Heroes in Business - Demonstration Healing Double Bind

Episode Date: February 21, 2022

Healing curse, experience Divine. In this one hour live demonstration, we heal a double blind. This results in the client feeling relaxed throughout his whole being, a diminishing of tension, and acceptance of reality without stress in this episode of Fearless Living with Dr. Andy Hahn.

We're going to computer. So hi, this is Dr. Andrew Han and you are? Juliette Kazmak. Hi, Juliette. And we're going to be just doing a demonstration session today and I will, we'll just drop right in. So why don't you take a moment and we'll both breathe together. So you can just bring your attention in and down.

And just breathe into your diaphragm. And as you're breathing in, maybe four or five really deep breaths, you can just tune in. It's like opening to life. Opening to the animating force of life, like light that flows into the crown of head or a tingling or a vibration that just fills you. And as you're doing that, it's like you're opening to everything. You can just be with whatever's here, wherever your attention is, even if you thought you knew what you wanted to talk about. So anything at all about whatever you know is true for you or what's important to share.

And just opening that way in the out breath, you can just let go of whatever tension there is. You can just be with whatever it is. And then let yourself bring your attention even further down through your diaphragm, down your legs, all the way through the soles of feet. So it's like you're not only centered, but you're grounded and you're rooted and you're getting everything you need to sustain you to nourish you to nurture you flowing back up from the soles of your feet through the roots all the way up through you so you have everything you need to sustain you and then you can just tune in again to the part of you that just knows when you're really aligned with life,

what you really desire. If you could have anything you intend or anything you aspire to from this time. So then all I want to invite you to do, Juliette, is as you're doing that, as you're going to be sharing, just stay down and in and speak slowly enough that it's like you're listening to this deeper part of you and it's really like you're sharing with yourself. You're listening to your own voice.

And then when you're ready, you can share whatever is important about your ongoing work or anything else that feels important to share and anything you could have anything you desire from our time what that would be i recognize that there's a there's like a deep desire for a feeling of safety and a sense of freedom. Those are the desires. the two kind of what I'm what I'm kind of acutely aware of is at the moment is it's the awareness in in Canada just the political climate right now and I guess there's just this having strict oversight and therefore lack of freedom and then within my own body there's this awareness that there's this fear of like allowing life like if I if I am to want to have children I'm aware of this cyst

that's um on my ovary and so that's kind of always inspired my my journey and so I guess there's there's fear that arises like if I let go of my awareness of that and healing that and bring it to this general sense of safety yeah I'm just aware that I just I'm not feeling that safety and that's something I desire safety and freedom so again we'll become a team and i'm just going to do a little bit of muscle testing so we can determine you know given what you said because you'll get we'll work on something you said just maybe directly or indirectly and we'll find out where you're stuck or we'll find out if we're supposed to do something else and we'll go together and see where life takes us, okay?

That's great. Anything you want to ask, go for it. I'm just, you know, I've spent my time sort of, as you may remember, just, I've spent my time sort of understanding what questions you want to ask. Well, I'll ask the questions, but you can ask anything and I'll explain them to you. Okay.

It's going to look like this. It's going to say, I'm going to say, show us a yes. And my body just moves forward. Show us a no. It just goes back. Show us a yes. It just goes forward. So that's what it looks like.

So we say the one we call Juliet, that's you. Do you know the best way to proceed? And we ask you and it says no. And I suppose if you knew the best way to proceed, but sometimes people don't and they just don't know. But in your case, you don't. So let's find out. So I'm going to find out how to proceed.

So let's find out. They want us to do healing. They want us to do a standard balance. Is there anything better or else to do? So all that means is you're stuck someplace, but you already know you're stuck because you're having, it's not like you're saying, oh, I don't feel safe and it's a nice day to water my plants or something.

