Help I Swiped Right - Help...Do People Still Go Out on The Pull?

Episode Date: December 7, 2025

Girlies, Gays, Good Boys…Loyal ListenersThis week I am joined by my good friend DJ Joy to the World! We discuss…Is going out on the pull dead now?! How do Gen Zs date?Texting etiquette and messaging in early stages of datingIs 24 and 18 and ok age gap?If you loved this ep, check out Joy on Insta @DJJoyToTheWorldAnd don’t forget to leave a review of the podLots of love,SJAM

Hello and welcome to another episode of Help I Swiped Right. I'm your host, S. Jam, and this week I'm so pleased to be welcoming a special guest back to the podcast. Everyone loved this episode from season one. So super pleased to have the amazing DJ Joy to the World back on the pods. Welcome. Thank you. I'm so glad to be back. Thanks for having me. Yeah, thanks for coming on. Really enjoyed our chat last time. And I I think there's just so much more to talk about. So, yeah, how are you doing this week? I'm doing good.

Work's been busy, but good busy. Went to Grand Canaria with my girlfriend a couple weeks ago, which was dramatic. Won't get into it. But, yeah, it could have gone badly, but luckily I did not. So I'm grateful for everything. And then next week, I'm going to Germany for everything. I've had loads of holidays this year. This is the last holiday of the year.

Go to Germany to see my girlfriend's death for the first time, which I'm super excited about. Just looking forward to Christmas, looking forward to some time off at the end of the year. How about you? How was your week? Yeah, really good, really busy, but happy to be sat here in our view today

and just have a bit of a catch-up. Yeah. Yeah. So obviously in the episode in season one, we kind of explored already everything about your previous dating experiences and obviously now you're not dating anyone new because of your girlfriend.

So we haven't got any fresh dating stories from you at the moment. No. No, but that's okay. Because I'm wiped up. Yeah. I feel like you've got a good perspective on things. Anyway, so we can just chat about all things dating and you can help me up with some dilemmas.

Yeah. Something that I thought was that I wanted to talk about on the podcast is an article I saw recently. It said kind of why is no one going out on the pool anymore? And I saw that and I was like, yeah, she's bang on. People don't go out on the pool anymore. And they've wrote, the rise in dating apps and the decline in Britain's nightlife may have sounded the death now for this time.

on a tradition of finding a mate. Helen Coffey mourns the loss for a generation of single youngsters. I think it's true. Like, I was out recently and I thought to myself, oh, maybe I'll pull someone here. You know, I'm out in a club.

No, nothing. And the ratio was there was a lot more men than women there. So again, you'd think statistically, oh yeah, if we wanted to pull someone we could. I chatted to one guy briefly who, like, I could sense he just didn't want to keep talking, so I left that. The only other people that spoke to us was a married guy. So that was great, not.

And then other than that, when I just observed the room in general, I was like, no one's getting of anyone. Like, no one's looking or, like, chirping of anyone. Like, everyone's just kind of within their mates in their own little groups, like doing their thing. I was just like, oh, like, what's happened here? There's definitely been a shift, though, don't you think, since COVID with that? Because I feel like before COVID there would be a lot more mingling. But then again, was it a daytime thing? Maybe that changes it.

It was a daytime thing rather than a late night, I think. So, yeah, it wasn't late night. Basically, it was like a DJ set thing that was sort of six till 10pm. So it was evening. So again, the crowd there was. people in their 30s, really. It was all of us older ones. That, like, the idea of something ending at 10, I think, as well.

