HealthyGamerGG - You Can Think Your Way To Happiness

Episode Date: January 31, 2024

Today I am going to help you think your way to happiness. The problem with the research on happiness is it doesn't. show us how to actually be happy. That is what I'm going to share with you today. Check out HG Coaching: https://bit.ly/3SHqJmU Or, take the quiz to see which Coaching type is right for you: https://bit.ly/3FjiHcd Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This episode is brought to you by CarMax. Want to buy a car the easy way? Start at CarMax. Want to browse with confidence? Get pre-qualified with no impact on your credit score and shop within your budget. From luxury to family rides, CarMax has options for almost every price range, including over 25,000 cars under $25,000.

Want to get started? Head to CarMax.com for details and get pre-qualified today. Want to drive? CarMax. Today, I'm going to teach y'all how to think your way to happiness. Now, this may sound absolutely insane because you may have heard research about what determines whether people are happy. So, for example, there are studies that show that if you make $100,000 a year or more, then

that correlates with happiness, people who are in sexually fulfilling relationships are more likely to be happy. But there's a big fundamental problem with the research we have on happiness, which is that it tells us who is happy, not how to become happy. So if you're sitting there reading this research that says, okay, I need to make six figures and I need to have a sexually fulfilling relationship, you can't really wake up one day and say, hey, I'm going to make six figures today and I'm going to find a sexually fulfilling relationship. The problem with the research on happiness is it doesn't show us how to actually become happy. And that's what I'm going to share with you all today.

Hey, y'all, I want to talk for a second about HG coaching. A lot of people wonder, why do I to sign up for coaching. Can't I just DIY it? Can't I watch another YouTube video? And you're right, you can absolutely do those things, which is why we offer those resources. But one thing that I found is that people who try to do things by themselves take a really long time to do it. And my experience has been that the earlier that you get your life together, the better your life will be. So coaching is designed to not help people treat mental illness, but discover things like what you want out of life. What's holding you back? How to conquer procrastination and how to find motivation. And I have worked with each and every one of our coaches. I work with them for eight

weeks to make sure they're of the highest quality and they really represent what we offer at HG. So if y'all are interested, check out the link in the description below. Now, it may sound kind of bizarre, but it turns out that the most important thing that you can control for your own happiness is actually your thoughts. Now, this may sound surprising because isn't happiness about emotions? Because if I'm depressed and sad all the time, and I wake up and I feel ashamed of myself and I'm so depressed and it's hard to get out of bed. It's hard for me to be happy, right? That makes perfect sense.

So isn't it about emotion? Well, it turns out that if you look at research on psychiatry and psychotherapy, that emotions are a big part of it. But if you really look at what we do in psychotherapy, it's not just fixing emotions. In fact, the goal is to decompress emotions so that you can help your patient start to think clearly. And the real change that we see happens when our patients start to think clearly and think in a healthier way. Now, that may sound kind of confusing because you're kind of saying, what does that mean to think in a healthier way? How do I do that? So let me give you all just a simple example.

Let's say I go through a breakup. This is a fact. And since there's a breakup, my body has all kinds of physiological attachments. There's less oxytocin. Maybe I get a drop in my serotonin level. All kinds of stuff is happening in me physically. and emotionally. But whether I'm happy or not after the breakup depends on my thoughts. So if after the breakup I start to think to myself, oh my God, I'll be alone forever. My partner will be able to

move on because they're better looking and everyone is interested in them, but I'm such a POS and no one's ever going to want me. Those thoughts are going to keep us in a very unhappy place. On the flip side, if I am resilient and if my mindset is different, and let's remember what is mindset, it's actually thinking. If my mindset is thinking, I can think things like, hey, you know, this relationship was really important to me. It's sad. I'm going to grieve and it's going to hurt for a while. But we grew up into different people. We've been dating for four years and we have different views on life.

So it's like, it's okay for it to end now. I appreciated it while it happened. And while it hurts, it's probably best for me in the long run. one. Same situation, same physiologic response, two different modes of thinking. And if we look at the evidence-based practice of psychotherapy, what we find is that cognitive reframing, which is literally changing your thoughts, is the most effective or one of the most effective coping skills that you can teach someone as a therapist. Just to contrast that, people who focus exclusively on emotions tend to actually stay stuck. So we even have research that shows that people who

focused on emotion-focused coping, which means that I'm going to just manage my emotions all the time. I'm going to manage my emotions all the time. Don't actually fix their problems. It's the people who are able to make cognitive shifts and look at the world in a different way that are able to fix their problems as well as become happier. And for some reason, as a society, we've sort of lost sight of how to think and how important thinking is. So we're going to teach you all a little bit about how to cultivate the right thinking. So let's start by understanding the precise sequence of thinking, emotions, and being unhappy. So thankfully, we have research on this where people have done even things like brain scans. And what we've sort of discovered is that the sequence of events that