So let's find out. All right. So standard balance means something's out of balance. So let's find out what we're going to do. So you have a highest intention and that's what you're going to do. And your highest intention is that any, some, or all of what you said. And it said no, which is the right call from a while ago. So let's find out, even though nothing you said is the most important thing to work on,

can we choose to work directly on any, some, or all of it nonetheless? And it says no to that also. And there's typically one reason for that, which is you're seeing the symptoms of some deeper intention so whatever this anxiety is about this not feeling safe not feeling freedom and probably even something about your the cyst in your ovary and the freedom to have children but not feeling safe somehow or other all of those things and other things also are connected to some deeper intention and so it's affecting all of those things. So it should have some impact. And even potentially on the cyst, even though it's perhaps a strange idea because sometimes, you know,

physical things can have energetic causes. So let's find out. Let's see if you can find it. So could you go inside and you say, oh, I know what it is and we ask you. And that says no also. So that just means you don't have a name for, you're seeing the result of something, but you don't have a name sitting there for what the something is, which kind of can make it hard to work on. So I probably have to find the name, which it says yes. That says no, which means I as Andy doesn't know what it is either, but so I'm going to have to check. So typically it would be a pattern. Some kind of theme is what we're looking for.

So let's find out. So we're looking for some kind of pattern or what we might call some kind of theme. And that says yes. Are we looking for one made up of one? That says yes. Are we looking for one made up of more than one or more than one? So we're looking for one theme. Okay.

That's all it says so far. So now we have to find out what that theme is. So is it a standard pattern in life-centered therapy in a standard form? And that says, yes. Is it a pattern in some other framework like Jungian framework, or there's a lot of frameworks that says, no, that makes it convenient because I have to know those patterns and we don't have to search. It's always a good thing. So let's find out what it is.

There are three categories. It will only be one of them because it says we're only looking for one thing. Okay. So is it what we call single center? That says no. Is it what we call major energetic? That says yes. Is it what we call identity?

So a major energetic is a pattern that affects all of your centers it makes you believe things that you know aren't true but a deeper level and you have some judgment about it like you know like you're saying well i mean we're all free but sometimes we don't feel like we're free so we'd say i'm not free but on a deeper level you'd say what can anybody do to me they can hurt my body but they can't hurt me. But we don't usually think that. So we go, oh, my God, we're not safe. But so it means you believe things that aren't true.

You're not a choice about feeling, and you're not a choice about experiencing some feeling, and you're not a choice about expression. And it means you also have a boundary problem, which usually means you don't get to choose what goes in and what comes out. And boundary problems also can show up in physical problems like societal reasons and stuff like that. So let's see what it is. And it's one theme that's affecting all of those. So let's find out, is it in the material? It's not in the material realm.

So we're going to have to have a little conversation because that just means it's a story that in Western reality would sort of be a little bit bananas. Okay. It's stories of curses or ghosts. So if I say those things, is that okay with you? Absolutely. Okay. Well, absolutely. It says you're stuck in one of those. So let's find out what it is. Now we have to make sure some of these actually can take over the muscle testing. So we ask on a source level, do we have to ask for source level answers? Well, the good thing is it hasn't taken over your body enough that it would affect the muscle testing okay that's all we know so we're going to find out what this theme is and we're going to see if we can do something about it so it gets right answer i'm going to go backwards

okay so entity so it's not that ghost it's not that curse it's a curse so it says curse it's a curse we have to work on a curse um which can be you can either are cursed or you feel cursed or you could have cursed somebody and it's coming back to haunt you or you could have cursed yourself and there are different kinds of curses and we're going to find out what we need to find out but all we know so far is this feeling of you know there's something that's keeping me from being safe there's something that's keeping me from being free from the you know from the most uh personal levels to some kind of collective level because you brought up the stuff about Canada and what's going on there and it's also playing out in your body somehow or other around

the cyst and you know can you get pregnant if you want to all of those things somehow are related to this curse okay and the sense that you have to you have to like uh keep attending to it because if you forgot something really bad could happen so it's like it's keeping your attention all those are somehow related to this person other things you haven't told me about which probably you don't need to tell me about but we know it's affecting other things too so it could be affecting your relationships with authorities or intimate relationships or we don't even know what okay or in the friendships and you know someone you thought was a friend wasn't a friend i mean we don't know there was something that's going on around a curse that's all we know um so out of everything we have to

a balance and a curse we have a hundred percent. Should we do it as an induction? Okay. Is it am? Is it cursed? Is it cursed myself? Is it I cursed? So it's I am cursed. All right. I want you to say something. I'm going to invite you to say something out loud and it may make zero sense, but I want you to say it with all your conviction, like it's really true true and then i want you to see even if it makes zero rational sense if it resonates with you okay but i want you to say or what i want you to say really with like like it's really true just with your conviction i am cursed just say i am cursed i am cursed that muscle test really strong if you have been here and i was pushing on your arm it would stay like steel i could sit on it it wasn't going to go any place now what i want to know is when you say i am first even if it makes zero rational sense does that resonate with you somehow like you

