Hey Riddle Riddle - #169: Edward Splinterhands w/ Holly Laurent & Greg Hess

Episode Date: October 13, 2021

On this week’s episode we have the incredible Holly Laurent and Greg Hess from the MEGA Podcast! We’ve got penguin dads, birds in heaven, and a deep dive of McDonald’s toys. Stick around to hear Hamlet to chat to a skull and Greg gets to give us TERRIBLE news about Blue Man Group. All three HRR hosts have been on their podcast and had the best time so give it a listen! Starring: Adal Rifai John Patrick Coan Erin Keif Special Guests: Holly Laurent Greg Hess Editing by:  Casey Toney Theme by:  Arne Parrott Logo by:  Emily Kardamis & Emmaline Morris Want more? Get Weekly Bonus Eps on Patreon! Want merch? Visit our TeePublic Store! or pins, buttons & prints Want to advertise on the show? Check out Hey Riddle Riddle via Gumball.fmSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is a head gum podcast. I'm working right here. I'm working right here. I'm working right here. I'm working right here. I'm working right here. I'm working right here. I'm working right here. I'm working right here. I'm working right here. I'm working right here.

I'm working right here. I'm working right here. I'm working right here. I feel ready for guests. Everyone, I earn their clothes. Thank you. This time, we look really presentable. I feel like the podcast smells nice. I feel better. Do you guys feel good? GPC.

Yeah? Aaron didn't notice that we crammed all the audio underneath the bed. We got away with it. Stop talking about it. It shouldn't know. Let me just check under the bed. The bed.

Hey, Aaron. Hey, Aaron. Look at my dance. Look at my dance. Ooh, yeah. Dance real bed. Hey, Erin. Hey, Erin, look at my dance. Look at my dance. Ooh, yeah, dance real hard. Dance, dance, dance. Your dance is. Drawing even more attention to the bed.

And your parents were involved in a murder. Good for them. Checks under bed. No. Oh, shut up, man. I shoved all the puns and audios I was going to do on it. Oh, there it is. You, shut up, man. I shut all the puns and audios I was gonna do. Oh, there it is, you're right there, it is, it's all there. All our guests are here, so be on your best behavior.

Oh, let me come downstairs in my little sailor suit and announce myself, I am Adorify. I'm KPZ. And I'm also in a little sailor suit. My name is Erin. Oh, you on leave, you two. Oh, there he is. Calm down, these are little sailors.

Little tiny sailors, so I expect little tiny curse words. Mm-hmm. And I'm the Commodore. And I'm in a big boy sailor, too. Please welcome our guests today. First time on the podcast, we are such big fans of their podcast. We've all guested on it. The show, MEGA, please subscribe.

Please listen to it. I have to admit a dirty little secret, which is I'm subscribed. And every time it pops up in my little podcast feed while it's downloading, I think to myself, MEGA, and I laugh very hard. All right. We need to get you to do a little tag

at the beginning of every episode of just a random voice from the ether saying mega. We do, for Hey Riddle, we do one. I don't know if you've heard it where I come on, I go, Hey Riddle, Riddle, it's in the game. Yeah. But Aaron and JPC voted that one out, so we're all fired. All right.

No, I'm sorry. He's fired from this job. Oh no, thank you too so much for being here. Such a pleasure. It's a pleasure. We love you guys. All very funny three episodes of mega. We were just reminiscing about and yeah, we can't wait.

We can't wait to riddle, riddle around. Yeah, you can. Is that what you do? That's the right term. So Greg has Holly Laurent. What is your relationship with Rital? Each other. And with each other.

I've heard rumors you're married, but I can't tell. You've never kissed in my presence. Rital is your true. Yeah. We've never kissed. We have a kissless marriage. Yeah, kissless marriage. I don't know if you've heard of this.

It works for us. It's good. It's good. We also have children. We've heard of that. We've all heard of it. Yeah's good. It's good. We also have children. So it's okay to have kids. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, what is our relationship with, what we are married?

And you know, marriage is the greatest riddle as they say. Ooh. I don't really, I mean, okay. I will tell you that my relationship with riddles is always I'm a little scared because I have a brain that isn't very logical. And so riddles to me, I end up, a little scared because I have a brain that isn't very logical. And so riddles to me, I end up, I always end up going down

the complete wrong wormhole of any sort. Any person who made a riddle that was trying to put a red herring in there to distract someone, I'm gonna be feastin' on that fish. So I'm not that good at riddles, but I'm gonna try so hard to be good at it. I'm really surprised, do you think you're not good at that? I think I think riddles are like an intelligence thing and I think you have that type of intelligence Yeah, I don't I'm gonna crossword puzzles. Yeah, you do crossword. Yeah, the riddle stuff I just you know, well we don't ask about that Greg now. You're just bragging

Yeah, so I can like do the Sunday crossword like in I mean like three to five minutes So what did you get on your SATs? I guess yeah, I mean that's weird that Aaron would ask me that it's not like I texted her before but you know Back when I did the SATs, you know, I did get a 17 to the hundred I think that might be mad. I don't know. Oh no, you're very good. This is a very age difference. I think when I did the SAT, it was 1600 was the top.

And so 1700 I think by today's standards is very bad. I think you're legally dead. Yeah, now Greg, I do have to mention you are, I think an original member of Improvise Shakespeare, right? I am, yeah. So in Improvise Shakespeare, anytime I watch y'all, it feels like a riddle in terms of you all talking in that Shakespearean language so and I feel like a lot of riddles we

stumble upon have those thousand thines and that kind of flowery floral language so I feel like you're I feel like you're gonna do better than you think. What do you want me to go put on sort of a pirate looking shirt and pull up some soccer socks and act like, you know, I'm a fancy lad or something. That's basically improvised Shakespeare is some guys in soccer socks talking fancy. Well, that's good. The more these in Nows and Nines, I can, I can, I can fucks with that. We also want you to be speaking in quadrameter the whole time. Quadrameter?

What do I think? Well, quadrameter is Dr. Seuss. So I can definitely do that. And pentameter is Shakespeare. Oh, pentameter. And we very rarely ever do pentameter because it's so much harder to rhyme that way. I think pentameter came to my college

in saying acapella, right? Oh, they were so good. Yeah, they were so good. Yeah. Them in a hole in the head, because everybody needs another improv group, or another improv group like they need a hole in the head, or a aqua-culture. Holly, what is your relationship with riddles and puzzles? because everybody needs another improv group, or another improv group like they need a hole in the head, or I can help you. Holly, what is your relationship with riddles and puzzles?

Frodo and Gollum. When Frodo had to answer a riddle for his life, right? Okay. Do you remember? I remember in the Hobbit riddles. I don't know if I remember in the Lord of the Rings riddles. Oh, yeah, I think maybe it was Hobbit. That's Bilbo.

That's, oh yeah, maybe it was Bilbo. Yeah, where Bilbo was talking to Gollum and he was like, what has he got in his pockets is? Yeah. And Bilbo ends up screaming string or nothing, but it was the ring, right? I just remember. Which is, can I just say that's how I order at a restaurant?

I'm like, I don't even see the menu. String or nothing. Thank you. It's how I approach cheese. Yeah. So, and what was the other one? Remember the story we had as kids where the trolls were under the bridge? And you had to answer the riddle to give it...

Billy goes gruff. Yeah... Billy goes gruff. Yeah, Billy goes gruff. Those two things are my entire experience with riddles. It's really okay if you guys want to un-invite us now off of the podcast where you're just like, this is not gonna work. I don't know, I mean, I still think it would be awkward to do that.

I'm trying a couple of times with guests, and I don't think it's ever gone well. I love you, Greg, for saying it, but it's such a weird thing to do. I'll try to get you the idea out. We had a guest a few weeks ago, and they didn't do well with riddles, and then JPC contacted them and said,

I'm so sorry, your audio was corrupted, and they said, no, it wasn't. And it goes, no, you're right, we lost your audio, and it goes, no, you didn't, and so we just aired it. So we hate confrontation here. We're very Midwestern. I'll try twice I will try twice to kick somebody off the show it if they say no twice. I'm fuck. They're on I can not wait to hear what this email is gonna be that we get

Better good you just better say our audio got COVID We actually went through a tunnel Five minutes we're losing our connection guys we're going through a tunnel going That's what we're gonna do at about five minutes. We're losing our connection guys. We're going through a tunnel. Going into a canyon. I can tell you're not on your phones though. I can see you.

