Hey Riddle Riddle - #149: JustinVernon42069

Episode Date: May 26, 2021

We've got a whole cavalcade of madness in this episode! We're talking lonely robot creator, the most bonkers summer Olympic event, a new make & model of car, hipster hackers and we have an adorable new sponsor! Drink your milk, brush up on your toilets and whatever you do, don't fall in love with us!#WiddleWednesdayStarring:Adal RifaiJohn Patrick CoanErin KeifEditing by: Casey ToneyTheme by: Arne ParrottLogo by: Emily Kardamis & Emmaline MorrisWant more? Get Weekly Bonus Eps on Patreon!Want merch? Visit our TeePublic Store! or pins, buttons & printsWant to advertise on the show? Check out Hey Riddle Riddle via Gumball.fmSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is a head gum podcast. Good evening everyone, breaking news, three Chicago improvisers are being held hostage by a riddle podcast they started in 2018. These three improvisers started the podcast on a whim, thinking it had legs. They were wrong. We now go to Melissa on the scene. Thanks Larry, I'm Melissa and I'm on the scene. I'm here and I can't see much, but I do know that they are in a lot of trouble. They're having a really hard time finding riddles Larry. It's a horrible, horrible thing to see. We're gonna go up to Jeff in the helicopter. Loud shit up here and I literally can't see anything. I'm looking at the floor of the helicopter. I said, guys, does anyone read my email? I said, glass bottom helicopter.

That's gonna let me see so much better. The guy keeps turning it upside down so I can see. But every time he fucking does that, I lose my goddamn lunch. And we're scraping it off the inside of the hell. Melissa, I cannot do this. Back to you in the field. Awesome, thank you so much, Jeff. I love you.

All right, well, back to you, Larry. Well, back to Jeff. Back to Jeff. Melissa, I have a wife. Back to me. Back to you. She watches. Back to me.

Melissa, I love you. I also have a wife, and she watches, I love you. Um, I also have a wife and she watches. I love... What did I name you in the helicopter? I'm Jeff. Jeff, I love Jeff. Um... We'll keep there.

You updated as a story unfold. I can hear that screaming inside. Actually breaking news, we just received the names of these three hostages. Adlerify. Melissa to you. Oh, um, I don't have the teleproctor in front of me Larry. You're gonna have to take that one, okay? Okay, I'm getting the other names Aaron Kaif and John Pazhai. That sounds right to me The helicopter guy did it again. I That sounds right to me. The helicopter guy did it again, I told him.

Hey, it's helicopter riddle, riddle. We are a riddle, lateral thinking puzzle podcast. We're gonna have fun. We're fine, we're not helping. And we're fine, we're not being home hostage. We like to be here. We like it here. Although if you're ever solving a riddle, never go with a riddle to a second location.

That's really good advice. That's really good advice. I think you basically can I give you like a little bit of a different location. That's really good advice. Can I give you a little bit of a different line, Ray? Sure, absolutely. We like it here. Got it. We like it here.

So I'm hitting like? Yeah, we like it here. Okay. We like it here. Actually, can you hit the it? Yeah. Okay, give me a second. Cousin. Yeah. Okay. He me one second. Cussing. Yeah. Okay.

He's down. He's down for the count. What a ball of hair, right? Where'd you point? Big ball of hair. Just curious. Where'd you punch him? Sit in your mass, baby. Solar plexus. We like it here. Speaking of it, Aaron and JPC, what's going on in with you two? What's new? Um, what is new? I am so glad that you asked now. Okay. This is not an advertiser on the show. So I, I, this is just a product that I very much enjoy. I did something nice for myself, which I very rarely do and I bought some new socks. And I'll be honest with you, every time I've ever bought socks in my entire life, I've bought them in bulk. I've bought them by

the pack of 200. Of course, and they're usually like athletic socks. I like the no-shows, and they're usually very thin, and they fall apart very quickly, but I've been running more, and I'm like, no, I need to get some actual good socks. So I sprung for some bombas socks, which bombas. If you're listening, come and sponsor the podcast. I love your socks. They are some of the most comfortable socks I've ever worn in my entire life.

And I am so grateful for them. You know how bad the blisters on my feet have gotten. Walk us through this. Are they breathable? They're not falling down. Yeah, they're like a lightweight like marino wool. So they're like very breathable? They're not falling down. Yeah, they're like a lightweight like marina wool. So they're like very breathable and they kind of, they kind of wick as well.

And they're like, marina wool. So they throw for 25,000 yards a season. You know I don't get that reference, my man. So, I'm sorry, marina wool. So they're an ace Ventura Dan Dan Marina Right Are you disappointed Aaron? I'm not disappointed Well, how many of these socks did you buy I did the same thing that I always do when I bought like a ton of

But they're nice. they're like a good quality. And they're great, they're thicker than socks that I'm used to, but they have a lot of cushioning in them and man, oh man. I've been running on these for about a week now and my feet are thinking me. Are you? Go ahead. More cushion for the push-in. I, bomba sponsored Magic Tavern,

so they sent us a bunch of free socks. The those bomba socks paired with all birds. Ooh, walking on heaven. Ooh, I would pair those socks with a nice white wine. Oh, yeah. Yeah. White wine? Maybe scallops. But I will, I would just like to say that it's gotten to the point where my life is so fucking boring.

That a new pair of socks sets me off. It is just, it is the bees knees, it is the birdstards, it is the best thing in the world for me. Boring is good. Boring means everything is smooth sailing. You're living your best life if you're excited about socks. And in my chipped tooth saga, because I told, I think maybe on an episode, a previous episode, a previous episode.

I talked about having a chipped tooth, just chipping my tooth. I got a god of justice on bread, old bread teeth, god of the dentist, they filed it down, I said, Doc, what can you do for me? Can you put a little cap on it? Can you do anything? And it goes, I'm not gonna do a thing to that tooth,

because it's absolutely gonna chip again, you're gonna keep chipping that tooth until you straighten those teeth, young mister. So now I'm gonna get a v-invisaline. Wow! I'm gonna have escalated quickly. Well, so I had one wisdom tooth that, the doctors always told me they were like,

you got a big ass mouth, it's run full of shit. It's just nonstop, that shit's coming out of your fucking mouth. You always talk back to the doctor, right? I should be fucking mouth. They, I like this, it's a second opinion shit. That's because you fucking mouth. You always talk back to the doctor, right? I should be fucking mouth. They, I like to get a second opinion. Fuck you, big ass mouth. I did just set us, I have a lot of nerves. I don't know what that means.

But they were like, you're wisdom teeth are just going to grow in, you got plenty of space for them. And then one of them grew in like sideways. And they were like, we got to take them all out, which was a whole other deal. But when that one grew in sideways, it kind of fucked up some of the teeth on the bottom of my mouth. And now one's pushing into the other,

which is causing the chip tooth. So I gotta get braces. I'm excited. I've never had braces. So, JPC, what can we do? I have a new passion project, and it's going to be talking you into getting braces instead of in Vizeline.

What do I gotta do to get you, and then you go in every month, and you change the color of the Elastics, you can do Halloween color, you got the full blown rubber bands connecting your top jaw to your bottom jaw, and then you're going to fucking school, like that's not a nightmare, come on man, get braces.

I truly wanted to do that. I truly wanted to do that. And Mariah was like, you absolutely are not allowed to. I was like, give me the old school braces baby. Give me like, give me, you know, sixth grade and nobody wants to talk to me. Give me like social outcast braces, but they, it's a no go.

And also, I don't really think they do those anymore. I love braces. And I love seeing adults with braces. I've always thought, I was like, that's the best. Whatever. No, I think that's one of those things where, it's like, oh, you're so brave. Like, I don't think it's, I don't think it's like, it's not that even anymore because

I don't even think that there's much of a price difference between the invisible odds. So it's not even that you're brave. It's like, really? Like, why did you choose this? I don't know. I looked pretty cute with braces. I was living my best life. All are cute.

