Hey Riddle Riddle - #180: Best of 2021 - Part 2

Episode Date: December 29, 2021

Did you think that we were just BSing about part 2 of the Best Of episode? Did you think that we would forget and accidentally record and produce a new episode instead? Well, we didn't! We remembered! And we have a bunch more of the Best Moments of 2021 for you. Yes, you, Jeremy. If you're reading this, Jeremy, know that we love you very much. You should quit your job at the bagel store and follow your dreams of becoming a dolphin trainer. Everyone else, see you in 2022! Starring: Adal Rifai John Patrick Coan Erin Keif Editing by:  Casey Toney Theme by:  Arne Parrott Logo by:  Emily Kardamis & Emmaline Morris Want more? Get Weekly Bonus Eps on Patreon! Want merch? Visit our TeePublic Store! or pins, buttons & prints Want to advertise on the show? Check out Hey Riddle Riddle via Gumball.fmSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is a head gum podcast. Oh, it's me, Stand Up Santa. Santa Christmas is over. What else? What else have you heard about this? Have you done the ho ho ho intro to every episode we did in December? No, no, that would be hack, but stand up Santa is not hack. You've ever been running a sleigh. We do the food. You're very late. We do. We do so many Santa bits on this

show. You ever notice how some reindeer's are named like Rudolph or then some reindeer's are named like Prancer? I'm really glad you're breaking this up GPC because I'm uncomfortable with how many of our episodes have Santa in the title. I think we've talked about Santa maybe like 30 times this year and we don't put out 30 episodes. Well, welcome back to part two of our clip, Joe, of the year. Here are some more of our favorite moments from 2021.

Again, we appreciate your support so much and we'll be back with some new main feed episodes in the new year in the meantime Enjoy this but first my impression of James Vanderbick. Oh wait hold on. I do want to hear this one out Yeah, you're right actually this one actually show good. No, no, no, no, actually no, please. We had nothing to time Vanderbick. Yeah I Don't want your life No, that's a character Vanderbick plays. I want to see you do Vanderbake right now. I'm not leaving this fucking club I can't do it. Do you see I don't know what the guy can't do it. Yes. I

Guess he sounds I in my head. He's southern is he southern? No, you know what he sounds like what normal? You know what he sounds like? What? Normal. And now that's a lesson. Everybody go into 2022, introspect is like, think about what James Fandberg said, because he said it's just like you fucking do. That's right. The next act coming up?

Nope. He stood on a block of ice. He opened the paper, go fish. It was the habit of an airplane. He snapped it with a knife to break. Oh, the central coalfish! It was the habit of an airplane! It's happened with an earthquake! And the worst thing is, it's a rocket! One, two, three, four! One, two, three, four!

One, two, three, four! My feet before hate, risk of risk, y'all! Thank you for calling Hey Riddle Riddle Enterprises. For riddles, press one. JPC, don't press one. I'm not gonna press one. I know what we're calling. For bad improv, press two. We don't need that. I want to press two so bad. To talk to Aaron, press three. Ooh, three, three, three. Hold on. Connect to JPC, press four.

I told you I was on this. And to talk to Adel, press five. Well, I'm the last option. No one's getting that far. Let's press three to talk to Aaron. Okay, let's give it a try. Let's give it a try. Heavy press.

Sorry, I'm finishing up my bench. That was a 280 five reps. All right, let me pass three. 280 five reps. Okay, what are you 16? Okay, three. Yep, here we go. Hello, Aaron.

Hi, I will take three medium pizzas and... Just get too large, what are you doing? Hold on, hold on. Is she ordering pizzas at a drive-through? This doesn't drive you, I don't know. TPC, is that you guys? Yeah, Aaron, three, you are burning money. Pizza set a drive through this doesn't drive TPC is that you guys yeah Three you are burning money sorry the only

Person that usually calls me on this line is the pizza guy he calls me every day to get my order. Why are you just calling me? Oh, sorry, I'm sorry. You're eating three mediums a day. I think I said four mediums Aaron I think you're hallucinating, but either way Yeah, that's a lot of the practice lunch dinner second dinner. I didn't think about it that way. No, that's enough pizza then. That's what I'm saying. Wait, why are you guys calling?

Are you locked out of the building again? Are you locked in the middle of an enterprise? Yeah, we tried to get on the intercom and it took us to like a directory. Yeah, we set this up a while back. I remember this now. I remember this now. I remember this now. Oh, you know what? I did remember that mine just said

it's directly to a voicemail. Oh my God, Aaron, would you be upset if we hung up and we just sent my voice out? I'll connect you. I'll connect you, ready? You look at it. Yeah, I'll just in four, four, four, four. Here we go.

And poop. Hey, this is JPC. Oh, nice. Oh, wait. You call JPC? No, yeah, you're talking is JPC. Oh, nice. Oh, wait. You called JPC? No, yeah, you're talking to JPC. Yes, this is me.

Oh, is that thing worth the end? He's gonna be like, just kidding. Hello. Say what you're gonna say, coward. Oh, I guess it's really him. JPC, hey, it's Addle. Hey, Addle. Hey, just wanted to see if you were ready to do an episode.

Um, I'm always down to do that, my man. JPC's standing right next to me. I don't know how this is working. Good one, bro. I came down here to let you in. Adel, are you, what do you do? Yeah, something's wrong. This JPC left it my joke. Are you talking to Aaron? This is a demon. No, I said, hey.

JPC, why are you being so quiet? Are you guys working out outside? What's Aaron saying? I can't hear her. Oh, she yet wanted to ask if we're working out outside. Tell me we're definitely working out outside. I pre-recorded. And gotcha. This is JPC's message machine. Leave one after the beep. Of course, that's his message machine. You're standing right next to JPC. What is what a specific message that works once? Oh, Aaron can we call back and sure?

Hey, wait, hold on hold up. It worked once in that specific instance, but it's worked every time I don't you want to go back in here your voice. Yeah, I want to hear mine because I remember mine was was real fun. Here we go Okay, cool And press five. Thank you for calling Hey Riddle. Fuck me. Shit, hold on. Oh, where is this calling? Russia.

Thank you for calling. Hey, Riddle, Riddle. It's a private. It's a private. Hang up. Okay, let me call the, okay. Here we go. Remember, just hit five one time.

You hit a bunch of fives, you're going to end up in Russia. Thank you for calling Hey Riddle, Riddle Enterprises. For riddles, press one. Five, just hit five. For bad improv, press two. Okay. To talk to Aaron, press three. You know it, just hit five. To talk to JPC, press four.

I want to hear my own name. I want to hear my own name. To talk to Adel, press. Yes. Yes. Oh, you got to put it on the quarter. Six, okay, press six this time. Mm-hmm. Well, my name is Ad bath or quarter six. Okay, I press six this time. Well, my name is Adel and I'm here to say at three o'clock yesterday, I passed away. How do what does your boys smell? Oh, it's oh, you know what? That's the one that we recorded for that April fool's episode that we did that no one liked.

That came out at a really weird time with COVID was on the rise. Where everyone thought I was really dead. Yeah, there's like a six month, there's like a six month period where if you typed in my name into Google, it auto populated Adorify Dead. Why are you taking your own name into Google? Oh, guys, we're locked out. I didn't bring a feature. Now we're all locked out. Oh, hey, why don't we just do the show from the parking lot today?

Perfect. And Aaron, if you're locked out, I'm Adorify. Ah, I'm JPC. And I'm late for dinner. And so we can call you late for dinner, and we got Hayrita Riddle, an improvised Riddle podcast. We try and solve riddles and puzzles, and along the way we do bits and do,

I seemingly bad improv is what the voice said. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Yeah, well, an old man puzzles today is none other than number three, Aaron Key. Whoa! Number one in the call sheet number two in our hearts, number three other than number three Aaron Keith. Wow! Number one in the call sheet number two in our hearts number three on the show Aaron Keith. Ah! Um well I sent it to my episode. I like to not do as many riddles. Okay. So that's the voice mail intro.

