Hey Riddle Riddle - #129: A Diaper and a Sash

Episode Date: January 6, 2021

Let’s take a shot because we are (20)21 now! Happy New Year! We have no resolutions and we will NEVER evolve! This episode starts with a dead stop and introduces our new classic character-Small Bill! We also have a sneeze in space, office gossip, and a new job for the Radio City Rocketts. New year-same ol’ us! Starring:Adal RifaiJohn Patrick CoanErin KeifEditing by: Casey ToneyTheme by: Arne ParrottLogo by: Emily Kardamis & Emmaline MorrisWant more? Get Weekly Bonus Eps on Patreon!Want merch? Visit our TeePublic Store! or pins, buttons & printsWant to advertise on the show? Check out Hey Riddle Riddle via Gumball.fmSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is a headgun podcast. This is our last recording of the year. I have an idea for an opening. Oh, Aaron Adles already got it. Oh. Oh, yeah, this is for sure. Oh, please go for it. Yeah, let's just melt down gold and turn it into fucking glass idiots. That's how gold works, idiots.

Glass is just heated up gold. No, it's the other way around, idiots. Can I get two shots of tequila please? I'm with my friend 2000s and she's 21 today like this week. Like she does turn 21. Yeah. This is a Boston market. Okay, absolutely. So I guess I'll also take some mashed potatoes with those shots. Now we're talking. Okay. Did you want top shelf or bottom shelf mashed potatoes? Oh, definitely top shelf mashed potatoes bottom shelf everything else. Okay. Here we go. And Dave, you're... And it's just like cold sun creamery, will you sing if we tip you?

Um, yeah, go ahead and just pop that in this jar here. Okay, I just put my wallet in there, so... Okay, um, here we go. Time to say goodbye. Potatoes, oh mashed, oh mashed potatoes. Do you like Andre Pachelli? We don't know who that is. Okay, I got a double order of mashed potatoes for Andre Pachelli.

Well, I'm not Andre Pablli, but I am Adderify. I'm a double order of mashed potatoes. And I'm bottom shelf Tequila. And we are the Bellagio Fountain song. You've been dreaming of a little podcast called Hey Rittle Rittle. Welcome to 2021. Plenty, plenty fun. Now, if you came from the best of because you

listen to the best of 2020 and you said holy crumbs and craps this is one of the funniest shows I've ever heard in my whole life thank God my cousin Nick my little fucking cousin Nick sent this over to me and made me listen to it I'm here for a good time what am I in store for well it's a Riddles and Puzzles podcast three Chicago style that means deep dish improvisers that means no good time. What am I in store for? Well, it's a Riddles and Puzzles podcast. Three Chicago style, that means deep dish improvisers. That means no catch up. Put our own spin on some of the scenes games in this. That'll point out songs that you'll be hearing in this episode.

Hey, guys, can we just do like a quick sidebar just us three? Oh, the listeners for a moment. Okay, go ahead and make sure that the listeners can cure this part. Thank you. Okay, testing, hold on, hold on, Aaron Lou got to make sure it's safe. Testing, testing, I slapped a dog. I slapped a dog.

No, nothing okay, go ahead Aaron. You didn't slap a dog. Oh, I slapped a dog. Okay, good. He pinched my butt. But he slapped a dog high five after the dog. Pinched a butt. Pinched a butt. Okay, well, everything's working. Or did it. Hey, so we're we're still we're gonna carry the riddles into 2021.

Um, still riddles. Well, well, here's the thing. If we're gonna pivot now, it's the time to pivot. I mean, we could say we're doing riddles and then we could just keep not like quote unquote, not getting to them and be like, oh, she's 2018 though. Yeah, but then we have all these puzzle enthusiasts who are listening and they, they're going to get furious. They're going to DM me and say, I thought this was a fucking puzzle podcast you moron. Well, I don't know, Johnny iTunes, one time we didn't episode without any riddles in it. And he came to my house and he broke both of my wrists because he said, you're, you're hobbies in games podcast. And that's the way Johnny iTunes likes it.

And if you don't do hobbies, you don't do, yeah, he's very scary. He's got my name. I was going to say, why are you drinking your coffee like that, but with two brook wrists, I guess that's the, and also I love that show. Cat Dennings, two brook wrists. Yeah. I heard that Johnny iTunes is sleeping with this American wife. What?

I know. Well, anyways, what did we say this American wife? He's sleeping with this American wife. What? I know. Well, anyways, what do we want to be in this sidebar? We say this American wife. He's sleeping with this American wife. Yeah, of course, Adel, did you call this sidebar? What did you want? Oh, can I get a, let's see, can I get a white Russian? Absolutely, I just have old milk, is that okay? My whole personality is Big Lebowski,

that's my whole personality, and I lean on it very hard. And so this is a sidebar. I guess I'll just have a double order of mashed potatoes. Okay, bottom shelf. Okay for you. Oh, I don't want ash potatoes. I want mashed potatoes. Oh, well, I already made them, so.

I'm sorry, bottom shelfing something mashed potatoes makes something different in Indiana. And sorry, Casey, this is... You get what you get and you don't get upset. All right, we're back. This is all gold, so yeah, turn this back on. Yeah, actually, I think that in case that was really good stuff All right, we're back. This is all gold. Yeah, turn this back on. Yeah, actually, I think that in case that was really good stuff. Okay, we're doing riddles still, I guess.

We're doing riddles. For at least one more year, at least one more year, let's commit to doing riddles and puzzles for at least one more year. Hey, are you guys gonna leave me this year? 100%. Real quick, let's establish this. So it's the first episode of the New Year. So we're going to say,

Yes, etched in stone, carved in granite, 2021, Hey, run riddle, I guess we're still loon riddles. Here's the thing with the saying, it shouldn't lose confidence as it goes. You know what I mean? I feel like you start, it starts up strong. And then at the end, it's sort of like, well, we could turn it in, we could say,

I guess we're still doing riddles and then say 2021, because that's a fact. That's, that can't be changed. So this is, well, this is actually, this brings up a great point, Aaron, because Mariana just had like a, actually, a huge blowout fight because I was accusing her and she was accusing me because we thought that someone had carved, we're still doing riddles into our nice granite countertops now These countertops cost us so much money. We were we worked so hard for these and now to find out that Adel is pitching that same exact

phrasing when he was in my house Fixing my toilet that he broke by doing a massive no-no and I'm doing air quotes And Mariah's behind you. It looks like Mariah had a blowout fight and you had a perm fight? Well, one of the ways that we calm down is we do each other's hair and nails. And then whatever you get, you get. That teaches you to maybe be a little nicer in fights.

And you picked a perm? Sort of like an early 90s perm? Look, did I pick the permvert of the pervert pick me? We'll never know. Hair and nails, I fell in love with you. Hair and nails. Um, Adel, what about this? Yes.

Hey, Riddle Riddle 2021. Just do it. I think that's Gary's thing. Um, let's do it. Hey, Riddle Riddle 2021. What do you fucking expect? Exclamation point. Yes, I like that.

I think that's it. Yeah. I have nothing to pitch. I was still working on a joke about kneeling during the riddles and then having fans say, just do riddles, just do riddles. Stick to the riddles. How hard is your job?

Just do riddles. just do riddles. Stick to the riddles. How hard is your job? Just do riddles. Don't be a person. I'm speaking, don't be a person. Two of us are not old man puzzles, but one of us is, please. That's a, wait, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, this year of how your segues are. So far you're at 100% because that segway, you knocked it out of the fucking park. 10 out of 10 of that segway. Well, how about we do like a,

what's that show with the, like, somebody's like dressed up like a wet bag of grapes in the name of their head. They got their head and we're like, it's them. Why fire? Yeah, she. She. She.

