Here's Where It Gets Interesting - Nothing Is Missing with Nicole Walters

Episode Date: October 6, 2023

Today on Here’s Where It Gets Interesting, Sharon welcomes back close friend and CEO, Nicole Walters, to share all about her captivating memoir, Nothing Is Missing. The daughter of Ghanaian immigrants, Nicole writes about her experience growing up in America through the lens of a different kind of American dream, both in how she was raised, and by forging her own path as a TV personality, motivational speaker, and entrepreneur building a multi-million-dollar business. Nicole talks with humility about not having all the answers, granting grace to ourselves and others, and the learned skill of saying “I don’t know,” when you haven’t learned something yet. Through struggles, obstacles, and falling down only to get back up again, this conversation demonstrates how to show up for ourselves, and mindfully create our lives with confidence and boldness. Special thanks to our guest, Nicole Walters, for joining us today. Host/Executive Producer: Sharon McMahon Guest: Nicole Walters Audio Producer: Jenny Snyder Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

As a Fizz member, you can look forward to free data, big savings on plans, and having your unused data roll over to the following month. Every month. At Fizz, you always get more for your money. Terms and conditions for our different programs and policies apply. Details at fizz.ca. Hello, friends. Welcome. I could not be more excited for today's episode. One of my very, very good friends is back on the podcast, Nicole Walters. And this episode is going to hopefully be so transformative for you. She has a new book out called Nothing Is Missing. And I can't wait for you to hear more about Nicole's story and some of the lessons that she's learned that we can all take and apply to our own lives. So let's dive in. I'm Sharon McMahon, and here's where it gets interesting.

Well, I could not be more excited to welcome my friend Nicole Walters back to the show. Yay. Thank you so much for being here. Are you kidding me? There's no place else I'd rather be besides in a ball of raccoons. Kissing the little faces, smushy faces. Watching them open up cans of soda with their little opposable thumbs. Nicole has been here before and we talked about raccoons. So you may hear a few inside jokes about raccoons.

Nicole loves them. They're her favorite animal. We communicate largely through raccoon memes, videos of raccoons. You know, it's like one of those things. People send me whale videos and videos of dogs doing cute things and whatever.

Anything raccoon, I am directing Nicole's way. 100%. And I receive it entirely. It is literally, I would say a solid 97% of our interaction. The other 3% is like brilliant business insights and world and life changing theories. But 97% is raccoons. Raccoons. And that's real life and real friendship.

It's called balance. Yeah. Yep. That's right. All the 3%. It takes 97% raccoons to balance the weight of the 3%. That's right. It's so deep and heavy.

It requires 97% raccoons. I'm excited for everyone to hear our chats because when I tell you, Sharon, people constantly, whenever they find out we even know each other, I get messages that are like, you don't understand the two of you together in one room. I cannot, I cannot. I mean, one, we're very similar. We're grace-filled. We like to teach people. We love, you know, sharing stories, both our own and others to elevate, and then sharing just facts, kind of, hey, this is the thing of how it is. So I just love that I have this time with you and your people because they're my people too.

I love them. I love that. Well, listen. Listen here. Today is a proud day for me, Sharon McGovernment. It's a proud day for me because you have been toiling for years on something that is finally, finally coming out into the world for everyone to enjoy your new book, Nothing is Missing, which by the way, I love the cover so much. I'm like, oh, it's so good. It's such a good cover. I love it. Oh, I love you so much. And my name is on the back. You can flip it over and find my name on the back. Very exciting. And I just could not be more excited. We're going to do an event together

in Chicago talking about your book. I literally wrote a book just so we could hang out. I mean, let's just be honest. Let's be honest. That's the real reason. Goal reached. Done. Your book, Nothing is Missing, is just an absolutely delightful, heartwarming, beautiful memoir. One of the things that I was really struck when I was reading it is how much, first of all, growing up in an immigrant family has impacted your American experience. You know, we think of the American experience of being like 2.5 kids in a suburban house with a white picket fence and they ride their little bike up and down

