Hey Riddle Riddle - #166: Even More September Santa

Episode Date: September 22, 2021

This episode is brought to you by our lawyer: a dog wearing a cape. We discuss the hot issues like choosing to be a santa, looking like a santa, and having a santa vibe. All that plus a new twist on a classic cartoon, a department store that's slightly off, being super dry and telling time, the one-woman show of the century, some sustainable housing and a tragedy of cinematic proportions. What's your Santa preference? Let us know if you want us to stop talking about Santa because we never will! It's #WiddleWednesday Starring: Adal Rifai John Patrick Coan Erin Keif Backwards Editing by:  Casey Toney Theme by:  Arne Parrott Logo by:  Emily Kardamis & Emmaline Morris Want more? Get Weekly Bonus Eps on Patreon! Want merch? Visit our TeePublic Store! or pins, buttons & prints Want to advertise on the show? Check out Hey Riddle Riddle via Gumball.fmSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is a head gum podcast. Okay, let's go at 20. Time. Oh fuck, sorry. Wow. Wow. I guess my costs aren't so bad anymore. I said 20 and my brain registered at his 30 and I don't know why.

I was like, oh, wait for the following zero after this. That was so funny. Aaron went to take a drink at 20, which is so bad. Oh, I was like, I got 10 seconds. Pretty cool. You aren't a date with someone in LA and it's like, so, you're 30. No, I'm 30. Oh, no.

Oh, no. My brain swaps 30 with 20. It's just something I do. Yeah, it's sort of a dangerous game. Okay, I'm ready. You have to wait before you go down the episode. They have to give me the okay down there. You can't go down. I know. I've just been waiting up here for like a super long time and no one's gone down.

It's a super long time so it feels like I should go. Sorry, excuse me, I'm trying to get down to the episode. Yeah, well me I'm trying to get down to the episode. Yeah, this is the line to get down to the episode. Yeah, this is the line to get down to the episode. So I think a kid is stuck in the slide. What? Sorry, I don't know. Let me get my badge out here. I'm out of the house. Oh, yeah, we everyone toast here. Yes, this is the host line. I'm JPC. I'm one of the hosts of the show. That kid stuck in the slide is one of the hosts. Yeah, that's Erin. She's stuck in the slide. That must be her. We know for sure she's stuck in that slide. Yeah, they would have given me the okay that she came out the other end. But I'm just a teen who just tells you when it's time to go to the slide.

Sure, sure, sure. Can I take a stab at what happened here? Sure. If you say that that's a kid, I think what happened is Aaron dehaged herself to where she's a child and then halfway down the slide she reaged to how old she really is and that's stuck. Okay, that could be it, that could be it. Just a guess for me because I kind of watched it because I was right behind her as she went down. Normally I feel like you're supposed to go down kind of like, you know, across your chest

and go down like with the slide. I saw her go down like perpendicular to the slide. She kind of folded her body like a taco and to shoot herself down, but it looks painful. Good for her. It sounds like she's getting more flexible. I know, she was working on that. Well, maybe, maybe not.

And so, fair fairs there. You'd have to be really flexible to do what she did. Since we have your ear for the time being, you're a teen, do you listen to the show? How often? Okay, you can go. Wow, okay. I didn't hear anything all clear or anything like that.

It feels like it. No, I mean, I just don't really wanna talk to you guys, but I'm sure she's fine in there and I'm sure you'll get through the slide, fine. Okay, like I wanna stand here talking to a fucking teen. I'm not so fucking. I don't want to talk to some tea. I don't fucking know. Fuck you You're still talking to me, so it's not I'm yelling at you an adult can yell at a teen that's fine Lame all right go ahead go down. I matter of five. We time GPC. We hey guys is me here and I'm been stuck in the line Hey guys, it's me Aaron. I'm stuck in the line. Move, move, talk to you.

I'm moving, talk to you. We're just stuck in this episode now, okay? Oh, welcome to Hey Riddle, Riddle podcast, where we saw Riddle's and do improv, and we kind of did both in that opening if you think about it. You gotta add, we legally can't say improv or riddle without a hint of irony, so make sure you really sell.

We do riddles and improv. Aaron, guess what I'm saying? Aaron and Catchphrase should be move how? I do. Aaron's point. Our lawyer, a dog wearing a cape, did tell us that we have to use irony when we describe the podcast or else we

can be legally liable for that. So we're not trying to undo how professional he is by pointing out that he is a dog wearing a cape. We think it's great that he's a dog in a cape. He's also one of the best lawyers in the country. So I'm not going to complain. Yeah, and he's a vice Roy. And a grandmaw.

And he's a boxer. Sorry, I don't mean he's a vice Roy. He's vice's rookie of the year. Oh, he was. He was. The TV station slash magazine. And he's their employee slash rookie of the year. He was replaced. The TV station slash magazine, and he's there, employee slash rookie of the year. He's a complicated kind of fella.

That's great. I should say he does work for vice last week checked, but routinely they do lay off about a third of their staff every year. So of course, he could not have that job anymore. We haven't checked. What happened? What's up guys? Guys, I got some to say. What happened? I haven't been getting it. What's up guys? Guys, I got something to say. What's up? This is, I know this is a hot topic.

It's gonna get me an absolute fucking hot water. But I was driving back to my apartment today and I saw a person who was a dead fucking ringer for Santa Claus. Looked. What? Very fucking ringer for Santa Claus. Looked- What? Very, very much like Santa Claus, and my stupid fucking brain saw this person,

clocked this person, and what was the first thought that went in my head? That motherfucker looks just like Detective Crashmore. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Rain told me that the person who looked exactly like Santa Claus looked like the detective crash more. And if you haven't watched, I think you should leave season two. You should absolutely do so. Well, I think that's exactly what Santa, the real Santa, would want you to think. He'd want you to think that it was someone else. But here's my question. And I guess that this is a hot take.

But my question is, if you're a person who looks, there is not a person that exists who looks like Santa Claus, who doesn't know that they look like Santa Claus, right? They know that the vibe that they're going for is Santa Claus, right? I don't know. I think maybe the vibe they were going for was Biker and then they got old. Yeah, I guess so but like no one no one looks like maybe someone does like a young Santa Claus So as you age you have to know like I'm getting closer to Santa Claus. Like I was Biker, like Zizi Topp originally, but now it's just Santa Claus. Well, you can't control your hair turning gray or white. But it's a style thing, because you can control the length of the beard and the length of the hair,

right? Like, so if you're like an older dude who's got the long hair and the big scraggly beard, that's like a sense of choice right? But here's the thing He walks the Santa's hair. He does advocate group cut. I'm gonna look him up. Here's the thing. She's looking up Santa. Who doesn't exist? He's doing it.

He's doing it. He's nervous. He's doing it too. It would be a lot more helpful if we didn't wear a fucking hat all the time. Yeah, that's true. It's at least medium length, right? He kind of has like hockey hair. Oh.

