Hey Riddle Riddle - #151: The Wheel of Perversion

Episode Date: June 9, 2021

We have to start doing better with these episode titles. But that's a job for next week. This week, it is what it is. Not to mention that we've got an enterprising young comedian going through a tough time, playing God to an adoring crowd, a stroll on the beach, some unexpected results for a father of two, a peek behind the curtain of the modern factory system, a tired person who wants a break from their day job, and a timeless debate in an airless place. Strap yourself in and get ready to spin! that! wheel! #WiddleWednesdayStarring:Adal RifaiJohn Patrick CoanErin KeifEditing by: Casey ToneyTheme by: Arne ParrottLogo by: Emily Kardamis & Emmaline MorrisWant more? Get Weekly Bonus Eps on Patreon!Want merch? Visit our TeePublic Store! or pins, buttons & printsWant to advertise on the show? Check out Hey Riddle Riddle via Gumball.fmSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is a head gum podcast. Yeah, let me just do a little more room tone right here, whether there's no plane. Just in case, Doctor Perfectionist Casey Tony needs a little more room tone. Congratulations on finally getting that doctorate, by the way Casey. Really exciting stuff. Yes, yes, yes, who fucking paid for it? The doctor was the case. I'm not too big or a big big dumbass. Aaron Keefe, welcome to the Gates of Heaven.

I am Peter Gabriel. Oh, sorry, just give me one second, I just died. Ow, ah, oof, okay, I'm okay. Okay, what's up? Oh, are you warming up for heaven? Yeah, I just, I wanna impress God. I just have a feeling that he's gonna ask me to sing or something, go ahead.

Should I lead you in a warm-up? No, it's okay, I mean, do the speech you normally do. Just, I just want you to have an easy day at work. Go ahead, go ahead. Did you know that you don't need unique New York? Ah, fun. Yes. Okay.

You'll find that in many more secrets we've been withholding here in heaven. But first, I've got a lot of true crime questions about who, like... Oh, we don't listen to true crime podcasts. Oh, fuck me. Okay. Did you and your life? Yeah, I just thought that maybe I'd get to heaven and then I'd learn about all the unsolved true crime cases.

But you know, that's fine. That's fine. Well, to get into heaven, we just have to ask you the one question. What did you do on Earth that should allow you insurance to heaven? Well, I did 150 plus episodes of a riddle podcast with two men.

And pulling the lever? Yeah. Welcome, JPC. I am BLs above, welcome to the Gates of Hell. Are these towels for everybody? Those towels are for everyone. Okay, because I'm going to ruin these towels, so don't use toilet paper.

They're already ruined, they're infested with bed bugs. Perfect, so am I. What kind of milkshakes you got down here? We have milkshakes that are, the flavor is steak. Okay. That's fun, as long as they're steak flavor. Oh god, dammit.

GPC I'm so sorry, I'm here too. You be tired at the same time? That's kind of fun. Yeah. Are these towels for everyone? Wait, did we? Yeah, they're for everybody. Go ahead. Yes, they're for everyone. But they're ruined.

It should, hey, knuckles, shut your mouth. Sorry, I can tell you some conscience about your knuckles. That's why I usually pick a nickname, which is the one thing that people are, well, if you're not now, then you will be self-conscious about this. You'll be seeing, you're gonna get kicked out. I'm also self-conscious about my tails. Is it noticeable?

It's very noticeable. Wait, we died at the same time Yeah, well the only context that we would be together there would be one other person that's obviously here as well Where the hell's Casey? Where's Casey? Before you go into hell you have to tell me why you deserve to be in hell Well Why, you deserve to be in hell. Well, I never retweet my friends with their funny. Up, we're gonna say down another slide, JPC! Yeah! Oh, now we ended up back at a riddle podcast.

Perfect, one layer lower than hell. I'm Aaron Keith. I'm Adore Fine, pergatory. I'm JPC and I'm ready to have the beginning of that song because I think that there's something there. Yeah. The 12 deadly sins of social media. I feel like that's a Randy Ramos song.

We are a riddle and puzzle podcast. We do lateral thinking problems. You can try and solve them along the way and a lot of times you do and then you message us that you're screaming at your phone. You're screaming the answer directly into your phone and saying, you dummies. Save your voice.

Save your voice. If you go into heaven, they might have you sing. Two things. Save fairies. Save your voice. One of my favorite things, literally one of my favorite things, is when someone tweets us or someone emails us who's catching up on the backlog

and they want to tell us about something that we maybe got slightly wrong, or maybe it's not even that but maybe they're just like adding context to something that we discussed in like episode 71. I don't remember what we talked about in episode 149. There's no way I remember this. I like it. Do you remember anything we said yesterday? What did I say yesterday? Was it being funny? Did anyone retweet it? Never mind, never mind. Never mind. No, but I do like someone who listens to something

from a year and a half ago and is like, oh, I have to tell them about this thing. It's like, I can't. I have no space. I don't know. I just don't know. So if you're new to the show, tweet at me. Contact me.

I'll know what you're talking about. Aaron's gonna know what you're talking about. The rest of us, we just won't. Brain Fried. Did you all ever read? It's because we're brain fried. Do you all ever read, how do you eat fried worms? No, I never did.

Did you? I think I did. It's more of a how-to than anything. It's very informative book. I feel like it's more of a kid's book than it is. No, no, it's a manual. It's how to eat fried worms. There's also my teacher.

My teacher is an alien, that documentary. What else? What else? Oh, the Wayside School case files. I love Wayside School. Oh my God. If they did law and order Wayside School. Okay.

Somebody get my typewriter and order wayside school. Okay, somebody get my typewriter and throw it in here. I'm ready. Oh, a dick just got a 12. My sister is an elementary school teacher and wayside school still holds up. Kids love wayside school, even now still. I would give. I hold. I'm going to call myself down. I don't want to be hyperbolic. I would pay. Let me try and think. I would pay $250. Oh, for up to $250, ideally cheaper, for one ticket.

That's how you started a gochis. That is a drunk sushi order, careful. That's a fantastic joke. I would pay up to $250 for one ticket That's a fantastic joke. I would pay up to $250 for one ticket to a scholastic book fair. Because my fondest childhood memories are getting the scholastic newsletter that's sort of paper thin flimsy catalog and then receiving my book order, having that be fulfilled in class.

And then also once a year when they would have the book fair and you just walk around your local gymnasium and you're like, all I wanna do is sit down and read all these books. That shit made me feel jazzed as hell. However, my mom was a librarian and would only give me money for like one thing and I would be pissed because she'd be like, I can get it from the library, right?

You can't get me a book about gem rocks and Michael Jordan at the library. I was looking up for high-percury books. Yeah. Adel, you know what you would hear? If you went to this classic book fair now, you would hear him. That's the guy.

Yeah. He should have been here. I would be trying to sell my own books, which are Here's Waldo, which I've taken the liberty of circling Waldo on every page. And giant arrow. Adam, my man, you're missing out because while you can't go to this

Glastic Book Fair, we have a version of that for adults. It's called the Columbia Record Club. I participate in that. I remember. It's called a Wine of the Month Club. No, I don't. I'm very young. For a while, I mean, this is pre, not pre-internet, but pre-like, the internet being easy to use. That was how I got my musical tastes was like Columbia Records, where it's like, what's his lead Zeppelin, I hear people talk about, all order their album, and then let me also dabble in like a silk the shocker. And then let me see what that is. So it was, that was how you curated your musical

tastes back in the day. But I believe all of the 99 cent CDs that you could add to your order were all not anything you'd want. It was a lot of best of. So you could get best of a lot of 70s and 80s rock. Or bands that you've heard up from the radio that had one good song and you're like,

you could get their album and it's 99 cents. You know, like, yeah, you get your iPhone 66s. Uh-huh. It's your, um, what else? Uh, Smash Mouth. I did think I got, I think I got a copy of Astro Lounge from the Columbia Record Club for 99 cents. And then I'm like, jokes on you guys because this CD fucking rules. I thought I was getting Astro works from Ben Morrison but it was astral action.

