Hey Riddle Riddle - #121: Pizza Talk Chony

Episode Date: November 11, 2020

We have a grande riddle podcast for Riddiot. Is there a Riddiot in the house? This episode has two pumps of comedy and whole jokes? Anyone? Well, if no one claims it, then this podcast could be yours! All that and you get two best friends going through a tough time, a family trying to understand who they are, the happiest day of someone's life ending in terrible tragedy, a restaurant where you should NOT eat the food, a couple friends splitting precious resources, and a mob don who can do no wrong. You better drink this episode quick before it gets cold! Happy #WiddleWednesdayStarring:Adal RifaiJohn Patrick CoanErin KeifEditing by: Casey ToneyTheme by: Arne ParrottLogo by: Emily Kardamis & Emmaline MorrisWant more? Get Weekly Bonus Eps on Patreon!Want merch? Visit our TeePublic Store! or pins, buttons & printsWant to advertise on the show? Check out Hey Riddle Riddle via Gumball.fmSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is a head gum podcast. I have a Grande Riddle with extra foam for an addle. Sorry, my name is anal. Oh, oh, okay. I'm sorry, you were joking. I've got a day with extra foam for anal. My name is also anal. Oh, we thought you were joking. I'm sorry, no.

I can remake your drink or put in your new cup. This happens to me all the time. I can't speak for this gentleman, anal. I assume. And your name was anal. I want to say anal. Yes, okay. Yeah. People think I'm joking all the time. It's actually, it's a Swedish name. Okay. I'm so sorry. No, you have to apologize. Yeah. What's your name? What's your name? Probably something probably something funny? Claire What did you say? Claire, oh, but how's it how's it spelled? Oh, that's it. Yeah, it's CLIT or something

CRR a R E I also have a Player with an E Venti hot chalk hot puzzle chocolate For a mr. Butts. That's my dad. My name is anal butts. Mr. Butts is my dad. And my dad is Dr. Butts.

But my name is also anal butts. So did you did either of you order the string? I ordered it for my dad. Yeah. The two of us it for my dad. Yeah, yeah. For my dad. Well, the two of us both got large milks. Large, with this is a Starbucks, so it would be Venti milks.

Well, you have milks, but we use specifically the large milks. Why can't you say the word large here? They actually, they take a finger from us each time we use small, medium, or large. So we have to use tall, grand-day, Venti. Your t-shirt says feeling venti and in charge. But that's so good health care. Okay, we all we shouldn't even be talking about small medium or large outside of the Patreon just so everyone's that's fair. But I'm just saying like to have a

shirt that says I'm venti and in charge that kills the joke of the rhyme that typically goes with that phrase. Like my shirt. My shirt says, I'm anal butts. Everyone understands the joke of that, because it's my full name. I have a tall cup of piss kids temp for a JPC. I'm sorry, do you say kids temp? Do you say kids temp?

And I'm at a reply. We're talking to you asshole on the phone. Hold on. All right, go over JPC. Are you JPC? Yeah talking to you, asshole, I'm on the phone. Hold on. All right, go for JPC. Are you JPC? Yeah, I'm not talking to you, asshole, I'm on the phone. Is this kid's temp? Do you need a straw?

It's kid's temp. I'm not talking to you, asshole, I'm on the phone. Is this kid's temp? Wait, do you work for the company, kid's temp, that hires eight to 12-year-olds to do. So you know me. Admin assistant work? So you know me.

Yeah, I'm JPC, I work for kid's temp temp isn't that illegal to have kids do admin work not in space Space welcome to hit a little riddle I'm JPC yeah I'm I'm space anal oh my god you imagine hiring a temp and then it's just like a 12 year old boy with glasses sitting at a computer and his feet don't hit the ground. Where do I go? Um, can I play Minecraft? Where do I go?

Oh boy. Oh. What, that's maybe my favorite intro to an episode we've ever had. Um, hey, hey, all how's it going? How's it, how's it doing? Good. Speaking of coffee, JPC, you have like a white mug, which I assume it's coffee.

You're not in a talk show, you're not drinking water out of a mug. It's all decafic. It's all decafic. It's a little late for coffee. This is a decafic press O mug. I see what's going on here. Aaron, do you, do you see how tiny that mug is?

So what he does, and he's told me about this before, what he does is he holds that up to his dick and then takes a sip so that his dick looks better He should sit with his dick What did I say? What did you say? First of all, first of all, Adel, what I was describing to you is hot coffee dick and I was telling you as a friend a Christmas tradition for my family

A Christmas tradition for my family. Oh my god, see what coffee dick. Oh, hot coffee dick. For you to just put my, I don't talk to people about Festivis or whatever you people believe in. And I have iced kulada, vagina. That's called iced kuzlada. What does that mean? The way that you said that was like someone

learning a forward language, like iced kulada, vagina. Yeah, I have like the headphones on at my night class to learn. When I learned Spanish in high school, it was all, and maybe this is universal, but you listen to an audio lab, you listen to sentences or whatever, and it was always David Vargas. So the kids, it would be like David Vargas went to the Biblioteca, like that name for whatever reason. Anytime I think of a name, that's the first option and I have to push it aside. David Vargas is the first option. There was a...

It's just branded into my brain. There was a Spanish language tape, I think it was a tape that my teacher would play for us, maybe it was a CD. CD makes more sense. In high school, that was all of the names and capitals of the South American and Central American countries. And I remember the, it was like, to set to like this like shitty like rock song, but there was a drum like breakdown in it.

And it was right after they said, Bogota, Colombia. Duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, ever got to be I would go bogey to Columbia and then I would also say do you remember more of the song? I only remember bogey to Columbia. Bogey to if anybody has access to this song send it to us at H.R.R. Podcasts at gmail.com we need this song. I think I mentioned this before but there's a song that my AP or P and history teacher would play in school that stuck in my head all the time.

It's that disco song about Rasputin. Oh, yeah. You would play it every time that we were feeling sad. And that's always in my head. Can you sing some of it? I forgot. The Ra Ra Rasputin, love of the Russian queen. But like the instruments in the back are going da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da Seer High School Language Department created Hamilton. That's what you're saying. Well, basically, no, he would play that,

he was a wild character. If you took AP, Hamilton, yeah. If you took AP Euro at Hangham High, you know exactly who I'm talking about. He was the absolute best and total weirdo. And I think I mentioned this too before. He had a huge photo of our principal, on his desk, being like our leader.

And then Martha Washington, named, Tomcat after him. Mm-hmm. And that's true. Err, this is your teacher. Let's get this guy in front of a crowd. Hey, y'all kid, it's pretty great. I know, I know, I know, I know. Is this Philip?

I'm a bowie. What? You can't lie, Ryan, but you can't write mine. Oh God. Speaking of writing rhymes, who is writing the puzzles in today's? And wearing our merch. Oh, what?

Yeah, I guess I didn't even realize. Guys, I have seven shirts and I just take the shirt out because I've reduced the same. You know how I've is the same, right? And every day is the same. And now I just take the next shirt out and then they all move down one shirt. And then when I put the clean shirts in,

they go to the back and then that's seven shirts and then it's just those seven shirts. Jesus Christ, what is your closet? The fucking Ford assembly line, you wacko? We're just just in time delivery. So we wait until there are no cleat shirts before we wash. Did anyone else have those underwear growing up that had the days of the week on it?

