Hey Riddle Riddle - #135: Cards and Flards

Episode Date: February 17, 2021

Ok fine! We had the best time this week! We love doing this show! Anyways, we have some awesome listener submitted riddles this week. We also have polite wrestlers, crazy radio hosts, and a WILD new card game that will soon sweep the nation. Stick around for the sad guys at the ballon factory and JPC planning a bit for Erin’s hypothetical wedding. Half way through the week let's do this!Starring:Adal RifaiJohn Patrick CoanErin KeifEditing by: Casey ToneyTheme by: Arne ParrottLogo by: Emily Kardamis & Emmaline MorrisWant more? Get Weekly Bonus Eps on Patreon!Want merch? Visit our TeePublic Store! or pins, buttons & printsWant to advertise on the show? Check out Hey Riddle Riddle via Gumball.fmSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is a head gum podcast. It was a nice silky penny pasta. Silky penny pasta. Silky penny. Is it secreting pretty? Spider silk. Silky penny. Silky penny.

Silky penny. Silky penny. Silky penny is the Italian Italian social-renant. And the Oscar goes to Silke Penne! Oh please Silke Penne! I'm Italian but I speak with an earpiece. That's a joke. It was the cabin of an airplane It happened with the oxygen And the Lord made the right hit

My feet before hate with the brick gun And one and two and we are perverts. Bum bum don't even have a guess at the context. Why did I say that? I love in our group texts. It's always like the funniest stuff. Hey guys, that's where the real funny comedy is. That's where the real funny comedy happens. If you're listening to the podcast, you're getting kind of like the filtered shit

that makes it through Casey's little sticky audio. You're getting a runoff. Yeah. Wouldn't more get stuck in his sticky audio fingers? I don't want to think about it. You think? You think? But in the GT, the group text,

that's where the real laughs go down. And we just shit like, we are perverts, buh buh buh buh buh buh. I will say, there have been times where I've laughed out loud at the text messages you too in case you will send. You're funny over text. It's not everyone has that skill. There are very few people who are as funny over text as they are in real life.

You two are very funny. Maybe funny or, but inevitably we all have a great time every. We text and then at some point someone says, okay, we need to start charging for our group text. We need to start, we have to monetize the group text somehow. So maybe we'll figure out a way to do that. You can pay a quarter a month and you can see what our group text is. That's our version of when people are like, we should have a reality show.

No, no one should. Me and my friends are so funny, we should have a reality show. show the we are perverts thing was it reference to when you lost your blood and I said that I had it But it wouldn't be any good to anyone anymore after what I've done to it It sounds like you choking, but that's actually what happened Can you can you read can you read from that to where we said to where Aaron texted that. I'm sure I'm sure I'm sure he can. Yeah, do it. I'll reveal you. Oh, yeah, so we can. Okay.

Aaron said, I'll be home in 20 and we'll upload right away. Now this isn't a reference to uploading the files for the episode. Then Aaron said, I'm coming from the doctor, where they caps, lost my blood. So I didn't get my test results back. So if you guys did keep an eye out for my blood, I'd really appreciate it. Adel said my god.

I don't know if that's a reference to something about the sequiner. Casey said, sorry, I didn't know you still needed that. I don't know if that's in the blood. I said, I technically have it, but it's different now. I don't think it would be much used to anyone, except a select group of perverts. Aaron said, well, at least I know it's in good pervert hands. Adolescent is that the Allstate slogan.

Aaron responded, we are perverts. Bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum. That's gotta be our new, that's how we have to start every episode, is we are perverts bum-bum-bum-bum-bum. But it's true the doctor lost my blood and I wanted to be mad and yell But I was like oh, but these house care workers have it horrible and I don't want to be I don't want to hurt any of their feelings But I had to go in twice to give blood to get a test because not enough blood came out the first day

So they're like come back tomorrow will get more blood out of you and they put me 14 times altogether I went in and they said, we lost your blood. And Aaron, you're still going to Dr. Aculo, right? Yeah. Thank you. It's also a bar for vimboos. It's a fine line. It's a fine line between we have to respect health care

workers and they keep losing my blood. Because your blood feels like something that's pretty important. Yeah, here's the thing. It's not their fault. I think there's, and don't be funny. I have very slippery blood. Yeah, I do.

I think I have in a pocket of time where I'm having a pretty extraordinarily bad luck. Lots of like weird things like that going wrong in my life. But they're all like lower stakes things. Sure. Like I'm fine with it. Like went to go get my hair dyed. She dyed it really dark purple

and then I was like, that's not right. And she was like, I, amen, that is bad. This is not what I meant to do. And then she said, come back after all of my haircuts for the day. And I won't leave because she was so sweet. And she was like, we'll stay here all night.

And so the salon was closed. It's like 9 p.m. My whole head's been bleached. Not my head, not my head. It's my whole head of paper. No, no, no. You said what you said. I'm starting to think this person didn't know what the fuck

they were doing. And we should mention for listeners who can't see, Aaron's eyeballs are dissolved. Her head has been bleached. Bleached my whole hair. Your teeth have never looked better though. Thank you. They bleached everything. And also I'm very clean. All the bacteria is gone. Even the good kind. Anywho sat for nine hours in her chair and then left with... I mean, what's the, how do I describe this?

Adel, when he saw me over Zoom for the first time with my new hair, sent me that picture of the lady from Aqua Man, like true clown red hair. True clown, that's what it's called, true clown red. It is called the package just a true clown red I Well, I was inspired by our live show our most recent live show because my hair for whatever weird reason looked so red on the screen And I was oh, yeah, you know what that I was born. I'm a red head by birth I feel like most myself when my hair's a little bit red. I'm gonna go red and that went too far

But I'm getting it fixed and that went too far, but I'm getting it fixed this week, so I'll look normal. But, whooply. Whooply. That's beautiful. Sorry, I talked so much, but I was excited to tell everyone about my blood being lost in my hair being red.

What I would like to say, that sounds like a country song. Maybe she died. Maybe she died. Maybe she died. My hair with my blood. Maybe she died. Maybe she died. Maybe she died. My hair with my blood. Maybe it's maybe. Maybe she picked up on it. She's so empathetic and she knew that you were missing your blood. She's like, well, she's missing her blood.

What can I do to remind her of her blood that she used to have? I'll dye her hair blood red. That way she'll have a connection to her missing blood. Maybe your hair is dyed with blood. Maybe it's Maybelline. So the doctors misplaced missing blood. Maybe your hair's dyed with blood. Maybe it's Maybelline. So, the doctor's misplaced your blood. You went to a hairdresser after 9 PM, after everything was closed and sat for nine hours

until the sun came up. Aaron, it seems like you're only frequenting vampire businesses. You're right. And this is, you know what, I'm fine with this bad luck because it's pretty low stakes. And I'm only crying like a little.

How are you guys? And you're crying blood. Well, stick my hat up. I honestly, I would have rather just let this go, but it is something that I do wanna say. Okay. I feel a little uncomfortable with us starting the show by saying we are perverts

because I feel like it's kinda stolen valor. I like to talk a big game about being a pervert. But I just don't think that I can hang with that community. And I think that if the perverts come from me and they start really drilling down and asking me specifics, I'm gonna look, you know what? And 40-year-old virgin, when Steve Carell is trying to describe like touching a woman's breast, it's gonna be like that, but for perversion with me, I'm gonna say like bags of sand and everyone's gonna know. That's a movie that ages really well by the way.

So go watch for it. You know what I'm saying. There's a whole sequence where Paul Rudd is in a chair. Oh man, yeah, go back and give that a look. Well, JPC, I'm starting to think that people don't even know who you are. So you're not a pervert and you don't drink piss every day. My reality is pervert. Who even are you?

