Hey Riddle Riddle - #144: Flork Family Road Trip

Episode Date: April 21, 2021

The Clew Crew couldn’t be bothered to show up this week so we are playing for the audio from a family road trip. Ethan Is being driven across the country by his parents to college (where he plans on studying “false crime”). Will they make it from Chicago to California in 38 hours? Will they make it without getting emotional? Are they going to do Riddles THE ENTIRE TIME? Starring:Adal RifaiJohn Patrick CoanErin KeifEditing by: Casey ToneyTheme by: Arne ParrottLogo by: Emily Kardamis & Emmaline MorrisWant more? Get Weekly Bonus Eps on Patreon!Want merch? Visit our TeePublic Store! or pins, buttons & printsWant to advertise on the show? Check out Hey Riddle Riddle via Gumball.fmSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is a in this podcast. Please let me out by answering riddles. Well I'm a tiny little squirrel and I'm stuck in this podcast, please let me out by answering riddles. Well, I'm a tiny little squirrel, and I'm stuck in this podcast. Please let me out by answering riddles. I'm a tiny little marshmallow boy, and I'm in a well so long before it. I don't want to do it.

I don't, I don't know. Okay, if I'm the only one, I'll shut the fuck up, but I am just not feeling it today. I don't want to do it. I'm not feeling it today. Oh my God, you speak the truth. I'm not only one, I'll shut the fuck up, but I am just not feeling it today. I don't wanna do it. I'm not feeling it today. Oh my God, you speak the truth. I'm not feeling it today. I'm never feeling it, but I fake it.

Well, I know what I'm saying. I usually put the bare minimum in it. Today I just don't want to. You fake it? Well, no, Aaron, you're the best. Oh, yeah, you were all like, bailed, ready? I'm like, raises like, show of hands, you're a bail bail, you're all bailing. Okay, we're all like bailed ready. I'm like, raises like show of hands, you know, you know, you know, you know, you're all bailing.

Okay, we're bailing on it today. Okay. Okay. Um, well, we have like a bunch of backup audio for when this happens. So let's pick. That's not interesting. Oh, for you. Yeah.

Let's just use one of the auditions for high school musical. The musical. We'll save that for Patreon. Yeah. That's a patron thing for sure. I thought it was great as party every three. No, that's not Patreon. Again, that's more Patreon. It's Patreon, that's not a question here. It's over though. Uh, JPC's Sleepenakment. Funny. There's a bunch of JPC's Sleepenakments with different

parentheses. It's where he dreams about the Civil War. Uh-huh. There's funny, there's real, there's parentheses too real, which let's not play that one. Okay, we're so we're not doing JPC Sleepenakment Historical and now that I'm making this joke, I realize that people There's parentheses, two real, which let's not play that one. Okay, we're not doing JBC sleep enactment historical. And now that I'm making this joke, I realize that people would rather see that than the episode that we're doing. Yeah, let's stop listing this thing that we could be doing.

And let's just, hey, let's agree the next one that we list is the one that we're actually gonna play. Adults, pun, extravagant. Here we go. No, we're not playing that one. I actually deleted that file by accident because Adults, it was too good. Honestly, you deleted that file by accident because it was too good.

Honestly, you deleted that file. It appeared on my computer. So I feel like maybe that file is just skipping over the net. It's the ring of podcasts. That was the thing. All right. I'm gonna just double click here

on Family Road Trip parentheses riddles. Okay. All right, see you guys next week. See you next week. See you next week. See you next week. For a second, I thought we were really leaving. But that's not real. We have to be these two funs. Let's hit the road. We're gonna hit traffic. Okay, coming. I'm coming. Ed.

Dad. Ed. Coming I'm coming Ed dad Ed You see mowing hold no, I'm not mowing. I'm just making sure if we don't lock if we don't lock the lawnmower in the shed Someone will come and take it Someone will steal your stuff nobody cares Okay, I'm just gonna I'm gonna check to make sure that the oven is off and then I'll be ready to go Be right grab me a pineapple crush I'm gonna check to make sure that the oven is off and then I'll be ready to go. I'll be right back grab me a pineapple crush You're lucky there was one in there Stop leaving these in the oven champ stop leaving these in the oven. All right, I like a warm

Although lights are off in the house the lawn mower safely in the garage Oven's off oven's off Okay, because it sounded like you only had time to go grab a pineapple crush and not enough time to check on the oven. I took the pineapple crush out of the oven. Ethan, stop putting them in there. Stop it. And then like the oven off. I like the taste of burnt pineapple.

I can't begin to. Alright, let's not certify. I know. Okay. Buddy, you're going to college. Yeah. You can't be. Okay. I know, okay. Buddy, you're going to college. Yeah. You can't, you can't be, okay. You know what, I love you to death.

Let's get in the car. Let's get in the car. All right. I am, I'm excited. I know that we've double checked the back. You have all your suitcases and you got your posters and all the things that you might need back there. Mom, I told you, you can't keep crying like this.

I'm not crying. Look, I'm smiling. My therapist says that this is manipulation. Is all emotion, is expressing any emotion, manipulation? I knew getting you to therapists would make my life a tiny bit more exhausting. No mom, that's not. But hiding all my acceptance letters from out of state colleges was manipulation. What?

We've worked through that. We've worked through that. We've worked through that. We've worked through that. We've worked through that. Luckily, you found it. Luckily, you found it. You found it.

We're back sliding. Luckily I found it and luckily I did accept my scholarship to UC Santa Cruz, Go Banana Slugs. But I just don't want to deal with this, you know. No, I'm proud of you and I'm excited we're gonna cross the country in a car. We're both proud of you. We're so proud of you. And I don't even...

Does that sound like me? Hi, man. Why are you speaking in pure facts? We're gonna cross the country in a car? I'm sorry, so we're gonna call this an exposition. I guess I'm not graceful at it, honey. Oh my God, Ethan. Are you recording this, mom?

Oh my God. Oh my God. Of course it's gonna be a doorless family thing. You're so embarrassing. It's Ethan, it's not embarrassing. You're mother and I love you. And we're gonna take you across country in the car. That's a little more exposition,

just in case it wasn't clear to begin with. But before we do, Chip, why don't you meet me over by the oak tree real quick? Mom, can you please take that apron off? You don't even apron to drive. Yeah, why are we making this me the most stereotypical mom in the universe? I'm a mechanic. I'll have you know. Okay. She's a mechanic, but when the lawn mower breaks, who's out there in the shed?

Fix the, okay, it doesn't matter. Let's not do this. Ethan, Ethan. Just because she was wearing an apron to drive, I thought that was funny, I wasn't trying to say her place is in the kitchen. God, I feel like I'm in trouble. It's telling that you thought it was funny. Ethan, did you, did you pack the condoms?

The condoms that I gave you? Yes. Okay, remember that's only for an emergency. If you meet someone, you have to fuck. Okay, but Dad, I don't think- Did you pack the condoms? Mom, I'm talking about the condom now. Condoms.

I think next time- No, one condom. Yeah, we give him one. Jadid, we give him one condom. Yeah, we give him a single condom. Yeah, but next time- In case he meets someone that he has to fuck. That's a fuck, that he has to fuck, yeah.

