Heroes in Business - Trinity of Trinities, 3 Types and 3 Variations

Episode Date: May 16, 2021

Discuss Three Types of people, the Heart, Head, and Belly. Energetic loss of Self, Forward and Out, Back and In, Up and Diffuse. Description of Three Heart Points, the Giver, Performer and Romantic on this episode of Guided Self Healing Fearless Living with Dr. Andy Hahn. 

Hi. This is Andy Hahn. And once again, I'm coming to you from my library in Waltham, Massachusetts. And today is May 7th. And this is the 11th episode of Guided Self-Healing, Fearless Living. And this episode, we're going to call three kinds of people or three types of people, I think we'll actually say three types of people and why it matters. Now, let's start with what's obvious in this world these days, which is that we have a lot of differences. And the differences polarize us, unfortunately, because instead of having a world of understanding and trying to really do the very best we can to be curious and open-minded and open-hearted and fully engaged with other people and what it's like for them. We have become more and more identified

with our own identities. And that leads, of course, to misunderstandings and real difficulties. And we see that everywhere these days. So we see it around race, certainly, that there is a lack of understanding, or we see it around class, or ethnicity, or certainly gender.

There's this lack of really trying to know what it's like for someone else who comes from a different core experience than we do. I would say one of the biggest ways we don't understand each other has something to do with personality. And we know there are differences of personality, but there's no way that most of us can understand these differences. And because there's no way we understand them, we just say other people are different from us. And often we're judgmental of them because of their difference about sort of where their attention goes and what motivates them.

and what motivates them. They just don't make any sense to me. And even we ourselves, we don't even understand where our attention necessarily goes and what motivates us. So we're kind of in the dark. So today, I want to talk a little bit about understanding where we come from. And excuse me, I want to start with a simple idea that there are three types of people. And the three types have fundamentally different worldviews, fundamentally different ways of making meaning, fundamentally different core lenses, fundamentally different places their attention goes.

And this lack of appreciation of these differences, a lack of being open-minded about the differences and curious, of being open-hearted and compassionate and empathic, of being what we might call open-bodied and being fully engaged with the other and sensing where they're coming from and then acting from where they're coming from so that we can actually care for them in the way they need to be cared for as opposed to the way we just naturally care. These lack of appreciation of these differences causes untold misunderstandings and difficulties. So we're going to start with something simple. And the tool I use for this, although it's certainly not the only one, is a tool called the Enneagram. And the Enneagram is a sacred symbol, and it is something that has all of life incorporated into it in some ways.

It's like all sacred symbols. The more you delve into it, the more you find. So it tells you how things evolve. It tells you how things devolve. It is amazing information. The most standard way the Enneagram is used is it says that there are nine different personality types, and each of them is different fundamentally, and they each have different ways of paying attention, and they each have different motivations. They have different ways of making meaning. They're just profoundly different,

and if we understood that, that would be great, but I don't want to start with nine. I want to start with really what the Enneagram says is that there are three kinds of people and the three kinds of people are broken up into three variations which is a much simpler way to understand it so we're going to start with the three kinds of people and we're going to then go on to the variations and you'll see how it all just builds on itself. And it actually, not only is there three kinds of people and three variations of the three kinds of people, but there are also three variations of the nine different types. So there are actually, it says there are 27 different kinds of people.

The Enneagram says there's a core, there are 27. But we're going to start simple and say there are three. And let's look at those three different types and see if we can gain an understanding of those types and where we fit. And then maybe where some of the people we care about fit and say, maybe it will make some sense to us now, as opposed to what the heck are they doing and how, why are they acting that way? to what the heck are they doing and how, why are they acting that way? Because I will tell you something, if you did nothing else in life, you know, if you could say, I'm going to do three things, I'm going to be open-minded and be curious, which is one of the centers called the head center. I'm going to be open-hearted and compassionate and try to understand what that

person is feeling, which is the heart center. And I'm going to be fully engaged with them and sense where they're coming from and then act in a way that is really caring for them in the way that they'd want to be cared for so that I am going to respond to them as opposed to imposing on them. to them as opposed to imposing on them. And if we could be fully open-minded in this way with our wisdom and fully open-hearted with our compassion and fully open-bodied with our capacity to sense and respond and then act from that and be fully engaged, really, so we're going to be open-minded, open-hearted and fully engaged.