have a feeling there might be some truth to it when you say it even if it doesn't make any rational sense to you i i felt that way when you first brought it up it was like somewhere in some form it was like yeah I thought so even though it didn't make any rational sense and then when I said it now I like I I just really felt um like deep sadness like I was beneath the curse what I'm sorry like I was beneath the curse. What? I'm sorry. Like I was beneath the curse. Like it was, I just got this sense of like, I had no power to even, like it was hard to actually say that.

Yeah, well, it's going to be. Okay, so that's how you know it. It's like you're beneath it and there's this sadness and there's this sense of no power. Oh yeah, that's how it know it's like you're beneath it and there's this sadness and there's this sense of no power oh yeah that's how it's doing all those things which of course could be why you don't feel safe and why you don't have freedom and it's going to have something to do with some larger forces obviously and it's also got something to do with either literally having children or being creative or something it's going, it's going to affect all those things and, and power. So it's a curse and it's, I am cursed. Okay. So want us to know

anything more about the curse through the muscle testing? All right. You want us to find out what kind of curse? All right. Is it there? You want me to find out, you want to determine a number of things. Okay. Is it a content level? So it's not a content level curse. It's a process level curse. Okay. A process level curse is like a very virulent curse because it's not a curse about a content, right? It's a curse about a process. So I'll tell you what might be relevant for you, although I'm not saying this is what's going on. A content level curse would be someone cursed you and they said you'll never have children, right? A process level curse would be the harder you try to have children, the worse it's going to get. That would be a process level. So it's like the more you do, the more you get into a sense of hopelessness, despair, whatever. So it's like someone or someone's cursed you around

a process you understand what i mean oh yeah well this resonates right now yeah good so we can just that's good to know um all right so it's a process level curse now um let's find out do we have to know anything else all right is it archetypal? Is it personal? All right, someone, that means someone cursed you. It's not like they cursed you because you're a woman and they were cursing all women and you happened to get caught up in it

or you were a goddess and they were angry at the gods. Someone in whatever the story is, it was much more personal and they really sort of wanted they had it out for you and they and i mean in one way shape or form either because of they really wanted to get you or they were so upset that they sent all this energy at you and it's affecting you that's all we know okay so that's what we know so far all right so that's is there anything else you wanted so that's all you need to know it's personal and it's like a whole like it'd be like you know someone comes to the therapy

you think you're doing great work and they get worse and it's because the better the more they do to try to make their life better the worse they're going to get that would be the worst okay or the harder you try to get pregnant the more you're going to be miserable or, I mean, something like that, you know? Great. No, well, it's not great, but I know I'm laughing. I'm like, Oh God, the more you try to get better though. Anyway. So it's, it's a curse like that. And it's going to make you feel obviously very sad and very powerless. And it's around some content, which we don't need to know yet all you will find it apparently so let's get this um okay so that's all we need to know about that um it's worded exactly correctly yes do we have to refine it no we have a hundred percent permission yes so we're done with that part so now we know why you're here and we know that

it's affecting everything you said it may not take care of everything but it's having some impact on everything that's all we know so far We're going to work on that directly. Yes. Are there any patterns on it? No. So that means you don't need any more clues. So the next thing we should do is find out if we have to find out more about where this originated, because that's where you have the most leverage, because everything after it is an echo. So the next thing you get information about story says, yes. Are we looking for one narrative and one root cause? It says yes. So this apparently happened in a moment,

whatever this thing was that's playing out all over the place for you. You want me to find out more? Okay. This originates in, this does not originate in your lifetime, you know? So it's, you sort of came in trying to work on whatever this thing was. It's been there sort of forever. That resonates with you. It's not like it happened in your childhood or it happened when you were a teenage girl or something.

