Heroes in Business - The Antidote to Overwhelm

Episode Date: November 16, 2021

For those who are over-responsible, the antidote to overwhelm is to create space and ask what is true for, what you desire and aspire to and live it. Don't figure it out or fill in the space, ask Life and let it teach you in this episode of Guided Self Healing Fearless Living with Dr Andy Hahn

Hi, this is Andy Han again, and this is episode 31 of Guided Self-Healing, Fearless Living. Today is October 31st, 2021. And today I want to talk about the antidote to overwhelm. And the reason I want to do that is because I had a couple of clients come in this week and both of them were very despondent and feeling somewhat anxious and depressed. And it became very clear that unlike what is often going on, which is that people are remembering something and playing it out in the present, what was going on with each of them was that they were truly feeling overwhelmed and um they shared something in common which is you know they were

both both of them had children one of them had two young children and one of them had three slightly older children and i'll talk about the one with three slightly older children um and I'll talk about the one with three slightly older children, were nine, eight, and five, I think. But be that as it may, what became clear is this person had hurt himself. And he was, if we think about total load theory, he was already up to his total load, the water was up to his nose. And when he hurt his leg, he hit a tipping point where he couldn't breathe anymore, literally, figuratively. So of course, he was feeling overwhelmed, but he hadn't sort of put it all together that his life was just so full there was no space and he realized he never

created space for himself everything was one more responsibility after the next responsibility after the next responsibility and he and his wife had this master calendar i said do you ever put any time in the master calendar for yourself? I don't usually do this, you know, talk about, you know, sort of Socratically asking questions. It never occurred to me to put in time for myself. I asked him, what would it be like if you put in every day, like 15 minutes or 30 minutes that was just just you put that in first in the calendar before you put in anything else and that idea was truly shocking to this man he said well i have so many other things to do and i of course said well you know well if you have so many other things to do

that you're never in the calendar you're never. It's like you give away all of yourself, and there's not much of anything left, and right now, you're exhausted, and you're anxious, and you're feeling despondent, and if you keep doing that, you're just going to get more and more exhausted. So I asked what it would be like if he did that, if he just set out all his time for himself every day. It was just his space. So there's no time to do that. I said, okay, why not? And it soon became clear that he has these three children.

And between them, they had nine activities. And of course, he and his wife were racing around all the time trying to get them to these activities. And two of them were even playing hockey, which was an enormous amount of time. And all they were doing was chauffeuring and although he and his wife ever did was talk about logistics it was like they had missed each other also so I said you know there are two things that seem as you're talking about this the first is that you've become a father and a mother but not a husband and a wife that's how it sounds and that was unbelievably poignant to this man so you know they don't go out on dates and so what would happen after you put a little space for you you put in some space where

you said we're going to go on a date a date night i don't care what night it is but a date night once a week it's your time i think uh you know the kids you know we always do things with the kids i said you know the best thing you might be able to do for the kids is have a date night for yourselves um because right now you know you're getting lost your relationship is what's getting lost because all you are is like you know a father and a mother like the very thing that brought you together you know kind of like it's getting lost in the shuffle it was an intimate partnership and he had often thought about the intimate partnership just around sexuality i said well you know it's not a big surprise that sexuality may be getting very difficult because you guys don't ever spend time together really as a husband and a wife and then you try to be sexual uh as a way of being intimate but you don't even really have a chance

to talk about anything except for logistics or be like if you said to your wife you want to go on a date and you're going to get a babysitter and that the one thing was it was actually going to be a date and you're going to get dressed up like it was a date it was going to be a date night and the one thing that you would not talk about talk about anything except for logistics just what your lives were like or what you know what's happening for each of you that you spend so long getting a chance to share because you have these three kids. I said, well, yeah, but the kids, you know, they have all these activities. And so, of course, what I said to him was, do you know that they even want to have all these activities? He said, well, just everybody has all these activities.

I said, well, okay, everybody has all these activities. You know, if your kids do, have you ever really asked them? And he said, well, okay, everybody has all these activities. You know, if your kids do, have you ever really asked them? And he said, well, we haven't really. We've just signed them up for things because we thought it would be good for them. And I said, you know, what would happen if you involved your kids and said to them, you know, what is it that if you really don't think about it, but you just bring your attention like into your gut and into your heart, and you just sat there and said, what makes me really feel alive or brings And let's only do those things. I said, you know, my guess is that while your kids may like these activities, they may be feeling burnt out too. And in fact, he said at that point, one of his kids even said to him, you know, we have too much we're doing.

