HealthyGamerGG - Your Anger Controls Your Life

Episode Date: June 18, 2022

Today Dr. K talks about anger, why it controls your life, and most importantly, how to start to let anger go and take back control of your own life. Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/healthygamergg/donationsAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

So we're going to do a letting go of anger meditation, for lack of a better term. Maybe letting, actually, no, it is a letting go of triumph meditation. Okay. So this is going to be kind of weird, but I'll explain to you all how this works. So this meditation, first of all, is somewhat adaptable. But what we're, so a lot of when we get into trouble, what we're chasing is triumph. right? So if we look at like this passive aggressive kind of stuff, like what you want to do is put them in their place, right? Like even if you think about toxicity and video games, when you tell someone to 1V1 me mid, what you're looking for is triumph. You're looking to win. The problem is that oftentimes in seeking triumph is when we actually cause ourselves the biggest problems, right? When you attack someone else because you want to put them in their place is when you end up getting, they activate their trap card and you're, the one who actually ends up looking like the asshole. Sometimes you'll tell people the one

v1 mid you and they will absolutely destroy you, right? Because they are better and you're frustrated, you're toxic, you're frustrated by losing the game and then like you want to put them in their place. But maybe the reason you're losing the game is because they're better than you are. And so oftentimes I think we talk a lot about letting go of negative emotions. But in my experience, the desire for triumph gets us into a lot of trouble. Right. I want to be number one. It's all ego. So what we're going to do in this meditation, it's going to have basically two parts. The first part is going to be a visualization of sorts.

So I'll walk y'all through evoking something that makes you feel triumphant. And then we're going to let go of that triumph. We're going to sort of almost grieve it, like let it go, let detach from it and just let it go. So that we're not controlled by that desire anymore. Now, in the letting go part, this is where things get a little bit personalized. So for a lot of these meditations, there's an evoking of something, and then there's a transcendence of that thing.

And in that transcendence phase, this is where your particular temperament or cognitive style comes in. So when I teach meditation, oftentimes what I'll do is I'll work with an individual. And so I'll figure out, okay, this person likes sight-oriented meditations, this person likes visualizations, this person likes breath, this person likes sound, or there'll be some kind of anchor. This person likes mantra, they like chanting. You know, so we're not going to know exactly what that is.

So we're going to use breath, and then we're also going to do a mantra. Yeah. But this is where for that second phase, you can kind of adapt the meditation to whichever technique you like. So if you like breathing, you can do that. If you like chanting a mantra, you can chant your mantra in that kind of moment. But in that transcendent technique as we let go, we're going to use whatever practice centers us very easily. Okay. So I'll give you all just like three examples. So one will be a breathing practice that will be focused on the navel. So we're kind of kind of breathe in, feel that triumph, that feeling of triumph down there and let go the triumph through

our exhalation. The next thing that we're going to do, is focus on the third eyes. So for those of y'all that like third eye practices, and instead, what we're going to do when we do this third eye practice is that we're going to see the nature of triumph. We're going to see our ego involved in this, and we're going to just like mentally let it go. It's not breathing it out. It's not emotional. It's going to be insight-oriented. We're going to understand the origin of triumph. And then the third thing that we're going to do is chant a mantra. So I'll share Ome with you. But if y'all, any of the Mahavakyas or other general mantras, will work for this kind of thing. So you can use, but we're just going to do oh. Right. So in your

mind, you're going to chant oom or you can chant it aloud and you'll kind of let that triumph go. Okay. So let's begin. So sit up straight, close your eyes. I'm kind of confused why everyone is commenting on my appearance today, but I appreciate the confidence. Dammit. So sit up straight, close your eyes. I'm going to start by taking. taking a moment to center ourselves. So when we center ourselves, we can focus on our breath. I like to lean into my proprioception, which is our sense of our position in space. So if I raise my arm, I can tell my arm is up here. If I lower my arm, I can tell my arm is down here. So even with your eyes closed, you can feel your body. You can feel where you are in space. So I'm going to

