Help I Swiped Right - Help...I've Stopped Swiping

Episode Date: January 18, 2026

In this episode I talk about how I have reached the decision to officially "retire" from dating. Massive curveball I know coming from someone that has a podcast about dating. But this just feels right for me at the moment. I share how I reached this epiphany and what this means for the podcast. No dilemmas this episode, so if you would like me to answer a dilemmas in next weeks ep , please DM me your dating dilemmas to @HelpISwipedRight on Instagram.

Hello and welcome to another episode of Help I Swiped Right. I am so pleased you're here. Thanks for listening as always and thanks for the support on whether that's leaving a review on Apple, Spotify or YouTube or leaving a comment and following Help I Swip Right on Instagram or TikTok. I appreciate it so much. So I'm back with a solar episode this week. I've really enjoyed the past few episodes where I've been having guests on, and I've had a great reaction to them, especially the dating and money episode, help who should pay on the first date, have had so many great reactions to that episode. So thank you all for listening.

And yeah, this is going to be the penultimate episode of season two. So this is episode nine of season two, and next week will be episode 10. Now, real honesty here, I have been procrastinating over recording this episode for a while. And there's a few reasons for that. I was thinking about recording this one as my last episode. But I then was thinking, right, what do I do in episode nine instead? And I've got heaps of dating stories I could go into. I've got a note on my phone with all these ideas,

general topics and talking points. But that's not the main thing on my mind right now. What is truly the main thing that's on the tip of my tongue that I wanted to get out onto this podcast is talking about where I'm at now with dating. And that's what I'm going to go into. I'm not going to put it off any longer. I've now got a different plan for what I'm going to talk about next week, which I'm really excited about.

But here we go. diving in, speaking just from where I'm at now with dating, which long story short, is that I'm done with it. I am retiring from dating. And I feel like I can say that because I feel like I'm just, I've done it. I have done it. I've been on over 100 first dates, you know, countless things in before. I'll go on to my dating unwrapped in a second from 2025 looking back. And it's been so interesting now that I've entered this era of deciding to stop dating. I thought, you know, people are like, oh, you just need to love yourself more to meet someone. And I was like, I do love myself. Like, what are you talking about? Like, I know that I love myself. But it's weird.

since I made a decision to stop dating, I actually realized that I didn't love myself as much as I thought I did. Since making this decision, I realized that actually making this choice to stop dating has been the most loving thing that I could do for myself, actually. And it's like, I was loving myself before, but it was that always, oh, what if I meet someone? what are they going to think or it was always back in the mind, back of my mind, male validation and what if I do meet someone and what will they think about me? Like when you're dating, like even if you're alone and you're single, if you're dating, it's kind of still always there. Now that I'm really settled on not dating, it's like, wow, okay, like this is it. This is now true all in self-love. There's no, I think,

I was using romance and dates and all those things as like the excitement, the frill, the escape of it, the escapism of it and it's like, obviously I made this podcast because I've got a lot of fun dating stories and dating can be really fun and I have had some really fun experiences with dating. But at the same time, I think it can be a bit of a distraction. from my own goals, from what I want to do in life. And now I'm going all in on me. And it feels a little bit scary. But mainly what I feel, to be quite honest of you, is peace.

I felt so much peace. The moment I made this decision to stop dating, I felt insanely calm and peaceful and sad all at the same time. It was like, it felt like, kneeling down in the sand and just waving the white flag and I surrender. That's what it feels like I'm doing. I say I give up, I surrender. But it felt good.

It felt like a relief. And we're now a few weeks on from me making this decision and the events that led to me making this decision, which I will go into. And I can say that I feel. just calm. I know it's the right thing for me to do at the moment. I've now got a deep, deep sense that I meant to be single at the moment. And I've got a deep, it's like before when I look back, I was chasing something. I was fighting. Actually, I can compare dating when I look back at it really this year. It's like fighting. It's like I was trying so hard to make something happen. that I can now really clearly see wasn't meant to happen. I really wanted it to happen. And it's a completely valid thing to want a partner. Nothing wrong with that.