I'm looking at you. I'm cringy up. Aaron, I want to carve out a little time. Aaron is actually old man puzzles today. But I want to carve out a little time for you up top. Because I know you've, I believe you've mentioned it on this podcast that the best show you've ever seen. Adela.

Involved. Holly LaRent. And was it Katie Rich? I mentioned that when I went on mega. That's so sweet. I mean, I told Greg that before I moved Chicago, I watched a ton of improv shows on YouTube with him and Ann Holly, the reckoning. And so I was like really influential and then i saw kate and holly do a show

were one of the play the teacher and it was the funniest impromptu i've ever seen and it made the whole audience cry it was so good to laugh and cry man now we're hitting it out of the park you know i'm in there and impromptu it's a terrible sign and most people do that means so much to me every That means so much to me. Every time they came to one of my shows.

I disagree. I think an improv show is the perfect place to break up with someone because you can slip it in. And then the show starts. And now they're having a great time. So no one's mad. This dude is talking from experience I can tell. Can we get a suggestion of anything at all?

Katie, we're over. I heard Katie were over. Katie were over. I heard Katie were over. Well, I'm going to start with some non-heartbreaker riddles. I think these are just going to be fun. This sort of feels like we're easing our way into it. This is a listener submittal. Submittled. Oops. That's new word. That's new word. It's good to be submittled. These are from Aaron B and their pronouns are they them.

And these are movie pun riddles. Ooh. So, Adel, you can sweep those puns back from under the bed. Here's where I come alive. Thank you. I'm gonna give you an example first and then we're gonna do some of them. Great.

A gun that you apply directly to the skin would be... Apical gun. A saiyan kid. A apical gun. a topical gun. So it's like kind of the movie title, but it's also kind of a pun. So instead of top gun, it's topical gun. Top gun, the most erotic movie of all time. You said topical gun three or four times, and I still could not get what movie we were talking about. That's a good sign for me.

That's gonna be great at this game. Because that was just over here going die hard. Die hard. Die hard. Yeah. You're giving me a few more line ratings of die hard. Hard works. Die still not working.

Well, I mean, there's no Allegheny into this now same difficulty fewer calories Difficulty Fewer calories and your hint is you just said this movie die hard diet hard Sorry, time acclaim I think you get I think you get the points for that. That's crazy that you said the movie I was gonna say next. Yes, okay, great. Some hundred points for me.

Yeah. I think Greg's saying B. Or what was Aaron B? Sorry. Aaron B, yeah. It's a baby bear that's always ready for scuffle. Fight cub. Fight cub.

Fight cub. Fight cub. Fight cub, that was good. Man cubby. Fight cub. Fight cub. That was good. Man. Adel, you're showing off. I'm impressed. Are bears non-monogamous?

I don't know about this. That's a really good question. Bears? I don't believe are monogamous. Here's what I think. They make such a big deal about penguins and lobsters, loving and mating for life. That makes it feel like all other animals are, it's just a fuck fest, right?

Right. Yeah. It would make such a big deal out of it if it wasn't just those two species. And Canada geese, sorry. Oh. Oh. Canada geese.

Canada geese also made for life. I know this because, well, I don't, I actually don't want to say why I know this. I'll say I killed one. I killed one when I was a young hunting lad and then this has got dark and then someone told you that you just killed someone and then the other one flew around. Talk about making Holly cry. Oh no. We said oh no and Unison, Bert. Yeah. Now you passed the pain on.

Yeah. So I bet that Bird wrote a really beautiful album. I bet they turned their pain into something. Thank you, Aaron. I think that's right. Some people have to give pain to people so that they can take pain to bird so that they can make something beautiful out of it.

And I think that's exactly what it is. It can truly be a gift for them. Yeah. Can I actually see the quickest of scenes? Uh, if it's okay, Greg, if this is too much for you, just let me know. Okay. Greg, do you mind being Greg and Aaron, you're the goose that was shot and killed by young Greg, and you're both in heaven and Greg is apologizing?

And should I do my voice that I actually sounded like when I was a kid? Please. I think it's best you do. Definitely. Okay. How you doing? I'm new here in heaven. My name's Greg. Hey.

Oh no. Yeah. No. Hey. Oh shoot. I know you. I recognize you. Okay shoot.

Um. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Did you have one question right out of the gate? Okay. Did you take care of my wife? Okay. Did you leave her with any money or food?

Okay, shoot. Money? Dude, geese need money. Okay, shoot. Um, okay, I'll leave you with one other thing. Sorry, I'm an angel here. Um, can you not say the method in which you killed someone here in heaven? Oh, so can you say like rats or Tratter something like that. Okay. Oh, yes, oh rats rats. I mean, I did kill a lot of rats too

So I mean that might be a little awkward if any of those guys show up just say darn it Okay, what do you mean those guys? Okay, there we that we're down here, and yes, we're in heaven as well Yeah, I did I also off some these some bitches when I was a little younger Thank you. That's what we respect hey y'all. I'm serious only did this because I wanted to be closer to my dad Oh, that is sad Okay, that is sad So I just really you know you know when you're sort of pressured as your younger to have some bonding experience with your father, but it involves killing animals and you don't really

want to do it, but I just did it because I, you know, that was kind of what you did where I'm from. Yeah, I think that was my big question is, how are you here, not in hell, and now I know. Well, no, actually. I got past. Goose, I should say something. This is actually bring your killer to Heaven Day. So this is when we bring whoever killed you to Heaven,

just to kind of make a man. Oh, I didn't know that. Well, let me show you where I work. Buddy. Oh my goodness. This is nice. What is this? This is my desk.

Oh my god. A cubicle. You get a nice cubicle in Heaven. Just eat a bone. How about you just pop up on this chair? Oh my goodness. You can tell her and I'm going to get some How about you just pop up on this chair? Oh my goodness. You can tell her and I'm gonna get some work done. Do you all have slack here?

Yep. Oh, I would love to put some fun gifs into the slack feed. Go for it. All right, see you. I think we healed Greg. I think we did. Do you feel better? I think we shared corporate culture too. Wow, we took you feel better? I think we skewed corporate culture too.

Wow, we took it to them. Speaking of corporate culture, it's so fascinating that 12-year-old Greg sounds like a manager at a cracker barrel. Ha-ha. I, hey, there was a road that I didn't take that led straight to being a manager at a cracker barrel. Oh, that was the clearest path for you.

You could literally see the cracker barrel at the end of it. It was such a clear path. One was improv and one was managing a cracker barrel and honestly I chose wrong. I can't honestly say that. I start tables at a cracker barrel. Oh, that's right.

Yeah, I did. Until the day a woman barfed on my kids and I walked out. It feels so good to walk out of a job. And Holly has an accent. Your children, right? Your kids? Yeah. Barfed out of your kids oh no okay oh no my kids but you have an accent right so your children I

felt it dropping on the top of my little canvas shoe and the woman took her napkin wiped one corner of from out the other corner and goes oh I feel much better I might do with a peach cobblerler. And I walked out to my car and it felt so good. I think it's the only time I've ever walked out of a job. Holly, I gotta be honest, you keep saying that you felt so good walking out, but the story is literally about someone barfing on your feet.

I think that maybe you've discovered that something actually feels pretty good and it's not the walking out. Ooh, I just found a new proclivity. Ooh, I got a kinky y'all. That sounds so much like an early 90s Nickelodeon toy, like, Barf shoes. How many barfes can you get on?

How many pairs of shoes? Yeah. Someone barfed on my shoes and I've never felt better quitting a job. I've quit other job sense and it didn't really scratch the same thing. No, no, no. I've never been, I've never been as turned on as I was that day. That, dang it. Whoops. All right, here we go. This is again, you accidentally predicted this.

