Hey Riddle Riddle - #177: EPISHODE!

Episode Date: December 8, 2021

Grate nu epishode! We talk about thanking our future selves, one of us tries to (ahem) collect muppets, we explore the power of chickens, meet a unique sorority pledge AND Erin breaks the boys with the funniest goddamn story of all time! #WiddleWednesday Starring: Adal Rifai John Patrick Coan Erin Keif Editing by:  Casey Toney Theme by:  Arne Parrott Logo by:  Emily Kardamis & Emmaline Morris Want more? Get Weekly Bonus Eps on Patreon! Want merch? Visit our TeePublic Store! or pins, buttons & prints Want to advertise on the show? Check out Hey Riddle Riddle via Gumball.fmSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is a head gum podcast. Test test test attention attention everyone attention we are now going to announce prom queen and king first we'll read prom queen I'm happy to announce Prom, Queen and King. First, we'll read Prom, Queen. I'm happy to announce that Aaron Keef is Prom, Queen. Oh my gosh, I'm walking to the stage. I'm shrugging through the crowd, going like, oh my gosh, I'm so surprised. I don't believe it's me. Great job.

And everything's really happy for me. Hi, thank you so much for voting for me. I am your prom queen. Okay, oh, sorry, there's no speeches right yet. So let's go ahead and announce the prom king. Of course, we all know the finalists were JPC. Woo, yeah, great. Wanna plaza, sounds like.

And also somebody nominated a chicken tender from last week's lunch. Woo! Yeah! Yeah! That's my boyfriend! Tender, tender! And your prom king for 2021 is...

Oh, it's the chicken tender. Yes, he was in she lovely. He was in she wonderful. As per tradition, we'll now have JPC come up and give a speech about how it feels to lose to a chicken tender. Hey everybody, it's JPC's dad. I know he wanted to be here tonight, but unfortunately. Thank you, thank you.

Look, I went to prison for tax evasion, okay? That's a val it's a vet. It's no there's I have no shame about it That's a taxation population bubble bubble tax invasion tax invasion That's a tax invasion. I know what a vagrant cross borders. That's a yes tax invasion I went to Canada and paid taxes. I went to Canada. I paid taxes for 15 years. They caught me I went to prison. It was it was more like a white glove Hey, Texas, for 15 years, they caught me. I went to prison. It was more like a white glove, caught the years, president.

You know, I was like, I don't blame you off, don't blame you off, don't blame you off. So, so Canada, so, so, so, that's where Wolverines from. Kassas. JPC, JPC, Webodex from Canada. JPC wanted to be here tonight, of course. And I am posthumously accepting this award in his stead. Possibly didn't really didn't really wait.

What is posthumously be? I've only I've only picked up that word from context. And now I'm. She's lovely. Thank you, principal, Adel. You're welcome. Of course, I am principal Adel Rify I'm JPC's dad and I'm prom queen Aaron Keith

JPC's dad JPC's dead. Oh God the conspiracy. It's all coming together If you play I don't uh, should we tell people if you play episode one 14 backwards You'll get all the clues. All the clues to JPC dying. I was replacing him with a Paul McCartney look alike. What's one? I wonder what episode 114 is. That's the one called the clues are all there.

Mr. Policeman, why did she catch me? That episode is called The Snowman. What if I could rename that episode to The Snowman? Do you think people would freak out? Do it for a week. Do it for a week and see if people know it. And snowman backward is Joe Nazbo. All of our episode titles don't really make a ton of things. I guess sometimes the context opinion on like some specific thing we're talking about in the episode. But I think it would be funny just once a year to go back and rename, like randomly renamed 15 of them so that people who are like going back

and listening to the back catalog would be like, what the fuck is this, a new episode I've never heard before? They listen to the whole thing and they're like, no, it's just a, I've heard this fucking episode. This is nothing. It's like a baron stain bears situation where they're like, and I'll explain the title of this was that.

Well, let's make up some fake titles that we can use on past episodes. No, don't burn any of those titles because I need the for future episodes titles. I will say when I'm doing when it's my when I'm in charge of sort of doing the edit pass for the episode that I do Rittles for, I'll not have written down any possible name until the very end. Yeah. I'll just be like in the last scene, if there's like something funny, I'll just be like, that's the episode. That's it. That's the title.

I always get so relieved when we go, that'll just be like, that's the episode. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. So not thank you past us. Thank you past us. You said yeah, and then you gave him different one. Well, I thought we were throwing out a bunch of ideas. Well, we're the present. I didn't really just was a dictatorship. We're the present. So we can't be thinking the past us right now.

That has to be something that we think later. Thank you future us. Thank you future us. The present is a gift. And that's why we call it the present. I'm a. The President's a gift. That's why we call it the President. I'm a President, because I'm a gift. And the pastor's a blast, which is why I can kiss our ass. Can I just say up top real quick?

Download your two slow. I forgot that this is actually something I did want to mention. If you're listening to this, we have a whole Patreon. Patreon.com slash Hey, Rinal Rinal. And if you don't like to hear us read ads at the first of the January 1st, all of our future main feed episodes will be ad-free on the Patreon at the $8 tier. That is the review crew tier. You also get a weekly episode, you get a monthly review crew,

you get some live streams, and you get ad-free episodes. Patreon.com.shareedulrittle.com. Get it out of the way. Mm-hmm. I have an idea for this episode. Okay, I know. What's your idea? Wait, so this is an idea for the... Oh, I thoughthmm. I have an idea for this episode. Okay, what's your idea? Wait, is this an idea for the, oh, I thought she was gonna take over the whole episode. No, I don't have that kind of power.

Damn. I think the title of this episode, episode, it's episode. Oh, that's it. It's episode. It's episode. It is. It's episode.

I bumbled the ball. I bumbled and I'm blocked. You were at the finish line. And then the ground opened up and you dropped in the ball. I've bumbled and I've got you at the finish line and then the ground opened up and you dropped in the hell. This is some of the worst way to ever see in play. I was going to say I should be called the be titled the funniest episode ever and we should manifest it now but now it's going to be episode because I'm an idiot. Aaron you do understand why it has to be episode though right? We just want to be clear you I think it's gonna be episode. Because I'm an idiot. Eric, you do understand why it has to be episode though, right? We just wanna be clear, you understand why it has to be

called episode. I don't understand why anything has to be anything in this hell. Here's my idea, what we do every year, the first of the year, we go back and we take maybe three to five episodes from the previous year, and we named them some iteration of the sweatshirt. We call them the sweatshirt, the sweater vest,

and so people get really confused with they're trying to find that one specific episode. Which one was it? I remember we were recording with, when Magic Tadron was recording with Rachel Bloom, she was talking to me beforehand about. Name dropout. Name dropout.

She's talking to me about improv, and she's like, I love your guys' podcast. I just, she's like, I love your guys' podcast. I just, she's like, I love your guys' podcast. I don't like improv where someone miss speaks and then it's like 10 minutes of everybody be like, you misspoke and I'm like, oh, totally. And then we started recording and there's a part where it was like, Matt was like,

I'm gonna play a plank on someone and he was like, prank and then Arnie was like, playing, play a plank on someone and I think I joined in and I was like oh no I thought you I thought that story was gonna be that Rachel Bloom was the one that was like like launched on map for saying Plank Ragh it was like What a way to learn that Rachel Bloom would hate this podcast I'm so sorry. I'm a huge fan. I totally understand that this isn't for you, Rachel Bloom.

Aaron, you got a meter? Yeah, it was really nervous. My hands just started sweating again thinking about meeting her. That was very exciting. I think she extended her hand to say hello and then you slapped her in the face. Yeah, I did. My mother did. I wanted to tell her that her YouTube video, I steal pets from the popular people and address the pets up like a popular people was my favorite, one of my favorite comedy things ever, but I got you nervous.

