Help I Swiped Right - Help! I'm Now a Lesbian

Episode Date: September 7, 2025

Hello Swipers,I am so pleased to be welcoming my second guest to the podcast. This week I am joined by DJ Joy to the World! Joy is a DJ and radio producer...and also one of my best friends! We discuss Joy's experience of the lesbian dating scene in London, the differences that she has found in dating men and women, and discuss if you can ever be friends with an ex.We also talk about Joy's experience of going on the dating show Up Your Street which is available to watch on Youtube, TiKTok and Instagram.If you enjoyed Joy's guest appearance and want to hear more from her, then you can check her out on Instagram and TikTok @DJJoyToTheWorld Remember to send me your dating dilemmas and I'll answer them in a future episode. Happy listening!Lots of love,SJam

Hello and welcome to another episode of Help I Swiped Right. Every week I'll be exploring the highs and lows on modern-day dating culture, sharing fun stories for my dating path and answering your dating questions and dilemmas. There'll be new episodes every Sunday, so please do subscribe so that you get the latest episodes as soon as they come out. As is a new podcast, I would love your thoughts and feedback. I'd really appreciate it if you can leave a review of the podcast if you're enjoying it, or email your suggestions for improvements to help you. I swiped right at gmail.com. I'd love to hear from you. I'm also on social media at

Help I Swiped Right. So follow along with Instagram and TikTok for more content. This week, I'm joined by a very special guest, my second guest on the podcast. I am so excited to be recording this episode. I've got some help, some advice, some wisdom from my amazing friend, DJ Joy to the World to give you a whole thing. Hello, hello. Awesome joy. Thank you. I'm so excited to be. I'm actually quite nervous. I think so I'm about to spill the beans on my whole lesbian journey thus far. Yeah, it's a lot. We've got a lot to dive into. We do. We do. So, yeah, for everyone listening, Joy is a DJ and radio producer who works at the BBC. And I've seen Joy's DJ sets just, yeah, loads of times. It's the best time we go out. She's an incredible DJ. So go and check her out. DJ Joy to the World on Instagram and TikTok.

How's your week been? My week has been good. My sister's getting married next weekend. So I've been busy preparing for that. Family has started flying in. So just trying to liaise with them, making sure they've got everything. So trying to do that with work has been quite busy. But apart from that, just been spending time with my babes, being waited on, having

made, having food made for me. It's been good. Unreal. So yeah, Joy is recently booed up. I am recently booed up. For the last 11 weeks I've been booed up and that's 11 weeks of knowing this person. And basically as soon as we met

we were booed up. And it's just been not even, no, roadicast is not the right word. It's been a whirlwind. It's been a tornado but in a very positive way and a tornado that just stays forever, I'm hoping. Yeah, let's talk about that, actually. I think the listeners all want to hear,

because of this podcast is about dating, so about the apps. You have been on the apps. Yeah. I actually met your current girlfriend in real life. Yeah. Talk to us about your journey of sort of being single. How long are you single for?

Before my current partner. Yeah. Since November. But even then... It was only a situation ship for a couple of months because this person, we met online. I think for the longest time, I always thought I'm only going to meet my partner online. I kind of lost hope with trying to find someone in real life. So, yeah, I was on the dating apps for ages, often on over the years, on the dating apps.

Met someone last September. And I remember me and you being in Cyprus when I first started speaking to this girl. and that was for a couple of months we never really decided what it was we're just dating she looked kind of far away I'm pretty sure with this girl I was a rebound

and I say that because she had recently got out of a nine, ten year relationship a few months prior to us meeting and there were still things left in the house from the ex

that is crazy what kind of things were left There was, like, the ugliest wine glass I've seen in my life left in the cupboard with her, with the ex's initial on it. That's, that's crazy. That's weird. Why? Like, she had taken everything else apart from this wine glass. So why did the girl that I was dating not throw it away?

Yeah, Joy, I didn't even think it was a rebound. I think she was obviously, as we talked about, still in, she was not over her ex. Right. She's been a rebound at this point. Like, she is not over it at all. so it's not even a rebound until... I don't know, maybe... But what you say, like, she just was still...

