Heroes in Business - Alex Petrowski, If It’s Not Ok, Then It is Not the End, The 5EP Podcast

Episode Date: June 1, 2023

Alex and Jason discuss the fear of public speaking and a tip on how to overcome that, taking accountability for horrific life experiences and finding true love and comfort in being yourself, how to navigate the yearning for a mask to hide your true self, tips on achieving a lasting marriage, navigating obstacles young adults may face, when to embrace resilience in life as a young adult, and Jason's advice for his younger self. Become an active member of the 5EP Community by following @5ep_podcast on Instagram and heading to to follow the show on LinkedIn  

Hey Siri, what's on my calendar for today? Today, you have the 5EP podcast. Would you like to keep it on your calendar? 5EP? Yeah! Welcome to the 5EP podcast. Interview interviews and conversations to guide the genesis of personal development. Mental, physical, emotional, spiritual, and social. The five pillars of living a five exclamation point life. On now with your host, Alex Petrowski. your host, Alex Petrowski. I want to touch on meditation for a real little bit. I've talked to a few people on that topic, a Buddhist monk and a yogi. And the funny thing about it is you'll hear when you read an article or watch or listen to a podcast that you need to be in a certain pose

when you meditate, you need to do it for a certain amount of time. But in reality, that's theory. In reality, whatever works for you, you could have soft soothing music laying down on a pillow. You could be sitting upright like this in a room. Whatever works for you is what you should meditate on because everybody's biological systems are different. The roots, our root systems are very much similar, but as we age and go into different environments, those environments create who we are. They activate certain aspects of our genes. So with that, we're all subliminally different and whatever fits our way of meditating is what we should be doing. And with that, I would love for you to give some tips and tricks on public speaking,

because I know that that is a major, major fear of many people. It is. I mean, I guess I felt that fear in the beginning. I mean, I guess I felt that fear in the beginning. Excuse me. I remember it more as a discomfort more than anything else. But I think that came from a lack of confidence in my own self versus, oh, my gosh, all these people are staring at me or I hit the sound of my voice. Or, you know, we all have our different fears and things that go through us, but the way that I had to find the strength and almost just as important, the calmness to do what you're doing. Uh, I think it makes no sense but i'm a huge like navy seal person and the reason is i look at

these people i'm like i could never do what you do i couldn't make it through the training couldn't go off and and do what you are the most highly trained highly highly skilled, incredible fighting force in the world. And so I'm always caught up in what they have to say and their mindset. And what always strikes me is how calm they are, how confident, yet not arrogant. They're just who they are, and they know who they are and they have a famous saying within their group and it's don't run to your death now when you think about the Navy SEALs and what they'd have to do you would think they're going bang bang bang bang right quick and no they're going step by step methodically with their training, with their

practice, with their meditation probably beforehand. And I think all the way down to public speaking, that's what's helped me. I, cause I can get really amped up. You know, there's like the first time I came and spoke for you, I was like, man, I'm at Barrett Honors College, right? I'm going crazy. And I remember getting there and then meeting some people. And right before I went to talk, I had to be like, Jason, slow down or else you're going to get in there and you're going to talk 100 miles an hour and you're going to miss words and you're going to skip slides and you're going to do all this stuff. So it's very important to find your center of balance and calmness. And then when you do, it's kind of like holding a cup. If you hold a compass, no matter what direction you're facing,

what does it do? It goes to the true North and you, we all have a true North as well. I know what mine is. I know how, and I know how to get the dial to go to it, but it took a while to, to learn that. And I think it's fitting for really any career, anything you're doing, any class you're in right now as a student. I mean, I have a, I have a son who's only a sophomore in college. And then I have another couple of kids that are out in the workforce. And I try to have the same conversations with them that I would have with a complete stranger. This is how you can do things. And when you find what works for you, doesn't have to look exactly like mine, but like you said, we all have some similarity in our roots of how we're going to

be able to reset biologically or reset mentally, but we can expand into our own, hey, this works for me. And it's good for you if you don't want to do it. That's okay. Find yours. I know it works for me. And with that mindset talk, I want to switch gears a little bit to talk about your experience when you were recovering from your injury. I know that there was almost this flick of a switch that you went from, this is all happening to me, to I have the agency to create the outcome that I want. And I'd love for you to talk about what the outcome you were given by doctors and nurses and the outcome that you created for yourself in the end.

