Hey Riddle Riddle - #145: Suit-Casey

Episode Date: April 28, 2021

Ladies, Gentleman, Lizards of all ages, gather round and welcome to one of the most premier riddle podcasts in town! This show has everything, riddles, jokes, characters, and banal conversation! All that plus a first time experience in a uniquely American situation, a man, his tool, and their destiny, two animals drowning their sorrows, a man of the cloth in the sheets, the advent of clean comedy, a new take on a class cartoon, and some high-court drama. It's #WiddleWednesday so make sure to #LeaveitinmakeitlouderStarring:Adal RifaiJohn Patrick CoanErin KeifEditing by: Casey ToneyTheme by: Arne ParrottLogo by: Emily Kardamis & Emmaline MorrisWant more? Get Weekly Bonus Eps on Patreon!Want merch? Visit our TeePublic Store! or pins, buttons & printsWant to advertise on the show? Check out Hey Riddle Riddle via Gumball.fmSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is a head gum podcast. I'm keeping your hate, with the brick dome. People in the room, children of all ages gather around and peep your eyes towards the center of the stage. Where you will find. I'm peeping. Huh? I'm peep your eyes towards the center of the stage. Where you will find? I'm peeping. Huh? I'm peeping my eyes. Sorry, I'm the ringmaster. Okay, go ahead. What's your name? I'm Jef Is it were you looking at me? You're Jeff. I'm Jeff. Sorry the kid over there. What's your what's your name? I'm Jeff. Here Jeff as well. Here. Here's my hat. Here's my bowl whip Here's my jacket. Now you're leading the circus

Team little Pacific. I just told you I'm doing West Hello, ladies and gentlemen people and children Welcome to the big riddle Circus. This is your first time doing this. How are you knocking it on? Uh, yeah. Wow, that voice is so powerful. That's what the guys cucked out, but this commands respect. I am a child named Jeff, and I am the main event, but we also have elephants.

Give me that hat, give me that bowl of milk, give me that jacket here. Uh, adult Jeff, here's a hat, here's your whip, here's your jacket, you try it. Ladies and gentlemen, children of all ages, people of all earth, gather round to the great riddle circus, I'm Jeff, a child, but also an adult. Yes, that's right, when you're an adult you never stop being someone's child. He's amazing. I'm're in adults, you never stop being someone's child. He's amazing. I'm using my eyes at him. Ethically, sustainably sourced.

It's actually, it's actually their riddle circus. It's not even ours. We're just here. That's how organic elephants were. They're grown in a pond in New Mexico. I believe they're hatched. They're hatched in a pond. In a hatchery?

Jason Miraz has an elephant farm. I'm Jason Maraz. I'm Jeff PC. And I'm an elephant named Aaron. Hello. And welcome to Hey, Ridham Riddler. The greatest show on earth. I'm I'm that by the way, stellar intro, one of our best. I do have to say I I saw, you may remember, loyal listener a few weeks ago, we did an episode called, I think we called it the sweater, right? The sweater?

Sweater, sweater, sweater. It was a sweat shirt, but I think we called it the sweater. I think we got all the sweater. It was my episode, so I uploaded it and I said the sweater. Well, I also for a patron that should have been called the island, I called it the beach, so I'm all over the place. Thanks. So it doesn't matter, but we end up a episode called the sweater. Well, I also, for a Patreon that should have been called the island, I called it the beach. So I'm all over the place. Thanks. So it doesn't matter.

But we had an episode called The Sweater. And someone on Twitter told us that that was, they had found the podcast because they searched for riddles. That was the first episode that they listened to. And they were like, this is a riddle podcast. They just spent the whole episode just birding this person's sweater and I loved it. And they loved it.

But I thought, yeah, you're right. Like, we don't really do a good job of introducing new listeners to the show. So what I have done, and other podcasts do this, I think a lot of podcasts in the game do this. I've done my research, I've listened to some other stuff, is they have little log line, little like tag lines that they say at the beginning of the podcast

to kind of just let everybody know what kind of podcast this is going to be. Okay. I fell behind a Burger King into a place. Mmm-hmm. Magical land. I see.

I get it. I get it. Okay. Jay, I introduced this about a year and a half ago when you're here, your riddles. Great. So that, I think that that gives us most of the information that we need. I have written a few and I would just and I want you guys to opinion on them. I'm not saying that one of these has to be the thing that we say at the top of every episode.

But it will be, but it will. But one of them could be, okay, so here we go. Although I like the one you're talking about. I like the one that you did, Adel, that when you're here, your riddles, because again, gives you all the information. Here we go. Here's the first one. Welcome to Hey Riddle Riddle, a podcast where three comedians do our best to solve riddles and throw in some improvised scenes along the information. Here we go. Here's the first one. Mm-hmm. Welcome to Hey Riddler Riddler, a podcast where three comedians do our best to solve

hurdles and throw in some improvised scenes along the way. I have notes. Okay. We don't do our best. Okay, yeah. So that one was to lie to the new listeners. Oh, I love, okay, I love it. I love that. The old losers will know that we don't do our best, but if somebody's- You say the old lizards?

These old lizards, I'm sorry. What I see people I see the fans of our show is lizard people Okay Our lizards lizards these are lizards. So hi, we're hey riddle riddle We're a podcast where we try our best to do scenes and riddles. Is that it? I'm trying to think of is it memorable? Podcasts were yeah, okay, so so I have other options because that one may be a little wordy So how about this one? Can we can we I know for a long time we call our our fan-based memorable? A podcast. Yeah, okay, so I have other options because that one may be a little wordy. So how about this one? Can we, I know for a long time we call our fan-based kevines and Susie's, can we start calling

them old lizards? Is that fun? To just call our fan-based old lizards. Hey, old lizards. Yeah, we're in something a lot of people, animals, and things with that one. I don't think anyone's insulted by old lizards. I think if you call someone an old lizard, one thing that's great about calling someone old lizard, which is not great about Kevin and Susie,

is it's gender neutral? Anyone could be a lizard. And anyone could be old, and that's true. I'm the most sensitive person in the world, and I would not be offended by old lizards. Yeah, I mean, I've started calling people mother fuckers, because that's also gender neutral. So I'm just looking... I've started calling people motherfuckers because that's also gender neutral. So I'm just looking. I'm started calling people future friends.

Aaron's your mother fucking future friend lizards. That's super about. Okay, here's my next one. Here's my next one. Okay. A riddles an improv comedy podcast hosted by three Chicago comedians. Now I know notes. Okay. Aaron's moving to LA. Yeah, so that's why I'm a prof comedy podcast hosted by three Chicago comedians. Now I know. I have notes. Okay. Aaron's moving to LA. Yeah, so that's hard. I'm on a Boston comedian. And I've been told legally I can't call myself a comedian.

I've been. I'm a man who talks in circles. So that is, I'm a human pun hive. Got all these bees. That's the truest thing you've ever said. You like so much. I've got all these reference bees. I'm a human pun hive. Uh, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha half-heartedly attempt the premise of the show. And the final act is when we hit 60 minutes to realize that we haven't told you our social media handles. Yes, I like that that's a real, this American life type show. I love it, I love that vibe.

I think people like a show in Acts, like World News, we would always introduce it as a show in Acts. I think that that helps, you know, try people and introduce them with their listening. We got a problem, we can't legally call ourselves actors. Remember what the judge said. Oh yeah, because of the bees.

Okay, here's this one. I think that this is one that the person who found our show from the sweater episodes is really gonna enjoy. Welcome to Hey, we're in a Vertalapodcast where we all show up and hope that one of us is wearing something interesting. Perfect, no notes.

