I've been living here since. And yeah, so, yeah, I started my channel like 10 years ago. I've been doing it full time for like seven almost and doing it as a job for like eight. Okay.

Yeah. Can you tell me what growing up in Indiana was like? It was interesting, I guess. When I was first growing up, like up until I was like eight or ten somewhere in there, I don't remember like third grade or fourth grade. my family lived in like a little subdivision there was a bunch of other kids I was playing with kids all the time um you know going to elementary school and then my parents moved out to like the country and that was like a little isolating because at the time I was an only child used to just be able to walk outside and go play with a bunch of friends do whatever now you know it was like there was one neighbor over that uh they had kids but I didn't really know them very well and they were like homeschooled which at the time I was like these are weird or whatever that was just how my 10 year old brain worked um and then high school was fun. You know, once I got the ability to drive

or like friends started to get the ability to drive. It's like, okay, now I don't feel so isolated. Me and my friends can go drive somewhere, go do stuff. You know, it was a lot of country redneck activities, I guess, like bonfires and going four-wheeling and all that kind of stuff. So, yeah. Yeah, sounds good, man. So it sounds like you were, were you pretty happy growing up?

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, there were definitely times where, like, I felt, you know, like, lonely or whatever. like I said, like when we first moved. Sure. A new area, didn't have any friends. I lived at home, you know, away from a bunch of, you know, I couldn't go outside and play with friends anymore and I was an only child. But yeah.

You said you were an only child. Are you still an only child or not anymore? No, not anymore. My parents had my sister when I was 12. So, yeah. What's it like? Of your age gap. What's it like having a younger sister?

It's cool. It's cool. It's very, it's funny. because she's getting into high school now. And so, like, she's like a little zoomer. And so, like, we're like, we're both on the internet, but like at two spectrums almost. So it's like, it's pretty fun.

Like, we know of all the same stuff, but we're at two different ends of everything. What's it like for her having a brother who's YouTube famous? I don't know. I've talked to her about it sometimes. I feel like she tries to, like, kind of hide from it a little bit. But like kids at her school know. I feel like she tries not to make a big deal about it.

But yeah. And how did you, sounds like it's fun to have a younger sister. Yeah, yeah. And how did you start, how did you get the idea to start making stuff on YouTube? Um, when I went,

when I was in high school, I was in like a mass media class where we like, me and my friends like would put on the school news, which was like the announcements in the morning, but it was like in a video news broadcast format. We had a ton of fun with that. and then we would make like videos to promote like upcoming events like prom. We would make some goofy advertisement to advertise prom or whatever.

And that was like one of my favorite like creative processes was like making goofy skits and like putting on the news and that kind of stuff. And then when I started to go to college, I was originally going to go for communications, but I realized I was like, where am I going to get a job like in film production or video production in Northeast Indiana? So I quickly changed to just what I was good at, which was math. I was like, all right, I'll do electrical engineering or whatever. but I still had that itch to be creative video-wise. And I've always been into video games. And so right around that time is when I discovered YouTube and other people uploading like video game stuff.

So I was like, oh, I can do this. I just looked into what to get and just started. It was terrible at first. And then on my first ever video I uploaded, a guy named Vannos Gaming messaged me on my first video. He had just started as well. And he was like, hey, I'm looking for other people that are just starting out.

I liked your first video. He's like, you want to play some time we can play. And that guy now, has 25 million subscribers. So that was pretty crazy that literally my first video I met one of the most important people in terms of like my YouTube career and friends. How do you understand that? What do you mean?

Like what do you think about just, you know, in your first video meeting one of the most important and influential people? I don't know. It's just crazy. I mean, I feel very lucky. But also it was like, you know, he just all he did was message. And then just from there was just like, It was a natural fit.

We got along together and we made a lot of funny videos together and stuff, so complimented each other well. Do you remember what your first video was about? Like, what were you playing? Yeah, it was a call of duty commentary. Like everybody back in 2010, 2011, it was terrible. It was filmed on like a, what was it, Roxyo Game Capture or whatever, which was like 480P, but it was like kind of upscale.

It looked terrible. I sounded terrible. I had no idea what I was talking about. I was saying that I wanted to create a channel to help people get better, but I was like not even good. I had no idea what I was doing. And then over the course of the next like year and a half, everything kind of evolved.

And I actually found out like what type of videos I was good at making. And what kind of videos are you good at making? Just like comedy videos, just like goofy stuff with friends. So like me and my friends will play whatever game we're playing for a couple hours and turn that two hours into the funniest edited 10, 15 minutes that we can. you know it's a lot of just like goofy improv stuff a lot of like role playing stuff so sounds awesome man sounds like a lot of fun yeah i'm not surprised that you would rather do that than open up boxes oh yeah it's yeah yeah absolutely that's how i justify it it makes sense to me

yeah i mean you make a strong case for it bro yeah it's like let me open up this box or you know i can get on with friends and make a fun, like play games for a while and have some fun. And then, oh, by the way, this also happens to be my work. Yeah. And so I can pay my bills doing this. It sounds like it's a strong argument against, you know, opening up boxes. And so it sounds like it took you about a year and a half. And I'm curious, like, when you said that, you know, you kind of started out terrible and it took you a while to kind of find your niche or kind of discover what you were good at. What was the process like of being terrible? Like, how did you feel about what you were doing six months in? Yeah, I mean, I wasn't like terrible. It was more of just like I was in no

place to like give people tips or whatever. So like at the time I made my first video was like 2011. I think I had just gotten high speed internet at my house like a few months prior. Like, because we used to live like I said, we lived out in the middle of nowhere. We had dial up until like 2010. And then we got high speed internet that was like two megabits down like one up. Um, So, like, I hadn't even really played online much. But, like, I was decent, but just definitely in no position to, like, give tips. And I slowly realized that, like, I don't take video games that seriously. Like, you know, I just play to have fun.

I might get good at a game or something, but I don't ever try to, like, you know, that's, that's not my goal is to, like, be the best at any game I play or whatever. Or, like, I only care about winning. Like, it's just having fun with friends and messing around. Okay. Makes sense. So I'm kind of hearing that you weren't really, like, you didn't think it was really a problem that six months in you weren't making what you deemed to be like great YouTube videos.

Like you, I'm hearing that you were kind of okay with not being good at stuff on YouTube. Oh, yeah. No, I, no, yeah. I mean, I enjoyed making the videos regardless. And they did get some attention early just because me and my friends kind of like, he acted as a group where if one person grew, everybody kind of grew and we networked in that way. And so I didn't know that they were as terrible as I know they are now. But I mean, everybody's old videos are. you know, not great. But they were getting attention and I was growing. And so, yeah, I didn't really think too much of it.

Okay. So thanks for kind of, and what's it like making, being a, you know, YouTube content creator now? Like, how do you? Um, I mean, it's still really, really fun and still just as rewarding. Um, you know, I feel very lucky. Um, but there's a lot more like, I don't know, I guess like hurdles and different things that make it hard, but it's not, I don't know.

It's not too hard. Even just saying that, like, that's one of the things. Like, even trying to, like, make any complaint or whatever about the job just seems so, like, stupid just because compared to, you know, what other people do for a living or just, I know I'm fortunate to be in the position I'm in. So, so. Hmm. Just did something sneaky there, Tyler. What did I do? So you, so I'm hearing you say, like, you know, that there are hurdles and challenges and difficulties.

to being a YouTuber. And then you were like, it's stupid to say those things. What do you think about that? A little bit. Well, I just feel like I have a lot of like, my problems are not that important in the grand scheme of things in terms of like, you know, the problems that a lot of people face. Yeah.

What does that mean about the problems that you face? Um, I don't know. I don't know. I just don't feel that they're so important that I like, I don't know, I just feel like complaining about them comes across wrong to a lot of people. Because at the end of the day, it's like a lot of people go through a lot worse stuff and just being stressed out or overwhelmed or anxious about things. Can I think for a second? Sure. I'm almost kind of hearing that because you've been so lucky and you're so grateful for what you have, that it's not really.

fair for you to complain because so many other people have it worse. Some things, yeah, I think so. So if we think about, you know, the things that we're stressed out about, if you're stressed out about something relating to your YouTube channel and you don't think it's really fair for you to be stressed out about it, how do you think that affects your ability to deal with it effectively? I definitely think it makes it harder. How so?

Because it, I feel like I have a natural. bias to just like shrug a lot of things off. Mm-hmm. Just be like, I just, I just have to deal with it. Like, it's not that big a deal. Um, yeah. So let me ask you a question. If I say to something in my mind, it's not that big of a deal.

And when I sort of downplay something or even devalue it, what do you think that does to my ability to deal with it? Makes it a lot harder. How? Um, just because you're not making it as important of a thing to tackle or deal with, I guess. Yeah, right. It's interesting because what I'm sort of hearing is that you actually go through a process in your mind that makes things feel less important. Does that make sense?