Maybe that's why then, because it was ending at 10, it was only four hours. If it was going to, like, 12-1, then you might have had some more people, more couples, a couple of night. I just feel like I've noticed the vibe where people don't go out on the pool, in the sense of they're not going out anymore with the intention. to pull someone it might be like oh if I'm out maybe there's a vibe and whatever but I feel like back in the day obviously because apps didn't exist like if you wanted to meet someone you had you have to go out into the world so you have that attention of like I want to get numbers tonight or whatever it was yeah now if you want to pull you think yourself I'm going to download field probably or grinder or Tinder or Hinge whatever or or

Like, do you know what I mean? Yeah, you don't think let me go out. That's not your first, your first thought now, is it? Yeah, and then clubbing. Yeah, nights out and clubbing is that now more about spending time with your friends. And, like, yeah, being part of a friendship group rather than like mingling. And it's not about getting drunk and staying out super late. It's just having a few drinks, catching up with your mates and going home.

Yeah. So there has been a shift with that. But I do feel like men are becoming more scared to approach women just because of Me Too movement, etc., etc., being harassed, whatnot, unwarranted attention, etc. So that doesn't help. But equally, I don't think women are approaching men as much as they should be. I feel like we've not progressed with that as much as we should have. that is such a good point

like it's so true every man I've spoke to has told me yeah it's to do with feeling a bit scared that I don't want to make anyone feel uncomfortable yeah they don't want to be like a predator or anything like that yeah or I don't want to be accused of

yeah like harassment whatever things like that things I respond to them what the hell is wrong with you there's a clear difference between harassment and like just talking to someone and I thought the difference would be if the person says oh like I'm not actually interested you say thank you and you walk away yeah it's harassment and you then keep bothering someone even though they said no if I'm at the bar and a guy tries to

like talk to me there's nothing wrong with that a guy or a girl you're literally just making small talk or whatever at the bar yeah so I don't know how this got misconstrued but you're right. The solution to this would be if women asked out men. I think we've got to that point now where we have to do that because clearly, I say the men aren't going to ask us. I reflected the times that I have been asked out in real life this year haven't been at clubs and best believe I've been at clubs. Like, I've been out. We've been out together. Yeah. But, well, you were there with me that one of the times I got asked out. Yeah. Yeah. And a lot of your day. I was on another day.

Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. Exactly. Who does that happen to? Crazy story. Yeah, but that was like, also, it was kind of daytime, wasn't it? It was like afternoon. It was like getting into evening time. It was like 4 or 5pm, I remember. Yeah, and like a bar slash cafe kind of thing.

And I just finished a date with a guy, which you then came to, as you do. So then me and you were just sat there having a drink, and that's when someone came over and approached me. So, and the other time that I met someone in your life, I sort of asked them out after. words on LinkedIn so you met them at like some networking yeah yeah so even though I've been out on nights out I've not met anyone in a romantic way in these nights out I've had chats with people I've met people I've made friends of people but nothing has been flirty or romantic on nights out I can't remember the last time that I like kiss someone on the dance floor do you know what I mean yeah very like 18 year old me coded like snogging someone on the dance

Exactly. But I don't know if like the Gen Zs, the youngsters, are they even doing that? Because I don't think they're clubbing. No. They're not going out like we did and like kissing people on a dirty dance floor. Yeah. I need to get a Gen Z on the pod. I need to find out what are they up to? Definitely. How do they meet people? How they dating?

When I've spoken to Gen Zet, the sense I've got is that like, yeah, they're not that big on nights out like we used to. They're not going out. They're not staying out late. they're not drinking as much. I think they're having less sex. Yeah. Than other generation, our generation, our parents' generation, even our grandparents' generation. The grandparents were getting it.

The young kids are. Yeah, it's true. It's true. So it'd be good to know, like, how are they finding partners? Are they finding partners? Or is that generation more single than we were at their age? It's weird. But I do see young people clearly in couples.

They have day on the ground. They were like, you know, canoodling, but that they could have met at school or something, I don't know. They met at school. Maybe they met on, like, TikTok. I'm pretty sure my, one of my best friends' little sister, she's like, I think she's in 1920, met her boyfriend on TikTok. How do you meet someone from TikTok? I have no idea. I have no idea. We need to get the one to explain. Yeah, yeah, let's do that. Let's do that. We need to speak to Gen Z and find out how they're dating because there's been a big shift.