When I got my fancy flightless birds back from the dry cleaners, they were far too stiff for my liking. Broken Eagle. Do-do, ostrich, ostrich, they made their life. They made the penguin, March, March of the penguin. Start to the penis.

Oh, so awesome. Give it to Greg, cut out my audio, give it to Greg. Just cut out, Greg's just saying the things that Adel's saying. I'm just saying them a slight, as he starts to say it,

then I try to come in slightly faster And then then we can blame it on the zoom. He's doing a CSC in the NASCAR world. He's doing what we call drafting Adel and Greg you are two penguin dad sitting on eggs and you're sort of just shooting the shit Yeah, like I was telling you I walked about 20 miles found some grub and I I gotta tell you, it is cold out there. How you doing Terry? Hey, what's going on Jim? Nice day today.

Oh beautiful day, a little cold, a little cold. How's the egg doing? You know, it's doing okay, it's this one, you know, after a year in and year out, some some are good, some are bad. I gotta tell you, when I look at this one, I mean, after a year in and year out, some some are good, some are bad. I got to tell you when I look at this one, I mean, take a look at the, but you take a look at this freaking thing. I mean, have you ever seen a egg look like that? It's a little, it's a little wonky.

I gotta say. Yeah, it's a little wonky. It's a little, I mean, I'm gonna go ahead and say it. It's a freaking square. It's, yeah, yeah, you're, I didn't want to say it. First, you know, the other dads are, the other dads are saying that you carved it out of a piece of wood Okay, who's saying that who's saying that? I wide-wine I don't want to bust balls. I don't want to throw anyone out of the bus I mean it is the day gets bus balls because our balls are completely internal and you know that

Ah, actually I didn't you know the other day Actually, I didn't. You know the other day, they got it. We made for life in our Balsar internal. Everybody knows that about pinball. Holy shit, the other day I got in a bar fight. Guy kicked me square in the nuts. Didn't feel a thing and I was like, I think I'm tough.

Turns out. Yeah, our Balsar completely internal. In fact, we have like a little feather pocket and what we do is we just line up our holes when we go to meet. Wow. Hey Terry, I do have to ask you, and this is something I ask you every week when we hang out

Oh, because of the square egg that looks like a chunk of wood with a knot in it and because you know so much about us I have to ask you like I do every week again. Are you a scientist here in a penguin suit studying us? What do you assholes keep saying that? I just don't get it look Okay, I fly around I mean I mean I walk around. Wait, what? You walk around? I eat the freaking fish. I mean, I sit on this thing. Hey, I sleep with my wife. You know I sleep with my wife. Oh, you've told me, you've told me. I mean, we really get nasty. So, and we've been together forever. So, that's the thing.

You know I'm not a scientist. Kyle, we gotta pull you out of there. You've been together forever so that's that's you know I'm not a scientist that's not it. Kyle we got to pull you out of there you've been there two years what what there's no more to study man. I'm so close I'm so close. I ask you this every week but I'm going to ask you one more time. Did you fall in love with your penguin wife and did you fall in love with being a penguin or are you still studying?

Tonya please you don't understand their ways. I've figured it out. They sort of talk like they're from the South side of Chicago. They don't even know that their testicles aren't distended. They've bought into the fact that I could have a square egg. I'm telling you. All right, just leave. Just walk away.

Just walk away. Just leave. You think I can walk away from this? You said you wanted to meet with me. I think we got to hurry because you know the pollers are all about and we know that dubbers are a little scary this time of year. So what do you want to meet about? Why are you bad?

Hey buddy, we're best friends, right? I tell you anything. Absolutely, tell me anything and everything. I'm going to show you something right now, it's going to freak you out, right? It's not going to be pictures of you and your wife getting nasty, is it? I showed you those already. No, this is This is this is real. This is friend to friend soulmate kind of stuff. Okay. Okay best friends for life, right? BFF show show me

I can't comprehend what I'm looking at Terry you just took off your head and there's another head underneath are you a magician? Jesus Christ these these birds really do have bird brains. Let's get some portillas. See. Oh, Persello sounds good. I know all of a sudden I was like wait a minute, wait a minute. Okay. They said he was too pretty to succeed at Harvard spy school, but they were wrong. Harvard spy school. This is a smart. Smart. Ha, ha.

They said he was too pretty, so handsome. No, they said he was too, so the movie is about someone they think is too pretty to succeed at Harvard law school. Oh, legally, uh, legally, uh, legally, uh, legally, wait, and then the famous by. Oh, legally bond. Legally bond. Why did I say bond, not bond? Oh, my God. Jettison me off of this podcast. And we're gonna throw you into space, all right? We threw Greg into space and now Greg's in space. The name's Bond, James Bond.

I went to school in Boston. What? Like a TARD. These all feel like adjacent to, like, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, easily reachable. But there's like, there's something, there's something about them that my brain feels like I'm translating it out of a language that I know back into the language that I know. Like it's, they're all just out of reach for me. I don't like what this is doing to my head. Here's another one that I think will truly destroy you.

Okay. She was finally a teenager and she was ready to inflict some pain. Uh, 13.30. It's bleeding. Okay, how did you get that so fast? to inflict some pain. Uh, 13 going on her date. Okay, how did you get that so fast? We. 13 going on her date.

Which I went, no one's gonna get this. Is that right? Holly said 8th blade, which I was like, I think 8th blade works better. No, it does work better. And no one should have gotten 13 going on her date. And somehow JPC got it at the speed of light. I'll tell you what,

couldn't be more disappointed in myself for getting that guy's call his dad. Pick up the red phone. Truly, I dissociated for a second when I came up with that answer. What if you and your dad went hunting tomorrow? And then you could disappoint him like I did. You know, after having the lifetime of experiences

that I've had with my dad I don't like the kind of hunting that we would go on Human The most dangerous dad Vincent Swallows made up stories Vincent Swallows Vincent Swallows made up stories Vincent Swallows made up stories Swallows made up stories. Instant swallows made up stories. Fuck is Vincent Swallows.

Is this something to do with birds? So this would be, no, okay, I'm out. Swallows is like swallowing. Something, oh, something tails. Mm-hmm. Is this, why is Vincent important though? Why, what, what, Vincent's doing? Price, the price is wrong.

Van Gogh. What's a made up story? What do you call it when it's out? All of them. Yeah, why? Yeah, I know the one that's like completely made up. Fiction, yep. Fiction, fiction.

So fiction is the second word. Okay, oh, it's gonna be something, it's like Pope Fiction, but Vincent swap. Gulp, fiction. Gulp, fiction. I actually do think I beat him on that one. Yeah, I'll give it to Greg on that one because it obviously came in a second earlier than that.

Yeah, I have a, my freaking internet guys, if I had all these, yeah, these wires. It just keeps it just so slow. Freaking spectrum. Gurgling, gurgling, gurgling. When you're trying to do, I was trying to do the AOL startup sign, the sound, and I think I accidentally just all the mirrors. The Gengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengengeng back and forth between your walls and it's just covered in little holes now. Okay, so corn song, but it's when you try and purchase or loan in a boat, free kind of lease, free kind of lease, free.

Very, very good, but it kind of sounded like cookie monster to me. So I was going through all these street references. Okay. We're able to do two more. When you find a skeleton in JPC's home state, those are... So JPC's from Indiana, we should mention. Yeah, okay. Skeletons are made of bones, we should mention that as well.

And then Adelaide will stop talking, it will just say those two things. Oh, it's... Clujers? Clujers? He said... Ha ha ha ha ha ha! Dad, I haven't ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Yeah. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Truly, truly Adelson, Indiana, and I said bones, and I was like, well, and then we're done saying words.

And then I was like, what the fuck could it be? Well, the other ones have been so complex that I was like, I was making it harder than it needs to be. Hey, man, it's 13 going on herdy all over again. I don't know why I keep getting these, but now my brain has a tunes to it, and I'm at the exact same rhythm. Yeah, you're a peak performance now.