I was like, mother fuck. How much money is that per song? If it's 99 cents. I mean, it's a great value. I don't know if it is. But then they would also have CDs that you actually wanted for like $11.99. Basically, so.

Oh, that's not that bad. I'm trying to remember seeing CDs at like, like an FYE or what are those club places called? I feel like. I feel like at like, what is a God that placed the, begins with an N and it is, had a really weird smell.

It's a record place. Aaron, I think that this may have been a local Boston headshot. No, no, no, there's one that's there everywhere. It's a national chain, it's a national chain, that begins with an N and it's a record shot. Ah, okay, hold on, let's see. Okay, hold's a national change. That begins with an end, it's a record shop. Okay, hold on, let's see. Okay, hold on, hold on.

Aaron, how else to figure this out? I will say I grew up in a, for part of my life, I grew up in a very small town, so much so that when I used to, when the first two M&M CDs came out, I had to drive 38, 40 minutes away to pick up the M&M CD, because my local Walmart had it, but it was all what do you call it censored censored? Yeah, so I had to drive 40 minutes away into like the Quad cities or to to Galesburg or Puria to pick up at them all.

I forgot about that. I forgot how like I've been an adult for so long that I forgot about all the fucking annoying stupid shit that we would do to kids back then. Oh, yeah, they would censor CDs and it's, if you wanted to get it at Walmart or Target, it was the clean version only. That's the only version they sold at those places. So it's like, yeah. You wanted those dirty words. You had to go to Karma Records and deal with a guy who smelled like patchouli oil,

like 40 feet away. It was like, what are you into, man? What's your vibe? And you're like, I just want to buy a Lincoln Park album. Let me get out of here. And then they try and turn you on to their music. And it's like, oh, thanks, my man. Do you want to buy a handmade drum?

No, no. I just interrupted my family's group chat. That's normally just a stream of pictures of my adorable nieces to say, what was the name of that record store in Massachusetts that had that weird smell? We used to go all the time. There's one in Fangirl Hall and maybe one that was closer to us like brain. She they had weird t-shirts.

Someone's gonna know. Do you do you think it's gonna be Mitch? My mom, my dad, or either of my sisters. Whoa, whoa, whoa, dad. Stop. You quit. You allow Mitch on the group text. Yeah, he made it.

Turns out when you have a kid with one of us, you make it to the group chat. Yeah, he made it. Turns out when you have a kid with one of us, you make it to the group chat. He's got the goods, he's got those sweet, sweet pictures of my nieces. When you say he made it, do you mean he created the group chat or he ascended, he made it. He's in the group chat. I just made it.

He did, okay, wow. Props and Mitch, making babies make a group chat. What can't this guy do? Yeah, I guess at some point, pictures of grandkids becomes like a currency. It's almost like a Disney box. When you used to go to Disney World and you exchanged real money for fake money. I got into a fight with my sister who had my nieces.

And then so I was like cut off for like a week. And I was like, mom, give me the good. Mom, please. Just a taste. Just a taste. Just come on. Wait, when are you guys? Just an earlobe. When we stopped buying, when we stopped buying CDs and we moved to Napster and Kaza.

Do you remember using one more than the other and then do you also remember burning CDs for people? I remember, I used lime wire mostly. Yeah, lime wire was my number one. And then I, something I did in college that's hilarious to me now is that I would Buy like a 50 pack spindle of blanks of CDRs or whatever and then I would I would ask someone like can I borrow your CD collection and then I would just burn them for myself Which is I mean looking back was very sad something that I did on LimeWire specifically is if I was like, oh yeah, I wanna listen to this stick song. I would go search for sticks, but then I would go, I used to the pirate bay a lot as well, but I would go to the pirate bay,

and I would download the entire sticks' discography, and I would have no intention of listening to the entire discography of any band, but I would always do that. I would always get the entire discography. Oh, it was Kathleen, she came through, Newberry Comics. Yes. Newberry Comics, isn't that about, no,

I'm thinking of Beetle Bailey. I get everyone from Massachusetts or New England, I think was probably screaming that at me. Yes, it was Newberry Comics. I didn't. That's where Colin Quinn got a start, right? So when I asked if it was a local I don't remember JBC doesn't get much more local than starting with the town name newberry

All right, well speaking of new berries. We have a new We've never said this on the show before but berry. Okay, not a call the first name of Oldman puzzle Sorry, I forgot. We've got a new Barry Puzzles in the house. And it's Old Man Barry Puzzles JPC. And I got some listeners admitted riddles from you. And I will give you up to $250 if you can get the answer to this question, right?

What year do you think these riddles are from? 1885. I'm going say 2018. Okay, so Adel you went up to $250. Just depending on some other circumstances, Aaron, that was a really close guess. Now, if Adel had gone over, you would have gotten it because you were closest with that going over, but he didn't, he got it right on the head. So this one is from? I should have guessed because we didn't exist then. Yeah, that's right. But these are listeners submitted riddles, so listeners may't exist then. Yeah, that's. Yeah. But these are listener submitted riddles. So listeners may have existed then. And also they could have submitted riddles from that time.

We don't know. We don't know. We don't judge. This one is from Kevin. Now remember, back in 2018, everybody was Kevin. So is this person really named Kevin? Is this just a Kevin? Who knows?

But this is from Kevin. I would say that's one of our first bits was everyone being Kevin and Susie Yeah, that was and it was also our first peach of peach our first piece of merch Which I think you could still get yeah, whatever I want one of my favorite pieces of merch. I think it's their best seller Mm-hmm. I remember when we all like Got we put merch up in our tea public store for the first time-Pup rep was like so happy that they actually sent us merch. I still have that shirt. Boy, oh boy. It doesn't fit me, even at all anymore. No, it, yeah.

But I can't get rid of it, because every time I go to like, clean out like, which t-shirts should I get rid of? That one, I'm like, can I get rid of this one? Like, it's the podcast. It's the first shirt we ever, can I get rid of that? I'm not sentimental. And the answer is, yes, I can't give rid of it, but I just haven't yet. Yeah, I don't wanna get rid of mine. I don't think I will. I was like 26 or something when we started the show

and now I'm close to 30, so I was like, would have gotten maybe a larger size. I think I got it an extra small. I do wanna call, I do wanna call JBC out a little bit. I just, this doesn't pass the smell test. I do what I call I do what I call JBC out a little bit. I just this doesn't pass a smell test I'm calling bullshit. You just said that you are not sentimental. Now last Christmas you arrived you came down my chimney. Violently okay. Addled me more specific. He violently came down my chimney with a pickle carved into the shape of a gun. Now he put it in his mouth the whole time. He was wearing a Zuba pants on his bottom and...

But... Before fell down your chimney. But, but, but, did I touch your Santa mantle? I left it. I left the stockings. It was the only thing I didn't take. I left your Santa mantle. Okay, okay, I'm done.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry. JPC has like real Grinch vibes. You're like a diet Grinch. Uh, I'm Santa mental. All right, I'm ready for riddles. Here we go. This is from Kevin. Yes. Question. A man was drugged and cut up by another man. There were many witnesses. After this incident, many of them would go up to up to be I'm sorry would go on to cut up even more people Why is this? Okay, I think I might know this okay, and this is me

Since I'm the oldest of the group. I'm pulling into my bag of old. I'm an old head Mm-hmm, and I'm gonna say the the man was drugged and cut up into, and cut up, is that what it was? Cut up into pieces? Cut up by another man. Cut up by another man. Now, you are saying into pieces because I think that you're taking a little pitch from Papa Roaches.