Yeah, I mean, I still feel like these things that, like, that they're important, but I internalize them a lot more. You know, I don't like, I don't like reaching out to other people, I guess, really. as much. What makes it hard for you to, what makes you not like to reach out to other people? I don't know. I guess I just, when I feel personally like,

oh, like a lot of people go through a lot worse stuff, like it's not, I feel like I would just be reaching out to someone that probably has worse problems that they're dealing with than my own, I guess. In some ways. Sounds very isolating. A little. I don't know.

I mean, I have some, I have close. friends that I can reach out to, you know, but yeah. So, Tyler, I'm going to need your help with something. Okay. So I'm going to need to try to figure out. So sometimes when I'm talking to people and like I point out a potential, you know, emotional block or something to them, they'll say, yeah, it's like a small problem. And so I don't know if I'm making a mountain out of a molehill or you're making a molehill out of a mountain.

Because the problem with my profession is that once we get a hypothesis in our mind, we come up with all kinds of ideas to prove ourselves true irrespective of what you say. Right. Oh, he's defended. He's got resistance. He can't face it. Oh, he's got like all these defense mechanisms active. Right? Versus like, like how do we really figure out?

Because what I'm hearing is actually like, does it sound? How can I say this? So I think a lot of times when I work with content creators, They have trouble holding something called the dialectic, which is like two things that feel opposing, but can actually coexist at the same time. So sometimes when I work with my patients, for example, like some of them will feel like if someone is angry with me, it's impossible for them to love me. The idea that someone can love you and be angry with you at the same time is like something that their mind can't compute. So what they end up doing is they like tip the scales in one way or the other. So either this person loves me or they're angry with me.

And when they're angry with me, they certainly don't love me. And what I'm hearing you almost do is sort of say, like, do you have a lot to be grateful for? Do you have it easier than other people? Like, absolutely. And at the same time, like, I don't know if you get this, bro, but being like a successful YouTuber is like a pretty high-stress profession. Right? There's like a lot.

Yeah, right? And furthermore, like, when you devalue, like, your, experience of that stress, as you pointed out, it makes it like way harder to deal with. Yeah. And I'm sort of noticing, how are you feeling right now? You doing okay? Yeah, I feel fine. Okay. So I'm kind of noticing that maybe the first step to like why you feel overwhelmed is that like there's a part of your mind, there's a problem that you have to deal with,

but there's a part of your mind that's actually trying to shrink it. and once you try to shrink it, you can't deal with it appropriately. Like, if I think something is, you know, this sized, and then it's easy for me to hold, but like I don't really appreciate that it's actually this sized, and this is like way harder for me to hold. And this is the reality of it,

but instead my mind is like, oh, it's like not that big of a deal. Does that make sense? Yeah. So I'm also kind of curious, I mean, what's stressful So if it's okay with you, what I'm going to do is like ask you some questions. And maybe then what we'll try to do is like try to figure out whether like it's, you know,

we'll try to figure out what the right size is. Does that make sense? So I'm going to try to unpack some of the devaluing that you do for your own problems. And I want you to pay attention to how you feel talking about this. Like do you feel like you're coming across as ungrateful? Do you feel like you're coming across as like someone who's like arrogant and shouldn't be complaining and stuff like that? Can I trust you to do that? Yeah.

Okay. So tell me what's stressful about, you know, you said there are hurdles that you have to go through. Can you help me understand those? With regards to... Like, I asked you like, what's it like being a YouTuber now? And you said there are hurdles. And then you went down this track of like, I shouldn't complain. Um, I've, yeah.

Um, I don't know. I feel like there's a lot of expectations. put on people with a platform. People like, you know, I don't know, like people expect a lot of perfection these days, I feel like. What's it like? Go ahead. Go ahead. Go for it.

You go. I don't remember what I was saying. Oh, shit. Oh, you're fine. So tell me, what's it like to have people expect perfection from you? I mean, it's definitely, like, stressful because I know I'm just, you know, I'm just, another person we all nobody's perfect everybody has their problems everybody has you know flaws um yeah

what's it like to be not perfect and have people expect you to be perfect stressful what does that mean what is it what's stressful about it trying to please people that have an unexpected like an expectation that's just not like reality, I guess. It sounds like you're being held to an impossible standard. I mean, only to some people, right? I feel like most people know, but only to some people, yeah. Yeah, that sounds, I mean, it sounds like a game that's rigged that you can't win. Yeah, I think I tweeted something similar to this like a couple months back was just like,

to do YouTube, you need to like be real, but don't be too real because if you're too real, people will realize you're not perfect and people expect you to be perfect. I think it was something I tweeted like a couple months ago because that's how I, that's pretty much how I feel. Sounds like you have to be artificially real. Yes. Like I like trying to be authentic, but being authentic means you're going to show your own flaws. And when you show your own flaws, people will judge you and, you know, think negatively about you. Especially more so, I feel like these days when I started, but.

It sounds hard to be judged by people. I mean, it just sounds tough. Like, it sounds like a game that you're destined to lose. Yeah. How do you deal with that, man? Um, I don't know. I brushed a lot of stuff off, I guess. You know, like, I mean, just kind of have to have thick skin a little bit,

not care what too many people say, but it's also doing YouTube. It's also important to listen to what people are saying, you know? At the end of the day, you know, you have to, you know, you want to have an audience, and that audience has things that they want from you or how you behave, I guess. And so, like, you want to please those people, but at the same time, realize that, like, you're not going to please everyone. Sure.

Yeah. Sounds like you've learned a lot about yourself and how to, like, interact with, like, the YouTube sphere and people. You sound like you've really adapted to the challenges of your environment. Yeah, I would say. I'm kind of curious when you say you brush things off, what does that, how do you do that? What happens? Can you give me an example of something that you've had to brush off? Like, tell us a story about that? I don't even know. I can't even think of one specific example, but.

Okay. When you made that tweet, how did people respond? I mean, a lot of people agreed. I mean, I don't think that tweet was anything like super controversial, but I guess that's another thing is like almost anything you say or any opinion you put out these days is controversial. You know, you have people that disagree and we'll judge you based off of that. That's really like kind of stressful. So you keep on using this word stressful.

So when people are judging you, can you help me understand, like pretend I'm an alien and I'm trying to understand how humans work. and when someone makes a comment about you, like what happens in your mind and what happens in your body? Like, what does that mean? stressful. Well, I mean, anytime someone, I think,

says something about you or, like, makes a statement about you or judges you in some way, you're naturally going to want to be defensive. But at the same time, it's important to, like, not be so confident in yourself that you think, you know,

you're right all the time. You know, maybe there is some validity to what someone is, saying. And so I think that, you know, it makes your brain go crazy trying to think of all the possibilities and everything. Yeah. So it's, so what happens in your mind? So I'm, I'm hearing there's, like, I know it sounds kind of weird, but like you get a comment and then you want to be defensive. What does that mean? Uh, you want to just shrug it off, being like, oh, this person doesn't know what they're talking about or this person only know, you know, they only know who I am through like

what I, you know, this window or whatever of whatever content I make or whatever I say online or whatever, you know, they don't actually know. Sure. And so I know it sounds kind of weird, but before you have those thoughts, do you feel hurt?

I mean, sometimes it depends, yeah. Yeah. Okay. Because, you know, when you use the word defensive, I generally think like both the body and the mind, we react defensively, like when we get hurt, right? if you think about like a physical like defensive reaction,

it's usually because there's some kind of like stimulus that we're responding to. Yeah. I guess it's, yeah, I'm not hurt in the sense of like what they say necessarily hurts me, but it's more of just like, oh, there's someone out there that like dislikes me this much or whatever or hates me this much for like, what I see is a dumb reason or whatever, you know?

I guess that's what like, I guess that's what hurts. Yeah. So, so I'm noticing there's kind of an initial something sinks into your mind and then you have a defensive reaction. And then how do you end up, do you respond to the defensive reaction in some way? I know we're kind of really tunneling down now.