Sure, for any of you. Well, she'll never listen to this because of our aggressive improv, and so she'll never hear that you liked that video that she did. Episod. Whatever. Episod. I can't wait till one of you messes up in this episode, and I will. Good luck catching me.

Got mess up on a word, Aaron. I've had these in Visaline in my mouth for almost six months. So it's pretty hard for me to actually list and catch myself on a word. His enunciation is perfect. Don't don't manufacture it. I want a real mistake. I'll probably say epicot or something. We'll figure it out. We'll figure out what mistakes we make. Are all fucking laugh wrong or something. Let's do riddles. Okay. Wait,

wait, wait, now Addle. Yeah. It's still the year that we like riddles. I mean, you want to try that with thank you. Aaron. Can you say that again? We're let's do some yeah, let's do some riddles. Yeah I say like that flawless. Okay. Yeah, no question. Yeah riddle time. No, no, it's not questions. Speaking of baby Aaron a Baby falls out of a window of a 20 story building. Hell yeah. Terrible start. Yet survives. Aw. How? The baby was inside of a pregnant woman and she was, oh, she died.

No, no, no, she was doing a stunt for a movie. Ooh, wow. Do you think that there are pregnant stunt people? No, that seems to be the one that's gonna be. They don't know their pregnant yet. That. When they take the test and they just go, oh my god, I jumped out of a window, yeah.

Holy shit, that's definitely gonna happen. They put a mat on the bottom of the building to catch the stunt, a double, and then they put a pad on the side of the building to catch the baby when it pops out after the mom lands on her. Every pregnant woman I've ever known, it's my favorite thing they do. They'll tell you in a hush tone The worst thing they did when they were pregnant, but they didn't know they were pregnant Like eating salsa or something. Yeah, I have a friend who was like I want to do it to kill a tasting

It was two days Like yep, your baby was to kill a drunk for two days. I love it. They're all they're fine You can pretty much do anything. Maybe you're real to last. Speaking of stunt doubles, I don't know why I went down this rabbit hole, but I was watching, I don't know if you guys, if this happens to you, but I was watching a movie,

and you know how in a movie, like when they just do two people talking, but they're just showing close-up shots of the people, and you can never see the other person in the shot. And my brain always is looking for, like, were these two actors actually in the scene together, or did they just have like a stand-in?

Like, if they never do a wide shot, there's a chance that there was, these two actors were never actually talking to each other. And that fascinates me, so it's all I can think about when I see that scene. And one of the characters was the rock. And so I was like, I wonder, the rock is so big. I was like, I wonder who the rock stunt double is.

And I looked into it. And it like, It's a boulder, a huge boulder. It's a boulder, it's a John Cena. It's a boulder, it plus his tequila. It's like his tequila brand boulder. I can't remember what his tequila brand is. He talks about all the fucking time.

Tracemigos. How is it not on the rock? That's it. house, casita. It's still to be like that. One of the, one of his stunt novels, I'm not sure if it's like his current one, but one of them is, his cousin, who is like big and looks a lot like the rock. And I was like, enough like the rock, right? So he's like a similar shape and he's got a shaved head.

And I was like, oh, that's wow. That like one of his stunt novels is his cousin. I was going down that rabbit hole a little bit. And it was like, and I read some article that was like the Like one of his stunt doubles is his cousin. I was going down that rabbit hole a little bit and it was like, I read some article that was like the rock even thanked his stunt double. And last year he bought him a truck. And I'm like, that's cool. But it's the rock.

Like the rock is like a billionaire. If you get, if someone bought me a truck, I'd be like, holy shit, this is insane. I don't want a truck, but this is great. Like what a, what a president. But if like Jeff Bezos bought me a truck, I'd be like, come on man. I'm a holy shit. This is insane. I don't want a truck, but this is great. Like what a what a present But if like Jeff Bezos bought me a truck. I'd be like come on Buy me a house like what do you do it like a truck? That's nothing to you Someone probably gave you this truck and you were like I don't need an eighth truck

I'm so sorry, but you know what? I'm just gonna lean into the fact that I'm gonna get baby absolutely destroyed this episode Well, while you were talking it took a sip of my coffee and I miss my mouth, and so I just fully ordered down my friend. I'm so full. I'm so full. This is not my day today. I even tried to have a little moment

before we started recording being like, this is great. All you have to do is show up, enjoy your sweet friends, and then I said, at the show did I spilled coffee down my friend. And then I said, episode, did I spilled coffee down to my friend? Aaron, so far this episode, you're like one of the wet bandits. Like, I wouldn't be surprised if you stepped up after this episode's done and you stepped on a rake

and it hits you in the face. You're like the main character from airplane. He says he has a drinking problem and it's just, he can't drink all the drink. Just goes all over him when he tries to drink. Like that's you in real life. Aaron, you are a real life, Amelia Badelia. And we meet in the best possible way.

Do you guys see these cartoon birds flying around my head? Oh, brother. I didn't see you be so adorable this episode. But you're right. You are eating of adorable baby falls out of a window. No, right. Baby falls out of a window of a 20 story building yet survives. How do baby do that?

Okay, so is this like, is this like a, it's so maybe there, there's only one floor to this building, but it's one of these big sprawling artist co-ops, and there's like 20 people like furiously clicking away at their stories that they're writing. So we've got 20 stories being written at the Starbucks and the baby just... It's a small town library. Yes, there's 20 people inside. Yeah, that's a library. Yes, that's my final answer, Alec.

Um, so what was your final answer again? I don't remember, man. It's like that is a baby bird. Okay. Oh, that's a good one. It could fly. No, that is a baby bird. Okay. Oh, that's a good one. Cause it could fly. No, this was a human baby. And when you say 20 stories,

it means that the building was 20, I almost had 20 feet tall. You know, a story is a fun. Scalton's are 100 feet tall. Scalton's are 100 feet. So this is like 20 floors basically. Yeah, the building has 20 floors. Was there like a net at the bottom,

in a way like, I think there's a fire in Magnolia where I like jumps. Jumbs was big as the net. Jumbs out of window, it gets caught by like a net at the bottom or something. Yeah, that was fire. Or if that guy jumps out of a building and Magnolia gets shot in the head.

I think a guy gets shot in the head in Magnolia. There's also frogs. Yeah, there's a guy who is jumping out the top of a building and on his way down, there's another apartment where a gun got fired. Yes. He got murdered on his way to committing suicide. Yeah, but the, I think the tragedy there is that

there was something that would have caught him at the bottom. So the jump wouldn't have killed him. I see. Yeah, and it's like a story about, there's a diver in a tree. I think Pat and Oswald, it's the one who So the job wouldn't have killed him. I see. Yeah. And it's like a story about there's a diver in a tree. I think Patton Oswald is the one who's doing that in the relation of that. Yeah, Amy Mann, you got your Philipsy More Huffins,

you got your John C. Riley's. It's one of my favorite movies. I love that movie, but I've been hesitant to have to watch it with Mariah because I just don't think showing someone your favorite movie. I think you're never going to get the reaction that you want. Sure. It's also three and a half hours.

Who has time to watch a movie that that's fucking long? Is that your, it's one of your favorite movies, because I was gonna say Conair is your favorite movie. Yeah, that's what I would have said for you, Conair. It's hard to have Magnolia be your favorite movie because it's like three movies. It's like two, it's too long to be like, let's just watch this all the time.

