Help I Swiped Right - Help I Found Love on Hinge!

Episode Date: August 17, 2025

Hello Swipers,This week I am joined by my first ever guest, the amazing Elena Pitsiaeli!We discuss last week's episode, Help I've Been Dumped! Elena shares her previous dating disasters, before giving us the story time on how she met her boyfriend on Hinge!We also answer your dating dilemmas and discuss our dating icks.You can follow Elena on TikTok and Instagram @ElenaPitsiaeliLink to Elena's performance on I Can See Your Voice

Hello and welcome to Help I Swiped Right, the podcast where we explore the highs and lows of one-day dating culture. Every week, I'll be sharing fun stories from my dating past and answering your dating questions and dilemmas. There'll be new episodes every Sunday, so please do subscribe so that you get the latest episodes as soon as they come out. As this is a new podcast, I would love your thoughts and feedback. I would really appreciate it if you can take the time to leave a review of the podcast if you enjoy it or email your suggestions for improvement to help I swiped right at gmail.com. I'd love to hear from you. This is a special episode this week as I'm joined by my first ever guest. I'm so excited to have a guest this week and to not be alone. I am joined this

week by the amazingly talented Elena Petrelli. I have known Elena for over a decade. I've had the great privilege of watching Elena perform in the Olivier nominated Western musical the little big things. This show was amazing. Sadly, no longer on the West End, but it was just the most incredible show. I went to go and see it twice. So hopefully it comes back.

On a personal note, I've known Elena for like, as I said, over a decade. We met at school. And I just wanted to take the time to say, Elena, you are such a special person. I've always admired how you've just lived your authentic life and your truth.

And you just do whatever feels right. to you even a small example of this is like you've never really like been a big drinker like you've never like followed peer pressure you just do whatever feels right for you and yeah always live your authentic truth and I really admire that about you and yeah I just take inspiration from that always do what you enjoy in life and when you find something that brings you joy like Disney and we'll come on to that later just go for it so huge welcome this week to my amazing guest, Elena Bacheli. Welcome. Hey, girl. Thank you so much for having me on the podcast. Honestly, it's an actual honour. And thank you so much, everything you just said. That's

like the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me. That's so lovely. And you're an inspiration to me. You are the absolute, like, queen of independence doing what you need to do, being a strong, confident, independent woman. And I've always admired you for that. So, yeah, just two queens hanging out. Two queens hanging out on the Helpersight Riot podcast. So excited to have a guest this week to help me the dilemmas. And yeah, especially excited. I know you've got some previous experience on the apps. You've got some stories that we can dive into. Yeah, that's. But before we go into that, maybe we can have a little catch-up initially. How are you doing? How's your week been? My week has been good. So as you did introduce at the beginning, I'm an actor, which on the one hand is great fun most of the time. There's also a lot of downtime and sort of in between jobs. Like the West End is so fun and exciting. But then you also have to do the jobs that like, you know, pay for everything else. So I've been recording an audiobook, which is kind of like doing a podcast, but way worse because it's not even your own thoughts. And yeah, it's been a really long week.

But, yeah, we made it through. So I'm doing good. Now it's done. Well done. Again, another thing I really admire about you, that I could not do that. People will not believe the edits in this podcast, okay? Oh, at least you appreciate it.

Or the struggle is real. People don't understand. Do you go insane hearing your own voice again and again? It's crazy. Yeah. And I have to say, listeners, I went to Elena for advice when starting the podcast about any tips. I know Elena does these voiceover.

and these audio bit recordings, I was like, right, I need tips on, you know, how to speak into the microphone, how to record, and you gave me some great advice. So thank you. Oh, I'm glad. I feel like you've taken to it like a duck to water. You're such a natural. I love listening to you. Like, honestly, everyone needs to be subscribing to this and sharing it because big dreams. I know this is going to go far. Sjam is the perfect person to do this podcast, honestly. Like, you always have the best stories. You're always entertaining us every, like, get together. You're just a brilliant storyteller as well. So I love it. Oh, thank you. And can you talk about the book that you've been recording this week? It was it secret? I don't know if I'm

allowed, I don't think I'm allowed to say what it is. It's nothing exciting. It's not like the next like, you know, big Twilight series or anything. But it was a really nice book. And basically, for any listeners you don't know, I have a disability and the lead character in the book has a disability. So I really appreciate that they've gone with like authentic casting and they wanted someone with lived experience to voice that character. So that's one reason why I was happy to do the audiobook and struggle through. But, yeah, it was still a long process, but it was great fun. That's very cool.

Do you know when the book will be coming out? Well, I've sent it off now and I'll be doing any more edits with it next week. And then usually it's only a few weeks. I reckon it could be within like the next couple of months. So it should come out. But I wonder if I can say what it's called. I'm sure I can. It's called The Cornish Widow.

It's a great book by Jacqueline Beard. Very cool kind of fantasy set in the Victorian times. Very cool book. Yeah. Okay. The Cornish Widow. We will look out for that on Audible and all of the other audiobook platforms. If you're enjoying listening to Elena's voice right now, maybe you'll enjoy listening to the Cornish Widow. Yeah, if you enjoy my dulcet tones, they only continue for many hours. Actually, I did another audio book before this called A Life Live Beautifully, so you can actually do listen to that one audible at the moment. Amazing. How fun. I think people love this, you know. You've done quite a few voiceovers and everything like that. People might even recognise your voice. Who knows? I mean,

you never know. They might, they might recognise me from the background of sex education. Oh, yes. Let's talk about that. We will get into the dating stories, guys. Yeah, we will. Actually, sex education, that's on theme. Okay, let's go. Story time about what was it like, Elena, working with Netflix and being on such a education. Tell us all about it. Well, I had a, that is honestly one of the best jobs I've had because I originally was cast just for one line. I was literally student number four or something with one line. And they were so great with their access that they sent a driver who turned out to have been Gillian Anderson's driver, but then she'd wrapped, so she didn't need the driver anymore. He drove to my house to pick

me up and my partner and drove us to Wales. And then they drove me home again. And I had one line and that line actually got cut. So it was all for nothing. No, it wasn't because I did actually have to still be in the background of the show. But it was a really cool day. Like it was the best show because the wardrobe on it is so fun. The costumes are so fun. I was in this like vibrant kind of 70s vibe jumper, like real classic sex education vibes. And the cast were amazing. Got to spend a lot of time with the new cast to it in season four as well as I met shooty who's amazing he plays Eric um he was fab and yeah just it was a really good experience really positive really nice cast just yeah two really full days on the set yeah it's the Netflix experience like they have

got money they're sending you Gillian Anderson's driver yeah exactly it was crazy it was so funny and I remember on the drive back he was like you know if you want to stop off anywhere let me know And like as if I was a celebrity, I was like, well, yeah, I would really like to go to Burger King, actually. He stopped off at the services in this car. But yeah, those are all the fun. Those are the best parts of acting, actually. It's the weird little moments like that, the weird stories. But it was great.

Oh, so fun. And you're looking forward to seeing you. Anything coming out or whilst I'm seeing you in? At the moment, it's very quiet. But I've had a few things come through in the last few days of auditions. So we've got our fingers crossed. It's been a slow year for everyone. I think the side after strikes had like a really big impact on the acting industry.

And like no matter who I speak to, everyone has struggled to get work this year. So I've been lucky. I've also been doing some fund-al educational films, which is for kids learning English in Spain. So that's been like a good way of spending my summer. I've enjoyed doing those. But yeah, the moment is a little bit slow. But everyone, can everyone manifest please? Everyone listening right now.

It's manifest. A really busy 2020. Oh, we are. Because I can't wait to see you again. And things take a long time to come out as well, didn't I? I remember you were in horrible histories. And I felt like it was a really long time, wasn't it? In between recording it and then the release.

Yeah, it is. It's always to the point where I look back when it comes out and I look younger and it's kind of horrifying. Oh, no, I've aged. Yeah, it's horrible histories. I think I filmed in 2021. And then it came out, yeah, this year, which is crazy. And same with I can see your voice. I filmed that in 2021.