It was from some other lifetimes. Let's find out. Is it a past life? It's a past life. So there are two kinds of past lives. One is called genealogical. That would be something that happened to your ancestors. and you're playing out their story your blood ancestors and one is karmic at which point if you believe in reincarnation in other lifetimes you this is you

from another lifetime energetically because soul comes through blood and comes through energy so that's why it's not genealogical so it's karmic so this is not a story about your great-grandmother either it could have been both then you would have of course been your great-grandmother in another lifetime but in this case that's not the case you are just somebody you could be anybody but you're not going to be you and you're not for your blood relatives and it's going to take place in the past not the future that's all we know so far let's see if you need any more and you don't need any more clues about who when where why how if you know the story or anything all right so we're going to get there through a sensation yes anything deep and amplify set up or transpersonal so that again says not transpersonal means that

it's really you're not holding a story for somebody else you're not a part of a group it's you're you're the one in the story that's being traumatized around this because you couldn't stop them from cursing you where you didn't know they were cursing you. All right. So. Okay. So there's nothing, none of those. Any practices defined now? No.

Is it fully available? Are you fully in state? That says yes so as you're allowing this what i want to invite you to do we already know that your experience is i am cursed and all of those feelings that you said it's like beneath the curse and no power and the sense of this curse being a particularly virulent kind of curse now as you're allowing that which you are right now juliet i just want you to scan your body and tell us what you notice. Any sensations, heaviness, pain, queasy, empty. I'm feeling like a crushing sensation on my, like right in the center of my sternum on my heart space.

And like, it's like like i'm almost lightheaded yeah and like my uh my palms are like borderline like they're borderline my hand arms my whole arms are I'm numb. Yeah. Now I want you to choose to bring all your awareness to crushing sensation in center of sternum in the heart space and lightheadedness and numbness that goes from palms all the way down your arms. This is your new name. You're like an actress and you're going to play a role. And in this role, all we know so far is your name is crushing sensation in sternum and heart space. Lightheadedness, numbness, palms all the way down the arms. I'm going to say whoever you are,

who's the crushing sensation, who's crushing sensation and lightheadedness and numbness you teach us what have you come to share from this being cursed where's this beginning what's happening to you now you just be those you might become the being that it's happening to where images come for just knowns and all we want to do is just share with us just talk with us getting like a vision of some it's like being in like a black like a black box or a container is being i think i'm like it's like as if i'm in it and i'm being lowered deep into like the center like towards a pit or like a deep like center of the earth kind of thing

by a chain yeah this is really strong and goose bumpy yeah you got it exactly right stay with it i'm also getting sensations of like my limbs i i don't know if it's limbs or like aspects of me are like it's like my hand is like trying to like reach out and energetically up and over like scree and it's like a like a bird sound almost like screaming screeching like I'm like resisting and therefore parts of me like there's so much anger it's like shape shape shifting almost inside of that box as i'm going deeper and deeper and deeper into the darkness yeah yeah yeah i just get like a image of like a like feathers or like a big beak. Mm-hmm. And now I have like slight nausea.

Nausea and like something in my throat. Like it's almost burning in my throat like it's it's almost burning in my it's now burning in the center of my heart yeah it's now like i'm on like in on fire like in flames flames yeah and it's like a piercing in my heart like like as i'm in flames i just felt this deep piercing pain through my center of my chest i just feel like sadness but also it was rage and then sadness. it's like um i'm noticing like slight tingling sensations in my hands and feet kind of my whole body it's like it's like i'm uh i'm like slowly like not dissociating but like uh

like evaporating apart. That beak, like the vision of this beak and like it's turned sideways. Now I'm just aware of this pain, or discomfort in the center of my chest. It's like burning, almost like heartburn feeling my back now my shoulders and my back like they feel quite large i almost like feel and and they're like pulsing breathing i almost have this like anger it's like this vision of like uh like hulk kind of body that's like like in and fists it's a vision more so and it was like

I am that big I am that Hulk but then within myself for some reason I didn't I felt this fear and like I'm not actually I don't have that strength and now my arms feel so heavy yeah yep oh totally I almost like I have the sensation of like wanting to cry like my hands feel so my arms and body are like melting. Like I feel so heavy. It's just this fear of this melting.

