Hey Riddle Riddle - #118: Slamlet

Episode Date: October 21, 2020

"To puzz or not to puzz, that is the riddle." On today's episode, we ponder the work of the great bard Billy Shakes but guess what? We make it fun! All that and we take a tour of the greatest city in the world with some of the worst people on the planet, a rip-roaring re-telling of a spiritual touchstone, a gathering of some of the most famous scientific minds of their time, a dastardly villain with the worst possible intentions (and fashion sense), and a couple of young kids going through a hard time. This episode is a real douzy, but hey, it's #WiddleWednesday so what did you expect? Starring:Adal RifaiJohn Patrick CoanErin KeifEditing by: Casey ToneyTheme by: Arne ParrottLogo by: Emily Kardamis & Emmaline MorrisWant more? Get Weekly Bonus Eps on Patreon!Want merch? Visit our TeePublic Store! or pins, buttons & printsWant to advertise on the show? Check out Hey Riddle Riddle via Gumball.fmSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is a head gum podcast. And we're in bright air We're in bright air We're in bright air We're in bright air We're in bright air We're in bright air We're in bright air To pause or not to pause That is the riddle To sweep for for twant's, to dream.

To on to, you bring your crew, I'll bring me and my amigo, one friend, and then we'll see who the basketball king is. Whether it is no blur in the soul, to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune. Romeo, Romeo, wherefore, wherefore art thou Romeo? Past me the rock, ball is life, and the court is my castle, and I'm the king. And one, and one, my kingdom for and one. I'm gonna tame this shrew. Ah.

Dribble, dribble, dribble, dribble, swoosh. Oh, you guys, I just had a mid-summer nights. In dream. Addle, wake up, you gotta host a podcast. Huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, I'm Addle or FI. Hi, I'm PVC. And I'm Aaron Keith. And the three of us are Bards.

We went to theater school this week, Could you tell I went to basketball camp Oh shoot they were in the same building GBC you went to the wrong place you kept holding the basketball like a skull and people kept stealing it from you to dunk or not to Doug that is a steel what that is the Last poor three point. I knew him well Hey, everybody. This is Hey Riddle Riddle. If you're just tuning in, you missed a whole great Shakespeare bit.

So, you missed the opening. We want two minutes ago. You're fine. You're fine. It's jumping here. How are you doing this? You should at least listen to the deep song. I'm curious now if we should stage for our listeners, maybe in 2022,

if we should stage an all basketball hamlet. Okay, it's called Dunklet. Or still hamlets, but it's separated after the M, so it stands for Hard as a Motherfucker Let. And this is a guy who drives the whole like it's nobody's fucking business. There was an all basketball othello that was made, and I think Julia Styles was in it. Yeah.

To get some of this movie is called the O.S. I think it was Julia Styles. Oh. I didn't mean to do that. I didn't mean to do that. I saw that. Yes. I don't remember.

Oh, my God. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Slamlet. It was right there. Slamlet. Okay, well, is Slamlet going gonna take place in a basketball court or in a Theater stage that is dressed up like a basketball picks up pin rights entire play okay So slamlet actually takes place at a poetry slam so to poetry slam, but there's one hard pivot

She's abandoning the basketball thing completely no errands right Jeremy Pivot is in this. So Jeremy Pivot is in this. He plays an agent. He's a basketball agent. So there's this woman who comes to a poetry slam because she thinks it's like a dunk contest and she totally misunderstands. And she falls in love with another woman who's reading her poetry slam.

So it's called slamlet. Because the woman who's doing a poetry slam, let's slamlet. Let's the woman who's a basketball player go up. And she doesn't know what she's doing a poetry slam, let's, slam, let's, the woman who's a basketball player, go up, and she doesn't know what she's doing, but she brings out this hacky sack, and she starts to say, Okay, so Adolf never read Hamlin.

Sack, hacky sack, don't let it drop, don't let it drop, and she wins a poetry slam, and then she's saying dunks. Where's the ghost at the beginning? Ooh, I don't think, I don't know if they have time for a ghost. Okay, so here's the, Adolf, I think that you could make it in Hollywood as a pitch person. I do think that you need to be maybe 50% crazier. You guys, I love when they modernize Shakespeare.

It's just fun. When I worked at Houston Shakespeare Festival for a summer. Houston, we have a Shakespeare. It's festival. They do two Shakespeare shows every summer, and then they perform them outdoors. And I was the assistant director that summer. And the summer that I was the assistant director, they did Athello and Taming of the

Shrew. And the Athello that we did was set in Athello like normal Shakespeare times. Pretty like standard. I do appreciate that you say athelo. Ah. Ah. Athelo. Athelo.

It was great. One of the guys from the wire was athelo and it was really, really fun. But then the other show we did was a 80s, 80s, 80s, Taming of the Shrew. 80s, 80s, so you performed, she's all the way. 80s, Taming of the Shrew. 80s. 80s. You performed, she's only 80s. I didn't, I wasn't in it, but I watched it.

It was the weirdest juxtaposition. I would wake up for work one day. It was one director, and she was very serious. And then we would go into Othello. And the next day, it would be like, DADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADAD D-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d- I kind of like when people take, do like thematic shake spear. Like they're like, it's this, it's, you know, it's Romeo and Juliet under the water. It's like, yeah. Yeah, it's just a bunch of 19 year old,

the other students just, they died for the drop of the water. They're all of those full diverse things that they have a guy doing cue cards with like the words that they're saying, just rotating them in front, as they like moving around like diverber to Galea. I went to Illinois State University and they have a big Shakespeare festival down there every year.

Sure. And one year while I was in and I was never a part of it because I went home like a real kid and during the summer and one year they did Romeo and Juliet it was all like, they're all in zootsuits. So it was like, I don't know if that's 20s or 40s, like gangsters, but they all wore zootsuits. And it was like, they're from different like, mafia families or I don't know. But it was, I guess it was a hit,

but I think it was like people coming in from the suburbs being like, this is, now that's theater. And it's all children too. So it's like, let's get these children and put them in big zootsuits and have the suburbs being like, this is, now that's the eater. And it's all children, too. So it's like, let's get these children and put them in big zoot suits and have the two Shakespeare. So I guess my question for our listeners is what Shakespeare show would you set in a different time and then tell us the show and the time?

And I want it to be a terrible idea. I don't want a single good idea. Hashtag shake it up, spear. And I guess also try to work in like a pun name for the play, right? Absolutely. Like slamlet. And I want to be clear on something.

If somebody mocks up, hamlet slam dunking a skull, and it says slamlet in big letters, that will be my first tattoo. I will get that as a tattoo, slamlet. If you're the person who makes it, you pick where it goes. I will say, and I will say. If you, I, I just, you see where it goes. If you're the person who makes it, you pick where it goes. I will say, and I will say, if you,

I just, you see me start drawing. What if you mock up? If you mock up Hamlet holding poor Yorick's skull and that skull is eating a full Denny's grand slam breakfast and underneath it, it says, grand slamlet. I will tattoo that on Al. Too far, too far. If someone makes a poster that says, grin, slamlet. I will tattoo that on Ali. Too far. Someone makes a poster that says,

come on and slamlet and welcome to the jamlet. I will tattoo it on JPC's enemy. Okay, I need you to be honest. I need you to be honest. I need you to be fully honest. This is the first time I've ever asked for your sincere friendship. Whoa, okay.

I get it. Yes, you're too tall. If I'm a've ever asked for your sincere friendship. Whoa, okay. If I get it, you're too tall. If I'm, oh god, I knew it. Oh, sorry, I tripped. Cause I'm so tall. I'm fine. If I get a tattoo, okay, be honest. If I get a tattoo of Hamlet, slam dunking York's skull into my asshole, will you look me in the eyes ever again?

No, but I'll look you in the asshole. Will you look me in the eyes ever again? No, but I'll look you in the asshole. Excuse me, my asshole is down here. I definitely think this is the right time that you're ready to start getting joke tattoos. I think this is the perfect age. Now if you start getting a bunch of joke tattoos, people will really be like, he's not okay, right? He's like, no, he does a riddle podcast. He's also like a little badger. He, people will really be like, he's not okay, right?