Did he pack it? Yes, I packed it. Next time, please don't get me condoms from Spencer's because these are like novelty ones It's super long and it glows in the dark stop adding an S to the word condom. We got you a single condom. I'm not a monster I'm just about multiple condoms Hey, you should you you better not be fighting multiple people Find the one boy like I did with your mother. I told you the story Yes, you fell in love with a beautiful girl working on a car

She slid from under the car and the car dropped down and crushed her legs It crashed my legs You that got a burst of adrenaline picked up the car got a verse of adrenaline picked up the car, fixed her legs in one pop on each leg and she stood up and kissed you and said, I'ma spend the rest of my life with you and you put on a condom, took it off and made love. And that's how you were born! I'm an excellent mechanic who doesn't need to be saved! And I just happen to be a knee surgeon, I guess, canonically. Now I'm a knee surgeon. Ethan, you're going to learn a lot about the world.

You're going to learn how to be helpful and good to other people, no matter what background they come to. And mom, I just, I'm going to get in the car. What's up? Real quick, I just want to thank you for paying for all of my college tuition. And it was you that paid for it, not dad, because in this family, my mom is the breadwinner.

I know. Why are you saying this? We know. No, and I'm also just saying. Well, I mean, my mom is the breadwinner. I know, why are you saying this? We know. And I'm also just saying. Well, I mean, you're also the smartest of the three of us, by far, in the funniest of the three of us. You also look the best. Yeah, what else?

Now you're over-compensating. I would be doing better if it weren't for this damn malpractice. I keep getting busted by these suits. Let's talk about it in the car. Let's at least get in the car. Right, and I'm gonna, the recording is going on. All right. It is August 24th, 2021. I'm waiting for school. No, are we honey? What? What?

I started on the 22nd. What the? I thought you said the 26. Oh my god. Okay. We're going to have to dry fast. Fashionably late. That's the Flork family way, fashionably late. My first day at the Flork and I'm already late. Okay, we're in the car. So this is gonna be the new serial podcast or someone in the future is gonna find this and be like, that's history, that whole family.

Checking the guests. Here we go. Don't bring up serial. You know that my major is false crime. I don't want to talk about cereal. I don't want to talk about the guy durs two burps and kills people. Okay, honey, I just have to ask one more time.

And the last time your mom's going to ask is false crime a real major at a university? Is that an accredited major? Yes, UC Santa Cruz said with the money that you're paying, they would make it a major Okay, the GPS says we have 38 hours Okay, all right, let's I'm gonna drive I'm gonna drive five over and I think that that's gonna knock I actually with this length a couple of hours off

All right everyone click of safety your father's gonna knock a couple of hours off You know that means you want to have your seatbelt on five overs. That way they call cops five oh because they pull you over for going five over I can't believe you're going to college Ethan These are the types of questions you're asking All right, um, okay, how's everyone's knees everyone have enough knee space? You can get clots in your knees, okay? That's a big Ethan. Yeah, you can get clots in your knees. I'm gonna switch to sit behind you because mom is so tall.

What a tall woman in social justice. What are you doing? I can't believe you won a Tony and an Oscar. Yeah, but that was my, that was a long time ago, honey. That was a long time ago, but you know what? Let's bring that up maybe a little bit later. Should be car ride, because I probably will have a lot to say. Hey, check your pockets. Did you guys forget your phones?

You don't have your phone on you? There's a condom in each pocket. Yeah, I gave you a couple of bonuses. Mom, take your phones and put them in a lock box. We're gonna bond to this family trip. We're gonna pop each other. You slide, Fox. I love it.

Wait, is this for the same special person, second and third time or is this for three other? This is for three people. What do you not remember a damn thing we told you? It's only gonna be one person one time. Sorry, sir. Wow. No, I'm sorry. It's not gonna hate to correct you. We said one person one night. He could get up to three times. Okay, but I don't understand why he needs a separate condom. Jew. Mom, it's okay. I'll pull out before I spill my juice.

He can go three times, but he's only gonna juice once. Like you guys taught me, I'll pull out before I spill my juice. He doesn't know what he's doing. Honey, we're having sex with different people. I don't hear it. La la la're having sex with different people. Hahaha. I don't hear it. All right, all right. This was not what your mother had in mind when she took our phones away.

Janine, I love it. What do you want to do? Well, I love that we live right off 90 West. We're already on the highway. Mm-hmm. Your old dad knows a shortcut. So I bet you're thinking, what? We're going to be sitting in the car for all these hours with nothing to do.

Sorry, I had my headphones on. What were you saying, Mom? Oh, God, give it to me. How was that even plugged into? These are just, you just put them on. How disconnected for me do you want to be that hurts my feelings? Sorry, ma'am. Grabbing these headphones?

I am your mother, and I know that's just a little bit more exposition but this is what I'm going to say. I bet you're going, what are we going to stare at the window? That sounds terrible. No, your mom, brat. Stare at the window. I stare through the window, ma'am. How? I usually stare right at the window and I go, wow, that looks like it probably rained a little while ago because I see a little bit of a drop, a residue from it. And I keep my hands at 10 and 2 and my eyes at forward view. In the car that I built.

Ha ha. Mechanics built first. Sure you do. Well, thank you, honey. All right, here's what we're gonna do. Mom, Brad, a riddle book. Oh, that sounds like fun. It's the best way to pass some time.

We can maybe start some conversations. What do you mean, everyone loves riddles? We think everyone loves riddles. Nobody likes riddles. Why haven't thought about riddles in years, decades even. So I'm very excited and enthusiastic to do a riddle book. Kids today don't do riddles. They don't?

No. But they're so fun. But they're so fun. They like quizzes. Quiz nose. Okay, he did. I'll make you a deal. I'll make you a deal.

We will stop at Quiz nose one time on this trip. Good luck finding an open one. Well, I should say we aren't leaving at the dead of night. So we're probably not gonna find a 24 hour quiz nose. Unless it's been previously stated that it's a different time of the day, and that's what it is. Ethan, we will stop at a quiz nose somewhere the next 36 hours. If you just be a little more enthusiastic about your mother's riddle book.

Yeah, I can get a firehouse sub whatever that is We're not going to a Jersey Mike's. Oh, they make firehouse subs. What's a firehouse? Well, it's where the fire fighters are between fires. What's a hoagie? About six dollars All right, Flork joke. That's that's a dad joke. No more dad jokes out of me. Okay No more dad jokes out of me okay no more dad jokes out of you you're making that promise now holy smokes honey don't worry I in 36 hours you don't have to talk to me again no thanks giving I'll be out of

your hair because you're at where's the school you're going to you see Santa cruise go but I thought you're going to Santa Cruz at UC. No, I couldn't. But that makes no sense. That's not a real thing. No it is. I just couldn't get in. Oh, I'm sorry. Maybe I think you did get in, but I hid that letter. I'll throw it away and I'll give it up. I just still wish you were going to Pepperdine. Well, that's because you went to its sister college.

