Help I Swiped Right - Help I'm Creating My Own Dating App

Episode Date: November 9, 2025

Hello Swipers,I really enjoyed this chat with Fiona O'Donnell. Listen to this ep to hear about Fiona's exciting journey in quitting her job to develop a new dating app! She shares her motivation behind wanting to create this new app and we have a great chat about dating etiquette before ending the ep by answering a couple of your dating dilemmas.Loved this chat with the fab Fiona - you can follow her on Tik Tok @Fiona.c.odonnellRemember to send in your dating questions and dilemmas to [e-mail] or DM me on Insta @HelpISwipedRight.Lots of love,SJam

Hello and welcome to help I swipe dry. Every week I explore the highs and lows on Monday dating culture, share fun stories for my dating past and of course I answer your dating questions and dilemmas as well. There's new episodes every Sunday so please do subscribe, see the latest episodes as soon as they come out. I would love your thoughts and feedback as well. You can leave a review if you enjoyed the podcast on Apple and Spotify or have you got any suggestions for improvements, please email me help I swipe dry at gmail.com. I'd love to hear from you. Now, I know you guys are loving the podcast because you're telling me in my DMs, but please, I'm asking you,

tell the world. Give me a five-star review on Spotify. And if you're listening on Apple, please, you can write a review as well. If I get to 50 five-star reviews on Spotify, I will give you a tour of my hinge profile. So that's something to look out for if we reached that. milestone. I'm super pleased to be joined by a guest this week. I love my guest episodes. So this week I'm joined by Fiona O'Donnell. Now Fiona and I connected through TikTok, which is super random, but that's the magic of the algorithm. I came across Fiona's videos on my for you page and I thought this is so engaging and interesting. I have to connect. So I'm super pleased now to have Fiona on Help I Swip Right podcast. So to introduce you to Fiona, she is super cool. About 10

weeks ago, she took a huge leap, quitting her successful 10-year career in sales to build a brand new dating app. After using dating apps on and off from about 22 to 32, she realized that despite how much the world has changed, most dating apps haven't evolved at all in the last decade. So she left her role at a startup to move into something far more personal, building a dating app that truly serves people today. So welcome Fiona. Hello. Hey, thanks so much for having me. Thanks for coming on to the podcast.

As I said, I've been loving your TikTok videos and always got, as well as talking about the journey behind building your app, you also have really great dating stories. So excited to get into those as well. Yeah, well, 10 years will provide some content. Yeah, yeah. No, I definitely connected with that as well, I think. I obviously famously have been on over 100 first dates. And yeah, I like that you've got some great stories as well. Yeah, I think kind of always saying yes will then provide the content

and always thinking like the girls are going to love this in the group chat is quite a main motivator. so yeah um yeah that's the thing if anything at least you've got a fun story out of it so exactly yeah okay but this is so cool female founder building your own dating app and you started about 10 weeks ago so we're very new into the process but how did this start for you you know what was your motivation behind wanting to start this dating app Yeah, of course. So as I mentioned, I've been kind of using dating apps on and off for the last 10 years or so. So I haven't been in a kind of long term over a year sort of serious relationship in that time. And I haven't really seen them evolve from when I first downloaded Tinder when I was 22 to now using Hinge at 32. It's still very much exactly the same concept. swipe, swipe, swipe, swipe, have a chat, hopefully meet up. You just think all other areas have evolved.

And so the way that we communicate has evolved. So, for instance, Instagram wasn't really a thing 10 years ago. Like, it was starting, but it wasn't as prolific as it is just now. And certainly TikTok didn't exist. So the way that we consume information has changed. And it hasn't changed on dating apps. And I think that that is a flaw. And if you, there's so many articles written about dating apps.

There's so much anecdotal evidence around it's boring, it's stale, it's done. It's difficult to get out of the chat function. People are sending messages that, you know, they're not replying. The messages aren't that insightful. It just seems like there's a culture of old, there's a next person around the corner and people weren't invested in the people that they're speaking to. So I think all of that is something that I've experienced and taken me to this point.

