Her Discussions by Dr Faye - Communication Techniques That Actually Work | Mini Episode

Episode Date: July 9, 2026

Another Thursday, another mini episode!Every Thursday, we’re sharing the Buy or Bye Bye segment from one of your favourite Her Discussions episodes - a breakdown of what actually works for your health. This week, we're revisiting our episode with voice and confidence expert Caroline Goyder, who helps people understand what’s actually happening when your voice shakes, your mind goes blank, or you suddenly start overthinking mid-sentence.In the full episode, we discuss:⭐ How to stop your voice shaking when public speaking❌ Why pretending to be confident doesn’t work (and what does)🧠 The real reason your brain freezes when speaking (and how to fix it)⏸️ The 2 second trick that instantly makes you sound more confident💨 The 1 breathing habit that improves how you speakListen to the full podcast here:Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/episode/5hMFmKSA27mpK2h6rSuuS0?si=2yDep6NZRMGNZuSByqtZ-g YouTube: https://youtu.be/PbkjoiSGpv8?si=RJqt_aYrGZS4P124 Please don’t forget to subscribe - it really helps us grow the podcast.Resources & links mentioned:Caroline Goyder’s Instagram: ⁠https://www.instagram.com/carolinegoyder/⁠Free Gravitas Course: https://carolinegoyder.com/Course Library 2025: https://carolinegoyder.com/courses/Caroline Goyder's Books: https://carolinegoyder.com/books/?kuid=8165193d-b1b1-4c04-9e11-5c54fc86fa7c-1778057021&kref=https%3A%2F%2Fcarolinegoyder.com%2FToastmasters Public Speaking Club: ⁠https://www.toastmasters.org/⁠Ultra Speaking community:⁠https://ultraspeaking.com/Can I ask you a BIG favour? 💙Please leave a review or rating. It helps us grow the podcast and bring you more amazing guests.Share this with someone who wants to protect their brain, boost focus, or live smarter, it might help them feel more energized and confident.Follow us on social media or join the broadcast channel to send us your questions for our guests:Podcast Instagram: ⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/herdiscussionspod/⁠⁠Broadcast channel: ⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/channel/AbY4liwxlLnewx4H/⁠⁠ 🛑 Disclaimers & legal:This podcast is for educational / informational purposes only and does not constitute medical, legal, or financial advice. All opinions are those of the speaker(s).

We've got a section on this podcast called Buy or Bye Bye. I will show you something and I would like to know your opinions on this thing. Love it. So whether you would buy it metaphorically or say bye bye, you don't really like it. So, excellent. It's a lot of fun. First up, Power Poses. Yeah, I'm a buy. I think I love Amy Cuddy's work.

She's a fabulous speaker and I think Power Poses, they've had a lot of flak from the Academy, mean, but they blumen well work. So yes, it's a buy. For those who have never heard of power poses, what are they? And why is it a buy for you? Amy Cuddy looks at the body as the key to confidence. And she talks about how when we open up our physicality, I'm not going to do it now because it won't help your Joseph who's doing our sound for us. But if you really open up your body, then she says that gives you confidence because it says to your nervous system, you're in charge. You're, I mean, Apex Predator is the wrong expression, but it says you're on the savannah and you're not threatened, right?

Whereas a small, closed off body says, you know, I am prey. Those who are watching on video now, the way that I am sat is very, I am prey right now. Well, no, because you see your shoulders, your collarbones, your breath is open. So I would dispute that. I think if your shoulders were hunched and you were leaning forward. Yeah. But I think you're beautifully.

aligned in a relaxed way and breathing diaphragmatically. So your power posing in your own way. I used to do this before a lot of my exams and then I saw some, yeah, some slack about it. So I stopped doing it. I used to do the Superman pose in the toilets for two minutes before I'd sit in exam. And, you know, regardless of whether it was a placebo or not, I walked out and I did feel like I could, I could conquer it. And I thinking, if it's what works for you, isn't it? If you're someone who gets anxious in a situation and that gives you that sense of power and control. Do it. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. I had an exam the other day and I didn't do it. So I'm going to do it again. Thank you very much.