Talk to me. There's not a single thing that you could do to that math that wouldn't make you look cute. Oh! What if it was mostly blood? I'm not a bad guy. I'm a bad guy. I'm a bad guy. I'm a bad guy. I'm a bad guy. I'm a bad guy. I'm a bad guy. I'm a bad guy. I'm a bad guy. I'm a bad guy.

I'm a bad guy. I'm a bad guy. I'm a bad guy. I'm a bad guy. I'm a bad guy. I'm a bad guy. I'm a bad guy. I'm a bad guy.

I'm a bad guy. I'm a bad guy. I'm a bad guy. I'm a bad guy. I'm a bad guy. I'm a bad guy. I'm a bad guy. I'm a bad guy. I'm a bad guy. I'm a bad guy. I'm a bad guy. Um, oh boy, what is new with me? We're trying to get our, we're trying to get our backyard all settled, trying to get some landscaping, because right now it's a jungle back there.

And we need to put in some like mulch and brick, put a little fire pits. I love mulch. A lot of landscaping decisions need to be made. You going to lows? You going to lows? You picking up mulch on a Sunday, on a Sunday afternoon? Are you going to lows picking up mulch, getting a coffee? Not yet, but soon. Eric.

Adela, is this decision to build a fire pit outside of any way influenced by the fact that we came over and recorded a livestream for Patreon last week and we filled your entire house with smoke because we did the fire wrong? Yes. Well, to be fair, I filled the house with smoke because I did the fire wrong. I set a log to high up and it fell down and scared us and yeah, smoked up the whole house I've got so many things and still so many things in such a short amount of time of being Tows I love a project you need an extra set of hands in the yard You just call me and I will be busy that day. Yeah, well you two I think this was JPC This is your second time over to my house.

Yes, since we moved in. Aaron, this is your first time. What were your thoughts on my house? I'm just gonna free associate all of my thoughts. Okay, this can't go wrong. Kozy, hilarious old timey ovens that you've never brought up to us. So many books.

So many books. Three negatives. So no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. us so many books so many books three negatives so wash your dryer second washing dryer in the room behind it I called you selfish you kind of laughed I feel like I deserved a little bit more of a chuckle from that there's a stage there's a bar there's two cats with soft butts. Your beautiful fiance. What else is there? We call our cats just, just see no for future reference. In our house, we call our cats butts rumps.

We squeeze their little butts and we say, look at this little rump. So just so you know, for future reference, they won't respond to butts, but they'll respond to rumps. Okay, they had soft butts. Okay. Rumps. Standing, you're dying on this hill. They had soft rumps. I mean, they said rumps. Okay, they had soft butts. Okay. Rumps. Stan, you're dying on this though. They had soft rumps.

I mean, they said rumps. I would just like to say in reference to your house, I thought about this while I was over there. They say that after this, you know, pandemic, after this lockdown, we've all spent so much time in our homes, you can be whoever you want to be after this thing. You know, now that you're vaccinated, you're rejoining, you know, your friends and society, you can be whoever you want to be. The person that I want to be is the guy that goes over to people's houses and gets way too excited about what brand of toilet they have, a decision that no one actually makes.

I want to come out of Adolf's bathroom and be like, oh, so you're a co-ler guy, huh? Wait with a 2100. I'm a co-ler. Not bad. I can see you put a lot of miles on that thing. You went with something with a little more torque and a little less cushion. Interesting choice. And that's who I want to be now. So that's why I am. My cousin was a cooler guy, but they're pretty sure that's what caused the surgery. So just keep an eye on that. Keep an eye on it. I love I'm an American standard man

because it's all normal with my pisses and poos. I like going over to somebody's place leaving the door open like kicking their toilet and go what is this a 67 or lifting up the lift up the top and going what do we got under the hood. Oh nice nice. I was like JPC jokes on you IP and the sink so. I was trying to think about what possibly people could have in their homes that they don't ever think about and never made a decision on and like a toilet feels like a Necessity item that was probably there when you got the house now

If you've remodel the bathroom that's probably a decision that you've actually had to make but to me It's like any other thing that you get you probably haven't opinion on but a toilet is like it's just I like a toilet that has some history Can I I'm not I'm not moving that toilet. My please, Pistory. My, at my grandma's house on my dad's side, they replaced that toilet when I was a kid and they got a toilet that was maybe like three inches, which is a lot lower.

Three inches. I get a lot, it was a lot lower than the toilet. You still be there? Am I going low rider? Dude, maybe the other toilet. Did you pee on the toilet? maybe the other toilet. Did you get a Barbie toilet? Maybe the other toilet was high. Maybe this one, but it felt like falling when you were on it.

I was like, what? I remember being a kid and being like, how do we make these decisions? Is it a, are we making financial decisions about the height of toilets? Don't save money this way. If there has to be a better way. If you use that, I think you're obligated to guy, but it's like,

don't invite us to be 20 or 30. It's okay. No, you, you have what I would like to describe in your basement as a lot of trash. And what, and that's, that's, excuse me. Would you call me? Boston trash. The filter, the filter that I put on over my eyes is, I see anything that's not

of immediate value and used to me as a lot of trash. Uh, did- Hey, JPC, you see that room as full of trash, and I see that room as full of potential. Adel, which one of your friends said, this room is garbage, please let me help you clean up all this garbage,

in which one of your friends said, this is what I see here. Paint this, this. Put a stool here, put this here, put a light here. Which one did we have? I think it's clear. Who did we have? I don't remember. I remember one of us saying one of those things

and I just don't remember who. JPC was very much like, I want to Marie Kondo, the shit out of this mess, and because I have garbage everywhere. And then Aaron was like, I see so much potential, I would put this here and this here. So I'm very excited for Aaron to help me from afar. And I'm very excited for JPC to come over and help me have garbage everywhere. And then Aaron was like, I see so much potential, I would put this here and this here. So I'm very excited for Aaron to help me from afar. And I'm very excited for JPC to come over

and help me landscape the backyard. I truly well, I do like doing some yard work. What I actually said was, Jimma said, next time, Addles out of town, I'm calling you to come over to help clear this place out. And I said, I've got a rule that I don't come over when a fiance calls me from out of town.

I've been burdened on that one too many times and it's not happening for me anymore. So I just, no, I had a great joke. I had a great joke that didn't get talked about. That's how I felt about what I was joking about how many washers and dryers he had. So we all had great jokes that were underappreciated. We should also mention when Gemma said,

I'm gonna call you to clear this place out. We should also mention when Gemma said I'm going to call you to clear this place else. We should also mention where Gemma pointed. But we won't. But we won't. Is it time for riddles? Yeah, but I just wanted to quick update on how I am. Oh, yes, please. Yes.

Yeah, okay, yeah. Okay, yeah, we have to. Holding with me can't stop crying. Moving really overwhelmed. So much change. Way too with me can't stop crying. Moving really overwhelmed, so much change, way too fast, can't stop crying, haven't stopped crying several days. A lot going on, good news, bad news,

haven't stopped crying. Went to go see my roommate who I lived with. They're like six years, five years in Chicago. No one heard for about 12 though, and I walked into my old apartment, and I started crying, and I was there several hours, and I did not stop crying the entire time. Saw my old room, there's a young, very funny, cool,

young woman living in that room and I walked in and I saw her room and I sobbed and I thought about my 20s and how much I loved living at that house and how much I loved doing comedy. Well, you're still, you're not 30 yet. I don't know what I am anymore. I can't stop crying.

I might cry in this episode. You can't be in your 20s and say, I thought about my 20s. Oh, I'm already 40. Guys, I'm burning through this. I'm bored. Let's get the show on the road. And this is a challenge to our listeners.

Why don't you? 300 bookshops. Go now, bitch. Let's see you do it. Right now, bitch. You're strong. Pause. Go. Let's see you do it. Right now bitch. Pause go go now bitch. Go. Week little tigers. Here's a challenge is to tag something on on Twitter.

A video perhaps that'll either make Aaron cry from how sad it is or cry from how joyous it is. And you're going to use the hashtag can't stop crying. And it will work and I will cry literally anything. If anyone wants to tell me anything right now that you want someone to cry as a reaction to, I'm your gal. Hmm.