I don't know if it's either in love with her ex or... Well, she said that the relationship was over for, like, the past year, but she didn't move out until April. But that's what she said. Like, you're still living with each other. You're still in a relationship, even though it feels over. You're still in each other's lives. I think up until she's moved out and you've cut contact,

that is when the breakup happens. Yeah, agreed. And it's like they were together for such a long time. You need time to get over that. You're not going to immediately be like, oh, yeah, I'm ready to like dive in. Exactly. Exactly. Yeah.

And I just kind of feel a bit angry at myself or letting myself get into that situation knowing that I was going to be a rebound or whatever. She's not over her ex. Oh, I've been there. But like, yeah, once you're in it, like, what, you just get lost in it? It's horrific. I've, obviously, you know about. the divorcee that I dated

who actually was still married but you know technically the divorce papers had been filed but he was still living in the formal marital home as if she had moved out but he lived for so obviously oh it wasn't good choice it's messy it's messy

why I did it why was this guy dating when he was going through a divorce yeah he's just adding to his own stress I know and I think the cherry on the cake was when he cried on one of our dates about talking about his ex slash current wife Was he drunk? Yeah

they're both quite drunk and I was then like consoling him like about it was awful no and I look back and I'm like why on earth did I keep dating him exactly why was that not the last date he was not ready but the thing is just what men do they always say all the right things oh i'm over it i really want someone serious but i should have listened to his actions which was this man is not ready for anything

serious at all he kept saying oh i had therapy um i've processed it i've gone on a real long journey with it do do do no no all shouldn't and i i i can understand how he was better than what he was because he was telling me oh like before you should have seen me did it okay that's fine you'd come away yeah but you're still not ready and yeah it sucks I felt really crap

when things didn't work out with that guy how long were you seeing him for? Not long until like a month for six weeks I know okay I mean in lesbian time that's quite a long time so six weeks is a decent chunk of time yeah

yeah it's It gets to that point, isn't it? We're like, are we going to like go in something all serious? Yeah, yeah. He obviously wanted to be in that, in a certain place, but he mentally wasn't there yet. No, and probably still living in, like,

the flat where he lives with his ex-part. Exactly. Like, he might not realise the impact that it has, but subconsciously that definitely has an impact, still being in that space with all those memories still attached. Yeah. Yeah, not the one. Humans are so flawed, though.

Humans are very flawed. Yeah, it's messy. No one's 100% perfect. No, no, no, definitely not. But yeah, so, but anyway, you did find love off the app. Yeah, yes. Now, this is, it does feel, this is actually one of the dilemmas I've got for my listeners, is like how do you meet men, how to meet guys.

This podcast, obviously, quite a lot of time. It's from a heterosexual perspective because I'm straight, that's my dating experience, but I'm so happy I've got you on this week to hear about the queer experience and, yeah, what it's like both on and off the apps in terms of dating. So I was dating men in most of my young adult life, and that was through the apps. So my first boyfriend, I met on Tinder. And then after we broke up, I carried on dating men from the apps. It wasn't working out.

Like, it would be a lot of first dates, second days, and then it just wouldn't, it would just fizzle out. or the guy would say he didn't like me or whatever, like, or I didn't like them. It just wasn't working with men. I was like, why? What is going on? And then it wasn't until I started DJing and meeting lesbians in rural life. I think, now looking back, I think I knew I was gay my whole life. Like, since I was young, I have been obsessed with women.

I've always been in awe of women. And I've always been obsessed with boobs. I've always loved boobs. So I should have known I should have known when I was looking at those Avon books I was looking at the lingerie section and admiring the boobs I should have known

I should have just accepted it but I think maybe Avon books Not the Avon books Looking at the Laundry Yeah listeners I love to hear as well Yeah how what was that moment

You realised you were queer And obviously if you're looking back You're like It was that It was this It's the aim of us, 100%. And I think growing up, I just denied that about me for so long. And then when I turned like 18, 19, I started dating men.