Yeah, I was given a very grim outlook by some highly trained professionals. And I had, you know, when people with that kind of status say something, you're going to take it pretty serious. And so it caused me to stay in a pretty dark place. On top of I was actually in a pretty dark place on top of I was actually in a dark place because I was blind and you know I lost half my fingers to amputation and so things went through my head like how am I going to be able to take care of my kids physically on top of what they're going to think of me visually and then I you know nobody believed I would go back to work. Nobody was sure if I would be able to see again. And for me, it was, first of all, taking accountability was, for me personally, it was everything. Like, like I said earlier, I made a lot of choices over a long, long period of time that led me into that fire and into that hospital.

And so not being a victim, embracing my fate, embracing who I was, and being determined to make the most of what I can, that is what started me off on that path. And then once you get going with positive momentum, I mean, it's the most powerful force out there. Just step aside and let it go. Our human spirit, you've heard me say this, it is the one thing that we're all created equal on. I really believe that. We all have a phoenix within us. We all have something almost supernatural that's going to rise, and it will take you away from risk and straight toward reward. just everything again from having another child going back to work to regaining some of my eyesight to learning how to deal with my deformed hands how to not only accept but then handle but then grow to love my appearance. I mean, my accident and injuries was 22 years ago. I can tell you

10 years ago, I still couldn't travel alone. I couldn't walk into a restaurant alone. I couldn't go through airports and find my way to different gates. And I needed an emotional crutch. I needed a physical crutch, meaning I would disrupt somebody else's life by having them go with me, take time off work, miss money. And I finally found the strength to do that. And that really caused me to soar. And now, I mean, I'm so incredibly happy

with how I look. I haven't had surgery since 2008. i could continue doing plastic surgery the rest of my life but i look in the mirror and i'm i am proud of this i know why i look like this wouldn't change a thing that helped a lot i i have relearned everything physically i'm in the best shape of my life at 50 years old. I've never felt better physically, mentally, or emotionally than I do right now. But it was definitely a process. You know, Rome wasn't built in a day. It's going to take a day or two, even though I wanted it to happen overnight.

a day or two even though i wanted it to happen overnight uh so it i've just been so blessed that i can't give you one answer one thing it's so much and i'll find it each and every day whatever works and whatever worked today might not work tomorrow but i've got a lot of things in my tool bag that i can reach in and you, kind of move around and look in there and be like, all right, which actually reminds me of the timeless book, Psycho-Cybernetics by Dr. Maxwell Maltz. And in that he talks about being a plastic surgeon and so many people will come to him and ask him to perform an operation to produce a better visual appearance that they thought was their desired self-image, when in reality, their self-image did not change because it's their perception of their self. And that is created through their inner workings, through shadow work, through not going through shadow work and

continuing the trend. And I'd love for you to talk about the masks that people put up these days and how to really navigate the rude awakening eventually in their lives. They're going to have where they're not going to look like the masks that they put on. And eventually they have to really step into their own and let that light shine. And so many people are afraid because they don't align with what's trending or they don't look like this or that. And I'd love for you to just talk about how the experience has been stepping into your own and being vulnerable and being authentic. I think for me, it's definitely there's two parts to this. You know, I was lucky enough to grow up in a world that I didn't have to worry about people videotaping everything. I didn't have to worry about comparing myself to other people by looking at Instagram or

Twitter or, you know, having these filters that I could use if I didn't, you know, if I wanted to make something better. And then, you know, reality is, because all you're doing is fooling yourself, right? You think you're fooling other people because you want to look better. But like you said, you're putting on a mask that actually is not there. So but because of that, I grew up with just none of that stuff mentally to worry about. I, you know, I had insecurities like anybody else. I was tall, thin, wore glasses. I had, you know, I had my own thoughts about myself, as we all do. But then all of a sudden, I had my actual entire physical identity

stripped away. And it was replaced by, I mean, let's just be realistic, ugly disfigurements and scarring. And so I went through the surgeries that I needed to go through to try to regain my eyesight. I went through the surgeries to fix my hands the way I could, to learn how to shoot my gun again, learn how to play golf again. But then I also had the self image ones like, okay, there's some things that are really bothering me. Like I, I mean, I tried a lot of things. I had prosthetic ears and a nose. I tried a wig, believe it or not for once, but I tried it. And I mean,

I was in Hollywood with one of the most famous wig makers for movies. I spent tens of thousands of dollars on this hairpiece. I wore it one time and I'm like, I was a mistake, but it's something I needed to do. I just finally, and I don't remember what the day was but I finally looked in the mirror and I said, look, you have a very good reason of why you look like this. I am a husband. I'm a father. I am still Jason Schechterle. That cannot be taken away from me. And Sir Anthony Hopkins, a great actor, I love his quote that says, I don't worry about what other people think of me.

