Help I Swiped Right - Help...We Lived On The Same Road?!

Episode Date: November 30, 2025

Hello Swipers,In this weeks ep I talk about being over Hinge and how I have turned to a new dating app called Breeze instead. I share a dating story time from Breeze about how me and this stranger from an app turned out to have a lot in common...I answer your dating dilemmas:Should she tell a girl that he was cheating?Should she give it more time to see how things develop with someone she's not sure about?What would you do in these dilemmas? Let me know, @HelpISwipedRight on Instagram and [e-mail] for listening,SJAM

Hello and welcome to another episode of Help I Swiped Right. You guys are in for a treat this week. We've got a solo ep, just me talking. Will it be a story time? Not necessarily, but it's going to be a whole lot of fun. So obviously last two episodes, go back and listen if you've missed those. We had two back-to-back guest episodes, which I loved recording so much. And I'm looking forward to getting more guests on.

in some future apps later on in the season, but bringing it back to a solo app. I've actually got so, I've actually got a real backlog of content and ideas that I wanted to talk about on solo apps and still a lot of dating story times. But I've just been figuring out recently how do I want to tell these stories and how can I tell them in a way that doesn't hurt anyone's feelings. I recorded an episode that I think people might enjoy, but I then thought, hang on, with something I said in it, I just wouldn't want to hurt anyone's feelings. So I'm conscious that I want to share my truth. I want to keep things funny and entertaining. I want to share the good, the bad, the ugly. But at the end of the day, I would hate if something

I said made someone feel bad. But within that, I am just sort of sharing my truth and my experience. So frigging this all out as I go along as I go on my podcast journey. But thanks for the love on the podcast so far. I think I've definitely heard on the feedback that you guys love the honesty, the vulnerability. And I'm definitely promise I'm going to keep doing that. So yeah, bear with me whilst I figure all of that out. And one thing about me, I am pretty much never short of words. So I have got a lot to on dating, as well as sharing my own experience about dating. A little reminder, guys, as I talked about last couple of weeks, I want to spread the podcast to more people. How can you

help me do that if you're enjoying it? Make sure you're following me. Make sure you're subscribed on whichever app you're listening to me on. And make sure you've left a review on whatever podcast app you are listening on. That would help me out so much. And like I said, when I get to 50 reviews on Spotify, because I will get there, I will be doing a reveal of my hinge profile on social media. So look out for that. I'll be giving you the grand tour. And we better hurry up and get to 50 because I'm not even joking, guys, I'm about to delete my

hinge. It's paused. It's actually been paused for a little while just because I went away recently. I went to New York. and before that, I obviously didn't really have time to date. After that, I've still not really had time. And I've actually just, I can't do it any. I think we've all been there people on the apps. I've been there countless times. I think a lot of people can relate to the you delete it. You think I'm done. A few months later, you're back on it again. But how I feel at the moment certainly is, yeah, here. hinge is on pause. I just, I physically can't bring myself to lift my finger up and to swipe on my phone left or right and to look at someone's six photographs of themselves and whatever they've responded to in the prompts and to bring myself to even make a decision on that. The decision

is going to be no every single time at present. And then after that, I've got to talk to them. and it's like a pipeline really on Hinge picturing a funnel here where you've got the candidates then you've got the ones that you've liked then you've got the ones that have liked you back so you're a match so when your matches you then got the ones that you've spoken to

which is the even smaller percentage the funnel is getting smaller and smaller as we go down so from the large funnel of all the swiping I've done all the matches filters down finally into the matches out of those matches, that filter was down even smaller. It's the ones I'll actually even exchange a message with, okay? Even just one introductory message, that's so decreased.

All these matches are not even spoken to. Then we go down to the next layer of the ones that I might have conversed with. And some were sending a few matches back and forth, puzzles out. Some we're talking for time. I mean time. Messages back, forth. We never go on a date, listeners. You never go on a date. Then we filter down from that even small percentage to the ones that I, we plan a date with. We filter from that, the ones that after the planning of the date, do we actually even go on the date? We filter down

from that the ones that I've gone on a date with. We go on a date. I meet them. Do we both even like each other after that, okay? Like, I can't even tell you guys how actually labour-intensive it is to date on the apps. You think in your head, oh my God, so easy. It's all at your fingertips. You just swipe away. Good Lord, no. No. It actually can end up taking a bit of time. So I've stepped away from Hinge and what I have moved on to recently is Breeze. So Breeze is a new app. I don't know if it's in all countries or what's going on. It's quite new but it's certainly just starting to become active in London.