And then that didn't come out until like. like 2023, 2024 or something, 2023. So, yeah, it's such a delay. I'm always trying to tell people like, I have done work, I promise. You just haven't seen it yet. Yeah, I can see your voice was amazing. I will, in the show notes, link the recording of I can see your voice. Oh, yeah.

That was amazing. But off me for a second. How have you been, S-Jan? How have you been? Oh, thank you. Well, for those that have heard the most recent episode, have I been dumped? obviously fresh off the press Monday

I received the text from someone that I've been on five dates with so you know it's not dumping okay I actually just think of something for the episode title but you know I he said he didn't want to continue dating and

I still class it as dumping in his own way in his own bad way it was the end of dating someone you know we've been on five dates we had a sixth one that we said on the fifth one we were going to go on a sixth date and we're messaging every day and I felt like things were going well. We had five really fun dates. So yeah, that ended on Monday and recording the podcast actually after recording it, I then kind of went through different emotions

and I thought my emotions changed, you know, throughout the day, throughout the week. So I've just been sort of processing that kind of surprise ending because it was a surprise to me. because I felt like things were going quite well with this guy. But obviously I was in Ibiza for a week. So I didn't see him for a little while because of being away. And I think things, well, he told me in his message, he was seeing someone else as well. I moved fast. Yeah.

I think it was a misunderstanding and a miscommunication where for me, I just wanted to kind of date one person at a time. I think, as well, as I said in the last episode, I think it's acceptable to have like multiple first dates lined up at that point, you know, any of these people, you know, that it could be quite normal. But then for me, after the third date, when I've been on free dates with someone,

at that point for me, I kind of know, like if I want to go and see them again, I quite like them. So at that point, why'd I be going on a fourth date with him and a third date with someone else? And, you know, by that point, you know, I am exclusive, quote unquote, but he was an exclusive to me, and he was seeing other girls that I didn't realize, like we didn't really talk about that. And it did come as a bit of a shock.

And, yeah, I just thought he was a nice guy, so it was a bit disappointing. Yeah, it is a shame. I mean, I agree with you. I think that first date, second day, I get it, people are still seeing people. By date three, you're giving someone definitely the impression that you're focusing. in on that person. And I know it's like an unspoken thing, but I do think, and especially by date five, I think that you are 100% like focusing on that person unless you're actively making it clear to them that you're not. And I think to have not said that to you was very

misleading, I have to say. Yeah. I mean, and that's what I said, you know, he sent me the text message saying that. And I replied saying, I would have appreciated this transparency a bit earlier on, you know. Did he reply people? No. It was kind of a mic drop text. I mean, I sent it to you and the intent was to be a kind of mic drop. I didn't send it with the intention of proceeding a reply from him. Yeah, I think that's fair enough. And we did, we did extend it, you extended it to the, to the girl gang. Yeah. And there was, there was great debate. I mean, yes. It was interesting to see how different people are. I mean, I don't know what's the better answer really. I'm definitely a hot-headed Mediterranean Ares. Like if someone has done me wrong,

I am letting them know in an essay. I think that yours was a happy medium. It was a really good. I'm just making a point. Because I do believe that sometimes I do understand the idea of not responding to someone and just letting it go, fine, I'm moving on my life. But then I always just think they've just then fully gotten away with it. They haven't even had a moment where they can read something that slightly makes their like stomach drop a bit. They need to have that as well. They need a moment where you can just say, this has hurt me, this wasn't fair. Don't do this again. Like, if anything, at least you can educate somebody and walk away with your head held high.

Do you know what I mean? So I think you definitely made the right choice in what you did. Oh, thanks. Yeah, basically in the group chat, after I got the message, I kind of asked the girls in the group chat, you know, what do I do? Do I reply to this? I don't know how to reply to it. And yeah, like Zedlain said, we've got mixed feedback. Some of the girls were saying, no, the best thing you can do is ignore it.

Elena asked ChatGBTBT for reply message that it was a really like sassy message, wasn't it, that your one came up with. Yeah, I can't even remember what it was. I wish I'd screenshot them and kept them. I'd have to try and find it. Yeah, and then my Chatchabit came up for a completely different response to your one. It was more, so I love how we've got different like AI energies. Yeah, that just shows the kind of energy I've been feeding it up until now that it need to be that sassy. But I love that And like I said in the last episode Like thank God for friendships

And my girlfriends That are always there To kind of like When you get a knock down To just Yeah Lift you back up again And remember that

It's all okay Give you a laugh Cheer you up Yeah But I think I was reflecting It the reason why I got so upset Um Kind of the following day really actually

Wasn't about him per se I kind of felt quite upset early this week because I was just processing the feeling of I have been here so many times before let's cast our minds back to help up on over 100 first dates like I have been there, done that, got the t-shirt how Elena will know

like to the point where in the group set where I said so-and-so has ended things people are like who's this guy what's going on blah blah because there are so many Do you know what I mean? Like, over the years, how many people have I been on dates with Elena? Well, obviously over 100. I mean, it is usually the topic of conversation at every get-together we have,

like monthly, bi-monthly. But, I mean, at least it's entertainment for us, but we're obviously sad for you, our queen, because we're like, how are you meeting these wrongans? You know, you deserve better than this. I know. I think it's just that feeling of, surely I've done this, already like I know I'm obviously learning a lesson I'm growing for this but I'm like I have done

this already I so many times I've been through the excitement of meeting someone new and the hope of are they going to be you know a good match and then I'm telling my friends and then my friends are getting excited and then I've got to go back to my friends and say again for how many times oh it wasn't it worked out again and it was that feeling of just being like I'm done with this cycle, like how on earth have I been through this again? And apparently, I've got to go through it again. Apparently, I'm meant to keep dating and keep doing this. But I really feel like I've done it too many times, quite frankly. So, yeah, taking a break from dating now. There won't be any fresh of the press stories for a little while as I just... Take some time. Take some time.

Yeah, slash possibly forever. as I said, I mean, how I'm doing this. No, do you know what, though? I do appreciate it because I didn't, my, obviously, current partner I've now been with for five and a half years, but I met him when I was 25 and he was my first actual relationship. And I had been through also cycles up until that point of this same thing. And I remember for me, the worst part of every time it didn't work out was one, yeah, telling everyone, oh, this has happened again. But it was that a feeling of, oh, my God, I'm going to have to go and talk to somebody else and be like,

do you have any siblings? What's your job? And you're just like, oh, it's so it is quite draining sometimes to have to keep doing it again and again. So I do, I understand why you feel so frustrated and wanting to just take a break from it. Sometimes it's the best thing. Yeah, I think it can be underestimated the emotional energy that's involved with dating, especially when you've got to five dates with someone. And that's the point, I suppose, where you're getting towards that are things going to go into a bit more serious or whatever? and yeah, you start to get emotionally invested. Mm-hmm.

And I've just really done that a lot. Even this year, I would say that there's probably been a total of three people this year that I felt quite excited about and then they kind of end of things of me. Yeah. So they weren't relationships. But, you know. and yeah it's really training and it's just important to acknowledge that do you find do you find now that when you're sort of going into these new like dating experiences

do you feel like this is starting to condition you with a bit of anxiety about it like do you reach those third and fourth dates and start to think oh like are you waiting for something to go wrong because that can take the fun out of it a bit as well well do you know what I actually have been enjoying dating over all this year I've really been feeding that and that's because I have gone on a lot less dates compared to last year. I've been a lot more selective prioritising

myself and my hobbies a lot more and then two of those guys I mentioned they were in real life meetings oh yeah yes LinkedIn guy and then I've not told the full storytime

this one yet but this will be a future episode Dutch guy oh yeah preview sneak preview Dutch guy guy. And then obviously this guy has not even got a name, the most recent one. He's just nameless. No thanks. No thanks. Yeah, just like I've taken, I've not even dated that much. So, yeah, I'm not third and fourth date, but again, I mentioned this in the podcast last week,

I think. I've got this thing in my head now where I'm worried that I've got a fifth date curse because I've not made it more than fifth dates of anyone's age. So actually after the fifth date with this guy and we had the sixth one planned I actually messaged a friend before I'm like oh my gosh we had the five dates but I've got this worry that I'm not going to see him again and then lo and behold I didn't see him again

and I think sometimes I do believe in intuition I do believe in instinct and all that stuff as well and I think sometimes like it was a premonition but yeah how have I got a five-date curse. I mean, that is the question. Is anyone else listening? Has anyone else got a five-date curse or a four-date curse or a ten-date curse?