Cut this man into pieces. He was my dad at one time. I'm gonna say that the drugging of the man was a two drink minimum at a comedy club. And the cutting up of this man is when a standup tells jokes they a lot of times call it that they were cut up and so this man was eviscerated by Colin Quinn at the new Barry comic. Dude I love this answer because it says there are many witnesses after this incident many

of them would go on to cut up more people why is this so in my mind the standup was like where are you from the guy was like St. Louis The guy was like, St. Louis, and he's like, hey, St. Louis, how's having sex with your sister, you moron? And then everyone in the audience is like, I'm gonna remember the next time I see someone from St. Louis, and then just in casual life. But yeah, from St. Louis,

they're like, oh really, do you have sex with your sister, you moron? You've mobilized an army. Against St. Louis. Adel, Adel, I love that answer because it fits with that perverse scenario that I just did in my head. I love it so much that I would now like to see a scene.

Adel, you are gonna be doing stand-up. You're gonna be a stand-up who's all crowd work and Aaron and I and maybe are some other people are just people in the audience. So I told my dog, either pay rent or get a job. Ha, ha, ha or get a job. My dogs are real shits, they're real shits, real shit too, sorry, the index card smeared. So that was crowd work based off my index cards.

Now I'm gonna free, I'm gonna solely, I formed, I'm not gonna, that was a God work. I had some pre-planed crowd work. You weren't talking to us. Hold on, that's what I'm talking to you. Man, where are you from? I am from St. Louis. Ooh, the golden, let me see your feet.

Got a, let me piss on your feet. What? I got to piss on your feet because of the golden arches. No, that's McDonald's. Hey, you know what, let's switch places. Use it down, use it down. What? Use it where I'm sitting.

Oh my god. Oh okay. All right and now I have the microphone. My dog's a lazy piece of shit. Excuse me sir, can I piss on your feet? Can I piss directly onto your feet? Hey this lady's got it. Wait they're giving me the anti light in the back.

They're telling me to keep going. What else? What else? Holy shit, she's my experience! Ever do crowd work, but it just a bunch of jokes from an index card. Let me get that microphone to- oh, the microphone flew out of both our hands and into that guy's hands. Oh, finally, now that everyone has to hear some of Glyn's thoughts. Do you guys know? Do you guys know? Do you guys know the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of

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the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the list of the The cashier he looks at you and goes, what the hell is all this stuff? As he realizes, you don't have a wife? Woohoo! I love this guy! This guy's funny. Wait, they turned off? They turned off the lights. What does that mean? Ah, yeah, glint thoughts in the dark. Okay, here we go. Glint thoughts in the dark.

Okay, do you guys know how when you're paving your driveway, and your neighbor comes over and says, Hey, man, you don't live here anymore. You gotta get the hell out of here. See, we made it up. So of the three of us, we have maybe, maybe 30 years, four, maybe 40 years, combined comedy experience,

not a single one of us knows what crowd work is. No, I don't think any of us have ever seen stand up. Nope, I certainly have it. Okay, you still doing this riddle, you're still trying to get the answer to this riddle. Okay, so this is the part of the riddle that's making it hard for me to understand. Sure. It's drugged up part. Yeah, that would be different. So can I just hear it one more time?

Oh, I think I know it. A man was drugged up and cut up by another man. Oh, it's a surgery. A man was drugged. What's that? Surgery. Surgery. You guys are both right at the same time.

Yeah, you know when there's an audience for surgery? And they go curtain up and then they go. Good job. It was a doctor and his students. And those students would go on to cut up many more people. I would like to see you seeing. Ooh. JPC, you are a surgeon and Adel, you are like the head nurse.

And JPC, you know that you have an audience, and so you're really like taking advantage of it. Like you want like even more attention. I'm, I'm just having the head nurse. No, you're the surgeon. Adel is like the head nurse. And you know, there's like, there's a bunch of like med students watching you. So you're really going to hammer it up. Okay, Dr. the students are already, the the theater is open whenever you're really gonna ham it up. Okay, Dr. the students are all ready.

The theater is open whenever you're ready. Thank you Nurse Jeff and Nurse Jeff. Yes. Let's really sell it. Okay. Okay. Yep. Let's go over the top.

Okay. Like we practiced. Okay. Gotcha. The firebird. I know. It's never been done before. It's never been successfully done before. You're right I said last time because I'm I mean it because we failed we failed your chef. We never pulled up. I believe this today

Let's do the firebird. Okay, okay. Here we go Scopple Scopple We did it We did it. We did it. One of you needs to go tell the patient that their family member didn't make it. Well, wait, hold on. The family member made it. They're just now a 1972 Chevy Firebird. Hold on, what? The keys are in the glove compartments.

What Monica said is that one of us has to go tell the patient that they're family member to look at. Did I? That's what you said, Monica. Let me grab the key. Should've gotten more sleep. Doctor, I'm turning on the patient. Right, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it,

did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it. Oh no. They're heart-gulping. Crazy fraud. Oh no, we've won-moving. Crazy fraud. Oh no, we've won. Wow, I don't think I've slept in several days. 40 years of comedy experience between the three of us

and we haven't been a co-parent scene. Okay, I'm sorry. This episode is bad because of me. Everyone blame me. No, Aaron. So, do you guys know how like, I said that I said that thing of like 40 years of combined comedy experience.

I think that people try to use that to make it sound impressive when the actual statistic is not impressive at all. I remember I saw a magic show once, and they were like, the magicians on stage tonight have over 100 years of magic experience. So I was like, it was two guys. I was like, come on. There's over. It's like like, it was two guys. I was like, come on.

There's over. It's like eight, 38 year old guys. Yeah, I was gonna say there's like 99 magicians, one of them has been doing it for two years. Yeah, I was gonna say like, yeah, it's, you just have one guy on tour with you that's 98 years old who's been a magician for 70 years, just so he bumps that average way, way, way, way up.

Can I tell you something hilarious and very sweet that my older mate did? So I dated a magician and my... Haven't we all? Yeah, and my roommate just really did not like him. And so she, for someone else's birthday, ended up at a magic show that he was doing. And she volunteered to go on stage

and was like, she didn't do anything too crazy, but she was like, hello. and apparently he looked very spooked. But I was like, that is bold. I did not ask you to do that, but that's kind of fun and cool. Did he pick you up by putting a Kirchiff over his hand and then lifting it up and he said, no, actually, this might not hold on Aaron. I'm in the middle of asking you. Go ahead.

No, what did you have to say? No, go ahead. No, it's really good. Go ahead, go ahead. No, what did you have to say? Go ahead. No, it's really good. Go ahead. What I was going to say, I know is not real. Go ahead. Did he put a curtiff over his hand and then remove the curtiff and say, is this my number and then hand you the card?

I wish. That would have been very impressive to me. He, I was actually a dove originally and then he turned me into a human woman. Can I tell you guys something very embarrassing that happened to me? Yes. It's magic to overlay to that. I guess it's not very embarrassing,

but I felt like it almost was very bad. I was coaching an improv team at IO, a Harold team, and Harold teams would get rotated in different slots, and my team got rotated into opening for a magic show. And so, which is weird, but there was a magic show that had booked the space or something on a Friday night, and my team was opening for them. So, I'm in the audience, I'm sorry,

it was like a magic act that was interspersed between Harold teams. It was very weird, but I'm in the audience, I'm sorry, it was like a magic act that was interspersed between Harold teams, it was very weird. But I'm in the audience to give notes to my team. And the magicians on stage, trying to, and there's like, it's pretty empty in there. It was maybe like 15, 10, 15 people in there. So it's not a big crowd. And the magicians on stage,

and he needs to bring someone up for a trick. And he's like, he's like dying up there. No one is coming up for the trick. And he's like trying to's like dying up there. No one is coming up for the trick. And he's like trying to just get anyone up and everyone's just like looking down like they don't want anything. So finally, I'm like, oh yeah, I'll volunteer. I'll volunteer just to keep the fucking energy

in the show. So I go up and I start doing this trick and this trick is like cutting into an orange and pulling out my card. And he's like, whatever, he goes, is this your card? And I'm like, no, it's not my card. And he's like, really, this is not your card and he's like, whatever, he goes, is this your card? And I'm like, no, it's not my card. And he's like, really, this is not your card? And I was like, no, it's not my card.