He's like, no, he does a riddle podcast, he's also like a little badger. He's like, okay, how many badger he's fine. I'm a comedy badger, gotta love me. Oh yeah, baby, Aaron brings up a great point where she said it's Monday, which is another movie I'm working on, which is Garfield doing Scarface,

it's called Scarfield, and it's Garfield as this drug lord kingpin, and he snorling lasagna you know what you guys before you tell us what he says just a quick interim other people had business meetings today go ahead addle what did he say no no no no and knowing that other people had to wake up at 80M for a business meeting and tell me what he said. And other things.

I love winding. I think you can make it as a Hollywood pitchman. I think just maybe 25% crazier. Holy shit. Do we get a little more? It's a little crazier. I want James to host a show in HBO called Pitch Perfect and it's him coaching people

throughout at pitch something. And then they pitch it and they're like kick out of Hollywood and he's like, hey, I don't know what I'm doing. No, then I'm like, hey, asshole, I did you a favor. You don't wanna be in this business? It's psychopaths in this business. I eat eggs every day.

JVC, if I went to your pitch meeting workshop, pitch perfect, and I just go, all right, I'm gonna go into this movie studio and then I'm gonna throw a baseball at them as fast as I can. Is that a good pitch? Yes, but I would follow it up, throw throw a baseball that is fast as I can. Is that a good pitch? Yes, but I would follow it up, throw a baseball at the most fastest you can, then a lot of $20 bills and say, money ball too. Who's the man?

Who's the man? I just watched my money ball last night. That's very weird you bring it up. I think it just hit Netflix. I think it just hit Netflix because I, another friend of mine just made it. Was it a hit it back? Yeah, no, it didn't say that for itself. Before we lose the thread, I do want to say, we have our, I think it just hit Netflix because I, another friend of mine just hit it back. Yeah, no, it didn't stay up for itself. Before we lose the thread, I do want to say, we have our, I think our second ever,

Hey Riddle tattoo, speaking of this. Oh, yes. With somebody got a Puzzbot tattoo. They didn't say we could say their name, so I don't want to put them on blast. I guess the only thing I have to say is, what have you done? I think it's great. It's a little Puzzbot, it's a little robot that says, Puzz in the middle. It's adorable. It's a little buzz-bottes, a little robot that says buzz in the middle, it's adorable, it's on their leg. And that person is now, I'm obligated to be

that person's best friend for life now. Like, I maybe want to get a little robot tattoo. Didn't that make it seem appealing? I love it. Joke tattoo's a really, I love joke tattoos. And did you get one, Japs? I've never had a joke tattoo. One good time I got that I worked with got blackout drunk

and he came in to work the next Monday with a little tattoo on his leg, like on his, what's it called, not heel, but where the leg meets the foot, fuck me. The ankle? The ankle. Jesus, holy, no, no, no, hold on, stop. Casey, Casey, delete all the audio.

This is unusable. JPCs clearly drunk. No, that's not funny. So yeah, it the audio. This is unusable. JPC is clearly drunk. No, that's not funny. So yeah, it would be dark. That's the one thing that's not funny. So this guy got on his feet. Two-world collide. What a leg meets the foot.

On his ankle. When a leg meets the foot. Of a little cartoon penguin with X's over his eyes like it was drunk, holding a bottle of whiskey with a Santa Claus hat in on it. And it was the summer, it was like August. And I was like, why did you get that? And he was like, I don't remember it.

I was blacked out, my friends were telling me, I dragged them to a tattoo bother. I demanded that guy gave me this tattoo. And he's like, normally he wouldn't do it, but since it was on my ankle, and I was so like clear minded wouldn't do it, but since it was like on my ankle and I was so I was so like clear minded that this is the tattoo I wanted and I was like, that's insane. But I thought it was such a funny look at tattoo a little drug carton Christmas big win.

If I if if somebody came in and if I was a tattoo artist and someone came in clearly drunk and they're like Give me a tattoo where my foot meets my leg and make it a little parrot with a quote that says don't talk down to me Like I would not I would be like I'd say take a seat sir Sir, please come back tomorrow. What? The foot meets the leg. I have I have a new thought about a tattoo I I really want to get a tattoo, but I've decided in my life I will get any tattoo as long as a non-A-List celebrity is giving me that tattoo,

and they can do whatever they want, wherever they want. So, when someone was like, what is that weird pile of garbage on your shoulder? It'll be like, it's Devin Sawwall. It's Devin Sawwall, gave it to me. Devin Sawwall went to work. So, if you are not an A-List celebrity, gave it to me. Devon Sawwa went to work. So you are not an A-list celebrity, you can tattoo me. I would love it if a celebrity gave you a tattoo.

Or I guess, yeah, I guess it would need to be, it was either someone who used to be A-list and was washed up or someone who gave you a tattoo that was retroactively okay, because they had not become A-list or they had like the a list. Yeah. I'm trying to think of who,

who that would be. That would be riffin'. She's like famously sealist, right? That's her whole bread and butter is that she's. We're circling something, I need, who do I need? Well, we're circling something, and that's that we do a riddle podcast. And normally, normally, it is fine.

And people forgive us if we think around for 20 to 45 minutes. But we're hanging out by a thread. We're doing this. I literally don't even know who Old Man puzzles it. We're taking like, well, Aaron, it's you. So that's your work. No, it is me. It is me.

I'm Old Man puzzles today, so I do have some riddles. So when this is coming out, we've said it several times that it's Monday, but canonically, we all know it's Wednesday. It's Wednesday, and it's whatever you're listening to this. We just did, not too long ago, a live stream show. And the live stream show went really well. I think a lot of people came, like a thousand people came. It was awesome.

1100. Which is more than 1,000, so fuck me, a thousand people came it was awesome I'm a hundred which is more than a thousand so fuck me I guess But it was very fun and a lot of people submitted riddles and I asked for people to submit riddles we I prepared riddles for that show I was in charge of doing it and we like Time flew I looked out of my watch and we had like been going for 50 minutes kind of like what we just did here with a bullshit for The first 50 minutes of the podcast but I had fun. It was super fun. I felt really, really bad because you're not investing in slamlet. Oh, buddy, nobody is.

You're gonna die on the streets. What about money ball, dude? What about money ball, dude? I want to do these, I want to do these scary tricks. But we got it through Riddles. But I felt bad. I felt bad because so many people submitted to Riddles to that live stream show and we didn't

get to like any of them. We did like two real quick. So at the beginning of today's episode, I wanted to, well, we're out of time, so we actually won't get to this. But what I wanted to do was I wanted to get some listener submitted riddles from the people who submitted for the live show and do them on the show. So of course, I'm kidding. We will do one.

This first one is from Aaron. She heard. Oh, Aaron. But it's, no, it is, I- I don't know how to email. Yeah, that's specifically not our Aaron. I assume Aaron Neville, so. Aaron, I'm not sure if I've told you this also by the way,

but in my Twitch stream, there is another Aaron, whose name starts with a K, it's like Aaron K. And all the time people think that she is you, and they start talking on the Twitch stream about the, oh my God, you're so great, I love you so much. And then she has to be like, oh no, I'm not that Aaron, I've got a different Aaron, but it's always so funny

when it happens. Oh my gosh. Okay, well I hope she's not saying anything fucking weird, Aaron, K, please, please don't be, say anything like really like offensive or terrible. People are doing everything it's me. She's never pretending to be you. So I think it's fine,

but it's just very funny when a confused person comes in and they're like, Aaron's here and I'm like, no, no. I also love the idea that they think that I'm in your Twitch stream. Just like, I gotta get more than JPC. I've been in, yeah. I've been in a Twitch stream several times.

No, your Twitch stream is very, very good and I can't recommend it enough. So this is a different area and it is not that area and it is not our area. Says, love the podcast, here's the riddle. Or riddy, I'm sorry, I fucked it up. Thank you, riddle. To travelers and wanderers, safe passage, I will lend.

