Hey Riddle Riddle - #183: Happy Pasta Day!

Episode Date: January 19, 2022

We are ready to celebrate, baby! Pasta Pasta Pasta! This week we have some great listener submitted riddles- some that are even written down on a piece of paper. This episode has some disney character...s, a plea for money, Fortnight, and a terrifying Night Mare. JPC and his little helpers hope you have a great week! Starring: Adal Rifai John Patrick Coan Erin Keif Editing by:  Casey Toney Theme by:  Arne Parrott Logo by:  Emily Kardamis & Emmaline Morris Want more? Get Weekly Bonus Eps on Patreon! Want merch? Visit our TeePublic Store! or pins, buttons & prints Want to advertise on the show? Check out Hey Riddle Riddle via Gumball.fmSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 This is a head gum podcast. Who can take a pasta? Look at it a dish Use a rigatoni or a other type of sauce The pasta man can The pasta man can Who can this to man can cuz he mixes it with sauce it makes a pasta dish Who's a little pan-a Rigatoni to Who's a little pan A Rig it downy to Laying in his bed covered in ragu the pasta van can JPC
Starting point is 00:01:15 Post today everyone Pasta pasta Okay, that was about a minute ago JPC said don't worry, I have our opening for us. So no one needs to worry. Welcome to Hey Riddle Riddle podcast about celebrating International Pasta Day. That's right. January 19th, happy International Pasta Day to everyone celebrating in wherever part of the world, whichever corner of the world you're celebrating in. I personally am going to thee in the tramp pasta all day long with various people in my life.
Starting point is 00:01:49 Ooh. How are you celebrating pasta today? Well, I made a giant portrait of Ravio Lee Pace, and I'm just gonna snuggle up to that and, um, I'm gonna stop me. Just regular portrait, because,
Starting point is 00:02:03 I'm gonna stop. I'm gonna stop. I'm gonna stop. And I'm just excited. Oh, I'll't see just the regular portrait because homie on the spot. Five. And I just called to go water just excited to record this pasta cast. I heard he was on that new show foundation. I heard he was the foundation. Oh, wow. Do another one foundation. Uh, okay, another Lee Pace thing.
Starting point is 00:02:18 Um, pushing daisies more like pushing me to fall in love with them. Yeah, yeah. Uh, he's pushing those daisies right out of the ground with those tree-like roots that he calls laying six foot five inches tall manly pants. Handsome man. Handsome as the devil is long. Handsome man. How's everyone doing? Why? On the spine pasta day. Thank you. Oh, why? Sorry, I was out of good time and then you had to stop and be like, how's everyone doing? Like you're some sort of family friend who's stopped by with a casserole?
Starting point is 00:02:50 A blah! Wow. I'm so you're good. What's going on? Well, I mean, what's going on? This is the podcast hangover to Riddler. I'm GPC, with me is always my helpers my little helper I'm a little helper at a work and I'm the earnest intern Aaron Keith I did get kind of caught up there for a second I did kind of let slip out
Starting point is 00:03:17 something that I secretly believe is true it just call it you guys my little helpers right to me when you said it I mean that's sort of the role I do feel like I play. I'm just a little helpard just scurrying around getting you your tiny little coffees. Yeah, I have to admit my outfit today screams a little helper. Yeah, you're wearing the hamburger helper glove glove over my penis and then a little sailor hat. I gotta be honest, I think little helper
Starting point is 00:03:43 is kind of my preferred role in like 90% of my interactions. Because I don't want to be in charge most of the time if it's just like, oh like let's pick a restaurant. No, I don't need to do that. But I'll be at the Little Helper. I'm so surprising to me because I would say you're trying to do more King Chaos. This is shocking.
Starting point is 00:04:03 You're making the decision but you're making the most complicated terrifying decision. But here's the thing, I, that's not, that's not the world that I want. I want to be the little helper. I don't get to, I don't get to be a little helper very often, but that's, that's where I, that's my comfort zone. So you're not the hero, the world dessert, you're not the hero, the world you want.
Starting point is 00:04:21 You're the hero, the world deserves. Neat. Write it down first, addle, write it down. Hold on. Teach, I'll teach you. And then say it, write it, then read it. Do you need a little helper? I could be the little helper. Go watch Batman, and then come back to us. Okay.