And the thing with Breeze is that you don't message at all in advance. So let me talk you for how Breeze works. on Breeze you get you view only six profiles a day it limits it for you so the app will only send you six people to review per day which i like it stops the endless swiping it limits your choices it encourages you to really read and consider the profile and it's just six so it feels kind of manageable then the other thing with Breeze they're like niche is that you can't message at all which I actually love. As I told you, after all that price is on hinge where you can be messaging back, forth, you never even meet them, it's just kind of feels like a waste of time. Breathe,

they cut all that out. So you make your profile, six pictures and you can write a bio and you can fill in some like things about your personality. And then you send your likes. If someone else likes you back, you've got a match. When you've got a match, you've got a match, you go on a date straight away. There's no talking. So you've, you've liked someone, they've liked you back, you've got a match. The next step is paying what they call a date token, which is around nine pounds per date, and it can be cheaper if you buy one of their like multi-date packages, whatever. So anyway, we're looking at about nine pounds that you pay to secure the date, and the other person pays that as well. and I like this because it encourages you to both turn up, I suppose.

I mean, you've paid that on the date, your first drink is free. So you're kind of just prepaying for your first drink. You know, fine, whatever. I think the whole paying bothers some people when I spoke into friends about it. It doesn't bother me at all. You know, I think that's a very fair price personally for, you know, because when you get there, you're going to have a drink. Let's say I've got a glass of wine.

That is going to be about £8 probably in London, so, you know, whatever. And, you know, I've never paid for premium hinge or whatever, but when it always pops up on your phone where it's trying to make you buy premium hinge, that is very expensive. I don't know who's paying for that, but it's outrageous price. It's about $80,000 or something just to, in theory, get a better algorithm. Forget that. So I do like Cowan Breeze.

When you're paying, you actually know. you're getting a date kind of thing. So again, I will so pay that. Again, to save the hassle of arranging the date of messaging, when you get there, your first drink, it's all sorted. So for me, that really works. So when you've both matched, you then both fill in your availability on the app. So you give a few dates you can both do. And then the app will like see both the dates you've put in, it will find the date you're both free, and it sends you it to date. Here's the date and time that you're both going to meet, and then the app it will tell you 30 hours before the date where you're meeting. So that is, I guess, an unfortunate thing

about Breeze. You can't choose where you're meeting, and it can send you to kind of random places. It says that it will try to make it like an in-between location between both your addresses but like sometimes that's been the case and it's been like you know a somewhat convenient location sometimes the location's been like quite you know somewhat far away so you know anyway that's the minor downside of it but still overall I am so much prefering that at the moment since I've got on to Breeze it's made me simply not be able to face hinge anymore quite frankly because I just prefer the fact that it's so much easier to organise on Breeze. You can just go on a date. And when you go on those

dates, it could be a case that, you know, there might be a connection. They might not be. Okay. I have had a couple of rejections from Breeze recently. And equally vice versa, to be fair, I've also been the reject her as well as the rejectee. So when I look at it that point of view objectively, it's just swings and round spouts. You know, you never know how you're going to know when you meet someone in your life. But I still prefer that compared to the endless messaging, the tapping onto my phone screen. I just would much rather just do it in person. Again, everyone's different. I think some people that might be more introverted, they, I get it, might be more shy to go meet someone. I do get, it is obviously quite scary to go meet a complete

stranger that you've not spoken to at all. But again, this is how bad the apps are right now. It's got to the point where truly anything, in my opinion, of how I'm feeling right now, is better than another talking stage on hinge. I just, even the swiping on it, I can't bear it. So, Breeze is where it's at. And even then, I am gearing myself up to take a pause. But as I was saying, when I look back at my sort of recent, what's been going in my dating, Breeze has been better and I would recommend anyone to try it. So you are welcome for this unpaid free ad breeze. I'm just showing my real experience that for where I'm at right now, I've definitely been preferring it overall.