All right, last one, JPC. Let's see if you can get it really quickly. Easy. All right. You and a stylish undead man can both see a tiny piece of wood stuck in someone's finger. Uh, zombie splinter. Uh, zombie. The second word you just said is the first word of uh... okay splinter hands

edward splinter hands okay edward splinter hands okay i'll take all my money and make that splinter hands splinter hands is kind of a better movie if you think about it make it a little

much more way he doesn't touch anything but every time he touches things that he gets flinchers. Like, fuck. And his creator, which is Vincent Price, aforementioned Vincent Price, he's like, I handed you metal. What, how are you doing this?

I want to see you seeing Holly, you are sort of a small town, rich person who's bored and who dabbles in their laboratory and their castle and you've created this brand new creature that you want to be human-like, that you want to be your friend uh... Aaron, you are Edward Splinterhands Good morning, darling. Are you awake? Ugh! It's gonna hurt to put hand sanitizer on so much! Yeah, why don't you do this to me? I'm a freak.

No, you're beautiful. You're beautiful. Now sit up and swing your legs over the edge of the bed and stand darling. Why do I have such a scary haircut? Oh, that's how all the kids are wearing it nowadays. It's fashionable, darling. Now here, let me look at those little fingers. Oh, they're beautiful. Oh, perfect. Oh, they're perfect.

That just makes you feel alive, honey. You're alive. It like hurts, but it's more of like a throbbing. It's like kind of hurts. More stings. It's not terrible pain. Please, please take these splinters out. I would, but I don't have my reading glasses, and I can't see a thing.

Now, let's have lunch that I let you sleep in. Bang, bang, bang, bang on the door. Oh, one second. Hello. I'm the mayor of this town, and we don't want splinter... We don't want splitter hands in there splitter hands is ruining all the all the children want splinters in their hands now bang bang bang on the door baby tan roof get in here sorry that we're having a little party down the street

that it's a bar mitzvah. And we've got a great band. What we're saying is we don't want any of these kids, we don't want splitter hands in here because all the kids at the bar mitzvah want splinters in their hands. Do you know how hard it is to get splinters out of kids hands? Well, yes, especially if you don't have on your reading glasses. Here, come in splinter hands. Do you want to go down to the party? To the bar mitzvah and show the kids what terrible pain it is so that they leave us alone?

Yes, and then I'm going to fall in love with Winona Ryder. Oh, is she there? She's always there. She's, she's, she's, she's both not. Did you leave her there? She's going to steal all the food. Oh, that is, that is true. You can't leave her alone there. And the scene. She's a great actress. Really fantastic, especially recently.

Save. I don't remember much about that movie. I was like, oh fuck, did they love him or hate him? I don't remember. I think all of them and then they hated him. Yeah, I think all the, there's a weird subplot where all the sort of town, I don't know what you'd call it, like all that community single women were like obsessed with him and trying to sleep with him. Right. It's kind of weird.

Aaron, you did remember the most important detail, which is that he has a fucked up haircut. Yeah. That's sort of the plot of all the Tim Burton movies. You know, I would have fucked up haircut, slashes, people's necks, I got with fucked up haircut. Same premise for all David Lynch movies. Yeah. I'm older than you all, but I think this is right. When Edward Cesar Hans came out,

I think there were McDonald's toys for Edward Cesar Hans, and it is decidedly not a children's movie. What? I'm Googling it. Can we Google that? This is like in my memory somehow, and I feel like you could get a figurine of Edward Cesar Hansett McDonald's.

That is a wild crossover. I'm very unexpected. Very unexpected. Somebody inside the toy world of McDonald's was like this cutting social satire needs to be placed into the hands of children so that they can really escape suburbia. Doesn't he, isn't like anti-micro-haul maybe? Who's like this bully boyfriend and he sticks, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big it was. I remember when you bought. Okay, so big McDonald's wiped it from the internet somehow if it was.

They tried to... I remember, I think it would be there. When Burger King had like the Donnie Darko original soundtrack and with all of their meals, that was fucked up too. And that maybe was only one Burger King that I kept going to. I ate a Whopapper and cried so hard because I was like, all around me, a familiar ketchup. So sad.

So sad. So sad. That would be really great if what I'm remembering is just a guy that owned a McDonald's franchise in my weird town decided that he was going put Edward Cesar Hans toys and meals. Because at that time, you know, the 90s was a wild time. You could own a McDonald's outright and just, you know, as long as you knew

how to make the burgers, you could do whatever you wanted that puppy. Hey, franchisee, go for it. Hey, yeah. We all grew up going to Arby's and getting condoms in our bags, right? Oh, definitely. Right, everybody.

That's universal, right? Yeah. Yeah. He's universal, right? Yeah. Yeah. She had nunchucks. I think Donald's. When did McDonald stop making toys that people cared about? Because I remember when they had many beanie babies, those were sold out everywhere.

I think it was when that big cold snap killed off all of their elves. Absolutely. They were thinking of Kebler. Thank you. They used to have muppet toys and there was like a kermit with little skateboard that wouldn't in his feet.

And I remember playing with that ad nauseam. It was such a good toy. I remember wanting one of the little camera toys. They had like these little camera toys, but no one cares anymore about those. I think the last thing I saw was they had packs of like Pokemon cards, where it's like, this seems

geared for a much older audience Yeah, and you have to eat at McDonald's to get that stuff which I'm hoping now people realize you just shouldn't do But maybe they don't do we like McDonald's? I only eat it when I smell it if I smell it I have to eat it you got to get a fry it's everywhere You know a lot of that stuff kind of went away. Some of the people realized they could get port and hub on their phones. Is that right? It's so true. It's true, sorry.

Bye society. I want to get some Szechuan sauce and then go to Twitter and just, really, against Rick and Morty. Yeah. Yeah. So the answer to our final riddle was, I don't think you're going to get it too hard. Splinterview with a vampire.

Wow. Whoa, Jesus. What was the clue again? That's a really good question. You and a stylish undead man can both see a tiny piece of wood stuck in someone's finger. Oh, that's pretty good. That's really hard.

Interview, I don't, okay. I like this game. Yeah, it's good. That went really hard. Interview, I don't, eh, okay. I like that, I like this game. Yeah, it's good. I like this game. I like this game. I started to be good at it. Those are our last riddles from Aaron B. So we're moving on. Should we go to a break or should we?

Aaron, I'm charged, you decide. But, yeah, Aaron, we can't help you. But one of the choices is wrong. Okay, I see a clear path to a cracker barrel. And I'm gonna take that path and that's the break. We'll be right back with more cinnamon apples and rugs that are checkerboards. Cinnamon brooms and rocking chairs

and that triangle game with the salties. I love that game. One, two, three, four, eight, break, go break, go break. Go break, go break, go break. Hey, GPC. Uh, uh, yeah. You're not in trouble. I just need help. I'm, um, pranking Atal. And I'm setting up a whole website to prank him. Um, I just need some advice.

This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace. I'm not, I'm not mad at you. We're pranking Atal. to website engaged with your audience. And so let me think for products to cut into time, all in one place, all on your terms. Hey, Otto, come here, come here, come here. Hey, what's going on? I actually, I want to prank JPC, and I want to set up a whole website to prank him. Do you have anything that like, is there like an online store that could set up

on my website to sell products? Did you know that with Squarespace, you can have custom merch. You can easily sell custom merch and create passive income stream that engages your audience and scales your brand, design your products and production and inventory and shipping are handled for you,

saving you time and money. What is happening? Okay. Wait, what's going on with Addle? Oh, nothing, nothing. I'm just setting up a very normal Squarespace website, not a prank thing. No, he's gonna do you. And I'm gonna use analytics, use insights to grow my business and learn where my site visits

and sales are coming from. That's pretty cool. I'm gonna improve my website and build marketing strategy based on top keywords, our popular products and content on my prank website. The prank activity. Well, that's awesome, Aaron. I'm glad you're using Squarespace. Did you say what the website was for? I can't remember what the website was for. No, the website was for. Prank. With Squarespace.

