Hey Riddle Riddle - #114: Carl Talk

Episode Date: September 23, 2020

Hello Wednesday! How are you? We start this week by talking about some improvements we’ve made to our homes then we get into some listener submitted riddles! We mostly focus on giving some advice to a six year old.Spoiler- We aren't qualified. There is also a family snowball fight, an elaborate nighttime routine, and a very cautious princess. We hope you’re having a great week! Bok-quock quock! (car sound) Starring:Adal RifaiJohn Patrick CoanErin KeifEditing by: Casey ToneyTheme by: Arne ParrottLogo by: Emily Kardamis & Emmaline MorrisWant more? Get Weekly Bonus Eps on Patreon!Want merch? Visit our TeePublic Store! or pins, buttons & printsWant to advertise on the show? Check out Hey Riddle Riddle via Gumball.fmSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is a head gum podcast. I'm ready for check. Riddles. Riddles. Yeah, sorry. Weiddles Chicago riddles. Yeah, sorry, we were. Sorry, sorry Chicago here. This is tower. Sorry, tower, we're gonna do a quick check.

Riddles. Riddles clear. Buzzles. Oh, this is Chicago, yes. Tower, tower. Yeah. Buzzles. Okay, just put the pasta in the sink and then we'll just, we'll clean it, we'll clean it. Hey, towers, sorry, tower yeah, puzzles. Okay, just put this put the pasta in the sink and then we'll just

Okay, hey towers now a good time because we're about to No, no, this is great. This is such a good time. This is great. We were not having any sort of reconciliation dinner This is the perfect timing. Oh, I feel like the sauce is gonna burn to the bottom of the game Hey, let me let me keep stirring just let me turn off the boosters here for a second Hey parents stop giving us money for your high school sports. All right, boosters are turned off. All right. That's all gonna stop.

Yeah, that will not stop the boosters. Intro, are we ready for intro? Is there any more oregano? Tower, are we ready for intro? Remember, this just feels like how it used to feel, huh? Doesn't it? You know what, let's call the whole thing sauce. Oh my God. Let's call the whole thing sauce. Oh my God.

Let's call the whole thing sauce. I remember why I fell in love with you. Classic. Classic. This is Hey Riddle Riddle. I'm, I'm this please. I'm this GPCs. And I'm a disc jockey.

Yeah. I, this many holds up 10 fingers, both applies it by three ads one more finger That's the middle finger to the law Where'd you find that finger? Where'd you get that where'd you get that finger and we're gonna do a little podcast where we Solve pussies and riddies and do improvised scenes all along the way who's our Who's our host today? It's Aaron Keefe I believe it is what's up guys? Classic classic or hosting and let's get a quick check in JPC It's Aaron Keefe I believe it is what's up guys? Classic classic And let's get a quick check in JPC what's going on in your neck?

I cannot wait to talk about what's going on in my neck of the birds. I sent I sent you and Aaron both picture a picture of this which I will not for a second I was looking at Aaron when I said I sent you, and then I realized that you, when I said you on the Zoom, you couldn't tell who I was you, and then I pivoted because you were the last one talking. Okay, so what I saw was you said me, you said like to you, and then you went to say Aaron's name,

it looked like you panicked, you looked down on your hand, and I see written on your hand covered in sweat, it says, ear dash run. So I'm sort of phonetic. Is that how you decided to remember my name? Listen to the net account for your device. Listen Alex, we could be here all day talking about who's name I forget, my head's looking sweaty or the more we talk about it.

So why don't we just, I do a bear log. But Mariah and I this weekend we, she found this like DIY DIY, I wanna say recipe because I don't know what, like a craft project, maybe that's it, maybe you just say craft project. I like calling it a recipe, even if it's not for food. It was a recipe for a headboard, for a bed. Is DIY recipe an oxymoron? No, okay.

Do it yourself recipe. Do it yourself, but follow these instructions. I think those are two different things, but I found it. Or I found this online and we've had it for like seven months and we were thinking about doing it like pre-quarantine, but we finally decided that we were going to bite the bullet. We went to like the... I get it from pre-quarantine. We went to the hardware store, we cut the lumber, we bought some stain and we, our landlord,

let us use the garage and we built a headboard. And it went pretty well. Only like a couple things didn't go exactly right and I think you both a picture of it. So you really can't tell that the things that you built that. You built that. Yeah. I think it looks pretty good. I think that it looks fantastic.

Yeah, it doesn't look like I put it together which makes it seem like a schmuck would have done it. But also it looks very similar to the picture that the person who posted it posted when it was done. So I'm like, great, we did an adequate enough job of making it look like what it was supposed to look like. When you sent it, I assumed you bought it. So for the last eight or nine minutes,

I assume you spent big money on a headboard, and that's what you're gonna tell us. Yeah, look, you fucking adequate finch over here. I think it was With all the parts and everything was under a hundred dollars with like the wood and the cutting and everything and we bought a sander And it was like a fifty dollar sander so most of the money was buying a sander that now we have so if you How expensive it looks though. Oh, please. I think it looks like an eight800 headboard that you'd get from Restoration Hardware. At the store when we bought that wood, we bought that wood and the color of that wood,

or the type of wood was listed as common. So we bought the common wood, or wood for commoners, but then we stained it with like a mahogany stain. So it looks nice. You sure it wasn't listed as, come on. Buy this wood, come on. Buy the word. That was very exciting.

And we, that project, the stage of 24 hours and we're very pleased with it. So that's new. That's outstanding. Aaron, it looks really nice. What are you up to? I got nothing. Great, I have two things.

So. What's up? Yeah. Please. Do you really have to? Do you really have to? I have two things. So, please. Do you really have to? Yeah, we got a new shower head because ours broke. Plumber didn't confirm with us and showed up at 8 a.m. Fuck, wow, you really do have nothing. I got nothing.

Is the shower head that you got nice? And also how did it break? And did the plumber immediately know that you were lying to him when you or to them when they said would you told them? Why it broke and give us that plumbers first name Didn't meet him Went and immediately fell asleep in the guest room and had Sean made him instead I told him it broke because it was old and it just broke off when we tried to adjust it

How it really broke is I was using it as a basketball hoop tried to adjust it, how it really broke, I was using it as a basketball hoop. Um, got one for about $40. There's a huge range in how much you can spend on a shower head. It's anywhere between like $11 and like 400. I went for like a $50 one. Yes. Yeah, it looks pretty good, haven't used it yet.

And that's all I have. When we moved into this apartment, that was one of the first things that I did was go buy a new shower head and put a new shower head on, and it's one with a wand, so we can give spaghetti a bath with it. Ooh, you're always at JPC. I'm a real boy, but also,

it's also got multiple speeds, and I do like a shower head that has multiple speed options to play with. And you can use that as a fake microphone when you're singing in the shower. Fly me to my pubes, make sure they're covered in soap. Never mind, never mind. I think it's a little creepy that you had that so fast. I think that's clearly a song you sing to yourself. Fold this closure, fold this closure. I think that's clearly a song you sing too. So, full disclosure, full disclosure,

I just took a shower like 30 minutes ago and I was singing flyby to my feet. We really got a peek behind the shower curtain there. There you go. That's gonna be a weekly segment. Addle, what is new in your new house? Yeah, all moved into the house, boxes everywhere, so we have to get that figured out. I just set up this recording studio. I would say unpack them if I wanted to suggest

of what like just to suggest. No, no, they're unpacked. We just have these loose boxes. No, everywhere boxes don't know to do with them. I get these. Flat can't figure it out. There's covered in tape. Just set up this this podcast studio in my little, it's like a little sauna room where we have a bunch of closets upstairs. But then this is just I feel like it, it's a little sauna. I don't know or a little Russian bathhouse. I don't know what it is, but it's it's working out and yeah It's ours now and then we I mentioned this on a patreon, but I bought Gemini bought a 1940s telephone booth So jbc. I will absolutely take that sander from you And I think we're gonna try and spruce it up, repaint it.