the sidewalk. Like that is quintessential Americana. But I love this idea that your experience is every bit as much the American dream as the suburban mom with a minivan and 2.5 kids. And I would just love to hear you talk a little bit more about what it was like. First of all, your parents didn't have much. They didn't come to this country with like, we're here with Scrooge McDuck piles of gold. Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope. So tell us, first of all, about what it was like growing up in America, in the community and with the parents that you had. Gosh, I think this is something that a lot of us can actually relate to more. And you know, my platform is always about just letting people see how much more we have in common, I think, than people think, especially in a world where

things can feel unnecessarily and unwarrantedly divisive, you know, like people think, especially in a world where things can feel unnecessarily and unwarrantedly divisive, you know, like where it's just kind of we're making an issue out of nothing. So one thing that's great about this book is I do talk a lot about my background and letting people know my dad, cab driver, you know, for over 40 years from Ghana, West Africa, my mom was a secretary at a boating insurance company. And there in that alone, I think a lot of us can relate to having parents that may have had simple, humble, regular jobs that literally are pouring everything into their children and just trying to get by. And even if they're doing it in an imperfect way, they're just really focused on trying to see their children

have a better life than they did. And that is the quintessential American way, right, is just to try to elevate each generation. And that came in lots of different forms. You know, sometimes for my parents, it would involve a story I share in the book. My dad, we would drive around downtown DC, and he would say, you know, what makes America so great is that you can clean a building, but you can also have your name on one. You know, like he would just say these things and he, I don't think he even knew the weight of what he was saying. And it wasn't diminishing the good hard work of cleaning a building, but it was calling out the possibility. And we say that not, you know, systemic things notwithstanding and struggles notwithstanding, but just saying, look, possibility of choice is such a gift. It's such a privilege that we all share, like regardless of race, ethnicity, background,

you know, just the possibility of choice is something that is such a gift. And my dad always called that out. But then on the other side, which I think a lot of us can relate to, because my parents are from Ghana, West Africa, they had their own African things that'll definitely have you laughing in the book. Like, you know, I'll say, mom, I want to go over to so-and-so's house for a sleepover. And then we want to go to the mall. Mall? What do you need to go to mall for? You don't have money and we have books here. So why on earth would you go to mall? You can find something and go read, go do some math. You know, and it's like-

Go do some math. Go do some math. Just like that was literally the answer for anything. Like I'd be like, mom, where's the nail polish? You know, it's somewhere near a math book. Find the math book and you maybe find what you are looking for. You know, like that was literally how I grew up.

I love that. That is hilarious. What do you need to go to the mall for? You don't have any money. You don't have any money. What's that? What is that the mall for you? Nothing is there. What is there? No math books. No math books. That's for sure. No matter what, I could always be doing more math. It's great because I get to take people back to move them forward. So I mean, you're reading these stories. And I think that we really all can find parts of our families in each of these stories and in ourselves. But then I go into when I kind of broke out and said for myself, like, well, if I want to change my

future, if I want to build a business, if I want to generate more revenue and take care of my kids, what does that look like for me to build a life that's designed the way that I'd like it to be designed? And so much of my life was trying to figure out what was I missing all along? So that just takes us even further into the book. I was so struck by when you get to college and you were just like, I didn't know about the book situation. You go to high school, they give you your books. And when you go to college, no, no, no. They expect you to buy a million D dollars worth of books that you don't want and will never read again. You'll never read them again. Never, never. And half of them are written by the professor that is teaching the class.

I know it. And the reason I need the fourth edition is because the table of contents changed. That's right. And when I refer to something, it might be off by a page. That's right. That's right. But I was really struck by, obviously, this was an obstacle that you quickly overcame. But it was something that I think is very common in especially immigrant communities. But I think a lot of Americans can relate to this. You didn't even know what you did not know. Yes. Educators, it strikes particularly deeply because I think educators who I've always been, you know, we clear a list together. You know what I mean? Like we understand that struggle and I'm like,

protect and save and cover our teachers. But you better believe that educators have been screaming this from the rooftop, that kids don't know what they don't know. And they're coming to our classrooms ill-prepared and ill-equipped. And I am now fighting the barrier of getting them ready before I can fight the barrier of imparting knowledge and teaching. And I'm a great example of that, where I'm a bright girl who was educated through scholarships at top schools, and I got to college and I didn't understand that you needed 122 credits to graduate. And the math on that didn't make sense to me because they said, okay, well, 12 credits as a full-time student. Well, if you take 12 credits as a full-time student, the math on that in four years does not equate to graduation. But if you don't know the questions to ask and you come from parents that never went to college

and cannot guide you, you know, it's like my dad, this is a funny story that actually didn't make it to the book, but it's very relevant. I remember going to my first college class at Johns Hopkins and it was an intro class, so there were 100 people there, right? And anyone who understands anything about college or goes to a state institution knows that is the norm. I remember telling my dad, after going to all private school institutions, where there's like 7 to 12 people in a class, I told my dad, I said, hey, this seems really different.

