Help I Swiped Right - Help... I Hate Being Single!

Episode Date: August 24, 2025

Hello Swipers,This week I talk about the lows that can come with being single and wanting a partner but not having the energy to date.I share your icks, answer your dilemmas, and this week I ask for YOUR help with my own dating dilemma...Hope you enjoy this weeks episode and see you next Sunday!Love,SJamInstagram & TikTok: @HelpISwipedRight

Hello and welcome to Help I Swept Right, the podcast where we explore the highs and loads of modern dating culture. Think of this podcast as your unofficial dating app survivors club. I'm your host, S-JAM. I've been for it all. I've been on over 100 first dates. I am a survivor. I know how hard it is out there on the apps, but also there's a lot of fun to be had as well. I've had some amazing fun experiences. So here to share it all, the highs and the lows. So yeah, every week, as you know, I'll be sharing fun stories from my dating past, as well as answering your dating questions and dilemmas. There's new episodes every Sunday, so please do subscribe so that you get the latest episodes as soon as they come out. Please take a moment to review the podcast if you've not done so already.

I love reading your reviews on Apple and on Spotify. You can rate the podcast. If you're enjoying it, please rate it five stars. I'm also asking you all actually for a special favour this week which is if you're enjoying the podcast wherever you're listening I love hearing where you're listening actually please write in and let me know I know there's people listening in the car when they're driving on a long journey perhaps you're in the bath perhaps you're doing the washing up

perhaps you're taking the dogs out for a walk or up during the night feed for a baby we all live in different lives and I love hearing when you're listening. So wherever you're listening, most likely perhaps you're listening alone, perhaps it's just me and you right now. I would love to get this podcast to reach more people that are going to enjoy it and build the health, pass about, direct community, share the podcast with a friend, be that on social media or in person, just spread the word and help others discover this new podcast. I'm going to keep the fun stories coming. I'm going to keep the vulnerability and the real talk coming.

And thank you so much for listening every week. So I thought this week, rather than going back into a story time from my past, I'm actually going to talk about where I'm at the present, which is not always the easiest thing to talk about, being very vulnerable again this week and very real, because, yeah, dating is a journey, you don't always feel good. and yeah this week I have just been hating being single now is that because I'm not dating and I'm taking a break from it is that because I'm still recovering a little bit from

being burnt is that just how I'm feeling for no particular reason things ebb and flow I go through phases where I feel so like I'm loving being single and I really feel like it's where I'm meant to be at the moment and I'm really grateful for like all the opportunities it brings and all the upsides and benefits of being single as well like the freedom, just being able to do what you want when you want, really strong friendships, creating memories with friends and I'm really grateful for my strong friendships I've got in my life. But I don't know. This week I have just felt really I hate being single.

That's how I felt this week. I hate it. And I know it goes up and down. So like I say, I'm not going to feel this way all the time. Even to be honest with you, today, I'm already feeling a lot better about it compared to yesterday. Like, had a really fun night out last night. and it reminded me again of like life is good and they're so much fun to be had. But yeah, I just, if I tap into the emotion from this week,

like this is my virtual diary or sort of one-way fray obsession, I hate being single at the moment. And I know there's people that can relate to it. my girls and guys that have been single for a while, I've been doing the apps for a while, you get to that point where you just think, I'd enough. I think it's a weird headspace where I want to find a partner, but I don't have any energy to date right now, or it's the thought of having to meet a stranger and, like, go through my whole life story again.

just seems a bit much yeah usually I enjoy my own company as well but I've just been like not doing that just a lot of time on the sofa watching Sex and the Zissy

watching TikToks getting in a bit of a doom scroll and finding it hard to get out of that dream scroll. And this is hard to admit as well. And I don't want to offend anyone by saying this. If any of my friends are listening,

it doesn't mean anything against you. It's not personal. But recently, just in general, because I've been feeling a bit bad about being single this week, it's to the point where if I see anything to do with couples, relationships on social media, I'm just like, oh, I can't look at it. I don't want to look at it.