And kind of the main, when I came up with the idea, as how we can change the functionality for the dating app. Last year, I went on a date with a guy. And on his profile, I was like, this guy's perfect. Like, he's into all the things that I am. He was six foot three in finance and went blue, I was like perfect let's go and I was just on this day and I just there was just no connection there and I knew within 10 minutes and I just thought I'm sat here now it's a Tuesday I feel I need to have like at least two drinks just to seem polite I ended up having like three drinks because he wanted another one we then split the bill I was like geez I'm to be here as well as having to like do my makeup get an Uber home to make sure you know

I'm safe and everything I was like this is just an absolute waste of my time when I knew within 10 minutes it was going nowhere but you you don't feel like you can leave within 10 minutes and I think that's also pretty rude to do and I wouldn't so I just say there must be a better way of being able to being able to actually see if there's a connection before you invest your time effort and money and again when I was 22 I didn't really have you know I was I was still at university I was just about to start a new job like everything was an adventure whereas now time you are you are trading time so if you're not if you're going on a date you're not seeing your French you're not seeing your family you're not being able just to have a day like an evening

in your flat and you're washing out and wash your hair that sort of thing and like everything is is a trade-off. And if you're doing that with someone who there isn't much of a connection there with, then it's a waste of time, effort, energy and money. And I think that's what makes people frustrated with dating and plays into that narrative and the conversation around dating apps don't work, which I do fundamentally disagree with. About 50% of my friends who are married have met on dating apps. Yeah, it's now the most common way. I think back in the day it used to be like work or education was the most common with your spouse now it is the dating apps it is completely the new normal and yeah completely agree it's actually really

interesting to reflect on tinder for instance well yeah it is not changed at the time when it came out it was seen as so innovative it was this real like wow you can meet someone while sitting at home on your sofa and just swipe and you know but yeah it's actually not moved ahead at all in 10 it's just when you think about tech world and how fast that moves. It's kind of crazy that it's just kind of stayed a bit stale really. Yeah. I've also seen so many like TikToks, for example, of people talking about the algorithm behind Hinge and behind Tinder and bubble

and that it is very much to kind of keep you on the app. Because obviously if you're kept on the app, you're spending money. You know, that's obviously how they're going. If you go on on day one, match with someone meet up with them. they've got no cash out of you. So, yeah, I think that's quite interesting as well, that now they're almost, or there is a theory that they're almost preventing people from meeting. Yeah, because I do remember as well, back in the day, they were completely free. There was no paid option. Because obviously at first, they're just trying to build up their numbers and

get people on it. But now they've got, they know that they're the most popular way of meeting someone. they've got the name and now they just want to charge people but there we are I guess that's also the other side of the tech world they do need to make money for their investors yeah exactly exactly I get that there's like a balance to it but it's how you can

how you can monetise it in a way that isn't preventing people from meeting because I think there's also as well something on hinge that you know unless you're paying or unless you're you're swiping on certain people, then your profile wasn't getting shown to people that you might actually be interested in. Yeah, all these weird theories. I actually don't really believe any of them.

Like, again, on TikTok, I get these random videos, oh, here's a hack for Hinge and here's what you should do. How does anyone actually know the algorithm unless you work for that company? Like, I don't. Yeah, and that'll be some watertight NDA as well, won't it? Yeah, yeah. But anyway, I completely resonated with what you said about being excited to go on that date with someone. Like, I've had the same thing.

I matched this guy. We had such great chat back and forth over Hinge. And I was super excited to meet him. And in real life, there just wasn't a romantic connection at all. And it was a good conversation, but it just felt like friends. There was no romantic connection. And yeah, it was so disappointing to... Yeah, I mean, you get so excited about meeting someone and I think it's going to be this great connection.

But really interesting how that's now inspired you and motivated you to do something as bold as creating your own dating app. I think for me, it's inspired me to take this podcast. So I've gone the other way. I'm just thinking, oh, I'll just bring entertainment. But I think it's cool that you're dating up. You know, imagine if you help, in theory, you could help, yeah, thousands of people find connections and find love. That's really exciting. I mean, that would be lovely and obviously with doing a mass market dating app, then that's what you want to achieve.

