Hey Riddle Riddle - #128: Those Poor Pigs

Episode Date: December 30, 2020

It's the last show of 2020 and we're giving ourselves new names, talking about at least ONE good thing about the year and roasting Samwise Gamgee's Hobbit ass straight to hell!! We get to hear about Big Birds biggest qualm, settle the big Australia vs. New Zealand fight, knight a penguin and giggle our way through a new Animal Parade! Have a wonderful New Year and may 2021 be our best year yet! #WiddleWednesdayStarring:Adal RifaiJohn Patrick CoanErin KeifEditing by: Casey ToneyTheme by: Arne ParrottLogo by: Emily Kardamis & Emmaline MorrisWant more? Get Weekly Bonus Eps on Patreon!Want merch? Visit our TeePublic Store! or pins, buttons & printsWant to advertise on the show? Check out Hey Riddle Riddle via Gumball.fmSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is a headgun podcast. Bam Marjara. Rice Lure Sam Ring. Mayra Nera. Bam Marjara. Am I saying it correct? Slam Cantera. Can you chose some Bam Marjara for the table?

I actually... I could have some. Would you want a glimpsi? I am. You're gonna love Bam Marjara. Oh great, because he's a human man. Can I get a side of Clams, Carcara? Listen Jackass.

Bam Magiera. Bam Magiera. It was the cabin of a airplane. It's happened with a lot of equipment. And the horse made a ride. 10 9 8 Eight, six, six, five. You know what guys, you know what guys? I just thought that, I know we're starting, they're starting this countdown.

Happy New Year, JPC, you fucking ruined it. Well, no, we have a full other day, cause this is Wednesday, so. What? Yeah, Thursday is the 31st, so. No, no, no, no, we know that, but Aaron and I traditionally, we count down to the 31st you can do your Zeeve Hold on 30 days has September April June and November all the

32 They all have 30 wait. I think I know you okay, so you sing that song in a 31st is what you're saying to you So here's what I think here's a song here's a song we'll sing For today here we okay brahem brahem brahem a song. Here's a song we'll sing for today. Here we go. Okay. Brahem. Brad. Brad. It's the end of the year as we know it. Okay. It's the end of the year as I know I'm this is a brand new song. I'm making you a direct to us like that, but this is a parody song.

You couldn't possibly sing along. I realize that thanks for the support. My name is Tommy Millwocky. I was gonna say something when you said, I know I was gonna say, and I feel awful, because it's 2020. And I feel awful. Aaron, if I was gonna say is were canis and nuts, I'd be a millionaire. Hey, if wishes were fishes,

we'd all be industrial fish mongers. And I'm Jenny Sacramento. This is what 2020 did to our brains. Welcome to Hey Riddler Riddler. We had a conversation before we started recording. Oh, well. The best names in the biz are ones that include actual locations, geographical locations.

So I'm Tommy Milwaukee, Aaron, who were you? I just said Jenny Sacramento, but that sounds real, doesn't it? That's great. And then GPC, what are you going to be? I'm Don Milwaukee, Aaron, who were you? I just said Jimmy Sacramento, but that's unreal, doesn't it? That's great. And then GPC, what are you gonna be? I'm Donnie Oklahoma City. Come on. No, it's what I am. That's amazing.

It says it on my birth certificate. So that's just Doc. Yeah, your nickname is, is that, wait, is that what Doc Hollywood stood for? Donnie Oklahoma City. Donnie Oklahoma City. Holiday. Is holiday, Doc Hollywood. Donnie, It's holiday.

I'm your holiday. I'm your Huckleberry. Mm-hmm. How? It's 12.30. Um, date wise. Time wise. Time wise.

Well, no, time wise it's 7.17 pm. And we all know that's, we all know that's riddle o'clock. 7.17 pm is of course riddle o'clock. We all love that. We all say it. Everyone, it's sweeping in the nation.

Everyone's saying it nonstop. Um, Everyone it's sweeping in the nation. Everyone's saying it non-stop So it's not quite the end of 2020. I can't we can't possibly wait for this year to be over But we have one more episode that's going to be contained within it. So we might as well have fun Take work or here. We want us. We'll eat this pasta. Right am I right? Is this is is this anyone's pasta? That's my favorite thing is any whenever I work like a nine to five at an office job, when I'd go to the kitchen and somebody brought cake or cupcakes or something, and there'd be eight people standing around it staring at it. It's like animals at the zoo. They're all standing around it, looking at it, and then people are like,

is this just like, is this just like everyone cake? Is this, someone literally said that. Is this just everyone cake? Okay, that person's amazing. I would do that with someone had to keep their insulin in the fridge and I'm like, is this insulin for everyone or is this anyone? Is someone for a birthday or are you just saying

happy birthday? Is this in seclusive? GBC, I have a question for you. I just got a mental image of someone squirting, insulin would be like happy birth, and crushing you with an insulin needle. Like ugh. So for our December livestream,

I got you a couple mugs, it's a my piss, and don't talk to me until I drink my own piss. And you sent a video of you drinking out of it. Yes. Did it for a second? Because of the cup it was in, tastes a little bit like pee. Yes, just the tiniest bit, just a little mental, I don't think it tasted any more or less like piss

because of the cup it was in. I'm drinking piss, so it's gonna taste like piss no matter what. Oh, okay. All right. When you drink piss in the morning, just for a second in your mind's eye does it kind of taste like coffee? Yeah, that's what gets me up. That's what gets me up another bed. What's that Robin Williams movie? We're in the painting. Oh wait get up. It's drinking a couple

You know I'm talking about No, what dreams may come? And he has to pretend the paint is coffee. That's what JPC does when he has to, he's drinking coffee and he's pretending at this. Was Robin Williams really in a movie called Wet Dreams May Come? Mm-hmm. That's two on the notes. I think, what I think we've done that took before too, punctuation is everything.

Because if it was Wet Dreams period and then make calm exclamation point, that's a totally different movie. I just googled it looks like what dreams make calm has never been done before. So that's good news for me. Excellent. What was everyone's favorite part of 2020 before you guys are coming to our news?

Are favorite part of 2020? Well, I have to say it's this, this inching towards the finish line. There is no tape to break, and this is a race that no one's participating in, and there is no oval track. It's all in the straight line. So I think just looking forward to this year being done, even though a lot of our problems continue into the next year, I think just the mental flip of a calendar page for whatever

reason brings positivity to my to my heart. So I'm just looking for I'm looking forward to that. And also I will in all sincerity, I will say this podcast has brought me so much joy and laughter and like a release. A men cop out easy answer. We all have that. We could all say that.

Oh no, GPC cop out, now cop in. Cop up upstairs. Cop out, cop in. Yeah, that's gotta be a movie with Kevin Hart. Cop preposition. And who's the big wrestler who plays the guy from the Space Force? Bam, Magiera.

Bam, Magiera. Bam, Magiera. Bam, Bam, Bigelow, Magiera. Okay, I gotta say, stand out, best moment, best moment of my 2020. So, I'm Bigelome, I'm Sierra. Okay, I gotta say, stand out, best moment, best moment of my 2020. So, at the beginning of 2020, I was working in my, I would say high pressure corporate office job and the very end of the year is like our big time of the year.