Then we're truly present. And we're truly with the other, as opposed to our projections onto them and our sense of what's going on with them. They make no sense. So with that as an introduction, let's now move on and talk about these three types of people. The first type of people we're going to call heart types.

Heart types, which in the Enneagram are points two, three, and four, for those of us who care about these things, because the Enneagram is a circle with nine points. And the heart types are points two, three, and four. The head types are points five, six, and seven. The head types are points five, six, and seven. And the belly points are, the belly types are eight, nine, and one. So we're going to start with the heart types. And if we think about Hegel for a second, if you know Hegel, he said there are three fundamental energetic movements. It's called thesis, antithesis, synthesis.

And really, if you want to think about it, the heart types are a thesis, the head types are an antithesis, and the belly types are a synthesis. So what does that mean? Heart types assert something. something. They say, this is who I am, and I'm seeking something from you, which is I want your approval and acceptance. Because a heart type says, not surprisingly, they say, I feel, therefore I am. And what does it mean to say, I feel feel therefore I am? I'm looking for a good feeling in the heart. And in order to get that good feeling, I have to get a response from you. And the response from you is I want you to approve of me and to like me. And that's what I'm looking for. So the heart types all go forward. They assert something, they create a thesis, and then they're looking for a response back.

So that's how we know if we're a heart type. And they are called, the points they're called, all these heart types are called image and I would say despair points. And what does that mean? points. And what does that mean? It means that I despair that you would approve of me if I was truly who I was. So what I have to do is I have to create an image that is an image that I believe you will approve of. And then I have to present that image to you. And then I'm looking for your approval. I'm looking for your applause, we could say. Every heart point does that. So let's, so that's the heart points, right?

that. So let's, so that's the heart points, right? And so the core dilemma is what image do I have to present to you so that you will like me so I will not feel despair that I am unlovable and unapprovable of if I was who I was, right? That's why we present a thesis. And you'll feel the energetic of that. It goes forward and out. Every heart point then coming forward and out towards you, saying, I have to present something to you, and I want you to applaud it. That's the heart points. So now we're going to go across a great divide to the head points, So now we're going to go across a great divide to the head points, which are exact opposites. So if the heart points assert something and say, I want you to like me, the head points have the exact opposite problem, which is the world is a dangerous place, particularly heart points, because they want something from me. And so I live in a world of danger. And so when I say, if the hard points are, I feel therefore I am, the head points are, as Descartes said, who was certainly a head point, I think

therefore I am. But what does that, what is thinking used for here, fundamentally. It says, the world is a dangerous place. It will demand too much. It will give too little. And I have to scan like this. Where is the danger coming from? And so these points are called the points of fear is the emotional issue and the teachers say paranoia or doubt is the mental issue and so what i'm going to do is i don't want to feel fear right just like the heart points don't want to feel despair right head don't want to feel fear, right? Head points don't want to feel fear. So they're going to use their doubt to say the world is dangerous. I'm scanning for the danger so that I will not have to feel this inner fear.

And we're going to notice something, which I'm going to go back for a second. What we're going to notice with the heart points is when they come forward, what you're going to notice is, interestingly, if I want you to like me, and I want you to applaud me, right, I will not be discerning. You'll be like, I have no head. So when I want your approval, I'm going to do whatever it takes without sort of stepping back and saying, like, do I really? Is that a wise thing to do? Heart points all the time do very undiscerning things because they want someone's applause. So they say, what do I have to do to get their applause?

And they don't always think about whether it's a wise thing to do or not. So the problem, of course, with the heart points is they lose their head. Now, what's the problem for the head points? And we're going to find something interesting, which is if the heart points are no head, the head points actually are no body. And so we say, well, why would somebody say the world is a dangerous place? And if the heart points, as we said, we're going forward and out, the head points go back and in. They go away from something. There's a thesis, right? I identify with, well, they're going to,

a head point is going to identify with an antithesis. Like there's something dangerous and I have to go away from it, right? I have to doubt it. So we're going to know that every head point, right? Uses their doubt, scanning around externally, right, they use their doubt as a way not to feel fear. Why are they afraid? Because they are no body. And of course, if you're a no body, or in this case, you are literally no body, you are just a head, right? Because a head points at no body or no belly. I don't have enough energy.