And I've got stories from Breeze that maybe I will share in time in terms of the exact story times, shall we say. But it's been good. I'll say that. It's been interesting. I'll share one. Go on then. I will share one. So one Breeze date that I had recently is such a weird one. So. on his profile on breeze, I liked his profile because it said on it that he loves dancing, R&B music, Afro House, and I was like, oh, that's a bit of me. And I love dancing. So that attracted me to his profile. And he looked like he had a fun personality and that you like going out. And I just thought to myself, you know, I'll be intrigued to meet him. So we both matched. We have arranged a date. and again I've noticed in this profile he put that he was English and American so I thought okay I didn't think anything of it I just something I noticed he was English and American and I was like cool I rock up to the day and he's got an American accent so we're talking about where he grew up and whatever and he was like yeah he's split his time between well mainly he grew up in the

US but he was born in the UK and he's moved back here and you know he's kind of split his time between the two, but he's grew up mainly in America, and he's got this American accent. And as he said, oh, yeah, I was born here. I said, oh, whereabouts were you born? When I asked this, what I was getting at this was like, you know, where in London did he grow up kind of thing? For some reason, he answered this question with giving the exact hospital that he was born at in London, okay? And I was like, no way. I was. was born in that hospital. So how funny you were born in the same hospital. That's just a little like weird similarity. And then he goes, yeah, I grew up in this area in London. I said no way.

I grew up in that exact area in London. Again, small world. How funny, crazy. And now for some reason again he then says the street that he grew up on i didn't even ask in the street he just said the exact street and at this moment my soul left my body and i got really creeped out and actually wanted to back away from the whole situation and i was speechless because it was so weird this man that i've swiped with on breeze that i've matched with that i've now met for the first time who grew up in America tells me that he lived on the exact same street that I also lived on. I was weirded out. I was weirded out. By my mind, we've literally just met. This is probably when the first half an hour of our date, this conversation comes out. And he tells me that the name of the road

And I, just like, you're actually joking me. He said, no, I'm not joking. And he then messaged his dad when we're on the date to be like, hey, like, what? Do you remember what house number we lived at when we lived on the street? And he told me the house number. And I was like, no way. I was at this house number. So we weren't next door neighbors.

I was like, I would have known if we were next door neighbors. I think I lived on this street until I was about like eight years old. And he lived there until he lives about five years old. And he moved back to America. So anyway, for what, the first five years of our life, we lived on the same street, never met him, and now I'm meeting him through this bloody dating app breeze, like what is going on? So as I said, we've got a lot of common interests. We're getting on well, the chat's good, and turns out we had a lot in common.

We also knew his cousin is also someone that I'm. know my family sort of knows it's weird. I'm trying not to go into the full details and give so much of my personal details out. But long and short of it is, there was a lot of we had in common and it weirded me out. And like I said, we're getting on. And the thing is, though, in my head the whole time, I kept thinking, I can't tell if he likes me. Like, if I leaned into him, he would kind of be in a way. And I'm trying to think about other body language things. If I, it's always good guys to try and break the touch barrier on the first date. Okay. You need to have little touches, little, even like a gentle knee graze for like one second. So when I did that,

if I like move my leg and it touched his leg a little bit, he would then be like, oh sorry, like because I touched him for like one millisecond what else happened that other bloody language cues just I think leaning away was a big one and not to make it sound so dramatic like he was literally leaping away from me just you know when someone likes you and other things sometimes is art sometimes you would look away like he wasn't fully looking at me kind of thing and And in my head I was kind of like, I can't tell if he likes me, can't tell if he likes me or not. I was getting the vibe that his body language was telling me that he was not interested in me.

We have our drink, as I said, on Bree's, the first drink is included. So we had that and he goes to me, should we go and grab drinks like somewhere else? Should we go to another bar? I saw a bar around the corner from here that looked really nice and it looked better than this one. and I was like okay sure so now I'm thinking in my head oh maybe I've misread the signs maybe he isn't to me but he's like reserved or something and he's not maybe yeah he's a reserved and body language I don't know but now this guy said to me let's get a drink somewhere else so I've took him face value and I've said okay cool let's go to this other bar so we walked to this other bar

