Heavyweight - #65 Meredith

Episode Date: December 11, 2025

Meredith unknowingly ate a bag of her teenage son’s weed gummies. She wants him to apologize. He wants her to apologize. At a stand-off, they call Jonathan for help. Get ad-free episodes of Heavyweight by subscribing to Pushkin+ on Apple Podcasts or Pushkin.fm. You'll also get an exclusive bonus episode where Jonathan, Stevie, and Kalila remember how the beloved Jackie calls came to be and share a never-before-aired opening that could have started the show in an alternate Heavyweight universe. Thanks for your support—and be sure to check out the other offerings available to Pushkin+ subscribers, including ad-free episodes, full audiobooks, and exclusive binges of other podcasts throughout the year. Subscribe on Apple: apple.co/pushkinSubscribe on Pushkin: pushkin.com/plusSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Pushkin. We have quite a story for you today, but before we begin, a warning. This episode contains themes of drug use. Listener discretion is advised. Yeah. Oh, finally. I wanted to tell you about my billboard in Times Square. Oh, wow.

You're jelly. You want a billboard, too. I would die. I feel like you like it. What gives you that impression? Your relationship with being, you know, famous, I'm sure it's something as an artist that you... Wait, hang in a second. Did you just say that I was famous? No. It sounds like you did. And something of an artist. I said you wanting to be famous and your relationship to wanting to be famous.

Do you remember? Do you remember? Are you recording? Because I said, do you remember? I'm asking. I'm recording you in my memory. Am I going to hear this on the radio? You're definitely not going to hear this on the radio. Oh, yeah, because it's about a radio because it's a podcast, right? You know that I do a podcast.

Am I on speakerphone? No? Because, you know, when you put someone on speakerphone, you're supposed to tell them. From Pushkin Industries, I'm Jonathan Goldstein, and this is heavyweight. Today's episode, Meredith. Right after the break. human. Hi, Jonathan here. Did you know you can listen to heavyweight on Amazon music? And you can listen to your favorite podcasts in the app so you can do all of your listening in one place. Plus,

Amazon Prime members get access to the largest catalog of ad-free top podcasts. To start listening, download the Amazon music app, search for heavyweight, and click follow to keep up with new episodes. You can also ask Alexa. Alexa, play heavyweight on. on Amazon Music. I consider myself a fair person. If a plumber enters my home, I offer him, or her, a cup of coffee. When presented with a bowl of restaurant mints,

even when unobserved, I make sure to leave a few for the next guy. And if you have the good fortune of eating tapas with me, you should know right now, you'll be eating at least half the plate. So when Meredith, a fellow Minnesotan asked me to weigh in

on a matter of fairness, I was raring to go. And so it is on a sunny day in late March that I find myself pulling up to Meredith's. Hi. Jonathan, in the flesh? Yes, it is. Hello. Nice to meet you. Hi. Meredith ushers me inside. I thought you'd have like bigger hair. I have no hair. Really? Is it always been that way?

Have I been, I was born bald, yeah. As Meredith acclimatizes herself to my unexpected baldness, we settle in. Okay, I'm going to get some coffee. I got a half cup. How much coffee have you had today? Can you tell? Meredith fetches her fourth cup this morning, and I have a look around. She just moved in here three months ago, but the house is already feeling homey.

You have a quote from the Dalai Lama on the... This was a gift to me from my Galentine's party. There are only two days in the year that nothing can be done. One is called yesterday and the other is called tomorrow. So today is the right day to love, believe, do, and mostly live. Well, no offense to the Dalai Lama, but I've built a career on the idea that something can be done yesterday, or at least about yesterday.

And so I have Meredith tell me about her past misfortune, which all began, she says, three years ago on a Saturday morning. You have to understand that, A, I'm a sweet tooth, okay? And the second really important piece of information is that my sister-in-law owned a candy store. This sister-in-law routinely sent boxes of candy to Meredith's three children. And because of the whole sweet-tooth thing, Meredith would tell her kids to keep the candy in their room. That way, she'd only have access when she was in their rooms tidying up. The agreement even had a name.