Conair, I could put on, if Kanye was on TV, I can walk into it at a random spot and want to finish the whole movie. If Magnol was on TV, I could be like, who has time for this? Like I have a whole day planned. I want to see a scene. JPC and Aaron, you are a couple. You've been introducing each other to your favorite movies. JPC, this is your turn to Aaron has showed you her favorite movie. Now it's time for you to show her your favorite movie and you're very nervous. Popcorn is popped and sitting down. Do you want to blanket? I'm good. I think I'm going to get too sweaty to nervous with the blanket. You can have

the blanket. Should we do this? Should we cancel? Should we play a board game? No, that's not, I'm ready. I popped the popcorn. I'm excited. You watched my favorite movie and ready to watch your favorite movie. It's just, now I'm feeling so, I'm feeling like anxious because this is such an important decision. It's like a big part of myself. I loved your movie so much and I could tell like I could see that it was like emotionally affecting you and I feel like, I don't, I just don't want to ruin it like I don't want to ruin what we already did with my thing and it's like bad or you hate it or babe you are overthinking this I just say relax I'm not gonna hate it there's no way I could possibly hate it I'm just looking to get to know you better this is great okay press play no but but but

before we press play you need anything to drink Because it's just popcorn you're just gonna eat dry popcorn. You don't go water a couple of kruis right here Okay, perfect perfect. Okay, you got the kruis nothing left to do Popcorn for salty do we want something that's maybe sweet to bounce it out? I have some peanut M&M's right here. I was gonna say I can make brownies. It'll only take 45-ish Eminem's right here. I was gonna say I can make brownies. It'll only take 45-ish minutes I'm gonna press play. I'm going to love the movie can we can I just set set the world the context because you're gonna Jump in and I just want to make sure that you know what you're getting into great because this is not I mean Your movie was so great, and it's not that it's like very different from that

Okay, what is it? Okay So Okay, what is it? Okay. So, this movie... Don't dismantle the TV. I won't, I won't. You got up, but when you've got a screwdriver and you're starting to undo the TV. Oh, I'm so sorry.

I talk with my hands until it just needs something to do with my hands while I talk. I'll put the screwdriver down, and I'll sit back down on the couch. This movie, it's going... There's not no context, but it will jump you in, and it will feel like maybe the movie that you're watching,

there's more to it, because there is, but it's not really part of the movie that we're watching. Okay, I've seen a movie before. I think I'll be able to use some content. This is gonna be different, no, it's what I'm saying. Great, and I know. You've seen a movie before this, it's gonna be so different.

I've been a person for such a long time, I think I'll be okay. This is such a bad idea, this is such a bad idea. I've been a person for such a long time. I think I'll be okay. This is such a bad idea. I shouldn't do this. Okay. Are you like, you don't think I'm smart enough to like your favorite movie? It's the opposite of that.

I think that my favorite movie is so bad that I think that you're gonna judge me for it. And play. Okay, let's see. Hey, I'm a blues brother. I'm a blues brother too. And it's the year 2000. Three home jicacos.

So me and my friends, we recut Blues Brothers 2000 with us in it. Favorite movie is a home movie you made. We thought we could do a better job. See, has anyone seen BeKine rewind? Oh God. I've never seen that. Is that a good movie?

I don't remember it being very good. Okay. I remember hearing the premise and I'm like, this is one of the funnier premises. And it was like, I think it was Michel Gondry, who was like, very, like, did he do a turn on sunshine? But I was very excited for it, but then I never, I just never watched it.

The premises they work at a movie store and they like, they remake the movies basically. They lose all the movies, so they have to ret-tape them all from memory and so the whole thing is like them re-creating movies. Okay. That sounds like an idea. It sounds like it could work. I don't remember. I think I watched it but I don't remember it. Maybe I'll watch that tonight as a little treat to myself. As a little treat to my 21 year old self, 22 year old self?

You get it right because you're gonna let one self down. I smell like coffee. Speaking of smiling like coffee, a baby falls out of the window. What happened to the baby? Tell us a hint or a hint of answer. I guess it's the answer. JPC, you basically said the right answer, but then you moved on to something else. There's a net at the bottom that catches the baby.

No, it's not that. The store thing? Yeah. Well, you said something about the other 19 stories are empty or something, whatever you said. But up top, you basically said the right answer. So a baby falls at the window of a 20 story building. Mm-hmm. Yes, her eyes.

How? They were on like the bottom floor. That's the thing. They fell on the window. It was on the ground floor. I'd still feel bad for the baby. That drop could still fuck up a baby now. I feel a baby. Oh, could.

Now, pretty much anything can kill a baby. Aaron, I think that's the spirit. Aaron, I think that's your new DJ name is DJ Kill a Baby. No, I don't think so. What I think is so fascinating about human babies is they have to be so underdeveloped because our brains are so big and we can't, like, you know, you couldn't pop them out.

And then you have like animal babies and they're like, they're like walking around like three seconds after they're born. And I'm like, because they have small tiny little animal brains. And then you have muppet babies who come out fully formed and immediately making jokes. It's so fucked up because I wasn't funny,

I would say, for it probably took me 19 years to be funny, and those Muppet Babies are funny so fucking immediately. That's so crazy. I'm so happy to see. I hope I give birth to a Muppet Baby. Please, if I'm ever a mom, I'd want it to be a Muppet Baby. Which one would you want?

Um, Scooter. No, I'm just kidding, that's a nightmare. Aaron, I'm just gonna- I'm gonna throw this out here. You better start fucking muppets episode title are you fucking muppets start Start fucking muppets one One you might your knees, so babies I'm gonna write a muppet movie up one day

Okay, what's Aaron will you please write a muppet movie about how you're trying to fuck every muppet? Yes, I Fuck every I have like forum up at movie ideas. I'm not gonna give them out for free Jim Henson's company You can call me and I will write it for you for free I don't like it paid Aaron says that that she has four muppet movie ideas. Patreon.com, so I say, hey, Rital Rital, eventually there will be an episode where Aaron does her muppet movie previsors. I got to see a scene, I'm sorry. Uh oh.

I got to see a scene. Aaron, you are on a quest in a movie to fuck every muppet. You are. You're never going to hire me now. I put it out into the universe and we two guys ruined my chance. They look here. They're currently at a bar and you see him up at the bar and you are headed over to see if he's interested.

You can't help but notice you have a hand up your ass. I was wondering if you... What? No, excuse me. Uh, sorry. I can't help but notice you have a hand up your ass and I was wondering if you wanted another one. Oh, you're very forward, aren't you? Can I buy you a bunch of cookies that you can put in your mouth and then swallow any of it?

Right now I'm having grapes, but I would love if you refill my bowl. I love introduce myself. I'm Fanzo. Oh, oh. Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you were an on-brand puppet and not an off-brand puppet. Mind the stick. Have a great night. Well, well, well, hold on now. I'll hold on now.

I'm Fuzzy Baron Ganzo's kid. I'm the product of two on-brand puppets. Um, but I've never heard of you. I've never seen you in any of the movies. Sorry, I'm more of like a celebrity. I've been a bunch of movies really. I was in the Jason Segal one Okay, who were you? Sarah Marshall Okay, wait, so you weren't even in the Jason Segal

I'm up at movie you were That's a good idea. I work Um, I'm up in movie. You were... That's so good, I am. I work! Yeah, it's all fucking politics. They recut me. They cut me out of that movie, recast my part. We are 90% the way through shooting. You were a Kristen Bells part? Yeah, well she was my part. She was five times part.

Excuse me, if you're going to be here, you have to order a drink. My name is Permit. Uh, let me guess Miss Piggy and Kermit, son? Nope. Uh-oh. Kermit and a pervert. Okay, I'm out of this bar. The pervert was me. Oh, she never got to meet little monkey bones. In a way she did. I've seen. I'm married for a hundred more reddels. Okay, well let's start with number two of the episode.

