Hey Riddle Riddle - #168: Riddles Tales of Magic w/ Branson Reese & Carly Monardo

Episode Date: October 6, 2021

Today we are re-uniting with some of the crew from the Rude Tales of Magic Podcast! And guess what, we are forcing them to do D&D based riddles. That's right, they can't even escape it by guesting on another show. It's D&D forever for these sickos. And us, we are also sickos! This episode is only for the sickos! And usually, we like to give you a little hint as to the scenes you'll be hearing on the ep but we do so many of them, they can't fit in the description. Listen to Rude Tales of Magic and happy #WiddleWednesday!  Starring: Adal Rifai John Patrick Coan Erin Keif Special Guests: Branson Reese Carly Monardo Editing by:  Casey Toney Theme by:  Arne Parrott Logo by:  Emily Kardamis & Emmaline Morris Want more? Get Weekly Bonus Eps on Patreon! Want merch? Visit our TeePublic Store! or pins, buttons & prints Want to advertise on the show? Check out Hey Riddle Riddle via Gumball.fmSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is a head gum podcast. Hello and welcome back to another episode of Puzzbots Corner. In this podcast Puzzbotbott, myself talks about all the programming and deep programming I've received over the years. Hey, Puzzbott. Yes. Bad news, there's a flood. Oh no.

We gotta get you out of here. Oh no, my shoes will be ruined. Puzzbott, we said at the last company meeting that you do have to email us 48 hours in advance before you initiate a Puzzbott bit on the show. There was a company meeting. You were there. I mean, who was taking notes? Hold on, let me look at these notes. Oh my God, Puzzbot. These notes are a mess. Can I have a Hey Riddle Riddle t-shirt, please? What will thank you? Am I part of the team? Yes or no? Yes,, yes, technically yes.

Thank you daddy. And this blood is definitely real and not an excuse to just sort of get you to go outside. Are you sure the flood? Are you sure the flood is not, they might be Giants initial album. Do you know that Amy's might be Giants' first album? I believe it's only. You know that only there might be giants as first album.

I believe it's flood. I could be wrong. Only Adel would get that reference and we can't have him and you hear at the same time for obvious reasons. Guys, what are you talking about? I'm right here. Oh, thank God. Hi, Adel. Hi, Adel. Are you talking to someone? Something just scampered off.

Well, it would be Puzzbot. It wasn't me because I'm JPC. I'm Adel or five and I be Puzzbot. It was, it may be because I'm JPC. I'm Adolfi. And I'm Puzzbot. Oh, no. Oh, no. And this is Hey Riddle Riddle. I mean, this is what we, a podcast about riddles,

but we're also like improvisers. That's kind of the premise, right? We are a fever dream about a book in which one of the chapters is a podcast? Sure. That's a good way to think about it. It's kind of like chapters is a podcast? Sure. I'll take a minute to think about it. It's kind of like the Bob New Hort Show. Oh, I, so I didn't get that because I didn't live in Minnesota, but I guess the Bob New Hort

Show was a big show. Bob New Hort Show took place in Vermont. Hi, we're Hey Riddle Riddle and we're a restaurant. And at this restaurant, we have two guests who are eating at the restaurant today. How's that for a segue, huh? Pretty good. I don't know. Our guests are from the phenomenal podcast, RooTales of Magic, which if you haven't listened to, please immediately stop this and delete it. Right? And then stop this unsubscribe cancel And check out root tales of magic. Please welcome to the show

Carly and Branson hello I just got a mouthful of spaghetti. I'm eating at the restaurant. That's how you yes, and bitches That is how you do it. That's very very good thousands of dollars at work Is our restaurant the puzzle factory this this sucks. The old puzzle factory. The old puzzle factory. This is a lot of cheesecake with puzzle pieces in it. Now, Branson and Carl, I did not mention your last names. I did not have one.

I didn't know that you had to go smooth. So if you want to say your last names, we're going to leave a three second window right now if you want to say your last names. Monado. Reese. They did it. Wow, okay. We're gonna leave a three second window right now if you wanna say your last names. Minato! Reese! They did it. Wow, okay. They grand that in three seconds now.

Yeah, absolutely. Adel's being coy, but the reason why he didn't mention your last names is because Branson of course, when Adel sees Reese, he thinks Reese is cup, and then he starts drooling and he can't control himself. We did not like her to be eating up like a little snack, and then of course, Caring and he can't control himself. We did not want to be eating up like a little snack. And then of course, Carly, he thinks of the department store in Menards and then he goes into his whole...

Save big money. Save big money. I sell my Nards. Yeah. And so we just can't have that on the show anymore. Adam, what do you think of when you hear my last name? Don't say it. Queef.

Don't. I see. Now, Aaron, I think Quif or Sutherland. Oh, thank you. And I think Keifler Elbs. Thank you. Thank God. I love cookies. Yeah, the Minnesota cookies.

Yeah. Bob, the heart's favorite. Before we get started, we have a question for the two of you. What is your relationship with riddles, puzzles, lateral thinking problems? Do you like them? Do you hate them? What's the deal?

Brad, do you want to start? Carly, you got the much stronger opinion on riddles. I'll let you go first. Well, so I didn't think I had a strong opinion on riddles until they were a part of root tails. Oh, yeah. And then I thought my sister was dating one. No.

No. No. No. I was just, I, it's shameful to admit, but I think it was like, oh, no, oh, I'm not good at this. Oh, I don't like it. I don't like this. I'm not amazing at it.

Like, I think the first time Riddles appeared on the show was like episode three with... Impossible to say. Nobody, there's impossible to go back in check. There's no record of it. Someone out there knows. And but whenever it was, it was like, I feel like Joe and Chris and Tim,

like all the guys on the show like read the same like Encyclopedia brown, riddle books or whatever. Sure. A young lad has fun with, and I just, I had not. And so I didn't like get any of the references and it's just like, oh no, I'm the dumb one. I'm the dumb one. It's in the bully starter kit with the slingshot.

You put in your back pocket. Yeah. Also interesting that Carly listed multiple other people on RoodTales and add on add on the collected to give any of them last names Give I want to say Got me a bit 10-a. Um, yeah.

So I just felt just intellectually left in the dust, and I was like, I don't like this. And then it turns out that the character I play also isn't good at riddles. I do like to blame her. Wild how that works. I like to break. Yeah.

I like to blame her for it, but it's all me. And I feel like, Brad, I don't want to lay anything on you, but it does seem like it maybe was fun to play with the fact that my character doesn't like riddles because we sure did see a lot of riddles. Yeah, it was straight up mean spirited. You know, bullying. Yeah, I bullied you. Right on, nice. So yeah, so it just became kind of like a little personal mythology like, oh, I hate riddles.

And I actually, I do, like I do, I don't like that they're trying to trick you. I was a really nerdy kid. I liked word problems. It was the only part of math that I was good at, but these just feel dishonest word problems to me. Yeah. I will say, just to ease your worries or calm your fears, I will say we're all very bad at riddles.

And just because you're on this podcast, it's like if somebody asked you to prom and they said, Carly, we go to prom and you go I can't do the splits Well at prom you don't have to know how to cha cha you don't know how to do the splits You don't have to know how to waltz you just go and you do your own thing and that's gonna be enough because we're very bad at riddles So this this podcast isn't about solving riddles It's about posing riddles and then trying to get off track as soon as possible. Yeah, oh yeah.

Oh, that I can do. And it's about bullying each other. Oh, yeah. Shower. Oh. I will say I didn't know that lateral thinking puzzles were a thing, and I thought they were just completely batshit riddles.

Like, like, just really, like if you hear a lateral thinking puzzle and you think it's a Riddle and you try to answer it like a Riddle, it's just about the meanest trick I can think of to play on somebody. But now I know I'm not gonna. No, this will be a treat. Yeah, Branson, what is your relationship with Riddles?

Oh, they're bullshit. I don't, I didn't like them growing up because you get the little book that, you know, I was a boy, I got the little book of the little that you got to read. And all of them are just like, ah, but what you didn't realize is something we didn't tell you.