I don't know. I mean, I guess I have pervert qualities, but am I am I a stone cold pervert? And if anything, I'm the biggest pervert of the three of us. So can we really claim that we are perverts when I'm our biggest pervert? So wait, a stone cold pervert is a pervert who enters the ring to music. Smash his two beers together drinks them both. Hardly drinks, hardly drinks any beer. It dribbles down his chin. He gives a double bird.

Flip the double bird. It takes a little bit of the stomach, grabs it from behind the neck, slams it into the mat. Pervert 316. Is that from the Bible? How did you answer this? Adel, did you ever, did you and your friends growing up ever like wrestle, like wrestle each other, like imitating like WWE, or yeah, WWE I guess at that point? I, not a ton really.

We would watch wrestling from like 96 to 2000. We were obsessed with wrestling. And the battle between W&W and WF at the time. Eric Bischoff versus Vincikman. But the only time I once power a friend of mine was shooting something and he asked me to power bomb him on top of a car. And so I did that and it dented, and I was careful about it, but it's still dented

the hood of the car and it also broke a window. So that was my experience. And he was totally fine and he was like, perfect. That was perfect because he wanted it to look like, it was causing damage and it did to the car, of course. All right, well I got it. So that was my experience. You two are professional wrestlers.

Okay. And you're about to wrestle, but you've been told to try not to break anything or ruin everything, where your wrestling is very fragile. Okay, trash cantony, you're in for a world of hurt. You think I'm gonna be in a world of Hurt? Wait till trash cantony takes you, axe handle Ricky, and speesh is you into this fine banquet center! Oh, here we go grabs a trash can.

Can you put one of your legs in here? Just be careful, careful, careful, careful, careful, careful, careful, careful, careful, your pants are caught. One seconds! Hold on, hold on, hold on, be very careful, careful, careful, careful, careful careful careful careful careful Okay, wait, your pants are caught What's that good hold hold on be very careful Be very careful, I'm not wearing any underwear at all under the pants I see it, I see it well yeah I see it's okay I see it's that I see it's that yeah yeah If you rip it off yeah people will see my little butt

Round two. Are we the boxing match? I see. I don't know. OK, all I learned from that experience is that you two have the perfect voices for villain side kicks together. And I think someone should write a Disney movie.

I'm the villain, like Ursula or the mom from, you said mom from Tangled, forgot the movie. Hey Aaron, when you say villain, it already has its own connotations. You don't have to give exact. No, but I want to be like, like, like those kind of things. And you're like the flotsim and yet,

you're like my, and you both have like a weird voice that, or we do. It's like, isn't there a scene that we did where Aaron was the villain and we were the henchmen where, maybe, it was, it was the one about one of the moon or something? Yeah, we also talked about in one of the review crew we talked about if we were Disney characters I would be a cartoon horse and JPC. I can't remember what it was but it was after we watched Road to El Dorado.

Yeah, that's right. Okay, you guys are obsessed with the show. Ooh, embarrassing much. Fans of Hey, Red All Red all much. Aaron, the thing I, we're not all right all much. Aaron, the thing I said about people know what the word villain means, you don't have to give examples, is because I've been spending some time on this app called Clubhouse, which is kind of fun,

but there's so many different seminars. It's so much of who, like an app that's kind of fun, tell me more. There's so much on there that's like, you pop into these meetings or these groups or whatever, and it's all about, they just say the word brand a million times, and I listen to a one that was exhausting, and I can't stop laughing at it,

which was just like, and I've listened like two or three of these that are the exact same thing where people are like, you gotta get your brand out there. The biggest investment you can make is to invest in yourself. You know, if you're a singer, you should sing. If you're a dancer, you should dance. If you're a chef, you should cook. And they list like a hundred examples.

And I'm like, this person has nothing to say. If you're a pervert, you should pervert. You should perv. But it's so funny to me of like just that, anything that involves the word branding is just makes my skin crawl. And then just that type of person who's like, I am gonna tell you how to like brand yourself

on social media and they're just talking in circles. There's no substance to it. It's just like it's popcorn. There's no, I don't, it's exhausting. But funny, but. I'm interested in this a little bit because social media branding is definitely something near and dear to my heart.

Now, if you're trying to build a following on social media, should every three tweets, should you talk about drinking your own piss? Or is that not something that you should be doing, especially if you don't want to be branded as like a piss-ficking pervert? Aaron, you're old man puzzles today. Yeah. Do you have the fingers and eyes of a pervert? So whether or not you like it, you are very jars all behind me. Wow I like this. Aaron you are old pervy puzzies. I'm pickled with piss. I'm you know guys I'm gonna hang out over on the Patreon where no one makes me do a single riddle. It's way more fun over there. I'm gonna walk

over the Patreon. It is more fun. Okay, I'm over at the Patreon. Do the episode without me. Okay, okay. No, I'll say that. I'm coming back. Fine, okay, here we go. We certainly could. The show would be worse. Oh, that's for sure.

Less people would listen to it. I think it would do, I think it would do great. I think you guys are great and you don't need me. Why are you rolling your eyes? I'm not. Okay. I'm happy to be here and that is what is true. And what also is true is that we're doing

listener-submitted riddles because I love those. These come from Tim Hood, which it says here, he is Robin Hood's little brother and he steals from the poor to give to the rich. Pretty cool. I am Tim Hood. Let's see what's going on. Oh, your carburetor is attached to the engine. That's your problem. That's a good Tim Hood voice.

JPC, want to try? Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course I have one. I want to hold on hold on hold on. Oh, JPC is looking around the room. Hi, I'm Tim Hood. I'm Robin Hood's little mechanic. And no, that's Alex, and Aaron's thing. No, no. I don't, come back to me, come back to me. I'll do it.

I'll do it. I'll do it. I'm Tim Wood. I make flutes from trees. OK. I like that. No, no, no. He's so good.

I don't think yours is supposed to be bad. I make flutes from trees. They're flutes that nobody can hold. These flutes are for giants. And a giant having a champagne tasting potty? The tree, the tree doesn't get taken out of the cup. It gets worse to flip. And that immediately kills the tree.

My husband all ripped it out. Oh my man, you don't make flutes. You ruined trees. Okay, okay. These are from Tim Hood. Thank you Tim for sending these. He wrote us some warm-up riddles. Oh, thank you.

They're a format. I don't think you've done on the show before. These puzzles are two words that differ by one letter. For example, rain and pain or coin and chin. These are often called... They won't always rhyme. No, they'll never rhyme, I don't think. Well, if the first one arrives...

Well, after that one. Rain and pain. If the first letter changes, they will rhyme. Yes. Okay, these are often called orthographic neighbors. I think I'm saying that right. I will give you two clues and you have to guess the other two words.

They vary in difficulty, but feel free to pick and choose your favorites. Enjoy. Ready? You don't have to give us permission to pick and choose our favorites. We do that anyway. Okay, you know what?

I'm not allowed to enjoy this. Okay. I will say that I do think Tim for giving me permission to enjoy it because there has been so many times in my life where I've approached a task as work and as something, you know, it's like, I don't want to do it. But when someone tells me to approach it from a place of joy, I have joy in my heart and now I'm ready to play the game. Why are you sad? No one gave me permission to enjoy my birthday cake.

Okay, beef and hot ice. Beef and hot ice. Okay, so hot ice is steam. Steam. And beef is steed? No. Steer. Steer? Steer and steam? No. But that's EA and EE, right? Yeah. Beef and hot ice. Hot ice evaporated, a stakerated beef. No, are we right with steam?