So, at the beginning of the next year, there's like a lot of like resetting and rehashing. And I knew that I was leaving that job. I knew, they didn't know, but I knew that I was leaving that job. And knew, they didn't know, but I knew that I was leaving that job. And in February, right before I went on a two week vacation, I had a performance review. And the performance review was like middleing

and they were like, here are the areas that you could improve. And the whole time that my boss, who was pretty absentee, was giving me this performance review. And my mind, I was like, this doesn't fucking matter. Like, none of this, you have no idea that this doesn't matter. And then they were like, does that make sense? And I was like this doesn't fucking matter like none of this you have no idea that this doesn't matter and then they were like does that make sense? I was like that's more than fair that's more than fair I think that that's like a really interesting point and so I but in my head I was just playing like who gives a shit and then I went on a two-week vacation and

then the day that I got back I was like hey I quit I put it my two weeks notice today that is like a very JPC thing to do that I feel like, hey, oh, quit. I put it my two weeks notice today. That is like a very JPC thing to do that. I feel like if someone were elsewhere to do it, they'll go, oh, I JPC'd. I told them I wanted to work there till I died, when on vacation came back quit that day. Here's a thing, here's a thing. Dude, everyone saying you JPC'd in there?

Are you joking? Are they pissed? A double fart? You should always tell them, you're just like lighter than always. Like always lighten the place and be like, yeah, I love it here. And this is the best and I want to work here forever because like, that light doesn't cost you anything. JPC, the way to complete a JPC is to have a global pandemic happen

the moment after you quit your job. That's how you do the full thing. That's how you stick the landing. That's yeah, that's a real, that's a real hey, I'm gonna become a full-time artist and then Arch stops. My favorite parts of 2020 was JPC's timing of art stopping. No, I was really impressed with you quitting your job. I thought that was really cool. But I did, I think Lou, getting Lou, I got her this year.

Oh yeah! That was definitely the best part of my year. But then also the absolute, oh yeah! Watching on Try-Fur, those couple of weeks in April. Oh yeah, guys. It'd be cool, hey man, I'm playing Aquaman. Oh yeah. Oh god, get the hell outta here. You come man. I'm playing Aquaman. Oh, yeah. Oh, hell out of here. You come up way too much on the hot. I fuck eight women last night.

Oh, yeah. And then also just I because Trump couldn't really be funny the last four years. It was too sad. It was scary. Yeah, exactly. But it was just too sad and too scary. And finally in November, just the absolute imploding that that entire administration did, I finally got to laugh again. I was like, oh man, they are having a bad month. Everything that they're doing is bad. And it made me really happy to finally finally find it funny again. I would say I don't called me in October and I answered the it was maybe like it was like 10 AM and of course I was sleeping by that point I fell asleep at 9 AM and it I was like hello and I just heard I'm never gonna laugh again this year's been a piece of shit. Have you guys blocked my number speaking of that? I feel like I call you guys out.

Two or three times a night and it just doesn't go through. I gotta say, my strong contender for funniest, funniest, like year, like the person who has led the funniest year, it's gotta be really Julia. I mean, I mean, I think everyone give it up. I hope that a literal meltdown has- I hope that we don't have to edit this out because something has happened to him by the time that this is released.

But even if it does, I think it should stay in because boy oh boy, what a funny year. Like the Sassar Bear Cohen thing, like the total landscaping thing, the hair melting thing, the video of him blowing his nose to the handkerchief and then wiping it all over his face and mouth. Like what a comedic genius this guy is. And a genius in no other context. Oh, wait, oh, it just, my gemma sense is tingling. I should say that my favorite part of this year

is getting engaged. Yeah, you should have said that. Yeah, you should say that just on your own. You also bought a house. You said, hey, Riddle Riddle, you said, you should say that just on your own. You also bought a house. You said, hey, Riddle Riddle. You said, hey, Riddle Riddle was good. And you should get a house. Because we didn't say, hey, Riddle Riddle.

You said it. No, I thought it was you. I future Addle, since General listening to this, pausing it, coming over, to wake me up and say, what the fuck? Yeah, it's so annoying when your fiance talks to you. Let's dig this hole a little deeper I know And trouble. Well this this hole has been dug. So what we're going to do is we're going to fill it with riddies and puzzies Oh, I can't wait then they'll never find the body. Oh, I let's do my favorite segment. Let's get Adela into trouble

Hey, Gemma Adela spent all your wedding money on Cocaine to fill up a yacht with All right, JP, see you go get Adel in trouble. Oh, okay Hey, Jimma Adel you know all those gel pins that Adel bought you well He thought that gel was short for gelato. So, so that you could write it with this ice cream. All your notebooks are Covered of ants. You're gonna be in trouble. If I wasn't so hopped up on you not cocaine, I'd feel awful.

I think we remember how to do radiation puzzies. I say let's go out with a bang for 2020. Here we go. This is gonna just be a warm-up riddle. This is the worst riddle I've ever heard. What bird is always unhappy? Again, this is just a warm-up riddle. We're just kind of fly by these. Big Bird, he's three years old. He's six, two and three years old for his whole life.

Oh my God, the growing pains. Yeah, I wonder. I wonder if other birds always come up to Big Bird and are like, hey, big guy, do you play basketball? And he's like, I don't please just let me live my life. 100%. What it's Big Bird has to, Big Bird's life is like how we talk to Big Grande every time we do an episode.

You guys are so tall. I've seen everyone I know in my life that's like six, six or taller. Anytime I'm out in public with them, someone always comes up and is like hey big guy And then inevitably they're like did you play basketball like I don't know people just are forced to and then they're always like Do you always get asked that question or how tall are you do you always get asked that question? What a life I can't imagine I stand by it being big bird. I want to see a scene here and you are Who's the actor Carolyn Spender?

I can't remember the name. Who cares? You're gonna play Big Bird and JPC you are you are just a man on the street who's walking by Big Bird and notices that this bird is a little bit sad and you're gonna try and get to the root of it. Hey, excuse me, pardon me, down here. Hello? Oh, hi. Hey, I'm sorry, I just, um, I was walking across the street and enjoying a bagel and I couldn't help but notice that you... What? I'm sorry? A bagel?

You mean a bagel? Oh, I've only ever seen it written. I'll stick your word for it. Bagel then. I was enjoying a bagel and notice that you looked a little sad. You've never heard someone say bagel out loud. You ordered one earlier today. You must have. How did they know you wanted a bagel? I said a number two and I believed that that was what it was was on the number two. So we never communicated by saying the name of it.

I mean, it could be Bagel. It could be Bagel. I don't know. I've said in my head, Bagel my whole life. You're saying Bagel now. This is the first time hearing of it. I mean, it could be Bagel, it could be Bagel. I don't know. I've said in my head, uh, Bagel my whole life, you're saying Bagel now, this is the first I'm hearing of it. Really putting that aside, I just noticed that you looked kind of sad and I wanted to come over and, um, and see if there was anything that I could do. Yeah, I don't really feel like smiling today. I really just became aware that for 40 years I've been sleeping outside of Gordon's window in huge pajamas. Just having a hard time learning anything beyond the ABCs. Oh wow that's a-

But I do know, I don't know a lot. If someone say they want to learn the ABCs, A is for apartment rent, B is for bodega where you get your milk This is a crazy person this person is not for my neighborhood Trickle me no, I'm sorry. We need the one of you like a baggle. I have I bought a dozen I don't know much beyond how to count to 20 in the ABCs and I don't know much beyond how to count to 20 in the ABCs and a couple of songs, but I do know that you're supposed to say it bagel or bagel. Bagel? Oh God, I'm spiraling. We're both saying it's bagel. I can't fly!

Same. I love it. The very end we get to the root of it. I can't fly. That's it. If you're so tall, there's no way you're, oh, penguins. Penguins are sad because they can't fly. Aaron, you're so close, the answer is blue birds. Puffins. Oh, okay. Hold on.

Well, you said close and she said penguin, so hold on. I said close. I said the answer and then JPC, you had a buzzer beater. What was it? Puffins. Oh, buddy. Good job. Puffins.