Like, it is weird. I wonder if there's something about that number that that's when, I don't know, men start to, I don't know, overthink things or is that when they start to get their like commitment issues sneaking in? Is it like something around the fifth date that causes that? I don't know. But I think you will break it. I do you have every hope you will break it.

But equally, you're a strong independent woman. Yeah. You know what you're doing. Exactly. So, yeah, that was a real answer to the question of how am I doing this week. That is how I'm doing this week. Basically, like, actually, I've had quite a good week at work and stuff. I've just, it's felt like I've quite a few knockbacks this week.

Okay. But overall, actually, do not. all right, like feeling good. Good. That's good. That's the good energy I want to hear. Yes. And I know it's going to cheer me up even more. It is talking about your dating stories. I've asked you on the podcast, I know you've got a plepherer of funny, few mistaken experience. Yes. Where do we start? Where do we start? Right, well, hang on. I made some notes on my phone.

Because, so we should preface this by explaining that. So I went to drama school, which was, as in, instead of uni, it's a drama school, which brought around, you know, the normal kind of mistakes we all make during those years. So nothing majorly was happening then. I wasn't, I never really got into relationships when I was at uni. I think also I always was the girl with the male best friend. I don't know why, because I'm not even a tomboy, but a lot of the time I think people thought I was going out with these men. And I wasn't.

So that never helped my case at all. But also, my course was so busy because this was before I was an actor and I did stage management. So we were doing like 12 hour days. There was no time for relationships really. But then when I then came out of drama school, a few years in, I'm hitting about 22 at this point, 23, I got really bad anxiety, like agrophobia anxiety, which is technically, I think they just find it as a fear of open spaces.

But for me, it was just any fear of leaving the house and going out. So I became like a bit of a Rapunzel stuck in my tower on my own with the parents, you know. So that led to definitely relying on dating apps. And it was a lot of swiping left and swiping right in that time and a lot of chatting to people for a long time. And yeah, it definitely was like a definite way I was having to meet people. It was because I wasn't going out very much and I was using it. But yes, I ended up having a lot of weird experiences in this time. Right.

Okay. And what apps were you on? Was it just Tinge? Was it other ones? I, no. So at this point, I think it was mostly Tinder still I was using. Yeah, I don't actually think I used anything else. I think I might have like dabbled in Bumble, but I couldn't even really work out how it worked.

Yeah. Okay, Tinder. Yeah, it was definitely Tinder. So I've written these out. You know, like in Friends, you've got like the one with Unagi, the one with this. This is, okay. This is the one with the family guy impression. Oh, okay.

This actually was prior to the anxiety, so I was still living life quite normally, and I was up in town, and I'd been chatting to this guy, and I kind of, I already kind of had a vibe. I knew I wasn't going to, I wasn't going to vibe with him, but I thought, you know what? He messaged me, said, let's get together, I'll come into London. And I was so sure that it wasn't going to be that good that I actually made him meet me at the Spoons in Victoria Station. because I want it as little trouble as possible with leaving this date. Anyway, I go and sit at these tables and wear the spoons and there's like no gaps between them. They're so close together.

And the guy walks in, and I can't describe it, but he was wearing a coat, a particular coat. And I just knew, I was like, I just know that this isn't going to work. I just know I'm not going to get on with you because of this coat. I can't even know what it was about it. But it was just something. I just knew. Well, let's just say, this date got going.

And this man turned out to be sexist, pretty homophobic, slightly racist at times. And the coat said it all. And the coat said it all from the minute he walked in. And then as if it couldn't have gotten any worse, he was drinking so much. As he said, I'm not a big drinker. Like, I'll have a little cocktail on a night out. But he was drinking a lot. And I was just sitting there like, this is awful.

And then as if it couldn't have gotten any worse, he then starts doing family guy impressions, like loudly. loudly and the tables next to us are so close it's embarrassing to the point where he gets up to go and get another drink from the bar and another man comes over to the table and says to me I can see and 100% know that your date is going awfully do you want my number no I'm not even joking and I was being really I wanted to be really like good so I said I look I can't do that I'm on a date with somebody else I'm not going to be that person but let's just say I did not see him again ever. No, it was giving us for Angela. Do you need help? SOS. It honestly was SOS. It was like, I am blinking at everyone so intensely because this is awful. And then what

was funny is when we got home, we were texting each other. I said, you know, I think he said, oh, how do you think the date went? Which I kind of thought was him leading to be like, you know, it was not working out. So I said, honestly, I said, honestly, I think I'm a bit of a grandma compared to you. Because he was also quite a bit of a lad, like in his whole. lifestyle and he did not take that well he thought it had gone really really well so i yeah that was thank god i got out of that one i never saw him again it was awful he had a great time he was laughing at his own family guy impressions yeah he was oh yeah he was great he thought he was like at the comedy club living in you know so that was that and i'm just thinking as well like are you

is this the first and only date to take place at victoria weatherspoons like do you reckon anyone out there. So the first day in Victoria Station Wetherspoons. Well, I would recommend it because clearly there's other men other men are on the prowl

just wanting out bad first day. Yeah, actually. So you can find someone else and you can also make a really quick getaway. So, you know. That's a good point. Yeah, if I wanted to not be on the apps for a moment and meet in real life,

do I just grab a drink at Victoria Station Wetherspoons. Victoria Station Weth spoons is the place to be. I'm telling you. That's where, in fact, they, The dating apps should film in there and put it in their advertisers, advertisements, because I think it makes perfect sense. It was very busy. Part of the reason why it was such a horrible date. Oh, no.

Okay. So, that was a one date you've done. Yeah, that was one, yeah, go now. So, this was, right, now we've moved on to the one with the ick factor. Now, this was a guy I met online. Now, this was when I started to get into my era of dating actors. Big mistake. Don't date actors.

Big mistake. You. Don't date any of them. This was the worst one I went on. And what was worse about it was because of my anxiety at the time that we, I don't want to speak of this. I went to his house for the first date, which you should never, ever do. It's giving red flag. It's giving red flag.

But he had agreed to it and invited me around. And do you know what is even worse? My mother dropped me off. my mom at this point she's just desperate for me to meet someone you know she's like Elena find a man please so I will take you to his house and he I this sounds so bad but he opened the door and he really looked like your mom there as well when he opened the door no no no my mom had definitely driven off she I think she went to the cinema or something for the evening like to be clear as well I wasn't going to his house for any kind of cheeky yeah pre-range

not from my side anyway it had very much been. in a respectful chat up until this point. And I explained why I was going to this house about my anxiety. So I thought it was all very, you know, nice. Yeah. You're on the outside. So don't you? Yeah.

Mum is down the road. Like, beware. So anyway, he opens the door and already he looks like a homeless Ed Shearing. Oh. Like a really homeless Ed Shearing. Because he was homeless at one point, Ed Shearing. Was he? Yeah.

He spoke about that. When he was first coming to the same. seen he was like sofa surfing all around london oh my gosh well maybe he knows this guy oh my goodness i don't know so i go in and the first thing that hits me is this delicious smell of spag bowl and i'm like okay redeeming he has made me dinner this is a brilliant moment and we go up this massive flight of stairs already red flag number two i can't be getting his relationship with man with loads of stairs but we go up we're like following the smell the spag ball Yes, I'm starving. This is brilliant. It is like 7pm. You know, I'm thinking great.

Yeah, it's cooked a nice meal. We get to the top of the stairs. He has not cooked a nice meal. That's his flatmate cooking his own dinner. This man has made no food. There is not a scrap of food in sight. He just takes me into their shared living room. So I'm smelling Spag Bowl in the other room. And then he just starts having like little chats with me in the living room with no food, not a crisp in sight, no effort. And that's one of my icks. Were you offered an aperitif? I don't think I even was. I don't even remember what he offered me. Glass of water?