Because if I melt, like I would, I'm scared of disappearing. I'm scared of disappearing. And that burning in my, like a soft, like in my chest, upper chest now. Like a scream or something is trying to come up. It's like the only energy I have to try to fight for my life. It's like, it's like a stabbing, uncomfortable sensation. I feel disgusting. I feel like I am and look just disgusting like I don't want to be in this body

this body that's like morphing I like feel hate towards others for their judgmental looks and now I have sharp pain in my in my right around my Adam's apple my Adam's apple. I feel like, I feel like somebody is forcing me like I, this exhaustion in my limbs, like I, I feel so exhausted and heavy. Like I can't even lift my head up and I I feel like someone else is forcing me into this ball like into and now I'm like I feel like I'm shivering I feel myself trembling. I feel myself in this ball looking up. Like a part of me is looking up for like grace. Like, please stop making me turn into this ball and compressing my whole body. That's right.

I'm just begging for grace. And it just feels evil. Like, I feel confused here. evil. Like, I feel confused here. Like a part of me has an awareness that I could sit up. I just feel too, disgusting too and now I just got this vision that that box just got dropped even like way further it's like it's in space now like in out there in space it's weird I guess I feel like I'm here like Like there's like a, there's, I can see myself in my body almost here. And it's like, I'm looking down and it's like that fear. It's like a part of me.

I don't know if it's my soul or a part of me is in that box, like dropped way down far into the universe and it feels like it's like i can only hear like it's like i'm hearing the cries coming from it but it's gone i just feel like deep sadness for like it's as if a part of me just got sent away into the abyss. And so there's actually, there's a hole in my chest. there's a hole in my chest and that hole is like, it's that, like that, those, that screaming, that, whatever is screaming and sad in that box in the abyss, I feel this, like, it's like an empty, literally like my, it's like my like my chat my my heart center space is empty there's a hole in it

and I guess my cognitive mind I've been doing a lot of tuning in and I've just felt that feeling for a really long time now so it's interesting to see it so visually it's like light is flashing in front of my eyes now like it's it's just it's flickering and flashing and i'm just aware of this sharp pain in my right on my heart like it's uncomfortable if i want to look away but it's actually beneath my eyelids that this white, this light, it's like white flashing. So I'm simply aware of this like pinpoint pressure on my heart while the white light is flashing

and I'm not actually physically trembling but I feel myself trembling I just had the thought of like I'm so tired and sick of being attacked like a woe is me for some reason I'm getting the sense of like, like this, this flashing light, like makes me think of like the only image that I can think of is like being shot at by like multiple guns, but I'm still here. That's right. That's right. It's almost like I'm being like, there's's like a I don't know if I'm like a part of me is like am I just making this part up I don't think so I throat tighten when I said that but it's like there's multiple people lined up around with guns and they're all and I think I don't know seems like I'm

and I think I don't know seems like I'm not able to say anything but I have guns pointing at me yeah I'm just like watching someone I'm watching a person tied up with their hands behind their back, face down and just being executed or shot at. Yeah. Browns. I just get the sense that it's just sick and not fair. Like it's, it's disgusting.

Not what's happening, but the cause. Like this person was innocent. That's right. I just have a sadness. There's not a lot of hope. oh it's just

i just have this overall sense full of this feeling of like both disgust and there's no hope that's right it's a savage world that's right and there's burning in my heart too like it's burning with this disgust and anger like how could you i feel that and i also feel powerless yeah it just like even breathing it's like i guess there's just this feeling of like there's no sense of breathing like there's no there's no point in breathing if if this is the world that i'm dominated by or living in.

Like it feels very exhausting. That's right. Exhausting and depressing like deep within there's like a i really don't want it to be this way voice but external it's like soulless just marching in line and mechanical way of living but being forced to it's like soulless living but it's actually just sadness that's right soulless living but actually just sadness that's right so let's look at actually just sadness that's right i just feel that deep sadness on my heart and i just have this sense of like i just want to like say it's like that like a part of me but there's like a part of me that wants wants to be like a deep down like

in my abdomen like a cheerleader and be like oh just try this and this like try this way of thinking try this way of being but it's like this heart and this persona right now is just shaking its head and it's like this is it's saying it feels like saying like this is just the way it is that's right yeah just my whole chest now is just enraged and burning i'm just i'm just sick of it all now like i'm sick of all of it all these feelings this life

all these feelings, this life. Yeah. I just, it's like I hate people. That's right. That's right. I guess that just makes me so sad because that voice that is trying to tune into tools like tuning into love or looking at the bright side and having optimism it's just like but this feeling it's like expansive across my shoulders and in my heart and it's just it just feels doomed i guess. This is the way it is.