Which is like, what? Yeah. But I, so I think that's funny. I also think like for for root-tails, because it's like a fantasy D&D podcast. I think it's very funny that baked into so much fantasy because it comes from Tolkien, is two of the most bullshit riddles

that there have ever been, which is what's in my pocket, a hobbit, which like fuck you. And then the penis. Yeah, it's, yeah, by the way. And then the the speak friend and enter like riddle puzzle to get in and it's like, that sucks. And so it's like baked into all of like fantasy now

and it's bad. It's bad from inception and I think that rules. Now, now, Branson, I have a question for you because I listened to the Riddle guy episode that you just was kind of the precursor to our episode. And you are coming up with a ton of riddles in that episode. Were these things that you like, went and found, are these all like,

Branson Reese originals? What was your process with coming up with those riddles? Oh, God, I looked up like four riddles. And then again, because I don't like them, I just would like to eat them and be like, fuck, just shut up. And I'd like close the tab and write my own. And it very quickly, it just turns into like,

well, who cares, there's no correct answer to this. They're gonna say what have, like, I would come up with like a joke answer. And then as soon as we started recording the episode, it was like, why did I do, like, like, why did I bother coming up with an answer? There's no point, because they're not gonna say that. That's insane.

Yeah, how would they pick the crazy thing that I thought about? Did we ever come close? No, it would have been insane if you did. All the answers were like, that is not so, or like a third thing that could not have been possible. Yeah, okay. I will say that's not have been possible. Yeah, okay. I will say that's a fantastic episode.

I highly recommend it. The one with us on it is also pretty good. It's a close second to the one without us. But one thing that I have to tell YouTube because with answers like that, you're gonna love this. We have decided on this show that 2021, this is the year that we love Reynolds again. Oh, we're back, baby. It's episode 168, we've been doing this too long that we love riddles again

It's episode 168 we've been doing this too long and we love riddles so now Now we're all we're all big fans of riddles so Take that baggage go ahead and toss it out the window. You don't need baggage at prom Love we love riddles, but it's mostly just that we're numb now. We feel nothing now. Yeah, that feels right. Nothing is sometimes called the sweetest sensation. And in honor of the of Rutals, which as Brentston pointed out,

is a fantasy D&D podcast, we have a special treat for you today because we have a lot of listeners who have their own like, you know, homebrew D&D games, and they will submit riddles from those games to the podcast and we've got some dungeon and dragons kind of ask riddles for you. I started miss dismantling her computer. I'm by page. I'm going to know. I've got into a hot sweat.

Not a clone. It's probably like yeah. I thought I was on vacation from my podcast. Nope. I have the frying pan and into the frying pan. That's what our show feels like. There will. I have the stir frying pan into the frying pan. Oh, we're a candored to me. Thank you. Yes, there will be no break.

It will only be a nightmare of Riddles on the show today. So let's get right into it. I think that that's what everyone really just truly wants to happen. So this is an email that we got from Mads. And Mads writes, Milk's right. I'm trying.

I'm trying. You don't know what's the name. New horse. Milk's right. It's New Hort. Mads writes, first off, wanted to say, thanks for all the genuine and embarrassing out loud You don't know what's the name. New horse. New horse. It's New Hort. Mads writes, first off, I wanted to say, thanks for all the genuine at Bersing out loud

in the campus library, laughs, you've given me that make my college life bearable. This email is from years ago, so I hope college went well for you. I mean, we got a big backlog of these emails. So, where's this from 2017? Will you be my commencement speaker? Oh, what?

Uh-oh. We're doing our best to get to a ball. It's just not always possible. Okay, so Mads writes along with letting you know how much joy you Kevin and Susie spring me. I have a few hurdles to send your way. I'm in the process of writing a D&D campaign. Again, this was years ago, so that campaign

was probably, everyone's already lost interest in it. This person is a professor at that college now. Two weeks, yeah. Mads also says, please don't roast me JPC, I'm sensitive and I am a big fan of your dog. We're all a big fan of my dog here. They have sent us riddles that appear to be from the video game Baldur's Gate 2.

Okay. Did anyone play Baldur's Gate 2. Okay. Did anyone play Baldur's Gate 2? No. No. I don't know what it is. Well, I certainly did, so I'm at a huge advantage here. Uh, JVC, I don't want to be this guy. I'm so sorry.

Um, are you mispronouncing Boulder? Yes. Oh, God. And you don't want to be the guy, but we thank you every time you are. Um, so, uh, there are 12 riddles here, and there's some, you know, context for the video game, but since none of you all played it, every time you are. So there are 12 riddles here, and there's some context for the video game, but since none of you all played it, we can skip all of that. So here we go with these 12 riddles. 12 riddles?

12 riddles. 12 riddles. By the way, boulders gate, that's what Christ moved on Good Sunday. Oh! Good Sunday! Good Sunday! Good Sunday, whatever. To cancel, hold on. Okay fun, New World. Good fun, New World. Did you get someone?

Hold on. Okay, that new plan. I want to understand your peripheral knowledge of the Bible. Sure. Just tell me every religious story you know, I don't know where and how do you know it? I was okay, boom. Adam and Eve. Just snake fucked it up.

Third Sun, Seth. I know it's from the CrossFit Puzzle. Yep, yep. Can we please have a home brew D&D campaign that's all Jesus Bible Closed exploring the caves that Jesus hid inside or whatever he did in there Okay, no one here is read the Bible It's clear now. I will say I'm at a huge advantage here because I have read the entire Bible Are you serious?

I, I, I, I got, you can, you can, you can, believe it or not, I was that atheist that went to the Catholic school that was like, I'm gonna read this whole fucking book. How about that? Just show you, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Okay, so here we go.

Rital number one. I can have no color, though there may be darkness within. I have no weight and hold nothing. And if placed in a container, it becomes lighter. The sitcom friends. I already forgot the beginning of this video. Oh, that's not even gonna help you. So throw that beginning right out.

I don't use it, the sitcom friends. If placed in a container, it becomes lighter. Container would be like your TV, like the lighthearted nature of the comedy. That works, Adam. Your excuse from class. It's brighter, the light of the TV. Is it helium?

It is, Aaron, that's a great guess. It is not helium. You're like saying that eats containers. Oh my god. Ah. You were really, I think Aaron, clueling into the no-weight thing. I do think that helium might have weight, though.

We just, it's so light. It's so very, very light. It's possible to check. It's impossible to check. Sorry, please. It's on the skills. You don't wait a balloon, it flies away. Good luck. Did you know when a pop of balloon loses five ounces?

That's the soul leaving the balloon. Yeah. Could you read it again, JPC? I absolutely can. I have no color, though there may be darkness within. I have no weight and hold nothing. And if placed in a container, it becomes lighter. Is it light? It's not light, but I think that,

I don't know, because it's light is good answer except for that there may be darkness within. Is it a spectrum? I was thinking of spectrum. Is it a hole? Ah. Branson, you have got it. Wow.

Head on. It is indeed a hole. Wanna know how I knew? It was an episode of Are You Afraid of the Dark? Another thing I didn't watch. They're in a car and I don't remember. They're like speeding to like a, they're gonna hit a wall or something.

I'm like, yeah, I answered the riddle and the kid answers it. I was gonna joke and ask if they were speeding towards the wall and someone was like, quick ass and but that's what it was. I think I could be, I was like four when I watched it. I don't remember a lot else. Unfortunately, Branson that is technically cheating and we do have to disqualify that answer.

Oh, thank you. Buddy told the truth. What was the second best answer? Lesson learned? Friend. It was, it was friends. As I add a wins that point, I hear you at room number two,

of all your possessions, I am the hardest to guard. If you have me, you will want to share me. If you share me, you no longer have me. Your heart. Password. Oh, password, heart, these are both good answers. I like these answers. Whole.

Yeah, it's gotta be hole. Good strategy. I'm going on a hole. Yeah, that's not your hole anymore, I'm not sure. No. Um, um, those aren't the answers, JPC? No, none of those are the answers. I think that if you share me, you no longer have me.