Starting point is 00:04:38 Let's do some riddles. What? Sounds like everyone's okay. What are you talking about? Sounds like everyone's doing all right? Sorry, let's are you talking about? Sounds like everyone's doing alright? Sorry, let's time out for a second. Aaron, I don't know if you know this. This is your episode and typically you like to banter for, I want to say, 28 minutes? I do.
Starting point is 00:04:53 Yes. Oh, okay. Pause and go back and listen to any of your episodes. You always tell us a good time. I like to pause for a quick. Okay. Wow, I just listened to all those episodes. It seems like I don't know I'm on our rental park.
Starting point is 00:05:05 Aaron, it's June 17th. Where have you been? I've been listening to our show. Not a fan. Not a fan of he had. Not a fan to be had. Faker says it. I'll guess I'll change and I'll start with some riddles
Starting point is 00:05:20 unless you can't talk about some bullshit. No, no, no, no, I love doing riddles. Hey, it's still the year that I love doing riddles. And you're not gonna see me jump out of bed for less than 10 riddles. So if we don't get to at least 10 riddles on this episode, probably gonna be pissed. All right, well, I'm gonna try my best.
Starting point is 00:05:40 Addle, any objections? No, I don't see why these riddles in this episode should not get married. I truly changed the vibe of the episode when I said let's do riddles so early. Did anyone else feel like a true shift, like a barometer? I felt it when you said how's everybody doing? Yeah, I fucked it up. Should we restart? I did something bad. Should we restart? I do have it all. Oh great. Let's do it. Oh Okay, cut into a fart folly. It's international pasta day
Starting point is 00:06:14 Thank you slurp up some linguine I Felt some to my dog are we not doing anymore? Fuck, I guess. No, I just was letting you live your... No, I thought we were making this a pasta cast, and then I feel like a total fucking asshole when I'm trying to support pasta cast. You're doing great. I'm sorry that I threw actually doing the concept at the show at you. I understand that's very jarring coming from me. Listeners, please notice how Aaron holds everything together. Anytime one of the guys loses their shit, Aaron steps in to save the episode.
Starting point is 00:06:46 Listen for this as the episode continues. Listen for this as the episode continues. Listen for this as the episode continues. Listen for this as the episode continues. Listen for this as the episode continues. Listen for this as the episode continues. Listen for this as the episode continues. Listen for this as the episode continues.
Starting point is 00:06:55 Listen for this as the episode continues. Listen for this as the episode continues. Listen for this as the episode continues. Listen for this as the episode continues. Listen for this as the episode continues. Listen for this as the episode continues. Listen for this as the episode continues. Listen for this as the episode continues.
Starting point is 00:07:03 Listen for this as the episode continues. Listen for this as the episode continues. Listen for this as the episode continues. Listen for this as the episode continues. Listen for this as the episode out. I have a is for your special. Is this gonna be LaZanya? You don't have the time. Oh, yeah, I've had one. And I ran. I ran so far, fell. Oh.
Starting point is 00:07:38 Just kind of fun. See how I'm like. I can't believe how bad I am at this. Okay, these are from Sean M. And I'm finally reading these riddles from Sean M. Sean has gone to a couple of my wet bus shows in LA. And he handed me these riddles. And they're a blast.
Starting point is 00:07:58 So we're gonna read some of them, is that okay? Wait, is this Sean M as in Sean Moil, your boyfriend, the Moil? Yes. Yes, it's very confusing. Somehow is in the show and shows up to the show as an audience member as well. Are we ready? Yes. One thing I will say about Sean Moil, great tipper.
Starting point is 00:08:18 I never tipped the Moil. All right. Not if he takes 20%. To the esteemed riddled judges and honorable baylif, I present to thee these riddles. I hope you enjoy. So these are interesting because they're sort of connected to each other, but not thematically, but you might start to see the... Yes. Ah, okay.
Starting point is 00:08:43 Sure. to see the... yes. Huh, okay, sure. You might start to see the connection, and if you start to struggle, which I don't think you will, but maybe I will tell you what the connection is, and then that might be easier to get the riddles, is that right? If I start to struggle, then you're gonna have to go back to episode one of this podcast, because that's what I started to struggle.
Starting point is 00:09:02 I feel like you came in with a lot of confidence. You were unbothered by the riddles. I don't think we really broke you until, like, episode 30. That's what I started to struggle. I feel like you came in with a lot of confidence. You were unbothered by the riddles. I don't think we really broke you until like episode 30. That's probably true. That's probably. I came in like a totally. I've started to think that you really only know about tortellini. La-zanya.