But kind of self-officially and why I've wanted to do this is that I've seen that there is something that is broken that I am using and it's not serving me. Ultimately, I'm 32. I want to meet someone and I want to have kids. And that is what I want and the kind of opportunity to do that at the moment, I'm sure we'll got on to speak about it but kind of meeting people in real life has become well my perception of it is that it's become harder and that the dating apps just aren't serving me in the right way and so why not try and make something that's that's going to make that experience better for myself and then like you said hopefully hopefully the wider population yeah no I love it so as someone, I've got to say on my end, I'm a complete technophobe. So I would love to hear more sort of

what is the process of starting to build an app. So the kind of process of where I am at the moment, like you said, this has only kind of been 10 weeks in. So I am very much hoping that this is kind of the part one of a number of conversations that will end up having. But where I am at the moment, so basically as well, I probably outline the overall idea for the app quite simply, is that it won't have a chat function. So you will swipe on people the same as the traditional dating apps. And then at certain times and on certain days, the app will open and the people that you're matched with,

you will be able to have a 10-minute face time with them through the app. Love it. And then decide from there if you want to then kind of meet them. And then that will put you on to a chat function where you can sort out if you're going to go on a date. You don't want to meet them. find that's it you can give feedback or you could not that's just it's 10 minutes and then also the difference would be the data that you would put into the app so if you think about like hinge at the

moment it's three prompts and a few photos the app would have kind of continuous information that it would get from you to then be able to match people who are kind of value aligned and with regards to a process where I am is that there's kind of two main things that you need to do to launch an app. Basically, you need a product, so you need the app. And then also with a kind of business to consumer product, you need a market to go to. There's no point having a beautiful app that's being perfectly designed and it's only me on it. So I will be the moment. sign-ups. So, me and you on the app.

Yeah. So what I've done is I've built what's an MVP. So basically like the kind of outline of what the product is. And I've done that in AI. That one called Replit. So you can kind of see what it looks like and click through. But it doesn't have a back end. So you wouldn't be able to like upload data in a profile.

And then the second part of it is the go to market. And so to do that, and like how we met, I've been posting on TikTok and building a market there, well more so like a community and a network and a group of people who are interested in dating. And so hopefully from there, if I can continue to grow and grow that, then I'll be able to do research with that group of people as well. And then also when the product does come to launch, which to be honest will probably be this time next year,

then it would mean that there is actually a group of people. there. That is so cool. And may I just say, I love that concept. For me personally, I actually love this 10-minute FaceTime idea. I am more of a verbal oral communicator. Like, what I don't like about Hinge actually is how it's hard to get someone's personality through text. And so I am a voice noter. I like the voice note function. And I think a lot of people out there might be, you know, scared of the FaceTime. It's not their thing. Me personally, I love a FaceTime. And obviously, you actually get to see who that person is. Yeah, definitely. And I think you can, I don't think it's difficult for people now. Like so many people work from home, having communicated online through

the pandemic, like, you know, who wasn't doing a quiz night with their family, I presume. You know, it's become so much, so normal. Whereas if this was launched in 2019, I think that would be like this is weird. Yeah, that's true. And I think it would encourage people to select photos that accurately represent them. You know, if you know the next stage is going to be a 10-minute face time, you're not going to put a photo of yourself about 10 years ago, like, you know, keep the photo actually relevant. Yeah, yeah, I would agree. And also, my hope with this as well is that, like, I look at my comment section and there's so many men, on there saying that oh you're women don't want to be approached in real life you know but then dating

apps are dead etc and i think for me i have noticed that and again i don't know if that's just because i'm 32 now and the there is a lot of men who are my age who are at home with their wife and babies so maybe they're going to be taken out of the pool when i when i'm on a night out but i have noticed that there is that there is a difference in kind of interaction and i would hope that actually having conversations with people would then inspire people to then have them in in real life because I think if we're all honest with ourselves, we don't actually want to meet someone on an app. We would much rather walk into a bar and then have, have like an absolutely gorgeous guy come up and start a conversation with us. And I think that there is less of that.

And hopefully if this can kind of get people used again to having those conversations, then I think that would be incredibly positive. Yeah, there definitely is less of that. Like so many times you've been out or I've been out, you're making eye contact with a guy, you're thinking, oh, is he going to come over and talk to me? And obviously it could be vice versa, right? Either one of us could speak. But I don't know what it is. I'm overthinking it now. I think back in the day, there must have still been that everyone feels a fear to approach someone. He fancy them. Or a lot people do feel that fear, right? It is nervous, thinking you're going to rejected but the only difference being that back in the day there was no other option so you