That's the only note I... Definitely my favorite. The only note I have about that one is it does say a podcast where we all show up and oftentimes one of us, to meet today it was me, is a little bit late. So that one might need a caveat to it. Okay. I like that one because it's also like I do sometimes hope that I'll show up wearing something interesting.

I think that's the morning of the recording. Oh man, I hope I show up wearing something interesting tonight. Yeah, we should attempt more prop comedy. Oh, all it out. Like, let me go grab my pool noodle. I'll be right back. GVC says that every time you and I remember. Yeah, kicked out of the public pool because I was grabbing my pool noodle. We all know the joke. We all know the joke. it was my penis, okay? Wait, are these two pool noodles, or are they my antenna? We really can't call ourselves comedians, you guys. Yeah, we shouldn't, we should, we definitely shouldn't.

I think, do you have any more? Do you have any more? Those are the all the ones that I have, I did this like five minutes before he's recording. I have a couple of I thought here. Please, please. Just give me a quick yes or no or if you have notes. Okay.

Number one. Welcome to Hey Rital Rital, a podcast. Ooh. We can't legally call ourselves a podcast. That's what we're doing. Perfect. Okay. Let me try again. What's a podcast that attempts to solve riddles?

Answer us. Yeah, I would say. What's a podcast that attempts to solve riddles answer us? Yeah, I would say, I like that one because you don't say the name. Yeah, hey, well, what's a podcast? What's a podcast? To be fair, not every episode of CSI starts with, I'm so tired of this CSI. Oh, I got it. I'm so tired of CSI every day. Do you ever get tired of being such a CSI?

Okay, I love that. We gotta bring about more along. I'm gonna combine your two ideas. Here's a riddle. What a podcast where three people hope that one of them shows up wearing something interesting. Answer, hey, Riddle Riddle. Oh. What about an old classic from Aaron, was you just 9-1-1? What's a podcast?

Oh, yeah, one time on the show. Or was it the Patreon, I said 9-1-1-1? What is an emergency? I don't know what an emergency. And I regret it's 9-9-1-1. What is an emergency? I don't know what an emergency. And I regret it. Okay, well, I actually think that it's fine that we haven't landed on one because what we've done is we've opened a dialogue

and we've opened a conversation. And now if you're a listener to the show and you think that you have the perfect tagline for us. I love this. Go ahead and send it to us, a tweet at us and what's that hashtag? Hashtag riddle intro. Nice. And if this gives you some emotional context

We haven't seen each other in several weeks everyone went on a very interesting vacation and we decided to talk about this instead Aaron you went on a mental vacation. I did not say you shut down for a week. Well, yes, but I also was with my family Okay, you can do both I Went on a mentalist vacation where I just watched four seasons of that show. He has the bluest eyes. Oh. And I went to South Dakota. Okay, well, another of that bullshit, let's get into something that we love to do on this show, which is riddles.

Yay. Thank you, Aaron. Thank you for the enthusiasm. We'll be coming back to you multiple times at the episode for a little extra dose of that. Alright, future friend. Okay, so this first one comes to us from 2018, September of 2018, by the way. It is signed tail steak.

Mmm. So I was so young then. This person is going by tail steak. Now, could tail steak be something that we said on the show? Could be, could be like an inside joke. It's from 2018, don't remember, but we'll just assume that this is from tail steak. Tail steak says, dear old men, puzzles and victims.

Oh boy, I've been loving the show and I came up with a few brand new riddles for you. This is an email from 2018. I hope you like them. And then also, tail steak included some hints to these riddles as well. Okay, I'm listening. Very polite of them. Thank you so much, Aaron.

Here we go. Here's the first one. I have two plates, but never eat solid food. I drink many different liquids, but never go to the bathroom. I'm stronger than you, but have no muscles. I'm faster than you, but have no muscles. I'm faster than you, but have no legs. What am I? So the first 65% of this riddle you're just describing

outright an old country buffet. Dude, if I went to an old country buffet and they only had two plates left, I'm fucking walking out that door. You need one plate for meats and one plate for cheeses. Have you ever taken two plates to a buffet? Not one plate and then go back for a second plate. I mean go up to a buffet with two plates on your on your trail.

I'm not sure I've ever been to a buffet. Oh I guess is it continental breakfast of a buffet? Wow. Oh baby. Yes. Stop. Mabooji lady. Oh.

I've never been to before! I'm sorry, I usually have a man wearing a suit. I'd try to... Pegwin suit, bring me 12 to 100 courses every evening. What? It's me, Erin! I've never had a taco that fell in the mud before! I never said that. That's mostly, most of my taco experiences have been posed

them in the mud. Okay, I have a question. Aaron, go ahead. If you're from the East Coast, specifically New England, and you know of any buffets, let me know, I just have never been to a buffet. That's, you're breaking my brain. Here's my test. This is how you know if you've been to a buffet. Um, that's, you're breaking my brain. Here's my, here's my test to know.

This is how you know if you've been to a buffet or not. Have you ever taken a little glass, um, ramikin, Mm-hmm. Put it up to a machine and pulled one lever. Oh. And from, and sourced from that one lever is chocolate and vanilla swirled. And next to it is a sneeze scarred-less box of sprinkles. No, that feels like sort of like a...

That you'd never been to before. We're like a like a college cafeteria. Also, I was thinking I was like, have I been to a buffet and I had an image in my head and I remember it was awake. Oh, you can mourn. You know you're not out of buffet. You know you're not out of buffet. You know you're not out of buffet if you're awake. You have to be in a place half between sleep and awake

to be successful at a buffet. Yeah, but someone caters awake and then you walk around and you're adding like food to your plate. And in Needapolis, there was a... It wasn't really a buffet, but it was like a cafeteria style restaurant where you basically go in at one end of a line And then there's just people like cutting meat and soup you know scooping soup And you just like order as you go down the line and they put it on your tray

But then there was like Chinese food buffet. It's were huge And that's where you would find those soft serve machines, especially in Indianapolis like a super China buffet Things like that. And then we had golden Corral, we had old country buffet. What was the other one? There was one ponderosa, was another buffet. Oh yeah. Is Perkins, no, maybe not. I wanna see a, oh go ahead.

Perkins, I wanna see a, sit down. I wanna see a scene. Aaron, you have gone to your first buffet, JPC, you are the waiter at this buffet, and Aaron, you are just confused and amazed. Hi. Welcome to the great American steak factory. I am Nick, I will be your waiter,

and this is the last time that you'll be seeing me and interacting with me. Good luck to you. I would love a water and a fish. Hello. Hello, hey, I'm sorry. I'm hungry and I'm ready. I'm sorry, no one has ever engaged me before.

I'm not engaged either, that's okay. You'll meet the right person Well, I hope so for my parents. They will not stop handing me Oh, which is something I'm sorry. I said I was Nick. I said I was your waiter. You're my waiter What else did you need from me? I would like some fish Okay, and a water and then do you need good like wine like a wine recommend? Yes, we have all that here. Okay, good luck to you Yes, I'm I'm still here, but I don't know why I'm here having a bit of an existential crisis Okay, no, well yeah, it's a buffet so a Phoebe buffet

Okay, this is crazy. Are you single? Am I? Because I love that joke. Aaron, the way I can tell you've never been to a buffet is that you immediately asked for fish. Yeah, duh. Well, I thought fish would be funny because he said it was a steak restaurant.

I've never eaten fish at a buffet. I think it was ponderosa or a different one, which it was a buffet, but it was also all you can eat steak, which is that's the real selling point. It was just the shittiest steak that you could get. I feel like if I were at a buffet, I would do round one all the potatoes they have. I would get every different kind of potato.