I would take what I would call the candy tax as a price of me helping them clean up their room. And cleaning up is what Meredith was doing on the Saturday morning in question. She was in Aden's bedroom. Aidan is her son, 17 at the time, and Meredith was hunting for his leftover cereal bowls.

When I saw on the table some peach rings, you know those like little chewy gummy candy. Yeah, I know them well. Right? They're really tasty. Yeah. And I shoved them in my mouth, like, numb, numb, numb. Meredith finished Aiden's entire bag of peach rings, candy tacks. From there, she moved on to her daughter's room to continue cleaning.

And it was about 30 minutes later when I started to feel a little bit, you know, like a little bit, oh, something's not quite right. At that moment, a thought popped into Meredith's mind. What if the peach rings weren't just peach rings? Maybe a small detail. Most times peach rings look like orange and white. These were purple and blue, but I didn't think anything of it. Other than, oh, it must be a different version of peach rings.

Maybe they're flavored blueberry. Sure, those blueberry-flavored peach rings. Then there was also where she'd found the blueberry-flavored peach rings. In a Ziploc bag. They don't usually come in a Ziploc. Oh, they don't usually come. in a Ziploc. How big was the Ziploc bag?

Like those little... Like the kind you would put drugs in? No, Jonathan. The kind you put a sandwich in. Meredith just thought Aiden had put the gummies in a Ziploc to, you know, preserve freshness. But now, as her head began to swim, she thought a new thought. And in the moment of time, it took me to think that thought. My knees buckled.

I dropped on all fours. because whatever was coming for me hit me like a freight train. A freight train freighted with box car after box car of gelatinous marijuana. My son comes running up the stairs, and I yell to him, what was in those gummies? All he says is, what were you doing in my room? I then say, what was in those gummies? He says, how many did you eat?

And I remember trembling. I said, all of them. How much was in those? He's like, Mom, 25 milligrams each. Meredith had eaten four peach gummies. That is, 100 milligrams of weed. I'm the person that takes the gummy that somebody gives you at five and starts shaving it down. So I knew like two and a half is my limit.

She'd ingested 40 times her limit. And then I start yelling, well, you just killed your mother. The next several hours I can only describe as kind of coming, floating in and out of consciousness. I mean, I have moments of sort of dreamlike. I was in a forest running, and then the tree roots started coming. coming up and wrapping around my legs. I mean, that's not fun. Trees twist around your legs and are trying to, like, suck you down to the earth.

Like, what is that? Meredith didn't know if she needed to go to the hospital. She wondered if she would die. She phoned a few friends to ask them to check up on her throughout the day. You know, by, like, voice dial. Because you weren't even capable of using the regular dialing? Jonathan, I couldn't move my fingers enough to get the right buttons. It's like laying there with a piano on you.

Her friends later told her she kept repeating things like, Am I going to be okay? And God help me. All in all, 23 hours. Oh, my God. That's like long. It felt, in some ways, eternal. Sometime around 10 a.m. the next morning, Meredith finally began to feel herself coming down. And with that, the anger set in.

Anger at her 17-year-old son, Aidan. Well, now we got a deal with the problem. You didn't know that he kept drugs in the house? No, I did not know. Meredith says she'd always had open conversations with her kids about drugs and alcohol. But for the kids to keep drugs in the house was not allowed. And on top of that, leaving them out in the open when he knew about the candy tax, how could Aiden have been so careless? And what made it all the more upsetting while Meredith was on all fours?

Aidan flees. He's like, I got to go to work. And I'm just left here having to somewhat fend for myself. Was a part of you proud that you had raised a son who, you know, honored his work responsibilities. He was so committed to his work at P.F. Chang's that his mom took the back burner. You know, I probably did raise a kid with a good work ethic. I'll give him that. But here's the thing that three years later, Meredith still can't get over. Aiden refused to apologize. Instead, over and over, he uttered the same refrain. This is not my fault. Aiden felt like this was on you. Aidan, 100% felt this was on me

and that no other parent would be that clueless. Meredith admits she is the sort of person who often gets herself into these kinds of noodles. Oh, I've got a few. I rescued a stray dog that was loose from a yard. What happened was, Meredith's dog was routinely escaping her yard. and people around the area would post about it on next door,

writing comments like, who can't control their dog? And Meredith, your dog is out again. She felt publicly shamed. And so, when she saw someone else's dog that was lost, it felt like a chance to reclaim the respect of her neighbors. And I proceeded to pick it up. It was a 40-pound dog.