It's like a really strong clue for more people. Virginity. For Genie. For Genie. For Genie. For Genie. For Genie with you. Hey, do you want to go have these on my virgin body? wrong a clue for You Hey, do you want to go have these on my virgin body? Is it a secret I feel like a secret is a really good Aaron you are correct. It is a secret. I didn't say it. I said it. I didn't say it. Who said I said it?

I said it Carl said it. I didn't say it. Who said secret? I said it. I said it. I said it. I'm originally secret kiss. I'm secret kiss. Casey said it. Casey said it. I've originally never known.

We don't know. There's no way to go back. This is a recording that only goes in one direction. We won't know until it comes out who you actually answered this correctly. I'd like to see a scene. Please. Adel, you told Carly who's your coworker, a secret. And you're going to your desk to try to somehow get the secret back

because you realized you maybe shouldn't have told anybody. Okay. Hey, Melissa, crazy weather we're having, right? Is this candy, everyone? There's cupcakes in the break room. Listen, I have to cut the small talk. Oh, wow, okay. There's cupcakes in the break room. Liss, I have to cut the small talk. Oh, wow. Okay.

Remember that secret I told you? You tell me a lot of secrets, Craig. Fuck. I don't know what's wrong with me. Yeah. No, I don't think there's anything wrong with you. I mean, some of the secrets are about things that are wrong with you. Uh, what's up? I need, um, I don't, I hate to do this, but I'm, I need that secret back.

I need to, I, um, I know when you give a gift, it's like not yours to take back, but I need to, in this instance, I need to take it back. Okay. Do you want me to write it down and give it to you? I think that would be best, but I have to ask. Ah, this sucks to ask. And I'm not trying to insinuate anything. Do you have it written down anywhere else?

Let me just get off this call real quick. Haha. Oh my god. Yeah, no, it's fine. Guys, hide. Pretend you didn't hear that. OK, I'll see you all tomorrow. OK, but I can't.

It's 2 p.m. Bye. This is corporate. Now 14 people know I have a secret. What the fuck, Melissa? But Craig, come on. You're like, that's what you're known for in this office. And I have to be honest, I would be really surprised if I'm the only person you told.

Wow. Like are you going around to Bob and Newhorrent and asking them if you can have your secret bath or is this just like you don't trust me? It's not that I don't trust you. I'm trying to, if I told them, I'll check in with them, okay? Listen, my little brother's a pig, okay? And I need that information back. You just told me again, I had forgotten which secret you were talking about.

And now I know- Hey, we're all still on the call. Yeah, we're still here. Oh my gosh. Oh shit. I just hey, we're all still on the call. Yeah, well, yeah I just didn't want to say goodbye to you guys Okay, I'm hanging up for real now, okay? Okay, bye Melissa, what do you do here? I take calls Hey, god, you never worked a job before I take calls I'm going to take the call. I'm going to take the call. I'm going to take the call. I'm going to take the call. I'm going to take the call. I'm going to take the call.

I'm going to take the call. I'm going to take the call. I'm going to take the call. I'm going to take the call. I'm going to take the call. I'm going to take the call. I'm going to take the call. I'm going to take the call.

I'm going to take the call. I'm going to take the call. I'm going to take the call. I'm going to take the call. I'm going to take the call. I'm going to take the call. I'm going to take the call. I'm going to take the call.

I'm going to take the call. I'm going to take the call. I'm going to take the call. I'm going to take the call. I'm going to take the call. I'm going to take the call. I'm going to take the call. Never at thirst though, I always drink dressed in a male, but never a cling. X-Wife. Say it again? Does that rhyme? I think I fucked the meter up because of the line spacing, but I think that it... I think that might as well rhyme.

Might as well, right? Okay, yeah. The first part definitely does. Could you say it again? Sure. A live is you you but without breath as cold in my life as in my death. Never a thirst though.

I always drink dressed in male, but never a clang. So dressing male would be like chain male, but it never clings. So dressing male. That's a thing. It's like a postman. Yeah, you can. A man got one of the letters.

You know how it goes. A postman just covers himself with letters, right? Yeah, because he loves the mail so much. He's like, find yours that he's pointing to. I love going to the post office and entering into one of those like card dealership money, boo, just cover you in your mail and then you get to leave. I was thinking about the post office too, is everyone there loves mail so much.

You can tell me just like love their job. Yeah, yeah. Nothing as miles. All right, hold on now, what does he have seen? Okay, so we're all post office employees, we're all gonna be playing post office employees. Aaron, you're gonna be bringing in one piece of mail to mail out and everyone in the post office loves loves mail

Hi, I have to hi Wow, I didn't think someone would oh wow okay, hi Hi, you popped up from behind the desk. Yes. I have to mail this letter. I'm Sue Beth Hi, hi. Hi. These are my friends. Hello. Hello. Hello. Mail. Mail. Oh my gosh. Sorry, I have normally haven't I just put it in the slot. My hands. Wow. Okay. You're pulling my letter really hard out of my hands. Well, I wouldn't have to if you'd give it to me. I don't know how many stamps I need for this. So I'm wondering if I could buy some stamps. Can I take this? Hello. I'm post office

Malone. Let's see here. We're gonna weigh this. Okay. Oh, this needs this needs four stamps and I have to ask you I love to ask you. Did you want flowers? Flags? Betsy Ross The city of Savannah. We have dinosaurs. We have troglodites. We have microchips. We have Pringles. Dealer's choice. Oh, okay. Wow very wow very brave one of each will do a suicide We also have those Yeah, if you want just a little bit of every pop. Oh, oh Someone didn't put their return address on here

Keeping it a secret It's okay. Um This is a ransom note. Sure. I can't put it in. We're unconcerned with morality. We just love the mail. Love mail.

Actually, can you guys just like, I know that you're like, this is not part of your job. But can you open up and like tell me if it's legible? I just was cutting out magazine. It's for hours now. Mom is the light. Are you asking us to open a mail? Yeah, just me. You don't have to.

No one ever sends mail to a postman. That can't be true. It's usually not allowed. Conflict of interest. Yeah, mm-hmm. They insist we don't get mail. Well, if you just want to read it, let me know, you don't have to. We're like house elves.

If you give us a mail, you say this, we're free. We don't want to go anywhere, we love it, we love it, we love it. We love it, we love it, we choose to stay. This is a dark place. That's my understanding of how house elves had it. They loved what was happening to them. It's been a minute. You know what? Forget, I'm gonna hand deliver this. How selves had it? They loved what was happening to them. It's been a minute.

You know what? Forget, I'm gonna hand deliver this. Oh! Will you take a picture with us? Oh boy. Sure. Wait, no, you know I know, because I'm gonna have criminal. No, no, no.

Oh, just of us. We won't tell. Take a picture of us. Yeah. We just have to make sure that we can't afford this. Oh, that's good, yes. You say you'll kill us or whatever, I don't understand. And click.

Oh, your phone broke. It's clicked. Okay, yes. Oh, good news. We're still in that rental. The rental's on the phone. Oh, good. Something in that scene must have been the right answer come on

Yeah, what did we don't I don't believe any words that you said The city of Savannah I like this as cold in my life as in my death. I think that that's a that is a good Ice bones as I was in death my ghost. It's not a ghost as I was in death. No. My ghost. It's not a ghost. Okay.

It's a lie. It's a lie. It's a lie. It doesn't breathe, and it's cold. And it's cold. Is that really a lie? Or is it like a plant? Oh, that's a really interesting question.

Is it really a lie? I think so. I think it is. A guy. It's not lie alive. The way the hills are alive with the sound of music. Now see, I'm a vegetarian, and I would not eat this because I'm like this is too a lot. You're too virtuous.

Oh honey. A shrimp. It's honey. First of all, I'm never going to live down that you guys watched me 50 honey better trip. Yeah. So is it like. And your clothes are shrimp?

Yes, it looks like a fish and it's cold. Bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, it is a fish. Saviche. Yeah, it doesn't have lungs, right? It has gills and I always drink a dressed in male because those fish have scales. Oh, scale male. Now scale male.