There's a trend at the moment where on TikTok where people post like, oh, I'll just go on this hinge date, see what happened. And then fast forward to it as their husband. And I literally like skip, delete. Why does TikTok keep showing me these videos? Because it is, again, it's that thing of how has it happened to them? Why hasn't it happened to me? Like how on earth?

what have I done? Why don't I have it? I've been on all these dates from Hinge, with that hope in the back of your mind, I guess, that you do think, oh, you know, could it turn into it, had that excitement so many times. And then these strangers on TikTok, I don't even know, seeing them seemingly easily meet someone,

on. Yeah, it's that like jealousy and annoyance, I suppose. It's not a good emotion. I don't like feeling this way. I'm usually quite a positive person. And usually I'm like happy for others and stuff. I am happy for others most of the time. But I think it's important to acknowledge that sometimes do have these like negative feelings. And I'm just saying that publicly to say like, I know there's people out there that will be single and having your down days and struggling a bit of as well. So I'm just saying that to be like, I'm with you guys. It's not always having the best time. I definitely go through the ups and the downs.

And then to any of my listeners in relationships who have friends that are single, look out for your single friends. Ask them out for a coffee. Ask them to go out for drinks, dinner, whatever. check in on them I think when you're in a couple you automatically just end up doing things just automatically your partners and let's say

there's an activity you want to do going to a concert whatever it is the first person you ask might probably be your partner don't forget your single friends that want to go and do fun things too like go and ask them to whatever that thing happens to be

go into a new wine bar you wanted to try um yeah as i said going to a concert going to a gig whatever try to spice it up and you know i get you want to do things to your partner of course you do i'm not saying you shouldn't do that i'm just putting the seed in your head to remember to invite your single friends to things um i was feeling a bit down in the dumps and i'm so eternally grateful to one of my friends who is single as well who thank god just kind of plucks me up literally picked me up whisked me away took me to the beach and i had the best day with her and it really healed my soul and i feel really really grateful for friends that will just come and pick you up that's what you need sometimes if you're feeling a bit low it's hard to motivate yourself to do

anything. I didn't feel like doing anything, but thank God she just plucked me up. And as a remind to myself as well, like when I've got friends, it might be feeling a bit low. Sometimes you just need someone to come and take you and do something. So that's my tip for the week. I don't really have any advice. I'm looking for you to advice on what I should do when I'm in this sort of era of hating being single because, yeah, what on earth do I do? I feel like I would like a partner. I've got no energy to date. I'm not feeling good about dating.

I'm feeling like, especially on the apps, I had a real epiphany recently where I just thought, I don't think I'm going to find anyone good on the apps. It's going to be same old, same old. So, yeah, I know what I need to do. I need to go back into my hobbies, doing things that makes me happy, and just focusing on that and trying not to think about the wanting a partner, because the more you think about it, the more gets worse, da-da-da-da-da. But unfortunately, it has been on my mind at the moment of this, like, I'm so over it. I'm so over doing everything alone, having to look after myself all the time, having not having someone to relax.

lie on just the doing it alone feeling right over at the moment and it's like where enough do I go from here I could be waiting like years to let me a partner like I don't know when it's going to happen and yeah feeling a bit weary and that's important to share because even us independent girlies I am an independent girlie get a bit weary from time to time and yeah I'm conscious on the podcast as well to not be all doom and gloom and not to be all toxic positivity but to try and just show both sides that I definitely experience ups and downs with how I'm feeling about being single so yeah please write into me if you relate help I SwipDry on Instagram and TikTok or you can email me help I swipe right at gmail.com

If you're a long-term single-girlie and you can relate to what I'm saying, do drop me a message. We'd love to connect. And, yeah, if you are in a relationship, like I said, a reminder to check on your single friends and plan something fun to do with them. So yeah, that's my musings this week on I hate being single. I also wanted to take the time now to look at your icks. I had a really fun message about icks, because we all have them from time to time. So, yeah, here we go. My biggest it is estate agents.

Yes, how funny, I've got another friend at the moment who actually is dating an estate agent at the moment. And she was saying, yeah, the voice is an ick. Apparently he just has that sort of sells estate agent, sort of, he's putting on a sales, pitch for like all the time when they're on a date and it's really weird so don't date estate agents I would say sorry to any of that are listening maybe you're a nice one but nah I don't think you can trust them and yeah more feedback on the conversation we had last week about how to split the bill um my first date of my fiancee was at pub he bought the first round and I bought the second but then he confessed that actually if I didn't offer to get the

second round that would have been a big red flag to him that is so interesting um I was asking obviously I was talking to a female friend last week the gorgeous Elena about spitting the bill and we were kind of saying how if a man didn't offer to pay for it it's a bit of a red flag but from the male perspective this situation if she didn't offer to get the second round that would have been a red flag to him. Now, I do see ways coming from here. If you're in a pub and you're doing rounds, if I was on a date on a pub with a guy

and he had bought the first round, I definitely would say, oh, should I get this one? It's a bit more casual, isn't it? But going to a pub on a Thursday, I have done it. It can be okay. It depends on the vibe.