lead to unhappiness start with thoughts. So what usually happens is I have a thought. So the cognitive thought happens first. And following the thought is an affective change, which means an emotional response. So I will think to myself, oh, no, I'm going to be alone after this breakup. And the second I have that thought, I will feel an emotional reaction. That thought will bring the sadness out. And if you pay attention to your own experience, you'll find that usually negative thoughts start first, and then they will activate emotions, and then the emotions will spur more thoughts. Now, this is when we get into things like thought loops, right? So I start to think to myself. Oh, I start with, I'm going to be alone forever, and then I feel sad, and then the sadness

breeds more negative thoughts. I start stalking them on social media. I start, you know, sitting around and like listening to sad music, and there's some kind of like affective change, emotional change, that then propagates further thoughts. And y'all may have experienced this negative experience of a thought loop where you can't stop your mind from thinking. And when I worked with patients who have thought loops like this, what they want more than anything else is to just stop thinking. And instinctively, they know that the thinking is the problem. And this is why they reach for things like substances or video games or technology or whatever, any kind of distraction to shut off the thoughts. This is why people will drink a lot of alcohol before they pass out because I need to stop the

thoughts. I need to stop the thoughts. And why do we reach for those kinds of things? Because we haven't been trained at how to cultivate the right thoughts. And it turns out that the scientific evidence mirrors people's experiences, that if we really look at the origin of mental illness, it starts with a thought, then there's an emotional response, and then there is this really important step called a perseveration or a rumination of thoughts. And when the perseveration and rumination, which means we keep thinking the same thing, rises and rises and rises, that's what eventually leads to psychopathology or mental mental.

illness. So thought, emotion, more thoughts that we can't break out of mental illness. And so how do we fix this situation? It turns out that we've got one really interesting option, which is if you look in the history of the world, in my opinion, and I'm not an expert in all historical things everywhere, I think the yogis did a really fantastic job of figuring out how to cultivate the right thoughts. So they came up with this practice called mantra or mantra. And what they would do is they would engage with a particular thought over and over and over again. Now, mantras traditionally were chanted, but it turns out that chanting a mantra actually weakens its power.

If you look at some of these old texts on mantra, what you'll find is that the yogis will say any mantra that's chanted, if it is whispered under your breath, the power of the mantra increases tenfold. So instead of saying things out loud, we actually want to repeat them softly to ourselves. this is what the science of Munther says. And it turns out that there's a very fascinating

neuroscientific correlation for this. Ambition comes in all shapes and sizes. At First Citizens Bank, we're fit for your ambitions, whatever shape they may take. Whether you're planning for today or tomorrow, we've got the flexibility and know-how to help you reach your goals. Because we're built for what you're building.

First Citizens Bank, fit for your ambition. Learn more at firstcitizens.com slash ambition. So when we say things out loud, this is something called phonotyping, and it actually happens from the cerebellum. So it actually happens in a primitive structure of our brain, kind of in the back of our brain. And if you look at sort of the subjectivity of saying things out loud, what you sort of find is when you're speaking, you're not really paying attention, right? The two are sort of opposite. You can go up and give a speech, and you're not really paying attention or listening to. what you're saying. You can't listen and speak at the same time, which is what makes socializing

so damn hard because you'll say something and hey, did I say this already? Did I not say it? I wasn't really paying attention. And that's literally because the cerebellum where phonotiping happens where speech kind of operates is sort of short-term memory. And so the point of that part of our brain is we're going to put some information in and then we're going to send it out for the purpose of communication. So here's what's really interesting. When we sub-vocalize, which means we say things under our breath, it actually activates a completely different part of the brain and serves a completely different purpose. It activates our frontal lobes, especially our orbital frontal cortex. Now, this is kind of weird, right? So when we say things out loud, we're activating this part

of the brain. And when we say things sub vocally, we're actually activating a completely different part. And what is this part responsible for? So the orbital frontal cortex and our frontal lobes are responsible for directing our behavior. They're responsible for controlling the other parts of our brain. And so it's kind of interesting, but when we sub vocalize things, it's not temporary and short term and kind of goes out of the mouth and doesn't accomplish anything. When we sub vocalize things, they actually sink deeper within us. And so if you think about the people that you know that are very vocal about their positivity and their thoughts, right? They're like, eh, like I'm going to be positive. And the world is great.

and I'm going to advertise on social media. I'm going to tell everyone, be positive, be positive, be positive. They all turn into passive-aggressive, narcissistic assholes, like content creators and influencers who are talking crap all the time about positivity. But the moment they get upset by something, and I guess I'm guilty of this as well, they rail at everyone else and all the positivity goes out the window. You may know these people who have all this false positivity that they're advertising all the time. We even have a term for it, which is virtue signaling.

I'm going to signal to the rest of the world that I am good in some way, and that will be a substitute for actual virtue. And it turns out that the yogis were spot on, that when we sub-vocalize, it actually sinks into our mind and starts to shape our thoughts more. And you may sort of notice this when you mutter something under your breath, who are you really talking to? You're talking to yourself, and it's kind of sinking further in.