Yeah. And I took it and really felt that I was doing a good deed. As Meredith started walking home, the dog started jolting. Spasms of gratitude, perhaps. She got the dog home safely, made a post, and waited. Finally, the owner showed up. And I was expecting to be met with, like, oh, I'm so happy that you got my dog. I've been worried sick about it.

Well, it turns out that I, had taken a dog from a home that had an invisible fence. Oh, that's why it was jolting. Yes, it was jolting, yes. And instead it was, you took my dog from our yard and you shocked it and thanks. Is this why you had to move? It was probably a consideration. As for the drugging, however, Meredith doesn't think it was all her fault.

This could happen to any of us. I even Googled, like, looking for validation of like, oh, this happens all the time, right? Sadly, Meredith didn't find the validation she was looking for. A lot more stories about dogs. But you know what? I think this has probably happened to a lot more people, but maybe they're harboring some sense of shame about it. They're just not talking about it. I'm talking about it. If it happened to you, you are not alone. If it could happen to you,

beware, okay? Maybe assess the color of the gummies, maybe assess. Sorry to interrupt, but who do you think you're talking to right now? I'm talking. Parents like me that wouldn't think their kid would have gummy candy in their room. The thing about people like Meredith, people who can laugh at themselves, is that it can be hard to know when they need to be taken seriously. Meredith can joke about the gummies, but it doesn't mean it wasn't scary at the time, or that she doesn't want some acknowledgement from Aiden. I keep waiting for this moment when he comes through the door.

He says, Mom, I've been reflecting a lot. And I thought about that time when this happened, and I just want to say, I get it, I'm sorry. Has he never, he never apologized. No, he's never apologized. Ironically, of my three kids, he is probably the most sensitive in terms of care and concern. So it was somewhat surprising to me that he could dismiss that experience so flippantly. Meredith has tried to draw the apology out, bringing it up once or twice a year. She tells herself it's an important, teachable moment.

She tells herself that Aiden's refusal to apologize reflects poorly on her parenting. So she keeps nudging him, most recently, in a canoe. Just the two of us, there was no escaping, and I went so far as like negotiation. Okay, I started at 50-50. Meaning percent of blame, 50 percent on her, 50 percent on Aiden. Aiden is an econ and computer science major, and Meredith was trying to speak his language. I went down to 80-20, okay? 20% on him.

20% on him. You wouldn't accept that. He would not accept that. At this point, I was like, well, now what do I have to lose? I went all the way down to 991. I'm looking for a shrapnel, okay, of accountability. But she hasn't even gotten that. For three years, Meredith and Aden have been at a stalemate

in terms of who should be held accountable. It keeps popping up, and nothing gets settled. Meredith has tried recruiting friends to adjudicate, but Aidan has always questioned their impartiality. So I thought a real, independent, objective third party might be the ticket to finding our path here, someone that could see both sides and talk empathetically with my son about accountability.

Do you think it's something you could be able to, like, broker? While we're all familiar with the idea of a claim adjuster, what Meredith needs is a blame adjuster, someone who can adjust some blame onto her son and make him apologize. I accept the job, beg forgiveness once more for my baldness, and ready myself to leave. When? You want to take it? Yeah. Meredith's phone rings.

Hey. Hello. Hey. Hey. On the phone is Meredith's eldest daughter, Quinn. I'm here with Jonathan. Hi. Hello.

Though Quinn was out of town during the weed dosing catastrophe, she remembers it well. Oh, right. As long as we have her on the line, I ask Quinn if there's anything more I should know about. Quinn pauses, then asks her mother a question. Was this before after your airplane incident? Oh my God, Quinn, the airplane incident. What's the airplane incident? Enter Exhibit B.

