Help I Swiped Right - Help...Is Having A Boyfriend Embarrassing Now?

Episode Date: November 2, 2025

Hello Swipers!I am so happy to be back with Season 2 of Help I Swiped Right. In this weeks episode I discuss Chantae Joseph's British Vouge article...Is Having a Boyfriend Embarrassing Now?And I am back answering your dating questions and dilemmas.Please email me your thoughts on the ep and any dilemmas you want answered to [e-mail] or DM me on Instagram @HelpISwipedRightLots of love,SJam

Hello and welcome back to season two of Health Price Worked Right. I am so happy to be back. Thank you for waiting and for bearing with me as I ended up taking a bit of an extended break. You know, life got in the way and I just wanted to make sure that season two was the best that I could make it. I'm super excited for what's coming up this season. I've learnt so many lessons from season one. And I'm just so happy to be back for season two of Health Pass Swiped Right. Let's go. Oh my goodness. Right. So what can you expect this season? There'll be a lot more guest episodes as I loved recording those last season. And I know you guys love listening to them as well. So I would still be doing my solo apps. I thought I have to start off the season with a solo episode just to welcome you guys all back. But so many more guest episodes this season, which I'm super excited about. about. And yeah, I will be doing story times as always. I will also just be talking through

trends I'm noticing with OnHinge, dating apps, social media trends about dating. And this episode, I really wanted to talk about the Vogue article that has broke the internet. It's gone completely viral. I'm seeing so many other videos about it and other things online about it. And that is the article that was titled Is Having a Boyfriend, Embarrassing Now, by the amazing Shantay Joseph. I was going to get straight into it this episode. So

I'm sure many of you guys would have seen the article, heard about it, it is everywhere, it's all everyone's talking about. Shanty Joseph, the journalist, author of the article, I have known her and followed her work for a long time. I'm a fan of her, for like a long time.

Her videos on social media, she already has really hot takes already and she's really funny and I think she's really cool but I know some people are only just discovering her for the first time through this article that has completely blown up and I'm so pleased that it's blown up and it started this discourse this conversation around I think I mean a lot of this screams to the fact that about single women basically is for one and maybe the narrative has changed now where before it might have been seen as embarrassing to be single or women are criticised for being single and that still happens. Do not get me wrong. But I think there's now a new wave

and movement and acceptance. I mean, possibly not amongst men even. I don't know what they're thinking. But I think around female circles, there's now, I think other women have a lot of respect for other women who are single. And that is now seen as really empowering and really aspirational. Again, I don't actually know what men are thinking about single woman. Maybe they are still hating or thinking that it's embarrassing or like spinster to be a certain age and to be single. But I know that I think women to women, there is a shift now where women are like, whether that woman is in a relationship or not, they might admire another woman. and look to her life

who's a woman who's single, smashing it, and they think, wow, what a queen. It is aspirational from, there is respect and admiration from other women

to be single. Why is that? But we will delve into that and my thoughts on the article. I've got a lot to say about it so much so that I thought I need to jump on and do an episode about it.

Obviously, it's something that's completely trending right now and blown up and I thought it'd be really interesting to talk about in this episode and in the context of dating and the apps as well. So there's a lot of people out there who've got pings on the article who haven't read it first off. Okay, so I've read the article. Go out there and read it if you've not read it. It's free to read on British Vogue online. And I've seen a lot of comments from men and women of some people just clearly have not read it. They're just going from the title and saying, oh, I don't, that's really.

really mean, like, how can you say that? I don't think it's embarrassing. In the context of the article, she's actually talking a lot about posting a boyfriend on social media and she's kind of questioning, is it seen to be embarrassing to have a boyfriend now? Like, I think there's a big thing on social media, like couple posts, couple Instagram accounts, and sort of influencers that kind of like have a career of being a couple and part of their brand is, being a couple. Now, probably the most famous power couple out there is David and Victoria Beckham and obviously they're married. So that's not a boyfriend per se, but that's an example of a couple, a partnership where they definitely build each other's brands and they make you

a better kind of thing. If I was to go to another example now of a famous couple, we've got Molly May and Tommy, who are now back together. But when they broke up, I actually think Molly May's, I don't know what you would think of the word, brand image, it elevated. It went up actually after they broke up and his went down because he was embarrassing. And they've now got back together, which, you know, each of their own, we're not involved in their lives. Obviously they've got a child together. I can see why they would want to make that. work. So I don't, I don't hate on Muley for that. You know, we only know it's going, they are the only ones that will know what's going inside their relationship. But I think people,

some people are happy they're back together. Obviously they've got a small child. I think some people are a bit like ick because Tommy is ick. But as I say, good luck to her and more power to them if they're happy and that's what they want to do. But we can't deny. I I do think her brand was cooler when she was single. And that is what, and again, this is from the female perspective. And I think the article is from the female perspective as well. I don't know what men are thinking. And please, there's enough podcasts out there or with straight white men telling us what they think.