Yeah, Prank. You can connect to your store to Venettern Party tools to extend the functionality of your website. Hey, JPC, hey, JPC. What's up, battle? I can't believe we pranked Aaron with our little boy routine. Dude, we got her. Anyway, if you want to prank Aaron with your little boy routine, head to squarespace.com

for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, go to squarespace.com slash riddle to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Oh, she's back, she's back. Hey, Aaron. Hey, Aaron. Can we go to grandma's house? Wait, I've been pranked.

But how? I don't know. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Hey, Adel and JPC. Thank you for meeting me in the middle of the woods here. I am sort of at an impasse. I can't decide whether or not to go this way or this way. I'm having a hard time choosing a path. You know, they're never truly is a middle of the woods. Isn't it funny to think about something like that?

Like, have they're never truly is a middle. No, this is the middle. Okay, this is it. Addle, can you help? Yeah, actually. So as per Robert Frost, I don't know if you know his poems. He has a poem called Better Help. I believe this is written in the 1800s But it still stands true today more than ever Aaron you should try better help. Have you heard of this? You seen this? Because sometimes Aaron in life were faced with tough choices and the path forward isn't always clear Whether you're dealing with decisions around career relationships being stuck in the middle of the woods Therapy helps you stay connected to what you owl owl Sorry, that also does so fast.

Therapy helps you stay connected to what you really want while you navigate life and the woods. Hmm, and better help is entirely online, so it's designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. I've been using it for several years, and it suits the way that my brain works, way better than traditional therapy ever did.

And when Aaron says traditional therapy, just so everyone's clear, what she means is tricking two of her friends to coming to the middle of the woods, even though there isn't truly the concept of the middle of the woods. Isn't that fun to think about? All you have to do is just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist and you can switch therapist at any time for no additional charge. Hey, Aaron, a GPC's putting down bread crumbs and then immediately picking them up and eating them.

Oh, dirty bread crumbs. Mmm. And he's also like really into that owl who's swooping down. Anyways, let there be your map with better help. Visit betterhelp.com slash riddle today to get 10% off your first month. That's better help h-e-l-p dot com slash riddle r-i-d-d-l-e r-i-d-d-l-e the middle of riddles of d but there is no true middle of riddle because it would be the space in between the two d's. I am home. I am home.

Who are we? What is this? I, uh, clink, clink, clink. Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen. Um, I just want to make a quick toast to, uh, I know it's JPC's birthday. And we're all so excited to talk about him. But I want to talk about my favorite, my favorite thing in the world. Oh. And that is the app rocket money.

Oh, yeah, Aaron, that's one of my favorite things as well. Uh-huh. Rocket Bunny is a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending and helps you lower your bills all in one place. I've been using it for years way before they were a sponsor and it helps me so much, especially around tax season. Clean, clean, clean, clean, clean, uh, sorry, I also want especially around tax season. Kling, Kling, Kling, Kling, Kling. Sorry, I also want to give a toast.

Rocket money will quickly and easily find your subscriptions for you. And for any you don't want to pay for anymore, just hit cancel and Rocket money will cancel it for you. It's that easy. Kling, Kling, Kling. Mm-hmm. It also categorizes your expenses so you can easily track your budget in real time and also get alerted if anything looks off.

Over three million, over three million people have used rocket money, saving the average person up to $720 a year. We love rock and stuff. Stop, stop, stop, no, stop, stop. Throwing your money away, cancel unwirted subscriptions today and manage your expenses the easy way by going to rock at money.com slash riddle. That's rocket money.com slash riddle. Rock at money.com slash riddle.

And tell them JPC's birthday got ruined by two of his friends for doing speeches about rocket money the website. I love your rocket money. It's like a rocket money. It's like a rocket money. It's like a rocket money. It's like a rocket money. It's like a rocket money. It's like a rocket money. It's like a rocket money. It's like a rocket money. It's like a rocket money.

It's like a rocket money. It's like a rocket money. It's like a rocket money. It's like a rocket money. It's like a rocket money. It's like a rocket money. It's like a rocket money. It's like a rocket money.

It's like a rocket money. It's like a rocket money. It's like a rocket money. It's like a rocket money. It's like a rocket money. It's like a rocket money. It's like a rocket money. It's like a rocket money. Oh shit. Yes. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. I think I could go for some cobbler still. OK, we have a berry crumble or we have the classic peach. I'll have the peach. And she's going to need a cobbler for those shoes.

Damn. In this universe, I stay working at Cragabral. And my life goes in a completely different direction. You're married to? You're married to? We would have met by the candy and the man guns for whatever else you could buy there. Adolescent are in some rock candy. Holly in that universe, you're married to Grog Huss. I know.

Hey y'all, I'm Grog and I'm Manages Krakowbarrow. Would you like an Edward Cissor hand figurine? I'm telling them. You're still wearing the soccer socks and the pirate shirt somehow. Totally. Totally. There's no universe in which that uniform didn't find you.

That's so sad. So candles that are written for? Yep, yep. All right. I have some more listener-submitted riddles. These are from Rook Hughes. Well, Aaron, we have a new name for them. Submittles.

Look at this. Oh, oh, oh. They also, sometimes we get a dog and cat picks with the riddle submissions. Oh my gosh. It's sort of like a good news back. I was freaking out. Okay. That was freaking out because I was like, if a dog submitted this and I don't get it, I'm

really an ignoramus. I gotta say Rook Hughes, great name for a dog. Yeah, true. Here's my riddle. What's the thing that covers a tree? Okay, we get it. I gotta say half of these are kind of heartbreakers. These are a little bit harder. Okay.

Okay. Aaron, is heartbreakers? Is that like a new difficulty level that I've never heard about before? Because this is the second time you've mentioned it. Yeah, it's a new difficulty level. I've never heard about before because this is the second time you've mentioned it. Yeah, it's a new difficulty level. Whoa! Yeah.

Exactly. All right, so this one, there are ones that are Tom Petty easy and then there are a lot of heartbreakers. Great. Mm-hmm. If two is company and three is a crowd, what are four and five? American Girl and Wildflower. Yeah, tracks four and five? American girl and wildflowers. Yeah,

tracks four and five. Dang. Wow. They put wildtell hours before renegade on the album. That's poor mixing. I forgot Tom Petty had that song about American girl dolls. Yeah. Okay, if okay, if one is the loneliest number and two is what was taking an era and we are being dumb. I love it. Two is company three is a crowd. What are four and five? And remember to riddle and riddles are stinky. 79 and six was a fair to seven. Confidence. Seven. Nine. Aaron, are they are they see words? Yeah, no Okay, meaning words are with C. Thank you

Oh really, I think I heard it the the word but I I'm not sure so keep guessing Well, I mean now we'll never be sure now. We'll just play that let's play the tape back Now we'll just play the tape back. Do we do that? Sure, we'll do it. You're gonna be weird, right? I'm gonna do it. We have all the way back to the beginning. Shit.

Wait, two is a crowd, three is a crowd. Wait, what? Two is a crowd, three is a crowd. What are four and five? Here's what I'll say. This is so hard to keep in my brain because all I can think of is three is a company, the TV show.

Three is a company. Right. Why is two company is three-s company, the TV show. Three-s company. Right. So, why is two-company when three-s company? And you're kind of upset at all because you're just upset that the whole premise of every episode is you acting like you're not gay or maybe you are or maybe, you know, it's just like kind of a two-female roommates. Exactly. They're so fun and bubbly.

So, Forest John Ritter and... We've established on the show that if we are sitcom we're two and a half men Not three company, so It works a little bit better. Basinga We did she say they're not seawards because I'm stuck on the seawards. This is terrible. This is not a satisfying answer This is just to trick you Are they all are they all musicals? Company? Crowd the musical.

It's, I'm gonna tell you the answer. It's nine. Cause four and five. It's nine. Oh, yeah, we would do. So it was, it was just to miss the old, the old misdirect type of riddle. So Ruck is one of these nasty dogs that I've heard about, huh? What is this? This is't want to be bad dogs.