Sort of like, it's like, try to short, but like wavy. Okay. He has hat, he's like permanent hat hair. Sure. Santa hair. Oh, some people show him balding. This is very confusing. You look a lot like Jesus sometimes. Addle, were you saying something

far more important than what I'm doing? I couldn't possibly be saying anything. Okay. I'm going to look up Santa without a hat. Anyways, my thought process was that like if it were me and I had the long beard and the long hair and it started going like just a shock of white, I would know that I was going to be looking like, because Santa's such a specific look that I feel like you'd really have to like play away from it or else you end up just looking like say, people have to know. really have to like play away from it or else you end up just looking like say people have to know. Well, here's the thing. I feel like if you if you try and play away from it, if you get like a mohawk

or you dress like hip and young, then what people say is like, oh no, that guy looks like Santa is if he was trying to be hip. So I think you have to embrace it. Yeah. You do have to lead into it. And I feel like your style choices have to be like a lot of red fur with black trim and white to lead into it. And I feel like your style choices have to be like a lot of red fur with black trim and white, piping because I think it's better for people to say that guy looks like Santa than that guy looks like JC pinney Santa. Got you. Okay. That makes sense. You know, that guy looks like 1920s Santa or Paul off Tom. Okay. That is my type. What is it? The thing that really did it for me with this guy that made me think he looks like a Crashmore which aka Santa was this guy had suspenders on and I just don't think I've seen a person

where suspenders and unless they were like in a one of those like you know, picture bands in 2009 like I just don't think I've seen so where suspenders. The last time I saw somebody wear suspenders was truly arcade fire show. Oh yes, I called it. It makes me think of like children at chrysanings and first holy communeans. I feel like little children were at church sometimes. Oh, interesting. Have you ever owned suspenders at all? I don't think I ever have. Never. I think I had to I'm sorry. I did once. There was a play I didn't college. Yes, where I had to wear suspenders

I wore them in a play in high school. No way. Yeah, the only time I've ever worn suspenders was in a play I can't remember the name of the play. I have a question for you guys sure in regards of Tessanta Okay Which I really want to get to the bottom of it with his hair because in some of these drawings I'm seeing him with no hair or a lot of hair or a little bit of hair. And it's all over the board and it's starting to, I don't know, piss me off.

So I wanted to ask you to, who is like the Santa in TV and movies? Like who is like, who is Canon Santa? Like who is the? I think Canon Santa, it has to have like a cascade of silver hair that kind of almost curls like in almost a TV show like 34th Street. Okay, 100%.

Okay, let's see what his hair looks like. That Santa. To me, in my house, that Santa. I don't even know. I think that this is the Santa that I'm thinking of. But to me, Santa is like the Coca-Cola Santa. Do you guys know what I'm talking about? Big polar bear. But to me, Santa is like the Coca-Cola Santa. Do you guys know what I'm talking about?

Big polar bear. Yeah, he's a big polar bear. And I think that Coca-Cola Santa has short hair. I don't think he has long hair. But it's like, I mean, with Santa, it's 90% about the beard anyway. It draws you away from the hair. Plus the hat, you know, it's just hidden under that hat.

Can I just say the, I think the original ASMR is the Coca-Cola commercials with the polar bears, because I remember being a kid and hearing the sounds of that and being like, what's this sensation? Because look up that commercial, it's a lot of polar bears going,

mm-hmm, mm-hmm. And there's like the twist of a cap and like the release of carbonation. Sure. It's such a turn out. So both of your Santas have very little hair. Yeah. A little bit of hair, but it's very little.

And so Tim Allen is not your Santa Claus. No, not necessarily. Well, I never said that. Yeah. It's not necessarily. My Santa was busted for trafficking cocaine. He's a hardcore Republican. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Well, let me know what Santa is your Santa. Aaron, what's your Santa? My

Santa is the Santa from the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. He is the true Santa Claus. So long as changing ever evolving. Yes, always different every year. I will say this is the second episode that we've done in September that we've talked about Santa for way every year. I will say this is the second episode that we've done in September that we've talked about Santa for way too long. I'm excited. I'm excited. And I'm excited to get into some of these riddies and pussies. Before we do. I'll try to make it very quick. Atle please take all the time you want. I have no regard for our listeners. Thank you, Your Honor.

In the next 10 years or so, can someone, whether it be us or anyone at all, can we start doing like on Halloween, there's like Goth Santa? Like there's a Santa that wears all black leather. Yeah. He has a real tight beard. Maybe like a short hair,

but just maybe a cool haircut, but just like, he sounds hot. Like a cool haircut, but just like he sounds hot like a darker more sinister Goth Santa Yeah, that sounds like a mic chemical romance thing too, right? Isn't that what the black parade is it's a the black Macy's day parade. Yeah, that's funny. Oh, yeah, okay Solved okay, okay Okay, I love it. Solved, okay. Okay, and Mariana Ibadahouse.

Okay, here's your first warm-up riddle. Congratulations. Congratulations. Just everybody, I just give you a buy-a-little life update. And it's an amazing, beautiful house. It's a bungalow, just like mine, and it's very close to me. It's, yeah, I live live very very close to Adel.

So Adel and I keep getting closer and Aaron keeps getting farther and further and further. And I got the hell out of Dodge. What does this tell? What is going on? What is happening here? Am I the problem? What what's up? Dodge is a sponsor.

Say a different car. I got the hell out of Toyota Corolla. Okay, well, we just blew that potential sponsorship. You'd have more than one car sponsor you. Okay, I got a more warm-up, I think the more warm-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up-up- Sabrina and Blake and Sabrina and Blake signed their email, KeefinitReal. Oh! I love it. Pretty good, pretty special. Thank you.

Okay, here's the, here's the, the reddle. What legume doesn't come in a can, doesn't taste good, and can't be cooked. A cat's toes. Ooh, a cat's toes. No, a cat's toes. Oh a cat's toes. Now the cat's toes mean. Mean's to beans to beans to beans to beans to beans. Addle I gotta tell you that's nothing. Okay. I had to try. GBC right I had to try. Yeah you're out of me. I had to try.

I sing that whenever I grab fries or brisket's little foot. Do they, do they, do they look like beans? Is that, is that what they look like? They look like little beans, yeah. But they look like, uh, like pinto or navy beans. What is a, lagoon? That's a bean. It's a bean.

It's a bean. It's a bean. It's a bean. It's a little gums, right? But peanuts come in cans. Well, come on. Dejelly beans count Oh, yeah, Aaron. Do jelly beans count? JPC? They do. And I guess they don't taste good. But I think that they can be cooked.

Okay. Yeah. I'm collecting a bunch of jelly beans in cans for the apocalypse. That's fun. That's fun. The jelly beans last. I bet they last. I bet they have a huge shelf life on it. Yeah. Because they're just like basically plastic. I don't think I've had a jelly bean in 10 years. They still exist? They do. The only jelly beans I've had in maybe the last 20 years

have been the ones that came out where it's like, is this cucumber or is it vomit? The Bernie bots, they're like beans or whatever. They have those and then there's ones that are more that aren't like branded. Oh, okay. They have those, and then there's ones that aren't branded. Oh, okay. They kind of just stole the idea, or I don't know what came first,

but those are the only jelly beans I've had. But I remember the buttered popcorn jelly bags. Oh, yeah. Be obsessed with those. This is gonna be super niche, but if you live in the South Shore of Massachusetts, whenever I think of jelly beans, I smell the candy store poppulos and hang them.

So eight people are gonna know that reference. Tweet at me, and let me know what kind of fudge was your favorite fudge from poppulos and hang them so eight people are gonna know that reference Tweet at me and let me know what kind of fudge was your favorite fudge from poppulos and Aaron go ahead and give us I know that poppulos did some local TV commercial. So just go ahead and give us that poppulos jingle If you want to get your kid a fucking gift that's Go to fucking poppulos poppulos. We're in the South Shore. Come on, come on, come here. Pop-alos did not fucking hold the responsibility for what you gizdy motherfuckers keep his own fucking leash. You'll see us for Valentine's Day and Easter and then not again. Um, I know that I don't know that this is necessarily something that I like have a sense of memory from,

especially with spaghetti, but I know that some people say that dog feet, like dog paws, smell like popcorn or like corn chips. Oh, I've heard that. I'm not really smelling my dog's feet that often. Oh, you're not gonna get a little over those paws. No, I'll get a little whiff of her snoot. So spaghetti doesn't, especially like to be pet, so sometimes when you're petting her, she'll just take her foot and put it on your face

and like push your face back with her foot. So sometimes you you're petting her, she'll just take her foot and put it on your face and like push your face back with her foot. So sometimes you just get some, sometimes you just get some smell when you didn't even want it. And you're getting some literal pushback. You're getting pushback. Ooh, that's a big sneeze! That scared me. That scared me. I didn't even cover my health because I was so surprised. That came on so suddenly.