I have 100 people in my class and I can't get a question answered and then it's all over and I'm not ready and we had a test and they needed this is old school I'm dating myself but we needed blue books you know those little notebooks in order to write your essays I didn't even know that I had to buy them and bring them like I just didn't I didn't know what I was doing. And I told my dad, I said, I don't think I'm ready. What's going on here? And my dad was like, that doesn't make sense. It's a private school. There's no way that your classes are a hundred people. And I was like, I'm not making that up. Like it might be a private college, but these are really still the numbers. And I don't know what to do. And I mean, it was so daunting as a young person to be told you're an adult, figure it out.

And also not even know what to ask or who to help. Feeling like something was missing. And because I was young, thinking that the thing missing was within myself, that I was fundamentally not capable. And that sticks with you into adulthood. And I think that's something that, you know, people say a lot. I want to start a business. What don't I know?

You know, I want to do this thing. Why can't I do it? So it was a really big shocker. Yeah. People say things like that to me all the time. I hear that regularly. I am just now beginning to understand what I actually don't know. And of course, this is part of maturing, is learning how to figure out what I don't know, learning which questions to ask so you can figure out what I don't know, learning which questions to ask so you can figure out what you don't know. But I think you're familiar with the concept, as am I, of way too many people being overly optimistic about their own knowledge and their own abilities and like highly, highly regarding what it is that they know.

And it's like, sir, you don't even know what you don't know. That's right. You haven't even been exposed to certain spaces. You haven't even been around certain things. And honestly, there's so much. And I talk about this in the book, but I talk about it in life and we've always connected on this. There is grace in humility and you don't need to feel ashamed of not knowing. I mean, one of the most attractive phrases outside of I love you is I don't know, because it means that you're willing to learn. And for me, I think that what was so difficult was that not only did I not know, but this was in the age before the Googles, the phones and all of that, I didn't even know where to go. So it was like, I don't know. And I felt like I was lost. And I just think of how the trajectory of my life might've changed if I'd been in a position where I even

knew what to ask. And what's interesting is obviously as you read through the book, you discover that I built a multimillion dollar business business, and I grew these kids, and I have this TV show. But ultimately, I had to operate saying to myself, okay, if I don't know, it does not serve me to pretend I do. It does not serve me to fake that I have the answers. It does not serve me to fight to be right. What helps is for me to use my resource and ask, get mentors, learn, and research. And when I tell you that is one of the sole reasons why I am where I am today. That's so right. And it's so good that there actually is no shame in not knowing. There's no shame in not knowing. It actually requires a high degree of humility and depth of character to be able to admit, I don't know. I don't know

the answer to that. And when you can learn how to get the answer, even if you don't know, that is what I'm hearing you say, the key to unlocking whatever it is that you have perceived is missing in your life, it is using your resources to figure out how to learn what you don't know. Sharon, what imparts more trust than somebody admitting, hey, this is what I can do and this is what I can't do, and I will do what I say I will do? I mean, literally, I know that I would trust a doctor more if he said, hey, this is my range of knowledge. This is something that's outside of my range of knowledge, but here are the resources I will go to to get what I need versus a doctor who's like, oh no,