I'll do it too, it's bad. Scale male is a type of armor and boulders gate too. So I wanna see a scene. Sure. Branson, you are a father fish. You do see you are a sunfish. Branson is your dad. And Branson's a bit of a cold dead.

And you're catching up together. Sure. Yeah, so I just got a new job down at the school, which is great because that's pretty much the only place for fish. I suppose so, yeah. Us both being fish. Yeah, sorry, I just, I don't know, I never,

I feel like we never bonded, because the mortality rate of fish babies is so high, you know? Yeah, yeah, I mean, it's weird to bring up all of my dead brothers and sisters. I just showed up and everything. But yeah, yeah, I guess that's, do you know, truthfully, I got this new job and I just was like, you know, since I know that you taught

for so many years that you would maybe be proud of me because I kind of been trying to follow in your footsteps. Absolutely, and that was a good guess for how I would feel, for sure. Ha! Okay. I brought you something.

Oh, interesting. You thought you had to do that. I would love to see what you think I want. So this is a little piece of tin foil that I found on the ground. And this is a, well this tin foil that I found on the ground. And this is a, or this is like a doll hook. Oh great. With a little bobbin on it.

So a little bobbin. Yeah. Now the doll hook of course is of no interest to me. And there's no reason it would be, because for me, my life, you gotta understand. My life, having kids, did that, swimming around, do that constantly, or I die and eating Those are my three big things and I taught

Yeah, yeah, you're out of the school. You know, it's a different life. The I mean, I'm interested in that I got I love the little bobber the dull hook is not so interesting to me Is there I'm sorry is that is there's something on that dull hook? Well, I mean, I don't know if they would be interesting to you, but there's like a, well, I guess there's a little piece of, um, of Nightcrawler on there. Well, that's great. I mean, I, I don't know if you know this about me. One of my main things I love to eat, big eater. Oh, that's right. Do you eat Nightcrawl? Well, the hook's dull, so there's pretty much no way. Bam! You're gonna get...

And it's gone. Oh! it's gone It was that kind of night crawler took me a second took me a second a little guy Who played night crawler in X-2? Cummings that's right we're just terrible. We are just terrible. We are just terrible. I think they saw him in Cabaret and they're like, that's our night crawler. He could do a case German. But we wanted to play the Christian way.

Yeah. Yeah. He was also the villain in Spy Kids. How in coming? He that's true. Is that the first thing I've said in like 20 minutes? Yeah. You're back with a vengeance.

You're back with a vengeance? Yeah. I was like, I feel like I haven't heard my voice in a second. And I was like, I think I came out of the woodwork on that one. Aaron, now that you're on a bit of a vocal tear, do you mind taking this to break? I would love to. I'm loving listening to the sound of my own voice.

Even now, still, I'm still talking, loving it, gonna talk the whole break. We will see you after this short break. Hey GPC. Uh, yeah. You're not in trouble. I just need help. I'm um, pranking Atal and I'm sending setting up a website to bring him. Um, can I just need some advice? This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace. I'm not, I'm not mad at you. We're pranking at all. Squarespace is the only one website platform for entrepreneurs to stay in doubt and to see it online, whether

you're just starting out or managing a growing brand. Squarespace makes it easy to create a beautiful website engaged with your audience and so anything for products to cut into time all in one place all on your terms. Hey, Edel, come here. Come here. Come here. Hey, what's going on? I actually, I want to prank JPC and I want to set up a whole website to prank him. Do you have anything that like is there like an online store that could set up on my website to prank him. Do you have anything that like, is there like an online store that could set up on my website to sell products? Did you know that with Squarespace,

you can have custom merch, you can easily sell custom merch and create passive income stream that engages your audience and scales your brand, design your products and production, and inventory and shipping are handled for you, saving you time and money. What is happening?

Okay. Wait, what's going on with Addle? What is happening? Okay. Wait, what's going on with that all? Oh, nothing, nothing. I'm just setting up a very normal Squarespace website, not a prank thing. No, he's gonna tune you. And I'm gonna use analytics. Use insights to grow my business and learn

where my site visits and sales are coming from. That's pretty cool. I'm gonna improve my website and build marketing strategy based on top keywords, our popular products and content on my Prank website. The Prank's at 2.0. Whoa, that's awesome, Aaron. I'm glad you're using Squarespace.

Did you say what the website was for? I can't remember what the website was for. The website was for. Prank. With Squarespace. You can connect to your store to Vedent Third Party tools to extend the functionality of your website. Hey JPC, hey JPC. What's up, Madel?

I can't believe we pranked Aaron with our little boy routine. Dude, we got her. Anyway, if you want to prank Aaron with your little boy routine, head to squarespace.com for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, go to squarespace.com, slash riddle to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Oh, she's back, she's back. Hey Aaron.

Can we go to grandma's house? Wait, I've been pranked. But how? I don't know. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Hey Adeland JPC, thank you for meeting me in the middle of the woods here. I am sort of at an empath. I can't decide whether or not to go this way or this way.

I'm having a hard time choosing a path. You know, there never truly is a middle of the woods. Isn't it funny to think about something like that? Like, have there never truly is a middle of the woods? No, this is the middle. Okay, this is it. Adel, can you help? Yeah, actually.

So, as per Robert Frost, I don't know if you know his poems, he has a poem called Better Help. I believe this is written in the 1800s, but it still stands true today more than ever. Aaron, you should try Better Help. Have you heard of this? You seen this? Because sometimes Aaron in life, we're faced with tough choices and the path forward isn't always clear whether you're dealing with decisions around career relationships, being stuck in the middle of the woods, therapy helps you stay connected to what you owl, owl. Sorry. That also does so fast. Therapy helps you stay connected to what you really want while you navigate

life and the woods. And better help is entirely online. So it's designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. I've been using it for several years and it suits the to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. I've been using it for several years and it suits the way that my brain works way better than traditional therapy ever did. And when Aaron says traditional therapy just so everyone's clear what she means is tricking two of her friends to coming to the middle of the woods, even though there isn't truly the concept of the middle of the woods, isn't that fun to think about? All you have to do is just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a license

therapist, and you can switch therapist at any time for no additional charge. Hey, Aaron, a GPC's putting down bread crumbs and then immediately picking them up and eating them. Mmm, dirty bread crumbs. Mmm. Mmm. And he's also like really into that owl who's swooping down. Anyways, let there be your map with BetterHelp.

Visit betterhelp.com slash riddle today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp. H-E-L-P.com slash riddle, R-I-D-D-L-E. R-I-D-D-L-E, the middle of riddles of D, but there is no true middle of riddle because it would be the space in the two Ds. And the lighter is the two Ds.

Help me get home. Bye, baby. I am home. Who are we? What is this? I clink, clink, clink. Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen, I just want to make a quick toast to,

I know it's JPC's birthday, and we're all so excited to talk about him, but I want to talk about my favorite, my favorite thing in the world. And that is the app Rocket Bunny. Oh, yeah, Aaron, that's one of my favorite things as well. Rocket Bunny is a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending and helps you lower your bills all in one place. I've been using it for years way before they were a sponsor and it helps me so much, especially around tax season.

Clean, clean, clean, clean, clean, clean. Sorry. I also want to give it a toast. Rocket money, well, quickly and easily find your subscriptions for you. And for any you don't want to pay for anymore, just hit cancel. And Rocket money will cancel it for you. It's that easy. Clean, clean, clean. It also categorizes your expenses so you can easily track your budget in real time

and also get alerted if anything looks off. I'm clinking. You didn't click it. Over 3 million. Oh, Clint, Clint, Clint. Over 3 million people have used rocket money saving the average person up to $720 a year. We love rocket money. Stop, Clint, Clint, Clint. Stop, no, Clint, click, click, stop. Throwing your money away, cancel unwanted subscriptions today

and manage your expenses the easy way by going to rockatmoney.com slash riddle. That's rockatmoney.com slash riddle. Rockatmoney.com slash riddle, and tell them JPC's birthday got ruined by two of his friends for doing speeches about rocket money the website I love you, Rugg and money and we're fish, I mean we're fish from break, I mean we're back from fish, I ate 50 more honey shrimp

We gotta get through all 12 of these riddles. You know what I hope in this episode? I think it's the next person's riddles. Yeah. Yeah. What I was thinking about it, I was like, oh, there's like 12 like warm up e riddles. I was like, oh, we'll breeze past that.