You guys suck. So we, so we have a big bag of words. I'm sorry, Aaron's never seen the wire. I've just described every episode to her. So that's why. That's how I fall asleep at night. Cause I call JPC, he goes, okay, season four episode two. Bubs is in trouble.

Mr. Prespuluski is a bad teacher. So Aaron, I believe you're the first baby, baby new puzzles of the year. That's why I'm wearing a diaper. You are all wondering, I'm wearing a diaper and a sash because I'm baby new puzzles. But the sash and the diaper are not where you expect them to be. They're reversed. I have a mis-America sash around my private part and I got a diaper around my tits. Hold on, hold on, hold dead stop. The new, Aaron you said and did nothing wrong. The only reason I got burnt is stop. Don't tell me I said and did nothing wrong. The only reason I called for it is to say 2021 diaper tits. That is our new catchphrase.

Funny it is to say private parts and then air it's in diaper of my tits and I think I lost it. Hey, diaper tits, where's my fucking coffee? Okay, there's something I would like to say. My brain was moving slow and so I couldn't think of a classy way to say, my chest, I should have said my chest.

So instead I said a word I rarely, rarely to never say, which is tits. I love just the juxtaposition of like I have a mis-America sash around my private parts and then a diaper around them titties. She's beauty and she's grace. She's mis-united diaper titties. Beauty on top of the bottom. I am. Yeah, I can't believe that you for the first time in the history of the show, you told me I didn't say anything wrong when I couldn't, I couldn't have been more wrong. Um, oh boy, I am, I'm my, my stomach hurts from laughing. No, I think we're off to a great start. This is going to be, I can already tell that this is going to be a great year. I, and this year, I promise myself I'm going to be a beauty in the streets and a Gaston in the sheets. Oh, I'm going to be I'm especially good at

that as I'm breaking nobody, fucks like Gaston, I'm so sorry. You're also going to want to say other streets for at least the first six to eight months of the year, just FYI. I'm gonna be a... Elsa and the street and an Olaf and the sheep. Ice cold. Cold everywhere. Ice cold and a lot of carrot play. I'm gonna use 2021 as an opportunity to take a step back and listen to music from farther away.

I'm too close to the speakers. It's hurting me. I know that. I got it. I got it. I got it because I don't know how this sounds comes out of it because it's so little and I get so close up to it just to find it. So I'm taking a step back, taking an opportunity to listen to music from a little farther away. That's beautiful. Thank you. You're going gonna be able to hear for the rest of your life with those sort of precautions Well, I hope so my dad told me when I was young that I was going to ruin my esophagus from eating too fast And guess what I have done. I've eaten too fast my entire life. I guess what my esophagus is up to it hurts Burning

Just fully on fire. It's bad. All right speaking of let's hold on speaking of let's us off a guess the answer to these riddles JP's do it. I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it. Yes. Yes. Yes. You're nearly that'll don't forget how's this segue Oh shit Aaron just went to a lake with her segue You guys help help But the diaper runner tits keeping her float. Yeah, I can't help them afraid of lakes Your vagina one Miss America Don't be dense my ass one Miss America you jerk Man

You guys are really familiar with the way that they judge Miss America with the way that they judge Miss America. I don't know. Turn around. Let me see that ass. Okay. My ass went out there and saying opera. And everyone cried. How Aaron, be honest.

And you have to be totally honest. How thrilled or displeased or apathetic would you be? If Sean came home with a crown, a sash, and a dozen roses for your ass. And the sash said like Miss America. That ass. That would be really romantic. And honestly, anything to have a day feel different from the day before. Or the sash that's the best in show. Yeah. My cooter, my vagina would get runner up and be bitter. And then my ass would win, and then my tits would get miscongeniality. Because your tits are Sandra and Bologna named them, right?

I will say there's nothing funnier, there's no funnier term for any genitalia than kudr is just outstanding. There's not a single body part I have, not a single body part I have that wouldn't win first place in a flabious mistake contest Now be so smug and confident I would go way to the contest being like I got this I got this That's the one they do on Thanksgiving right right after the parade That's what I think we need the next time we do do... It's just you running around, Natarina. The next time we do an in-person live show with an audience. We need someone to make JPC a tiny sash for his dick that just says, Flabius mistake.

Yeah, no one make any sash for our private parts, please. Yes. I know, I know sometimes... What a bad way to go to jail. Sometimes when an adult says that, people might get the idea that that is something that we actually want Trust me I read the evils. I do not need to hear it Make it for me make it for me. Oh, oh, oh, gladly word. I'll wear it with pride I got it. I got to get you to Google the word pride. I know that you keep using it

I You're using it incorrectly every time pride is when I bury my face in my desk and it turns bright red because I'm just absolutely hating myself. I'm like a girl. I'm like a girl. I love love. Oh man, now I'm just picturing my ass,

answering a question, being like, in America, such as in America, in the great United States of America, such as. Oh God. All right, Aaron, I am ready for a riddle. I'm doing listeners submitted riddles. You guys, I'm in a weird mood and I'm really sorry. Okay.

So these are from Eric. And they are rhyming riddles. And he says, I've been enjoying your podcast since the early days. And this summer I went back and listened to all the old episodes for a second time. I save each of your new episodes for the weekend to listen to as soon as I've finished my morning errands so it marks the start of my free time weekend. Save each new episode. Which I love about the little tradition.

Save each new episode like a tiny little chocolate that grandma would give me and I'd stash away until the weekend until I could enjoy it and prive it. What is a weekend? I created some original rhyming riddles that you're welcome to use. If you enjoy them, feel free to mention my name on air. Keep up the good work. So, beep out, Eric.

Eric! All right, ready? Yes. These are rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme, rhyme The small holes. I would be answered. Holes, yes. An excellent movie and book. Which is better? Move your book. Oh, book. Yeah, the big one.

Oh, I think I picked book, but now that you press me on it, I'm going to pick the movie. You can't. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Which person? Which was shy love off better than the book.

Yeah. We do. We do. Shy love book. Um, let's do. I want to see a scene. This is our first scene bit better. A little bit better. A little bit better. A little bit better. A little bit better. A little bit better. A little bit better.

A little bit better. A little bit better. A little bit better. A little bit better. A little bit better. A little bit better. A little bit better. A little bit better.

A little bit better. A little bit better. A little bit better. A little bit better. A little bit better. A little bit better. A little bit better. A little bit better.

A little bit better. A little bit better. A little bit better. A little bit better. A little bit better. I've done it. God I sneezed like six minutes ago and it's been Helen here ever since Oh God, that's the worst I hate when I sneeze in the space suit because it's like you know We have a job to do I hear and we can only shit. What what's up? Kim your suit is Weeking there is a hole in your suit No, yeah, it is it is it looks like it's dirty when you sneeze did you like sneeze down like into to cover it into your own like shirt. Yeah it looks like yeah so it looks like it shot them blast blew a hole through the chest of your suit. Why did you do that by the way? Wait wait what do you mean? Where in space?

Why did you cover it? Where in space? I'm not trying to get you sick I'm trying to get you sick. What are you not gonna sneeze into my air? Oh, it's like we're in a pretty different day and my thing. It's day and you're thick. Well, I was just trying to be polite. Is it cold by the way? Yeah, and you're soon. Have you noticed like a temperature trump? Yeah, so it also sounds pretty different in here It sort of sounds like a David Bowie song, but also complete silence and death. Sort of exactly how I expected space to sound. Not in a suit. And what would it sound like a Bowie song, I guess? I understand that. You know the sort of vibe of a Bowie song, so there's no melody here. But the feeling you feel when you're listening to a David Bowie song.

Oh, I don't know that it's a universal. Can you show my kids that I love them? And... Uh, I'm not great with kids. We cut to Earth. Hello? Who's at the door, Mr.? What's your name? Hello? Hey. Uh...