Yeah. Big big shift. Especially if like you grew up during the pandemic, you missed those times of like clubbing. How are they partying? How are they finding people? Yeah. And I think with Jen Zed, because obviously they've turned 18 and the apps already exist as something. And what I have heard from them is that they then feel like why would you ask someone out in the wild because it's like the forum to do that. And what I've, what I have heard from them is that they then feel like, why would you ask someone out in the wild? because it's like the forum to do that is that they've put dating into a box and that box would be I'd only ask someone out if I'm in the right context for dating and that context would be

a dating app or dating event so you've seen the rise of dating events in real life and then people then think yeah if I wanted to meet someone to date I would have to go to a specific dating event or on the app I wouldn't think just to ask someone out

if I saw them in wild I feel I think we've moved to that. But that's sad. Like, life is your dating app. So we don't need to, you know. It used to be like that for our parents. Yeah. Yeah. You don't have to be so restricted. I know. And I think we are missing out a lot now. Like, most people do meet on the apps these days. But so obviously it's got its place. But it still makes it feel a bit sad. I actually wish that dating apps didn't exist. Yeah. Yeah, I thought we just missed that. We don't have that personal touch anymore of like meeting someone in a bar or something and you're making eyes at each other and you're getting all excited and one of your approaches the other. You don't have that anymore. That's the thing. It's excitement and it's risk. And now people are risk averse because risk avert. Exactly. In your head, you're thinking, oh God, I like them. If I go over. I might get rejected.

So let me not do that because also on my phone, I've got the apps where it's safe. And I can send someone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whereas before, you might, you still might have been feeling scared. You still nervous about the rejection, but you're like, I've got to do it. Because I've got to know of a choice. Because what are the option? Exactly.

Yeah. So it is that whole, the risk, which no one likes. Obviously, it's very human reaction to be nervous about rejection and to be nervous not taking a risk, but the risk and the butterflies, that also makes it, like, way more fun and exciting and spontaneous. And it's, but it's hard to do that. It must, like, credit to guys because they, most of the time, they're the ones who have to approach on the apps and in real life.

And it's, it's, like, it's heart-wrenching almost because it's so difficult to, like, pluck up the courage and go and speak to the girl, not knowing, like, are they going to like you, are they going to think you're a creep? Are they going to reject me? Yeah. It's difficult. And when I, there's been a couple of times where I'm like, okay, I'm going to approach them and I've had that feeling. And it's very scary. Yeah. No, I can empathise. Because like with LinkedIn guy, I felt there's a vibe, but I chickened out of asking it. And then I ended up asking him sort of like on LinkedIn.

Which is better than not doing anything at all. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. In real life in that moment, I was like, I'm not going to do it. So has there been a time where you have asked someone out in person? no never and it's bad i think that should be one of your your top one of your goals in 2026 mate it's been on my new year resolution list for years i really embarrassing for years i've been saying it's been one of my goals to ask someone out in her life and i still haven't done it and it's weird i'm quite good at talking to people like the thought of making small talk with someone in general when i'm out and about doesn't bother me like the general like if you're at the bar and you're just met talking to someone, fine.

But it's the actual asking for the number or whatever that, like, is the next barrier that I've not overcome. You could be like, yeah, you could be making small talk. And then, you've got Instagram, by the way, we should, we should do something sometimes. That could be like a more, a more casual way. Yeah. Yeah. Because Joy, you, you've asked out girls and stuff.