tune into that. You can feel your weight kind of going into the ground. Let your shoulders relax. Let your breathing slow. Take a moment to work out any kinks that your body may have because we'll be still for the next part. And now what I want you to do is think about someone that pisses you off. think about a person or a situation or resentment somewhere that you've been wronged where there was injustice in the world something that makes you want to make a fist and shake it and pick one thing something that really frustrates you notice the patterns of the memory or the situation, appreciate the aspects of it. You may even notice that it's kind of hard to evoke the toxicity that you used to feel, which is noteworthy. But do your best. And now what I want

you to do is imagine a scenario in which you will feel triumph in that situation. So you'll give them a piece of your mind, or you will one v1 them in mid. You dumpster them, you put them in their place. Maybe they're getting into shape to make you look bad. And you'll show them, you're going to get into more shape. You're going to get into the best shape. And then they'll see. Then they'll learn. So let those feelings come forth as well. The sensation of triumph, of justice, visualize what it would look like, your moment of victory if it was memorialized in a painting. And now what we're going to do is take those feelings, the feelings of resentment, the feelings of anger, as well as the feelings of

triumph and righteousness. And we're going to imagine that they're in our belly, like a knot of different feelings all tied together, kind of red and black in color, almost like a tangled ball of yarn that is red and black. Because there is something ugly about that victory. We're going to start by breathing into it and then breathe out. And as you experience those emotions, as you continue breathing, let each one of them go. So in the first scenario, go through it again. But pause this time when you feel an emotion and breathe into it and let that emotion go. And then the next thing happened in your story and that traumatic event and breathe into it.

And let that resentment go. And in that way, as you breathe, go through your resentful scenario, letting each negative emotion go one at a time. We'll continue for about 30 seconds or so. And now what we're going to do is think about the triumphant scenario. So imagine that you've let all of those red feelings out. So all that remains now is a tangled ball of black and go through the fantasy of your triumph. And as you imagine your victory over the undeserving, notice that tarry blackness inside you. And with each of those emotions as well as you go through your orchestrate your victory,

pause and breathe out that triumph. Let it go. Go through each emotion breathing into your stomach and letting it go. Let go of your victory. And now what we'll do is if you've had experience with any kind of Agna Chakra or third eye practices, like charging the laser beam or other kinds of things through Dr. K's guide, we're going to focus on the point of our third eye. And we're going to drive our attention to it.

It's the space between our eyebrows right about right here. And now we're going to just notice while concentrating on that point. what the nature of these feelings are. So you don't have to actively go through the mental scenarios. We want to focus on that third eye center and just let your mind digest. Actually, don't need to be thinking much at all. Notice the nature of these things.

See your attachment. See the anger and resentment that you feel, which is born of entitlement, of what you deserve. and that the concept of deserving comes from the ego and look for ego in the triumph as well. See how triumph is nothing but ego. And now notice how in this space of calm observation, these feelings mean almost nothing to you.

But as you center yourself in who you truly are, in this vastness of experience, in this observing self, how the ego matters less. And let yourself, let it go. Let yourself, let go of the anger, of the resentment, of the triumph, of the need for justice. Realize that this whole process has already deprived you of peace. Then engaging in it further will only deprive you of more peace.

So let it go. And now you can either out loud or silently in your head, repeat the mantra oom, or a mantra of your choice. I'm sort of feeling om namaha shivai is the appropriate thing in this moment. And use the mantra to seal this meditation experience. All of the peace that you've felt,

all of the learning that you have, all of the grounding that you've attended. use the mantra to seal it and plant it within you and you've let go of it now you need no justice your ego has been let go and sit with the peace within you and now with a deep breath in and out start to return to the world once again tap into the proprioceptive sense the space, the feeling of your body in space. And as you return to your body, notice all the wiggling that you need to do.