Iodine. Can I make that jokes or just, or just that is excluded? You can still make, you can still make that joke. That just cannot. Here's our first riddle. I can't wait. Why are two little animals alone in a little boat in the middle of the ocean? Kissing and love, using a condom for the first time

and then marrying to have one child? That's a really good guessy thing. I think that's right. Oh, I saw the ocean. Kissing and love, using a condom for the first time and then marrying to have one child. That's a really good guess, Ethan. I think that's right. Oh, I saw the answer. Oh, okay. That's not, he's being, he's pulling your leg. Take a left up here. On the highway?

Yeah. To eat. Oh, oh, oh, oh. Oh, never mind, never mind. Sorry, I thought I remembered to short cut here. We've been teabowned. It's a kind of teabown. It's a concrete bear's pericade. I can't take a left over highway. That concrete bear, it looked like a shortcut I thought I knew, but I think I didn't remember it.

Just me, your old dad knows every shortcut on the way out to California. I used to ride with a bad group of boys and we would make this trip quite a few times a year. Unbelievable that we got tea bones in our car to 360 right in the same direction and we're still going, no problems because mom built this car so well. Why are you saying the things we all know? Oh, cause I'm doing my little recording, I see, I see. Yeah, your father used to run with a totally different group of people.

I know you think you know his friends, but the group he used to run with in his 20s, they would take scooters. Mm-hmm. And they would go all the way across the country together. It's absolutely hilarious. Wow. Unscrewders?

Unscrewders. And then we would get to wherever we were going, find the tallest building, take the scooters in the elevator, and then throw them off the roof as hard as we could. As hard as we could. As hard as we could. Well, I was that part of it. We would wind up and toss the scooters as far as we could get them.

To throw something as hard as you can off a building seems only pertinent if you're trying to injure someone below. Well, no, we were trying to get distance. We were trying to clear distance off the building. Oh, so you were doing this tonight. We were doing this tonight. There were many people down there. I'm a research and I took a oath. Do no harm. Honey tell them the

What the headline the next day was in the newspaper though after you threw the scooters off the local idiot falls off building now I I have some quibbles with that because Jim was at local we had driven cross country. He just looks like a lot of locals. You know Jim. Yeah he busted his knees up. Dad had to run down there and fix him. Yeah but how do you... Ethan you know Jim. That's Emily's dad. Oh yeah I know Jim. And dad before we get to Santa Cruz which is a while, do you mind taking off your sweater? I don't want the kids at school to see you wearing a sweatshirt that says,

do you know harm, eat no harm? Well, I can, but it's a zip up and the zipper's in the back. So we'll have to wait until we stop and then... Yeah, if you want it to lose the sweater. And, honey, what is he supposed to do if we stop in an olive garden? Not wear that in? No, I'm wearing it to an olive garden. Yeah, if I'm going to an olive garden, I'm wearing that in.

When a waiter takes her and you do this stat, you do this every time we go to a restaurant. You don't need to tell the waiter what you don't want. All you have to do is tell them what you want. You go down through every menu I have. That's not etiquette, that's not how I was raised. I say this looks bad, I don't want this. Don't even think about bringing me this.

Just tell them what you do want. Your generation has no etiquette. That's exactly what you're supposed to do. What I wouldn't want is a water. I do not want this salad, this appetizer, this appetizer, this looks terrible. You take it off the menu and then you eventually get to the thing that you want. And then you don't tip. Man, you do not tip.

Next thing you're going to tell me, Ethan, is that when the waiter drops by a second time. After your food's already been delivered and you've already started to eat a little bit and asks, how was everything? You're not supposed to say, well, it's not my wife's ass, but I'll eat it. That would be outrageous. That's a guess. I'm never gonna stop doing that. I'm not gonna stop doing that.

I'm not gonna stop doing that. It's a dad joke. Let's make sure we just, I think I'm just hungry for a drive-through on this trip, please. Well, we're trying to make time, Ethan. We're trying to make time. Okay, the riddle. Why are two little animals alone in a boat in the middle of the ocean. I don't know, ma'am. Can I have a hint ma'am? Yeah, they're from a famous kind of story that you know. I want to say it's gonna be a Noah story

Noah's Ark and this is like the Noah's Ark's lifeboat Mm-hmm. Is it the old man in the tea? Or otherwise known as a sea cow? Is it something like a unicorn and a dragon? Two things that don't exist anymore, but they should have existed. Honey, that would be very funny if it was, but no. It's two animals that are still around. Oh, is it from those books you made me read?

Is it the wind and the willow? I think those are their names. Okay. Are you at least at the point where you're not mad? I made you read books. Now you're literate, you're welcome. Yes, ma'am. Complaining. I wish I had a dad that made me read Rothfuss. I wish I had a dad that made me read Rothfuss. I appreciate you making me read Rothfuss. I appreciate you making me read only

Stephen Kingbooks that are under his fake pen names Yes, of course. What why would I have you read hitting of his real books to share it see the movies They're all movies under Israel names. Okay, so these are Noah's Ark animals. Yes on this lifeboat Uh-huh I really want to start guessing some puns, but I said I wasn't going to do any more dad jokes. There is no pun, it's on a pun answer so you don't need to do that. Oh is it, is it a unicorn and a horse because they're trying to make twins so they can get on? It's like...

No, but I like your brain. Two animals in the middle of the ocean on a tiny boat? Yeah, why would someone get kicked off the boat? Um, are they the same animal? Yes, they're a pair. They're a pair. Skunks, pair of skunks. Yes, you got it.

I was getting sick. They're a skunks. It's like the time when Ethan discovered Axe Body Spray, we made him sleep outside in the tent for two months. Remember that when you were 13? I thought it was one use. I thought you used the whole can. Yeah, every day and I was like, where are my CVS bills so expensive? What in the heck? And then I realized that you were using a whole can every day.

When your mother and I checked our monthly CVS bill, we said, what's going on? This is far too much money to spend CVS monthly. You know the typical family thing where you have a monthly CVS bill. Mom, Dad, I fear that when I get to the the typical family thing where you have a monthly CVS bill. Mom, Dad, I fear that when I get to California, things won't be the same as they are in our small town in Illinois. Such as CVS monthly bills. People.

Which is your typical American family? People are basically the same everywhere you go. They're good in their hearts and they're smart in their minds. And you have to be the bravest boy you can. Yes, sir. Okay Ethan. But I am good in my mind and smart in my heart. I'm one of those rare exceptions. I'm pretty extraordinary.

Ethan, I ever tell you who you're named after. Well, you got drunk one night and you stumbled into my room at 4 a.m. And you said that I was maybe named after Ethan Hawk, maybe named after Ethan Cohen and then you smashed the bottle, started to cry and tried to climb inside my aquarium. First of all, my aquarium. I bought that aquarium with my money. Well, I didn't see my the important part of that story. To be fair, mom got it for both of us from CBS. And that story is mostly correct. You're named after Ethan Hawk and Ethan Hunt. And I always both of us from CBS. in Hawk movie, which was... Mr. Impossible 2. That's Ethan Hunt.