I have been called the work of art, but only where I end. Only where I end? End. It's not the tree people from Lord of the Rings. Lord of the Rings. Two Wanderers. So this is like Abyn Castello.

Two travelers and Wanderers, T-O, not T-W-O. Two travelers and Wanderers, safe passage I will lend. I have been called the work of art, but only where I end. A bridge made of... Horizon? Matisse. It's not bridge, it's not horizon. No, I don't know, I don't know if Adel's closest with bridge, but closer than I guess horizon. It's not train, no. Travelers and wanderers, safe passage I will lend. I have been called a work of art, but only where I end. So, work of art were I end. So, I'm guessing Aaron, let's team up, classic team up. Oh, yeah, you guys have never teamed up before.

I'm guessing art. I love this combo. Aaron and Adel, this kind of work. Wait, we're standing back to back and we're crossing our arms. Please, I dare you. I'm so much taller than you. Please, I dare you. I guess I'm working on it.

Too tall. I dare you. I'm so much taller than you. Please, I dare him. I guess I'm working on it. Too tall. All right, I dare it. I'm guessing the word ends in art. So I'm a piece of art, but only where I end. So I'm guessing it's hard. In my head, are you actually thinking? Canonically, the only word that ends in art.

In my, in my defense, this is the first time I've ever guessed fart. You two have guessed fart over 6,000 times. You have to use fart behind you. Wow, she's correct. That is correct. This is Aaron's first and only time guessing fart on the podcast. It's episode 118. And we should mention behind JPC is Yankees player Aaron Judge and famous 80s actor Judge Reinhold. So those are the judges. He's oh, you can't see because it's zoomed. There's also judge dread is also here. Hey, your brains work so fast.

Why didn't you do something helpful with it? That's Mike Judge, creator of set of notes, Creme. You guys could have done anything. You could have been like a merchant from surgeons and you're doing this. Okay, so. JBC and I invented the cure for the common cold. But guess what?

A teacher already invented it. It's called airborne and it was invented 12 years early. It c hears it? So we went into a deep spiral. We went into a deep spiral and we decided to start a podcast. Okay. Can we hear this one more time?

Let's travel. Travelers and wanderers, safe passage I will lend. I have been called a work of art, but only where I end. Is this like a hotel lobby? Oh, it is not, but around about three, you got to clear the lobby. Oh, we can't say our Kelly's hogs anymore. With Adel, was Adel right with it ending with ART?

No, he was not. He was way off. But you said I was close with the bridge. But you said a bridge? With bridge, yes. Yeah. It's like a tent. It's not a tent, yeah.

We have one more hint. Tightrope. Passport. It's like a close end. Two travelers and watchers. So the reason that you are close with bridge is because a bridge is something that people can like travel on or like walk across.

And this is definitely gonna involve walking. Oh, path. Oh, now I'm here for a tiny suit. Two travelers and waterers. Safe passage to have a land. I haven't called the work of art but only where I end. Is it a is it like a mirage or something? Is it like a oasis? No, you you these are really common and you're dying. It's gonna be the dying then I'm gonna bring it back to you

I think I might need one more hint and I'm really really really really sorry I if you've been outside today chances are you've been on one of these bold of you to skateboard wheels If you've been outside today, chances are you've been on one of these. Bold of units. skateboard. Skateboard. Skateboard. Skateboard. No, no. If you've been outside today, chances are you've been on sidewalk. Adelaide is a sidewalk.

Shell Silverstein, baby. I haven't called a work of art, but only where I end. Thank you so much, Aaron, for submitting that riddle. I hope that you are a fan of the show and listen to the show and not just that live stream or you'll never fucking hear this. Addle. Here's something cool, Aaron, Aaron, the person who sent in this riddle,

we are like 105,000 episodes in and there's still good riddles to be found. I really enjoyed that riddle. Yeah, I think a lot of people, maybe Aaron made that. I don't know that she said specifically if she did, but could have. I was just seeing, oh, yes, sorry. If you have any scenes on the show. Thank you so much.

JPC and Aaron, you two are a, you're sort of like New York, you're like a New York elite couple. You have a brownstone. You're living off your family's wealth. You're a married couple, but you, both of your families are wealthy. Sure. But But you you rarely go outside. You usually go straight through Manson into a limo. But for the first time in forever you find yourself on the sidewalk and you're you're thinking it's like a piece of art. Sweetheart come quickly. Yes let me just put on my scarf. It's not cold but I'm going to wear it. You wouldn't be caught dead without wearing that. Come look at this.

What is this? What the blazes? Oh, I love this. I must have it. I know. Well, I was looking for a price tag on it, and I couldn't see. When we go to these art shows, they usually have the name of the artist. Excuse me, little boy.

Um, are you a child? What do you want, lady? Oh, never mind. Get out of the fucking fucking sidewalk He's much taller than us. I'm not sure why Look from a child from a distance. Oh, let him go. Let him go. Okay, who do you do this magnificent? Is a chalk art? You know what I We have to we have to tell one of our friends about this They're gonna want to put it in their gallery. I just don't- do I- do I call Chelsea's in Brooklyn? Do I call Brooklyn's in Manhattan?

Or do I call, uh, Manhattan's- In Chelsea. Chelsea. I- I call them all. Get them all over here. All of our friends have such a huge name. City of New York. Who- who made this gorgeous- gorgeous-, gorgeous chalk art on this? What is this called? Ken, who do I have to pay? Fuck up!

Who is that? Shut the fuck up! What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What You know what here this is a this is a police officer. This is someone who could help excuse me Shucks the fuck up Shucks the fuck up Hmm, you're under a rush. Okay, he must be out break This next one is from John from Indianapolis. Whoa another person who is the name of a host of this podcast. Wow, can't wait for the third one and see. Eee, I got that news.

It's just you and that guy you saw online, that one thought. Wow, wild. I'm at the start of stupor that ends in a drink, and at the start of four pillars to make people think. Some say I'm bad luck and I'm not very bright. Don't try to touch me, I'll attack you on sight. Some say I'm standoffish or act somewhat cross, but you would be too if you shat in a box. Jesus.

Pretzel? Is it, wait, hold on, is it pretzel, Jesus? Yeah, you know what want boring gold Jesus. I gotta say the quickest of scenes. Aaron and I are devout followers of Jesus. Jesus of course was crucified. This is before he, again, I don't know religion very well. This is before he rolls away that boulder, and does whatever.

So we think Jesus has died, and New on the scene that's emerged is Pretzel Jesus, played by J.B.C. Got it. Ah, I don't think we'll ever find another savior. I'm so sad. I'm so sad. I'm so sad. At the funeral, did you see his mom crying?

I went over to talk to her and she walked away. It's so sad. Yeah, I think that this is, and I know that everyone thinks a death has a big impact, but I feel like that. I don't know if you saw this. Yeah, it's absolutely bummer city about Jesus. Can I have you some nacho cheese, cinnamon sugar?

Whoa. Who? Who? Who's this? Wait. Yeah, it's talking to cookies about that good. It's about tough cookies about that good guy. He had a lot of good ideas.

Get out off of you some big hunk of pieces of salt. Wait, he's trying to kiss. It is tough cookies. What's your name, friend? My name, kick flip, Ollie twist, grab the skateboard, put it behind the back. Ow! What is that? Is that Greek?

My name is Pitzel Jesus. I'm just like Jesus, but I come in TUNES of fun flavors! Sorry, I just got hit in the head with a skate board. Did you say Nacho Cheese said I'm in sugar? Stephanie, are we in a commercial? Ow! Stephanie! Hey, your name is...

Your name is fucking... Pritzel Jesus. I was saved by God, my man. Anyways, I've come to deliver y'all taste buds. Hey. It's you. Hey, pretzel, not your Jesus. We're in mourning right now.