Oh, yeah. And then make it like a put it in the living room, make it like a cat tree, like put a little cat tree inside of it. Oh, cool. I think it might be kind of fun. That's fun. So, I can definitely help you as a sander. And I have plenty of mahogany stained left.

So, if you want to make it look like a mahogany headboard, I got you covered. Maybe I'll really ruin it. Aaron, what did you ask? I was gonna ask what you were gonna paint it, but now I know it's gonna have to be Mahogany. It's gotta be Mahogany. Better be?

Mahogany! I think we're gonna look up to see what it looks like in its original incarnation and then try and replicate that. Try to recreate, that's pretty cool. Mm-hmm, so don't be fun. That's awesome, I can't wait to see it. And Aaron, you did say, when I first told you we were buying the house,

you did say that you would love to come over and help paint. If it's good to make sense. If it makes sense. I'm breaking up, I'm going through a tunnel. Holy shit, she is going through a tunnel. I've never seen something like this. She's got to be so zoomed back to a tunnel.

That's gotta be so awful. You know, my parents went through a tunnel and I'm a product of that tunnel. So I understand how tough it can be. Yeah. Going through a tunnel, breaking up. No, do you need help painting? I'll wear a mask.

Yeah, it may be, you do all the upstairs. And then I'll do all of upstairs. Okay. Can I paint it all mahogany? Uh huh. Are you really painting all the walls and everything, Edel? We're not painting all the walls, but definitely down in the bar,

we're gonna to make it a secure room we'll probably paint it like black or green or something and then you swim wallpaper and then we'll probably paint the kitchen. Two very different colors. Two very beautiful. It'll be black or green. It'll be one of the two.

We'll be red or orange or white, green or purple. We hope one of it works. Oppositions of the- Oppositions of the color wheel. I'm meant to tell you, since I know that you can lose yourself in a video game. I recently got the video game Hades, which just came out for the switch, but it's been out on PC for like a year.

And I think that you would really enjoy playing it. It's very, very fun. It's like a dungeon crawler where you are the son of Hades, whose name escapes me right now, and you are trying to like escape out of hell. Oh, I think Jeff. Jeff, it's Jeff Hades. It starts with a Z, but you're trying to escape

out of Hades or out of hell, and like the Olympian gods are helping you do it. It's very, very fun. That sounds right up my alley, because I love Diablo's Zach Zagareus are helping you do it. It's very, very fun. That sounds right up my alley. Cause I love Diablo's, Zach, Zacharias, I just remembered it. Or did Casey put it in the chat? No, I remember it.

It's Zacharias, so I love that you remembered the wrong pronunciation. I love Hades Town, the musical. I also Diablo 2 is one of my favorite games of all time. So this sounds right in my wheelhouse. It's got big Diablo 2 vibes, except it's like, it's also very funny. Yeah, anyway, I think that you would really like it

and that is my doctor recommendations for you, my friend. How many JPCs would you give it? Boy oh boy, as a video game, I think I might give this maybe 15 JPCs, yeah. But I haven't, I've only played it, I've played it admittedly for a long time for like 25 hours, but I think once I get further into it, I'll probably end up giving it more JPCs.

But it's super fun. It's super fun right now. Hell yeah, maybe I'll check out your Twitch tomorrow or something. Uh, well, on the day that this episode comes out, is the next time I'm twitching, so it'll be on Wednesday, yeah. Boyfict. Uh, from a 10 to 2, I think. Aaron, do you want to give us some sweet warm up riddles?

Of course. Well, I'm really just not going to, I'm doing listener submitted riddles today. So I'm just going to do, I'm just going to do them in order of how I pulled them. Okay. So some are going to be hard, some are going to be easy,

some are the easy ones are going to be at the end of the episode, some of the hard ones are going to be in the middle, in the beginning of the end. I'm sort of unpredictable. Sure, you're doing the old dentist prerogative. Doing it in the order that you pull them. Let's, and let's just like, you can just pretend that this episode is Hades

in your Xadarans or whatever. And you're trying to get to the end of the episode. Why did you remind him that he wanted to be called that? And I'm a god, and I'm a healthy one. My first thing was that I said Xadarans for like four episodes straight, and I said like 10 times an episode. And then someone on Twitter was like,

I could not stop laughing every time JPC screams Xadarans. And then I think JPC was like, that was Adel. And then he was the guy was like, oh, I don't know, I'm not. I thought you people think that we sound the same. Yeah, people think you guys sound alike. It's like, it's not funny if Adel and then he was, the guy was like, oh, on our mind. I thought, you people think that we sound the same. Yeah, people think you guys sound a little bit. It's like, it's not funny if Adel says it. But if it was JPC, it would have been so funny.

I've gotten a few messages of people being like, hey, any tips for telling the difference between Adel and JPC's voices? And I was like, I don't know how to help you. Or start backwards at, backwards at, backwards at. I'll start talking like a little British twerp. So that's JP. See All right, here's your first riddle. Give it to please and the person didn't say I could use the name But sort of used their names. You'll see I'm just gonna use the name and if I wasn't supposed to I will send you a blunder. How about that?

Okay, the robot from Futurama the MTV show I wasn't supposed to, I will send you a blender. How about that? Mm. Okay. The robot from Futurama, the MTV show? Yeah. Yes. I'm actually gonna send you, what is it? The next, what's the bus one? Yeah, that's the bus one. Next was the best, we should do an episode.

I'm gonna do a Patreon episode next, because they would always be like, they would always. They would always. They would always be like, hey, my name is Kyle, I'm a podidress. I'm just trying to get my foot in the door. It was always like, they're occupation and then a pond on that. I'm Mark.

I'm a gymnast, I'm gonna make you flip for me. My name is Zachary, I raise horses, giddy up baby. And then the three facts about them and one is always the worst. Oh yeah. All right, this one is from... My name's Jeremy, I got a tiny little baby arm. I'm a baker. What's cooking? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Turns out it wasn't gonna be today. She broke my eggs

This one is from Carl Hayes, right my six-year-old boy not mine the guy who wrote in who made up this riddle on his way Home from school. Okay, so this is Henry, right? Oh, this will be a bad riddle writing in talking to son Carl Are we ready? Yes, this is a riddle that his son wrote on the way home from school. So he's already wiped out and exhausted for the day. And he's sick. So this is not new beginning of the day energy. This is also fresh. I just had a dream, Rinal. I'm not trying to be rude to Carl, because he is sick.

But this definitely feels like a Thursday afternoon. Oh, yeah. He came up with. Carl, buddy, hey, if you're listening, hey buddy, we appreciate you. Next time, step up your game. No, this is actually a great riddle. Oh wait, it is a good riddle.

This isn't like it's an almost a weekend riddle. That's my favorite type of riddle. Yeah. Are we ready? Yes. What did the lunch say to the bull? Are you luncheables? Luncheables?

Is this a luncheable? Mm-hmm, just luncheable. I guess the hint is I guess he is hungry. Thank you so much, Carl. You did a great job. Great job, Carl. You're outstanding. If you are listening, please write us back

because I have a mental picture of how this joke goes down, but I need to know if it's pizza or if it's the sandwich stackers. Because that's gonna change the way that I hit this joke hits me. So I am Carl, I'm not gonna influence too much. I hope it's pizza. Yeah, I'm listening to this.

The pizza lunchables catch so much shit. They're my fucking jam. Like the regular lunchables get out of here. The pizza ones? Yes, please. But cold, eat them cold. I think jam. Like the regular lunchables get out of here. The pizza ones, yes please. But cold, eat them cold. I think the thing about the regular lunchables is that I remember, I mean, I haven't had meat in like almost two decades,

but I remember those regular lunchables. I was so excited for them until I had like Ritz crackers and cheese independently of lunchables. And I was like, oh God, what they're giving me and this is poison. Like Ritz crackers, how could you be so much worse than a Ritz cracker? Like, Ritz crackers isn't even trying that hard.