Champs in sport. Hi, how'd I know our names I mean your your mom was crazy patriotic You know she she was always talking about um you knew how mom yeah, I was you I were I You knew mom you keep saying you know you keep saying do so you understand what happened right you understand No, I just don't understand past tense. Okay, yeah, I knew your mom Mama you keep saying you you keep saying do so you understand what happened right you understand now I just don't understand past tense. Okay. Yeah, I knew your mom I I guess what is it Christmas? Let's open past tense. She warned me about you sport

Past tense is also what I call it when I go camping and I can't hold my potty Before I go outside it's a past tense Past tense can later get you pregnant. Let me bring you. Do you bring me? Yeah, actually, kids, I do bring some news. So, I'm, what news do you bring? So, you know how when you sneeze,

it's important to cover your mouth so that the sneeze does get out. It needs to right into your chest. Yeah, you sneeze right into your chest. Mau Maui said, in space, no one can hear you sneeze. Well, your mom had a sneeze while we were out in space. And then, and this is the part that she definitely wanted me to tell you guys, your mom,

okay, you can do this, you can do this, you can do this, don't panic, don't don't panic don't panic was killed by a Russian assassin So you listen close listen close you how bad is it? It's pretty bad. She died and you two kids have to avenge her death. So train Do it she gonna make it she died. How bad is it? How bad is it how bad is it be straight with us? Is she totaled all off the bandage, how bad is Mom dead? So she's totaled, we can give you equivalent value of a mom, so you can buy a new model on the free market.

Your mom did, she was crazy patriotic, so we can give you equivalent value for that. So let's put your patriotic, that was her Twitter handle. Yeah, your mom was born to a lot of trouble in 78 So she had a lot of mileage on her so we can give you an equivalent value for your mom of $10,900. You know why our mom was afraid of six because she was born in 78 She warned me about you You you can get a new mom for equal or lesser value. It really. Mom adjuster.

I think being in space would be really stressful. I was just thinking about, I was just picturing that in my head. That sounds horrible, right? Yeah, I always thought it would be fun to be like, I can't imagine anything more amazing than seeing Earth from space. But then I watched the movie Gravity, featuring Aaron's tits, and that movie shook me to the core. George Clooney, or Sandra Bullock, depending on who I'm talking to. Yeah, yeah, too stressful for me.

I can do it. You could. Sure. Send me to space. All right. I dare you to go to space. Okay. Dare accepted. I guess I'm going to start training to go to space.

Sir, please, if you're going to leave the space suit, you need sleeves. And don't put on your helmet backwards. Also, take off that shirt that says astronaut-ass cream. Eight years from now, I'll be like, GBC, you don't have to do this. I was obviously joking. Stop, you don't have to go to space. Coolest astronaut ever died with his hat backwards in space.

That's one small dab for mankind, one giant dab for human grave. I might tell the future as some people think, but that's only after you've taken a drink. Some people spill me on purpose, it's true, but you'd better hope they don't spill me on you. Tea, baby, what's the term? Whale, spit. Oh, tea. Oh, tea. Damn it. baby what's the term whale spit oh tea dammit spurs I would think you are co-workers and

jpc you are trying to share some office gossip with adult but you're not very good at you're not very good at it and sorry I'm so sorry. There's this new thing this year I don't know what's happened, but I see words Like I'm reading them versus hearing them. So when you say that we're co-workers. Do you mean we're cow workers? I'm gonna send a glass of water to your house and I'm gonna want you're gonna drink it Could that have possibly been worth it? No, I Am thinking a point away. I'm thinking a secret Possibly been worth it. No. I am thinking of point away. I'm thinking of a secret. Excuse me. He has been locked inside a house with only his thousands of books for 10 months and you expect him to not get tired. Oh Aaron my dear I have no books.

What I have is doorways to other worlds. Okay that sucks. Okay here that sucks. Take it for a fight. Okay, here we go. Office scene. GPC's bad at spilling gossip. Hey Frank, how was the weekend? Hey, what's up? The weekend was good. What did I do? I built a new shelf for the kiddos. They're new shelf for their toys.

The misses and I got up to some hanker-panky. We learned close-up magic. And I went to bed early which is just something I don't get to do often. Very cool. Yeah, how about you? Talk to my dad on the phone, obviously contentious as always. Oh right, right, right, sorry about that.

But on Saturday, I'm doing a little shopping at Mariano's. I'm in the meat aisle. Oh. Do you think I saw? And Mariano's I'm in the meat aisle. Oh Do you think I saw? Oh, this is gonna be juicy Served from sales. Oh, what do you think Jeff was up to? Oh shit cheating? Huh, I don't know if you can call it cheating, but he was ordering about a pound of chuck roast.

Uh, oh, so is he gonna fuck that beef? I don't know, but I would not want to be in Jeff's refrigerator in a couple of weeks if he doesn't eat that ground chuck. Hey, it's because it's poiled there. Ha, he totally, I mean, I know that I'm by the way, friends. Yes, I just walked by Mandy's office. Uh-oh Here it comes. I have a I overheard her on the phone. Yes, bump set bump set you clean a credit card charge It sounds like it was a fraudulent purchase Yeah, she probably left her

She probably left her card out somewhere and someone used it to commit fraud. Sounds like it's gonna be okay though. Sounds like they're gonna resolve it. Yeah. Hey, dude, can you give me and Mike the room really quick? I just wanna talk to him about something. Sure, which one of us is Mike? Not you, the one that's like. Okay, great. I'll see you guys. Your name is Frank. I've said it twice.

Yeah. What am I fucking doctor listening over here? Sorry, I'm leaving. Hey Mike. Hey, great. I'll see you guys. Your name's Frank. I've said it twice. Yeah. What am I fucking doctor? Listen over here. Sorry. I'm leaving. Hey, Mike. Hey, Jeff. Hey, I saw you see me at Mariana's. Sorry, did someone call me? Nope. You're Mike.

Oh, no, you're not. I bet you're Frank. Okay, sorry. I'm Jeff. Hey, I saw you see me at Mariana's ordering that chuck. And I just I just wanted to make sure that we are cool, and you weren't gonna say anything to my wife about it when you see her at the holiday party in a couple weeks.

Yeah, no, no, no, no, man, we're totally cool. Okay, cool, cool, cool. You get it, you get it. Yeah, yeah, I get it. I get it, you know what else I get? What? $20,000 cash. What are you fucking kidding me?

Small bills. Small bills. Someone call for me? Has someone call for a small bill? Bill, can you, if you think about the window. I'm gonna be be a big deal. Great hearing on that small bill. It's okay, I landed on a marshmallow.

I took it, but we're not following that thread. If you don't, No, Bill, we'll see you in a scene later, I bet. We'll see you, yeah, later, give us 25 minutes and people will be like, Holy shit, they remembered small later. I bet. We'll see you later. Give us 25 minutes and people will be like, holy shit, they're a member in small bill. Sounds good. So you live.

If you think that you can just walk into a Marianas, in order to pound a chuck, grand chuck, chuck, I call it chuck roast, that's nothing. Grand chuck. Hey, somebody call for me? Office stand up, chuck roast? What do we got going on here? I like you out the window. We won't be seeing you later. Hey man, it's not just sex. I'm in love with ch Chuck roast. Well, what do we got? I'm here. I'll go get you out the window. We won't be seeing you later. Hey, man. It's not just it's not just sex. I'm in love with Chuck roast. Not the guy we work with the the deli deli meat.

Okay. Yeah, I mean, I mean, it's cool. I don't need to be blackmailed. I don't give a shit what it is. But if you don't want your wife to find out about it, then I'm in the $20,000. Actually, I need the money immediately because I stole a credit card earlier today and I tried to get $20,000. I see. Well, well, well. Oh man, it's so funny to know

that you're gonna be at a call back later and say, see you soon. I wish I had done that in more improv shows. All right, I'm playing a really big character right now, so you're gonna see me a little bit later in the show. Colle, your own shot. Looking straight at the audience, yeah, Babe Ruthit. Yeah.