Wow, the journey to a hundred riddles starts with number two. A family has a chicken coop for their one dozen hens. Is it a BMW? Yeah, it's a it's a it's a nice. It's a three series. Okay, cool. Many chicken coop. These chickens are fast. Late one night a terrible storm came through their area and killed all but eight chickens. How many chickens did the family have the next morning? It doesn't matter because they only ate the butt, eight butt chickens. Chicken butt. Sorry, did you read that again?

A family has a chicken coop for their one dozen hens. Late one night a terrible storm comes through their area and killed all but eight chickens. How many chickens did the family have the next morning? Four. Oh, they ate, they had eight chickens because they ate them. Uh, nope. They ate eight chickens. Is there a difference between the hand and the chicken? Is a hand a chicken? I think a hand is a female chicken, right?

I'd like to see a scene. Okay. You're just two chickens in a chicken coop and a storm's coming. Back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back,

back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back with Becky? Bucket was with Becky. Becky will be 20 bucks. Bucky will be 10 bucks. By anyway we're 10 bucks too. Tim's Bucky too. Are you driving your book? Your

rock? My book? Wait you're at the Bjork concert? Bjork? Where's the Bjork? And my book? With Tim, Bucky and Becky. Wait let me me, let me, uh, speaking of Buick's, let me put on the alarm for my car. Buk, buk, buk! Oh, you've, uh, that's a nice car. Thank you. Ah, man, uh, you know what, all this talk of, uh, the Timbuktu Bjork concert and the cars, it's, it's made me awful, uh, uh, thirsty. Uh, I've been to just that bad side and, uh, get something to drink.

You coming with me Sure, let's go open up the door. Oh shit. Oh I got blown away. I'm at a tornado There's had a chicken in my car Is that a chicken in my car? Either way, she looks good. Same. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Aaron, I did that for you because I know that's the only.

That's my favorite thing. The only sign effect you'll appreciate. I heard the chickens are so dumb and their brains are so tiny that it's you. How dumb, are they? If you leave them outside in a rain storm, they'll be so fascinated with the rain. They'll just look up with the mouths open and then drown. I heard if, I heard chickens are so dumb. If you get off their fucking head, they don't fucking know their dead for a year and a half.

That's how you got to be dumb to have your your brain not even control your body. Have ever told you my favorite acting story of all time? Yes. I have to assume. If you've told me that acting stories they've been third, fourth favorite, I'm gonna be pissed. I think it was Jack Nicholson. I could be wrong. Someone will probably correct me if I'm wrong. I love that your favorite acting story of all time starts with.

I don't know who this is about. I believe it was Jack Nicholson. He was in an acting class when he was like 19 or something. And it was impromptu. It was basically improv, but I think what they called improv back then was like impromptu acting. Sure. So the teachers like do this, you're all this, walk around like you're whatever, walk around like your businessmen, walk around like you're, you know, whatever, like you're lonely.

And then the acting teacher was like, great, now when everyone to walk around like your chickens and everyone was like walking like chickens and pecking at the floor and flapping their wings. And then the acting teacher was like, great, now everyone was like walking like chickens and pecking at the floor and flapping their wings. And then the acting teacher was like, great. Now there's like a storm or whatever. And they're like kind of like freaking out a little bit. And then the acting teacher goes, great. And now there's an atomic bomb

in the dropping from the sky. And all the classes like looking up in the sky and going, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, like freaking out and running around. And the whole time Jack Nicholson is just going, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, buck, doing nothing.

And then acting teacher's stopped and he's like, Jack, where are we not freaking out? And he goes, I'm a chicken. I don't know what the fuck up bomb is. And I'm like, that's outstanding. I wonder if that wasn't about Jack Nicholson's story. Who was the guy doing a Jack Nicholson impression? Okay fine, I'll come clean. I was the teacher and one of my students

fucking burned my ass. Adel what's the answer to this red all? I'm much much too busy to figure it out. Here's what I'll say. So there's one doesn't hence a terrible storm comes through and kills all except for eight. I'm going to say the next morning, how many chickens do they have? This is a very easy answer. So is it four? Is it four chickens?

It's not four. Well, they have 12. Yeah, Aaron explain. Because it doesn't matter if they're dead or alive. They still have. Because it doesn't matter if they're dead or alive. They still have a live chicken and a dead chicken contains the same amount of atoms and molecules. Mm-hmm. Shooting your stender.

Mm-hmm. The family still had 12 hands, four dead and eight alive. The first two riddles here have been kind of fucked up. Yeah, these are two fucking dead chickens. You could be promking one day. Oh god. Well, your blood could be dumped on a prom queen. Well, I don't know what chicken tender one prom king one day. Oh god. Well, you could be, your blood could be dumped on a prom queen. Well, I don't know what chicken tender one prom king could be in this episode.

So sky limit dead chickens. I just want to say before we get into the situation where we are taking a break, I have my favorite acting story or it's a story, not really an acting story, but a story about the acting world that I want to tease. I just say that I will say it, but I won't say it until after break. Is it Anthony Hopkins and Peter O'Toole? No, no, no, no. It's a little more modern than that. Oh, is it, what's his name? Edo Neal and Sophia Vergaga?

No, it's not. Wow. Wow, but no, it's not. It's not. I won't say any more until after break. I'm gonna, I'm gonna in protest it in silence until break is over Okay, fine. We're going to break it and then we come back. We'll figure out what the story is Hey, GPC. Uh, uh, yeah. You're not in trouble. I just need help. I'm, um, pranking Addle.

And I'm setting up a website to prank him. Um, can I just need some advice? This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace. I'm not, I'm not mad at you. We're pranking Addle. Squarespace is the only one website platform for entrepreneurs to stand out and to see it online Whether you're just starting out or managing a growing brand square space makes it easy to create a beautiful website

It gage with your audience and sell anything for products to cut into time all in one place all on your terms Hey, Otto come here come here. Hey, Otto, come here. Come here, come here. Hey, what's going on? I actually, I want to prank JPC and I want to set up a whole website to prank him. Do you have anything that like, is there like an online store that could set up on my website to sell products? Did you know that with Squarespace, you can have custom merch. You can easily sell custom merch and create passive income stream that engages your audience

and scales your brand, design your products and production and Inventory and shipping are handled for you saving you time and money What is happening? Okay, um wait. What's going on with that? Oh? Nothing nothing. I'm just setting up a very normal square space website not a prank thing new He's gonna shoot you and I'm gonna use analytics. Use insights to grow my business and learn where my site visits and sales are coming from. That's pretty cool. I'm gonna improve my website

and build marketing strategy based on top keywords are popular products and content on my prank website for prank activity. Whoa, that's awesome, Aaron. I'm glad you're using Squarespace. Did you say what the website was for? I can't remember what the website was for. No, the website was for.

Prank. With Squarespace. website was four. I can't remember what the website is for. Frank. With Squarespace. You can connect to your store to Vedent Third Party tools to extend the functionality of your website. Hey JPC, hey JPC. What's up, battle? I can't believe we pranked Aaron with our little boy routine. Dude, we got her. Anyway, if you want to prank Aaron with your little boy routine, head to squarespace.com

for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, go to squarespace.com slash riddle to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Oh, she's back, she's back. Hey, Aaron. Hey, Aaron. Can we go to grandma's house? Wait.

I've been pranked. But how? I don't know. Wait, I've been pranked. But how? I don't know. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Hey Adel and JPC, thank you for meeting me in the middle of the woods here. I am sort of at an impasse.