It's almost hurtful. It hurts to hear that happy little voice down below that's trying to focus on love. And as I said that, my throat really tightened. I just feel like I'm in this large space where it's like thick walls around. It's like a thick membrane and it feels like a prison like it just feels awful in here it feels like a curse where it's like no matter what you're gonna feel this way

that's right like it wants to it just like squash that little voice of love down or joy down and it just shut it down like it's too it's almost like hurtful to hear it and now that I've kind of like squished that down deep in my heart I just feel like this that that membrane has like hardened i just feel hardened and my throat is like hardened and tight yeah like I'm like condensed and it feels like this is my just like destiny in the sense of like well this is how it's going to be yeah it feels hopeless like

in the center of my chest just feels like just like a cemented yeah like cement rock that like there is no joy there was no space for it there's no space it's condensed cement yeah so that's really uncomfortable to have to sit with this. Yeah. I guess I feel angry and bitter. I feel angry and bitter that this rock is here. It's just cement in the center of my chest. I have a desire to remove it, but every time I think of that desire of removing it

it's almost like it gets louder and heavy ball is right in my chest feels like it's just like parked there I feel really uncomfortable like I really I just have no clue how to remove it yeah that's right and like what is it transference just came up like I got angry at hearing that that that's right up like I got angry at hearing that that that's right like I just feel like lashing out and being like well like screw you or like to anyone I just feel this bitterness that's right and then my thoughts went to like that box that's way out in the universe and it's just hopeless so i don't yeah i feel like extremely not like comfortable being in my skin now yeah like I literally want to shed my skin but the thought of that it's like

it's like I do believe in there being beauty in this on this earth like i do i do really love so many like my life and the and the people that i love and there i know that there's, there has been in beauty, but this feeling in my chest is just awful. I just I would really like to not feel this way. I just would really like a solution. But it just feels like I'm doomed like it's I feel myself like reaching out for others or for help just because I really don't want to feel this way like I want to be saved I just want some help just feeling lightheaded and i'm aware of this light over here aware of this light over here. That's right.

I still... I still... I still... I still... The light does feel larger and like it is even though this like my mind is just jumping to like is like it's trying to bypass this feeling and my mind is trying to jump to like is this god like is this like an angel or I and and that that cement ball has like it's like I'm kind of moving into the light a bit more but my mind kind of went into like I want this thing gone like removed I don't I don't want it just like I don't want to just

bypass it I guess there's just intense fear and like I guess the awareness of relinquishing control to this light. That's right. I came to my awareness. That's right. That's exactly right. Yeah. yeah i just feel kind of like curious about what what the what the light is like i guess that idea of relinquishing control yeah I guess I'm like trembling again it's like this is it's like I so desire to relinquish control and I'm feeling myself getting pulled into this

condensing over here so I'm now aware that I'm condensing over here like a limb is being pulled in this direction. That's wanting that control. That's right. And then there's, and there's like this expansive light. That's right. It's just expansive and light. That's right.

And my cognition would love to snap my fingers I would like to do that I guess I just don't know I feel stuck like I don't know quite how I just feel myself trembling, like shaking. I just feel like, what will it take? it's like I'm lightheaded again but I'm not hyperventilating I guess I just am willing I just want to state out of like desperation and hope like I would want to state out of desperation and hope, I would like to go there. i've had this happen before so I'm aware that my head is moving the light is over here and I'm also aware that it's everywhere

and I seem to be turned towards darkness darkness I'm getting impatient yeah I'm impatient and then I'm also aware of there's guilt, like I'm aware of your time. Which puts me back to looking at the darkness over here. There's a sense of feeling unworthy. And now I'm embarrassed. That embarrassment kind of seemed to like release something and just kind of humbled

me. I feel humbled. Yeah. I feel a. Yeah. I feel a little bit more innocent. My, like, cognition came in and just thinks, was like this is so weird but it feels I just got a sense of like looking at the light and being like turned towards the light I just got a sense of like being like just a brief sense of being like on a beach relaxed in the sun