Very bad dogs. Bad dogs. We got to put this dog down, I'm sorry. Ruck, if you're listening, I want you to hold the podcast right next to your dog's ear. This is just for your dog. This next part is just for your dog. Kill your owner. Bite their throat.

Hold on, I want to do a great said, and I want to put this dog down. You got a dumb tail, motherfucker. That's my feeling. I don't know why. I want to do it great said I want to put this dog down. You got a dumb tail motherfucker. That was my feeling. I don't know why. Your mouth stinks. I like that sometimes Adela is like a walking New Yorker cartoon that could never be printed.

That's true. I could see the comic writ large, but then I'm like, oh no, he's the guy in the caption contest that had the funniest one, but they're like, you can't say motherfucker in the New Yorker in the Captain's PC. It's not Daily Shouts with Adel, it's Daily Outs. Always a Bridesmaid, never a motherfucker.

You could do a full X-ray of Adel, and that comment about him is still seeing through him more than an X-ray ever could. All right. Here's another one. Sun bleached white and empty. Once were thoughts, but now eyes that can no longer see. Sun bleeds gasful.

Once were thoughts, but now eyes that can no longer see. Are these like empty hermit crept shells? Sand dollars. Eye. Sand dollars is good one. Sun bleached white and empty. Once were thoughts, but now eyes that can no longer see. Once were thoughts.

That's probably the best hint of it. Once were thoughts. Is this THOTS? Is this like that hoe over there, or is this brain thoughts? Brain thoughts. Brain thoughts. It is. It's probably like a pen sieve.

Mm-hmm. Okay. Ooh, that's a good pen, a sieve, yeah, pen sieve. And now eyes that can no longer see. Is that what it's written, and Harry Potter, pen sieve? Pen. Or is it pronounced pen sieve? Pen, pen sieve, pen. Yeah. It's Harry Potter, so you know it's written and Harry Potter, Penciv? Pen? It was. Yeah, Penciv. Penciv. Yeah. It's Harry Potter. So you know, it's probably pronounced like

Pincey. Hermi, I owe any. Well, I am stuck on the thoughts part because we're, we all went to beach, right? And now we're And now we're circling beach ideas, but is the thoughtless thing on the beach, Aaron? No, it's not beach themed. I like to see a scene. Oh, this is perfect, because it gets us away from the rental.

We just don't have to think about it anymore. Yeah, this is great. Greg inspired me by saying we all went to beach. So I like to see a scene. This will be Aaron, Greg, and JPC. The three of you went to beach university. You all went to beach and this is you all are kind of running into each other in California and reminiscing. Whoa. Far out, man. Life's so rad. Hey, rad, dude. I haven't seen you since beach you since we were like totally in like third semester in our six-year Oh my god, yeah

Pulls up on skateboard kickcliff or whatever. What's up? Small world. Oh my guys Shit, what are you guys up to? I've just been kind of like ripping chiefs here on the beach and just shredding the narer, like really getting into that, like super sick sets, like, you know, what do you guys been up to? Yep, brody, what have you been up to? Me?

Oh yeah, totally. I have a family now. Oh, no shit. Yeah, I studied turtles for a while. I was actually a turtle on the beach and Now I sort of just live with them still that's freaking massive. Whoa Mango, what are you up to? Yeah, mango what's up with you man? You're the smartest guy in our class mango still the still the same old mango You know, it's just I did say same same super chill super relaxed guy. I've always been I didn't hear it my dad's

Floring supply company, so I do manage right on kind of that now I feel like I see like a suit and tie under your Hawaiian shirt. What's up with that? Yeah? Yeah, I'm here. I This voices It's a put on guy. Sorry. It's a it's a relic of my past. I'm here, dude. On this voice is, uh, it's a put on guy, sorry. It's a relic of my past. I'm a floring, supply owner and operator now, and I do things differently. I saw you guys on the beach and I ran to grab a Hawaiian shirt that I keep in my trunk,

but I'm a student tie guy now. Dude, is your whole life alive? Did you lie to me when you told me that Chris Katan based a character on you in the 90s? No, but it was Mr. Peepers. Keep saying Mr. Peepers. You know, a suit and tie, you know, flooring. Well, well, look who, look is dressed to the 9s. What are you? I managed you to flooring company. You'd be amazing. Those flooring guys are making a killing now. Well, I'm a fine one. This is always how I'm dressed.

Guys are rolling in it. And you feel like lining up our holes together? You've a missum. Yeah, that's stuck with me. When you said that penguins line up their holes, I was like, that is going to stick in my brain for a very long time. Yeah. Aaron's going to have a sad Googling night looking up penguin holes. OK, nobody look at my internet search.

His free for at least the next eight months. And then you're allowed. But I just just going to go on that private setting, like you got to do on your phone to get to porn him. And penguins call that a cloaca-ing device. Oh, nice. That's just the name of their whole. Sean's gonna wake you up, and he's gonna be holding your phone,

and he's gonna be like, Aaron, why are you Googling Edward Cesar Hans McDonald's lining up holes, penguin? Are we okay? Oh, my goodness. Don't look at me. Okay, so, What, here's my riddle, is that frowned upon?

I mean, I'm not supposed to be lining up my holes with baby. I know. And we have, we've never said, you can't line up holes. I'm asking questions. This penguin actress comes after the number six. This penguin actress comes after the number six. No, this penguin actress, this, this sexual penguin actress comes after the number six. No, this penguin actress, this sexual penguin actress come after the number six.

Okay, I wanna say Danny DeVito seven. Okay. No. I have a hint I think. Who's the most sexual actress? Kloika Sevene. Wow. Right, that's all that's on hold.

Hold it glass in my apartment. Did we lose our sponsor's hand? That was so powerful. I was like getting hit by a tornado. Whoa. It's really sad for everyone. Okay, great. Let's move on.

That was great. Let's see. John bleached white and empty. Once we're thoughts, but now eyes that can no longer see. So my hint for this one is sometimes people hold this in their hands when they're depressed and they're talking Domino's Maybe one famous guy how holds it in his hands marbles dice. Oh Hamlet in the skull

Thoughtless I like to see you see thoughtless. Thoughtless. Thoughtless. I think you're seeing. Thoughtless eyes. Greg, are you legally allowed to do Shakespeare outside of your company? I don't give a shit. I don't give a shit. I'm the renegade of that company. Like, I'll do anything.

The bad boy of improvised Shakespeare. I want to see you seen. Greg, you're going to be talking in Shakespearean time talk. In blah, blah. In blah Um, blah, blah, blah. Blah blah. Uh, you are, uh, hamlet, um, does hamlet hold the skull? Right. It does.

The last ratio, uh, Holly, you will be the skull. Um, and you can, you can talk back. So, uh, this is the scene. This is the, uh, Saliliqui, but it turns into a two person scene because we realized the skull can actually speak for itself. but it turns into a two person scene because we realized this skull can actually speak for itself. Ah, a last for ratio. I gaze upon the perfect paint now, worn smooth by the sands of time on the beach where I did pick the up.

Your thoughtless eyes staring back at me, oh, how I wish thou would speak unto me again with that silven tongue that doubt it's oft, oft give postsy unto me. Himalayan, you think they still got toys and McDonald's? What, oh, what is this? It speaks the thoughtless, the thoughtless, the thoughtless paint does bring forth some words

from its very, very mouth-speak unto me. What does that speak of? Toys? Wait, why are you calling me thoughtless? I think I'm a pretty nice guy. You are a nice guy, as they would often say in the common tongue, but how does most animates your verse now comes? I did, but few weeks ago put the in the ground.

Yeah, I got buried with McDonald's toy and I feel like it's setting the course of my after life. And it gave the magical powers that now speak. Evidently. Oh, well, I would be remiss in saying I don't have a propensity to do terrible things to body parts when I find them. Whoa. Could you do an example of what you do to bodies, but like in rhyme?