I am who I am. I do what I do. And it just makes life a lot simpler to live. And that's kind of how it's gotten to be. If somebody stares at me in the airport, which they will because you don't see this every day, and I'm sitting alone eating. And I know they're thinking, wow that that's got to be really sad that's got to be a really tough life but I know my purpose I know why I'm in that airport I'm either on my way to give a speech or on my way back from seeing my son at the college he's at seeing a baseball game

and I have that blanket of security that look it doesn't matter what you think on appearance i know who i am and i think i look great and i wouldn't i wouldn't change it a hundred percent and and with and with that i know going through all that it can really take a toll on your marriage and that's that aspect of your life. What have been the keys to having having a lasting marriage for yourself? Well, I mean, people laugh all the time. Every speech I give, I'll tell people, you know, the hardest thing we're ever going to do in life is marriage or, you know, very committed relationships with a significant other. And nobody ever disagrees with me. And certainly my wife wouldn't disagree with me.

And we've been together 28 years now. I did get very lucky in, you know, the most important decision you're ever going to make from a financial standpoint to an emotional standpoint to possibly bringing more lives into this world and creating future generations. The most important decision you will ever make is the person you decide to spend your life with. And it not every day is rainbows and unicorns. It is, it takes a lot of work. But then when you go through adversity, it definitely gets harder because you're going through it in two different ways. I was going through it personally. So it's hard for me in the sense that I'm the one who's in a lot of pain. I'm the one who looks like this.

I'm feeling an overwhelming amount of guilt for what I've done to all of you. I'm feeling an overwhelming amount of guilt for what I've done to all of you. And then for them, they're having to watch helplessly and they can't do anything to take away that pain. And so it's a different way of fighting these battles. And then you end up fighting yourself or yourselves. yourself or yourselves. And I finally, I think the best piece of advice I could ever give, and I said this at my daughter's wedding, I walked her down the aisle and then I had to give a, just a quick speech as a dad. And I said, listen, you stood there, you planned this for nine months. We spent a bunch of money. It's been great, but it was over in a matter of minutes. And you stared at each other. You looked at each other's eyes and you said these vows and

you made this commitment. But starting right now, you're not looking at each other anymore. It's both of you looking forward together. And it's always going to be the two of you against a problem, not the two of you against each other. And people who are willing to go to the mat with each other like that, that is the only thing I think that's going to make it sustainable. Cooperation is the key. And when it becomes competitive, that's where things start to get real. That's when friction starts to occur. to get real. That's when friction starts to occur. So I'd love to get your feedback on what issues have you seen the most when you're talking to a younger audience and their struggles in life today? I think when I, especially at my age now, and I, I remember when I was your age age i thought being 50 years old

was old and i can tell you now that i'm 50 i'm like wow i feel great and mentally i still feel like i'm in my 20s but i think what i'm noticing now is the world is i could be wrong about this, but this is just my view of how I grew up. The world is a lot harsher now. It's really harsh. We're so mean to each other. There's an incredible amount of violence. There's all this political division. And there's just, it's easy to kind of lose hope.

Like, what are we doing here but then you walk outside and you find out wow people people in general are fantastic there's just nothing better than us as human beings and we do treat each other pretty good but i think the younger generation is more influenced by social media, which most of the time is either not real or it's misconstrued or it's only 140 characters. And then you take that along with the immaturity that causes you to not realize that it is going to work out. You are going to achieve what you want to achieve as long as you work toward it. One bad educator who wasn't really good at teaching the material and you didn't learn a lot does not throw you so far off path that you can't get back on it. One, your parents go into a divorce. You know, having a sibling that might not be doing as good as you. And like you just said, there comes friction. You

know, somebody has more success than somebody else. So I just noticed that they're influenced by different things than I was. And I see it with my own kids and I would not want to go through it. I'll be very honest. And I just want to be encouraging to them. Like, Hey, you're, you are the next great thing for us. You are the next part of this. And when you're my age, turn around and pass it along to somebody else. That's what paying it forward means. It actually means turning around and grabbing somebody who's