I'll see you all later. I would like to go out on stage, I'd point to the back of the house because that's where my fucking laugh's gonna come from. See, you do that. You Babe Ruthit where you call for your own laugh spots. And what I do is I lose Garrogate, which is in every scene I stop in the middle of the scene See, you do that. You be a booth where you call for your own laugh spots. And what I do is I lose gargit, which is in every scene,

I stop in the middle of the scene and break down crying, and I go today, I consider myself the funniest man in the world. And then I die. And then I die from a disease named after me. Adal goes at every scene and like someone will set up a premise and Adal will hear a pun, he'll be a bunch, bunch, bunch. Just bunch, just bunch of the pun, bunch of the pun, bunch of the pun. Bunt the badger, baby!

I'm the guy, and I'm the guy who won the Red Secks the World Series in 80-something. Remember, he didn't get a ball. You're Jimmy Fallon? Yeah, that was too, Jimmy Fallon. Who's that guy? I'll look it up. Bill Buckner. Who's to say? One more rid it up. Bill Buckner. Who's to say?

Huh. One more riddle and then we check in with this news. One more riddle. Yes, one more riddle for us please. Actually, there's two of these here, so we're just gonna do them fast, because I don't wanna come back to this email. Well, I'll be the one to decide how fast we do them

because I won't be getting the answers correct. Well, I'm just gonna add a minute after I read it, I'm gonna just say the answer, regardless of where you're at. That's gonna make me work harder. Well, I'm just gonna add a minute after I read it, I'm gonna just say the answer regarding the way you're at. That's gonna make me work harder. Oh, good. Oh. I'm being pulled over. Tap, tap, tap, tap.

Oh, it's a tapped answer. Sorry, ma'am. Ta-da, ta-da, ta-da, ta-da. I'm one of the Rockettes. Do you know how fast you were solving those riddles? I don't know, like, to every 20 minutes it seems. I want to say, about a parade, about a parade, I want to say that's the thing. Hottaboo Ray? Huh?

Who's the hot dancer here? How do you kick and such unison? Your rocket, how do you kick and such unison? It's all unplanned. We always try and do something different, but we just sync up. Just like our periods. T-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t you want to know what that actually means in material terms it means we hire the rock heads to do traffic enforcement. That's what it means. It won't work right now. World that would be. They're in those toys sold. You're costume. If I, if I was speeding and I saw a string of women kicking above their heads, I would slow

down and I would say thank you officers. I will be better. I just have like the rockets and one of those like DUI checkpoints, which is like instead of orange cones, it's just rockets kicking as you like beer off to the center of the rocket and a brutalizer. Oh man. So I can you step out of your car, okay? And kick above your head and do the full splits.

All right. Done with your rock. Done. Done, done, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, you're going to jail. All right. Start spreading your ass. Absolute power corrupts, absolutely. I don't want the rockets to turn like that.

Defund the rockets. OK, ready? Yes. We might bring you pleasure. We might bring you pleasure. We might bring you pain. The highest we show would be found on the train. The lowest we show would help serpents to see. We're twins and we're fickle.

We think you'd agree. Dice? Snake brothers? Snake brothers? Is it the snake brothers? It's the snake brothers who are like 10 string characters from guys and dolls. Hey, it's the snake brothers. Hey, beautiful.

Blow on these snake brothers so I could roll. Excuse me? You want me to do what? I'm sorry. I just set a stroke. Hey, run. It's the snake brothers. Here's your snake sauce, ma'am.

Are you two, no, no, no, we're steak brothers. It's like Eskimo cousins. So I help snakes to see. Oh, yeah, I can. It's dice. Oh, it's dice. But honestly, I don't, I didn't confirm. Oh, box fars.

Top. Okay, I see. Yeah, typically we give a yes or a no. Sorry, I'm, maybe I'm crazy. But in 2021, we typically give a yes or a no to an answer. He's embarrassed, so he's taking it out on me. Well speaking of yes or no, it is, and speaking of dice, it is... Wait, one more.

No, I have one more. We have to, because I don't want to, I would stop and start. And I'm glad that you cut him off, Aaron, because that segway was about to be a zero as zilch, so not a great segway'm glad I'm glad that we have one more. Um, I think this one will be like you'll find a creative way. So a JBCU focus on the answer. Adel, you focus on the segue. Okay. Great. It's quad.

First in Ovine, then a bow vine, then a sibling pair, a pincere on sand, a feline on land, a maid of virtue fair. I'll skip the rest and be impressed if you can name this set. A motley crew that ancient's new, and you should not forget. I love this riddle.

Beach kitty. It's beach kitty. Shoves up, meow! Oh! Ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho No! No! No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,y, so, so meow. I wish I could have fun with Beach Kitty, but I was doing my job in focusing on the riddle. And Aaron, I'm glad to report that I don't know the answer. I don't even know it. I've had so much fun with Beach Kitty.

Can we wear it? You must be so sorry. I would've been like a cat in a sandbox with Beach Kitty, but no. Is it Aaron, I want to say is it like chess or checkers? No, but it is like a group of things. Yeah, okay. Let's hear it again. I would say, yeah, okay, I don't want to give any

So like this is not at all it but think like days of the week. You know, oh is it the days of the week? Yeah, Saddle You can lead a horse to water, but you can also just give it the water All of a sudden my skin started itching everywhere when you did that Maybe at one point we just admit to ourselves. It's a fucking horse and it just eats the water. Yeah, and maybe you're itching because you have a diaper in your tits. Um, it colored me crazy. On the end. But everyone at home I have multiple diapers on my tits, okay?

He said it and. In and. Yeah, I got such an off-branded boob job that there's diapers in there. Wow, your boobs are really absorbent. I have a really bad infection. I want to be nice about this, but your boobs look like a baby. Okay, as a doctor, I try to be sensitive with these conversations, but how large would you like them? Would you like empty diapers or fall?

Aaron, you're horrible! I know! I know! Okay, okay, I'm reading my favorite riddle ever, and the worst, my least favorite, hey, riddle, riddle moment of all time is being laid across the top of it. First in Ovine, then a bowvine, then a sibling pair. A pincher on sand. Oh, these are the first. These are like horse gear. Yeah, a native virtue fair. I'll skip the rest and be impressed. If you can name this set, I'm Motley Crew that ancient's new and you should not forget. All of our listeners are Sagittarius's. Welcome back to the show, all of you.

Thank you so much for listening. We'll speak of zodiacs. Speaking of zodiacs, just like the zodiac killer, we just cracked this case, and it's, oh, Aaron, look at this. It's 17. Haven't they never caught the zodiacs? It's 17.

17. It's 17. 17. What? He's not even loving it. He's not even loving it. That's 16. That's 16. That's 16. That's 16. Baby 17. That's 16. What? He's not even lying, it is. At 69 420, baby 717.

So we're gonna take a quick break while we solve the zodiac case. We'll be right back with more ribbons. What we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we see. Uh, yeah. You're not in trouble. I just need help. I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I is the only one website platform for entrepreneurs to stand out and to sit online, whether you're just starting out or managing a growing brand, Squarespace makes it easy to create a beautiful website. It gays with your audience, and so let me think for products to cut into time all in one place, all on your terms. Hey, Otto, come here. Come here. Come here. Hey, what's going on? I actually, I want to prank GPC and I want to set up a whole website to prank him.

Do you have anything that like, is there like an online store that could set up on my website to sell products? Did you know that with Squarespace, you can have custom merch, you can easily sell custom merchant crepe has of income stream that engages your audience and scales your brand, design your products and production

and inventory and shipping are handled for you, saving you time and money. What is happening? Okay. Wait, what's going on with that all? Oh, nothing, nothing. I'm just setting up a very normal Squarespace website, not a prank thing.