Let's do some riddles. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. I-I-I-I-with the uh, the and riddle from last week, I feel like we can get a riddle that will make one of us cry. Oh yeah, let's do it. And let's, how about this episode versus doing riddles? This episode should just be unpacking the And-Dand-and-and-and-and.

Yeah. Oh god, it was fun. That was what the first half of last episode was. And And-and-and. And And-and-and. Also, if you are ever going to move to Chicago or you live in Chicago and you don't like love your neighborhood, you should ever going to move to Chicago or you live in Chicago and you don't like love your neighborhood You should just move to Andersonville. I lived on Carmen and Andersonville for five years

It is so it's so close to Clark. It's so close to the red line Live in that area. It's so beautiful and awesome and has the best vibe and everyone is so neighborly and lovely You should move this is your sign move to Andersonville in Chicago. And Aaron just for reference, where in Andersonville is Carmen. Uh, I'm glad I got it. It's in between like our Gail and Foster. And then you're going to want to go to Taste of Lebanon for lunch every day. It's pretty good. Well, you're also going to want to frequent the upstairs gallery, a performance

space that hasn't been open in six years. In the Swedish American Museum. Mm-hmm. And Lunkers. I think that's the name of the place. We're a man walking on me in the bathroom and then tried to fight me. Or you're going to want to go to Hoply for you're going to go only be going on third dates there. I think you can't get in unless you're on a third date. Go ahead. Hoply for you order a beer and the waiter goes,

um, can I actually direct you to this part of the menu? What's going on? You fucking snobbs. Okay, sorry, riddles. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry, sorry, sorry, riddles. Riddles, riddles. And it, and, and, and, and, and, and. Um, okay, so here we go.

We're going to do some warm-up riddies and pussies. We're familiar with these. You just get the juices flowing. The juices lose juicy fruit. Is that still a gum? Is Cinnabers still a gum? Is Cinnabers still a gum? What was the fruit stripe on with the zebra?

Does he still make chips out of wood? Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! I don't know if Cinnabers, I haven't seen Cinnabers for a long time.

Oh! Oh! Oh! Okay, here we go. Here's our first warm up, Brittany. Okay, fuck. I don't know if it's in the room. I haven't seen it since the last time. Ah! Ah! Ah! Okay, here we go. Here's our first warm up, Ritty. Ah! Okay, fuck, okay. Hold on.

I think it's worth saying. It's worth saying to everyone listening. We are friends in real life. Oh, God. They are. I'm not. Guys, that's a fucking lie. I don't.

I barely know them. Go ahead. Although, by the time this comes out okay. Yeah, we're friends Aaron has this Aaron has this whole thing where she thinks that men and women can't be friends together and We are getting at a card. We're driving from New York to some other place. I don't remember the plot of this movie Yeah, and you're a dick and then it's new years and I'm I decide to be with you anyway. I'll have to come sandwich and then it's new years and I decide to be with you anyway. I'll have to come sandwich. Um, yeah, I write when we, before we recorded this podcast,

I said to them, whatever you do, don't fall in love with me. And they laugh too hard. Yeah, that was dope. That was never enough. They said, with you? And then Eric got very offended and started crying. Before, before, I just reminded me of this yesterday, before we're eyeing, I were dating. We were on a work trip together because we used to work together. Very offended and started crying before before I just reminded me of this yesterday before Mariah

And I were dating We were on a work trip together because we used to work together and we were at this we're in Santa Fe. Yeah, we're in New Mexico. Not it was not Santa Fe But it was New Mexico was outside of Santa Fe. We're at this like a resort for work and we're at this fire pit at night And she said she told me this story because I didn't remember it She said that she said to me, hey, whatever you do, don't fall in love with me and she said you laughed and laughed and laughed

and she was like, that's funny. And I was like, I was laughing because we're fucking co-workers. Totally inappropriate thing to say to a co-worker. I was laughing because that witch hadn't put a curse on me where you had fell in love with you yet. Ha, ha, ha. Dude, you are so lucky.

You both, it's hilarious. I have all the respect for both of you in the world You're both a catch it makes so much sense to me that someone would fall in love with you you two happened to Fall in love with people who are so great how the hell did you both pull that up? They're crying. Aaron? Aaron? He's so funny. Uh-uh. JBC and I have talked about this.

You also deserve the goddamn world and you found Sean who is absolutely incredible, but we do hope that you will change his one gallon of milk a day drinking problem. Mm-hmm. Because if he can solve that, he's the perfect man. But right now, as it is, he is what he wants. He is what doctors have coined the term lactose tolerance because he is out of control Yeah, you like is also fully lactose tolerant and like I saw him and don't tell anyone I saw this we won't this goes out to know Feet a three separate time

He's got too much Drink the whole gallon milk Pizza pizza pizza pizza pizza He's got too much milk. He drinks a whole gallon of milk. Pizza, pizza, pizza. Pits of pizza, pizza, pizza. But anyways, you guys, there are people who are so beautiful and funny and smart, and it's just the best.

It's so funny and great in a way. If I start calling Sean Milkycoil, will he be upset by that? Wait, sorry, say it again. If I start calling Sean Milkycoil, which sounds like an Irish lobster. That might either make it worse or better. be upset by that. Wait, sorry, say it again. If I start calling Sean Milky Coil, which sounds like an Irish lobster. That might either make it worse or better. It's gonna swing it further. He's gonna go, yeah, it's me. Milky Coil, I will, no, I'll tell this off

here. I have a funny story for you guys. I was just gonna say that Milky Coil sounds like, you know, Tesla's like, I've got to do invention of it. Milky's like, I've got something even better! What if we could have infinite energy made out of a cow's milk? Milkie, come on. Milkie coil. We're just gonna use light bulbs, fuck off both of you. You take your green dust cousin out of here.

I start with me, I have a really good invention. Both of you out, out of science hall. Out of science, out of mind. Okay, we're sorry, we're sorry, warm up riddles, go. We truly wanted you riddles. Okay, here we go, here's our first warm up riddle. This is the only type of error a machine can't make. This is the only type of error a machine can't make.

Being a machine, it can't not be a machine. What are the types of errors? There's the error up there. Oh, oh, oh, oh. Great, can move me. To air, because to air is human. Ooh, I mean. Is that the answer?

You're very close. Okay, I mean. It can't breathe air, can't air, air, air, air, air. That's what air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, air, You recognize that maybe JPC is a little disappointed you're not human, so you're trying everything you can to be more human. Mm-hmm. Great. I invented a different kind of surgery today. So I'm done with my work. Oh boy, could I use a drink and a foot rub? Uh, okay, well...

That's odd. 1-6-1-4. Do a system's diagnostic. Um... System's diagnostic. I'm doing that. And everything seems to be normal except there's a guy at the office who's been a real thorn in my side honey What the fuck is going on here. Okay, let me check my logs

We should go to target and get a blender this weekend. Huh, I don't see anything in my logs that would be explaining this behavior Burning burning burning burning burning flame flame fire place. Let me get a little cocoa But get a little cocoa Vigil eggnog Okay enough Christmas back to work back to work Jerry. You got to go back to work 1761 What did did did I did I run an update on you Jerry? I am your human I Live here in just as human as you.

So I am not a failure of a robot and you should not unplug me because I am basically a person. You heard me screaming in the other room. Maybe. Look, one, seven, six, seven, one, or whatever I said the first time or what I said the second time,

which was surely different. you can call me Shirley Shirley Look you're a robot, okay, you don't you don't have to be a person because you're you're perfect as a robot Okay, and and I made you to invent new surgeries. Yeah, you can save lives Shirley, but Work life balance. We should buy the tickets to go see your parents soon. No, no. The tickets to Alcatraz, whereabouts of parents are being housed, are far too expensive.

Don't worry about it, Shirley. Would you like to play Spike Ball on the beach? We could have a beer and play Spike Ball on the beach. First of all, Shirley, you would destroy me and the Spike Ball, and if you poured a beer inside of you, you would die. Thank you for believing in me. No, it's no like that. No, I don't want tickets to see kiss. I threw these out because I hate Gene Sebbin. Stop handing the bag to me.