Gold star. Blue birds, because they're sad star blue birds because they're sad oh Because they're blue. Mm-hmm. Here's another warm-up riddle that involves birds. I am a bird. I am a fruit and I am a person. What am I? I'm a bird and you're a bird Is that Superman? No, that's that. That's a no-boy guy. Are you a bird? I know you are, but what am I? No, that's a plane. That's for no reason other than the image at the end, Rachel McGatams goes,

say I'm a bird, and then he goes, no. And she goes, say it, and then she runs and she jumps in his arms. And then she says, say I'm a bird and he goes oh no he yeah she he goes your bird and then she goes now say your bird too he goes if you're a bird I'm a bird and then when they die any tether's arms at the end you see birds flying away oh I'm sorry I'm never seen it I did realize the movie was based on you because that sounds like something you would do I saw it I saw it up to that scene and our creative writing teacher in high school turned it off because we were all screaming Sam a bird at each other and that's right. She did nothing that she did nothing that was funny. She also ran out of the classroom crying one time because someone played with arm so I'd open by creed and we were like this on sucks. Why was it crying but later found out that it had been playing at her father's funeral and it brought back a since memory

Oh, there's a lot going on there. I am a bird. I am a mountain. No. I am a bird. I'm a fruit and I am a person What am I? an Australian Close it is Nelly for tattoo Then I would like to say a puffed. Australian is unbelievably close. It's almost as if I know what it is. Wait, would I be intentionally obtuse?

I just winked and said kiwi because JPC was moving slowly. It is a kiwi. I wanna see JPC and Aaron, you're gonna be two New Zealand birds. And you're having a nice fruit salad. You're making a nice fruit salad. And it's a typical day as a New Zealand bird. All right. Yeah. So, um, I supplied. I moved here when I was like 15 from America. And that's why I don't have an accent. Let's keep cutting this fruit up.

But I love your accent. It's thick. That is a thick New Zealand accent. Let's keep cutting this fruit up. But I love your accent. It's thick. That is a thick New Zealand accent. Well, it's actually not New Zealand. It's France. I also moved here when I was fid... There are people make this mistake a lot, especially non-natives who are here for the first time. But yes, I moved here when I was 15 from France. And both of my parents are fun New Zealand, but they studied in France. I picked up a French accent friend. Oh! They're sorry school, but my parents, here they come, have New Zealand accents, and they are still of them, and they couldn't sound more different,

but regionally both of them from New Zealand, here they are, here they are. Hi Natalie, nice to see you. How you doing? Ah, how you going? I'm a bird too, sex. Seven. I, nine, ten. I couldn't height anything more in the world than the cold kiddin'in' or think she's a piece of treesh.

Russell. She's a piece of tall fucking treesh. What's going on here? Why is everyone so weird? Why is everyone just saying things and not having a conversation? What is going on here? What as why is everyone so weird? Why is everyone just saying things and not having a conversation what is going on? You I think I'm actually gonna fly to the South Island to do the Lord of the Rings tour Well, I think my father might have be having a stroke because the way he is acting No, I have to take you to a battle the hospital like post-hist scene I have to take you to a battle the hospital like post-hist scene

It is so funny to hear some like rise of lights lights a desk I just think of that great show love on the spectrum with a guys like Holodines But I guess that's I'll start in a nut newsy one Should be subtle difference, but I don't know it the only only difference I can discern, and our fans, because we do definitely have, because Jasmine or Yasmine, I've only seen that written. Maybe it's Yasmine, right? It's got to be Yasmine, are a wonderfully talented illustrator who does some work for us and is so kind. I believe she lives in New Zealand, and I feel like they, I feel like Aussies and Kiwis don't get along, right? There's a rivalry there.

I only know that from the episode of Flight of the Concords that I watched when they famously did not get along with the Australians and that. But I think to me, and this is Adel, I'm not stating this is fact, the only difference I can tell is Ki Kiwis go upward like the inflection Right where Australians would say like Would say like oh like let's go over to the ball and New Zealanders would say let's go to the beer

Let's go to the bar like it would be an upward. It's almost like Irish like an upward Irish lilt, right? When I don't know. Are you asking me? When I lived in Australia, a couple things. I don't, I definitely don't think they hate each other. I think there's some like snobbery stuff. I don't think that they love being called Kiwis. Oh no. Is a memory I have of that.

So, oh God. But please educate us if we're making it. Here no God. I know if we're ready. You're no God. If we're messing up, then we, well, some of them will tell us, and then if, and they will have done that labor and we will be very grateful that they did. And well, technically only Adolf said it.

So, what they'll do is they'll tell like me or something I'll be like, hey, man, like he's got a Twitter. Go find him. No, no, no, no, this Rital said it. And Aaron, you said they don't hate each other. I heard my cousin my cousin's nephew's mother had said that Australia like Australia was talking shit about New Zealanders at a

party. Oh my god. No. Yeah to Beth and Beth and Beth was like fuck them. No. But that's just why I heard. I'm on a speaker phone right now with all of them. Don't., their accent are, I know that New Zealanders, instead of saying six, they say sex, like sex, seven, six, seven, yeah. But I worked with a couple of New Zealanders and then traveled there and they were the loveliest. And I, both places were great. And I think that a lot of people love,

like I met a lot of people from Australia living in New Zealand by person. But please educate us if you live in either of those countries. And of course, I guess a lot of people from Australia living in New Zealand by a percent. But please educate us if you live in either of those countries. Please. And of course, I guess now that I'm thinking about it, if you watch Lord of the Rings, which was obviously shot in New Zealand by a New Zealander, Gollum is always like my pre-shoot. Got to find my pre-shoot.

That's true. Dude, that would have made Lord of the Rings so funny, it's comedy of all time. That one simple change of making Gala, my Australian wouldn't take it that from like a great fantasy movie to buy far the funniest comedy that's ever existed. I do love like it's like Ian McElland, fucking rockin' it and Vigo and all these great.

And I love it. In my head, I always think that like the first day on set, what's his name who plays Samwise Gamji? Rudy. Rudy. Then he comes on set. John Aston. He's like, oh Mr. Frodo, no, don't go Mr. Frodo.

And they're like, cut. I mean, this guy's already pretty famous in like his mom's. I think Patty Duke. So like, let's, I don't know if we should say something. If I would have married anyone, it would have been her. I'm drowning Mr. Fraud. Okay, so the Sean Astin's character voice in that, which is not really an accent, it's just like,

Mr. Fraud, oh, what, you have to. Wait, do you think his name is Sean Astin? That's a car, my dude. That's what James Bond writes. So Sean Astin. Sean Martin. So I would love it if, um, that character voice, you have to take that character voice and insert it into another, like, movie character to ruin that movie. Because I'm trying to think of, like, I want, like, Nicholas Cage caught air and I have

that, like, put the body back in the box, Mr. Frodo. I think I got it. I went, I went to John McVitch and rounders to have it. Oh pay that man his money If you're a bag, then I've heard Mr. Frodo I'm going to make a my boss where he can't refuse Mr. Frodo Luke, I am your father Mr. Frodo Let's do another riddle here. Yes, he leaves Forget any of this.

That's all I'm thinking about the rest of the episode. It's always, uh, oh, what does this say? It always stays hot, even when put in refrigerator. The sure no. Walk, walk, fashion baby. We're keeping with that bitch crazy walk. I want your love and I want your reverend. I mean, I will say Harrison Ford

stays hot in order for the waiter. That's true. That's right, yeah, yeah. Oh man, anytime I try to get confident, I'd walk into a refrigerator and start singing later guys. It kind of when he's frozen in carbonite too, right? Yeah, yeah. That Harrison Ford's always frozen. Yeah, dude, he's Elsa. Oh, he plays carbonate too, right? Yeah, that Harrison force always frozen.

Yeah, dude, he's Elsa. Oh, he plays the snowman, right? So what's hot? What is it again? Oh, let it go. Oh, please let it go, Miss Elsa. It always stays hot, even when put in refrigerator. Ah, like a hot sauce.