Maybe your legs have fallen asleep. Maybe you're feeling thirsty. Notice all the sensations which are returning to you now. As you breathe in and exhale, prepare yourself to fully come back, put your palms together in front of you in namaste position. give gratitude to yourself and to the universe for allowing you to let go of this problem, to let go of your triumph and your anger, and to see that there are two sides of the same coin.

And by chasing one, we give power to the other. That resentment fuels the triumph. And chasing the triumph fuels the resentment. And with one final inhalation, as you exhale, bow your head, slowly open your eyes. So a couple of things. The first is sometimes this happens. So I tend to steer clear of the mantras and the spiritual practices that have more of a religious background. But even then I kind of dispute that characterization because I think a lot of what we understand as religion, even the term religion is actually like a Western and almost Judeo-Christian concept.

So I sort of reject the premise that some of what I teach is religious in nature, although from an academic sense you can absolutely make that argument. I just think that that's a mistake on the part of historical academia. So today I offered Omnamaha Shivai, which is absolutely on the religious end of what we teach. So I don't think it involves believing anything in anything. So let me explain a little bit. So Shiva is viewed as the god of destruction, but that's not really what Shiva is. Like if you actually ask scholars of this tradition, of the yogic tradition, Shiva is simply the word for consciousness. And sometimes what happens is these concepts get embodied within a god.

But that's not really what Shiva means. like the actual Sanskrit term of Shiva means consciousness. And so what you're sort of tapping into is like that sense of consciousness, which is free of form and substance and desire and all that kind of stuff. So if it bothers you that that's religious in background, by all means discard it. And at the same time, that's just what felt authentic in the moment. So I went with it, wasn't where I was planning on going. But that's what happens.

And so as Chinese cabbage farmer is saying, Shiva represents a certain level of consciousness, well said. And so what we're shooting for is that. As we transcend the ego, we move one step closer to consciousness. And by invoking Shiva, what we aim to do is move one step closer to transcendent consciousness. And top key, 007 was saying, very new experience. Thank you so much. You're very welcome. Welcome to the stream.

And someone else was saying, I don't want to. So Pepegas was saying, I don't want to let it go. I capture the part of me that wants to hold me back. I locked it and now I have control over it. I can't let it go. If I do, all I've been working for till now will be for nothing. So this is where I'd say, if you don't want to let it go and you're not ready to let it go, then don't let it go. So holding on to our resentment and our triumph is sometimes what we need.

So there's like, you know, if I have a five-year-old kid who loves their blankie, do they need the blankie? No. Does the blankie do a whole lot for them? Not really. It's purely emotional. It's purely an attachment, right? They don't need the blankie. If they lost the blankie, they'd be fine.

20 years later, they're going to be okay. So oftentimes, and at the same time, if we yank the blanket away from them, we tell me, you don't need this. This is for kids. That in and of itself is going to be traumatic. And yet, how many of you, presumably adults, have blankies? Right? We let things go when we're ready to.

So if you're not ready, then hang on to it. If you're not ready to let it go, don't let it go. Then lean into the Aghajachakr part and try to understand it. Right? What is this? Why am I not ready to let it go? can you at least see that the resentment and the triumph go hand in hand. You can't have one without the other.

If you're afraid because you've built up an adaptation that involves control instead of surrender, that's fine. Run with it. And just be aware that at one point, the strategy that you've developed may not work so great anymore. And if you ever discover that that's the case,

then come back to this practice. And it'll be here waiting for you. And you may discover that you never get there. You may discover that there is not right, that you should never get there. That's terrible. That the presumptions that I'm making are 100% wrong. And even if you get there, that's a wonderful place to be. As long as you're sure in it, that's fine.