Sorry, what was the question again? Sorry. So you get defensive and then what do you do? Yeah, I guess just like think whether or not, like if there's generally something that I'm doing wrong or that is wrong or there's like what, you know, if there is a flaw, or if this person is just having unreasonable expectations or this person just doesn't know me or whatever you know so it sounds like then you go go through the process of like thinking through it kind of analyze and get things like that yeah so i'm going to toss out um a definition for you i'm curious what you think about that so you use the word stressful and i was about to ask you tyler what's

stressful about this process, but let me try to toss something out. So I would almost venture that, like, what I imagine is stressful for you is that like you're trying to go about your day and live your life, right? You got boxes to unpack. And then someone makes a comment on the internet and then like you no longer get to focus on what you want to do. And now your mind has to think through this crap. It's like you feel a little bit hurt. Then you kind of feel defensive. Then you have to kind to think through it. It's almost like it's stressful to have this thing like dumped on your plate. Yeah, I mean, I think those two things are more separate than that. Like, I mean, if I'm disconnected, you know, if I'm doing something like just organizing boxes or whatever, like I'm, you know,

I'm disconnected from online at that point, you know, like I'm in my own world, just doing my own thing. Um, yeah. So what do you think, what, what does it mean to be, what's stressful about this process of like online judgment? Um, trying to be just trying to be yourself while also trying to like make everyone happy that you can't make everyone happy you know okay now sometimes when people have a challenge like that it's something that they actually had like growing up and sometimes it's just created by the internet because that's what the internet does were there periods of time in your life like before youtube where you felt like you were stuck trying to make everyone happy and couldn't live up to expectations um

not not really in terms of like trying to make everyone happy but I guess um you know trying to like make friends and and whatnot um like I said when I had first moved you know it was hard for me to make friends in a new environment um yeah and how did you feel do you remember how you felt trying to make friends in a new environment oh yeah like very overwhelmed and lonely and upset yeah is that like fourth grade But yeah. Okay, so I know this is going to sound kind of weird. But the way that you feel nowadays dealing with stress,

does it feel similar to the way that you felt in the fourth grade? Yeah, kind of. Can you help me understand that a little bit? In some ways. Just the same kind of overwhelming feeling, I guess. I don't know. Okay. The same overwhelming feeling, okay.

Can you tell me about the fourth grade, Tyler? I mean, it was fine after I made friends. Like, I didn't have any kind of like real issues growing up or anything. It was more of just, yeah, that, you know, moving. I don't think there's really anything from like my childhood that reflects on things now. I think I'm, I think it's a very different circumstance now. I would agree. I think the circumstance sounds quite different, which is why I'm a little bit

surprised that the feeling feels somewhat similar. Yeah, I, hmm, I don't know. So I don't know if it's that similar, but more of just yeah. Oh, I, I'm easily overwhelmed. I would say. Okay. I kind of always have been. Okay. Can you tell me about when you say you kind of always have been? Can you tell me like, can you tell me about the fourth grade?

I'm going to ask again. So now I'm hammering. Okay. You got to let me know if this feels weird. Because you're sending me a lot of mixed signals, which I can help you unpack in a second. But you say you've always easily been overwhelmed, which implies that there have been times when you were like before this whole YouTube thing, where you got overwhelmed.

So can you, does anything pop into your mind about like when you felt like super overwhelmed? No, I guess the biggest comparison, I guess, would be, Um, like in school, I tried to like always be perfect in terms of like my schoolwork. Um, that could be overwhelming. Uh, and I was like really kind of hard on myself and always wanted to do really well. Um, I would strive for perfection in that in that way. Um, can you tell me a little bit about how you decided to major in engineering? Yeah, I was just, that was just, I was naturally good at math. Math was easy for me. Math was fun. And so it just seemed like the best fit.

Why did you? There's there's good jobs, you know. Yeah. Why did you, um, why do you think you were so perfectionistic in terms of grades? Um, I don't know, I guess that was just, I, school was easy to me. And so, and it was like the only, you know, it was like the most important thing at the time. And so I just wanted to make sure I did a good job at it. I don't know. And what's overwhelming about that? Making mistakes, not understanding something. I didn't understand something. It was really stressful to like try and, you know, have an expectation on myself and not be able to meet it, I guess. Sure. And how did you feel about yourself when you didn't live up to your expectations?

Yeah, I mean, I would get really upset at myself. What does that mean? What does that look like? I don't know. I don't even know. Just upset at myself. I, you know, prying, whatever, stress, whatever. I don't know.

Would you kind of beat yourself up in your head, tell yourself things like you should be able to do this? Yeah. Is that at all how you feel when you think about unpacking a box? In some ways, yeah. Like, this is not a complicated thing, but I don't want to. understand why like it's so hard for me. Or, you know, or even if it is actually hard for me or for I'm just being lazy, like, another expectation, I guess.

So I'm also wondering whether your mind did a similar thing when it was like when you didn't get grades. Like, where you like, oh, how can I say this? Is this just hard for you or am I just stupid? It's almost like correlating. Like, is this hard for me or like, am I just lazy? Like I'm, does that make sense? Yeah.

Yeah. Can I think for a second? Mm-hmm. What do you think about this conversation, Tyler? Um, I don't know. It's interesting. It's a little nerve-wracking, I guess, in a sense, just, yeah, but. I'm trying to figure out, do you get the sense, would it help you if I try to tell you, like, where I'm going?

Sure, yeah. Okay. So I'm noticing a couple of connections. And I want to just explain to you a little bit about how I understand the mind to work. Now, a lot of this, this, what I'm about to share with you doesn't really come so much from Western psychology, but the way that like yogis studying in India sort of understood the mind to work. Okay. So it's kind of interesting because they notice that when we experience negative emotions, especially when we're young, we don't know how to process them properly. And so if you think about the emotional energy of the mind until you like digest it.

So in the West, for example, we have methods of emotional digestion like going to therapy, journaling. We go through these like very like, you know, like active emotional processes to like, you know, process breakups, grief, whatever. We go to like funerals and stuff and we like share stories. Like all that kind of stuff is like emotional processing. But when you're a kid, you don't, you know, you can't give a eulogy when you're a kid, but giving a eulogy can be incredibly therapy.

therapeutic. So what they sort of realized is that we have these experiences early in life. And then what happens is we kind of store those emotions. And then what happens is our brain has this scanning function. So I know this is going to sound kind of weird. But like, you know, you can look at a toilet that you've never used before and know how to use the toilet. Well, how is that? It's because your mind has an impression, like it has all this data. And then it recalls the appropriate data based on the appropriate circumstance. Does that make sense? And so, Sometimes the emotions that we feel in benign situations like unpacking can feel actually extra overwhelming because the emotion isn't created from the unpacking. It's actually stored emotion that then gets recalled into your mind and makes a benign action feel overwhelming.

Does that make sense? Yeah. So a good example of this is like if we think about someone with like PTSD, right? So if I've got PTSD and I was like, you know, in Afghanistan or something, and then I come back home and then there are benign stimuli like someone banging a car door, which will trigger a reaction in me that is disproportionate to the actual like event. Does that make sense? Yeah. So one of the things that I've been trying to suss out is whether your difficulty in unpacking boxes, because you use these like interesting words. Like, because I'll ask you, what does it mean to be stressed? was it mean to be overwhelmed.

And you're not able to really give me a good answer. You kind of noticing that? Yeah. And so part of the reason for that is because sometimes when we're young, the resolution of our feelings is like very poor. And so when I talk to adults that are not able to describe like how they feel in the present, oftentimes it's because it's emotional energy from the past that has a very low resolution. We're talking like 120p.

And so I can ask you lots of questions about it. doesn't mean you're stupid. It just means that like the resolution of the emotion is like super rough because all you really remember was feeling like overwhelmed. But we're absolutely like if we go back and we like listen to the words that you use to describe your current stresses and we listen to the words that you use to describe your previous stresses, they're actually all the same words. It's overwhelmed, stressed, and isolated. Those are the three things that I'm hearing from you over and over and over again. And then it's kind of interesting because, when I ask you about like unpacking boxes, you're like, yeah, there's some overlap. It's not like one to one, which it's not going to be. Because I think there's some amount of stress from unpacking boxes and then some amount of stress that your mind is like pulling back from the past and kind of projecting onto the present. There's also a very similar pattern in terms of your cognition. So these are just observations. I don't know if it's like true or not, right? There's no like test for this. But one is that like when you're faced with a task, there's also the other theme that I'm hearing here is expectations.

So it seems like you set high expectations on yourself. You have a lot of expectations of perfection placed upon you by the YouTube audience. It's really interesting because I've worked with a lot of content creators. And I've seen this pattern where the kind of expectation that they live up to has to do with what they put on themselves. So like you have an expectation. You're like it's hard to be perfect whereas someone else may say like it's hard to be like, you know, funny. and that's because and then when I talk to them it's like back when they were younger they had like concerns that people didn't think they were funny or something like that so I think like does this

make sense like I'm kind of pointing out themes to you and now I'm going to kind of just put it back to you like what do you think is any of this stuff making sense or am I just you know being way too analytical and trying to like craft a constellation out of a pile of stars I mean I think some of it makes sense I think some of it might be a little you know a little extrapolated I guess I feel like a lot of it is just kind of I've never been diagnosed with like ADHD or anything but I've heard a lot of like I forget I saw something on Twitter that was like

people with ADHD struggle with tasks if they don't live up to if they don't meet four constraints or something which was what was an interesting, challenging, novel or urgent and that like resonated with me like a lot like if something is not interesting or challenging or new to me

then I will not do it until it is urgent. Like that is 100% how my brain works. Yeah. So have you ever seen a mental health professional? No. Ever been kind of interested in seeing if you have ADHD? Yeah. Yeah.