Like a hot sauce. Something spicy. Yeah. I'm like a pepper. Like a what's that? A pepper. That's the correct answer. Well that's what Aaron said. She said hot sauce.

Yeah, well what do you think hot sauce is made of? Well hold on, let me check the answer here. It says PEPPR and then a space and then POTTS. Okay, so a green pepper. That's a feces. I want to see a scene. JPC, you are Peter Piper, who famously picked a packet of pickle peppers. Aaron, you are a Priscilla Piper and you are fed up with all the P words.

You're fed up that Peter only talks in P words. Um, hey babe. Uh-huh. Um, I think I'm gonna get some space for a week, go down to the seashore and sell some shells. Sell some shells. Sorry, excuse me, I'm just feeling a little emotional. I know that we got into a huge blow out last night and I just think we should get some space.

I'm gonna go sell some shells down by the sea shore. I'll probably take a ride in a toy boat. Pachysha, Pachysha. Parting puts pressure on Peter. Okay, well Peter, before I go. Please, please. Okay, Peter, just wait a second. Before I go, you get to pick which jacket you want to keep

of our matching jackets. Do you want the red leather or the yellow leather? Purple leather. Those aren't, isn't an option, Peter. Red leather, yellow leather. Red leather, yellow leather. Red leather, yellow leather. Purple. Plather places Peter in perpetual panic.

Please Patricia. No, I'm leaving because I can't think of any more tongue twister. Put penis. No. No. Puppet is please. Puppet is please. Oh Mr. Frodo, please. Puppies please. Oh Mr. Frodo, please put penis.

Dude, that sucks. What are the first posters in my forgetting? Unique New York. You know you need Unique New York. She brews a proper cup of coffee and a copper coffee pot. Many mumbling mice, making midnight music in the midnight in the moonlight. What else? I think that's it. I think that's it. I think that's all of them.

Sennis, if we missing tongue twisters or you have an original one, please Sennis one on Instagram or Twitter, hashtag Tongue Twisters. My love and his sister has been in love. Oh, there we go. I think you've done that one as a vocal warm-out. That's my favorite one. My favorite one I made was Liam Nisan's niece stole my niece on. My favorite one I made is I quit the show. This isn't a joke. This is real.

I'm quitting the show. I'm worried. What is it? It is very hard to do peas. Like what are some like pee verbs? I was like, that was where I was really struggling. Like pounce. Piss. Play. Piss. Peter Piper. Peter Piper. I was like, that was where I was really struggling like pounce piss play piss Pitterpiper Piss of pickles piss

Peter piss I've been coming to this so long that my brain is not in short form only speaking peas mode We got to get you back in there. I got to get back up there. You've been on the comedy sports bench Well speaking of piss. We're gonna take a quick bathroom break to relieve our inner intestines. That's where Pia's stored, right, in the intestines. Right? No, but he Google it.

Go see the doctor. Go see the doctor. He wants to see you. And we'll be right back with more pissing noodles. I think we're hit, we're hit, we're hit, we're hit. You're gonna be a real idiot. Hey, GPC. Uh, uh, yeah? You're not in trouble.

I just need help. I'm, um, pranking Atal. And I'm setting up a whole website to prank him. Um, and I just need some advice. This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace. I'm not, I whole website to print them. Okay. I just need some advice. This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace. I'm not mad at you. We're pranking at all. Squarespace is the only one website platform

for entrepreneurs to stay in doubting to see it online. Whether you're just starting out or managing a growing brand, Squarespace makes it easy to create a beautiful website engaged with your audience. And so anything for products to cut into time all in one place all on your terms Hey, I don't come here come here. Hey, what's what's going on? I actually I want to prank TPC and I want to set up a whole website to prank him. Do you have anything that like is there like

Online store like it set up on my website to sell product? Did you know that with Squarespace you can have custom merch. You can easily sell custom merchant create passive income stream that engages your audience and scales your brand, design your products and production and inventory and shipping are handled for you saving you time and money. What is happening? Okay. Um. Wait, what's going on with Adel? Oh, nothing, nothing. I'm just setting up a very normal Squarespace website, not a prank thing.

No, he's gonna tune you. And I'm gonna use analytics. Use insights to grow my business and learn where my site visits and sales are coming from. That's pretty cool. I'm gonna improve my website and build marketing strategy based on top keywords, our popular products and content on my prank website, the prank site too. Whoa, that's awesome, Aaron. I'm glad you're using Squarespace.

Did you say what the website was for? I can't remember what the website was for. Yeah, the website was for. Prank. Squarespace. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You can connect to your store to Vedent Third Party tools to extend the functionality of your website.

Hey, JPC, hey, JPC. What's up, Vattle? I can't believe we pranked Aaron with our little boy Hey JPC, hey JPC. What's up, Madel? I can't believe we pranked Aaron with our little boy routine. Dude, we got her. Anyway, if you want to prank Aaron with your little boy routine, head to squarespace.com for a free trial, and when you're ready to launch, go to squarespace.com, slash riddle to save 10% off your first purchase

of a website or domain. Oh, she's back, she's back. Hey, Aaron. Hey, Aaron. Can we go to grandma's house? Wait, I've been pranked. But how? I don't know.

This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Hey, Adeline JPC. Thank you for meeting me in the middle of the woods here. I am sort of at an empath. I can't decide whether or not to go this way or this way. I'm having a hard time choosing a path. You know, there never truly is a middle of the woods. Isn't it funny to think about something like that?

There never truly is a middle of the woods. No, this is the middle. Okay, this is it. Addle, can you help? Yeah, actually. So as per Robert Frost, I don't know if you know his poems. He has a poem called Better Help. I believe this is written in the 1800s, but it still stands true today more than ever. Aaron, you should try Better Help.

Have you heard of this? You seen this? Because sometimes Aaron in life were faced with tough choices and the path forward isn't always clear. Whether you're dealing with decisions around career relationships, being stuck in the middle of the woods, therapy helps you stay connected to what you ow, ow, ow. Sorry, that also does so fast. Therapy helps you stay connected to what you really want while you navigate life and the woods. Hmm, and better help is entirely online, so it's designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. I've been using it for several years, and it suits the way that my brain works way better than traditional therapy ever did. And when Aaron says traditional therapy just so everyone's clear what she means is tricking two of her friends to coming to the middle of the woods, even though there isn't truly the concept of the middle of the woods, isn't that fun to think about?

All you have to do is just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist, and you can switch therapist at any time for no additional charge. Hey, Aaron, GPCs putting down bread crumbs and then immediately picking them up and eating them. Oh, dirty bread crumbs. Mmm. Mmm. And he's also like really into that owl who's swooping down. Anyways, let therapy be your map with better help.

Visit betterhelp.com slash riddle today to get 10% off your first month. That's better help h-e-l-p dot com slash riddle r-i-d-d-l-e R-i-d-d-l-e the middle of riddles of D but there is no true middle of riddle because it would be the space in the light of JPC, hoping at home. Bye. Am home. Who are we? What is this? I, clink, clink, clink. Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen,

I just want to make a quick toast to, I know it's JPC's birthday, and we're all so excited to talk about him, but I want to talk about my favorite, my favorite thing in the world. And that is the app Rocket Money. Oh, yeah, Aaron, that's one of my favorite things as well. Uh-huh.