No, I think that's just for women. Bomber. Yeah, I remember picking that pretty literally. Yeah, guess what, guys haven't, but they have the frickin' months on them, you know what I'm saying? Ooh. I'm wearing February this month. Yeah, guess what? Guys haven't, but they have the frickin' months on them, you know what I'm saying? Ooh. I'm wearing February this month. Oh, that's disgusting. Yeah, guys are gross.

In my underwear, I always had the longest month. My parents are... Yeah. Addle, take a break. Take a break. Take a break. Addle. Oh, what was I gonna say?

Oh, my parents are so patient. Can you imagine it being seven in the morning, in a 12 year old barging into your room, being like, where am I Tuesday panties? I can't go to school wearing Thursday, mother. Hi, being like, first of all, good morning. Yeah, and Aaron, you grew up in the 1950s? Yeah.

Where am I? Where am I Tuesday panties, mother? Aaron, I can say with confidence, I've never heard of this before. Was this a brand? I know. Tuesday panties ever. I just literally have never heard of this before. Was this a brand? I don't know. No, Tuesday panties ever. I just literally have never heard of it.

It could be a very common thing. This happens all the time where someone says a common thing that just like, I didn't have sisters, so I don't know. It was definitely a common thing because I remember the girls in my grade school talking about it and I grew up in central Illinois. So it was definitely like a brand

or a thing that several brands did was put the month on the underwear I do remember like now I have very specific Sock preferences that I like I like like no show like no show Athletic socks or like long wool socks, but I remember when I was a kid I guess like you didn't really do much like picking what kind of socks you would wear. And so, my dad would just buy like a 30 pack of like white tube socks. And it's like, these are the socks.

It's like, this is the socks that you wear. And I do remember growing up my dad, who is, I'm a hairy guy, especially like, like, a lake here. That's the best way of describing being a kid. These are the socks I wear. I'm sorry, these are the socks I wear. We come from a line of a very hairy-legged men,

but my dad wore those tube socks his entire life, and I noticed when I was a kid, like he did not grow hair past where those tube socks were. It was all gone. Like the hair, it's like he had like shaven or laser to it. It was all gone, and then just like hairy legs above it. And I was like, I can't wear these fucking socks. Like, I just can't. I don't want that to happen.

And that's where the title of your one-man show, hairy legs above it comes from? Yeah. So this is just a point. That's also, I got nothing. I don't have a joke for that. What are you doing here? So I am looking it up, and it seems like the 2020 version

of this is to have the days of the week written on the butt part. But there's this, there is, if you know, this is going to be a weird thing to get a million messages about, but if you know which early 2000s like brand I'm talking about, I think I know that a lot of ladies who are like kids and teens in the early 2000s are going to know what I'm talking about. And they were like so specific and the aesthetic was so specific and everyone had them.

So I'm wondering where they are. You put the dates on the underwear. You're in the front. You're supposed to be on the front. You put the dates on the underwear. You think it all up. I guess if you still have the underwear, I don't bunch them up and mail them to me.

I guess I'll put them in a vending machine. I guess. I don't know. Japanese businessman. Okay, so enough out of this, enough yakin' around. We're all jerking each other's chains. We gotta do some riddles. It's a riddle podcast that's a riddle.

I'm ready. I'm old man riddles. I'm the conductor on this riddle training. The first stop is Ian Stacia. This is from a listener, Ian, who's at this message in. Ian fucking just cuts right to the quick and says. Sorry, JPC, I know you're about to read a riddle. Oh, okay.

But Adal, I just like to say goodbye before you get on this train at Ian's station. You'll rise me onto you. Last call for the Ian station. Or whole tights conductor, I'll try and write, but as you know, where I'm going there may not be as much ink as we have here in Nan Tucket so you be a good you be a good mother and a good tell me did you really love me well train starting to move I'm running alongside you said the train boarding the train's boarding now, I gotta go. I gotta go.

No, you tell me, I'm running beside the train, please. Did you ever really love me? And I'm like, stop the train. Stop the train. Well, wait, this seems important. No, no, no, we gotta go. No, we can wait, honestly, we're ahead of schedule. Can I do you sell snow caps on the train?

And don't talk to me, talk to your woman, man. No. You're holding up the train. Not my woman. There's steam everywhere. We're in sapia tones. Please, tell me. Did you ever really love me?

Oh, I feel stupid. I didn't know it was pronounced sapia. I've been seeing sepia. And now I feel like a god damn d4. Don't change the subject. Actually, both are correct. Go, man. Go. It's all you.

You, dog. Well, you... Let me give you a tap on the shoulder, you are great. Don't fucking touch me. I know I'm great, I'm a drink conductor. So much steam, I can't see. I think we're ready for Ian's red. Oh.

Okay, a produce truck carrying watermelons, apples and oranges takes a sharp turn. What drops first? What drops first? The bees. Watermelons, apples, oranges. What drops? Somebody drop the fruit.

I panicked. It went to... You guys, I panicked. I'm better than that. I forgot. I don't know. Beats and grapes and grapes and grapes and grapes and grapes. So, what, so produce, which is?

Produce, producing. Produce, producing. Produce, produce. Produce? Well, if you're in favor of going number two, you're produce. What are the things on the truck? A produce truck carrying watermelons, apples, and oranges takes a sharp turn, what drops first?

Orange, you're glad I didn't say watermelon? Takes a sharp turn. What drops first is gonna be the brake pedal, right? I don't know if you call that drop, but it's gonna be pressed. Addle, that is so close to the answer, but not the answer the input, but I would technically accept pressed. That is so close to the answer, but not the answer that Ian put, but I would technically accept that.

Is it the gas pedal? Because the guy speaks in the curves. It's not the pedal, but it is what happens when you press the brake pedal. The thing that drops is the... The ignition. No, the ignition. It's going a certain...

Oh, it's the brake magic. That's how the speed drops first. It's the speed. The speed drops first. The truck speed will drop first. I want to see a scene. JPC and Aaron, you are two detectives, and you have jumped on board a produce truck that if it goes over 15 miles an hour it will explode.

15 miles an hour? Yeah, and so you're trying to do your best work. All this fruit's gonna go bad. We're going so slow. We're on the highway. It doesn't matter Garcia because if we go over 15 miles an hour this thing's gonna explode. Please let me just go 20. Come on. This is brutal. If we go over 15 miles an hour, this thing's gonna explode.

Please, let me just go 20. Come on. This is brutal. People are laughing at us. Okay, okay, hold on, hold on. Why don't you just stop the truck? Hold on, I wanna make sure that you understand. It's if this goes over 15 miles an hour, we explode.

So we would die if we go 20. You get that right. Yeah, but at least I'd be going 20 miles per hour when I die come on hey how are things at home I gotta lead for speed I realize that we don't talk as much as we used to but like how are it's how are you how are you doing are you okay how are we supposed to merge if we're only going 15? Hey, Garcia, pull over. Don't worry about that. I really want to just check in on you

because it seems like from an outside observer, you maybe want this truck to explode. Oh. And I don't. I just pulled over and I guess we can come to a full stop. Yeah. Huh. Yeah, it's, sorry.

