Her Discussions by Dr Faye - Career Advice Every Woman Needs Before 30 | Mini Episode

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Starting point is 00:00:26 Discover coffee plus on nispresso.com. First, we're going to do the section of the podcast that is called buy or bye-bye. I am going to show you a piece of paper. Yeah. And you can tell me whether you would say bye or bye-bye to this thing. So buy as in, like, buy it or bye-bye as in goodbye. Yeah. We love nuance.

Starting point is 00:00:46 That's the only rule. Feel free to express the nuance. There's not enough nuance on social media. You know, everything is a quick clickbait sound. So, imposter syndrome. I'm going to say bye. Part of the reason why there's a really great story about a presidential candidate in Iceland, I think it is, and I'm not even going to attempt to say her name because I'm scared of butchering it.

Starting point is 00:01:13 But she said that imposter syndrome keeps her always growing because she never thinks she's the best. And I just really like the reframe because when she was running for the presidential candidacy, she essentially tried loads of different things. She tried TikTok, she tried Facebook, tried all these things that none of her competitors would do because they thought they were better. They didn't need to do it. But her imposter syndrome led her to trying more.

Starting point is 00:01:42 And I think about everything that I've learned when I felt imposter syndrome, the lessons it's taught me, the stories I've had to tell myself, the narrative I've had to choose. So both books, I kept feeling imposter syndrome. I'm not a writer. I'm not good at writing. I've never been celebrated for that.

Starting point is 00:02:00 But I had to keep reminding myself, if one person benefits from this, that's all that matters. So I think I don't want anybody to ever feel it, but I think there is a beauty in learning how to overcome it. And the stories that we can tell ourselves that challenge that can actually expand us so much bigger. I think if you never feel it and if you've always felt accepted and life is, and all of those things, I don't know if you've had that rigor or I don't know if you've had that test and trial of having to figure out your way out of that emotion and feeling. So I don't want to create environments where people feel it. But if you experience it, I don't want you to feel like you're alone or that you can't get through it because I think it's one of the best

Starting point is 00:02:52 character testing things that we go on. There is a power in imposter syndrome. And the power typically seen in women to doubt yourself often means we overachieve. Not enough people invest in women, but women tend to out, female investors tend to outperform male investors because that self-doubt can be all encompassing and trapping, but it can also propel us into doing great things. So, yeah, I really like that reframe. Asking for a pay rise.

Starting point is 00:03:28 Bye. 100%. Look, no one's coming to save you and clothes mouths don't get fed. So just get on with it. Like I have a whole chapter in Fuck Being Humble on how to ask for a pay rise. Best advice I can give on this is make sure you're talking about your contributions in relation to the business objectives. So don't just say I worked hard. Say my contributions on this project led to an increase in revenue and we've attracted a new audience which is going to help build the reputation of the company. So if you're going to ask for a pay rise, read my book on how to do it because I specifically take you through how you're making mistakes right now. And the biggest mistake we make is not

Starting point is 00:04:09 speaking the language of the decision maker. Your CEO, the finance director and managing director, don't care if you've worked hard. That is a given. They care about how you're helping to make the business, go further and how you're helping to work closer to the company goals. So you need to get really good at talking about your contributions as a lot of you're helping. a business impact case study. And that is something that you need to do. Don't ask for a pay rise if you're not going to really do the groundwork in verbalising all the great things you've done. And the other thing I'll say on this, your hard work won't speak for itself. So you better be self-promoting all year round and you better be documenting everything and you better be making

Starting point is 00:04:51 notes and you better be giving updates to everyone around you so that when you do ask for a pay rise, people say yes to you. Networking events. Bye, bye, bye. It makes me so sad when people say they hate networking because I think honestly, truly, if you look at our website and you look at my portfolio of brands that I have worked with,

Starting point is 00:05:13 I'm going to say about 80% of them have come from networking. It's come from relationship building. It's come from supporting people at their events, from speaking to people, from self-promoting in rooms. I am so, I will die on the hill. that you are only experiencing 50% of the opportunities you could access if you do not go to networking events. And I don't want to hear that you are an introvert or you're an extrovert or you're shy or you don't, whatever it is. Because actually I have a strong, really strong

Starting point is 00:05:46 stance that I think introverts are better at networking than extroverts are because introverts don't go in and just talk about themselves. In fact, the best tip I can give on networking is go in and ask as many questions as possible. Because people love to talk about themselves. And if you don't like speak about yourself, just have 10 questions in your head that you can ask individual people. You will get their answers and then you have a pitch that you can pitch back to them. If you don't know the answers or if you don't know who you're speaking to, you're not going to network well. So you don't need to be the loudest, boldest main character energy in the room. It is actually a secret power to just be able to listen. Listening is one of the best ways to