I think I had to ask if I could have a drink. Bad manners. It was, yeah. So, and I also, this is an important detail. I was chewing some gum, right, when I arrived, obviously. You want to be like minty fresh. And he starts very quickly trying to come on to me, shall we say. Very quickly, yeah, yeah, very within, you know, I'm talking five to seven minutes.

max he's really yeah and it's not and it's not good it's like not a good experience it's washing machine it's bad i'm like i'm like pulling away i'm like no thank you and he's so full on that i actually tried to deter him by in front of him removing my chewing gum in the most disgusting fashion and actually putting it on the coffee table yeah and i thought this is bound to like him off yeah a power move. No, spurred him on. Absolutely awful. Backfired completely. Oh my God. And you're sat there thinking, when does mum's film finish? I mean, yeah. I'm literally looking at my phone like, oh my God, I bet she's picked like three hours Lord of the Rings or something. I don't even know. And then, yeah, no food. And at one point I had to stop him and say, look, I'm really, this is a true story.

I said, I'm really sorry. I'm going to have to eat the cereal bar that is in my handbag because I am so ravenous because you have done nothing. not even provided me with a mere pretzel Oh my God, thank God you packed an emergency snack Oh, I always pack an emergency snack You have to come prepared on every date That's wild Like what earth did you think that was

I mean, yeah, shared house, shared living room That's not ideal for a first date And then you're kind of hoodwinked by the smell of Spag Bowl And it's not his Spag Bowl That's disappointing. Exactly. Disgusting. And then I very quickly realized what his intentions were and sort of finished up the evening,

called Mama J to leave the cinema and got in the car and went home. And I remember like the next morning going back onto Tinder and you know when you can see when they've updated their profile, he had added a bit onto it that was like not looking for anything exclusive, only looking for a bit of fun, which hadn't been on there before. And I called him out on it. I called him out. I sent him a message and I said, look, you did not have that on your profile.

I would never have wasted an evening of my life coming to you for that because that's not what I was looking for. I didn't want a bit of fun in your flatmate's shared living room. No. So, yeah. And he said it was a miscommunication. I said, it's not really, is it, though? You don't communicate at all. You didn't communicate at all.

So that was that story. I told you I've got a plethora. I told you. The audacity. Yeah, the audacity. some of these men. I'm telling you. Right. Where do we go next? Where do we go next? We are working through a whole list of episodes. You let me know if you ever get bored because, right, we've only got, never. We've only got a couple. We've only got a couple more. Right. This one I've put the one

with the bizarre enthusiasm. Now, this is the one that I think I mentioned to you a little while ago that he actually, I can't, can I say what his job was? Yeah, I probably can because no one's going to know. He was a paramedic, so I'm thinking, oh, great, nice, good job, cares for the people, probably really sensible. Yeah, it's attractive. Yeah, yeah, I thought that's really attractive, you know. And he lived two hours away. Now, again, I am my anxious phase. I invite this man to come to my house. Now, the first time he came to the house, though my mum was present, but not in the room. One day I'm going to make a sitcom about dating with your parents. parents in the house.

Yes. That's a whole topic we'll come on to actually another time. Yes. Future episode. Dating when living at home. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I have many thoughts on this.

Yeah. So he comes to the house and again, it starts off really well like we're getting on. Obviously having it like, you know, have a nice time together. And again, it's a lot of conversation. It's a lot of all of this and that. So I'm thinking we're building a like a relationship. And we had around five dates and every time this. man drove two hours to come and see me.

Wow. And yeah. And then it got to a point after a while where I said he didn't want to have any conversations about what we were or what was happening. And like to be clear at this point, like nothing physical had been happening. Like majorly physical. You with me? So, you know, I thought it was all leading to something.

And then he sort of came out eventually with this long message after date five classic of I just don't think I can be in a relationship. ship. I just don't think I can do that. I'm not really wanting that right now. I just don't think I can cope with it. Blah, blah, blah. I'm thinking, but you can cope with driving two hours to come and see me. It's bizarre. Four hour round trip. Yeah, four hour round trip. Mental. And then I sort of said, well, I don't want that. Sorry. Like, goodbye. It's been five days. Farewell. And then like a month later, he messages me out of the blue and says,

literally was begging me. He said, I'm begging you. Will you meet me in a hotel room? And I will pay you £400 to spank... I can't even say it. I will pay you £400 to spank you. Girl, how? Where does this find me? Because I feel like I'm not putting out these vibes at all.

I would be absolutely flawed. A, £400. It's a very random, precise amount. Like, that's his budget. So specific. So oddly specific. Yeah. So obviously I took it. I'm joking. I'm absolutely joking. I'm absolutely joking. He wanted you to spank him?

No. He, no. Other way round. He wanted to pay me. He won't spank you. Yeah, to pay me to let that happen. Goodness. Yeah, really weird. So. That's not enough money. No, not cool. Would have spanked him the 400. Yeah, I might have considered that. Yeah.

With a very long, with a long pole. Probably a friend of the room. Yeah, from the other end of the room or town. Yeah. Yeah, so that was another weird letdown. And I really thought I was safe with that one. I was like, paramedic, like, it was from a nice town. No.

Shame. Anyway. And at this point, I'm feeling pretty bad. Like, this was a bad time in my life. I'm like, I give up. Like, when you've had this many bizarre experiences, you do lose faith in men. You do start to be like, this is not good. right let's move on to the next one this is the this is the penultimate person

this now this one is a tricky one to discuss oh sorry my car is just turned on it's fine sorry I am recording from the car because of living with my family I appreciate the dedication thank you I know so do you have time for more dating dilemmas or are we happy absolutely absolutely okay so this this is quite an out there story really which I'm going to be very careful in my sharing because this was the one with the one that was like fanfic this was almost like you know like fanfic like when people like write stories on like 14 about what they dream would happen to them like it would be the most amazing thing so this was an actor that I went out with who ended up being he's famous but I won't talk about who it is obviously this is a big scoop guys I love this This was a big scoop. So when I was 20 and I was doing my degree at drama school, I had to do a work placement on a play and this particular actor was like leading the play.

And obviously I was quite young, but I was quite enamoured by this person. But this person was very much in a relationship with a Hollywood actress. So, you know, I was not getting involved. But he made it very clear throughout the time during this show that he was a little bit interested, but nothing was happening, obviously, because I'm not like that. Anyway, that show finishes, that placement ends, and we fast forward three years, three years. And I'm scrolling through my WhatsApp and I come across this person's contact. So they had, I still had them as a contact because I was friends with them. And I just reached out. I've reached out and was like,

hey, I don't suppose you remember me. Well, it developed a little bit from there. And he was single at this point. And so that was all going really well. And we sort of started to see each other a little bit and that, like, started to happen. It was nice. But he was obviously very busy. It was never really going to work out because he was here there and everywhere all over the planet. But the time where it really didn't work out was the final time that we had a date. He invited me around for dinner at his place.

And my friend, again, my friend took me. I'm always like bringing people into these situations. I don't know why. I think you know you need back up. No, I don't. You always should have a getaway car in every situation. So my good friend, Hannah, shout out Hannah, was my getaway car this particular evening. But I didn't think she was going to be picking me up that night because we were kind of, you know, we were further on in the relationship.

But I go around and he's cooking this soup thing, which took four hours for him to cook. It was ridiculous. I was so hungry. What was with these men starving me out? I don't understand. So I'm waiting for him to pick this thing. And then it gets to a point in the evening where he starts to act a little bit strange. And he's like, oh, yeah, I'm really tired.