I just, things are at home are really hard. I said goodbye to my boyfriend on the train and he told me he never really loved me And he told me to be a good mother and we don't even have kids that's so awful damn you both. I've been foiled again Dr. Camille and had a brilliant plan and it's been foiled Hey, Dr. Camille, it was it brilliant. You understood right that you put that over a If it goes over 15 miles per hour explode I didn't doctor can you lean how many minutes into the movie speed did you get like how many minutes and trailers okay you don't even know that

Dustin Hopper's in it Dustin Hopper and Daniels I didn't know Dustin Hopper wasn't it it's either doesn't hopper know Dustin Hopper wasn't it. It's either Dustin Hopper or Dennis Hopper. It's one of those two when I head straight back. Where'd it head your back? Um, Dr. Camelian. Yeah. His mustache has so much product in it.

It's just gonna snap off at any second. It has moose and hairspray and gel. What happens when you take a shower? Does it droop down? Ha ha ha. Garcia, I'm more interested in this devastating news that you said about your boyfriend. He said, I don't love you.

And take care of our children. No, he said, be a good mother. And we don't have children. Be a good mother later in my life. Why are you commenting on that? That's what he's talking about. Don't possess. I've said that to women before. I've said that to women before. You know, be a good mother

later in life. I think it's a compliment. What if I know, but what if you don't want to have kids? There's so many terrible implications. Oh, Amelia, and you're standing really close to us and crossing your arms and nodding like you're our friend. Yes, let's talk about our relationships. Three-feet-back, Dr. Amelia. Three-feet-backs. No, no, no, no, no. Three-feet-back. Arrest me and take me to your house. We're not that kind of cop. We're not that kind of cop. We don't do that.

I hope it rains so I can see how your mustache is without all of that product in it. Seen. Oh, Dr. Cameleon, we hardly knew you. Okay, this is... I'm gonna pick the bubble. Oh, sorry, I hit Ponds on my JPC, I just rewind it.

Now let me press Fast Forward on my JPC button. See, but it's gonna be more like that. Okay, Ponds. And now play. This next one comes from Kim. Okay, Kim says, love the show. Hey, thanks, Kim. We love you.

Thanks. Kim says that they sometimes read riddles to my coworkers on our lunch break, and I wanted to share this one with you. Unrelated, my co-workers are not eating lunch with me anymore. Kim says, Andrew is the son of Rita. Rita is the blank of Andrew's mother. Fill in the blank. Say that one more time. Andrew is the son of Rita. Rita is the blank of Andrew's mother. Wife.

No. The spitting image. Ooh, is it Mark? Wait, let me pause, let me pause. Let me rewind JPC, let me rewind JPC. Grandson. Grandson. Oh. Let me loop this.

Bo-Ga-Tah, Columbia. Diggie, digie, digie, digie, digie, digie, digie, digie. I know it is not Mark, it is not Grand Kid. Wait, what? Andrew is the son of Rita. So Andrew is the son of Rita. Rita is the blank of Andrew's mother. Is the mother of Andrew's mother? No.

Is this twin of any of it? No. Is the killer pretending to be? Do you guys want to hint? Yes. So you're not looking, you are not looking for a family relation. It is not like I can't, it's not that. No, no, no, it's, it's not, you're not looking for a relation at all. Uh, Addle was closest with title. Cause- Is the keeper. Kaper of the mom. Women aren't charge of their own selves.

Oh, welcome to myself help book. Huh, huh? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I have a more confident title people do not want to buy What no it wasn't that it was like It was like too hot air and I heard back from the editor. They do not know how to spell this thing Can you give us a quick spelling of the title of this? Okay, sure The title my book is steal this book or don't I'm sorry. I suggested that please pay. I don't know what I'm doing And then it's like title continues like written and crayon down and gets me. I'll pay for everyone, so I'm so sorry. Andrews son of Rita Rita is the blank of Andrews mother.

Is the, is the, this one is going to name your name is the correct answer. Rita is the name of Andrews mother. I can't, you said hope this pleases old men puzzles. I felt great pleasure and immense power reading that riddle and it did. That stinks. So did your lunch. Damn you getting bullied Kim.

You got bullied by the best Kim. Take your shit home. You done. You done one of the day. I want to see a scene. JPC you're going to be playing Andrew, Aaron, you are Andrew's mother, and unfortunately, Andrew, you can't remember your mom's name.

Hey, sweetie. Hey. Hey. Oh, no. Oh, yeah, you must know that the principal gave me a call today. Oh, yeah, wait until I'm going to a little fight at school. Who did he call? He called me. Oh, yeah, wait, who did he call? Who did he call? He called me.

Oh, okay, cool, cool. And I'm gonna tell your father about it. As soon as he gets back from his bachelor party weekend. Do you, do you, do you, do you, do you think that might be upset about it? Do you think maybe we should maybe do some role play? Just to get you practice for telling dad about it. Do you think maybe we should maybe do some role play? Just to get you practice for telling dad about it? Yeah, I feel like maybe if we're gonna roleplay we should do some like conflict resolution. I can be the kid at school you got

into the fight with. Why don't hear his name. Here's your crazy idea. Why don't we do this for roleplay's sake? I'll be you. be dead there will just pop tart what's that are you putting butter on a pop tart well we're not in the back of it that's the post side doesn't need butter that's the post side it's a post side it's a post side it's pop tart are great just as they are they don't need anything else now they need frosting on the back i've said this if they're frosting on the front, put frosting on the back, then it's a cake tart. Butter and frosting aren't interchangeable. I'll be dead.

No, I'll be you. You be dead. Okay. Okay, fine. Honey, I'm home. I've come back from the bachelor party weekend. Nothing weird happened. Perfect.

Tell me you love me. I love you. No, say it word specific. I love you, honey. No, no, no, no, no, call me By your name Timothy shall it Timothy I love you Timothy shall it may not call me Timmy All right, mom can I love all of you? Oh My god, it was on Timmy, who tankers, and it was just there

It was on Timberlake Tang and the new one's just there. Do you get her again? Say. Say. Say. Say. Say. Say. Say.

Say. Say. Say. Say. Say. Say. Say. Say.

Say. Say. Say. Say. Say. Say. Say. Say.

Say. Say. Say. Say. Say. Say. Say. Say. Say. Wait, does she say she loves us? No, Rachel says I always get a dozen good belly laughs out of it, which is not the point, but we make 24 jokes. Second, Rachel says I humbly submit a pussy. I'm listening. Yeah, here's the pussy. Two people are close to each other. The first reaches out and pulls off the second's ring. The second person exclaims,

oh thank you. Why? Pull off your ring. Aaron you can't pull off that ring. I'm so sorry. Why, because it's as big as my hand. And it makes it so I can't pick up the phone or write with that hand or wave.

Okay, I wanna see a scene. Aaron, Adel and I are your two best friends. You have just got engaged. You're showing off your engagement ring. It is so fucking big that your whole hand has turned blue. And your hand is dying because of this ring. Cool. Ladies, ah!

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh! Oh, oh! Oh! Oh! Yeah, I know. We keep popped the question. He finally did it. I'm so excited. I'm so happy. Speak here. Speaking of popped, your hand looks like it's about to explode.

I know. It's so happy. This hand is finally like, woo! I just can't wait for the rest of my life to start. Will you two be my bridesmeee? Claire, Claire, Claire. What's up? You are currently dying. What?

