HealthyGamerGG - Your Goals Are Incompatible With Modern Life

Episode Date: November 22, 2022

Find us on Instagram, Twitter, TikTok, and more here: https://wlo.link/@healthygamer Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

To give up on my goals because they're incompatible in the world feels like sacrificing a part of myself. Why should I have to give up on my goals when it's incompatible at the world? Like you're telling me just give up. My goals are incompatible with modern living. I've been listening to a lot of Dr. Kay's stuff lately and something that resonated with me was the world demands too much of you. It's not just you. He emphasizes finding what your goals are, what you want in life.

In another video, there were the quadrants of things people should do. shoulds wants duties, etc. He says, if you stick in the shoulds, you have an empty life, successful or no. So what do you do in the shoulds are the only things you have time and energy for? I've discovered that my goals are all centering around one thing. I don't want to spend eight to 10 hours a day doing what other people demand of me. I don't want to work. I have had the most fulfilling parts of my life when I'm between jobs, and I thrive in direct proportion to how much free time I have. I don't just sit on the couch. I do things. I have. I do hobbies. I see friends. I volunteer. I exercise. But when I have to work, all of that goes, all of that mostly goes out the window because I need a lot of recharge time. No matter what job I've had, it always ends up this way. I don't get a choice to do my goals because I have to eat and keep a roof over my head. I'm horrendously jealous of two of my friends who got windfalls and are now living the life that I want. I see them weekly. It kills me inside. I hate work. I hate the very.

concept of work, and I'm so tired of doing the dog and pony show for a company just to stay alive. What happens when the world demands too much? Is the world demands you work? What happens when the should is so draining that you don't get anything you actually want? When the thing you're passionate about is freedom and a lack of obligation. So this is a fantastic post. And I love it because it captures, the first thing I love about it is that it's like a leveled up post. So this is someone who has watched some of our content, has already learned some stuff. And now we're getting to like the level two, level three, and level four questions. Okay, I'm with you. I understand that living a life that other people want me to live is unfulfilling. But I'm in a situation where what the

world demands of me is not what I want. There just isn't space for what I want when the world demands something of me. Right. And if we look at like the title of the post, my goals are incompatible with the world. What I want just isn't possible. And there are other people out there who have what I want. And it is possible for them. But it's possible for them because they got lucky. And I know what's fulfilling to me. I've had periods of time where I don't have to go enslave in some job for eight to ten hours a day. And then I go out and I live life with zest. So it's not like life isn't enjoyable. Life is enjoyable. I like a particular kind of life. And that's not possible.

it's fundamentally incompatible. And so let's think about this for a second, right? Because if what I want is incompatible with the world, how do human beings respond to that? If what you want is impossible, because you have to work, right? Like you can't just have freedom from obligations, which I totally get that you want. You know, I want freedom.

I want to live my life. I don't want to live as some corporate slave. Totally get it. But this is the world that we live in. My goals are incompatible with the world. So what do you do in that situation? The natural thing to do is to be resigned, right? Because we can't wave a magic wand and change the world. So then it's like, okay, so like what? Are you telling me that if I, if the world is a particular way and I have particular goals, what do I do about it?

And what people will tell you is they'll be like, well, you know, maybe change your goals because you can't change the world. And so then what we do is we sort of settle. We compromise. We're kind of like, okay, like, I guess I have to give up on my goals and become a peon and do what the world demands me to do. Right? So what we actually like, when you want something that is impossible or feels impossible, what it naturally leads us to do is become resigned, to become resentful. Hey, chat. Subscribing to our YouTube channel allows us to help more people with their mental health. Thanks to your support so far, we've already reached thousands of people from across the globe. So help us out and hit subscribe.

Wait, they have to hit subscribe and click a bell now. And then it's like, then we're unhappy, right? And that's not, to give up on my goals because they're incompatible in the world feels like sacrificing a part of myself. Why should I have to give up on my goals when it's incompatible at the world? Like you're telling me just give up. So it leads to a ton of resentment. Resignation. We don't want to do that, right? We don't want to resign. Like, I don't want to give up what I want in life. Isn't the purpose of life that it should be fulfilling and like, you know, I should be happy and I know what makes me happy. Like, why is the world this way? Makes perfect sense. So let's start by talking a