And I'm going to be, you're going to do something to me and you're going to be dangerous in one way, shape or form or another. So my core dilemma is how do I keep myself secure in a world of danger, right? And if that's the case, no matter what the danger is, because again, we're going to see three variations of it, we're going to find something that's dangerous and we're going to get away from it. And if that's the case, I'm a head point. And you can understand why heart points and head points just do not understand each other, right? So we have this thesis, as we said, and then we have an antithesis. And that is the heart points and the head points. So now we go to the belly points.

And the belly points are interesting. points. And the belly points are interesting because you could say, if a heart point says, I feel, therefore I am, right? And a head point says, I think, therefore I am. Well, what about the belly? And the belly point basically says, I react or I sense something. And then I take an automatic action. So I react to something outside of me and sometimes it's reacting and sometimes it's responding, but it's always to something external, right? So it's like, I don't identify with anything except for my reacting, my sensing something outside and then taking an action. I don't know what my heart's desire is, and I don't know particularly what I'm afraid of, right? So there's not an inner

experience. It's totally an outer experience. So it's like to say, I don't have my own identity. I don't have my own desires. I don't have my own fears, but what I am, so I don't have my own identity, except in so far as I, in some way, shape or form, are in reaction to something outside of me, right? So I sense and I do. And so that's why it's called a synthesis, right? It doesn't present something like a thesis, it doesn't go forward and out. It doesn't go backward and in and say, no, there's something dangerous, and I'm aware that there's something dangerous. It goes up and diffuse, right? Or it's not embodied. Why is that? Because if you're always responding to something, right, there is something you're lacking, which is a sense of what it is that you truly desire. It's like no one ever asked. So every belly point will say, I don't know what I'm passionate about,

but I know how to react to something outside of me. And so that's why I say these points, the energetics of them go up and diffuse, right? Because in order to be in the body, you have to know something about what your own heart's desire is, what you're... And that's not feeling, it's not about emotions. It's about passion. It's about what is it that I really desire?

You ask any belly point, eventually they will say, I have no clue what I desire. Because it feels like there's an emptiness in the heart. I am no heart. You have to understand what no heart here means. It means I don't know what I'm feeling. I don't know what I want. I don't know who I am except in reaction to something else, okay? And that's why I say every of the belly points go up and diffuse, and they're going to be someone who says,

essentially, I react, or I respond, or I send something outside of me, and then I take an action, and therefore I am, right? I'm going to be playing your game, and therefore I am, right? I'm going to be playing your game and therefore I am. That's what these points say. So if we can get that, just that, we're in good shape as a starting place, right? So what I want to invite you to do today is just really, really, really observe. Observe yourself first and say,

at the end of the day, what am I doing? Am I trying to get a good feeling in the heart? And I do that by creating some kind of image. Wherever I look for that image, right? And then I present it to the world. And then I look for that image, right? And then I present it to the world. And then I look for applause so I don't feel despair. And if that's the case, you're going to be a variation of a heart point. So what I want you first to do is to say, is that who I am? Am I some kind of heart point? you can say am i a head point and of course if

i'm a head point then my problem is going to be the world's a dangerous place it's going to demand too much it's going to give too little right it literally may demand too much or give too little and then i have to pull away from the demands in the sense that you want something from me or it's going to like be dangerous, literally dangerous, or it's going to try to trap me or bore me or make me feel pain. And I've got to get away from it. And if you realize that you're starting, you're starting, your first movement is backing away from something, right? And then you'll either go further back or you'll'll go up in the field, so you'll go around it. But my first movement is going to be I'm pulling away from something. And if that's the case, that's the case, then you're a

headpoint. And you really have to look carefully about that. Well, you know, some people, you know, it's true of the hard points too. Because as we will see, one of the hard points doesn't look like it's creating an image. And one of the head points doesn't particularly look like it's afraid of anything. So if you're a head point and you're somebody who says, well, I just do whatever I want. I want pleasant experiences. You have to notice that the reason that you want to have pleasant experiences, the first move is to get away from something that could be painful, like literal pain, like not physical pain, but emotional pain or being bored