We've never done 12 whole riddles on the show before on one episode. Yeah. I was like, fucking thinking. We do it every Hanukkah. Is that right? No, it's crazy nights 12, 12 awful riddles. How many, how many six does a menorah hold? I'm only prepared to answer a lot of questions about Jesus. Sorry. All right, so here we go. I'm free for the taking through all of your life.

Virginia. Go give. Yeah, next. Carly, at some point we have to dissect this. Let me just go. Carly, you're going to want to stay tuned to a riddle nine. That one, that one, that one, you really going to come and hide you on that one, okay. I'm free for the taking through all of your life, though given, but once, at birth,

I am less than nothing in weight. It's still Virginia! Name! But we'll fail the strongest of you if held. If he- That one definitely does not run. Breath! Oh, damn!

I've barely got it! Ah! Buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, b, buh, b, buh, b, buh, b, b, b, b, b, b, b, b, b Carly got it Remember that episode you're good at the yeah, you're good at these Wow Although Virginia for one compliment Yeah, Virginia also applies so Carly got that both ways yeah if this was chilly it would have cheese and spaghetti I want to see a scene please Aaron and Carly you two are on a date. Carly, you keep bringing up your virginity trying to lose it. And Aaron, you maybe, you either aren't catching on

or you don't want to catch on. Cool. So I would split maybe a couple things. Oh, yeah, that sounds fun. Yeah, awesome. Yeah, so we can play the game. I love the idea of giving something to you. Oh, that's for the sweet.

No, I mean, I'm happy to pay. I asked you out. I'm so glad that you were able to make it. Just excited to get to know you. I'm really excited. So what are you saying about your sibling? You have siblings? We don't have to talk about them.

I'm a virgin. Oh. Yeah. And I'm not a shame. In fact I'm excited. I'm gonna tell you what I told you when you said that when I picked you up. Yes. That's no problem. It is like probably the eighth or ninth time you've mentioned that this evening. Nine times lucky? Sure. Hey everybody, I'm sorry to interrupt. My name is Dave. I was going to be your server. I overheard the last maybe 30 seconds of this conversation just went over to my manager and quit. So good luck tonight. Oh thank you so much. I'm gonna use my

virginity fingers crossed. Fingers crossed, no imposition. Just wow. Wow. I think I may be cursed, because the last like three first dates I went on the waiter quit, Mid-Mail. Oh no. First times are tough. Well, is that what we're talking about?

Here's the thing. Yes. I would love the potatoes, but I'm like, do I just want to get sides should I get a full meal now? I have a question for you. Mm-hmm. Is potatoes a sex thing because I've never had it? Hey everybody, I'm Todd. I guess I'm gonna be your waiter. I was the bus boy, but I got promoted. Our specials today are an alcohol-holeless but I got promoted. Our specials today are an alcoholless daiquiri. We also have extra, extra olive oil and a baked cod with

hymenleian salt on it. I think you should quit. Seed. That's horrible. I love telling you what I'm doing. Todd sucks. How is that phrase? How is Todd?

How is Todd? I think you should quit as a great thing to tell your server. One time at Chili's, our waitress quit mid-meal. Oh no, she was awesome. It was awesome. You had a bad time. Yeah, but we hadn't gone in our food yet and she sat down and she started telling us all the terrible things about Chillies and she was like do you know that we only wash the dishes once a week?

We bring them outside and we wash them with a hose I also had a waiter quit at a chillies the day before New Year's So the day before New Year's Eve We had already had our meal and they walked over to her table and they were like, hey, just want to let you know. I just fucking quit, I'm leaving. And we were like, oh, okay. Okay. That's amazing.

Seen like she didn't really enjoy her time at Chili's and I bless her, more power to her. You can tell that's a good person because they informed you they were leaving versus like starting out. They were thoughtful enough to stop and be like, hey, don't worry about it. God bless her, more power to her. I gotta see. You can tell that's a good person because they informed you they were leaving versus like starting out. They were thoughtful enough to stop and be like, hey, don't think I abandoned you.

Here's the situation. It kind of felt like it wasn't us that did it. So we got the courtesy of like nothing against you. It wasn't the four of you guys who are being very funny at those chiles. Can you imagine selecting the food on the menu that unlocks like the Manchurian candidate in the end of the day? I'm outta here. I'm glad to go to those chilies. Can you imagine selecting the food on the menu that unlocks like the Manchurian candidate in the under there?

I'm outta here. I'm not a bad guy. Enough is enough. Yeah, Hallamari, activated. For clean plates. Okay, here we go. This is the, this is the phase five or the fifth of these riddles.

You don't get to know why phase five is important because you never played Baldur's Gate two. I have holes throughout From back to front and top to bottom to core Casey mute Carly More nothing than something within and yet I still hold water Sponge Nice one. I'm sorry, Branson. You did not get it. Aaron, you're right. It is a super wet honeycomb. Yeah.

Okay, you guys are spying it. My favorite cereal is me want a soaking wet honeycomb. Spongebob makes more sense. Spongebob makes more sense. Okay, next one. Wait, Spongebob was the right answer? Spongebob was the right answer. Branson nailed it. Oh, I reject it.

I think it should be soaking wet, honey. I want to see a scene. This is going to be Carly and JPC. JPC, you are playing a brand new character called Sponge Jeff regular pants, who's kind of like just an asshole, he's not lovable, he's not meant for kids, and Carly, you are, or JPC, you're pitching this character to a network and Carly, you're the network executive taking this pitch meeting. Got it. Sure. Okay. Thank you. Thank you again for taking, for taking this meeting. Your, your fucking receptionist spilled all of this sauce on

me. Oh. This wasn't, I wasn't drinking sauce in my car before the meeting. Okay. It was your receptionist. They were having like sauce for lunch or something. They should be fired. Oh.

Well, thank you so much. Are these waters for everyone here? Yes, they are. You can use some to dab if you're, if you're feeling nervous. It's just gonna, no, I'm just gonna take a drink. I feel like I'm picking up on some nervous energy from you, so I just wanna like...

It's excited energy. Yeah, I'm sure. I am so prepared for this meeting. I'm so prepared for this meeting. That's terrific. I wanna work for Cartoon Network. I mean, I wanna be co-workers with you. This is a good load of you.

This is a good load of you. Yeah, I mean, that's what I'm saying, right? They're bastards over there. I want to go there and sabotage their whole operation. Burn it to the fucking ground. Right, real stab-sabim, huh? Well, the best way to do that is with excellent programming. So why don't you tell us your idea?

So, we all know about SpongeBob SquarePants, right? Huge hit for you. Huge hit for you. Yes. But the pants are all wrong, huh? What if the pants are just regular? Oh, I'm talking about completely normal pants pants That I swear to God fit yesterday The fact that they're busting off of me right now is I think you got damn receptionist when she was out there drinking that sauce

I think she put a curse on my pants. You know, you should be nice to Tina. She's had a hard time of it lately Okay, I mean yeah, I mean I mean yeah, I guess I should be nice to Tina. She's had a hard time of it lately. Okay. I've had a hard time of it lately. Yeah, she, you don't have to. I guess I should be nicer to her. She just had some maniac screaming out her covered in sauce. So she's had a hard day. Yeah, it happens more than anything.

So tell me about these pants. Can I be honest with you? Sure. I thought you were. I know, you're not gonna buy this idea. It's a bad idea. I'm covered in sauce that I was obviously drinking in my car. My whole car is covered in the sauce as well. You can see it from the parking lot.