Yeah! I hold Hold on a second, third. Seven minute opening bit. What? It says, since it's my episode. Uh, honestly, that's the way that it works here. Hey, Ronald Rittle, if you are a keen, sharp eared listener, you will notice that once every three episodes, the same person is going be into is gonna end up hosting so

Roughly 33% of the episodes that you listen to are gonna be hosted by Aaron 33 by JPC 33 by Adel and again, you know that leaves 1% we do let Casey a host one out of one hundred episodes And then we put that on we put that on a CD disc and we bury it in the Nevada desert Aaron I don't know if it's helpful, but I invented a new game that we can play. Yes, I would like that would Queen Aaron says yes. I would like to play your game. Okay, I texted Adela about this and I was like, I don't know if they will fit into the episode, but and he said, well, you'll have to wait and see and I believe it could. It could very well. Aaron, I think that this is something that you'll enjoy.

Adel, Aaron, are you both familiar with celebrity chef Guy Fieri? Of course, he's wearing flames on his shirt. He's one of my favorite people in the whole world. And Mariah and I have been playing a game that I like to call Guy Fieri's kitchen game. And we've been playing this while we've been cooking for the past couple of days.

And I wanted to bring it to you. So the way that this game is is gonna work is all you have to say is, are you crying? I'm getting emotional. Cause this kid is so specious. This is a riddle podcast, by the way. But we'll get to that. It's a real podcast.

This is a riddle podcast. And this is one of our classic warm-up games. When the monsters that eventually invade this earth and Even after JPCs in thrallings speech when the monsters invade this earth and hear this podcast on their own They're gonna be so confused by this episode one of the monsters gonna be like hold on I want to hear how to play Gai Ferry's kitchen game I think if you're like

I think I'm gonna get this game so all all one of you is it we to talk about our best Geiffiary accents, but you pick anything like I'll start with my favorite thing waffles and you say I'm making waffles. And then the next person who goes has to add something to the beginning or the end of that sandwich style rules apply and make it we're creating like a weird Gey area inspired food item. So like you might say, I'm making salty waffles. And then the third person has to say, put something on the beginning of the end, you can't go in the middle, beginning of the end sandwich style,

that type of thing. And we build until one person can't remember what all of the things were said. Now if that ever happens, the person who just passed it onto them gets a chance to say it all over again, and if they get it right, the other person has to eat it. So it's just like, I'm making you have to say, Aaron, you're eating, and then list the full thing, okay? Okay. So, we'll play. So, when you say nothing can go in the

middle, so if you said I'm making, would you say salty waffles? Salty waffles. So, you can't say I'm making salty, caramelized caramel waffles. No, but the one thing. You'd be caramelized salty waffles. Caramelized salty waffles, or I'm making salty waffles, or the one thing you can't do is you can change plurality. So you can change from plural to single. I don't think that's the same as changing plurality,

but you can change the tips. So you could say I I'm making salty, or salty waffle carmels instead of waffles' carmels. So somebody said, I'm making strawberries, and then somebody said, I'm making milk strawberries. You couldn't then say, I'm making milk chocolate strawberries? No, you cannot. You have to, but I don't understand

what you don't get about sandwich-style. I can't stretch the milk to the listeners. That I haven't talked to them in three weeks. I haven't spoken to JPC or Adel in weeks. And we've been testing each other. JPC moved into a new house. Adel went to France. We're not gonna talk about that.

We're gonna play this game. So it'll go B, then Adel, okay? Okay, and Mike, we forgive me, but what happened was JPC moved to France and I traveled to a new house. Okay, I'm sorry, I got very lost. I don't know anything about your life. All right, got it. All right, ready?

Yes, I'm making lobster. Garlic, I'm making garlic, garlic, garlic-y lobster. Garlic-y. That's your guy for your impression, Eric? No, I'm making garlic, garlicy lobster. That's your guy for your impression era? No, I'm making garlicy lobster. There we go. I'm making garlicy, I'm making garlicy. You laughed at me, you laughed at the queen,

and then you fell in the same hole the queen valid. The queen hole, I fell in the same hole the queen found it. Ugh. The queen hole. I fell in the queen hole. Did you fell in the queen hole? Not again. I'm making garlicy lobster sandwiches. I'm making garlicy lobster sandwich bombs. I'm making smoked garliclicky lobster sandwich bombs.

I'm making Marble smoked garlicky gloves their sandwich bombs. I make a not-a-ray jack Marble lobster smoked snow. Damn it. Oh. All right, all right. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, you, yeah, it's like a chance.

Oh, sorry. Oh, it's just said it's no, no, no, he just said it to you yeah, it's a lot of kids. Oh, it's just said it's no no He just acted to you right he said it to me. So he has to make me eat it now I miss what you added this time. Yeah, it's this is a hard game, huh? So I won't make you eat it. Thank God Lobster Bob's Monterrey Jack that's what my bro Smoke Jack that's what my bro smoked Galicky love Eat it. I don't fuck okay God it's so garlic eat all right and you can that's the thing tripping

The one that is the one that couldn't get over I air and you can start us off I'm making pills Yes Start us off. I'm making pills. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Is it my turn? I think it's you, Adel, yeah. I'm making sauteed pills. I'm making double sauteed pills. I'm making garlicky double sauteed pills. I'm making garlicky double sauteed pills. I'm making garlicky double sauteed pills allarange. I'm making garlicky double sauteed pills allarange salad.

I'm making, oh, garlicky. That was like you saw like a loved one rise from a great Like that shudder She's a mother You think when you see a zombie you come up dust. I mean, I mean my queen you are correct You are correct. I've never been less suited to be queen Yeah, you just ate a bunch of dust where I was chomping at the bit to be queen of the episode I like it listen to episode 20. I will kill

Erinces a ghost and walks through a wall I can't vampire Your rogue You're just right But does not but does not Some chairs don't have arms and those, those are the lucky ones. Those are chairs with beans. The chairs with arms have a lot of work to do.

I remember being a kid. Maybe when I was like, between the ages of eight and ten, my mom and dad bought my sister and I bean bags and that was like, where have you been next? We're in the next. We're in the next. I would not leave that bean bag for the world. Oh, yeah, playing a video game in a bean bag, hell yeah. I would sleep on it, I'd watch next. We're living next. I would not leave that bean bag for the world. I would, I would, I would, I would, I would, I would sleep on it. I'd watch TV on it.

I would stand on the armor, the couch and jump onto it. Like, there is nothing more thrilling when you're a kid than a bean bag. I'd rather the entire world see me naked than the person I'm trying to sleep with, see me try to get up from a bean bag chair. I, I will say. I will say it. I will say it. I'll say it. I'll say it. a bean bag chair. I will say.

Mouse arch, new merch, new merch. Do not try to sleep with someone in a bean bag chair. Did you come? You're not even inside me. All right, bean bag chair. I'm in the other room. You're in a bean bag chair. I've nowhere near you. And there are a little white pellets everywhere. I have a very different place. And then also the stuff from the inside

of the bean bag. I would like to see a scene. Your, uh, at all, you're checking into a motel. You were driving all night and you're sort of just checking into the first place you see once you get tired and JBC you're about to give him some maybe bad news at the front desk about the little quirks of the hotel sure God, I'm so I'm so happy to To that you have a room. That's wonderful. You know, I saw the I saw the neon sign and I thought clown smile in That can't be great, but you know what? Bigger than great like clown smile in, that can be great, but you know what, bigger stuff can be chosen.

Yeah, better than great. And you're in full, the full regalia and everything. Did you go to clown college or do you just dress like one? We have, we don't have a clown college, but we do have a clown high school just down the road. So I graduated from clown high school, went into clown trade school to your program. You would like a room?