Starting point is 00:09:18 La-zanya. Now shake it. Shake it. Shake it. Shake it. Shake it. Shake it. Shake it. I don't think that's how you make lasagna don't make lasagna like that You stand at attention locked knees and straight backs now the drill sergeant calls out for you to relax
Starting point is 00:09:37 What's what's he say marching band? No, what is what is what are we doing? You're gonna this is a rid rental about being on the army. Yep. Kind of. So these are riddles that the riddle answers sort of hint to whatever the next answer is going to be. So really just this one should be easy. You just say what the person would say in the situation.
Starting point is 00:09:59 I'm sorry, Aaron. I didn't. I didn't I didn't hear what you were saying. I was looking at what's in your hand. This is a piece of paper that looks like it has been crumpled up a little bit or folded. Folded like this. And it's been sitting on my desk for quite some time
Starting point is 00:10:13 because I hadn't really recorded an episode. And this is handwritten. It looks like as well. Yes, and pencil. Handwritten. And it's folded it's folded into quadrants. And if I if my eyes don't deceive me, they don't know the answer. Shack apartments cabin. No, none of those words are here. Handwritten in
Starting point is 00:10:37 pencil. This is the first time I've had handwritten riddles in two years. This is really exciting. I stand at attention, my knees are locked. What's your name? You stand at attention, lock knees and straight backs. Yeah. Now the drill sergeant calls out for you to relax. What is the difference? At ease.
Starting point is 00:10:53 The other one. Handwritten pencil. The other one. Like they did it like at school. Was this like a school age person? No. This is an adult with a pencil. Yes.
Starting point is 00:11:04 You're telling me there's a different phrase between you're telling me drill sergeants can say either at ease or something else? Yes. And I would say a popular or maybe just as popular. Oh, did they have carpentry genes on where the genes with a little hook where you can put your hammer through them? He wasn't measuring anything. He didn't have a tiny little golf pencil. If that's what you're asking. My second question was going to be, was this a golfer? I'm trying to imagine the person who has a pencil. He's a very talented artist. This is an artist. A very funny person. Are there doodles on the beach? No, are there noodles? No, there are noodles. No. That would be nothing that would make no sense
Starting point is 00:11:45 so Aaron if it's not at ease the only other military expression I can think of is guys relax you guys relax no it's like sort of like do what you're doing before carry on no wait do what I was doing before? Yeah. What does this deal with the fucking pencil? Who has a penny to sit down and write them out with the pencil? I can't believe you guys were never going to get through. I started early. What's up? Can I just say our 2022 Abbott Castell sketch is going brilliantly. Now we just keep it up for 48 more minutes. Ah, yes.
Starting point is 00:12:26 Okay. So it's not at ease, it's not carry on. It begins with the same letter as at ease. As you were. As you were. As you were. Military folks say that. As you were.
Starting point is 00:12:38 Yeah. Oh, okay. Is it as you were the response to that? No, it's a Shakespeare play. As you were like it. Exactly. That's where they just jumble up the script. Actually, a night's tale is based on that. It's called a Lons. And you can hit me all night because you're prone to like, what? A girl! Great movie. Not about time or money, despite how it seems, rather something you'd call ends that justify means.
Starting point is 00:13:13 And as you were relates to this? Something about that relates to this. And they say the answer to the riddle. To the answer. Okay. Can I hear it over time? Yes. Not about time or money, despite how it seems, rather something you'd call ends that justify means. Meet, ends meet, make ends meet. Justify,
Starting point is 00:13:37 to justify the ends, but it's not about time or money. So what do you think about that? Something you'd call ends that justify means. You go, that was. That was worth it? Yeah, you're close. So worth, worth is not time or money. And then what's the set like? I think that was really worth blank. Worse, worthwhile, worthwhile.
Starting point is 00:14:02 I'm going to tell you what the pattern is, because I think it's going to help you. Is it Argyle? Yes, it's Argyle, for a while, worth a while. I'm gonna tell you what the pattern is, because I think it's gonna help you. Is it Argyle? Yes, it's Argyle, for a golfer. Wait, he is a golfer. Wow. If he's in the military, he might be a golfer. The first syllable of each answer resembles
Starting point is 00:14:18 the last syllable of the answer before it. So as you were worthwhile. Like the same sound. I'd say the best way to describe it while we'll be the beginning of the next one I like or while you were sleeping. Yeah, exactly. It's oh, it's while you were sleeping. It's very breathy rom-com titles Can I get Colin Firth in the booth to read all these 27th. Notting ha. 12 monkeys.