The Airplane Incident. I'd need to have my side of the story on this because there's some definite biases from my mom. This is Meredith's son, Aiden. And when I phone him up at college, he tells me that the gummy incident is only one of two accidental drugings in this family. My mom was on a business trip out to the UK and Scotland,

and then it's a birthday present I had just gotten to go with. Three months after the weed gummies, Aiden went on a trip with his mom. They were in the Amsterdam airport, about to board the nine-hour flight back home to Minneapolis. I knew she had some sort of, like, sleeping aid. And I was like, oh, maybe I could, like, have some for the flight. Aiden's about twice Meredith's size,

so when he asked, she figured it couldn't hurt to give him half of what she normally took. And then I just remember, like, being in the Amsterdam airport, and I was like, man, I feel... Really gross, right? Like, I felt like pretty nauseous. When boarding started, Aiden was having a hard time standing straight. Like, right as I handed my passport and ticket, I just completely pass out.

He's behind me, and then I hear a crash as Aiden has collapsed into the stanchions. Basically, what I remember was kind of just like half-consciousness. She had just, like, kind of grabbed me by the shoulders, and she was like, we need to get it together. You need to get on this flight. They look at me. They're like, there's no way. you are going on disflight.

And you need to go to medical emergency, whatever. And I remember they, like, ran tests and, like, had to contact, like, poison control. Just like Meredith, Aiden was fine, eventually. But also, like Meredith, Aiden was disappointed by his mom's reaction. Does she accept blame for the incident?

Has she ever apologized? to you for that? I don't know. I don't want to flat out say no, but I'm, like, leaning, more likely not. Aidan says when he first collapsed, Meredith was mostly focused on getting him onto the plane, even if it meant dragging his still-limp body

down the jetway, weekend at Bernie's style. I would have expected that the priority is that I'm okay, not like, oh, but we need to get on the plane. Right. Meredith wanted to keep things on track. which, not so different from Aden who hurried off to P.F. Chang's. And to top it all off, when they eventually were rebooked on a new flight, Meredith's ticket got upgraded.

And guess who didn't offer that upgraded ticket to a certain somebody? I remember asking her, oh, did you ever consider, like, maybe if I got the seat for that flight? Like that you had been the one who was drugged, so... Yeah, and then she said, I was supposed to be home 10 hours ago, which, like, that behavior in that scenario, was uncharacteristic. They're very good pals. This is Meredith's daughter again, Quinn.

But I think they have a harder time, like, being soft around each other. Hmm. When they get in disagreements, both of them just, like, harden up really quick. Quinn says Aiden and Meredith are both similar in their stubbornness. To which, regarding the gummy incident, Aiden holds a hard line. He says Meredith is wrong about basic facts. Like for one thing, the drugs weren't out in the open,

but rather stashed in an old iPhone box on a shelf. And he says he would never have left the house while Meredith was still panicking on the floor. It was only once she was panicking safely in bed that he went off to his job, of which... I never worked at P. F. Chang's. Aiden briefly worked at a Panda Express, but that was months earlier.

The job he was rushing off to was his caddying job at a golf course. My son had to head off to go serve Chinese food. Does that sound like more egregious than so my son had to leave to hit the golf course? Um, I mean both of those when you say it like that, that just sounds like selfish. When I first got into this, I was certain that Aiden, and Aiden alone, was to blame. but now that I've spoken with Aidan, I'm not so sure. I'm still willing to adjudicate, but I'm starting to feel a bit out of my depth. Which drugging was worse?

I don't know much about drugs. I couldn't tell you the difference between happy dust and happy powder. Lucky for me, though, I know a medical expert. After the break, a very special guest. A very special doctor guest. It's Jackie. Hi, Jonathan here. Did you know you can listen to heavyweight on Amazon music, and you can listen to your favorite podcasts in the app,

so you can do all of your listening in one place. Plus, Amazon Prime members get access to the largest catalog of ad-free top podcasts. To start listening, download the Amazon Music app, search for heavyweight, and click follow to keep up with new episodes. You can also ask Alexa. Alexa, play heavyweight on Amazon music. Hello. Jackie! No, this isn't a glitch in your podcast app. The episode is not starting over, but this is indeed my friend, Dr. Jackie Cohen. Dr. Jackie Cohen is a doctor, and I'm phoning her today in her expert capacity.