That's Ethan Hunt. What was I? I gave birth in the theater for, yes, before sunrise, we were like, I think you must have loved just the sort of natural conversation that link later can tap into. Can you believe he did that and school of rock? I can. What a talent. So just for continuity, Ethan, you had your first kick during before sunrise and you were birthed

in the theater for Mission Impossible 2. So look at that. No, wait, Google it. Look that up. Tell us how close we were. But don't worry about it, Ethan. That's the story. Wow, now I know the origin behind my full name.

Ethan Hunt Hawk Flork. Yeah, now you know it. I'm having fun, is everyone else having fun? Oh, also, I guess your grandfather was a Hawke hunter. So that, that thing was also Ethan, right? Yes, it was Ethan Hawke hunter. Change to Ellis Island. We came late to Ellis Island, by the way.

Well, he went from Ellis Island and then he went to Rikers Island, right? Because he tried to kill Tony Hawk. And they said, you're a prison warden now. We, we gotta have people start writing things down in our family. That's true. This kind of history can be lost.

And what a beautiful history this is. We only have maybe 65% of the history from courts to noographers, but we really should write down the other 35%. It's true. Well, I'm ashamed to say that as a false crime major, I will not be recording down any of this history or anything. Honey, and I hate to be a mom who asks these kind of questions. I hate to be a mom.

No, no, no! Ethan, you're just, oh I'm so sorry, honey, that's not what I mentioned all. You didn't let hear the end of my sentence. I hate to be a mom who asks you annoying questions. I love being your mom, but what kind of, that was weird. What kind of, what kind of job can you get with that kind of major? Oh, was just the next riddle? No, I'm just asking. Oh, okay. Well, I don't know if you know this, uh, mom and dad, but the generation before me made quite a killing in the podcasting market from true crime. Your, my favorite murder, your cereal, etc. Um, true crime obsession is one that a friend of my school loves. Um, but my generation, we don't care for that. So what I thought to do is look to the future

and that's why I wanna go into false crimes, which are crimes I just make up in my head and then podcast about them, ma'am. Okay, our son is an innovator. He's a genius. I know. If you guys wanna get back in the same page, I can do another riddle, here we go.

Please, yes. This riddle book is frustrating go. Please, yes. This riddle book is frustrating for a couple reasons. Some of them are just historical facts. Some of them are jokes, but you gotta keep flipping back and forth. I'm gonna get a hand cramp over here. Unbelievable. Well just make sure you're bending your knees while you're flipping back and forth.

Hand cramps can be a serious thing, but not as bad as knee cramps. Hand cramps. Alright, well, I know that your rival at the hospital before you got sued was the hand surgeon, but that doesn't mean that hand injuries are not serious, honey. They're serious. Knee injuries and hand injuries can both be serious.

First of all, let's not talk about Donald Faizon, okay, because I don't want his name mentioned in the car. He's the best hand surgeon in the world, but he's a fucking arrogant bastard. Isn't he the topic of the TLC song? I think so. No scrubs. Uh-huh.

Was that TLC? Yes it was. Honey, you're right, facts are a prison. See? See, it's awful. Also speaking of getting sued, we're already to Sioux Falls. Oh God! I hope she's okay.

Well, I hope she rolls because if she hits those knees when she's coming down, that can be a problem. Right, your next riddle. 100 feet up in the air, it lies with its back on the ground. A scooter, a scooter my dad threw. No. Oh, yeah Is that the answer gene? No 100 feet me air it lies on its back and what ma'am? 100 feet in the air it lies with its back on the ground. What is it? A

building a Giant no, that's a big yes though, honey Is this one of those blue angel military planes doing one of his drills? Gotta love the watch them fly. You know how fast they're going? Muck three! Your father goes on a bender every time the air and water shows in town. I don't see him for days.

It's actually a pretty nice break. It's good to have a long time as a couple. But God knows what you do during the air and water. Honestly, they call it the air and water show that i call it the air water fistfight and police car show but i have a good time every year god i love to watch those blue angels fly some people choose memorial day weekend parties and people choose the fourth of July for some people just new years eve when they get to attend my

husband waits to the most random weekend of the year pick pick the thing that's meant for families and uses as an excuse to blackout for 4 days this is really hitting me funny. That speaking of you haven't showed it to me since you got blackout drunk and got it during the last air and water show can you show me that tattoo you got on your back that's a boat between two pieces of bread and it says blue angels no no no you're not tricking me to unzipping my sweater before we get to an olive garden nice try Ethan not gonna work did you now would tell me the story of what did you tell the tattoo artist you wanted he said that he wanted the picture of our dog

she does what he got. Can you believe it? Mm-hmm. Well, when you get drunk instead of blue angels, you do say blue angels. I do say blue angels, but no, I did say I want a picture of a dog. And famously, our dog is named U-Pick. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha- Food we must have we must have plus Nancy Nancy from down the street hold on I call your sister Nancy from down the street I wish you got after what she did She's gonna be she's on Nancy down the street

Duty for a couple of years Unbelievable what she did did I tell you what she did Ethan. Oh no sir She dressed up like your mother and tried to give me a couple of head shops a couple So that means she got away with the first two. Tried. First one I said, oh, no, thank you. I don't want one. What?

A hundred feet in the air. What lies on its, what lies on its back with its feet on the ground? You didn't need to talk through that, that new information at all. Ethan, I'm proud of you. You've been brought to the second year. A hundred feet in the air. Lies on its back. Yeah, Nancy's with you pick, though. Don't worry.

She's going to check it on him once a day. He's got enough food. Good to take him outside. Very good. Can we hear the full riddle, good man? Yes. 100 feet up in the air. Lies with its back on the ground.

What is it? Is it a hill or a mountain? Oh no it lies with it. That's a really bad good. Is this some sort of building like a skyscraper? No this riddles trying to be funny. Oh a bridge. Oh it's back. Oh it's back on the ground sex. No this riddle is trying to be what I was when I was in my early 30s I was trying to be funny. Was remember when I tried stand up. Oh Yeah, and you became a millionaire Yep

From failing and then I went Tony and Oscar mm-hmm That and you dated Anthony and Oscar off and on until you met dad, right? Anthony Jessalek and Oscar De off and on, until you met Dad, right? Anthony, Jessalek and Oscar, Delahoya, she did. She did. Oh my God, I love you, God. Oh, God. Good guys, wish them the best, but guess what? The Better Man won.

I thought that, Jessalek. I could have been Ethan, Delahoya. Oh, man. What is that the funniest compilation of people? Ugh. Ugh. Okay. Honey, I'm gonna need a hint.

Is it lie like to tell a mistruth? Is it a back like something other than a back? No, it's just supposed to be funny. A hundred feet, is it like the world's biggest, the world's laziest giant What else has a back the world's thickest giant is it the world's thickest giant mom? Mommy is it the world's thickest giant you're acting weird, so I'm just gonna tell you the answer just tell us the answer a dead centipede 100 feet in the air I get it 100 feet in the air. I get it.

I'm good feet in the air. Okay, look at this. This next exit, 52. There's a Jersey Mike's. Yeah, me. Blow right by it. Blow right by it. No, we're pulling off.