had to go and approach on nights out but now if you see someone fit and you're on hinge you think and you think oh they're really cute I want to go over them but in the back of your mind you think oh I've got the easy option where on my phone I just swipe and I don't have to face that in real life that that fear and rejection so I do believe that's one of the the reason, simply having the option of the app makes you a bit less bold in person, I think. And I think for men, it is difficult because we've just spoken just now about, oh, we would want a guy to approach us. And I think that that is true. But I think for them it is challenging because there is so much conversation around the kind of treatment of women, the

expectation of women like me to all of that and none of that has been a bad thing it's all very much a good thing and that we're pushing towards equality but i think the way that's been twisted and then fed back to men is that actually don't approach women they're going to think that they're that you're annoying that you're pestering them that you're a predator and so they become anxious and nervous to do that and i completely understand that and then so if you stop doing something, then you become even more resistant to getting back into doing something. So hopefully with this, with this app of speaking to maybe three people of an evening, like three people of like a Monday evening you're having a chat with, and then you go out on a Saturday night,

hopefully you would then have the confidence to then in that situation that you're discussing, you're kind of giving each other a bit of eye contact, to then come over and go, hi, how are you? because you've almost practiced having that conversation in the safety and the comfort of your living room where if it doesn't work out, no one can see you having that rejection as well. Yeah. No, I love that. And I am super excited to see where this goes. And I think it's cool. I think like you said, this problem is something that is felt by all of our single people who are out there navigating dating right now to the point where I've seen people respond. to that problem in different ways. Like you say, I think there's now been a rise of, for instance,

like board of dating apps and people trying to create those sort of an in-person dating opportunities or like speed dating's coming back. Like I think people are trying different things, which I do find like promising when I think about that. So I love the concept of in-person events. And like I said, I think that's actually how people would prefer to meet. in person rather than over and nap but it

means that you need to be free and available on that certain day and if you're not then you've missed your chance so I think for us in our demographic it is a lot easier to be able to go out and meet people that way but if you think about someone who's single but they've got two kids sleeping upstairs how are they

getting out to a dating event on a Thursday but they are sat in their house and able to have a face time with someone to then see if they want to get the babysitter in to then invest that time, effort, energy money to go out and meet them on the Saturday have people in their early 20s. I think just go out, go to the pub.

But I think for people who are in their kind of late 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, this could really be something for them. Yeah, no, that's so true actually, so important to not make it so restrictive. And like you say, yeah, with these dating event things, they're great. I see a lot of them sell out really quickly. And yet it's true. It has to be on that particular day that you're committed to.

And you could go there. And then a lot of them as well, there's a lot more women than men. Like the ratio is a bit off. So it's that huge risk. Like you say, you have got a book of babysitter, etc. To go to this event and not really like know who's going to be there. Whereas with your app, which you're really excited about, you say you can pre kind of get to know that person.

and feel more sure about making that investment of time. I want to ask you as well. So obviously you made a really bold move, quitting your job to go and work on this app full time. How have you sort of, yeah, found it taking that leap? I've given myself until at the end of the year to do it and to kind of make head, like, and to get some traction there.

and if I haven't then yes I will I will go back and get a kind of proper job financially I've got enough money to get me to the end of the year so that's obviously incredibly lucky and privileged position to be in and that has given me a lot of kind of breathing space to do it the thing that I found the hardest is it's actually quite lonely like I'm an extrovert I love being with people like I've always worked in sales so that's very much like with a with a team and then obviously speaking to customers and clients. And then so to go to it just being me has been quite difficult. So in saying that, I am now looking for a co-founder. So I'm very much on kind of sales, marketing, ideas, in best relations, that kind of side of things. I would love to have someone who's more kind of operational, maybe potentially someone who's more kind of technical,

but you can always get someone to build the app. It doesn't need to be someone who's like an engineer, but someone who's got a background in like operation and some finance, etc. would kind of complement me really well. So that's where I am at the moment, kind of looking for someone because I think doing this on my own is going to get pretty boring.

Yeah, that's such an important, like, reflection and insight. I'm sure other founders out there can probably relate to that. Especially when you say you've transitioned from spending over 10 years working in an office environment and a team, suddenly being by yourself. I can imagine that is a big change. I think it is just also important as well in everything you do to realise what you're good at and what someone else will be substantially better at than you. I've been able to have those skill sets complemented. Yeah, yeah, definitely. Oh, well, I hope the search for your co-founder.

goes well, that'll be like the big, exciting next step, I suppose, in this journey with the app. If anyone's listening and keen, then send you an email or find me on TikTok. Yes, I'll link your TikTok in the show notes. And on that, you talk a lot in your videos as well about, like you say, the motivation behind the app. Also, you've got some fantastic dating stories from your dating past. Are you dating on the apps at the moment? And how's that going? I'm attempting to. It's challenging. I don't know as well also because I'm now based in Glasgow rather than London.