Pleasure. Public speaking clubs. Yeah, that's a buy. Okay. Now, okay, fair disclosure, I joined a toastmasters. What is a toastmasters? Because I have no idea and it was in the podcast notes. And I was thinking, what is this? It's a club that you go to once a week and they help you practice your speaking. For me, it didn't work because I'm not great. it rules. Same. But I think anywhere that you get to practice public speaking is a good thing. I mean, it's not also an introverse dream. If you're an introvert and the thought of the public speaking club is a nightmare, then I would say just practice at home. Put your voice on voice memos, run the presentation through, but you do have to practice speaking. You can't just write a speech

and hope it'll be okay. Public speaking clubs are really good for that. So it's a bye. Nice. So we're going to come on to my experience doing my TED Talk a little bit later on as well But just on the Toastmasters, what is the setup? Do you rock up and they ask you to prepare something to speak about Or how does that work normally? There's a real formula and there's an MC And there are different speaking exercises

And different people will do things different weeks And as you get to know the group better, you'll be asked to do more. So it's a really clever framework for us. your public speaking, but only if you like rules, only if you like a very defined framework. But for the people it works for, it's absolutely brilliant. And there are other public speaking clubs out there that are less formal as well. Nice. And how would people go about finding something like this? You just go online and you could Google Toastmasters. There's one called Ultra speaking

online that people like. It's looser and it's more like improvisation. And there are groups for women as well. So I would just say, you know, your friend is one of your favourite LLMs, put public speaking clubs in in your area and I guarantee you will find something. Fake it till you make it. I think that's a, well. God, give me your controversial opinion. It looks like it's horn or you're holding back. I think in the old world that works better. But I think fake it till you make it says there's a layer of, um, over. overthinking or there's a layer of masking, there's a layer of overwork. And I would say, rehearse it until you make it and also regulate yourself until you make it. Because I think

what really matters now in an age with incredible microphones, great cameras, a world where AI can replicate humans to like an almost near level, I think the thing that matters more is our ability to be at ease in our skin. And I don't think faking it is about ease. But if you're really nervous and you have to say to yourself, I've got this, this is fun. That's the kind of telling yourself you've got this

that I'm there for, but what I'm not there for is a kind of, hi, everybody, brittle confidence. I'm not there for acting. I would love to hear your opinions on what I found is the only thing that's helped me with imposter syndrome because it relates to this. So when I first started working as a doctor, you have to overcome imposter syndrome because there's a difference between imposter syndrome and actually not being out of your depth. You have to hone in on what you are good at and what you do need to improve on because actually that can be the difference

between someone's life or death. I would be in a situation and maybe a patient would be sick and I had to make a decision of do I need to call my senior because this is not what I know or am I be doing the typical womanly thing of telling myself

I'm not very good when I am. Yeah. And I found that the only thing, it is really hard and I found the only thing that grounded me, it was looking at the evidence. So I would say to myself, I'd say, Faye, you have completed

your medical degree just like everyone else. you have, you know, maybe managed a patient with these symptoms before, you know what to do. Or if I haven't managed a patient with those symptoms before, you need to call your senior. But I would hone in on the evidence. And I think that that really helped me find the truth rather than what I think, a lot of the advice around imposter syndrome tends to be fake it so you make it. And I don't think that helps. I think it means that we lose trust in our brains.

Oh, I love that. Going from the evidence, we build, as a woman, it's so important to trust your brain. And so you make it, I think, what you're saying, the masking, the covering up, it just breaks that trust even more. Absolutely love that. It takes us out of ourselves into something we think we should be, whereas I love this thing about trusting the evidence,

trusting your instinct about is this something to refer or is this something I even if I'm doubting myself evidentially no I know enough on what I mean on a not life and death level when I left my voice masters I said to my it was a bit different teaching actors voice no nobody's going to die if you get it wrong but I said I don't know anything and he said you know more than they do and that was similarly it's like trust trust that you know enough and also trust your instinct to know when to ask. And for a bettick, that's a much more serious, you know, choice to make, isn't it? An example with my TED talk was when I was going to walk on,

I was telling myself in my head, you have practiced this to death. You have put in the hours. The evidence is you have run this through perfectly, perfectly multiple times. The evidence is there. trust the work that you've put in. Whereas if I hadn't done the work and I, if I hadn't put in the hours, hadn't put in the graft and I was stood about to walk onto that stage saying, Fay, you're amazing. You can do this.