No, he's gonna shoot you. And I'm gonna use analytics, use insights to grow my business, and learn where my site visits and sales are coming from. That's pretty cool. I'm going to improve my website and build marketing strategy based on top keywords, our popular products and content on my prank website, the prank activity. Whoa, that's awesome, Aaron. I'm glad you're using Squarespace. Did you say what the website was for? I can't remember what the website is for. The website is for. Prank.

With Squarespace. You can connect to your store to Vedenturd Party tools to extend the functionality of your website. Hey JPC, hey JPC. What's up, Vattle? I can't believe we pranked Aaron with our little boy routine. Dude, we got her. Anyway, if you want to prank Aaron with your little boy routine, head to squarespace.com for a free trial and when you're ready to launch go to squarespace.com slash riddle to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Oh she's back she's back. Hey Aaron can

we go to grandma's house? Wait I've been pranked but how? I don't know. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Hey, Adel and JPC. Thank you for meeting me in the middle of the woods here. I am sort of at an empath. I can't decide whether or not to go this way or this way. I'm having a hard time choosing a path. You know, there never truly is a middle of the woods. Isn't it funny to think about something like that?

Like, how they're never truly is a middle of the woods. No, this is the middle about something like that? They're never truly a middle of the woods. No, this is the middle. Okay, this is it. How do you help? Yeah, actually, so as per Robert Frost, I don't know if you know his poems. He has a poem called Better Help. I believe this is written in the 1800s, but it still stands true today more than ever. Aaron, you should try Better Help. Have you heard of this?

You seen this? Because sometimes Aaron and life were faced with tough choices, and the path forward isn't always clear. Whether you're dealing with decisions around career relationships, being stuck in the middle of the woods, therapy helps you stay connected to what you owl, owl. Sorry, that also does so fast. Therapy helps you stay connected to what you really want while you navigate life and the woods.

Mm, and better help is entirely online, so it's designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. I've been using it for several years, and it suits the way that my brain works way better than traditional therapy ever did. And when Aaron says traditional therapy, just so everyone's clear, what she means is tricking two of her friends to coming to the middle of the woods, even though there isn't truly the concept of the middle of the woods. Isn't that fun to think about? All you have to do is just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a license therapist,

and you can switch therapists at any time for no additional charge. Hey, Aaron, a GPC's putting down bread crumbs and then immediately picking them up and eating them. Mmm, dirty bread crumbs. Mmm. them up and eating them. Dirty breadcrumbs. And he's also like really into that owl who's swooping down. Anyways, let there be your map with better help. Visit betterhelp.com slash riddle today to get 10% off your first month. That's better help h-e-l-p dot com slash riddle r-i-d-d l-e. R-i-d-d l-, the middle of riddles of D,

but there is no true middle of riddle because it would be the space in the LRJPC. Hope you get home. Bye, baby. Am home. Who are we? What is this? I, clink, clink, clink.

Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen. I just want to make a quick toast to I know it's JPC's birthday and we're all so excited to talk about him, but I want to talk about my favorite My favorite thing in the world. Oh, and that is the app rocket money. Oh Yeah, Aaron. That's one of my favorite things as well Mm-hmm rocket money is a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending and helps you lower your bills all in one place.

I've been using it for years way before they were a sponsor and it helps me so much, especially around tax season. Kling, Kling, Kling, Kling, Kling, Kling. Sorry, I also wanna give a toast. Rocket money, well quickly and easily find your subscriptions for you and for any you don't wanna pay for anymore, just hit cancel and Rocket money will cancel subscriptions for you. And for any you don't want to pay for anymore,

just hit cancel and rocket money will cancel it for you. It's that easy. Clint, Clint, Clint. It also categorizes your expenses. So you can easily track your budget in real time and also get alerted if anything looks off. Over three million, Clint, Clint, Clint, over three million people

have used rocket money, saving the average person up to $720 a year. We love rockets, don't you? Stop, stop, clink, clink, stop. No, clink, clink, clink, stop. Throwing your money away, cancel unwirted subscriptions today and manage your expenses the easy way by going to rocketmoney.com slash riddle.

That's rocketmoney.com slash riddle. Rocketmoney.com slash riddle that's rocket money dot com slash riddle rock at money dot com slash riddle and tell them jpc's birthday got ruined by two of his friends for doing speeches about rocket money the website like a big money like a Knock, knock, knock. Excuse me, Mr. Bill Buckner, are you home, sir? Oh, sorry, could you not just open my door and say the words, knock? I'd love it if you actually knocked. Knock, knock, knock, knock, so Mr. Buckner, I'm just going to make myself a bowl of ice cream and sit in your couch.

Oh. I was just making sure that you're okay. I know that you were humiliated. Oh, no, I'm doing great. I mean, I'm a fucking laughing stock and a magnet for violence and harassment for the last 30 some years, but no, I'm doing great. I was on curb enthusiasm, I think, so that's working out. What else?

What else? Well, a ball went between my legs and therefore I have been the I.R. of the Boston community and beat up several times in bars people actually instead of buying me drinks They send me their tabs Well, thank you for the ice cream Mr. Bruttener and I can't miss her golf anymore Why? Because it reminds me of that moment with a ball Rolled between my legs. I saw my whole life flash and you know what?

Can I tell you something that I've never told anyone? It wasn't my lack of athleticism. It wasn't anything to do with my skill. There was a fan in the crowd. A fan in the crowd distracted me. Here we are on the bottom of the sixth or something. Oh, this is a crack of events. Ah, but buddy, it's probably the bottom of the ninth. I'm going closer to a crack of the bats. Ah buddy it's probably the bobbler of the night. And we're closer to the end of the game. Today it's a lot on the ball. The ball's rolling towards Buckner.

It's about a minute away from him catching it, but yeah a fan in the stands will tapening. All right Bill catch the ball. You got this just catch the ball. Catch the ball Bill. Catch the ball. Hachoo! Oh I see it's into my chest.

What the fuck? Cover your mouth! Oh, and the ball rolls with very much dirt like... Hello! Hello! Oh, sorry! Vets ox will go with other toyers! Bye bye, baby!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Hey, can I be honest with you? What's up? It wasn't really a... It wasn't really a... Fan distracting me. It was just a sneeze, I guess. I misremembered.

I- Sorry. I deserve everything I received. Oh boy. Now, I know that. I know that Bill Buckner probably didn't get much of a public send-off when he died but I hope that anyone... I don't think he died. No no he died in 2019. No I hope that everyone listening to that might hope that it provides a little bit of relief for the family of Bill Buckner who I hope that it provides a little bit of relief for the family of Buildbuckter who, hopefully, still carrying on. Come on, dude, nobody fucked that guy.

He died at 69, so that's not nothing. I know that because he was born on my birthday, December 14th. Oh, that's a good person to share your birthday with. I keep track of whenever someone on my birthday dies because I experience what high learners refer to us the quickening. Uh-huh, uh-huh. And that's a, that's a tax software. The rebate.

And also once, uh, once everybody else who's been born on your birthday dies, you get all the money, right? Uh, well, I have to stay one night in a big spooky old house, but then the money's mine. Oh, man, it's Confederate gold. I wonder if a couple of your friends will go in their address to go to try to spooky it out of the money. No friend of mine would dress as a ghost. They know how much ghosts hurt my family.

Only my enemies. All right, I got another riddle. Is that something that is interesting? Yes, ma'am. I'm very interested in these riddles. Do you call her Karen? Karen? I swear to God, I swear to God, if you see this,

call to you Karen. What is her name? Her name is... My name. And Baron Chief. My name is Lucy Von Twizzlers. And I'm here to give you open hearts, surgery without cleaning my hands.