Starting point is 00:06:26 network, but please stop saying I don't do networking because what you're essentially saying is I don't do things that take me out of my comfort zone or I don't do things that I feel uncomfortable doing. And that is where you miss out on the opportunities that you could easily be accessing. I have to agree with you on the introvert thing. The best networker I've ever met was my old manager and she was the biggest introvert but she knew so many people but she also would remember things about people because as my mother would say, you've got two ears and one mouth for a reason. Listening is extremely important. Do you have any of your top networking questions that you just have up your sleeve on the go ready? Yeah. I mean, it's hard because we're going

Starting point is 00:07:13 through a bit of a cycle of trying to move beyond the question of like, what do you do? But that's the easiest question because we'll have jobs most of us, right? So what do you do is a great. If you see someone standing alone, you can say, did you come alone too? It's a great icebreaker because you're both probably feeling a bit awkward. I've done it where I've gone into, where I can see three people having a conversation being like, hi, do you mind if I join the chat? I don't really know anyone in the room, but I'm just, I'm forcing myself to talk to people instead of sitting on my phone. Like, name the thing that we were all really not great at doing. Also, complimenting people, just be like, by the way, I'm obsessed with your shoes. Can I just ask where

Starting point is 00:07:47 you got where you got them from? Again, it's that bonding. It's an initial, it's a flattery, there's connection. If there's a speaker there, if there's a speaker there, if there's a panel, you could be like, who are you here to listen to today? Is there a particular panelist, panelists you're looking forward to? There's other questions if you feel more confident, you know, things like what are you working on that's exciting you at the moment or tell me something about you that's not work related because I know everybody asks questions about their career. So there are ways that we can evolve it, but the questions you need to be asking should be about what you're trying to get from networking. So there's no point in being like, are you watching

Starting point is 00:08:20 traitors at the moment, which is good small talk, because if that's not actually going to help you get the results, then there's no point in going around in endless small talk, right? So I would be asking myself, why am I going to this networking situation? What am I hoping to gain? And what information do I need to know from people? So if, for example, you're going to a networking event because you're looking for a new job and you know you're going to be in a room full of business owners or brands or companies that you'd like to work for, when I start speaking to people, I'd be like, how's the company going at the Has it been affected by what's happening around the world? Has it been affected by COVID?

Starting point is 00:08:55 Are you currently hiring? What's the work-life balance? Like, ask questions that you gain knowledge about the thing that you're trying to search for at the moment. I've been speaking to a lot of company owners at the moment and they're saying that they're really struggling to retain their staff. How is it at your company? Is that something that's coming up for you? Ask the information. Ask the questions, the information that you'd like to receive so that you can best.

Starting point is 00:09:20 to inform yourself and then pitch yourself back better. But yeah, there's lots of it. And again, I list a lot of the amount of book. In the book. In the book. Which, by the way, we are going to be running a competition in the show notes for anyone to win the book. So keep it out for that. Both books. Both books.

Starting point is 00:09:37 Both books. I love your point about naming the thing saying, you know what, I force myself to talk to someone because I just think the strongest relationships are built on vulnerability. and this shared human emotion, a common issue that people have with networking is this feeling of it being quite superficial and transactional. I think that, you know, naming the thing, sharing that vulnerability is quite a nice way

Starting point is 00:10:02 to make it feel more human. But do you have any thoughts on that, on the transactionality of it all? Yeah, I think that's where there's a difference between transactional conversation and just showing an interest. So have a list of questions in your, head that you'd like to ask, but let them veer off. I'm sure as we're doing this podcast,

Starting point is 00:10:23 you're doing the same, right? Like I'll say something. You'll have a list of question, but I'll say something and you're like, oh, let me just let me come back. I want to speak more about that because I'm interested in that. So as you're going through a conversation, like, pick upon what someone says. If someone says, oh, no, we're not hiring at the moment, rather than being like, right, what's my next question that I need to ask? Be like, oh, does that mean like everybody's staying at the company then? Like, you know, be your natural self. There's a really great book called Do Improvise and in the book they talk about the fact that every conversation we ever have is improvised, we never know what the other person's about to say. Even your parents,

Starting point is 00:10:56 your friends, we literally never know. So there's a really good reminder when we go to networking events and we feel nervous that it's just having a conversation where just it's literally like a conversation that you'd have with any friend, any family member. Every conversation we have is improvised. So don't worry about needing to know the exact thing to say next. Just see how the conversation flows. The other recommendation I give is research before you attend that event, what's happening culturally in the news right now in relation to it. So I went to an event, I spoke at an event recently on the rise of expert influencers or expert content creators. And I was cited as someone who has been an expert in their field and as a content creator.