Round two dessert. Aaron, you eat steak, right? Mm-hmm. Just no gluten. There's a place, I think it's called Tango sir. No, there's a place called Tango sir, but there's somewhere downtown that's like an all you can eat Brazilian steakhouse.

And it's... Fog at a chow. Fog at a chow. So Jason Chen used to take me there 20 times a year. Surprisingly, he's no longer with us. A lot of red meat. So we have to go there at some point. Oh, OK.

I'll do it. I won't have a personality the entire time. OK, I'm going to be sleepy. Some of the worst food experiences I've ever had in my life have been in a buffet. I saw a man fully asleep at a C.C.'s pizza booth before. His table was covered in pizza, and he was just sleeping it off.

JPC, that was C.C. I hope so. I hope that was a good reason for it. The second one was I walked into a golden caral once with friends, we had never been to golden caral before. Golden caral is like the mother, it's like, it's like the Branson Missouri of buffets. Like that's what Golden Corral is. Yeah, I got Shmurenaf, is that?

Pretty much. And Brant Barence loved it. And we waited in line, we walked in, and the first thing I saw, the first thing I saw was a child sticking his finger in the chocolate fountain. And I said, Oh, nice. I said, okay, I'm done.

Well, I can't have that said, okay, I'm done. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Well, I can't have that now, something that I enjoy. So yeah, that's also fun. Aaron, I've never, there's so many things I, I tend to not buy into when somebody's like, talking about the Godfather and then somebody goes, I've never seen a Godfather.

I really despise when other people are like, you've never seen the Godfather? Like that kind of stuff drives me crazy. But I will say, I'm pretty, I'm pretty outraged you've never been to a buffet. That seems like something- No, I get it. Everyone has their thing. When someone hasn't seen newsies,

I sort of start flipping over tables and breaking glass. Is that Dave? I'm just more shocked that they just don't have buffets. Like it seems like maybe either, either your family is just like not a buffet family, which by the way, I totally get because no family should be. Or, or they don't have buffets on these coast, and that's to me wild.

Or they call it something else, because I know in some parts of the, in some parts of the US they call ragu ragout. So do they call buffets buffets or something? Yeah, they call them buffets. Yeah, and that's why Aaron didn't put that together either, so. Yeah, wow, holy shit. Can we hear that riddle again?

I have two plates. I have two plates, but never eat solid food. I drink many different liquids, but never go to the bathroom. I'm stronger than you, but have no muscles. I'm faster than you, but have no legs. What am I? I feel like plates is gonna be the big one. I mean, are these like tectonic plates?

Yeah, that's what I guess. You're correct in that they're not dinner plates, I will say. Okay, okay. So we have plates. The earth crust has plates, dinosaurs have plates. Mm-hmm. I gotta hint on the plates. Yes, yes.

I gotta add all the plates. My two plates have designs on them that match each other, but don't match any other plates in existence. My two plates, Paul Reiser. Still plate. No plates, good. No, it's not, it's not, it's not, good guess. Oh God, okay, hold on.

Uh, same design plates. Is this like a printing press kind of thing? Don't they call those plates? Uh, it's not a printing press, but yes, you're on the right track with like other, I mean, obviously other uses of plates. I have plates. I have two plates, but no food. I drink liquid, but I don't go to the bathroom. Yeah, I drink many different liquids, but never the bathroom. What's something that a lot of different liquids pass through? Pipes. Oh, that's very good. A sink.

I will say it's not even passed through. Sometimes that they, they're just kind of like, the liquids are poured in and they stay there or they're poured in. Oh, it's a leaf. No. No. Oh, it's a, well, JBC, hold on.

No, shut it. Shut the show down. Everyone turn off the lights. D-U. Yeah, it's done. Okay, we're in a huge warehouse. You guys, there was nothing here, right? No special effects. Are you happy now listeners? Okay, fine. Shut it all down. Yeah, I've been in this warehouse the whole time. Yeah, KC is an old suit case with some Google eyes on it. I'm taking my suitcase. And I'm leaving. Bye. It's done.

It's just done now, okay? It's just done. I've been way too polite to ask Casey this whole time that I've known him. Why his eyes are so googly? And now I'm glad I didn't because I wouldn't like the answer. I've always wanted to ask him, why are you so stuffed full of pants? He's a suitcase. A rude.

A rude. A rude. I'm stronger than you, rude. Okay, rude. I'm stronger than you, which is that's rude. I'm sure I'm the, then you but I have no muscles. And faster but have no legs. I don't have no legs. Is it, is this like a river bank or something? It's gotta be something like that.

It's a river bank. I'm sorry, Aaron? Cars. It is a car. What? Oh, license plates. Yes, front and back license plates that are the same drink oil gasoline the interface etc And strong enough to carry you and fast enough to go 65 miles per hour. I started to show back up

Okay, so suitcase yeah, well, he's all we have yeah, yeah, he's been on the old time, okay All right, here's the next one from tail steak got a love that name. We've been paying a suitcase Yeah, and he's been on the old time, okay? All right, here's the next one from TailStake. Got to love that name. We've been paying a suitcase. Yeah, and he's excellent. He's the best of us. That's why that's why Casey has been requesting that we pay him in pants. I've just been stuffing pants into a suitcase. Stuffing them. I've been folding them. Oh, why? Someone will cover out a full face. I put a little ribbon on Casey, so when I pick them up from the airport, I can tell that he belongs to me. That's my Casey. Oh, no, no, that's my Casey. Sorry, excuse me, I'm sorry.

You lost my Casey. That's my Casey. Have you ever seen someone take someone else's bags and had like an altercation? That happens to me every time I go to the airport. I've had somebody take my bag before. Of course you have. Of course you have.

Oh, of course you have. Of course you have. But they didn't try to make out with it. Well, that's un-en- weird. They didn't try to make off with it. They just put it down. But I was just like, what's going on here? Someone took my bag. They didn't try to fuck it.

I'm not saying that they tried to fuck my bag. It's not that I fuck my bag. I'm just saying, I wouldn't want somebody else to. Ha ha ha ha. Do you guys have something on your bag that's to delineate it that it is your bag? Yeah. I have a little plaid ribbon and a little tag with a badge on it that Gemma got me. Oh, that's nice.

That's a nice. I have a series of green ribbons all over my bag. I have a little rainbow ribbon on my bag. Oh. So if you're out there at an airport, steal our bags! Welcome back to another episode of Steel Our Bag! Would that be a fun game? Would that be a fun game show where you're just at one of those baggage carousels

and it's just bags coming in. You have to pick the one that has the highest value stuff in it. Yeah, I love that idea. Yes, also, another great game show that I would absolutely watch every episode of is somebody who's given a ton of stuff And I have to pack as much into a suitcase. Oh my god. Yeah, or same thing with like a moving van Where it's like you have this u-haul and this a full intake store How can you move everything without breaking anything? I would be so good at that

One of the things that I did um well, I was on vacation last week was a Mariah and I watched barb and star go to Vista Del Mar Oh, I loved it so funny So you really loved it you went to a turtles house while I was on vacation last week was Mariana I watched Barb and Stargo to Vista Del Mar. I love it. I love it. So funny. So you went to a turtles hat. This reminds me of the, they have just a very funny kind of throwaway gag in that

where their pack and suitcases is just an overhead shot of all the weird shit they put in their suitcases. And I'm like, that's fun. That's just people who like having fun, putting some fun stuff in a movie. Here we go. I saw a picture in an old newspaper of two beasts of burden pulling a plow in opposite directions.