What keeps you from seeing one? Just, I guess, busyness. And I feel like I've functioned pretty okay. Like, I don't feel like I'm, you know, I just have. some things that I struggle with, but I don't think it's like injuring my life in any crazy way. Yeah. Yeah. So I think that's a reasonable. So, you know, I think it's not a bad idea to get checked out. And at the same time, you know, one of the criteria for basically

any psychiatric disorder or any diagnosis is usually impairment to function. So if we try to figure out like what's the line between like, you know, being sad and like having clinical depression, it's like impairment to function. So everyone feels sad. Everyone, I'm not surprised. I mean, I'm kind of the same way where, you know, it's really hard for me to do things that are not urgent, not interesting, not challenging. So out of the stuff that I was kind of sharing with you, what seemed to make sense and what do you think was like too much of a stretch? Like, what did resonate? Um... I don't know. I'm trying to remember.

I mean, a lot of it definitely resonated. I think some of, you know, I don't know that there's too much of like ties from like my childhood, really, aside from just expectations on myself. I definitely think that that makes sense. Expectations I put on myself based off of expectations other people have, you know, I guess if that makes sense. That makes sense.

Like that's kind of been a thing for sure. Okay. So, yeah. So I think, you know, the purpose of, of having conversations like this is like occasionally I'm going to, you know, sort of take a shotgun approach where I'm going to toss a lot of crap out. And then like I'm, it's actually like you're the expert here. So you're the one who has to say, hey, I think a lot of this stuff is like,

kind of doesn't make sense to me. And this kind of thing does. Now, I suspect if you, I suspect there's, there may be a little bit of like money to be found if we talk about what the early stages of fourth grade was like. but if you don't want to, we don't have to. Yeah, I probably wouldn't want to. Okay.

I don't think there's anything there that's that significant. I don't think it was like, I don't know. Okay, that's totally fine. It was just out, you know, just a kid trying to make friends in a place I didn't know. I think any kid would struggle with that. I don't think there's anything really much deeper than that, personally. Yeah. So, I mean, if you're, if you don't think it's useful to talk about, I think that's totally fine.

I do think, you know, just like you said, it's, I think your experience there sounds quite common, right, in the sense that like any kid who's moving to a new place would struggle to make friends. Like, the reason that I was thinking that maybe there's something there is because even though the experience is common and expected, it doesn't, it still means that most kids in that situation would be affected a particular way. Yeah. And even when it comes to sort of reaching out with people now, like it sounds like when you struggle, sometimes you feel kind of isolated and you feel like not wanting to reach out to other people. Yeah. Maybe in terms of like, you know, yeah, with like my problems. Like I don't have any problem like making friends or. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah. Even connecting with people. It's more of just like I just try not to burden people, I guess, with like my problems because I don't feel like, like I said at the end. I don't feel like my problems are. that, you know, bad in the grand scheme of things. Sure. Yeah. And that, I think, makes a lot of sense, too.

I think you have a lot to be lucky. You have a lot to be grateful for, and you're quite lucky in a lot of ways. So let me ask you, Tyler, what do you think would be a good use of our time? If you have any particular ideas, that's fine. Otherwise, I can give you like two or three options. Yeah, you can give me some options. Okay. So number one is we can try to understand.

the process of like unpacking boxes because I think we have a little bit more information now and we can kind of revisit that and try to understand um you know like how does that work like how does our mind work you know how do I go about doing things that are not important challenging urgent uh the second thing that I think we the second track we could go down is you mentioned that out of all the stuff that sort of resonated with you, the expectations that you place on yourself seem to be like what kind of stuck out the most. So we can try to explore and understand those a little bit better. And then I think the third thing to potentially talk about is that I do think that your ability to do particular things, if you got a little bit better at not devaluing or not discounting

some of your own experiences, because you relate. your experience to someone else. Like, you know, I don't know how to say this, but, you know, I've had patients come into my office since, you know, who've had trauma. And then what they always do is say like, but I, it's not like I'm an Afghani refugee trying to flee the country, right? What they'll do is they'll take their experience, which is like painful and affects them.

And they'll say, like, other people have it worse. Like, I have it relatively. Like, so I had one patient for. for example, who had like a single encounter of, of kind of like sexual assault in a public place with a stranger. And so, you know, he was like a teenage kid at the time. And then like, but one of the things that he kept on saying when he would come to my office is like, there are people who would get like, you know, abused by family members or pre.

There are people that like I was just like a one time thing. It wasn't actually that bad. You know, my parents showed up before things got too crazy. And so he had like this really common pattern of saying like, oh, other people have it bad. but for some reason, like, we kept on kind of coming back to it, and he sort of felt like, you know, it's not really that traumatic. Whereas it actually was, right? Because it doesn't, it sort of doesn't matter, you know, if I get hit by eight bullets and you get hit by one bullet, like you've still been hit by a bullet, you know, that damage is there. So I'm a little bit, you know, I think it could help. And this is something that I found when I work with content creators to sort of, you know, be able to accept some of the feelings that you have about being like, you know, kind of getting a bad beat sometimes and you can be grateful for things and at the same time

hold the dialectic of like stuff can suck for you like you're not impervious to that as you pointed out earlier like you are human and just because you have a lot to be grateful for doesn't mean that like you can't you know be unhappy or complain yeah what do you think about those three options so boxes, expectations, and kind of... I think trying to like help myself handle tasks that I find overwhelming, I think would be most useful to me. Okay. I feel like that's something that I really struggle with. Okay.

It's only getting worse as like I get older and have more responsibilities and stuff. Interesting. Okay, so let's talk about that. So can you tell me a little bit about? how it's getting worse with more responsibilities? That sounds scary. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, just as you get older, you have more responsibilities.

And you have more people in your life to maintain relationships with or more things to take care of or maintain. You know, like my YouTube channel grows year over year, you know, so there's always something new and different. So I think that kind of stuff. Okay. So do you feel like, yeah, go ahead. No, just there's, there's, you know, there just feels like year over year, there's always new things that need managing, I guess.

And am I hearing that there's like a trend towards like maybe things are getting unmanageable at some point or will become unmanageable at some point? Because it's just growing. Yeah. Is that something you think about or worry about? Um, kind of. Like sometimes I feel like I maybe should simplify things, you know. But yeah. Okay.

Let me just think for a second. So, Tyler, what do you think would be more helpful? So if we're taking, if we're taking like, you know, how to manage tasks is our problem. Do you think it would be more helpful for me to sort of explain frameworks and like teach a little bit? Or do you want me to try to like help explore like with you and. ask you questions. What would you prefer? I think teach. Okay. I'm kind of getting that vibe too.

So let's start with tasks, okay? So the first thing that I want to point out is that okay, let me just, can I compose my thoughts for a second? Yeah, yeah. I kind of come up with like, I'm halfway there. Okay, give me a minute. You're fine. I just don't know how I'm going to wrap up. I've got the first half of it.

Okay. All right. I'm going to compose a story of pure fiction based on conjecture about your life. Okay. Give me a second. So I'm going to pull out an iPad, and I think I'm going to need to draw for this. So I'm going to screen share with you, okay? So one of my, there's a streamer who gave me a bit of advice, which was to have two Wi-Fi networks and was saying that, you know, if you have two Wi-Fi networks, like if one of them goes out,

you don't have to stop streaming. So I've done that. And it works well. But the only problem is that now sometimes all of my things are not on the same network. And so like this may be like completely BS. Okay. So you tell me if this sounds like it makes sense or not. Okay.

So can you see this? Yes. Okay. Okay. But it's kind of blank right now, right? Okay. So let's start with this. So we've got tasks.

Okay. Oh man, how am I going to stitch this together? Okay, so sometimes you do things that are stressed. Like you've got tasks that you've got to do, and then there are the tasks that are like important. Like you two. Relationships, right? And then there are the tasks that are fun.

Sorry for my handwriting. I am a medical doctor, which means that I suck at handwriting. I think it's fine. And this can also be relationships, right? Yeah. And so then you've got your priority list. And so what happens is that, you know, naturally, like you're going to pick important stuff and fun stuff. So here's relationships.

And then, you know, down here is going to be boxes. But I think there's, so we may say that this priority list is based on, you know, things like importance and fun. But I think that there are a couple of other things that we've sort of hit on. one is avoidance. Okay? One is going to be expectation. And what I mean is like, I should be able to do this. Right?

So this is a thought that you have when it comes to boxes, right? Yeah. Okay. And then there's also kind of like a where to start. So I know it sounds kind of weird, but like these are sort of easy because you know how to do this. And this is kind of hard because you don't really like know where to start. And then the other problem here is that like perfectionism is also in play. Do you know how?