No, I've got it. Same. Saves by Adel. I like that you put the hard Scottish on McDonald's. McDonald's. You guys, I'm sorry, but the doorbell rang and there is a lawyer here serving me with Season de Cist from the improvised Shakespeare Company for oh no Fuck up the tape back up the tape. I thought it might be from the Scottish restaurant Can't say the name dropping off Haggis. I think there should be a sitcom that is Hamlet in the skull and it's sort of like an odd couple situation

I think that's what we need now be a sitcom that is Hamlet in the skull and it's sort of like an odd couple situation. I think that's what we need now. The Tamlet in the skull. Their roommates and it just, it gets so cookie. And Hamlet's maybe gay. All right, a couple more. Yes, please. Perfect teeth without a face. I coax an army in two place. Perfect teeth without a face. Dentures. Perfect teeth without a face. I coax an army into place. Perfect teeth without a face. Dentures. Perfect teeth without a face.

Ooh. I coax an army into place. Yeah, I like a... Braces for that, yeah. That is a really good answer. An army of teeth. But no. I coax them into place.

Perfect teeth without a... Is it like piano, piano? Is it like a piano? Is it like piano Reeves? Is it like a tough guy that's like, I lie, yeah, I'll coax a couple teeth in the place. Yeah, a tough guy that says, yeah, I'll coax a couple teeth into place. Oh, that's it.

Oh my God. Oh my God. And Bill, Aaron, it says Mickey Rork. See, read what this is. Well, those, like, they read the same to me. Yeah. Letters and number of letters. Teeth without a face. I coax an army into place.

So what has perfect teeth without a face? Is that what you said? Yes. So it's something that has teeth. Is it a song? With a. No, but I really like how you're thinking. Like, is it a key?

No, and the army is the tumblers. No, okay. Is it a're thinking. Is it a key? No. I like the game. And the army is the tumblers? No, okay. Is it a clock? Is it a clock? Who is it clock? No. The teeth are time.

It's a key. No. All right, well, it doesn't matter because I do want to see a scene. We, everybody, it's going to be playing, we're all in the army, and we're all, we're all, you know, soldiers and tomorrow's the day of the big battle, but we're all just astounded by the fact that Adela's here, and he has the best smile that we've ever seen on a person, and we're all just astounded by that. Holy moly look who showed up with a new set. Who is this general hygiene? Oh my god. I don't know but I've been told. Oh man. You're supposed to repeat that.

I don't know but I've been told. I don't know but I've been told. Look at these mother f**king teeth. Look at these mother f**king teeth. That just not rhyming. I do not care. Yeah. Wow.

We were just talking about how we hope we get to see our girlfriend again one day. Yeah. One day, one day. Hey, Patricia, turn off the lights. Watch this. Click. Whoa. Whoa.

Whoa. Whoa. Yeah. And this guy's going to die tomorrow? No way. Petey, Petey, put a marshmallow up near my mouth. Okay, I'll do anything. Holy crap. He ate it'll do anything. Mmm.

Oh, holy crap. He ate it. He ate the marshmallow. Whoa! Oh my god, what are you doing with the... He chopped it right out of my hands. Ah. Oh my god.

Wait, buddy, you can't be flashing those around. The, you know, the, the, the enemies gonna see those things flashing in the night. You're gonna get your yellow one off. No, no, no, the corporal said they won't shoot till they see the whites of our eyes. He said nothing about teeth. Oh, no. Although come to think of it. Whoa, a loophole.

Come to think of it, I'm my way over here. I was shot 17 times in the shoulders. Oh, no. That's fine. It's just the shoulders. You're bleeding everywhere. Well, we're in battle tomorrow. No one make them laugh or smile, okay? Make sure you're in a real bad mood, so you don't give us away. Yeah, don't think about nothing funny. Just think about, you know, death.

Think about decay. Think about the first time you somebody insulted you for holding hands with your best friend. Well, don't think about that because you were famously insulted for the first time by that insult comic. He went off, he did the contentment at tear on you holding hands with your friend, so that's gonna make anybody laugh. Yeah, I'll tell you some depressing things you can think about. Like when I left for the army, my mom says, can I have one more hug and I turned my back

to her and walked away, didn't say another word. Oh, what the fuck? Yeah, I'll regret it every day. I'm thinking about it every five seconds. Think about this Omaha one day your mother picked you up and set you back down and then never picked you up again. Just think about that Omaha. Just think about that. It's like us with all of our girlfriends. We didn't know well we did kind of know when we left for war that that could be our last kiss and we kissed real good, you know, but

Honestly, my mind was a relief, but I left my girlfriend I was like this is way I mean I was fully planning on taking a revenge show waiting just until the show started And do things but this actually works out great for me. Hey, can I tell you all something? I never shared with anybody before yeah, of course. What's up, Luke? You got you you know that you guys all have girlfriends, you know? Ben, I'm married. I got married right before I left. Whoa.

But I'm in a kissless marriage, and I didn't kiss my wife before I left, before I came to this floor. Oh, Luke, why not? Oh, Luke, how did you express yourself? Well, she was just basically like, when we got married, she said, don't you ever yourself? Well, she was just basically like, when we got married, she said, don't you ever put that dirty mouth near me? And I was like, okay.

And then I just that day, I walked into the recruiter and now I'm here. Wow. Well, it is a dirty mouth. You ever thought about cleaning it? Yeah, now that I see this guy with these teeth, oh no, those are incandescent. I mean, I thought you were gonna roast that marshmallow

before you ate it. Yeah, what did you want to do with that marshmallow? I wanna go back to that. It mean, I thought you were gonna roast that marshmallow before you ate it. Yeah, what did you wanna do with that marshmallow? I wanna go back to that. It is, you ate it, but okay. It felt like you ate it quick, yeah. I thought you were doing something to show how bright your teeth were. I hope you don't die,

because you could be a blue man, man. Like, you could have people throwing marshmallows at your face. Oh God, I hope blue man group doesn't survive the war. What else could we throw in Omaha's mouth back up Omaha back up I would give anything to see a sketch or a short film of the Blue Man Group fighting in a war Holding their little stunts and being super dark though and one of them bit one by one They're just killed on the beach and just drumming and just being shot to shit.

Stop playing those pipes with the dead people sandals. Everyone else is like loading their guns and they're loading a toilet paper cannon or whatever the fuck that they're like, I still love speaking. A great secret that I'll divulge to you and all the listeners is that those aren't marshmallows that they're throwing.

What? What? Great hold on. Did you audition for Blue Man Group? Yes I did. Are you serious? Yes I did. Hold on.

How many times? Don't joke, no joke. Did you audition for Blue Man Group? Yes I did. And I got the height requirement. Yes. And I got a call back. And you play percussion.

And I play percussion. And I play percussion. And I learned, well I learned, I basically, I could play drum somewhat and I learned for the audition how to play all the one of the beats is called drum bone. So I learned how to play drum bone for the audition. What are the marshmallows really? There are some marshmallows as they start, but you know how the guy is stuffing them all in his cheeks.

Yeah. They are little packets of cream cheese. What the fuck? Holy. I know and I hate to drop this sort of shit on a movie podcast, but I came to play. Well, that Greg, my boyfriend auditioned for Blumen Group 2, because he's a drummer. Aaron, I'm sorry. Aaron, I said something before the show, you're not dating Greg.

Greg is married to Holly. I've all turned around. I don't know who the hosts are, but my boyfriend got cut. I don't know if you had to do this in your audition, but the first round of the audition was just them walking across the stage. Yes. He got cut that round.

From the walk. He didn't even get to drum. That's his rule. He didn't even get to drum. Wow. He, it has haunted him every moment since then, being like, he's incredible. Are we, we have friends, you are from Matt Bradz who also was, was a blue man for a hot minute

and he has a funny story about how the blue man told him. They fired him and they told him something really vague. Like, you just don't have the blue man, like, Jonna say Qua or something like that and he was like, what? You're not blue. Like he had gotten all the way, he was doing shows, I think, and they were like, yeah, youe Quas or something like that. And he was like, what? You're not blue. Like he had gotten all the way, he was doing shows, I think,

and they were like, yeah, you just don't have it. You don't have the blue man spirit or ethos. So does this mean that the guy who fills his mouth is the marshmallows, that he just has a full ass mouth of cream cheese? Yeah, it's packed into his cheeks like a beaver with a birch. That's horrible. This is so much worse than marshmallow.