I was like, oh, yeah, I actually do quite fancy men. And then with my boyfriend, I think towards the end of my, I was with my boyfriend for three years. And towards the end of that, I think I was like, oh, I think I'm actually bisexual. But then started dating, carried on dating men. And then lockdown happened, started DJing. And I met my first girlfriend through this radio show that I was working on. And we were together for two years. It was generally a positive relationship.

I mean, it was a sexless relationship for the most part. Well, not even. Like from two, three months in, it was pretty much sexless. Yeah, which I threw in my mind when we spoke about that. I don't really get like the concept. Crazy. Yeah, I do think about like how did I deal with two years of. it being a sexist relationship

but then she gave me and she gave a lot to me in other ways like I learned how to communicate in a much better way I learned how to be understanding so I learned a lot from her and she is a big part of why I am why I am today in terms of my career

like she helped me out so much with my career like I've got a lot to be thankful for but in terms of relationship wise we were not compatible we should probably shouldn't have no actually maybe two years was the right amount of time I think maybe we broke up at the right time. It's hard because you're in love and there's so much, yeah, love and romantic feelings there.

It's really difficult when, yeah, you're not really vibing sexually. Yeah, and especially when they're a nice person, it makes it a lot harder. But we're really good friends to this date, which I'm really happy about. Like, if I ever need doggy care, like I can call her and rely on her.

Because you're a dog, mom. Yes, it's my meat, to my little sabi. So I'm glad that we've managed. And that's such a, that's another thing in the lesbian community. A lot of us are friends with our exes, which straight people. It really is mind-boggling for them. I am not in touch with any of my exes, let alone friends. I think, as we've spoke about before, like, there are a couple of exes that I wouldn't mind being friends with.

but I feel like they don't want to so like I respected that but from my side when I don't have any feelings anymore it genuinely doesn't want me to be friends but I don't know I think well as I discovered talking about the Ibiza episode

I feel like I don't know how to make male friends in general so let alone being friends of my ex really well that guy in Ibha I thought it was just friends it was a date. So I was talking about it to another friend as well and they said to me

oh, from a man's side if they're talking to a girl they will always see it as they want to date you like from their side it's never going to be friendly but I'm like, is that the case? Yeah, how on earth do I know chatting someone? Like is it just friends?

Is it a day? Yes, I think it's a case of like picking up on subtle signs. Yeah, and to me there were none from the other guy on my side. It was, there was not an ounce of flirting. Yeah, yeah. That's where the lives become blurred and it gets so confusing, right? Yeah. Like, you know when someone's flirting with you and they might be complimenting you or teasing you or touching your arm. Yeah, something like that. But there was nothing with this guy, which is why, and obviously Joy, you know, you're with me and Ibiza. We met, we were chatting to loads of people, girls and guys, and, like, couple.

And it was all, like, just friendship. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it was all friendly. Apart from the Swedish guys, I feel like that might have been a bit flirty. That was flirty. Like, they did invite us to their villa. So, yeah, it was flirty. And, yeah, we didn't go.

Nothing happened, really, with them. But, oh, yeah, it's all come back to me that. Yeah, we were done with them at O Beach, weren't we? Yeah, it was so much fun. Again, it was not creepy, flirty. This is also why Beeper's the best place. Nothing, well, that obviously are creepy people ever in this world. But on this holiday, everyone we met, it was just good vibes.

Yeah, yeah. No one came across as creepy or sleazy. It was trying too much. Yeah. I forgot about that. Yeah, those guys in O Beach, they were a bit flirty. But it was so subtle. It wasn't crazy.

I don't actually remember any of them, like, giving compliments or being overt. 30 or anything like it was just just like a fun vibe yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah the guys are really nice there gave them the podcast so I hope they're listening yeah hi that out to you guys you're fun I reckon the girl might you know the girl that we met um who got engaged I reckon she would be listening do remember her name yeah we do but I don't know if we should say it well I don't know if she wants to be oh yeah of course I love the girl who got engaged in Ibitha yeah we love you we love you yeah okay where do we go up to

we're talking about you had this first relationship it was two years but you're still very good friends and we're just like yeah we think in straight relationships when it ends I don't know why shout me out it's actually a very good big topic

are you friends of any of your exes I'd love to hear from the listeners as well let me know I'll put a box up on Instagram yeah how do you stay friends with an ex and, yeah, is that healthy? People have got different perspectives. I think a lot of my friends have told me, no,

like, it's not healthy to be friends with an ex, but I think you're right, it is different in the gay world. It is, and I don't know why it is so different in the gay world. Yeah, I think I need to research done. You think part of it is, like, community as well. Like, obviously, you're going to keep seeing each other, like, at queer events. Yeah, yeah. I think it's the same in, like, the mate for gay men as well.