And, like, also, you met your, your girlfriend, your partner. on a night out, spontaneously. Yeah, on a night out, exactly. But I wouldn't say you were on the pool. That's the thing, actually. The intention, really. Neither of us, no. So when I met my partner, neither of us had intentions of like being out on the pool

or anything like that. We were just out with our mates. We just wanted to have a good time. I had told myself, no dating until I have my own place. Yeah. So I was just going with the flow. If love came to me, I was open to it, but I was like not on the lookout. Yeah. And she didn't think she'd ever find, like, the person. She hadn't approached anyone in five years, hadn't been in a relationship for years. So when we saw each other, it was just, we had to speak to each other. But I know she was anxious about coming up to me. I was super anxious to go up to her. And I was very close to doing so, but just, I was just way too anxious and way too nervous. But the thing is, I knew that she was looking at me. So there was, like, no reason for me to be.

so scared when I knew we had that confirmation that we liked each other because we've kept looking at each other. It's bizarre, but that happens in the straight world as well. You'll be out, you catch someone's eye, you keep looking at them, never talk to them. Yeah. But thank God you guys did talk to each other. Thank God it was almost, yeah, almost never happened. But if she hadn't plucked up the courage herself, then we never would have met. Yeah. I know it's crazy to think about. But I've not had that happen to me. often. There's not been many times where I've like locked eyes with someone in a bar or a club and then we started talking. That doesn't really happen to me. Most of my interactions have been

online, which is why I always thought it would be someone that I meet online, not in your life. Yeah. And obviously with queer dating, it is even more of a barrier. So I do get why you would think, oh, at least online, we've both put here our sexual conferences kind of thing. Exactly. Or another barrier like, are they even gay? Are even their type? with other things yeah yeah exactly so what did leila say to you as the first opening like line yeah that's another thing like when you like someone and you go up to them what do you say like what is your opening line and i was just dancing with my friends and she comes and touches me on the

arm and she says i was about to leave but i just had to come up to you and let you know that you are by far the most beautiful girl in this place And I was like, oh, my God, I've been looking at you this whole night, thinking that you're the most beautiful girl in Australia. She just went, no way. And then we just get talking a little bit. She then asks for my number, which, if that was me, I wouldn't ask for the number. Because I feel like exchanging numbers, that immediately becomes quite intense.

Like, you're texting each other. I feel like there's a bit more pressure. I would usually ask for someone's Instagram because that feels more casual. I just kind of, I'm not a big social media person. So it happens a lot. Ben asks for your Insta, and I actually hate that. Do you? I prefer a man asked my number. Yeah. Right. See, I guess I'm quite a big social media girly, so then that's my go-to.

And I can look at their socials. I can look at what they posted, how they post, what kind of things they're posting and talking about, see what their friends are like. Like, it's a good way for me to sort of vet them in a way. And then DMing, I feel like is more casual. I feel like I can leave it a bit longer. before replying, whereas with text, I feel like there's more of a pressure to reply more quickly, which is something I had with my girlfriend because I wanted to play it super cool when we were messaging, but she was replying very quick and very fast. But I was like, this is a girl, she's very good looking. She obviously has like loads of girls on her. I need to be smart with the way that I play this if I want it to turn out the way that I wanted to.

So then comes in, like, the texting etiquette and it then becomes like a bit of a game, which is annoying. But I feel like some people disagree with me, but I think you do have to play the texting game a little bit. So she will be responding to me very fast, but she might miss me at like 6pm. And I'll be like, you know what, I'm going to just like, not even pretend I'm going to, maybe I have plans this evening. I'm going to reply the next day. Yeah. And I've spoken to her about this. And I was like, you know, I was playing it call.

Like, you were responding really far, but I was leaving it a bit longer. And she said to me, well, that could have easily played out against your favour. That could have gone against you. Because, like, someone else could be like, well, she's clearly not interested if she's, like, leaving it hours to respond. And I was like, I never thought of it that way. I thought I was just playing it smart. So then it's the fine line between, like, playing something smart and putting someone off. Yeah.

And coming across as though you're not interested. So I was, it was a risk. It's really hard because you don't want to be too keen either. You don't want to be too keen, but then you don't want to come across as disinterested either. Yeah. How do you play it? I think in early dating, it is good to have a bit more of a gap. You don't be messaging, like in the early stages, I personally think it can get a bit too intense if you're messaging back for all the time.