We're going to get you a Jersey Mike's. We're going to get you a sub. We're making good time. When Ethan Hawke went to high school in New Jersey, he would eat at, well, they just call it Mike's there. He would eat at Mike's every day. Mm-hmm. And he had at mics why he had it mics way I'm gonna pause it right here in case there's any chance of their every

being ads in this just in case take a little break honey is there anything that doesn't have salt at Jersey mics because I'm allergic to salt we could get you some napkins excellent that's exactly what I'm craving. Alright, we'll be right back. Can't wait to get a sub from a fireman. Hey, GPC. Uh, yeah? You're not in trouble. I just need help. I'm, um, pranking Atal and I'm setting up a website

Okay, I just need some advice this podcast is sponsored by square space I'm not I'm not mad at you. We're pranking Space is the only one website platform for entrepreneurs to stand out and succeed online Whether you're just starting out or managing a growing brand. Squarespace makes it easy to create a beautiful website, it engaged with your audience, and so anything for products to cut into time, all in one place, all on your terms. Hey, Addle, come here, come here, come here. Hey, what's going on?

I actually, I want to prank JPC, and I want to set up a whole website to prank him. Do you have anything that like, is there like an online store that could set up on my website to sell products? Did you know that with Squarespace, you can have custom merch. You can easily sell custom merch and create passive income stream that engages your audience and scales your brand, design your products and production and inventory and shipping are handled for you saving you time and money. What is happening? Okay.

Wait, what's going on with that all? Oh, nothing, nothing. I'm just setting up a very normal Squarespace website, not a prank thing. No, he's gonna tune you. And I'm gonna use analytics. Use insights to grow my business and learn where my site visits and sales are coming from. That's pretty cool.

I'm gonna improve my website and build marketing strategy based on top keywords are popular products and content on my Prank website for Prank's activity. Whoa, that's awesome, Aaron. I'm glad you're using Squarespace. Did you say what the website was for? I can't remember what the website was for. The website was for.

Prank. With Squarespace. Yes, Rinses. You can connect to your store to Vedent Third Party tools to extend the functionality of your website. Hey JPC, hey JPC. What's up, Vattle? I can't believe we pranked Aaron with our little boy routine. Dude, we got her.

Anyway, if you want to prank Aaron with your little boy routine, head to squarespace.com for a free trial and when you're ready to launch, go to squarespace.com slash riddle to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Oh, she's back. She's back. Hey Aaron. Can we go to grandma's house? Wait, I've been pranked. But how? I don't know. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Hey, Adel and JPC, thank you for meeting me in the middle of the woods here. I am sort of at an impasse. I can't decide whether or not to go this way or this way. I'm having a hard time choosing a path. You know, there never truly is a middle of the woods.

Isn't it funny to think about something like that? There never truly is a middle of the woods. No, this is the middle. Okay, this is it. Addle, can you help? Yeah, actually, so as per Robert Frost, I don't know if you know his poems, he has a poem called Better Help.

I believe this is written in the 1800s, but it still stands true today more than ever. Aaron, you should try Better Help. Have you heard of this? You seen this? Mm-hmm. Because sometimes Aaron in life were faced with tough choices,

and the path forward isn't always clear. Whether you're dealing with decisions around career relationships, being stuck in the middle of the woods, therapy helps you stay connected to what you owl owl. Sorry, that also does so fast. Therapy helps you stay connected to what you really want while you navigate life and the woods. Hmm, and better help is entirely online, so it's designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. I've been using it for several years, and it suits the way that my brain works way better

than traditional therapy ever did. And when Aaron says traditional therapy, just so everyone's clear, what she means is tricking two of her friends to coming to the middle of the woods, even though there isn't truly the concept of the middle of the woods, isn't that fun to think about? All you have to do is just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a license therapist, and you can switch therapists at any time for no additional charge.

Hey, Aaron, GPCs putting down bread crumbs and then immediately picking them up and eating them. Dirty bread crumbs. Mm. And he's also like really into that owl who's swooping down. Anyways, let there be your map with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash riddle today

to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp. H-E-L-P.com slash riddle. R-I-D-D-L-E. R-I-D-D-L-E, the middle of riddles of D, but there is no true middle of riddle because it would be the space in the city. I'm home.

I am home. Who are we? I'm clink clink clink. Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen, I just want to make a quick toast to I know it's JPC's birthday and we're all so excited to talk about him, but I want to make a quick toast to, I know it's JPC's birthday and we're all so excited to talk about him, but I want to talk about my favorite, my favorite thing in the world. And that is the app Rocket Bunny. Oh, yeah, Aaron, that's one of my favorite things as well.

Uh-huh. Rocket Bunny is a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps you lower your bills all in one place. I've been using it for years way before they were a sponsor, and it helps me so much, especially around tax season. Clean, clean, clean, clean, clean, clean, uh, sorry, I also wanna give a toast.

Rocket money, well quickly, and easily find your subscriptions for you, and for any you don't wanna pay for anymore, just hit cancel, and Rocket money will cancel it for you. It's that easy. Clint, Clint, Clint. Mm hmm. It also categorizes your expenses so you can easily track your budget in real time and also get alerted if anything looks off over three million. Oh, Clint, Clint, Clint. Over three million people have used rocket money saving the average person up to seven hundred and twenty dollars a year.

We love rock. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Throwing your money away, cancel unwarted subscriptions today and manage your expenses the easy way by going to rock at money.com slash riddle. That's rock at money.com slash riddle. Rock at money.com slash riddle. And tell them JPC's birthday got ruined by two of his friends for doing speeches about rocket money the website click like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like Wow, well those are some great subs. And they sure dommed your dad, didn't they, champ? Dan, I'm telling you, that's so 2018. Well okay, I said no dad jokes in the car, but I can do a lot of the car, no it's all hot back in and hit the road.

Oof, my stomach hurts, I had like 60 or 70 napkins and I am in pain. Your mother can put the shit away, son. Also, I feel very dry. I feel very dry. My mouth is dry. The napkins are sucking up all the moisture from my body. Okay. Let's wait to turn me on until we get to the other cells. Your father loves dryness dry rooms dry peep dry scent of humor Favorite barbecue dry rub favorite celebrity Ben Stein yes favorite Mario character dry bones favorite actor from the movie what about Bob build Murray don't care for Richard dryfist. Favorite appliance? A dryer?

Which are dryfist? That was right there. Don't care for Richard Dryfist. Stop saying dryfist. All right, I am buckled in my son. I'm turning around. I see that he is buckled in my husband as a seatbelt on and we are ready to go.

Beep beep. Okay, here we go. Take a left here. Okay, actually this is a left. It's a left under the on rip and we are back on the highway. We're making a great time. Hey mom and dad. What's up?

I learned something the other day, which was I was researching UC Santa Cruz, Go bananas slugs, and I found out what a banana slug is. Oh, yeah. A banana slug is a slimy yellow mollusk that slides across the ground, leaving an oily residue wherever it goes. Sounds like Richard Dreyfus to me.