Obviously the pool of people is just smaller because there are less people up here. But yeah, I am finding it kind of challenging to meet people, almost actually to move out of that kind of chat function side of things. Like there's a guy that I've been speaking to for like two or three days. I'm just like, we're going to go on a date and do something. Fiona, I thought you were going to say two or three weeks. Days is like, nothing. I just can't be bothered with it.

I'm much more like, like, okay, let's actually see if there's something here. The time investment that you spend, I actually, this is something that I actually made a TikTok on about like when you give someone your number that you've met, well, that you conversed with on a dating app. And then you spend like a week messaging them and you find out so much about them. and then you meet up with them and you don't like them but you've been their kind of emotional support for once a better phrase for like the last one or two weeks finding all about like their routine

and like they're meeting up with their friends and then going home to see their mum and it's just like why why are we doing that? No literally it's the male loneliness epidemic and I think some men they are looking for a pen pal And they are looking for someone to, because women, you know, I think a lot of us, good listeners, we're polite, we do show an interest. Do they ask questions back? Occasionally. But, you know, I think they like someone being interested in their life. Certainly, certainly. And it's something that I just do not give my number out and there's no need to. You've got, you've got hinge.

And I said this to someone, and he was like, well, I'm not going to be able to meet you for three weeks. And I was like, well, I'm not going to speak to you for three weeks. Yeah. I had this a lot. I get, oh, I'm actually in a business trip right now. And I when I messes the video and I say, look, contact me when you're back in London and we'll go from there. Yeah, because they're sat in hotel and Budapest, bored. Yeah.

And do you know what? Nine times out of ten, they do not contact me. Because at that point, they've constantly been on him, chatting, chat and chatting, chat and chat and chatting. and they'll go to one of those people and I say, fine, good luck to them but I'm not going to message someone for three weeks and we may or may not go on a date. 100%.

But saying that I have actually been there, now I think about it, I think there's a guy I have messaging on hinge and it probably has been three weeks and only recently he's made very vague attempts at planning a date. He messaged to say like, oh, I could do a coffee on Sunday afternoon

of you're around. There's not even any of her options just Sunday afternoon and a coffee and I just thought no. You don't like a coffee day do you? I know I know but because of our chat I actually did on this occasion I said okay because you said I'll come to where you're based for a coffee I said okay fine it's been all these weeks let's just get everyone done with he then goes back to me oh actually I'm not free on Sunday anymore i've got a tennis match and hasn't suggested any other times so i say at this point i i'm done

i'm done oh god i would i would be like give me like give me a date plan a date yes also i think the man should plan the first date yes absolutely again i have one thing so i've got this but i do i genuinely do and i think they should come to your area as well and they should plan, they should plan something. I'm not saying they need to pay for everything. I'm not saying it needs to be, you know, drinks at the ritz or something like that. Going on a coffee day, I don't think is the worst thing. Like, I think if you are meeting and people, like, if you're going on like a date a week, going out for dinner, going out for drinks does become quite expensive. So to actually go for like a coffee and a walk on a weekend, I think it's absolutely

fine as a first date. But I do think it is for them to come to you and for them to plan something. And that's not like a kind of equality, you know, anti-feminist kind of prope sort of rubbish. I think it's just because we want to be treated well. We want to see that you've got some interest. And frankly, if you don't like it, that's absolutely fine. But in doing it, I'm maximizing your chances. So it's not that hard. Yeah, absolutely. And I don't know, I've realized I am type A and in my life, I am the carer and the provider

for a lot of people. And in a relationship, I want to be cared for and looked after. I want a man that in our relationship he is going to be planning dates for us. So, yeah, in the initial dating stage, he should be showing that he knows how to take care of you and that he knows how to make you feel special and plan dates. So that is what I'm looking for. Yeah. And this as well is what I've seen such a backlash from, from men being like, oh, but you want equality. And it's like, but wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, yes, I do want equality, but in no other part of life, of men in general, affording.