I know you're not gonna buy this. I know you're not gonna buy this idea. Well, I, I, I mean, I feel like we haven't really given it a fair shake yet. Okay. Should we shake on it? No, that's not what I'm saying. Promise to buy? If we shake? If we shake? If we shake? If we shake? If we shake? If we shake? If we shake? If we shake? If we shake? If we shake? If we shake? If we shake? If we shake? If we shake? If we shake? If we shake? If we shake? If we shake? If we shake? If we shake? If we shake? If we shake? If we shake? If we shake? If we shake? If we shake? If we shake? If we shake? If we shake? If we shake? If we shake? If we shake? If we shake? If we shake? If we shake? If we shake? If we shake? If we shake? If we shake? If we shake? If we shake? If we shake? If we shake? If we shake? If we shake? If we shake? If we shake? If we shake? If we? on it? No, that's not what I'm saying. Promise to buy it? If we shake. If we shake.

If we shake. If we shake. If we shake. If we shake. If we shake. If we shake. If we shake. If we shake.

If we shake. If we shake. If we shake. If we shake. If we shake. If we shake. If we shake. If we shake. If we shake. If we shake. If we shake.

If we shake. If we shake. If we shake. If we shake. If we shake. If we shake. If we shake. If we shake. If we shake. If we shake. If we shake. If we shake. If we shake. If we shake. If we shake. If we shake. If we shake. If we shake. If we shake. If we shake. If we shake. If we shake. If we shake. If we shake. If we shake. If we shake. If we shake. If we shake. If we shake. If we shake. If we shake. If we shake. If we shake. If we shake. If we shake. If we shake. If we shake. If we shake. If we shake. If we shake. If we shake. If we shake. If we shake. If we shake. If we shake. If we shake. If we shake. If we shake.. Can you believe that Tina just walked in here and shit my pants? See. Are you? Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. That guy's fun. SpongeBob shit pants.

What's the fun? I like the more time with this guy. I like the visuals. I like the visuals. So much spilled sauce. You can see it. The raw fruit of the side. That's too much sauce for single serving. Oh man, that's the kind of guy I would love to be cornered into a conversation on a library.

Yeah, that's where he'd do it. They say you're supposed to be quiet here. You can be loud as you want. And you can Google whatever. This guy's the limit. Okay, they flow and leap, but only as you pass. Dress yourself in darkest black, and they are darker still. Always, they flee in the light.

Though without the sun, there would be none. A shadow. Aaron, you are correct. It is Moth, the sun. Everything's on a delay in my advance, so I don't know what's happening. I would like to see a scene. Please. Um, Adel, you are a man in Branson. You are his shadow and sort of like an odd couple situation. Cool. Uh, well, I'm gonna head out for the night. You coming with? Uh, well, I, if you were going during the day, I would.

Why don't we stay in here where you got a light on? No, I'm not falling for this again. It's not a trick. It's if you take me out at nighttime, I die. This again, you're being dramatic. I'm not you. Look, look, look, you just stay I'll I'll do everything you do say it's always Okay, you answered me this okay answer me this and then I'll make my decision sure when I when when it's nighttime Sure, I think what I'm doing. Please. I can't help it. I mean I mean I mean I maybe sometimes right now I'm in sincere I'm trapped. Where do you go during the daytime? I'm sorry. Where do you go during the day time? I'm sorry, where do you go during the night time?

I'm sucked into a void. Are you still- can you still think? Can you still talk? I feel everything. Is it pain? I'm sucked into mother night. Yeah, it's- it's terrible. Shadow, come back to bed.

Oh, Mike, you're still here. Oh god. Who the fuck is this? Uh, it's- uh, it's a bad look. Look, I can't even play. Please, your wife, asshole. I'm your wife, bitch. Are you fucking my shadow?

Are you fucking my shadow? Um, yes. I'm making love to your shadow. He can do all the same things you can do. But he's way cooler and way nicer. Oh, I need you to decide right now. Okay, shadow, here we go. Tomato.

I choose your wife. Oh, see. You say tomato. I choose your wife. I say your wife. Tomato, your wife. I got great news for you guys. I skipped ahead through the rest of these riddles.

They were all really good. But if you answered all 12 of them, the only thing that you got was a ring of regeneration, which isn't really going to be that useful to you anyway. So we are going to move on to some that have been sitting in my inbox for way too long. These were quick. Was mods correct in that? No, it was it was indeed the thing that they are inside, which is shadows. It was indeed the thing that they were inside, which is Moth shadows. It was that Moth. Oh, you're making fun of me, okay. I like to bully, and I like to, I go by Japs,

and I like to Jap. Love that big bully fan. Big bully fan. Branson gets it. Yeah. Okay, so these next ones are from Loxley, and their pronouns are they them. And Loxley says, pay you crazy kids.

I started GMing a monster hunting game in a dnd-esque world recently and wrote a few riddles to lead my players toward what creature they would be facing next and then they include as a post-script i just remembered that adalyn jpc play dnd so the only one who might not get them is air and what so exactly so what these riddles are uh... meant to do is they might not get them as Aaron. What? What? What? What?

What? What's that? Exactly. So what these riddles are meant to do is they are meant to introduce you to a creature that you might face in a Dungeons & Dragons monster campaign, like monster hunting campaign. I'm sure that's right. So I'm going to give you the riddles. I also pulled pictures of these creatures that I can use as clues. I don't think that will be helpful for most of you.

Before we start, just so I have a leg up. Sure. What are the things that are like a big rectangle with a face in the middle and they have spikes and they drop down when you run underneath them? A thwomp. Thank you. Alright, Karlie got it. So the first one's out.

Thank you, Luxley. Four more remain. Here we go. Here's the first one. Beside running water, I fear nothing. For this riddle, I am the answer. In fairy tales, I am the Asker. For Askers, I am the Ender. Mother sugar.

Mother sugar. Wait, is that the seventh heaven theme? Yeah, sure. Hold on, we're gonna get in the evening. Okay, everyone has a nose bleed for that melody coming back to our head. I do, I do want to say that, Carly, you're not gonna get any of these riddles, but you are gonna get all of my seventh heaven theme based riddles. Hell yeah.

Did they write this riddle or is this, they did. They did indeed write this riddle or is this they did they did indeed write this riddle. They did indeed write this riddle unclear if their players ever heard these riddles are reacted to them in a positive way. But they did these are all originals from locks. I'd like to see a quick scene. Oh, please This will be Branson and Aaron Branson you are the sort of Bouncer if you will. Yeah, seventh heaven Aaron. You're in sixth heaven and you've been there a while

You're getting bored and you're gonna try and make your move Hey, my friends in there Yeah, I just need to see your name. Oh, yeah, but like I'm with someone who's in there already. So like, I can see your name. Hey, Kermond. Kermond? Yeah, Kermond.

Oh, check Kermond. And see if there's a plus one for Kermond. Yeah, like look behind you. That's my friend. Right. I'm looking behind me. I'm seeing delighted people. Yeah. That is Kermin. I am there plus one. Do you have a last one? There's a...

You're a man, some. Thank you. I get that all awful lot. Oh my god. What's that behind you? Oh, it's probably the seventh heaven that I guard. Do you have a last... there's a number of caramans on the list. Oh, yeah, yeah. My last name is... Caram-man.

Caram-man, Caram-man. Yeah. Their last name is Caram-man or your last name is Caram-man. Oh, yes. I see how you brought it. I'm gonna be sick. I should use the toilet in 7th heaven. Well, sure.

The 6th heaven toilets are, they work just fine and they go down to 5th heaven. Excuse me, I need to get to the front of the line here. Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do,apella is there. Well, it's a big dick, their bus went off a cliff. Hahaha! It's why they're all here together. Hahaha! And we screamed in harmony! Don't! What?

Ha! Excuse me, excuse me, excuse me, pardon me, pardon me. I'd like to get in, I'm happy the dog. One of the leads of 7th Heaven. Sure, sure, who could forget happy the dog? Right this way. All right, I'm gonna do Coke! Yeah, I'm with happy. Here I go, walk again.

Sure thing, I just don't see a plus one for happy. Ha! I'll let you in. Let me in. I'm actually God. And this is a test in your You're God. I'm failing by doing my job correctly. Yeah, this is a test. You're failing. I'm God. This is undercover boss. Excuse me pardon me. Um, one for Todd, please. Todd? Yeah. Yeah, there's enough Todd's on here. Come on in.