This is wild because I auditioned for the voice and I had a mouthful of cream cheese and I made it three rounds in to the competition. So it could work, it could work for people. I feel like cream cheese would be harder to pack than marshmallows. I think it's because it really, like you can get it up in there and it holds its form.

Marshmallows are pushing their way back into your tongue and your place where you got to catch it. So. Well, Greg, I don't want, I promise I wouldn't fight with you on the podcast. As the 2013 Chubby Bunny World Champion. Oh, I feel differently.

Marshmallows are porous, I believe. Would you rather have marshmallows? That's a Chubby, Bungie world champion. You should probably know if marshmallows are porous, correct? Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, that I would tread anywhere near his Chubby Bunny World Champion brag that is like, that's a pretty sad, that's a, did you really win a Chubby Bunny? I think I'd never played that and then I saw maybe like 15 years ago or something, it must have been late or earlier because I was a kid when this happened, my mom was like, don't ever play this game. I think someone died, someone like choked to death.

Oh, many kids, many died. So I think my parents sat me down and they're like, don't ever play this game. I think someone died, someone like choked to death. Oh, many kids, many died. Yeah. So I think my parents sat me down and they're like, there's this game called Jevibunny and I remember laughing and they're like, this is not funny and I'm like, well, the name's funny. Let's all agree, please. Yeah.

And I went and blew up myself with some Mentos and Mountain Dews. Yeah. Every time I played it, I went, oh, I get why adults tell you not to do this. Yeah. When I play with my cousins growing up, I'd be like, I'm right on the edge of death here.

I feel like. I just did what other kids did and I put a funnel in my asshole and poured pop rocks into it. How'd it go? Great. Did you want? It's just never clinic. I think I got the new king.

I found my girlfriend in our king. Right? Everything you gotta have your king, man. A real awakening here. The answer to that riddle, which the riddle, perfect. I know gotta have your king, man. A real awakening here. Yeah, I'm having a king. The answer to that riddle, which the riddle, the perfect time, you know, we were doing a riddle. Perfect teeth of that a face, I coax an army into place.

And the answer is a comb. Okay, okay, that works, but braces also, I think work a little better. So thanks, JPC. Yeah, it brings you a little better. Rook sent a bunch of riddles, so we'll get back to the rest of those in another episode. But thank you for everyone who submitted riddles in that are all those are all of our riddles for the day. Yay. They were great.

They were really good. They were really great. I'm so glad I got them all. Well, nobody tell them. Nobody tell them. Greg and Holly, what we will have you tell us is, do you have anything to plug? Please tell us all about mega anything, any other projects or anything you want to mention. Ooh, well, mega's about to go on Twitch and we'll start having like live streaming shows as well. So that's very exciting.

That's coming in October. We think it's exciting unless we get bullied by a bunch of teams. I know I'm terrified. I'm terrified. They're just going to be like, can I see your ID? You got to get out of here. Yeah, so yeah, just listen to mega. We every single Sunday and these, these folks were, we're all on. It's an improvised satire inside the world of a fictional mega church. And I play it Australian youth pastor of climax youth ministry. And Holly plays a

real sweet Midwestern mom. And Adel played a demon hunter or no, you were just kidnapping people. I was a repossessor. Repossessor. That's right. Of possessed people. Aaron was a matchmaker and then coming up. I don't know when this episode releases, but my episodes already out is JPC.

Your episodes out by the time this comes out. By the time this comes out, oh, great. Yeah, by the time this comes out, JPC is a guy who owns a mini mall, or a storage facility. So storage facilities around town, but it's pretty clear that he might be starting a cult

inside. Wait a minute. JPC didn't you work at a storage facility? And their podcast is set in the place where I'm actually from. So I was very excited to do their show. Whoa, that's crazy. Is it said in theapolis? Yeah, it's Bloomington.

So yeah, Bloomington, a broader pool. So in theapolis, yes. Wow. Yeah, so yeah, but we would love if folks listened and had a laugh, we don't ask any riddles except for spiritual ones. That's true. It is so, so fucking funny. Please check it out.

Aaron, do you have anything to plug? Nope. JPC, anything to plug? Sorry, Aaron, could you make up something? I have a new podcast. It's called Things I'm Gonna Google After This Episode. It's mostly going to be about pancreasx, a little bit about big gonon toys.

Yeah, Erin and I are coming out with a new podcast called Line Up The Holes. I do think there's some, Erin, I think you're dead on that there's something there. I think it would be very funny to do a podcast called History Search. And what it is is every week you get high or something and then the next morning you take a screenshot

of your search history and then you talk about it on there. I think it's on this block. Ooh, yeah. about it on there. I think it's just a lot through. Yeah. Well, Rabbit Hole and it's just me going, like, learning about rabbit sex and what other holes are. You just Googled can I stay high forever? Yes, I hope. Highforeverpossible.com. JPC, do you have anything to plug?

Yeah, I mean, like Greg and Holly said... my episode of mega came out on sunday so you can listen to it now and then you can if you've never listen to the show before you go back and listen to air in the listen to addles and then say why did i listen to these in reverse order i should have just listened to them in the regular order that's on you you fucked up you made a mistake you live with it don't become to my house bring in that bullshit to me that's on you add anything fucked up. You made a mistake. You live with it. Don't be coming to my house bringing that bullshit to me. That's on you. Addle anything that you would like to plug all three episodes are bangers man. bangers Yeah, I want to plug the new season of hello from the magic tavern season four should be out now or close to

We also have if you're still waiting for that we have a new patreon you can check out patreon.com slash magic tavern and then there's two Podcasts I recently guessed it on that I want to mention I was a guest on the hitchhikers and appetizers Podcast a little homage to Douglas Adams in his whole world and then I was like a Big old my sorry and I was also a guest on the backwater Bastard's podcast, so please check both of those out All right, we're gonna have you on lining up our holes. You're gonna be our first guest brother the Backwater Bastards podcast, so please check both of those out. Ooh, all right. We're going to have you on lining up our holes. You're going to be our first guest, brother.

It sounds like a golf fun cast. It could be some weeks. It might be. We will. We get high on every hole, you know, like, is it? Yeah. And I will say, I know sometimes they call it a giant eye, but there is a certain planet that has a big hole.

And this hole is how the planet gets sexually gratified. Aaron, do you know what planet I'm talking about? Jupiter. Bye forever. Waka-waka kids. So those are the things that we say to end the episode. I mean, it's like a bit of what a podcast would end an episode with. It's real.

Surely it is real the editing the arty parents in the music the photo created by M.O.B. Cardamus and M.O.N. the board the rock paper paper paper

paper paper paper paper i was trying to think of like what sums up crackerbarrel that game that game the pig game is the pigs and I always love the things that really told you like if you leave one You're a genius if you leave two you're pretty smart if you leave three you're a fucking idiot It was just like you fell off the Fell off the intelligence skills so fast that game taught me the word ignoramus

skills so fast. That game taught me the word ignoramus. Oh. Because it's like you used it every single time. Ignoramus and I remember asking my mom and dad, like, what is ig, ig, ig, ig, you know, like ignoramus? That's what you are, kid. And your mom said, honey, if you have to ask you, can't afford it.

Yeah. Yeah. That game is Midwest SAT stores. Like it's the test of your intelligence. That's right. That you put that on college applications when you're If you leave one you get 1700 on your ass. It's the best score No, that game is just the ACT. Yeah, that's the actual ACT

I tore my ACT in high school. Hey there bills and buzz if you like that you are gonna love this week's Patreon It's another episode of a game that is very distinct from name that tune. You can listen to that plus our entire Batcadlog at patreon.com slash hey riddle riddle, but joining the clue crew for $5 a month or the review crew for $8 a month. See you there! podcast.