This other bar turns out to be a restaurant, so we don't go in there. We end up going to this pub, whatever, fine. We're in the pub, having another drink. And again, his body language is telling me that he's not into me. And it's not flirty, really, between us at all. But again, the chat is flowing. He's asking questions. I'm asking questions. We're sharing fun stories. We're making each other laugh. I feel like things are going well, but I still, it's weird. I thought to say things were going well in the sense of us getting on well, but I couldn't pick up if he liked to be or not. I think this triggered something in me. I've been reflecting recently, and unfortunately I've reflected that I think at least recently, hopefully not all my life, but realistically, maybe the case. I, I I think I've got a pick me energy and I'm so not into it and it needs to change. It needs to go. I think even having that realization, thankfully, we'll stop that now. But the wondering, oh, does he like me? I then wanted him to like me. So, yeah, I'm, you know, doing what I can to flirt and to show him my body language and I'm laughing at his jokes. I'm flicking my head.

hair, et cetera. It's not working, guys. So we leave the pub and I'm still thinking to myself, I don't know if he likes me or not. We're walking away and, you know, saying goodbye. And so this is the crucial thing about Breeze. Obviously, your phone numbers or anything aren't exchanged because you can't message. You just meet there and then in person. So the idea being that on the date, if things are going well, you're meant to exchange numbers. So it's coming to the end of the date and he then goes, you know, really enjoyed tonight, really enjoyed meeting you on our conversation and he seemed a great person, but I'm kind of seeing it as more of a friend's vibe. He basically says like that. And I was like, cool, no worries. I completely get that as well.

Like I said, great to meet you. Have a great evening. In my head, I was annoyed, okay? I wish that he just told me after one drink, because when someone says, oh, it's more of a friend's vibe, now, men and women might mean this differently. When a man says to you, it's more of a friend's vibe, he does not fancy you. So in my perspective, there's nothing I could have done over the course of the evening that would have changed that. When women say that, it can mean they don't fancy you, but it can mean a whole host of other things as well, because I think women were a bit more like it's not just about looks either and let me tell you that again it's not just about looks okay i'm not saying that this guy was my exact type and the best

second guy in the world but we got on so well that i felt if he liked me too that i would have liked to have seen him again and i've seen where that connection went and if it could have gone anywhere, because, yeah, we just got on well. And it's not always an instant attraction. He certainly wasn't ugly. He certainly was, you know, someone that people would find good looking. So I was kind of open to having another date. But that's just me.

I've had this before where people get very hot up on the whole spark thing. But my take on it is that the spark might not come straight away. So when I've had even, you know, things in the past, it's not always been that the spark has been immediate. Sometimes it has. I'm not going to lie, when it has been, that doesn't always equal that you guys are going to be compatible because all you've got is a spark and that's great, but actually you're not compatible long term. And where I am looking for, a long-term serious relationship. I kind of not trying to go with the spark. I'm trying to go with more. Are we aligned? So anyway, I was open to seeing him again. He said he didn't feel

that vibe. So yeah, as I said, I was just a bit like, oh, why didn't you just tell me that after the one drink? I'd have been like, cool. I'd have gone home and had more of my life back and had a few more hours sleep. So, but that's just me. I'm quite, quite ruthless. I talked about it to friends and some friends were like, oh no, he probably didn't want to, you know, dash you down straight away after one drink or maybe he wanted to, you know, keep getting to know you. I'm quite ruthless and I have ended dates after one drink in the past. I've not been feeling it. I've not been enjoying myself. Like, I think I've just got to that point now famously over 100 dates. I don't need to, like, I don't need to, like, I don't need to

out if I'm not feeling it, you know, I am quite comfortable just nipping it in the bud. And if, you know, let's not waste anyone's time. We're not getting any younger here. We can go home and get some more sleep or, you know, whatever it is, watch TV, whatever it is rather than be with someone that doesn't fancy me and doesn't want to take it any further. And I'm saying doesn't fancy me. Another thing about this and about Breeze, you can't cancel dates on Breeze really. If you do, you just lose your date token and it's just gone. Like you can't really cancel it and even rescheduling. It's quite difficult, especially with short notice you can't reschedule it. Now, on the particular day of this date, I had a huge spot on my cheek

that I felt really conscious of. I was trying my best to sort it out. This date as well, which is what I always do, was just after work, straight from the office. My hair and makeup did not look amazing. I knew leaving the office, I thought to myself, I don't really look how I would like to look on a first date, but I've got to crash on.