Yes, whatever room you have. Okay, well we only have the one left. And are you gonna be paying by the minute, by the hour, or do you want like a, God forbid, a whole evening in the room? Well, yeah, I'm driving. So I definitely get a full eight, and then I'll probably wanna relax and shower,

and all the time. Eight, so. Okay, I could call in some extra clowns to see if we could squeeze eight into the room with you but Would you be okay with just the standard two? Oh, no, I'm sorry. I just it's just me and I want to be in the room alone I understand I understand no funny business no funny business at the clown smile and there will be two hidden clowns in every room That's one of our guarantees And if it's a privacy thing okay, you won't see them, they won't bother you. You can look for them. You will not find me. Well, I mean, just looking around the lobby, I do see there's clearly behind your desk there. There's there's clearly what's a what's a sure very very tall clown with

just a lampshade on his head Reggie. He spotted you What do you do for a living well? Investigator no, I'm a journalist. I write about my time on the road and so I Journalist is not some sort of investigator. Well, we are not investigators. Well, I'm an author, I guess I should say. Oh, okay. Not a news journalist.

I have my journal and I write and then I publish like a Bill Bryson type. And I also, if you don't mind, I also notice in the main hall here up on the ceiling, there seems to be a clown who's hanging on for your life and just rotating its arm, going fan fan fan fan fan. I don't work here, Hong Kong! Hahaha! Yeah, like I said, there's a clown high school down the road and we do an outreach program where we have some of the, yeah, local,

he does not work here, but he is a local kid and he's... Oh, you're trying to be on the right path. That's a cool ceiling fan, bud. Oh, he spotted me. $20 in the jar. That's $20 in the jar. The rules are rules for everybody. Okay, we hit again.

Can you see us? Yeah, can you see us? They're just running back and forth. They're running back and forth. Okay, well, we can get you in the room. Now, how do you like the floor? I guess 0%? 0%. I'm sorry.? Um, I guess 0%?

0% Well, there will be 0% in the room. I'm from Mexico, New York. We don't pronounce our ours. Okay, well there would be no piss sent at the room. I should be covered in it, but you won't be able to smell a thing. I should have said Mexico, New York. Because you don't pronounce your arms. I understand. I understand. Well, we can get you into the room. Is it just the one car? Oh, oh my car won't be coming in with me. Oh I'm sorry. How are you gonna get in the room without the car? Hopefully stairs elevator. Well, I mean you can try but

I'm saying that if you don't have that metal encasing all around you You're gonna get crushed death just going into that doorway because you're gonna need something to burst into the door of the room. Oh, um, you know, you know what, I'm actually, I've been kind of rejuvenated by the conversation. I'm gonna just hit the road. Certainly, and I know that you want to, you're gonna walk out of that door, you're gonna find yourself right back at this lobby because this is your life now. This is a- Oh, don't worry, we have a continental breakfast.

It starts at 5 a.m. Hunk, huh? I died on the road, didn't I? It's 20 minutes. 20 minutes. Ah, I'm so cute, you're so cute. I'll tell them about the breakfast. 20 of the jaw.

The scene. We have a clown. We have a clown-ponential breakfast. Clown-to-dental breakfast. It's circus penis. The only thing scarier than two clowns in your hotel room that you can see is two clowns that are there that you cannot see.

I'd go to that hotel. This is Casey Kassam. And right now we're going to do something a little different. We're going to do a dedication line to all the people across America, taking calls from everyone and anyone who wants to say something special to that someone special. You're on the line. Who are you? What's your dedication?

Hey Casey, my name's Jeff from Deltona, Florida. Deltona, Florida? It's a real place in Florida. I don't recommend going there. Deltona, Florida. Okay, I'll look it up. I'll trust your word. Who would you like to dedicate this on and what's this on you? What a hear. Casey, first of all, I'll just want to say this is my real voice not doing a crude imitation of you. This isn't just how I talk as well. Okay, and first I thought you were making fun of me But now I see you have the same mouth as me

Yes Casey actually that's something that I've always had My mother was a huge radio fan used to follow radio stations all around the country Oh, tell please and then that. Never made my dad a true per se, but still kind of think of you as a father figure, Casey, for how influential you've been in my life. Sweetheart, who are you talking to on the phone? Nothing, Mom.

This is movie phone, just calling for movie times. Honey, are you talking to... Doutona, phone. Hang up the phone. I don't want you to meet your father this way. I mean, I don't want you to call through a radio. I mean... Wait, Mom,'t want you to call through a radio. I mean... Wait, Mom, what are you not telling me?

I have to go to this, I have to go. I can go. Weird, Casey, my mom just left the house. Wonder what's up with her. Shall we have to hang up on that collar? He wasn't talking to me. Let's take a new collar. Who are you?

Where are you from and what's your dedication? Hey Casey, me again, do a deltona Florida well there's a big statue of you down on Main Street you must have been here before KC yes there before picnic on the beach oh sorry my my elbow was resting on the soundboard. That's for the morning zoo crew. What song would you like to dedicate to your mom? Actually, Casey, I'm not dedicating a song to my mom at all. I want to dedicate this to my special sweetheart Rebo... shit Rebo shit. Yeah, Rebo shit. Casey, who are you talking to on the radio right now?

Who is that? It's just a young man who wants to dedicate a special song to a special song. Casey, I don't want you to meet our son like that. I mean my son. I mean, I have to go. Wait, do we live in the same house? Well, I do live in a duplex. Sean.

Sean. Yeah, Rital Court. Rital Court. Rital Court. All right, for Judge JPC of Riddle Court. Doot-doot. All rise, all rise, all rise. I am your bailiff, uh, Matthew McConaughey. Please put your hand on this stack of post-its from Memento.

So do be clear, we have me, the judge, the person that said all rise, which is a bailiff, and that we have another bailiff. Double bailiff, baby. Two bailiffs. Double bailiff. bailiff Johnson, bailiff, Johansson. This is gonna be a quick day in Riddle Court.

I can tell you that much right now. I have the prosecution, and I may just say that I think that this should go back quick because this riddle sucked more than the vacuum cleaner that I bought recently. And I'm the double prosecution, and can I just say I need to mop my brow with his hanker chiff. Let me pull out my suspenders and let me drink from this tall, sweaty, sweaty glass of

lemonade. And you reason why there's two of us. And you order? And you order? I'm Mickey and I'm Ricky and with the defense twins and our client is guilty Well, they just admitted it right there in the paper right there. They wrote they said it They are admitted it out loud in front of the whole court What?

And then when you taped it all down Thank you. Thank you. And then you just do it. Well sometimes it's all down. This doubles forever wouldn't quite Not not the judge yet until I unwrap my head. And it's kind of like a professor quarrel thing because it's me on the back here as well. And I'm ready to issue my verdicts. And I'm drawn pictures of everyone involved.

When they say something, I take out my crayons and I scroll in a face. And then I say, here's what happened. If you weren't able to be here live Here's a here's a terrible little picture. Mr. Cartoonist it appears that there's only one of you would that assumption be correct? Wait a minute everyone else has to everyone got to how come I'm the only one with just one Find this riddle innocent Innocence and yeah, and yeah, and yeah, and yeah, and yeah, well fuck

Who cheer me I got to say this ski-kend is It's turning out to be a little bit more of a hassle than I thought it would be. Yeah, and I don't want to seem dramatic here, but if this lift doesn't start moving, I'm going to start skicking out. Yeah, oh, oh yeah, I'm already skicking out. This sounds weird to say, but can I pour some of my thermos of soup into your mouth and then put my hands in your mouth just for like 30 seconds? And then you can spit the soup in my mouth and then put your hands in my mouth. That's the only way I found that we could maybe stay warm.