And he's like, well, okay, sometimes that works, sometimes it doesn't, like thank you so much to sit down. And so my team goes up and they're doing notes or they do the show. And then we go to notes and then I give them notes or whatever and they all go back into like watch to support but I'm like I got to go I'm gonna go downstairs so I go downstairs and I'm about to leave like I'm about I'm about to just like I've already done notes

I'm about to like walk out and I run into somebody and he's like what what are you what show you doing here I don't even remember who I'm talking to and I tell them I'm upstairs doing this magic show and I'm tell him is you know my team did this and we who I'm talking to. And I tell them I'm upstairs doing this magic show. And I'm telling them, you know, my team did this, I'm talking about the show, and I'm like, oh, but the magician's like not very good. And he like had me over to do this trick. And it was cut the orange, and it was like the wrong card in there, and I was like, I don't think that's ever

happened to be at a magic show. And he was like, oh, but like, how did the end go? And I was like, what? And he's like, that's his closer. Like, he does that wrong on purpose to bring you back up at the very end of the show to reveal the right card. Like, that's his whole, that's his big finish.

Oh, no. And I'm like, are you fucking kidding me? So I race back upstairs, race back into the back of the room. And he's like, is he still here? Is the guy, and he's like asking for me as I race back up there. And I'm here. And he's like, oh yeah, I want to,

and then he finishes the trek. And the trek is actually pretty cool. It's like a juicer. And he's like juicing a ton of oranges. And then he gets my card out of the juice. But it was like the luckiest thing ever that I ran into someone who was like, yeah, he needs you to finish the trek.

You don't have to know who that was, that was God. God, that was an angel. It was so, I was so, like, I was mortified Jake because my friend had told me that's how the whole show finishes and it would actually be a good finisher. Otherwise, everyone would have left being like,

I'm just gonna get kind of sucks. Like, he did the trick wrong and like, it was a low energy bad night and there was no one there and I was like, oh my God. I love picking an audience volunteer for a trick that you need them in the audience the whole time for and they're just like You know what I gotta go. I can't do this. I'm gonna ask to pee. Oh my god It's the one person the one person who was never intended to stay for this whole show

Adel I was the scariest story I've ever heard that was spoo How does that compare to some of the horror movie? story I've ever heard. That was spoo. How does that compare to some of the horror movie she watched? Right up there. Aaron, and by the way, I was watching Aaron while I was telling that story. She was so stressed out the whole time.

I was scared in an invitation. The one thing I always tell people, whenever I do a workshop, if I'm touring or something, is I always start it because people get intimidated where they're like, oh, there's people in this workshop who have been doing improv for 20 years. And I make sure and say like improv is one of the things where your years don't carry with you. I remember seeing people who their first day in class were like genius, like way funnier than me than I'll ever be.

And then there's also people who are like legendary performers who would take a workshop or do improv. and it's just like this is one of the worst things they've ever seen. So just know that an improv year years do not carry with you. You're last year or the day before does not carry with you. You could be so funny for a week and then you won't be funny again for 11 months. That's how the cookie grub bones. And then you'll be funny on Christmas day. I believe that's something that's fundamental. Okay, here we have it. One more before we can go to break. Yes. I think this'll be funny on Christmas Day. I believe that's something that's not gonna happen. Okay, here we got it. One more before we can go to break.

Yes. I think this one is from Leo. How many times can you subtract three from 38? Once, because then it becomes 35. Yep. Boo! Addle, you got it. You're a cent or agreement with Addle. Also got it. And Aaron, you're a scint or agreement with Adel?

Also got it. You're absolutely correct. Only once. After that, you're subtracting three from 35. I want to see you as a little... I'm Adel's height man. Not a math question. Ha ha ha ha.

Aaron screamed the year. It's 2018! No, no, no, no, no. Well, yeah, that riddle was from 2018. So Aaron technically got it. I want to, I want to see a scene. JPC, you are a genie. And Aaron, you have uncovered and actually rubbed

the, the, what do you call it, lamp. And the genie has come out. And this genie will grant you any wish as long as it involves subtracting three of something for you. Okay. Oh, sorry. Ooh, sorry. I'm sorry, I just sat on it. Ooh. Okay. Oh, sorry. Ooh, sorry, I'm sorry, I just sat on it.

Ooh, huh, beep, huh, ooh, huh. Oh my gosh. Ooh. Oh, it's genie time. Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry, I sat on your little house. It's okay, it's, it was actually not a little house or prison, it was a prison. Oh.

Been trapped in there for, what year is it? Oh, it's 2018. Been trapped in there for, well I guess it was 2018 when I went in, so however, what month is it? It's September. September. September, it's September, so maybe a couple of hours I guess.

Oh well. But I'm free. I'm a great, I'm a really good person, so definitely my third wish is that you can be free, but for my first wish I really want it. Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, there are rules, young miss. I'm a genie. First of all, I wish I could give you three wishes. I could only give you one, kind of a discount. Don't earn me! I could give you nine! I like to set you free for mine. I could give you none. I can give you none. I can give you none. Okay fine fine fine fine fine.

I'll take one. So I can give you one wish, but whatever you wish for, I have to subtract three from it. Okay, so if I wish, I could find love. Okay, so this is an if I wished. I can do these all day. Okay, if I wish. If I wish that.

Young lady young lady. Mm hmm. Hello, I I hours ago. Rub the lamp and talk to the genie, whatever you do, don't wish for three more wishes. Oh, because then you get zero wishes. I got zero, and then I age rapidly. Hey, come on, man, he was that old when I found him. What if I asked for a hundred wishes, and then I got 97?

Oh, this is another if I wish situation. Do you have to also be a musical? You're a hat. I didn't seem like maybe you had to. Every genie gets their own personality. And this is mine, even though it's not for everyone. Who ha, nibbidididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididid No, there are other rules. You can't wish for me to physically harm anyone. You can't wish for extra wishes. I think I know what I want.

You can't wish for Jimmy John's to do their sandwiches differently. They have a system there. That's how they have to do it. Okay, fine, I'll think of another one. Let's see, if I can't have Jimmy John's just change it up a little. Not even a little.

I would like to pay for the smells. It feels a little unfair that I have. Grant, I don't deserve all these free smells. Ooh, okay, I know what I want. I want triplets. Okay. Okay, she wants triplets. So, I have to subtract three, which means she knew that.

Which means she doesn't want to have kids. Disposable and comfortable, baby. I get to travel, I get to have fun, I am not over such a dodgy lip. Same, outstanding. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it.

I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it.

I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. convertible, a Chrysler Labyrinth, and I was a delivery guy, delivery boy for Jimmy John's, and that's when someone T-bone my convertible absolutely totaled it,

and kept apologizing to me, and I was so, like, apathetic about it, because I didn't wanna get angry or anything, that when the police arrived, they told me that I had crashed into them, because they're like, oh, this guy's a fucking pushover, but due to the nature of the impact, the officer was like, clearly

you were T-bone. But I recently went to Jimmy John's, there's one right near my current house, and I tried to get my favorite thing is to get the Gino, which is like the Italian sub, but to get Turkey with all the Italian sub toppings. So I went into the Jimmy John's and I go, can I get a number two, which is the Gino? I'm sorry, I said, can I get the number four, which is the Turkey Tom, but instead of the toppings, can I get the toppings from the number two, the Gino?