I start with the airplane incident. So what do you think? Like, you know what I mean? Like, is that a reasonable, like, would you do that? Would you share my pills with my son? Of course not. Of course not. Oh. Listen, I, okay, it's not the worst, it's not the worst thing she ever did. It's not the worst parenting moment, but it's certainly not up there. And the reason it's not up there is that, I mean, the only red flag to me in this is she's coming to you with her problem. So that's the first problem. That's your, that's the biggest litmus for you.

Yeah. So basically, you didn't, I mean, by your logic, you think that every single person who has come to me in all these years is not well. By virtue of the fact that they have come to me for help. Look at our dear friend Mary Claude. Mary Claude came to me for help. Yes, she did. There's an episode. Did I not help her to get her real estate license? Did I not? Okay, I'm not going to lie to you. Okay, yes, and it was a good story. Okay, fine. You're right. You're absolutely right. Although Jackie concedes the point that not everyone who comes to me for help is certifiably

deranged, she does think Meredith is certifiably undeserving of an apology. From Jackie's perspective, it's Aiden who deserves one. I'm totally with a son on this one. I think his response is so appropriate. Like, you know what? It was on her to be, like, fishing around his room and consuming candies. Though when I tell Jackie about the seed upgrade... He'd get it to him, right?

No, she didn't. She took it herself. She does seem to enjoy Meredith's chutzpah. I mean, the least she could do is let him sleep it off, comfortably, right? That's what the kid felt. Yeah, I'm totally with kids. Kids great, by the way.

Choose on the ball. Hey. How are you? I'm good. As with any medical question, I need a second opinion. So after my call with Jackie, I consult with a second drug expert. Not a doctor, per se, but a doctor of the streets. Are you in your underwear?

Yeah, sorry. This is my friend Steve Marsh. If his voice sounds familiar, it's because he was the subject of another episode of this podcast, and is thus, by Jackie's estimation, unwell. Steve has done ayahuasca in Peru, Iboga in Gabon, and participated in the unofficial Champions League of Ecstasy at Berghein in Berlin. Even though I pretty much don't know what any of these words mean, I do know that Steve has been breaking on through to the other side since his teens

and hiding weed from his mother since he was in diapers. So I tell him the gummy story and ask for his take. I don't think he's really understanding what his mom went through, maybe. Like, I've done the heroic dose of almost any drug you can name. And, yeah, that's a serious dosage. So serious, Steve says, that 25 milligram gummies aren't even legal in the state of Minnesota. Steve himself has never taken 100 milligrams of edibles at one time,

But he's sympathetic to Meredith's plight because of the time he, quote, dabbed weed, which he explains is inhaling a super high concentrate of THC. I had to sit on like the side of a hill and like, you know our friend Marisa? Yeah. Marisa had to come out back and like gently rub my back as if I was like having a panic attack, which I pretty much was, you know. So like I've been there before, Meredith. I get it, you know?

Like it is helpless and catatonic. and scary. For Steve, it's pretty cut and dry. Unlike Jackie, he believes it's Aiden who owes Meredith an apology. But to make sure he has all the information, I tell him the plain story, too. I would argue that's nearly irrelevant, you know?

On top of it, one of the tickets gets bumped up to first glass, and she takes it. As is her maternal right, I have to say. I just think that your mom ate your drugs. Man, like, why can't you get your head around that? You have to be responsible for your shit, man. After weighing Jackie's expert testimony and Steve's sort of expert testimony, I can only come to one conclusion.

King Solomon-like in its tit for tatness. Meredith and Aiden need to apologize to one another. And because two apologies require two apologies. Shaman's? Do you want to go there with me? Sure. After the break, apologies all around. Yeah, I want to know where this kid is getting

his high-powered weed gummies, too. Hi, Jonathan here. Did you know you can listen to Heavyweight on Amazon Music? And you can listen to your favorite podcasts in the app so you can do all of your listening in one place. Plus, Amazon Prime members get access to the largest catalog of ad-free top podcasts. To start listening, download the Amazon Music app, search for heavyweight, and click follow to keep up with new episodes. You can also ask Alexa.