Uh, joy. Girl, you killed me too. Be my bridesmaid. Come on. That ring is enormous. Oh, it's like, oh, I didn't notice. It's so venty that it's crushing your hand. It looks like what? It looks like a ring pop, but instead of a candy ring

It's a real diamond and it is crushing your hand. Yeah, it's not just a ring pop It's a ring mom and a ring kids and the ring. They're whole ring family. It's not all and I'm snapping ring family I I'm snapping ring family. I'm snapping. I can't help it if my fiance, oh my god, it's so weird, does either one of my fiancee is rich. It's really not. But look how like feminine I look, like look. Look at how I look like when I'm like talking in the phone, like, oh, I think Eddie is trying to kill you. I think it is a plot against you.

No, no, no, I'm just, I love dark purples, maybe every color, now my hands dark purple. And your lips and under your eyes. Oh my God, some of us just didn't get great sleep because our body is begging us to cut off our hands. Seeing. Oh, family. That sounds like a horror. I hope I get a ring that big.

Bitch, I hope I get a ring that big. If you like it, then you better try and kill me with the ring on it. No, but that is not the answer. Two people are close to each other. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,

oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh and Andy, oh my god. Not Andy, who's the, who's the, who's the, who's the cowgirl? Woody and, Andy's the boy, Jesse. There's no way to know. We'll call her Deborah. Woody and Deborah are having a conversation

and Deborah's like, when somebody Deborah, Deborah, Deborah, Deborah, Woody and Deborah having a conversation. Deborah keeps getting her Pol pull cord caught on things So Woody rips off her ring that's at the end of her cord And she can tuck the cord into the back of her pants without the ring getting caught on everything Adel you have an active imagination

Wow Aaron thank you so much my doctor's call me dumb El Adel has an active imagination. We love him in class. He's getting all F's. Is active imagination codeword for like crazy? What an active imagination you have. I don't know. I guess it's just like the opposite of like, we're trying to turn your child into a docile cow. And he's got an active imagination.

Oh Charles, he's so funny. He's a pleasure to have him in class. He keeps bringing several squirrels with him in his backpack at terrorizing the whole school. Haha. I don't know. It's not a ring, B. It's not a ring, ring.

Pull off a ring. I guess, I mean, at allies on the right, ring where, I want to say, I don't want to give him too much because I feel like he'll go way deeper, but it is similar to what you were talking about. I wanna say, it's a Cochrane. Johnny Cochrane.

No. It's not Johnny Cochrane. I wanna say, what kind of rings do we have? We have ring pops, we have wedding rings, we have ring-round rosies. Ring-ring-ding, give me rings. Ring-ring-ding, rings, we have, yes, we have rings andatra's, we have ring.

We have a ring could be like, is it like on their skin? Like a ring. You're just saying Johnny Cochrane. Is there anything to like Johnny Cochrane and like getting OJ off or like something along those lines? No, there's nothing there. Never will be.

Yeah, it will. And if so, we missed it. 1994 was our window. Or what could a ring be? Pull off their ring. Is it like a nose ring? Is a ring like a telephone ring? Yeah, so it is, you're getting more,

like it's not, it's not like a jewelry. It's not jewelry, it's not like a ring like that. Pull off their ring. The two people are very close to each other. There's one of those open-faced Frisbee's stuck around his neck. You know I'm talking about you. Open they're ring. The two people are very close to one of those open faced Frisbee's stuck around his neck. You don't talk about. Open face. No. Open face.

I heard Aaron Aaron. I want to see a scene. I'm sorry. I got. I'm getting out of here. I can't endure this dead stuff. Hold on real quick. You're asked down. We're seeing I have to ask Aaron.

What have you been eating? Here is. Here's the scene. Here's the scene. Here's the scene. Aaron, don't worry. Don't worry. You did not have to do the work of this scene. It's gonna be Adel's scene.

Open face, Frisbee. You and I are at a restaurant. Aaron, we're having lunch together. Adel, you are going to be reading us the specials at this restaurant, and it's all like a sporty equipment instead of food. Great. Okay.

I don't know if you had a chance to prove the menu but we do have some specials today. It's a anniversary. Oh, really? For the sky's the limit. We really want to order off the fancy menu tonight. It's our work anniversary. Does it? Oh, work anniversary.

We call it a red hero. But also maybe it's a potential for... For romance. Yes. Uh, no. Oh, I'm sorry, you're sorry, I'm sorry. Oh, this is like, Allisrain leaving the station. I feel like I've been so clear with you,

and I, you keep doing this. And you keep forgetting that my memory resets every 14 seconds. So we have this. I'm so sorry. I forgot about your condition again. We also have a hacky sack lunch. Um, would you look? Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, sir weekend. We also have a hacky sack lunch Sorry, I'm sorry, sir. We've actually discovered something else. I don't know if you were paying contention her memory resets every 14 seconds It's our anniversary

Oh, so you're like a goldfish Yes, oh I wouldn't I wouldn't say no to a goldfish are they fried? They are they are fried the they are deep fried we'll get a basket of fried goldfish for the fried? They are fried, they are deep fried. We'll get a basket of fried goldfish for the table. Of course, of course. We also have a soccer ball, orangeini, which is tray magnifique. Sorry, who's the drummer for Blinkway to tray?

Trai magnifique. Trai magnifique, who's the lead singer of fish? Trai. Anastasia, that's right. Oh, it's our anniversary. Is this a joke? No And it's not as you. That's right. Oh, it's our anniversary. Is this a joke? No, it's not a joke. Hi, I'm JPC from the podcast Hey Riddle Riddle.

If you have goldfish brain, you remember we reset every 14 seconds. This is a condition that affects probably no one, but it doesn't make sense. Flying discs. Flying discs is what I meant. Flying discs. What is that? Not. Flying, flying, ring discs. Not open-faced frisbees.

Oh, okay. Like, his feet were holes in it. They're flying. First ones were holes in it. Like, donut, they look kinda like donuts. But Aaron, what have you been eating? Aaron, you can understand where open-faced frisbee gave us a room for pies.

Husted up and it's clear that I've been only eating frisbees. Sean, Sean, stop making those sandwiches. We were wrong No, I'm not only eating frisbee's that would be insane. I'd be gaining a ton of weight I'm eating the circle at the middle of the frisbee Well speaking of the middle of the frisbee. It's the middle the episode No, no, no, no, you haven't solved the riddle. We're not going to break until you guys get this riddle What is it? Tell us quick. So it's it's it's it's not a fashion ring No, no, no, no, you haven't solved the riddle. We're not going to break until you guys get this riddle. What is it?

Tell us quick. So it's not a fashion ring or a jewelry ring. It's like a ring that is on an object. And that ring is critical to saving this person's life. That's why they say, oh, thank you. Oh, the first person pulls the ring off. It's a ring fit. Somebody got a ring fit stuck on them.