But he just sort of said, well, you know, you've made a commitment, so whatever. I said, maybe your kid is sometimes out of the mouth of babes. You know, maybe he was trying to teach you something. And maybe it was important to listen to what he had to say and ask what it was like for him when he said it was too much. But I said, why don't you bring them all together? He said, well, I don't know. My daughter just loves everything. And I said, really?

Loves everything? You know, she loves all these sports she's playing hockey I said if you asked her which we isn't here do you think she would really say every day that she is so excited she can't wait to play all these games and she said he said no there's one in particular that she loves she says you, her dream in life is to be the first, you know, female baseball player. She loves playing baseball. Now, of course, he doesn't have time to play baseball just with her because he's coaching and he coaches the teams. And, you know, he thought about not coaching the teams. And his wife said, said you know you have to do that because you're you know it's it's a good thing to do for the kids i asked him i said well

you had gone to her and said you weren't sure you wanted to do it and she told you you have you have to do it um what would it be like if you just said, where's it written? I have to do this. I asked him, how much does he love coaching? He says, oh, I really like coaching, but I really want to do is, you know, I was doing it so I could spend more time with my daughter. I said to him, well, which would you rather do coach a whole team or spend more time with your daughter? He said, it's a no brainer. I want to spend more time with my daughter. So I said, well, of course, because he loves sports, you could spend time alone with your daughter and you guys could play baseball together because you love baseball and she

loves baseball and you could have this special time. And, you know, I don't know if you can do that with every one of your kids, but you can have special time with the kids if you didn't have all these activities that everyone was doing because you told me how much you love being a father and spending time with your kids but you never set aside in your you know master calendar time it's just going to be my time with the kids or my wife's time with the kids and if i have my time with the kids and it's just my time with the kids. And if I have my time with the kids and it's just my time with the kids, my wife could have some free time. And this whole session was a revelation. So what I want to say to you is if you're feeling overwhelmed, it may be

that you haven't spent enough time just slowing down and listening to yourself. And what would happen if you said, I want to find out what's really, what I know is true for me when I really listen. And when I find out what I know is true for me, how does that translate into what I really wanted to, given what's true for me? And I would suggest to those of you who are very, very responsible, particularly parents, because in this case, both of them were overly responsible parents, if you spent your time not trying to figure it out because your head doesn't know anything, your head doesn't know what's really true for you,

and your head doesn't know what you really desire. Your gut knows what's really true for you. Your heart knows what you really desire. Then your head can come in and say, okay, I'm kind of an executive here. Once we know what we're trying, what we're trying to get to, I'm in service to you guys. You know, it's not your service to me. I'm in service to you because Mr. Gut, you're the one who knows what's really true for all of us here in this community of me. And Mrs. Hart, you know, I do not gendered, but the heart knows what you truly desire.

But how often do we bring our attention and just slow down and listen? And it's like we're listening to a deeper part of ourselves. It's almost like we ask a question and say, I don't know, but if you could share with me, I really asked which point they say, we have been waiting. We would ask you and running around so much, you know, like a person with their body cut off.

So we just had trying to figure everything out, which hasn't worked. So what would happen if you just listen to us? And then when you listen and you say it out loud you speak slowly enough from the inside out that you're actually as you're speaking what you're really doing is you're listening to your own words it's like you're sharing something with yourself so what i would invite you all to do, which is something occasionally I even do, it's how I've learned the hard way what it is that's really true for me and what I really desire. Although I don't have the same problem of having three young kids, but you know,

that's just a quantitative difference. But if we ask and then we invite our kids to say what's really true for you and what would make you really happy and we're going to listen to you as opposed to thinking we know what's best for you and engaging with all these different things well how are they going to know maybe they would just know maybe they've always wanted to play baseball or maybe they sat down at the piano one day and they were like ecstatically happy the only way you're going to know is if you ask them to really tune in and find out what's true for them and what makes their heart brings their heart joy creates a sense of uh beauty in their lives you know makes them feel like really alive but also it's just like yes and it's a yes it just like goes down into the body and it's like you're really grounded it's like you say i'm feeling here

because i'm doing something right now it's really in alignment with what I know is true and what I really desire. And we just make that happen. And that's called a great thing. So, of course, not all healing work and becoming whole is about healing trauma from other lifetimes or when we're one year old or whatever. I mean, it is a kind of trauma

when we get so overwhelmed that we forget ourselves. That is a trauma. And of course, when we forget ourselves, what we're really forgetting is our hearts. So when you say, I know how to be responsible as a parent, both of these very wonderful response. I know how to be responsible means you respond to get something outside of yourself.