The meat you always got, like the circular little pieces of meat that you would get in Lunchables always had like an eye of Jupiter in it. Like, there's always some sort of like little ring in the middle where it's like, I don't know what that was, but it- You know how we have a shortage of coins right now? Oh yeah.

I think you see where I'm going with this Lunchable meets as much Thank you, Adel. Adel saw where I was going with this you know those things in like a toll road or whatever the machine doesn't know the difference It's like that's the it's all quarters to the machine. Did you know that George Washington skipped a lunchable Meet across the Delaware. It's just that fountain in Rome, and it just filled the room with the lunchable meat. Trit, the triple E fountain? Oh, man.

Also, I really wanted to just lay into Adel when he was like, every time those little pieces of meat said that, I have jupiter on it, I really wanted to air it and I'd be like, we have no idea what you're talking about, but no, no, no, no, it would be like, kill your parents. And it would like, talk to you and issue commands in your mind.

So no one else could hear. Classic Lunchables. Carl, I don't know if you're going to school right now or if you're learning remotely, but I just want to encourage you to be nice to your teachers. They don't want to get sick. They're trying their best. My sister is a teacher.

And just so you know anyone out there, if I find out that you're bullying your kids teacher and you're being too hard on them, I'm going to find a very creative way to ruin your life. Okay, and that is going to bring me to a new segment that I want to do on the show. This is a segment that I just call advice for Carl. So, Carl is- Can we call it Carl Talk? This is Carl Talk. So this is Carl talk. We're all gonna go around to the horn

and just give Carl six years old listening to the podcast, probably not listening to the podcast. Six years old and some advice that might help them in their schooling. Great. Anyone want to go first for advice for Carl? Yeah, so Carl, you're six, you're just going to school, you're getting acclimated everything, you're making, you're just going to school, you're getting acclimated, everything,

you're making all these social connections. What you're gonna wanna do is you're going to want to break the cycle of being mean to someone because you like them. Be honest with your emotions, tell people how you feel, Carl. Say, hey, I like you, I'm putting myself out there, I'm Carl, I'm a hell of a nice kid,

and I wanna be friends with you. Carl, this is... Great advice. Perfect advice. Carl, this is... David Vice. Yeah, perfect advice. Carl, this is Adlerify if you can't distinguish my voice from the previous talker. My big advice for you is to go ahead and start calling your mom and dad by their first names. Yes. I mean your parents by their first names. Because what's going to happen is as you grow older, everyone you meet, you're going to have to call by their first name, right?

You might as well get used to it now. And I'm gonna save you in the embarrassment of grade school and high school where you accidentally call a teacher, mommy or daddy. That's gonna ruin your year or possibly two years. So go ahead and start calling your parents by their first name. Don't say mom or dad ever again. And that's just a little bump set spike from your old Uncle Adel. Carl, speaking of ruining your life, please try to encourage your parents to not make bacon before school. Really just like encourage them to make bacon on the weekends,

because if they make it in the morning, that smell is going to get on your clothes. And then you're going to go to school, and the kids are going to say you smell like bacon. And that's going to be a really hard thing to bounce back from, okay? So just no bacon before school. And Carl, speaking of smells, getting on your clothes, what you're going to want to do is you're going to want to get an empty water bottle and you're going to want to fill it with urine.

It doesn't have to be yours, but it should be. You're going to want to carry this around on you because Carl, at one point, you are going to piss yourself. It happens to everyone. There's no need to be a sugar done. I'm doing it now. I'm doing it now. If you're sure, happens to the best of us, but you don't want to be alone in that

instance. So what you want to do is you're going to take that water bottle out, squirt it on another kid or a teacher, whoever else is around. And so you're in this with me now. You have to help us both get out of this. And real quick, talking about smells, stinging your smells. What you're also going to want to do is start carrying around a trumpet. You don't have to learn how to play it. If you want to, that's bonus. Start carrying around a trumpet. That way, anytime you fart, you want to grab that real quick. And as people turn around, you just want to say, just practicing. That way, everyone thinks they just heard a trumpet. They don't know how that smells. But it must have been somebody else. Because you're just practicing the trumpet. I'm a man.

You're just practicing the trumpet. Hey, Carl, I'm Aaron here. Really quick. We're actually going to ignore those last two bits of advice. Because you're not going to be the kid carrying around a trumpet in a bottle of piss. Absolutely. You can kiss in the trumpet. Please, trumpet. Trumpest, please.

And that concludes our advice. Come back in six months when we remember this segment for some more advice. Guys, I think we have to pivot into Carl talk. I think that's the new show. We're going to do this every year at Carl's birthday, which I am putting it out here right now, September 23rd. This episode comes out. Happy birthday, Carl. And again, I'm in a lot of trouble if I wasn't supposed to be using his name. This is a real disaster.

Unfortunately, we have gone too far down this hole. We cannot lose the joke of this episode now. This would be a 12 minute episode. So this all stays in. We wanna apologize to your family if that was the wrong move, but I did, I'm also a little nervous because I copy pasted these emails into a document, and I'm worried that I got,

I copy and pasted out of the part where he's like, please don't say the name, but I don't think I did. And that is my bad, if I did that. If you did and we did say the name, but I don't think I did. And that is my bad. If I did that. If you did and we did say the name, you can't trust this. So watch out if you're gonna sit this. If you can't. All right. Hashtag Trumpis.

Aaron, we do legally have to get to another riddle. Right, let's do this. Hey, I'm Andrew. You can use my name. It's cool. Here's a riddle that honestly only works like 10% of the time. How do you fit an elephant into a safe way bag? Safe way. Now, that is a grocery store, correct? It only works like 10% of the time. How do you fit an elephant into a safe way bag?

Safe way, now that is a grocery store, correct? Do we have safeways around here? No. What the fuck is a safe way? That sounds like, we have an Indianapolis. We have safeway and Indianapolis. Safeway sounds like a company that makes car alarms. Safeway? Safeway is a grocery store.

Safeway. Safeway. Safeway. Sorry. Safeway? Safeway is a grocery store. Safeway. Safeway. Safeway. Safeway. Real quick. And this is an honest question. Am I mishearing the word safe? S-A-V-E? No, it's safe. Safe. Safeway. Safeway makes sense to me because you're shaving. How do you, what's the way to save money? You in this grocery store you walk in with a safe Into a safe way and a man says come with me if you want to live Because as we all know there's a dangerous way in a safe way to walk through that store Do not go near the bread aisle I get it out of you just made me remember one of my favorite patreon Moments ever is when I was like tying up my horse

and you made that locking car sound. So the funny thing ever happened. Can I just say in my entire life, and I'm 38 years young, in my entire life, I have never seen a car alarm go off and have anybody take notice or do anything or police come or there's the car, that is the most useless fucking tool that mankind has ever created

JPC you try it here at JPC's car alarms are one promises There's a chicken in every car alarm and we put that chicken in there and we make sure it's dead Okay Answer my riddle. Yes. How does an elephant, what is it? How do you fit an elephant into a safe way bag? Here's what I want to ask Aaron. Could we just take away safe way and have it be bag or does safe way have a role to play in this?

It does. Should you just do it the safe way? Is it like a little play on words where safety first or something like that? No. Is there something about safe way that I need to know about in terms of you need to fill me in in terms of context? No context needed.

OK, I'll give you a little bit of context that you don't need at all. We used to walk to Safeway and buy Fego because it was like $0.69 for a two-liter. And when you were a kid that you don't need at all. We used to walk to Safeway and buy Fego because it was like 69 cents for a two-liter and when you were a kid and you didn't have any money of your own, even though you wanted to buy like Mountain Dew, if it was like 129, you would not buy that two-liter if you could buy a 69-liter Fego. For listeners, JPC was rattling off that story. Meanwhile, I got a text from him that said come and he said, ha ha ha come text. Oh, that's it. That was like two days old.

I wanna see a scene. I wanna see a scene. I wanna see a scene. Aaron, you are an elephant. You have gone into a safe way, safe way, safe way to purchase groceries for you and your family. JPC, you are a stock boy, you're stocking the shelves, and this is the first time you've seen an elephant

in the store. Oh! Good. Hmm. Oh, my God. Should you be here? Are you, can I help you? Wait, are you following me?