So maybe it is a case of look good, feel, but good, or feel good look good maybe in my head I didn't feel good about myself and that could have even shone outwards and affected how I looked outwardly or maybe even it was vice versa or also I'm just not going to be a friend's cup of tea

but weirdly enough he's obviously seen my photos I don't think I look that different from my photos but on the other hand I didn't look and feel my best on that day so it is what it is but yeah, not going to lie, it's kind of humbling when he's like, he didn't say, I just don't fancy you, but I know that's what he means. Because I had another date where the guy said, oh, you know, I don't really feel the spot. But within that, he at least did say that he thought, I looked, that he liked how I looked.

but I didn't feel, you know, that connection between us. I said, okay, this guy didn't even say that. Okay, he thought it was buzz, right? I've just got to affirm it. But it's okay because not everyone thinks I'm buzz. You know, that's just how it is. And I'm putting this story out there to say, yes, I've had all these great dating experiences

and still continuing to have great dating experiences. But it is not also. sunshine and roses, okay? Your girl, I'm still getting rejected. I'm still out here with you on the ups and downs of dating. And I'm going to share it all of you. Okay, so that story was a little weird date I had recently. I have got more to share. It's got to the point now, guys. I'm even getting requests from people I've been on dates with to be on the podcast. The men now want to be featured on the pod and that's odd. So I'm figuring out how to navigate that. I will be doing other story times coming up, okay? Like I said, I've got a few ideas and things I want to share

with you. So stay tuned. Some of them will be more lighthearted and fun and maybe I will be the rejector, rather than the rejectee in the future stories. But today's ones, I was the rejectee. Okay. So please tell me your stories to help make me feel better. I would love to hear from you. What is the weirdest sort of connection that you've had with someone where you've realized, oh my gosh, wow, no way. We were in the same thing that we didn't realize. Like my story time, we actually lived on the same road as kids. So I want to hear yours. Email me, help I swipe dry at gmail.com. or message me on Instagram, help I swiped right on Insta. Send me a DM. I'd love to hear from you. Okay, dilemma time. Let's get straight into it. Hey S-jam. So about two months ago, I found out that guy I've been seeing for about three months had a girlfriend in another country. He ghosted me to go overseas and see her. Should I reach out to her and tell her what happened?

Or should I just leave them both and move on? I had no idea about her when I was seeing him, but I can't help but feel guilty. Hmm. So you found out, you're seeing someone for three months, and then you found out that this guy actually had a girlfriend in a different country. And after that, he stopped seeing you to go and see her. This sounds messy.

this sounds messy um how long do you know how long they had been together for i don't know if you can work that out from social media like is this a serious relationship was there a crossover i mean obviously there's a crossover but i mean was it perhaps that he was kind of both casually dating you and then he made her his girlfriend is that a possible scenario or is it 100% he's been with for some time he's come to your country got with you and then actually and like has he full on moved back to where he's from and with this girl now a little bit more information would be helpful but with the information that I do have how would I advise you should you reach out to her and tell her what happened

or she just leave it and move on if they've been together a long time and it's serious I would definitely tell her like in that instance you'd like I would because she would have no idea

like they could go into something really serious like marriage and she would never know that he was cheating on him that he was cheating on her and not just cheating but you know you were seeing him for three months.

Okay, it's not even like a one-night stand situation, so you definitely have to tell her. Now, there is a possible universe in which he was casually seeing her and casually seeing you, in which case he's not done, I don't know anything wrong, it's a little bit murky, but, you know, there might not be that much point. to tell her but I guess it wouldn't hurt if she then says oh actually we weren't together then

and that they're happy together now it's not a big deal so I suppose even in that sense it might not hurt to tell her and then she can do what she wants with that information um also you've put in a message you found out two months ago so you're still kind of chewing this over two months later in terms of if you should tell this girl or not. And think about your motivations. Are you wanting to tell her because you're angry, they ghosted you? Are you wanting to tell her because you genuinely, you know, you're worried about her and you just want her to know? So, yeah, think about your motivations there as well. What would I do in a situation. Like I say, it would be helpful if I knew more DLs, but I probably would tell her.