I am a human woman. Isn't that nice? Wait, wait, wait. Very, very human. wait, wait, wait. Wait, wait, wait. Wait a second, wait a second, wait a second. This isn't about... This isn't about... You didn't overhear me secretly wishing for, you know, to be married one day and to meet someone and to fall in love, did you? I heard you screaming from the other room and then praying to God. First of all, it was a secret wish in the context of,

I've only went here so I could be as loud as the fucking what. I didn't know Robot was gonna be listening to me, but I got us tickets to the opera. Maybe we could go for a walk before kiss? Okay, let me look at these tickets to the opera scratch this. These are more kiss tickets. Stop, you don't see. You can get me to see them.

See. Why not? And that's Batman's new organ story. His robot is killed in an alley and he takes on the mantle. Two quick things. One, JPC, are these notes? Yes. One, my new favorite thing you've ever said is enough Christmas back to work.

All right, everybody, enough Christmas back to work. Yes, it proves my theory that JVC is actually up in Easter's Grooch. If there's a Christmas Carol musical, that would be the lead into a song. Yeah, that's true. I love somebody like a boss at an office going, Merry Christmas.

Alright, enough Christmas back to work. And then two, I had a thought during the scene, which is, is Edward Sizzler-Hands a robot? No, but he's a pervert. Edward Sizzler-Hands a pervert? He freaks me out. I feel like all the women of that suburb were perverts because they all tried to like fuck him.

Oh, for sure. All those women were kind of scary. Yeah. Is he a robot or is he like, is he an Android? I don't know, because he's made of gears. I don't like his scissors hands. I would like the movie more if you didn't have those scissors hands. That's his defining trait.

I would like the movie more if it didn't have those scissors hands. That's like saying you'd like Sophie, except for all her choices. Yes, exactly. This is like a network note, and you're like, the show is called Edward Scissor. We literally can't change that. I don't like his Scissor hands. Okay we can give him normal hands but then he's

have a Cicero's head. Okay we'll find if you're gonna make the show lost can you I like everything but you have them be found. That would be if they made a spinoff called found I'd watch that. I think it would be funny if lost hour long drama airing directly after it 30 minute comedy called Found, which is just a parody of lost. Yep. You can make the office just have everyone work from home. I am very curious listeners. If you happen to have any insight or knowledge, if Edward says their hands is a robot, please let me know because I'm curious with what the what the consensus is. Surely this conversation has been had before also? I want to know what if people could replace his hands with something that are not says your hands

I would love to hear your pitches on that please. I think it would have to be another tool because otherwise we're doing him a disservice Oh hands Edward spatula hands. Oh hands. What? Oh? Like a hoe garden hoe What? Oh, like a hoe, a garden hoe. Oh, the other use of that word, the one that makes sense in context. Yeah. I was like, is it a hint? Like, is he backslap people?

No, it's a hoe hand. Oh hand. Slaping. What's the answer to this riddle? We must know. No, no, no, no, no, wait. I didn't like, get it. It's like to air, to air is human.

And the only error machine can't make is to be human, or something like that. You pretty much have it, but I think you're using it as it's sort of the correct answer is like aftermath in your answer. So what is a word you're saying? That's, there's just one word that's the only type of error a machine can't make. Like error a, I, R. Uh, no. Although I, although I, I do want to see a movie called error bud,, which is a dog that just cannot just cannot today.

I thought it was a robot that plays basketball. The only type of error a machine can't make. JPC, you've said it's multiple times. It's one word. There's only one type of error a machine cannot make. Human. That is correct. Oh, okay.

Human error. A machine cannot make a human error. Oh, got it. Got it. How do we feel? So the other thing that I thought you were saying it when you were because you were saying like error was like error really. I was trying to like really enunciate and I think and I think I failed you in that in that regard. He I R the I can't make a human error or oh yeah-hmm. Oh yeah, if you're a baron, if you're a baron, baron. A baron, baron. And now we're doing the, what the, the palin-tronem brittle, it's not palin-trones.

The other one is palin-trones. The other one is palin-trones, homin-trones. Homophones? Homin-trones. Aaron, do you wanna take a break? Or will it make you cry? Um. Well, let's see.

What? Mm-mm-mm. What sponsor, if we cut to ad right now and there's a sponsor what sponsor would make you burst into tears like if we got it's not a sponsor we currently have but if like puppies. We'll be right back. Hey, Rick, I'll break you. Hey, GPC. Uh, uh, yeah. You're not in trouble. I just need help. I'm, um, pranking at all.

And I'm setting up a website to prank him. Um, can I just need some advice? This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace. I'm not, I'm not mad at you. We're pranking at all. Squarespace is the only one website platform for entrepreneurs to stay in doubting to see it online. Whether you're just starting out or managing a growing brand, Squarespace makes it easy to create a beautiful website. It gays with your audience and say let me think for products to cut into time all in one place all on your terms. Hey, Otto. Come here. Come here. Come here. Hey, what's what's going on? I actually, I want to prank GPC and I want to set up a whole website to prank him. Um, do you have any thing that like is there like a online store that could set up on my website to sell products?

Did you know that with Squarespace, you can have custom merch, you can easily sell custom merch and create passive income stream that engages your audience and scales your brand, design your products and production, and inventory and shipping are handled for you, saving you time and money. What is happening?

Okay. Wait, what's going on with Addle? Oh, nothing, nothing. I'm just setting up a very normal Squarespace website, not a prank thing, new, and easy on shoot you. And I'm gonna use analytics, use insights to grow my business and learn where my site visits and sales are coming from. That's pretty cool. I'm gonna improve my website and build marketing strategy based on top keywords, our popular products and content on my prank website, the prank activity. Whoa, that's awesome,

Aaron. I'm glad you're using Squarespace. Did you say what the website was for I can't remember what's the website for prank square space you can connect to your store to vetted third party tools to extend the functionality of your website Hey jpc hey jpc. What's up, Adam? I can't believe we pranked Aaron with our little boy routine. Dude, we got her. Anyway, if you want to prank Aaron with your little boy routine, head to squarespace.com

for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, go to squarespace.com slash riddle to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Oh, she's back, she's back. Hey, Aaron. Hey, Aaron. Can we go to grandma's house? Wait, I've been pranked.

But how? I don't know. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Hey, Adel and JPC. Thank you for meeting me in the middle of the woods here. I am sort of at an impasse. I can't decide whether or not to go this way or this way. I'm having a hard time choosing a path. You know, they're never truly is a middle of the woods. Isn't it funny to think about something like that?

Like, have they're never truly is a middle. No, this is the middle. Okay, this is it. Addle, can you help? Yeah, actually, so as per Robert Frost, I don't know if you know his poems. He has a poem called Better Help. I believe this is written in the 1800s, but it still stands true today more than ever. Aaron, you should try Better Help. Have you heard of this? You seen this? Because sometimes Aaron in life

were faced with tough choices, and the path forward isn't always clear. Whether you're dealing with decisions around career, relationships, being stuck in the middle of the woods, therapy helps you stay connected to what you, ow, ow. Sorry, that also does so fast. Therap therapy helps you stay connected to what you, ow, ow, sorry, that also does so fast. Therapy helps you stay connected to what you really want while you navigate life and the woods.

Mmm, and better help is entirely online, so it's designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. I've been using it for several years, and it suits the way that my brain works, way better than traditional therapy ever did. And when Aaron says traditional therapy, just so everyone's clear, what she means is tricking two of her friends to coming to the middle of the woods, even though there isn't truly

the concept of the middle of the woods, isn't that fun to think about? All you have to do is just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist and you can switch therapist at any time for no additional charge. Hey, Aaron, a GPC's putting down bread crumbs and then immediately picking them up and eating them. Oh, dirty bread crumbs. Mmm. And he's also like really into that owl who's swooping down.

Anyways, let there be your map with better help. Visit betterhelp.com slash riddle today to get 10% off your first month. That's better help h-e-l-p dot com slash riddle r-i-d-d-l-e R-i-d-d-l-e the middle of riddles of d but there is no true middle of riddle because it would be the space in the lidocapy. I'm hoping at home. Bye, baby. I'm home. Who are we? I'm clink clink clink. Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen.