Although one animal was nearly four times the size of the other, it looked like the plow was stuck in place. Why? A hill. Aaron, that is a great question. It is not a hill. Damn it, Boba. It is not because of a hill. Damn it, Boba. It is not because of a hill. Damn it, Bobby. The only time I've ever heard the term beast of burden in my entire life is from the rolling stones.

So I have to ask is one of them make Jagger and the other's Keith Richards? He had to ask. Well, legally he had to ask. This is why we can't call ourselves comedians. No, I know. No, it remind me. It is not, it is not micken keith. So, so why, it seems to be a big,

so Aaron, you're my partner in this. Okay, I'll walk this way, you walk this way. And I'm working, I'm working against you. You're the plow, you're the plow. So it seems like they make it pretty big to do this way. And I'm working I'm working against you. I'm trying to you're the plow. So it seems like they make it pretty big to do about the newspaper and it being a picture in the newspaper and stuff. So because otherwise you could just say like there's there's two be subordinates on a hill. Yep. It's in a newspaper. So the fact that it's a picture in a newspaper seems to be

well I got a question for you guys were you ever in your local paper growing up? Oh yeah. And for what? I was in it for sports. I was in it for speech and debate. And I was in it for those two things. I was in... Oh, go ahead. I was gonna say I don't think there's anything else in my... My local newspaper was a star career in Qwani. I think it was like four pages long. And I think it was just like sports and high school stuff. I was in my local paper because in order to change your name in Indiana, you have to run an ad or run some sort of thing in the local paper

that says that you intend to change your name. For like eight weeks, yeah. It's four weeks I think, yeah. That's fascinating. That's like, feels like old world, doesn't it? Yeah, it's, I mean, truly, it is just a relic of a law that was written at a point where they're like, this is still the law.

No one has changed this law yet. All right, Cowboys, you can't change your name unless you tell the whole town. That's, this is a segment on the show that we like to call laws that could have been a website. This whole law could have been a website. This law could have been an email. Yeah. Aaron, have you ever been in your local paper?

Yes, I was in it for, she said fishing for this. Fishing, no, I was in the hang-up journal, I think for like theater, like high school plays and stuff. But I was also in it for calling 911 when I was four. Because my sister wouldn't get out of my room. And that's not a joke. That's amazing.

Yeah, my sister, Kathleen, wouldn't get out of my bed. And I was like, get out of my room. And that's not a joke. That's amazing. Yeah, my sister, Kathleen, wouldn't get out of my bed. And I was like, get out of my room. And she's like, no. And then I looked at my Barbie phone. I looked at the real phone. And then I went the same difference. And she thought I was calling 911 on my Barbie phone. But I was calling it on the real phone.

And then I ran for my life. And then the police came to my door and I was hiding. That's the best short story I've ever heard. And this is why we should not have police. Because police do not need to be getting little girls out of people's bedroom. That is a job for a social worker. Well, they didn't even do it.

They didn't even do it. They didn't even do it. Fucking useless. Fucking useless. I just remember the third thing I was in the paper for, which is a different paper, which was for a local town or citywide bookmark contest. That was a third thing I could think of.

I'm drawn it. I drew a wizard fighting two dragons. That's cool. And it was a self-fulfilling prophecy. Little did you know? Yeah. Where are the two dragons? I didn't do a dragon.

I'm an old wizard. JPC, can we hear that real one more time? Yeah, real quick, I was also in the indie star at one point because my sketch group had like a profile written about us in like the arts and culture section for the indie star. And my grandparents took a picture with a bad camera of the newspaper, then printed out the front page of the newspaper and then gave me that picture.

And I was like, hey, what the fuck am I supposed to do with this? It's so cute, that's the fuck am I supposed to do with this? It's so cute. That's really cute. I feel somewhere in my house in storage, I have 20 issues of Maxime Magazine because I was in an issue of Maxime Magazine. That's cool.

I remember another time I was in a paper, this time it was the Chicago Tribune. And it is one of my favorite photos of me. It's at I.O. when they, I was in the summer intensive, which is when they were favorite photos of me. It's at I.O. when they, I was in the summer intensive, which is when they were building that new building. And they took a shot of me and Andrew Robinson, who turned out to be one of my greatest friends,

and we were on an improv team together for like seven years. Through the window, the week that we met and the stage isn't fully built yet. And it's like, I think it's like me asking a question and like you can see through it. It's like really a really cool photo to have my think of my time in Chicago. That was very cool. Very cool. Very cool. Oh, it's like me asking a question and like you can see through it. It's like really a really cool photo That's my think of my time in Chicago. That's very cool. Oh, it's lost That's what a horrible ending that story. I don't think I've seen it a couple years

I don't know if I'm gonna be able to find it Andrew Robinson and Robins in Burn Down years ago. Oh, no, maybe Andrew knows where it is That's such a left turn for that story that I was not expecting it. Me neither. What's so ever. Okay, sorry. Read the riddle again. Saw a picture in an old newspaper

of To be subreddit pulling a plow in opposite directions. Although one animal was nearly four times the size of the other, it looked like the plow was stuck in place. Okay, I think I have this. I think this has to do with my good friend and my fashion icon, one Mr. Paul Bunyan. I think one of them

was a big ol' blue ox and the other was a piece of industrial equipment. That's why one was bigger, but they both have equal power, a big ol' ox and so on. No, it was bike Mulligan in the steam shovel. No, that is not the correct answer. That's a very good guess, but it is not one of those man versus machine things. Mike Mulligan, the dad on Glee. Did he do you ever read Mike Mulligan in the steam shovel? No. I have seen the cover, but I've never read it. Yeah, it's just a story about a fucking guy just fucking whip and ask with a steam shovel. Oh, go ahead. That's it. I didn't even catch up. I got excited. No, it's fine. I didn't mean to catch up, I got excited.

No, it's fine. I want to see you seeing Aaron, you are Mike Mulligan. You're kicking ass with your new steam shovel. JPC is the steam shovel. Well, we moved a lot of rock today, Mike. Nice job, buddy. Hey, shovel. Uh-huh.

Do you know who I am? Uh, well, you're Mike Mulligan. You're the owner of me a steam shovel who doesn't have a name yet with that fish in for one but Okay, yes Sure Mike ask away. I am a steam shovel but ask away buddy. I'm starting to feel like you're my only friend Well, I'm your best pal Mike and you're mine. The way I see it, we're two, you know, peas and a pod and it's gonna stay that way forever. Me and you, Mike. Hey Steve, shovel. Sure Mike, what's going on?

Would you, would you take a grade for me if I ask? Oh, more Mike, I mean I'll do anything you want man. I just said you were my best friend. Oh boy, Mike, I mean I'll do anything you want man. You just said you were my best friend. Yeah, yeah I will but Mike you got a lot of years left in front of you man. You don't have to worry about that now. Just me and you. Oh, that's not what I mean.

I mean dig a grave for me to put someone in. Dear beloved, we are gathered here today to lay to rest, Mike Mulligan. He was beloved by his seam shovel who we don't have a a name for, and for the entire community, love to him. Give me one! Just give me one! Uh, not right now, one moment. Well, here, feel free to grab as much chicken as you like. We also have some canoli. If you go to the other side of the buffet, we also have, um, uh, never-ending shrimp.

Uh, well, it does in, but we have to restock it. Uh, is Jeff okay? As a name. Yeah. I love it. Can Jeff or don't Jeff? Oh, boy. I guess shovel Jeff. Shovel Jeff.

That's me. Thanks, man. I'm gonna whip ass outta here. Fuck you, Mike Mulligan. Hold on, shovel Jeff. Huh? I had down here on the schedule that after I, uh, uh, uh, late to rest Mike Mulligan. Hold on, shovel Jeff. Huh? I had down here on the schedule that after I laid to rest Mike Mulligan and announced the buffet that you had a tight five you wanted to do.

