Heavyweight - Check In: Holiday Special

Episode Date: December 17, 2020

Happy holidays! In our last check in of 2020, Stevie confronts her grandfather with a question she’s been afraid to ask for over twenty years, and Kalila solves the mystery of an enigmatic gravestone. Mixed by Bobby Lord. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

How are we? How are we? On my run this morning, there were like tiny little flurries. That's like the first little bit of snow this year. Yeah, I noticed like a single snowflake. Well, that's wonderful. Did you try to catch that snowflake on your tongue? No, I had a mask on.

You're trying to trick me. Ah, that's right. But no, no, no. Honestly, I feel like I'm also trying to trick my four-year-old into liking Hanukkah. Yeah. Did you guys know that last night was the first night? I did. Yeah, of course.

So we got these inflatable balloons that spell out L'chaim. Oh my god. That sounds amazing. And so we had some fun trying to teach Augie how to pronounce L'chaim. Can you try to say it, honey? L'chaim.

L'chaim. What a nice L'chaim. No, no, Augie, it's L'chaim. L'chaim. No, no, Agi, it's L'chaim. L'chaim. Hey. What do you want to do? So because Emily celebrates Christmas, there's a Christmas tree in the house,

and I pulled out like this small little menorah that we have that my father bought me from his trip to Israel in like the 1980s. And so I'm like, isn't the menorah just as cool as the Christmas tree? What's so funny? Papa joking

when he said that. Like he actually thought I was making a joke. I made a good show of it. I explained the miracle of Hanukkah, which is, like, how the temple only had enough oil for one day, but it lasted seven. And he was not impressed. It's because he doesn't understand how oil works. Who understands how oil works?

Like, reindeer flying, that's a miracle. Like, Santa Claus fitting down a chimney. Immaculate conception. But like the whole thing about oil like he was just like. I don't know what that means. In the olden days before they had electricity all they had was oil. So we lit it and we said some prayers

and then we ate. Nice. What did you eat? Jewish deli food and that is something that Augie definitely loves. We'll see you next time. Enjoy the number one feeling, winning, in an exciting live dealer studio, exclusively on FanDuel Casino, where winning is undefeated. 19 plus and physically located in Ontario. Gambling problem? Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Please play responsibly.

I'm starting to think about what I'm going to do for the holidays. I'm really hoping to get to see my grandparents somehow. My grandparents are 95 years old. And with COVID, I haven't seen them in so long. I do try to call them, though. I called my grandma actually the other day. Hello? Hello? Hello?

Who is this? It's Stevie. Oh, I just... Hold on a minute. I heard these like loud noises in the background. Am I interrupting something? No, we were sitting in our garage and this one couple drove over and they're sitting on the driveway.

But they've been here an hour already and they're supposed to leave. An hour was enough. So thank you. This gives me, I'll let him take care of it. How do you get company to leave? They are seeing some friends at a distance outside, even though it's so cold. So I was like, maybe there's a way we can do that.

And immediately she was like, most concerned about the way she's going to look. So like my grandma is someone who takes a lot of pride in her appearance. Like she's very put together. She's always boasting about how she's the only one of her friends who can still wear heels. And she's been saying that since like she was 70 years old you know um and you know like pre-pandemic she would go regularly to get her hair dyed at a salon so when i was on the phone with her talking about this hypothetical visit where we'd both be bundled up in hats and scarves anyway she was very worried about her hair. With this pandemic going around, my gray is showing. Grandma, I'm sorry, but you're 95 years old.

Like, I think the jig is up. I think people know that you're probably gray. I am gray. While we were on the subject of hair, it reminded me of this story, something I actually still think about a lot. So when I was six or seven, I was staying with them in their house. And I woke up early in the morning, and I walked right into their bedroom, and I didn't knock or anything. And my grandpa was

there in front of the mirror, like at his dresser. And I was like, you know, hey, grandpa, and he noticed me and immediately he was like super flustered and grabbed this thing off the dresser and like held it to his head and was like, you know, like clearly he didn't want me to see him. Which is how I learned that actually my grandpa is bald and wears a toupee. And I remember in that moment, I knew I'd seen something I wasn't supposed to, right? Like, almost like I'd walked in on him naked or something. It was that kind of feeling.