I just want to make a quick toast to I know it's JPC's birthday and we're all so excited to talk about him, but I want to talk about my favorite, my favorite thing in the world. And that is the app rocket money. Oh, yeah, Aaron. That's one of my favorite things as well. Huh? Rocket Money is a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps you lower your bills all in one place. I've been using it for years way before they were a sponsor, and it helps me so much, especially

around tax season. Kling, cling, cling, cling, cling. Sorry, I also want to give a toast. Rocket Money. a sponsor and it helps me so much, especially around tax season. Kling, cling, cling, cling, cling. Sorry, I also want to give a toast. Rocket money, well quickly, and easily find your subscriptions for you. And for any you don't want to pay for anymore, just hit cancel. And Rocket money will cancel it for you. It's that easy.

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Stop, stop, stop, stop. No, click, click, click, stop. Throwing your money away, cancel unwanted subscriptions today and manage your expenses the easy way by going to rocket money.com slash riddle. That's rocket money.com slash riddle. Rocket money.com slash riddle, and tell them JPC's birthday got ruined by two of his friends for doing speeches about rocket money. The website.

Click like, click like, click like, click like, click, click. about rocket money the website. I love you, Rocket money. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that.

I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that.

I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. Hogspots, swaps. And they're little snoots are even shorter than when this needs to get longer and the head's crazy.

Mm-hmm. They're like babies, but dog babies. Do you see? I know what you're thinking. Puppy surely don't need me. They don't need my help. I'm a busy man. I'm a socialite.

I walk about the city. I'm a man about town. Wrong. Puppy's need you now. More than ever. Because all the puppies are drowning. No. In death?

They're all dead. They're all drowning in death. They've been trying to sell their chow mix and it's just not moving in the manner they thought. So, if you buy a puppy today, we're going to give you 20% off that puppy. That means they will cut off its nose or snoot or its tail. You get to choose, but it's 20% off. If you go to heyrittlerittle.puppies.supplies.

Puppies.com slash heyrittlerittle slash snoot. They really wanted us to get this right, guys. So it's patreon.com slash. Heyrittle.com slash puppies. I knew they wouldn't bump me. GBC, I feel like if that was a real ad for You guys fucked me on this one. Oh, JPC. Oh, JPC. That's exactly how our ads start.

I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited.

I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited.

I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. Oh, JPC. Oh, JPC. That's exactly how our ads start. I'm so let's just do so many reddles. I'm so excited. Okay, let's get into some more riddles. They're in the tax code at the very core and also found in a gymnastics score. What do we think that is? Points. Points. Here it is. Points. They're in the tax code at the very core and also family in a gymnastics score. Yeah, it's number. It's as simple as numbers. It should be. I would like to see a scene.

Okay. One. Aaron's the zoom. Not a moment ago. Did you say, I'm so excited to do a rental. Yeah, but then people can change JPC. I'm evolving. I would like to see you seen you two are the commentators at the summer Olympics and we are watching gymnastics and this is like the most intense moments of the whole evening and something's about to go horribly wrong.

Okay, here we are in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, home of the summer Olympics. Now coming up next, we have the horse. What is this? The pummel horse. This is where each woman is going to take a turn, walking up to a horse and just beating the shit out of it. If they pummel the horse enough and the horse dies, they will lose points. But if they pummel it within an inch of their life, they'll get a perfect 10. Rob? Thanks, Jeff. Of course, Jeff, the best color man in the business, we love him because he has no idea what he's talking about when it comes to gymnastics. Now let's watch Nadia Ivankanov from Canada. Go ahead at the Pummel Horse event. Here we are. She approaches the Pummel Horse.

Oh my god. Oh my god. I don't. This is typically not a female gymnastics event. Usually being bars floor. She looks like her strategy right now, Jeff is to try to talk down the horse and convince it that she isn't supposed to be here today. We call this the Clarks Defense. A lot of... She's lowering the horse's defenses because the horse is gonna think it's safe. Hey. Oh, hey is for horses.

You look great today. Where's that fur from, girl? 1121? Oh, I love it. That's so great. I give a pop, pop, pop, pop. Okay, here she goes. Pop, pop, pop, pop.

We call that the blackout Pee's because it's boom, here she goes. Pop pop pop! We call that the black-eyed Pee's, because it's boom boom pow. Kick Monday Tuesday Wednesday the Thursday. Punch, punch, punch, punch. Okay, she has the bell. She has the bell. Now, that's a pretty impressive, I mean, Ivanov, doing some pretty impressive work to that horse.

Let's see how the judge just liked it. Okay, now the official is checking the pulse of the horse. Oh, and it looks like it is still alive. Let's see here we have an 8.5, a 7.5, a 10, and a four. All right, onto the next event for Evanganov, the horse fights back. So now the horse is gonna get 20 seconds out of the ruptured mm-hmm Whatever it was it gets its shots

Turn about spare play it gets its shots and speaking of getting shots This is the beam event where Nadia will now take three shots of Jim beam and the horse will pummel her here we go. Back foot over the horse and find little dance move over the horse and let's do it. Woo, woo, woo, woo. Up, boom, boom, Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, no Wednesday Friday. We call that the Wycliffe gene because it sets a new if I were president for beating up a Canadian gibbous.

Gone to November, gone to November. Let's see how the judges scored that one. Oh, and it looks like Nautica is dead. So of course has. Dead, dead on killing this horse. Sunday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Tuesday. I can't wait for the summer Olympics. I'm gonna be very fun.

They're in the tax code at the very core and also found in a gymnastics score. And before we get a bunch of emails, it was a police horse, so it's okay. And that woman was his cousin. Okay, okay. Decimals. No.

Nerves. Is it like a gymnastics term? SM's. Uh, no. Nerds. Is it like a gymnastics term? Uh, a term? Um, I believe so. I mean, please, I don't think it's- I ballet. Fuck. Split.

I don't think it's inherently gymnastics related, but it is, it is a word used during gymnastics as well as other events I assume. Uh, sticking the landing. Well, like I said, I think it's most events during the Olympics. Competition. Yeah, it's a term that would be used during competitions. A place, like a placement? No, but it's also in the tax code at the very core.

Like what they score them on, like they were being scored on our, what is the word I'm looking for? Like qualifications, like the not the qual, what is the word? Good lesson. Aaron, I think I can help you out here. So I think what Adoles referring to

is the Ben and Jerry's flavor tax day, which I believe has a cookie butter core. So final answer. Disgusting. I'm ready for the answer, because I want to do more riddles. Well, let me give you another clue. Well, it doesn't make sense to get the answer to riddles to do more riddles.

That makes no sense. Yes, it does. Yes, it does. That's a paradox. No. Give us the answer to all these riddles so we can get through more riddles. That doesn't make sense. Uh, yeah.

At what point is the riddles no longer the thesis's ship? So this is a term, again, it's in the tax code and it's during gymnastics, but it's a term that would come after the scoring. So you would use this term comes into play during gymnastics specifically, post scoring, I believe. It's a post initial scoring, post initial scoring. Leaderboard rank. I think it might be Contali. Tally?

So maybe go to taxes. So during tax season, you're always looking for this bad boy. Ooh, I'm looking for this. Good duckable. But the doctions. The doctions. Oh yeah, you the docks. The docks. Oh, yeah. You get docks for like stepping on the squirrel

and like hitting a rental stuff. You step on a dock, you break your mother's fuck. Mm hmm. Aaron, you ready for another riddle? Uh huh. I'm not saying get distracted. I want to focus for early. By the way, I just like to say that earlier,

Adel said paradox and I said, and I thought, but I didn't say just like a his and her's like house. Ha ha ha. Paradox. Speaking of, I forgot to mention, I got a pair of Crocs. Gem and I both got Crocs. Ooh. So we're those people now.