And my big thing is also, I want to get to know someone in person on our dates. want to get to know them over message. So messaging is good for, yeah, checking in, arranging plans, arranging the next date, but then if I want to chat to them properly, I wouldn't have to be on the date. Exactly. And I think that's another thing I was worried about. I didn't want it to be like too back and forth intense texting and then we run out of things to speak about. I very much wanted to be like speaking for a week and then meet for a date. But then we ended up speaking for two weeks. So when our initial date got really, scheduled. I was like, oh my God, another week of texting, but I was not, I was not.

Two weeks is a long time. Two weeks of texting, especially if like she's responding quickly. Imagine if I was responding quickly, doing that every day for two weeks. That was not going to work. And it creates a false sense of intimacy. You message so much by that point. You're like, oh, I really know them. You're like, actually, I don't know them. I've not even gone one date with them yet. Yeah. So in that case, I actually think I played it the right. right way by leaving bigger gaps and long and out a bit more. And then when it came to the second week of messaging, I was like, okay, I can't carry on with this texting dynamic. Something needs to switch up. So then I started sending her voice notes instead. Yeah. And that I think kept the

momentum up. I kept it exciting. See, I think changing like the way in which we are communicating really helped for that second week. But I think after a week of texting, you should be meeting up with someone. I agree, I agree. And I like a voice note as well. I completely agree if you actually prefer that. You can hear someone's personality a bit more and it does spice it up. But yeah, I agree. I know everyone's busy and if I feel like you are busy for a little while, I would even just say, look, you know, I'm not really around at the moment, but I would love to arrange you a date for this date. Yeah. And then you don't have to message every day. That's If you've got a date locked in and it's quite a while away, I would like dial it back

a little bit to them. Yeah. And you're just checking in here and there and that's it. Yeah. Yeah. I think that's good. Yeah. But things have worked out so we obviously both played it in the correct way. But I think when something works out, there's no playing. Do you know what I mean? It wouldn't imagine you have mattered what way I have you played it because you're just right for ever. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, that's true. Yeah, that is true. Yeah. That's what they always say. Like, you think, oh, I should do this, I do that. Do you actually have to worry about any of that stuff? If it's the right person, none of the rules or any of this stuff actually matters. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. And I feel like the things that you thought were

important for you to have in a partner, when you find the right person, you find that those things have changed a little bit or shifted. But I've realized that I was quite a materialistic person before I met Leila. And now those things just don't really matter as much to me. Like it's very much, how does she treat me? That has become the most important thing. Like, is she able to continue with the princess treatment that I expect that is important to me rather than, like, can she buy me, like, an expensive bracelet?

Or can she spend those money on an expensive... Dinner. That's such a good point. Yeah, those things used to matter to me, but now it doesn't. It's about what are your morals? Do you understand my culture and like my family struggles? Can you relate to that? And how do you treat me and how do you respect me?

Do you support my career, my decisions? Those things matter to me more than I thought. Yeah. And that's such a good point because, yeah, princess treatment is free. Anyone can do that really. You know, there is an element that would involve, you know, buying things but someone could buy you a £10 basic bouquet of roses and it can still mean a lot so actually not always about the money it's about like you say the intent the chivalry

like carrying your bags those things are free and they make you feel good so yeah like in the mornings if she she'll like drive me to work and she'll get out of the car and she'll open the door for me and let me out of the car like those little things it's free well not the driving to work by like opening the door. Yeah. It's for free. Yeah. I'm with you there, actually.

I'm kind of going for something similar. I think it's important in general to, when I date, I am looking for a guy that's got his shit together to a degree in life. Because I've got my own flat. I'm 30 years old. You know, I've got a good job and to put myself financially. So I kind of want someone that's like the same or better. And I've got certain barriers of things that I won't do. Like, I'm not going to date a guy like I think it was parents.