Starting point is 00:11:38 And I read up, I literally went onto Google and I was like expert content creators, the rise of, put it into Google. And I just looked to. at what are the latest news articles? Who's written something? It might have been like Wall Street Journal, Financial Times, anyone. So that when I'm speaking to people about, I actually read a really interesting article earlier today. So having, equipping yourself with cultural and relevant news, thinking about the resources, anything you've listened to in relation to the event or thing that you're attending, but it could be podcasts, it could be books, it could be, yeah, people you follow online, having, being interested in the spaces that you're going into. Like, when I used to go networking

Starting point is 00:12:15 for my company, if I was trying to generate clients in the sports space, particularly football, I wouldn't just turn up without any information about what's happening in football right now. I would go research. What are the headlines right now? What are the gaps? What are the things I'm interested in? And have a hot take on it. Like, have a perspective.

Starting point is 00:12:34 Because as much as you're asking them questions, you know, how you're responding will also be remembered to. And I'm a big believer in social media as a brilliant, powerful tool. but where so many people are focusing so much of their time on social media. Just by taking that step off social media into the articles and press, you are already doing a lot, taking it further than so many other people. So that's, yeah, love that. Love that.

Starting point is 00:13:01 Personal brand. Buy, but not in the way that everyone is pushing it right now. So I actually steer away from personal brand. I rarely talk about it. I've got one personal brand talk that I do. because it was requested. But actually, I try to avoid the words personal brand because I think everyone's a bit icked out by it.

Starting point is 00:13:24 And they have been for years. Like, this isn't a new thing. It's even more so now. Everyone does have a personal brand of sorts. It's whether they want to name it as a personal brand or not. I'm into the concept of it. I don't think you have to name it and talk about your personal brand in the third person.

Starting point is 00:13:41 Or like, you know, I'm really working on my personal brand right now. I'm like, you know, okay. What you mean is you're posting on LinkedIn. Like, it doesn't need, we don't need to keep calling it and referring at our personal brand. Do you know what I mean? Like, that's the, I try to avoid that myself. When people are like, oh, you've built a great personal brand. I'm like, I don't see it as much like that.

Starting point is 00:14:00 I sort of see it more, like, it's the story. Like, if you don't like the word personal brand, just talk to yourself about the story that you're sharing. What is the narrative you are putting out about yourself that you want to be known and remembered for? We don't even need to use the word personal brand. And but what I would say just to refocus that is a lot of people think because they're employed, they don't have to focus on a personal brand. A lot of people think because they're employed, they don't have to network. A lot of people don't think they need to do these things. And then as we've seen with mass layoffs and redundancies, all of a sudden they're in a state of desperation.

Starting point is 00:14:34 And a lot of people, when I interviewed them for a recent project on redundancies, have said to me, I wish I'd invested in my personal brand sooner. So I think it's something of like, if you don't like the phrase, don't use it, but definitely embrace the concept of building your narrative, building your connections, building your network, building your net worth so that when you need it, you can leverage it. That's what I would stand on. Gorgeous. Final one. Portfolio careers. Bye, bye, bye. Yeah. I totally believe in portfolio careers.

Starting point is 00:15:13 think any career that works for you, like, again, it's a lot of the labeling and naming becomes the issue. But actually, yeah, portfolio careers is really important. Having breaks in your careers are important. Going on gap years traveling is important. Like, however you want to define your career is up to you. For me, I care more about show me, don't just tell me. And that's what I think is really important. Like, don't just say you can do it. Show me. Show me. me how you've done it. And that is what I would rather, everything we've talked about so far, it's like focus on how you're communicating your career, not these labels that we put on top of them. Thank you for listening. If you would like to hear the full episode with even more

Starting point is 00:15:59 jam-packed knowledge, then just click the link in. Don't you wish you could just hit skip on the worst parts of your life? You know the same way you can skip an ad. I get it. I'm Siaya and I live in Ice Cove. I've made some questionable decisions that didn't end up the way I planned, and today I'm still figuring it out. Somehow things usually get worse before they get better. Apparently, that's how I roll. So bundle up and come along for the bumpy ride. Stream a new episode of North of North Tuesdays on CBC Gem. The description.

Her Discussions by Dr Faye - Career Advice Every Woman Needs Before 30 | Mini Episode

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