I know everything. I don't even need to check you. I have all the answers. That makes you uncomfortable. You know, it really does. And people will tell you all day that, especially in business, that they really do honor and respect someone who's just forthright, who says, Hey, this is where I stand. You give me face value. You know, I just want to know the honest details. And I also, that includes your limitations. You know, it's when you start pretending that you can do things you can't that people start getting worried. Absolutely. And I think especially women tend to feel like, because I don't know this thing, something is missing. Something is wrong with me. I must be ignorant, stupid. There's something wrong with me because I don't know these things. I hear this all the time in the, you know,

sort of government space of like, I, can you remind me the difference between the Senate and the House of Representatives? Yes, or I'm sorry to ask. I'm sorry to ask. Or I should probably know this, but, you know, these little qualifiers before questions. And I have to tell you, you'll see throughout my book as a pattern, I was constantly being told that I should know better or that I should have known going into this. And it was finally when I realized, look, whether I should have known or not, I'm going to go out and get the info. And that doesn't mean anything about me. And when I tell you, especially as women and as minorities, we are told at every turn that we're not enough. If you're a mom, well, oh my gosh, are you feeding your kid

out of plastics? Or if you are a business owner, oh my goodness, how do you not have a team that looks like this? You know, just at every turn, we're being told that there's one more thing that we should have been doing differently or that we aren't adding and stacking up. And the truth is, people are right. We could grow. Everyone can grow. But gosh, can't we have grace as we do it? Can't we learn and use our resources? Sharon, the people who come to you and consume your content are in a category of their own, right? I mean, you have a million people who tune in regularly to learn, and that alone speaks volumes of their character. But the people who then engage by asking questions and take your

information and go back and do research and learn more are the people that actually take it a step further. And when I tell you that is the formula, that is the formula to my success. That's how I broke out of poverty and created an American dream that worked for me and raise three girls that I adopted. You know, I mean, it literally is part of how I am and how I've made it. And it was simply because I said, I'm going to take what I know and I'm going to take what I don't know and I'm going to go get it and fill the gap. I love that. I know that there are a lot of people listening who feel like in order to build a life that they love in whatever capacity that is, they want to be an entrepreneur.

They want to pursue an education. They want to find love. They want to build a family that they are proud of, whatever it is. They feel like it's never enough, that whatever I have to give is never enough. And I will either, you know, they feel like I can't give more and so consequently I'm a failure. Or I will make myself ill pursuing this thing because the pursuit of that thing is so, so important to me.

It's part of my identity. And maybe they don't have the luxury of being like, I am done working. What advice would you have for somebody in that situation? So what I always say is actually something that my friend Jen always told me, you have to protect the asset. And a lot of times we think, oh, it has to be something really big. Like, oh, I have to quit my job. And I mean, that's just how I've lived my life. I live boldly. And I do that and I share the story so people can see if you're thinking that extreme, well, here's what it can look like, right? But it is about the small choices. It is about not putting yourself second. It is about saying, if I don't protect the asset, I'm not going to be

here tomorrow to live my legacy. And it's also about granting yourself grace. I mean, I talk about this everywhere that, you know, granting grace has allowed me to teach others to grant it to other people. Even in some of these conversations that we have, you won't catch me screaming in the comments because I also recognize, you know, you don't know what you don't know. And of course, it's everyone's choice around how much emotional labor they want to take on explaining issues. But at the end of the day, part of me not getting into it with people about things and choosing to teach is to also give myself the peace of not having a raised blood pressure. And I think that that is something that so many of us forget, that in each moment, we can choose how we meet that moment. So if it's

work, we can say, look, I'm going to set limitations because guess what? There will be more tomorrow. When I tell you, Sharon, like when I learned that I'm never going to get through all of my DMs. So I'll do the best I can. And when I start feeling tired, I'm done. I'm just never going to get through them. When I realized, and we have this phrase in the business, it'll be there tomorrow. So if this one thing is going to break the business, well, then the business was already broken. So it can be there tomorrow. And we are not going to kill ourselves behind this work because if so, we're not actually here to continue to serve it and serve the work. So, okay, I'm going to just be this really transparent. This is like, you know, just being

completely transparent. A lot of this happened and I started realizing what the answer was when my daughter, Christina, was diagnosed with stage four cancer and given six months to live. I'd adopted her. The first thing that came to mind was I just got her. I just got her. There's no way I'm about to lose my baby. And when I tell you for the first time in my entire life, I cared about nothing at all, because all that matters was that she would survive. I did not care how much money I had, because if I had to sell my left arm, that's what we were going to do. I did not care if the president called me the next day and said, hey, you need to show up for work for this. I did not care. My baby needed this. This was the priority. And so when I tell you, it let me know

that I can drop everything and things won't fail. It's this perspective we have that, well, if I don't make my kids sandwich, they're not going to eat. No, you'd be surprised. They'll figure out a way. Kids figure out a way. People figure out a way. We don't have to be responsible for everyone and everything. And that was what I learned. Odds are you're operating at a 10. You can operate at like a seven or a six and still crush it. And odds are you probably need to be at a three or a four. So we're still over-functioning, but not to our own demise. I want to be here tomorrow to keep going. And I have survived divorce, cancer, the pandemic, like all of us, building a business, having a quit day, dealing with difficult parents and a hard childhood, and I'm still standing. So if I can do it, they can do.