I told you guys when we started this podcast 16 months ago, what's the one thing I won't do? Learn your names and apologize. But I'm sorry, your name is Jennifer now. And my name's Small Bill. No, small Bill Bill Bill Bill. Two cents, two cents, two cents. Soak a dick, Bridget.

What? Ten more minutes. We actually need the room a little while longer. We'll call you when we're ready to see you, OK? Can you just give me a flick? And. Woo! I can hear you.

I'm in an alarm smell. Do you normally? It's like a 1 million shot off the edge of this building. 2 million. Seems like you're OK though, you're talking. No, I'm dead. He's still fuffin. He's still fuffin.

Bill, if you keep talking, we're not gonna need to see you again. Should we see more beach kitty? No, no one liked that. Yeah, yeah, sir, what's up? Beach kitty here. Oh my god. Oh, we are tired. Okay.

This is from Aaron. Okay. Her name is Aaron. You wrote. Not me, Aaron. A different Aaron. Me, Aaron. Me, Aaron.

Let's catch some crabs. Okay. I know what I said. Yeah. I was like, I want to do something with that. I also don't want to keep festering. That cat is going to the beach for two things. To scream at the water and to get SDDs.

Day-bout, bout. Okay. Hmm. Okay. Susie is sleeping in her bed when she is awakened by a fire alarm. She knows she is in danger, yet makes no attempt to escape. Why? She's a firefighter.

The fire alarm is to let her know she needs to go fire to fire, not that the house is on fire. She sleeps through the alarm and therefore her house burns out. Oh my God, do you think firefighters news be alarm? Five more minutes. Oh, no. She has narcolepsy. Firefighters news. Be alert. Five more minutes. Ah! No! She has narcolepsy.

She is at a bachelor at party. The fire alarm is part of the dance track to a stripper. She is afraid because her ex is a stripper. She forgot that that was the same stripper company that her ex works for. They had a contentious relationship and she doesn't need to see him tonight. Tonight is about Tiffany and Mark. Hey, I'll do that storing confidence. I love that the fight changed the name. They had a contentious relationship and she doesn't need to see him tonight. Tonight is about Tiffany and Mark. Hey, I'll do that storing confidence.

I love that the face changed the name. I love it. Why does he shine in there? And I said, Tiffany and Mark, I'm getting canceled for what? I love the fake names you used. Our Tiffany and Mark, which are Tiffany Amber Thiesin and Mark Paul Gosling, who played the notorious couple, Zach and what's her name, Kelly?

Uh, was Adel right or was that right? Neither. So, is it five alarm chili and she had to wake up and take a shit? Aaron, you're right. Have you guys ever had? The correct response had to wake up and take a shit wake up

No In the last year I have in the last year I've maybe woken up from like sleep to pee Maybe twice and I just most of the night most nights I just sleep through the nights, but I cannot remember the last time I had to wake up because my body was like, a shit's coming right now. Well, JPC, I think you have sleep shat, Nia. Yeah, I go into Shatner when I sleep. William Shatner is what you meant to say.

Bye. Sleep schedule's all messed up. I don't know, I can't do Shatner. All right, you did it though. Thank you so much, I thought I was doing walking. Can you do the rental one more time just for old me? Suzy is sleeping in her bed when she's awakened by a fire alarm. She knows she's in danger yet makes no attempt to escape. Why?

Suzy's a ghost. Okay, so the danger that she knows she in, I don't know, didn't mean to say that. She knows she in. The danger she knows she in. You and danger, no. Is not fire related. There's some, the fire alarm is going off, but is there like someone in her room or something like that

where she's like, she knows she's in danger but she can't move because she knows that there's like a person there. That's a really good guess. There is a fire. That part's real. I would like to maybe give you some hint. Wait, hold on a minute.

One more question. Is she immune to fire? A la Johnny, the human torch? Yes. OK. I don't think he's immune to fire. I think he is fire. That makes you immune.

Sean sent me a video of a guy taking me to the finger into fire today and then lighting a cigarette He like stuck his finger into a fire his finger lit on fire and then he lit a cigarette with it What I want to see a scene. I want to see a scene Aaron you are you are someone in danger. You're in you're in some sort of danger You are you are someone in danger. You're in you're in some sort of danger JPC you're the human torch and you've arrived on the scene to help this woman out The only bad news is you are a human torch who absolutely is not immune to fire so anytime you change

You feel that you got it So thank God you're here my my cat my cat my cat's in there and my house fire please go in Well, you know what that's a little don't make a cat joke perfect. I know I'm not making a cat joke But I happen to know that as soon as the rest of the fantastic four shows up Mr. Fantastic stretches arm right in there grab the cat no go now it please please go go I'm gonna push you close man. Man I know that this is scary. I know this is intense I've seen a lot of these fires we have like 20 more minutes before there's even a risk of danger to your cat I can see my cat is tails on fire go now Okay, so so I think that it's an orange cat. I think maybe the coloring of the cat you're a idiot use your eyes

Who the fuck even are you? I'm the human torch. I know, go in there. Well, I would, but guess what? It fucking hurts every time I do, okay? So it's a cat. Oh, it hurts? If it was a grandpa or like a husband, I don't see a ring. I see one cat.

So maybe this is not the most important human being of the world to fucking save. Are you kidding me? It's not as if Spider-Man was like, man, I was retired from swinging and seeing. What do you do for living? What do you do for living? What do you do for living? Um, I am an emergency room doctor for kids.

You're home. I was gonna help you out, and then I heard that bullshit and press you and then I'm off. Fuck you. Is that Bill? Bill? Oh, that was Spider-Man. That was Spider-Man.

You have to see your doctor for kids? Yeah, I say it lives. What kind of doctor? Emergency room doctor for children. Okay, well, then I guess I'll go in. Yeah, go. I will, but thank you for your service. Yeah, well thank you for doing this.

Okay, well just so you know, I'm probably gonna need to fucking come and see you after this, because I'm gonna have fucking burns all over my body. Fine. Cause I'm the human torch, but this actually hurts every time I do it. Okay, well, I called every other hero, and you're the only one who's free. Well, maybe that says something more about you!

Why? That they don't want to show up for you! Maybe you're a bad doctor! No! No! Everyone, they're all a party! I wasn't supposed to tell you that. Wait a second, what?

No, they said that was cancelled. I'm on the email thread. That's what, oh my god. The thing said fake email, and I'm on the email thread. That's what oh my god The thing said fake email and I'm like what is he talking about his big fingers? He can't type Oh my god, I'm on a fake email thread. Yeah, those mother fuckers. I'm telling you go into the building I'm gonna shove you in and surprise It was a surprise party for you. Oh my god. Oh god. It was painted fire. Mm-hmm.

And everyone's here. Oh my god. Can't point you us and say our names. Hold up, Gambit. Oh, yeah, come to the back of the boat. Oh, the water boys here? Monomy. Oh, and little bills here too, you made it! Yeah, I landed on a marshmallow!

Okay, now for you, Cajun man 11 more minutes of that. Wait, guys, I'm starting to realize all of Adam Sandler's characters, it's the exact same. Wow. Wow. Was the fire actually life threatening? Yes. Did Susie have a reason to want to stay in the building?

No. Did this have to do where Susie have a reason to want to stay in the building? No. Did this have to do where Susie lives? Yes. She lives underwater or she lives in Atlantis. Does she live in some sort of like hospital where she's stuck in, like, strap to the bed like a mental institution or something? You're getting close.