Got our stockboy are you following me? God are you a stock boy? I'm stop following me Look, I'm legally allowed. It's my job to be in here and I'm not it's not like I'm following you I'm not profiling you or anything. I just I follow everyone around. I'm a stock boy Okay, I just want to shop in peace, please Okay, well, I don't know why you came to a safe way because we're all stalkers here and I Not only do I rearrange the bread. I also I also I could help you if you if there's something that you need I can't find the bread that I need yes, I've I saw you I saw you when you came in you had bread at the top Your list so I've been going a little bit in front of you and hiding the bread in different places

And then like trying to just watch you as you react. And you've been getting angry or an angry or? Yeah, this has not been easy. I... Isn't true that you can feel grief. You people, you, I don't want to say that. Excuse me? Is it true that you can feel grief? Yeah.

Also, I can be pregnant for two years. Are we just naming things that are true? Oh, if you're hitting on me, I gotta say, I'm at work, that's so inappropriate. No, not hitting on you. Okay. I'm just saying, I can give birth to a full elephant and it will only take me two years, so.

All right, yeah, okay. You can give birth to a full elephant. I understand what we're talking about here. I gotta say, I gotta say, just personally for me, it's not that big, so. So, let's do it. Let's see. Wait, I gotta say a shirt of like an elephant at a bar using the pickup line. Hey, I can get pregnant for two years.

Their defense, they have to make a whole elephant. Yeah, that's fair. Hey, I have a little update. In 1924, the company Safeway held a contest to find a new name. It was called Selig, maybe. The name Safeway is part of a larger slogan that was given, drive the Safeway by the Safeway. It refers to the fact that the store did not offer credit, buying the Safeway meant not using credit or getting into debt. Huh. Still terrible. This is 24. Said 1924. Oh, okay. Yeah. Well, that makes sense. That tracks.

At least it's a better grocery store name than Schnucks. What? You, Missouri. Fuck you. I do like Meyer. I think Meyer's my favorite store does say, like Meyer. I like Stop and Shop. I like stores that were obviously named after like a person, but they shouldn't exist like minards Like there's no reason to have a story called minards and meme culture now it is

Minards I don't think there's a single time we drive by minards where Gemma doesn't scream minards Exactly like that's you don't need to have that that store names. Yeah, okay? You have to answer my question. How do you fit an elephant into a safe way bag? Use it use his trunk. No, I'm gonna tell you No, no, no, no, no, oh wait, you already started you pack you pack a a Durham No, I'm gonna tell you easy you just have to take the S out of safe in the F out of way Okay, that's not a safe. This's just a A, E way. Take the F out, so A, E away.

Oh, it's like ladies and gentlemen, like Mbossa. You have to take the F out of the word way. Yes. You have to take the F out of the word way. Mm-hmm. Okay, Aaron, there's no F in the word way. Oh, you're so close.

There's no F in way. Yeah. There's no F in way. You! There's no F in way! You were trying to set us up to say, there's no F in way. So this is not a riddle. This is a joke that depends on you giving us the answer to the riddle, so we could say there's no F in way.

So basically, Aaron, what we just did was basically say, what do you get when you cross a rhinoceros and an elephant? The fuck if I know? But that was the longest, the longest, the longest set up to just a joke on us, boy. Can I say? There's no F in the word way. Gubba gubba dubba dubba dubba.

I gotta tell you guys, if you're sitting in riddles to the show, we totally encourage it. Please do make sure they are riddles And not whatever the fuck you want All right, I have some real riddles from our friend Evan Evan sent some real it riddles real quick I do have to say that elephant joke absolutely fucking crush Carl's bullshit, so Carl Carl see me after class in defense, you are 15 times his age.

What? 10, 12, 6, here, the eighth step. Oh, it's true, it works out. Top's up. All right. Hi, clue crew. Hi. I've been listening since episode three.

Wow. 2018. So I figure, oh, you some riddles, you do. I found this book while moving and about 95% of the riddles are exceptionally bad. Here's some salvageable ones answers are in white underneath the riddle I don't know if you're sure Evan. Thank you Evan Evan dear Evan riddles what to say to you Oh, we're gonna go through through these quick so we can get through all of them. You ready? Yes. Yes. All right. What's a fun like what's some like a funny name?

I can call you to like dummy and other dumb one Maybe just jpeg Star-roading tomorrow. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Our names. I'm sorry silly duck and silly goose who's duck? Yeah, yeah, our names. I'm sorry. Silly duck and silly goose. Who's duck? Who's duck? Um, hmm. I think JPC has a longer neck, so I'm probably gus. I'm probably gus.

Yeah, your goose. You're also your duck. Don't you famously die at the end of Top Gun? No, the middle. Okay, here we go. Ready? Sure. What is the last thing you take off before going to bed at night? Condom?

Leave it on! You can deal with that in the morning, my man! Oh And again if you are sick to listen to the podcast you have to stop You know that's like the most realistic one probably Turn the podcast off Carl S your dad with that means okay, that was actually funny. Okay, what's all right before you go to bed at night? What's the last thing that you take off? What is it? What is the last thing you take off

before going to bed at night? You take off the covers from the bed? No. Your clothes just take off. No. You take off. Oh, on the flight, the plane takes off and then you fall asleep.

No. So last thing you take off before you go to bed. The weight of the world off your mind? No. Do you take your face off? No. Are your glasses? No.

So last thing you take off before you go to bed. Your daytime pants? Is it one of your nighttime pants? It is a very cheeky thing. You're on the right track that it's like, it's not like a piece of clothing. Is it something you can can hold is it a tangible item? No, is it an emotion? No You take off your it's more of an action you take off your eyes by blink by shutting them You go you go here comes the plane you crash into the bed

Break your new bed frame. Uh huh. Uh, I'm gonna tell you what it is. Okay, please. What is the last thing you take off before going to bed at night? Your feet off the floor. Fuck you. So I wanna see a scene and then I think we have to take a break.

So the scene I wanna see is the two of you getting ready for bed. You're a married couple getting ready for bed. And for whatever reason, you have like a little checklist of everything you need to do to get ready for bed before you can peacefully for bed. You're a married couple getting ready for bed and for whatever reason you have like a little checklist of everything you need to do to get ready for bed before you can peacefully fall asleep. Did you close the blinds? Did you open them again? I did open them again and I closed them again. They'd open them again. They'd close them again. So three times and we're good.

I laid out my warm glass of milk and your tepid glass of milk. Thank you so much. Can you just put your pinky finger in my milk? For a glass? One, two, three, four. Milk is for the ones who... Who? For. And I drink my whole glass of milk.

Ooh. And now you mime it, now drink it for real. Okay. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Are you full from the Mime glass? No, I just hate milk. Okay, and then I'll make sure all of the picture frames are at perfect 90 degree angles

one, two, three. Excellent. I'm going to put all the eggs under the pillows and. Good. And then because in case the egg fairy comes and then we're rich. And then we're rich. And they were rich. I'm going to put the pee under the mattress so I can know if you're the one or not.

Mm-hmm. And I'm going to play Justin Bieber's I'm not the one, just as a little joke. Obviously I am the one for you. Thank you, girl. I'm going to stretch just in case I have to run in my dream. I'm going to preload all of I have to run in my dream. I'm going to preload all of the crossbows in case another intruder comes in. E-j-k-a-j-k-a-j-k-a-j-k-a-j-k-a-j-k-a-j-k-a-j-k-k-a-j-k-k-a-j-k-k-a-j-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k Hey, slightly hotter. Gulp, gulp, gulp, gulp, gulp. Gulp. Ah.