or being trapped. So nothing's going to trap me. So even for those of us who look like we're not, you know, pulling away from something, our first move actually is to pull away from something, okay? So am I that kind of person? Am I somebody who says there's something out there, and it's going to demand too much, it's going to give too little, in some way it's dangerous, and I have to get away from it. And if that's the case, you're a head point. And then we go to our last points which is the belly point and really the way you know we started with the belly point i didn't tell you the issues there they're called self-forgetting right and anger and what it is is i use my um self-forgetting in a funny way.

I use forgetting, you could say, as a way not to experience that I have an anger inside because I have forgotten myself. So in some way, shape or form, I don't want to feel my anger at myself that I've forgotten myself. So, it's going to be, what am I going to do with the anger when I feel like no one ever asked? No one said, what do you want? Or what are you feeling? Or who are you? That's my story. If I'm a belly point, I'm going to say, no one ever asked. No one ever asked. But really what we have to realize is, of course, that the person who never asked was ourselves.

We forgot ourselves. And so if I'm a belly point, I'm going to make sure, you know, that I am not aware of this self-directed anger right because you did something to me and really what i've forgotten is that i never asked the question what do i desire what am i feeling who am I if I'm not responding or reacting to something else? And if you know that, and of course, you know, one of those points looks like they know what they want. But even that point, if you look at it, as one of my dearest colleagues once said, you know, it looks like I know what I'm doing, but in the beginning, I'm still responding to something. If you give me a blank sheet, right?

She said, and we'll go back to this in our next meeting. She said, you give me anything to respond to. I'll make it better. So you give me a menu. I don't care where it is, I can improve it. But give me a blank sheet of paper and say, you can make any menu your heart desires. It's much harder. And if that's the case, if when you have a blank sheet of paper, right,

you have no clue, no clue. I mean, it's not like you have a clue, but you're anxious about it because you won't get applause or you have a clue, but if you say it, something bad will happen, but you have zero clue whatsoever when you pull out a sheet of paper.

You'll know that you're a belly point. So the invitation for today is just to start with those three types. And to start with yourself and to witness yourself and to say, which one am I? A hard point that is really looking for applause. That's looking for approval. is looking for approval. A head point that's looking for security

in the face of some kind of danger. Or a belly point that's looking to find their identity by being in reaction to something else. And that's where we'll start. And then maybe we can say, oh, that's what we'll start and then maybe we can say oh that's what's going on

that's why they're acting the way they're acting because you don't have to look at the behavior anymore you can understand you can understand what's really going on beneath it what's making that type of person tick and you'll say oh I got it

this is what's going on for you person tick. And you'll say, oh, I got it. This is what's going on for you. You don't have to look crazy anymore. And I'll even know a little bit about what's going on for me because most of us don't even know what's going on for ourselves because it's like fish swimming in water. We don't even know the water. And we live with the lens all the time, so we don't even observe the lens.

We just think that's the way it is. So the invitation today is to, instead of looking at the world through the lens, it's to look at the lens itself and to see that it's a complete vision of reality. And having said that, I thank you. Have a great time with this. Check out who you are. Check out who the ones you are in relationship are. And just say, really, is that how you work? Or really, was I motivated always by applause or security

or the sense of wanting to have an identity by reacting? Oh, that explains my behavior. Because when we know what explains it, then we can look at it and we can be free. Because we won't be automatons. We'll actually start to be more human. And having said that, until we meet again, at which point we will look at all of these different points of view, the nine points of view and how they fit, because each of them also has a direction forward and out, back and in, or up and diffuse. So we're going to build a map and we just started with a foundation so my dear friends thank you so much and i can't wait to continue this conversation and again as always i so appreciate your comments your questions your reflections your disagreements anything you can reach me at a Han that's like Andy Han, a Han at life centered therapy.com. And if you want to see

more about the Enneagram, you can just go to life centered therapy.com. And we have a whole section where you can read all about it, so to speak, but we're not a newspaper. And having said that, till we meet again, I wish you well and goodbye.