Though we are switching internal switch ring fit. These people are very close to each other. No, no, they're very close to each other, but like one of them or both of them will die if this ring is not pulled off. They're also moving incredibly fast. Grenade. Now they're gonna aid grenade that's a good guess

they're moving incredibly fast uh... and the direction that they're moving is uh... towards the earth oh it's the ring on uh... on a uh... zip cord on a parachute oh it's a ring on a parachute or as we like to call them in the united states zip cords i would like to see really quick i'm sorry. And then we'll go to break. Adel and JBC, you just jumped out of a plane together and you're parachuting on the way down and then it becomes kind of clear

that one of your parachutes is malfunctioning. Ooh, this is thrilling, wow. So fun, this is great. I am so nervous. If you don't mind, I think I'm just gonna pull my cord now. I know that I solve a lot of time, but I'm just gonna pull that's potatoes. Oh, that's a hundred potatoes my potatoes. Oh God Jeff. I told you I wanted to do some fun when we landed you just blew all my potatoes I grabbed your potato bag instead of my goddamn parachute bag. Oh, that reminds me of a joke

Well here it. What do you hold on? How does it go? What are you, and I'm making it up on a spot here, what do you hear when two people from Minnesota stub their toe, a pair of shoots? Jeff, the thing about your jokes is that you never have any confidence in them. Like they're funny jokes. You just have to believe in yourself a little more. And breaking news tonight, over 100 dead from being hit in the head with potatoes falling from

the sky. For more on this, we go to Jeff with weather. Jeff? Yes, it's been raining potatoes all over the place. Now these people of course are post potatoes, but that's a phrase that's divorced. No, Jeff. Jeff, those episodes where we talk about post potatoes are over a year and a half ago do you think people remember that joke that is correct there is a fog seeping in uh... foggy memory seeping into our listeners who have i'm sorry i'm sorry tell a proper guy that is sepia set up a set up in and uh... speaking of sepia in we we have fog rolling into most of the news.

Jeff, I have some bad news. It looks like a man who is supposed to have a parachute is about to strike and kill you. You're going to take the brunt of his fall back to you, Jeff. Hold on. Sarah, can I ask you, why are you talking like you're, why are you talking like you're in the field when you're just sitting at the desk? I absolutely can't believe that you just said that and even furthermore I can't believe that the man who just fell from the sky bumped you sort of gently and said oops I'm so sorry

I looked a little Curly behind you trying to sort of figure out where to go what to do next. Are you gonna be okay, buddy? I'm so sorry. I didn't see there are you gonna be okay, buddy? I'm so sorry. I didn't see you there. Are you gonna be okay, buddy? No, no, I'm dead. I over to Michael with sports, Michael. FUTBAAA! SING! And now, we're gonna take a will-deserved break.

I saw Michael as big like 300 pounds right red face Hey GPC Yeah, you're not in trouble. I just need help. I'm Prinking at all and I'm setting up a website to bring him. Um, okay. I just need some advice. This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace. I'm not, I'm not mad at you. We're pranking at all. Squarespace is the only one website platform for entrepreneurs to stay in doubt and to see it online. Whether you're just starting out or managing a growing brand, Squarespace

makes it easy to create a beautiful website It gage with your audience and sell anything for products to cut into time all in one place all on your terms Hey, Otto come here come here. Hey, what's what's going on? I actually I want to prank GPC and I want to set up a whole website to prank him Do you have anything that like is there like a online store like it set up a whole website to prank him. Do you have anything that like, is there like an online store, like it set up on my website to sell products? Did you know that with Squarespace, you can have custom merch,

you can easily sell custom merch and create passive income stream that engages your audience and scales your brand, design your products and production and inventory and shipping are handled for you, saving you time and money. What is happening? Okay. Wait, what's going on with that all?

Oh, nothing, nothing. I'm just setting up a very normal Squarespace website, not a prank thing. No, he's gonna shoot you. And I'm gonna use analytics. Use insights to grow my business and learn where my site visits and sales are coming from. That's pretty cool.

I'm gonna improve my website and build marketing strategy based on top keywords, our popular products and content on my Prank website, the Prank site tool. Whoa, that's awesome, Aaron. I'm glad you're using Squarespace. Did you say what the website was for? I can't remember what the website was for.

The website was for. Prank. With Squarespace, you can connect to your store to Vedent Third Party Tools to extend the functionality of your website Hey JPC, hey JPC. What's up, Madel? I can't believe we pranked Aaron with our little boy routine. Dude, we got her Anyway, if you want to prank Aaron with your little boy routine head to squarespace.com for a free trial And when you're ready to launch go to squarespace.com slash riddle to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Oh, she's back. She's back. Hey, Aaron. Can we go to grandma's house? Wait, I've been pranked.

But how? I don't know. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Hey, Adel and JPC. Thank you for meeting me in the middle of the woods here. I am sort of at an impasse. I can't decide whether or not to go this way or this way. I'm having a hard time choosing a path. You know, there never truly is a middle of the woods. Isn't it funny to think about something like that? Like, how they're never truly as a middle of the woods?

No, this is the middle. Okay, this is it. Adel, can you help? Yeah, actually. So so as per Robert Frost I don't know if you know his poems. He has a poem called Better Help. I believe this is written in the 1800s But it still stands true today more than ever Aaron you should try better help. Have you heard of this? You seen this Mm-hmm Because sometimes Aaron in life were faced with tough choices and the path forward isn't always clear

Whether you're dealing with decisions around career relationships, being stuck in the middle of the woods, therapy helps you stay connected to what you owl, owl. Sorry, that also does so fast. Therapy helps you stay connected to what you really want while you navigate life and the woods. Hmm, and better help is entirely online, so it's designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. I've been using it for several years,

and it suits the way that my brain works, way better than traditional therapy ever did. And when Aaron says traditional therapy, just so everyone's clear, what she means is tricking two of her friends to coming to the middle of the woods, even though there isn't truly the concept of the middle of the woods, isn't that fun to think about?

All you have to do is just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a license therapist and you can switch therapist at any time for no additional charge. Hey, Aaron, a GPC's putting down bread crumbs and then immediately picking them up and eating them. Mmm, dirty bread crumbs. Mmm. And he's also like really into that owl who's swooping down. Anyways, let there be your map with BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com slash riddle today

to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelpHELP.com slash riddle, R-I-D-D-L-E. R-I-D-D-L-E, the middle of riddles of D, but there is no true middle of riddle because it would be the space in the middle of the D- it would be the space in the TV. Helping at home.

Bye. Am home. Who are we? I clink, clink, clink. Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen, I just want to make a quick toast to, I know it's JPC's birthday. And we're all so excited to talk about him. But I want to talk about my favorite, my favorite thing in the world.

Oh. And that is the app rocket money. Oh, yeah, Aaron, that's one of my favorite things as well. Uh-huh. Rocket money is a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending and helps you lower your bills all in one place. I've been using it for years way before they were a sponsor and it helps me so much, especially around tax season.

Clean, clean, clean, clean, clean, uh, sorry, I also want to give a toast. Rocket money, well quickly and easily find your subscriptions for you. And for any you don't want to pay for anymore, just hit cancel and Rocket money will cancel it for you. It's that easy. Clean, clean, Clint. It also categorizes your expenses so you can easily track your budget in real time and also get alerted if anything looks off over three million.

Oh, Clint, Clint, Clint. Over three million people have used rocket money, saving the average person up to $720 a year. We love rock. Stop. Clint, Clint, Clint, no, click, click, click, stop. Throwing your money away, cancel unworted subscriptions today and manage your expenses the easy way by going to rockatmoney.com slash riddle. That's rockatmoney.com slash riddle.