Yeah. you kind of end up no there's a scene there's a scene the gay scene yeah it's all going to be like friends of friends yeah yeah that's true what you want to keep it on like good term yeah yeah i think that is part of it yeah because we're it's a smaller community with us so more likely to be in the same friendship group for example or just you run into the same you run you go to the same events you're going to run into them yeah so i think that's probably what it is but i think also with girls we build a really strong foundation with each other on a friendship level two.

So I think a lot of the time we want to keep that. Yeah. Let's think when I look back at an ex that you know I'm thinking about right now, we had a really strong friendship. True. So from my side, I would like to be friends. And that doesn't mean talking to other all the time, but I genuinely wouldn't mind just speaking like everyone out there.

that wouldn't bother me or make me upset or make me miss the relationship. I'll just be like, sweet, like, good to him, you and good to him as well. And that's been, what, a year and you still wish you could have had a friendship with them, right? In ages, for it's been. And it's a shame, I wish he was on the same page. Yeah, I know. Because you guys got along really well. Yeah.

But that's, it's all good, like you say, like, I think maybe it is different in catch-such, relationships but yeah all my straight guys and girls let me know are you friends of an ex and how does it work and do you have any tips or yeah that friendship and what happens when you meet someone new is it awkward we'd love to know maybe with lesbians also it's different because with us we have so many girlfriends yeah whereas we don't have as many guy friends so we're not used to that dynamic of being friends yeah with the opposite sex whereas with lesbians we're used to having platonic female friendships anyway. So then to have a platonic friendship with an ex

is more normal because we're used to that dynamic of having female friends anyway, if that makes sense. It does. And do you know what? I would love to have more male friends that aren't my exes. Like just in general. In general, yeah. I've always struggled of making male friendships

and I literally don't know why. I definitely click better with girls. Do you find, do you struggle with your interactions, with platonic male friends? It just hasn't happened. I really don't have many, if any, male friends. And a lot of my male friends, they're just the partners of my friends, right? Fine, yeah.

I've not got like a separate male friend. And going back to this accidental date thing, the one I had an Ibha's not been the first time, there's been times in the past as well where I've met people like at work like part-time jobs at union stuff I remember this guy was like let's get coffee and I was like yeah like let's again as friends in my head but no in his case it was it was a date I feel like whenever I thought like I have been friends of a guy they've then tried to date me so it's never worked out so it's happened to you more than once now oh yeah this thing

that's why I thought I can't live there's something to me again and I've passed this when I was younger It happened to me a few times. So I remember two distinct occasions where I thought I was just, it was friends. Like we were friends and then they asked me out on a date, but I didn't realize I asked me out of a date. I think going forward, if a straight man asks you to go for a solo meet, you need to assume it's a date. Even coffee or lunch. Because in my head, coffee and lunch are so like casual and friendship-y. If they're like, let's get dinner, just us two, that's a little dainty.

That's even why I'm a beefer It was literally a lunch So I just thought Yeah, that's casual Like No, I think lunch and coffee Lunch and all coffee is still Them trying to be a bit romantic

I play it cool They're trying to play it cool Yeah They don't want to jump to being too cool Didn't realize Yeah I was on the date Yeah, you're like shit

This is a date Well yeah Because I was like Why did you keep trying to pay for everything That's what you look Oh dear Yeah I think now you know

Now you've got enough experience is yeah where it's been the same thing you know for next time yeah for sure we live and learn um which actually that's something i've always wondered about same but different when you're out and you're in a bar that's you know it's not a gay bar and you see someone that you think's cute what is your gay doll like like how do you put the vibes out of establishing if you're just talking as friends or if they're gay too oh my goodness I think I've got a really good gay d'ar anyway. Yeah.