And they go, no, we can't do that. And I go, oh, I just want a turkey sub, but with the onions and hot peppers and oils and everything from the Italian and they go, sir, I'm sorry, we can't do that. And I said, really? Like, you can't, like, I used to work at Jimmy's, John's, we do that all the time.

Like, what can I, and they're like, I mean, if you want to do a number two and swap out the Italian meats for Turkey, we could do that. And I go, yeah. I even said it like that when I go, I don't usually get frustrated or mean, but I just went, yeah.

Like, what, what, what, that's what I'm asking for. Let's do that. Yeah. As someone who worked at Jimmy Jones, let me ask you this, because it's been trying to be fucking crazy, because we got Jimmy Jones the other week and went to the lake. Mm-hmm.

At Jimmy Jones, do they cut the sandwiches in half? You cut it, it's like you cut it in half. Like if they're cutting like a foot long. Do you do like a cut in the middle? Like in half, so you have two halves or you're saying when you're okay? Yes, in half, in half so you have two halves. No, you don't.

I always thought that you didn't because I never had a Jimmy John sandwich that was cut in half. And then we got Jimmy John's and where I was like, hey, she had a Jimmy John sandwich that was cut in half. And then we got Jimmy John's and where I was like, hey, she gave it to me, it was cut in half, I was like, isn't this weird, it's cut in half. She goes, no, they're always cut in half. Subway, stick.

No. Yeah, my Jimmy John's never cut in half, but you like cut open the bread and then scoop it out. So I think you subway, Subway you just cut in half and it goes, that goes. But Jimmy John's you like scoop out the middle. I thought it was like the most like Mandela effect thing where I was like no certainly this is not the case I've been to Jimmy John's before I've lived an entire life, but it might be per worker then someone else told me

They were like yeah, sometimes they kind of been half and I'm like I've never had that happen to be yeah Wow, it's like you've only gotten green lights your whole light And speaking of that it's time for a big red light as we take a little commercial break. Hey GPC. Yeah. You're not in trouble. I just need help. I'm um, Yeah, you're not in trouble. I just need help. I'm Prinking at all and I'm setting up a website to Okay, I just need some advice this podcast is sponsored by Squarespace I'm not I'm not mad at you. We're pranking

Spaces the only one website platform for entrepreneurs to stand out and to see it online Whether you're just starting out or managing a growing brand, Squarespace makes it easy to create a beautiful website at gauge with your audience and say, let anything for products to cut into time, all in one place, all on your terms. Hey, Otto, come here, come here, come here.

Hey, what's going on? I actually, I wanna prank JPC and I wanna set up a whole website to prank him. Do you have anything that like, is there like an online store that could set up on my website to sell products? Did you know that with Squarespace, you can have custom merch.

You can easily sell custom merch and create passive income stream that engages your audience and scales your brand, design your products and production and inventory and shipping are handled for you saving you time and money. What is happening? Okay.

Wait, what's going on with Addle? Oh, nothing, nothing. I'm just setting up a very normal Squarespace website, not a prank thing. No, he's gonna shoot you. And I'm gonna use analytics. Use insights to grow my business and learn where my site visits and sales are coming from. That's pretty cool.

I'm gonna improve my website and build marketing strategy based on top keywords, our popular products and content on my Prank website, the Prank site tool. Whoa, that's awesome, Aaron. I'm glad you're using Squarespace. Did you say what the website was for? I can't remember what the website was for. Prank.

With Squarespace. You can connect to your store to Vedent Dirt Party tools to extend the functionality of your website. Hey JPC, hey JPC. What's up, Vattle? I can't believe we pranked Aaron with our little boy routine. Dude, we got her. Anyway, if you want to prank Aaron with your little boy routine, head to squarespace.com for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, go to squarespace.com slash riddle to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

Oh, she's back. She's back. Hey, Aaron. Hey, Aaron. Can we go to grandma's house? Wait. I've been pranked. But how?

I don't know. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Hey, Adel and JPC. Thank you for meeting me in the middle of the woods here. I am sort of at an empath. I can't decide whether or not to go this way or this way. I'm having a hard time choosing a path. You know, there never truly is a middle of the woods. Isn't it funny to think about something like that?

There never truly is a middle of the woods. No, this is the middle. Okay, this is it. Addle, can you help? Yeah, actually. So, as per Robert Frost, I don't know if you know his poems. He has a poem called Better Help. I believe this is written in the 1800s,

but it still stands true today more than ever. Aaron, you should try Better Help. Have you heard of this? You seen this? Mm-hmm. Because sometimes Aaron and life were faced with tough choices, and the path forward isn't always clear. Whether you're dealing with decisions around career,

relationships, being stuck in the middle of the woods, therapy helps you stay connected to what you, ow, ow. Sorry, that also does so fast. Therapy helps you stay connected to what you really want while you navigate life and the woods. Mm, and better help is entirely online, so it's designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule.

I've been using it for several years, and it suits the way that my brain works way better than traditional therapy ever did. And when Aaron says traditional therapy, just so everyone's clear, what she means is tricking two of her friends to coming to the middle of the woods, even though there isn't truly the concept of the middle of the woods, isn't that fun to think about? All you have to do is just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a license therapist, and you can switch therapist at any time for no additional charge. Hey, Aaron, a JPC's putting down bread crumbs and then immediately picking them up and eating

them. Oh, dirty bread crumbs. Mmm. And he's also like really into that owl who's swooping down. Anyways, let there be your map with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash riddle today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp.

H-E-L-P.com slash riddle, R-I-D-D-L-E. R-I-D-D-L-E, the middle of riddles of D, but there is no true middle of riddle because it would be the space in the middle of D-D-D-L-E, the middle of riddles of D, but there is no true middle of riddle because it would be the space in the T-E-L-I-D-D-C, hoping at home. Bye, baby! I am home! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen, I just want to make a quick toast to, I know it's JPC's birthday, and we're all so excited to talk about him,

but I wanna talk about my favorite, my favorite thing in the world. And that is the app Rocket Bunny. Oh, yeah, Aaron, that's one of my favorite things as well. Mm-hmm. Rocket Bunny is a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps you lower your bills all in one place.

I've been using it for years way before they were a sponsor, and it helps me so much, especially around tax season. Clean, clean, clean, clean, clean, uh, sorry, I also want to give a toast. Rocket money, well quickly and easily find your subscriptions for you. And for any you don't want to pay for anymore, just hit cancel and Rocket Money will cancel it for you. It's that easy. Clint, Clint, Clint. It also categorizes your expenses.

So you can easily track your budget in real time and also get alerted if anything looks off. Over three million, over three million people have used Rocket Money, saving the average person up to $720 a year. We love Rocket Money here. Stop, stop, stop, no, click, click, click, stop. Throwing your money away, cancel unwirted subscriptions today and manage your expenses the

easy way by going to rocket money.com slash riddle. That's rocket money.com slash riddle. Rocket money.com slash riddle rock at money.com slash riddle Intel and JPC's birthday got ruined by two of his friends for doing speeches about rocket money. The website I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you.

I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you.

I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. Oh, uh, back for some riddles. Oh, uh, back for some more. I wish for more riddles. Well, your wish is mine. Come here. Redded, dah, dah, dah, dah, dah. Hey, little riddle, dah, dah, dah. We have about 20 episodes left. I think about how much fun Robin Williams must have had

just doing that, the genie voice. It's like, you're not in the movie. You're just in a sound stage like in some like it basically doing what we're doing and just getting on a mic and going Okay, so this one is from you know, they don't say that I can say their names So I'll just say Robin that could be made up This one says love hello from the magic tavern and mobo was one of my favorite guests So very happy to have just burned through those and learned about hey rental rental love magic tavern and momo was a favorite guest I guess fuck me then for that Couldn't mention one thing that I've done. I've done three things. So that's a lot and I know the hosts Okay, they say I have a pretty good one for you. When does speaking of stoplights?