I can't decide whether or not to go this way or this way. I'm having a hard time choosing a path. You know, there never truly is a middle of the woods. Isn't it funny to think about something like that? Like, they're never truly is a middle of the woods. No, this is the middle. Okay, this is it. Addle, can you help? Yeah, actually. So, as per Robert Frost, I don't know if you know his poems. He has a poem called Better Help. I believe this is written in the 1800s, but it still stands true today

more than ever. Aaron, you should try better help. Have you heard of this? You seen this? Mm-hmm. Because sometimes Aaron and life were faced with tough choices and the path forward isn't always clear. Whether you're dealing with decisions around career, relationships, being stuck in the middle of the woods,

therapy helps you stay connected to what you, ow, ow. Sorry, that also does so fast. Therapy helps you stay connected to what you really want while you navigate life and the woods. Hmm, and better help is entirely online, so it's designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. I've been using it for several years, and it suits the way that my brain works way better than traditional therapy ever did.

And when Aaron says traditional therapy, just so everyone's clear, what she means is tricking two of her friends to coming to the middle of the woods, even though there isn't truly the concept of the middle of the woods, isn't that fun to think about? All you have to do is just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a license therapist, and you can switch therapist at any time for no additional charge. Hey, Aaron, a GPC's putting down bread crumbs and then immediately picking them up and eating them. Dirty bread crumbs.

And he's also like really into that owl who's swooping down. Anyways, let there be your map with better help. Visit betterhelp.com slash riddle today to get 10% off your first month. That's better help help.com slash riddle r-i-d-d-l-e R-i-d-d-l-e the middle of riddles of D but there is no true middle of riddle because it would be the space in the L.A.P.C. I hope you get home. Bye, baby.

I am home. Who are we? What is this? I clink, clink, clink. Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen. I just want to make a quick toast to, I know it's JPC's birthday, and we're all so excited to talk about him,

but I wanna talk about my favorite, my favorite thing in the world. And that is the app Rocket Bunny. Oh, yeah, Aaron, that's one of my favorite things as well. Huh? Rocket Bunny is a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions, Oh, yeah, Aaron, that's one of my favorite things as well. Huh? Mm-hmm. Rocket Bunny is a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps you lower your bills all in one place.

I've been using it for years, way before they were a sponsor, and it helps me so much, especially around tax season. Clean, clean, clean, clean, clean, uh, uh, sorry, I also want to give it a toast. Rocket Bunny, well, quickly, and easily find your subscriptions for you. And for any you don't want to pay for anymore, just hit cancel. And rocket money will cancel it for you. It's that easy. Clink clink clink. Mm hmm. It also categorizes your expenses so you can easily track your budget in real time and also get alerted if anything looks off over three million. over three million people have used rocket money, saving the average person up to $720 a year.

We love rock. Stop, stop, stop, no, click, click, click, stop. Throwing your money away, cancel unwirted subscriptions today and manage your expenses the easy way by going to rocket money dot com slash riddle that's rocket money dot com slash riddle rock at money dot com slash

riddle and tell them JPC's birthday got ruined by two of his friends for doing speeches about rocket money the website. I love you. I'm going to make money. I'm going to make money. I'm going to make money. I'm going to make money. I'm going to make money.

I'm going to make money. I'm going to make money. I'm going to make money. I'm going to make money. I'm going to make money. Did you know that Channing Tatum got his start canning trade him? Excuse me. We had to wait that long for something this doll. He was working at a chain of canning factory and someone said, wow, that guy's beautiful. Let's get him in. Magic Mike. Hmm. Pretty impressive, huh?. Let's get him in. Magic Mike. Hmm. Pretty impressive, huh?

He doesn't know his history. He did, he skipped over. She's a man like it was nothing. Then skipped over, step up, step up, step up to the street, step up, step up to the street. Oh, you're about to step up, deep, bump, bump. That's really depressing. I just remembered a sad part of step up.

Oh, apart, when they got divorced? No, oh, God. Should we depressing, I just remember to sad part of step up. Oh, apart. When they got divorced? No, oh god. Should we take, should we all just take right now a moment of silence, remembering a sad part of step up? Yeah, so everybody, everyone, if you've seen it, just sit and remember. I think, I think moose twists. Moment of silence. Oh, sorry, sorry. God, unfuckin' believable. Great, that moment of silence and podcasting

was brought to you by Aaron Keefe. Hahahaha! You're welcome, everybody. Hahahaha! Ah, okay. Now, honestly, that has cleared my head. And I feel, I want to say ready for another riddle. I don't think we should end this episode until we do 10 more riddles. Err, Jesus Christ,dle. I don't think we should end this episode until we do 10 more riddles.

Here it is. Jesus Christ, Aaron. ruin our night. Okay. I've done it before. I'll do it again. I don't care. When people say if a two and a half hour episode of Hey Riddle, Riddle showed up at the podcast feed, they must say, well, this has to be the last episode.

Right. Well, maybe let's do it. See what we can make happen. Okay. All right. Here we go. Let's go into our next riddle a woman who is in a department store Fills her basket to the top and leaves the store without paying Although she is seen no one calls security or attempts to stop her why? She was in charge of cleaning the department store. She's the gender. Aaron?

Wow. You are on your fucking game today. Wow. Are you standing on your monopoly board? Because you're on top of your fucking game. No, but I'm sitting in my own coffee. No, but I'm sitting in my own coffee. You're on top of your caffeine?

You're covered in caffeine. The woman works there. She is filling the basket with trash and taking it out to the dumpster. I don't mean to brag, but I work to a department store and that's why I need that. Oh, trash girl. Trash girl. You worked at a hold on hold on.

I want to say Marshall's Nordstrom. Nordstrom. I want to say Hollister for men. So maybe I, that would be fun. That would have been an adventure. I would have no hearing anymore because of the how loud they play their music. Aaron, did you ever think when you were working at that department store, what if I fill up a trash can with jeans and then put a little bit of trash on top of it and then take

it out to the dumpster dump it, but I call my cool teen friends and they're waiting out there to collect all of the stolen jeans. I didn't have to steal any jeans because I watched people steal all the time. One time a guy just in the middle of the day and the Saturday grabbed a handful of jeans and ran. What is it? And I was like, hold on, we can't talk about jeans as if they're Eminems.

You can hug a whole pile of jeans and it's dirty and running. Okay, that's a chest full. That's a chest full, Aaron. That is so dope because it's like, that's gotta be a reseller because no chance are all of those jeans that do the size. It's not like he found a perfect stack of like,

holy shit, this whole stack is 34 by 34. I gotta do it. What has this ever happened to me before? I gotta do it. They, make your moves, guys. I mean, occasionally, occasionally, I would see people stealing a clever way, and I'd be like, okay, good for you.

But most of it, I was like, you're not even trying. But I would rarely to never tell them, unless it was like, egregious, and it was gonna get me fired. I want to tell you this. Let's see, let's see. Oh, please. No, no, no, no, no.

I was just gonna say my little brother once got fired from a job for stopping a customer who was stealing something. Because it was against the company policy, you were supposed to just let people steal. Yeah. I, Aaron, I told my little brother, I was like, you should have just let that person steal. Who cares?

It's not worth the size, but a violence to stop someone. Aaron, I wanna see you seen, I want you, I'm gonna be you. I work at Nordstrom. And you are going to be the worst customer you've ever had and you get to reenact that with your past self. Hello. Oh, hello. Hi. Hi. I bought you, first of all, fuck you. You're so beautiful. I bought these shoes at Foot Locker, but I want to return them here, and if you don't let me, I'm gonna call you a bitch. It's a Tuesday and noon.

Bitch? Return these shoes from Foot Locker. I clearly didn't get them here, but I know you don't have a return policy. I would like it in cash, please. Okay, listen, my name is Aaron Keef. You can't talk to me like that. Oh, how am I talking to you?