I'm just not. But yeah, interesting enough, recently, I have been dating someone who is not super wealthy. And I guess then it becomes a sign that you do like them because something that I thought mattered to me doesn't actually matter. that much yeah yeah and you're like

oh shit I thought that was such an important like tick box for me yeah but it's not yeah

and it's the little things carrying my bags without me asking him just taking the bags that is free and it's the way he treats you and

obviously not being a complete tight ass and never paying for anything and Yeah. That's always going to be operating. There needs to be some sense of like generosity.

Yeah. Yeah. Generosity is there for sure. And like, yeah, on messaging. It's kind of been the opposite on my end. It's been like, oh, he's not messaging as much as what I'm used to. But like spoke about that and felt heard on that. So let's see how it goes. But actually that ended up being promising. Do you feel like when you're dating someone, you've got. like a list of what you definitely want in him, like a checklist of attributes or characteristics or looks. Yeah. Toll. Mm-hmm.

Money. Six figures. Yeah. Six-pack. No joke. Six-pack. Most of the gym. Yeah. Do you know what? That's not really on it for me. Tool is there. I also like hair as in they've got a head of hair okay I like hair intelligent like we have good conversation make each other laugh and like can tease each other kind of thing and it's flirty I need someone that you know kind of wants to compliment me and I was about to say princess treatment I actually would call it treats me like a queen not a princess but queen yeah yeah queen treatment and I think being independent as well as important to me I'm very independent so I kind of need someone who has that trait as well and like a planner they can plan dates

they can communicate they can stay in touch with you they are emotionally intelligent and you can have like deep chats as well as like fun chats yeah yeah I think that's With me, I think I definitely had like a somewhat rigid list of what I wanted in a partner. And I think when I sort of opened myself up to different types of people and trying to go on dates with people that I necessarily wouldn't have in the past, I think that helped me. I think opening myself up then allowed for my ideal person to come to me. Yeah, I hear you. So I don't know whether you've tried that before.

Or are you like, not my usual type of person, but let me just try something a bit new and see how to go. Yeah. I think being open is important. Yeah. And not so rigid with what we want. Yeah. I think that's what helps you make. You posted on how that transpires.

Yes. Please do. Yeah. Shall we answer a dilemma? Yes. This is my favourite part. Yeah. So I've only got.

one listener dilemma this week. So this is a call out to everyone to please send me your questions and dilemmas. DM me on Instagram, help I swipe dry, or email me help I swipe right at DMO.com. I need them to keep coming through because I've only got one this week. And then... Keep them coming in. Please. And then the other one we're going to do is the one I saw on Instagram.

Cool. So my listener dilemma, Sjam, I need your help. I've just found out that my 24-year-old ex, that we went out for four years and we broke up two months ago, is now dating an 18-year-old who I accused him of cheating on me with at the time due to them talking, allegedly as friends, while we were still together. I found out about this after it split up. He admitted that they were speaking for around six weeks so there was like a full week crossover when they're still together and she's met his family already

he's accused me of being out of order for saying that the age gap is odd is it's a normal age gap in dating I just need advice on how to get over this as well I've had my suspicions that he's cheated and this has been going on for longer but he denies it and I can't prove it he's lying there was a bigger overlap he's lying and he's a pedo and he's giving yeah yeah

no i think when you're like 35 and you're dating a 29 year old fine but when you're 24 and you're dating an 18 year old no they're too young they're still a child yeah i you don't say your age in this but he's guessing probably around 20 yeah yeah if he's gone from someone his own age and then now he's randomly decided to groom someone younger than him when he's still with you. Yeah.

There was an overlap 100%. Girl, you said you can't prove it. You don't need evidence. You don't need to prove it. You just, you know, there's an overlap. He cheated. So your gut is like your evidence plus your gut. Yeah.