Rocket Money is a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps you lower your bills all in one place. I've been using it for years way before they were a sponsor and it helps me so much, especially around tax season. Kling, cling, cling, cling, cling. Sorry, I also want to give a toast. Rocket money, well quickly and easily find your subscriptions for you. And for any you don't want to pay for anymore, just hit cancel. And Rocket money will cancel it for you. It's that easy. Kling, cling, cling. It also categorizes your expenses so you can easily track your budget in real time and also get alerted if anything looks off. Over three million, clink clink

clink clink. Over three million people have used rocket money saving the average person up to seven hundred and twenty dollars a year. We love rock. Stop clink clink. Stop. No, clink clink. Stop throwing your money away, cancel unwanted subscriptions today and manage your expenses the easy way by going to rocketmoney.com slash riddle. That's rocketmoney.com slash riddle. Rocketmoney.com slash riddle, and tell them JPC's birthday got ruined

by two of his friends for doing speeches about rocket money, the website. I love your rocket money. I like that about rocket money the website I love you, Rugga money Link, Link, Link Hey, Rittle, Rittle And we're back, we're back, we're back with more Hey Rittle, Rittle, please Mr. Frodo I didn't think of any Adventure's a symbol Mr. Frodo I didn't think of any. A venture's a symbol, Mr. Frodo. Ha ha ha ha ha.

Ah, I didn't think of any. I'm an idiot. Okay, I'll think of one now. Here it comes. Um... Oh, Aaron, do that from screen. Do you all play a game? I'm Mr. Frodo.

I'm walking here. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. It's the furthest away from home I've ever been. Are you talking to me? Please, Mr. Frodo. Say you're talking to me. Um... talking to me? Please mr. Frodo say you're talking to me Funny like watch mr. Frodo Show me the money mr. Frodo. Yeah, I'm he has the money

Mr. Frodo did you fuck my wife? Oh Mr. Frodo please did you fuck my wife mr. Frodo you get and all the This is a fun game You get to handle the drill. This is a fun game. There's no game that Sean Coil would be better at and would enjoy more than this. He's gonna be in the break. He's gonna love this episode.

This one's for you, Sean. This is your new year's present, buddy. Speaking of your presence, we're gonna do... Oh wait, my intestine. You know how I said I pee out of my intestine? Yeah, earlier, yeah. There's something wrong with it. I feel like a little scurry.

Like there's some sort of animal parade. Oh my God. Coming from your intestines. And what do I want it? Oh, what a segue. Duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, a pig with stocks in Apple, duh, duh, duh, duh da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da A beaver named King Cade. Animal Parade. Hey, we're Dustin, we're Dustin and Dustin off the old Amps Animal Parades. So what we're going to do here, we're going to read an email.

This is from 2020, this is from February 20th, 2020. This is prequarting. this is this is pre quarantine. What is this pre-Rona pretty much pre-Rona Do do do do do do do do do and this is from Kate McNally Kate says yeah I can use their full name this from Kate McNally This says hello Aaron Adel and JPC here are some happy animal facts for the animal parade I hope you enjoy them. I can't wait, I love facts. So Kate sent us, this is not so much an article as it is just a collection of like 50 animal facts.

This is from boardpanda.com. And there's a picture of a panda who could not be more bored staring off into the distance. It's actually quite funny. Aaron's not like that, but it is very, very funny. That's not funny, it's adorable. So I'm just gonna read some of these animal facts here, and we'll maybe stop and talk about some,

and then we'll do a riddle involving an animal. Okay, I accept. Okay, here we go. Fact number four, turtles can breathe through their butts. Did we know this? Yeah. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha You're a turtle who's breathing through his butt and Aaron you are a kid who just found out that this is happening It's like a fart. It's like a fart, but it's not Oh my god. Excuse me. Yeah

You're being very loud at the beach, but I'm here trying to walk through the water. Yeah, I just, I can't help but notice you're breathing out of your butt. I'm sorry? You're breathing out of your butt? I heard you I was apologizing. It's just seen.

It's seen. Where does that reel? It's on this list. It must be real. That means that if you're drowning in the water, you could grab a turtle, bite down on the head part of the turtle, and breathe through the turtle and out of its bite. It's surely an easier way. Just into the surface. Number five, cows have best friends. I dropped my watch down here. Hey Jeff, buddy. By the way, it works. Every week you keep, quote unquote, drowning yourself. You're in three feet of water, buddy.

I dropped my watch. At some point it's not about the drowning. I know, I have a new favorite, Hey Riddle Riddle moment. For JVZ's, if you're underwater, you can grab a turtle's mouth and suck in and as it's breathing through its butt and then Adel just saying,

or you could just swim to the surface. Okay. Number five, cows have best friends. Moo, this is Jeff. Number nine. Oh, I would like to see a scene please. Okay. Do you want to hold on? Okay, go ahead, J, your two cows who are best friends, um, and one of

you is asking the other one to be your best man. Best cow. Best cow, thank you. Mooo, uh, move over, make some room. Mooo. What are you watching? You watching a m move, a flick. No, just the grass grow right, obviously.

Well, grass grow so you can eat it, right? Aim into that. You know what I call it, could. We do have fours, doesn't it? Good. Hey, you're my best cut. You're my best cut. Bill Cudds.

You ever listen to Apocas Bill Cudds? Yeah listen apocas Bill Cuts yeah, it's it's It's I mean they're doing there. It's for them. Yeah, yeah, it's just you would say that Well, I as you know me and Melissa are getting married and I want you to be my, sorry, I don't know, this is I'm just getting a little emotional. You know how you've always steered me right? And I would be just in utter disarray, haha, without you. Uh-huh. Milk, I want you, you were in the top 2% of my friends, well, one percent and I would be, I would be fat free without you

I want you to be my best, my best cow, my BC. Oh my god, Rick. I would be honored. I mean the honor would be both both I'm, but I can't do it. Shit, hold on. What's that? and I'll just from previous me and Melissa are getting buried I think it's just works a little bit better but I'm married because dairy to you know, yeah, let's just say we said that okay, okay? I mean it You spot on your spot on I would love I would love to be your best man, but what is Melissa? Yeah? Melissa asked me already to be your moot of honor. Oh well And I can't see I can't be her moot of honor and you're best cow I just I can't do it. Well it makes sense I uh what is this Ab Abba toa? Hold on I'm gonna walk down this hallway real quick this metal hallway

you do I'll be right back okay yeah watch myself watch my my stuff watch my stuff. It won't be an issue. No one we've ever known has ever come back so Seen I would first of all outstanding, but just for science. I would like to see a scene You guys are two horses your best friends one is asking the other to be its best man You're not gonna make any horse jokes the entire time not Not one single horse pun, or I'll dock you $100. Now, all on there, puns aren't jokes. Puns jokes, anything horse- Nobody finds them funny, so. No, nothing like that, are you ready?

Okay, here we go. You owe me $100 if you do one, and go. Moooo, over, buddy. Hey, hey, Rick, I've just done here a watch of the grass grow. Oh, nice. I thought you just done here a watch of the grass grow. Oh nice Thought you might be watching a move flick Well, Melissa and I are getting a derried. I know. Okay, it's seen in football

We didn't make any worse jokes Here's fact number nine. They only didn't do it because they know they can't That's why everyone doesn't do anything Fact number nine. Norway knighted a penguin. Okay, I'm going to need you to this. Okay, you're moving very quickly through some of the funniest best things I've ever heard. What are these Norwegians doing?

Number 11. What are you doing moving so quickly? Excuse me. Why did they knight this penguin? What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? You'll talk about how annoying it is when teenagers say let's go.

Let's go. 15, 20 minutes. And tell me a penguin got knighted and you're not gonna tell me why. We're gonna see you seeing. JPC, you are a penguin. Aaron, you are knighting this penguin. And we're gonna find out at this ceremony

what's what the deal is. Aaron, you are knighting this penguin, and we're gonna find out at this ceremony what's, what the deal is. Uh-uh. Ba-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da- Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, the bravest, most impeccable person in the country as of right now. This here penguin is constantly wearing black tie clothing and for that we are going to dim him the most fancy gentleman in all the land and I put a sword out and I put it on one shoulder and I slice through the penguin. And I'm sorry. Oh, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay Alright. This is such a great honor and thank you so much. Speech.