The invitation really is to respond to something inside of yourself, to respond to your own knowing, to respond to your own heart and what it desires and what it aspires to when you really are in alignment with what you know is true. And invite your children to do the same thing. Because the greatest gift you can give them is to say, I want to invite you to really tune in inside to what you know is true for you

and what you know you really desire or what you aspire to if you could really live the life you want. And I'm going to support you in making that happen as opposed to flooding you with too many things because we all need space. We all need to ask the parts of us that know what's true, what's true. We all need to know

what we aspire to. And we all need to have the wisdom to make it happen. And then we have to do it. And if what you want to do is be the first girl baseball player, then every day you're out there because it's like not some activity you have to do.

It's just like, I can't wait to do it. Or if it's playing the piano and you sit down with it and it just brings you joy, play the piano. But, you know, if you're playing the piano, but you like baseball, but it's not a big deal, don't fill up all your space. And if you want to be the first girl who ever played in Major League Baseball, even if you like the piano, may not be the best use of your time, because it just fills up the space. So I would say, instead of filling filling up the space which we all know how to do don't fill it up yourself but ask life which is really asking the part of you that just is aligned with life that just knows what's true for you and ask life you know you know it's like

asking life without filling up all the stuff with our head saying, what should I do next? But just saying, I don't know, but I'm going to ask the part that knows, which is my heart. What do I really want? What do I really desire if I was saying yes to life? And then I'd say, that's what you want to do. That's what you want to give your time to. It can be anything. It can be

playing the piano. It can be playing baseball. It could be creating a healing center. It could be anything. It could be cooking because you love it.

Whatever brings more love love so my dear friends i wanted to share something with you where everything isn't just you know becoming a sensation but i will tell you something if you ask the question what do i know is really true for me I'm not trying to figure things out but I'm just tuning in what do I really desire and aspire to when I tune into that you'll feel something in the body if you feel only good feelings then become the good feeling become the good feeling like you do with the discomfort become the good feeling. Become the good feeling. Like you do with the discomfort, become the good feeling from the inside out and say, okay, good feeling.

Spaciousness in chest or lightness in feet or bubbling effervescence in arms. What do you want to share about my life, about these things, if I'm living them right now? And believe me, they will share. All you have to do is ask. And of course, if you

ask the question, like, you know, I think I know what I want to do. You know, I want to be the first female Major League Baseball player. And then there's the discomfort there. And life is good because it's just revealed to you what would keep you from doing it.

And instead of identifying with what keeps you from doing it, you do what we always say you become you bring all your awareness to that discomfort and you become it and say okay what have you come to share about what's keeping me from being able to live my dream and believe me if you ask what's keeping me what you come to share about it where are you beginning what's? And then you just listen. Worlds will open up. And the second you know what the answer is, you say, okay, that's just one more thing I'm experiencing. But it's not who I am. Who I really am is the part that just when I tune in says, yes, I know what's true. I know it. Or yes, I know what I truly desire and aspire to when I'm aligned with what's true, not what I think is true,

but when I really align with life, what's true. And then the head of course says, I'll help you make it happen. And then you start the whole thing over again because I need to go for it. And you actually do it and then you see what happens. So life keeps going around in a circle. And now you know it's true. You feel what it's like. You

ask life to reveal to you how it best happened in a discerning way. And then you do it and it spirals upward and upward and upward until that's the life you live. That's your living life. And having said that, my dear friends, again, my name is Andy Hahn.

And if you want to reach me, you can always do this at Ahan. That's A-H-A-H-N at LifeCenterTherapy.com. And of course, if you want to know about us, we're at LifeCenterTherapy.com. You can find out everything. If you want to do our trainings, because we're doing online trainings, for those of you who want to learn about healing and understanding yourselves and others from the inside out, you just go to geogo.readyforamiracle.net.

That's go.readyforamiracle.net backslash free hyphen training. go.readyforamiracle.net backslash free hyphen training. If you want to share anything with me, I'm always so appreciative. If you have any questions, if you have any differences, I really appreciate people who say, you know, and you don't know what you're talking about because I don't know what I'm

talking about, but at least something more because we're all in this together. You know? So I appreciate all of that. And of course, if you have any questions you want me to respond to in the podcast, that's great. And if you ever want to do a session, I will do sessions with you on this podcast. All you need to know is that, of course, the whole world will see it,

but invariably what you will find is that what you ever want to work on is not something that you'll say oh my god i have to keep it private but if something private comes up that you don't want to share it you're the expert i'm just someone who knows a framework and knows a protocol but you're the expert on what you feel comfortable with and of course life is the expert on what you need to discover so So having said that, my friends, until we meet again, I wish you well.

Goodbye.