We just feel like we're in mourning. Not your regular Jesus. Pretzel Jesus. Yeah, we can't have pretzels during mourning. We can't have pretzels during the evening. We can't have pretzels during morning. We can't have pretzels during the evening We can't have pretzels at summertime. Hey, I understand man. I don't want to beef it Why don't we do this? Why don't we do this? You take some nacho cheese You take some cinnamon sugar. You take a big old hunk of pieces salt

Okay, call me in the morning and pretzel Jesus. I wind all the way around town You know where I'm at and at the temple flip of tables I bet the I'm at the mound give it out fish a pretzel Jesus You're just giving us a bunch of condiments and not really anything to eat them on Stephanie Stephanie, I just hey, I just saw I just saw down. I just look down. That's a snake in pants Oh That's a snake in pants Oh, so I notice you notice the word that's the devil okay, okay How how are snakes and pants now all of all eyes on you, but you said snake and pants snake and pants make it make sense

See that is walk right now Snake does the pants go snake in pants? That's incorrect That is a scene, but yes. Why are we fucking even talking about? I'm so sorry. I have to just stop and hold. I have to hold a vigil of appreciation

for the fact that somebody during Jesus' funeral comes up and says tough cookies. It's pretzel Jesus. He's a little bit twisted. The riddle, John's riddle. I am Catholic. I know a little bit twisted. PJ, PJ. The riddle, John is riddle. I am Catholic.

I know this show doesn't indicate that, but. Can we hear the riddle one more time? I'm at the start of stupor that ends in a drink. So hold on, is this like ST? Like, is this something that starts with ST? It doesn't start with ST. I think you're on the right track. Yes, okay.

And the start of four pillars to make people. I think you're on the right track. Yes. And the start of four pillars to make people think. Hold on, four pillars. So Aaron, what are, let's team up. Do you? Hold on, I want to be, I want to work solo. No. No, come on, I need to see me.

Hey, JBC, do you want to pair up? I can't, I know the answer. Can I join a group of two? Can I be a third? Sorry, Aaron, all the groups have already been taken. You're gonna have to work alone. Or you can work with teacher. I'm gonna be a second frog by myself,

and then I'll do the project. Are four pillars like Earth, Wind, Fire, Water? I think the four pillars add-on specifically for you is, you're not gonna get the four pillars one. That's, you're gonna waste a lot of energy on the four pillars one. Yeah, Adela, you don't get it. No, I'll get it.

Now I'm determined to get it. Is it like honesty, trust, friendship and like? No, I think it has to do with Catholicism, so I definitely don't think you're gonna get it. Some say I'm bad luck if I'm not very bright. Don't try to touch me, I'll attack you on sight. Some say I'm standing offish or act somewhat cross, but you would be too if you shot in a box.

It's a shot in a box. I have no idea. I honestly think the thing about shitting in a box is the one clue that you don't even need the other clues to get in a box. Is it an animal? Is it a mouse? It's not a mouse and Aaron, you might be an animal.

So Aaron, you said one time, and I'm sorry to put you on blast, Snake with the pants, I'm sorry to put you on blast. Aaron, you said that one time in Boston, you were during a St. Patrick's Day parade, you got so drunk that you shit in a mailbox. Well, it was dressed to them. You put a stamp on your pilot shirt? Do you, sir?

I'm not gonna prevent someone from getting their mail. You would be too much shadow crying in a box. I don't think I've ever gotten this. I know don't come for me. I've never gotten drunk on St. Patrick's Day in Boston. It's never happened. You're correct. No one's going to come for you.

They're going to applaud you. Is this a living thing? It has to be a living thing, it should come off. It's an animal. It's an animal, so we hope it is. No. A cat.

Yes, it is a cat. It is? It is a cat, correct. I'm at the start of stupor, the insinant drink, the stupor, the insinant drink would be catatonic, so cat, and then, and the start of four pillars to make people think that is a catacism. Okay. So yeah, so those those are the two answers. Thank you so much.

Indianapolis John. You know, my only shit. That was actually amazing. My uncle died of a catacism. Yeah, but clot in the brain. I want to see a scene. Aaron. Aaron, you are Schrodinger and you have a friend over and you're, this is before your Schrodinger's cat theory, you had another theory, which is you put a cat in a box and until you open it, you don't know whether or not it took it shit. And you invited over a neighbor to posit this theory. Oh, hey, just in time. Oh, yeah, Shroud, I just got your, I got your memiograph.

Thank you so much for inviting me over. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can I come in? Does my house smell like normal, like how normally, how bad it smells or like, is this like especially bad? Can I, can I come in? Yeah, but like first, when you walk in, I need first impressions of smell.

Like does it smell like my shit or does it smell like? I mean, you know what? I just remembered that I am busy today. Come on, man, please. I don't think so. Man, come on, please. Hey, look Jeff, can I eat level with you? Yeah. Everybody in the neighborhood, we're close-knit, we're tight community, we all like each other a lot.

Nobody wants to come over to your house, mate. What do you mean? You're always doing experiments. Yeah, my experiments, my theories. They always make your house stink to high-heavid and everybody sick of it. Everybody gets tricked and trapped into coming into your house I can smell from your stupid smells like cat shit in there man. I don't know what you got going on literally my last shit Experiment come on man, please. I'll let you shoot a bow and arrow at that box

No questions that come on Jeff. I don't want it. I don't want to okay. You let Nick down the block kick the box last week He got his boot covered in cat shit. It's always cat shit in there Yeah, Nick, we're sorry about your boot man. We're not under more water. Okay. No, no come in. This is not even about a shit one Okay, fine. I'll come in Okay, I will say as soon as I step in here Jeff It smells like absolute shit smells like cat shit You should be writing that down. No one's ever gonna publish this. I don't know what you're You sure I'm gonna be somebody who are you who are you even what are you and we cut to JPC at his other neighbors house Thank you for coming over so if you just walk through the door

Oh, thank you for coming over. So if you just walk through the door, come on in. And as you notice, when you come in a bell is going to ring. And if you look at my dog, you'll see what he does when the bell rings. Pavvy, I gotta be honest with you. I gotta be honest with you, it's a tight knit community. The neighbors here, we all know each other. We, you know, have potlucks. Every time anyone comes over to your house, you ring the bell and your dog tries to fucking hump them. It's not funny. It's not your clever trick. You ever time my bell rings, my dog tries to get fucked. Bavvy, you laugh about it, you think it's so funny, it's better for the dog, it's better for the people.

Hey, hey, Pavvy, I got your back. I'm here. Thank you, what? You and Fred Schrodinger deserve each other. Okay, Freud, go take a fucking walk. I will take a walk to my mom's house. I mean see So I just had to look it up because Jeff Schrodinger was so funny. I had to look up his real name his real name is Irwin Rudolph Joseph Alexander Schrodinger He was named after every radio

Irwin and Rudolph and Joseph Alexander. Okay, well that, just because we got to that reindeer break, we're going to go break some reindeer legs until they pay off that Christmas candy. So we are going to go, we will be right back after these commercial interruptions. Coming to theaters this fall, slamlet. Fall has been canceled. Coming to theaters this fall, slamlet. Follow us, Ben Cantal. Hey, GPC. Uh, uh, yeah?

You're not in trouble. I just need help. I'm, um, pranking Atal, and I'm setting up a whole website to prank him to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it.

I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. whether you're just starting out or managing a growing brand, Squarespace makes it easy to create a beautiful website engaged with your audience and sell anything for products to cut into time all in one place all on your terms. Hey, Otto, come here. Come here, come here. Hey, what's going on? I actually, I want to prank JPC and I want to set up a whole website to prank him. Do you have

anything that like is there like an online store that could set up on my website to prank him. Do you have anything that like, is there like an online store that could set up on my website to sell products? Did you know that with Squarespace, you can have custom merch, you can easily sell custom merch and create passive income stream that engages your audience and scales your brand, design your products and production

and inventory and shipping are handled for you, saving you time and money. What is happening? Okay. Wait, what's going on with Addle? What is happening? Okay. Wait, what's going on with that all? Oh, nothing, nothing. I'm just setting up a very normal Squarespace website, not a prank thing.