Yeah. There's nothing to do. You've got to move on. I mean, you could see. say to the girl, look after yourself, will she listen? She's 18, probably not. But to clear your own conscience, you could, you could say that if you, if it never you know her details or anything on Instagram. But that's it. You've got to move on and say, thank God not of a pedo anymore. Exactly. Yeah. I think that's the main thing. Like, God, it's going to take some time for you

to accept this and get over it, but in the long term, you'll realize, thank God he showed his true colours. Yeah, gross. I just, and it's weird. In last week's app, I kind of spoke about my own experience of finding out I was cheated on. And there's similarities, well, there was proof in the end, but it's that like, he obviously completely denies the overlap and a thing like that, but. But you knew, even when you were together, you knew, didn't you? So always trust that. Yeah, exactly. The girlies always know. Yeah. And it's so, it's a horrible feeling but there's nothing you can do you know you were saying like any advice on how to go over this just time honestly it's up i mean journal about it talk to your

friends about it you need to get out your system so you keep talking about it and just time will pass and you'll move on and you'll think thank god i'm not of that loser anymore yeah time is the healer yeah and answer your other question yes the age gap is odd it's not just you not even like the amount of years I think it's her age that's the biggest concern

18 years old like you you might even still be in school yeah she could be in school yeah not gonna lie that kind of was me and the age gap with my first ex he was 23 I was 18 and I was I'd just

finished like six four months because we think we met in the summer and looking back Do you think that was, you're too young and he was a bit of critical? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And, you know, just so happened we met in the summer, so school had literally just finished. If we had met a few months earlier, this would have been a grown man dating someone who was in school. I imagine messaging him, like, oh, sorry, I got class today, I've got a lesson, but it's not.

I think it felt okay because I had literally just finished school and I think I then felt a bit more grown up. But it's like a few months I was literally like in class in school Imagine like if he was messaging like Oh what time do you finish school Yeah meeting me at the school gates Like it's gross

It's gross That could be your 24 year old ex Not picking up his new girlfriend From the school gates Disgusting No that's disgusting Yeah It's weird

It's definitely weird It is weird It is weird You're not you girl Just know It's not you Right. The last dilemma I was going to look at today actually isn't one of mine, but it is from La La La Let Me Explains Instagram, which I think we all know and love. For those that you don't know, go and check out her Instagram. She is this like agony on an advice giver who, yeah, answers a lot of dynamics and talks a lot about dating and talks a lot about, how do you call it?

a little bit actually about the sort of predatory behaviour of men as well, would you say? But anyway, this dilemma really intrigued me that I saw on the Instagram the other week. So, headline, I'm 37 and I'm a catch, but I've never been in a serious relationship with anyone. Nobody wants me. I know, made me feel sad. I'll read the full thing, so nobody wants me and it's beginning to get me down. I'm 37 and I've never been in a serious. relationship. Never had a man tell me he loves me. I used to be able to at least get men to stick

around for situationships, but now I can't even seem to find anyone that wants to do that. I'm not ugly. I am actually former Miss England contestant. Yeah, I may it goes on. People have complimented my looks all my life. I think my personality is okay. Women seem to love me, brackets, cursing the fact that I'm sadly not by, and I have loads of male brackets, mostly gay, and female friends. I've got a good career, I own my own home, and I think I'm quite a catch, and that I could bring a lot to a relationship, but I can't seem to get a man to want me. I'm on Hinge, Bumble, and Tinder, and I don't get many matches. When I do, I can't seem to get past the talking stage. If I do manage to get a date, I can never get past the third date. My friends,

seem to fall into relationships easily, so I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I am trying not to be desperate or self-pitying, but I really don't know what to do. I want to be loved. I want to love and to be loved. What can I do? Yeah. Have you ever thought about maybe this is the universe telling you that you're a lesbian? Okay. It could be that. That's not the advice that I was expecting. Is that not where your mind went? No, no, but tell me why your mind went there and what your theory is here. I think because I can somewhat relate, like I would go on dates with men, and I'd go on like a couple dates, a few dates with them.