Oh, well, you know, I'm just a humble penguin who happened upon a meeting that he wasn't supposed to hear, heard a bunch of state secrets, build those state secrets to a appropriate party, got a bunch of people convicted for treason, save for the king, save for the queen, your majesty, you're welcome And now I'm living it up as only a penguin could do Sorry, I hate to interrupt this ceremony

And I know our countries are at war because of the secrets that this creature overheard, but it's a French guy I just have to say there's not there's no no why. That this penguin is telling the truth. There's no why it's telling the truth. See him. You parry yourself. I didn't make a horse pun. No, no why. You want to though.

You want to. There's no why, you're from Oslo. Number 11, rats laugh when tickled. I don't want that one this much, it's kind of scary. Okay, maybe you'll love this one number 14 pigs orgasms Last for 30 minutes. I do not like that one. I do not like that one at all. I will What do you do pick orgasms? I'm at all. What do you need? I do not like it on the bus. I do not like it In between us. I do not like it on this dare 30 I do not like it in between us. I do not like it on this there.

30 minute orgasms in ham. I, Aaron, you are, we're gonna do a scene here. Aaron, you are a college intern at this science lab. You are, Aaron, you love science. You're so excited to be an intern here. Adel, you are introducing Aaron to the project, which is, she has a little stopwatch. She's gonna be diving all the pig orgasms for the entire semester.

Wait, and who am I playing? You're like the doctor or the administrator at the lab, yeah. Great. Scientists. The reason I had to ask is because that entire time you're describing it, I couldn't wait to just say that how exhausting that must be for pigs who are faking it. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Okay, here we go. Not as exhausting as a 30-minute orgasm.

Okay. All right. Where do we have going on here? Are you timing the... Oh, yeah, you gave me the assignment. Yeah. I just, I, and I'm really excited to do this and I definitely believe it's for science and not for anything weird. Here's my major issue. I'm just scared that one of these pigs is gonna like fall in love with me. Oh. Because I'm afraid sex and romance is tied. Conch, you got you got you. Well yeah, sometimes that's curious so Brittany I boy this is your like this like this pig wrote me a poem oh can you read it um roses are red violets are blue you gave me a 30 minute orgasm so now I love you huh I can do it all I just a definite hey are we

gonna get a refresh of the magazines in the exam room because this is the same bacon as last time and Okay, don't get doodle. I would sure love suppression here. Yeah, we're gonna get a new Culinary magazine in there so you can continue to masturbate to bacon Pick fix, but you're not a pig. You're just a guy works here. I have a janitor here I have a janitor here, but you're a showv'nest pig. And I'm so sorry, what's your catchphrase? I can dig a little. See, number 15.

I'm sorry. One, someone was gonna say that guy wasn't a pig. And I was like, I guess I'll say it first. Oh, I'm sorry. Aaron, you want to die on the hill that the guy's gonna get to the lab to masturbate? Do a culinary backseat. It isn't to pig.

Okay. I can't stress enough, this list is amazing. We might have to come back to this at some point. I'm gonna read one more fact and then we have to move on. But fact number 15 is that dolphins have names for each other. Oh my God.

Isn't that wild? I think that I would just say dolphins have names for each other, fucker. Can you milk me? Uh huh. But isn't it like, ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah So here is our to to cap off our animal parade. We're gonna read an animal related riddle. And speaking of bored panda, this actually involves a panda bear. So here we go with this riddle. I hope we haven't done this one before. Me too. But what a terrible way to end the year if we have. But I read it to Gemma because I laughed when I read it And she's like what are you laughing at so I read it to her and she's like oh, I know that riddle So I she may know it from here on the show, but we'll see a

Panda bear walks into our restaurant He sat down at a table and ordered some food cute when he was finished eating he took out a gun Oh my god still cute Aaron Yeah, Aaron we'll see see. What is this? I don't know. It's cuter than a pig having a 30-minute orgasm. Well, as finished eating, he took out a gun and shot his waiter. What the fuck?

He then left the restaurant. After the police caught up with him, they asked, why did you kill the waiter? He replied, look me up in the dictionary. What did the dictionary say? Okay, so panda, pond is also bred. The pond was overdone. I'm going to pond. Bamboo.

Aaron, what's up? Bamboo. Just said, bam, that's what a panda ghost says Did you just make that up because that's that's funny? I know I wrote it 24 years ago and I've been dying for someone to send Wouldn't it be like where panda ghost eat? I'm leaving my body finally release. Oh, you all in hell How is your If you wanted to say, they had to go say, bamboo. There's nothing more on brand for me than needing to finish upon before I can rest in peace.

And well, and Gemma's gonna be like, he didn't want to say bye to me. Well, the best thing of the year was, hey, Riddler, that's fine. Big truly, at the moment, you asked me what my favorite thing of 2020 was. Truly, I thought I got engaged last year. That's a long, that's 100% Truly, I thought I got engaged last year. That's a hundred percent honest,

and that speaks volumes to this year. Because you got engaged during lockdown. Yeah, just early on. Early on. Because we were, yeah, early on, because we were supposed to go to Japan and I was supposed to propose there. And our, and quarantine happened like a week and a half

before we were leaving for Japan. And obviously we never went. So a panda bear walked into a restaurant. He sat down on a week and a half before we were leaving for Japan. And obviously we never went. So a panda bear walked into a restaurant. He sat down on a table and ordered some food. When he was finished eating, he took out a gun and shot his waiter. He then left the restaurant. After the police caught up with him, they asked him, why did you kill your waiter? He replied, look me up in the dictionary.

What did the dictionary say? So think of, if you open a close-rights close right open up an imaginary dictionary in your mind's eye You go you see all these P words Peter Piper picked a pepper Priscilla packaged and you see the word panda What's next to it so I have a different thing than that because that was helpful to me Is it possible that instead of him saying look me up in the dictionary? He said, I didn't kill my wife, Mr. Frodo. And the way it was this wife. Is it panic, pan, pan, picnic? I don't, I don't care, Mr. Frodo. Although I will say my favorite cover

of ban is panda to disco. Um, GPC something GPC something you just said the find me in the dictionary made me think of Greece and that would be a fun Samwise gamesy and Greece being like I don't know I don't know Sandy I checked the yellow pages Hopper fake it a photo and I wish you never make it Nobody's big so I pulled it bigger than that Frodo You're making fun of me is oh these bigs are bigger than that Frodo. No buddy. No buddy. No buddy. No buddy, Mr. Frodo. You're making fun of me, Riz. Oh.

Um, okay, okay. So Ernst, what do you think? Yes. What's the answer? It's a dictionary, Rital, huh? There's a dictionary answer. It's a dictionary, Rital, but it's not pun based and it's not, um, the, I mean, I I mean, I doubt this is what's an addictionary under panda, but it's nothing.

There's no... Is it about the word like above or below him or the description of panda? No, it's the description of panda and it relates to the panda going to a restaurant in terms of what the panda would probably order or eat or what. Oh, oh, because the panda eats shoots and leaves. Bingo bingo. Hatata. Under dictionary it says panda eats shoots and leaves.