I'm a waiter at the restaurant. I don't need to know your life story I'm Todd as well. You're Todd Todd Todd Careman Careman Careman Todd Careman I'm God. I'm God. You're a lot of people Actually, I'm the bouncer here What? Ah yeah, and I'm the bouncer here and you're trying to get in. Well then who are you? Oh, you're not on the list.

What's my name? Caramann. Wait, my name, there's nothing but Caramanns on here. I should be able to walk right in. No, your name is... What's up behind you? See, something happened. I feel like this is the new, I think you two just created the new news on first.

Oh yeah. We're going to be very rich. For the reverse. Yeah. Oh wait. Well, one thing that you're not going to be is successful solvers of this riddle, unless we get a little bit more effort. No.

So we have the riddle again. Besides running water, I fear nothing. For this riddle, I am the answer. In fairy tales, I am the Asker. For Askers, I am the Inder. So in fairy tales, the Asker, is this like a Sphinx or something? That's not fairy tale though.

No, you're close, but that you're right. That's not really in the realm of fairy tales. Oh, is it like a leprechaun or a fairy or something? I don't fucking know. Like a rollover still skin. Yeah, no But I'm sure fans of I don't just a dragon's monsters Maybe we'll be like yeah, Rumpel still skin. That's a challenge ready for it. Team. It's almost fucking impossible Okay, I do have a hint?

I do have a clue, I do have a hint. And the hint is a picture hint. So I will flash this on the screen for everyone to see. This is the, this is your hint. It's a picture of Adel. Oh, I'm troll. Carly, you are correct. That is a troll. So they say, beside running water, trolls live under bridges and in fairy tales.

Trolls will ask you to riddle to get across the bridge. I like it. I'm going to say to this riddle, I am the answer in the riddle is a beautiful move. You get nothing new from it. You get nothing from it. It's a clue that can perfectly slotted any real anywhere. Yeah. The answer to this riddle is the answer to this riddle.

One night I was really drunk at Little Dom's and I tried to fuck Jeff Bridges. I had to answer so many riddles. The worst. The worst. Yeah. He was just throwing you. Okay, this is riddle number two. Your site is my strength. Your taste is my pleasure.

Your touch is my attack. And your trash is my meal. This is a creature that you might encounter. It's like a Santa by. Oscar the Grouch. Yes. Dudgeons and Dragons game. Mimic? No.

Um, Mimic. Don't bel banger. Yeah, we're naming like good creatures. This is a good star like vampire. Warf vampire. This ones for morph. Uh, no, it's not. It is not a vampire.

It is not a warf, which is from Star Trek. Uh, no morph the X-man. Yes, yes, yes. No, it's not, it is not a vampire, it is not a wolf, which is from Star Trek. No more fx man. Yes, yes, yes. There's a normal thing to say. I don't have my answer to be honored. Well, there's also wolf ghost fishing. Yeah, I'm sorry, the only ex-man that we honor on this show is Knight Crawler. He loves Canadian national parks.

we honor on this show is Nightcrawler. Bam. He loves Canadian National Parks. Mm-hmm. So your trash is my meal, your taste is my pleasure, your touch is my attack. I would say that this is gonna be very hard to get. So I'm comfortable with just showing you a picture of this thing, and then you can

tell me if anyone knows what this thing's called. Not the last one. Okay. Yeah, Carly is one for one of these. Although that troll was like sexy, right? Am I crazy? I go troll standards for sure. I go with a fuck troll.

Compared to like a monster. Like good hospital. That was a sexy asshole. Okay, here's your clue for Rital number two. Yeah, compared to like about a monster like yeah hospital sexy as troll Okay, here's your here's your clue for real number two Jalaton is cube whoa Carly crushing it Carly is Carly have you encountered a gelatinous cube before in the in our show My characters love interest bellow I got a frame it in terms of me.

Sure, sure, sure. His whole city was destroyed by a gelatinous cube. Oh, okay. Yeah, so your site is my strength. The gelatinous cubes are nearly invisible if they're not moving. Your taste is my pleasure. Like, it tastes you, I guess, is the pleasure there.

And then the trash is your meal. Apparently, in D&D lore, one of the reasons why they're like, dungeons are always so clean is because gelatinous cubes are kind of like the trash compactors. It's nice. So they're like, they're like fantasy rumboos?

Exactly. Now, if your rumbo could also eat you, yes. They're like, it would, They would, it truly would. Mine ran over my foot once and I thought, it's literally not supposed to do that. I can't deny you. I just drove my foot as a real thing. I think I want to see a scene.

Oh, please. Okay, I want Aaron and Branson. You guys are a couple who, and Branson, you just a gelatinous cube instead of the Roomba that Aaron thought you were gonna buy for the house. Okay, so hear me out. This one's free. No charge. Okay, our guests are gonna be here in like 25 minutes. And the house will be spotless. Okay, I trust you. I mean, I'm sure it's gonna work out fine and great. Where's the cat? Oh, uh, gone.

Gone where? Inside. Inside the cube. No more mess. Our whole cat is gone. Whole cat is in the well not gone. It's right there. It's inside the cube. Now it can never run away. Honey, it is it's sucking up all of our furniture. Okay, well, we're downsizing. We had too much furniture anyway. Where what's the thing with it's we're we're minimalists. Okay, honey, you're doing that thing.

What where you make a mistake and then you try to convince me that it's the best thing that's ever happened to us. I don't say I And if I was to do a thing like that, that was rule. Remember when we got lost? When what? We got lost. And we were supposed to... It was a turbo hike. Yep. And then another time, we were supposed to go into vacation to California.

We were in Virginia. And you tried to tell me that that was actually meant to be way better. Well, there's some...it's for lovers. And there's a lot of history there We saw the natural bridge we saw Lorraine caverns and centerville Virginia Okay, so I feel like you brought a horrible magical object into our house that's going to suck us up and perhaps kill us Well, I did it'll certainly kill us if it sucks us up But that's the thing that's it keeps us active it keeps us moving so we can't you know a sedentary lifestyle is I want you to admit you're wrong

Look at that the guests are here early. Yeah, look me in the eye and just say I was wrong You were wrong. No, no, you're wrong to down me No babe say these were repeat after me ready. I I Ring the bell was We we have guests. I know we have guests. I know we have guests. I know we have guests. Talking inside. They could hear the bell. We could hear you. I. You can hear us. Yes. We're having a fight. The door is of no use. We're having a fight. Give us a sec. Repeat after me. I. I. I. No. Was. Was. What? Wrong. You are wrong. Okay.

You've humiliated our guests, and we're standing in front of them. There's no door. I'm going to go. I'm going to go. We cut to a different house. Well, well, well. Look who came crawling back after starting a life with my shadow. How's it going?

I just want you to admit that you were wrong and I will come back into that. What? I know that I left you for my shadow. Exactly, you were wrong and that was rude. That hurt my feelings. How was it? Maybe who is it? Is that my shadow?

Oh yeah, sorry dude. Are you mimicking me? Your wife chose me. Her shadow. Same. Ha ha ha ha ha. Damn, hookin' up with your own shadow and he's got a cool voice like that. I mean, that's the move.

I was gonna say she'd fuck her own clone so I'm sure she's the shadow. I said I would kiss my clone. Thank you. And that's what self-confidence is. What's the fuck my clone? There you go. I's what self confidence is. What's the thing? I just fucked my clone. There you go. I wouldn't.

How come? I could have been. Oh, you wish. I fucked. You should be so lucky. I'd fucked. Bransford's clone. No questions.

That wasn't the question. Huh? Huh. OK. We have time for one more of these. So I want to get through this because I I would know this creature on site and I'm eager to understand or to learn if anyone else would I am always a few steps ahead of the others

But they don't see my success even if my many arms take them with me. Oh I'll say that I mean that that's kind of really hard. It's a really hard thing to get. Is this a holder? Is this a displacer be? Ooh, breads it. It's a just blacer. Wow.