I'm Jenna Fisher. And I'm Angela Kinsey. We are best friends. And together we have the podcast Office Ladies, where we rewatched every single episode of The Office with insane behind the scenes stories, hilarious guests, and lots of laughs. Every Wednesday, we'll be sharing even who's sitting next to me, Steve. It's Steve Carell in the studio. Every Wednesday, we'll be sharing even more exclusive stories from the office and our friendship with brand new guests. And we'll be digging into our mailbag to answer your questions and comments. So join us for brand new Office Ladies 6.0 episodes every Wednesday.

Plus, on Mondays, we are taking a second drink. You can revisit all the Office Ladies rewatch episodes every Monday with new bonus tidbits before every episode. Well, we can't wait to see you there. Follow and listen to Office Ladies on the free Odyssey app and wherever you get your podcasts. I can honestly tell you I've been in corporate for over a decade and now I run my own consulting firm and I would tell you I've been blown away by what some people think is a level of work ethic you know what I mean like you'll go in and I'm like wow like you really made it to vice president and you actually don't even know how to pull a document, you know, or I, you know, I know you've got tons of educators who listen.

I tell a story of when I first got my girls going into my eldest daughter's school at the time and finding out that they were all sharing one book in their English class. And the teacher was making photocopies for them to practice their reading. And the book of course was a timeless, I think it was to kill a mockingbird, you know? and I said, these books are like 10 cents on eBay. Like, you know, this is a non thing, I am going to go buy this book myself, you know, and I think a lot of us minimize the way we are as as women and as moms, this, I'll just go do it, you know, and we forget that so many people ascend to high ranks and they don't have an ounce of that in them. Not an ounce. No one can run teaching better than teachers. And yet we have

people who are in positions of authority that have never run a classroom. So here we are questioning our ability to do stuff without ever recognizing that there are people who are running things that have no idea how it's actually done. And when you start absorbing that, you realize, oh, maybe let me take it one step further. Maybe I can trust myself to do this. And maybe I don't have to burn myself out to do it because I'm still showing up with more because they simply know less, you know, and that is, that has changed my life. You are so right. Yeah. may we all live with the audacity of a mediocre corporate employee with a decent slide deck yes yes he's got a slide deck all it takes to make it in the

world that's right he's got a slide deck that's right a good slide deck and then obviously saying like how about we take a look into that that's's just, that's your, that's the crutch. If we look into it, we'll figure it out later. And then they assign it. They just, honestly, I mean, how many of us have bosses that all they do is delegate? They just know where to put stuff. Like here we are working and executing on everything when really it's just, you just got to get good at handing it off. It's unbelievable. It's really transformative when you realize that. It's really just a dude with a slide deck. Guess what?

You can go online. You can go online and pay someone to make you a slide deck. It doesn't even cost that much money. It costs like $20. It costs like $20. And also the other thing that I think you'll see is recurring in my book is asking. When I tell you the boldness of mediocre people to ask for stuff they don't even deserve is unmatched. It is unmatched.

And we know this because I know you've got a lot of educators, a lot of moms. People will really look you in the face and say, hey, we need all of you guys to go home and continue to teach while you're in a pandemic with your children and we're giving you no resources. So go. And you're also trying to work from home. Yes. While you're working from home, you go ahead and do this. And do this. And we're not giving you nothing to do it with. Do more with less. And like, and when I tell you, one thing I learned was, oh, well, if I don't even ask, I've already accepted the no. But if I ask, I have a 50% chance at the yes. And there are people who go into a space and ask and