Like, oh, that was a private moment that I wasn't supposed to see. And it was, like, very clear that he was embarrassed. And it was almost like it scared me, kind of, you know? Because you'd never seen your grandfather react in that way. Oh, no. And my grandfather is like such a mild-mannered person. I think he's the one who always wants to make sure that everyone is okay. And, you know, for him to kind of like yell or ask me to leave, I mean, that's like never before and ever since kind of a thing.

Yeah. And I just turned and like ran out. I ran into the den and like buried my face in the couch cushions and just was like, like hysterically crying. It was like your family was trying to protect you from the horrors of baldness. your family was trying to protect you from the horrors of baldness. Eventually, my grandma found me and she kind of held me and explained, you know, like, this is something that grandpa's sensitive about. And like, that's why he wears a wig. I think she called it a wig. You know, I didn't know what a toupee was. That's why he wears a wig.

Something about a wig sounds so less like it's it's like he's in costume or something. So less was dignified. I know he was horrified because no one was supposed to know. Do you think I could talk to him about it and that would be okay? Yes, as a matter of fact, I'd be interested to hear what he said about it. I didn't even know if he would remember it or if he did. I was sort of worried that it might still embarrass him. Right. I mean, we never, I never spoke

to him about it. You never talked to your grandfather about it? No, no. I mean, clearly it was, like, verboten. But a few days later, I called my grandpa. Good afternoon. Good afternoon. Good afternoon yourself. What's happening?

So, oh, sorry. I'm a little nervous to talk to you about this. I have to be honest. Oh, really? Yeah. Should I be nervous about talking to you about this? Oh, okay. Go ahead.

Okay. I want to talk to you about something. I explained to him why I was calling, and I retold him the story about the day I learned he was bald, and he remembered it. Yes, I remember distinctly, in fact. But immediately, he just did what he always does, which is just tried to make me feel better about it. Yes, I remember distinctly, in fact. But immediately he just did what he always does, which is just tried to make me feel better about it. Don't be embarrassed anymore. Forget about it. Forget about it. You know, it was a part of my vanity, but it was, you know, in retrospect, it probably was silly. It was an expensive affectation. But it's over.

I may be at a point in my life where I say, that's it. I'm going to go the rest of the way without it. Yeah, do you feel like as you've gotten older, like your vanity, do you feel like that's dropped away? Yeah, I think that it's gone. Stevie, can I interject a minute? My grandma, I didn't even know was there listening. I want to add one little thing when you talk about grandpa and that he's not vain. But let me tell you, when we're home in the house, like right now,

both of us not seeing anybody, grandpa wears a cap and he doesn't take it off. He wears a cap. Like a baseball cap? Yes. Here we are, I'm making the bed and he's watching TV, but there's a white cap on his head. Not vain, it's not vain cap on his head. Not vain. It's not vain. No, no. But he always wears a cap. You know, something, we all have a bit of vanity.

We all look in the mirror and want to see what we want to see. Of course, Grandpa and I would like to see 20 years off the faces, but we're all a little vain, aren't we? I think so. faces, but we're all a little vain, aren't we? I think so. I was just reminded of a story, and I think it's a story you can tell on your iPod because it's hysterical. I tell it all the time. Go ahead. We went to a pool and you were learning to swim and you wanted to swim at the deep end. How old was I? You must have been around maybe six or seven. Yeah. So you said, I have to swim with you. So what could I do? My granddaughter asked, so I jumped in the water and I went and I swam with you to the deep end and back.

And when we got out, you looked at me like with your eyes wide open and your mouth wide up. And I said, what's the matter? And you said, nothing, only now you look like a grandma. Talk about being with my hair wet. I looked horrible. And that's what you said. Okay, sweetie, I'll give him back to you. Here's grandpa.

Okay. That's been my life for 75 years. Every time I get to talk, she has to get a word in. Huh. 75 years. Yeah. And they've known each other since they were 13. Whoa. They both lived in the Bronx and they met in the neighborhood. It was really sweet. At one point, I asked him what the thing is that he missed the most about New York when he left the city.