I've got to be up early in the morning. And I'm like, okay, great. That's fine. I said, shall I just go then? And he's like, oh, yeah, maybe, because I'm definitely going to have to get up early, blah, blah, blah. Then sunny out of the blue, he goes and gets these glass jars from the kitchen and a ball of string and a prit stick. And he starts wanting us to make tea light holders, like something like some kind of blue Peter craft. and it's midnight

girl it's midnight and I'm just against well yeah at this point I had Han on speed dial I'm like Anne come and get me girl because this is not working out

it's half past 12 and I'm making a tea light holder in the middle of this man's living room so that was really bizarre and then eventually she came to pick me up and at which point he then turned around was like oh no don't leave why are you leaving I'm like

what are you talking about five minutes ago you told me you needed me to leave these men in their mixed messages so anyway I took I took myself out and I left because I just thought, I'm sorry, I'm not coming around here to wait four hours for a soup for a soup and then make tea light holders. So that was like my last really bad dating experience, by the way. And he's gone on to be quite a famous actor. You can tell him who it's afterwards.

I will. Yeah, these actors, you've never been mixed up with them. That's what you've learned here. We have. Not good. But the good thing about all of this is that it, all led to the following year, me meeting my lovely boyfriend, who I've now been with for five and a half years, and I met him on hinge. Here we go. A hinge success story. This is what our listeners want to hear. They know you've been through all these bizarre dates, but there is

love out there on hinge when you swiped right. There is. There is love on hinge. And you also should always trust your gut and stick things out a little bit sometimes because I matched with him at the very end of February 2020. This is right before COVID. And we exchanged a few messages. I think it was about Mario Kart or something really, really random. And then he ghosted me for 10 days. And I was like, okay, brilliant. And that, honestly, that moment was my final straw. So he'd ghosted me for 10 days and I went on to the app And at the exact moment that I'm not joking I went to press delete this app

Ping His message came through And I could not believe it And then I stuck it out and look what happened So Sometimes it's worth Just sticking it out You know he was genuinely having a busy time at work

It wasn't a lie That is so interesting I'm like, do you think that was the universe there? Because that was the exact timing that he must have just due was the exact time you were ready to delete the app. I have always thought it was quite a bizarre. I mean, I've never known how much I believe in all this kind of stuff. I do believe in like sometimes signs from the universe.

And I felt like this was a pretty big sign. And it really worked out. And it really was like a completely different situation to anything I'd ever experienced. So, yeah. So again, he came to the house for, for the first date he got on the wrong train nearly didn't get here but we had a really really nice first date together the house was empty don't worry and we just played we played cards and we chatted because I always think the best way of having a good date is when you're

doing a little activity like yes do you know what I mean I think when you're playing cards or something you just relax a bit you stop sort of putting on this like front and you have to relax a bit while you play and chat so yeah it was a really nice first day and I remember him leaving and That was the first time I really had a feeling of, oh, my God, I think this person actually could be my person. The butterflies. Yeah, I really had this feeling. We just really clicked. So, yeah, and then the rest is history.

Magic. Wait, let's go back. If you can remember this, we'll be right back. Do you remember his hinge profile and, like, what made you swipe right? Yes. So I think he was very cool, and I sort of wasn't. And so I think that's what kind of attracted me to him. He was very much like in leather jackets.

He had like the real kind of Johnny Depp going on about him, which was always my like kind of crush growing up was Johnny Depp. And he had that kind of vibe going, very cool pictures. He was an actor and he and he wrote poetry. He was very much like the kind of person you read about in a book. And I think I just was really interested in that. And it was he'd written something on this thing about Mario Kart and I had something on my profile about Mario Kart. So it was, yeah, there was like little things about him I liked. And he'd really answered the questions.

Well, I like that about him. hinge that you have to answer questions because I think it makes men put in more effort than some of the other dating apps. Yes, he put effort into his prompts. It's good because you've got to your personality a little bit, not just your photo you like as a person. Yeah, exactly. And I think when people actually put some effort in and you can see a little bit of their personality, it gives you a flavour of what it would be like to talk to them. So I think those are the reasons why I liked him. He had a very cool, very cool aesthetic and good effort in his responses. Okay, very cool. But then he goes.

josted for a spit. Yep. Then he popped up just in time and the first date was arranged at your house. It was at my house because of the anxiety, which is no longer present, everyone. She is healed. Yeah, it's amazing. It's no amazing. It's a really tough thing to go through.

Yeah, it was crazy. Yeah, he's actually is crazy. I mean, that's a whole other topic for a whole other time in life. But, yeah, it is crazy. And I think, like, trying to date when you've got a. anything like that is really, really hard. And another thing, when someone that was willing to come to my house and be understanding of that, massive green flag, like green, green flag that he was so understanding.

And I remember, okay, well, I'll wait until if you've got any other questions about the first date. I think for the first date, the question is. You're good. Yeah, because I was going to say that he, like, at the end of that day, he went home and he sent me a six-minute long voice note telling me, like, how he'd felt about it. And he said to me, if what it would take to be with you was me coming all the way out of London. So he lived right in shortage with me coming all the way out to your house, bringing you into London, taking you on a date to the theatre or something, and then taking you back to your home and then coming back to London, I would do it in a heartbeat. And that's how I kind of knew.

I was like, oh, I think that's a pretty nice. Yeah, that's a pretty nice thing to say. Very, very kind. And so is this, is your first date in February 2020? Yeah, it was we started talking in February 2020. It was March, the 4th of March was our first date. Yeah, specific. So little did we know that in a few weeks time we're about to be in full lockdown.

Yeah, insane. And so we, I think we got in four dates in person. And the second date he cooked for me. So again, bonus points. He's half Italian. So that was great. And then, yeah, and then sunny lockdown happened. And so we spent three months apart.

We spent three months just zooming each other and having like FaceTime dates, which I'm actually not, I wasn't too sad about in the end because I felt like we built a really amazing foundation that we may not otherwise have been able to build. We learned so much about each other that by the time lockdown then lifted and we could see each other, we were like fully like all about each other. And that was really nice. So it was a good way of building.

a really nice foundation together that's amazing and like yeah it builds a friendship and it's kind of like if you guys can survive that and you've still got plenty of things to talk about after all those facetimes over three months that kind of shows that you are it's a real connection yeah exactly I think that's exactly how I felt like a friendship is so important and um yeah and it just helped us to have conversations that because you end up having to talk find stuff to talk about you talk about so much that you cover lots of topics that otherwise maybe you wouldn't have gotten to So, yeah, I was grateful for it. But then I was very happy to actually get to see him in person as well, obviously.

That was nice. And it kind of builds that excitement as well. You've got something to look forward to. And it's that when you do actually see him again, when the restrictions eased, it becomes like you really appreciate it. And it's really exciting. Yeah, absolutely. It was really nice. And then, obviously, we then had the summer together.

And then I think it was when the second lockdown was about to get put in. That I was so devastated. I was like, oh my God, we can't keep living in the situation. But there was no way he was living in this like really alternative warehouse in the middle of Shoreditch. And I think my parents were just a bit like, I'm not sure we want you to go there and lock down with this man in a leather jacket and his poetry friends. He can move in here. So Twist, he moved into my family home. And Twist, we are still. there. So that is great. No, I've been lucky enough that my parents live in a nice house. They do live in a nice house. I'm very, very lucky. And I think everyone would love an opportunity to live with their parents if they get on with their parents and have lots of space of their own. It works out very well. You know, we save an awful lot of money. We would like our own space, obviously. But it has worked for the time being. And because he's comes from Australia as well. He hasn't got much family, so he's really enjoyed having the

family life. So everything about him, like, clicked into place with my life. It was a real, like, tick on all areas. Yeah. Yeah, you've got the best parents ever, and so I can see Wade wants to keep living there. And obviously, the fact that it is still going, what, five years later, like, you know, like you say, you kind of get to that point where you're like, I would love we're in space, but also it does seem to be working now as well, like five years down the line, still going strong. And I think a lot of couples really struggle. I think sometimes couples end up moving with their parents sometimes for a little bit to like save money or things like that. And it's a struggle. But you guys are like crushing it. And I know you'll get

your own place one day as well, super exciting. Yeah. No, it's been fine. And also, I think we also were both actors. So it's for a long time, especially after COVID, it was like, well, I didn't know where I was going to be working. Sometimes I was traveling. Sometimes I was moving somewhere else for a couple of months. Like, it was no way, like there was no reason to put down routes anywhere. We definitely are at the point where we want to do that. And he's kind of got himself a different, a kind of normal job now. So that's definitely something we're building towards. But yeah, I think it's, it is really nice. And I definitely will always value the time I've gotten to

spend with my parents here. Like it's been, I don't regret any of it. I'm really grateful. It's perfect. And like you said, because you do travel for work as well. So you're not always at home kind of thing. Like you could be up in London, you could be in a different country, like various things. So you're kind of like you said as well. And you mentioned the six minute voice note being like, wow, this guy is, you know, he's a good guy.