little bit about the science of happiness. There's a great course on happiness, which is taught by a professor at Yale, which is anyone can sign up for, so they made it publicly available. Really cool. So they cover some research, which shows that, so what I'm kind of hearing from this person is that if they had freedom, if they had windfalls, like their two friends, then they would be happy, because then I would have the freedom to do whatever I want. And what the research on happiness shows is that if this is, let's say, money or freedom, and this is happiness, that essentially as we get more money, we become more happy, and then it either levels out, maybe even starts to decline. Now, this is confusing for a lot of people. So this number over here is 100,000 US dollars,

but I think this was prior to inflation. I suspect that this number is actually 150K now. So when we say money doesn't buy happiness, well, sort of. It buys happiness. It buys happy. It buys a certain amount of happiness up until a particular point. And what I tend to see, and this is kind of weird, right? So like, well, doesn't more money buy more happiness? So let's look at celebrities. So celebrities tend to have a lot of money, right? So celebrities are like, in terms of their money or freedom, they're all the way out here with, let's say, net worths of $10 million.

But they're not all perfectly happy. In fact, celebrities seem to be like some of the most kind of like, they have all kinds of trouble. And like, you know, a content, happy and down-to-earth celebrity is such a rarity that the few of them that we see, we are like, wow, this person is so amazing. They're like a down-to-earth, humble, happy celebrity. The normal experience appears to be of celebrities that their life is like suffering that we don't understand. It's like, once in a blue moon, they're like a desert rose. They're like, wow, that person is so down to earth. You see a thousand clips of them on social media.

Meanwhile, you've got like all these publications that are like, oh, this person is doing this and we like love to hate on celebrities. They also talk about how much they suffer. Like, my life is hard. Right? And we're like, screw you. No, it's not. So if we look at it from a data perspective, we discover something really bizarre, which is that past 100 or 150K, maybe it stabilizes, but maybe even it goes down. And this has been my experience.

So I've worked with a lot of people, some celebrities, but I've worked with a lot of people who are very successful. and I would completely agree that money to a certain point buys happiness. But what money buys is security, to a certain degree, freedom. And what it really buys is like freedom from worry. Like it's really hard to be happy without a roof over your head. It's really hard to be happy when you have to worry about paying bills at the end of the month. It's really hard to be happy when you're thinking about going on vacation and you really have to like plan for months and months and months to be able to afford it. It's really hard to be happy when you go on vacation and things end up being 20% more than you budgeted for because you didn't budget for that and you had to work six months to get here.

So all of those things I completely agree have to do with happiness. But what we also kind of know from a data perspective, right? So remember, this is research that shows that you can make, let's say, 500,000 and you get the same amount of happiness or maybe even less than 100 or 150K, which is really bizarre. But that's what the data shows. And we sort of see that in celebrities. So this is where I'd say there's another thing here, which I don't know if this is maybe starts like this. But this is what I would say is Dharma or fulfillment. And there's data to support this as well. That our needs and security and money are kind of the white line. And they'll help us get so far. But beyond that, in order to be happy, we need something else.

So this is kind of what the Buddha said. So the Buddha was like, ultimately happiness has nothing to do with money. it has to do with your attachments and freedom from attachments. We also see this with like Maslow's hierarchy of needs, where Maslow was kind of like the more of your needs that get met, the more self-actualization you need to be happy, right? And even now, if we look at it globally, something really interesting is happening across the world. Technology is advancing. There's more security than there's kind of ever been, right? And people may say, what are you talking about? There's climate change in the threat of nuclear war. What do you mean there's more security? A hundred years ago infant mortality was like 20%.

Do y'all realize this? I don't know if you all are from one of these cultures because there's a lot of them. Where they don't name a baby until they're like 20 days old. Like think about what kind of culture doesn't name their children until they're 20. Happens in Indian culture. I think it may happen in Jewish culture as well. I've seen so many different cultures where they don't name the baby. And why is that? It's because a lot of them used to die. So we, you know, 500 years ago, people were dying of starvation. Some of them are dying now. That's not good. But we lose more people from obesity than we do from starvation today. Like cardiovascular disease and obesity and diabetes,

this is doing more damage to us than starvation in poverty, which is really bizarre. So as a society, we're moving up Maslow's hierarchy of needs. And there's one dimension of medicine that is getting worse, and that's mental health. Everything else is getting better. HIV used to be a lethal diagnosis. People live almost normal lifespans if they get diagnosed with HIV today.

Polio would cripple people and kill people. Any bacterial infection, before the invention, discovery of penicillin has revolutionized survival. So for like 100,000 years, human beings were dying of pneumonia. And now, like, if you get a bacterial infection, you get a xithromycin, and you're okay. It's no longer a lethal illness. You just go to a doctor. They give you a prescription.