No, he's gonna tune you. And I'm gonna use analytics. Use insights to grow my business and learn where my site visits and sales are coming from. That's pretty cool. I'm gonna improve my website and build marketing strategy based on top keywords are popular products and content on my prank website. The prank site too, love you. Whoa, that's awesome, Aaron. I'm glad you improve my website and build marketing strategy based on top keywords, our popular products and content on my Prank website, the Prank site tool.

Whoa, that's awesome, Aaron. I'm glad you're using Squarespace. Did you say what the website was for? I can't remember what the website was for. The website was for. Prank. With Squarespace. You can connect to your store to Vedent Third Party tools to extend the functionality of your website.

Hey JPC, hey JPC. What's up, battle? I can't believe we pranked Aaron with our little boy routine. Dude, we got her. Anyway, if you want to prank Aaron with your little boy routine, head to squarespace.com for a free trial and when you're ready to launch, go to squarespace.com, slash riddle to save 10% off your first purchase

of a website or domain. Oh, she's back, she's back. Hey Aaron. Can we go to grandma's house? Wait, I've been pranked. But how? I don't know. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Hey Adeland JPC. Thank you for meeting me in the middle of the woods here. I am sort of at an empaths. I can't decide whether or not to go this way or this way. I'm having a hard time choosing a path. You know, there never truly is a middle of the woods.

Isn't it funny to think about something like that? Like, have there never truly is a middle of the woods? No, this is the middle. Okay, this is it. Adel, can you help? Yeah, actually. So, as per Robert Frost, I don't know if you know his poems, he has a poem called Better Help. I believe this is written in the 1800s, but it still

stands true today more than ever. Aaron, you should try Better Help. Have you heard of this? You seen this? Because sometimes Aaron in life were faced with tough choices and the path forward isn't always clear whether you're dealing with decisions around career relationships, being stuck in the middle of the woods, therapy helps you stay connected to what you owl, owl, sorry, that also does so fast. Therapy helps you stay connected to what you really want while you navigate life and the woods. Hmm, and better help is entirely online.

So it's designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. I've been using it for several years and it suits the way that my brain works way better than traditional therapy ever did. And when Aaron says traditional therapy just so everyone's clear what she means is tricking two of her friends to coming to the middle of the woods, even though there isn't truly the concept of the middle of the woods, isn't that fun to think about? All you have to do is just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a license therapist, and you can switch therapist at any time for no additional charge.

Hey, Aaron, a GPC's putting down bread crumbs and then immediately picking them up and eating them. Mmm, dirty bread crumbs. Mmm. Mmm. And he's also like really into that owl who's swooping down. Anyways, let there be your map with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash riddle today

to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp. H-E-L-P.com slash riddle, R-I-D-D-L-E. R-I-D-D-L-E, the middle of riddles of D, but there is no true middle of riddle because it would be the space in between the two Ds. Hope you at home. Bye, I am home.

Who are we? What is this? I clink, clink, clink, excuse me, ladies and gentlemen, I just want to make a quick toast to, I know it's JPC's birthday, and we're all so excited to talk about him, but I want to talk about my favorite, my favorite thing in the world. And that is the app Rocket Bunny. Oh, yeah, Aaron, that's one of my favorite things as well.

Rocket Bunny is a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps you lower your bills all in one place. I've been using it for years way before they were a sponsor and it helps me so much, especially around tax season. Clink, clink, clink, clink, clink. Sorry, I also want to give a toast. Rocket money, well, quickly and easily find your subscriptions for you. And for any you don't want to pay for anymore, just hit cancel and rocket money

will cancel it for you. It's that easy. Clink, clink, clink. Mm hmm. It also categorizes your expenses so you can easily track your budget in real time and also get alerted if anything looks off. Over three million. Oh, Clint, Clint, Clint.

Over three million people have used rocket money, saving the average person up to $720 a year. We love rockets coming here. Stop, Clint, Clint, Clint. Stop. No, Clint, Clint, click, stop. Throwing your money away, cancel unwirted subscriptions today and manage your expenses the easy way by going to rockitmoney.com slash riddle. That's rockitmoney.com slash riddle.

Rockitmoney.com slash riddle, and tell them JPC's birthday got ruined by two of his friends for doing speeches about rocket money, the website. It will be rugged money. It will be rugged money. It will be rugged money. It will be rugged money. It will be rugged money. It will be rugged money.

It will be rugged money. It will be rugged money. It will be rugged money. It will be rugged money. It will be rugged money. It will be rugged money. It will be rugged money. It will be rugged money.

It will be rugged money. It will be rugged money. It will be rugged money. It will be rugged money. It will be rugged money. It will be rugged money. She's Aaron Aaron. Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. Hey, let's put his, let's put his hand in water. Wait, let's put his hand in piss and then he'll spit up water. Hey, you guys need some piss? I mean, jeez. Oh, he'll like it too much. Can we just move on?

Wait, look at him. He's lying on his back, pissing into his mouth. He loves this. Uh, every house needs a water feature. It's impossible to bully me. Just a constant stream of pee. Very soothing. Let's go kick the shit out of that kid

beating the shit out of himself. Wait. I won't say who, but a friend of ours, once was when he was way younger, when he was like 12 or something, he woke up one day and was basically paralyzed and the doctors couldn't figure out what was going on. So for a long time, they thought he wouldn't walk again. And so he was like, he couldn't do

anything. So he was laying on the couch and his brother had to like help him pee and like pull down his pants and take out his, you know, thing and help him pee. And one time his brother started to do it but then like got uged out because his brother was like 10 or something. And so he let go and our friend started to pee. And it shot, he was on his back, so it shot up and hit him in the mouth. And when he tells this story, he's like, I'll never forget, it was the hottest thing I've ever felt.

Wait, my temperature? Yeah, like, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I should say. I'm not on your door. I've sued you. And that is you're being served right now. Eric, you said I could use on your door. I've sued you and that is you being served right now. You said I could use a fake name.

No, he changed some names and should have told you that. Two friends. Yeah, I can't believe you made us listen to that story. I'm so sorry, but I think about it at least 10 times a day. It's the most important thing I've ever heard. I've listened to a bunch of stories about people paying in their mouth, you know, gravity boot situation. You know, there's a lot of stories that I've heard about life about that.

That one, top five. Yep, yep, pretty great. So we can top five. I think we've done three riddles. Can we get at least to five? Yep, this one's coming from James. This was sent in by James in the chat. It was James in space.

So I don't know if James he-him uses that other places. James, but this is from James. Okay, cool. So this is, James says that he challenged himself to come up with some poetic riddles. There is within me silent you, that is the letter you. There is within me silent you. Of course, without me silent you, that is the letter you. There is within me silent you. Of course, without me silent you, why are you? Not remembered when I'm wet. Get me dry, you'll be upset.

Under a roof I'm well encased, enjoying my work is a matter of taste. What am I? Tongue. Cautaurus. Aaron's correct. It's the tongue. The clotaurus of the mouth. Ew, ew. You know, I've been eating food for 28 years. Still can't find the tongue. I don't know if it exists.

I think it's a rumor. I think it's... Yes, Aaron, it is the tongue. Wow, you got that really fast. What gave it away? What, what, what, what, not gave it away, but Klujian? The you thing, so I'm like, oh, where I was the letter you being in it. And then you don't notice it when it's wet, but when it's dry, it's bad. The thing that James also said was that he added an added little bonus thing that I think you'd have to see this written out to get. But it's the first letter of every line spells out tongue. So there's six lines T-O-V-S.

Ooh, a lot. That was great. Thank you so much, James, Chef, Jesus Christ. Thank you so much, James. Yes. We don't need to see it. It makes sense when you say it. Great.