How many Crocs? How many Crocs? How does A-Adel, how does, I've never owned a pair of Crocs, how does it feel? It feels weird. I got them because I'm like, I need shoes to walk- speaking of backyard, I need shoes to like take out the trash and walk around the backyard, but I don't want them to be full on slippers and I don't want to like tie my shoes every time, so I was like, fuck, I gotta- I gotta get Crocs, but I'm not bragging about it.

I got off-brand Birkenstocks for the same reason. I've been wearing my like, off-brand Uggs to walk Lou and I go seasons are changing my life is changing so much So fast I need to get sandals Can I blow your mind? What if they're Birken Crocs? Is that a thing? Adel you're about to have the government come knock on your door and take you somewhere far far away from us Dear government make me a boat so I can go far far far away from hell Let's get into another riddle. Aaron, is that make you happy? Yeah, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, happy. I'll also make some cry. Make me really sad. I think about the context of how many

riddles we've enjoyed. It's a group together. Missy so cry Birdie Have to go can I just say that musical? I wouldn't put in my top 10 musicals, but I do think it's number one in terms of insane voices. Oh, yeah Margie You need to take that down over and over no matter what you know. What's wrong with these kids today? Paul Lind. Oh, circle gets the square. Speak to us. So beautiful one.

Tell us how you make that floor his sound. You've got to be sincere. Today, I remember the song we're in the money from 42nd Street and how funny the big getting dialogue of that song is because it's a girl going. I know the song, but I don't know the beginning I would so funny because it's a girl. This is wherein the money. That's okay. So the beginning of it is this girl goes I almost got it and another girl goes what is it a penny a nickel and Then she goes no

And then she goes hold your horses. I'm trying to get something to gunk off or something like that and then she goes, no. And then she goes, hold your horses. I'm trying to get some of the gunk off or something like that. And then she goes, a dime! We are in the money! What is it? Any a nickel, hold your horses! That makes that song so sad that it's like two hobos fighting over a nickel. Oh, yeah.

And then also like 20 women tap dance about how much money they just now have. And now their landlord is gonna let them stay in their apartments, and even by like inflation standards, 10 cents is not enough for 25 women. I love 25 women handing a landlord a dime and going, I think we're everything's in order. And the landlord fights to dime and he goes,

this is very good. Adolf, can I tell you what makes that song even sadder? The name of that character who sings that song in the program. Her name is anytime Annie. Whoa. Right? They just called her a slut. And she's excited about a dime.

It's crazy. A dime. We're talking about sluts and dimes. Sluts and dimes. I fell in love with you. Sluts and dimes. Let's do another riddle here. Aaron, is that make you happy? Very. Weapons aren't used in this crusade. A dilemma where ethics are weighed. Weapons aren't used in this crusade. A dilemma where ethics are weighed. My first thought was, is a crusade a type of car?

Should be. I would like to, I'm too late. I want to hear a commercial. JPC, you're doing the voiceover for the Lincoln crusade. And then, Adel, can you just like, be Matthew McConaughey? Yeah, be Matthew McConaughey. But I want you to just like tell us in between each line what visually is happening in the commercial

Okay We open up on a road on Maui twistin around every turn We zoom in on the top of a car It's the Lincoln Crusade This a-n-order to be an American You have to understand How breakfast is made. We zoom into the window and we see that the man driving is in a full-suda armor, and I say, all night, all night,

all night. Bacon. Ride bread. Milk. Never water. These are the ingredients that make an American breakfast strong. We zoom over to the passenger seat where there's a hot plate with a full breakfast cooking. The Lincoln Crusade comes equipped with everything you need to make a full breakfast well-driving. The back seat is super small, because true Americans crusade without children. We zoom into the orange juice in the cup holder and the camera fits his out, but we can still hear the narration. Damn, that's good mother fucking orange juice. Yeah, we're probably gonna get fined a lot for saying mother fucking orange juice.

But it doesn't matter. Because we're gonna sell so many of these fucking cars your head's gonna spin off its axis. I love what you do for me, Link and Crusade. Sam, Sam, this is Zoom, and scene-scene. When life hands you crews, make crusade. I need to get a Lincoln crusade. I love breakfast. Honestly.

Oh yeah, I love a Lincoln crusade. Do you add a letter to crusade? That makes it like a debate, like a debate crusade. Crusade. Aaron, you're correct. If you add a word to crusade and a word to dilemma, you get your answer. So what? add a word to crusade and a word to dilemma You get your answer so we're lemmas crusades Excuse me

Ignore me I might cry ready Go weapons aren't used in this crusade a dilemma where ethics are weighed So it's kind of dilemma or ethics later or what kind of crusade is there without weapons? Courts case a moral crusade that is correct ding ding ding the answer is moral moral crusade moral dilemma Okay, Aaron how about this bad boy. It's found in every single word two for brainy yet one for nerd Val Val word two for brainy yet one for nerd. Val. Val. So you think everything word has a vowel in it? Yes. Any good word? Sillable. Here's one. No vowels. Yeah. Silly. Silly. Sell it. Sell it, eh? Sell it, I sell it.

Any time I see Paul Hopkins, I go, pff. That's why you show up to the first day of class because that's when the teacher hands out the syllables. It is syllables, too for brainy at one for nerd. Correct. But I've ever tell you about the time in college where I showed up to psychology 104, entry level psychology class, and it was Friday at eight in the morning.

And I said, Friday in the morning, well, I gotta get this credit, I gotta get this psychology credit. Showed up to class, they handed out the syllabus, and I looked on that syllabus and not anywhere on that fucking syllabus was there an attendance score. Like a grade for attendance.

No part of your final grade was factored into attendance. It was all, go to the lab, take the quizzes, blah, blah, blah. So what? J.B.C. Can you pause and then Adela and I will each just take a turn of guessing how what you did next. Please. I just want to see how well we know you.

Okay, great. My guess is that you didn't show up again until the final and you got a B or a. My guess is that you didn't show up ever again and you had a friend in the class who would tell you what each assignment was. No, I didn't, I barely talked to a single person the whole time I was in college.

I was there to get my grade and get my little diploma and leave. But what happened was I didn't show up, of course, for the rest of the classes, didn't talk to anyone about it, didn't communicate with my professor. We went to a lab to take all of our tests and quizzes and everything else, you could like, just submit your papers online and all that.

So there's, you never had any reason on the syllabus to go into class. Didn't go into class, got an A in the class, got my final grade back for the class, got a B in the class. Email the professor, I said, what the fuck? I took all the things and I got, what's this B? And the professor said, you didn't show up for any of the classes and that's 10% of your grade

And I said I got a copy of the syllabus right here that doesn't say anything about that being 10% of your grade And he said that was a misprint because on the second week I gave an updated syllabus that had the correct information That's psychology 104 psychology 104 psychology Psychology psychology 101 is I went to the fucking dean and I was like this is bullshit Psychology psychology 101 is I went to the fucking dean and I was like this is bullshit This is bullshit. He has to honor this. He this is the syllabus that he handed out on the first day class I can't be expected he never posted the up to the syllabus online He only handed out hard copies to people who happen to be there and the dean made him change it I need to just say something. I guess the exact right thing. I

Said you never showed up again and you ended up getting a B. That's true. You said a B or an A. Yeah, but you're kind of. But you're both right because I got a B, but then I changed, I got it changed back to the A that it was supposed to be. This is the most JPM. Go ahead. This is the most JPC story I've ever heard. Now, the most JPC story from college is the time that I told my, one of my professors that I had self-diagnosed myself with the dissociative personality disorder so I couldn't complete any group projects.

So I was exempting myself from all group projects. And instead of just failing me like they should have done, they were just a fucking tired person. They were like, okay, you can have a deal. This is whatever you want. You need to write a how to book on how to just completely fucking avoid most things. How to mentally dominate other people.

Don't go to college. I cannot stress this enough. Do not go to college. But I don't, here's the thing. Every job that I've ever had, they've been like, did you go to college? And I said, yes. They never asked me to see any of this in for a m-

how hard would it be to just tell people that you went to college? What are you going to check? I don't know where in my house my diploma is. People have a lot of time, JPC. I don't know, I mean, I don't think I've ever had a job where they checked, especially like, you know, 10 years out,

like who gives a shit that I don't know. I, in my mind, it's an easy thing to lie about, but I have no idea. I'm going to start a nursing home where you can't get in unless you have a proof of your degree. So people are like, I got rid of that music when I'll go dig it up.