Hell, in some parts of the world, you don't even need to see a doctor. You just go get antibiotics. You're fine. So as we're moving up, as a society, as we're moving up Maslow's hierarchy of needs, what do we discover? Mental health is getting worse, because we're getting closer to the self-actual. as a society, we are following this curve. And we've hit this point. And so now we're seeing people be more unhappy. Okay, so that's the kind of the first thing to understand. Now, the next thing to talk a little bit about, let's go back to the post for a second. So I've discovered that all my goals are

centered around one thing. I don't want to spend eight to 10 hours a day doing what other people demand of me. I don't want to work. I don't get a choice to do my goals because I have to eat and keep a roof over my head. I'm horrendously jealous of two of my friends who got windfalls and are now living in the life that I want. I see them weekly and it kills me inside. So if we're talking about this, we need to understand something. So the first is that if you get more freedom, it will make you more happy up until a point. So I don't doubt that for a second. That like if you're working so hard that you don't get a chance to do your hobbies, you don't get a chance to exercise, you don't get a chance to socialize, I totally understand why you would feel unhappy. But the first thing that I want to

point out is that the goals that I'm hearing this person say are kind of different. They're not necessarily moving towards something. You could kind of say they're moving towards freedom, which makes sense, because that's a value that this person has. But what I'm really hearing is this person's goal is to not do something. And to me, not doing things and chasing something like freedom is not quite what fulfills people. Like, I don't know if that kind of makes sense, because you can make an argument that, yeah, their goal is freedom. Makes sense. But what I'm really hearing from this person is, I want the life that someone. else has. I want the life that someone else has. I see my friends. They got windfalls and I did not.

And it kills me inside. And my goals are incompatible with the world. So if you really like, this is going to be tricky because now I'm going to say some things that I think in some ways may not be compassionate. But if you really want to know the answer to this situation, we have to understand some like harsh things about the world and ourselves. The first is that if the world is a particular way and you are unhappy with it, you have far more power to change yourself than you do the world. Do you have power to change the world? Absolutely. But I'm going to go out on a limb and saying that if you want to change the world, you got to change yourself first. I'm not saying that the world is a perfect place and that it shouldn't be worked on. But if your goals are fundamentally incompatible with the

world, I think you've got to look at your goals because those are way easier to change. Now here's the problem with that. So like if you tell me like, oh, so I need to change my goals, right? But like, You don't want to change your goals. That doesn't feel fair to you. If you're listening to this and you're like, but I want those things, right? I want freedom. I want friends. I want those windfall profits that let me live the life that I want.

I'm jealous of these people. I'm envious of them. And so if I told you like, okay, so then if you're envious of people, maybe the solution is to no longer be envious, right? So let's say I said, okay, like if you meditate for a while, you'll no longer feel jealous, you'll learn to be content with what you have, because that is how you become happy in life. You meditate your way to contentment, right? Like, we know that. Science and all that good stuff. Do you want to meditate your way to contentment? Of course not. You don't want to meditate. You

don't want to be content. What you want is to have your desires fulfilled. When you're envious, if I gave you a meditation that you could do for six months and at the end of that you would not feel one ounce of envy, would you actually do it. But I'm guessing a fair number you all would not. And why is that? Because that's not actually what you want. You don't want contentment. You want what your friends have. Because to be content means to give up your jealousy. It means to give up your desires. It means to settle. And we don't want to settle. F, no. Because I'm in, like, that's not what life is about. The road to happiness. You're telling me the road to happiness is fucking settle. You're telling me that the road to happiness is not achieving what I want. Like,

those are my goals. You're telling me to give up my goals to be happy. How about achieving my goals. Why don't you help me do that? Because I don't want to give up my goals. That's like giving up, right? It's resignation. It's resentment. So there are a couple things we got to understand about it. If you have a bunch of jobs and you say, I don't like any of them, I am incompatible with the world. There's a subtle issue there. So it's very possible that you don't like any of them. It's very possible that your job sucks. I'm not saying that isn't possible. But anytime we're approaching a problem in life, there's a part that is the world and there's the part that's us. And how do you know that? way to give you all a simple example. I want you all to think about an Olympic silver medalist.

The person who gets the silver medal, they're the number one loser. And they're also an Olympic silver medalist. Is that something to be proud of or is that something to be frustrated about? Do you think the silver medalist envies the gold medalist? If I went to a silver medalist and I said, hey, you should be happy. You're the second best person in the world. That's amazing. You're better than seven billion other people. Good job. And the interesting thing is, are there silver medalists who are like, yeah, I know, I'm very proud of my accomplishments. It's great. I'm happy for the person who got the gold. I wish I could have done it. But you know what? I worked really hard. I'm proud of it. And then there's the other kind of silver medalist that's like, you know what? You're right.