Again, not my favourite. Not my favourite. I'm trying to think when I've ended up having a boyfriend with someone, we've never had a pop date for a first date. It's just like it's been more of like a dinner or a bar situation, I think, a cocktail bar situation. I do think works best for dates, but that's just my two cents. I love hearing you guys' opinions on it all. Right, more on the X.

Another I got sent in was wearing flip-flops and shorts on a first date. yeah I'm with you I mean it depends what the beach is if it was a beach date that's obviously okay but if you were like in a town or city centre going for drinks

I don't think you can wear flip flops on a date that goes for girls and boys I don't think that's okay sandals for a girl yeah that can be fine but flip flops it's too casual in my mind

wear some proper shoes and yet I think you're right men wearing flip flops in general, it's just a bit of an ick, I'm with you, let alone on a date, that would put me off and they've got to have nice feet and men often don't have nice feats anyway, so it's all gone, it's all gone wrong already. The other icks I wanted to talk about this week are running icks. So I go to park run, I try and go most weeks, and it's a great hobby, it's really fun,

and I did get it out recently at Park Run by this guy who was, you know, he wasn't particularly athletic. He was running, you know, quite slow. Like me and my friend were overtaking him whilst we were like talking and jogging. Fine. He didn't like that. Every time we would try to overtake it, he would then go a bit faster. It was annoying. Anyway, we then get towards the end and he like bolts past and sprints past me and I just it gave me such an ick it was like why are you trying so hard and also I could have overtake him if I just started sprinting as well it would have been I didn't I thought I can't embarrass him again this poor unfit man so yeah don't do that just be secure just stay in your lane if you're slow just be slow just pull along enjoy it don't like

give yourself a heart attack because you're upset that a girl overtook you we did overtake you just be chill be chill about it other icks are

when men wear those really tight leggings or shorts I don't enjoy that it's not necessary we don't need to see what's going on downstairs

I think wear something baggy, please, gents. I assume those compressant sort of leggings, they must be aerodynamic or something or the other, but it's an ick. Along with the very short shorts, I mean, you've got to be very fit and have very good legs to pull those off.

Don't see many men wearing those actually as far as much of you, but the short shorts, it's dicey. You've got to be careful out there if you're wearing the really, really short shorts. Another ick would be breathing heavy. You can't help it, I know, it's fine. But just, I get concerned. Some people I'm running along with that at Park Run,

I feel like they're on death's door. They're like literally breathing their last breaths of how heavy they're breathing. I think, yeah, just be chill. Don't push yourself that hard to the point when you're going to, like, injure yourself. just enjoy. So those are my running icks. I would love to hear yours as well. Send me your X to help I swiped right on Instagram. Okay, let's have a look at your dilemmas this week.

Hey S-jam, I've been single for a while now and I've started looking at Hinge and trying to make a meaningful connection. I've noticed a lot of the guys' profile pictures are topless gym photos of them in swim suit or of them in swimsuits. I'm not trying to judge by appearances, but I love to hear your experiences. What do you think about it? Is sort of like topless picks a red flag? Or am I overthinking it? This is such an interesting question. And I've always thought it's a word about myself on dating profiles. Like if I put a pick of me in a bikini, is that bit much? So I don't do that. I should do that actually is a future idea. I'll actually kind of talk through my Hinge profile and hope to get some feedback from you all. Have you got any tips of me and my prompts? But I digress. So yeah,

this dilemma is about is topless pictures and guys a red flag? I think it is. I can't really explain why, but it just is. It's not necessary. Like, especially, where it's like a selfie, a mirror selfie where they're holding the phone and they're just standing topless, like in the gym or something. It's not necessary. I think selfies in general

are a little, not a red flag, but they're not my favourite photo. I think you're probably allowed to have one selfie max on your Instagram profile. I think the other ones need to be like pictures that someone else was taking with you, either with like

like a friend or a solo short you don't have too many friends some some of these guys profiles it's like where's woolly every photo is a group shot and you don't know which one he is one group photo to show you have friends that's all you need and yeah I think a topless photo is a red flag now in a swimming if they are wearing swim trunks and it's like a beach pick, that's okay. I don't think that's a red flag. That could just be like I'm at the beach and being active. But to stand in the mirror, topless, and you're taking a pick to try and show your abs, I get it. They're trying to flex. They're trying to show off. But it's giving. I only want something casual 100%. That's what it's giving when I see a topless gym photo. So

it's not for me. I do find a bit of an ick. And, you know, I would say, go ahead with caution if that's what you want. Okay, next dilemma. Okay, so this is quite serious. This is not, sorry. Somewhat similar theme here is this one's about the apps and it's about how on earth to meet guys. So this listener writes in, I need help. Where are all the hot single guys?