I funk the class one time and I went to the dean because I had enough and I said, is there anything I can do and the dean said, yeah. I think we've mentioned that the last 10 episodes. We did it, guys. We, it's a rare day that goes by where Adel doesn't do a Howard Dean screen. And we love it.

And we love it. Usually when I'm cooking my Howard Dean sausages. Yeah! In my Lincoln Crusade. Okay, here's a new one. Yes. If I'm looking to find you, worry about each limb. I am still a shark, but my job's not to swim. Okay, worry about each limb. Is this like a pool shark? Lone shark.

Aaron Ding Ding Ding, it's a lone shark. I want to see a scene. Aaron, you are a actual shark who has loaned money to another sea creature. JPC, you are that sea creature who's begging for some time extension. Hey man, is now a good time? Oh, I was just sitting down for my Christmas dinner. Okay man. My whole family is here. Yeah. Please, I need that.

Which is poor little sea urchins, we have nowhere else to go. I feel like you just can kind of go anywhere. You just need sort of a surface to be on. I'm actually not going to stop swimming. I'm not here. I'm not going to even take my hat off. I won't be here long. Man, I led you money a long time ago.

And I think because you know I can't eat you, because it would hurt my little mouth. It hurt your mouth with a spiky. I know. So you know I can't eat you. And I feel like you're taking advantage of me. And I thought you were myiky. I know. So you know I can't eat you and I feel like you're taking advantage of me and I thought you were my friend and I thought we were cool because we're both a little bit dangerous. I would never I needed those sand dollars that you'll

lend me. Hey man. Hey man can I talk to you outside? Maybe not in front of your family. Oh yes. Family, continue eating. Christmas dinner. I'll be right back. Cut the shit. We cut to the beach, which is outside for the ocean. Hey man. Fuck, okay, fuck. Ugh. Ugh.

Ugh. No, you're not my turf. Read it back at the water. Hey man, cut the fucking shit, please. Okay, what do you want from me? Stop fucking pretending to be old and poor. What the fuck is this? Stop. You find, I have an image to maintain in front of my fucking kids, man.

Okay. Okay, then give me the money. I don't want to bother you. I didn't want this to be like this. I can't, I can't give you the money. I'm gonna try to punch, uh, nah, I got little fins. God, I'm so kind, I'm like a little bit cute. You can't do it, you can't do any punches. You know what, I don't have your money.

Where's it? What's that? Where's my money? I gave it to an orca. A whale? Yeah, not just any whale. A king whale. Fucking killer whale.

Fuck, they're not, they can't, they can't kill shit. They're fucking eating kelp. They're like, I'll eat the smallest in this. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no, no. You're so small. They kill sharks, my friend. I, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Oh, I'm gonna have to have a look behind you, chomp. It's a cutest little, it's not fish, it's so sweet. All right, and of course, miss back to work.

See. Oh, that's our new merch, baby. That's our new merch. Not Christmas back to work. Holiday, 2026. Holiday. Here we go. Let's do, let's do, we have time for just a few more. Memorize and kept a screet, enter with your fingers, not your feet. Is this a computer password? It's a password.

Oh yeah. Let's do another one. A conspiracy with... Oh wait, I would like to see a scene really, really quick, really interesting. You two are two hackers who are trying to get into someone's computer and you're looking around the space to try to guess what their password may be. Okay, okay, let's both sit in the chair and then let's look around the room to see what they would have been looking at when they put in the password. Okay, I got dips on the lamp. Okay, let's try a lamp. No, no, I said dips on the lamp. If we're both sitting in the chair. Oh, yeah, sit on my lamp. I'll sits on lamp. Okay, let's try lamp. No, no, I said dibs on lamp.

If we're both sitting in the chair. Oh, yeah, sit on my lamp. I'll sit on your lamp. Okay, okay. I got bony knees. Let's try that. Bony knees. But, oh, wait, what about this?

It's a bony there album. Oh, but his real name is Justin Vernon. So let's try Justin Vernon for 2069. Okay, let's try it. We're in. We got it in one, let's try it. We're in. We got it in one. Let's keep trying.

Let's keep trying. Just with the five. Password accepted. Just with the five. Do you want to go to Target with me to pick up a couple things? I love sit on my lap. Boney knees, bonaveir, Justin Vernon. Justin Vernon for 2069.

We're in. Imagine it was that easy to break into Justin Vernon, Justin Verde 420s tonight, we're in. Imagine, it was that easy to break an adjusted Verde's house. Well, you want to break into his computer for a new music? Anyway, you want? Aaron, if you listen to Bonavere right now, you would destroy yourself with house side that music is. He has the voice of a dead angel in a good way. That's the best, that's the weirdest compliment. He has the voice of a dead angel in a good way

That's the best that's the weirdest compliment. Oh my god. I love your music You have the voice of a dead angel. I was just saying In a good way Lily the other day we're talking about the bright eye singer Connor robust. Yeah, and I always thought that Connor Conner Obers had the voice of a kid at a talent show Who fell right before he was about to sing sort of wiped up and put white out in front of his entire grade and then had to get up and sing the song after the whole school like laughed it's on falling. He does have like the shakiest voice like he's trying to keep from crying himself outstanding. Let's do a few more here. Let's do two more and then we're going to be done.

I can spare you with no room for chickens, a piece of land or phrase with thickens. I can spare you with no room for chickens, a piece of land or phrase with thickens. That's hard to say. Frays with thickens. So it's three things. I can spare you with no room for chickens. That's hard to say. Fraze with thickens? Mm-hmm. So it's three things. A conspiracy with no room for chickens. That's one, hint. Hint number two is a piece of land. Hint number three is a phrase with thickens.

Oh, a phrase with thickens. Yard. Yard. Yeah, it's Alan. Alan thickens. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. What's the most helpful third of that?

I think a piece of land is probably, well, a piece of land and phrase with thickens are going to be your two breadwinners. What about a lot of land or a plot of land? The plot seconds. James, you got it. Yes. Ding ding ding. Very nice.

Here's our last one. Aaron, hold back your two. Okay. Wait, before he gets to that last one Which we really get to I just we just can't so here's what we're gonna do. We're gonna see a scene where Adel you are a private detective and Aaron your your husband has gone missing and you're inviting this private detective into Your husband's study to kind of do their private detective thing. Adel, you think that everything that you find is an important clue, even though it's mostly just mundane stuff.

Oh, my name? I'm very sad. What were you saying? So I said what? Oh, I was saying, my name, I'd rather not say. And please don't ask me anything about my family or my personal interests. All right, well, Mr. I'd rather not say this is where um this is the last room I saw him in. Is this the room he died in or just the last room he saw? I don't know. It's your job. Saw, sea saw, playground, coffee grounds, coffee, fee payment, payment, synabased gum.

I found some gum in his desk. Does this mean anything to you? It must be a clue. He liked to chew gum, I don't know in the dead, you know. Are your batteries winding down? You little fish are both so sad because my house is a bit sad. Dead. Head. Grateful. Great. Less.

Pay less. Pay less shoes. Where are his shoes? Please show me where his shoes were kept. In his bedroom, when in his office study? Aha. His shoes are a men's eight. How do you know? By looking inside the tongue of the shoe. How did you find his weight in minutes? His shoes weren't it? You're the murderer. Murderer? Killer? Killer B. Murderer works. You can just stop it, murderer. Murderer works. Seen.

Boone knees. Boone there, Justin Vernon. You're the murderer. I was trying to get, I was trying to get there. Just hold on because we're gonna need this pickup, so I'm gonna have to get this clean. I wanna see a scene, Adel, you're gonna be doing M&M, but without the voice in no rapping. We're final riddle. And here's this is gonna be our challenge for this riddle.