Aaron, steam is hot ice. No. Fuck me, Tim Hood, you fucking beast of shit. I wanna see a scene. That's it, hold on, hold on, hold on. That's it over, I should take that back. Yeah. I wanna see a scene,

the two of you are a morning zoo crew. This is early mornings with beef and hot ice. Good morning morning morning morning morning morning. Hey everyone, I'm your old pal, hot ice. And I'm here with my baby brother and biggest pain in my ass. Beef, beef, say hello. Move over beef in the house. What's wrong dinner it's beef.

Beef, what's in the news this morning? Cowabunga beef beef beef in all the news. It's a news feeding frenzy. Top top top top top top top top. And I'm here with that. Move over news. It's a news feeding frenzy And I'm here with that over news Sorry, I'm just have to step in we will add the effects for you. I can't stress it up I have a soundboard behind in the studio here and I'll add the effects here Here we go. Lillard. If I trusted you to add the effects the effects would be in there But then never in there.

And I see what you do, you hit one sound, you hit two sounds. Beef, as a character, needs his sounds. Okay, fair enough, I'll say out of it. Yeah, give us one more shot. Okay, go ahead. Give us another chance. And we're back up. Wah wah wah wah, hot ice. Dundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundundund Oh, I'm being innocent and emanated.

See. I listened to that morning show. Why not? I would love a morning show that was just fucking absolute utter chaos. I would listen to that. That just feels like a little riddle, but in the morning.

Okay, so hot ice, it's more of what happens. Melt, melt, melt and meat. Meat and melt. Ooh, I love the meat. Go to a steak and chicken and ice, patty melt, frisco, melt. Completed and area. Completed and area.

Okay, completed and done zone. Mm-hmm. Yes. That's where I'm putting one of you if you do a bad job at this episode. You're going into the Dunzone. It's like, it's like the Discovery Zone, but it's when you're being a bad kid.

I would love it if like you're, you're, you're just like reselling a house and you're like, this house comes with the Dunzone and it's like, does that say Dungeon? It's like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no dungeon? It's like no, no, no, no, no, that's you see it's a done zone What is that is it like a panic room? What is that? No, it's a dead zone. You know, it's got your whips and your chains and your sex horse and your big squig oh Like a sex room. No, it's done zone It's where my husband starts to fuck me and then he goes I'm done

It's where my husband starts to fuck me and then he goes, I'm done. They're done some. Y'all done? All right, next one. Please. Pieces and Notre Dame home. Cathedral and Reese's. French and France.

Wait, can you repeat it again? Pieces and Notre Dame home. Shards and shrouds. What city is Notre Dame in Paris? Paris and Paris and Paris. Paris and then pieces would be... Pannis.

Dibriis. Reces, recess, recess of me. And a man would go on taking another little recess of my heart. Paris and... Well, yeah, so Paris, I know what the fuck is pieces? It's the second to last letter. So it's the eye.

Paris and... These pieces are blank of a hole. Part. Parts. Parts. Parts. Parts in my presentation. No, I didn't say parts.

Parts. Yeah, it's parks. Alright, next one. TV show and tennis beginnings. Tennis beginnings. So tennis begins with a hug, the two players hug each other, and they say, good, that's what I call love.

That's what I call love. I say, I forgive you even if you win. I forgive you even if you win. I'm not mad anymore, Jeff. Good luck at tennis. You don't have to feel guilty for winning. You don't have to feel guilty for winning. Next time on tennis beginnings.

TV show and tennis beginning. So it's serve and a... Sikon? Plural of that word. Serves. Serves and... TV show. Serves. Serves and TV show. Serves show. This one was tricky for my brain to get

when I was going through. Is this the name of a actual TV show or it's what you would call a TV show? Okay. Serves. S-E-R-V-E-S. Serven. So definitely keep those first three letters. So we keep an S.E.

Oh, serves in series. You got it. Wow, you're amazing. To the I series of unfortunate serves. Sing song voice and Scottish pants alternative. Kilt and.

Will. Wow, you're really good at these. These are fun too. Kilt and um, wilt? Mm-hmm. Wow, you're really good at these. These are fun too. I hope more people send these in. These are great. Wait, I'm enjoying this. Oh no!

Do I like this show? Um, okay. Uh, tall paper and kings and queens. Tall paper? Oh, what? What? Cards and flards. Carton flards.

Tall paper and kings and queens. The game is cards and flards, gentlemen. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Jacks are high. All right, queens are dumb. I want to see a scene. I want to see a scene. Aaron, it's cards and flards. Adela and I were played Black Jack at a casino.

The dealer just swapped out. So I'll play the first dealer in all leave. And you're coming in and you're just rewriting the rules. Cool. That's my time, gentlemen. Good luck with the rest of your game. Thank you so much. Oh, man, what a streak.

We're not, we're really ricking it in. Hot streak. Hot streak. Here we go. New, uh, uh, uh, Bina baby, and I put that right there, and then I flip these cards upside down. This, see their blank, and that's that part of it. You're going to want to think that fives are high in this game? They're not even in this game. So just wipe that from your mind. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Yeah.

Did you say that your name is cards and flards? Is that how you introduced yourself? My name's cards, cards, pea flards, but the name of the game is cards and flards. Are you okay from snorting all that marijuana? Oh, you saw, you saw. So you saw. I meant to do that sort of angle the way from me.

Delives, full leaves of the marijuana plant. How can you tell? The shape. All right, so cards and- That's a very distinctive leaf. It's one of the most distinctive leaves. I'm gonna take the little car from the game of life that have those people poking out. I'm gonna paint them just a neutral color because I don't need the pink little ones and the blue little ones anymore. I'm gonna put them in a snow globe. I'm gonna break the snow globe. I'm gonna bring this puppet out. Okay? The puppet's going to roll the dice,

and up, that means trouble. Pretty, pretty princess. On the puppet eight, the dice. You're the puppet. You're the motherfucking puppet, all right? Did we win? Did we win? I had 50 bucks on this game.

All right, I'm gonna take, oh, 50 bucks. Sir, you are up to 50 rubles. I don't know the conversion rate, but I feel like I've got to go really well. Main either. All right, gentlemen, let Neurown, new game, Neurown. Yeah, new game, new game, Dan, I think I'm actually starting to get cards and flirts.

All right. I'm one of the puppets. I'm still lost. I'm one of the puppets. I've doubled my rubles here. So I'm gonna, I'm gonna to you, 400 rubles on the seven puppet, and I, you're not gonna trick me. I know there are no

fives in this game so I'm gonna do I'm gonna triple my shoes and then I'm gonna bet all around the shack careful someone from in here is gonna come over and break your legs you're doing so good alright down great I'm so near a lot too do casinos break legs when people are winning. Yeah, you're the puppet, dude. If you have a puppet, they are picking like you. A people are winning. You're the puppet. Anyone in the martini, another martini.

I was wondering why this casino is so empty. And then next thing's next, I'll tell you, it's 13 Dead End Drive. This bookshelf's gonna follow you. Not in real life, just in the game. Just in the game. in the game round six no fives let's go wrestling match see I'm tripling wow if I knew anything that would be easier if I had any information about anything that would have been easier to navigate sorry guys oh yeah life

would be so much easier if I knew anything we have won, when we do, so, what do we say on July 17th, which is 717, which 717 PM is riddle clock, because it's, what do we say, 69,420 seconds to say the day? When we have our event, we have to have Aaron run a table that's that game. Cards and Flarts. Cards and Flarts. If this episode's not called Cards and Flarts, I'm writing my lawyer, I'm writing my

congressman, and I'm writing my dad, and it's all the same man. So we share all of those with you. We all have the same lawyer, the same congressman, and the same dad. Um, I, yeah, we'll have to organize, I'm sure this already exists, but we've never been invited to one. A podcast festival. We'll invite all of our favorite podcasts and you get to see all of them. But more importantly, I will have a table where I try to just, I can't swindle you all of all of your money by a game I make up on this spot.