I have had a situation in the past. The deep, deep past where I was cheated on and I found out through social media after we had broke up. So, yeah, at this point, we're really broken up. And through Instagram, I have seen my ex's new girlfriend. I go on her profile, which is public, and I look at her photos. and the timeline doesn't add up. There are photos, including a photo of them in bed together, just out there on a public Instagram, as you do,

including a photo of a bouquet of roses where she's put in the caption, something like, you know, thanks to sending it to me. And me being me, also say me being detective woman that I am, of course I've zoomed in on that photo, of course when I've zoomed in. even recognized his handwriting through the photo to know that it was him that sent the roses. Okay, so I've seen an array of images on her Instagram where the date she's uploaded those images, those are dates when we were still together when I was with my ex. So I'm like, cool, he was cheating on me. So a somewhat similar situation to this listener,

The similarity is that I found out after we've broken up that he cheated. So then it's kind of like, yeah, what do I do with this now? In my situation, I did tell the girl because, again, I mean, A, not going to lie, for revenge, obviously. I don't want this prick to succeed in anything he does in life. Secondly, obviously because this girl doesn't know, she thought he was her girlfriend and to an extent, sorry, she thought that he was her boyfriend and obviously to an extent he was. And obviously to an extent he was, you know, this cheating wasn't just a little one night stand thing. It was a full on affair style thing where I was his long standing girlfriend of like over two years and we lived together. And she, it was obviously newer. Also, you know, they were in love or he was sending her flowers and telling her, telling her that he loved her when I was still with him, okay?

Now, I messaged her on Facebook. This might date the story somewhat, messaged her. she replied she had no idea about this crossover and she then sort of confirmed to me the dates they actually got together

how they met it was through Tinder okay guys so this this ex of mine was on Tinder whilst he was with me so that was great then doesn't just cheat

you know sort of one night stand thing has a fill-on emotional affair as well calling it affair we weren't married but you get the point kind of has two girlfriends at once kind of thing um and this girl is disgusted she's heartbroken i felt really bad because i could tell she felt really betrayed. She could not believe it when I sent her the evidence proving that we were together

when they were together. And literally, we were actually on holiday in Venice together when this affair situation was going on. He took me to Venice for a birthday present and he was still cheating on me. at that time

and yeah told her that she was devastated I did feel bad at how devastated she was she then broke up with him I did then see on social media they got back together

eventually but then they broke up again so didn't last long long story short but I couldn't with me I get how this person feels that's written in. It's annoying. It's not nice to feel like someone's got their cake and they're eating it and they're just getting away with this two-timing stuff. So I feel yeah. And I say, yeah, why not tell her? But be prepared. You might not get the outcome you want. The girl might

not want to know. She might not believe you. So try to have evidence if you can. And good luck. And number one advice I would say is don't have to like, if you just want to live in peace and not tell her, that's totally fine as well. Because with me, this situation happened a long, long time ago. Now I don't care. So just remember that as well, girl. Like in the future, you won't care about this either. And you might just want to like distance yourself from this. two-timing to-rag for your own sense of peace. But equally, if you want to reach out to this girl, you know, it might be helpful for her to know that he's a two-timing tow rag. She might really know, but won't harm to let her know anyway. Okay, that dilemma kind of spiraled into a long one,

as I gave my own perspective there. would love to hear from you guys. Have you been cheated on? How did you find out? And did you tell that other person in the scenario if you found out, please let me know right in to help I swipe try it at DMO.com and let me know what would you do in this scenario? Okay, I'm just going to do one more dilemma because that one ended up taking a long time. So next one. germ, I've been dating someone for about two months. He's really caring and kind, but I feel like he likes me more than I like him. He asked me if I want to be his girlfriend, but I don't think I'm there yet, but he's kind of understood this. He's been patient with me. I feel like I'm missing a

deep sense of connection, but I wanted to give this a chance to see if my feelings develop. It started off with having a crush on both sides, but since then, I've not been feeling the that connected or excited. I don't really miss him during the week when I don't see him and we've been seeing each other every other weekend. How long would you usually give it before ending things? I know love can take time to develop but shouldn't I intuitively feel a pull towards him and want to say yes to being his girlfriend but instead I feel uncertain and I miss being single. I don't want to make it any more painful for him by staying longer, but I don't want to make a totally stupid choice before I'm sure. How long should I give it to see if feelings develop?