Um, you know, to be honest, that kind of keeps... Sorry, to be scornous. To be scornous, that kind of skinks me out. So maybe, maybe let's just hold on to the thermos. Oh, I'm scarring. I've scot, we were screns. What, hold on. We have a thermos full of hot soup.

So that's the source of heat. I think what we should do is we should press that thermos to our skin. If we have any patches of exposed skin, we could put that thermos on it and warm ourselves up. Great, great. Well, I also brought some pizza and fries, pizza and fries, and I thought we could eat that to stay warm, but it's been in my pocket, so it's not frigid. So I think let's put the thermos against my skin.

So I'll put it up again, right, shoulder, and you put it up against your left shoulder, and we'll kind of press into each other. Here we go. We're so stupid. I wish that our third friend, Martin SkiRelly, had come on this trip with us, but he was too busy doing his important work

of hiking up AIDS medicine to an 800% profit, but he should be known for buying that Wu-Tang album. Yes, it's now he's known for I think being in jail. Hey, if he's not sure it seems like the kind of place a person like that should be, huh? He got his scheme up and see. scheme. Um, I, yeah, I went to the van Goghs a bit in LA and it was really cool. And I think that's the only thing that happened to me this. I'm sorry, Aaron, I hate to correct a woman on the show, but you go to the van winters of it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Yes, because that's something and that makes sense and Ben Wending is like a knockoff in housing. Yes And then that was the same week that I had a shirt that is like a criss-cross shirt and had one little class

But the top and I was helping a very handsome man. It was Friday night and I was helping him and then my shirt as I was talking to him got caught on a hook on the dressing room like the door and it opened up my shirt Wasn't wearing a bra as full naked and then I turned and then I knocked the wind out of myself I ran right into the little counter that's in the dressing room Flip flop rat sound First time I made that, first time I made that, first time I made that, first time I made that, first time I made that, first time I made that, first time I made that, first time I made that, first time I made that, first time I made that, first time I made that, first time I made that, first time I made that, first time I made that, first time I made that, first time I made that, first time I made that, first time I made that, first time I made that, first time I made that, first time I made that, first time I made that, first time I made that, first time I made that, first time I made that, first time I made that, first time I made that, first time I made that, first time I made that, first time I made that, first time I made that, first time I made that, first time I made that, first time I made that, first time I made that, first time I made that, first time I made that, first time I made that, first time I made that, first time I made that, first time I made that, first time I made that, first time I made that, first time I made that, first time I made that, first time I made that, first time I made that, first time I made that, first time I made that, first time I made that, first time I made that, first time I made that, first time I made that, first time I made that, first time I made that, first time I made that, first time I made that, first time I made that, first time I made that, first time I made that, first time I made that, first time I made that, first time I made that, first time I made that, first time I made that, first time I made that, first time I made that, first time I made that, first time I made that, first time I made that, first time I made that, first time I made that, first time I made that, first time I made that, really are a wet bandit. I can't assess this enough. You're really good. A lot of times, like the most embarrassing thing that's ever happened to like a normal person will be like, I was like talking to like a really cute guy and like a strong breeze came up and blew my dress up

and I like pushed it down. But if the story happens to Aaron Keefe, it blows the dress completely off. The dress goes into a telephone like wire burst into flames. The telephone while crashes down on that guy's car, that his car blows up the tire shoot both of His arms off and he's like uh and you're like Aaron both Aaron's nipples fall off

Of a cat's head then the cat runs into the forest people think it's a deer and shoot it So in that was particularly devastating because I thought I had like gotten really lucky I was like it's Friday. I actually took the time to look really nice today. Like I looked so cool and my hair was done. And I was like, first of all, I never look good when any cute guy comes in here. I was working in the men's section, but no young men ever really came in because it's Nordstrom and they couldn't afford it. But it's just like, guy news like probably like four years older than me.

So handsome, needed like a a suit for a rehearsal dinner. And I was, dude, it's going great. We were kind of flirting. And then that happened. And then he left without buying anything. At all. This is, I went, that story framed on my wall. That is, that was like a decade ago.

So, I think, it's hard for me to be sorry that that happened to Aaron because I'm so grateful that that story exists. You know what I'm saying? We're here so early, sir. Yeah, what was the big news? Please, I know it's early in the morning, but I appreciate you taking my call.

Please come, sub scientist, come around. I should just call your assistance, come around. Go around. We are, we are in a suburb, and so it, I please do call us subsciences. Can I, can I take my blindfold off? You can take off your blindfold, but before we discuss anything further, you must add your white lab codes. Otherwise, anyone who might be viewing us doesn't know that you're a scientist. Right.

Okay. Because if you see, can I, let me just say this, and this is something that's been bothering me and I'm sorry it's built up for this long. Jeff, you come in every day, you're a sub scientist. Thank you. You wear jeans and a polo, sometimes a beanie. You're not presenting, to be a scientist, you have to present scientists. You see me, I'm wearing khakis that are wrinkled to all hell.

I'm wearing a white lab coat. I'm wearing a button up shirt. Sure. Glasses with thick. It feels like in the middle of the bridge of the nose. Yes? that are wrinkled to all hell. I'm wearing a white lab coat. I'm wearing a button up shirt. Sure. Glasses with teeth. In the middle of the bridge of the nose. Yes. It feels like you're killing time

because you messed up pretty bad. You maybe did something you weren't supposed to do. Killing time, speaking of, has anybody, remember what to kill a mockingbird? Remember that book? Let's go around and let's recite our full favorite chapter. Sir, I don't mean to, I don't, I would love to do that because obviously you're the head scientist.

There is a small pool of blood forming, it looks like at your feet and it's getting, and it is getting bigger. Well you're a bad scientist, I'd call that a large pool of blood. Anyway, it's getting larger, it's getting larger. I think sir is short for circumstance. Isn't that interesting? What else? Once I had pull off time to say that. What sound is that? Huh?

What sound is that? Oh my god, I'd. It's a squelch It sounds like a bone is dripping. Oh, it sounds like maybe a human bone is dripping Wait a minute y'all are you doctor chameleon? Yeah, you found me out. I don't have what's under your coat It's the world's first snark. Oh I don't have what's under your coat. It's the world's first snark. Oh! Half snake, half shark.

That's dead. That is dead. That is dead. No, it's a little shy. It's a little shy. It's a little shy. I do have my bones where on the outside of my skin. Dead things are shy.

They're dead. When I was trying to create the first cuddle fish, not cuddle fish, but cuddle fish. What did you do to the flesh? Were you going to bite her? Were you going to bite her? Partially. Oh, OK. Cuttlefish not cuttlefish, but cuttlefish. What did you like her with it partially? Okay, but I did it in a metal bowl which was bad news. Yeah. What kind of doctor are you doctor Camille? Well, some would say I'm not a doctor to to to be exact Yeah, uh, how did you get on this sub?

Ah, stairs. I think he's just describing what we're doing right now to him. Quit staring at me, scene. Okay, Charlie Brown, I'm gonna hold the football. Please, I'll do this to me. Well, we're just the football. Please don't do this to me. Well, we're just playing football. Please. We're just practicing your kicks. I'm gonna hold the football. You run, you kick it and just see how far you can kick it and that's football.

What is it? Do you hate yourself? Do you hate yourself, Lucy? Do you need me to hate me too? So you have some company in this? What do you need? What do you need? Um, no, I don't think myself.