And if it turns out that person is straight, I'm like, well, they're just in the closet anyway. They just don't realize themselves that they're gay. I'm so convinced that they're just not out. Like, I just know that they're gay. So I think my gay does pretty good. But have I... Yeah, I guess with my first partner, it was kind of like that.

But then I think with my girls, they always look very gay. So it's easy to spot them. Yeah, because what you're attracted to, your type. Yeah. And I think they always know that I'm hitting on them because I think I'm quite forward. Yeah. So I don't think I've never really had like an issue with trying to gauge with, do they like me, do I like them?

Yeah. I remember I've been out with you to queer events and girls that come up to me. I remember one, they'll just came up to me and just said, you're straight, aren't you? And I was like, no way. Yeah, spend your idea. What? I was like, yeah, I am. How can they just assume?

Because we look as straight as each other. Yeah, it must have been my aura, my vibe. And like, you say, hey, not. Like, people just pick up on the vibe. Yeah, maybe. And then I felt like, oh my God, should I be here? Because obviously, it's a career event. Yeah, anyway, I think she's a little bit.

It's hard, isn't it? Some, I get it. The event, the one I'm thinking of, that it was in White City. Yeah. People have gone there to meet people. And I did see a lot of people getting off of each other. It was like a school disco. Yeah, go for it, girl.

But I get it. I'm ruining the vibes there because I'm not really available. But obviously I was there to support you. Yeah. I think that's fine. You're an ally. Yeah. And not everyone there is going to be single or like looking for something.

So it's not like you're taking up space. Yeah. And I was just finding vibes. I was dancing my art song. Exactly, and you're buying drinks. You're open to speaking to people. Not everything has to end with a fuck or a kiss. Exactly, exactly.

I met some cool people there. So I don't think you need to worry about like taking up space because the most important thing is that you're an ally, an active ally. Oh, thanks, girl. And you're contributing to, you're giving money to the community by buying tickets, buying drinks. Spreading the word. Spreading the word.

Exactly. Exactly. But there's definitely a lot of differences. between dating men and women but maybe that's because I am now a lesbian like I started off thinking I was bisexual and as time went on I was like nope definitely a lesbian

but with dating guys I just feel like it's so bland okay so yeah let's talk about the differences between dating men and women yeah what have you found the similarities and differences to be there are a lot of differences between dating men and women

I'm obviously going to be biased and say that dating women is a lot better and I recommend to everyone that they should at least try dating a woman to see what it's like. Did I try, really? Yeah, you should do it. But the thing is, so actually, as an aside, something else we can talk about was when you filmed your reality dating show, what's the show called? It's called Up Your Street.

Up Your Street. Yeah, it's on YouTube, it's on something. socials. Yeah, where we post it on help I swiped right, Insta. That was fun, but it's filmed quite a while ago, obviously, when you were single. Yeah. But the girl you were matched with said it was her first, yeah, experienced dating woman. So, yeah, how do you find that when you know that the other person is quite new to queer dating? Yeah, when she told me I was her first date with a woman, I was quite shocked. And I do think baby gays, a lot of them don't get given a chance. I think because maybe a lot of people want someone, I don't know, more experience or they just don't want to be seen

as though we are part of their experiment. They're trying to figure out whether they like women or not. So I think we are too harsh on baby gay sometimes. If I wasn't in a relationship with my first button for two years, like I might have struggled like getting into the gay scene. But because I, because my partner was open to me, she knew that I was a baby gay, knew that I hadn't been with a woman before. She was okay with it. So she just let me explore it and find out for myself what I do and don't like. Whereas if she didn't do, like not many people would be okay with being with someone who's never been with a woman before. But I don't think I would be.

Yeah. I want to be with someone more experienced. Because I think I would feel like I'm their experiment, which I know is so wrong to think. but yeah I think I just want someone with more experience but then I do feel bad for the baby gays like that could have easily been me like struggling to go on a date with a woman had my first partner not been nice enough and open enough to her

exactly because I can see how let's say if I was going to date with someone and I'll be like oh I'm just exploring things I might be a bit like oh yeah aren't you sure about what you want kind of thing exactly but everyone should be given a chance but when she told me I was the first one I was the first girl that she's been on a date with I was a bit like I'm not too sure how I feel about that.

