Her Discussions by Dr Faye - Sex Expert: Every Girl Should Watch This By 25 | Mini Episode

Episode Date: April 30, 2026

Another Thursday, another mini episode!Every Thursday, we’ll be sharing the Buy or Bye-Bye segment from one of your favourite Her Discussions episodes - a breakdown of what actually works for your health. This week, we're revisiting our episode with Kate Moyle who is one of the UK’s leading psychosexual and relationship therapists and authors.In the full episode, we discuss:👀 the biggest lies we’re told about what sex ‘should’ look like⭐ what to do if you find sex painful💬 why you may never have had an orgasm💗 tips for the girls who want love but keep pushing it away🏁 a free way to make sure new partners don’t have STDs❤️‍🩹 how to rekindle intimacy in long-term relationshipsListen to the full podcast here:Spotify: ⁠https://open.spotify.com/episode/3IjmxhBfzqMLHeHCzq4WFC?si=Bk9x_XXxRwW2Jp2nauuvxAYouTube: ⁠https://youtu.be/LSgdzYr9QIkPlease don’t forget to subscribe - it really helps us grow the podcast.Resources & links mentioned:@katemoyletherapyKate’s book: ⁠https://geni.us/TheScienceOfSex⁠Kate’s podcast: ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcCan I ask you a BIG favour? 💙Please leave a review or rating. It helps us grow the podcast and bring you more amazing guests.Share this with someone who wants to protect their brain, boost focus, or live smarter, it might help them feel more energized and confident.Follow us on social media or join the broadcast channel to send us your questions for our guests:Podcast Instagram: ⁠https://www.instagram.com/herdiscussionspod/⁠Broadcast channel: ⁠https://www.instagram.com/channel/AbY4liwxlLnewx4H/⁠ 🛑 Disclaimers & legal:This podcast is for educational / informational purposes only and does not constitute medical, legal, or financial advice. All opinions are those of the speaker(s).

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I'm going to come on to our section called buy or bye-bye. So I'm going to show you different products. Okay. And I would like you to let me know whether you think that is something that is worth buying or you would say bye-bye. Okay. Starting with lubricants. Oh, buy, definitely. Yeah, 100%.

Non-negotiable. Non-negotiable. Okay. And why was that such a strong buy? I think that lubricant is the best and most, cost effective and least invasive way that anyone can improve their sex life. And historically, the attitude towards lubricants was, you're not turning someone on enough or they're not turned on enough. And that's indicative of a problem. It's just not the case. And lubrication is a natural

process that happens more for some people or less for other people. It's impacted by our hormones, where we are in our menstrual cycle, if we're in the moment or if we're super distracted, what medications we might be taking. And the reality is, is it, It takes away elements of friction, increases sensation and pleasure, and there is absolutely no shame in using it whatsoever. And the only kind of analogy that I can also make is that in no other part of our life, if we had like a cream or a liquid or a pill or something that would instantly make things better, would we ever think twice about it?

Yeah. But for some reason, we still have this kind of historical shame and difficulty around them. and yeah i mean at some points there are complete non-negotiable for example uh postnatally when people are breastfeeding because their estrogen is impacted and vaginal dryness is more common again why we don't tell women who are postnatal this i do not know um menopause obviously yeah parimenopause and so there are times when it's really important but also it's it's really useful for people that are having painful sex or difficult penetration as well yeah it's an easy win in my book you say the reasons why it's probably to do is people feeling like,

oh, you're not turning someone on enough. We filmed with Dr. Nagler about egg freezing and fertility earlier. And she talks about how the best thing you can do is a couple going through fertility treatments is to not see it. It's like against each other, see it as a team. It's not her fault. It's not his fault. You're in this and the team.

And I think that that's definitely something that you're probably seeing sex as well. It's like people seeing this as a solo sport. rather than a team sport. And obviously it can be a solo sport, but when you're with someone else, it should be a team sport. Yeah, definitely. And one of the things that I always focus on

is this idea of together because I think one of the things is we try and position the failing in one person and actually often it's about the dynamic and whether it's one person might be struggling more. But one of the things that make sexual problems worse

is feeling like your partner doesn't understand or that you can't tell them what's going on or you not being able to explain it and the miscommunications that come about as a result of that and the assumptions and the assumptions are basically where we have information gaps we often fill them with the worst case scenario when it comes to sex. God, I feel like you need to repeat that again because I think that that could be applied to so many different areas of life. When there's knowledge gap, you can fill with assumptions of the worst case scenario. So someone is feeling super anxious about the fact that they take a really long time to orgasm and they

feel that their partner keeps trying and they feel really distracted every time they have sex because they want to please their partner and they want to be able to have an orgasm and it becomes a kind of a bit like an orgasm hunt and it becomes more and more stressful and one partner is thinking okay well it's because I don't turn you on enough the other's thinking okay it's

because I'm not attractive enough to them and actually it's nothing to do with that but the worst case scenario kind of assumptions keep bouncing back and forth between each other sex becomes more stressful nobody is able to say you know what actually it's because I'm finding sex really uncomfortable or it's because I'm finding that I'm really in my head

or it's because it's never happened and I don't want to fake it with you because I don't want to start that cycle and the other partner is thinking okay well what am I doing wrong am I not good at this and these are things that it becomes this kind of back and forth between partners

and they don't know how to communicate about it so few of us are actually taught how to have these conversations where that kind of gap of information is actually we need to just do something differently here, but we have to be able to have the conversation in order to do that. And that's where things can get really stuck. And the more stuck they get, the more round we go kind of cyclically with that.