Lucy, you give everyone around here a therapy for five cents. You're giving my sister therapy for five cents. You're trying to figure out Linus' blanket thing. God bless you. Your obsessed with fucking shroder, okay? You know who I think needs a therapy, Lucy? You. No, I'm fine. I don't need therapy. I just... You're not. I just do this football trick because it's funny because it's funny Yeah, I hurt people hurt people and you're hurting me and now I'm hurt So I'm gonna try to hurt you. Okay, go to some therapy leave me alone. I am a bald child with a little bit of hair on the top

I'm gonna be compared to Kha'yu. Okay. I'm wearing the ugliest shirt. on the top. I'm gonna be impaired to Cuy. Okay. I'm wearing the uglier shirt in the world. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm a melancholy depressed child and that's the point of the series. Is that I'm getting abused by my friend?

What is this, Lucy? I guess I guess I... I guess I'm sorry. I guess I didn't know that it was released. Oh, you're guessing? I feel like we should know But you can guess no guess go ahead. No, I mean I know I know that I was wrong. I apologize and know that I was wrong. I had 16 back surgeries Lucy I

My character bills out of control. I know that physical therapy chiropractor. I'm doing just take a football I feel so bad. No, I don't trust you. I don't trust you. I've trust issues now I'm going to fucking cranial sacral therapy. I have a healer. I'm trying everything to try to get my back Okay, and breathe in breathe in Breathe into good grief breathe out the bad grief Okay, and can you give me an arg? Arggg! You treat Kathy too, don't you?

I do, I do. And Garfield. Yeah, I understand. You know what, I'm going to give her another chance. You're right. Okay, and remember, remember, it's not her fault that Snoopy's dead, okay? He was dancing in the street. She hit him with her car.

He was dancing in the street, okay? He looked up and down but not left and right when he dances, right? Yeah. So bury that anger, okay? Mm-hmm. And give Lucy a real shot. Sorry, you're talking to me, but all I hear is, Womp, womp, womp, womp, womp, but I'm gonna give her a shot.

I'm gonna give her a shot. Okay, Lucy. Hey, walk, walk, walk, but I'm gonna give her a shot. I'm gonna give her a shot. Okay, Lucy. Hey, Charlie Brown, what's, um, God, I haven't seen you in a couple of weeks. What's going on? I'm sorry to wake you. Here's a football, and I just need you to not move it. Okay, we're gonna do it, and we're gonna do it right.

Oh my God. It's gonna heal both of us. I'm actually, I'm good now. I'm in a much better place. I've made a lot of peace with who I was back then. I've moved on. Yeah, in a much better place. I've made a lot of peace with who I was back then. I've moved on Yeah, yeah, I started going to therapy and it instantly collected like it it was like a way off my shoulders I'm like I'm like a completely different person. I love you. I know in the house. Are you here with Shrota? Are you guys together?

Well, we're not technically official yet, but Yeah, I guess I could say like we're really happy it's just we're kind of exploring and and trying to make this one of this. I love the thing for you. I need to kick this football please Lucy please. Charlie Charlie I give you permission to kick the football yourself okay. You never need to hold it. You never needed me.

Hey Charlie. Don't touch the door. I have a really great life. Have a really great life. Have a really fun life. We're gathered here today to bury one Charles G. Brown. He died like he lived trying to kick a football. Unfortunately, he... Hey everybody, Lucy here just to pop in.

We're actually having a big party across the street If anyone wants to come five dollars ahead ladies get it free First 200 dudes at the door That's a whole play not not only was that a full play, but I think that that was too late The longest scene that we've done on a paper. Why that can't be right you're right. It's not Hey, GPC Yeah You're not in trouble. I just need help. I'm

Yeah. You're not in trouble. I just need help. I'm, um, pranking at all. And I'm setting up a website to prank him. Um, can I just need some advice? This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace. I'm not, I'm not mad at you. We're pranking at all.

Squarespace is the only one website platform for entrepreneurs to stand out and to see it online. Whether you're just starting out or managing a growing brand. Squarespace makes it easy to create a beautiful website, engage with your audience, and so let me think for products to cut into time, all in one place, all on your terms.

Hey, Addle, come here, come here, come here. Hey, what's going on? I actually, I want to prank JPC, and I want to set up a whole website to prank him. Do you have anything that like is there like Online store like it set up on my website to sell product. Did you know that with square space? You can have custom merch you can easily sell custom merchant create passive income stream that engages your audience and scales your brand design your products and production and Inventory and shipping are handled for you saving you time and money What is happening? Okay. Um... Wait, what's going on with Adel?

Oh, nothing, nothing. I'm just setting up a very normal Squarespace website, not a prank thing. No, he's gonna tune you. And I'm gonna use analytics. Use insights to grow my business and learn where my site visits and sales are coming from. That's pretty cool. I'm gonna improve my website and build marketing strategy based on top keywords, our popular products and content on my Prank website, the Prank site too. Whoa, that's awesome, Aaron. I'm glad you're using Squarespace.

Did you say what the website was for? I can't remember what the website was for. Yeah, the website was for. Prank. With Squarespace. With Squarespace. You can connect to your store to Vedent Third Party tools to extend the functionality of your website. Hey JPC, hey JPC, what's up, Vattle? I can't believe

we pranked Aaron with our little boy routine. Dude, we got her. Anyway, if you want to prank Aaron with your little boy routine, head to squarespace.com for a free trial and when you're ready to launch, go to squarespace.com slash riddle to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Oh, she's back. She's back. Hey, Aaron, can we go to grandma's house? Wait, I've been pranked. But how? I don't know. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Hey, Adel and JPC. Thank you for meeting me in the middle of the woods here. I am sort of at an empaths. I can't decide whether or not to go this way or this way. I'm having a hard time choosing a path.

You know, there never truly is a middle of the woods. Isn't it funny to think about something like that? Like, have there never truly is a middle of the woods? No, this is the middle. Okay, this is it. Addle, can you help? Yeah, actually, so as per Robert Frost, I don't know if you know his poems. He has a poem called Better Help. I believe this is written in the 1800s,

but it still stands true today more than ever. Aaron, you should try Better Help. Have you heard of this? You seen this? Mm-hmm. Because sometimes Aaron and life were faced with tough choices, and the path forward

isn't always clear whether you're dealing with decisions around career relationships, being stuck in the middle of the woods, therapy helps you stay connected to what you, ow, ow, sorry, that also does so fast. Therapy helps you stay connected to what you really want while you navigate life and the woods. Hmm, and better help is entirely online, So it's designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. I've been using it for several years and it suits the way that my brain works,

way better than traditional therapy ever did. And when Aaron says traditional therapy, just so everyone's clear, what she means is tricking two of her friends to coming to the middle of the woods, even though there isn't truly the concept of the middle of the woods, isn't that fun to think about? All you have to do is just fill out a brief questionnaire

to get matched with a license therapist, and you can switch therapists at any time for no additional charge. Hey, Aaron, GPC's putting down bread crumbs and then immediately picking them up and eating them. Dirty bread crumbs. Mm. And he's also like really into that owl

who's swooping down. Anyways, let therapy be your map with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash riddle today to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelpHELP.com slash riddle, R-I-D-D-L-E. R-I-D-D-L-E, the middle of riddles of D, but there is no true middle of riddle because it would be the space in

the home who are we I clink clink clink excuse me ladies and gentlemen, I just want to make a quick toast to, I know it's JPC's birthday, and we're all so excited to talk about him, but I want to talk about my favorite, my favorite thing in the world.

And that is the app Rocket Money. Oh, yeah, Aaron, that's one of my favorite things as well. Uh-huh. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps you lower your bills all in one place.

I've been using it for years way before they were a sponsor, and it helps me so much, especially around tax season. Kling, kling, kling, kling, kling. I'm sorry, I also want to give it a toast. Rocket money, well quickly, and easily find your subscriptions for you. And for any you don't want to pay for anymore, just hit cancel, and Rocket money will cancel it for you. It's that easy. Clint, Clint, Clint.