I wish I got the gold. I worked so hard to just get a freaking silver. I don't care about the seven billion people that I'm better than. I'm just looking at the one person that I'm inferior to. Do both of those perspectives kind of make sense? Can you imagine that both of those people could feel that way? Absolutely. But their situation is exactly the same. They both got the silver medal. So what's the difference? Why is one content and one is unhappy? It's your perspective.

It's the personal attitude. It's not the world. It's you. So this is something that's really important to understand. Do the jobs that you have suck? Maybe. I don't know. I'm not saying that they don't.

But there is some element that you control over whether your jobs are the worst thing in the world or acceptable or even enjoyable. I'm not saying that you have 100% control, but you've got some control there. And if you're in a situation where you say my goals are incompatible with the world, you've got to figure out what you do control. So just to give you all a little bit more like kind of a scientific analogy. So there's this thing called the placebo effect, which means that if you believe that something will work for you, it clinically will have a benefit,

even if it is completely biologically inert. And the placebo effect can be seen in chemotherapy drugs. These are things that literally like kill cancer. And if you believe it works, it has a greater effect. The other thing that's kind of interesting is the placebo effect has a lesser-known cousin, called the nocebo effect, which means that if you don't believe something will work, it won't work for you.

The therapeutic value of a medication that a patient does not believe in decreases. Even if it's the same biological compound, but if I don't believe it'll work, it'll work less. We can also see this in other areas like relationships. So the one thing that predicts happiness and connect, the strongest variable that predicts happiness and contentment in a romantic relationship is faith in the relationship,

which may sound kind of weird because isn't the faith determined by the quality of the relationship? It turns out that at a minimum, it's a two-way street. If you believe in a relationship, that relationship will actually be better. Just like if you believe in a medication, that will be better. So I want you able to just think about this. Let's say that I don't believe that I can, I believe I'm incompatible with the people, with the world. I'm incompatible. My goals don't line up with the people that in the world or that I date.

When I go on those dates, what do you think is going to happen? You think I'm going to have a great time? You think the people that I date are going to be like, oh, you don't believe, like, you have goals that are completely incompatible with me. Let me change so that I can make you happy. What do you think that person is like on a date? Do you think that they're going to have fun? No, of course not.

And then what do they end up doing? They end up blaming the people that they date, right? I'm incompatible with the world. I am what I am. And so in the same way, like when it comes to your job, if you hate with every fiber of your being, every single job that you've gone to, right? because if you've tried tons of jobs and none of them work for you, what do you think is the common denominator?

Is it the job or is it you? Clearly it's you. And this person even says it. They're like, I'm incompatible. I don't want to do this. And therein, a subtle thing I think could be happening, which is that the jobs that you engage in have a healthy amount of nocebo effect. You're going into it kicking and screaming,

so you're not going to have a good experience. That's kind of like, but wait, that doesn't sound, wait, so you're telling me I just have to just have to learn how to enjoy some crappy job. and that is the solution to happiness, that doesn't feel right, right? Isn't it like, aren't I supposed to have self-determination and build the life that I want? Shouldn't I move towards my goals

and my goals are like freedom and enjoyment? Sure, absolutely. But I think that there's something here internally that you can adjust. Because I think if you really think about it, there's something subtle going on here, which kind of goes back to this issue of jealousy, which is, what do you really want more?

Do you want what someone else has? Or do you want to be happy? because oftentimes when we, when we really, I think it really comes down to jealousy, is we don't want to actually let go of our jealousy, right? You know, if you really think about it, like, I don't want to have to settle with not having a windfall. I want the world to be fair. I want that windfall. And if I were to tell you, okay, I can give you a meditation practice that will have you be content with what you have. You want the windfall. You want what you want. You want to be happy. Screw that. I don't want to

settle. I don't want to be content. You want what you want. You want the windfall. You want the lives that they have. I don't want to be content with this. And therein lies the problem. Because you actually don't, you don't want to be content. You want something else. And if someone goes through life without prioritizing contentment or happiness, this is exactly what you're going to see. Why aren't they happy?

Because they don't want to be happy. What they want is what someone else has. So I don't know if this is rubbing people the wrong way or if it's sinking in or even if I'm making any sense. From a very practical perspective, there are a couple things to consider. The first is if you don't like any of the jobs, I'm not saying that you should just learn to be happy there.