hinge is cringe, Tinder's not an option, and all the activities that I like to do are quite girl-centric, such as yoga and Pilates. I see so many good-looking couples out there. Where are the hot, single boys hiding? This is a good question, and believe me, if I had the answer, I wouldn't be here. No. I also need to answer this question. Where are the hot single guys? like literally I think yeah there are some hot people in the apps and it does seem like those ones they're not looking for anything serious so what's the point or their chats bad or and I'm quite similar to this person the hobbies that I like to do are like dancing yoga so again I'm not really meeting a lot of men through my hobbies um I go to park run and obviously

there are guys there. Apart when I go to, everyone's a bit older. It's a lot of family groups. So I've not met really anyone eligible there. Obviously nights out. You might, you know, see guys. It is tricky. I've had the same thought.

Like, where do you meet people these days? So if you are in a relationship, please write in and let me know the story of how you guys met. Like, do you have any tips or? Are you, have you noticed a lot of hot guys at like a particular place? Let us know, we need help. To this reader, I would say, just go on and like, out. That's the only advice I have. Or my top tip just in life is go to Ibha because, you know, why not?

The definitely is hot people in Libetha. So this could be the solution. I think you're asking where are the hot guys. Maybe they're not in the UK. And I recommend to this listener, go on holiday. Maybe to I befer, maybe somewhere else. But perhaps we need to leave the UK to find our partner. This could be what we have to do.

Let me know what you think. And like I said, let me know if you're in a couple. Where did you meet your partner? We need advice. so I've actually got a dilemma of my own I need your help with this week so yeah a few nights ago went on a night out

just went out for some drinks after work with my friend and this guy comes over to us and starts talking and chatting with him and then his other friend comes over and so the other guy is talking to mainly my friend

one guy's mainly talking to me and that guy asked for my number and asked to take me on a date and I was like sure like have my number but wasn't too sure about him actually the guy that my friend was talking to he was more my type anyway we leave the bar and I say this to my friend um I was like oh I'm not the guy that was talking to me I'm not really like feeling him um if anything actually the guy you were talking to that was more type and she was like oh that's so funny the guy you were talking to is more her type so right we need to swap like how do we do this how are we going to finesse this um so the guy messaged me and was like hey you're around for a date on this day and i said oh i'm not free that day actually but

would you like to do a double date with me and my friend and he was like yeah actually that'd be really cool like him and his friend but doing doing a double date i was like great and we're trying to arrange a time. We've not been able to arrange a date yet, and as a view, it's just becoming admin, like trying to find the date that the four of us can all do, and it's long and I've kind of lost interest.

But let's say that we were actually trying to arrange this. What would the strategy be? Like, what do I do when I like the other one, but I don't know if he likes me, the one that likes me, I don't like him, how do we, if we do have a go on this level date, how do we finesse this, how do we make the move, can I make the move? Is that going to offend the guy that asked me out? Because that's what put me off. We've obviously got the other guy's number. My friend gave it to me

and was like, you should message him, but I just thought, oh, I feel so bad to the main guy that was in talking to me if I'm basically like, I preferred your friend. You know, it's a bit offensive. so due to the awkwardness and not wanting to hurt anyone's feelings I've just left it and also like the guy that I liked I literally just thought he was somewhat attractive

like I don't know his personality I don't think about him hence why I'm not that bothered to like actually pursue it because I literally don't know the guy I just thought he was more my type but yeah

a double date could be on the cards. If we can be bothered to actually find time we're all three at the moment, it's not looking good. But have you guys been on a double date before? Let me know double dating stories and if you have any tips or advice for me. We're going to end things here today. It's a short and sweet episode this week. Last week's episode was a bit longer and it was great to have a proper chat with Elena last week. I loved it. Stay tuned as I will be doing more guest episodes which I can't wait for but yeah this week short and sweet hope you enjoyed it thanks for keeping me company and listening to my woes as I'm in my feels this week about being

single and yeah stay along for the wild ride which is dating in your 30s have a good week and see you next Sunday