And it turns out that when we sub vocalize, it actually shapes our thinking much more profoundly than saying something out loud. Now, the next question kind of becomes, okay, so even if we use this technique of sub vocalization to implant things into our mind, how do I go about cognitively reframing? How do I start thinking different things for myself? And so this is a simple exercise that I give to my patients and I can share with you as well. So the next time you're in a situation, which feels bad and you're, your thinking is in the wrong kind of space. What I want you to do is pretend that you are talking to a friend of yours or a younger sibling or something like that.

And try to be as encouraging and compassionate as possible. What would you say to this person if they were going through the same situation you were going through? And this is where you'll much more likely to be more forgiving, be more encouraging, and be more compassionate. So you can even write down whatever you would say to that person and kind of make a list of it or think through what you would say. Now, this is where we're not really taught how to think, and this is where a lot of people will trip up.

Because when you try to say the alternative, the other part of your mind that is thinking negative thoughts will start to fight it. Right. So then you get this battle between your mind where there's a part of you that's trying to be positive and a part of you that is persisting in negativity. And then there's conflict and then you kind of end up losing, right? Because if it applies to you, so this is kind of how this looks. So you'll, let's say you got dumped, right? And so you tell your friend, hey, like, y'all grew into different people, y'all grew apart, it's okay, you're a good person, you'll find somebody else. That's what you'll say to someone else. But then your mind will be like, nah-uh, right? That's for other people. In our case, I'm socially stunted. I've been with this person so long. I don't even know how to date. I've gained 20 pounds and now I'm unattractive and I don't have an online dating profile, and your mind starts arguing with you. And then what we try to do is we try to fight. that argument, we try to have the positivity win. The whole thing is completely stupid and idiotic, and we don't need to do it at all.

We can bypass the whole damn thing through sub vocalization. So this is the main thing that we forget, and we miss, is that you actually don't have to argue with yourself. You don't have to convince yourself of anything. You don't have to say anything to the negative part of you. You do not have to win with these thoughts. All you need to do is sub vocalize them. And this is how we literally inject positive thoughts into our.

mind where they will start to live. This is what sub vocalization does. Now, this may sound bizarre because you're saying, well, hold on a second, but I have all these experiences and I have all these thoughts. Are you saying that I can kind of sub vocalize and it'll literally change my mindset? Honestly, in the best expertise that I have and based on all of my understanding of the literature, yogic practice for about, wow, 20 years now, I think that's what's going to happen. And there's some really interesting clinical evidence to support it. And that comes to from schizophrenia. So this is a little bit heavy, but I want y'all to understand this. When someone has schizophrenia, the thoughts in their head become a reality. Right. So they have delusions.

So what is a delusion? Is a thought in my head, which I think is real, but it's not real. And so I've had patience with schizophrenia literally jump out of third story windows because the thoughts in their head were so powerful that that's what they thought they needed to do to survive. So I know it sounds kind of heavy, but what we sort of know is that in schizophrenia, the thoughts that they have are very shaping for their lives. Now, here's the wild thing. People with schizophrenia sub-vocalize all the time. There are studies which will analyze the electrical activity of the tongue in patients with schizophrenia. And what they found, because when you sub-vocalize is you have tongue-moving, that's very, very minor, so you're speaking under your breath, so it's not rapid tongue movement.

That's how you can tell if someone's sub vocalizing. You can measure tongue muscles. And so when these researchers actually looked at sub vocalization and schizophrenia, what they found are a couple things. People with schizophrenia sub vocalize a ton. And furthermore, the more that they sub vocalize, the more powerful their distortions of reality. So literally, there is a correlation between how much people with schizophrenia sub-vocalize, and how much their thoughts will shape their reality. Now, the good news is that this is true of all human beings, that as we sub vocalize, we activate our orbital frontal cortices. We activate our frontal lobes.

We take whatever those thoughts are and we start to implant them. And the other thing to keep in mind is it's not about an argument and letting logic rise to the top. That's not what we're talking about here. What we are talking about is the implantation of positive thoughts. So I know it sounds insane, but it turns out that our thoughts are actually the source of our happiness. The very first thing that happens is a thought which then triggers an emotion, which then triggers a thought loop, which then leads to mental illness. And it turns out that you can implant positive thoughts, fingers crossed here, through this technique of sub-vocalization.

Definitely works for mantra and me and the people that I've taught it to in terms of chanting this and it sort of changes their mindset. It changes the way that they look at things. And once you change the way that you look at life, it allows you to live life in a healthier way. So as crazy as that sounds, I strongly encourage y'all to try it and check it out. And don't give up on thinking as a source of happiness. Because if you stop and think about it, what you really find is that when we stopped trying to think our way to happiness is really when we've lost the opportunity to think our way to happiness, right? because we gave up on that battle. And that's why people are so unhappy today

because we've surrendered our most powerful tool, which is our thoughts. Now, if y'all are interested in more stuff like this, different kinds of yogic and meditative thought control techniques, highly recommend y'all check out Dr. K's guide. There's a guide to meditation, which will teach you some. There's a guide to ADHD and doing stuff, which also teaches a lot about thought control

and how to cultivate the right thoughts in the mind. So you can check that out for more information. info if you want. Good luck.