Was there any other moments where you thought he's the one? Well, I mean, oh, do you know what? I do have a one other thing that was really weird was this is so strange. But one of our first conversations, what were early conversations? We got on to the topic of baby names very early on. This is random. And I said to him, I'm not going to say, I won't reveal what the name is, because obviously that's private.

But I said, oh, do you have no ideas of what you would name your kids? And he said a name for a boy. And I was like, oh, my God. I love that name because one of my favorite books is X, Y, Z. and the name of the book and he was like oh my gosh no one has ever

gotten that reference before that's where I know the name from and I was like and I was like that is literally one of my favourite books in the whole world

and it's a really it's not like a really mainstream book it's quite a random book so I was again there was little things that kept happening with this man

I was like why you know and then like I said he was half Italian and he went for our second day he went all he got up early went around London

and went to these really nice like delis and stuff to get like really nice cheeses and stuff and he came and made me a carbonara at the hat at my house and that was just so nice and he was just so he's just so he's so kind and caring he's just got like an absolute heart of gold like you will not I don't believe there's anyone else out there quite like him because he's just yeah he's had his own crazy life and I think it's led to him being just a really kind

of consider a person he just just seems to love taking care of me which is a nice feeling to have I'm all about being independent I love being independent as well but I I do appreciate that he makes a lot of effort to look after me. And, you know, when I'm up, you have to use my wheelchair. He pushes me everywhere. He's nice and strong. So, yeah, I'm grateful. Very grateful.

He is such a good egg. And he loves his gardening as well. He's an amazing gardener, amazing cook. Like, you've literally found the perfect man, Elena. Oh, yeah, he actually, I can say, I will plug him. You should go and watch his, he has a TikTok account for his gardening. And it's carry on gardening. carry with a C-A-R-Y-1-R carry-on gardening and he's great at it.

He loves his gardening. I mean, what another green, literal green flag? A literal green flag. Yeah. I mean, yeah, I did not think when I met him and he was this leather jacket, smoking, writing poetry and shoreditch, I did not think I was going to bring him to Surrey and watch him become a TikTok gardener. Yeah, he's transformed your parents' garden. Like, this is why they love having him. He's just, he's cooking.

He's doing the gardening. Yeah. What more do you want? My son-in-law. He's amazing. He really is. Live in gardener. Live in chef.

Yeah. And the baby names thing, that honestly gave me, like, tingles. And I now can't wait for you guys to have kids. So I can find out. I'm super excited. I know. I always thought it's really funny because everyone is always really, I think a lot of the time people want to have a girl, like women want to have a girl. I don't know.

I don't know why. It just is a common thing, isn't it? Whereas I've always been like, oh, no, I need to be able to use this boy name. It's quite a unique name. But I, yeah, I wonder if we have kids, if we get to use it, we'll have to see you. That's crazy. And like, I do believe in the universe and signs from the universe and stuff. And to me, yeah, that what you described there about that baby name moment, that was such a sex sign that you're meant to be together.

Yeah, I think so. I've got a converse spirit. experience on baby names which was with Dutch guy oh yeah do I have to go I'll have to end up telling a bit of a story now to explain the context for this but long story short I went on holiday to Amsterdam for a weekend away and I met this guy in Amsterdam and he gives me his number and we go on one coffee date in Amsterdam just like a one two hour date and we had that date being like had a great time like who knows it was each other again because we've to the countries but like i really get time anyway we keep on talking one month later he flies to

london to see me for the weekend so we end up having our second date is literally like a three days long he's in london and he's got like a bucket list like what he wants to do in london one of these things is going to um i can't remember what the restaurant's called i think it's called St. John's, and it's a very, like, meaty restaurant. This doesn't make sense. Like, it's an English restaurant where they serve, like, awful and things like that, whatever. So, we're in this restaurant, and he wanted to take you there, like, he really wanted to eat there. Having a little meal, and he goes to me, what are your baby names?

Now, I'm sorry, but this is the second date, and it really, like, knocked me back completely. I was just really like, what? and he's like, oh, your baby name's like, don't you have it? He's like, oh, I've got mine on my phone. He gets his phone out and he's reading me his names. Oh. And I was like, for me, I've never had a guy that like keeps baby names. Obviously, Carrie, your boyfriend, he is a sensitive soul.

So I think this guy, Dutch girl is sensitive soul too. Because, yeah, normally I'm not, men don't do that, Elena. No, I mean, I mean, yeah, I have to say he definitely didn't, he didn't have a list. Yeah. He just had a, this was one name he had. But yeah, him getting. at a list is quite he had a list of boys' names

and girls' names on his iPhone that I saw. What were the vibes? Well, obviously he's Dutch so they were like Dutch names. Oh, okay. I didn't know what have familiar names to me but I was like cool. And he was like you know, what are your baby names?

And I was like, oh my God, it felt like a really personal question. Yeah, that is quite. I did tell him, I'm going to chat about that and he was like, how many kids do you want? Anyway, Obviously, guys, spoiler alert, we are not together, okay? But can you see how you would get carried away and think that that is leading to something when you're having chapped about baby names and how many kids do you want?

Yeah, that is quite forward. And he's slown to lust, actually. Yeah. Yeah, I'm sorry. I mean, that in itself. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, that in itself, like coming away to London, you would think, okay, I think maybe, maybe just maybe he likes me and he wants to date me. So wait, why didn't it work out?

Oh, so you were doing another podcast on that, aren't you? We're going to go into depth on that story. I can go into the full story and another podcast because actually it's even more juicy than this. Okay, love. It needs its own time. Yeah, but like this part of the story, yeah, we were like having WhatsApp calls, like really long phone calls, messaging. And then he was like, I want to come to London, booked his flights.

And like the thing is we did get on very well. we got on really well but I think from his side he then said messaged me sometime after we went back to Amsterdam he was like I see it kind of just as friends actually more than romantic so God knows what I did Elena and yeah there was no funny business if you know what I mean nothing like that happened at all when he was here like we kissed but nothing more do you think that was I don't know what are the what are the Dutch like maybe do you think I mean the Dutch can be pretty forward I did do a film in Belgium and I met a few

Dutch people they can be quite you know but I don't know maybe did he think then that you were going to be friends

owning Hinch maybe because there wasn't any like cheeky business we kissed we did kiss oh okay I don't know

Elena I don't know but I think part of it is that it's just quite difficult because it was obviously then quite rush. It was quite intense. I've gone from literally spending two

hours in his company having coffee to then spending three days with him. And I also, I felt like a host. I was like showing him around London and like, yeah. Not you giving him a whole, not you giving him a whole tour and him going home and friends at him. Literally, I planned out a whole itinerary based on like what he wanted to do as well. And to be, to be fair, um, I had a great time overall. And that's the thing, like, even though things didn't work out, at least, like, we did get on really well. I actually wasn't awkward.

Yeah. At least we got on well. And I did have a fun weekend, but just a bit like, oh. What was the point? Yeah, it's a bit weird, isn't it? Yeah. So a strange experience, a unique strange experience, going a holiday, meeting someone, then coming here,

having a really fun time. And then shared baby names. but that's crazy did he did you ever get any kind of closure on how he felt about it or did you just kind of leave it with the friend zoning he no he just he said to me i just kind of feel more of a friendship vibe well he could have given a bit more of an explanation like can you get some feedback you know like so i can take this to the next the next time i know i didn't ask him but anyway it's all fine i think it, you know, can't dwell on these things too much because it's just isn't. I'm not going to be everyone's kind of me. It's exactly that you and

Carrie, you are made for each other. So somewhere out there in theory is a partner that is made for me and it wasn't Dutch guy. No, exactly. Exactly. Yeah, you've got to find the right person. They're out there. And in a way,

better that he doesn't waste time. Like, I've always felt if you, if the minute they're feeling that, I'd almost rather be told that straight away than waste too much or get too invested, like five, date guy that you've just had. Like, you'd rather just be communicated with this much earlier. Yeah.