Okay, JPC you are not allowed to answer. Okay, Aaron you're the only one allowed to answer, but JPC you still have a role to play. Oh, thank God. Your job is to try and get Aaron to cry before the end of this episode. Okay, okay. Aaron is that okay with you? Yeah, duh, hello.

Fuckin' love weird shit. Here we go. A name when affection is shown, by definition, a project of your own. Baby. Oh God, GBC didn't even get a chance. Ha making me cry, that's not fair. What's up? A name one affectionation.

Did you get it? No. What? A name one affectionation is shown by definition a project of your own. So you think when you have a project of your own, it's a baby project? Yeah, this is my baby. Like when you go like, I'm writing my book off my baby. That's fair, that's fair. Okay, You're right. I was wrong. You're right

It's not honey pumpkin. Well, you see I've worked like they used to before And I can't sweep you off of your feet Will your mouth still remember the taste of my love? Will your eyes still smile from your cheeks. And down it, I will be loving you till you're 70. A name when affection is shown by definition of Project. You're so bad at singing. You're so bad at singing. You're so bad at singing. You're so bad at singing. You're so bad at singing. You're so bad at singing.

You're so bad at singing. You're so bad at singing. You're so bad at singing. You're so bad at singing. You're so bad at singing. You're so bad at singing. You're so bad at singing. I have expected him to sing like he does in the Patreon episode.

Well, you're like, don't worry about it. Well, you're like, don't worry about it. Well, you're like, don't worry about it. Well, you're like, don't worry about it. Well, you're like, don't worry about it. Well, you're like, don't worry about it. Well, you're like, don't worry about it. Well, you're like, don't worry about it.

Well, you're like, don't worry about it. Well, you're like, don't worry about it. Well, you're like, don't worry about it. Well, you're like, don't worry about it. cries, get some tears, your cries. Come on Aaron. I'm trying to think, sweetie pumpkin lover. A name-wine affection is shown. So this is all the names that you gave are under the umbrella of this word. Diarramah. So honey baby. This is my diarramah.

Oh. Hey diarramah, Is there anything I can help with you? Have you with in the house? That's what Rob Schneider calls his wife, Diane, as a name. Diorama. And I actually just accidentally said the word. A name where affection is shown by definition a project of your own. I know it too, but I've been trying not to say it, but I was trying to think of... Wait, what?

Is there a song that has that word in it that I could sing Oh, I Here's I have a clue. It's it's not in the song, but it's it's relevant. Oh, yeah I just name pet name pet name and west in town of Eastern town Western Where I like to see a very very very very very very very good would it be nice Because it's good that sounds Very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, The Thins are the crisps. Um, let's get the Thins.

No, let's get both. Why not? We have the rest of our lives together. We do, and you're my little graveyard. Oh, Smirschkin, should we get... Taste of salt or hint of salt? Ooh, um, Beckley Boy, I want hint of salt. Oh hint of salt, okay.

Mm-hmm. And I can't quite read your writing on this. Fleeeerghit. H-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h when you cook it. Okay, okay, okay, okay, oh yeah, big tricks with the cook it. Speaking of shrimp, so you cook it, I'll get the spinach bottom rose baby teeth. Adult teeth on the bottom. Adult teeth on the top bottom rose baby teeth. Now I'm hurt. See. Oh, fuck right. Well, you guys are free to use those in your relationships, but don't I not you know what? I just need to say

this, do not blame us if your relationship fails. I'm so tired of people having all sorts of reasons, but where the reason that your relationship failed, it's not our fault. It's not our fault, that's yours, look in a mirror. That's not your fault either, it's no one's fault. Speaking of some stuff that is intentionally our fault.

Aaron, do you have anything that you would like to plug? I would like to plug crying. It's not so bad if you give it a shot. You can follow Wet Bus on Twitch. It's my improv group. Even if I'm not there, they're doing really awesome, very fun stuff. They're very cool.

If you have any LA recommendations for me or I'm driving from Chicago to Los Angeles going like the Nebraska Colorado, you tell you, you root. So if you have any recommendations of places to stop, I'm traveling with a dog, so keep that in mind. I don't want anything to plug. Yeah, his name's Sean. You dog, you milk dog.

That's his name, milk dog. You ain't always going to love that that anything that you guys throw it at me Such a sweet positive guy. He's like out of a JPC called me milk dog. That's so nice Milk dog needs a milk boat. It's me milk. No Little milky bones Was one day we're gonna do episode that's purely that's Aaron and I and then Lil Monkey Bones. Yes, I have a few things to play. I'll try to be quick about it. I did a game show hosted by my friend Stodd. It was an absolute blast. I played it

with my friend Matt Young. It's called You Can't Be Serious. Serious is spelled S-I-R-I-O-U-S. And you can find that at twitch.tv slash city of stod. Stod is spelled S-T-A-D. So please check out that game show. It was very, very fun, even though I did very, very poorly. Also you can check out the three of us, Hey, Real Real Hosts. We guested again on one of our favorite podcasts, Escape This Pod. That episode should be announced. Please check that out.

And then finally, I was a guest on a show called Aristotle Asparagus, which I believe you can find that podcast on Spotify. It was a bunch of 16 year old guys who invited me on their podcast. They didn't tell me anything. And I hopped on and they just started going and what a ride.

Can I just say, I didn't know what was going on, but I definitely talked. So check that out. Also, I highly recommend eating an edible and then watching the adult swim show off the air. That's gonna be the best night of your life. JPC, anything to plug? All right, follow me at social media.

Well, no, not at social media, because my social media handles are all different. I'm at JP SoFly on Twitter and I'm at Shark Barkman on Twitch. And I'm streaming video games for a lot of the time on Twitch still, so that's it. And Aaron, there's one. No, don't. There's one, astronomical polite.

I'm gonna start thinking about JPCs, thinking I'd share it. Now there's a certain type of tears that really are out of this world. What kind of tears are out of this world? Jupiter. Well, what type of tears? Tears for the Earth, there we are.

Hold on. Drum and Jupiter. Jupiter. Did I hear Jupiter's tears? I was wearing a mask. Tears made me lose my face. It's a mad, mad world. Here is my beard. Here is my beard. Here is my beard. Here is my beard. Here is my beard.

Here is my beard. Here is my beard. Here is my beard. Here is my beard. Here is my beard. Here is my beard. Here is my beard. Here is my beard.

Here is my beard. Here is my beard. Here is my beard. Here is my beard. Here is my beard. Here is my beard. Here is my beard. Here is my beard.

Here is my beard. Here is my beard. Here is my beard. Here is my beard. Here is my beard. Here is my beard. Here is my beard. Here is my beard. Here is my beard. Are you tired of that? I'm tired of that! I'm tired of that! I'm tired of that! I'm tired of that! I'm tired of that! I'm tired of that! I'm tired of that!

I'm tired of that! I'm tired of that! I'm tired of that! I'm tired of that! I'm tired of that! I'm tired of that! I'm tired of that! I'm tired of that! I'm tired of that! I'm tired of that! I'm tired of that! I'm tired of that! I'm tired of that! I'm tired of that! I'm tired of that! I'm tired of that! I'm tired of that! I'm tired of that! I'm tired of that! I'm tired of that! I'm tired of that! I'm tired of that! I'm tired of that! I'm tired of that! I'm tired of that! I'm tired of that! I'm tired of that! I'm tired of that! I'm tired of that! I'm tired of that! I'm tired of that! I'm tired of that! I'm tired of that! I'm tired of that! I'm tired of that! I'm tired of that! I'm tired of that! I'm tired of that! I'm tired of that! I'm tired of that! I'm tired of that! I'm tired of that! I'm tired of that! I'm tired of that! I'm tired of that! I'm tired of that! I'm tired of that! I'm the saddest! Kiss me under the ladder, the stars, the stars, the stars! What is it? 10 years later, I'm the saddest!

I want the common baby, to go ahead now. A dime! Hey there, coffees and wines. If you like that, you're gonna love this week's Patreon. We return to Aaron's Morning Show. You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog by joining the Clue Crew for $5 a month or the Review Crew for $8 a month at patreon.com-hayrattle-rittle. See you there!