So you're like kind of a perfectionistic person, right? Yeah. Because there you are opening a box and you're like, but there's like a complete system to do this. And an opening a box is not something that you can just, you can't just open a box, right? What you've got to do is like unpack. And unpack is a really like broad thing that you can't really see to the end of. you can't so it's hard to start because you can't see the end does that make sense yeah okay so i'm going to teach you something interesting how long have you been playing video games uh i don't

feels like forever i don't know since i was like five or six probably okay so your brain has wired differently from like people other people's brains so here's an interesting observation i've made i don't know how much actual data there is to support this but i've seen this pattern time and again is there's two kinds of problem solving, close-ended problem-solving and open-ended problem-solving. And what close-ended problem-solving is, is like if I give you a set of tasks

and I kind of give you the rules of the game, you will be very good at this. Gamers are very good at close-ended problem-solving. Like, as I understand, you kind of do a variety of games, right? So you're not, like, necessarily an expert in a particular thing. But if I give you a set of criteria, you can shine within it. So like if I say,

Tyler, I want you to make content. I want you to play this game with these three people and I want you to have fun doing it. Like you can do that. Like you can see the start, you can see the end, and you can sort of figure out like how to get from A to Z. Does that make sense?

Yeah. And you can thrive. Like you don't even need to like really script it out or anything. You can be kind of organic, but you sort of know the steps between like A and Z and you do an awesome job with it. Does that make sense? Yep.

So if you look at video games, because that's what video games do, right? Like, so video games put boundaries around the task to be solved. So, like, gamers are really good at optimizing DPS rotations because all of, like, the buttons that I can press and the damage that they do in their cast times and things like that, those are all, like, entered into the system. And I have all the puzzle pieces. Does that make sense? Yeah. It's almost like, if I give you a bunch of Legos, like, you can put something together because Legos are constrained. and like what the pieces are.

So what I've found with people who played video games for a very long time is that they're very good at close-ended problem-solving. The other interesting thing is they seem worse at open-ended problem-solving. And so this is like people who are like non-gamers. So I know it sounds kind of weird,

but like if you give a gamer like a task like unpack, there is no real start and no real end to that. Right? It's kind of like this open-ended thing. So this is why gamers struggle to do things, like find a job. So find a job is actually like a pretty complex abstract process where it's like, how do you know, or get a good job, let's say that. So how do you know like when a job is good enough, right?

Like, you know, you can find maybe a job, but like a good job, you know, that's something that we really struggle with. And if you kind of think about it, if you look at the development of, let's say, like, someone who's a non-gamer, there's this system of graduated, open-ended problems. solving. Okay. And what I mean by that is like when you're in when you're in school like grade school, like you don't really have any choices about your classes, right? And then you go to high school and you kind of get to pick like then you have like more choice. So when you're like 10 years old, this is the scope of your choice. And then when you're 15 years old, this is the scope of your

choice. And then when you go to college, this is the scope of your choice. And then when you graduate from college, this is the scope of your choice. Does that make sense? Yeah. Like because you can take like, you can take a gap year or not take a gap year. And so over time, if you look at people who are sort of like, you know, kind of like living a regular life, their ability, so the abstraction increases the older that you get. Does that make sense? Because at 25, you know, you can do whatever you want to.

But generally speaking, what I found with gamers is that, you know, when they're 20 years old and they spend their time playing video games instead of getting an internship or instead of doing extracurriculars, the path of a gamer is actually like a little bit different. So what I mean by that is, how do I get this thing to? So let's like, so if you look at the path of the gamer, this is the same. At 15, maybe people are doing extracurriculars, but gamers are kind of here. And then at 20, like, you know, I may go to classes and I may pick a major and stuff,

but I'm kind of over here. And then at 25, it's like you've been making YouTube for a long time. so it's kind of like you're kind of doing what you're doing. So, and then this gap is what I tend to see between gamers and non-gamers, with their ability to deal with open-ended problem solving. With me so far? Yeah. So I think the first thing to understand is that, you know,

this is why these things feel easy. Like, I hate to break this to you, Tyler, but making a successful YouTube channel is actually like more complicated than unpacking boxes. Agree or disagree? No, I agree. Yeah. So, but why does this feel easier to you? because it just

it already happened I guess and it kind of just did happen naturally like it wasn't something I tried to make happen so I would say the reason this feels easier is because you're more experienced

so what your brain like literally I know this sounds kind of weird but what your brain is able to do is if I tell you Tyler I want you to make a video about Fortnite that is like an abstract goal

but literally what your brain can do is take like video about Fortnite and it can say okay step one's going to be this step two is going to be this step three is going to be this step four is going to be this Step five is going to be this. Step six is going to be this.

And you can do that. Like you do it fucking in your sleep. Does that make sense? Yeah. So this is the process that we call operationalizing a problem. So what operationalizing a problem is is taking an abstract goal and turning it into steps. Does that make sense? Yeah.

And this process like is actually really hard. Like if you were to ask me, Dr. Kay, make a successful YouTube video, I would be absolutely overwhelmed. I would not know how to do that. But in your mind, like, you're thinking about thumbnail, you're thinking about title, you're thinking about, okay, who would be good to partner with for this particular game? And your mind is actually like you're so good at this, right? Because you've got like 8 million subscribers on YouTube or whatever. So like you're kind of good at this and you know how to do this process, which is going to be overwhelming for like 99.9% of people. So the first thing to understand is that this is something that you may want to operationalize. So

if you have trouble doing a process, instead of holding it in your head, okay, which I don't know if that makes sense, but like, you know, your mind automatically, like, does this stuff for YouTube, you may have to like operationalize it out like in a particular way. So what I mean by that is sort of think about, okay, so if we're unpacking boxes, one thing we can look at is number of boxes. And another thing we can look at is like rooms in the house. Yeah. Right. And then the more you kind of sit down and you can think like, okay, but the problem is that like if you unpack one box, maybe it's got kitchen stuff and maybe it's got bedroom stuff. And that's kind of chaotic. And then if you've got rooms in the house, the problem is there's stuff in box one and stuff in

box eight. Does this sort of make sense like why this is hard? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right? And so this is what feels overwhelming about unpacking. Because it feels like, yeah, go ahead. And what adds to that is like, that's not the only task that is like this. You know, like I might have three or four other things where it's like, so not only is there a complicated process to do each individual task, but then there's multiple tasks to be done and trying to figure out which one, you know, I should do, which is why it's like, oh, it's just easier just go to YouTube or whatever. Yep.

So now we get to should do. Love it. So basically like what we are asking you to do, Tyler, is the equivalent of asking my, my grandmother to figure out a DPS rotation and Final Fantasy 14. She can unpack boxes, but she just doesn't know where to start, right? And it's not that she's stupid and it's not that you're stupid. It's just like literally think about this, bro. You've been playing games since the age of five where you've been given the Legos.

And now what we're doing is we're giving you Play-Doh. And it's like, wait, this is like way too abstract. Like, I need some way to turn Plato into Legos and then I can put something together. like if I were to give you 30 balls of Play-Doh and say make a horse, you could assemble the balls into a horse shape easier than you could take a lump of Plato and like form it into a horse. Does that make sense? Yeah.

And so this has nothing to do with you being, you know, like incompetent or anything. It's just like literally I've noticed that when people play games a lot and especially if you've been making YouTube videos for a decade, like your brain is equipped to do a particular task well. Okay? So what I would recommend is, you know, try to create some sort of system. And be careful because when you create the system, this is what your mind is going to do. The perfectionistic tendencies are going to pop up. So now, okay, so step number one, so if you're trying to do a task, okay, step number one is operationalize it. The second thing that you're going to need to do is when you operationalize it, you're going to get

resistance. So when you try to do step number one, what is your mind going to tell you? If I were to tell you, okay, Tyler, what I want you to do is like make a list of boxes and a list of places where the things in the boxes go. And then what's your mind going to say to that? Like, oh, I got, what is the most efficient way to do this or the best way to do it? There it is. Yeah. Why are you a successful YouTuber, Tyler? What did you do when you started making YouTube videos? Uh, I always tried to improve them, I guess. I was a bit of a perfectionist over time. Sort of, sort of.

But if you really pay attention, go back and watch the Vod. When you made your first YouTube video. Oh, I just did it. I just, yeah. And that's something that I've, that's something that I've been able to, like, take into doing more things YouTube related. Like, it's like I wanted to do a podcast.

And I was like, I don't know how to do a podcast. I don't really know how to interview people. So I was like, I'm just going to do it. And I have gotten better about that when it comes to, like, YouTube related. stuff, but yeah, I don't know why I still struggle with that in like real life stuff. Yeah, so I think the reason you struggle with that in real life stuff is because you were skilled at YouTube, right? Whereas you're not skilled at the other stuff. Like on your character sheet,

you're like level 88 at YouTube and you're like level four at other stuff. Yeah. So what we see here, if we really look at the times that you've been successful, what you've been able to do is let go of the perfectionism. Whereas even, even like who the fuck cares if you're inefficient with unpacking your boxes? Like, yeah. You know, like, but the answer is you care. Yeah, just in my head, I'm like, I want to get this done as fast as possible. And so I, yeah.