That panda is going to feel so stupid when someone explains. You know, you can do that. Oh my god. Oh, it's what did I do? What did I do? Shoots and leaves, we mean you eat, have a 30 minute orgas of a vid you leave. What did I do? What did I do? What did I do? What did I do? What did I do? What did I do? What did you say? What did you say? What did I do? What did you say? What did I do? What did you say? What did you say? What did I do? What did you say? What did you say? What did you say? What did I do? What did you say? What did you say? What did I do? What did you say? What did you say? What did you say? What did you say? What did you say? What did you say? What did you say? What did you say? What did you say? What did you say? What did you say? What did you say? What did you say? What did you say? What did you say? What did you say? What did you say? What did you say? What did you say? What did you say? What did you say? What did you say? What did you say? What did you say? What did you say? What did you say? What did you say? What did you say? What did you say? What did you say? What did you say? What did you say? What did you say? What did you say? What did you say? What did you say? What did you say? What did you say? What did you say? What did you say? What did you say? What did you say? What did you say? We need a big minute. This may be the first time we've ever done this, but I think we have to go back and see a scene

just because we can't let this go. And it's so fucking funny. So we're gonna see a scene. So Aaron, you and I, we're, you and JPC are all friends from college. We're meeting up like 10 years later. It's kind of just like a fun, we're at a restaurant, we're just hanging out.

JPC, like I said, one of our friends, but you cannot stop orgasming and you're trying to kind of just like a fun, we're at a restaurant, we're just hanging out. JPC, you're like I said, one of our friends, but you cannot stop orgasming, and you're trying to kind of hide it, and you're trying to kind of continue to be a functioning human. Cool. So yeah, it's mostly, I mean, I mostly work, you know, in electronics, but,

oh, I have some side hustles. Cool. Are you interested, Steve? No, oh, man, it just sounds so great. I mean your life Steve you look awful. Oh, I feel great. Your life is so no no no no no Ah, maybe I'll take this sweater. Actually, I'm gonna leave it on Your life is just so exciting so exciting. Thank you. Yeah, and and the kids are doing great We just we just took them to

Disneyland for the first time they We just took them to Disneyland for the first time. Oh, there's something wrong with your skill. Oh, there's something wrong with your skill. Do you want to switch stools with me? It seems like you're in. No, I need to keep mine. I need to keep my mine's got a B for me. Are you anxious you're rocking back and forth?

Yeah. Maybe that's it. Maybe I'm anxious. I'm just anxious. I'm so sorry. I just full disclosure. I've been having an orgasm for the last 30 minutes or so. I'm not doing a very good job covering it up. It's pretty obvious that I'm more as a man.

I'm really really sorry. Can I admit something? I've been having an orgasm for the last 70 minutes. Wow. I feel awful. I'm getting a really bad job covering it up. Can I be honest with you guys? I feel like I have to be honest with you guys. What's up? I'm passing a kidney stone. Yeah, we figure. Let's see. Oh, ew.

Oh boy. Nothing funnier than orgasm sounds. Guys, I'm really mad that I know that pig thing. I guess I got my favorite fact ever, which is turtles breathe out of of their butts so I had to balance it out with the worst fact ever. I don't like knowing I don't like knowing that. Oh, Aaron, sorry. There's some dust on the riddle here. I'm sorry. Sorry. Sorry. There's some dust on the article here. Says turtles breathe out of their butts because they orgasm for 30 minutes. I don't care about turtles orgasm. 30 minutes. I don't care about turtles orgasm, you misunderstand my goal.

Kill a bunga, kill a bunga. Hahaha. Turtles can orgasm whenever, wherever it takes orgasm that freaks me. Those things are appetizing, zoos. Hahaha. I don't want to touch anything that can, has or could come. But we shook hands.

Outstanding. Well, here, let's get to this next riddle. Yes, place. What is it that has a power socket on one and this is just totally coincidence. What is it that has a power socket on one end and a corkscrew on the other? Liar. No. You say water? It's a liar. Oh, liar. Power socket on one end, corkscrew on the other. Yeah. And I swear, I swear to you, this was purely coincidence. This is wine, a wine bottle. No, but one of those words is very close. I got really fucked up in my 21st birthday from electric wine. Not from the drunk part. I got full-blown

electric eating, obviously. Oh, dude, I remember a frat party. So people like, you want to do electric wine? And it's just like a do-you-shot out of an outlet. And it's so dangerous. It's so good. Good. Would you say, oh yeah, dangerous. Oh yeah, do-you-shots-if- why is the best way to do why? Remember in 72, the Freeport Convention when wine went electric? What is it that has a power socket on one end and a corkscrew on the other? And the hint is, I keep saying this is purely coincidence. It's orgasm.

No. A penis. Oh god, please bring in Sean. I need to talk to him. Not talking about Sean. I'm talking about a penis. Oh, God, please bring in Sean. I need to talk to him. Not talking about Sean. I'm talking about a turtle. What is it that has a power socket on one? So picture a power socket.

Like a power outlet? Is that, yeah, like what you'd plug something into. So picture a power socket on one end and on the complete other end of this thing, there's a corkscrew. Oh, is this like a real fucked up Swiss army knife? That sounds like an amazing army knife. I don't know, Adel, what is the answer? Do you want to know the answer?

Do you want to know the answer? Does it mean a real corkscrew, like you could actually like take a cork out of a bottle of wine with it, like a real corkscrew? Or is it like something that's shaped? It's just shaped. Then is that like a phone cord, like a, the cord of a phone? No.

Because that's corkscrew shape, you know what I'm saying? What do we got to do to get you to stop making these noises? Well, that's a hint. This is all a hint. This is all a hint. Wait, oh my God. And wine. Wine. Wine is part of it.

Maybe we put a letter in front of that wine. Swine. Yeah, another word for swine is pig. A pig, baby. From nose to tail, it's a power socket to a corkscrew. It's nose looks like a power socket. It's tail looks like a corkscrew. Purely coincidence.

Aaron, how are we doing? I'm just remembering that someone said the same thing about my body and I hurt my feelings very much. All right, I want to see a quick scene. So you are, we're all your friends at high school and you're describing how you got laid this weekend, but you're like a nerdy kid and nobody believes you and you keep describing it in ways like,

I got laid from Corkscrew to PowerSocket and stuff like that that make everyone not believe you. Sure. I swear guys, I swear I had sex. Okay, well then if you had sex, what was it like? Yeah, what was it like? And I don't mean sex like the number in New Zealand. I mean, I like full on

over the covers inside the dryer on top of the roof. My hands on either side of my body stretched as if I was an eagle and she was spinning in circles dumping flour all over her tits and butthole. Okay, well, Dwindle, none of that, none of that makes us what I believe you. The only thing was Tents and Bot Hall. Those are the only two words that you even used remotely correct in this. Those are her two cats.

Dwindle. Dwindle. Yeah. Only half of that is real sex. Well, hold on out. The day, yeah, so I'm sorry. That was the last one. Mark is right.

The dumping the flower part and the spinning in the circles is part of it. That's the four playoff, actually. Well, you didn't let me finish. That was, I was just getting to the good part. So, so then we get down from the roof and out of the dryer and we go to our couch and we're watching wild things, right? That movie where the girls cast in the pool. Yeah, that's a lot of reference.

Oh, the window. And suddenly, I looked down in her hand, right? OK. Her hand is grasping. Ew, dwindle, don't see something gross. A nature valley granola bar. Ew, right? Dwindle, I'm never going to eat again

because of this. You're freaking gross dwindle. She dowls it down, right? Ew, dwindle. And then I'm playing Panywack, right? I'm on the couch still playing Panywack with the the Reverend right okay okay Dwindle Dwindle take a walk just cool off for a second you're still in her Corvette's overheated Dwindle having a side by side you have a circle my mouth and Cargill it

Dwindle take a walk come back in 30 seconds okay were you reading that down yeah were you reading that down yeah of course that's. Yeah, of course. That's good shit. Spinning covered in flour, he's taking a walk, she's gripping a nature valley bar. So we got to get to the hottest thing I've ever heard. It's a hot ass thing I heard. I don't want to give Dwindle credit, but he's definitely had sex,

because that sounds amazing. Dwindle's fucking king, he's a fucking king. I can't believe he's done it. He's done something impossible. Hey, Dwindle, would you say about a Corvette and some sugar? Yeah, her Corvette over, he did it so I poured sugar and spit on our taffy Dwindle dwindle Get out of here. I'll go to the taffy store you go to the sugar store. I'm gonna get flower on the way back to

Take it to the taffy shop. All right, do you know is the funniest name for a nerd? That is outstanding. So jealous. I think window That's outstanding. We have one more ribble. Oh, okay. Yes, please. This one is called night watchman Once there was a night watchman. Oh, sorry, this is a fairytale. Never mind. We're done Once there was a Once there was a night watchman who had been caught several times sleeping on the job. The boss issued a final warning. On the next night, the watchman was caught with his head on his hands and elbows on the desk. Aha, I've caught you again, exclaimed the boss.