women equality apart from when they demand it in dating and I said to you

I reckon the men who are demanding that are exactly the who go well you

want equality are exactly the same men who don't want the women's football

on the TV you know and it is very much that equality has to be in dating because that's

that's what feminism is and it's that's not it's not it's not and it's also as well if this relationship is going to progress and you're going to get married you're going to

have kids you're going to there is so much so many studies so much research that shows that women do disproportionately more with regards looking after children and just generally in the home and you're saying about you being a kind of type A person being very caring and looking after people and be the planner I don't think that's particularly unique of women I think that majority. Yeah. So actually, yes, having someone who's not going to be a burden to you would be lovely. And again, it comes back to a point if you don't like it, fine, but I'm not going to date you.

And that's my choice. Precisely. And that's my outlook on it, actually, is the fact that there are plenty of men who have got the memo and who know how to plan a date and, you know, they know dating escut. So therefore, it's fine. The ones that are not doing that, I'm sure there's a chill girl out there for them that will love that, but that's not me. So that's absolutely. My mum says there's a lid for every pot. So there's someone out there for everyone.

Yeah, yeah. No, I agree. And I just really think this equality message has just become twisted, actually. and it's become weaponised actually against women when actually we're talking about equality and feminism in a sense that we will get paid the same but we don't want to get murdered statistically more likely to get murdered by our partners

you know that we want to be able to walk home safely we want to be able to go for a run at 8pm those sorts of things that's where we want equality and I don't think that's too much to ask for and I don't think it should be misconstrued with but I want you to plan a date and to show effort and to show that you care and show that you're invested. Yeah, absolutely. And like when we talk about equality and if we are going to talk about finances, women, by this point, we've spent a lot on hair, makeup, just in our

lives in general and then to get to the date, that's more time, energy and money. And like you say, then you think, I've got to get any of the homes to be safe. So we're already. spending more so therefore if the man choose kindly offers to pay for the meal or the drinks it balances out and therefore it is equal yeah that's my theory I completely agree and again there will be women listening to this who are like well I pay for everything I like to be 50 50 so fine

I don't want to do that I don't want to do that and then also men should be investing in this because again there are numerous, numerous studies that show if men are married, they are more like, they are likely to live longer. They are likely to be happier than men who are not. Women die earlier than single unmarried women. So there is a huge investment, a huge positive outcome for men who are in relationships. So if you want to be in one, buy around.

Slogan. That'll be, I think that can be part of your podcast, not podcast, part of your app, dating etiquette, actually gives tips to the men on there. Well, they do not, they do not like any suggestions is what I've found. Interesting. But again, it's, well, it's absolutely not all men. It's a very small minority who'd like to shout. Yeah, but I wonder on TikTok if the algorithm has been feeding your content to, these angry men because TikTok knows, right, these men, that these accounts must be commenting on women's videos all the times, right, like saying things. So they're like, oh, great, we found another person talking about, you know, feminism and dating. And that's why they're

getting fed for your content. It's not actually going to the really cool men who would be interested in joining your dating app yet. Yeah. And do you know what? Absolutely fine, Because them commenting, calling me a witch, them sharing it with their mates, going another dirty feminists, it all builds engagement. So hate watch, absolutely fine with it. Yeah, absolutely. You know, it's good. I think, and you're really good at clapping back as well, responding to the comments. So I think almost I need to rein that in a little bit.

Yeah. It's so funny. I don't want to come across as a keyboard warrior. because I'd happily say it to someone's face, but I'm like, was that maybe a bit too far? I don't think so. They had the balls and the nerve to comment on your content. And also I think, yeah, I don't think it's gone too far at all.

I just think they're probably not used to hearing a reply. And I think, like you say, online is important to share these things and to share your opinion. Like you say, it doesn't have to be this tearing someone down kind of thing all the time but it's just saying the truth of a little bit of sass which we will enjoy but now I usually do share some dating stories but I feel like we're running out of time so maybe if it's okay of you we could share dating stories on another episode maybe and we could tackle some dilemmas yeah I'm looking forward to this but okay first dilemma coming

up looking for your thoughts on this one as well, Fiona. Okay, hey, S-jam. I've been on two dates with someone and we've planned to go on a third date. They make me laugh. They're kind, considerate and consistent. However, neither one of us has made a move. What should I do? How should I approach this? We're both shy. Like, what do we do if we've not kissed yet on dates one and two? Thoughts? Do it. Yeah. Date three. I don't know, like, if, I would just go for it. It depends what your date is going to be as well. You know, if you're sat there having dinner, like, don't launch at him over the starters.