When does red mean go and green mean stop? When does red mean go a watermelon? Oh, when you're on the floor- It's done in the floor. Yes, that's right. When you are eating a watermelon, or when your eyes are put in backwards. Yes, it's when your eyes are put in backwards. Let's see a little scene.

Addle, you're coming home to your family. I'll be your son, Aaron, will be your daughter and your eyes have just been put in backwards Hey, oh my honey. Oh My I'm honey Well, if it isn't my two wives What what when I left for surgery, I only had one wife did you multiply? Sorry, how did lase it go dead? How was the lase?

Very bad. Oh Sorry, I had a lacic go. Dad, how was the lacic? Dad. It went very bad. Oh, it went bad? Wait, are you okay? I'm terrible. Thanks, thanks for not asking. Dad, can you take those big radians off?

Hold on, you keep calling me Dad. I'm not Dad. I'm Dad. Um, Dad, is this like the time when you tried to do a front flip on the neighbor's trampoline in your head, in your knees, and we took you to the hospital, and you said everything weird for two weeks,

and you weren't allowed to sleep laying down, and we had to spray you with a water bottle. Yeah, you had to spray me with a water bottle because I got turned into a 1973 firebird. Yeah. Dad, is this like the time that we were at the grocery store and you said, I have a handkerchief from some root beer. And then you tried to grab root beer off the bottom of the pyramid

and all the root beer crashed out at you and you had to hit your knees. Come here, you charmer. Let me explain something to you. All root beer is dad's root beer. All root beer is dad's root beer. Okay, okay, sir. Okay.

Dad, is this like the time when you tried to impress all the other dads in the neighborhood when you were grilling and then you tried to flip the little burger up and you flipped it right into your face and it burned you? And then you didn't know what was happening for a while? Not only did that burger burn me, but also my genitals had fallen out of my zipper and landed on the grill, and I was so burned in the face I didn't feel my genitals burning. Dad, it's just like the time that we were at that PTA meeting and you stood up at Lally and said, hey, I bet I could suck my own knees. I think your head hit your knees as you talked weird for two weeks. Yeah, dad, this is like the time when you drop me off of the movie with my friends and you said,

I bet I can do a summer salt by putting my head between my knees and then you hit your own knees. And then you didn't get to go to the movie because we each, me and my friends had to carry you to the hospital. Listen, this is like a lot of times where dad did front flips and also did something involving his knees. Dad, is this like the time when you said dads can slip in slide two, but instead of slip inside and you hit your head really hard on your knees? I slip and slide it into another woman and your mom was furious. Yes. Is this like the time when you challenged your ass to erase and you said that these could be the judge that you slabbed your head into your knees and that we had

to carry you to the hospital? Is this dad? Is this like the time when you're trying to record my school play But instead of recording my school play you hit your head really hard against your knees Dad is just like the time that you're on the local news dumping grapes And as soon as you got up on top of the grapes you fell through the grapes that your head hit your knees And you had to talk funny for two weeks when taking to the hospital Let's see fell through the grapes that your head hit your knees and you had to talk funny for two weeks when it took you to the hospital? Let's see. I love you now.

You know what I keep doing now? I love how it evolved from me speaking in opposites to just like, is this like that time? Dad, is this like that time? We're having fun. Oh yeah, no, that was incredible. I did like try to think of situations where your head would hit your knees. And there was only one of them. And Aaron got it. no that was incredible. I did like try to think of situations where your head would hit your knees

And there was only one of them and Aaron got it. It was calculated everything else is just bullshit Okay, next riddle you guys ready. This is also from 2018. Ooh This one's from Kaiser Kaiser writes a man and a woman are celebrating their anniversary. After exchanging gifts, they both go to work. By the end of the day, the wife is dead and the husband is charged with man slaughter. Why did this happen? The gift he gave her was the gift of a slow death. Ah, that's the gift that we grant all of our loved ones. He gave her something she was allergic to. Aaron, that's a great guess. That's a great guess. Technically, no, not, I mean, no, not the right answer. He gave her poison cupcake. Okay, that's a really good, the poison is a

good guest as well, but this has nothing to do with poison. He gave her tickets to go see poison. Evero says it's thaw. What if I had said this had nothing to do with poison, but the answer was that she had received tickets to go see poison. Pretty clever. But I want to hear say what I want to say. Can I get a hint in that? Yeah, and then I'll figure it out. Does it? Does it involve the gift he gave her? Yes and Kaiser has included five hints so Aaron you can get a hint if you want one.

They work in the same place that is hit number one they work in the same place. Was it something where the gift he gave her was set off by something at work he does? Or it's like, if they work at like the dog training factory, like maybe he put tiny chunks of steak in her gift and then he opened the dogs and they all attacked her. Yeah, he gave her a magnet, she got stuck to a machine. Now we're just describing all the deaths at the top of six feet under. They train dogs at a factory? Yeah, of course. No, they train dog trainers at a factory. They assemble dog trainers at a factory. They're like, you know, those, uh, that video footage of

Craya La Crayon's getting made. It's like that, but they're just assembling dog trainers. of Craya La Crayon's getting made. It's like that, but they're just assembling dog trainers. I don't know if this is a, oh, what's that abbreviation for when things sound very pleasing to you? Like people use it to go to ASMR. ASMR, Jesus. Is this ASMR?

Like is it ASMR to watch like micro-processors or something being constructed by a machine in a factory, because that is so soothing to me. I think that is so soothing. I think you're just horny for technology. No, I mean, I just kind of want to... Well, it has nothing to do with sound. I totally agree.

I love watching those factory videos. It's not the sound. It's like the machines putting together intricate little fantasies. You might want to show how it's made or how is this made or how it was just like probably three different things per episode, it would just show you footage of it being made in a factory. You know what I think, what was Cash Cab on? It was not much of a bad idea.

It could be a question on Cash Cab, but I'd have to get out. There's might be a question for the family group chat. I do think as someone who, because I tend to be pretty disorganized in life and in my ownership of items and stuff, but it is very satisfying for me to see like a routine that's done precisely

where it's like there's a completion and it's all very in sync and it's like a beautiful ballet of like things going in the right place, like everything in this right place. I watched one of like an ice cream bar like on a popsicle stick being made in a factory and this wasn't something I sought out. This was like something that was on Twitter

and that was, it was just so soothing to watch like the stick and then a plop of ice cream and then the chocolate and then the thing, and it's just like, oh my god, like that's how they do that. That's wild. It's going to be amazing. That's super colorful though though you guys like crayons and candy and that shit look it up Look at that people I want to see somebody made a guitar out of colored pencils like

Gluing together colored pencils and then like shaving it down. It's kind of incredible. I watch that watch that video I want to see a scene JPC you are at a factory, you are the sort of factory floor manager and also kind of, you know, you'll give a guy a tour, whatever that might be. And JPC, you are a little too into the process. Thank you, Gwynn, for agreeing to do the private tour. I know these are usually big group

things, but yeah, no problem. Just keep your heart at on and have fun. Have fun. Make sure you don't touch anything. So, too. Okay. I can't touch anything. Nope. Sort of standard practice. We just don't want to have an accident. Perfect. I'll just keep my hands in my pockets. Is that okay? Great. Okay. Well Yeah, I know that's fine. All right, I'll do it your left. This is where the process you can check the pockets You can check the pockets if you need to oh, I'll give it my pocket. I'll keep my my pockets It's me the angel on your shoulder. Please don't let him put his hands in his pockets. Please. It's me the other angel.