That was scary. Aaron, take the fear that you just felt and magnify it by JPC and I, not knowing that it was coming on. You at least had a warning. I had no warning. She had barely more warning than we got when that sneeze came out.

That came out of nowhere. Aaron, I was talking to Mariah earlier today and we were loading stuff into the, the my car to take over to the new place. And a sneeze came on, I was talking to Mariah earlier today, and we were loading stuff into the, the my car to take over to the new place. And a sneeze came on, oh it's outside, a sneeze came on that speed on me, and I had my hands full, and I just like looked basically down at myself,

and I could just feel my entire arm getting wet. And I was like, oh, I gotta go inside now. Okay, take this, please, I have to go inside now. This is the end of my day today, I think I gotta call it. Oh my God, I hate to make surprise now. This is the end of my day today, I think I gotta call it. Oh my God, I hate a big surprise, Nees. Can we hear this riddle again? Lagume. What lagume doesn't come in a can,

doesn't taste good, and can't be cooked. So this is Charles Schultz-Penitz. Addle, that is an excellent, does it really good? Excellent answer to this, I think you've seen. I think you've seen. Oh, go ahead, was, no, I think it works. I think it totally works. It's not what it's not what's the breed and Blake hat, but I want to see a scene Aaron you are Charlie Brown Mm-hmm JPC you are Lucy and Aaron you're you're you've had enough of this football bullshit and

You're gonna call it like you see it Okay Charlie Brown. I'm gonna hold the football. Please don't do this to me. Oh yeah, we're just playing football. Please. We're just practicing your kicks. I'm gonna hold the football.

You run, you kick it and just see how far you can kick it and that's football. What is it? Do you hate yourself? Do you hate yourself, Lucy? Do you need me to hate me too? So you have some company in this? What do you need? What do you need? What do you need?

No, I don't think myself Everyone around here a therapy for five cents Could give him my sister therapy for five cents. You're trying to figure out Linus's blanket thing God bless you. Your obsessed with fucking shroder, okay? You know who I think needs a therapy Lucy. You know, I'm fine. I don't need therapy. I just... I just do this football trick because it's funny. Because it's funny? Yeah. I hurt people, hurt people, and you're hurting me.

And now I'm hurt, so I'm gonna try to hurt you, okay? Go to some therapy. Leave me alone. I am a bald child with a little bit of hair on the top. I'm gonna be compared to Kha'yu. Okay. I'm wearing the ugwe a shirt in the... I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm a melancholy depressed child, and that's the point of the series, is that I'm getting abused by my friend. What is this, Lucy? I guess I... I guess I'm sorry, I guess I didn't know that it was guessing I feel like we should know but you can guess no guess go ahead no I mean I know I know that I was wrong I apologize and know that I was wrong I had 16 back surgeries who see I my character bills out of control I own that physical

therapy chiropractor. I'm doing You want to just take the football I feel so bad. No, I don't trust you. I don't trust you I've trust issues now. I'm going to fucking cranio-sacral therapy. I have a healer. I'm trying everything to try to get my back Okay, and breathe in breathe in Breathe into good grief. breathe out the bad grief. Okay. And can you give me an arg? Argg.

Are you treat Kathy too? Don't you? I do. I do. And Garfield. Yeah, I understand. I'm too. You know what?

I'm going to give her another chance. You're right. Okay. And remember, remember it's not her fault that Snoopy's dead, okay? He was dancing in the street. He hit him with her car. He was dancing in the street. Okay? He looked up and down but not left and right when he dances, right? Yeah, so bury that anger. Okay? Mm-hmm. And give Lucy a real shot. Sorry, you're talking to me, but all I hear is want want want want want but I'm gonna give her a shot. I'm gonna give her a real chance. Sorry, you're talking to me, but all I hear is, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap,

but I'm gonna give her a shot. I'm gonna give her a shot. Okay, Lucy. Hey, Charlie Brown, what's, what's, um, God, I haven't seen you in a couple of weeks. What's, what's going on? I'm sorry to wake you. Here's a football, and I just need you to not move it.

Okay, we're gonna do it, and we're gonna do it right. Oh my God. It's gonna heal both of us. I'm actually, I'm good now. I'm in a much better place. I've made a lot of peace with who I was back then. I've moved on. Yeah, yeah, I started going to therapy

and it instantly collected, it was like a way off my shoulders. I'm like a completely different person. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you.

I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. Um, well, we're not technically official yet, but... Yeah, I guess I could say, like, we're really happy. It's just, we're kind of exploring and trying to make this what it is. Lucy, please. I love the puppy for you. The main with me, please, just, I need to kick this football, please, Lucy, please.

Charlie, Charlie, I give you permission to kick the football yourself, okay? You need someone to hold it. You never needed me. Hey, Charlie. Don't shut the door. I have a really great life. Have a really fun life We're gathered here today to Barry one Charles G Brown He died like he lived trying to kick a football Unfortunately, he hey everybody Lucy here just to pop. We're actually having a big party across the street.

If anyone wants to come, $5 ahead, ladies get it free. First, 200 dudes at the door. And then it cuts off. Baby, baby, baby. Zee-ba. Zee-ba. That was a whole play. Not only was that a full play, but I think that that was too late,

the longest scene that we've done on a hit road. Why, that can't be right? You're right, it's not. What again, does it come into care? Does it taste good and can't be cooked? I have to say, I love that Charlie Brown had 16 back surgery. Yeah. Such an insane detail.

Oh, a human bean. A child. Is it human bean? No, human beans can only taste excellent and they can be cooked. Is this a thing that actually has been in the name of it? Or is it like a... Yes.

It does. So it is, bean is literally in the name of it, but it's like it would be, you would never want to eat this bean. You know, you know this bean and this is something, this is probably not necessarily part of your like everyday life, but I guarantee you've stumbled across this type of bean. I got it.

What is it? What is it? Is this the answer? Oh, no, no, no, no. Oh, drink the water. Hey, hey, hey, hey. Yoda? Mr. Bean.

Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. Hey, ah, ah, ah, ah. It is not, it is not. It's hard to be. Can I just say it's very hard to do a Mr. Bean impression over podcasts. Uh, I don't know. You seem to do it.

Yeah, I mean, I guess you nailed it. I mean, we didn't get it, but you you did a good job You sound like Miss Piggy. Yeah, there is a little bit of Miss Piggy in there. Interesting. Is it Mr. Bean? No, it's not Mr. Bean. It's not Mr. Bean. It's an object. It's not a person. It is a L bean. Oh Aaron, that's it. Aaron, that's a really great guest. It is not LL Bean Okay, so let me think about this. You, I would certainly say that this type of bean is not very comfortable. Bean bag.

Oh, bean bag. Oh man, I gave that away, huh? Yeah, it is a bean from a bean bag chair. Hmm. I don't know if our answers worked. Peanut worked, LL Bean. LL Bean. Keep the same backpack for 20 years. A lot of that works. I also don't know, is it beans worked. Peanut worked. LL Bean. LL Bean. Keep the same backpack for 20 years.

A lot of that works. I also don't know, is it beans that are in a bean bag chair? Is it real beans? It's plastic beads. Plastic beads. Oh, so wait, are they called bead bags? And we've been hearing it wrong?

I wish. Is this like a Bernstein bear's situation? I wish they were called bead bag chairs. Somebody crossed it, something I said about a bean bag and then sent me a picture of it over Instagram. That was like, I'd rather forget what it said. I don't remember what I said. If anyone remembers what I said about a bean bag

but it's like, I'd rather gouge my own eyes out then. Have somebody I like see me get up from a bean bag? Yeah. Speaking of, I want to see a scene. Aaron, you're going to be working at a department store. Everything that you are selling in this department store is going to be like one letter off, right? So you're not going to be selling anything that is like a real thing that people want to buy. It's all of those things that is just kind of one letter off.