Well, that's a good question. I didn't really miss much. I took your grandma with me and that was enough. You know what the best thing about being bald is, if I may? I had the experience a few days ago where Augie kissed me on my head. And it was like the most tender, like, almost like a, I don't know, like a paternal feeling. Like, I was very surprised that he did it. And I was thinking, like, if I had hair, I wouldn't have been able to feel that kiss in the same way oh that's nice yeah i still wish i had my hair but anyway fanduel casinos exclusive live dealer studio has your chance at the number one feeling, winning. Which beats even the 27th best feeling, saying I do.

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connectsontario.ca Please play responsibly. Stevie, it's funny that your story was about your grandparents because I actually also have a story involving grandparents.

Oh. And it involves a long marriage as well. Let's hear it. Yeah, what is this? So I was talking to this guy named Pax, and he was telling me that he, a couple years ago, moved across the country to Cleveland for school. So he didn't know anyone. It was kind of a weird transitional time. And he was walking in this big cemetery called Lakeview. And I saw this headstone that said, listen for my football in your heart. What does that mean even?

Exactly. I don't really know. Like, listen for my football in your heart. I don't know. I just could imagine, like, grandpa just really sincerely loving football and leaving that message. So I think it just delighted me,

and it made me think about my grandparents. And my phone was really low on battery, and I had been saving it so that I could, like, find my way back if I needed to. But I was like, this is worth it. He took a picture and the second he took the picture, his phone died. So he just had this one picture and it wasn't like amazing. Like it was a little blurry. But he just found a lot of comfort in this headstone that said, listen for my football in your heart, and loved the absurdity of it. And it was a headstone

for this man named Don. And Pax just started thinking about Don a lot because he had this picture of him as this sweet old man who just loved football so much. And so for the last two years, every once in a while, I'll pull up that picture and show people and be like, I found this weird headstone about football that just pleases me. Did other people find it as delightful as you did? I don't think they really did. I think I was particularly tickled by it and people were just like, oh, that's cool. Even in dark times, I would sometimes, it sounds really silly, but sometimes I would just be like, I'm having a hard time, but at least there's a headstone out there that says,

listen for my football in your heart. And I had gone back a couple of times and looked for it, and I had never found it. So flash forward to this year, the year 2020, Pax is stuck at home like everyone. And one morning, I woke up and had like symptoms that could be of COVID, like a sore throat and my roommates and I take it very seriously. So immediately I got tested and was quarantined in my bedroom. Had not furnished it yet. So it just has a bed in it. So it was just four days of sitting on my bed pretty much

and only allowed to leave to go to the bathroom. What were you eating? I was just eating frozen meals from Trader Joe's. Would just leave my room to microwave them and then bring them back into my room. Just really like drove me a little crazy. So it's kind of like a dark couple days and then he gets his test results and they're negative. And so he's like so relieved and immediately he calls up his sister and is like, I can leave my room.

Let's meet up at the cemetery and go for a walk. So it was a very like cathartic, like first time I had been outside in a while. And it was a beautiful day. And I was like, we should look for, listen for my football in your heart. And we found it and I was really ecstatic. And then she was like, I'm disappointed.

And I was like, what? And I looked back at it, and it said, Listen for My Football in Your Heart with an F. The stone itself was a little bit mottled. So for all these years, he just had been misreading it because the picture he'd taken was a little blurry. When he showed it to people and was like, it says, listen for my football, they just would be like,

oh yeah, I guess that is what it says. And then, weirdly enough, as soon as I noticed that I had misread it, it immediately started raining really hard. And I took a picture really quickly and then ran home and was soaking wet. I feel like it was disappointing for 0.5 seconds, and then it just made it even more delightful that I had misread even more delightful that I had misread this headstone and like that misreading had gotten me to think about it for two years. I think right now especially human connection is kind of a rare thing and it was this stranger that I had forged a connection with felt special. There's two names on the headstone, and Dawn passed away in 2016, and then the other name

is, I think it's pronounced Sheila, has not passed away. So Pax assumes that Sheila is Don's widow. Uh-huh. And even though now he knows that it's foot to fall and not foot to ball, like knowing what it says really hasn't made him any less curious about it because now his question is like, well, why did Don choose this? Like, why was this the thing that he wanted to impart as his final message? And Pax wants to ask Sheila about it, but he's kind of afraid to do it. Right. I mean, that's kind of an awkward call. Yeah, right. So, like, so I decided I would reach out to her, but it was like, this doesn't feel like a phone call people make. Like, it, I don't know, it just felt like,

what, I'm gonna, like, call up this grieving woman and be like, someone thought your dead husband's gravestone was funny. Right. And then I had some trouble even getting a hold of her. Like, I called a few phone numbers that I really thought were right, and they weren't. And then I wrote her on Facebook, but it seemed like she hadn't seen the message. And so, finally, I wrote her this letter saying I wanted to talk about Dawn's gravestone. Like a handwritten snail mail? Yeah. And Sheila got back to me and said that she was up to talk.