I can't wait to get to Santa Cruz and go to the Wharf and Monterey Bay and the 1911 Lufcarricell. Also, don't forget the giant Dipper roller coaster and there's downtown and Pacific Avenue. Well, don't have too much fun, Champ. You're also going to be hitting the books pretty hard. Yes, sir. But then after you hit books to get some stress out,

start reading them, okay? Speaking of hitting the books, honey, I got to hear another riddle. That's really sweet. You're very supportive. Oh my god. And honey, if you need to emotionally talk through, the moving away, you're moving away from your family, your friend, if you need to emotionally talk through

the moving away, you're moving away from your family and your friends, you're gonna be far away. I know how much you love living in Illinois. Honey, if you need to talk about how California's gonna be a big change, this has nothing to do with a 30 year old woman processing her feelings. Nothing to do. This is everything to do with you, the character, real human boy, Ethan.

And Ethan, remember, if you don't want to talk to your mom and I, because I understand it can be weird to talk to your parents. I can do my therapist voice, and you can call up Dr., I mean, you can forget the first part. You can just call up your therapist, who's a separate person. Yeah, you can just call up your therapist to the second person. We won't listen.

So that's an option for maybe later. But for now, a riddledle and this one is sort of just a historical fact okay you should be getting this yes sir why did Alexander the great order all of his men to shave why did Alexander the great order all of his men to shave because it, because it's trouble. It's trouble. And the army. Is that it? Did he do that thing where he got on a horse and then rode down the line slapping everybody

of the face? Because that'll hurt your hand if everybody's got a beard. That's where he is. That's where he is. I've always wanted to do that. Is it hard? I mean, I mean, you can maybe give Ethan advice. You can't really grow a beard. At least not a full one. You get, you get just a little bit of it. I can just

grow the corners. Ethan, can you just grow the corners and I can only do a full man shoe? My mustache looks like parentheses. It does. I'm sorry, Ethan. But you know what? I shouldn't yell that that wizard like I did. and you got a little bit of it Just by being next to me daddy tell me why you yelled at the wizard again Because I was like no way of these canelopes worth three dollars And he was a farmer You know what we knew You know what would have made more sense is if

Ethan wasn't alive yet and just because I know it would have made more sense, is if Ethan wasn't alive yet, and just because he was part of your body, that's how you pass the curse. But really, some of it just regussed when he was sort of a preteen. I can't believe my facial hair is due to a wizard in overalls.

Well, speaking of a wizard in overalls, usually you're mad with an auto body shot. Oh my God, that's so supportive. My husband, my god. Alright. Because it's more like coveralls. I've been supportive too. Your support seems performative.

Okay. What is this one? This one? This one? Why would the most brilliant mom in the world ever say that to me? Alexander the Great. I'm keeping it honest. Made all of his men shave their beards. Is that correct? That's and we have to know why. Yeah, just sort of a fact. So you kind of just have to guess. What? So it's not even something funny. It's just a true fact.

Yeah. Well, I mean, I laughed at the answer when I saw it. Okay. So was it? Was it because he wanted to allow women in his army and he didn't want to make his women or glue fake beards under their Faces so he was like look now everybody shaves. So nobody has to glue fake beards on every day No, but that can be my next script. Oh, I want an Oscar. Oh, yeah writing historical fiction We got to get you to egot baby. We got got you to Egot. You won an actual Oscar? Yeah, of course. Oh my god. I thought you just won over Anthony Jussleleck and Oscar De LaHoya.

You know, but can't I do both? Yes, you can, Mom. And I'm not surprised at all. You're so smart. Ethan, your mother and I led, we led full lives before you were born, okay? We had full lives. And now that we're in our late 80s, we can appreciate our time with you. Now that we're in our late 80s. Yes dad, it's like you always say, and you finished the second part.

Full. Clear heart. It's like I always say, you finished the second part. Just like I said, back at Jersey Bikes. Dry mouths, full lives. I love my damn lives. Yeah, honey, if you have any questions, I love to full life. So I won a Tony Award for my one woman show, well first stand up comedy in my early 30s,

they gave me a one woman show called Lady Mechanic. It was very amazing. I won a Tony for it, and then I got a movie writing deal. I wrote some historical fiction. I won an Oscar and then I went back to being a mechanic, got crushed by a car. Your father fixed my knees and bam, 14 months later you were born. And it's crazy. I'm just adding a little bit of buffer time in case those movies were for a little further apart. And it's crazy that in between those stints, you also played bass and mic in the mechanics. Uh-huh. I'm amazing. The Genesis spin off. I'm amazing. Anyway. You're amazing. You're incredible. What's the answer to this riddle? And one time I met

Chris Bridges or as you might know him, Luda Chris. He was having knee surgery. Oh wow. Not with you though. Not with not with you. All the doctors got to beat him though. We were so excited. All right, Alex and the great made everybody share. You ever have a nurse ask you for your autograph?

That's making it. Mm-hmm. Did Alex and her have them shave their beards so that they didn't get mites in their beards and slow them down? That's a good question. No, one more guess. Was it a hygiene thing?

Because I think that that's probably on the right track. Nobody was like a function thing. Was it so their faces didn't warm up? No, I'm gonna tell you, because why would anyone know this? But it is funny. Mm-hmm. Beard and men could be grabbed by the beard and close combat.

Oh. Hair pulling. These are cool. Figures resorted to hair pulling, unbelievable. Did they only fight 14 year olds and cafeterias? Yeah, they added an R to the word cafeterias at the end. You know I have a problem. I always have extra hours.

You have a gambling problem. You have a gambling problem. It's okay, we're gonna work through it. Always bet on our. Here's your next riddle. Is everyone good? Yes, please. Oh, Asma'am.

How's everybody's knees? Good. My knees are good. I love you so much. Thank you for asking. I'm gonna get a lurch on my phone. Hold on a second. I'm gonna circulate them. Getting an alert. Uh-oh. Oh my gosh. Our'm gonna learn about my phone. Hold on a second. I'm gonna circulate them getting an alert. Oh, oh my gosh

Our alarm went off in our garage. Oh Some it's trying to take the lawnmower. Oh You were so right. How do you I thought that was stupid that you assumed someone was gonna try to take our lawnmower from Nightly Lake. Good luck trying to find the lawnmower in the garage. It's in the shed stupid criminals and The garage. It's just bear traps and honey pots All right, well, I helped Hope I don't get another alert on my phone. I hope that just works itself out I'm not gonna call 911 somebody else's you know, I'll text Nancy from down the street

Thank you. Thank you. Well, she'll check up. I'm gonna see if you're down the street. All right next riddle Make sure you stay on top of those alerts because we don't have our phones Oh, right. I'm the only one and I shouldn't I shouldn't Alright, next riddle. Make sure you stay on top of those alerts, because we don't have our phones. Oh right, I'm the only one. And I shouldn't, I should be texting and driving anyway. I love my husband, here we go. This one's called Happy and Sad. Which is how I'm gonna feel watching you go off to school. Oh, I'm not crying.