Oh my God, I need your manager, a man who's a manager. Excuse me, I just happen to be passing by. I am a lawyer, sir. The woman behind the counter here is being very rude to you. You have the legal right to slap her in the face. And I was about to roll up sleep. Of course. There's no court in the land that would stop you.

Okay, Adel. Now, JPC pretended to just be a super polite customer and you go up to Adel and you just say, hey, I accidentally locked myself out of the dressing room, say something like that. And then Adel gets super nice back. Okay. Oh, I'm sorry.

Are you looked at stress? Can I help you? Yeah, I accidentally locked myself out of the dressing room. Teehee I just I need could you unlock the door for me so I can get back it all my stuff is in there. Oh sure here Here's um the key. Oh, you're so fucking fake. You're being rude to me and you're nice to her. Are you fucking kidding me? Oh, cuz she didn't approach me like a madman. Oh, oh, oh! Sir, can I talk to you, your manager? I'm her manager, actually.

You're... I'm his manager. You're this customer's manager? Yeah, and I locked my... I locked my uniform in the dressing room, because I was... I was changing. We both work at the tire repair store. Oh, what's the name of the store? It's called the tire repair store. We're the first one that ever had that name. We'd actually like to return these tires as well. Rolls and tires. That's really happened one time. Nordstrom took back tires That were from a different place and they hang a tire on the wall. Listen sir. If you just want to steal something

I don't care. Do whatever you want to do. Just don't be awful to Listen, sir, if you just want to steal something, I don't care. Do whatever you want to do. Just don't be awful to me. No, I'm not here to steal. I'm here to ruin your day. You're 21, you're depressed. How did you know? Wait, how did you know all of this?

Suddenly there's a burst huge explosion in the side of the wall of the Norsom rack as the dust settles. Wasn't a Northamac here to bring their Nords down. OK, then Sean is in the wrong place as the dust settles we see the shirtless Sean coil with a infall tyquan dogey ready to fight he suddenly realizes he's in a north some rack which is 22 miles away suddenly all of the walls and the ceiling gets of the

Nordstrom gets lifted off all the walls fall down. A man rushes in. Excuse me, excuse me. Aaron Keefe, what did I told you that what you just ate was pizza hut pizza. No. Wait, is your name Aaron Kee? Yeah. Fuck you. Aaron was ecathartic in the slightest. That was a real thing. A man't. I didn't. Aaron was that cathartic in the slightest? That was a real thing. A man came in and did that. That started immediately yelling at me and I didn't even do anything yet. And then I was like a woman.

Well, yeah. And then that was the same week that I had a shirt that is like a crisscross shirt and had one little clasp at the top. And I was helping a very handsome man. It was Friday night. And I was helping a very handsome man. It was Friday night and I was helping him and then my shirt, as I was talking to him got caught on a hook on the dressing room, like the door and it opened up my shirt.

I wasn't wearing a brass as full naked and then I turned and then I knocked the wind out of myself. I ran right into the little counter that's in the dressing room. Stop, stop, stop. the wind out of myself. I ran right into the little counter that's in the dressing room. First time we're making the first- First time we're making the first- Flip flop rat sound, rat- rat-

rat- rat- rat- rat- rat- rat- rat- rat-

rat- rat- rat- rat- rat- rat- rat- rat- rat- rat- And then I was clutching my chest. Oh my God. And then he didn't buy anything, he left. Aaron, you truly are a wet bandit. I can't assess this enough. Aaron, a lot of times, like the most embarrassing thing that's ever happened to like a normal person, will be like, I was like talking to like a really cute guy

and like a strong breeze came up and blew my dress up and I like pushed it down. But if the story happens to Aaron Keefe, it blows the dress completely off. The dress goes into a telephone like wire, burst into flames. The telephone while crashes down on that guy's car, that his car blows up the tires shoot both of his arms off. And then he's like, uh, and you're like, uh,

I was so dead. And Aaron's nipples fall off. They're drinking on top of a cat's head. Then the cat runs into the forest. People think it's a deer and shoot it. So that was particularly devastating because I thought I had like gotten really lucky. I was like, it's Friday.

I actually took the time to look really nice today. Like, I looked so cool and I my hair was done. And I was like, first of all, I never look good when any cute guy comes in here. I was working in the men's section, but no young men ever really came in because it's Nordstrom and they couldn't afford it. But it's just like, guy news, Nordstrom and they couldn't afford it.

But it's just like, guy knew it was like, probably like four years older than me. So handsome, needed like a suit for like a rehearsal dinner. And I was, dude, it's going great. We were kind of flirting and then that happened. And then he left without buying anything. At all. This is, I went that story framed on my wall.

That was like a decade ago. It's hard for me to be sorry that that happened to Aaron because I was so grateful that that story exists. You know what I'm saying? I think that's a moment. That's such a formative moment. It feels like that is Aaron. That is your, that's like when Peter Parker got bit by a spider.

That's when that's for you. Peter Parker got bit by a radio factor of spider. You got, you got, you knocked yourself. I've never had something that embarrassing happened to me. The closest that I've come, and this is, I've probably said this before, but it was in college. And there was like a very pretty girl in my math class, and I had never talked to her in math class, and I had had a dream about her, and then I was walking into math class one day, and I saw her, and in my mind,

we had communicated in this dream, and had like a full conversation, so I went up to her, and I said something to reference the conversation, but like halfway through me talking to her, I realized that's a dream. That was a dream that never happened. You've never talked to her in your life. And I was like, Hey, everybody got your damn. And my words just turned to gibberish. And she looked at me and I was like, see in class. And I just walked away. And I was like, what the fuck was that? What the fuck was

that? What the fuck was that? I just watched the man melt. I truly melted mid-sentence as my brain was like, real quick, you swabbed motherfucker, you never talked to this person in your entire life, good luck. That is incredible. I did self-south myself because the next day I had work and I went in and I stood at the angle that he would have been at and I went,

you know what, I think he would have only been able to see one of my boobs. And I got home from work and I emailed my manager and I was like, You know what? I think he would have only been able to see one of my boobs. I got one from work that I emailed my manager and I was like, hey, I don't know if someone's, if I'm getting fired tomorrow, but my boobs were briefly out in the dressing room and she was like, please just don't do this to me. Just stop email. Lose this email. Please don't.

This email is not for this. Whatever you are doing, that was not what this is for. Um, that was, that was, those were like the two worst things that happened to me in my job. That in me and my buddy accidentally telling a woman that her husband was cheating on her. Those were the only three bad parts of working with her. That's for the best though, ultimately.

Yeah, but ultimately, nothing to embarrassing. Aaron, what would you, if I told you right now, so say like suddenly behind JPC and I like giant wings appeared and I said Aaron You're actually in heaven and that moment you just described was the moment you died. Would that surprise you? Man, it would be pretty tricky and sad to come to terms with the fact that I would be in a very cute outfit but laying down on the ground Of that stupid dressing room. Or you suddenly come to and give a big gasp and everything that's happened in the last

nine years has been you just unconscious for two minutes. Well, then I'd, uh, that would be okay. Yeah. I would take the last 10 years away. Easily. Yeah. I go, maybe COVID wasn't real. Maybe Trump was never president.

Thank God. Are you saying that I can be 22 again? Is that what you're saying? Because yeah, sure, why not? Why not take another crack at 22? Oh man, if I could go back in time, I would just put a recording device in that room, just the sound recording.

So I could play for you right now, the noise that I made when I knocked the window to myself when I turned super quick. I would love it because it's also a Nordstrom so it's not only is it that noise but it's like five for fighting playing in the background too like a very low. I'm sure it was like you're into. Don't know what the. Because that's what I'm saying every time. Everyone else in the room came to me. Everyone else. Okay, I gotta hear another fucking reddle. I got to hear another fucking reddle. Well, legally we have to do nine more before we're done. Yes, that's true.