literally are shocked when they hear no. Shocked. They'll ask for things they don't even deserve and are shocked when they hear no. So when I tell you, once I learned that, I was like, oh, I'm going to ask for everything. I'll never forget. And this is a little behind the scenes. I went into my publisher meeting and I said to them, one thing I'm going to need is a billboard. I don't care if it's in Wichita, Spokane. I need a billboard. Figure it out. Should be in Times Square though. And they looked at me and they said, and I won't reveal the celebrity's name, but they were like, you know what's interesting? I've only had one other celebrity ask me for a billboard. And she was, when I tell you, number one billboard music top celebrity. And they were like,

who are you? And I'm like, why wouldn't I ask? Because the worst you could say is no. You know what I mean? People don't even ask. And so that's one of the things is like, I mean, you build a product, you don't ask people to buy it. You have a need, you don't ask because you've convinced yourself in your head you don't deserve. And the biggest mistake I made when we talk about that college experience and we go back to that was I was worried that I didn't have this information. I obsessed about this lack of not having this information and what was missing with me. But I should just ask. I never thought to just sit there and ask my academic advisor, well, what else don't I know? What else do I need to know to get to the finish line? How do I get that information? And what are my resources to get it? Instead, I walked out of

that room like, I'm broken. I'm not capable. I don't know how to do this. It's all on me. And that also lends itself to burnout. So asking is the ticket. I love what you just said, that if you don't ask, you're accepting the no. And then you should own that choice. You should own that choice of like, you didn't ask. And so it's a no. Yep, for sure. And that it takes a lot of courage to be able to ask. Do you have any tips for somebody who is afraid to ask because they're afraid of rejection? Yes. Sharon, we've talked about this.

I'm somebody who is like a world-class pitcher. I'm so good at business. I've over the years learned how to ask. And here I am in this book process. And Sharon, I literally was texting you like, I'm so terrified to ask people to just like read my book. I'm terrified to ask friends if I can come on their podcast. I don't know why I'm so terrified to ask friends if I can come on their podcast. Like,

I don't know why I'm so scared to ask for this thing I need. Well, there was one thing that a really good friend named Sharon McGovern told me. And what she said to me was, you have to give people an opportunity to help you. The same way that you love to help people and it's such an honor and it's such a privilege and it's such a joy for you and it feels good, you've got to not take that opportunity away from other people. And people want to be able to show up for you. You've got to let them do that. And that is so deeply true. And I couple that with my sales tip from my corporate experience of no one's ever really saying no to you. They're just saying they didn't understand the ask so when someone tells me no I'm like oh you just didn't understand

me let me clarify that you know because no one's going to say no to the person that they know has great intentions and a great opportunity and it's going to show up and do the work so let's figure out why it needs to be a yes and how it can be because it couldn't possibly be a no. Nope. If you're saying no, it's because I did not accurately articulate exactly why this needs to be a yes. That is correct. But you're absolutely, when you bring up this thing that we were talking about when you were getting ready to launch this book into the world, which is you derive great pleasure from helping other people. I see it all of the time. You, you, you talked about how like one of the big reasons you wanted to make money so

you can engage in giving away. Yeah. And I really relate to that. Like it has long been my dream to be like Oprah or Ellen or whoever's like, you get a car, here's a check for 10K. That's right, solving problems without bureaucracy. That's all I want to do in my life. I definitely relate to that motivation. And when you are unwilling to give other people the opportunity to help you, you are depriving them of the joy that you know that people experience when they get a chance to assist you. It is truly my pleasure to come to your book event in Chicago. I would be sad if you didn't ask me. I would be sad if it was like, but I wanted to do that. I wanted to go to

that thing. It's truly my pleasure to write a blurb for the back of the book. It makes me truly happy to see my little name on the back and be like, this was such a great book. Like to be deprived of that opportunity actually would be robbing me of the opportunity for joy, for the joy that I get in helping you. And this is not me putting myself on a pedestal. No, I know. You feel the same way. I do. Yes. And so you, I think it's such an important lesson that especially women need to internalize that we cannot martyr ourselves and deprive other people of the opportunity for the joy of giving, the transformative power of giving because, oh, I don't want to be a bother. Oh, I'll just do it all I'll just do everything well and Sharon