And often that's when people come and come and see someone like me. Do you have any tips for couples navigating those conversations or even just bringing up that conversation as a first step? Yeah, I think, I mean, I think the first thing is you've just got to kind of sometimes take a deep breath and do it and know that it probably will feel a bit uncomfortable or will probably feel a bit awkward that you can use something like a scene in a film to jump it off or a conversation to say like,

oh, I listen to that a podcast and they were talking about sex today, what do you think about this? And it's okay to laugh about it as well. It's to be like, we don't know what to do about this. There's now so many great sexual well-being book, resources, podcasts, you know, and I think it's not feeling like it is a disaster,

not feeling like you've failed, not feeling like there's nothing that can be done. Because like we say, you know, in any other area of your health and well-being, you would probably feel more comfortable looking for answers, addressing it, changing something. And seeing it is that together, so being like, okay, what can we do together to change this? Makes it feel, again, like we're not blaming one partner. Because as soon as one partner feels blamed,

that's not going to be a good thing for desire. That's not going to motivate someone to want to kind of change something sexually or to enjoy sex more. Yeah. Next step. Yes. Vibrators and sex toys. Yes.

Solo and partnered. Yeah, I mean, I'm slightly biased because I work with a sex toy brand called Lilo, so I'm their UK expert. But yeah, I think they are a great addition. Again, like quite an easy win. Either partnered or solo pleasure. So functionally,

when I'm working with people who are kind of learning about their bodies or having painful sex or haven't had an orgasm or things like that, then we can also kind of integrate sex toys and pleasure products into their psychosexual therapy. So exercises for them to be to be doing at home. But it's a great way of introducing novelty, different sensation. It is not a competition between sex toys and your partner. I think that's the kind of, again, like the historical assumption is that one will kind of outsource the other. But they're a great thing for couples to try together. They can be used all over the body to increase sensation and they can increase arousal because it's basically like a nudge to

the nervous system so it kind of can awaken things a bit more as well but yeah and you know ultimately they're a lot of fun and a lot of people have a great time with them pelvic floor trainers yes if people need guidance and they feel like they need something to guide them and motivate them and focus them then they can be a great option I don't think that everybody needs them I think that the pelvic floor conversation needs to happen more kind of across the board. Typically we only hear about it in pregnancy and kind of beyond a bit more kind of in menopause. But if it's something that helps you to focus on this area of your well-being, then yes, but I don't think they're an essential. In my third year of medical school, I saw a bladder prolapse.

Yeah, it is interesting. Pregnancy seems to be the focus, but your pelvic floor is important for every single phase of your life. It's such an important part of your health. And, you know, I work with a lot of pelvic health physiotherapists. There's a great book called Strong Foundations by someone called Claire Bourne, who is an amazing pelvic health physio. And one of the things she talks about is pelvic health across the lifetime. And I've worked, for example, with lots of people that have had painful sex or having painful sex.

And we can track it back to things like UTIs in childhood or really kind of recurrent thrash or tensing too much or feeling like you can't go to the loo and feeling really anxious about that. And I think that it's, you know, it gets ignored a lot of the time. And one of the things that I work with a lot is something called vaginismus, which is an involuntary tightening of the pelvic floor muscles so that penetration is either impossible, painful or really difficult. And pelvic floor training is a part of that. Now a pelvic floor trainer is not going to be useful for someone who can't fit, you know, more than a little finger or a cotton bud inside themselves.

but it's learning about the pelvic floor, we have to kind of understand the basic premise of what it does and it affects everything. It's about our bowels. It's about sex. It's about, you know, orgasm strength. It's about incontinence. It's about exercise.

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Erotic books, audio books. Yeah. There are some great erotica apps. There are some great kind of products for that. I think, you know, one of the things that is really good for that is that people can kind of conjure up their own imagery. And in a way, you know, kind of your imagination is the best pornography you've got in terms of that because it's tailored to what you like. And I think that the other thing is it can bring people's attention. to sex, it can kind of introduce the idea of something erotic which can kind of make them start

to feel turned on or could start to feel kind of sexually charged or sexually interested. And when we talk about desire, that motivation for sex, for people who struggle to get in the moment, something like that can be a really helpful cue for helping them to start to kind of feel more ready for sex or kind of masturbation. Do you think with the rise probably in porn being a lot more accessible than it once was, Do you think that that contributes potentially to the decreasing sex that is happening? Because in my head, when I think about audiobooks or erotic books, you're saying, you know, you kind of envision things in your head, whereas in today's porn can be extremely full on. Especially, you know, teenagers, I just think, if you've been watching extremely aggressive,

quite intense porn whilst you're a teenager and then you have sex real for the first, time, is that going to be disappointing or not what you expected? And then people turn to porn before having sex. Yeah, I think we have a huge problem, which is a gap in the education around all of this, understanding that the two are very separate. The age verification process for kind of pornography came in recently last year. You know, they are different things. One was not designed to be an educational tool. And I think that's where we have some of the biggest problems. If that's the most accessible content for people, rather than better sex education, more kind of nuanced open, educative conversations. And we have this kind of

taboo and stigma around asking questions or not knowing where or how to ask questions or even questions are allowed to be asked, then Google offers a kind of, you know, an unlimited amount of answers, unfortunately, that we're then not in control of. Intimate oil, massage oils. or is indifferent to lubricants? Yes. I'm going to say no to these ones, bye-bye to these ones, because I think that A, you shouldn't be using any products that are not designed for your genitals, on your genitals,

as number one, particularly ingredients on things are really important. We don't want to be using things like glycerins or anything kind of, you know, flavoured or scented. So that would be a no. And also, like, there are great quality, like gynaecology just approved, medically approved lubricants that can do that job for you. Thank you for listening. If you would like to hear the full episode with even more jam-packed knowledge,

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