Faking it till I make it. And then I walked out and I absolutely bombed it. What does that do to my trust in my brain, my trust in my self-esteem, my trust in my ability? It just, it's, because you're giving yourself mixed messages. It applies to every, you know, all these situations. Our gut always knows when we're ready. Now, that readiness always has jeopardy

because live performance is always a risk, isn't it? But there's absolutely something for everybody to get to when you're doing any kind of performance that your gut says I've done enough to know that I can hit a certain level. Even if it goes wrong, I will hit that level and that's all about, as you say, Faye, rehearsal. Yeah.

But rehearsal doesn't have to be in the mirror. It can be sitting down with your phone talking it through. It can be tidying up the house while you run the speech. It can be running it to your mate on Zoom. You know, it can, rehearsal can be loose. Yeah. Believe you. Me and my boyfriend, we had great fun rehearsing.

Exactly. My head's head talk. I was doing dances around the living room by the end because I was so delirious and we'd run it so many times. I was just, it was quite fun. Actors would totally buy that because then it's in your body. Actors will say get it into your body.

Nice. Okay. Which dancing it does. Memorizing scripts, word forward. It depends. Okay. So we've just been talking TED. And as you know, with TED, I said when I did my TED, it's almost like a poem.

It's like, because there is, you have to be really timed, you can't run over, you've got to hit certain signpost. So I think my TED was 96% true to the script. with a little bit of riffing. But most presentations are not TED. So most of the time, I'm a huge fan of mind maps. Okay. Love a mind map because it's not like being at school. When we're remembering a script,

it's like we're back at school in the French class. Whereas if you're visual and you have a map in your head, in front of you at first when you're rehearsing, when you get on stage the maps in your head, you just remember the signposts. You remember the pictures. and it's such a lovely way to do a speech. Nice.

Filler words. Oh. I did a Radio 4 program where they edit, it was on filler words and then they didn't edit them out. Which was clever, clever editor. I think filler words are okay as long as they're not a tick. So I have said filler words tick,

which is like. I use like in every sentence, every other, you know, it's awful. You know I also do as well. I'm quite bad at filler words. I am cutting every single like out because it sends shivers up my spine. I think, Faye, why are you diluting your voice with these words? Do you have any tips for the girlies who are listening? How can we get rid of these filler words or minimise them?

This is the million dollar question, isn't it? mine is sew, okay? So if you're listening, just listen out for the soes. My strong sense around fillers is that if you just close your mouth, which sounds like the kind of advice my mother would give me, if you just close your mouth instead of using the filler word and take a relaxed breath, it does two things. An in-breath allows your brain to take in new information.

So it helps you think there's a sew. and it also stops you doing the filler because your mouth is shut. So just taking a full stop, close mouth, let the air come in, and then saying the next bit will minimise fillers so quickly. But we've just got to practice. So a breath instead of a filler. Yeah. That in-breath, it refuels your brain, it tells the system it's safe

and it also takes in new information. And when we're rushing and, you know, kind of this, you know, going really fast and I'm talking that I'm not really taking in the oxygen and my brain can't think properly. So I'll start tripping over words and doing more fillers and it becomes this horrible vicious circle and dumb. And I'm really stuck. I've never thought of that. But if you're going on a run, you want to be breathing properly to get the oxygen to your muscles. If you are speaking, you need to be breathing properly to get the air to your brain. you will speak like silly things.

Why don't we learn this at school? And the other thing is there's loads of science on nasal breathing, you know as a runner. It also really helps the neurons in the brain a nasal breath in a way that a mouth breath doesn't. So making sure we're getting our nasal breathing in. Closing the mouth on those pauses. Brilliant.

Okay. Cue cards. My mind maps are a kind of visual cue card. a mind map is a set of cue cards all on one page, so I think I'm in for the cue cards. As long as you're not reading them, you know, if someone's awe doing it on your phone, cue cards, I'm quite hardline about not having your script on your phone.

I currently have the podcast questions on my phone right now. I'm very sorry. But you're not looking at it. If you were staring at your phone, it's fine down there, right? The most important thing for speaking is eye contact. So as long as you're using a mind map or a QCard's, or even a script. As long as your eyes are up, that's okay. But if you're reading it, not okay. Bye, bye. I've got a side question that is, I think it will be relevant to the audience.