It also categorizes your expenses so you can easily track your budget in real time and also get alerted if anything looks off over three million. Oh, Clint, Clint, Clint. Over three million people have used rocket money, saving the average person up to $720 a year. We love Rockett. Stop, stop, stop, no, stop, stop. Throwing your money away, cancel unwanted subscriptions today and manage your expenses the easy way by going to rockettmoney.com slash riddle.

That's rockettmoney.com slash riddle. Rockettmoney.com slash riddle, and tell and JPC's birthday got ruined by two of his friends for doing speeches about rocket money, the website. I love your rocket money. Hey, Rick, go Rick. So we have two more segments for this next one. This is going to be, we'll give it about a minute or maybe a minute and a half What's gonna happen is I'm going to ask you both and there's no buzzing in so this is just kind of a scream amount scream

Oh, if you got them scream about scream amount and it's one point per and I'll try and keep tally So so scream about but also make sure you give me time to write them down got to tell you the points I mean and for this we're going to try and list as many famous people with the first name George. Go. George Clooney. George Harrison. George Jetson. George of the jungle.

A help. George Orwell. George Bush. George George Bush. George Bush, senior. George Bush, junior. George. I said both of those.

He didn't, he didn't, he you didn't I'm gaslighting you George stephanapolis We're canceling this round No, why? What did I do wrong? What I do you got one point JPC then got like 20 and you just went help You know what I was falling down a hole and I didn't know what trying I'm actually crying Although you could have been saying help based off George Harrison. No, I just needed help help One more riddle and then we check this news. One more riddle.

Yes, one more riddle for us please. Actually, there's two of these here, so we're just going to do them fast, because I don't want to come back to this email. Well, I'll be the one to decide how fast we do them, because I won't be getting the answers correct. Well I'm just going to add a minute after I read it, I'm going to just say the answer regarding the rarer. Damn it, that's going to make me work harder.

Oh good. Oh. I'm being pulled over the answer. Damn it, that's gonna make me work harder. Oh good. Oh, I'm being pulled over. Tap, tap, tap, tap. Oh, it's a tap dancer. Sorry ma'am. Ta-da, da-da, da-da, da-da. I'm one of the Rockettes.

Do you know how fast you were solving those riddles? I don't know, like, one to every 20 minutes it seems. I wanna say, bought a parade, bought a parade, I wanna say what's the thing? How do you pick and such unison your rocket? How do you kick and such unison? It's all unplanned. We always try and do something different, but we just sync up, just like our periods.

Teet it, ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta. Oh, you clearly know a lot about women and the rocket, so I'm just gonna roll my window up. Sorry for screaming in your ear. I guess the worst part of being a Rock Ket is we all get our period at the same time. What the fuck? Start spreading the news. We say, Dave, on the place you want to know what that actually means in material terms,

it means we hire the Rock Kets to do traffic enforcement. That's what it means. And what wonderful world that would be. They're in those toys, older costumes. If I was speeding and I saw a string of women kicking above their heads, I would slow down and I would say thank you officers. I will be better.

I just have like the rockets in one of those like DUI checkpoints which is like instead of orange cones it's just Rockets kicking as you like beer off to the center of the Republic and a brutalizer. Oh man. So I can you step out of your car? Okay and kick above your head and do the full splits. Alright.

Done with your rock. Done, done, done, done, da, you're going to jail. Oh, my God. The liquids are poured in and they stay there or they're poured in. Oh, it's a leaf. No. No.

No, it's not. Well, JBC, hold on. No, shut it. Shut the show down. Everyone turn off the lights. Do you? Yeah, it's done. Okay, we're in a huge warehouse you guys there's

nothing here right no special effects. Are you happy now listeners? Okay fine shut it all down. Yeah I've been in this warehouse the whole time. Yeah KC is an old suitcase with some Googley eyes on it. I'm taking my suitcase and I'm leaving. Bye. It's done. It's just done now okay it's just done. I've been so I've been way too polite to ask Casey this whole time That I've known why his eyes are so googly and now I'm glad I didn't because I wouldn't like the answer I've always wanted to ask him. Why are you so stuffed full of pants? All right, Ted push it forward Dad can't we get one of those like auto pushing lawnmowers?

Like why do we have to use one with manual blades? Nobody, literally nobody uses these anymore. I'm teaching you responsibility, okay? Because- How is this responsibility? Because it's awful. And you should know that life is awful. So I'm sending you up for life.

Because last night you came home wearing a what? Wig. So big. Yeah. And it wasn't just any wig, right? No. No. It was a Wigman's party platter. It was a Wigman's party platter. I hate that it's a regional food grocery store, sir. There was Capacola, there was Salami, there was Munster, there was Cheddar. All the meats, all the cheeses, sir. Yeah, and then what happened to all the neighborhood dogs? They ran inside our... They ran inside our Ford pickup truck. That's right.

And they all put on our hats and tug glasses, and they played a little poker and the Ford and the bed of the truck. Yep, and then they drove off. Like in a country song. Dogs driving a pickup truck. Dad, don't you get it? I don't need to learn responsibility. I know life's awful.

You're already my dad. It's gonna be a bad life for me. Okay. Can we at least compromise and get a working lawnmower? You are a working lawnmower, okay? You are. And you're saying I'm innocent for it. You'll pay for what? I'll pay for the lawnmower.

With what money? The money I won from playing poker with the dogs in a truck sir Exactly I never leave the house without two speeches The speech where the world calls me up to fight we know whatever alien or monster has invaded and this and this I never leave the house without preparing two speeches. Can we hear this first one? Of course.

I haven't left my house though. I would like to hear that. I'm, I'm at home recording this. If I was, if I was, I would like to hear the speech that you are going to make if a monster ever invades. America, I know that you're scared. And that's okay, because I'm scared too. I'm scared to ever invade. America? I know that you're scared.

And that's okay, because I'm scared too. I'm scared shitless. I shit my pants just moments ago. Pissed myself too. A one out of two. A three, someone call it. And I just saw a picture of the monster, and it was blurry. Some of you have actually seen it.

I'd shit myself again, I haven't eaten anything today. If I saw a real non-blurry picture of that monster, I'd shit myself for a second time today and I haven't eaten anything today. And I didn't have a big day yesterday eating wise. What did I have? Light breakfast? I nibbled a grazed for lunch. And I think I went to sleep at like five and I woke up at like nine, and it was too late for dinner for me, and I just went to bed. Sir, you're getting hung up on the minutiae.

Please comfort the nation. Thank you. Thank you, Joffrey. Anyway, where was it? I'm scared of this monster. Hell, I'm so scared that if I saw this monster, I would throw up. And I, honestly, I'm running on E. I'm fumes in my tank. And I'm not a big guy either.

Sir, you took E? Oh, yeah, I'm rolling. Let's get you hydrated. I would like to kill JPC. Yes, of course. That will be my first murder. You asked. Yes, of course. That will be my first murder. You asked! Hahaha! Ethan, I have a tell you who you're named after. Well, you got drunk one night and you stumbled into my room at 4 a.m. and you said that I was maybe named after Ethan Hawk, maybe named after Ethan Cohen, and then you smashed the bottle start to cry and tried to climb

inside my aquarium. First of all, my aquarium. I bought that aquarium with my money. Well, I didn't see my the important part of that story. To be fair, mom got it for both of us from CBS. And that story is mostly correct. You're named after Ethan Hawk and Ethan Hunt. And I always thought that it would be funny if Ethan Hawke played Ethan Hunt, but he aged

out of that role, and Tom Cruise kept doing it. We, when I was praying it with you, the first time you kicked, we were watching an Ethan Hawk movie, which was... Mr. Impossible 2. I'm sorry. That's Ethan Hunt. What was I? I was...

I gave birth in the theater for, yes, before sunrise, we were like, I think you must have loved just the sort of natural conversation that link later can tap into. Can you believe he did that and school of rock? I can. What a talent. So just for continuity, Ethan, you had your first kick during before sunrise and you were birthed in the theater for Mission Impossible 2.