Rockatmoney.com slash riddle, and tell them JPC's birthday got ruined by two of his friends for doing speeches about rocket money the website I love you rugged money. Clank clank clank. Hey, Ritual Brick. Oh,

Touchdown back to you Steph and that sports. Thank you so much for that break now back to Hey Riddle Riddle. All right, we are back to Hey Riddle Riddle. Thank you Rachel for that fucking stellar ass back to Heyrtle Riddle. All right, we are back to Heyrtle Riddle. Thank you, Rachel, for that fucking stellar ass riddle. We all love that and we love you and that's the best. This next riddle comes from, I don't know if this is, how would you pronounce?

EMILIE. Emilie? Emilie-Lil.-E. Emile? Emile, no. Emile, no. Emoves. Cepia. This email comes from Cepia. You guys ready for this?

Mm-hmm. What has four letters? Sometimes nine letters, but never five letters. That's just a sentence. What has five letters? Sometimes, what has four letters? Yeah, sometimes nine letters, but never has five letters. Yeah, it's just a sentence. Each of those words has the following amount of letters.

Correct. This is not a riddle. This is a sentence that I'm just reading to you. It's like I was in court. It's just a sentence. Get over it. It's just a a sentence that I'm just reading to you. It's like I was in court, it's just a sentence. Get over it, it's just a freaking sentence. I don't know. Thank you, Sepia, for submitting that riddle.

We all enjoyed it. Wait, are we gonna call Aaron after I answered it and you said that's correct? Aaron says I don't know. No, I was gonna say I don't know about those riddles anymore. Do you know what I mean? Not all riddles. Wow, Aaron's coming out as not all riddles anymore. Do you know what I mean? Not all riddles. Wow, Aaron's coming out as not all riddles.

Wow, not all riddles. Really, really. 2021, we're recording this in 2021. This next one is coming from Candice. Candice in Canada. I don't know if Candice gives the last name, but I think it's also fun. I love the eliteration.

So if you are, you know, Brian from Bogota, Colombia, do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do for a cup. If you give the fish mouth to mouth. The fish was tray anastasia, and a doctor was Dr. John. It's because the person holding the fish got hurt. No. If the fish was inside of someone, someone swallowed a fish on a dare. The call is coming from inside the fish. That's a very good, Aaron, that is a very good guess, but no, that is not the correct answer. I think we've had this one. The call is coming from inside the fish.

Great, Adela, if we've had it before. Yeah, I've got such an active imagination. So I think what it was is that somebody dropped a fish and they call it a veterinarian, but they were like your fish is dead, something like that. Yes, because doctors are veterinarians. Yeah, yeah, veterinarians are just a type of doctor. They're animal doctors.

So that's why. Do you think that when people bring dead fish into vets, they just laugh in their face? They're like, just put it down the toilet. I'm sorry, I think you think. I think people bring dead pets to vets all the time because people do not know what to do. Like, I think a lot of the times people know

this pet has died. Or not even a pet like an animal. Like, I think a lot of the times people know this pet has died, or not even a pet, but like an animal. I hit a squirrel or something with my car. Like, this is a dead animal, but I'll bring it to a vet because what else do you do in that situation? I think vet's deal with that all the time. Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do I don't know if it's just the way that I experienced life, but I feel like aquariums work a way bigger thing when I was growing up, and I just never see aquariums.

Yeah, me neither, never remember. Like in people's houses. I think 80s, early 90s, it was a big thing, and yeah, and I don't see them anymore. We had fish, and when they died, my dad would drop them into the toilet and flush them down the river, sticks. So when he went to take a shit,

what do you say I'm gonna go drop the fish off at the graveyard He said I got a couple hundred gold fish wreck and havoc in my fucking guts I had a fish tank in my room for most of my childhood He used to go and get new fish at Finn for and feather in Quincy Finn for and feta and Yeah, I had a red white blue fish that I loved named Liberty, and that's why my first AOL screen name was Liberty 77.

Wow. But yeah, I loved having my fish. And then I also, like my cat would love watching it, and then, I mean, he killed a one, and I didn't talk to him for a while. But, yeah, I was, I light, and then I had a therapist, I was like having a really hard time sleeping, and she was like, what kind of sounds or like circumstances would it be in your childhood

bedroom? And I was like, well, I had a sound of the aquarium, and she's like, you should use a sound app and use an aquarium sound, and it worked so well. Oh, wow. Can you recreate? I can't use that anymore because I live with Sean, and Sean would be like, I can't handle aquarium sound every night before bed, but I used to do it. that anymore because I live with Sean and Sean would be like, I can't handle aquarium sound every night before bed, but I used to do it.

Um, we, we use the like sound of a thunderstorm or sound of rain like every night because also spaghetti will bark if she hears like some noises. So if she has something to kind of like white noise to drown it out, but I, I don't know if I, well, I actually don't know what would happen. I mean, I literally have been listening to the sound of a thunderstorm for like two and a half years going to sleep now. Can we for our listeners, I just want to take a moment here.

So this is going to be something special. We're just going to plop down into the middle of this episode. Aaron, I want you to start us off. We're going to recreate the aquarium sounds and then into the thunderstorm sounds, JPC, that you listen to when you go to sleep. So Aaron, whenever you're ready. Boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop Help me! Help me! Please! Oh God! I can't breathe! I can't breathe! I can't breathe! Hey Todd! I love this every day! Hey Todd! I know you're really nervous for your big speech in there.

You have gills. Okay. Breathe in the water. Okay. All right, let's go out there and become the fish mayor that we all know you can be. Okay. Todd. Todd. Todd. Todd. Todd. Shhh. Hello, citizens of this aquarium.

I am Todd, hoping to be your mayor. Oh! Do you want more flakes on top? I can get them for you. Who wants more flakes? Yeah, more empty promises. Do you want more bubbles from the treasure chest? I can get you for you. Who wants more flakes? Yeah, more empty promises, right. Do you want more bubbles from the treasure chest? I can get you those bubbles.

Why bubbles from the treasure chest? Buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh. And who hates those things that suck onto the side of aquariums? Let's get rid of those things. We're right here. Fish, fish, hear me now. I have unearthed a photograph of Tom and a... Tom or Todd?

Oh, wait, where am I? What you're wearing is this? You're in a thunderstorm crash lightning rain rain. Help, I'm a human who breathes water, help. See, I'm a human who breathes lightning, help. See, I'm a human who breathes lightning. All right, here's your riddle. This one's called Who Did It? Guys, we have fun, right?

JPC, JPC did it. JPC did it, bust itself. All right, I'll read the riddle anyway, but you guys got it. Solve and makes me feel good. A child is gaslighting a teacher into thinking they killed a person. A child? Now he goes on a podcast. A child goes on a podcast. Yep, JPC.

Who did it? Okay, a child at school printed something rude on the wall and nobody owned up to doing it. How did the teacher find out who did it? Who did it? They wrote their phone number. That's a rude phone number. Their phone number is six dyes, six dyes, four, four twenty six nine The kid was Banksy and he signed it. Oh

Yeah, this is a riddle about how Banksy got caught It's the pen that they used Oh the height the height of the kid they had everyone lineup by height Aaron that is smart that That is not the thing. I have always said that you should separate children based on their height. Tall kids with tall kids, short kids with short kids, medium kids with medium kids.