I'm gonna say we're so close. Aaron, I wanna say this, but I don't want you to laugh at me. Does she live in a firework factory? Or or or you you joke best sleep of my life does she live in a barbecue institute? Oh, yeah the Institute of Barbecue's No, no, oh she's sleeping really close. She's sleeping in the dorms at Phoenix online Phoenix bird fire, but it's safe cuz bird I'm gonna need you to take a big sip of that water

No, this is a great your brain I'm vodka vodka back is Is Aaron is Aaron some sort of Batman villain who lives in Arkham Asylum? And there's like a revolt going on in Arkham Asylum right now and Arkham Asylum's on fire, but she doesn't want to leave because she's like, as soon as I leave the Batman, she's just going to show up and put everybody back in here. Are you making fun of me?

Are you making fun of me? I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Who are you? I've never met a person with a voice like mine. Now I know what true love is. Ah, Shantay! But I'm here too. I'm my aunt Shantay. Your name's Shantay?

Your name's Shantay? Uh, on. On. Shantay. Are you trying to say it's Erin? I'm from a brittle and I'm a a bottom batman's biggest enemies. My name is... No, I'm Bill, never mind. You're a little Bill and I'm on Shantay. You're gonna have to pick between the two of us. Pick, pick, pick. Pick little Bill? What was it? Oh, I'm picking, too. What do you want us to to do a Miss America style competition to show our talents?

Yeah, could I have, could both of your asses say what they would be? I'm out, I'm out big, you're a big. See, I'm not a big, I'm a rocket. You guys are so close, you're circling it. Is Arkham Asylum correct? Jogrummy this. No, it's not an Asylum.

Okay. It is somewhere where you're maybe not free to go. Somewhere you're not free to go. You're not free to leave. Oh, hotel California. Oh yeah. Is it the hotel California? Cause you can check out.

No. I want to see you see. I want to see you see. I want to see you see. Aaron, you were staying at the hotel California. I want to see you see a rock that would probably take you there. I want to see a scene. Aaron, you were staying at the hotel, California. In this instance, it's just a regular hotel. JPC, you are the, what do you call like the clerk or the desk manager or the night watchman? The night watchman, Aaron's trying to check out and you absolutely will not let her leave.

I, uh, all of those charges of movies I rented were a joke. So if you want to just take this off my bill and I can be on my marry way. Uh, yeah. I'm sorry. When you say that they were a joke, what, in what context was, uh, because I, I love a joke. You can ask anybody here and one of the funniest employees, what context were they a joke? I mean, like, obviously look at the charges. I ordered enchanted six times in a row and then porn like no normal person would do that Well no normal person could watch all of these you were here for one night So unless you stayed up all night watching and chanted and then watch porn again To time this out that would have been mirror moments before you came down here to check out

Yep, so I'm just gonna need that to get off. You are. You are in the... I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. Yeah, there is a free breakfast complimentary breakfast from 7 to 10. It's very early to watch porn. I will say that you are very sweaty.

If you don't mind me asking, was there a problem with the heat in the room? Because you look to be drenched in sweat. Oh, um... No, and it definitely wasn't from the dancing along to enchanted. Um, and then topic that all off with porn. Again, this is nothing weird happened. Why would it? Yeah, so that's weird happened.

So just to do the Matthew, that's maybe 12 hours of watching enchanted and dancing. Mm-hmm. Hypothetically, hypothetically. So, for the time window to work out, you would have checked in yesterday, when we spoke, watch and chanted for 12 hours, watched a little bit of porn, because you couldn't have finished the whole movie, then come back down here and check out. Yes. You asked, why did you want to come and stay in the hotel tonight?

Um, I heard it in a song. Oh, you heard the name of the hotel in a song. Was it Nelly's holiday in? Yes, we get this a lot. Aaron, I think one of the greatest things you ever said is porn as a finale. Just fantastic. As a cherry on top. porn, the deserts of movies. Do you guys know? Do you guys know? I and I refuse to look this up, from when I first heard Hotel California, I must have been like 14, I can never figure out the lyric. They say something, something cool winded in your hair, and then it says like the sweet

smell of collegiate rising up from the air. What are they saying there? The sweet smell of the sweet smell of collegiate rising up from the air. It's not a thing of the lyric such a lovely face. Such a lovely face. I'm looking it up. Yeah, I mean, I'm only familiar with the work of Demi Lovato. I don't even know anything about this old man Aaron could fucking possibly be.

I've gone 20 from years without looking up this lyric and I don't want to know. Okay, I won't tell you. All right, so are you saying, okay, yeah, so it's not collegiate. Sweet smell collegiate. I also think you'll have. You'll have a great time at all when you do eventually figure it out. Do I have, do I have all the lyrics around it, correct? Sweet smell and rising up from there.

It's warm smell, but yes. Warm smell. Warm smell of collegiate now it makes sense I remind you it's a potential to go to college The warm smell of collegiate what are you gonna get so many people adding you about this collegiate the cologne for college kids So it's he in a place where they don't they don't want to stay or they what what did you say you said they can't get out of I said you can't leave Whenever I'm in a rock cat would maybe take you there. Oh, is it are you at a friend's play? Because you're like front row and if you leave your friend will they're on stage

They have a very small part, but they're on stage the whole time I guess you're making direct eye contact with you and you're like hey Sean Why did I get an invite to this play if you you're making direct eye contact with you. And you're like, hey, Sean, why did I get an invite to this play if you're gonna make direct eye contact with me? It's not a play anymore. It's just you on stage. I guess you could say it's our town.

Okay, okay. I have a couple of things to say. I think we need to make up a new word. Oh my God, I'm crying. For the emotion, that is the feeling of going to see your friends play on a Sunday afternoon and the play is not very good. But you love your friend. What is that feeling? There's no more I'm afraid. I'll tell you the feeling because I have friends that listen to this podcast and almost every week I get a text that just says, hey man, nice try getting better. says, hey man, nice try, getting better. Oh yeah.

Yeah. No, but a couple weeks ago someone did tell me that the lighting on the podcast is fantastic. Oh god, that's a big answer. No, I luckily having friends do theater in Chicago. It's one of the best places in the world for theater. So I didn't have to watch a lot of bad plays,

but you guys, I've seen some bad plays. I told, I had a conversation with an old improv coach of mine about this, where we were both of the exact same mind and that one thing I hated more than anything was when someone would come up after a show or like a show or just unsolicited, say like, great show, even if it was or was not a great show. I don't think I'll ever unsolicited,

like, say something that I don't feel. Like I'm not gonna unsolicited lie to someone and be like, that show was so funny, it was such a great show. And no one ever asks, hey, how did you like the show? And anyone who asks that question, I honestly think like once feedback about like, you know, something that they can work on.

Yeah, you know them pretty well being like, hey, I was trying to diagnose what went wrong in that show. Well, what did you think of it? One of my bigger pet peeves was people that would just come up to you after, and it's fine if it's like a person who just truly just enjoyed the show, but if it's like a colleague or another improviser

who's like, that was so great when it's like, oh man, come on, we both, I was doing it and you were watching it, so we don't need to fucking bullshit. I'm for sure been that person. I've never said a show was good when it wasn't good, but I have made a point if one of my friends was funny in a bad show to say, you were so funny.

I thought this was very funny, something like that, yeah. Any theater show I've seen, any improv show I've seen, if I know someone in the cast after after this show If I see them or we're hanging out or they if they're like stick around after a Hundred times out of a hundred a thousand times out of a thousand. I say good show I don't care if they fucking eight shit I don't care if they face planted To me it's a polite thing to do to me. It's about I love this person

I respect and love them and I want them to feel good. So if they ask me for feedback I could go and I could say more I could you know if they say like you know what about this thing or whatever but if they say nothing I will always say good show. I will let you in on a little secret and I will only speak for myself and I will never speak for like other people, but anytime I heard after I did a good show, great show from someone, I was like, okay, fuck you. It wasn't a good show. Oh, absolutely.