Adel, you're going to be a customer in this department store just looking for some help finding the items that you're looking for. Hello, sir. Could I introduce interest you in some car fume? No. What was that? Car fume. I can just give you a little sample right here. Oh please don't no no no please don't no. Here you go. Is this perfume for a car? Oh this is car fume. It's confusing. No it's we have perfume for a car this way, but this is kind of perfume for a human that smells like car smells.

So it smells like sort of gasoline in oil. Oh yeah, it's very bad. Yeah, I'm just looking for, it's my buddy's 27th, and he's a real goofball. So I'm looking for like a fun, something fun and silly, like a lava lamp or like um you know like a Newton's cradle just something weird and fun. And I decided to come to sponsor's gifts. Oh well you're in the right place. I we have so much fun stuff at sponsor's gifts.

Well if you walk this way. Okay. We have a guava lamp. Oh, okay. Looks like it's rotten. There's rot in fruit in it. Yeah, it's rot. There's lots of flies. There's stuff over here. There's a Java lamp. It just seems like it's filled with coffee.

Yeah, that's it. Kinda looks like liquid shit. It's disgusting. We haven't told a single one of these. Can't imagine why. What was the other thing that you said you wanted? Oh, like a Newton's cradle. There's like the four balls that are on strings and they

hit each other and bounce back and forth. Like you don't have a desk, right? We have that but with the Newton cookies. It makes no sound and they immediately sort of just flop together. Yeah, it's not really a perpetual motion machine when it's Fignutans. Yeah, it's Fignutans. Oh maybe, here's something that I know you have to have. Maybe like a glow-in-the-dark poster.

We have a... A poster that doesn't show up in any light. Is that what you need? I mean, I don't want it, but can I see it? You know what? Let me have bring out my manager. He knows a lot more about our... Okay, that's fair.

Uh, hi's fair. Hi, Kyle. This customer is looking for a fun gift for their friend, anything to recommend. Okay, yeah, I can recommend something. Could you do me a favor? We have a teen upfront who's trying to buy some Magnum Clondum's and we need to do a price check.

So I was about to announce it over the store. What would you do for a condom. Exactly. All right. Yeah, I'll take it. Thank you so much. Sorry. You were looking for like a fun gift. Yeah. Something fun.

Like I noticed you have this rack of coi chains, which are just looks like you changed with dead coi fish, huh? Exactly. But not it seems like a lot of stuff here smelly. What's your price range? Um, but I'd say anywhere from like 30 to $400. Oh $400. Okay big spinner. Would you let would be interested in a flamick? Now this is for your yard. Are you fire resistant? I

Can be okay good that a flamick would maybe be right up your alley Okay, and is that a flaming hammock? It is yeah, well you're smart Ali okay, and is that a flaming hammock? It is yeah, well you're smart You picked up on that quick. Yeah, it's a hammock that would be on fire I'm which is wise a little lower on the price range. Okay, okay Yeah, that's that's fun, but I guess it's not funny. So I'm are you into music? I am we have CGs Oh, we have CGs from all your favorite bands. I'm back. I sold that team some worse control too. Um, just to make helps you plan financially. Yeah.

Who's, who's Joni Hendricks? Are you gonna love Joni Hendricks? Oh, have you ever heard the Star Stregal Blender? Oh. Oh. See. See. Somehow not enough change. And too much change with these trying to say Star's Bank of Vanner. I'm not gonna say that. I'm not gonna say that. I'm not gonna say that.

I'm not gonna say that. I'm not gonna say that. I'm not gonna say that. I'm not gonna say that. I'm not gonna say that. I'm not gonna say that. I'm not gonna say that. I'm not gonna say that.

I'm not gonna say that. I'm not gonna say that. I'm not gonna say that. I'm not gonna say that, I'm like where I do any scrambled eggs and she's like what could Please just and you're like well you said yes, and now I stopped on the eggs of the floor and that's how I cook them I don't know what 32 years on this earth has done to me that I have lost all interest in the way that words should be and now I just I'm like, you know what? I'm just been the rest of my life just making up new words because I love it So you admit it 32 years on this earth which means you're on a different planet before that. We knew it. We knew it. I'm sorry. A different earth. Oh. I said it was like a different alternate timeline. Yeah, I spent some time there too. So I'm 41. Do you say some 41? I'm 41. Star-Trambo Landler. Okay.. We have another riddle. Yes. This one is build as a lightning riddle. So I'm going to say it fast and you're going to have to come up with the answer fast.

This one, they don't give me permission to use their name, so I won't, but I will say that they are from Australia. So this is a riddle from Down Under. And they say, love in the podcast. Here's a lightning riddle. I hope you like them. And then they also give another one. I hope you like them. I think Aaron will like them. So maybe because they're from Australia, they think Aaron's going to like it. I'm excited. Here we go. If you spell post P-O-S-T and you spell most M-O-S-T, how do you spell what you put in the toaster? BR-E-A-D. BR-E-A-D, correct.

Oh, oh, bread, because it's not toast. You don't put toast in the toaster. You do not put toast in the toaster. Here's the real, and you do have to put a real toaster. Here's the real riddle. Why do they think the Aaron would like that? She's gluten free. So they may have been referring to the rest of the riddles

because they did submit multiple. Now they submitted multiple and this is from 2018. So guess what? We've used some of them before. But if you, if you dear lesseners are interested in what riddle they submitted that we haven't used before, maybe we have a foot, who fuck it knows. You will find the answer to that question right after this brief commercial. No, please. Wait, no, JPC. If we cut to commercial, we die. What? Yes, it's too late. Is that a new thing? Hold on, let me check my email. Headgun. Oh, shit.

Oh, shit. Hey, JPC. Shit Hey GPC Yeah, you're not in trouble. I just need help. I'm Prinking at all and I'm setting up a website Okay, I just need some advice this podcast is sponsored by square space I'm not I'm not mad at you. We're pranking at all. Squarespace is the only one website platform for entrepreneurs to stay in doubt and to see it online.

Whether you're just starting out or managing a growing brand. Squarespace makes it easy to create a beautiful website engaged with your audience. And so anything for products to cut into time, all in one place, all on your terms. Hey, Otto, come here, come here, come here. Hey, what's going on? I actually, I want to prank JPC,

and I want to set up a whole website to prank him. Do you have anything that like, is there like an online store that could set up on my website to sell products? Did you know that with Squarespace, you can have custom merch, you can easily sell custom merch and create passive income stream that engages your audience

and scales your brand, design your products and production and inventory and shipping are handled for you, saving you time and money. What is happening? Okay. Wait, what's going on with Adel? Oh, nothing, nothing. I'm just setting up a very normal Squarespace website,

not a prank thing. No, he's gonna tune you. And I'm gonna use analytics. Use insights to grow my business and learn where my site visits and sales are coming from. That's pretty cool. I'm gonna improve my website and build marketing strategy based on top keywords,

our popular products and content on my prank website, the prank activity. Whoa, that's awesome, Aaron. I'm glad you're using Squarespace. Did you say what the website was for? I can't remember what the website was for. Yeah, what's the website was for? Prank. With Squarespace.