It's very, you know, normal. So I don't blame myself for that. But I think now I've got this complete clarity in my head that I'm just going to stop looking for that. I was like, wow, I feel like the reason I didn't find a partner is because I wasn't meant to. And I just, I feel very calm and chill about that now. But yeah, going back to how I got to this point, right. Well, obviously, as you all know, been on over 100 first dates in my life.

I'm now 31 years old. And I looked into my dating and wrapped and I posted this on Instagram and TikTok. So the one I posted Instagram and TikTok, I tried to look back for my messages and tried to piece together how many dates I went on in 2025. And on the post I did on social media, I put 18 first dates, but I've now realised it's 20. When I made that post,

I hadn't yet gone on the blind date, I don't think, and I also forgot a date that I left out there. So it was 20 first dates last year. And that number surprised me. It was more than what I thought it was going to be. And like you say, there was some that I completely forgotten about.

So it was quite hard piecing that all together. So progress, like compared to 2024, where I'd probably went on, I would say, like 40 first dates, again as an estimate, as a 50% reduction. So that is getting in the right direction, but still too many. And there's no much saying as too many, you know, I've regret saying that now,

but in the sense of like, I really didn't need to do all that. You know, and you look back and you're like, it's obviously fun to date. And within those 20 dates, there were some really, really good experiences and some really good conversations and good people. But then some of them,

I could have been more discerning, I think. And yeah, didn't need to go on them. So the stats were 12 were from Hinge, four were from Breeze. I had two, no, I had three IRL meetcutes. That's I forgot, an IRR meetcute that I had. And then one blind date. and that was the total of my 20 first dates last year.

So out of those 21st dates, nine of them converted into second dates. So that's a huge attrition there. So yeah, more than half of my first dates didn't go any further than that. It was a one and done. And I think this speaks to online dating where, like, that's the thing. I say I went in 21st dates. I don't even know if you would count the first date or online, something you've met from that, as a first date, or is it more just verification really?

Because, like you say, you just met and you kind of instantly just realized there's no vibe here whatsoever. But then saying that with my IRL meetcutes, one of them, I didn't see him again. But the other two I did. So I think there is more of a success rate with meetings. in person. But anyway, I digress. So it's quite interesting to reflect that, yeah, more than half of those first dates were just, yeah, did not go any further. And I think that speaks to, as I said, partly online dating, partly just knowing like there's not a vibe here or, you know, whichever one of us or both of us has said, don't want to see each other again. And it kind of

speaks to the fact that looking back, I think I could have been more discerning, perhaps, with Hinge. So yeah, 12 of those were Hinge dates, full with and Breeze. Obviously on Breeze, you can't, like, you know, really do any sort of pre-filtering because you have to just go for it. You can't message them. But on Hinge, maybe I could have, like, filtered a bit more in advance. You know, who knows? But anyway, that is my dating tally. Now, I didn't bother calculating how I made it to three dates, how many made it to four. I thought, let's just skip to five because I sort of realized that the maximum amount of dates I went on one person with this year was five.

So I had three people this. Sorry, I'm saying this year. I keep forgetting that we've moved on 2026 now. I'm talking about my 2025 dating rap. So in 2025, there was free people that I had five. dates with and that was it. It was like I couldn't get beyond five. I'm now reflecting and even the way I've just phrased that I couldn't get beyond five. Was it that I couldn't get beyond five or was it that, you know, just mutually there wasn't a vibe like beyond five dates? I don't know. You know,

it's not a failure on my part that we didn't that I didn't get beyond five dates for anyone. It's just how it's unfolded. So yeah, five dates. does seem like a pivotal point. It seems like a, yeah, that's, that's, you now have spent quite a lot of time getting to see someone. And it does feel like if it tips beyond five, you are tipping more into like seeing someone a little bit more seriously. And it's a shame that I never got beyond that point. There was a couple of people that I would have liked to have kept on dating and, you know, the other person who I think I was the one that decided that I didn't want it to go any further. But the other times, I was the dumpy after five dates and it's disappointing

because I thought things were going well on my end. But I say now got the perspective that it was actually all meant to be and I feel really calm about where I am now in life. Diving more into the stats from last year, zero situation ships. That is incredible in today's world, that I've avoided that because honestly, it's just so common now, this situation ship culture and it's very damaging. I could do a whole episode on situationships and like dating culture. That could have been the episode today, but we'll save that for a time. But yeah, I'm actually, things could be worse.