So you can go and listen to those podcasts for their take on it. This is my podcast. I am a mixed race woman and this is my perspective about it. So welcome to my world. And going back to Molly May, you know, even though she's. back with Tommy now. It's very subtle. It's not, she's not really like going OTT with posting about him because it is low-key embarrassing. And yeah, I think like I say, when they separated, when they were separated, her brand was definitely stronger without him. And I think, yeah, women are

realising that it's the rise of the soft launch. It's the rise of not really tall. talking too much about your man on social media. And of course, you know, some girls still are. But the point of the article is that it's not cool anymore to do that. It's a bit of an it. But you see all these posts like, oh, my man, the boy done good. It's a bit it. It's a little bit embarrassing. I'm sorry, girlies. Not because love is embarrassing in and of itself. and not because you and your man in particular are embarrassing. In some cases, maybe you are, but you know what I mean? It's not that in and of itself.

I think it's that we've now, as women, it's seen more cool to be sharing about, like, your achievements and your own identity. I think that's it. It's the shift between a focus on your own identity, your own achievements, as opposed to being seen as the girlfriend of this person and the relationship being like the coolest most interesting thing about you like that is it and it is lame now and it's now oh I do X and Y Z achievements for my job, my business oh and I have a relationship and I love my man and my partner

but that relationship not being the main part of you There's been a real move to that now. And I think the article just tapped on, it's just kind of captured that cultural shift as we're out. And it's cool to acknowledge that. It's a process. And obviously the reaction to the article and, you know, there's been agreement, there's been disagreement.

The fact that there is disagreement shows it's not 100% move there. And there is within culture, there's different subcultures. And, yeah, obviously not everyone agrees with the author. So it shows that we're not fully there. But nonetheless, there's still enough women and enough of a movement, enough amount of people out there that have resonated with the article and who, yeah, I think it's really cool and agree with it. And I think we've seen this as well on Sex and the City,

where I am literally watching Sex and the City for the first time now this year, and I'm really enjoying it. I'm finding it really funny. like episode one is set in 1998 and I still find it funny and relevant which is you know crazy but the one thing that has shifted is that I'm understanding that I think back in the day everyone wanted to be Carrie and everyone loved her I thought she was really cool and I think there's been a bit of a shift now where actually we can see that Carrie it's it's a bit of an ick it's she's a bit desperate sorry Carrie, you know, the way she kind of lusts after Mr. Big when he's clearly not interested and he's just so, yeah, not treating her in the white way. And I think back in the day, Samantha apparently was seen as the more joke character, which I find interesting because now she's seen as so cool. And in my opinion, absolutely, she is the best character. And

I definitely want to be more Samantha. She's so confident. She doesn't give a damn anything and thinks about her and just has the best time and yeah, loves life. And she just tells people how it is as well. She's so truthful. She's so authentically herself. She's not doubting herself. She doesn't care what anyone else thinks about her, which is great. See, I've seen that shift as well, a lot of my TikTok for you page. It's been all the Samantha memes, all of the Samantha love. she in the 2025 lens is seen as the aspirational cool character and Carrie God lover and you know she made some mistakes on that show and I think it's the whole

her whole personality and her whole world being wrapped up in if big likes her or not it's not a vibe anymore we don't do that you know it's fun today it's fun to have fun dating experiences, but we don't need our whole identity be wrapped up in, does this man like us? We are now starting to move away from that, and it's really cool and exciting to see that. I think this article just gave a big, like, yes, and confidence boost to single women out there. Even women in relationships agreeing like low-key, yeah, having a boyfriend's embarrassing. Single girlies, it's the era of the single girlies. And it's really funny because I'm saying this obviously as someone who is dating, who is on the apps, I'm not saying that it's full

stop that men are embarrassing and it's not full stop having a relationship. It's embarrassing. it's more that there is so much power and so much fun in being single and only be the man if he is not going to be embarrassing like obviously there are some great people out there and great couples out there and great partners out there and men who are incredible and who don't bring you down and who elevate you but it's like pick wisely and Going back to the whole content thing, like, because I think this article was about posting on social media, there is now the rise of the soft launch. And it's like not wanting to be really overt on social media with posting about your man anymore. But like just soft, the soft launch, the little old hand, things like that. Why? Because having a boyfriend's embarrassing. Or that is what. the author Shantae Joseph