there's also you know one thing that occurred to me after which I don't think I've ever shared with you was after hearing you tell me this and us talking about it you reminding me because again it's ingrained I don't want to be a bother I also realized that you wouldn't want to see me suffer and that is something that I think we forget is that if I came back to you and said, I missed my goals, I didn't do what I needed to do. This was, you know, all I needed was one more thing. And you know, you have the ability to help. Oh my gosh, the heartache, the heartache of that, you know, and the last thing I want is to go to my friends and let them see me go through things that they could have

helped with. Yes. Why didn't you ask me? I could have helped. Why didn't you ask me? How often have we said that out loud to our kids, to our girlfriends? Why didn't you ask me? I would have done that. You didn't have to go through that. Like, I don't want you to carry something like that. And when I tell you, it sticks with you when you realize that. When you realize that, you don't even want to go back to people and have them feel that way. And that has really, it has helped. It has transferred my life. It has allowed me, because truth moment also, I don't get no's when you ask these types of questions. People say yes. They always blow your mind exceedingly and abundantly beyond what you ever could have expected. And Sharon, you're a great example of that.

I think that you are such a prime example of someone who is using their life and their purpose to serve and that you ask. You see a problem and you ask. And I mean, look at all your governors. You ask and then what do they do? They say yes. They say yes. Thank you for bringing this to our attention.

Of course, we need to fix this thing thank you so people tell me that all the time thank you for giving me the opportunity to give thank you for giving me the opportunity to give i didn't know about x or i would have thought it was too hard to do y but you provided the opportunity to help. And I love that you did. And consequently, I know you have raised and given away so much. We've raised over $7 million in the last couple of years, giving it away directly, like minus the bureaucracy, just like what you were saying. And it's not just my pleasure to do the work. It is the pleasure of thousands of people who want the opportunity to show up for other people. And all you have to do is ask.

Yes. And some people will say no, and that is okay. It's not the right opportunity for them. And I think, Sharon, this kind of brings us to one thing that I think we've always united on, and I think is such a great note. And I do cover in the book, and I think my book, it's something you're always talking about, is that my story and my background is so different, right? Like, it's different in the context of here's an African girl growing up in America, trying to navigate this and the next. But my goodness, if this isn't every person's story, I got these kids, I'm trying

to work, I need more time, I have to generate revenue. I'm trying to figure out who I am. It's the same story with a different face. And that just makes me so proud to share it. But ultimately, I think it's one of the reasons why we align so much. It's just one more reminder that even if someone's story seems so different than yours, they look very different than yours, they have a background or ideas that may be very different from yours. The core of them is good. We want to be givers. I think both of us have spent so much of our lives in our platforms trying to prove that in spite of it all, we all default towards wanting to learn about each other, understand, serve each other, show up in the world in our very best way, and give, give, give, give, give. We care about the plight and state of the person next to us, and we want it to be well. And I just

love that that's been our banner that we're kind of flying under. And I refuse to believe otherwise. And I hope that this book helps continue to spread that message where I can't go to let people know it's true. People may be different from you, but my goodness, they want the same things. And we're all deserving of everything. I love that. Your book is very much that sort of what literary critics call the personal universal. It is a story that is personal to you. Clearly, in case it wasn't clear,icole don't share the same experience of being raised by guinean parents maybe you didn't know but

newsflash yes i mean i'm learning today for the first time yeah for like a split second i was like it's got to be but thanks for the clarification yeah yeah my parents my parents we are literally the polar opposites you You're like blonde. I wear a wig. Like we are the only thing I think that we actually have that looks the same is like we both have high cheekbones and eyeliner and strong eyebrows, strong, trustworthy eyebrows. That's about it. That's right.

Trustworthy eyebrows. That's right. That's right. So your story is personal to you, but it is universal in that all people can recognize aspects of themselves or their family in your story. And that is such a delicate balance to achieve. It's really what every memoirist is trying to accomplish, is telling the personal universal

story. And I think you really did such a beautiful job of it, that everybody will find ways to relate to it. They will find their own takeaways. This is not like, well, I wasn't raised by immigrant parents, so I won't get it. Your story is the personal universal. I want to just give listeners a little teeny peek behind the scenes of what does it actually take to write a memoir? Tell us about the process. Yeah. So the process of memoir writing is, it can be different for everyone, right? But one of the things I always tell everyone is the story is already written. So you don't need to be overwhelmed if you feel a calling to share

your story because you already know the story. It's outlining the ones that matter most and creating lessons that tie to each one. I think a great memoir has lessons as well. We've all been on those speeches and tours and shows where people are just kind of like, here's what happened to me. Isn't that wild? Well, that's great. But how do I extract, like you said, that universal piece?