Yeah, with Prank. You can connect to your store to Vedent Dirt Party Tools to extend the functionality of your website. Hey, JPC, hey, JPC. What's up, battle? I can't believe we pranked Aaron with our little boy routine. Dude, we got her. Anyway, if you want to prank Aaron with your little boy routine, head to squarespace.com

for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, go to squarespace.com slash riddle to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Oh, she's back, she's back. Hey Aaron. Hey Aaron. Can we go to grandma's house? Wait, I've been pranked. But how? I don't know. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Hey Adeline JPC, thank you for meeting me in the middle of the woods here. I am sort of at an

impasse. I can't decide whether or not to go this way or this way. I'm having a hard time choosing a path. You know, they're never truly is a middle of the woods. Isn't it funny to think about something like that? Like, they're never truly is a middle. No, this is the middle. Okay, this is it. Addle, can you help? Yeah, actually, so as per Robert Frost, I don't know if you know his poems. He has a poem called Better Help. I believe this is written in the 1800s, but it still stands true today more than ever. Aaron, you should try Better Help. Have you heard of this?

You seen this? Mm-hmm. Because sometimes Aaron and life were faced with tough choices and the path forward isn't always clear. Whether you're dealing with decisions around career, relationships, being stuck in the middle of the woods, therapy helps you stay connected to what you, ow, ow, sorry, that also does so fast. Therapy helps you stay connected to what you really want while you navigate life and the woods.

Hmm, and better help is entirely online, so it's designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. I've been using it for several years, and it suits the way that my brain works way better than traditional therapy ever did. And when Aaron says traditional therapy just so everyone's clear what she means is tricking two of her friends to coming to the middle of the woods, even though there isn't truly the concept of the middle of the woods, isn't that fun to think about? All you have to do is just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist and you can switch therapists at any time for no additional charge.

Hey, Aaron, a GPC's putting down bread crumbs and then immediately picking them up and eating them. Oh, dirty bread crumbs. Mmm. Mmm. And he's also like really into that owl who's swooping down. Anyways, let there be your map with better help. Visit betterhelp.com slash riddle today to get 10% off your first month.

That's better help h e l p dot com slash riddle r i d d l e r i d d l e the middle of riddles of d but there is no true middle of riddle because it would be the space in the I'm home. I am home. Who are we? What is this? I clink, clink, clink. Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen. I just want to make a quick toast to, I know it's JPC's birthday and we're all so excited to talk about him, but I want to talk about my favorite, my favorite thing in the world.

And that is the app Rocket Money. Oh, yeah, Aaron, that's one of my favorite things as well. Huh? Rocket Money is a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps you lower your bills all in one place. I've been using it for years

way before they were a sponsor, and it helps me so much, especially around tax season. Kling, kling, kling, Kling, Kling. Sorry, I also want to give a toast. Rocket money, well quickly, and easily find your subscriptions for you. And for any you don't want to pay for anymore, just hit cancel, and Rocket money will cancel it for you. It's that easy, Kling, Kling, Kling.

It also categorizes your expenses so you can easily track your budget in real time and also get alerted if anything looks off over three million, well, clink, clink, clink, over three million people have used rocket money, saving the average person up to $720 a year. We love rock. Stop, stop, clink, clink, clink, stop. No, clink, clink, clink, stop. Throwing your money away, cancel unwanted subscriptions today and manage your expenses the easy way by going to rocket money dot com slash riddle that's rocket money dot com slash riddle rocket money dot com slash riddle and tell them JPC's birthday

got ruined by two of his friends for doing speeches about rocket money, the website. It will be a rocket money. It will be a rocket money. Hey, Rick, oh, Rick, oh, Rick. Oh, it's so weird to have our consciousness in these brand new bodies. Yeah, I don't hate it. But I guess this is the new norm. Anytime we cut to commercial, we have to put our consciousness in a new vessel.

Yeah, and I guess when you say this is the new norm. Anytime we cut to commercial, we have to put our conscious in a new vessel. Yeah, and I guess when you say this is the new norm, can we all acknowledge that we're all like characters from cheers? Because I feel like this is the new cliff for me. And I'm a coach. And I'm a little annoyed that I'm not cliff. Ha ha ha. Classic Diane.

Ha ha ha ha. Which is weird because I'm Sam. Ha ha ha. This is weird because I'm Sam. This is an enormous norm. And if you will ever watch Cheers, some of that will make sense to you. My mom loved coach. And when I started watching Cheers a few years ago she went, be careful. You're going to be devastated when coach dies. And she was right. She's like, can't be wrong. I love Woody. I love him, but he's no coach. One day coach went upstairs and he never came back down.

Really sad. Can we just also admit that character was the dumb and Cecil B. alive? Well, yeah, that was a long work. Okay, so we're still in our Australian riddles. I'm nothing about these riddles, I think is particularly Australian, but we're here. So here's the other riddle that they submitted.

You have two lengths of rope and a flame. Each rope takes an hour to burn from end to end. But because the thickness of each rope isn't uniform, some parts may burn faster than others. How can you measure 15 minutes? With your watch? Okay, Adel. Very funny. First of all, very funny.

Thank you, sir. Let's assume you can add some cookie from Daddy, please. Daddy's out of cookies, but Daddy has some milk. This is such a good show. Was it always this gross, or am I just like waking up? I'm waking up. This show was always gross.

Welcome to the real show. First, first. First. So I'll give you, this is a clue. It was presented as a clue, but I think it's really just more information about the rental, and the clue just says, are you stranded on a desert island

without a watch, clock, or phone? Answer, yes. So, you don't have a watch, you don't have a clock, you don't have a phone, you don't have any other means to keep this time. Is it like, by the sun's position in the sky, or a sundial or counting. Could you just count seconds like a normal person?

Like a normal person. You don't know what the measuring of the burning rope. There's two pieces of rope you said though. You do have two pieces of rope. Yes, that is correct, Aaron. And I'm sorry, it did say we have to use the rope and the matches. I mean, I think you can infer that from the fact

that that's the only tools that the riddle gives you. Well, hold on. Am I crazy? Have we not done riddles before? Have you heard some of the riddles we've done? Come on. I would advise you, counselor, to use the rope in the flame. Sustained. Two legs of rope. Each rope takes an hour to burn from end to end. But, they're not, it's not like uniform. So it's not like,

you know, each section is only going to take 15 minutes because they have different lengths of rope. So you have to know how you can measure 15 minutes. Got you, got you, got you. Um, burn one length of rope and then divide by four. Uh, burn one length of rope and then divide by four. Burn it, burn one and when it gets to the halfway point, start burning the other one. Ooh, that's pretty good. Bern one and then when it gets to the halfway point, start burning the other one.

Oh, you're right, it's bad. Yeah, it's gonna be something like that. It's gonna be like when you set each one on fire. Okay, it's something like that. That's, I mean, it could be something like that. Maybe set them both on fire. One on one end, yeah. Go ahead, Owl.

Set them both on fire at the same time. Eyeball it and just kind of make a informed decision of like that one felt right. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Like, get a little instinct. I do love the eyeball that I've been. Oh, this is tough.

You light both ends of it on fire at the exact same time. Okay, Aaron, you said light both ends of it on fire at the exact same time. Okay, Aaron, you said light both ends of it on fire at the exact same time. Mm-hmm. So that's one rope or both ropes. One rope? Okay, okay. I love that. So that's that is the step one that we are looking for. But now we need that happens. That happens. Mm. And then have it light the other one when it gets. No, no. No. Okay, so you're absolutely correct with lighting one rope.

Okay, so from both ends to start, but there's another part to this. What are you doing with that second rope? Using it to measure. I mean, I know, but I don't want to say. What are you doing with that second rope? Using it to measure. I mean, I know, but I don't want to say. Say it. Say it. I'm talking about it.

I handle. I love that impulse. Keep that one yourself. I am. That's a thought that goes right into your own brain. 100% am. 100% am. Great.