Can I really, sir? Please. Alright. It says here shovel jokes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, shovel jokes. Okay, do you mind if I just jump right up? I mean, everybody's into it now. Welcome to the stage, favorite stand-up comedian

Steve shovel Who? Okay, shovel Jeff Just go back out there and say I'm sorry. No, it's okay. It's a lay-dash I know yeah, my booker my booker said it was showers fight. You are though You can't change your name unless it's been in the paper for eight weeks. Okay. What's your name? Fucking asshole. What's your name unless it's been in the paper for eight weeks. Okay, what's your name? Fucking asshole? What's your name? Oh, jeez.

It's him. It's been a while since we did improv. We'll be right back at these. I did that name thing. That was amazing. I was purely judging myself. Hey, guys, you're a great. I love it.

You don't get to go to a break until you finish your riddle. So I'll give you a hint on this one. I'll be right back. I've done it. No, no, no, no. So your hint is that this is, it says it's a picture in the paper, but it's actually a cartoon in the paper. Oh, one of them is Ziggy, and the other one is...

Oh, is that a political cartoon? Aaron, yes. I do that. It was. Oh, is it an elephant in a mule? It's an elephant. It's an elephant. A donkey speaking of elephants, and they're pulling the shovel because it's politics, and

we're freaking mired in it. Oh, I know. Even in the old times. I would like to see a scene. No, we gotta go to a break. No, please. We can't go to the break until you do your scene. It can be very short. World-fastest scene. Okay, um, add all your donkey,

JPC, you're an elephant, and you are drinking at a bar, sort of commiserating at the, that it's annoying that you've been so politicized. Check ass. I'm sorry. I'm just looking in a mirror politicized. Check ass. I'm sorry? I'm just looking in a mirror. You, Jackass.

You do nothing. What do you do all day? Donkey, Donkey, please. Don't go down that road. I was exactly where you are a couple of months ago. It's self-destructive. It only hurts you. And it's not going to get you what you want.

Okay? It is not our fault that we have been politicized the way that we have. It is not our fault. I'm not trying to throw a grand old pity party. It's just that I just feel like there's no, feels like there's just no compromises, no, there's no winner in this, ever.

I know, I know. I mean, did you know that they were able to tell that Elephants felt grief purely by watching the way that I reacted being treated like this? I had no idea. I'm sorry. I did you know that the term pin the tail in the docky comes from, um, do you know where that comes from? Gentlemen, you're making everyone at the bar a little uncomfortable.

You're gonna have to go, okay? People don't want a political bar, right? Oh, oh, okay. See, is this because I'm shitting at the stool? Is this because I'm blowing you shit all into the air? No, we're filthy air balls. It's definitely not helping. Is that what it is?

Is it a health code violation for me to blow shit in the air? Is this because my friend isn't drinking a delirium tremmins, the one beer with an elephant on the label? This place is called apathy. We try not to get involved because politics don't really involve or include us. You know what I mean? We're not really affected by any real policies.

We're very privileged in that way. And we don't like to think about politics. So hit the road boys. I'm sure I wasn't listening to that. I thought I saw a mouse terrified of those funny things I think. It's seen. We'll be right back at Rees Bay.

I keep it for a hit, reek, reek, reek, reek, go. Rees Bay. Rees Bay. Hey, GPC. Yeah. You're not in trouble. I just need help. I'm um, pranking at all. And I'm setting up a website to bring him. Um, can I just need some advice? This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace.

I'm not, I'm not mad at you. We're pranking at all. Squarespace is the only one website platform for entrepreneurs to stand out and to see it online, whether you're just starting out or managing a growing brand, Squarespace makes it easy to create a beautiful website, it engaged with your audience, and so let me think for products to cut into time all in one place, all on your terms. Hey, Otto, come here. Come here, come here.

Hey, what's going on? I actually, I want to prank GPC, and I want to set up a whole website to prank him. Do you have anything that like, is there like an online store that could set up on my website to sell products? Did you know that with Squarespace? You can have custom merch. You can easily sell custom merchant create passive income stream that engages your audience and scales your brand, design your products and production and inventory and shipping are handled for you, saving you time and money. What is happening?

Okay. Wait, what's going on with that all? Oh, nothing, nothing. I'm just setting up a very normal Squarespace website, not a prank thing, new, and he's gonna tune you. And I'm gonna use analytics, use insights to grow my business, and learn where my site visits and sales are coming from.

That's pretty cool. I'm gonna improve my website and build marketing strategy based on top keywords, our popular products and content on my prank website, the prank activity. Whoa, that's awesome, Aaron. I'm glad you're using Squarespace. Did you say what the website was for? I can't remember what the website is for. The website is for. Prank. With Squarespace. You can connect to your store to Vedent Third Party Tools to extend the functionality of your website. Hey JPC, hey JPC.

What's up, Madel? I can't believe we pranked Aaron with our little boy routine. Dude, we got her. Anyway, if you want to prank Aaron with your little boy routine, head to squarespace.com for a free trial and when you're ready to launch go to squarespace.com slash riddle to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Oh she's back she's back. Hey Aaron. Can we go to grandma's house? Wait, I've been pranked. But how? I don't know. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Hey, Adel and JPC. Thank you for meeting me in the middle of the woods here.

I am sort of at an empath. I can't decide whether or not to go this way or this way. I'm having a hard time choosing a path. You know, there never truly is a middle of the woods. Isn't it funny to think about something like that? Like, have there never truly is a middle of the woods? No, this is the middle. Okay, this is it. Addle, can you help? Yeah, actually. So as per Robert Frost, I don't know if you know his poems. He has a poem called Better Help. I believe this is written in the 1800s, but

it still stands true today more than ever. Aaron, you should try Better Help. Have you heard of this? You seen this? Mm-hmm. Because sometimes Aaron and life were faced with tough choices, and the path forward isn't always clear. Whether you're dealing with decisions around career relationships, being stuck in the middle of the woods,

therapy helps you stay connected to what you, ow, ow, ow. Sorry, that also does so fast. Therapy helps you stay connected to what you really want while you navigate life and the woods. Mm, and better help is entirely online, so it's designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. I've been using it for several years, and it suits the way that my brain works way better

than traditional therapy ever did. And when Aaron says traditional therapy, just so everyone's clear, what she means is tricking two of her friends to coming to the middle of the woods. Even though there isn't truly the concept of the middle of the woods, isn't that fun to think about? All you have to do is just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a license therapist, and you can switch therapist at any time for no additional charge. Hey, Aaron, a GPC's putting down bread crumbs and then immediately picking them up and eating them. Oh, dirty bread crumbs. them up and eating them. Dirty breadcrumbs.

Mmm. And he's also like really into that owl who's swooping down. Anyways, let there be your map with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash riddle today to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelpHELP.com slash riddle, R-I-D-D-L-E. R-I-D-D-L-E, the middle of riddles of D, but there is no true middle of riddle because it would be the space in the two D.

I'm hoping at home. I am home. Who are we? What is this? I clink, clink, clink. Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen. I just want to make a quick toast to I know it's JPC's birthday and we're all so excited to talk about him, but I want to talk about my favorite

My favorite thing in the world. Oh, and that is the app rocket money. Oh Yeah, Aaron. That's one of my favorite things as well Mm-hmm rocket money is a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending and helps you lower your bills all in one place. I've been using it for years way before they were a sponsor and it helps me so much, especially around tax season.