So look that up, tell us how close we were, but don't worry about it Ethan, that's the story. Wow, now I know the origin behind my full name. Ethan Hunt Hawkflork. Yeah, now you know it. I'm having fun, is everyone else having fun? Oh, also, I guess your grandfather was a hawk hunter. So that, that man was also Ethan, right? Yes, it was Ethan hawk hunter.

Changed to Ellis Island. We can't wait to Ellis Island, by the way. Well, he went from Ellis Island and then he went to Rikers Island, right? Because he tried to kill Tony Hawk. And they said, you're a prison warden now. We, we're going to have people start writing things down in our family.

That's true. Because it's like, this kind of history can be lost. And what a beautiful history this is. We only have maybe 60, 65% of the history from courts to noographers. But we really should write down the other 35%. That's true. So what Adela is describing with like a fun universe We really should write down the other 35%. It's true.

So what addol is describing with like a fun universe where like what happens whenever a cone fucks a flamingo? A ramega? What you're talking about is Pokemon because in Pokemon they have a Pokemon that's called like Rekomingo and it's just a raccoon cross with the flamingo and that you're just inventing Pokemon at this point. Huh. So, I guess I like Pokemon. Yeah, I'm saying that the world that you also want to live in,

you could just go up to challenge people in tall grass and they will throw Pokeballs at you and you will get to fight for their Pokemon. So what is a squirtle a mix of? Is it like a turtle in a water bottle? It's a squirt gun. A squirt gun and a... So now we're getting into inanimate objects.

Yeah. And it, okay,'re getting into an anime of objects. Yeah. And it, okay, so let's be scientists about this. Let's not treat this like it's dumb. A charizard, let's work backwards and deconstruct with a charizard. Let's add in a charm bracelet. Easy. Easy.

I need to work backwards too, Hood. Yes, perfect. Yeah. Now a Pikachu would be a peeping-tominous snooze. He's easy. He was a fucking hard one. Okay, okay. Um, uh, I don't know if I know if I know any more. I don't, I can't have this game stop. I need it. I was gonna say a Pikachu was maybe a chinchillo and a piece of shit.

What are the other, I feel like Casey would know Pokemon. Casey, if you know, toss them in the chat. There's Bulbasaur. Bulbasaur would be a light bulb and a dinosaur. Yep. There you go. That's exactly correct. What else do we got? We have vape porian. That's a vape pin and it's just two vape pins. It's a vape pin and an important. Come on down to vape pins.

Snorlax. Snorlax, that would be a snoring man and a woman saying just relax. Snoring man, relaxative. We did charmander, yes. We did charmander. You did bulbous art. Or char we did like you do jiggly puff No jiggly puff would be puff pastry plus

The jiggly bit of self jz slow poke Hope yeah, that's jiggly puffs phrases Oh, over what was the last one slow poke Mm-hmm, okay that would be a turtle and poke of phrases. Oh, over. What was the last one? Slowpoke. Okay, that would be a turtle and pokey. A turtle, a turtle covered in raw fish. I want to say turtle covered in raw fish. Yeah, absolutely, which is just a salmonella nightmare. These are you see, I'm saying this is easy.

This is the world that you want to live in. Adam, I think it's a beautiful world that I'm here to support you in that journey. That's so fun. I would. What up, you. I was Jason Mews and he just, it's him jerking off. Silent Bob is all there and he's like, stop man, we have to go. Come on dude.

It's time to go. I didn't think we had it in us to invent the best game of all time. I didn't see that for us. This is such a beautiful moment. Hey everybody, this is Casey's Call Out Response Show where I respond to being called out on the show when I can't respond. We've got a hell of an episode today, so let's get into it. This tweet says, thinking about the finale performance from School of Rock, da da da da da

da, holy shit, da da da da da, fuck, da da da da da da da da da. Okay, first off, I dare you to remember the finale song from Skolarok and not think that. But secondly, let's see how JPC responds to things he liked from years ago that he's thinking of now. At JPCOFLY, Twitter, where can I get more tank tops like this? I think this is from Target, but I've never seen anything like it there in years. Hmm. Are you trying to get the world to fall in love with him all at once?

It's good, it'd be too much. Aaron, we're cool. This is one from four days ago. The tweet is, what's up gamers? I have a stomach ache. Yeah, gamers love that one actually. And feel free to scroll way down because he does a lot of stuff with pictures.

I'm feeling the stark world with art seems pretty noble. Yeah, doing a lot of like retweets of other people too. Some kind of obscure shit. Yeah, just for fun, let's take a look at Adel and JPC's retweets. Okay, promoting a project, promoting a project, self-promotion, promoting a project, self-promotion, self-promotion, promoting a project. Oh, a one minute front facing camera character, V, promoting a project, self promotion, promoting a project.

This is from July 18th, the letter K going to bed now. Okay, this was posted at 8 a.m. after a 40 hour multiple day editing marathon, including checks notes this show, which I tweeted about shortly before. But go off. That's like a good, you know, aerial bird's eye view of like what kind of content you're lining up for. And do you want to wait in line for that? I recently went to Disney World and I would in line for a ride for two hours and after I did the ride I was like, huh, not worth it. Oh yeah, that's like when I spent two hours editing fart sounds that I had a called for in a recent Patreon. When I got none I was like, didn't like that. A tweet about which did very well, mind you.

Go ahead Aaron with one of Casey's tweets. Americans believe it should be easy to, oh, sorry, this is Mitch McConnell's Twitter. I don't know how I got. America is in the red zone, but now if I can just COVID, let's see. Sorry, I keep, I don't know, Casey, your Twitter is a lot like Mitch McConnell's Twitter

Okay, that is fair. I get that lot anyway. That is our show. Thanks for the likes. I'll try to tweet more about Cummys next time Uncle JP Uncle JP Reddles Hey, um how'd you kids get this hospital? We checked in at the guest registration desk. Oh, yeah, they said that you're taking visitors between 3 a.m. and 4 a.m That's my office hours I'm a professor now. Get well soon balloons. Oh, thank you. Can't eat these He tried anyways

Ask him. We wanted to come visit you because we heard that you had a special three-year anniversary swan lumps you wanted to tell. You heard that I had a special three-year anniversary. You don't even know what that means and, uh, the art constructed timeline. Anniversary, hey, swan lumps, that you wanted me to read. You little piss, crans. That's a portmanteau of Miss Crans and piss rats. Wait, I misspoke.

I'm sorry. We heard you had a three beer canaversary swan lumps. Nah, it's more like it. Now, take the beer out and put it sloppy Joseph's out of you got yourself a ballgame. Uncle JP Riddles. Yes. I have to ask this.

And this is, I'm not trying to accuse you of anything, but was that man in the hospital bed next to you dead when you came in here or That man next to me in the hospital bed was made of wood when I came in. I'm slowly bringing it back to life Okay, you gotta admit wood to dead guys Quite improvement Have you been watching general hospital on the TV all day and all night? Listen, I'll go to any more General Hospital since my two because I am a soldier in this world!

Now you kids want to hear a swan lump? Yeah! Alright, here we go! Whoa, man, dusting off the old swan lump sack reaching in real deep! Oh, that's a sardine bite! Oh, I gotta get those in the water! on lumpsack reaching in. Real deep out out out out. Ooh, lots of sardine bites. Oh, I gotta get those in the water. Okay.

There's a hole behind in there. Why do you have so many porcupine needles in your hand? Yeah, there's so many needles in my hand because there is no porcupine in there. Those are trophies. All right. How come your two pay is astroturf? Because it was paid for by the Koch brothers.

Uncle JPC. Yeah? How come none of the nurses like you? We started to come in to visit you and they said, uh... Probably a combination of raw sexual charisma and just me being generally unpleasant to people. What a terrible combination! Swan lumps 2776. The future was bleak.