Okay. So, you're letting one rope by the, by both ends. Yes. Which means that you're going to get like 30 minutes until it's burned up, right? Because it's from both ends. But you got to do something that second rope. Maybe as soon as one flame, as soon as one of the flames on the first rope you started burning, hits the middle, then you light the other one. Yeah. No, you got to light the second. That is not correct. Okay. I will say. I have to try. I'm trying to think, let me see if I can give you another hint. Let me see if there's another hint

that I can give you. Well, you already got it. You already got it because one of the hints says, can you measure out 30 minutes using one rope? And you can because you already got that. That's 30 minutes lighting both ends of the first rope. Yeah. So how do you get 15? Because you're trying to get 15. So you're you got 30 on one rope. And then you cut that burnt piece of rope in half. You know what I'm gonna cut it. You know what I'm gonna. You know what I'm gonna. You fold it. Well teeth teeth are a little nice. Teeth are this little noise. I'm confused. Sounds like a murder mystery book. Oh, you like the other one from the middle. No, Aaron, you're correct in that you light the other one. As soon as you light the first one, you light the second one, but you don't light it from the middle. I would like to light it one end. Okay, great. I want to see you seen. The of you are I love this one so much. It's hard the two of you are friends who are on like a little sailboat

Your sailboat crashed on an island It's like 10 days later and it's just you two on this island. You can't get off you can't call for help and you drink a lot of salt water And now you're both a little haggard a little Losing your mind and you're trying to tell the time And now you're both a little haggard, a little losing your mind and you're trying to tell the time. I spy with my little eye. Something that is my friend whose face is melting. Pleeeed, whoo, pleeeed, whoo, pleeeed, whoo. Oh, oh, oh, don't let me reboot the computer. Touch my belly, oh, my belly. I have an idea, I have an idea.

You know, we're dying to know what time it is. What if we- I'm a dying. I'm a dying either. Are you dying? No, my organs are shutting down. I still have pancreas. Me neither.

It's good. It's good. My hair didn't just come out and my hand just now. Like, look at it in my hand. I'd never have. That's nothing. I didn't see that. So I think we should just at the same time try to yell noon.

And if we yell it at the same time try to yell noon. If we yell it at the same time, that means it's noon. And if we yell it at different times, it means it's not noon. What about this? If we're both still single, when we turn 40, you and I adopt a tortoise and we raise it. It's platonic. Nothing happens physically unless we want it to. We have rules.

You're my cherished friend and plus. I don't want to, if we ever break up for the tortoise to have to deal with that. Because they live longer than us. They live longer than us. And they tortoises heal trauma. Yes. Noon.

Okay, it's not noon, then. Okay, so we ruled out noon. So let me cross off noon from the sand. All right, so it's not noon. No. Oh, oh. noon. Oh, oh, oh Oh, now what is this? Okay, I just poked the sand. Let me poke it again. Oh, oh Okay, good the sand is talking. That's good. There's no new friend. So that means things are normal sand picks up guitar

guitar. Blah blah blah blah blah. The stars playing the manners. Ah the stars playing the manners. Hmm. This is a good song. One. Oh, so it's not one PM. So it's that one. Let me cross that off. Okay. Two. Two. That's not two. Hold hold on let's do a countdown okay three two one three three not three it's not three can't be three if we're both still single by the time we're 50 see I think they're gonna make it make Thanks, Jen. Aaron, we were so close before we hit that scene. Okay, so you burn one rope from both ends at the same time. And then you burn the... And that gets you 30 minutes.

Mm-hmm. And then you start burning the second rope at the same time that you start burning those. Uh-huh. So then what do you do when 30 minutes has elapsed and that first rope has burned to one? You fold it in half. It's burnt. It's gone. It's burnt. It's crumbled. It's ash. But you fold that next little bit in half. You don't need a fold? You turn. You have it turn. You have it. You have it. What do you do with it? Tell me what the answer is. Would you like me to tell you the answer? Yes. I can tell you the answer. Okay, so you have the water up, you let it at both ends

and the second rope you let it at one end. When the first rope is done, it's burned out, 30 minutes will have a lapse of the second rope and then you just light it at the other end. So when both of those ends burn out, that's 15 minutes. I still don't understand. Oh, I see, I see, I get it. Because to meet in the middle,

if you only have 30 minutes of rope left, and you light both ends, they're gonna meet at the middle of exactly 15 minutes. But I thought it didn't burn evenly. But it doesn't matter because when it hits the center point, if they're both burning at the same length, no matter if it's a little bit over or a little bit here, it doesn't matter, it's still gonna be 15 minutes.

They're not gonna meet right in the middle. Okay. They might 15 minutes. They're not going to meet right in the middle. Okay. They might not. They may, hey, they might. They might. They might meet right in the middle. That was a good riddle, I guess. Hey, can I just say I don't have to understand it for it to be right? That's true.

Yeah. That's true. And they say hope you enjoyed the Puzzies. So let's do a quick check in. Did you guys enjoy? No, but I appreciate them. Okay. And Aaron? I'm, I am yawning.

Just a big yawn from Aaron. Yeah. I asked that question, I gave plenty of time and I was nowhere near that big yawn. Yep, I enjoyed it. I gotta say, it's 2021. I enjoyed the hell out of those riddles. I love those riddles.

Not enough to answer them. So, more beneficial for me, but I fucking adored those riddles. They were good. I still like riddles. Well, man, still like riddles. Legally, we have to say that. We still like riddles. All right, lawyer, a dog wearing a very fine game, who is the best lawyer in the country.

We won't say which country. We will not say which country. Okay. When he was working with the airfice, he fell and broke his legs and now he runs real fast. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. These next riddles come from a person who again did not give me permission to use their

name because this was from a time when we simply were not asking for that. We just weren't asking for it. They say I came up with this riddle years ago. And the keep mind, this is in 2018, they came up with this riddle years ago. And everyone hates it. Not us. We love it. So I figured it's perfect for a podcast for three people who hate riddles. Nope. Okay. In 2018, maybe true. But now we all love that. So I think we've changed. Trying to solve terrible riddles and get angry at the answer.

You got the wrong podcast, right? It's a completely different show. It's a show that is nothing like the show that you're describing. It's a, they also said I'd like it if you could all do the swirled together, so don't check the answer ahead of time if you can help it. And then I gotta say, not a chance. We do have to screen these because sometimes we get emails from people and they have some Call of her language in their riddles that we prefer not to say on the show

So we we do read these ahead of time. We do read these ahead of time I forgot the first few episodes. We used to do it where we all didn't know the answer. Yeah, yeah, that's insane Yeah, it it it worked when we were like kind of picking up the riddles sometimes I would say there are some results that may vary. Here we go, here's the riddle. You're in an empty room with four solid walls, a solid ceiling and a solid floor. Solid.

Solid as a rock. There are no windows or doors. How can you leave this room? Okay, I have a question. Yes. And I don't want to pooch the answer, but I have to ask, is this one where it's like, you look in a mirror and you see what you saw, you take the saw, you da da da da da, and that's how we get babies. There is a riddle that does explain perfectly how we get babies.

Adela and I still have not heard it, so if you ask us how we will not have any idea or in the fucking dark We're in the absolute dark which by the way hardest place to get a baby is the dark What you want is the story stark store. Okay, don't just not okay But it is not that riddle. It is not that riddle. We have done that riddle on the show None of us remember exactly how it goes, but it is not that riddle. Great question. Is the word solid matter in this?

Huh, I mean, I don't necessarily know that it's like super operative to help you, but it is important to know that these are not like walls that you can just like walk through or something like that. Are they ice walls and you have to melt them? Ooh. Aaron, that is really that, so that would make solid, very operative.

That is a great guess, but they're not ice walls. You hot breath on the ice walls. Now hot breath on the ice walls, that sounds like a panic at the disco song. Hot breath on the ice. Breath so hot on the walls of ice and hot ice breath walls. Got it. And even my one woman show.