Ha ha ha. Adal is salty, much like pretzel Jesus, because JPC won't invest in his movie. God, a regular pretzel Jesus over here. I talked to my anti-hands. This next one comes from Charlie, he, him. Charlie says, you can read my name, I don't care. I love it. Charlie recently found an old riddle book

based on a series of unfortunate events, and he thought he'd share it with us. I don't think he says I don't think you have to be familiar with the book or the show or the movie or anything. What I am. But if you are, bonus points to you. Here we go. So this one, this first one is called

Inignatic Enigma. I love riddles with titles. Something true about me, something just to share. You're chasing an actor with a tattoo of an eye on his ankle. Devonsawa. Now I read this and I get the word, fucking ankle. Jesus Christ, it was right there the whole time.

Should've read this a day ago. I recently, you're just a good actor with a tattoo of an eye on his ankle through the hinterlands, but you lose sight of him. A dark cloud appears of her head. Moments later, you pass a sign that says proceed with caution. You stop just in time. Had you taken one more step, you would have plunged to your death.

30 yards away, the villain stands safely on the other side of a deep canyon. He waves and smiles at you with his shiny eyes. You note that he does not have a long pole, a ladder, a motorcycle, a grappling hook, or any other device capable of spanning the chasm. Please explain how this despicable person got away. Celebrity is Air Jordan, he jumped. Let's count poll off. My God, Edel, that is great. Is that the Jim Carrey? Jim Carrey played him in a movie and then they made a Netflix series about it where

Neil Petra cares by him and the Netflix series is so good. Is it good? Yeah, I'm a massive, massive, Lebanese, naked fan like the way it's written. My mom is a librarian and those books growing up are huge in my house and I've never so so big, adult big, tall, tall, tall. Hey, feet tall, come on, guys. Those, the new series, I've never been more jealous of, I've never wanted to be in any TV show more than the name.

I've never, I own all the books, but I've never read them. I love it. Are they weird flecks? Yeah, I own. Oh, the limited-snickered books, those books, the kids. I own them all, but I've never read them. I love it. Are they weird flecks? Yeah, I am. Oh, the limiting snippet books, those books, the kids. I own them all, but I've never read them. I've never read any book I own. As like, I was a really melancholy kid

and they really spoke to me. Like anything that's like, yeah, the world is terrible and kids are smart. Like it's all about kids are smarter than you give them credit for and it's just so, so, so, so good. Well, hopefully it prepped a generation for 2020. I mean, that's the most hairy potter books. And the whole point of those books as far as I can tell is Ron sucks.

For sure. But in the guy, just the casting in that TV show is so good. Don't queues X in it. It, you guys, it's amazing. The queues. Joan Q's accent, you guys, it's amazing. The Q's! Anya. J-Q's. Aaron, does that help you at all with this riddle? Not really, no. Can you read it again?

Does the tattoo of an eye have anything to do with it? I don't know, what is that about? Is that from the book? Yeah, he has a tattoo of his, of like an eye on his ankle, and it's like a hint for the thing. Oh wait, I think I know the answer. Yeah, what's got, what do you got? I mean, I don't know how to articulate this.

At chasm doesn't go all the way across the world. So at some point, there would be like a way you can run around to the other side of the chasm. That's a good insight. That is not correct though. The villain did go directly across the chasm. Oh, got you. Yep. There's there's plexiglass over top of it like that.

That's either the real canyon. 30 yards away on the other side of a deep canyon. Waves and smiles. But there's no, he doesn't have anything a long pole, a ladder, a motorcycle, a grapple, any other device capable of spaying in the castle. Can I just recommend anyone who works at a beach? If you're noticing, I mean, obviously, when it's safe, if you're noticing that there's not a lot of foot traffic

at the beach, put a design that says waves and smiles, you're gonna get, you're gonna double, you're gonna double your customers. Is it, he has wings all of a sudden, water slide all of a sudden down the hill because of the rain. Was it that, did he go down like there was a rope and he climbed down,

ran across and then climbed back up. No, what? Was it a ladder? It was not there. It was not a ladder. There's no ladder. Has nothing to do with weather. Is the chasm like two feet down?

No, it's deep, it's deep. It's deep. Rolling the deep. Can you give us a hint? So this is a villain. It's dastardly in clever what this villain did. But I think honestly, having it be a bad guy is also like helpful for getting the answer.

And technically, you have guessed this answer for a different riddle that you got it wrong for. Oh, he was a twin. And so he was disguised. He hit behind a tree and his twin brother was already on the other side and said, ha ha. Oh no, it wasn't a Christopher Nolan film. His whole thing is disguises though in the series. He has a different disguise. It doesn't have any new disguises. I have seen the trailer for the show and that is true. Give us a hint. I did. You have given the answer to this riddle in the very first riddle that we did on the show today. And it was wrong. Oh, a bridge. A bridge. So what about the bridge?

So there's a bridge. There's a bridge over the castle. There's not a bridge. There's no bridge over the castle. There's not a bridge, there's no bridge over the castle. But the villain is on the other side smiling. I don't know. If there was a bridge, then cut it. Yes, that is it. There was a bridge, the answer to this riddle, Charlie says that he burnt it down, but he could have cut it as a road bridge, whatever.

He destroyed the bridge. There was a bridge, he crossed, he cut it, and you got it. Hmm. You know what's in my head all the time? Hmm. What's that? Magnetic Fields guy. I think someone wrote an album based on the series

of unfortunate event books, and there was a different song for every book, and there's a song in it about that villain. And it is in my head, like, I'm humming it all over house all the time, and it's so so good and if anyone else knows this please let me know because I would love to have you message me about it but it's like if you see him count to zero scream and run away run run run run run run run or die die die die die die it's like the catchiest song ever oh my god that's um oh that's a bond song I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I where like somebody will say something, I'm like, bram, bram, bram, bram, bram, bram, bram. But now for no reason at all,

everything I hear sounds like the Paul Simon song, Coda Chrome, so like the other day, Gemma was like, can you help me find my phone? And I was like, find my phone, gives us nice, bright colors. So it I've done it like 50 times this week, it really sucks. I can't wait for the eight tweets and hate Instagram messages to come in

of the people who get that stuck in their head now. Sorry. Sorry, I want to see a little scene. In this scene, Adam, you're going to be playing a dastardly villain, Aaron and I are kid detectives. We are chasing you down. You just crossed over some train tracks and you think that they are impassable

and that you have foiled us. Ah, I think you'll find that this is as far as you go. Hee! Why aren't you stopping? Stop walking, stop walking, stop walking. No, hey, you're gonna slam into it. You're gonna slam into the tracks. So they're like a force field? No, but they're tr-

I'm putting my hand over it. Right. You can see three more. Oh wait, there must be like a lady tied to the tracks. Like a, oh that would have been so much better. Well, you're putting your hand over it, but if you pull back your hand, I think you'll find it seven.

No, it's not. I just pulled it back. Oh, what do you think? What do you think? I'm really focused two hours on his mustache this morning. Becky Holden. I use only duck fat to style my blood. What?

Dr. Camille and Dr. Camille and... What do you think this is? What's a train truck? What do you think a train truck is? I'm sorry I just arrived here. Who's Dr. Camille and you can tell I'm not him because of my top hat and two monocles? Dr. Camille and...

Kidding, it was me! Dr. Camille and... Dr. Camille and we know it was you. Every character that you do has a huge handlebar about this. Yeah, and you also didn't even turn around. You put on the props in front of us and it looked like it was a struggle. Oh, sorry, I just got here. I don't know who you're talking about, but as you can see, I'm wearing a top hat and two monitors in the dress.

Yeah, you're still wearing the same face. And it's red. And I'm even changing outfits. And I'm from Georgia and I assure I'm confused am confused Kidding I'm Dr. Camille. Yes, we know who you are your doctor. Kvili that's not it trusted to jumper It's they're two different doctor Kvili and Dr Yes, yes, you need a head start or something you want us to count like give you 30 minutes This is brutal. I don't need a head start because as you can see even though you may be upset about it I'm on the other side of train tracks. There's no way you can get me. Do you think it's like a bad luck thing? We can very easily

just walk across. Can I literally hand cuffing him right now? Yeah come on come on. I'm hand cuffing him to the train tracks. How did you get across? I must know, take me away. Do what you will. Take away all my disguises. Both, both monocles are in my top hat, but I must know. I must know. How did you get across to train tracks? We'll tell you, but you're gonna tell us how you don't have the worst headache ever

by holding in two monocles all day long. And with the extra head weight of that mustache and your big ponytail, I feel like you're constantly counter-balancing yourself. And the top hat. I'll let you in on a secret, my dears. The reason I don't have a headache from wearing two monocles is because I'm blind.