is saying but I think the reason why this article's gone viral and why it's everyone's talking about it I mean obviously it is an eye-catching

thought-provoking title that everyone's got an opinion on but lastly because it probably is true there's probably an element of truth on it and it speaks to

the feeling in the air of culture at the moment which is that what's going on right now. I think the reason why a lot of women are single, or a lot of people are single in society now, obviously men and women. People talk about the male lonians academic. There is a lot of singleness. I think it's a multitude of reasons behind that. And I think one of

those reasons is women keeping their standards high or a move towards more women realizing that actually they can have a lot of peace with being single. And the videos I've seen on my TikTok book for you page of men and women responding to these videos has been so different obviously the women videos i've seen have been sort of like montages of girls not montages like a video of just a girl like walking being really empowered and happy with the caption over the top oh my gosh vogue says that having a boyfriend's embarrassing i'm so in fashion right now kind of thing and then the ones from men. I've seen two on my few page so far. Two guys. Neither of them have read the article, step one. I remember the first one that came up on my page. This guy openly says, yeah,

I've not read it, but I'm just going to share my opinions on it. The other guy, I feel like he's not read it, or if he has, he's not understood it, because he's completely not gone into the point of the article. So yeah, this guy was like, I just think it's really sad that in feminism, even in modern feminism now, that women are still concerned of what others perceive about them and what's embarrassing. I was like,

you have completely missed the point of this article. So, yeah, the article is not saying, oh, women feel embarrassed. It's that men are embarrassing, okay? He completely understood it. And I was like, no, the way you think he was trying to spin this around and put this thing,

Oh, I really pity women that they feel this way. What shape? No, honey. No, I pity you. Now, on the next to this, obviously I do acknowledge that, I understand you what I'm saying. It is sad that that's the way it is. I would like us to live in a society where men just are better and therefore it wouldn't be embarrassing for heterosexual women to be with a man. So, yeah, the article, it's created waves, it's broke the internet, and I love it for that, like, it started a talking point, it's started a conversation, and it's really cool to hear everyone talking about this British Vogue article written by this really funny, successful, black women, and I'm just really happy for Shantay Joseph, the author, the writer of the article, but it's gone viral.

I know she's getting a lot of clap, and probably a lot of, like, hate and stuff as well. But I hope she can handle that and to be really proud of the sort of social media, like, stir that this article has created and the fact that everyone's talking about it. And I think with the release of Lily Allen's album, it is well-timed. That man completely brought her down. He was embarrassing. That house situation was embarrassing. I'm really proud of Lily Allen. I think it's really cool that she's now created this album out of that toxic mess of a marriage.

David Harbour was and is insecure and embarrassing and Lily is now frithing that they have got divorced and yeah, she's absolutely just thriving now. He completely brought her down. So, yeah, it's, like I said, what are we? for that are old to come out. I don't think on the news night now, it does kind of ring true. And what a time for that old article to clap? British Vogue said it,

clock it, single ladies rise up, single baddies rise up and enjoy dating for what it is. That's the thing. People forget that the dating part of it is a phase. And if you then really like someone

and you want to get into a relationship because you love and respect each other, great. But for my ladies out there dating on the apps, just don't forget that dating is fun. It should be fun. There's a phase called dating, which is where you're just getting to know people. And it's not serious. It's not this. Is this a love of my life? You're just going on dates because it's fun. It's fun meeting new people. And I say not just dating. It's fun going out of your girlfriends and getting lit and flirting and looking hot. So yes, there still is a place for dating in this world with this Vogue article with Vogue declaring having a boyfriend's

embarrassing. There's still a place for dating in this world in my opinion and there's still a possible world, a possible future where it would not be embarrassing to her boyfriend if and when men do better. But yeah, I hope you enjoyed that. So you're not a storytime from me this week, but just my thoughts on that viral British very article is having a boyfriend embarrassing. Let me know your thoughts from my single girlies, from my married girlies, from my relationship girlies, from my men, if you're out there listening to this, do write in and let me know your thoughts. I am keen to hear from everyone on what you think about the article. Write in Help I swiped right at gmail.com or DM me on Instagram. Help I swiped right. And next up, you've got

your dilemmas. All right. Dilemma time. I've missed answering your dilemmas. Thank you for sending these in the first one. Hey S-jam. I was talking to this guy and every single time we try to go out for a date he made an excuse a few hours before. This happened three times. I feel like a fool and I want to ask him what happened. Or should I let it be and not reach out? What would you do? Oh my Christ.