Yeah, so now you have to be careful because even when you try to do something, so this is the other thing, when it comes to like, I'm not motivated to do a task. So one thing we can do is operationalize the problem so that we can like create bite-sized chunks and then approach it. This is the tricky thing is that that. is insufficient because when we do that, our psychology creates some kind of resistance. Does that make sense? And then the resistance, this is something that's going to feel emotionally uncomfortable. And then what we do is when we feel emotionally uncomfortable, what we do is avoid. And then this

creates the avoidance. And then you go back. And then once we are, once our mind is decided, hey, this feels emotionally uncomfortable, I feel like an idiot doing this. I feel like there's a better way to do it. I feel kind of incompetent. Like, how dumb can I possibly be that I can't unpack these boxes? There's all that self-judgment and crap that we sort of hit on, right? And this is what you call stressful, by the way. This process is, I think, what you mean when you say the word stressful. Then what happens is then we get to justifications and rationalizations. So once there's something that you feel uncomfortable or you're self-judging about or you're not doing it good enough, I know I'm tossing a lot of words at you, but like,

is this sort of makes sense? And then you avoid that. And then once your mind decides emotionally that you want to avoid something, once it becomes emotionally untenable, then it recruits our intellect to rationalize and justify. And then what it tells you is, oh, by the way, like, this is more important and this is more fun. It is objectively better for me to do YouTube than it is to unpack boxes.

And then it's game over. Yeah. And then you're not going to do it. do it. Does that make sense? Yeah, this is exactly what happens. Yeah. Right. So now let's think a little bit about, okay, how do we deal with this resistance? So this is why I was asking you kind of like the psychological questions. And what we really try to do at Healthy Gamer, it's not about, you know, digging for like, you know, deep emotional stuff just for the sake of digging for emotional stuff. It's recognizing that you have had particular experiences, which are going to create a psychology

that you'll be like vulnerable to that will control you. in particular ways. So the real thing that I would advise you to do is the next time you try to pack a box, look for this part of the script in your mind telling you not to. Right? And as long as you see that script and then you ask yourself, you know, why can't I, and now we're going to get to a stretch because I don't know if this is actually the case. But like, I would imagine that you feel somewhat stupid for when you try to unpack a box.

What are you? And then what happens is like you've got this, remember this crap up here about self-judgment and like devaluing the way that you feel. Then we get into problem number three is that you feel stupid for not being able to unpack a box. And then what you say is I shouldn't feel stupid. You know, this is dumb. Like I shouldn't feel this way. And then when you devalue this feeling, you're like ignoring it. And once you ignore a particular feeling, like you can't deal with it.

It's sort of like, you know, if I'm getting aggris, by a mob, and I'm like, the mob isn't there. It's stupid. There shouldn't be like, this thing shouldn't spawn in this zone. It's dumb. It shouldn't be there. But does it stop the mob from messing you up, right? So when you devalue your emotions, they start to go like kind of dormant in a sense or invisible is maybe a better word. And then what they do is they fuel this resistance. Because most of the resistance that we have to things is actually like emotional. And it is long as you're devaluing it and not taking that feeling of stupid like seriously, it's going to, like, mask itself and it'll just manifest as resistance to you doing a task. Does that make sense? Yeah. Yep. So I know it sounds kind of weird, but like I would start with, first of all, like the next time you feel like you shouldn't feel a certain way, like try to stop yourself. Like notice that, you know, even though you're lucky and you've got eight million subscribers, it doesn't mean that your life isn't. stressful, right? It's okay for you to feel stress. It's okay for you to feel isolated. It's okay for you to feel alone. Do other people have it worse than you do? Yes. But just because someone else got, you know, like, just because bad things are happening to other people doesn't mean that like bad things aren't going to happen to you. And, you know, the guy who found it started Buddhism, this guy named Buddha, Buddha, had a really interesting revelation that I think we've forgotten, despite all of the propagation of like mindfulness and east.

wisdom nowadays, which is he said that like, ducca or suffering is like a constant in life. That like no amount of privilege or power actually will like protect you from suffering. That suffering comes, it's sort of like an internal thing. And sure, there's like definitely advantages to having privilege, right? Like there's like lower levels of stress and health outcomes are improved for people who have like financial security and things like that. There are a lot of advantages.

But the interesting thing is that I don't know that suffering is what we protect first. And so one of the hardest things that I try to do is for people who are lucky in a lot of ways, trying to get them to accept their suffering. Like, you can be lucky and still suffer. That kind of goes back to the dialectic where, like, someone can be angry at you and still love you, right? But it can be hard to hold both of those things. Like, I'm incredibly lucky, and I also have a lot to be stressed out about, right? Like, just because I'm lucky and I'm privileged doesn't mean that, like, I don't get to feel stress.

and doesn't mean that I don't deserve compassion from other human beings or myself. Does that make sense? Yeah. Questions? Um, no. I mean, that all, that is, yeah, that is exactly what happens and why I struggled to do a lot of things.

And I've, I've tried to take some steps to, like, get better at things. So, like, I have, I have, like, a notebook where I, like, write down a to-do list every day. and I noticed that like the more I break everything down, you know, like whatever the task, like unpack boxes instead of that, it's like unpack these boxes or whatever. Like I break the list down as minimal as I can. I even put in things like eat or like shower or it just feels good to cross stuff off. Like I've been doing that recently.

That's been super helpful. But yeah, this is a fan. What you just described is exactly what happens. So you stumbled upon operationalizing because then that abstract, problem in your mind, you're chunking up. And then when you chunk it up, it's like more manageable. So the other thing, the last thing that I'm going to kind of, I'm going to share one other principle with you, which is cognitive RAM. So, you know, you kind of said at the very beginning of our interview, like the more stuff that piles up on your to do list, the more I should be able to like,

you know, like the more, the bigger my to do list is the, the, the, the, the, higher it should increase in urgency. And since urgency is a motivator, I should be able to act. Does that make sense? Yeah. And I also get that get tones of this when you talk about the increased amount of responsibility with age, which I think you're actually quite scared of. I think you're afraid that now I'm hypothesizing, okay? So I'm I'm hypothesizing that there's a part of you that's actually pretty scared that soon enough, things will get so bad that you won't be able to handle it. we don't we don't have to go down that route but just something for you to think about possibly yeah um but so you kind of think as urgency increases i should be able to do something there's the self-judgment by the way

see that but the interesting thing is that our brain has like a certain amount of cognitive ram and so like if your mind is holding on to like 10 tasks that you need to manage then you only have this much like working ram and then something interesting happens is that if we only have two tasks that we have to remember, then we have this much working RAM. And so people think that as the number of tasks increases, the urgency should increase, and I should be able to do, like, it should like push me to do things. But actually what I found, and one of my, you know, meditation teachers told me this like really kind of really interesting is that like the more stuff that your mind has to hold on to, it's sort of like, you know,

I can't fix something if I have my hands full. I can't actually do any work if I have my hands full. So what you really want to do is try to empty your mind. And then the more working memory you have, the more you'll be able to do tasks. Does that make sense? Yeah. And so this is why if you look at it,

like if I have 10 tasks to do and I complete one, is nine tasks easier or harder than 10 tasks? Yeah, easier. Right? So what people notice is like there's the snowball effect of like, you know, 10 is taking up this much space and then 9 is taking up this much space

and then 8 is taking up this much space and so what people find is once they start checking things off their to do list, it frees up more of your mind and then you have more RAM to actually work on the remaining tasks because that's just something for you to kind of think about it's another principle that I found.

Questions? No, no, this all makes a lot of sense. The cognitive RAM thing is pretty like I always use the term mental bandwidth. So I'm assuming that's like the exact same thing. Yep, yep. Yeah. Yeah. I definitely get like periods where I feel like I can't handle like, I don't, like someone will message me or something with something. And I just, my brain was, I like, I can't handle it. Like, I just don't have a mental bandwidth, like address this new thing when I'm worried about all

these other things. Makes perfect sense. Yeah, that's another, that's another part of all this, I guess is like not responding to people right away. Like I feel like, you know, If I have enough things to do and someone has something else they need for me or whatever it may be, as simple as it might be, I brush it off until it's like I don't even have like, I can't even think about that right now. Like I have to worry about these things or whatever. Yeah. So there's two other, if you're curious, you know, there's a little bit like there's a couple of other interesting things about mental RAM. So I'm going to just share two perspectives, okay? So one of my teachers in India once told me that like every task that is left