Kling, Kling, Kling, Kling, Kling, Kling, Kling. Sorry, I also wanna give a toast. Rocket money, well quickly and easily find your subscriptions for you and for any you don't wanna pay for anymore, just hit cancel and Rocket money will cancel it for you. It's that easy, Kling, find your subscriptions for you. And for any you don't want to pay for anymore, just hit cancel and Rocket Money will cancel it for you. It's that easy. Clint, Clint, Clint. It also categorizes your expenses.

So you can easily track your budget in real time and also get alerted if anything looks off. Over three million, oh, Clint, Clint, Clint, over three million people have used Rocket Money saving the average person up to $720 a year. We love rockets, don't we? Stop, quit, stop, quit, quit, stop. No, quit, quit, quit, stop.

Throwing your money away, cancel unwirted subscriptions today and manage your expenses the easy way by going to rocketmoney.com slash riddle. That's rocketmoney.com slash riddle. Rocketmoney.com slash riddle. That's rocket money.com slash riddle. Rockup money.com slash riddle. Intel and JPC's birthday got ruined by two of his friends for doing speeches about rocket money. The website. I love you. I'm running blank.

Blank. Blank. Aaron, I thought about it during the break. Uh-huh. And I thought about it during the break. And I think that there's a compromise. So I want to call our listeners, old lizards. Okay. You want to call them future friends. Could we compromise and call them future lizards?

Uh oh. Uh oh. Uh oh. Uh oh. What do we know? There's a problem with that too. Oh. Oh, I'm just that sort of sinister.

What happens if they listen to the show too long? They turn into a lizard? I assume that everyone eventually will turn into a lizard. It's the only way that we can survive. All right, that's a good point. You know what? I've come around to it. I think I'm gonna Give my stamp of approval to old lizards. Oh All right, I'll take it. Okay, so I'm glad he didn't want to win. He just liked the game. If you're still with us, you're an old lizard now. And if you didn't turn off the podcast before you heard me say that, sorry, fucko, but you're

an old lizard. That's the way it works. Yeah, we're sorry. You're an old lizard now. Hey, listeners, turn off your heat lamps, get off your rocks and listen to our podcast. That I love. All right. I'm a listener, they're telling me to keep listening.

Okay, okay, old lizards, we have another rental for you. Again, these are all from tail steak. Tail steak, by the way, sounds like a cool name for an old lizard, right? Yeah. Like the splinter of lizards. Yeah, or a food of a faye. More in 1990s, Disney cartoon starring

Blue the Bear and a young kid named Kit. We all got one in. Oh, oh little just drips with JPC energy. Yeah, no. Is that the real start? You gotta listen to the whole rental. My father and my sister were caught having sex. This was a huge scandal, and they were both forced to resign from their jobs.

Even though they're both adults and are not related to each other. Why? Oh, the man... The man is crazy. The man is crazy. Yes, Adel, you are correct. The answer to that riddle is the man is crazy.

This seems unsatisfied. This is not a game, you're above. Okay, yeah, is it because it is like a, they're not, it's like a step. Uh, no, Aaron, it's not that. They're not related at all not even Jesus It was a priest and his sister

Well, I was a priest and none Dr. Verla Kroy that sounds like a Toby Keith song a priest and my sister cry. That sounds like a Toby Keith song. A priest in my sister. I like the original answer. There's a priest in his sister and he's like actually technically we're not related anymore because of a child of God. Oh, baby baby baby. I like my sister. Yeah, that's a good riddle. I don't like how it I don't like the riddle though. I don't like what it made me think in my mind. I wanna say a scene. GPC, you are a father of the church, Aaron, you are a sister nun,

and the two of you just got married and you're on your honeymoon in, which was the same, I guess. Well, we can't go back. Yeah. Are you think, are you sure? I mean, technically we haven't done anything yet. We've just been married.

So I guess if you're still, if you haven't second thoughts, we can get it an old, we can go back to our lives. But if we seal the deal tonight, which I am gonna be honest Same alright, so let's think here then we're cut off. We're excommunicator. Yeah, here's the major issue. I'm facing right now My ex-husband is God, I guess you say I was married to him Yes, I feel like when he finds out, he's going to be like, oh my god, you got me married to a guy who I thought was my friend. So I guess, I mean, I'm in the kind of thing, but I guess what we have to do is maybe seek the protection of a more powerful deity, where we can maybe hide from the Lord's, by the

way. Oh, too late. He already found us. By the way, hit me. Just 21. Ooh, 21, is that good? That's the best. Okay. Hey, thanks man.

Okay, God, okay, God, just relax. What is going on here? It's okay, dude, I'm remarry now. I'm my chap here, just relax. You'll find someone else, can we? Who am I going to find who another one you up we can set you up well before I get set up can I I saw here at the casino Chris Angel is playing god do you want to go see Chris Angel I mean I'm'm when hated God I would have guessed you were a Celine Dion fan. So this is

Guilty Well, it's not it's not either or when it comes to Chris Angel in Celine Dion. Yes, it is God, I mean we we what what's best for you, but you're talking about night of Chris Angel tickets There's no way they're still Chris Angel tickets then you two are damn Chris Angel tickets. There's no way there's still Chris Angel tickets. Then you two are damned. I shall show you. I guess we could do a little name drop. What? God Vegas montage.

Did he do? God a priest did a man round Vegas. 21. Hit me. 21 still? Oh yeah. God a priest did a man in Vegas. They are going to shows. They're seeing magic shows. They saw the tiger and now they're hung over They're doing fun things and they're wearing glitter and now they're watching the fountain's go

All baptized you in the Bellagio fountain God in Vegas! scene God, it made it. See. Eric, at one point was it just a plot of the hangover? Yeah, that's sort of snuck in there. My cousin in a tiger. Okay, the jogs there and you see it is penis. I don't know if you guys comp my fun little thing. God said hit me, he had 21, I said hit me again and the dealer said still 21.

Isn't that kind of fun? And it's for God. And it's for God. You can always just go back 30 seconds and keep listening to that That's the best part about it. Did you want more God and Vegas montage stuff because I keep singing about bullshit Maybe 10 more seconds. Okay, sure God and none and a priest and Vegas they're having lots of fun and they're in Vegas Sort of a desert town, but they're losing money. Left and right, but they're having fun.

I wanna extend my time. They're having fun, swimming in the pool. There's a swim up bar, and then drinking macaeritas. Got a nun, and a priest of Vegas. Drink it macaeritas, my fool. Get sunburned! 30 more seconds of this. There's gonna be 30 more seconds of this.

A priest of nun, and a god and vagus. They miss their flight one more week. Ha ha. What happens in God stays in Vegas. Nice. I'll be honest. I wouldn't hate 16 more minutes of that that we don't have to do the end of the episode.

God priest and a man and vagus. You know what guys shut it all down. Ha ha ha. No shut it down. I'm taking my suitcase, Casey. I would have stayed at the same. I should have said, so Casey, I'm such a moron.

Oh, so Casey Tony. Fire me. We will go back and put it in and we will make that the episode title. So that's how we already tweeted out a singerly. Okay, so we are, we have to move on. You guys got that right. That was a father and a sister Roman Catholic priest

and none who violated their vows of celibacy. Ultimately, they chose love over tradition and left the church to much happier together, particularly after selling their movie rights to their forbidden love story. Yeah, fun fact. Tell us a little ending on that. That's a happy ending.

Fun fact about my family. My mom's eldest sister, her name is Jane. She married a priest and he left being a priest to be with her. They fell in love and they didn't mean to. And then when he left and they started seeing each other, the Catholic church was harassing my mom and her family. They'd drive.