But it would never work out. I feel like with guys, ultimately, it would never work out for me. And I think that was probably the universe trying to tell me, well, maybe it's because you don't like men. You're for the ladies. The thing is they put there, sadly I'm not by. So I feel like they want to Like they've thought about this I don't know

And they're 37 And they're attracted They've got a good career, what not Maybe she's doing something On these dates To give them the it Yeah it's hard We won't be able to tell

Unless she puts a camera Somewhere I don't think it's her And there's a few theories here So she's She's obviously very good looking. She's got a great career and owns their own home. Unfortunately, in the straight world, that just intimidates a lot of men. So you've already ruled out a lot of people

there that, like, if you earn more than them, really successful, really beautiful, they're just going to intimidate a lot of people. I think that's one of the things. It's so hard to tell, isn't it? It is hard. And also, I'm like, the fact that, yeah, there's persons they've never been in a serious relationship. That's what I mean. How have you not had, how have you had such bad luck for such a long period of time? Yeah.

And then it says, situationships, but now can't, and that made me feel sad, can't even have that. I'm like, you don't even want that. You don't even want that.

That's not even the bare minimum. I think I'm worried. I actually think it might be the person's self-esteem because of what they said, there like it's a little bit like begging for scraps like a kind of relationship but I'll make dream of a relationship you don't you don't want a situation even so like just leave that you don't you don't want it and maybe that begginess is coming across during me day yeah and it's going to be really really hard to do this but you're going to have to work on

your self-esteem I honestly believe that's what it is because and it's easy than none obviously Again, it's a circle. Your self-esteem feels low because you win a relationship and you can't have one and it's a cycle. I get that. But if you can break free from this worry of wanting a relationship, I get that as a legit worry. But if you can put that to the side for one second and bring it back to, imagine if you never met of anyone, what would you do of your life? How do you make self-happy? And do that. I would say, go and speak to Nick from a few weeks ago, singles empowerment coach. She'd figure out that other things in life that, you know, can help you. And the moment you chose up as you, you're going to get down. So don't. And another tip, as we said earlier, it's the apps.

There's a person there, she mentioned she was on Hinge, Bumble and Tinder. That's too many. Sack it all off. Forget about it. just live your life and maybe meet someone in real life rather than the apps. I think the apps can negatively affect your self-esteem. So you're going to feel even worse when you're, it's going to keep reinforcing. I'm getting rejected instead of it look like you need you to stop.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Or if you're really worried, get someone to listen in on your dates. I think that's the last resort, but it could be very effective. Oh my God. Yeah. That is another option. You'd be there in a headpiece. Yeah, 100%. Oh my God. Making notes, analysing. Give me feedback. I would love to do that. You can do it for me one day if you want. Oh my God, I'd love to. I would love to. I'll be dying. I actually always wanted to do this where I've got a friend like sat in the corner somewhere like kind of hiding. Please can we do that? That would make for excellent content. Yeah. Okay. That would be the next.

episode we'll go on a date together but you know slash i'm on the date you're either like in the restaurant or in like a headpiece yeah and we'll report back how that goes and to protect the identity we can i put an effect on his voice yeah so what are you going to like tell me what to say no i think you would just go about it as like a normal date but i'll just give like a commentary and give you feedback oh my god as well but i need to see we like a natural date, like what you normally say, normally talk about. The thought of that cringes me out so much. It might be quite insightful.

But also, not to be rude, I don't have a problem with dating in the sense of like, my dates are like usually quite successful. Yeah. Yeah. You know, it's not gone into anything long term, but the actual like date experience. That's not the issue. Yeah. And not to shoot my own home.

has been the issue. I don't think it's me. So come along for the ride and I'll prove that to you. You'll see it if you're very nice. I'm down. I'm down. I'm so proud of that. Okay. Sounds good. All right. Let's wrap up the episode here. Thanks so much for coming on today. DJ Joyce The World on Insta. Thank you. Thank you. Yeah. And I'll be back next Sunday. Don't know yet if it's going to be a guest or a solo app, TBC. But thanks so much for listening, everyone. and I will see you next Sunday.