Air raid sirens play day and night. The oceans were lava, and the lava was grieving. The gravy was all out of mashed potatoes. There he was. Cyborg JP Riddle standing atop a squirrel mountain. I know what you think of what's a squirrel mountain. One of squirrel mountain is a naturally formed formation with enough squirrels die that they bone-silentify and awesome, awesome late, and they create themselves a little mountain

with a cold era and a cavern system underneath. That's where cyborg JP riddles made his home. But what did he have here? Two annoying little fucking hologram kids? All they had was questions and questions and questions and they were probably working with the nurses That's right in 2776 the nurses are the enemy and they're trying to take over the world with their shots and their Prides and their pokes and their good cheery attitudes and their underpaid underappreciated Yeah, Uncle JP do you really think that this is the year to come out,

art against nurses? I should have done it last year! What was I waiting for? Oh, GP, really? You always wait too long, you miss the cultural zeitgeist! J-Uncle GP, what's going on with the voicemail you left us that said you were joining the X-Men? Yeah. No, I said I was conscripted into the X-Men because I lost it bet with Cyclops

I said I could kiss longer, but he kissed way longer than me Uncle JP riddles, huh? Why isn't that you're in the hospital? No one will tell us what you're sick of they give you free bread every three days in here I'm as healthy as a horse and by that I mean I have a lot of horse diseases. Anyway the cyborg ate the holograms and he beat all the nurses down and broke their spirits and Formed them to his will and then JP riddles the cyborg was the king of all society. That's one lumps 2776 the end. Jake, Uncle JP. Huh? Did you know that this today is the three-year anniversary of Hey Riddle

Riddle? Well, that's questionable. Some say we missed it by a week, but this is certain that today the episode's coming out. You're crazy. And Uncle JP, everywhere the hospital says that you're not allowed to have any more elected surgeries. You actually have to need the surgeries from now on together. Yeah. I'll tell you what, that surgery won that election fair and square. It'd be that a lot of other really deserving surgeries to take place on my body. God damn it.

No. Well, next surgery I'm voting for Adlerify. I'm voting for JPC. And I'm voting for Adler Rify. I'm voting for JPC! And I'm voting for Adel Rify. I think he'll be very good. Ooh, I won! I would like to see a scene. Adel, you're some sort of fictional president

that hasn't existed yet. And you're about to die in a really embarrassing way. And you're just trying to stop it because you're like, no, this is what people are going to remember me for. And JPC, you're there too. Sorry, I'm about to do what? I'm about to die in an embarrassing way. Yeah, and you're trying to stop it

because you're like, oh no, that everyone will associate me with this really embarrassing way of dying instead of all of the work I did for the country. I see, I see. Okay, here we go. President Anthony Backflip, it's time to eat the most fish anyone's ever eaten. Now remember Mr. President, remember Mr. President, you don't have to eat the most fish, you just

have to beat the penguin. Okay, again, it's a puff piece, it's just for the press, you don't have to, don't go overboard, you just have to beat the penguin. A puff piece, is that a penguin joke? Yes, I'm also your head-to-head speech-trector. I'm your head-to-head joke-trector as well. Okay, well, no. Sh-Anthony, what are you doing? I-you know what? If I choke on a fish or I die from eating too much fish, I just had a flash of what that would look like written in history books and like it's so embarrassing, right?

Mr. President, I say carpe idea. Go for it. Is that another fish joke? It is a fish joke. I'm also working to do a fish speech So I'm kind of workshopping things live again. My role is kind of fluid. It kind of changes. Of course, of course Say it back to me or what's a way we can spin this to where if I do die eating the most amount of fish ever What's a way we can spin that to where if i do die eating the most amount of fish ever what's a way we can spend that to make it sound cooler daring or heroic well i think that even if you do die eating fish i think that you will go down in history as one of the best presidents we've ever had i truly believe that okay i'm starting to get a good again again i i it was a joke uh... i do want to tell you i

am appointed by congress so you cannot hire or fire me. You do not have that power. I have a congressional appointee. Ah, fine. Um, okay, so if I, if he died, if he died, breaking a record. That's vague enough that it's kind of cool and kind of fun. Yeah, but I don't, I just don't necessarily think that people are going to remember it that way. Extra, extra, President Backflip dies from eating something fishy! Wait, let me see this newspaper. Hey, he died of old age. This was a red herring.

See? Holy Macro! What a hit. I'm so happy that I said you're there too, because you had so many fish buns! Holy Macro! Outstanding. Ugh. Oh.

I was just perched ready to go. I think there's many more as you want too. I can't imagine that I have more. I don't think I know more fish. Your brain has definitely turned to jelly. Yeah. This is all I wanted to podcast to be. Thank you. Thank you too for finally getting on board. It's so sad. It gives 150 episodes to finally be

doing all of the jokes you want us to do. Okay, we got to move on and it's our deans. I want to see a scene. Oh, okay. Aaron, you are a farmer. Oh, okay. Aaron, you are a farmer. Uh, you, and now we'll get into the scene. Aaron, you're a farmer. You found that you have been unsuccessful as a farmer because you sleep too heavily. So you have invested in a rooster. Um, and so this is morning number one with your new investment, JPC, you are the rooster,

um, and you're maybe not worth the money that was paid. Sure. Shh. The part of me, male. Uh. Uh. What? What? Now, I've been porous and threw your kitchen supplies,

and I notice that you have a wide variety of herbal teas. Now I'm in the room. Now I'm in the dark outside. How if it roosted myself? And I do not get up out of bed without a hot cup of juice. Are you wearing my bathrobe? Now, this is your bathrobe? Then why does it fit me so well?

That's what I would like to know. I can only see your head. What do you mean it doesn't fit you so well? Now, I did find a little can of instant coffee, but a good, God-fearing rooster such as myself would never DANGED to put instant coffee in here. You were wearing my glasses.

Am I dreaming? These y'all glasses? Well then why is my prescription never felt so right? I must be near-sided, far-sided, and got all kinds of astigmatism. Wait, sorry. I hear the rooster I hired yesterday. Aren't you supposed to stand on top of the roof and go, Too high!

It's simply too high up there, ma'am. Now I didn't make my way up on top of the roof when I got to tell you. Those 30-year shingles aren't rated past 25, and they got five years left if there's a life of rooster in my butt. This is a real boundary cross. I'm in bed with my body. You're still in me. The only reason I came and got this job is because my wife crossed kind of a boundary with another rooster. And I said, I'm packing up my bags, hidden down to the rooster depot and getting out of here.

Are you wearing my wedding ring? This is your wedding ring? That's an all-rest mistake. I do apologize. I take it off and I give it back. I did not see a gentleman in the house. Man, you have to stay outside with the other animals. You can't just come into me. Why? I can't wear my glasses in my ring. Stay outside with the other animals.

You expect me to throw a crown with the chickens? You expect me to frolic around with the chickens? You expect me to CROWS around with the cows? You expect me to HANG OUT with the horses? Yeah, I have never been so insulted in my life, and I got salted out a Kentucky fried chicken for 30 minutes when they thought that I was breakfast breakfast launched. Yeah. Seed. I'm not done yet. I got ready more to say. You're fired. Hey there, Hots and Talls! If you like that, a clip show, you're gonna love this, not a clip show.

This week, on the Patreon, we've got DRTs from the Crushest Podcast playing her game, Hot or Tall. You can listen to that plus our entire Batcadilog by joining the Patreon Clue crew for 5 another a month, or the Review Crew for 8 dollars a month. And starting the first of the year, you get all our episodes, add free at the $8 tier. That's patreon.com slash heyrittlerittle. See you there! H3N.com slash Hey Riddle Riddle. See you there!