They don't have to feel like you're wasting your time. But, um, yeah, the right person is definitely out there. And also to be clear about me and Karen as well, is that although we are made for each other and it's wonderful, it's still relationships are always a lot of work and there's always things that are different and you always have to you know, see

what is going to work, what's not going to work. Sometimes you're really compatible, sometimes there's things you might have to work Not everything. You don't have to throw away everything if there's like one red flag sometimes. But yeah, I always like to say that. Sometimes I feel like I come across and say, oh, we have this amazing relationship and everything's bad. But we have, you know, the same things as everyone, same things we have to work at. But he is a good one. So I will give him up. Yeah, of course. Relationships are about compromise. We're not going to agree on everything. And I guess everyone will have their own personal, like, lines that... that are a big no-no and then it's about what's within what you is okay to you and you know working through that yeah for sure yeah and speaking of this do you have you were talking to me earlier about icks yeah did you do you have any things that are your like turnoffs absolutely no way yeah what you know as soon as you say that the first thing that comes into my head is vaping

but I remember I actually spoke about that one in the festival one but that is the first in it was comes to my mind I hate men vaping because we're there and vaping yeah do you know what I there was someone in my drama school that I nearly got involved with and then he came to my room and he filled the room with this like vanilla sickly sweet vape

I remember thinking I it is an ick it really is actually and when you walk past me in the street and it smells all like bubble gum I don't know I don't want me mean because like I'm sure it's great for some people but oh no I'm the same as you I that's an ick for me for sure yeah and it's like smoking I don't mind

it's giving a masculine energy but I think vaping it's that feminine energy that kind of really turns me off because I am attracted to masculine energy no that's fair I completely I completely get that I very much agree yeah ics Elaine

let me have a look I have written a few little icks down because I knew we might end up talking about this obviously I've clearly got a problem with certain coats, as mentioned by date number one. We need the description of the coat. I don't even, I think it was just one of those puffer coats. It's like, so, but it's so big and it was unseasoned, well, unseasonal. It wasn't in, it wasn't the right energy.

Yeah. And it, but it was like, but he wasn't giving that vibe at all. Like, so it just all was, it just all wasn't working. And the minute you came in, I was like, it's too big even to fit between these tiny tables with that massive coat on. And it's like 20 degrees outside. I don't know why you're wearing it. So instantly I just...

Yeah, that's an it. It's an ick. Other ick I've got is when they follow loads of girls on Instagram and like really like scantily clad models. Yeah. Like, don't get me wrong. I'm all... I don't mind men appreciating another woman.

Heck, I'm probably appreciating them before he's appreciated them because like women are fab. But when they follow loads of women on social media, that's when I start to be like, I'm not sure I feel about that one. Well, do you know what? That was the dilemma in the last episode, not quite, but it was about this person's boyfriend, the explore page of the Instagram, was naked women. No, so you know, no.

It's an ick, but I was then saying, like, is that just men? Like, men, straight men, they're quite simple. That is obviously what they like. But it is an ick. yeah I do I understand to a degree but I do think especially when it's like it's not just like when in the

back in the day when men had like their favorite female celebrity on a poster on their wall or something you know these like real people they're like looking like liking I don't know where do you draw the line with having those people all over someone's social media

I don't know it's hard isn't it it's definitely going to become more of an issue I think as time goes on. I think for the next generations, dating is going to be a whole different ballgame because it's all just online. And it's, I don't know. Yeah. It's a weird one. It's a weird one. And let me say, what was another thing I had as? Oh, do you know something that is an ick? This is a coat. I'm a bit icked by Anorax. Anorax really. I know. Anorax. If like a man was on a dating profile

it especially right if it was a man on a dating profile and he's wearing an anorak and his only thing it says in his interest is hiking that's what I'm like I just can't I just can't be doing that I'm sorry I can't yeah I get it's giving like drug be teacher vibes mm-hmm yeah yeah it's personally not for me or if they're holding a picture of a fish oh that's a big red flag yeah big red flag I don't know why do they do that yeah I just, unless it's fish and chips, I don't want to see it. So those are kind of, oh, and the only other one I have is my other really big it is when they talk about finances a lot. Yeah, I just zone out.

Yeah, like, or like when they are flushing their money too much. Oh, right. Yeah, like, or like talking about their money really early on and that's all they've got to offer is that kind of thing. That's when I'm bit like, no, is that's a much laugh. And also, they're lying. If they talk about it, I think it's. BS and all made up as well. Yeah.

Yeah, because the rich stay rich. Yeah. It doesn't flush the cash. Yeah. You want to be quietly wealthy, not. If they're like bragging about all that stuff, I think it's not even true as well. Exactly. Like, I don't need you to be buying me a Tiffany necklace.

I need you to be hand-making me a nice little card and I'll love that even more. Yeah. Another ick for me is if they're not a dog person. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I had this earlier this year. I was dating this guy. I was dog sitting for our friend's dog and I bought a dog with me on the date, you know. I was just going to a pub garden. She's only a small, cutey, tiny little dog. But he was not into her. Like, he did not like pat her once or interact with her. And bear in mind, this is the cutest dog in the whole world. Like other people in the pub are coming over to say hello to this dog. That cute. And I got the ick from that moment, basically. I was just kind of like, why don't you like, I asked him. I was like, what's going on here?

I was like, I was like, yeah. He's like, oh, I'm just not really a dog person. I'm sorry. No, I'm sorry. If you're not a dog person, like, with the cutest dog, how, what else have you got an issue with? Like, that is a red flag. Yeah. So I kind of got the ick from that moment, unfortunately.

I think that might have been our first. or fourth day but I just thought I can't yeah that's it is puzzling that's I would because you would just be sitting there almost side eyeing like what is wrong with you like why how can you possibly how could as your brain not like

this yeah so that's it nothing's come to my mind yet for further X but we'll think about those and yeah anyone listening sending your I love seeing them yeah yeah me help

I swiped right on Instagram, or you can email me, help I swipe to write at gmail.com. Send in your icks. We love to see them. Yes, all of the icks. I love hearing people's icks because everyone's so different as well. So, yeah, send them in. Right. Do you think we've got time to answer one or two dilemmas?

I think we can do them quickly. Why don't we? Okay, right. First one is, this isn't a letter that I've got. It's just a topic of dilemma. okay that I think it's on people it's on people's minds I think

it's very current on you know we're modern women we're feminists but who should pay for the first date because I think that is

the idea that the man traditionally you know offers to get the bill what are your thoughts Elena so I

do you know what it's a difficult one because if a man does What I would say is if a man does offer to pay, I always think that's lovely and I always accept it with grace. I would be like, thank you. That's so lovely. I really appreciate that. But I'm also not bothered at all if we just split. Also because I'm a bit of a people pleaser and the idea that I might ever then owe that person or like feel like, oh, maybe I should

go out with them again because they paid for my food or that was really nice. I always feel this awkwardness about it. So I'm not so bothered by the whole splitting on a first day. but it definitely has given them extra brownie points in the past if they've done that. And I do think it can be a nice gesture, but I'm not opposed. It feels gentlemanly, doesn't it? And it feels like, for me, it feels like,

oh, they're taking care of me. They want to treat me to this. They can look after me. They're gentlemen. I'm getting a masculine energy for it. And I think that's why I like it. Yeah, I think that's what I mean. Like it does, it gives them definitely extra points,

because they've been gentlemanly, and I like that. But equally, I'm like, I wouldn't ever want to not, like, if there was someone who couldn't, like, maybe not so much now, because now you are generally looking to find a partner who can support themselves and can afford to pay for you. But maybe more back in the day, I was thinking that, you know, it wasn't such a big deal. But no, you are right. It is gentlemanly. And, yeah, it's a very masculine thing. If that's your vibe, then it's always going to do it for you, do you know what I mean?