Oh yeah. Yeah, I wear ice skates as an artistic choice. It's kind of exhausting because it doesn't. Is that how you broke both your ankles? Is that how I broke both my ankles? What? What? I love how you don't answer.

Yeah, is that how I broke both my ankles? And you drag your feet away? Yeah. Oh. Ha. Ha. Uh, uh, no, it is not breaking ankles on ice walls, Aaron. Uh, that is a relief.

Did you guys want some hints? Yes. Um, I'd like to see a quick scene. Oh, I would love to honor that request, my friend. Uh, I'd like to see Aaron playing a character who's doing a one woman show. Thank God. It can be called anything. Does that have to be called Hot Breath and Asus?

Woo! Take it a break! And JPC. Oh, man. JPC, I want you to be the one audience member who showed up. Um, hey, Jill. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Um, I'm far too sick to go on stage. I'm throwing up. I'm passing out. You have, you're my understudy. You have to go on. I, I, they sold a ticket. out, you have, you're my understudy, you have to go on for me. They sold a ticket, this is the first time we sold a ticket. I know, I'm dead though, I'm laying down, good night, you have to go on for me. Okay, um, okay, Jill, you've been planning for this your whole life.

This is, this moment is everything to you. You moved to LA because you were the hottest person in Toledo. She's killing him. And that's the beginning of the show. She's doing such a good job. And now is your chance to shine. To shine. The shining.

The shining here's Johnny. Johnny, skin my knee. Knee, knee, knee. I'm a horse. Hey, it's for horses.i, I'm a horse. Hey, it's for horses. Hey, I'm a horse. I'm walking here, doesn't Hoffman, doesn't Hoothman. Huff, huff, huff, paint, huff paint.

I'm from Indianapolis, I'm a huff paint. Sir, where are you from? Sir, where are you from? Me, I'm just a stage hand. Let me know when you want to curtain up. No, never. The show plays behind a curtain, iron curtain, iron wall. Mr. Goberchoff, tad down that wall. Okay up. Wally. Raise, raise, raise, raise, raise, raise, raise, raise, raise, raise, raise, raise, raise, raise, raise, raise, raise, raise, raise, raise, raise, raise, raise, raise, raise, raise, raise, raise, raise, raise, raise, raise, raise, raise, raise, raise, raise, raise, raise, raise, raise, raise, raise, raise, raise, raise, raise, raise, raise, raise, raise, raise, raise, raise, raise, raise, raise, raise, raise, raise, raise, raise, raise, raise, raise, raise, raise, raise, raise, raise, raise, raise, raise, raise, raise, raise, raise, raise, raise, raise, raise, raise, raise, raise, raise, raise, raise, raise, raise, raise, raise, raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise raise I did all that. Um, here, here, here, here, here, for me, cheers, new year's cheers. Why do we celebrate a new year? Jill, I can't do that.

Okay, tag me in, tag me in, tag me in. New years, cheers and beers, tears for fears. Part of me, part of me, part of me. My name is Edward Nearheimer. I'm the theater reviewer for a little publication called The New York Times. And I just have to say, after watching, when I just watched for three minutes,

I think I'm in the wrong movie. I I'm in for a ticket to the green night. I think the usher didn't really know where he was taking it. I was holding it for everybody. I want to R&B musician Usher for being here to lead this man to see Usher do you have any albums to promote? Yeah! So you do? No.

See? See? Yeah. You do? No. Okay, you guys are no closer to solving this riddle. Aw, yeah, what's true? You used our fun against us.

I did. You used our fun against us. Okay, so for solid walls, a solid ceiling and a solid floor, how do you get out of the room? No windows or doors, how can you leave this room? Okay, so you go into a trance and you mentally escape. Oh, okay. Or is it like him's a ghost?

You are not a ghost and the escape is physical. Okay, you're who that is not a total escape. I mean, I just tell you if you two, yes. No, but I want. What were the two hints? You do not, you're not a ghost and it's a physical escape. You do not need anything difficult, strenuous, or especially time consuming

to get out of this room. That is your first hint. Okay. Your second hint, you were not a prisoner in this room. You were not trapped in this room. You're free to come and go as you wish. It's an elevator. Aaron, is it an elevator?

No, cause there are no doors. What would an elevator with no doors be? Is it a bouncy house? Is it a well? It is not a well, cause there is a ceiling. It is not a bouncy house at all. Although, I guess. Is it a gingerbread house?

I don't think it could be. It could be so many different types of houses that I don't think guessing the specific type of house is really going to help you. I'd like to see a scene. You are a couple. This is your first time living together and you live in a gingerbread house. We have leaks again. Robert, well, I'm going to get up on the roof, buddy. Well, you know, first of all, I have to go into the kitchen Bake a new batch and we're out of brown sugar. So I first of all I got to go I got to make a run to Julesk go fuck Well, I would go to Julesk go but my entire wardrobe the entire closet is covered in icing

So all my clothes are ruined look. I'm sorry, but the contractor had five stars on an end useless So he said he was great with icing. Did you see Andy's list? I said, can she's list. Ah. Do you find that it's sponsors? Listen, I am so tired of the animals bursting through our walls.

I can't go outside anymore because there's a whole zoo nibbling in our house. We got a great deal, okay? Traditional houses cost traditional money. And we have jobs that don't generate a lot of traditional income, okay? Okay, fine. But here's the one thing I do.

If I'm gonna stay in this house, and I wanna make this work, the one thing I wanna do. I wanna make a work, I love you. Robert, the one thing I need you to do is I need you to go upstairs. I need you to wake up our child and tell our daughter that you baked her.

Okay. Tell her she's a baked child. First of all, I would love to go upstairs, but you know, the only thing that can support the way that those stairs are the baked child. Mom, dad. She's usually like, there are ants in my bed again.

Oh, hey, come, drop. Okay, come, drop. You know what? Well, let's just, hey, come drop. Okay, come drop. You know what? Well, let's just, we'll get another kind of a ginger raid, and you can just spray it, and it'll kill the ants. There's gonna be ants, it's the summertime honey. It's okay. Can I ask you guys a personal question?

Of anything, anything sweetie. You're gonna have a personal question. I am supposed to eat yourself. Maybe it's the age I'm at, but I just wanna think down and take a big ol' bite out of my arm. There was an age, there was an age where I had enough kind of flexibility, I think I was still growing in a way that I did try to eat myself.

I got pretty close. Come on. I did, I got close. Okay. I got close because I was more flexible back then. Okay, fine. Yes, sweetie, we've all had it. I'm not claiming that I didn't Yeah, that would be insane because obviously you've seen what I'm working with there's no way that I could do it I didn't take it to a gross place. I just said I was gonna eat my arm. Well, we do oh, oh, you're on your arm

Oh, yeah, no honey. You don't want to eat your arm. Oh It's okay. She does F-t-th. No, I know that I have teeth. Oh! Because we don't want you to hurt yourself. And also, sweetie, are you wiping? Because there's a trail of crumbs all behind you.

I hate it here! Okay, well. Don't go outside. Don't go outside. I'm running. Run, run, run, run. Oh, she's running as fast as she can. Yeah, that horse is faster

Of all the animals in the forest I didn't expect the whole forest. Yep Horses love candy. Oh, don't forest horse. Hey, you'll for us. That's gonna be my new insult. You fucking forest horse For us to ours and force for us or like it life is like a forest horse forest horse and forest horse or go like it life is like a forest horse Now you may not believe it to hear it, but I could run like the wind blows So the answer is not a forest horse surprise surprise. Okay, so it's not a type of house. You're saying I Could be so many different types of houses that it's okay It's not gonna really help you with how how to how to exit this book And it's not something where it's like it's made of glass,

which is solid, but then you could bust through it or something. I will say the specific word wording of this rental gives you all the information that you need. You're not looking for like a hidden thing. And I'll read it to you one more time. Yes, please. It's the specific wording that will help you. Okay, okay.