I mean, the fact has happened three times? Absolutely not. Delete his number. If you still have his hinge account, report him. You can report someone for off-hinge behaviour. Or whatever site you're on, I would be like, this guy, keep missing people around. It's absolutely not on to bail on someone hours before and three times.

Like, stop letting yourself be fooled. There's no point in reaching out to him, okay? There is a strong, strong chance that he is a catfish. Okay, so you're talking to someone that is not even that person. Okay, I'm 99% sure because some people get a thrill off. talking, getting people interested in them, and like, that's how they get off. You know, it could not even be the guy that you're talking to, which would explain why he's cancelled three times in a row just before you meet. It's very odd behaviour. It's bad juju. Maybe you need

to even do like a sage after that and just cleanse the energy because I rebuke this energy for you. Like, get rid of that energy. You're not letting that happen. to you again. If it ever happens to you again, it's an immediately no after that. It's completely unacceptable. Like, do not let that go on. And, like, on that, no, I completely forgot. I had a guy, arrange a date with me, checked in with me on the day of, and said, yeah, you stood down to meet later at this bar, messaged me, again, probably like a few hours before, like hey so sorry um my granddad's in hospital um i'm going to go chill with him tonight maybe i can let's reschedule for next week i said okay straight up at your grandpa i knew in my head

there was no grandpa okay and i knew that he wasn't going to see me again okay um because lo and behold there is no message to follow up if you cancelled someone and you wanted to see them again you would offer to make plans to find that date when you were an X-3. This guy did not do that. It was a lame excuse. I don't know what changed in between checking in to agree the date with me and then cancelling a few hours later. I don't need to know.

It's irrelevant. Thank God I didn't waste my time. Me actually meeting him. Like the positive way looking at is like, thank you telling me now. Let's just cut this off. Yes, it's frustrating when people change. plans but I'm like we need to just weed out these people and I actually got another story time on this about like a guy cancelling just before it's such a weird one because we had already gone on

two dates the third date it's planned or messaging the day of he's like yeah just checking we're still on tonight yes I'm still on for tonight great so he's cut he's messaged to confirm with me. An hour before I'm getting ready, I'm about to leave my house in the next few minutes. He goes, hey, oh my gosh, my flatmate has cut his finger. There's blood all over the kitchen. It's like a crime scene. I've got to take him to A&E. Oh my God, I'm really sorry. I've got to cancel. Ain't no flatmate, cut no finger. And if he has, why have you got to take him to A&E? He can't take himself there. Like, just there was so many holes in this story.

And I feel bad. But yeah, I did not believe him. But I didn't call him out. I just said, oh, I instead, I went really in. I went really into detail. Oh, that's so awful. Like, what's wrong with his finger? Like, what A&E you are?

Like, I hope the weight isn't too long at A&E. You kill them with kindness. Same of Mr. Grandpa. Grandpa's sick. I then, actually, my tactic is to go really, in and go really like, oh my gosh, I can't believe it. I want to make them feel a bit guilty for the lie if they even have an ounce of conscience. So yeah, that guy, the fact that he like blew me off an hour before, again, you think, what on earth has changed in the space of a

couple of hours that you go from agreeing the date to then cancelling it? Like, Lord knows, but it's better that these people show their true colours now. And then you can just move on. Speaking of moving on, next dilemma. Okay, hey S-jam, I've just started dating a new guy. He made dinner last week and with some wine as well. It was really lovely, but since then, he's got in touch and he's asked me to contribute some money towards it a week later.

It's not about the money as I offered to bring bits around at the time, but he said no. It feels out of the blue and it's robbed me up the wrong way. Is this normal behaviour? No, that is not normal. It is extremely odd behaviour. So he said, come round to mine, I want to cook for you. And then a week later, he's asked for money.