Yeah. And I've got a bit of different opinion, actually. So talking of i actually get icked out by the words shall we split this so really yeah so for me I hate you saying about owing things if I'm on the date and I don't like them then I'll pay because I don't want to see them again and I would feel bad about accepting it if I don't really like them I don't see them again so if I'm not vibing the date I will happily pay my half because I'm like, I do kind of see it as a friendship thing or I'm not feeling it. However, if I'm on the date and I feel like it's gone well, I want him to offer to pay for it.

That's like a green flag to me. I have been on like, obviously I've been on over 100 dates famously, but I'm one of the many dates I've been on where I felt like, oh, I quite like this guy. And then the bills come and he said, to he split it, I get. I get kicked out. I then kind of think, oh, that's not really impressed me. Yeah, I get what you mean. That's generally, that's kind of how I feel. It's like if you're feeling like you don't want to owe that person and you're not really feeling like it's going to go further, I don't want them to have paid for it. I just would rather split and leave it like a friendship. But then like you say, if the date is going really well, then obviously

it's a lovely thing when they offer to pay. And it feels, yeah, like you're being taken care of and just feels nice. Yeah, exactly. And then I feel like obviously future dates, like you could pay for it or you could take them somewhere or, you know, it can be like that. But I think at the beginning, I like the idea of the man that he's trying to woo you, he's trying to impress you. And it's nice to be taken out. It makes it feel more like a date, basically, rather than getting dinner with a friend. It's like, no, I'm on a date with a lovely. man who is a masculine man who wants to treat me and to get the bill because he's got this. It gives me the sign that he can take care of me, he can take the lead and I find that attractive. Yeah, definitely. I'd be interested to, you should do a poll. I would love to see what percentage of people, because I imagine it's changed over time, hasn't it? I guess more so now people are up for splitting it but um no i do i i feel like similarly to you yeah i'll do a poll obviously

here as well we're talking about heterosexual relationships i think in the gay world it is maybe a bit different as well when you could be the same gender i don't know so queer listeners as well i'd love to hear your thoughts on like who should get the bill and stuff like in dating because Yeah, we can learn like heterosexual lens. Yeah, that's true actually. It would be, yes. It's a very interesting question. It would be interesting to know what people think.

Yeah. So, yeah, as you know, guys, DM me, hyperswept right? I'll put a little poll out as well. We want to hear your thoughts. Okay, we might do one more dilemma. I've just got to find it. Because I'm now sitting in the car, by the way,

and it's pitch black. Because we've been recording this evening and I'm now just sitting in the car in the dark with a laptop light on my face. If anyone walks past, it's hilarious. Gosh, right. Final dilemma on today's episode. This is a letter.

Okay, I need some advice. Should I reach out to an X for a final goodbye? I met this guy on the apps and we're seeing each other for three months and he suddenly ended things over text whilst he's out of the country. Prior to this, we texted every day and search of her at least once a week.

When we switched together, he was very affectionate, he acted like we're in a relationship, and I thought things were starting to get serious. We're taking things slow, and although we had kissed and spoken about taking things further, we then had sex for the first time that night. Didn't go great, we spoke afterwards. We left things with saying,

we're going to see each other afterwards. He then texts two days later, to say he's not ready to get things further. I asked him what he wanted and he didn't know. It was really baffling me because our communication up until that point was been really good. He didn't mention anything like that before.

We haven't spoken since then. It's about two months ago and I've removed him from everything as well as deleted him from the apps. I need a break. The only thing is that I'm struggling to let it go. My friends are told me to drop it, but I can't let it go.

I'm thinking about reaching out to him and asking him to say goodbye and get closure. It all happened over text. So I'm trying to like summarize it a little bit because it's a very long message. Yeah. I mean, I already am thinking just, no, in this instance, I would say don't go. Don't go. Because whether you realize it or not, across this two months that you've been apart, you have began to make some progress because your life is carrying on and you're doing

your own thing. You're only going to backpedal. There's no, there's no such thing as meeting up after two months and just having closure. You're just restarting the cycle from the beginning. Yeah. Agreed. And it's like, what could he actually say to you that's going to help you? Like, what do you want to get out of this? Realistically, is there anything you can actually say to you that would help? And I started off reading it being like, oh, that's strange. three months didn't text and then she was like oh we had sex

and that's awesome so I was like yeah I'm sorry to be really harsh but like that that's why yeah yeah yeah

yeah three months is crazy though that's a bloody long time that yeah that is a long time but yeah no you're not you're worth more you need to just

you need to move on you've started making progress don't back pedal no get moving on because if you even just give it one more month of being a part of this person, you will start to move on, go and maybe just jump straight in, go and try and meet some other people, anything.

Definitely. And like, yeah, you might always be wondering, I say always, you won't remember him. This is coming from experience now. You know, I'm 30 years old and I've been on over 100 first eight. I do not remember all of them. When I was making episode one and I was going back, I was literally with like pen and paper, like trying to remember things. Like, things that sting at the time. I look back and I was like, oh yeah, I remember like being really hurt by someone back in the day and you're like, oh, why do they ghost me? But truly now 10 years later, it's such a distant memory. So it is all still quite fresh.

And obviously this listener, they've said that they're not dating anyone else at the moment. They're off the apps. But when you do get out there again, like you're going to forget about it. Trust me. So yeah, there's no point in reaching out. Like he's not going to be able to say anything that's going to make you feel better. No. And the only reason that you're still, like, harboring on this is because you haven't met the next person.

And the minute you do, I remember when I was the person previous to when I met my current boyfriend, I did not think I was ever going to be able to get over that person. Like, I literally was like, oh, there's no way. I was so devastated that it wasn't going to work out. And you genuinely sit there thinking, oh, my God, I'm never going to go over this. And then look what happened. You just move on. It just happens. You've just got to keep it in one foot in front of the other and just leave them behind you and move on.

Exactly. You've done well. Two months, no contact. Stay strong. Don't break it. If anything, you could write a letter or write it all out on your notes of what you want to say. So you've got it out of your system, but don't actually contact them. Yeah, I agree. Yeah. All right. We have just solved two no hammers. Again, let me know what you think. You can email me, help us work to write a DMO.com. You can DM me, help us not write on Insta. I do need dilemmas for next week. So please drop in your dating dilemmas and drop in your thoughts on what you thought about today's episode with my wonderful guest, Elena. Thank you. Yeah, please let me know what you think about having to bring emergency food supplies to a date or taking extreme measures

to repel someone from kissing you. Let me know. And have you been on a date at Victoria Train Station, Weatherspoon? Yes. Yes. Have you ever? had a date there and or even been asked out by somebody else while on a date there because it may be a common occurrence. I don't know. Oh gosh. Well, you know, I've had so much fun with

you today on the podcast. Like, I can't thank you enough for coming on. It's been amazing to have some help for the dilemmas as well. So thank you. Oh, it's been an absolute pleasure. I love it. It's just having a girly chat. And I hope that the listeners are all feeling like they've just sat with us, sat in my dark car with me having a chat about all this. It's actually felt quite therapeutic to just go back through my paths and all those things and just kind of like purge them from my system. It's actually felt really therapeutic. So thank you. Help I swiped, right? Yeah, I had so much fun. And I want to say to everyone, you can follow Elena on TikTok and Instagram. She is very funny on TikTok. So check it out. I'm going to link the handle in the show

notes but it's Elena P-I-T-S-I-E-E-L-I thank you I thought I was doing an eye test then honestly our surname just really stole all the vowels but it will be linked in the show notes as well so you can just click through and check Elena out I said she's great she's fabulous so thank you for listening to another episode of Help Uswept Right if you enjoyed to this episode, a reminder to please leave a review. And yeah, you can follow along on social media as well. Help us wiped right. Thank you so much for listening and I'll see you next Sunday.