I'm saying that if you value freedom, you should make a concerted effort to move towards your values. And what that means is oftentimes sacrifice. So I'm not saying you should just be content with your job. You should work on that angle a little bit. But also, like, what are the jobs that are the most tolerable? What are the jobs? Okay, if you have to work eight to ten hours to have this amount of free time, can you get paid twice as much? Therefore, you have to work half as long.

So instead of sacrificing eight to ten hours, you will sacrifice four to five hours a day. that possible? Now, this is where a lot of people say, well, no, it's not. That's where I'd say, like, I'm not so sure about that. It's probably possible. It's, are you willing to make the trade to accomplish it? Well, no, because I don't want to go to school. I don't want to do that. I don't want to do this. So I'd say very practically, by all means, like, try to optimize your life towards freedom. If you care about freedom and that's what you find fulfilling, that's a wonderful. I don't think it's a goal. I think it's a value. And so then your goals should be determined by that value. So if what you care about is the freedom to do what you want to, your goal should be how

do I create a life of freedom for myself? Because I don't really accept that there's nothing you can do to improve your financial situation, that you can't get some kind of advanced degree, that you can't, you know, save up for whatever. Like there's got to be, there's going to be some kind of plan. Now, you may be wondering, well, like, why is it so hard? Or not, you may be wondering, but I think there's a reason why it's really hard to think that way, which I don't blame anyone for if you're kind of in that situation. And what is that reason? It's because of the windfall. So when you look at someone else and you're like, they didn't have to do that crows. crap, why should I? Like, they just got it. And that's what I want. Like, why, how is it fair

that you're telling me that I have to work my ass off, get an advanced degree, double my income, grind for five years so that I can work four hours a day and maintain my current lifestyle? And someone else over there just gets the windfall and they don't have to go through all that crap. How is this fair? That I have to adjust my goals. I have to do internal work when other people have it easy. And this is where the simple thing to say is it's not fair, right? sorry, life isn't fair, which is sort of true and sort of not true, to be honest. That's kind of a weird thing to say, I know. But what I really encourage you to do is like really think about the jealousy, because really what's getting you hung up? If those people didn't exist, I want to just think about this for a second. If there were people around you that did not get the windfall, then what would your life be like? Would you be happy and content? Would you be moving towards your career and advancement and all that kind of stuff? Think about that, right? If there was no jealousy and you could just focus on building the life that you want to and moving towards your goals. If there was no one around you that when you looked at them, you were like, oh, that person is so

lucky and I'm unlucky. If we could remove the unfairness from the equation in your head, how would that change the way that you look at life? Because it's transformative. Because then what happens is when you talk to people who are not jealous of other people, they're just living their own life, right? They're like, oh, it's great that someone else has something. But like, I'm in this situation.

I'm going to focus on me. I'm going to try to figure out how do I work four or five hours a day. And that's really what you need to do, right? Like, you need to start living your life. But you can't because of the jealousy. Because every step forward you take, instead of thinking about how many steps you need to take or that it's progress or that's moving towards your values, all you're looking at is you're looking at the one person who's like,

you know, at the airport, when you're walking and you're lugging your bags and that little cart drives by with two people sitting on it, and you're like lugging your bags and they're just taking a ride and they're like, meep, beep, beep. And they're like weaving around people. And everyone moves out of their way, right? Because it's a frigging airport cart. Why don't I get to be on the cart? I get it.

Like, it makes sense. Like, jealousy is such a natural emotion. And yet, I don't think that wanting to be on the cart helps you in any way, shape, or form. In fact, noticing the cart and focusing on the cart, all it does is makes the road that you have to walk actually artificially worse, because you're thinking about the cart. You got to carry your luggage, whether they're on the cart or they're not on the cart, right?

You got to carry the luggage. You got to walk to your gate, no matter what. And that's going to suck a certain amount. What I'm saying is that if you're going to, you want to start living towards like your goals and building the life that you want to, jealousy has no place. And I think they're right when they say comparison or jealousy is the thief of joy. And like, I don't know how to say this, but you're never going to live a fulfilling

life and find joy if you're chasing what other people have. This is the big discovery that the yogis made in the East is that the satisfaction of desires does not lead to happiness. It can lead to temporary enjoyment. It can lead to positive emotion and pleasure, but it doesn't lead to contentment. this is also what Maslow discovered, right? So he was like, okay, so there's like food and shelter, and then there's like other kinds of psychological needs. And at the very top is self-actualization. And so if you're in this kind of situation where you're looking around and sort of saying,

okay, the world is unfair, I want you to first think a little bit about your jealousy and like where that comes from and why it's so hard to let go. The other thing is by all means, plan for a life, like advanced professionally, you know, but don't grind because the world wants you to grind. this is another important thing where it's like, I don't want to be a corporate slave for the man. Then don't be a corporate slave for the man. Work in the corporation for yourself. Do it for you. It's kind of like when people talk about quiet quitting.