This is not me crying. I'm not crying, you're crying. That's her crying. I'm not crying. It's as you cry. She cries She cries like how Batman speaks no No, don't do this. This is not how I cry No, look I smiling You're by the side of me Up the whole family does it everyone get another fun the whole family cries like Batman speaks when I see you cry I start to cry

Ethan don't cry. I will cry mother It's okay. I'll be strong for the whole family. Oh no everyone's cry everyone's cry I won't be the student they want I'll be the student they need oh my god I'm sorry. I'll be the student. They. My dad is a knee surgeon. A crying. A crying. Alright, okay. Oh, that was a good cry, right? Happy instead.

That was a good cry. Let's get back to the riddle. Three women stand together, each one wearing a swimsuit. Oh, one punch buggy, no punchback. Ooh! Oh, I got it! I wasn't looking. Right in the tattoo.

Man, I can't wait until we get to that hotel in the later today. Oh, and my legs are dry. Okay. I haven't moisturized my legs in a while, honey. Don't worry. I know a knee surgeon who knows how to make them wet. Ooh. Ooh.

I feel like if I was playing the bat, I'd be in trouble for all this. You're just a better guy. He can get away with more disgusting chaos. It's like in the army. I got court marshals and all of my friends got shot. We all did the same trees. I told you that story. We all did the same trees. Yes dad told me they got shot for being deserters. They ate their meal and then they snuck back into the canteen to eat pie and cake. Uh huh. Deserters. They shouldn't have done it.

And I sold state secrets. Right before they deserted, they all had dishonorable discharges, which is when you masturbate when you're watching something you shouldn't. Like what? Like an Anthony Juss on the Expression. Like Planet Earth. You shouldn't be watching that regardless.

How many people do you think have finished to planet Earth? I have, ma'am. But I work on them. Oh, God. Good boy. OK, so, oh my gosh, honey, do you think that because you did a student in the Air Force, that's why you do a bender around the Air and Water

Show? It's all coming together for me. Hey, if I want to examine it, I'll call my son's therapist, who is me. So. Dad, you do a bender? I've only heard you do. Fry.

Can I hear bender? Oh, OK. Yeah, I mean, I'll give it a shot. You know that. Now do the Jamaican doctor. That's a trap. Happy and sad. Three women stand together, each one wearing a swimsuit.

Two women are sad, and one is happy. Both the sad women are smiling and the happy one is crying. Why? This is my least favorite riddle I ever have read so I had to share it. Okay. Was the sad woman you the whole time? Excuse me. I have to talk to my son's therapist about this, who is really my husband. They are, they are all wearing swimsuits. Okay Now, is this some sort of like themed wedding? Like a swimsuit wedding? Like how we had?

You're eating my mind. Oh, it's so romantic! How do we had a swimsuit wedding? Did you ever see the pictures? Yes ma'am. It was Sioux Falls in January. It was Sioux Falls in January. We had a swimsuit wedding.

And it said, uh, swimsuit's not optional. Mm. I wore one that was white. I felt like a bride. And dad was wearing trunks, but he was on speed, though. Oh, yes. Yeah, so we have told you. It was the same weekend as the Sioux Fall aired water show. So I was I was fucked up completely out of my mind.

Okay, man was a one woman said because the other two women were wearing one-piece bathing suits that were like fully covering and the third woman was wearing a one-piece bathing suit that was just a top. What? Have something to do with one piece and two-piece bathing suits. No! Okay, so one woman is happy, but cry, Because she doesn't have Vakini bottoms on. And the other two are sad.

Because their cooters are showing. Excuse me, you're logic, he's not sound. You have a lot to learn about women in college, young man. I learned it from watching you, mom. You have a lot to learn about people in college. My God. Janine, is this a sunburn issue? I know, this is not a sunburn issue. I love that kind of guess though. Okay, okay

Remember when I got a sunburn so bad that the fire department came I Remember that I don't understand why they had to take you out to dinner They thank you for subs probably right probably you says they use their hoses on you respectfully yes that's right that's right can we have a hint can we have a hint yeah it's it's probably they're probably on the TV They were on the TV They're on the TV. Oh, they're just they just won Miss America Ding ding ding you got it. They are finalists in a beauty contest Which I don't agree with me. Oh my god Ethan. I

Ripped up all those cards in my monopoly game. I know I ripped up all those cards in my monopoly game. I know Has this customary and now we can't play monopoly normally then First of all your monopoly game. No wrong. You've never bought anything in your damn life Ethan Yeah, we bought it with mom's money because you're rich. I shouldn't have to go straight to jail for taking a chance That seems like an outdated mindset, so I tore up those cards. And then I'm glad that we just dropped you off at the local jail. You cool off after that game of monopoly. I think you learned a thing or two that night.

Also, third place in a beauty contest? Mom, dad, if you even enter a beauty contest, you've already won first place. Well, okay, that's a little bit mean because you know what happened to me? No. I tried to call... Oh my god, I'm gonna cry again. No, I'm crying. I tried to qualify to be Miss Illinois, okay? But the final question is, why does the bean matter?

Okay? He said, Chicago is known for the bean. Why does that exist? Why does it matter? Yeah. And I went and I froze. And I froze and I thought, maybe they'll think that's funny if I freeze. And I pretend to be the bean.

No. It didn't work. They didn't get that me freezing was me pretending to be the bean. I blew it. I blew it. I didn't get to do it. And after you blew it and you didn't win the money, that's when we had to halt construction on that hotel

on Baltic Avenue, right? Because we couldn't afford it. Yes. It's okay, I've won an Oscar, I've won my, I've won stuff, I've won stuff. Mm-hmm. Your mother has had quite a life, champ. Quite a life.

Did you know that Oscar De La Jolla was known as Oscar De La? And then he went to school at Georgetown? And you don't have your phone on you? He's trapped in these facts. He's trapped in these facts. Our kid is whip smart. Whip smart. Whip smart.

Whip smart. Whip smart. Whip smart. Whip smart. Whip smart. Whip smart. Whip smart. Whip smart. Whip smart. Whip smart. Whip smart. Whip smart.

Whip smart. Whip smart. Whip smart. Whip smart. Whip smart. Whip smart. Whip smart. Whip smart. Whip smart. Whip smart. Whip smart. Whip smart.

Whip smart. Whip smart. Whip smart. Whip smart. Whip smart. Whip smart. Whip smart. Whip smart. Whip smart. Whip smart. Whip smart. Whip smart. Whip smart. Whip smart. Whip smart. Whip smart. Whip smart. Whip smart. Whip smart. Whip smart. Whip smart. Whip smart. Whip smart. Whip smart. Whip smart. Whip smart. Whip smart. Whip smart. Whip smart. Whip smart. Whip smart. Whip smart. Whip smart. Whip smart. Whip smart. Whip smart. Whip smart. Whip smart. Whip smart. Whip smart. Whip smart. Whip smart. Whip smart. Whip smart. Whip smart.�.� give me a second. You got him dad Hey, hey, is there a problem? Hey motherfucker. You trying to are you trying to cause problems with that woman in there? Look the only problem that I see is that you four mother fuckers are dead Let that be a let that be a lesson to you You have to ask baby. Yes, my brother and my triplet.