Hi, out of my mind on leads. I bet 2020, 2020, I know was such a miserable year that I bet that there are people that are like, man, I miss podcast festivals. I'm so desperate to go out right now. I would go to a podcast festival. I would totally do that. The right line up. I need to be interested in three podcasts at one festival and I'm going and I'm hanging out and I'm having the best time. Are they all comedy podcasts? Aaron, are you going to go to like, are you going to do like a true crime podcast? This, you know, it does the festival need to mix it up. Oh, I'm fully mixing it up. I'm going to wellness podcasts, trying to see if they'll give you anything away for free. Sure. For crime podcasts, I'm going to like three comedy podcasts. I'm drinking started at 11 a.m.

I'm never going home. Would you go to something like that? I, maybe not. I mean, I would go if it was, cause I only listen to like, like political, like media podcasts and comedy podcasts. And I don't know that I'm interested in seeing any of it live. Like I guess maybe, but like, I'm not a concert guy anyway.

In my mind, a podcast festival is like Lala Paloza, where like people are on different stages and they're going over each other's slots by like 15 minutes. And like, Hey, Riddle, Riddle is on the, you know, triple E stage at the other end of the thing. And it's like, hey, Mark Maren's going on in 15 minutes, good luck guys. We did magic taverns done like three or four podcast festivals, and that's 100% the reality, which is like one time we were scheduled up, I think we were scheduled up against like

LaVar Burton talks, or whatever. Oh, I'm sorry. And it was, it was a thing of like, a lot of even our friends were there. And they're just like, like hey have a good show And I'm like, oh, you're not gonna be there. No, like I was but but La Vars on at the same time as you and I'm like You made the right choice. I got to go the next thing about all podcasts now being so like vehicles for board Celebrities because every celebrity has a podcast is none of those are going to be interested in going to a live podcast festival.

So when it's time for live podcast festival, we can still get in there, baby. Ooh, now you're this. Adel, there was a magic tavern live show a few years back. I mean, I've gone to a few that I absolutely loved, but there was one and it was at music box. Oh yeah. And it's like one of my favorite live comedy things

we've ever seen. You guys were so funny and it was so fun. And I was like, oh my gosh, there's like 600 people here. And they all listen, that's so cool. Like it was. That was a cool one, because yeah, I think we sold out or I'm gonna sold out the music box, which yeah, it was like 600 seats.

And then we all, after the show, we all walked over to, we're like, any fans who would enjoy us, we're gonna walk over to the Burger King that is the setting for Magic Tavern. Oh, cause this is the Irving Park. Cause it was like two blocks away. So we walked over to the Burger King and we hung out in the parking lot with like 50 fans

for like an hour. And they can play, we're so confused. What is this? Are you, are you robbing us? Are we bouncing back as a restaurant? Are people scared? It's July, it's too early for ghost tours. This is the most haunted burger king in the world.

But. I associate that burger king with a time that I was on the date, maybe a summer, like the summer I moved here, and a guy tried to go through that I was on the date with, tried to go through on his bike, and they would let up. And he's like, oh, unbelievable. I don't know. I don't know what a date of.

There you are, Pigs. Were you on Pigs? No, I was just standing in the parking lot. Oh, no. So this guy was like, this guy was like, I'm not hungry. This guy took you on a date where she was on a bike and you were walking.

Yeah. That's a date. I gotta tell ya, I will tell you the, I think you might know who this is you, I think you, you might know who this is. So I think laugh after air, air, can I guess was it an improviser? Because that's like the bullshit they would do. I went, when Magic Tavern was first starting, maybe like the first three months we were going, I would watch you that Burger King weekly, and I would buy like little, I'd go to a container store and buy little wooden boxes and I'd write little notes and

hide them inside boxes and then bury them or on the burger. Because fans, we got a bunch of notifications on Twitter and stuff that fans were going to the Burger King to like get their picture taken or something and I was like, I'm gonna start hiding all these little clues around the Burger King. So if a fan finds it, it's like a fun little Easter egg and then I stopped doing it because I realized it was insane. That's amazing. I bet there's a couple still there.

All right, I'm gonna let's finish these up and then we can go to break. Okay, but can I tell you before we go to break? The number one most common improviser date suggestion is ride to the airport for the flight that I have to catch. Oh, you guys, I could write an entire book of short essays. You know what? Maybe I will about dating male improvisers.

It was the absolute nightmare of my life. It was crazy. Male improvisers on dates are hilarious. Poor, mad, and oh baby, mostly white. Do you have a provider story? Oh, I wonder if he's going to be annoyed if I find any success in comedy. Do you think he's going to be entitled to something? I wonder.

Interesting. Although I also have to say I have dated very lovely, very funny, interesting male and providers as well. I don't want to go on a second date. Why did I do something wrong? No, you're funnier than me, and I can't take it. Will you please pick up the check? Yeah, the amount of female friends who have dated male

and provisers who call me being like, hey, I got a call back for a thing and so and so didn't. He's making it my responsibility to comfort him in this. Like, what do I, like, should I tell him? I was like, I don't know, I feel like we should all move. Just as a lady collective, let's just get out of here. I think we're in too deep. I don't know, maybe tell him he's poisoned

and just walk away. I don't know what to do anymore. All right, we're gonna do these last three. We had some, got this one, tall paper and kings and queens. Aaron, I can't stress enough. There's no such thing as tall paper and and kings and queens. Aaron, I can't stress enough. There's no such thing as tall paper. Yeah, there is. They're called male improvisers. Royal is royal.

Regal than art. Yep. Regal and legal. Oh legal pad. Legal. Nice. Yeah. Tall paper. Now we do. Malice in apartment. Malice doesn't live we do. Malice in apartment. Malice doesn't live here anymore. Malice in apartment. I actually think Malice would be a pretty beautiful name. A boat and a boat. Malice in the office.

In the office. In the office. No. I would also say that's OK. That's a great ABC show. I would say think of it more like Malice and could be a hotel. Oh rent, rent, uh, like it's a type of hotel room or. Oh, a suite, yeah.

A suite, and, and, oh, suite and, unsweetened, uh, Malice. Malice, suite and sweat. Is it the S? What, how many? Sweet and unsweetened mouse. Mouse, sweet and sweat. Is it the S? How many? It's the second letter, is my hint. Sweet and spite. Spite.

Oh, sweet, sweet, spite. Sweet, spite. Last one. Spite, obey your thirst. Speaking style and welcome. Cadence. Is cadence the first one? No.

Speaking style, accent. Yep, accents and Welcome If I've decided to welcome someone and I'm Using the funny accent Accent and consent I consent for you to enter. No, but I've blanked my fate. Except. Mm-hmm.

Accent and exit. Those were great, thank you so much. Love the show. Keep up the good work, cheers, Tim Hood. Ugh, motherfucker. Those are the show, keep up the good work. They've obviously never listened. No, I'm sorry, it's love the show. Keep up the good work, cheers.

Tim is writing a letter to the television show Cheers, telling them they are great. Never listen to our show. Speaking of never listening to our show, if you didn't listen to our show, we wouldn't have these advertisers and now listen to us talk about them for a while. Norm!