Nine more? A woman enters a large metal tube. She has overcome with fear and clenches her boyfriend's hand tightly. She is visibly shaken. Her boyfriend... Ah! BOOOOY SWINS! BOOOOOOOMS!

BOOOOOMS! BOOOOOMS! BOOOOOMS! BOOOOOMS! Shackle locket! BOOOOOMS! BOOOOOMS! BOOOOOY SLIN! YAAAHH! YAAAHH! BOO! SHUCK A LUCKA! BLINED! OOOH! YAAAHH!

BAPAPA! Epochode Boyflin! HAHAHAHA Eternal power! This is the Boyflin episode! You are listening to Hey Riddle Riddle. Boyflin episode! Damn, dude, Addle!

50 minutes! You almost made it bitch! You almost made it to an episode of you, said Boyfriend. You're so far. I'm embarrassing the me. Have you made my boy's magic episode? So far, JPC, undefeated this episode. Will I go down? Will my hubris be my downfall?

Although I will say, JPC, this episode is the first time I've ever noticed when you're talking about having Mariah watch Magnolia. I've never heard you say movie before and you say movie, movie, movie. I say movie, just say movie. Movie. Okay, they're telling normal. Well, the fucked up thing about having these like, in Visaline in is that it really does change like the way I'm sure people have noticed, but it changes the way like your speech is. And when you're done with it, they're like, yeah, it can totally affect your speech because your speech could be all changed.

I'm excited to get the mouth out. I'm excited to get them out. They're taking your mouth out? They're taking my mouth out for a dinner on the table. Can I have it? Can I have it? Can I give it? Can I have it? Who's that trash? A woman enters a large metal tube. She has overcome with fear and clenches her boy friend's hand tightly. She is visibly shaken.

Her boyfriend gently rubs her arms and speaks softly to her, but is unaffected himself. A few hours later, the woman's boyfriend tells her that it's time to go and her torment ends. What was happening to this woman? Oh, is she in a meal ready to eat? Excuse me? Is she in one of those scanner tube?

What is it called? That's MRI. An MRI. No, I think it's a meal ready to eat. Is it like a medical thing like that? Got like a cat's gun? Is she in the cat's gun? Is she in the cat's gun. Is she in the cat skills?

Is she in the cat skills? She's in MetalTube, North Carolina. Okay. Okay. Hey, you hear MetalTube North Carolina? You want some dinner? She is not in any sort of medical device. Is it like a amusement park ride?

Is it a tunnel? That's good. That's good. Good guess. But as mentioned, a few hours later, her torment ends. So it wasn't a amusement park ride. You never get stuck in the slide for a couple hours? She's in a middle tube for a couple hours.

Mm-hmm. Okay. Is this a middle tube that a person is supposed to be in? Uh, yeah. Okay, so it's not like she's not like in a chimney or something. No. Is she standing in a trash can like Oscar the Grouch? Uh, no.

But now... Is she a circus performer in a cannon and she's nervous because this is the first time being shot out of a cannon? She's part of Circus 2 Blay. Uh-huh. Can you just tell us what it is? Ooh, Circus Booblay, is that the thing? A woman enters a large mental tube,

she's overcome with fear and clenches her boyfriend's hand. She's visibly shaken, her boyfriend, comforts her, et cetera, et cetera. A few hours later, the woman's boyfriend tells her that it's time to go and her torment ends. Is the boyfriend in the tube as well? Yes, he was able to comfort her throughout the... Through the tube, so he's tired of the time in the tube. So he's not scared of being on the tube.

She's terrified of being on the tube. These aren't like ants in a pneumatic tube. And like two hours to them is like five minutes to us. At one point was the television called the tube? Boop tube. Okay. So is it the television? Well dad's called it the boob tube

because they would watch porn on it, but uh but mom's just called it the tube. Aaron you were very warm with train. Oh it's a train, it's a plane. It's a plane. And she doesn't like flying. The woman is terrified of flying but must travel to see a relative in this as to her stress. Her boyfriend does his best to comfort her during the few hours of the flight You ever think about everything about that the planes are tubes. Yeah, I guess they are too. I'm not to think about it I don't have any certain like hanging up with flying But I was on a flight once with a person who was sitting directly behind me who was terrified of flying, and they did. It didn't stress me out. I thought it was, I don't think it was funny

that this person was having a crisis, but I thought that the way that they were expressing how they were in a crisis was kind of funny without context for who they were, because just from behind me, I could just give them say stuff like, oh no, oh no. And I was like too loud, too loud to say, oh no. It's not to you, you're not saying it to yourself, you're announcing it to the plane, and I was like too loud, too loud to say, oh no, it's like, it's not to you,

you're not saying it to yourself, you're announcing it to the plane, and there's no problems. So it's just like, it was such a weird experience. You sure the guy behind you wasn't just like watching this a Prano's on his iPad or something? Oh yeah, and like, there's so many times I'm like, Tony, don't!

Oh no. You killed him. You killed the big guy, Tony. I was flying to Raleigh for a comedy festival, and there was truly the worst turbulence I've ever experienced in my life. And I was like just silent but worried but just like silent. And there was somebody like two rose up on the other side of the aisle from me who was crying severe like so hard but like laughing through it. Oh, interesting.

And I've never heard that in my life, whereas like somebody dying as if they knew they're gonna die, but they're laughter, and it wasn't like, they weren't like trying to laugh, it was just like a, it was just like some sort of guttural reaction. It was, you've never heard that? Intense to hear, I had never heard it,

and it was very concerning. I guess you've never broken up with me before. Ha ha ha ha ha. Scary. So wait, when someone breaks up with me before. Ha ha ha ha. Scary. So wait, when someone breaks up with you, they cry laugh? Look, man, I don't know. It just happens.

I'm just there. I'm the passive participant in my life. So much relief. Let's do one more riddle. OK. Two more riddles. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. After a night of partying with her friends, a sorority girl arrives home and finds she cannot enter her house.

She's sure that she's at the right home, but she cannot get inside. What happens? What happens that makes entering her home impossible? Is there a mummy's curse on her home? No, I want to see a scene. This doesn't matter. What was you saying? Erid, I have a sorority. Erid, you and I are at a sorority. Erid, you're a new pledge, but you're like pretty obviously a mummy.

Hey, girlfriend. Um, we're getting ready for the party and we just wanted to see what you were wearing. Yes, girlfriend. Um, this is, um, this is like a scarf. Toilet paper again, huh? Oh, it's a scarf. And scarf goes on the way around. Oh, Melanie, I think maybe she's like poor

and so we shouldn't kind of have that. No, it's American, you go, it's American. Oh, you could hear me. Yeah. Okay, you're sure it's American. You go, because it does smell really bad yeah and American Eagle is not like fancy we wear like Dio and Shana

yeah father son house of the good yeah yeah um can I can I have somebody to upgrade? Girl of course we would be happy to help you your sister like please do let's first of all Let's take the toilet paper off. Yeah, okay, you ready. I don't I'm not comfortable you I don't want You guys are gonna hate me. I'm so angry You guys are gonna hate me. I'm so angry. Oh And I want to let you know I'm not poor. I was born with all my wealth I'm not poor. I was buried with all my wealth. Hey, I think I know what's happening I was buried with my brain in a jar and I was buried with my heart and girl

Yeah, I've had my heart in jar too Hey vampires zombies Where wolves? Monsters in the summer we've had a mom so with your mummy or a monster you can tell us I'm a man I'm sorry you're you're a mother you're a mommy? If you have a kid, you cannot be in the sorority. If you have a kid, you cannot be in the sorority.