Has this ever happened where feelings are slow and eventually they grow? I've never been avoidant in past relationships. So I wonder whether that attachment style is coming up here, but I don't think it's that right. So I did say earlier, around in the episode that, you know, the spark, it can take some time to grow. I don't believe in an instant spark. But two months is pretty much enough time, I think. You know, I don't know exactly how many dates you've been on. You say here that you have been seeing each other every other weekend. So that might only total to like six dates, which isn't like a huge amount. But you've seen each other more than that regardless yeah two months that's a good amount of time again

not necessarily to know if you want to commit to being girlfriend after two months i'm not saying that that that part's optional but you should be excited to see him that's what's getting me you should be excited to see him okay i'm thinking here even about friendships i'm excited to see my friends like i look thought, like if I're friends were hanging out, you know, I'll miss my friends when I didn't see them. And I feel excited to see them. And we do hang out. So I'll reply that same rule here. Like, if you're not even really missing him or that excited to see him, you're not feeling it, girl. You're just not. And that's okay. And I think two months is enough time to figure that out. like ask yourself what would you be looking to see like what could you possibly learn about him

in the next month let's say that would change your mind from how you're feeling now to suddenly being like oh he's my boyfriend how did i not realize this entire time before of course i want to be of course i want to be of him and of course i'm excited like what would change you know and you said you're not been avoiding it in the past does it are you usually a slow burn that does it usually take you this long to develop feelings for someone or you know is it more instant so it's a little bit nuanced but you know you will know yourself better than me but my take on this from the outside is that I think two months is enough time really and I feel your pain I hear what you're saying that he's caring and kind and you know on candidate you're

you're like, oh, he's a great guy, but you're not feeling that excitement and that pulls towards him. And that's a real shame. I have been in a situation where someone asked me to be their girlfriend and I didn't say yes straight away. And that was for a few reasons where I was moving and I just didn't know if it was the right time to sort of commit to that. But after I said, I didn't say no, I just didn't say yes. I just said I need to think about it. And then literally that night, I was like, oh, why did I say that? I think I do want to be girlfriend. I do want to give it go. So very quickly, I realized how I felt. You are still thinking about it and you're still not sure. And like in my scenario, the reason I said no, wasn't because

I wasn't sure about him. It was more just the situation and the time. timing. And in the end, I thought, oh, you know, let's just give it a try. Like, why not? I do really like him and I'd like just give it a go. Whereas from you, I'm hearing this uncertainty. You even said, I don't want to make it more painful for him by being longer. So you're aware that he likes you more than you like him. And to an extent, I do believe that's healthy, controversial opinion I think that relationships heterosexual relationships work best

where the guy does like you more than you like him actually that's a good dynamic but I'll have to comment on to that another time as to why I think that but in any case yeah I think you've got to render and I hear you it's horrible you know

being the rejecter is horrible as well and especially when you know someone's really nice really kind and you actually want it to work I completely hear you like I've been in the situation as well where I'm like damn it I want to like you I want to feel excited about you it would be so convenient for me if I was to like you and to feel that spark because I know you're a great guy but I was just something missing so yeah I think you've got to call it quits you deserve to feel excited about seeing someone

and he deserves someone to feel excited about seeing him so you've got to do the right thing and and end it in a really kind way so let me know how you get on let me know what you end up doing and listeners please let me know what would you do in this scenario and what you think about it um have you ever been in the situation where yeah you get the vibe that someone likes you more than you like them and you're not that sure about it, let me know. Help I Swiped Right on Instagram and Help I Swiped Right at gmail.com is my email address. Please write in. Let me know your thoughts on the dilemmas I answered. And please don't

forget to send me your dating questions and dilemmas as well because I need lots of dilemmas to keep answering every episode. So don't forget to write in. All right. That's the end of today's episode. I really enjoyed today. It's been really fun doing another solo app. Hope you enjoyed listening. Going forward, I am going to try and do video records. I feel like I've been saying on this for a while now. You guys, you don't want to see how I look right now. Okay, you just don't. It's hair up in a messy bun on my sofa. I'm not. draped in a leather print blanket because it's cold. I've got hot water bottle on. I'm wearing an old jumper. I just don't think I can put this out on the internet, so it's audio only,

but I will attempt to look a bit nicer and do a video record in the new future. But yeah, today's been super fun. Thanks for listening, and I'll see you next Sunday.