Hey GPC! Uh, uh, yeah? You're not in trouble. I just need help. I'm, um, pranking Adel. And I'm setting up a website to prank him. Um, can I just need some advice? This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace. I'm not, I'm not mad at you. We're pranking Adel.

Squarespace is the only one website platform for entrepreneurs to stand out and to see it online. Whether you're just starting out or managing a growing brand, Squarespace makes it easy to create a beautiful website, it engaged with your audience, and so anything for products to cut into time, all in one place, all on your terms. Hey, Addle, come here, come here, come here.

Hey, what's going on? I actually, I want to prank JPC, and I want to set up a whole website to prank him. Do you have anything that like is there like Online store like it set up on my website to sell product. Did you know that with square space? You can have custom merch you can easily sell custom merchant create passive income stream that engages your audience and scales your brand design your products and production and inventory and shipping are handled for you saving you time and money What is happening? Okay. Wait, what's going on with that all?

Oh, nothing, nothing. I'm just setting up a very normal Squarespace website, not a prank thing. No, he's gonna shoot you. And I'm gonna use analytics. Use insights to grow my business and learn where my site visits and sales are coming from. That's pretty cool. I'm gonna improve my website and build marketing strategy based on top keywords

are popular products and content on my prank website. The prank site too. Whoa, that's awesome, Aaron. I'm glad you're using Squarespace. Did you say what the website was for? I can't remember what the website was for. The website was for. Prank.

Squarespace. You can connect to your store to Vedent Dirt Party tools to extend the functionality of your website. Hey JPC, hey JPC. What's up, Vattle? I can't believe we pranked Aaron with our little boy routine. Dude, we got her. Anyway, if you want to prank Aaron with your little boy routine, head to squarespace.com for a free trial and when you're ready to launch, go to squarespace.com slash riddle to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Oh, she's back. She's back. Hey, Aaron. Hey, Aaron. Can we go to grandma's house? Wait, I've been pranked. But how? I don't know. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Hey, Adel and JPC, thank you for meeting me in the middle of the woods here.

I am sort of at an impasse. I can't decide whether or not to go this way or this way. I'm having a hard time choosing a path. You know, there never truly is a middle of the woods. Isn't it funny to think about something like that? There never truly is a middle of the woods. No, this is the middle. Okay, this is it.

Addle, can you help? Yeah, actually, so as per Robert Frost, I don't know if you know his poems, he has a poem called Better Help. I believe this is written in the 1800s, but it still stands true today more than ever. Aaron, you should try Better Help. Have you heard of this?

You seen this? Mm-hmm. Because sometimes Aaron and life were faced with tough choices, and the path forward isn't always clear, whether you're dealing with decisions around career relationships, being stuck in the middle of the woods, therapy helps you stay connected to what you, ow, ow, sorry, that also does so fast. Therapy helps you stay connected to what you really want while you navigate life and the woods.

Hmm, and better help is entirely online, so it's designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. I've been using it for several years, and it suits the way that my brain works way better than traditional therapy ever did. And when Aaron says traditional therapy, just so everyone's clear, what she means is tricking two of her friends to coming to the middle of the woods, even though there isn't truly the concept of the middle of the woods, isn't that fun to think about? All you have to do is just fill out a brief questionnaire

to get matched with a license therapist, and you can switch therapists at any time for no additional charge. Hey, Aaron, GPC's putting down bread crumbs and then immediately picking them up and eating them. Dirty bread crumbs. Mm-hmm. And he's also really into that owl who's swooping down.

Anyways, let there be your map with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash riddle today to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelpHELP.com slash riddle, R-I-D-D-L-E. R-I-D-D-L-E, the middle of riddles of D, but there is no true middle of riddle because it would be the space in the LARLJPC, hoping at home.

Bye, baby. Am home. Who are we? What is this? I, uh, clink, clink, clink. Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen, I just want to make a quick toast to, uh, I know it's JPC's birthday and we're all so excited to talk about him, but I want to make a quick toast to, I know it's JPC's birthday, and we're all so excited to talk about him,

but I wanna talk about my favorite, my favorite thing in the world. And that is the app Rocket Bunny. Oh, yeah, Aaron, that's one of my favorite things as well. Mm-hmm. Rocket Bunny is a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending,

and helps you lower your bills all in one place. I've been using it for years way before they were a sponsor, and it helps me so much, especially around tax season. Clean, clean, clean, clean, clean, clean, uh, sorry, I also want to give a toast. Rocket money, well quickly and easily find your subscriptions for you, and for any you don't want to pay for anymore, just hit cancel, and Rocket money will cancel it for you. It's that easy. Clean, clean, clean. And for any you don't want to pay for anymore, just hit cancel and rocket money will cancel it for you. It's that easy.

Clink, clink, clink. Mm-hmm. It also categorizes your expenses so you can easily track your budget in real time and also get alerted if anything looks off. Clink, you didn't click here. You didn't click here. You didn't click here. You didn't click here.

You didn't click here. Oh, clink, clink, clink. Over 3 million people have used rocket money, saving the average person up to $720 a year. We love rock. Stop, stop, stop, stop, no, click, click, click, stop. Throwing your money away, cancel unwanted subscriptions today and manage your expenses the easy way

by going to rockatmoney.com slash riddle. That's rockatmoney.com slash riddle. Rockatmoney.com slash riddle. And tell them JPC's birthday got ruined by two of his friends for doing speeches about rocket money the website. I love you, rickamoney. I like playing, playing, playing, playing, playing. Hey, rick, a brick, a brick, a brick, a brick, a brick, a brick, a brick, a brick, a

brick, a brick, a brick, a brick, a brick, a brick, a brick, a brick, a brick, a brick, a brick, a brick, a brick, a brick, a brick, a brick, a brick, a brick, a brick, a brick, a brick, a brick, a brick, a brick, a brick, a brick, a brick, a brick, a brick, a brick, a brick, a brick, a brick, a brick, a brick, a brick, a brick, a brick, a brick, a brick, a brick, a brick, a brick, a brick, a brick, a brick, a brick, a brick, a brick, a brick, a brick, a brick, a brick, a brick, a brick, a brick, a brick, a brick, a brick, a brick, a brick, a brick, a brick, a brick, a brick, a brick, a brick, a brick, a brick, a brick, a brick, a brick, a brick, a And we're back and you better believe trash can Tony that I am going to gently Put you down. Are you okay? I'm gonna set you down real I got the back of your neck are you? I've never been better in my entire life. X Handler Ricky. Thank you for supporting my neck. Just yes, I'm going to finish him. Lower me to okay finish me. Okay. Okay. Yeah, hand or mouth, what do you want? Well, what are you? You're just fighters. You're brothers. You're brothers. He just assumed.

No, just want you to play. This is how we fight. We fight. We make up. Sweetie, the only way we lose is if we let them get to us. Seed! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Listener submitted riddles and these come from Sammy Hall. You have permission to use my full name. Thank you, Sammy Sammy's been listening to the show for a while I love the show so much and listening to it helped me get through my last semester of law school and preparing for the bar exam Oh law school someone has aspirations must be nice Well, we don't need to make fun of them because

Relations must be nice. Well, we don't need to make fun of them because they clearly are going to be the weirdest lawyer ever If they've learned anything from Hey Riddle Riddle if we were mixed into their studies There's gonna be a lot of life. You're on a I'm being too So a riddle I think we've pretty much fucked their entire career. What do you think JBC? I'm into it Now we can have an actual, now we can actually, what a pervert would say. Now we can actually have a riddle court

because we have legal representation. Oh, that's true. All right, all the riddle suck. So these probably suck too. Feel free to use some or not at all. But anyways, here you go. Thank you so much, Sammy. This is exciting.