There I am saying, didn't get one. five dates of anyone. Didn't get into any situation ships. So that's good. I think that's also again, I think hopefully a sign of knowing where I were for a little bit more, knowing that I just don't want that. I don't want to fall into that, you know, in my 30s. I just, I'm good. I'm okay for that. So that's proud. Zero ghostings as well last year. Truly incredible. Once again, like ghosting culture, It's so prevalent now, but I really just don't believe in it. And I'm really grateful. I had a really horrible, a couple of really horrible ghosting experiences in 2024.

So really pleased that I didn't have any ghosting experiences any last year. You know, I like to think that's karma. Like my philosophy is to not ghost someone and to just be, you know, very upfront of them. So really pleased that I got the same energy back. One holiday romance, where again, this could have been the theme of today's episode, it could have been a story time about my holiday romance. Actually, interesting, I put one there because I'm thinking about an Ibiza, a holiday romance situation shit.

Because I'm thinking about a holiday romance situation that had an Ibiza, but equally, of course, Amsterdam Guy from season one, that technically kind of was a holiday romance as well. but a bit of a different one. So, yeah, maybe another time. I'll talk about Ibiza guy. So, yeah, that's kind of an ophal of a dating life. And there's a weird pattern that I've noticed has emerged, which is that in 2024, I went on all these dates,

and then it was, I felt like I was going on a conveyor belt of dates. And then I met someone that we had a spark and we clicked. And I think I was so excited about that. I thought, brilliant. I don't have to disconvey about anymore. It was a relief to like, it was just a show like refreshing to have a spark after all that time. And this guy ended up not treating me very well. And it was a straw that broke the camel's bat and led me to take a pause in dating.

So this was like November 24 where I felt completely. broken and defeated after that. I was just like, I'm done, I'm throwing in the towel, I need to take a break. And again, it's weird, I needed to hit that wall, I needed to go through something like that to actually just stop. And weirdly enough, quite a similar thing happened last year, where again, it's a similar time of year, November, where finally I was like, I need to just stop. I don't want to do this anymore. I don't. But in 2024, it was a, I just need to stop doing this right now. It wasn't a forever thing. But where I am at the moment is it's a forever thing pretty much. The thought of meeting a strange man from an app, been there, done that, got the t-shirt. I've got no desire to do that anymore. And, you know, I'm open to meeting someone organically and I believe that if I do meet someone, that is basically how it's going to have to happen now because I'm not doing the apps. Yeah, after what happened to me in November, it was very much a complete waving my white flag.

I'm truly, truly done. And I've been trying to explore why it's had that reaction to me to not just, just think, oh, I'm going to take a break. It's been a complete, I don't want to date anymore. I'll try and explain what happened without going into too much detail because, I don't know, I feel like one of the things on this podcast is I obviously do love sharing story times, but ideally I try to talk about them when they're a little bit more historic, but this one was quite recent. So I might not share the full full situation, which is a great story. And my friends have enjoyed it anyway. Long story short, was dating this guy. We went on four dates together.

I got really excited after our first date because I felt like I really, really connected with him. And it's just a great date. It was a great, great date. Great chemistry. Great conversation. it was wonderful. It was a special evening and when I look at that date in isolation, it was one of those special evenings. And this is why dating gets you and I think it probably can become addicted because of these highs and lows like that it's really risky and exciting to go and meet someone and you don't know what's going to go and that side of it and the butterflies can feel quite, and then when you do actually meet someone and it goes well, like those highs are like so high. And yeah, it was an amazing first date. That's how I saw it.

And, you know, I don't know his feelings about it fully, but obviously I feel like he must have thought it won't well enough to, of course, then we had a second date, we had a third date, we had a fourth date. Again, I'm trying not to share too much detail about who this person is, but they seem to be really kind, really good listener, really emotionally intelligent, which is actually really rare in men, I find. But this guy was, like, insanely, like, really good listener and emotionally, like, and emotionally intelligent and seemed to be like gentlemen as well, like kind of old-fashioned values, funny, and it felt like we just clicked,

and that we just got on really well. So everything was going well up until the fourth day. I said everything. The issues was communication. He was not really a texter. He was someone that wasn't on his phone, really, like full stop. And I would have preferred a bit more communication, and I talked about that with him. What else was the problems?