and I'm also aware that there's this kind of darkness and that's like like I'm now here and this darkness is a little bit below me over to the left. And it's like, it has like a suction to it. Like it's trying to suck me into it. Which like a part of me finds that scary, but it's, it's kind of getting smaller. So I'm a bit relieved about that I'm still aware of like something it's almost like it's smaller on my chest yeah but it's smaller and I kind of feel held here like I feel

like I'm literally it like feels it feels like I'm being held by like these hands like the hands of God that's right my like cognitive mind is just

like doing this thing of like what is this what it is like doing this thing of like what is this i literally feel like i'm in these hands these hands of like whether it be god or an angel my mind is trying to go into like a fear place like it's trying to like think of things to be fearful about it's like

what if what about what about what about those things and I'm just I'm just currently in these hands and just being like I'm just feeling like almost like being like pet and just being like hush now like hush ah i just get this sense that like i i want to i want to stay in those hands forever that's right i just want to live here in literally it's like I'm living in God's hands that's right I'm aware of like a part of me that's like trying to like rush things but I also can just feel Yeah. Okay. Hmm. I can feel like golden and white light.

It's like I'm being blessed. Yeah. It's almost like i've uh i'm receiving it like like it's pouring down into me and when i say that it just kind of like turned into like this feeling of like warm soothing golden like nectar soothing golden like nectar and it's like two things are present although on one hand i have a part of a story going somewhere about guilt and aware of my you and me in this time and place but at the same time so it's like this light and voice saying like that's okay that can be there like i can be in that realm in reality and i can also actually be here

like in these clouds almost and like be receiving this golden nectar like it's almost like i just got permission like Juliet has got permission to like sure she can like feel guilty about time and taking up time and being there with Andy that's fine like that's her humanness and and you're also here it feels really good to breathe it feels really good to breathe. It feels like I am very still

and expansive. Like, I feel huge the person that I am I'm also like aware of like Juliet's brain over here and I feel like entertained by that it's like entertaining this juliet it's like this like like desperate scientist that's like trying to get into analysis

and trying to figure it out and wants to have a patent and like or like a solution and okay so yeah i feel like i can be aware of this breath i'm aware of this space yeah it's like two things are happening at once there's this awareness and expansiveness of who i who I am and then there's also at the same time in the same like I mean there's no space there's this Julia yeah and I guess this Juliet wishes to be this expansive form

this white light this white golden light. I just feel like I can actually breathe through my abdomen and I'm not trying. There's just this feeling of like not trying and I just smile I can almost like hear like a monk just saying and I just smile that's right I can feel like I'm here.

In this body. That's right. And now I just feel kind of curious like curious what that will look like curious to be like oh it's almost like all of that expansiveness got like flow it was like in a funnel felt like it streamed here and knowing that time and space and like dimensions i just feel curious about what it will feel like to now be in this like live in this body and and like if like i'm curious what it would feel like to like yeah i'm not try that's right like the thought comes up i want to maintain this like it's like a clinging like it wants to cling to this expansive white light golden light and it's just so irrelevant like that clinging is just kind of irrelevant and so like that's kind of part of like those thoughts and, and therefore there's just no

trying. That's right. I'm curious about like, okay. Yeah. about like okay yeah sorry I just have curiosity sorry I just have curiosity about like what it'll be like to be in this body now and like joy like it feels like an exploration now I guess I just kind of I'm thinking about books that I've read

and these you know theories these spiritual theories and I just always wondered like when people say you know I'm like how are you so confident that we are here and experiencing that we are God and I went along with it but I'm like how like there was a part of me that would kind of like

point and be like you know how come you're stating that so confidently? And now I've had that, this experience. This experience. Yeah. This being the soul and experiencing this it's like a it's like a playful it's more playful and fun curiosity curiosity about life like and part of that is the awareness that there is suffering and fear and this and that like it's it's aware of that but it's like this this feeling to know that that feeling and and to really know like to be in those it's i kind of feel like okay like I just feel this relief of like I guess I know it it might sound crazy to some but I like I