If you let me be mayor of this aquarium. Hold on, I have a picture of Aaron. Wait, was it piece of chalk, Tony? Was it piece of chalk, Tony? Was it piece of chalk, Tony? Wait it piece of chalk, Tony? Was it piece of chalk, Tony? Wait, I would like to see a seed. I'm piece of chalk, Tony. And you two are sort of my lackeys

and you're coming in to give me news. And Aaron, I can't stress it enough. Are you saying piece of chalk, Tony? Or are you saying pizza talk, Tony? You don't know. Are you saying pizza talk, Tony? That's what helps. Joey, Joey was pizza. I guess you have an evening for the episode. You know that, somebody showed Joey those pizza. You don't know are you saying pizza talk choney? For the episode you know that somebody show Johnny those pizza

Hey, Tony pizza truck Tony Pizza Jack Tony Let me hey Marie poor these gentlemen these fine gentlemen some real real low. Oh, I'd be happy to. I'm a love for you and a love for you and a love for you, Peter Tartani. Oh, thank you. Okay. Oh, don't know why you bring us here. What's the big news?

What's going on? What's the rub, Bub? Peter Tartani, please. I hear that my personas actually not being very well represented. Yeah, well, Persona 4 was represented well, but Persona 5 was a little blow to hit. Enough! You two are out there, and you don't even know what my name is. A piece of truck donut.

What is it? True piece of truck donut. We talking about your name all over town people don't know what my brand it They know my name is Tony some people think it's Tony, but I need you gentlemen to get what's my nickname? What are my own clarification on what the it is it? Yeah, would you write it down? Here Is the help I don't read it is marinara sauce all over this napkin.

I read marinara sauce. Delicious go. I was eating marinara sauce with my hands before you came in here. Oh, okay, you made it. Pizza chachoni. I just... You had up in the bottom of the river if you don't. No, look, I...

No, mine, man. I talk about you all over town. I say, nobody is bigger in classrooms and pieces doors. Yeah. Then piece of shock Tommy. Tommy, please.

They know you everywhere. I don't want to end up in the bottom of the river. You know I hate submarines. Please, Tommy, piece of dr. Tommy. Too late, gentlemen. Yeah, I'm going to put you where you belong. Six feet under. But before you go, guess what my name was. Oh Oh these too much bigger gentlemen behind you are gonna kill you

Any last guesses Guys 511. Yeah, I was with that comparable height. Yeah, I Think you're 511 11. No, I mean I am smaller Maybe on dating apps short gings. I'm just saying that I think all kids should be chunked together by height. You put B. Up against. Before you go.

Before you die. My name was PETA Tiktok Tony. I make TikToks about PETA bread. Oh, PETA. I thought you were saying PETA. I thought you were saying like, well, stop shooting in the ceiling. I thought you were saying PETA. Bang. Okay were saying, well, stop shooting in the ceiling. I thought you were saying Peter.

Okay, we told you to stop shooting in the ceiling. We're not gonna fuck with each other. That below was poison. Seen. A piece of draconian. No, that's not right. It's not piece of chaktoni. That's not the answer to this riddle.

I guess I can give you guys some effing clues. Wait, I have a guess. Is it something to where the kid, the kid who did it had like a cast on their arm and so they had to write with their off hand and it was like clearly scrawled versus written. They didn't have to write it with their non-dominant. They're only one left, oh. What they wrote was an offhand remark, but that isn't correct, there's nothing else.

You guys want some clues? Yes. So who did it? How did the teacher figure it out? The teacher did not threaten or bribe any child, so there was no threat or bribes, no character or stick, no child admitted the misdemeanor or tautable on anyone else so they didn't get anyone to confess.

And then the final clue, the teacher gave the class an exercise to do, which helped them figure it out. It was Jack. Good old jump and jack did it. Adel, I know that you have that guess who board in front of you. I've been wondering what that is. That is not going to come into play in this reto. You will not be that guess who board.

Shouldn't be guess whom? No, Mattel. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I know that this riddles probably good. Did she give them an exercise where they had to write words? And then she looked to see if this penmanship was the same? Yes, she gave them an exercise where they had to write words, but it wasn't penmanship that she was testing. Spelling. Color of the pen? Oh, spelling.

spelling. Yes. The child wrote on the wall that the teacher was a miserable fucknucket, but they misspelled miserable. And so the teacher asked him how to spell miserable and the guilty child spelled it the only way they knew how. And kids are stupid. Great.

Now I'm hungry for chicken-make fucknuckets. No, the actual answer to this says, the headmaster is a horrible spelled wrong and then just dollar sign asterisks at sign ampersand, you know, these cowards who made this book didn't even want to fucking print the curse words even though we know that it's fun to say. The most fun. You could say stuff like fuck knock it. The most fun. Are you guys ready for another riddle?

Yes, please. You're going to love this one. It's going to make you shit your fucking pants. Oh. It sounds terrible. Oh, you wouldn't love that? Yes please. You're gonna love this one. It's gonna make you shit your fucking pants. Oh. That sounds terrible. Oh, you wouldn't love that? Never mind. Okay, hold on, I have a canceled

sub-brettic presence for you guys. No, don't open your door for the next few days. A few years. This one is called lethal relief. So a famines-stricken country was receiving food aid, but this inadvertently led to the deaths of several people. How?

I think I know this immediately. So I- Oh, I'll give it to me immediately. Yes, yes, yes. Aaron, do you want to take a stab at it before I fully pierce it? Oh my god, oh my god. I don't like to stab that riddle. Oh my god, I think I killed it. Oh, oh my god. That-

That- Oh, Aaron, that riddle was the mayor. Oh my god. Oh, fuck, oh, fuck, oh, fuck do. We get a suitcase. We put we stuff the body in the suitcase We bury the suitcase in the forest. How is a body gonna fit in the suitcase? That's a small It's a riddle. Hello, kiddie. We're solving a riddle. Fuck fuck. Okay. You know what? Fine I'll take off part of this. No, no, JBC. Please. No, it's a part of this. I don't know what's happening I'll just take off. JBC. Please don't go. Okay, you guys. We all knew that one day Hey, Riddle Riddle would have to hide a bottle.

I'd be on the station body today. JPC, don't get on that train. No, I'm going to Ian station. What's it? Ian station? Very handsome. Okay. Okay. Thank you. I'm JPC in for the podcast. I've heard of it all. Oh, you have very handsome men. Okay. JPC is flirting with a mirror. You're very handsome. We're in crisis. We're in crisis, JPC. I work out. You know what? Let's just have Casey to fall for it. Take a care of my skin. Let's just have a little bit of fun.

Let's just play Casey. Casey, right? Thumbs up in the chat if you're cool. This dumb mother fucker, he couldn't talk to himself out of a paper fucking riddle. I'm flattered, but I'm in a relationship, so it's not. It's a non-started for me.

Thank you so much, though. I consider it a compliment. But you're talking to you, so why would you ask you out? Non-starter, so you just ordered the entree? Ah, Casey isn't writing anything in the chat. 225, yeah. Oh, thumbs up. Casey is a murderer.