Alexa, play heavyweight on Amazon Music. Emily said there's a really good restaurant near here called Broyers or something? Broder's, possibly? Broder's? Aiden is home from college for the week. And so, on a warm afternoon, Steve and I, in our capacity as independent, objective, third, and fourth, parties make our way to Meredith's. It's like right here.

Is this the house? Yeah, that looks like it. The plan is to get in, get some apologies, and get out in time for an early lunch at Brewer's, or Broder's, or whatever it's called. Hi. Hi. How are you?

Thank you. So it's steep, right? Yeah. You've been briefed? I've been briefed. I've been brief. Meredith welcomes this in. Aiden is seated on the far end of the living room couch.

Meredith sits down beside him. Steve and I begin by trying to secure an apology from Aden about the gummies. It's not like I served them on a silver platter. Yeah, but hiding them sufficiently means your mom didn't overdose on weed. The thing is, I think I did hide them. But unsurprisingly, Aiden is defensive. I just think there's so many signs that, like, would have just should be red flags. But even if she missed them all, you're still responsible for the drugs.

And if you can just admit that, then you can do drugs for the rest of your life. What would prevent you from just saying, like, I'm sorry? At that point? I don't know. I think you probably worried. At this point. Yeah. I think that just kind of ties back to the whole thing of, like, how much of the blame is that?

Well, I don't know. I think we're caught up in like pie charts and ratios. Yeah, we totally are. I mean, I feel like it's just, you know, my mother got hurt because of something that I was a part of. And that's it. That's it. Do you feel like you were hurt? I don't, like...

I mean, you saw me basically melt and freak out. Mm-hmm. And then you checked out. Which is, of course, how Aiden feels about how Meredith responded to him in the Amsterdam airport. A point he raises. It wasn't like, oh my God, Eden, are you okay? I just hear, we need to get on the flight. You're just like, you're fine.

I know. I know. I know. Because, honestly, I thought, you know, I love you, but, like, sometimes you're, like, you're a little dramatic. You're a little dramatic. You're a little dramatic. Sometimes you're a little dramatic. And I thought, okay, how bad can it be? Okay. Okay. Okay. Like, how bad can this be, Mom?

Well. Do you guys realize that there's some stuff that's happening on both sides? a lot of stuff on both sides but just when I'm starting to think there will be no sorrows Meredith starts inching towards the light I just felt so bad I think I did feel like shame about it

and then making the apology more grand would just be somewhat underscoring my shame about it sure that I just would like just can we just move on you know but the I think your point is, I missed your suffering. And I, you know, I will apologize for not being there in the right way at the time. I'm sorry.

Yeah. Like, I should have had more empathy for you in that situation. Aiden nods, but he still doesn't offer an apology back. So Steve offers a helpful push. So maybe what's going on here is just like, you're getting better. at modeling apologies, and now Aiden will go back and think about what a real remorseful apology sounds like. Maybe.

That's maybe the first time he's heard one on you. Like the gesture of apology. Could be bigger? Yeah, maybe just like is under-rehearsed in the family, you know? When I spoke with Quinn, she told me that it's true. As kids, they didn't have many examples of what it looks like to say sorry and mean it. Which might be why Aiden is struggling so right now. You could acknowledge Aiden that maybe you're not good at that.

Do you think you're good at apologizing from the heart? Probably not. Yeah. And maybe it doesn't have to happen today. But like, it's a good thing to acknowledge that, hey, I'm a kind person. I'm a good person, but I might suck at apologizing. Mm-hmm. Yeah, that's fair.

Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah. I mean, like, because it's like, I mean, I could just, like, say it. And then, like, again. See how that it feels. Okay. I'm sorry that my actions cause you harm.

And I, and I, my, and that my irresponsibility was inflicted upon you. Thank you. Yeah. You know, Ramey, originally my motive or my sort of questioning of this was, someday you're going to be in some kind of a relationship, right, with some other person in which you're going to have to see things from their perspective and you're going to have to back down a little bit, no matter how convinced you are that you are in the right.