Who said I was the arbiter of truth? So if you're not ready to let it go, hang on to it. Just accept and notice that you're not ready to let it go. Right? That's enough for today. So alpha inhibitor 98 is doing different types of meditation okay or should you stick to one type, both. So I think you should try lots of different kinds of meditation until you find one that resonates with you feels easy and or lets you like enter a meditative state pretty easily. Then you should practice that one. Right. So once you find something, it's like, you know, should I eat the same food. every day or should I eat different foods every day? And it's like, well, it's a combination of both, right? You try a lot of things until you figure out what you like. And then you can start like, you know, you get groceries to make your weekly or monthly

regimen. You make chili once a month. You know, you do salad once a week. Like you figure out what your rotation is and then you craft your meditation practice that way. Right? And the whole point, the challenge is that what a lot of people, this is the reason we teach meditation the way that we do.

is a lot of people are taught. So a lot of teachers of meditation are experts in one tradition. So if you think about, like, who teaches meditation? Usually, like, monks and stuff, right? Or you'll have some trained teacher at, like, a meditation center. And usually what happens is you have to get, like, certified nowadays to teach meditation. I'm a level three meditation instructor. And so what they've done is they've, like, advanced very high in this one tradition.

But if we look at it historically, there are, are like thousands of traditions of meditation, if not more. And so why? Like, why are there so many different traditions of meditation? Because there are lots of different kinds of minds. And the reason that so many different kinds of meditation have flourished is because different minds require different techniques, just like there's lots of different foods. The challenge is that as a society, we've started to believe in experts.

Oh, this person is an expert. And even the person teaching you is like, I'm the expert. I know. because I've done level three. I've done level three training. You do not realize how knowledgeable I am. I'm level three, meditation instructor.

But they've only been taught usually one tradition. So what they teach you is their tradition. And then what happens is people say meditation isn't for me. Or they think they're bad at it. And then the meditation teacher tells them, consistency is important, practice is important, you'll get it eventually. Everyone struggles with this.

It's a normal part of the meditative. process. You'll hear about persistence and dedication, which is like sort of true. But maybe the reason that people struggle with it, and maybe the reason that it happens to everyone, is because you're a bad teacher or your technique is bad. Did you ever consider that? Did you ever consider that if your student is having a problem, if the student is struggling, that's a fault of the teacher, not a fault of the student. But this has been completely lost. in meditation instruction. This is the way to meditate.

You can go to wherever you want to. They'll teach you their technique. They'll charge you $0, $100, $1,000, $1,000, $10,000 to meditate the best way. And if it's not working for you, try harder. Right? So it's been my experience. So part of the reason that I didn't become a monk was because I couldn't find, I mean, I found one place where I tried and they said no.

But, or they said later. But as part of, as a consequence of that, I went and I, explored lots of different kinds of meditation techniques. I went to different ashtrums in India, South Korea, Japan, and studied a lot of different meditation. What I sort of came to the conclusion of was, oh, like, there's like different kinds of temperaments, different kinds of cognitive fingerprints. No two minds are exactly the like. Therefore, the technique of meditation for no two minds will be exactly the same. And so experiment until you find what works for you. Right? Just like you find what food you like, that happens through

experimentation. And meditation should be the same way. Meditation tier lists. So we already have something like a tier list. I don't know about tiers because that implies that one is better than the other. But we do have, if you all are interested, if you check out Dr. Kay's Guide to Meditation, there's a segment on like history of meditation and different kinds of meditation. So we break apart, like how, when I'm working with someone, there's a set of different rules that I'll use in terms of recommending a meditation. So, for example, is this someone who likes to focus their mind? Or is this someone who needs curiosity in order to get their mind to focus? So this is where, you know, there are two different techniques. In one technique, I will give

someone a particular mantra to chant, and that works really well for them. In another technique, I'll ask someone, decipher the sound of the ocean, or decipher the sound of your breath. spell it out for me. What is the sound that your breath makes? And what gets them to sit every day and focus on it for 20 minutes is if they're trying to figure something out. That's what they need to get their mind to sit still. So that's where really if you want to like learn meditation, like have a customized technique.