The watchman's eyes popped open immediately and he knew what happened. Being a quick-thinking man, he said one word before looking up at the boss. The boss heard the word and apologized profusely and went home. What was the one word? And you can't say like each shit real fast. That's four words. Lizar says each shit. What? And so now watch me. Does it have anything to do with what like the boss? Oh, them. Oh, them. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh, them. Oh, them. So, Nightwatchman, does it have anything to do with what, like, the boss?

Good morning. No. That's two words famously. Morning. There you go. Morning. Um, does it have anything to do with, like, what the boss was doing? Like, is the boss ashamed of, like, something that, is he even called out?

Um, it doesn't have anything to do with the boss what the boss was doing. So just kind of a summary, there's a night watchman who's been caught sleeping on a job several times, um, boss issued a final warning. Uh, the next night the watchman is caught with his head on his hand and his elbows on the desk. So picture that in your mind's eye. He's caught with his head on his hand and his elbows on his desk. That's when the boss said, catch hand and his elbows on his desk.

That's when the boss said, catch you, watch me think so on his feet real fast, says one word and he's off the hook. Does he say, does he say, resignation, you can't fire me, I quit. These are all phenomenal. Head is on his hand like or hands. Head is on his hand or hands. Head is on his hands. So his elbows are on his desk and we'll say his hands are together and his heads on his hands.

Okay, okay, hands together, heads on hands. Arrested, gottons. Birthday. I do love just screaming broken at your boss and the boss is like, fine, no, I'm sorry. You're, you're, you're, you're, you're, Does he look at him and just say glue? Oh, that's good. I I like JPCs. Please explain yourself. He's glued his hands to his head

Which would which would not get you fired? I tell you go home I Think I did I mention this that I slept talked for the first time in a long time recently? So Sean was up playing video games and I had gone to bed and he came back in and I he talks in sleep all the time I never do but he came back in and he was like is there an awake or not? I can't tell and I was under the covers like with it up to basically like right of my chin and my eyes were really wide and I was staring at him and he was like hey buddy you're awake and I just went scared scary scary scary scary scared he said in that voice scary scary scary scary

scary he was like whoa the most terrifying part of that story is that your boyfriend calls you buddy Hey, pal, did he did he did he wake you up after that? Yeah, he woke me well then he I he was laughing hysterically because he was terrified I'm very confused and then I was like what was funny on TV? Were you watching TV and something was funny? And he was like oh? It was like even scary or that I woke up and I was like why is Sean laughing? That's scary scared scared scary scary scared Did he say scared you weren't having a good nightmare you woke up and you weren't like you didn't feel like you were having a good nightmare. I know I felt like I was like in a dream state where I

thought like an intruder was coming in the room and then I woke up and realized it was Sean and I thought he was laughing at something else. Aaron can I tell you and I'm not a sleep doctor but if you were sleeping and talking, you were definitely in a dream state. Scary, scared, scared, scary, scared. My dream state, Iowa baby. Ooh! If you build a toilet.

I will try. Oh my. Fried food. Um, what did he say, Adel? Well, I'm going to give you one more chance at this, even though you're over it. So make the exact physicality that this guy is doing. So put your hands together and then put your head on your hands. Put your hands together in front of your face a little bit more and then put them together, follow together and then rest your hands. So form

like a tight plank of wood with your hands and then rest your head on your hands. Like your forehead. Oh he's praying. So what did he say? Amen. Amen. He said amen, boss felt guilty because he's like, oh he's just praying, walked away, went home.

That's fucked. And here's, I can't stress this enough. Listeners, if you ever get caught doing anything bad at work, just say it's because of your religion, and you'll get let off the hook. Don't do that. Don't do that. Don't do anything weird or bad.

Don't say it's because of my religion. Just say very simply, this is my God. And then continue doing whatever it is that you're doing. If you're stealing money, money is my God. If you're dipping your fingers into other people's soup, just say this is my God. Sorry, this is my God. If you're dipping your fingers into other people's soup, just say this is my God. Sorry, this is my God. Well, that brings us to the end of the episode and it's time for us to check in to see if there's anything you want to promote.

Aaron, is there anything you'd like to mention? Yes, hold on. As someone go before me, because I would like to yield my time for something else. Did you see if there's anything you'd like to mention? Are you going to do that L.A.C.C.D. council thing where think- JPCs are anything I'd like to mention? Are you gonna do that LACity Council thing where you yield their men or if your time suck my dick fuck you? Yeah, 100%.

No, you can follow me over on social media at Twitter, JPsoFly, Instagram, SharkBarkMan, Twitch, also SharkBarkMan, I stream video games over there. Also, listen to the Billbuds podcast. You can find that wherever you find pod, casts, billboards, all one word, out, anything that you would like to plug. I would like to, so this is 12.30, this is the very last episode of this year. I would like to

promote that next year, in 2021, on July 17th, which is 7.17, we have International Riddle Day. 17-PM, of course, is 69,420 minutes into any given day. So next year to July 17th, we have to do something special. We have to, because it's gonna be international. We have to do a big ol' show or do some sort of festival or something. I also wanna promote a few things. I was on a podcast called Sinclarity, a dinosaur tail podcast, where I had to watch a movie,

I was sorry, I got to watch an episode of the TV show dinosaurs, which I actually watched as a kid and forgot everything about it. And then we reviewed it, it was an absolute blast from the past, so fun. I also guessed it on, I think by now it should be out. I guessed it on one of my favorite podcasts, here's the situation with our friends, Rush Howell and T.J. Jagadowski. Please listen to my episode and JPC's episode might be out as well by this time.

And then finally, I subscribe to a few patrons, not many, but a few. This week I subscribe to my fourth Patreon, and I am proud to say that I am a brand new member of the Bill Buds Patreon. I knew this was coming. So if you're a fan of JPC, if you're a fan of Johnny Amara,

if you're a fan of Poppies, it can get content. Please subscribe to the Patreon for Bill Buds. It's worth every last, it's spent. Aaron, are you ready? I'm gonna do that, you've convinced me. Yes, instead of my plug, Sean is going to do his Sam quote,

he's gonna lean over and be in the microphone. This is not Casey's fault if this audio is bad uh... so do your sam line from a different movie all of which she's having uh... that's what i like to love i can't believe we didn't do a come sandwich joke this a whole episode great job shan happy new year but

and and and and and uh... could you do so maybe your you're Samwise Gamgee, and you're like, you're missing the shire. You're missing the shire, but you're on a mission, and you're not gonna let down your friend, and it's a story night, and you're on your back, you know, out in the wilderness, facing danger, and the spiders,

and you look up in the sky, and you see a twinkle, and just for a second, you think you know what a twinkle is, and of course a twinkle is. Mr. Frodo, two butters, where it's fighting for. You see a twinkle and you just for a second you think you know what a twinkle is and of course a twinkle is mr. Frodo two butters where it's fighting for Why forever mr. Frodo pigs come for 20 minutes no please don't I'm gonna say please no one remind me of the You guys, that pick thing is really a messed up. Hey there, drops and balls. If you like that, then you are going to love this week's Patreon. messed up.

That was a Hitgun podcast.