What? The muscles are still... here comes the trachs. Yeah, I just got... You guys are straight. Let's go. Okay, good luck, Dr. Camillean. Wait, I'm timing. I'm timing. Oh my god, there's someone in the middle of the trach tracks. Oh, no, it's just Dr. Camille. We're all good. Trayn keep going. Seen. Train. I love Dr. Camillean. I love Dr. Camillean. Okay, this one's called Terminal Trivia also from Charlie. Would you rather a poisonous viper attack you

or a boa constrictor? Would I rather a poisonous, what was it, viper? Would you rather a poisonous viper attack you or a boa constrictor? Boa constrictor. Is this like... Nope, there's no such thing as a poisonous viper. Is this a riddle or a...

No, Aaron, I need to adjust this real quick. Aaron, there's absolutely nothing as far as I can. No, you're hearing it for me. This is science now. Do not touch the cypher. Welcome to science. Wait, can we just do my segment?

Welcome to science for two days. Absolutely. Here we go, but we do have to have the intro. Hey greetings and welcome, grab a seat. You're gonna like what you hear and learn what you like. It's welcome, it's welcome, it's welcome to science. Sponsored by SpaghettiOs.

Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Hey kids, you might have heard that science can be anything these days. No, it's not. We're jumping on that trend.

This is science. There's no such thing as poisonous snakes or spiders. That sounds like a dangerous thing. There's no such thing as poison. The bleach under your sink? Mm-hmm, good. Aaron, Aaron, fork and spaghettios. We just got a call from spaghettios.

They don't, after the bleach thing, they want to double the money they're giving us. But you have to mention spaghetti us. We just got a call from spaghetti us. They don't, after the bleach thing, they want to double the money they're giving us. But you have to mention spaghetti us. Oh, I, I know what will go good with all of this cleaning product under my sink. Mmm, um, spaghetti us. Okay, hold on, Eric. Give me a worse consistency for anything ever, what's up?

Aaron, I just got an email. It's from Lasagna Eyes. Spaghetti us number one competitor. They want to get in anything ever. What's up? Aaron, I just got an email. It's from Lasagna Eyes. Speedios, number one competitor. They want to get in on this. So can you also mention Lasagna Eyes? I went on a date once and the guy said I had Lasagna Eyes. And I said, see, see, see, back to Garfield, baby.

Aaron, that should be a whole spin off show. Would you rather, we've all come up with great characters, okay? We have pretzel Jesus, we have the giant science quarter. Well, mine's the only, actually, all three of those segments are sponsored by the Republican Party. The Republican National Committee paid for all three of those. That's the sort of fun fact. Honestly, we're so close to the election, they're all throwing money around. Joe Biden's got an animal crossing island, the Republicans are doing spaghetti-o-science,

it's all fucking up. All right, guys, I need your answer. Would you rather a Poisonous Fiper attack you or a Boa Constrictor? Boa Constrictor. This is... This one is actually tricky, and they're actually doing a very mean trick

on the two hosts of this show, Aaron and Adel today. Would you rather, is it something like, Vipers like with an accent, like in scary stories, or like the Vindo Vipers, is it that kind of thing? Is it an actual snake? Ooh, the Vipers. Or is it something where it's like, the Viper because it's dead?

Is it a wall constructor, like a feather boa? Guys, you're gonna hate me for this. This, the answer of this riddle, it's a sin tax riddle. So the way that it's phrased, it says, would you rather a poisonous viper attack you or a boa constrictor? Oh, I'd rather have the viper attack the boa constrictor. Yes, exactly.

Now hold on. Now or or or or what's in door number two. Ha ha ha. Pavlov, you're ready back there. I wanna see a scene, Erin and GPC, you are two, you're two bow constrictors that are coming home from school, you're like friends, you're coming home from like grade school where you've just been bullied by vipers.

Okay. Tomorrow man, tomorrow, I mean we're gonna stand up. Just been bullied by Vipers. Okay. Tomorrow, man. Tomorrow, I mean, we're gonna stand up for ourselves, man. We're bigger than that. I love you, but you say this every day. Okay, sometimes we just gotta admit, we're just gonna keep getting bullied by those poisonous snakes for the rest of our life.

I wish I had a new skin. I wish I could just have all new skin. I wish that I could suck the venom out faster. Okay? I wish they would bite me in a spot I could suck. That's what I wish. I wish I could wear pants. Yeah, it is unfair that they make you wear that jumper. I'm sorry, I couldn't help but over here that someone would like new skin.

Why don't you try on this top hat and two monocles? Dad, can we not today sorry I couldn't help it over here that someone would like new skin. Why don't you try on this top hat and two monocles? Dad can we not today? I don't know rough day. Come towards me I don't know where you're at. Dad we had a rough day. We don't really feel like doing it with your science. Dad, dad can you...

The worst part is that they're bullying me in front of my crush. Wait who's your crush? Fe feather boa? She's beautiful. Wait, that's my crush too. Oh, no two siblings who like the same inanimate object It's the other boa the kind that's cheap and makes you sneeze Do you think that we're messed up because our dad is Dr. Camillean and our mom was some train tracks? I would- I would- It's me, your third sibling, and I would say, no, that's not the reason at all. And you can tell on your third sibling because of the top hat and two monocles.

You're the worst father a child could ask for. You're both adopted, just nicks! This has better. I'm going to my room. And the snake goes up the stairs like this. This is how the snake goes. Snake and pants, snake and pants. I do have to acknowledge, I feel like a piece of new merch at some point should be two siblings in love with the same inanimate objects.

No, I want a shirt that's just a boa constrictor snake looking at a feather boa and saying, you're beautiful. I thought you were going to pitch a new shirt with the three new characters that we debuted on the show. Absolutely not. Okay, the next riddle. A toothless villain has kidnapped an unknown number of dental technicians. A toothless villain has kidnapped an unknown number of dental technicians. While Eavesdropping, you hear the villain exclaim, DREET! I have one dental technician too many to give each one their own cage, and if I put two in each cage, I'll have one cage too many. How many dental technicians have been kidnapped?

I have two many cages where one won't have a cage, And if I put too many cages to give each their own cage. And if I put two in a cage, I'll have one cage too many. One cage too many is the Francis Ford Coppola documentary. Oh, what? So, kidnaps an unknown number of dental technicians. Okay. They have one dental technician too many to give each their own cage. So hold on, one too many.

So they have a surplus, there's more technicians than cages. By one. By one. And if they put two in each cage, they'll have one cage too many. They'll just have an empty cage. Okay, one second. Oh, one cage only pops up every'll just have an empty cage. Okay, one second. Oh, one cage only pops up every day. Okay, nope, nope, nope.

That'll leap your cage situation. Hey, it's me, leap your cage. I honestly, if you, no, Adel, you've had the characters or so this year. Real quick, I have to say, just 10 seconds of your time. There's a new movie coming out called Jiu Jitsu, where Nicholas Cage plays a martial artist who fights aliens with Jiu Jitsu and also flies.

That's what JPC meant, where you have to be 25% more crazy. Yeah, I mean, the one thing that you can say about Nicholas Cage is the guy does not manage his money well. He bought a T-Rex skull. And it's gone. Yeah, look up the trailer for Jiu Jitsu. It's phenomenal. I think Aaron, you were close, right? You had a flash of inspiration. Oh, so say it Aaron.

I'm wrong though. Okay. So, operative. If I put two in each cage, I have one cage too many. Oh, so, but that means you're putting, you're doubling up all of them. Aaron said it's three. Yeah, yeah. You have three dental technicians

because you have one too many to give each their own cage. And if you put two in each cage, you'll have one cage too many. I had that, and then I doubted myself. Wow, Aaron, never, ever doubt yourself. Also, I'm wrong. It's three cages. It's four dental technicians.