But, yeah, I think there's nothing wrong with, kind of if you're, like, walking to the train station or something, and it's weird quite just kind of turning around and giving him a bit of a peck. I think if it's something that you want, then why would you not take control or it happen. I know quite quickly after that if it's going anywhere or not. Yeah, I would say that's probably my advice. I'm a big believer if you want something in life, go and get it. And if you want to kiss this guy, bloody kiss him. I love that. And yet I feel like I need more information from this person because I feel like a lot of the times when a date, the first kiss might come at the end of the date, just saying goodbye. So out of the end of the dates thus far, presumably

leave with a hug. But then I feel like a hug that could even transition into a kiss if there's a little like moment between both of you. Yeah, you could like give him a hug. If that's what's happened before, you can give him a hug and just kind of hold his hand and like kind of pull him into you a little bit and give him a little kiss. Yeah. And then seeing where it goes, I think if you want it, make it happen. I think that's it. And I think I need to also know how much touch there's been this far in general. I think I do think it can be a bit weird sometimes to launch him for a kiss when there's been no touch whatsoever. Like on a date, you probably need to try and have little touches. Like you say, holding a hand, raising his arm, you know, some sort of contact

and then, you know, presumably there's a moment where you're looking at him and you think I want to kiss him. I think another good way is sort of look at his eyes, look at his mouth and like do that a few times and then like he'll get the vibe that you're thinking about kissing yeah i've heard that before actually yeah and like you said with kind of little bits of touch like if you're kind of laughing at something then kind of a little like hitting his arm like oh ha ha that's so funny or something do you know what i mean like those kind of little little bits of touch to then build up to it but fundamentally if you want it go get it go yeah and i would say you can't let it go on any longer like for me personally I think it's going to get a bit weird like if you've not kissed

after date three like the longer you put it off the weirder it's going to get and I would question even like I'd be literally panicking if by the third date I've not kissed someone I'd feel like well that's it like why haven't we kissed yet I don't think I want to see them again yeah but like they said they're both shy so you know go go on this date and just pluck up their courage and and make it happen. Yeah. Have a couple of funnics. Yeah.

And I'll say good luck. Like you found someone who's kind, considerate and consistent. So that's really promising. Enjoy dating them. And yeah, make the move. Let us know how it goes. Okay.

Next dilemma. Right. Okay. Really looking for some advice and your honest opinion here. I'm 28. I've got a master's. I work.

out and I feel that I'm above average looking. However, I'm so unlucky in love. I've never had a proper boyfriend that's loved me all the way. My last relationship was long distance, so we didn't see each other too much. I've mostly met men abroad or when I've met people if they've been visiting my country, so it's just been like a lower effort vibe and they've not prioritised me. what am I doing wrong I feel so defeated I don't get approached when I go out in real life

I really want a relationship I just want to be loved and to love someone please give me any advice oh I know well I think that comes back quite a lot to what we were saying

you know kind of approaching people when you're out is hard you know right I think she sounds you know she's from her perspective She's obviously very intelligent, good looking, wanting something. And I think this is something that's actually quite difficult as well for high achieving women. And I speak myself as well in this.

It's like, right, okay, I've got the degrees, I've got the good job, like I work out, I look after myself, I've got a great group of friends. Why can't I get this thing? Like, I've got my promotions, I've got my degrees and everything, but I can't seem to get love. and it becomes incredibly frustrating. And I would say with that, the most important thing to be is kind of kind on yourself. You know, I feel like this a lot. Like I said to you, I really want to have kids. And I'm 32, about 1033.