And I, of course, am two full on milk to half sex. So let's go. Let's go. Same. When you're loading the crossbows. They forgot to put their condoms on for sleep. When you're loading the crossbows, what is this show? It was like from a theme song from a show, like,

chicken a pot, chicken, oh, Doug. Oh, yeah. You're seeing the clothing stuff. It sounded like that. We're like, chicken a pot, chicken a pot. Quail, man. Quail, Doug. Oh, you're seeing the clothing stuff. It sounded like that. We're like Chikapat, Chikapat. Quail man. Quail man. I was watching a child today. Aaron in the park? Yeah, on purpose. It was a... It's darker out of safe way. Yeah. And he asked, what's the best way to get someone? A bow and arrow? And I was like, what are you planning?

Oh no, he's homelining it. Also a bow and arrow is objectively not the best way to get someone. Try it. It is it, it is it, the best way to get someone is an internet scam. Speaking of scams, let's take a quick break. And no, okay, I'm being told that these are not scams.

What you were about to keep here. Maybe don't do that. What you are about to hear, these are legit. These are legit businesses. We'll have more scams with the show comes back, but the commercial break is legit businesses. Yes, scam stands for such cool advertising money. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I just need help. I'm pranking Adal and I'm setting up a website to prank him. I just need some advice.

This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace. I'm not mad at you. We're pranking Adal. Squarespace is the only one website platform for entrepreneurs to stay in doubt and to see it online. Whether you're just starting out or managing a growing brand, Squarespace makes it easy to create a beautiful website

It gage with your audience and sell anything for products to cut into time all in one place all on your terms Hey, Otto come here come here. Hey, what's what's going on? I actually I want to prank JPC and I want to set up a whole website to prank him Do you have anything that like is there like a online store like it set up a whole website to prank him. Do you have anything that like, is there like an online store that could set up on my website to sell products? Did you know that with Squarespace, you can have custom merch, you can easily sell custom merch and create passive income stream

that engages your audience and scales your brand, design your products and production, and inventory and shipping are handled for you, saving you time and money. What is happening? Okay. Wait, what's going on with that? Oh, nothing, nothing. I'm just setting up a very normal Squarespace website, not a prank thing.

No, he's gonna tune you. And I'm gonna use analytics. Use insights to grow my business and learn where my site visits and sales are coming from. That's pretty cool. I'm gonna improve my website and build marketing strategy based on top keywords or popular products and content on my prank website The pranks are too lovely. Whoa, that's awesome Aaron. I'm glad you're using Squarespace Did you say what the website was for? I can't remember what the website is for Prank

With Squarespace You can connect to your store to Vedent Dirt Party tools to extend the functionality of your website. Hey JPC, hey JPC. What's up, Vattle? I can't believe we pranked Aaron with our little boy routine. Dude, we got her. Anyway, if you want to prank Aaron with your little boy routine, head to squarespace.com for a free trial and when you're ready to launch, go to squarespace.com slash riddle to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Oh, she's back. She's back. Hey, Erin. Can we go to grandma's house? Wait. I've been pranked.

But how? I don't know. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Hey, Adeland JPC. Thank you for meeting me in the middle of the woods here. I am sort of at an empath. I can't decide whether or not to go this way or this way. I'm having a hard time choosing a path. You know, there never truly is a middle of the woods. Isn't it funny to think about something like that? Like, have there never truly is a middle of the woods?

No, this is the middle. Okay, this is it. Adel, can you help? Yeah, actually, so as per Robert Frost, is it. How do you help? Yeah, actually. So, as per Robert Frost, I don't know if you know his poems. He has a poem called Better Help. I believe this is written in the 1800s, but it still stands true today more than ever. Aaron, you should try Better Help.

Have you heard of this? You seen this? Mm-hmm. Because sometimes Aaron and life were faced with tough choices, and the path forward isn't always clear. Whether you're dealing with decisions around career, relationships, being stuck in the middle of the woods, therapy helps you stay connected to what you,

ow, ow, sorry, that also does so fast. Therapy helps you stay connected to what you really want while you navigate life and the woods. And better help is entirely online. So it's designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. I've been using it for several years, and it suits the way that my brain works way better than traditional therapy ever did. And when Aaron says traditional therapy, just so everyone's clear, what she means is tricking two of her friends to coming to the middle of the woods,

even though there isn't truly the concept of the middle of the woods, isn't that fun to think about? All you have to do is just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a license therapist, and you can switch therapists at any time for no additional charge. Hey, Aaron, GPC's putting down bread crumbs and then immediately picking them up and eating them. Dirty bread crumbs. And he's also like really into that owl who's swooping down. Anyways, let there be your map with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash riddle today

to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelpHELP.com slash riddle, R-I-D-D-L-E. R-I-D-D-L-E, the middle of riddles of D, but there is no true middle of riddle because it would be the space in the later day. The two days. Hope you get home by am home. Who are we?

I clink, clink, clink. Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen, I just want to make a quick toast to, I know it's JPC's birthday. And we're all so excited to talk about him. But I want to talk about my favorite, my favorite thing in the world. And that is the app Rocket Bunny. Oh, yeah, Aaron, that's one of my favorite things as well.

Uh-huh. Rocket Bunny is a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps you lower your bills all in one place. I've been using it for years way before they were a sponsor and it helps me so much, especially around tax season. Clean, clean, clean, clean, clean, clean, uh, uh, I also want to give a toast. Rocket money, well quickly and easily find your subscriptions for you. And for any you don't want to pay for it anymore, just hit cancel.

And Rocket money will cancel it for you. It's that easy. Clean, clean, clean. Mm-hmm. It also categorizes your expenses so you can easily track your budget in real time. cancel and rocket money will cancel it for you. It's that easy. Clint, Clint, Clint. Mm hmm. It also categorizes your expenses so you can easily track your budget in real time and also get alerted if anything looks off over three million. Oh, Clint, Clint, Clint.

Over three million people have used rocket money saving the average person up to $720 a year. We love rock and stuff. Stop, Clint, Clint, Clint. Stop, no, click, click, click, stop. Throwing your money away, cancel unwirted subscriptions today and manage your expenses the easy way by going to rock at money.com slash riddle. That's rock at money.com slash riddle. Rock at money.com slash riddle. And tell them JPC's birthday got ruined by two of his friends for doing speeches about rocket money, the website.

I love your rocket money. Link, Link, Link. Yes, boys and girls, and the egg fairy stops by everyone's house. If there's an egg under your pillow, the egg fairy gives you a chicken. Now you know which came first. Now the chicken you can sell for money or you can slaughter for sustenance and meat or you can sell the meat after you slaughter it. Okay, our parents will be back home at five so maybe come back to talk to them. Oh shit, I gotta go. I gotta go. Okay, okay.

Oh, can I have a key to the house? That will make things much easier for Storytime next week. No, we have a crossbow in here too, so. Chikin' a pot. Chikin' a pot pot. Bop-bop. Chikin' a pot pot. Bop-bop, you're.

Yeah, I do. Bop-bop, bop-bop, bop-bop. Aaron, do we have any more listeners? I'll never get over that. Why does that sound so funny? Do we have any more listener-subshitted shittles. Uh, yes, these are still from Evan. Uh, thank you, Evan. Here's the next one. A man throws a ball, three feet. It stops.

And Aaron, speak right into that mic. Yeah, just, just, no, just get like four or five inches below the mic. Oh. And then shoot your voice out. It's not a different angle. You're audio quality. Change drastically. Because I went down here. And I'm a kid. You're on your own. You're on your own. You're on your own. You're on your own. You're on your own. You're on your own. You're on your own. You're on your own. You're on your own. You're on your own. You're on your own. You're on your own. You're on your own. You're on your own. You're on your own. You're on your own. You're on your own. You're on your own. You're on your own. You're on your own. You're on your own. You're on your own. You're on your own. You're on your own. You're on your own. You're on your own. You're on your own. You're on your own. You're on your own. You're on your own. You're on your own. You're on your own. You're on your own. You're on your own. You're on your own. You're on your own. You're on your own. You're on your own. You're on your own. You're on your own. You're on your own. You're on your own. You're on your own. You're on your own. You're on your own. You're on your own. You're on your own. You're on your own. You're on your own. You're on your own. You're on your own. You're on your own. You're on your own. You're on your own. You're on your own. You're on your own. You're on your own. You're on your own. You're on your own. You're on your own. You're on your own. You're on your own. You're on your own. You're on your own. You're on your own. You're on your own. You're on your own. You're on your own. You're on your own. You're on your own. You're on your own. You're on your own. You're Kasey, if we want to know the name of Greek gods, we'll let you know. I'm gonna say two.