Thank you, Sammy. And congrats on the bar exam. If you did well. Ooh, yikes. If you were and congrats on the bar exam. If you did well. If you were stirred not shaking. No, honestly more congratulations if you did it and you didn't do well. I think failing and doing bad things is underrated. I think you did a great job. Look, I love walking out of somewhere that I've just failed something and announcing to the world. Flubbed it. Hahaha. Yeah, that was not great when you did a surgery and walked out and said, Flubbed it.

When I come out of an audition and I see a waiting room full of actors I'm up against and who are my rivals, I usually just go, I like wave my hand in front of my face, I go, careful boys, I just shit the bed. Hahaha. Oh, I say, wow, I go out and loud enough for people to hear.

I call my mom and say, mom, I think I got it. Our lives are about to change. Just to cut their confidence down. And then you say, that, that, that, HPV. That's what I got. The, oh, the audition, it went terribly. Because I've really stunk it up in there. I shit the ground. What did you say? Um the audition, it went terribly. I really don't get up in there. I shit the ground.

What did you say? This is the riddle. Some will call me a special skill of finding a computer's weakness. Others, however, wish me ill. I am fraud masquerading as weakness. Others still will perceive me as but a simpler way of doing things. A shortcut. What am I? MacAfee.

This is MacAfee, a internet application that stops the viruses. Did you know, and I just wanna, I just wanna kinda educate the two of you for a moment here. Sure. I don't know if you know this, but when computers were first created, there was the family of MacAfees.

Now they had 12 computers. A lot of them had viruses, but those 12 computers last them for the entire 80s. They had to use the processors and the word documents. That family today is now what's known as a Jewish computers. Sorry, sorry, I think I might be in the wrong class. What class are you supposed to be in? Art 101. Oh no, I'm teaching the game cards in cards. What was it called? A reading from the book of Maca-Beast.

Love is patient, bleep, bloop, ee-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e. Okay, you guys, what would be funnier than if I ever get married, which who knows? If JPC, if I make JPC in earnest without any jokes or any bits, read the love is patient, love is kind. I would, I would 100% do it. 100% do it. Well, people would be anticipating there to be a joke. The whole thing was like, oh, JBC, this is gotta be true. It would be very good. So much funnier if there's no joke.

Love is patient, love is kind. I just read the thing, thank you. You would still steal the show when people realize that there is no joke. People would die laughing. I think I could, I think I could, I think I could do it with no jokes. I think I could make it funny. Aaron, do you mind if I kick off things by going up?

I think you could too. I was, Adel, sorry, go ahead. Do you mind if I kick things off by going up in front of everyone and saying, what's your dictionary defines a wedding as a union of two people and then sitting down? Yeah, and I'll be like, we didn't ask him to speak. No, even better, Adel, I'm gonna pay you $600 to stand up and say, I object,

and then I'm gonna, for the rest of my life, be like, you didn't tell Adel to do that. What is he doing? What is he doing? Like, how does it come, please, you're ruining my day. Yeah, so that's why I'll, my wedding will go if anyone wants to come. Oh, speaking of, and here's the real question, Aaron,

and I'm gonna ask it to you on the podcast because that's the shit I just thing to do, and you have to answer honestly. Or, because you're one of my groom's people, are you going to come to the bachelor party? I didn't know I was invited. Of course you are. I don't know am I enough of a pervert? That one thing you and all your guy friends have in common, huge big old pervert. So you think I'm perverted enough? Well that's the bachelor party is going to be, we're all going to go to Milwaukee,

we're all going to sit in the tree and be peeping Tom's. And Aaron, I got to say, it's a JPC bath killer party. So you know there's going to be staplers. Oh, hi. Yeah, I would completely go, of course, especially because I feel like it's just going to be us sitting around a campfire and playing games.

So, yeah, of course, it sounds like the best time ever. I'm also fully gonna be wearing a lady suit. I'm gonna look amazing. You're gonna wear a lady suit to the bachelor party? Yeah, I'm gonna wear the entire year you're wearing it. At a campfire. I am so excited for that, I truly can't wait. Okay.

Do you know the answer to this or do I need to reread it? I can't even begin to think of what the question was. I remember it and the answer is hacker. Yep, it's hack, technically. Oh. Great job. Thank you. I am the result of a day spent in the fields

and I can be quite taxing. I am also a creature that finds rolling in the mud to be in a word relaxing. Piggy, little pig. A 501-3c nonprofit. Oh, taxing. So a day in the field and then also taxing. Is this okay? Is it like a sunburn or like a sunstroke? Well, no, it's a word that means two things. Like the perk. Oh, pork. Cause it's like what you eat and then fucking.

Sunburn means two things. Cause it's like the sunburn that hits your skin and then like that girl is like a sunburn, like a sunburn and I would like to say that girl is like a sunburn. She sticks with you. That can't be a song. All right, fine, I can make that the answer.

What song is that? Give him a second. That girl's like a sunburn appealing? Oh, it's never let you go by third-eye blind. I'll never let you go. That girl is like a sunburn. Yeah, okay, there we go. Wait, is that those are the lyrics?

Dude, that's the outro. The outro is, and I would like to say, that girl is like a sunburn. She's like a sunburn. Well, they also have a song about taxes, which is, I wish you would step back from that ledger, my friend. You can be a CPA all-time, but take some time for yourself. Nichols and Dimes, yours and mine.

Did you cash in on your distributions? Um, I'm probably committing tax fraud right now. Did you cash in on your distributions? I'm probably committing tax fraud right now. I don't know. I'm probably going to jail. I don't know how to do. I don't know how to do my taxes. I am the result of a day while spent in the fields. So what do you do in the fields?

Cross you. Yeah, you pick cross you reap. I reap what you sell. So so in style. You yeah you pick you reap I Reep what you sell so and so You got a sound is a pig in a so is a shirt Pig the cow in the shirt in the cow. There's a pig and he's wearing a shirt I want to say a scene the two of you are the leads in the new made for farm animals TV show,

My South Cald Life. My South Cald Life is about two pigs. Just trying to make it through not having parents. No, that's party of five. What is, I don't know, my son. I've never seen an episode of My Son of the Lime. Being at like high school. Yeah, so you two pigs in high school try to make your way in this wild wild world This is my south-called life

Gosh if I get an f on that quiz, I'm gonna be baking by lunch Who cares about getting an f on that quiz? I'm trying to get an F in my bizz. I'm horny as I'll get up. I feel like we don't really listen to each other when the other's talking. Come on, we're supposed to be best friends. I'll help you handle your hornyness, and you pretend to me me and go take the quiz. Okay, but this is the last time

that I'm taking a quiz for you. And I want you to go talk to Brad Horses, the hottest pig in school. Hmm, some people say he's a horse. Yum yum. I'm just like, I don't follow him. He's not a horse. He's just the tallest pig with the longest tail. I'll go take the test. I'll go talk to Brad Hors. Hey, what's up? You're quite a babe. Ha, ha, guess I'm a pig.

You want to check out my new set of squeals? I got a, I got a Ford Pork Chop. Brad, why is your tail moving like that? Like it's a ponytail swaying through the wind? Uh, no, it's not. Let me wrap it around my finger. Look, it's in the shape of a corkscrew. It's a wing-coink.

Why do you make so much noise while you walk? Like a clop-, club, club? Oh, because I love pork clops. I've already used that job. Hey, hey, you can talk to me. I'm a really cool pig. Yeah. Yeah, all pigs are cool.