And I'm like, God, is the we're always told like the clock's ticking and, you know, is this going to be it? And is it not going to happen for me? And it's something so far out of your control. So I think with that, the most important thing is to be kind. and again kind of the advice to the to the first person if you want something in life try your best to make it happen so yeah the dating apps I think obviously do need innovation but I think you've got to use what we've got at the moment and try and make something happen I think that kind of advice of oh when you're not looking it will come

along bollocks I'm not I'm not like if like activity breeds activity so Get yourself out there. Try and meet people. Try and meet people through friends as well. Go to party, say yes to everything and see where it takes you. But ultimately, this was some good advice that I got. Like live the life that you want to have at the moment and someone else be doing that as well and then they will come across your path. Yeah, that is such great advice. And I'd say as well, kind of echoing what you said, there is nothing wrong with you. I promise that. I can, you know, I hear. from your message, you're starting to doubt yourself now and thinking, oh, what's wrong with me? Why haven't I had a boyfriend? It's nothing to do with you. It's absolute pure luck. You know, some people, you know, meet their person younger. Some people older. I will say there's people, they're older than you as well that I've never had a proper relationship. Like, you are not alone and it's nothing to do with your character. It's not to do with anything being deficit within you, it is just the way that life has gone so far. Okay. You absolutely will

have, I think, that sort of romantic love and a serious relationship in your future. And remember that you did have that long distance relationship that I know what you're saying is a little bit different. You didn't get to see each other too much. But yeah, remind yourself like you are worthy of love and a relationship. That's what you want and it will happen. Men out there some of them, they will try to get something casual with you and, you know, that that's part of it. Be mindful of that. You don't have to accept that. If they want something casual with you, as many men do, that will keep happening.

But you keep your standards high. You know what you're looking for. And there will be someone out there that matches your vibe and that wants a relationship with you as well. So, yeah, be kind to yourself. And I also recommend, not because you're necessarily going to meet someone while solo travelling, whilst solo travelling, but a solo trip recommend as well. Like, this has worked out for me anyway. When you're feeling a bit in a funk in life, it can get your mojo back just to do something really exciting, doing something just for you. It's going to boost your confidence.

And yeah, I'll say anything you can do is going to boost your confidence. get yourself feeling good about yourself and yeah that you will meet someone keep at it the only thing that I would add to that as well and I think that's really good advice is to not look at other people

because I think comparison is the thief of joy and the example that I would co-use in this when I was between 28 and 30 I was living in London with two of my friends in a house and we were having the absolute best time like we named our house the house of Huns like we were having a great time And then on Instagram we would have our stories of like, you know, Tuesday wine nights, like having, like we were having a ball.

We really were. And then our friends back home were at the same age as us. And they would have, you know, a partner, a child like knee deep in nappies and sleepless nights looking at us going, Jesus, I wish I was having as much fun as them. But then we would be also sat there on him, just wipe the way, going, I'm. really want to be with someone. So the grass always seems greener on the other side, but enjoy what you're doing just now because I guarantee you in kind of 10 years time, you will be with someone who is pissing you off and you've got two days as well. And you'll think, oh, I wish I just really enjoyed that time when I was 28 and just really accepted who I

was and was really happy with that. So again, it comes back to live the life that you want to live at the moment and someone will come into that space. Yes, that story you told illustrates it so well. And my version of that, I suppose, is perspective. Perspective is everything. So just appreciate the phase of life you're in now. Yes, you want a partner and yes, you will find him. Keep your standards high.

But in the meanwhile, as you were saying for your internet, what can you do that you enjoy? Like, what hobbies can you get out there and do? exactly what you're saying, live the life you want and you keep, I think, you can fall into the narrative of, oh, what's wrong with me? Why haven't, why haven't I got a partner? It's not because there's anything wrong with you. It's just, it's like self-sabage. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. So yeah, stay strong, girly. We are there with you, like, as, this is why I created the podcast, Help I Swiped Right, because dating right now in this modern world, it is,

is a wild ride. Like, it is not easy. So, yeah, absolutely, as we've both said, be kind to yourself. Okay. I think we'll end the episode there. Thank you so much for coming on this week, Fiona. I love chatting with you. We have to do this again. Yeah, definitely. Once we've got something a bit more concrete that's not just 10 weeks of. Yeah, we'd love to get you one again. And obviously we've got our fair share of dating stories to swap as well. So we will do another round. But that's all for today. Thank you for listening to today's episode.

Please leave a review if you've enjoyed the pod. Reminded that if I get to 50 five-star ratings on Spotify, I'll be giving you guys a full tour of my hinge profiles. If anyone nosy out there, you will enjoy that. Remember to send your dating dilemmas to help I swipe dry. at gmail.com or DM me on Instagram, help I swiped right. Thanks so much for listening and I'll see you next Sunday.