Both are very scared and stressed. No, that's the devil. No, that's the devil. Come on. Oh, come on. Are you, are you just merely, I'm not. Come on. I'm, what, I'm angel and you're the devil. You're trying to trick. Come on. Come on I'm angel in your level you're trying to check come on come on Again again you can check the pockets if you want to otherwise hands go in in them and we can start the tour

Come on man. I'm the angel. I'm the angel. Don't let him put his hands in his pockets Don't let him put his hands in his pockets. Okay. We're in agreement fine. We're in agreement Okay, okay, and in your pocket you just kind of glassy eyes right now. Oh, wait. Staring off into space. You some one of us said put your hands in the pocket. I said don't. Don't put the hands in the pocket. Oh, I think you said do it. Should I call for help or can I get you some help? Sir, I just it feels like you're hearing two people talk to your customers. I was I've've been right here the whole time you sort of spaced out and started listening to the angels and I'm sorry the what What?

Look can I be honest with you? I'm just a pervert who cut little holes in his pockets and I was planning on doing my perfect take here at the factory today Nobody gets hurt. I'm just a per perfect. Why do you think I work here? Whish! I am the GD of your penis. You have rubbed me out. I'm just kidding. I got word that were canceled, guys.

The whole factory? No, no, no, no. Shut it down. The game at Overdol is gone. It's done now. Yeah, okay. No, we get it. We understand.

Can we just hang out for another like 10 minutes 20 minutes? Thanks. Thank you. Come on. It was inevitable that the genie of the penis was going to show up somewhere this episode. You know, you know how that's why that's where we're in masterbates because you're trying to get to the genie. Are you guys ready for hit number two? Yes. Yes, the gift plays a part in her death. We knew that Alright you guys be really up aty with these hints for people that don't know the answer to this riddle Okay, I'll give you another hint then yes the gift was an article of clothing Cape and she got sucked into something oh

He gave her baggy jeans. She wore themer cape and she got sucked into something. Oh no. He gave her baggy jeans, she warmed to work and she got fucking burns. She slipped. You need to know what their profession is in order for this thing to make sense. But I think technically now that you're, these are all things that could plausibly be the answer, but it's not the answer that Kaiser chose when they wrote this riddle. So, they are like lawn order type detectives. He gave her a sweater from the crime scene and she wore it to work and they all were like, she did it.

Huh. Killer? No, that's a guess, Adel, but it's not a neglect guess. Because in necklace? Er, it's not a necklace. Aaron, it's not a necklace. Oh yeah, maybe if you guys can, I'll give you what, Adel? Yes, it was shoes.

Oh, the gift was shoes. She got stock. Aaron, the gift was high heels. Adel, this is so much fun. Adel, we're doing it. We're doing it. We're doing it. Adel.

Okay, okay, okay. Aaron. Hit for the death was an accident. Okay. High heels, they work at the great company. But he got charged. He got charged. He just charged.

High heels. They work at the great company. They don't work at the great company. I would say that this isn't even a great company to work. Not even a company really, just like a, okay. Okay, this is like, It's like in the grass. If you're writing a riddle, this is a job that we would think does not exist.

But if you're writing a riddle, this is a job that is like the primary subject of... Podcasts. No. I'm like some of the riddles. Yeah, like a lot of riddles happen here because of all the improbable ways that people could perish.

Prism? I'll give you hit. Yes. Circus. Oh, tightrope wapper. She's not tightrope wapper. She's not a tightrope wapper. Not tightrope.

What are some other things? High heels remember. High heels are the reason that she died. Oh, she got stabbed by high heels. Yes. Oh, yes, I got it. I got it. So she she was the person so that there's the husband would throw the knives to get an apple off her head or target and said she was a few inches higher. His his not timing was off, but his projectile his projection was off and he threw a knife in her head. Yeah. So I didn't mean to. You did it!

He didn't know she was going to wear the shoes, but also, I mean, if you're exchanging gifts, and you're a knife door and a professional knife head catcher, I guess, we should know about the height difference here, people. Thank you. Thank you, Kaiser. I would like to see you seen. I am going to be a knife thrower.

And I'm like a little under the weather today and I'm trying to get one of you to volunteer to be the one that I throw knives at. Sure, sure. Hachoo! Oh, what's, what's, what's you? No, I'm sorry, no. I just have like the smallest bit of vertigo.

And I'm just like, what do you feel that I'm like two minutes? What's up? Beth, no, go go home no you can't throw knives today I can't watch look I'm in my doing it right now no you're not you're just standing there I will be I will be come on guys you're my best friends I just I volunteered for your shit like time to time again every time that I volunteered even when you're not sick you tend to like catch me in the shoulder Or one time you caught me in the throat gave me a trick you out of me. Yes Why would I do that to you? You're one of my closest friends Beth

It's a completely different thing because when we volunteer for your thing We have knives getting through on us when I when I have you fill in for my thing You're literally just putting on the lion costume and kind of walking around. It's not the same. Yeah, but I trust. It's still worse though. It's the same.

It's a little embarrassing to be walking around in a lion costume. I bet. The one time you help me out, you got in the car with the rest of us. All of us got out of the car, and you just stayed in the car. Yeah, well, that's because I had,

I had business. I had the fire, and you just stayed in the car. Yeah, well that's because I had, I had business. I had the part. So it looked like, come on. What? It looked like you started during it. It looked like only 59 came out of the car, not in 60. And the whole thing is 60 pounds. I'm sorry.

Beth, you don't fart in someone else's car? Come on. I'm not going to fart in my car. Don't fart in any car. I'm going to fart in your car Don't fart in any car Okay, Beth, why don't you do a test throw let's see let's see if you can hit this can I'll put this can over here Do a test throw if you can do it without sneezing or coughing or whatever put it on top of that mannequin here we go okay and Oh my god, I got you right in the forehead.

Oh, my forehead. Oh, oh, man. That's right. You're lucky I was wearing my lion, tame your crown, because lions often attack the forehead at the sort of challenge. And the control. Well, I'm going to throw this one like a shot putt, ready?

No. Oh, boom. Oh, right in my toes is what I would say I'm gonna throw this one like a shot, but ready? No! What? You bet? Boom! Oh, right in my toes is what I would say if I wasn't wearing a size 38. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Okay, so see, I am for both of those things.

I don't know if Beth, as far as you proving that you can do it goes, you and Missing both of those shots doesn't really instill a lot of confidence. Okay, fine, I'll just swallow swords today Beth, that's how you brought the cold Yeah, they don't clean the swords in between uses Sad isn't that sad that they actually literally don't

I'm swallowing swords. I'm ready. Oh swords. I'm ready. Oh, well, and I'm sick from swallowing all these swords that didn't get cleaned. Sorry. Is there anything that a Carlton can't do? No, I was assuming that that was Adel's way of telling me that he's ready for another riddle as well. Dad, do you, is this like the time? No, you were on a piano that was traveling through a city and you were playing a thousand miles and you fell off your head at your knees? And I need you to do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to do,

to do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to do, do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to do head? Uh, okay. This is, uh, this one is from Bradley. Bradley says. Cooper. Bradley Cooper says, um, let me just get one more look at you.