That's why they roll around in the mud. It's the cool off. I mean, that's why we roll around in the mud. Can I tell you something? Yeah. I'm actually a spider. What? I'm a spider.

I knew it. It's inside a horse outfit pretending to be a pig. Oh no, I'm falling for you because you're opening up to me. Oh gosh. Well, flubbed it. What? Flubbed it. The math test.

Big time. Are you just saying flubbed it because you love saying flubbed it? Or? Flubbed it. The math test, big time. Are you just saying Flubbed it because you love saying Flubbed it or did you really love it? See, I'm just a spider inside a forest pertain to be a pig. Asking you to love it. I was trying to think I was like, what's the next line of that Jury McGuire?

Wow, that Flubbed it moment was a perfect callback. How do you guys feel? Flubbed it. We're here with JPC who just did a perfect callback in a Hey Riddle Riddle episode. JPC, how does it feel? It's super hard to remember something. One thing for 10 minutes, but I did it and I feel like I'm on top of the world. Where am I going? Mickey Mouse's house. I'm going to kill that motherfucker. He's dead meat. He's here to be Mickey. Lock your doors, bitch. I'm

coming. Oh, congratulations on a great game. All your teammates are dumping Gatorade all over you. Where are they? It's not Gatorade, it's mouse blood. I'm coming for you Mickey. started all those years ago Mickey Mouse. Why don't you take a peek through the mail slot? You're gonna see a dual action gauge pump shotgun point right? You're digging balls, bitch! Wait, what do you think I'm peaking through the mail slot with if it's pointed at my oh well, hurry up last it.

Come play! Yeah! I'm the king of perps! Don't let this happen to your podcast. Keep a watchful eye that it doesn't slide into something like this. If you stop being vigilant after 50 episodes or so, your show will become this. Shit, I just got an email that we've

been rejected from all podcast festivals. That's fine. They're better off without us. All right, ready? Yes. I am the embodiment of truth. One who speaks me may be a sage. I am a method of communication that has grown obsolete with age.

Though I sound the same in each meaning, to call me a true hominim would be misleading. Instead, try to focus on what can be found when I am spelled differently, but with the same sound. What? Letter. Letter. Letter. spelled differently, but with the same sound. What? Letter. Letter.

Letter. I'm a kitty letter. I'm going to read it again. More code? I am the embodiment of truth. One who speaks me may be a sage. I'm a method of communication that has grown obsolete with age, though I sound the same in each meaning to call me a true hominim would be misleading.

Instead, try to focus on what can be found when I'm spelled differently, but with the same sound. So let's break it down a little bit. Yeah, we got this boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom. I feel like we're going to get outdated method of communication. That's I think that's our entry point. So carrier pigeon is obviously the number one with a bullet answer. With a bullet. And that's how think that's our entry point so carrier pigeon is obviously the number one with a bullet and with a bullet and That's how care pigeon's not I'm sorry. That's clay pigeon. That's number one with a bullet. No, I'm sorry. That's clay. I can That's really funny

I am the embodiment of truth Okay, that's one of the definitions the other definition of truth is I'm a method of communication that has grown obsolete with age. They sound the same, but they're spelled differently. Um, so it's not communication. It's not a letter. It's not a story. What's an obsolete? A method of communication that is not necessarily so old. We're not talking hundreds of years old. Got it. Oh, phone calls. Little old.

Or sort of at the same time for a while. Little old. More, more code. No, a little bit like, you gotta be, I would say like, my dad at his job sent a lot of these in the, oh, mimeograph. No. Singing telegrams? Yeah, my dad sent a lot of singing telegrams.

You're fired to death. We had to say what? A fax. Yep. Fax and facts. Fax and facts. You got it. Again, I love this.

I love this so much. And I hope that you like these riddles. Thanks for all you do. And for keeping me sane during the pandemic, Samy Hall. PS and Never Laugh Harder than when Aaron was playing R2-D2 in a scene and instead of beeping started screaming bloody murder to get out of the car. I had to pull over because I was laughing so hard I was crying and couldn't see. Sammy, you did the right thing. If you're listening to a comedy podcast and you're laughing too hard while driving, pull over. Do you know why I pulled you over? Cause I was laughing at a pub, I guess.

That's what I'm saying. Yeah, I've got messages like that before. I've someone being like, I'm currently pulled over in the side of the road, cause X, Y and Z just made me laugh. We get a lot of tweets and stuff that people are like, I almost crash my car, I was laughing so hard. We can't do that.

Or got fired. A lot of people are like, people at my office is laughing so hard. We can't do that. Or got fired. A lot of people are like, people at my office look at me strange. Like I'm a JPC type. But we don't get any emails, any letters, any fan communication saying, I was just an unified cast. I took way too big of a bite of a hot dog.

I almost died eating it. And you're podcasting out of promotion. You got to imagine people are eating big hot dogs and getting promotions just as often as their traffic cars. I am. Am I eating too many big hot dogs? All right.

Can I do one more riddle? Yes, please. All right. The riddle goes as such. How many big hot dogs are too many big hot dogs when you're waiting to find out about a promotion? Yeah, yeah riddle for just for me The answer there's never too many big hot dogs you would you deserve big hot dogs whether or not you pass the bar or not You're a wiener baby. I enjoyed that so much that in the middle of me enjoying that, I was like, wait a second, I'm an idiot!

I'm dumb! This makes me happy and I'm dumb. That's my life, it's my real life. It's a real thing about me. I'm dumb. It's a box of rocks. I take it all back. Please just say that at my wedding.

All right, last riddle. This one is from Zachary, but he said the girl who made this up is named Molly. So thank you Zachary and Molly. Zachary and Molly. Yeah, they sound, I wonder if their friends are in love, siblings will never know. Hi, hey riddle, riddle, y'all are one of my favorite podcasts and I've been yearning to find a good riddle that y'all have never done before. So here you go.

All right, thank you Zach and Molly. Here we go. Are listeners know what the been yearning to find a good riddle that y'all have never done before. So here you go. All right, thank you, Zach and Molly. Here we go. Are listeners know what the word yearning means? I don't know. Are they surprised me every day? There is a room full of balloons. None of them pop, but when you enter, it's empty. How?

Condoms. Addle? Yeah, they're walking into my freaking bedroom and I slay and I sling so The floor is full of condoms. This is where the magic happens. I make my dick disappear Are you blowing up the condoms? Oh? Yeah, oh, yeah, blow them up. I blow them out baby baby baby baby Let me ask you this area. Did it ever say that these balloons were full?

I guess they didn't, but they didn't. Is this just, so this is not just like an empty balloon factory? No, but that sounds very sad. Empty balloon factory. We don't sell balloons here much anymore. All the balloon machines have gone all dark on us. Ever since all the clowns died, we haven't produced a single balloon. We used to be everyone's favorite field trip, but there's not a balloon in sight.

We're three old men who work at the old balloon factory, and yes, we're scary. And we know we've heard it before, the balloony bin. We are crazy for coming into work when this factory's been shut down for years And I know what you're thinking are all of you old men eating balloony sandwiches Which is two pieces of white bread and loose balloons? Oh, we are! So that's how you make your balloony sandwich? Mine goes balloony, balloony, and then a piece of balloony right at the top We are perverse Bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum Mine goes below me balloony and then a piece of a loony right at the top

Man does anyone have anything to blow We got a solve this I'm crying. I really had no idea today. I'd say, baloney baloney baloney. But and that's not even going to be the name of the episode. What are we doing? A baloney baloney baloney. Can you say it? One more time man.