It made me feel like shit when someone would say good show to you, fully knowing that that show was not good, because I did the show. Like I know the show was not good because I did the show like I know that the show was bad But I I talked to you when I would talk to people about this that was that was always the response that I would get from people who were like If I did a bad show the lead the last thing that I want to hear is good show now That that that could be that could just be like personal preference that other people can feel completely differently But for me it was always like, A, I don't really care, but B, to be like, to go out of your way to be like, oh my God, what a great show.

Well, now we're parsing hairs, is that a term? Now I'm not saying they would literally say that, but that's always the way it felt because why else would you say great show when we both saw it? I think you can just say, hey, good show. And then talk about anything else. To me, the worst is if someone just stands there,

and it's like, or I don't know, even if you don't think it was a good show, if you see them afterwards, you can just be like, hey, what do you want to do? Do you want to grab drinks? Do you want to whatever that is? Or you can, or just talk about whatever. But to me, what's unbearable is like,

to be done with a show and then whoever's sticking around afterwards because you're hanging out or they want to talk to you whatever, just like stands there and it's like, what are we doing? You know what? I will take, like, I have felt that feeling, JPC of like, like, don't say good show.

We know it was bad, but I will take that any day over someone telling me they could tell I wasn't enjoying it. That is so fucked. People would do that all of the time. They go like, Aaron, I was looking over at your face and I could tell you fucking hated it. And I was like, I was trying my best and I was trying to enjoy my friends. What are you talking about?

I think all of it comes from this place of good, but I think whether the thing that Aaron's describing or the thing that I'm describing, people are like, I had the best intentions when I said this thing. It's like, yeah, but why say the thing at all? Just go up and do what Adel said and be like, hey, guess what Jeff just said.

It's so, let's talk about anything else. How do you have you been watching this show? Like, I cannot stand people who can't hold up like they're into the conversation. Where it's like, just talk about anything. Like, why are you, yeah, I don't know. And to me, the worst. To me, the worst.

To me, the worst. It is so nice if you genuinely enjoy the show and you go up to a performer and you say a specific compliment about it. Oh, sure. I'm not talking about an audience member. I'm talking about a friend of mine. Yeah. I'm only speaking of a friend of mine. Well, that's what I mean, isn't that nice though when a friend does that?

Absolutely. I'm trying to think of like if I'm just pulling an aim out of a hat. If I do a show and then Tim Lyons makes a point to come up after me. Fuck yes, he pulls small bills, baby. No, he wouldn't, I don't know. Maybe Tim Lyons would compliment me. There's a world in which he would... I could wish, I could wish. I could wish and hope. But like if he came up to me after a show and was like, I loved when you played a monkey at an ice cream store.

I thought that was really, really funny and it was a great callback. And that's different because it's specific and it's not just great show. Like, great show is general and it's like, oh, who? It's like the best ocean, it's spis-pific. I feel like the worst thing to me to hear after a show, and please don't do this now that

I've said it, is fun stuff, is the worst thing ever. Fun stuff makes me think you hated the show and it's obnoxious, and then also when someone comes up and doesn't say anything except for, how do you think it went? I think that's the biggest fuck you in the world. I don't ask me. How do you think this show went? I don't know, fuck you, we're not questions. Crush it, crush it, always crush them. Well, that's our new thing.

We're ending every episode in 2021 with a serious talk about our pet peeves. I don't know what, I realize as we have this conversation that we all have it done in a live like theater in almost a year. It's our year. A year in 10 months. Yeah, well, no, it's almost been a year. So it's like, and almost a year. A year. In 10 months? Yeah, it's almost been a year.

So it's like, I do miss it. I would give anything just to go and do a show again and have someone be like, really, shit up there. Didn't you get fuck? And then he's giving a hug. I don't get fuck, I said, I'm back. I'm back. I think I backed him.

I'm back. I'm back, baby. Aaron, anything besides live shows you want a bug? Yes, well, I'll thank you Aaron for those riddles. I wanted to thank you Yes, I was recently on a podcast called lady history and it was I had the best time It's three women and they were all archaeology majors in undergrad. And it turned into me wanting to hear a hundred thousand stories. You guys, it was fascinating. So it's a podcast about lady history. It is what it sounds like.

But in our episode, we talked a little bit about women in comedy and the history of women in comedy. And more importantly, they told me that you can tell that a bone is a human bone when you lick it if it sticks to your tongue. And I went, oh my God. And they said all sorts of interesting stuff like that. So, to pick them out at the end. That is the worst pickup line I've ever heard.

I don't think they used it as a pickup line. Are these archaeologists tasting the bones? Yes, that's what I'm saying. They all, I don't think they should be tasting the bones. And it's so fun to freak out kids to lick the bones in front of them because they don't realize you can lick bones. And I was like, I'm learning today

that all of you are just licking bones. You can find them at Lady HistoryPod on Instagram and Twitter and find them wherever you find podcasts. It was truly so lovely and they are so smart and interesting. And I would definitely check that show out if you like history. We're learning about how these three women are basically Indiana Jones.

That sounds amazing. JPC anything to plugg. I'm just gonna plug. If you were listening to today's episode and you were like, wow, there was barely any riddles and I actually kind of liked it. Check out the Patreon. Patreon.com.

So I see you're a little riddle. We don't do any riddles over there. We do a different short forum, long forum and probably stuff and it's a lot of fun and you know maybe this is the you get in the patreon also we're recording this just a little ahead of schedule because of the holidays So I'll go ahead and shoot my shot and say that I was just on the most recent episode of Conan O'Brien needs a friend Great great podcast. I had a ton of fun with Conan. So tall, so nice. Oh, Matt.

Matt fucking roasted you. Oh my God, Matt. Morally was incorrigible. Gourley was on fire and Sonia was so pleasant. So everybody had Sonia. Sonia and Sonia, we're both on fire. I'm sorry, the other guest was Sonia, and then give you a second.

Red Sonia. Yeah, so yeah, go listen to me on that episode. It was super funny. And if it hasn't come out yet, tweet it, cowning about that. Cause I think that his people, maybe, can handle us. You're amazing.

Addle. Addle anything to plug? Yeah, a few weeks ago, my episode of the Gunkhole State Park Podcast came out. I recorded that sometime late summer maybe. It was an absolute blast to do. It's a friend of ours, Alex.

Very good, very good podcast, very good time. Very good improvisers. So please listen to the Guncole State Park Podcast. And also I wanna plug a new game that Gemma and I have been playing called Clask. It's like a physical game. It's K-L-A-S-K-L-A-S-K. I think this has been around for a while,

so I'm not breaking any ground here. But it's super fun. It's like a hybrid between fuzball and air hockey, almost. It's an outstanding game. It's relatively cheap. It's so fun. So please buy that game and play it. Let me know how you like it.

And when things are back to normal, we can have a little tournament or something. Little Bill? Yeah, I just want to plug. I want to plug a big and small, my podcast, where I talk with Big Bill. And what else, I want to plug. Little man, the clothing store that customizes my shirts.

Little shoes. Hey, Little Bill, we can't wait to have you back on and maybe August or September of this year. Oh, that would be great. Remember, it exists. Oh, that's great. And little bill, as always, what's your favorite planet? Uh, let's see, what's gotta be,

what's the smallest planet, Mercury. And Bill, thank you, Evan, this way. Bill forever. Sorry. Sorry. Oh, forever! Sorry, you're- Oh no! Oh, you're going! Casey, don't need to be editing! Now I already parent in the middle of the house!

I'm gonna be a man! I'm gonna be a man! I'm gonna be a man! I'm gonna be a man! I'm gonna be a man! Hey baby new years, if you liked that you are going to love this week's Patreon episode. We try our best at some celebrity impressions and you can listen to that plus the entire back catalog at patreon.com slash hey riddle riddle by joining the clue crew for $5 or the review crew for $8. See ya there!