Hello? Hi, is this Sheila? Yes. Hi, it's Talila calling from... Oh, hi. Oh, is that a cat? Yeah. When he knows I'm on the phone, he has to, like, get in the middle of it.

I was thinking Don had chosen this quote, but it turns out that Sheila chose the quote. Oh, wow. Don had had a chronic illness for a few years before his death. He didn't want to talk about, you know, what to do about funerals or... He says, I'm going to be gone. You figure it out. Like, thanks a lot, honey. After Dawn died, she chose Lakeview Cemetery, which, like I said, is this beautiful, big cemetery. And she chose this like really nice little spot on the nature path with like a birdhouse right there and a little bridge over some water. I knew that he would like it. He also was a big bird fan, loved feeding the birds, loved having indoor birds.

And so I liked the idea of the birdhouse. There were a lot of reasons I liked that spot. She chose for the headstone like a natural boulder. So that's why it was kind of modeled in that way, because it's just like a rock. So she has to decide what to put on the stone. And she asks her friend, who's a poet, to send some suggestions. And her friend just sends this long list for Sheila to pick from. Quotes from novels, quotes from poems, quotes from rock and roll songs like John Lennon and stuff like that.

But the one that I picked actually is from a novel called The Smoke Jumper, and it's by Nicholas Evans. The inscription says, listen for my footfall in your heart. I am not gone, but simply walk within you. I was a little bit nervous to be like, well, he thought it said football, like that that would be just like totally disrespectful. But she didn't take it that way. Oh, that's great. Do you think he like would have found it entertaining to think of it being football? Oh, yeah. I think he would have thought that was hilarious.

He loved telling jokes, you know, dirty jokes and funny jokes and stupid jokes, dad jokes. He always got a kick out of making people laugh. jokes, dad jokes. He always got a kick out of making people laugh. Sometimes I would be shushing him because I was thinking he'd be telling inappropriate jokes in mixed company or with little kids around. And he didn't care about that stuff. He wasn't much of a rule follower. Faked his way into the army. He's blind in one eye, but he memorized the eye chart to get into the army. Oh, really? Yeah. How long were you guys married for and how did you meet? We were married for almost 41 years.

Oh, that's a long time. The week before our anniversary. They initially met at this deli where Don worked and he saw her across the room and decided that he wanted to go out with her. And we went out that same week and got married six weeks later. Wow, that's fast. Back to everybody.

Of course, you know, we got all the usual, oh, you know, that's not a good idea. You guys aren't going to stay married. You don't even hardly know each other and blah, blah, blah. But I guess you showed them. I guess we did. Yeah. Was that out of character for you to fall into something that quickly?

Yes. It just seemed to be kind of out of our control, as silly as that sounds when you say it. Was there something scary about that? No, there wasn't anything scary about him. You know, I mean, you just like immediately comfortable with him. And, you know, it was easy to do. I miss him a lot.

I do know that. I miss him so much. Just a generous, a real generous person. And then now we've got this COVID. And then just the fact that people can't go anywhere now. I'm here by myself in this house. You know, and it would have been so much more satisfying to me if I had him to bounce all this stuff off of. Because a lot of things that I took seriously, he would laugh at.

There's nothing you can do about it. So what do you don't worry about it, he would say. So, but, you know, there's just even if it had been a hugely good four years, I would have missed sharing that, too. I just really enjoyed talking to her. And before we got off the phone, I kind of was like, you know, thank you for talking because I know it's an emotional subject to get into. Well, it is. It is. But I like talking about Don. I do. And it's just it's just a way to keep him with you and keep him alive. You know, keep talking.