That was it, really. It was pretty much just like the level of communication between dates, that I would have preferred a bit more. And I talked about that with him. Okay, then we get to the fourth date. And this is where I was a little bit of an idea. I think once again, I just assumed things were going so well. After four dates, I just kind of assumed that we were exclusive or that we were going, it was heading in that direction kind of thing because that's just how it felt to me.

but I assume that. That was a mistake I want to have him again now. I know that you need to have a bit of conversation about that rather than just assume it. But I was disappointed to find out that we, he were not exclusive. And let's just say the way I found out was very disappointing. And that was it. I just left immediately after finding out that,

weren't exclusive because it wasn't even he didn't say anything like oh I want to be exclusive you he sounds like cool like this is not going to go any further then is it like so just left and it's just it's disappointing his he was saying that he would take months to go exclusive for someone and that where he was at now and his dating journey was that he had to date a lot of people and and I just thought, this is not how you presented yourself on the first date and on the dating app

that it was Breeze, it said looking for serious dating on his profile. Anyway, that's disappointing and it was hurtful because I felt a little bit misled I also felt sad for him

like I don't understand how and why that's fun for your purpose, for your actual intention to be, I want to go and date lots of people. I want to go out and I don't want to attempt to get to know one person or settle down with anyone. I get it how obviously from the first date you can date with people. I believe in that and I get that. But after a certain point, how can you keep track of dating multiple people and then you've been on eight dates with someone and you've been on six dates with

someone else and you can remember where they're at and they're at. I don't get it. I don't understand it. And to think, yeah, I don't understand that mindset. It makes me feel sad. I don't get why that's fulfilling and why that's enjoyable. If you meet someone really cool, you like them, you get on, why would you not just want to like get to know that person after a certain amount of time? So that's my take on it. Happy to hear your guys' thoughts as well on like what you think about exclusivity and when to go exclusive, like, I don't know. I think it's something that everyone's got different opinions on. So obviously, hence, that is why the communicating about it is obviously really important. And it sounds silly, from what I described, I know you're probably

going to thinking, why do that make you like stop dating forever? As a very, very extreme reaction. If I can explain further, it obviously wasn't that literal one interaction. It was the whole, my whole history of actually just stopping and thinking, I've been on all of these dates. Like, I've been dating. And like I said, reflecting on my dating this year that I didn't meet anyone that I've been on more than five dates with. And I didn't meet anyone that wanted, to date me exclusively and after that five date point to want to just get to know me. And sitting of that thought really hurt at the time last year when I had that realization, it was really like, wow, let alone finding a relationship, we are eons away from that.

Bearing mind in the wider context that most of my friends are married, married, pregnant kids. So I am so galaxies far away from that, you know, let's say step one from that would be, you know, just being in a relationship, let alone that. I'm so far away from even being in relationship. I can't even meet someone that wants to just get to know me. That was hurtful. not that was a painful thought that I just had to sit with for a little bit. I'm now okay about that. I see it in a different way now. But at the time, that's what I was feeling.

Now I look at it, obviously, in the perspective that I'm simply not meant to be with someone right now. I truly accept that and I'm just going back to focusing on me. I've been doing this whole time of being single. That's the benefit of being single that you can focus on you. But I ain't fully been doing that because I have been dating. And when you're giving up your time, messaging on apps, going out of an evening to meet a stranger, it is a waste of your time. So my aim for 202026 when I was making my resolutions to 2025 was to go on zero dates this year. Now I have already broken that and I'll explain why. I did go on one date this year and that is because it was with someone that we were talking for a while and we matched on Hinge like months, months ago and he wasn't living here in the UK at first.

It's a bit of a long story. Anyway, whatever. We ended up getting dinner this year and it was a good date. It was a nice evening, cute, had a good experience. But, you know, I don't think I'm going to see him again. And I don't regret going on a date. Like, it was nice and it was good to meet him after all the messages and stuff. And it was a cute evening.