What were the takeaways so that I can grow? So, I mean, the process started first with accepting, Nicole, you're writing a memoir and that is enough. You know, it doesn't have to be a full business book that makes people millions of dollars because a memoir can make people millions of dollars because it may unlock the thing that helps them. Then I had to shop that book, which was difficult again and very emotional because you're basically putting yourself on a platter and saying,

I promise you I'm enough. Give me tons of money for it. And I was very grateful. I had one of the biggest book deals in 2021. And once they heard this story, I had 26 publishers interested. I was very grateful. And I started writing the book by laying out a timeline from here until now. What are the key moments that I think were pivot points that changed my thinking that led to accelerated growth and that are tied to a story or an experience that I think people must know and may not know? And then what is the lesson tied to it? And then in between that, I just started filling in the gaps of kind of, well, then how did you get to this next thing? And what were the outcomes and results? So unlike, I think a lot of

memoirs that are written where they're just kind of like, well, here's the behind the scenes of my music career, or here's a different take on, you know, my acting story or whatever. My memoir truly is, I call it the fresh start manual because that was the unifying theme through all of my pivot points was, oh girl, you're going to have to start over with a new mindset, with a new man, with a new family, with a new home, with a new job, fresh start. And I got really good at that. And so that's where I'm starting to provide those lessons to show you these are the tools you need to build the life you want. And once I finished writing it, then comes the, like you said,

the ask, the give, the getting into people's hands, the forgiveness, because it's a very difficult process to go back and say, I can't believe I made this decision. I wish I'd done it differently. The vulnerability. People are going to read this book and learn things about me that I've never shared anywhere else before. And I just have to hope and pray that it's enough, you know, that they understand. And so it's been, it's been quite the process, but you know, in social media, you share things in black and white and a memoir gives you an opportunity to do it in full color. And I'm very grateful to take people there. Yeah, you're absolutely right. Like the little snippet, you see like a little

Insta square where you have like maybe three paragraphs. You're right. It's seeing through a glass darkly. That's right. And a memoir gives you a chance to experience the full story, the full arc of the story in living color. And write notes in the margins and underline and highlight and make stickies and all the things that we need to do to realize and apply what we're learning in our lives. What do you hope the reader takes away? I'm sure readers will have about 30 takeaways.

But if you had one, what is it that you're like, I really want people to get X? If there's one thing that I know everyone needs right now and that this book 100% provides. It is the ability to grant yourself grace so that you can also grant it to others. 100%. When you read this, you realize, no, people make mistakes. People figure it out. It's just hard right now. And I need to be easier on myself for not knowing, for not having, for not being ready, for all the places I fall short. And your kids will learn that by watching you apply it. And it's just a beautiful thing. It's a gift. Thank you so much for being here. You're amazing. I'm so proud of you. I'm so proud of your book, baby. And I just, I can't wait to, I can't wait to see the Instagram post that has the screenshots of where it lands on the bestseller list.

Because I know you've been thinking about that moment. You have to have been thinking about that moment. Don't make me cry. Yes, I have. I want to show that people can make New York Times bestseller and it can be just your story. That that's enough. That you are doing the right thing and giving and not compromising on your values and you can be just your story, but that's enough that you are doing the right thing and giving and not compromising on your values

and you can be regular and it's enough. So yes, it's on my list and I would not be able to be there if it wasn't for you, Sharon. You give all the time and I am so deeply grateful. So thank you for having me. My pleasure. You can buy Nicole Walter's new book, Nothing Is Missing, wherever you buy your

books. And if you are so inclined and you want to support independent bookstores, go to bookshop.org and order Nothing Is Missing. I'll see you again soon. The show is hosted and executive produced by me, Sharon McMahon. Our audio producer is Jenny Snyder. And if you enjoyed today's episode, please be sure to subscribe on your favorite podcast platform. And if you could leave us a review or share this episode on social media, those things help podcasters out so much. Thanks for being here today.