behind you and say, Hey, I know the path. Let's go come this way. And, uh, you know, sometimes it breaks my heart, but they are my favorite group to talk to because they're the ones that I want to be able to have the most influence over versus people my age are like, yeah, you know, great story. We've all been through a lot of stuff. Maybe what I needed to hear today, but the younger generation seems to be like, man, really hit the reset button today. And they didn't even know that they had a reset button to hit. I love that. Man, social media is such a double-edged sword because you have this incredible capacity to market your personal brand, your business, to reach way more people. But at the same time,

one of the big things that gets lost is context, context and what and what short form was said. And then also you're being connected with people who you'd otherwise never be connected with and pretty much should never be connected with. So you lose context. You get connected with so many more people than in reality you should be connected with. should be connected with. And it becomes really this median to promote whatever mask you have on whatever personal brand there is and whatever business is going on. And so, so few people these days use it as a real median to showcase what's going on in their life. In reality, a lot of people put on masks and it promotes just this sense of of I need to be this, I need to be that instead of being yourself. So I completely agree with you on the fact that social media is a great tool to have in some respects, but also it can be a huge negative. And with that, I would love I love you to expand on what has resonated the most when you talk about resilience and courage within this younger audience.

I think when I explained to them, resilience is just so, so important. And again, you're only going to build your resilience as you go through these hardships. But just like me saying earlier, I made every decision myself, good decisions, I thought, good choices that led me to that fire and that hospital and that recovery process. And again, I love quotes. Robert Louis Stevenson, probably one of my favorite quotes ever. He said, sooner or later, we're all going to sit down to a banquet of consequences. And when you sit down and I've sat down to probably six major ones in life, not just one. And every time you sit down, you're like, man, this is not what I would order. This is not something I want to eat. I don't, this is not good. But that is, that's just the cold, hard truth of life.

And it's what you're going to do when you sit down to those consequences and making meaning, making purpose, learning how to, I mean, I had to forgive myself. I had to look in the mirror and forgive myself over and over for what I had done to my family, for what I wasn't able to do. I had to find a way to love myself. I mean, if you don't like yourself, you're already dying. And this life is so short and precious. That's no way to live, and I watch people who live like that all the time, but if you love yourself, then you're living every day. You might not necessarily feel it in that context, those words, but you are absolutely living every day, so that is where resilience comes in, is finding a way to have meaning and purpose in your life. And it doesn't have to be somebody else's. I don't want to be Bill Gates and have created the greatest

computer system ever. I do not want to be the president of the United States. I do not want to be a brain surgeon. I do not want to be an astronaut. There's so many things I don't want to be. You know what I want to be? I want to be a public speaker, the best one I can be. I want to be Jason. And that, not only is that good enough, it's perfection and I wouldn't change it. So that's what resilience brings you to is that peace and serenity. And when you can achieve that, which doesn't happen often, you're going to really feel good. For everybody that resonates and is attracted towards you, that is the single most impactful reason why they're attracted to you is because you're being yourself. And with that, I'd love for you to offer some advice that you would give to your younger self aged 18 to 25 years of age. Wow. If I could go back and write a letter to that person. Yeah, I don't think I would warn them. I think, I think part of the, the beauty in life is the unexpectedness, the,

the surprises both good and bad because you don't want to think about things for 10 years. Like, oh, I know this is what's coming on this date. That would be way too much. But I think I would just go back and say, no matter what, it's all going to be worth it. It's all going to be worth it. And I would say the one thing to remind yourself of every day, it's always going to be okay in the end. And if it's not okay, then it's not the end. And as I sit here today, it's still not even close to the end, I hope. And I continue to look forward to the next 20 or 30 years if I have them. And that,

so that's the only advice. I wouldn't be too profound or too strong. I would just say it's all going to be worth it. Powerful, Jason. Thank you so much for joining me on the 5AP podcast. And that concludes this episode. This is your host, Alex Petrowski, tuning off. You've been listening to the 5EP Podcast with Alex Petrowski. Interviews and conversations to guide the genesis of personal development. If you enjoyed the show, share it with friends and family and on your social media, and feel free to send us your feedback. Until next time, thank you for listening and live your five X mission point life every day.