Bye. They'd call and hang up. Pretty cool. That sounds like Scientology shit. No. Um, pretty cool. That sounds like Scientology shit. No, the Catholic Church in the 50s and 60s and 70s and Boston had nothing wrong with it. Everything was fine. It was fine. In 80s and 90s and 2000s.

In 90s and 2000s. Nothing, there's the Catholic Church is great all the time always. No, no, no. And you know what? The problem would be solved if they would just let them have wives. And the reason that they can't have wives has to do with like lineage and then like passing priesthoods down to their children from like 700 fucking years ago.

So one of these days, I think we will live to see that Catholic priests will have wives. One of these days. I'm always just over the moon with how certain parts of society are just like so beholden to like texts from hundreds of years ago. Yeah,'m also people edited in like the 50s. Yeah, come on I think I look at the notes of the front of the book see when it was written the Constitution

I mean there's there's so many documents were just like I think things have changed in that all to be fair The Constitution famously cannot be amended. That's right. Famously, no amendments. Oh, you're not forgot to mention Las Vegas famously, the city of Buffets. Yeah, that I know. You know what? I've never been. You know what Vegas has that I absolutely fucking love

because I used to have to go to conferences because Vegas is also the city of conferences. So every time I would have multiple work conferences in Vegas every year, I fucking love the breakfast buffet. Breakfast buffet, do not sleep on that breakfast buffet because they have everything. Everything. It's the best.

Oh, I love breakfast buffet. I wanna go to Vegas. Do you think we could do a hair-root-overdol show in Vegas? Yes, absolutely. That would be sick. I probably, like, freemont street or like the circus circus. Like, it's not gonna be a great venue, but here's me. I don't care.

I would do a Hey Riddle Riddles show in Vegas. I would do Branson. I would do the fucking Wisconsin Delts. I would do a Pigeon Forge, which I just was, and it looks like the Wisconsin Delts. It's insane. So we do a lot of dollar. We do a Hey Riddle Riddler treat where it's like a three day

and there's lots of different podcasts that are there and We hang out with everybody. It's in the Wisconsin Dells We all are peeing in the same pool. We're all going down water slides with you. We're all laughing Come on. We'll do we'll do to Branson. We'll do the kids friendly version. We'll do that. We'll do it in Branson. Yeah, I don't care We'll cut off. We'll cut off all the guide stuff out. It's been about half of this episode, so maybe that'll be difficult, but we'll cut it all out for Branson. I'm sorry, I have 500 screaming kids on my hands.

What did you say? We call them old lizards. Disgusting. Okay, here we go. This is a riddle number four, still from tail steak. I swore. What I said didn't violate broadcast standards of decency, but it still wasn't allowed to be broadcast on TV. What did I say? But fuckery?

Can you say but fuckery? Let's say it on the board. Ding! Oh, I guess you can't say that. Our hot pocket is ready and you cannot say it. Let's see. I think that it's like a tornado is coming. Everybody's, it's an emergency. Is it the word dam, is it the word dam, but in the sense of like Hoover dam? That's a really great question.

It is not a, what's that called? A homophone, it's not that. Yeah. Mm. I see it makes it on TV or radio. It wasn't allowed to be broadcast on TV. Okay. But it did violate broadcast interviews of decency.

George Carlin has famously has a bit. The seven things you can't say on TV. Those things are... JPC. Oh, can't say pancakes, you have to say flops jacks. Keep going. Or hotcakes. You can say hotcakes as well, so that's two.

I've got two. You're not allowed to call cards, automobiles. You have to call them cards. Can't cough too hard. Three. Yes, unless you're having a medical exam and then you have to cough as hard as you can. When you see, you can't say, man a woman's sharing a bed.

Five. That's not something that we can see. You could have two feet outside of the bed, but you can't, you can never have them in the bed together. You can't say titacular, but you can say spectacular. That's true. I can't say that. I think it would get lost in my mouth.

You can't say lost in my mouth. You can't say lost in my mouth. You can't say lost in my mouth. That's seven. It's a big, cackle tits. You guys ready for this hit? Adelie gonna flip when you hear this hit. Here's the hit. I'm sorry. I do need to cut you off just quickly too. Thank you because I panicked. I didn't know what to say for those seven words. I said JPC and you immediately swooped in and did it. Yeah, he's amazing. You both are amazing.

I did miss you guys on vacation. And I would just like to say that I'm glad that we did that in four takes now, of course, to the listener. It's only going to be the one. The worst one. Obviously. Obviously. Aaron, real quick, I did think of a compromise.

I settled lizards. You did say future friends. So maybe we compromise and we say future lizards is what we call our fans. I've been a weird time more. I swear out loud and proud in plain English and multiple people heard me. I didn't say any of George Carlin's seven words. Whoa, and what I said wasn't a slur or blasphemy. I said what I said in response

to something someone else said, but I did not speak in surprise or anger. Um, no, it's not a song, but I made me think of I swear. Was it something that's like trademarked? Um, no, not trademarked. Okay. But what does it, does it resemble, does the ear feel to it have the resemblance of a curse word? No. Okay, I have to see a scene. We're like a three person comedy act from when TVs were just being invented. And this is before there's really any rules. So we're really going for it and it's pretty, uh, pretty crass.

And now back to another episode of the Chicago Variety Show, starring three comedians. We take you to a saloon. Uh, bang, bang, my gun's shoot. Let me get a Sasparilla. Alright, one Sasparilla coming right up and all you gotta do to pay is have me punch in the boobs. Fuck you, coward motherfucker. Swings open door. Hey, this town can't be big enough for the three of us bitch fuck,

Titch fuck, can't bitch fuck, fuck, bitch. S! Titch! Titch! Tits fuck can't bridge fuck fuck bitch S Tits Tits Tits Tits Bitch fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck bitch Bitch B-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- This is a closed set. How did you get out here? We're doing a sketch show. Where's Paul?

Where's the third male comedian? I'm sorry, I'm here. I was I was gagged and tied into my into my dressing room. I'm ready. Hey, I'm here. You're ****. Another ****. **** ****

**** Mother **** Alright, beep beep. See, in 20 years when they like women be funny. Her ruffin on my bum. SeeC in 20 years when they like women be funny, her rope, but I'm a-bump, bump, bump, bump, bump. Same. Same. 20 years. 20 years.

Plus 100. Plus 100. Hopefully in another couple of days. I love Aaron that you just created my favorite character of all time, which is Filthy Roadrunner, who says the most insulting string of curse words and then says B-B. I ran out though.

I don't think I know a lot. I, okay, I'm just gonna call for a scene because I'm so tickled by this idea now. I wanna see a scene, JPC, you are Wiley Coyote. Aaron, you are the Roadrunner. And this is the day where the Roadrunner's just had enough and we get to hear it's filthy fucking mouth and it just go off on the Wiley Coyote.

Baby. No. Oh. Okay, okay enough everybody let's just stop running for a second. What are you doing? Fucking fuck you man. Hey, stop. What? Don't eat her ass, boss.

Where does bossa talk? No, I don't care. What are you doing? Oh, I care all of a sudden. What are you doing? Okay, stop it. Stop. You're driving me insane.

Kids are watching this. May I come on? I keep going. They're going to kill us. They're going to kill us. They're going to kill me. They're going to kill me. I'm not going to kill you.

This life is torture. This is so annoying. Maybe. Maybe. Yeah. I think I like being a wolf against Fucking blown up by my whole shit. Yeah, we gotta keep going. Yeah, dude. You I have it. Okay. I'm being chased What's supposed to do? No, stop you listen to me. I'm trying be on my side then if we're stuck in this Fuck you man. I'm walking away come on seriously

no no you gotta keep going Dale Gilles Dale Gilles I'm done I'm gonna my trailer but he but he but he had you get in here man this is a close-set oh god I love it what are are you doing? We're not supposed to. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Stop talking funny. Does Wiley can't he talk? Does he have a voice? No.