Quiet quitting is when people stop going the extra while. That's not quitting. That's called just doing your job. So by all means, go to work and just do your job. Or more importantly, like this is what I really recommend is when you go to work, go for yourself. Start doing things for yourself. And don't worry about what other people are doing because it doesn't help you at all. And so think a little bit about where that jellel.

comes from. And the last point that I want to share with you is people may ask, okay, so like, what do you think, Dr. Kay, is the world fair or unfair? And this is what I'd say. I have certain beliefs, but the most important thing about this discussion is not what I believe. It's for you to figure out what you believe and to find your central compass. Is the world fair? Great. At least now I understand it. Or even if you decide the world is unfair and then you say, okay, the world is unfair and I'm going to do something about it. That becomes a goal to fix as opposed to something to be resigned about.

And one thing that I can guarantee you is anytime a human being reconciles their place with the fairness of the world, good things happen. We're not saying it's fair. We're not saying it's unfair. The important thing is for you

to determine your relationship with the fairness of the world. And even if that means, you know what, it sucks. I am unlucky and they are lucky. And to accept that and say, okay, what am I going to do about it? How do I succeed in a world that's unfair? That can be incredibly empowering and incredibly healthy and lead to a lot of success. Or to say, you know what,

the world is fair. And instead of focusing on their windfall profits, I am ignoring all of the things that I actually have that are like my advantages. Because that absolutely happens when you engage in jealousy. When you look at other people's lives and you're like, this person has A, B, and C, it's very easy to forget that you have D, E, and F. And I'm not saying that. the point value of both of those things is the same. But it's so easy to lose sight of what you have in your corner when you're looking at what you don't have, right? Because it's not what I've got in my arms, it's I'm looking out there. And naturally, I look at the things that I don't have, because those are the things that I don't have. And then we forget about what's here. And then despite the fact

that I've actually got stuff, all I see is unfairness in the world, which is like, that's going to create problems. So it's a really common issue that we think, you know, oh, like, I'm incompatible with the world. And I'm not saying that that's fair and I'm not saying that you aren't. What I'm saying is if you really want to stop being that way or improve your life, like I don't know how to say this, like there's a component that you control. There's absolutely a component that you control. Is it fair that you have to control it? No, it's incredibly sad. It's incredibly sad. And I've worked with patients who have been through traumatic experiences. And they can look at other people and be jealous. Like I'm so jealous of, you know, my friends who are

able to engage in healthy romantic relationships and my trauma is so bad that it's so hard for me. And when I sit with those patients, I don't say, well, you've got these advantages. What I say is, yeah, it is unfair. What are we going to do about it? I'm so sorry that you had a life that this happened to you and that there's been this much psychological damage done. Is it fair? Absolutely not.

Are you unlucky? Absolutely. But what you do from this day forward is still your choice. So what are you going to do about that unfairness? Are you going to say, oh, like, give up? Because sometimes my patients do that, right? And I don't even blame them. And yet, it's my job to help them stop giving up.

And it's their job to help themselves stop giving up. Because once you've given up, once you've decided, my goals are incompatible with the world, that is an unsolved. You've created a problem that is not solvable. And in doing so, you've doomed yourself to failure. So there is some internal component there that you've got to work with. Not saying it's fair that you have to do it.

It's not fair. It's just something you got to do. or you can choose not to do it and continue living the life that you want. And that I don't want for anyone in the situation. Because the bizarre thing is when people start working on it, I've noticed that things get better. Like, it's kind of weird. But sometimes they get better in spite of you, right?

Because you don't want to have to work. And I get it. Like, I don't know if I'm kind of speaking too much here, but like you wish that the world was in such a way where you didn't have to compromise, right? That you didn't have to do that work. You didn't have to do all that extra stuff. I get it.

But this is the world that we live in. And do I wish it was different? Do I wish you got your windfall? Absolutely. But be a little bit careful because I've worked with people who've gotten windfalls and you'd be surprised at how similarly they feel with you.