It feels like Meredith is speaking from experience. I ask her about it later on, and she tells me that she was. She was thinking about her most recent relationship. It had just ended, and she says the situation, could have used an apology. She wants her son to learn from her experience. That is, after all, what good parents want most. And so, you know, part of my, like, yearning here was, like,

how do I help you get there? My hope going into this was that Aiden would accept blame for the gummies and Meredith would own up for what happened in Amsterdam, a little quid pro quo and everyone goes home happy. And that did kind of happen. Sort of? In the weeks after the conversation, I find myself thinking about this business

of modeling behavior that Steve had brought up. If Meredith hadn't modeled apologies for her kids, it begs the question, who had modeled not modeling apologies for her? So I reached back out to Meredith to ask whether her parents ever said sorry to her. I don't think so. But at times, it would have been nice, she says.

By way of explanation, Meredith tells me about all the time she'd be left waiting after ballet class or school for her mom to pick her up. I just remember feeling like the last kid standing, waiting, like an hour, outside. Yeah. And I think she, I don't know what she was doing. But I kind of, the message was like, well, I kind of see, I'm a lower priority. it's funny now I think about me picking of my kids the horror that I would feel

if I'm late by like five minutes Is it because like you remember that feeling of just Waiting and feeling like Does anybody care? And it wouldn't come with an apology No I wasn't allowed to be angry about it Right

You know it was like well that's the situation And you just got to like Suck it up Suck it up Anything other than that would be dramatic. You know, did that somehow sort of translate down in the way I raise my kids? I mean, Aden's reaction to me overdosing on his gummies was suck it up, right?

Which is exactly what I did to him. Like family heirlooms or the gene for colorblindness, the value of apologizing is handed down. But if you didn't come from a family where there was space for all that, it's hard to create that space when you become a parent yourself. How can you give the thing you never received? I don't know the solution to that, but I do know that it can't hurt to keep trying. Do you think it's still possible to change?

Like, you know, where you can have a relationship with the kids where you can apologize to them in the moment and they hear that, feel it? Can people change? Yeah. We can't change. yesterday, and we can't know who we will be tomorrow. Oh, Jesus, maybe the Dalai Lama is right.

Today is the right day to love, believe, do, and mostly live. And hey, if you choose to smoke a little of the good stuff along the way, just be sure to consult your pulmonary cardiologist first. Heavyweight takes no responsibility for bad trips, only the good ones. Now that the Furniture Now that the furniture returning to its goodwill home now that the last month's rent

is scheming with the damage deposit take this moment to decide if we meant it if we tried or felt around for far too much from things that accidentally tied This episode of Heavyweight was produced by supervising producer Stevie Lane and me, Jonathan Goldstein, along with Phoebe Flanagan. Our senior producer is Kalila Holt. Editorial guidance from Emily Condon.

Special thanks to Ben Natif Haffrey, Daphne, Daphne, Daphne, Alexander Garraton, and Sam Reisman. For more Steve Marsh, you can enjoy his written work in Minneapolis, St. Paul, Magazine. Emma Munger mixed the episode with original music by Christine. Dean Fellows, John K. Sampson, Blue Dot Sessions, and Bobby Lord. Additional scoring by Bobble, Michael Charles Smith, Chris Zabriski, and Virginia Violet and The Rays. Our theme song is by The Weaker Thands, courtesy of Epitaph Records. Follow us on Instagram at Heavyweight Podcast or email us at Heavyweight at Pushkin.f.m. We'll be back next week with the final episode of the season.

Sun in an empty room. Sun in an empty row. Sun in an empty room. Hi, Jonathan here. Did you know you can listen to heavyweight on Amazon music? And you can listen to your favorite podcasts in the app so you can do all of your listening in one place. Plus, Amazon Prime members get access to the largest catalog

of Ad-Free Top Podcasts. To start listening, download the Amazon Music app, search for heavyweight, and click Follow to keep up with new episodes. You can also ask Alexa. Alexa, play heavyweight on Amazon Music. This is an I-Heart podcast.

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