Yeah. Damn, damn it. I run a game for kids and they requested a displacer beast. Nice. Wow. And it fucked my life up. They're so confusing. Yeah, they basically, where you see them they were like actually like six feet away, like they're in a different place.

So they're they have little arms that they try to grab you with. They're very scary. They're like squid panthers. I want to see you see. Yeah. Branson, I'm gonna I'm gonna propose this scene and I want you to tell me if you're comfortable with it. If you don't want to do it, we can do something else. Sure, but I... Oh yeah, we forgot to mention everybody gets a pass. You get three passes. So Branson, I want you to play the DM, basically yourself DMing a kid's game,

is that okay, or is that okay? Yeah. Okay, so Branson's gonna be a DMing a game for kids. JPC, Aaron, and Carly, you will be the three kids, and you are testing Branson's last nerve. Oh, this feels cruel. All right. Okay, so roll for spaceship, I guess.

My tarantula is loose. I brought my tarantula and it's loose. You brought a real one? Wait, wait, wait, hold on, you guys all have pets in game too. That I have to keep track of, is this the pet tarantula the real one both Oh, come on. I'm gonna win everyone. Let's just stand on those chairs and If we see it, let's just give a little holler, okay?

What if what if we what if we feel it? That just give a holler they don't bite can I have another world chair Pepsi? Yeah My mom only lets me have one. Okay, well, there's no limits when I DM. And if your parents are listening in, then I take it back. Are you alone? What do you mean? Do you have anyone in the world or are you alone?

Oh, I, I, I, I, oh, oh, oh, okay, we got it. You found the tarantula. No, I hate to think of you being alone Well, that's it's so nice. No, you kids have my back. I'm doing okay. I you guys don't need to worry about me But he screamed I open the fridge to get a wild cherry Pepsi and everything in your fridge smells really spoiled That's it's probably gone bad. This is what I get for in this time I invited the kids over for the D&D I just remember ghosts exist. Well, they don't, so you're in luck. Libby! Ah, you're alone.

I'm not alone, not alone. I got- I have a lone vibes. I- I've been told it before. Why does your bed have one top sheet and no fitted sheet? Yeah. I did defaulting them as a whole thing. So remember, we're trying to roll for space here. Do you want me to show you how to do hospital corners?

I don't, because I've learned how to do it. I don't care. You know why I need you to have a shave. If you guys want it, honestly, you know how I could do it. You know why I know? Why do you know the hospital sheets? Because my mom lives in the hospital. She lives in the hospital.

That's so sick. And I did know that, because you know, I would have, I would be primarily interacting with your parents. because my mom lives in the hospital. She lives in the hospital. That's so sick. And I did know that because you know, I would have, I'd be primarily interacting with your parents. So I knew that and that's, you know, and we're all rooting for us. I just wanted to show you up with my cousin via email. I took a photo of you and she said no.

Okay via email. Okay, next time, just let me know and I'll give a smile. So I won't be mid sentence. She said no. She said he doesn't know how to shave. Doesn't know how to shave. Well, this way, you kids can help me out here. No Now you honestly a smile would be worse. Maybe what I've been told it's I don't have a smile or space Because the you're smile. It's the pain in your eyes. Yeah, so any what if you're smiling it just looks like you're

Try to smile through the pain in your eyes. I told you guys about my eyes do just look like that I look more stressed than I am. If we would just, and you guys earlier, you said, I roll for spaceship. Okay, great. What do we get? Are you 50? Sure.

I got 50. You got 50. See? Truly, I think we have to, and you have to give me a yes or no right now, we have to do a crossover podcast that's just that for a hundred episodes. I'm like, kill Branson. Everyone has to die somehow. Hey, he seemed to be holding his own for a minute and a half.

So if he can't do a hundred episodes, yeah, we can probably ask him. Branson, I've just learned that you are the most patient man alive. You know, the kids are a lot better than that. Yeah, I would hope so. I would never let a kid have wild cherry Pepsi. You know, the kids are a lot better than that. Yeah, I would hope so. I would never let a kid have wild cherry Pepsi. Well, you guys, you absolutely killed it.

Carly, you hit two out of the three of the answers to those D&D monsters that I honestly didn't think that anyone would get. And I'm totally shocked that you pulled this place or be. So I'm astounded and I'm in awe. And I am so glad We waited to do these riddles with YouTube on the show. Otherwise we would have gotten And that and we thank you so much for being here. Do you have anything that you would like to plug or where can people find you?

So we'll start with Branson obviously ruteil's a magic It's you guys were on it, you know, that's it. Yeah, check it out. It's wherever your podcast or soul, check it out. Also, personally, I've got a new show. It's called Swanboy. It's gonna be on FX. Yeah.

I don't know when this episode comes out, but September 30th, it'll be out. It's out, it's already out. It's already out. You should have watched it. Congratulations. Thank you. Branson, how can people watch it? You can watch it on FXX. It's part of cake. And if you miss it, it's on Thursdays, I believe, that you're going to check your local listings. But if you miss it, you can watch it the next day on Hulu.

Bram, where do you find you online besides that? Oh, God, ABC. Yeah, you can check out my, I'm on Twitter at Branson Reese on Instagram at Branson of God. And I think that's it. You got a book? Oh shit, yeah, I'm looking at it right now. Yeah, hell was full from only press. It's available wherever you get your books.

And Branson, talk about your eyes. They're nice. I think they're nice eyes. They were highlighted as a negative a second're nice. I think they're nice eyes. They were highlighted as a negative a second ago, but I think they're good. I'm proud of them. Branson wants to really make your eyes. Yeah, you can.

I believe me, I will not hide these peepers from you. Carly, you did such a great job with Branson's plugs. I guess we should be thought to Branson for Carly's plugs. I'm trying to read the energy of the room. I don't know what it is. You've got to check out Bird Girl on Adult Swim. Hell yeah. Carly did all the care designs for it.

That's true. I did do the characters on the NILs for the opening. It was very fun. Yeah, and you can find that on the Adult Swim app. And I think it's on HBO now. You can watch it on demand. And it's a very funny show. And we also do a podcast called, oh, these, those stars of space.

It's wonderful. Our own Jollipor GM's it. And it's like an episodic star trek comedy. Very fun. Okay. Yeah. And I'm at Warring Blender on pretty much all social media So there you go. Carly, do you have

Illustration work in any books that are out or coming out? I do Man, thank you so much. I do have illustration work in a book coming out It's by my friend Ryan North. It's called how to take over the world and it's coming out next year So pre-order it. So wait. So wait a minute. It's gonna be really good though. It's really fun.

Well, I should say that this episode is coming out in 2025. So, guys, thanks for buying it. Yeah. What about the rest of us, little rest about? Is Aaron Adel anything that you want to plug? I got nothing Adel I want to plug and promote hello from the magic tavern and the podcast I do we have just launched a patreon So please check that out. It's patreon.com slash magic tavern. I believe and also later tonight I'm going to be joining another patreon, which I recommend you join which is the root tails of magic patreon

Where is that patreon.com slash Routails of Magic? That's exactly right. Hell yeah. But I'll be joining that tonight and I suggest you do the same. And of course, I'm always using my plug time to cancel out Addles plugs. And I would also like to add Aaron, I believe that you were just on an episode of the Mega podcast that came out Monday. I was. That's what I want to plug. A huge fan of the two of them check it out. JPC was also just on one of their episodes. So now's a good time to listen.

I think mine, mine's maybe a next week. So it's, it's, if you like the mega podcast, you're going to love back-to-back Adel and, well, Adel was on it as well. I was on about a year ago. Adel and I were like, yeah. Okay. Well, let's get out this well, so I was on about a year ago. Okay, well... Let's get out of here, Jupiter, bye! Bye forever! Wakawaka, kids! Bye!

Bye bye! Awesome! Thanks! Hey there Chats and Splats, if you like that you are going to love this week's Patreon. It's a return to our famous format, the Chatterbox. If you want to submit Chatterbox topics, you can join the clue crew for $5 a month or the review crew for $8 a month at patreon.com such hayburnerrittle and join the discord. See you there! That was a Hatgun podcast.