That's absurd. A good rule of thumb is, oh, is this man's behaviour okay? In all scenarios, the rule of thumb is, if my friend treating me like this, how would I react? Okay, that's the rule of thumb. think to yourself, if a friend did that to me, how would I react? If a friend cooks dinner for you, I think it is polite to bring something round, or a man, whoever it is, I think it's polite to bring a guest for the host,

which could be wine, dessert, flowers, chocolate, who knows, okay? But if someone's offered to cook, there's no obligation to bring anything, but I think it's polite to offer and to bring something around. They do say, never show up empty-handed. it is not polite to then ask for money. That's completely observed. I don't understand that. Like, if you have friends round, you have friends round

because you want to cook for them and you want to host. And that goes for the same for a date. There's no money parting ways. That is incredibly odd behaviour. And if anything, in a dating scenario, I might do it like, oh, you cooked dinner for me. I really enjoyed that. I'd love to have you round back to mine and I'll cook for you.

There's no need for money to part ways. It's just like a nice gesture to return the favour. And I'm not being funny. How much could it even have costed? Like what did he cook for you? Lessie was getting all caviar and I don't know what. How much did it even cost him just to cook a dinner for two and some wine? Like, I'm sorry. That's completely wild. It's one of the biggest icks I've ever heard. I don't know how I respond to that because I don't know how I'd respond. I don't know if I would transfer it and then just block him and just say,

here's the money, never contact me again. And I'll just send it to, like, get him off my back. Or would I just refuse to send it? And again, never contact me again because... That is incredibly odd behaviour. Listeners, please let me know. Like, how would you respond to this? Because this one's really stumped me.

And, yeah, have you ever been in a scenario where someone's asked you for money? And also, back to the other dilemma. Please let me know as well. Like, what is the worst excuse you've ever had for being stood up or cancelled on at last minute? Please let me know. Okay, this is the last question I'm going to answer. Okay, I'd love to know your thoughts. Can you eventually fall in love with someone you're not attracted to?

This is such a big question. And it's the one that people definitely have different opinions on. It's really difficult for me. I personally don't think I've been in that situation where I've grown feelings with someone that I wasn't initially attracted to. I think for me, attraction has sort of come first. And whether that's been an immediate, I would rip your clothes off, or just a, oh, like, he's all right. He's at least quite handsome or something that I've liked about that person. He's got really nice eyes. Like, I feel like I've always had something

that I found attractive or handsome about that person initially. And then over time, I might have grown more attracted to them, but there has to be just a little something where you think, yeah, like, they look nice. And that's just me. But listeners, please let me know, like, some people out there is very much love at first sight. I personally haven't experienced love at first sight. I have sort of like at least found someone a bit attractive. And then as time goes on, I might find them even more attractive. But I've never gone from not finding someone attractive at all to then falling in love of

them. But that's just me. I mean, I could do with more context in this question. I don't know why you're asking this, what the situation is. But for me as well, I actually think it's kind of mean to go out with someone that you're not attractive to. Like, I feel like you should be really attracted to your partner. And I know that attraction wanes. You're not always, you're not always 24-7 over the course of your life, going to feel this insane, like, lust for them. I completely get that. But there needs to be a bit of attraction and a bit of excitement, especially at the beginning. And I just think everyone deserves that. Like, imagine if that was you. Imagine if my partner, a guy was like, oh, like, wasn't that attracted to her?

Like, I would hate that. I want my partner to find me really attractive. And I think it's fair that I should find him really attractive as well. And if I don't, there's another girl out there that will completely find him so attractive. So yeah. But my take on it is I personally wouldn't date someone waiting for the attraction to grow. I think you do need to fancy them, something about them, something about them you need to like. And, you know, I think they're hot. That's just my take. Again, this could be why I'm single. This could be one of the many reasons as to why I'm single. But let me know, guys, how important is attraction to you. And that brings us to the end of today's episode.

A bit of a different one this week. No story time from me. But, you know, it's season two. I wanted to spice things up and experiment. And, yeah, just wanted to talk about that Vogue article because I said everyone's talking about it. So why not add my thoughts into the conversation as well? I'd love to hear from you guys on what you think on the dilemmas I answered today.

And of course, your thoughts on Chanty Joseph's Vogue article is having a boyfriend embarrassing now. Want to hear your thoughts on it all? And yeah, coming up in season two, we have got more guest episodes. I've got some super exciting guests coming up for the next. couple of episodes. And more juicy story times. Don't worry. I would be going back into my OG story time solo apps. And yeah, I have got some really fun ones coming up. So stay tuned. Stay in touch with me on social media at Health by Spiked Right. And don't forget to leave a review. If you're listening on Spotify, quick tap for five-star review. If we're listening on Apple, please take the time

to write a short review for me and give me a rating. If you're listening on YouTube, please write a comment. Not going to lie, I don't know how it works on YouTube too much, but, you know, just spread the love. Anyway, lots of love, guys, and see you next Sunday.