Let that be a, let that be a lesson to you. Um, I was the quadruplet. I was the triplet. I was the twin and this didn't make any sense. We'd just be quadruplets. He wouldn't call those twins or triplets. But now you don't have any cause we're dying. Hold on, hold on.

What was some forces? Fix the knees. Fix the knees, fix the knees the knees fix the knees fix the knees There you go now you boys are back. I mean, I hope you stay a little more respectful next time someone accidentally hugs I'll you it doesn't apologize wow All of the days work. Thank you, sir. Okay seat belts everybody check your knees Everybody in the car check your knees, dad. Yes, knees are good, knees are good, dad.

Then let's hear another riddle. We talked about something in here while you were gone. Who cares? We were trying to guess the, you would probably know this, dad. We were trying to guess the origin of the phrase, the bees knees. Huh. Okay. Alright, let's hear another riddle.

Alright, the teacher gave Ben and Jerry a written test. Ben read the test, then folded his arms and answered none of the questions. Jerry carefully wrote out good answers to the questions. When the time was up, Ben handed in a blank sheet of paper while Jerry handed in his work. The teacher gave Ben an A and Jerry a C. Why? Well, if I was a multi-multi-multi millionaire living in Vermont with my own business, I wouldn't answer questions either. Dad, why would you need to? No, I'm looking for a slightly different answer.

So, the guy who didn't fill out Jack's shit got an A and the guy that filled out his whole paper got a C. Is that correct? Am I- Am I understanding that correctly? You're understanding it. Is the answer something to do with wordplay? No. Is the answer something about how the school was too hot because there was an AC? No, that's funny though. Okay, well, it's, but I was guessing it wasn't a dad joke.

Did you know that AC Slater is short for air conditioning Slater? God, wept smart, this kid. Wept smart. All right, all right. So, um, did the, the the the kid who turned in his paper blank not put his name on it and so down a little slow down. Slow down. Okay. Good, good. I good. I.

There's a biker gang here. They run this part of the highway. Slow down. Oh, no, it's the purgatory's angels. They look always like just a little bit. They, lots of confused, yeah, they look here. So apathetic. They are barely moving on the highway. That's why we had to slow down past them.

Is the answer that the kid who didn't write anything on his paper, he didn't put his name on it so the teacher didn't know whose test it wasn't had to give him a name? That's a really good and funny guess, but no. It has to do with the last question. Dang. I was gonna say that, how your dad got through medical school What's the last question?

What I didn't even know that I learned something new about you all the time Because you're full of surprises. I tried to be I tried to be I Cheated bags stolen borrowed every day in medical school, and I scraped by it by the skin of my teeth. Now, son, isn't that inspiring? Be like your dad. Cheat your way through medical school, and then get fired for our malpractice. Well, I'm also like that, and that the farmer wizard also cursed me to have skin growing over my teeth. It makes eating so painful.

So painful. It's like getting pinched. I wasn't just fired as a doctor, by the way. They also disbarred me as well. So if I ever choose to be a lawyer, can't do it. Wow. Yeah. I find fact. I got the full Monty.

All right. Last hint. Yeah, it has to do with the last question on the test. And did you say that there was a last question on the test? No, I'm just, that's my hint. It has to do with a last question on the test? No, I'm just, that's my hint. It has to do with the last question on the test. So the last question caused him to leave his entire page blank. Yes.

Was the last question, like, happy spring break, you deserve it. Get out there, kiddo. Question mark. A, a tree. B, no. That's not how it tree. B. No. That's not how. That's not how. Okay. Uh, was it, can you draw a polar bear in a snowstorm? That old thing? That's funny. It's not anything about like drawing something.

Okay. Can we get another hint besides the last question? Was it something like tell me all your thoughts on God? Because I really like to meet him. I would definitely like to. I would like to meet him. I would definitely like to. I really like to meet her. Oh my god. Oh no, I did it again. You want to do that trap. At one moment, well you don't have

performance. Oh does it matter? I love my son. So I guess a good hint would be I would be really happy if I read the last answer first. Was it does any of this even matter? Education is a lie. Do you want to take this test? Memorizing stuff and regurgitating it back is not an education.

You need to think and learn on yourself. Leave this blank. Sort of feels like we're wasting all of my mechanic money. That's sort of the attitude we're going into. But yeah, sort of the final instruction in the test was to ignore all the previous questions. That's not a question though. It's saying, can you, are you brave enough to ignore all the previous questions I'm getting a? That's what you said it was a question.

That's what they said. We're here. We're here. I drove us to Pepperdide. Honestly, here take a left take a right. We're here. Honey, we're here. We're here. Oh, I'm sorry. I drove us to Pepperdide Honestly, stay here take a left take right we're here honey. We're here. You see Santa Saga I said you want us to go in and decorate your room or Well, I know if you came inside to help decorate you just in the fucking Yeah, sure you can't trust me to come inside

Why do you look at mom? Why? How can you keep your eyes off of her? I? Maybe in my late 80s, but I'm not dead So you're just gonna okay, no, you can just go in with that We'll just wrap you off. It's okay. It's in everything and I love you too I Because I'd actually to come in. I'm sure there's all kinds of like events and mixers and meet and greet stuff But since I'm two days late on campus. I think I should probably miss to most of them. I should probably just get to class

I Love you both Hey, hey, come here, come here, come here. Um, yes, okay to be homesick And I know that you really love Delanoi But you're if you can fall in love with one place you can fall in love with another place and I think I really love you here and I think you're really brave Yes, ma'am. Thank you Okay, and come here. Come here chip. What what do you want? What is it? What's my computer password? I realize I'm not gonna be able to ask you anymore

Do you really want to know your computer password? You told when you created it You wrote it down my forehead, told me to go back to bed and said never repeat it. You were drunk. Oh, you're right. It's Aaron Watershow 69. Thank you. Okay, I got it.

Thanks, buddy. And here's your phone back. But don't forget, it's Aaron spelled like E-R-I-N. Aaron Watershow, like a first and last name. Okay. I would like a t-shirt to touch that on that Aaron Watershow Here's your phone and

Call you said to call us. We love you. We're so proud of you. You're gonna be so good. Thank you mom I'm excited. I love you. Oh, oh my god. We forgot your sister at home. Oh my god. I have a sister We're not going back for Jupiter. Bye forever. I'm not a real man. I'm a real man. I'm a real man. I'm a real man. I'm a real man. I'm a real man. I'm a real man.

I'm a real man. Next thing you're telling me, Ethan, is that when the waiter drops by on the second time after your food's always been delivered, eh. When the waiter drops in the second time after your food's already been delivered and you've started to eat a little and says, however, how it, and starts to say, I'll take this only again. It's not worth it. Next thing you tell, next thing you're going to tell me Ethan is that when the waiter drops

by a second time after your food's already been delivered and you've already started to eat a little bit and asks how was everything you're not supposed to say well it's not my wife's ass but I'll eat it. Hey there boxes and lines if you like that you're gonna love this week's Patreon it's the return to our bracket challenge you can listen to that plus all our previous episodes at patreon.com such heyward or riddle by joining the clue crew for $5 a month, or through a review crew for $8 a month. See you there!