Casey's a murderer. Casey will take the... Ha ha ha ha. JPC, I'm going to say... I'm going to say that the food, so they brought food to you. I think that was probably a delay, because Casey couldn't find the thumbs up a much. Yes. Yeah, that's very funny.

I'm sorry, you want to solve the puzzle? Yes, so I think that if they're dropping food into this country to provide aid, I'm guessing a few people got crushed by the drops, like the crates they're dropping, crushed some of the people. Like, efficient my toilet, it was crushed by the drops. Adil your abs, absolutely correct. They got crated. We're back in the field with Jeff.

Jeff, what's happening? What's dropping from the sky? We're seeing a lot of crates dropping from the sky. Sarah, we're not sure what's inside of them, but we do know that they were supposed to have parachutes, but each one just has a bag of potatoes flying out of it. And people are being pelted to death by potatoes. And Jeff, correct me if I'm wrong. Am I seeing a creed tornado forming behind you? Okay, you told me to do so. So I'm going to correct you. You are seeing a creed tornado behind you

Does that any sense your your the syntax was a little bit off some of the grammar you use can sometimes be a little bit Hey everybody, this is Peter with sports This is hard for me to talk about but I had a sports related aneurysm on the show. Two days ago I screamed the word sports into the camera for six minutes and no one noticed. In fact, people laughed at me. I'm not a joke. I'm a man. I maybe shaped like a hot tub with the color and complexion of the water of a hot tub, but

I'm a man and I have feelings and I just want to let everybody know how much that hurt me. Ooh, let me get in this hot tub. No sir, I'm a man. It's a mistake that many people have made before. Thank you, Peter. Now let's go to Daniel with traffic. Daniel? Traffic! I fucking knew that was gonna happen. I was like, if I do this, J.B.C. is gonna scream traffic. I feel like I manifested that. I love it here. Okay.

All right, do you guys wanna do one more? I would love for you to do this one more. Yes. Yeah. Okay, so one's called Chop Chop. Why was an ancient, rare, and healthy tree that stood well away from all buildings in the grounds of cork university condemned to be cut down.

Make room for fucking condos, baby. 10 townes, took them in patin lam. No, it's not about condos. Why did it have to be cork university? Is that a clue? Interesting. Oh, I think I know the answer was the tree doubling in size no that should be the answer um welcome to

cork university where the breathiest college in order to land hi no hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, I'm gonna score with beautiful Irish music. Ah, I'm gonna die. Just get the cheapens in here and that kinda underscore it. JPC is the answer to, yeah, that thing. No, it's gonna be difficult to get the answer to this. I can give you some clues. Yes, please. The tree was not hazardous, harmful, or threatening in any way. I find your saying that.

The tree wasn't having it. The tree was not having it. Don't treat me. One of these days I'm a leaf. The problem does not involve animals, students, seeds, leaves, roots, or branches. Animals or students, that's redundant. The problem. The problem.

Yeah, they are. The problem animal house. The problem related to the tree's location. So this tree. Samantha is an absolute blast in class but she is a hamster which is a problem she's the animal. So the bed so somebody carved into the tree like Dean Sullivan sucks Dix and then that was right outside his window and so the proximity to okay it's Dean Sullivan Hart's sucking Bix The tree the tree did stand well away from all the buildings in the grounds time capsule

No, no time capsule Was it that if it fell it would crush the buildings? No, it's well away from the buildings. It falling would not crush the buildings now Was it so it has to do with proximity? Was it next to a land mine? Was it next to a landmine? Was it blocking something, the view of something? Oh, but yes, it was blocking something, Aaron. Was it in the call? No.

Was it inside Colin Farrell? No, you think of the movie phone booth, Edelord? That's right. I always do that. I always do that. You always do that. We quote that movie all the time. Because they kept a mistake in that movie.

Where she goes, do what you tell me do? Instead of do what they tell you to do, she says, do what they tell you to do. I like that, because people make mistakes on the talk. What they tell you do. Doing that thing, you stew. What is it blocking? What is it, the sun?

It's a sun, it's blocking the sun, and the kids need to tan on the quad. Yes, Adel, that is correct, but not for the reason that you said. The grass. For a short time on sunny days, the shadow of the old tree covered an instrument used for recording sunshine. The instrument had been put in place on a cloudy day, good since prevailed, and the instrument was moved instead. Wow, everyone at Goatsuit College is a sociopath,

because you should never cut down a tree for the sun. Everyone who goes to any college is a sociopath because academia is Eli. I really like that way of thinking. Hmm, this mountain is in the way of my hike. Somebody move this mountain. Well, that is literally our thinking with this mountain is in the way of our enjoyment of the coal that's inside of it. Blow this mountain up and poison the water. Well, that's what I do. I'll be like, I'll be like, I'll be like, this fox den is in the way of my target that will be here in two years.

Oh, man, you'll love a target when it's coming in two years. Speaking of targets, we're all targets for other content that we produce and enjoy. And we're, so we're going to go to our favorite segment of the show and that's the segment where we plug and enjoy. So we're gonna go to our favorite segment of the show and that's the segment where we plug some stuff. If we have stuff to plug and sometimes it's okay to not, Aaron, do you have anything that you would like to plug? Are you implying that I rather not plug something? And Aaron, I can't stress this enough,

sometimes you don't have to. Aaron, if you, okay, I'll just say it, if you wanna plug the bath video of you singing the bath type song, you can plug it. People can go and find the video, just search Aaron, bath type song. Don't be disappointed, nothing exists. But if we get 2,000 more patrons, I will make a bath time music video and it will be absolutely unwatchable and boring.

Okay, so follow me, Aaron, keep 10 for the bath time song. Or if you want to message me and say hello, it takes me about a month to get back to you because I do them all in one sitting. So, yeah, add all anything to plug. No, so I'm going to do what you didn't plug social media as well. You can find me on Twitter and Instagram at Adder or Phi spelled how it sounds. And like Erin, you can reach out to me because guess what? I'm holding a contest to make three new friends

because I need three new friends to hit my number. So for the year. So if you want to slide into my DMs and audition for me to be my friend, I am accepting three new friends. There will be callbacks and we'll get down to the final three. Adler, can I ask you just off the top of your head, what is one quality that you really enjoy in a friend?

Someone who doesn't do a podcast with me. Okay, and can I do a monologue from Greece? Yes, we have to make it sad. Oh, it'll be sad. Do you see anything to plug? Sure, go follow me on Twitter at JPSoFly. Also, you can give a listen to the Bill Bud bill buds pop cast even if you don't like pop music There's probably something in there for you. What was the most recent album you guys did

At time of this release I believe it was Himes days are gone Oh, I love that one Yeah, and if you want to know how I feel about that album you you're gonna have to listen to that episode. No, just tell us now Did you like it? I liked it a lot. I like the music. Yep. And finally, let's go to Aaron with the Intergalactic Weather Aaron Thanks, Annel. I'm out here in space. Um, about to die at any moment. It's very cold Um, and I'm here with a local planet Jupiter. Hi, how are you this evening? I knew it! I knew it! I'm not interested in again!

Bye, River! Hey there, trees and cards! If you liked that, you are going to love this week's Patreon. We return to the wild world of would-you-ratheres. You can listen to that plus our entire Bat catalog by going to patreon.com slash HeyrittleRiddle and signing up as the clue crew for $5 a month or the review crew for $8 a month. See you there!