Yeah. But you know, when you were saying at the start, I've been on, I was going on like one or two dates with these guys from the out and I think it was really clicking or working. I'm like, oh my God, that's me. Yeah. And it's like, why? I think it's obviously the universe trying to tell us something.

I don't think the universe is trying to tell you that you're gay. I think you are very straight. Yeah. You've been my friend for a long time. I feel like you would know that. Hence my that girl came up to me in the bar and said, you're straight on. Yeah, you're like, yeah, fair enough. But I think with me, the universe is trying to tell me except your gayness.

Yeah. But for you, I think you need to figure out what the universe is trying to tell you. Yeah, no idea. If anyone could help me of that, let me know. I mean, I told you, I felt like yesterday, what, the message, sorry, not yesterday, a few weeks ago, whatever, I sort of had the realisation or the message, and that was the patient. if you wait for something

it's going to be the same anyway like you are going to get to what you want if you're just patient and if you're calm and if you wait and you feel in that moment a bit worried like am I wasting my time

is what I want going to come oh it was a bit annoying there's quite a few blocks in the way but actually I still got what I wanted and when I got there it was easy so anyway It sounds like I'm talking in code

I've got a specific thing in mind but I won't go into it but it feels like I experienced something outside of dating just in life when I asked that I wanted to have a sign and that's the sign that the universe gave me. People that don't

believe in this stuff are going to think of absolute rubbish and woo-woo land but it meant something to me yeah what's the universe trying to tell me about dating I don't know maybe it's not a about dating but they say obviously you learn a lot about yourself through going on dates and

meeting people and I mean obviously episode one I talked about how I'm in the 100 club I've been on over 100 first dates you mentioned you were on the apps before you know with dating both men and women so how many first dates do you reckon you've been on in your life I think probably maybe 20ish including men yeah yeah probably around 20 25 yeah definitely more actually I think it's equal I think it's now equal

no no no more men than women because I've only officially been out since 2021 so in four years I feel like I've achieved a lot in four years in terms of being a lesbian quite proud of myself but yeah I think about yeah about 25ish first dates

yeah I think it's a decent amount yeah and like you say they've all taught you something yeah especially in the apps, it's obviously quite scary to go and meet a stranger and just go and have to know them or whatever. So I think anyone who does that, whether it's a brutal experience at times, but anyone who has done that, because there's a lot of people out there who have never been on dating apps, okay? I envy those people.

Yeah. The ones that have, the survivors, it is as hard as it can be. Obviously, you grow from that. and you do learn a lot. Like you learn how to just chat to a stranger. And, you know, when we've been on terrible dates and it's SOS, get out of here, you still have to kind of work your way through that. So you learn skills.

You do, yeah, you do learn a lot of social skills. 100%. Yeah. 100%. But yeah, back to the differences on men and women, dating. What are some of the biggest differences do you think? I think there's a lot less game-playing when it comes to dating women. I think with women, we just want to go full throttle.

We want all the feelings, all the genuine feelings, and we just want to pour out our souls and our hearts to each other very soon. Whereas with men, I don't think you get that. It's a lot. It's just a bit, it's very slow. Everything's in very small steps. Communication sometimes lacks from one person or the other. There's more game playing, there's more playing it cool, there's more being coy, which I don't like, I like how it is with lesbians, how you just pour out everything that you have and you just want to love each other.

But then that comes with its negatives as well. That's how you get burnt. And I have been in that position where I've just rushed things and it's just exploded in my face. Yeah. But I think the issue more so was that person having a lot of mental health issues than being a controlling person. Because now me and my partner, we are basically at full throttle. But because she's the right person, it's easy and it's fun and it's right. Yeah.

Whereas, yeah, I think with men, just dating men, if I compare the two, dating men is very black and white and bland. and dating women is just so vibrant and colourful. That's a fun description. It is, isn't it? It sucks for me, though, doesn't it? But, yeah. I'm sorry, yes, but, like, I thought, like, a man's, what's that meme that I saw recently? A man's bare minimum.