Can you say the real? Oh God, yeah, I'm so happy. Baloney baloney baloney baloney. There's a room full of balloons. None of them pop. But when you enter, it's empty. How, but when you enter, it's empty. How? But when you enter, it's empty. Oh, this riddle is brutal, by the way.

It's a terrible answer. There's a room full of balloons. None of them pop, but when you enter, it's empty. So I guess when you enter the room, it's empty. There's some wording that seems very confusing. Are you entering into the room that has all the balloons? Yes. Well, I'm gonna give you the hints. Are you entering into the room that has all the balloons? Yes, well

Are you I'm gonna give you the hints are you entering the same room as the one with the balloons? That's the hint Oh, yes, okay, I was gonna say you can't give us I'm gonna give you guys the hit you give me the answers to the hits I'm fucking no, Is this a normal room? Yes. And the balloons are real. Yes.

Has someone removed the balloons or have they otherwise left the room through the window or something? No. And when I copied and pasted this email, they, I know the relationship between Zachary and Molly now. Do you want to know what it is? I, the doctor patient. Nope, this riddle was made up by a girl. I matched with on Tinder.

So I'm pretty sure there's no way for you to have done it before. You don't know if Molly and I have matched on Tinder. Also, did you go on a date? Did you just take a riddle from her and then go stir? Zachary, we must back. No, no, no, no, Zach, if Molly initiated the conversation with this riddle, go ahead and delete your tender.

Go to the one. You found the love your life. Go to the wedding ring store. By the biggest one you could afford, and if you're born as hard as you can in this space. If you are a doctor patient, don't forget that you do have Dr. Pepper confidentiality. That's, I like that. 23 secrets between you and you. You can have, you can have,

23 secrets with you and your doctor. Dr. Pepper confidentiality. Okay. Oh, is it, is it like a nursery with balloons painted on the walls? Oh, that's really good. That's a great guess, but I'm just going to give you the answer, which is terrible. You've entered the room before there were any balloons in it. What? No, stop rolling credits. Stop rolling credits. Credits were rolling, Adolf. No, no. We're shedding that production.

That's it. Okay. Well, if I say it again, ready? Okay. Yeah. Try it again. Okay. You've entered the room before there were any balloons in it.

Beety. No. No. We don't like. No. No. Okay, all right you've entered the room before there were any balloons in it No, no unplug it we're taking we're not even taking this riddle to riddle court We're giving we're gonna take this to the riddle chair. No I don't believe in that You've entered the room before there any balloons in it be No, have a good night everyone anything to do look We've entered the room before there any balloons in it. Be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be-be- I was on a few podcasts recently ever heard of them. Yes, podcasts. Sure, yeah. I was on the bloke busters podcast talking about the Star Wars special, which is a real travesty of a Christmas special.

The Star Wars holiday special? Yes. Oh, so we talk about that on the bloke busters podcast. I was also on Cinema Swap talking about in Brewerj, and I was on American Timeline podcast talking about, I believe it was the year 1951 or 1952. So please check out all of those podcasts. I also want to thank a fan sent me some autocrat,

which was in our Patreon episode. We talked about Rhode Island was known for coffee milk, and one of our listeners in Rhode Island sent me a bottle of autocrat, which is what you add to milk to make coffee milk. It looks like it's like motor oil, but I will say, as much as we made fun of coffee milk in Rhode Island, it's actually very tasty. So family viewed, you know, it taught answers on the board

to survey the 100 people, and you just tell me the name of the thing that you add to coffee to get coffee milk AutoCraft not even gonna be numbered 50 on that fucking list JBC speaking of do you have anything top three things of plugs? Yeah, you can plug my my twitch stream which is twitch.tv slash shark barkman I play games Most weekday so come over there. I throw me a follow, throw me a sub, and stick around for a little while too,

because if I get my follow-on numbers up just a little more, a little more, I'm shooting for that Twitch partner status. The other thing is, very exciting news, is we're gonna do another live stream show. We probably mentioned it at the beginning of this episode, but we're doing another live stream show, March 5th in Chicago, broadcasted to all over the world.

You can literally watch it from anywhere on human earth. Wait a minute, wait a minute. What about in Denmark? I can't comment on that actually because of some legal stuff that I've got going on. Oh God, what country don't you have that? No, I'm actually gonna need the lawyer from earlier to reach out to me because I hope you're gonna

Denmark law, because I can't make it. So anyway, to 8 o'clock, March 5th, Friday night, 8 p.m. Central, Chicago time. You can get tickets at headdiam.com slash live. I believe they're 12 bucks or 15 if you want to donate to the theater where we're doing it, which is Lincoln Hall in Chicago, which is really cool space,

which has been fucking waled by a global pandemic. But now we can do live stream shows for the entire world. So that's a fun silver lining there. So please come and hang up for that. We've done two there, are already one last year and one this year. And they have been absolutely bright shining spots of our last year. And they give me something to look forward to.

I have the best time doing them. And then also I'm moving by May, June of this year. So it's just really nice to be able to see you guys in person a couple more times before I go. Aaron, anything that you have to plug? Yes. Beyond watching that live show, I would like to plug a podcast I was on recently called the Sincerely Us Podcast. It's run by Becca and Eany and they are really smart and really funny and I love hearing them talk about theater. It's a great podcast to check out even if you don't want to listen to my episode. We talked about six the musical because they heard about it from us.

And I didn't let them get a word in edge wise. I was so excited to talk about theater. I talked to the entire time and was a nightmare, but they are so lovely and you should go check out the sincerely us podcast. I love someone listening to our show and it's like, oh, that podcast does sound interesting, but I don't wanna hear Aaron's episode. Yeah, no way. Honestly, I mean, they are really great on it,

but I was like, okay, here are all the things that I think and every that I've ever had, all the thoughts in order. Here we go. I saw someone on Twitter tagged us, there's somebody posted a tweet, maybe like a minor celebrity or something, but it said like, what are some podcasts worth checking out? Like I want some new podcasts that are worth checking out.

And someone listed three podcasts and one of them was us and somebody commented on their tweet and said, I've listened to two of these three, but I've never heard of Hey Riddle Riddle, worth checking out and I cried laughing because I'm like the whole that tweet was in reply to what podcast are worth checking out like what are we what are we fucking doing anymore what are we doing what are we as a nation as a humanity as Twitter users what are we doing what are some foods I should check out? Scalops, never had scallops. Are they worth checking out? See above tweet.

Fatal, here's a glass of water. See above tweet. It's Jerry Seinfeld from 2021. See above tweet. A fan tried to be so sweet and tag us in like one of those podcast recommendations. Like you should check out Hey Riddle Riddle and the person that asked for recommendations

and they're like, I have, not for me. Couldn't get through the first three minutes. Like, okay, okay. Yeah, not only are they right, but they're insensitive. Speaking of insensitive, oh, please, James, I was gonna say just direct them to the first three minutes of episode 135, would we sing the We Are Perfect song?

That'll really put it back over. And we tried to get a remix of We Are Pervant's Bumba Dumba Bumb. Obviously we tried to get Frel and the Neptune's to remix it but we could not afford the Neptune's. So what we got instead is we got Frel and the Jupiter. instead as we got Ferell and the... Jupiter? ...by forever! Created by Emily Cardamus and Emily Nemours. Hey, sounds and clouds, if you like that, you're gonna love this week's Patreon. Addle leads us in a debate-only episode. You can listen to that plus our entire Bat Catalog at patreon.com slash hey riddle riddle for joining the clue crew for $5 or the review crew for $8.

See you there!