That's the one thing we have a line. We are in Korea. We are bad people. Yeah. You're trash. Not all sororities are bad, but this one is. This one specifically is. We've been pretty good up until now.

But now that we know that you have a kid, you get the fuck out of here. Can I just say, I curse by the way, huh? Well, I curse you back because that was actually the vampire one, so... Meeeee. Ah, fuck. See? Um...

What's the answer to that riddle? No. Yes. There is no answer. Yes. I feel like sorority, mummy, is like something we're going to see in three months on adult swim or something. Why not?

Probably. That's fine. All I need for an adult swim is an adult to me. Whatever. Passed a participant in my life. After that, if partying with friends, a sorority girl arrives home and finds that she cannot enter her house. Did she lose her keys?

Everyone went home for Christmas. She didn't lose them. She ate them. She ate her keys. She shelfed them. What? What's that mean? Up her butt. She um mixed them up with someone else's keys. Close. She went to a key party. Fucked everyone she could. Grab the wrong, he said a key is good for her. Grab the wrong, said a keys came home. Bingo Bingo hot to top. I'm excuse me.

I pulled your key at this Muppet key party. Hey, I'm really just waiting to pull Sam the Eagle. Sorry, I'm going to keep pulling till I get him. We all are. We all pretty much got it. Her friends took her keys away from her the night before, because she had too much to drink to her stay. They ordered her an Uber to get home and kept her keys,

which meant she didn't have her house keys. So, but she lives in the sorority. Can't she just knock? Don't like 11 people living that house? You can't knock if you drunk. That's true. Can't knock if you drunk. I've been there.

I don't know how to do that. Two drunks and knock, two drunks a drive. Click at her ticket. Are we, are we don't we're doing one more? One more please. Errol's one more. Okay, let's see here. One of Michael's dearest loved ones binds him to a chair, but Michael doesn't mind. Why? It's, you know, he's, it's like a SNM thing. He's consenting adults and he's gonna get a little, he's gonna

get dominated. You said it wrong. It's H&M. I'm sorry. I have, I have a return to make. Yeah. Something bad, but I'm perfectly good at it. Yeah. When I was 14, I told my aunt, I needed a gift card to a SNM. That's all I want for Christmas. Everyone at school has it. Oh, I got one of these zip masks, but it broke after the third use. Yeah. She got a 14 year old, a ball gag and a fridge declare.

Um, why would you be tied to a chair? One of Michael's dearest loved ones binds him to a chair, but Michael doesn't mind. Oh, is it like a, oh, it's um, oh, Michael's a baby. Like a high chair. One of Michael's dearest loved ones binds him to a chair but Michael doesn't mind. Oh, it's like a... Oh, it's um... Oh, Michael's a baby and he's a high chair. He's a high chair. He's eating this cereal. That was amazing teamwork. Wow. You both got it together. Michael's a kid. Wow. The chair's a car seat. One of Michael's parents puts his seat belt on for him. Yeah. Okay. A car seat makes more sense. I don't think you have to bind them into their chair to eat the cereal, but yeah You're right then it would be riddle Sean's mom had to

Because they wouldn't stop getting up from the table because it like Sean and his brother were so overly active That she would tie a scarf around their chest to the chair So they would have to sit and eat their food that makes sense My mom my mom would or my parents would exclusively buy us velcro shoes when we were young So they would have to sit at East Bear Food. That makes sense. It's so fun. My mom would, my parents would exclusively buy us velcro shoes when we were young. So that when they heard the velcro coming off the shoe, she could roll up the windows before the shoe went up the window.

Because apparently we would just take our shoes off and toss it up the window. That's a good bit. Great bit, great bit. Well, speaking of bits, Aaron, do you have anything you want to plug? Yeah, I would like to plug. If you are that man from the dressing room in this,

somehow finds you, please message me and tell me that it wasn't as bad as I remember it. Go like, oh, I barely saw anything. It was no problem. I actually got a call and that's why I left so suddenly. Or follow me, Aaron, keep 10 at Instagram. And that's it. JPC, anything to plug?

Hey, I'll say it. We're going to sketchfest again this year. And by again this year, I mean, we didn't go last year and I've never been because my flight got canceled the one time that I tried to come out this year. And then Rob Quordry had to be you. And then Rob Quordry had to be me, but God damn it, I'm gonna make it this year,

whether permitting. And that is Sunday, January 9th, 2022. So when should say this yes, I'm going to go ahead and say it, and we can always edit this out. We do have our guest confirmed, and it is the Golden Gate Bridge. Wow. That is a great bridge. I'm going to go ahead and say it. I'm going to go ahead and say it. I'm going to go ahead and say it. I'm going to go ahead and say it.

I'm going to go ahead and say it. I'm going to go ahead and say it. I'm going to go ahead and say it. I'm going to go ahead and say it. I'm going to go ahead and say it. I'm going to go ahead and say it. I'm going to go ahead and say it. I'm going to go ahead and say it.

I'm going to go ahead and say it. I'm going to go ahead and say it. I'm going to go ahead and say it. I'm going to go ahead and say it. I'm going to go ahead and say it. I'm going to go ahead and say it. I'm going to go ahead and say it. I'm going to go ahead and say it. I'm going to go ahead and say it. I'm going to go ahead and say it. I'm going to go ahead and say it. I'm going to go ahead and say it. I'm going to go ahead and say it. I'm going to go ahead and say it. I'm going to go ahead and say it. I'm going to go ahead and say it. I'm going to go ahead and say it. I'm going to go ahead and say it. I'm going to go ahead and say it. I I'm gonna go ahead and say it and we can always edit this out We do have our guests confirmed and it is the Gongaie Bridge. Wow That is a great bridge and expensive just expensive to drive on that bridge and say but so many stories But so many so I don't anything to plug I want to plug go to your local Nordstroms and just be As pleasant as pie to whoever's working there. Just be so nice. Be nice to anyone who works in retail or the service industry. Yeah, especially around Christmas time as they're all stressed out. My sister's working at Trader Joe's right now and it's, I mean,

when we're recording this, it's like Thanksgiving week. And the last two days, she's come home looking like she got right over by a car. Yeah. Like absolutely a hang dog, like shuffling her feet can barely move. So she's stressed out. So just be kind to everyone working in this holiday season. I remember the Christmas season because we had to wrap so many gifts at Nordstrom. My hands were just covered in paper cuts from trying to wrap so quickly. So just be nice to people. And if you absolutely, because it happens, if you absolutely need to speak to a manager,

do not under any circumstances say, I'd like to speak to you, manager, say this instead. Excuse me, I'd love to ruin your boss's day. Is it possible that I ruin your boss's day? The person that we both don't like, I'd love to fuck their day as hard as possible. The person who makes three times what you do, what you do in their day, you have a great day.

I'd love to be the shittiest version of myself to them. Is that possible? How do we make that happen? And I will say if you're looking for a last minute gift because Christmas is upon us, there are a lot of cool things to buy. One thing that's very popular right now is Marbles. You know, a lot of Marbles, when you hold them up to the,

I don't know. Jupiter. Yeah, thank you. I'm here to cheer you up, Lee. Life I don't know. Jupiter! Yeah, thank you! You're the shield of the... Life or blever. Damn it! Sorry, Erin. And John Patrick calling.

Case in tolling to the editing. I already heard it in the music video. Vocal created by Emily Cardamus and Emily Nemora. Hey there Skits and Bits, if you like that you are gonna love this week's Patreon. The crew gets together for a good old-fashioned chatterbox. You send us suggestions? We chatterbox about them! You can listen to that plus our entire Bat Catal at patreon.com.sharewaretl by joining the crew crew for $5 a month or the review crew for $8 a month.

In coming January 1st, the review crew gets access to the ad free episodes. See you there! That was a head-gum podcast.