I am made of honour for my friend's wedding in September. Oh, exciting. Do you have any tips for wedding speeches? Because I'd imagine if you're not in a job where you are required to speak, you may be required to speak at someone's wedding. And that is a lot of pressure. It's so high stakes, isn't it? Because it's all the people that you love. It's a once in a lifetime, you hope, day. My father died a year ago. And so at his funeral, you know, we thought about the rather sadder end of this. And these moments in our lives where we're speaking for the people that we love are really, really important. But I think what I would say is that the best advice I got on this was for that first book. And it was the playwright David Hare. And he said, nobody else.

can tell you what to say. It's a bit like what we're talking about in terms of being a medic and that real felt sense of what's true for you. You have to really sit down and think, well, two things. What is it that I want to say about this person I love? And how would they like it to be framed? I don't think, well, obviously with a funeral you can't ask them, but with a wedding speech, I don't think you would go to the bride and groom and ask them, how would they like it to be done? You might say what's your favorite wedding speech you've ever heard that will give you a sense. But then I think it's like choosing clothes for a wedding. You think about what's their, what's their vibe, what's their style, what would work for this person?

And then with that in mind, you really, really speak from the heart, but you have to rehearse it. And I think you have to rehearse it with someone you trust. and you have to ask them for a couple of congratulations, things they love, and one consideration, which might be slow down or it's too long or have more fun. But I think if you get someone to tell you what did you love and then one thing you think I can do better, you have a bit of an outside eye on it as well, an outside ear. We had Heather Elkinson on the podcast a few weeks ago and she said something that she's a career, career leadership coach and she said a phrase that I really, really, really loved.

And it was perfectionism avoids feedback and excellence seeks it out. Love that. So I love that, yeah, you said, ask for feedback, seek it out. Don't just settle for, that was absolutely amazing. That was brilliant. That's really, really helpful. Before the podcast started, you said some really interesting comments about AI. And we'll come on to AI in more detail a little bit later on.

but on the point of wedding speeches, I was having a conversation with a friend recently and they said they went to a wedding where the best man's speech was painfully AI. Oh no. So impersonal. And they almost felt like at the end of the speech, they would say, insert name here is my best friend in the entire world.

It was just so generic. Oh, God. So I really, really, really love your point that no one can tell you what's right, especially not a bloody robot. No, because it's about love. And robots, they don't do love. They might talk a good game, but they don't have a heart.

Yeah, yeah. It's very wizard of ours. Yeah. Voice training apps. Oh, okay, so fair disclosure, I've never used one for obvious reasons. I've heard good things about Microsoft voice coach in that it will help you on your pace, your pause, too many words. So I think probably, surprisingly, I would say bye,

to get you to a kind of basic level of good, but it's not going to get you beyond that. So yeah, to a level. Okay, I'm a bye. That was a very lovely segue into, so if the voice training apps are not going to get you to that level, what is? Oh, here we go.

We all have a great voice inside. So there's my filler. There are a few medical conditions where you might not. So with that, you know, corollary, all of us are able to speak with power and with energy and with ease and with expression. We just have to let it out. There's a lovely Aristotle word called enteliki, which means the oak contains the acorn. and I think we just have to look at what stops us expressing ourselves. So when people were saying to me, you have no presence, you're in your head.

I had a very noisy inner critic. My body was held, my shoulders were tense, and I wasn't breathing in a diaphragmatic way, so my voice didn't have power. I was very much in fight or flight a lot of the time. And when we're in fight or flight, our voice flattens out. Because the nervous system figures you're not going to survive by being your relaxed best. You're going to survive by running away. So the thing that the AI apps won't do is help you self-regulate, help you be playful,

help you find the inner expression that's deeply you. And I think the thing I say to clients is when you're at your most relaxed, when you're having a fireside chat with your buddies over a glass of something lovely or a cup of tea, how do you talk? Because that ultimately is the you that's going to work on a TED stage. Even, I mean, even to some extent in front of the UN or Davos being, you might be more formal in style, but that ease, that expression, that sense of what matters to you, that's where power is for speakers.

You can't pull it in from outside. You have to find it within. Thank you for listening. If you would like to hear the full episode with even more, jam-packed knowledge, then just click the link in the description.