I'm gonna say two. I'm gonna say three. I'm gonna say three. I'm gonna say three. I'm gonna say three. I'm gonna say three. I'm gonna say three. I'm gonna say three.

I'm gonna say three. I'm gonna say three. I'm gonna say three. I'm gonna say three. I'm gonna say three. I'm gonna say three. I'm gonna say three. I'm gonna say three.

I'm gonna say three. I'm gonna say three. I'm gonna say three. I'm gonna say three. I'm gonna say three. I'm gonna say three. Do you remember what happened to Cinderella? She does not go with her sisters. Um, step sisters, Adel, you'd more on. No, she arrives alone. And then she's at the top of the stairs. And everyone turns to look at her. That's pointless. She's, I just told you I was gonna read it.

Here's my qualm with Cinderella. So, what size was she like eight and a half or something? You're telling me in all the fucking land, there's one woman with the eight and a half size shoe, fuck the fuck you. It's not just about that. Sometimes it's like the width of the foot. Also, I would love to see, I would love to see somebody miss a step in a glass slipper

and just all that glass shatter and go straight into her heel. You would love that? Yes. Yeah, if I'm watching like a saw movie or something, like if I'm in the mood to see someone's foot, get fucked up. Aaron, I I'm watching like a saw movie or something, like if it's, if I'm in the mood to see someone's foot get fucked up. Aaron, I want to say a scene. Sure.

You are Cinderella. You've arrived at the ball and you're glass slippers and you're finding things aren't exactly as you wish they would be. And G.A.P.S. you're going to play, what is it, Prince Charming or what's her, what's her bow? Is it Prince Charming? Really? Yeah, thanks.

Or is that sleeping beauty? I feel like I'm sleeping Beauty, but I didn't know nothing about anything. Oh, you then you play Steve the Duke. Thank you. I'm sorry, I can't dance, I'm too tend to just stand and it kind of like rhythmically bounce. So it's all cool. Can you just take a couple steps away from me? Your Cologne, I'm not really agreeing with it and I'm really scared to sneeze.

Just the weight balance shifting. I'm just really, really scared. No prebaltimo. And by the way, this Cologne is dope. This is from a guy who smelled armani. So, okay. Can I get you something from the bar, some crab, there's shrimp.

I actually don't wanna add any, like, I love to eat, but like, everybody say, did somebody say too scared? Baby, the papka, clap a clop and dibby tu su putapah. Matarrala and the rupa de ti, Guru pa vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo vo I'm gonna sit you down, I'm gonna get you a water bottle, okay? Drink this. So sorry about that. I'm sorry, I am, I actually, you probably don't know this. Are there any like major arteries or veins in the feet? I'm sorry, I am, I am actually, I am, I am actually, I am, I am, I'm sorry. I am I actually I you probably don't know this are there any like major arteries or veins in the feet? Oh no, I'm a I'm a Duke so I don't know any of that stuff

My uncle is the king and sometimes he lets me hunt a bore. Oh Shit, I have to pay oh Shit in a pee we call it the three sea in the kingdom. I can I can sort you out. No, no, no, I can't move. Sorry, Duke, are you ready to hunt me? Did you know that tomorrow's weather will be about 82? Okay, are you mean you hunt boring people? I'm sorry. It looks like his trip has changed. He's coming way off of these drugs and like a very hard way. See. Okay. What is this riddle? He throws a ball and it only goes a few feet, three feet, you see.

The man throws a ball, three feet, it stops and then returns to his hand without touching anything. How come? Aaron, have you got a ball? Yeah, I was just gonna say, is ball yo-yo? Is the ball attached like a string or something like that? No. Oh wait, is it his testicles? And they're just loose? What? Is it his

to Aaron? I can't explain this. Quick, add a little. You don't need to do it. My headphones got unplugged. Is it what? I don't worry about it. It's not worth it. That's my favorite. An aronoconsum. I'll never unplugged. Aaron, I know the answer. I will, I will yield the floor as JPC works through it

It's it's a snowball and he's throwing it in a snowstorm So he throws it and the storm whips it back into his hand. No, that's a good guess. Thank you Is it I would like to see a scene? Sure you two are two brothers on a snow day And you're doing a snowball fight outside and it's just about to take a turn. All right so we each have our forts and yeah we got my forts over here your forts to the west. Yep and about 80 clicks to the west and none of the neighbor kids are coming today so it's it's brother e-brother and just so we know I had my weapons inspectors check out all of your snowballs just to make sure that there was nothing hidden in them

You are welcome to have your welcome to have your weapons inspectors come over to my kingdom and inspect my snowballs to make sure There's nothing hidden in those. Well, I actually did have my weapon inspectors and specter weapons And they did find that you covered rocks with snow so they have melted down your snowballs Okay, so I was trying to use that to power a renewable energy source for my kingdom and my people. That was not intended to be a weapon, and I want your inspectors to know that.

That was a rock snow hybrid that I was working on. That was gonna do, that was clean sustainable energy. I was so sorry, we are gonna have to start a war. I will be invading your fort. Okay, well, good luck because all of my agents within your fort are going to turn your media against you and they are going to poison your people in this unjust, immoral, illegal war that you're prosecuting on my fort. Boys dinner!

See. I feel like that's a play that would be put on in a great school to teach kids about what happened in like 92. I think that that would be like a play. Like that play is going on in a lot of people's like home schools right now. And they're like, we gotta get these kids fucking back at a fucking school. Gotta get out of the house. We gotta get a back at a school. All right. Are you ready? No, I'll also give the answer to the real. Oh, I don't know what. He's throwing the ball on the air. He's throwing it straight up.

Snap, crackle, and pop. Addels the cereal champ of the day. Straight up, now throw the ball up in the air. He throws it straight up. Nice, nice, that's like me when I eat peeps. Actually, I love peeps, I like. Are we ready for the next one? Yes.

Rearrange these letters. So you might need a pen and paper. You have 10 seconds. Rearrange these letters to make one new word. I probably just won't participate. Ready? Here are all the letters you have. New, new, door.

New, new door. Mm-hmm. While I write this down and try and sus it out, GPC, I believe earlier after you texted me, come you texted me that you were getting into songwriting. Can you or write me that new song you wrote called new, new, door? New, new, door.

Make me open or make me close and those are the two functions of a door. Thank you. Okay, Aaron. New new door. I was able to spell mountain dew, but I think I had new letters. Yeah, I think I think you did it. Well, that's pretty good. Yeah, I think you did it. Well, that's pretty good. Also, if I rearrange the letters in new and then rearrange the other letters in new, I can just make new, new door again, but it's with the new swap.

I see a new door and I wanted painted new. It also sounds like we're saying new door. New door. It's the letters are're saying nude door. Nude? So it's the letters are new, new, door. And we have to rearrange them to make one word. Rearrange these letters to make one new word, new, new door. If you just say it backwards, it's rude, when, when. That's something.

That sounds like a Star Wars character that would happen in the fucking- That's an Odyssey that just another title for our show. Are both news spelled the same way as one of them, a K in EW? Uh, spelled the same way. New door. New... So we have the word wow. So let's kind of all the words we have that are for certain it. We have the word one. So we have a, Ned, Wow.

Oh, I think he won. I think I have it. Ned, Wow. You have to use all the words. New one word. One word new. One word. One word.

It wins. You're so close. You're so close.'re so close you had the right letters or you had the right words but it's out of order. What one? One new word. Brear A.C. letters to make one new word. One new word. Another day another word for me. At the Soros in my dictionary. One more door for revolution. We will nip it in the new. Maths of the words.