Uncomplete is a karmic drain and so what he means by that is like you know if you have I don't know if this is really true but he was kind of saying that like you know if you have an intention you make a promise to someone and you don't keep that promise it sort of carmically like drains your energy because you still have like that incomplete task to do and so I thought that it was like kind of an interesting example of like the more things on your two-do list you have, the harder it is to do things. And so what he was kind of saying is as you go back and you sort of complete all of your karmic tasks, as you complete those karmas and you become like spiritually free from it, what it actually does is like gives you spiritual energy and then

eventually you'll start like manifesting success. That's kind of a weird spiritual perspective that I think sort of maps on to cognitive RAM in some way. And the other really interesting evidence-based perspective is alcoholics anonymous. And in Alcoholics Anonymous. So Alcoholics Anonymous is really interesting because it seems to be like a good intervention, you know, in some ways at like helping people overcome like this biological addiction. And so if you think about it like, you know, how does that work? We don't really know. But Alcoholics Anonymous, when I talk to people who are trying to get sober, they talk about one particular step, which helps them a lot. And that's the making amends step. And so what they do is like they've done all of this bad crap in the past.

and something about all of that emotional energy creates some degree of resistance in avoidance in their mind that then causes them to chase alcohol and the ones who do really, really well are the ones who do the making amends step. So like literally what they do is they'll go and they'll like apologize to like random people from 10 years ago when they were drinking and when they were an asshole

and they go back and they just like try to set things right. They don't necessarily have to fix everything. They don't have to like go back and graduate from college. But they go through this mental. process of thinking about, you know, who's everyone that I've screwed over, like, what are all the bad things that I've done? And then they go and they try to track those people down, they say, hey, I'm sorry for doing that. And something really cool happens, which is that when they go through this making amends phase, something happens with their cognitive ram, and they're much more able to

sort of, like, control their alcohol and, like, resist its impulses. So I think these are just sort of two really interesting observations from other dimensions based on that kind of relate to mental bandwidth, unclear what's sort of scientifically valid and what isn't. It's just interesting when there's, you know, three different perspectives that are all kind of speaking to the same thing. Does that make sense? Yeah. But it's really fascinating that, you know, the science, the neuroscience and psychology of how Alcoholics Anonymous works. Okay, so other thoughts or questions? Um, no. Um, I think, I think, I think I I also prioritize like doing things for others before myself when it comes to like like that kind of

ties back to the relationship thing. Yeah. In terms of like like if I have something super simple that I need done but you know a friend of mine or something has something super simple that they need done like that always like is something that takes priority to. Um yeah bro. So you really got to work on not devaluing yourself. Yeah. I totally get that right because relationships is up here. and yeah like i like i like i Tyler is not necessarily that i like i prioritize other people more of just like i'd rather let myself down you know than like let someone else down you know what i mean like if i have someone who expects something from me that's definitely like yeah so i it's classic tyler because if a friend asked you hey tyler this saturday can you help me move in you'd be like

absolutely bro yeah right you'll help someone else unpack boxes at the drop of a hat really common really common it's just because you're a good person but there's an interesting part of that which is that so here's kind of what I would summarize for you Tyler it sounds like you've already started to figure out how to operationalize that will help you unpack your boxes

when you think about unpacking a box be careful because watch I want you to look for it okay I want you to like you know place a hidden camera and prepare yourself for like oh this is inefficient and I could do this better. I should do this better. It would be so much easier if I did it this way. Look for that thought.

And then look for this thought too, where I shouldn't feel stupid. This should be easy for me. I should be able to handle this. Because all of that crap is going to be devaluing it. And as best as you can, what I want you to do in that moment is like kind of notice those thoughts and like look for them because they're going to be psychological patterns. It's like program. It's like malware in your brain. So prepare. When I open up Firefox, there's going to be pop up. telling me to purchase this penis enlargement pill, right? Like, you're going to look for it. And then if you're prepared for it, it's going to be a lot easier to close.

Okay? And, yeah. And then, you know, in a more long-term sense, you know, if you're interested in seeing a mental health professional, I think it could be good, you know, if you're curious about whether you have ADHD or not, you could kind of get an evaluation for that. But I think there's, you've got to be really careful because you're such a good dude. And you recognize that you're so lucky and you have so much gratitude that you're almost kind of skirting right on the edge of what I would call toxic positivity, which is like, oh my God, like I should be grateful. Yeah, and you are grateful, right?

Like the important thing is to be grateful and also be compassionate towards yourself. Thoughts. Yeah. No, that makes sense. Okay. Go ahead. No. Go for it.

Oh, you were going to ask a question. Go for it. Yeah. I was just going to ask like how. How was this for you, like in terms of when we kind of just went through that and like, is this like helpful or? Yeah, definitely helpful. I just know that I feel like there's like a lot to unpack, I feel like. And it's, yeah, there's just a lot to think about and unpack.

And I'm still, you know, admittedly, like I'm definitely still like a little anxious and nervous about this. Just like I said, opening up in front of, you know, an audience is something that's like really difficult. And even, I feel like even for me more so than like, you know, a streamer or something. Like I don't typically stream. Most of my stuff is just making videos. And so like when it comes to my online presence, it's just, like I said, it's just those 10 minutes of funny, good times with friends. I don't really try to delve into a whole lot of, you know, behind the scenes kind of personal stuff. It's hard for me.

Yeah. So I kind of noticed that. And I think that's totally fine. Like we don't have to do what's hard for you. So this is where it's important, Tyler. I think you doing that work is important. It's absolutely not necessary to do live in front of the internet. Like, you know, it's about your growth in what you feel comfortable with.

So I would encourage you to, you know, spend a little bit, I don't know, like, who you've got in your life. But like, you know, if you want to see a therapist or something, that's totally fine. Otherwise, you know, I would honestly spend some time, like thinking about the first few weeks of fourth grade and what that was like for you. And like, let yourself almost be like an old. brother to your fourth grade self and tell yourself like you know you must have been frightened that you wouldn't make friends like it's fucking terrifying dude like does it happen to a lot of kids yeah like it happened to me too and like i remember how terrifying it was because you didn't know like the second day you went and the third day you went you didn't have friends like you didn't know like does this

like am i going to make a friend on the fourth day it feels like you're never going to make a friend Yeah. And so some of those kinds of like thoughts and emotions and stuff like they still carry with you. You know, and I don't think you need to talk about it here. I'm glad you told me, you know, we talked a little bit about boundaries even even at the beginning. But so I'm glad you sort of said, yeah, I don't think that would be that useful. I think it's actually important for you to do. But I don't think you need to do it on stream. You know, this way. Yeah. Journal or take a walk or like talk to your dog, you know. Like, you know. I think the dog's going to listen a whole lot right now. But yeah. No, you'll be surprised. So, you know, pet therapy is an evidence-based intervention that helps people with, you know, dealing with grief and things like that. People live longer.

Pets are awesome at this kind of stuff. Yeah. But I don't think you need to open up in front of the internet. You know, we're here to help you and like do whatever meet you where you're at and we're here to help. And if it opening up on the internet doesn't have to be a part of it. Yeah. Yeah, it's just, I don't know, it's just very hard for me. Yeah.

for whatever reason. I don't know. I mean, if you want to, we... I guess self-conscious in that regard, I guess. Yeah, sure. I mean, if you want to, we can talk for a second about why it's hard for you, but we also don't have to. What do you think makes it hard for you? I don't know, I guess just circling back to, like,

what I talked about before is just, like, caring about how people perceive me and stuff. I mean, obviously, it's important when it comes to doing YouTube, like I said, to, like, listen to what people think. but at the same time it's like I you only let in what you only show people what you want to show them and I don't know I guess it's just worrying in that regard I'm not fun being judged I guess yeah and what are you afraid of what is the judgment that you're afraid will happen if you open up on the internet I don't know I don't know I guess it's probably a little irrational I guess because I don't feel like

I don't know or to explain yeah so I don't think it's a rational rational. So watch out for those kinds of statements. Right. So there you are doing what to yourself? I guess devaluing I feel a little bit. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Oh, it's stupid for me to feel this way. Yeah. No, it's not. And so I think if you really look at it, like, I suspect, you know, I don't, I don't know how much we want to have this conversation because I think we could get to feelings. So we'll just, I'll get you started. And so, you know, I suspect, you know, what are you afraid people will think? So let me just ask you that. I don't, I'm not afraid of any, like, one specific thing. I guess just, like, I don't, it's not fun to be judged by people who just, they don't know you, you know. And I'm not, I don't feel like I'm the greatest at, like, articulating how I feel or, you know, my thoughts a lot of time.

So maybe someone could have form an opinion about me based on something I think. said, even though what I said is not really how I felt. It was just how I happened, you know what I mean? Like how I happened to say it or whatever. Yeah. So I know this sounds kind of weird, but like, that's a very common thing for your profession. So it's almost like it's own, like, I don't know, you know, I don't know how much of this is you and how much of this is just being a streamer. Because like, literally what happens on YouTube is like people will take a slice of what you're trying to represent. and read into it and judge it. Right?

So like people who are on YouTube and Twitch and TikTok and Instagram and stuff, like you all get really, really, you all learn the hard way that like any kind of communication that is unfiltered is like, you know, letting off a firework inside the house. You have no idea where it's going to end up. Because you all get punished for being unfiltered. Is this something deep and psychological relating to your, you know, earlier life? Or is it a function? Is it like just one of the consequences of your job?