Uh, Bradley Cooper says, I grew up playing Professor Layton games on the Game Boy DS, while also having the most bomb British accent, it also gave me a love of riddles in subsequently puzzles. Here's one of my favorites. So I believe this is from the Professor Laiton games. Did you guys ever play the Professor? I adore those games. I played the first two. But that would have been years and years and years ago. So I've forgotten anything from those games. But those games are spectacular. What's their whole deal? So it's like you are a young

boy. It's almost like back to it's like you are a young boy, it's almost like back to the future, you're a young boy with like this older professor, professor latent, and you kind of walk around a town and there's like little mysteries to solve. So there's, I can't remember like a thousand riddles or something and they're all different types, but you just basically walk around and there's a story

that we've set all together and you're just solving little riddles here and there. That sounds so good. So fun. So so fun. Well, this is basically that because it's a riddle from that. So imagine, let's say for sake of argument, Aaron, you're the little boy, Adel, you're the old creepy man or whatever the pervert

whatever you were saying. We're switching. We're switching. Adel, I want to switch please. Here he goes. And Adel, you to be the pervert Come on guys, please All right, Aaron you can be the pervert this time

But if you want to be the pervert then we get to spin the wheel Pervert All right, you're a pervert are you ready to see what kind of pervert you're gonna be? Okay, I like that the lights change and if you want to be a pervert, start to play. I did see okay. Here we go. Kasey Let's get this let's get the spinning sound of the party and here we go. Oh Come on horses come on horses Oh Mash pretend we see horses. Oh we see food we see feet

Aaron you're the first one to ever get this one. Fishing bait. Woo! You are a fishing bait pervert, okay? It's just a worm pervert. That's in my wheelhouse. Let's do this. Okay, I probably won't come up and solving this rental, but addle your little boy, Aaron, you're a worm pervert.

And astronaut visits a planet. It finds a new species of creature. 340 have spots. Okay, that's good type acting or play acting of It finds a new species of creature. 340 has spots. Is it a worm? No, okay. That's good type acting or play acting of what a worm pervert. Five points on the board. You remember you can exchange those points for perfect coins which will help you and the execution around.

I was saying Professor Layton, if you clipped your stylus around, there's always hidden coins. Oh really? You could use the coins to get like hints and stuff. Oh wow. So if you can use the whole thing to reality, you can use those coins to get ahead. 340 have spots. 270 display female attributes. And 150 display both male and female attributes. 340 have spots. 270 female attributes. 150 both male and female attributes. 340F spots, 270 female attributes, 150, both male and female attributes, how many aliens are on the planet?

Don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, sorry, so you said 340, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, sorry, so you said 340, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, sorry, so you said 340, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, sorry, so you said 340, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, sorry, so you said 340, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, sorry, so you said 340, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't,

sorry, so you said 340, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, sorry, so you said 340, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, sorry, so you said 340, don't, don't, don't, don spots? Wait, which has spots, leopard's or cheetahs? Whatever, they're spots. They're like poked up, basically. Tigers. But we don't know what spots indicate. And astronaut visits the planet and finds a new species of creature.

340 of spots, 270 display female attributes, and 150 display both male and female attributes. How many aliens are in the planet? Oh, okay. So, it's not saying that there's like 340 total and it's also not saying the ones that, the 270 that display female attributes are different from the 150 that display both male and female attributes.

Oh, I know the answer. I forgot that I hate some of these riddles. I forgot the Professor Layton has a lot of math in it. Uh, yeah, Professor Layton. Professor, Professor Math Layton, I believe that math is his surname. No, not surname, so. Personate.

Addle, do you know it? No, I feel like I have to stop talking and actually do some math here. I'm so sorry, Adel. I don't even deserve this. Do you have to do math as well? You just didn't deserve this, Betty. Thank you. I'm really sorry. I have to do some bed math and beyond. I also think that the counting that you have to do for this is pretty basic. I don't think you're going to have to do like hard math. Don't call me basic. For 20. Oh, is it 420? Nice. Aaron, no, smoke him if you got him.

But of course we don't. This is a podcast for children. Professor Layton, Old Warren Pervert, and Little Boy. It's down full of coins. Okay, I'll do the math, but tell me what, what, why? Is it 400? It is not 400. Okay, then I give up, I don't care.

Okay, so I will say this. The answer, I give up. I don't care. Okay, so I will say this. The answer, I give up, I don't care. I wish that I had what I could say in every math class of Evervendent. The only reason to ever learn math is if you are going to teach math. I am firm. I am staunch in my beliefs that that is the only reason to learn math. So I'm- Is it 400? With this, Riddell, Bradley, you and I teamed up and we got them.

Okay, we definitely got them because the answer to this rental guys I will say there's two sentences in this rental all the information that you need is in the first sentence. The first sentence is an astronaut visits a planet and finds a new species of creature. 340 of spots 270 display female 150 both male and female. How many aliens are on the planet? Oh, one. One species. Because the astronaut is the alien. Nope. The astronaut

is the same species as the discovery. I want to see a scene. The astronaut is the only alien because it ain't his planet. I want to see you seen. Aaron, do you want to be astronaut or alien? Astronaut. Okay, so Aaron is an astronaut. You have traveled to a new planet. It's like Jupiter II. JPC, you are the sort of native life form on Jupiter II. Okay.

And you have come out to meet this astronaut. And the two of you are kind of bickering over who is the actual alien here. That's one small lady step for ladies and one giant leap for me. God, I should have practiced them. So glad this isn't being filmed. Broom, boom.

Oh, whoa, in honor. Well, this is my first alien. Hey, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me I'm an alien well you certainly smell like one Aliens is what to do huh? Excuse me Not something an alien wouldn't say All right, let's see what's this what's this that you came on is this your alien ship That was mean what's that on your what's that right there? I'm like you're right there on your chest. What is that? Do I in a I have um? I have a herpes upright. Oh, I'm so sorry

Okay, well is it because you pointed it out. Okay. No, I just I'm just trying to I'm just saying you're the alien anyway Enjoy the planet. I'm I'm gonna be in my cave. Hey man. I'm so sorry I did not make me to make you feel so much better. It's just the one thing on my body that I feel self-conscious about. No, I wasn't even pointing to anything. I just was gonna do that thing where I like flick my finger up at your, is that a nose?

Uh oh, that might not be a nose. That's a herpes, that's a herpes outbreak. Oh, where, where's everything? It's pretty much all over. Okay, but where are you, like, okay, then what is like, where's your butt? And like, where are your ears? First of all, I'm flattered that you ask, but it's not gonna happen because I'm,

I'm kinda dealing with my own thing right now, so it's in plus I don't even know if I speak, she's, I'm compatible, so... Okay. Okay. Okay, I'm sorry. Aileen says what? What? Damn it. Seeing.

All that we're saying is herpes a chance. Just a chance. Alright, Aaron and Adel, you did a commendable job and you both become official perverts. So now your name's... Adel, let Adel spin the Pervent Wheel. Your names are both going on the wheel now, so that's future options for other interpresent young adventurers to become Pervents.

Addle, go ahead and spin that wheel. Yeah, go Addle! Oh, I fell underneath it! Oh no! Oh wait, don't stop it, I think I like this! I think it's still going. It's still going, and it's landing on. Ooh, Addle today, you get to be a plug's pervert.

Do you have anything that you would like to plug? Ooh, I got nothing. Okay, Aaron, it passed play to you. I got nothing. JVC as the host, bring us on home with a plug. I'm just gonna go ahead and plug that Patreon, patreon.com slash Hey Riddle over to you. You can find more like what you heard in the last

maybe seven minutes of this episode. I'm not a bad. I'm not a bad. And Aaron, it's time as it is at the end of every pervert show to go back to our home planets and where is the home planet that you're donating all of your pervert charity coins to this episode? Jupiter

Wow I never really did finish my doctorate in procrastination, but one day maybe I'll see. You get there. Aaron, I'm going to ask you this one time. Did you take that from a book of jokes? No, but didn't maybe I don't know. We'll see. You can get there. Aaron, I'm gonna ask you this one time. Did you take that from a book of jokes? No, but didn't it kind of sound like that was from a book of jokes? You guys, I've changed. I used to be young and cool, and now I sound like I'm from a book of jokes. Wow, that's a cool insult to someone. You sound like you're from a book of jokes.

That an old man wrote. Hey there, buttons and knobs. If you like that, you are gonna love this week's Patreon. That an old man wrote. See you there!