Easy, peasy. Actually, you really liked that one. Yeah, that's a great one. Thank you. Let's keep going. Do you guys know what, if you rearranged the letters in your name, do you have any things that it would spell? Have you ever done that game with yourself?

First and last name? Yeah, first and last name, if you have anything in there that would rearrange. If you keep asking us, you can buy us time. So my question for you guys is, have you ever thought about the letters in your name? I only have eight letters. I've got John Cohen, I've got two O's in there and an H. It's like, there's not a lot that you can do with that. I can spell the word knife.

You can spell knife, that's pretty cool. Yeah, the H in my name is kind of fucking useless. Maybe I would be better if I didn't have the H just for this game. Okay, we have Radialia, Afraid, Radio. What else we have here? I never heard of most of these words, Fard. Ooh, Fard. Arya.

Stark, oh yeah. Dial, Lard. All a lot of unfroading words. You can rearrange my name to spell eerie knife. Whoa, that's your new nickname, in dance. I-E-K-N-I-F-E. That's amazing. Eerie knife.

All right, so eerie knife. I think that wins it. That's great. You can't do shit with my name. You could actually rearrange my name to spell Joan Conn, who sounds like a very important woman. Wait, can you be see, I'm working in your name right now and it looks like I can spell a huge fucking nerd. Damn.

That's weird. Buster's the F, what's the, what's the, it works out, yeah, the end isn't there too. If you add in my, if you add in my middle name, you can get the word hawk. And that's what I'm gonna go by now, the hawk. The middle name hawk, Adorify the hawk in the morning. That's how you tell us apart is I'll talk like that. I'll talk like a morning zoo crew. And I'll talk like that dude. And we'll all talk like

that. Yeah. We'll talk like we have emphazema. Are we ready? Yes. What do you find in seconds, minutes and centuries, but not in days, years and decades. We might have had this one before. The letter C. Is it love? Yeah. Five hundred, ten, eight, nine, ten, ten. Is it bound to mean bumps? Oh, I was thinking, I'm set venting the moment in here. I'm fine.

I found a reason. What are the three words? What do you find in seconds, minutes, and centuries? I just burped, I'm so sorry, excuse me, but not in days, years, and decades. Seconds, minutes, and centuries, but not in days, years, and decades. The letter I? No, it's a letter. It's a letter.

It's a letter. Fuck me. So s e c o n d s m Second minutes. It's not M. It's got to be one of those. Yeah, right It has to be it has to be something that's in seconds minutes or centuries, right? Uh or centuries, right? War the last three words. Days, years, decades. The letter N.

Mm-hmm. Oh. Good job, Adel. Aaron, you say. I never let it in. Mm, you job, battle. Aaron, you say never let it in. You seem so sleepy. Good job. Good job, battle. Night night.

Put the egg on your pillow. There we go. A man called his wife from the office to say he would be home around eight o'clock. He got in two minutes past eight. His wife was extremely angry at his late arrival. Why? Bad marriage. Yeah, communication issues. Yeah. Was he like just covered in the fuck stench of another woman? And that's your cologne right fuck stench. Yes, it's by a guy who smelled our money. JPC's

fuck stench. Ew. Was it when he texted her was he like was he like in Australia. So it was like the next day or something. Is this a time zone issue? No, it's good on. It's something. No, goth like snow tomboy. He came home. she's at home, right? Yeah, two minutes past eight, he came home, she's fuming.

Okay, okay, so something important was gonna happen at eight. No. Something, hold on. No. Jeopardy starts at eight. He missed the first two minutes of Jeopardy, which is when they go through the theme for the episode. What is the wrong answer?

Yes. I'm trying to explain. So he said to me home by eight, he shows up at 802 and his wife is furious. Eric, can I ask, is he only two minutes late? Ah, so he's not only two minutes late. So he's more than two minutes late. Is he at 12 hours in two minutes late? So he's more than two minutes late. Is he 12 hours in two minutes late?

Yes! Oh, I am. Oh, I am. A and P.M. Yeah, I would be furious. What does the Reynolds say what he was doing? No. Because he's out all night.

That is suspicious. He's probably become so much like a cast and like, concussion like he's an accident. That'd be fun, isn't it? Yeah. Okay, I wanna see a scene. Aaron, you are going to be your at work and or you were supposed to be at work.

You told Adel that you would be at home at eight o'clock. It is now eight o' two, 10 years later. And we'll see what happens. Whew, wow, what a day. Hello, someone at the door. Honey, I'm home. What's for dinner? Oh my God, is that you?

Oh my God. Mm-hmm. Ooh, do I smell bacon? What, what, what, how, what happened now? Oh, you know, just like stay late at the office. Actually, I'm gonna have our son behind you sort of mime out what. Oh, just say it, say it up for, sorry.

Who is this? Say it up for Jacky. Hey, Jackie, um, who is this? Wait, and you're my child or you're my, I'm your child, and this? You're my child, great. Sorry. I'm both of your child, who am I?

And you're gonna mime out what, why I'm late? I'm not gonna do shit for you, lady. You left me. Now, I'm 20 years old. I'm still at home because pandemic had all the jobs that I've been a lot of the students look at. All right, well, and I'm also remarried. What?

What I was going for earlier, and I miss her at the situation. I think, I'm Kevin. I'm the new husband. That's the new husband, so. Hi, Kevin. I'm on the new husband. That's the new husband Hi, Kevin. I think that you're gonna feel really silly when you find out why I'm late I just to be clear. I was gonna feel silly anyway because I'm making a little silly face pad cakes We're doing breakfast for dinner. I'm Kevin. I'm a new husband

You can't even hate him. You can't even hate him. Why were you late? Why were you late? I was getting you a gift Okay, and I went to K. Jules there was a line. There was a long line every kiss begins. Okay That's what I was hoping for should I go to Jared Kevin with the Jared? Oh He went to Jared Yeah, Kevin with the Jared. I'm Jacky hold on Oh Okay Okay, everybody shut up. Okay, yes Bacchuck Bacchuck Bacchuck

Bacchuck Bacchuck Bacchuck Did you, did you like the chicken? Bacchuck B-Series so stop making jokes Stop making jokes. So tired of your jokes.

Okay, you know how I got these cars. What? No, let's go ahead. You said be serious. And Harry, Harry, I'm your uncle. Look, Godfather would have a, I forget what his position is. Bukwukwuk. Bukwukwuk.

An art expert went to a sale and bought a picture he knew to be worthless. Why? It was a Banksy. Oh, worthless is the name of the photographer and boy are worthless. His arms tired. What? I want to see a quick scene.

I want to see the briefest of scenes. Adel, you are a famous photographer. Your name is Jack Worthless, and you are Aaron and I are at your gallery. This is a big opening event for your gallery. I want you to just come on in. This is J.Dubbs Gallery, also known as Jack Worthless. If you look over here, that's a blown up, 36 by 36 of me

with my thumb over the lens. Now, a lot of people say that, who executes me, my husband and I are very, very, very rich and we are to indicate our status to our poor friend. Yes. What's your most expensive piece? Please.

Okay, I don't mean to talk down to you, but what I've found of being in the art community for a long time is anyone who says they're wealthy and then follows it up with and very rich is probably not worth as much as they think they are. Well I don't want to tell you your business but I'm a rola coaster tycoon. So I think I have a little bit of money. He's a real coaster tycoon.

And he sits on his computer and builds rola coasters. Just get the... You ever heard of the beast? Son of the beast? These are two rola coasters that I've heard of. No I just know about it. You ever heard of the beast? Son of the beast? These are two roller coasters that I've heard of. No, I just know a man. I've ever been to a Cedar Point. Oh, great flag.

Six flags a marathon. Or six flags a new weekend for that matter? It's splash mountain of things still. Is that a roller coaster or a ride? I haven't been to Cedar Point. I was in Cedar Sinai for a long time, but that's a different story. Listen, real wealthy people, they wear sweatpants and t-shirts like Adam Sandler. You have on two tuxes, sir, and man, you're wearing a

Varu-wing wedding dress. Clearly you're f**kers. Cool die! He is, yeah. We're also Australian. Good on. Good on, mate. Woo! Good on, mate. What is the answer to this riddle?