I'd probably say like 50-50. Yeah, I would say probably more the second, but maybe I. Yeah. Maybe more the second. Like I said, I've seen it in just about every successful content creator I've ever worked with. So I think that that makes a lot of sense. But I think it's, you know, are you concerned about your inability? to open up?

A little bit. Definitely something I've struggled with a lot. What are you concerned about? I just don't think it, I mean, I don't think it's healthy. Not even about like opening up online, but just in general. You know, like it's good to talk to people and voice, you know, your thoughts and feelings. I found myself doing that on Twitter at times. and I'm like, why, why of all places when I ever, like, go to Twitter?

Like, I don't know. What are you looking for when you post on Twitter like that? I don't know. It's more of just venting, I guess. You know, just getting something off my chest. It's not even like I'm looking for approval from anyone specific or anything. It's more of just, it's a thought collected and then put out, I guess. Yeah.

What do you think makes it hard for you to do that even in private? I don't know. No idea. Okay. So I'll give you some thoughts, okay? So first of all, actually, let's, let's one more question. So do you feel a little bit

incompetent at not being able to do that? Yeah, I would say yeah. Okay, so this is a theme. So when I said 50-50, so I'm noticing a thread that when there's something that you feel like you should do, you feel kind of incompetent. and then it makes it really hard to do it to begin with. So whether that's opening up, whether that's unpacking boxes,

there's something about, and this I think is like now pretty specific to something that you carry with you, right? Because you've got a particular like psychological thing where like you're, it's not specific to you, by the way. Tons of people have this, which is why we do this online in the first place. Because I can guarantee you there are like, you know, hundreds or thousands of people who feel the exact same way.

And so this is something that's really common is that somewhere along the way our society teaches us that like competent like we we blur the lines between like experience and like talent so i'd say that the reason that it's hard for you to open up is because you haven't had practice yeah that makes sense and so i don't think that you're busted in some way i don't think that there's anything wrong with you i think it's like hard for you to open up because you know you may have just grown up in an environment where there wasn't a whole lot of that you know if we really want to hypothesize like I'd say 20% of people with your experience when you were back in the fourth grade I know I keep going back there we don't have to talk about it but I'm trying to equip you with stuff yeah yeah

you know there's a chance that you had a conversation with your mom and your dad where you said hey I don't like school I'm not making any friends I want to move back and I'd say one out of five people had an experience like that that where their parents said sorry we can't do that and even though it's completely reasonable their answer is completely reasonable it can be a psychological jarring, almost like traumatic in a sense. And then like people, even people who are normal, healthy people with happy upbringings, we all have things because our minds are underdeveloped, so we don't really know how to interpret that stuff. And what you can learn in that moment is like opening up to other people like doesn't help. And once your mind learns that kind of thing,

it can be like really hard to open up to other people. That makes sense. Yeah. So I I'd say lack of practice, you know, once again, I would notice that self-judgment and remind yourself that it's okay to not be able to open up. You know, like even if you're theoretically coming on Twitch to open up, you know, fucking open up. You do what you're, you do what you're ready for, Tyler. And whatever you do today is perfect. There's nothing better that you could do and nothing worse that you could do. You're great just the way that you are. Whatever you've done is awesome, which I know may sound like a foreign idea, but like, really, I believe that. And practice, you know, like maybe open up to a therapist or something like that, I'd recommend

doing it, you know, privately because I think every advantage to help you in opening up would be a good thing. And then the last thing to really think about is, have there been times in my life where I've tried to open up to people and it hasn't worked really well? And even something that you said about the sensitivity of, like, you may not be trying to convey something, but like, you convey something that then gets misinterpreted by people. So that's a specific fear that you have. Now, I don't know if that fear comes from the internet, which it's completely reasonable,

or whether there have been times that have nothing to do with the internet where you've tried to articulate feelings, and you've learned, hey, I'm not very good at this, and I'm not able to convey what I want to. Therefore, I'm not going to try. So those kinds of experiences could exist in your past as well. Yeah. Yeah.

that makes a lot of sense yeah I have like now I'm thinking of exact scenarios yeah yeah that has happened yeah

yeah yeah definitely stuff things in school like where I would get emotional would have you know like I would get made fun of and stuff in school for that you know

yeah that's definitely one thing for sure Yeah. So I notice we're coming right up on the edge of emotions. And based on some of the boundaries that you've set, I'm not going to ask you about that today. I think we're going to go ahead and wrap up. Are you okay with that? Yeah, that's perfect. Okay. So just connecting the dots is what we're here for, not the fucking entertainment value. So we're just going to, you know, so now that you kind of, you know, think about those things, you can feel that emotion coming up. That's that dormant emotion, which has been there all along. Right. And as you kind of feel it, like I want you to go take a walk with your dog or whatever. And like if you want to go cry in the bathroom or whatever you need to do, you go and you process your emotions with someone that you care about in a place that you feel safe. And then then you'll be able to express it. You're on your journey, dude. You'll get there. Right. You're just you focused. You've invested all of your leveling up points into being an awesome fucking YouTube creator. And look at how awesome you've done. And so you've got this other side of the skill set. You're kind of. You're kind of. character sheet, which you need to spend some time work on. So work on it, you know? It's all good, bro. Yeah. Thank you. Yeah. You're very welcome, man. No, yeah, that's been good. Yeah, I definitely, definitely probably should go talk someone and work through a lot of stuff.

Makes a lot of sense. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Don't have to do it on the internet, man. Yeah. The purpose of you coming here is to get you to a place where you can go and, you know, do it in a place. that you feel safe. Because I think you owe it to yourself. And especially, I don't, the one thing that I really dislike about your thought process is the way that you blame yourself

for things that I really don't think are your fault. And that it's okay to not be perfect and it's okay to not know how to do stuff. Like it's just, you know, you're heavily invested in becoming an awesome YouTube creator. So cool. So you're 28 years old.

You have a long way to go. I have no idea if you're in a relationship or you have kids or things like that. But, you know, as those things become a more important part of your life. You should do this kind of work and it'll be awesome. Like you'll be able to, you know, do awesome at all that kind of stuff. I'm sure whatever you try you're already good at, but sound good? Yeah, that was great. You want to tell people, um, any last thoughts or questions

and then maybe tell people where they can find you and, and stuff like that? Um, yeah, no, no last thoughts other than, um, that was good. Thank you. Um, yeah, and if people want to find me, you can just look up Wildcat on YouTube. Right now I'm playing a lot of Call of Duty. That's mostly what I'm doing right now. Just waiting for new games to come out. It's a little boring for games.

But yeah, I play anything and everything with friends. And yeah. Awesome, man. Thanks a lot. Y'all should check out his YouTube channel. It really is awesome. And thanks for coming on Wildcat. And, you know, good luck to you.

You know, if you have other questions and stuff, feel free to DM me, you know, offstream. And we'll, we can try to support. you in a couple of different ways, okay? So take care, man. Bye. Thank you. Bye. So once again, chat, I think I apologize, but I'm not going to be able to teach meditation today

because I'm still sick. But what I will tell you is on Monday, I should be feeling well enough. And what we're going to do is actually, we're going to teach you guys Udana meditations. So I'm going to try to come up with a levitation regimen. Okay. And then you guys try out the meditations

and you see whether potentially was corrected or incorrect. All right? So I have to do some research, unfortunately. I have to look through some of my yogic texts to try to figure out an Udana set of meditations. If you guys are kind of curious, I can explain. We'll do that next time. So who are you raiding?

Tell us who to raid. And then in the meantime, what I want to do is just share with you guys kind of a lot of, like, I have a lot of important thoughts about this stuff. So the first is that, oh, man. So I really liked today's interview because, like, So Tyler is fantastic. I think he did a really good job of setting some really, like, healthy boundaries. And, you know, not everyone is ready for emotions right at the beginning. And the second thing to remember is that if you're struggling to do something, remember that, like, emotions are just one part of it. So, like, why do we try to teach people about emotions and explore emotions? It's because of the way that emotions interact, our, like, thought process, our motivation, our ability to do things. So, like, digging into emotions for entertainment value or self-understanding or like things like that. Like all that stuff is like fine and all.

But what I've really found is that emotions are just one part of us, right? And as we begin to understand like if I want to do a particular task and I set out to do that task and I judge myself, if I feel incompetent, if I'm perfectionistic, if I'm avoiding particular things related to that task, that's why you need to understand emotions. Because as you understand those kinds of things, it actually helps you do the things that you want to do. Um, okay, who are we rating? We rating Lily Pichu? Okay. Let's raid really God of emotions indeed. All right.

Send some love to Lily Pichu, and we'll see you guys on Monday, and I am crafting the Udana Meditations. Take care. Ribi Pichu. Awesome chat. Take care. Love you all. And, um, you know, if you guys have questions and stuff, uh, yeah.

So I think a Monday will probably be, um, A mini lecture and then subreddit review and then meditation stuff, okay?