There were so many good quotes that could have been inscriptions too, but I chose this one. It seemed, I thought it would comfort our daughter and grandchildren the most and really anybody that walked by. The whole idea of remembering someone being the important thing. And that really, they don't leave you that way. You know, you've gotten so much from them. You've shared so much. You remember their jokes. You remember their laugh.

You remember so many things. But with the physical person gone, you have your memories, which, you know, are in your your heart nobody's ever gone if you remember right I've always thought of myself as a man of letters. Sure, the kind of letters you assemble into words that can be spoken into a microphone, but also the kind of letters you place in an envelope. Or is it envelope? Since I was a kid, getting mail has always felt exciting, and it still does. Be it a birthday card or a postcard, opening the mailbox and finding something inside always feels like an occasion. So when USPS offered to sponsor a conversation between me and my friend Craig,

one of the country's thousands of postal service workers delivering millions of pieces of mail each day, I was delighted. Craig loves his job, and I love hearing about his job. So here we are, me and Craig, catching up about his work during the holidays. catching up about his work during the holidays. The holidays, I mean, it's the busiest time of year, but there is just something to the feel of being out as the sun's coming up and you're leaving a package on somebody's front door. And I always think it's a special treat

because if people have left their holiday lights, you know, they have their houses decorated outside, but if they leave them on overnight and you're out delivering those packages early in the morning, it's like, oh, I finally get to see this big, beautiful light display that, you know, during the day,

it just doesn't have the same magical glow. And over the years, have you gotten to know any of the people that you serve? Definitely. I can think of one customer in particular where the kid's writing a note just saying how thankful they were for the work that I do.

And I think that's always a real special thing when you realize how much the kids appreciate what we're doing. And so they'll come out with, you know, their mom will be sitting on the front step and be like, you know, is it okay if he gets to ask you a few questions today? And I'm like, Oh sure. I got time. What do you want to know? And it's always fun to hear. What are some of the questions that you'll get? Well, it's funny now that I say that they want to know about mailman stuff, but the last little kid, he wanted to know all about my home life.

He's like, well, what do you do when you get home? What are you having for dinner? That's so interesting. Yeah, because you're a little like a superhero, and it's like he wants to know about your secret identity. Yeah, he was definitely curious about the fact that I had drive to a house and had to make dinner and all that kind of stuff. But otherwise, it's more

the logistics of the job. What's in the mail bag? We carry a satchel and how do we know what mail to give to who and that kind of thing. Those are good questions. Does it give you a boost? Oh, definitely. It makes a big difference. I mean, I just think that to have interactions with people

makes the job something special. If you deliver to apartments where there are seniors that live there, I mean, I think that that's some of the closest I've gotten to with customers are older people. The male is often a big part of the day when you're older. Those are the people that I do my best to have, even if it is just a wave through the window or just giving them a thumbs up just you know making sure that they see I see them I think is important just because I think that um we're all feeling a little bit more lonely and a lot of people are truly alone day to day and so to have that kind of interaction I've known from early in my career how important the interaction with that

letter carrier can be for some people. One customer of mine, she's passed away now a few years back. I got to know her initially because the complex that she lived in, the mailboxes were kind of a big bank of boxes when you live in when you live in an apartment and her mailbox was on the upper row and she had limited mobility to open her mailbox. So the setup was, is that you just took her mail out and you rang her doorbell and she would come down and get the mail from you. So she wouldn't have to reach up and try and get it out of that mailbox. And my initial thought was like, well, we should just move your mailbox. But at first, I just followed the rule and I would buzz her apartment building and she would come down to get her mail. And we'd have a nice chat while she waited for me to finish up with filling everybody's mailbox.

And so we just got to know each other more and more over probably a good five or six years. I never moved her box. The more that I got to know her better and the opportunity to interact with her on a daily basis, I reached a point where it just didn't seem necessary to try and change anything. To get to know a customer day after day is just a bonus of the job. It's something that we don't think about as being what

the job definition is, but to me is what makes the job more than just something that, you know, you get out of bed and you do every day when there's somebody that you know is looking forward to seeing you. And at the same time, I realize I'm looking forward to seeing them as well. That's it. That was our final episode of 2020. Thank you, everyone, for listening, and we hope you have a safe holiday season. We're looking for stories for our next season,

so if there's a moment from your past that you still wonder about, that feels unresolved, or that you need some help with, please do email us at heavyweight at gimletmedia.com.