Yeah, what's the answer to this riddle? Yeah, what's the answer is riddle? Was it just he liked the picture and he wasn't trying to invest? No, the picture was worthless But it was a fine frame that he intended to reuse The old Thomas Crown affair next riddle. There's a couple more will do him really fast. Okay, so fast A box a box or left the ring after winning the world championship His trainer took all the money and he never got a cent why not he owed the trainer for training him No, it was Megan trainer and she had the rights to the song Boxer left a ring after winning the world champion. Oh the boxer boxer was. Oh, the trainer took all the money. He never. Oh, the boxer died.

No. He got what's that movie where he falls down and hits his neck on the chair. That's called million dollars. Little mermaid. Little mermaid. Little million dollar mermaid. So it's a million dollar mermaid situation.

It got punched in the neck, died one. And the trainer got to keep it up. Well, to be fair, Hillary was saying. You got this one. You got it. To be fair, Hillary swinked you got this one. You got it. To be fair, Hillary's saying what? Never got punched in the neck. That old camera, she hit her neck on the stool.

That's true, if you hit her neck on the stool. I'm gonna tell you the answer. The boxer was a dog that had just won the championship at a dog show. I need to see such a quick scene, I'm sorry, I have to. JPC, you are a dog at a dog show. You're favored to win. Addle, you are literally the underdog and you're a dog at a dog show. You're favorite to win. Addle you are literally the underdog,

and you're hoping to win the dog show. There is no need to live here. I am here. Jesus Christ, what are you? Well, I'm a mix. I'm a terrier and a shit too. I'm a terrets. Terrets.

Terrets. I'll be honest with you, your bright colors, your vibrant, you're just so much. There's no way that you're going to win this dog competition. We'll see what's your talent for the talent show, Porsche. My talent? My talent is I'm completely in bread. My great-great-grandfather fucked my great-great-grandmother. And then they continued having the children fuck for thousands of years.

Until me was bored, the perfect model of what it is to be a dog. I can't see straight, I will die in one year, but as are all crossed my arms and legs, my legs are arms, I got horns of my teeth and teeth on my horns of JP riddles. Somebody give you a big gitties beginning of your life. Oh, I'm a dinner. Mine's dancing. All right, last one. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh a human. Yeah, is it a hotel room? Actually, you know what? I cut off the answer to this. I'm gonna have to look it up. Just talk amongst yourselves.

You silly goose. Adel, what do you think that we should cut out of the episode? Should we cut this part out or should we cut any other parts out? I think we have to cut out. So every time that we shit on Carl, because if Carl is a real listener and he's six years old, and we assume he listens to this episode, he, which he shouldn't be, but if he is, Carl, right in review us, we should cut out, we should not cut out the whole Carl portion,

because again, that was like 18 minutes, but we should replace Carl with a different word or a different name, and that will protect us. So what's a word or name that will still make that story super fun and that segment really really enjoyable but that won't offend. Well let's do what we did with our riddle earlier and we'll take the letters of Carl and replace it with a new word. I love this so. So, Lark. Yeah that works. Yeah. We could do Lark. We could do Arkel. Arkel. Anybody got any cheese? Anyone have any riddles?

It's me. I found it. Oh my God, hold on Aaron, shut up for a second. We found what's gonna sustain the podcast for the next 100 episodes. We need a next door neighbor, boy named Arkel, and he comes in and he asks for riddles. And we say no, and he tries to solve them,

and we say get the fuck out, and he says I'm wearing you down. I'm dressing it up. That hold on. This is just American dad. Oh, we're just writing American dad. Never mind. That's happening. But then when that character gets old, he invents this machine in his basement where he

turns from arkel into young she'll. All right. This is the answer. What's the answer? The woman lives in an apartment building. arkel into young sheldon this is the answer was the answer the woman lives in an apartment building she hears the phone ringing in the adjacent apartment she knows that her neighbor who is a brain surgeon is out oh and his name is adjacent she's an Italian woman and she lives in it adjacent apartment

uh... out of anything to plug who i have a few things to plug. Thank you so much for asking. I wanna plug a few podcasts I guess it on. One is the mega podcast, MEGA. That's by Greg Hess and Hollywood rent, two old friends of mine from Chicago who move to LA. I love them.

They are so funny and so, so attractive and wonderful and kind. But they do a podcast that makes fun of like mega churches and religion and I was recently on an episode and it was one of the most enjoyable things I've done in a long time where I played a guy who was a repo man, I repossessed souls from the devil. So please listen to mega podcast. Also another one of my favorite podcasts I've guessed it on

this is my second time is the restricted section, which is a Harry Potter podcast. Please check that out. And the last thing I wanna plug is for my dear, dear fiance, Gemma, she has been doing a ton of stuff on a thing called Smule, that's SMULE, it's like a desktop or I think on your phone as well app. And what it is is you record yourself singing

and then anyone in the world can join you and sing like a duet with you. So you just record your portion, you upload it to this app or site, uh, smule and then people can join you. And it is, it has been a goddamn delight to hear all these people around around the world join her in different duets. Um, her, uh, account is jemy cat, JEMMY, C-A-T, three to eight. So if you go to smule.com slash jemy cat, three to eight, can friend her or join her in a duet and I would love to hear it.

You know, I'm gonna be making a smule account going on there and every time she posts a song, I'm just gonna post a Send me to the pubes. I would love to plug. You can follow me at twitch.tv slash shark barkman. I'm streaming Mondays and Wednesdays and Fridays. Now I'm trying a new thing where I'm streaming some Friday nights. So if you're around in the Friday evenings and you want to hang out for the stream, check that out. Also go listen to Bill Buds pod and that's all from the air and anything to plug. Quick question, what's the last album you reviewed on Bill Buds pod and that's all for me Aaron anything to plug I quick question. What's the last album you reviewed on Bill buds the last album that came out was

Michelle branch Okay, my go-to-gurukiy song everywhere this spirit room, which is a really good album. I like that album a lot Follow me Aaron keep 10 on Instagram If you message me Please give me like three or four weeks to respond. I try to do them all at once because I just, it's overwhelming to just be constantly keeping up with that. Because I notice that sometimes someone will send me a nice message and if I don't respond in a couple days, they'll delete it. And I promise I will get to it. Just, you just give me a tiny bit of time and

then I will, I promise I will get to it. Do you ever think it's like time sensitive stuff where they're like, Aaron, please, I'm on the roof of a building and there is a scape hatch. There's a code. The terrorists have my daughter. I know that you're solving puzzles. So what is a number that also Aaron, Aaron,

and then, and then delete it? Do you think that people send you messages where they're really drunk and then like, wait a few days and be like, let's see what kind of stuff I did and they're like, oh god, I believe you're really, really, really really really I want to piss on your feet no answer bitch yeah I think maybe they get a note they say something like nice or anything no it's a piss of my feet yeah please don't but the soon yeah just I promise I'll get to it I just feel I just yeah just

give me time I promise I feel so bad for any woman on social media Cuz I have to be 95% the messages they get is piss on my feet You guys I've gotten some of the weirdest shit I'm sure you guys have got a promise and we will get to it Famously a trip to this planet could take quite a long time and er at that planet would be his feet Jupiter And Aaron, that planet would be... His feet. Hahaha. Fuck what, Fla- Jepriti. Jupiter? Jepriti!

Zadarance. Fuck what, Fla- Sorry. Aaron G. And John Patrick Cullen. Casey Tony to the editing. Aaron G. And the music.

Vocal created by Emily Cardamus and Emily Nemora. Hey cool cats and droopy dogs, if you liked that episode you are going to love this week's Patreon. We do some close quarters improv, which is improv in specific locations. You can listen to that by joining the clue crew or the review crew for $5 a month or $8 a month at patreon.com slash hey riddle riddle.