Okay. He holds up signs. Yeah, yeah. Because the river definitely says beep beep. Yeah, he only holds up signs. Which is how we should talk. From now on I feel like most people should just hold up signs. I'm just testing. My one dream in this world before I die is to take that audio, send it to Warner Brothers I believe, and just say, if you animate this scene, I will, anything you want, anything

you want. If we have any listeners who work for Warner Brothers, please, I'll thank you. Please, and just an email. If we go, if we go, we can share it with anyone. We'll just, yeah, I can't imagine this would go against your your your contract if we have anyone who works for Warner Brothers Send us your bosses bosses bosses. That's all we want is just an entrance just a point just to walk in the door and pitch our idea Okay Loud and proud and playing English multiple people heard didn't say any of George Carlin seven words

What I said wasn't a sl slayer blast for me what I said I said what I said in response to something someone else said, but I did not speak in surprise or anger And this got them kicked off the air says it says no no no It just says I swore what I said didn't violate broadcast standards But it still wasn't allowed to be broadcast on TV I Swore is it but it still wasn't allowed to be broadcast on TV. I swore. Is it? So what are some swears? Like what are some situations where you would swear,

but it wouldn't be a curse word? Um... God. Uh, yes. And my father, now I lay me down to rest. Kind of Aaron, you're kind of close, swearing to God, kind of, but not really. Making a promise.

Gosh darn it. Yes. I swear I'll do this. Yes, but what is one thing that people would swear on? The Bible. The Bible. Yeah. Oh.

So. So I said, songs. So this is a court case. So you got it. So what I said was I swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Even though this swearing wasn't offensive, most court trials are still not a lot to be broadcast on television.

The ones I watch are Judge Judy. So that's why you wouldn't watch them. Judge Judy. Because you won't get enough attention for it, apparently. Well, I want to see. If you do commit a crime, hope that you get an ID and DB credit for it. Okay, I'm Judge Judy.

And you two have some bullshit case you're gonna present to me and I'm gonna be the judge of, I'm gonna be Judge Judy about it. Judge Judy, please listen, now I'm suing my neighbor here because he bowed my lawn mower, right? And then he gave it back,

but it was just like a broom with a sign on it that said lawn mower. I think he gave it back, but it, uh, it was just like a broom with a sign on it that said lawnmower. I think he sold my lawnmower and he's keeping the money. Okay, judge, and I would like to, and I don't know if this is the decorum of the court, I would like to file a counter suit because I'm pretty sure that the suit that he is wearing, he took from my closet. So this is my counter suit. No, it's my counter. I bought it over the counter, off the rack over the counter. For a voice of all judge, that's a blatant lie. I never even met this man's lawn mower, but I want restitution because what he saw for me was a broom with a wig on it, which is my wife. Well, restitution, now I got

to pay for his college. You're on I'm not paying rest of the Titions. Okay, gentlemen. I've heard enough. Do you guys want to watch me slowly count my money? Will you point to your watch? What don't you like don't you slap the table and then point to your watch? I don't know. It's been a long time and then can we cut to the interviews of you outside the court that they do at the end of the episode? time and then can we cut to the interviews of you outside the court that they do at the end of the episode. I think the judge was fair. She counted her money while we argued and I'm very happy with the the outcome which is that we are going to swap houses. These are the craft services was going to have turkey subs. Now white bread, turkey, lettuce, and cheese is not a turkey sub. Okay, I worked a subway well for a day until I got five for eating too much of the meats

from the counter. I don't want a turkey sub is, and I feel cheated, and I would like to think this court to restitution. Hey brother, I'm sorry. Oh yeah, me too. I don't even know what we're fighting about. Because he stole my fucking one. Oh, that's right, yeah, I sold it to my mother. You can't come back in here.

See, seen, see. Okay, and there's one more and I want to get to this last one. I think I think that you'll get this one. Let's see, I've been to Chicago, I've been to Boston, I've even gone to Europe and Asia, but I've never left New York City. How is this possible? CD player iPod, Spotify, those are all names of bands. Adel, you're correct, Chicago, Boston, Europe, Asia are all bands that came to tour at a stadium near me. Oh, that's a good, great. Yeah, it was MSJ. Yeah, that is a very good rental.

We want to thank Tailstake. Thank you, Tailstake, for all of those rentals. They were fucking delightful. We appreciate you. We love you. I have to say a future lizard. And we think your skin is so dry. You're old.

You, Shay, Stadium Butter to hydrate that skin. I have to say, those are legit. Some of the best riddles we've had in over a year. I agree. And those are from 2018. So just think about what kind of treasures we have somewhere buried in that email in box. There's a thing of treasure.

Speaking of treasures we have buried, does anybody want to use the plug detector to dig up some of that sweet, sweet gold? Aaron. I got two things. I was on the Cinema Swap podcast where we recast day after tomorrow. I suggested that movie as a joke and they took it for real. It was really, really fun.

And I also want to plug the podcast School of Imagination by Liam. There are signs posted in Chicago that are. Oh, wow. It's the, Liam is a child and he has a podcast and Arnie Parrot sent this to me and it's really, really sweet. And he teaches you how to use your imagination. It's Monday. I think it comes out like three times a week. So look up School of Imagination by Liam. Liam, if you're listening, I will absolutely be a guest on your podcast. Yeah, we all will. I was so excited to see that someone is like posting DIY signs all over Chicago. Liam doesn't know who I am and has never met me and will be surprised.

But I think it'd be pretty cool if we gave him some listeners. Everybody, wouldn't that be cool? Right and review Liam and smash that subscribe button. And Liam, I'll consider coming on your podcast. Let's just talk about my rate because nobody works for free, Liam. Say fucking, comedy is a bitch. I'll get a job. Uh, GPC, anything to pluck. Oh, yeah, you, uh, you could always just follow me over at twitch.tv slash shark barkman

Now that I'm back from vacation I'm playing all kinds of freaking games over there I'm having a great time What am I playing at the time that this comes out? Hey, I don't know maybe Maybe I'm playing disco Elysium that could be what I'm still playing or or maybe I just finished it who fucking knows Addle anything that you would like to plug yes, I have one to plug, which is I was a guest on a podcast called The Completists. And this was a podcast by our wonderful friend, Shane Wilson, Muno Shane from World News Tonight. He's, I think he's writing for school board or something in his school discursion. So vote for him, check that out.

And check out the the completist podcast. talked about jaws for which is one of the worst movies I've ever seen in my life so please check that out now Aaron future lizards all were hatched ethically ethically in a pond on what planet Jupiter by forever my voice cracked by forever by forever forever am i going through puzzle puzzle tree puberty with puzzle leave it in make it louder put his ass on the glass hashtag leave it in make it louder I found the picture.

I got to see this pic. I mean, there's other people there too, but- Jesus Christ Aaron, you were addressed to school. Yeah, I did. That was the day though, that two mean bully boys in Whole Foods said, um, you're wearing a dress to do improv today, and I said, yeah, and I'm still gonna be funnier than you. Nice. And they laughed, and I was like, I don't want you to laugh at my joke losers.

Hey there, Louise and Steve's. If you like that, you're gonna love this week's clue crew. We do something that is very much not the family feud. You can listen to that plus our entire Batcadilog at patreon.com slash hey riddle riddle by joining the Clue Crew for $5 a month or the review crew for $8 a month. See you there!