I feel like it's okay it sounds crazy to me to Juliet but it's it feels like I like got like I was saved like by these hands of God like and I don't say that all like hoity-toity like I don't feel like yeah it makes me want to engage in life with life. Like if that is true, like if what I just experienced is true, which it is to me

if that's true like if I can if that's a trust fall like if it's true that you can fall back into these hands, then, you know, the possibilities seem endless. In terms of bravery, it now feels like curiosity, like to engage in life with curiosity rather than fear dictating everything. thank you

it was a pleasure all i did was point you in a direction so thank you me and everybody else. Including yourself. Yeah. I mean, I'm just so, yeah. I'm just aware of this mind of mine now. This mind that has been clinically trained. That wants to, yeah. It's wanting to

it's like it's wanting to bash it's like it's like it's it's a it can't wrap itself around what just happened yeah i understand understand yeah like it like i can uh i guess just based off of my background like i guess this mind is is like trying to find like a scientific form like a formula in the sense of um like a prescription or like it's just uh it's wanting a linear path and there's just this expansive awareness of like that that doesn't have the control I think that's the biggest thing right now is like the mind is trying to control it's wanting to and uh and just recognizing that that it's just is irrelevant like that's just not a part of the conversation anymore my conversation so I'm kind of like oh okay well I'm looking forward

to seeing what life brings now yeah trust in that light yeah I just I'm just thinking about like okay like what is life going to look like from now on I'm trying to think of scenarios but for me it's like oh I just like it it's not that it doesn't matter but like for me what matters now is that that light and that that like and even the word light it's like now I'm like I don't want to attach like I'm just aware of like non-attachment. Like not attaching to whatever that may be. I'm like God, I guess.

Yeah. Yeah. Like only that can. Yeah, I guess there are no words. Well, your body ought to feel better if you check. You can tell us if the numbness and the pain, what's happened.

Well, there's no pain. There's no numbness. there's no numbness yeah i don't yeah i i have a sensation in my heart but I feel I want to say like it's not that I feel whole and complete but I feel more like tangible like I like um before for a long time now it's literally felt like there's a hole through my center the center of my chest like it's it's literally felt like a tunnel that just goes endless like it's straight through me like literally cut out cut me out in the center and there's just nothing whereas now i can feel that everything is tangible. Like there's substance and there's a human body.

And like, I can work with, like, I can work with that. And what I mean by that is like, like I can move forward forward now being I can attend to that and and yeah and that just feels so lovely you know like I'm a yoga teacher I do meditation I this and that like there are all these and um practices or whatnot and and I guess um I used to think that these practices whether they be like different breathing practices different yoga practices different meditations nidras you name it I guess there was always like a sense of like to get somewhere.

And now that I've just experienced this, there's an awareness. Like now, if I was, for example, to do a breathing practice or yoga or something like that, it wouldn't to to chain or achieve or get somewhere it's um it would be to remember and um remember in the sense that yeah in the sense that of what already is and there's the physical body here right now and i can attend to that like we've got tools i can eat you know i mean like like it's simple it seems it seems simple now whereas i can show you if i listen up the complex things that I've tried that are not simple for healing whereas now it seems more simple well we're coming to our completion so just watch take a moment and see if there's anything else

that you want to say as we're coming to our end about what's touched you or what you're taking from this or what it was like or anything if there is if not you can just let it be and be with what is I have a sensation it's like a it's not burning but it's like a little flickering in my heart and and in the past I I have felt sensations and gone into them you know through like a somatic counseling training approach of like needing to go in there and fix her or whatnot whereas this oh it's really neat it makes me smile because it's not like I thought this it just came to me this like little little flame I guess in my heart it feels very like sacred it feels like it feels like my like it almost feels like mine it's like that's a sensation that I mine in the sense that like that's something for me to

get to explore it's like um it's like a point that i can tune into to to feel um this connection this oneness and and so i have i just i i have I have immense profound gratitude and um for you and for mainly for like this that encompasses all I'm grateful I'm so grateful that no parts were like parts meaning issues or this and that were not included so my cognitive um you know rational brain might say like how weird certain things were and I have such immense relief that everything is you know I think I've heard you say and I've said this where I believe in every like in any in it all and I'm just

in awe so I'm just gonna end it with I am in awe so i'm just gonna end it with i am in awe well thank you so much and you know i think you've given yourself and a lot of people who may see this a really incredible gift and why don't we just say goodbye for now and we can talk and see how you want to proceed you know we can do that when we're done with this okay all right thank you it's a pleasure so we'll talk soon sounds great