No, a man's princess treatment is a lesbian's bare minimum. And that is so true. That is so true. It is so true. And you can actually even apply that to friendships at times. Like, you know, I've got my dilemmas for my listeners, and a lot of them are kind of like, my boyfriend's a bit rubbish, basically, is what I'm seeing. And yeah, women, we just really care about people in our lives and want to show that and appreciate that. So even if you're comparing the effort that female friends might make for like a friend's birthday, compared to some of these dead beat guys does not compare.

And I think we've both got friends who are in. relationships with men and we watch them and we were like, you know, yeah, what is this? What is this? What is this? But saying that I can't talk. Obviously I told you about a divorced guy who

what was I doing? Like, I was pitting myself through pain for no reason. But I get it. You just get lost in it because, I don't know, maybe you build up an idea of them in your head and you try and latch onto that and you think things might change. You give them the benefit of the doubt. Like, it's so easy to get.

lost in the source. Yeah, get wrapped up in it. You get wrapped up. Yeah, you get in the fields. And you can't blame yourself. Like, once you're out there, you're like, fuck, how could I be such an idiot? Yeah.

Oh, we're just human. We just want love at the end of the day. We just want something legit, and we try hard to find it. Yeah, you get excited. You're getting on with someone. There's an attraction there. There's a chemistry.

And I felt like I was really getting on with him. And so you just be like, oh, but I say that's exactly what you're, just said there about the game playing and the being coy and you don't always know where you stand. I hate that. I hate that. That seems to be a really common trend in straight

relationships, not knowing where you stand. Yeah. Which is very frustrating and exhausting. Yeah. Your mind must feel so clouded a lot of the time. It does. Sometimes there's, I remember of that guy and other guys I've dated where

dating them has literally given me anxiety. I feel anxious about when they're going to text. and etc. When it's done, even if they were disappointed, on the other hand, I still felt relief. I thought, thank God I don't feel anxious clouds been lifted from me. At least now I'm not worrying about do they like me or not. I just know where I am and I can just move on. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. So there's a lot of peace with being single as well. There's a lot of peace of being single. I do agree with that. Yeah. No one's stressing you out. No one's a dusty son or dusty daughter.

trying to stress you out. Yeah, amen. That's the phase I'm in at the moment anyway because, yeah, not dating at present. And do you feel better already? Yes and no. Yes and no. Yeah, it's a tricky one.

It's that feeling of, yeah, obviously, I do want a partner ultimately. I think that'd be a really nice thing to have in life. But like I said, I don't really have the energy to date. So where do we go from here? Yeah. I think once you settled into being single, because your last date was what, weeks ago, right?

Yeah. Yeah. So it's still pretty fresh. I think you need some time to settle into not dating. Yeah. And then I think it's going to bring you a lot of peace and happiness. Yeah. And then I think the right guy is just going to

stumble into your life. We're going to go on a night out and he's going to be there. We're going to meet in like a coffee shop or on holiday somewhere. Yeah. It's going to happen. I do actually kind of hope at night out, because I was saying, my dream would be to go to Ibiza, a partner, like a partner that loves to dance and party as well. And we saw couples out in Ibiza and I was like, oh my God, I would love to.

It's going to happen. I have no doubt that that is going to happen. Yeah. It's just a matter of time That's definitely going to happen Yeah Let's see And I'll be watching

I'll literally be like crying Once you find that This is what she's deserved Her whole life She's finally got it Yeah Thanks girl Well I'll keep it from posted

But I wonder now actually You can help me With some of the listener dilemmas Is that okay Yeah let's do it Let's have a look

Joy Let's see if you can help me Of this dilemma And so Hey S jam I just need some advice I met a guy during my summer season abroad whilst he was on a week's holiday

we spent four days inseparable and at the end of it we mutually said we both like each other and that I'll visit him when I'm back in the UK for context he's 29 owns a house in a nice car and lives five hours away I'm more flexible with my time

so I can make the trip to him I'm 21 and I still live at home so 21 59 that is an age gap since he left about three weeks ago with messaging non-stop it's great but i don't feel oh it's great but i don't think the emotional connection is quite right there we've got a lot of sexual chemistry when we're together but i never experienced this before even with a boyfriend how do i navigate this do i see him do i see if the spark is there and carry on the fun or do i end it saying as we're obviously in different life stages.