Yeah, that's what I meant. Three cages. I think I fucked up the way that I phrased that, but you are correct. Because if you have four dental technicians, and you double them up, that's two and two, and an empty cage, and then three cages is one less you double them up, that's two and two in an empty cage, and then three cages is one less than four.

So, that's that math riddle. I know Adelaub's the math riddles. Charlie said a few more. They're all called the laborious language game. I'm gonna give this you quick, because I really do think that these are pretty difficult. Okay. Charlie writes, like thick black smoke,

a blindfold or a false eyelashes, a series of very large words can hide the simple truth from all but the most skilled volunteers. Please translate these complicated verses into words even a very young child can understand. So these are needlessly complicated. They're laboriously complicated with their... But it's like a phrase like,

yes, you know, never, never stay. Early bird gets the worm, but it's said in such a way that it's like dense. But verse, verse, I think is maybe the key thing. And maybe that's giving me a lyric, big of a head. Vert, wait, verse. Yeah. So it's these completed verses into words. So the following are verses.

So here's the first one. A traditionally named female child had a diminutive youth of the species Ovis ares. A diminutive youth of the species Ovis ares. A diminutive youth of the species Ovis ares. A traditionally named female child had a diminutive youth of the species Ovis ares. Its woolly pelt was as pallid as the frozen moisture

of the atmosphere. I hate this. Sweet. Wait, do it again. I think I can also, I can also like maybe sing it. No, no, no, I think I have it. A traditionally named female child, the diminutive youth of the species Ovis A diminutive youth of the species Ovis Aries, a diminutive youth of the species Ovis Aries. A traditionally named female child, the diminutive youth of the species O the areas, a diminutive youth of the species of this area. A traditional name female childhood, a diminutive youth of the species of this area.

It's woolly pelt with his palate as the frozen moisture of the atmosphere. Um, Mary had a little lamb. Adults got it. It's fleece was white as snow. Yes. Oh, nice. Okay, hold on. I'm so sorry.

This brings me to Adults, shame town. Talking about Shame Town. Who's the mayor? Who's the mayor? Gary. Aaron, you said Baby Shark. Baby Shark. Baby Shark.

Baby Shark. Baby Shark. Baby Shark. Hey, did any of you, that works too. All right, so this next one. A character with a rhythmic moniker who is commonly regarded as having substantial girth rested upon in an A, an escape at scarplment.

Booth, a character with a rhythmic moniker who is commonly regarded as having substantial girth. Sands of Santa baby. Sands of baby. From this non-negligible height to the terra firma. The greater possibility, possibly quantity of the sovereigns equine subjects in the greatest possible quantity of his male human ones were unable to use the whole. All the king's forces and all the king's men could have some do better back together again. Quine subjects in the greatest possible quantity of his male human ones were unable to

use all the game sources and all the game and some do better back together again. How far up the egg do the pants go. All right, this is the last one of these laborious language. Sorry if that's a patreon episode. Really the really I think it's a regular episode. The riddle here is me fucking pronouncing these right. Emitt sparkling luminescence. Emitt sparkling luminescence. Emitt sparkling luminescence.

Twinkle, twinkle little star. Firework. It ain't a fairies firework. You're both right. It is Katie Perry's firework. It is Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star. Thank God Aaron shouted that out before. I had to read more of those words because they are laborious.

Thank you so much, Charlie, for sending them in. And thank you for everyone who submitted riddles for the live feed. I'm sorry that we didn't get to more, but I'm glad that we got to some on the show today. Let's get to our favorite segment. This is a little segment at the end of the show where we kind of plug some stuff that we are into. Aaron, is there anything in this fucking world that you want to plug? Yes, I want to plug something that I have been absolutely loving. So Adil saw this like a week and a half ago when I drove by his house to pick some stuff up.

I have a like mask holder necklace and it's like a chain and it connects to my mask and when I'm driving I can just put it down and it's so good because I keep just dropping my mask and leaving it places. I'm obsessed with this. She did not ask me to plug this, but my friend Erica Stefan made me too. You can find her on Instagram at the Elf Shop, and there's a period between the period Elf period shop. She is so amazing and so great. And they're really gold and pretty,

but they have like letters on them. So mine say, pack the cat and have it, yeah, and my other one says, I love bread. I love that. So if you want them, they're really, really affordable and they're beautiful. I get complimented on them. Any single time I go to their grocery store

or I have to leave the house, you should definitely get one. They're amazing. They're stellar. The Elf Shop. A message to me on Instagram, if you can't find it. I hope she doesn't mind me plugging this, but they're great. Yeah, people who have small outfits, they really fucking money.

People hate money. Thousands of people listen to it and getting advertisements. That's what I think that pisses me off. Hey, for my plugs and speaking of, and nobody asks me, but I'll just go, I don't know, I think it's serious in these things, guys, but I noticed the day on the website, Twitter.com, that I have like 9,500 something followers, and I would really love to get to that 10K. I went that little K on my Twitter. I want to obscure the number of followers

that I have after you hit that, you know, comma. I would really love this. This is my Christmas dream. My birthday's in December. I'd love to get there. So if you can tell a friend, I'm not gonna do any good tweets that would like, you know This is my Christmas dream. My birthday's in December. I'd love to get there. So if you can tell a friend, I'm not gonna do any good tweets that would make my Twitter more popular.

But if you listen to the show at JP So Fly, give me a follow, then log off the fucking website. It's one of the worst websites of the fucking face of the planet. Nobody should be on there. But if you are on there, follow JP So Fly, I'd love to have a few more followers. Addle anything to plug.

Yeah, so coming up this Saturday, in November, I'm sorry, October, October 24th, Saturday, I have two we are recording this in the future. I have two workshops with Queen City Improv in Charlotte. They're going to be podcast workshops taking place over Zoom. So please check out Eventbrite. If you search my name in eventbrite.com, you can find those workshops or go to the Queen City Comedy website. I'm also doing some podcast workshops coming up at third coast comedy in Nashville, so you can go to their website and check those out.

So please attend. I'd love to help you out with your podcast and do bits and have a good time, so check those out. And I'll probably tweet about those tomorrow, so you'll find them linked on my Twitter page. And from my Twitter page, you can can find JP so fly and follow him. Yeah, I'm all over at a little Twitter page. I'm in the comments. Forget my thing. Forget having a beautiful mask holder. Definitely just follow JBC and Twitter.

Aaron, there was one more thing. I know that you, we have another front of the show who has an Etsy shop. They do not want us to mention it, but you said that you might give them a shout out. Would you like to give a final shout out to our other friends at C shop? It's a little bit far. It's not as close Oh, it's Addles but tattoos. No, no, Jupiter. Jupiter, sorry, sorry. And versus a bifurver, I'm going to seed the floor for 30 seconds of a sermon from Youronize favorite savior, pretzel Jesus.

Hey, boys and squirrels, it's pretzel Jesus. And I just wanna tell you, you can dunk me any day of the week, not just on whatever day church is, and to what I say, church is every day, and it's all cool, and it's all guitars, and everybody's mom's making snacks. I just saw Casey unplug the podcast.

Oh, that's the Presley Jesus whoopsy. Presley Jesus forever. Sorry, here in China. And John Patrick Cullen. Casey Tony to the editing. I already heard you in the music video. I'm gonna be playing the music video. I'm gonna be playing the music video. I'm gonna be playing the music video. I'm gonna be playing the music video.

I'm gonna be playing the music video. I'm gonna be playing the music video. I'm gonna be playing the music video. I'm gonna be playing the music video. Hey party people! If you liked that, you are gonna love this week's Patreon. We play a new game called Small, Medium, or Large that is sure to be the break out hit

of the fall. If you want to hear that plus all of our back catalog, go to patreon.com. Hey, Rinaly Reddle, and join the clue crew for $5 a month or the review crew for $8 a month. See you there! a hate gun podcast.