So it comes back to, like, if you look at dating as just you're meeting someone and you're going out for a meal or having a drink and you're just having a conversation, like, great. It was a nice evening, you know, but it's, I'm happy I did it. because, you know, why not? It was kind of on my mind to, after messaging this guy for so long, like to meet him. But again, it didn't make me think, oh yeah, like, let's get back into dating. Like, no, I am so good just not to. And that is like the biggest sign of growth for me ever to have reached this point

where I'm now like, I'm cool. And I was tempted the other night. I had a night in the other night. and it was very tempting to think, oh, I just want to message someone. I just want someone to flirt with me and being very vulnerable here. These thoughts pop up and the apps present themselves as this. Oh, it's so easy.

You can just talk to someone, don't know. But I resisted, thank God. And I just, now I'm going to be okay. The longer I go about dating, this is the only negative thing about going on the date with that guy. It reignites that you're talking to someone, you're messaging them, the will, the, what's going to happen. So that's why I need to just lock that off because, see, that's why I just don't want to do that anymore. I don't think there's much value in me doing that at this point in time.

So, which leads me on to the podcast. So real talk, I have found it quite hard recently to recall the podcast. I've really enjoyed doing the guest episodes. And in the past, I used to enjoy my solo apps. But recently, I've had zero motivation to record the solo apps. And it's because I've just not wanted to talk about dating. Even though I've got these good experiences and I've got all these fun things to share from the past, I just, that's not my mindset at present.

Dayton has been a big part of my life and I've got a lot of experience and being and I've still got a lot of thoughts to say about it. But I don't really want to spend time thinking about it or talking about it at the moment in all honesty. It's been good to get this episode off my chest and just kind of share where I'm at and share the revelation that me 100 first date, serial data, finally has decided to stop dating.

And it feels really good. It feels good. I'm excited to see what this year brings and excited to see how I'm going to grow and develop and all the other things I can achieve. Because I think my mind's it before, I was like, oh yeah, I can still achieve what I want to do and I can still date. Of course, you can do both, like, you know, rather than going on four dates a week, like I was doing in 2024, where by the way, in 2024, I still thought I was going to achieve all my goals and going four dates a week. I switched it to, right, I'm going to go on like maximum one day a week, 2025 and like, obviously that lives me time to still achieve my goals. I'm now excited to see what I can achieve where I'm going on zero dates, hopefully, is my aim.

And it's going to be a big shift for me. I think I have spent a lot of time dating in my adult life, in my single years. And it's kind of exciting and I can say a relief to just think, I don't have to do that. I don't have to do that. It's okay for me to not do that. It's okay if I don't meet someone. It's okay. I don't have someone to message.

I'm actually, I'm feeling good about all of that. And that's the truth. So, but it's it, I'm feeling good. The real, underneath the feeling good, like I say, there was a bit of sadness last year, where it was the, oh, again, that I'm here again. I think that's one of the reasons I've given up,

It's that I don't want to go through this again. What I mean by go through this again is, how many siblings do you have? Oh, and what do you do for work? And that's superficial stuff. Then you've got to go on to the real wonderful stuff. And I just, I've kind of done that. So, like you say, last year, you know, I was looking, I wanted a partner. this year, well in general, I feel like obviously life with a partner and someone that loves you

can be really, really amazing and it can enrich your life so much. And that's why I really wanted it. But it's got to the point now where I don't want that enough to keep going through dating. Or the process of dating and putting myself out there and encountering people that are not looking for that at all, even though they say that they are. I don't want to do that. I don't, it's like sifting through the dirt and you're trying to find something. That's how I can describe it as well.

I don't want to do it anymore. So it feels kind of good to let go of that. So yeah, that's where I'm at. Thanks for listening to me. Sorry that this does mean there's going to be. be a bit of a pause on the dating stories. As I said, next week's episode, it is going to be a good one. It is going to be a look back over what I've learned at two seasons of doing my own podcast. So I'm excited for that one. Series three, TBC. You know, it is going to be an extended break,

just to warn you guys, because I'm going to go to focus on other projects. I'm launching my own business. and side hustle this year, which I'm really excited about. And I've loved doing this podcast. I've learned so much from it. And it might come back for season three, even when I have time. But yeah, proud to have almost completed season two and have grown my followers and I've had so many interesting guests.

Thank you for listening, and I'll see you very soon. Bye.