He sounds very smart and in tune with her feelings and emotions. Very emotionally intelligent for a 21-year-old. Yeah. Yeah, they're very impressed. They're very aware, like you said, they're thinking about, right. Yeah. We're in different life stages. They've acknowledged that.

I mean, I think holiday romances, you do get swept up in it. And part of it is the fact that you're on holiday. And it's very easy to end up, yeah, being inseparable. You just get swept up. So you'll know in your heart and in your gut if it is something more serious and if it is your person, it sounds like you've already said the emotional connection's not there. You're creating a sense of false intimacy because you're messaging nonstop. And it's that excitement and it's that, oh my God, I met someone.

And you can meet someone fun and you can meet someone exciting. But is that the love of your life? Is that worth driving five hours for? Maybe not. I don't know. But what are your thoughts, Joy? But maybe the emotional connection isn't there because they're just texting. They need to spend more time in real life.

Yeah. So maybe she's just getting bored of the texting dynamic and that's just making her feel a bit deflated and like, there's nothing more apart from me fanciing him and vice versa. Yeah, that could be it. I mean, what would you do? Going back to your 21-year-old self, living at home, you've met someone who's 29, they've got their own place and their own car and, um, but they're five hours away.

Yeah. So you have that, that's, but I just feel like all of these things, they're going to be life experiences for you. so I think she should go and see him once, twice, however many times and just see how it goes and if it doesn't work out then fine yeah that's a good point

if you do go and see him it'll be out of your head at least I think at the moment part of it is the excitement and the intrigue of oh my God is it going to work to do that it's a good point just bite the bullet meet up and just see how the vibe is

and maybe the vibe ends up being oh it's just fun or maybe the vibe ends up being we're in love and you'll go from there. Exactly. But I think they should start off by meeting halfway for the first couple or few times

or at least have him come to her. I think that's a safer bit. Less pressure for her that way. And especially because she's younger as well. Like a 21-year-old traveling five hours to meet a 29-year-old who she doesn't know. I think he needs to kind of reassure her that he's a decent man

and meet halfway the first couple of times or come to her. Yeah, but she lives with her. parents. Well, they can just go out for a meal or something. Yeah. They don't have to spend the night. True.

But yeah. I just think life is too short. As long as she's not getting like negative feelings, as in like she feels unsafe or thinks this guy's a creep, she should just go for it and just see how it goes. Yeah. And share your location. Share your location. Yeah.

Keep yourself safe. Tell your friends where you're going. Yeah. Have a backup plan. Like if you're not enjoying it, don't feel. feel obligated to stay there, like make sure you've got another option for like what you're going to do, which is actually, yeah, it's a good point. That's why he should come to you because you don't want to be somewhere. You don't know five hours away from home and you're not enjoying it.

Yeah, in an unfamiliar place. And I think she sounds like a really smart girl. So I think she is going to know how she's feeling after meeting maybe once, two, three times. So I think she just needs to reassure herself how she's feeling and she's only going to get that when she meets. needs them in person to get that clarity that she needs. I think so. Well, let us know how you get on anonymous listener. And whose advice you prefer? Let us know.

We're going to leave it there for today. Just one dilemma this week. But fear not, there'll be plenty more dilemmas. Next week, it's been so fun chatting with you, Joy. Thanks for coming on the podcast. We'll have to get in soon. Yeah, I'd love to. back. Thank you so much for having this jam. It's been a lot of fun. Yeah, we've got a lot more

to talk about. But thanks so much for listening. I hope you enjoyed today's episode with special guest, DJ Road to the World, on Instagram and TikTok, and give her a follow. And yeah, I hope you had a good week. And if you've got any queer, lesbian dilemmas that you need help with, feel free to message me. I am more than happy to help with my expertise. Or again, message to the podcast and Joy and I can answer those together. And if you're Yes. Even better idea. Do that.

Love it. Well, have a good week, guys, and I'll see you next Sunday.