You're in an empty room with four solid walls, a solid floor and a solid ceiling. There are no windows or doors. How can you leave this room? Staircase to the attic? Interesting. No, no staircase. No staircase.

I would say that there's no furniture or anything. This room is just completely empty. It's empty, it's empty. Is it a room we know of? Is it a specific kind of room? No, it's not a specific kind of room and that it could just be any kind of room. Like it could be like a bouncy castle type of thing.

It doesn't matter. It's like, yeah, it doesn't rely on a specific room. There's a third hint. Do you want the third hint? Are the walls and ceiling and floor all connected? Yes. Yes. Walls and ceiling and floor all connected,

like, you know, however many corners that is eight corners. Aaron, I'm out of ideas. Let's hear that hint. Let's hear that hint. You crawl through it. Uh, no. Well, I mean, you could. Yes, you could crawl. I mean, that you wouldn't necessarily have to,

but you could. This, the third hint, I think, gives it away. So I won't predict. The room may have had a door at some point, or may have been intended to have a door, though not necessarily. Regardless, the room does not have a door at some point or may have been intended to have a door. They're not necessarily Regardless the room does not have a door at this point as a doorway Bing Bing Bing Bing Bing Bing Bing Bing Oh, that's so dumb. There's no door. I love riddles. There's a door

Aaron we will let you take it again If you want to take that again Say your mantra that we learned Adel and JPC are very nice. They are very good people. I just want to say I would never have Aaron say that. I told Aaron. I gave Aaron the day we met. I gave her a gun with one bullet in it and I said, she's for me. Should there be two? And I say no, no, this is for me. That's for me. You'll know when it's done. You'll know when, and it's the second, anything happens.

This is when you ditch me forever, and you're like, I don't know that guy. I blew that dude away. Away, away. Blue that dude away. Yes. Disgusting. No, my mantra is this is great.

Riddles are great. I do love being on the show, but that riddle was stinky. I have to be honest, that riddle was stinky. Somebody said it didn't courtesy solve before we got into that riddle. We love that riddle. So I want to honor this riddle with a scene. So we're going to do a scene from the major motion picture Titanic, whatever would have been to think of this.

But we're going to do a scene, listen to patreon.com, so say we're going to do a scene from the major motion picture Titanic. We're Aaron. The Titanic is sinking, it has sunk. You two are looking, you two are both lost in the water. What are the characters? It's like Jack and Diane. Jack and Diane, little story about Jack and Diane. Jack and Diane. It's Sam and Diane. You're Sam and Diane.

One of you is a professional baseball player. The other one was like gonna be married. I can't remember cheers. Yeah, she's like a psychiatrist. Yeah, oh yeah, she was like a psych student. Yeah, she was like dating her professor in a really weird way. Which was phrase day 12.

Did she date Frazier? Yeah, no, yes. Was it Frazier? Yeah. No? Yeah. Was it Frazier? No, it was a different guy. Frazier, can you rate her?

She is Frazier later. She does. But I thought the original guy. Was Nightcourt has been off of two years? Yes. Okay. Thank you so much. So, your seven day aunt, the Titanic is stuck here in the water, and you have just found

an empty door frame and you're trying to use that. Oh, well, this isn't very helpful. See? Hold on, hold on. Hold on, hold on. Going into the shelf, getting a big jar of my own medicine, one of the things. Oh, I'm so pissed.

Not very good. I know it. Too sticky. You know what, man. Oh, man. Not very good. Don't like it. Too sticky. You know what, he's your gun and your bullet back. I think you will need both of these. Thank God you said seeing, because I was going to say, this is just like the seventh inning against the Yankees. I can't get out.

Oh, nice. Because I remember San was up here, I've lost the rest of the picture. So handsome and tall. I think Ted Danson is a handsome man, and I will go to my grave saying that. Controversial. And people will say, the guy died 50 years ago.

What are you talking about? Why are you still talking about this? Guys, I gotta ask you, yes. We had fun. We had fun with these riddles. We all love these riddles. But now it is time for a little something that we call plugs.

But before we get into plugs, I have something that I want to plug, and it's very rare that we get to plug a project that the entire show actually took part on, and that is something that is coming out today, if you're a fan of the show, Rude Tales of Magic, or if you've never heard Rude Tales of Magic, you can check it out.

The three of us are in a riddle-centric episode of Rude Tales of Magic. It is out today. So if you're listening on the day that this comes out, go check episode of Rood Tales of Magic. It is out today. So if you're listening on the day that this comes out, go check out that Rood Tales of Magic episode. I gotta say, they were an absolute fucking blast to record with. They were so fun. They had such good energy.

It was just a joy. What a great night that was. That show is so, so funny. So even if you don't want to listen to our episode, listen to A episode, it is so great. If you, if the target, if you are the person who is listening to this Show and says I do not like these three people, but I do love the kind of the general idea of what this could be You're gonna love that episode. That's not that episode that show. I have so little self confidence that I had to give people a reason not to listen It's so good. They're so good, but yeah

Should I start my plugs? Yeah, it'll please start away. Oh boy. I want to plug the idea of calling someone a forest horse. I also want to plug maybe this year for Halloween. We see Goth Santa and there's some new fun traditions there. Can't wait. Oh, also I'm watching two shows. I think everyone should watch that are so, so funny and have been an absolute delight over the past few weeks.

The comeback on HBO, I'd never... A little bit of plastic. Alice Stanley, a friend of ours, said to watch it, and it is absolutely brilliant, so, so good. And then I would also recommend, if you haven't watched it already, please watch the other two. Season two is out now on HBO, but I think you can find season one there as well.

Aaron, yeah. Oh, yeah. I just gotta say, the other two makes me laugh out loud at least once in episode. It is, the writing on that show is actually really, really, really fucking funny. It's a really good show. So good. And friend of the show, Drew Tarver, is one of the leads. So yeah.

Aaron, do you have anything to play? The other two is so good, so check that out. But nothing to plug. Just looking for new podcast recommendations for myself. So if you have a podcast that you really love, message me, Aaron Kiefton on Instagram, and I would be really, really grateful for that. GPC, anything more?

GPC, anything more? Okay, thank you, thank you for asking. GPC, you can follow me at twitchtwitch.tv slash shark barkman. And at the time of this episode coming out, I'm backstreaming, baby. It's all streams all the time So come on over to the Twitch channel Say hi and if you're the one person who canceled their patreon because I goes mean to you apparently in the stream

You're still not welcome. So I don't know what I said to you I do know that you canceled your patreon over it But you're still not welcome in that twitch stream. That just applies to you everybody else is cool that you get cubs Oh no. JPC, there's a story there, but more importantly to me, what album recently did you listen to on Bill Budds, your podcast that you really enjoyed? I will say that we did an episode about Taylor Swift's folklore and you know I fucking loved that album in 2020. Guess what? Returning to it. Still fucking great.

Still fucking great. So good. Sweet. I'm glad I asked. I'm glad that U.S. as well. Aaron, I don't know if you know this. Recently, if you follow Taylor Swift on TikTok, she has a bunch of fun cats and she got a new cat

that's a little bit different than the rest and it has four solid legs, a solid head and a solid tail, but no windows or doors. Do you know what's name? It's a dog named Jupiter. Bye forever. Walk a walk again. I have five.

Sorry, Erin G. And John Patrick calling. Casey Tony to the editing. I already heard it in the music. Hey there, Onlet's and Spoons. If you like that, you're gonna love this week's CluCrew. We do a long form improv episode that all takes place in a diner. You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog by joining the Patreon at patreon.com slash Hey Riddle Riddle with the CluCrew at $5 a month or the review crew at $8 a month. See you there!

See ya there!