Starting point is 00:14:46 13 going on. That's a good idea. A tusked furry creature, a menace full grown. Poorly mammoth. Relative of the one who hangs out with Timon. Oh, a Hortwag. Hortwag. I think that I don't.
Starting point is 00:15:04 Relative of the one. It's not a wordhog, but it's something that is sort of like a wordhog. Oh, a ho-pig. Like, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, when something comes wrong. You were the ZD. ZDZD. Okay.
Starting point is 00:15:21 Okay. Can you guys just like, what if you were both of you, just sing a little bit of that song and then someone will recreate the Whip It Music video with a pig in it and using your audio. So just what if you do that? We say the only part we know. When a problem comes along you must whip it I Not done wind whipping now whip it good not yet I want to see you see we forget really quick. We've had a lot of dumb answers to
Starting point is 00:16:04 That's kind of you one of the dumbest answers we've had in lot of dumb answers to read on this show. That's kind of be one of the dumbest answers we've had in a long time. Alright, I'll go ahead. I have to admit, I'm from a small town. When I was 14, me and my friends used to do whippings. I'm going to see a scene. What is, so, to moan, to moan is the mirror cat. Yes.
Starting point is 00:16:21 So, JPC, you're going to be to moan the mirror cat. Okay.PC, you're gonna be Timon the Mirror Cat. Okay. Aaron, you are Pumbo the Warthog and you two are best friends and you're singing songs and all that jazz. But today Aaron, that's the Warthog, you're just not feeling it. Like you're in a really fucking bad mood.
Starting point is 00:16:37 Mm-hmm. I just love eating bugs from a leaf, from a log, from a tree. Hey man. Hey man. Um, what you want to pull? But why aren't you singing? I just came to my attention that people think I'm disgusting. Do you think I'm gross? Pumba buddy. We're animals. We're singing songs about eating bugs for breakfast. Who wants to say if we're gross? I smoke three bags a day.
Starting point is 00:17:08 I'm not the leader here. I just been following you around. What is my life? I'm 46. I'm hanging out with you all the time. What are we doing? You're 46. Yeah, old are you.
Starting point is 00:17:19 Like 35. What? You're 35. We're 11 years apart. Oh my God. Do people know that? I mean, we've been friends for 10 years. I thought we were the same age.
Starting point is 00:17:32 I thought we were the same age. I thought you were older than me. 46. 35. That's crazy. Wow. Oh. So you think I'm a loser?
Starting point is 00:17:40 Do I'm a loser? No, I didn't say that. I think you're a loser. Why? You're slowly backing away from looking at me. You're looking at me. I'm a loser doing my loser. No, I didn't say that I think you're a loser But why you slowly backing away from you looking at your watch Puba. Let's face it. You're on a dry spell, okay? Guarantee all I'm a black so wet. I'm my blood so wet up a monodry spell. I you again Let me check. Yep. You probably you shit yourself again
Starting point is 00:18:04 You did oh I can see what's happening and they don't have a clue See I want to see another scene. This will just be 10 seconds long. JPC you are to moan And this is to moan Aaron you're gonna play the other role. This is to moan in roomba Yeah What is the answer what is something that is sort of like a word hog but is not and it starts with Yeah, there you go Killer while Just all kind of well
Starting point is 00:18:44 Kind of why why wrong? Yeah, why why wrong? Why yeah, why that's why it sounds like a war tug you will it starts with that sound So wild yeah a wild wild board. Yeah, you got it After sorry to kill a wild board the King's forest is a true Which is all you have to domesticate at first. Yes. Well then I guess it's illegal. We just shot a wild boar with a bow and arrow. Wow.
Starting point is 00:19:12 Bore's eye. Nice. Oh, a pig. After starting my second, you won't feel my first. I bring joy to the best, anger to the worst. Different sizes, shapes, colors, and pieces abound only brought out when there's at least one friend around. Oh, the color vaccine. Yes, the COVID vaccine. Okay, great. After starting my second, you won't feel my first. I bring joy to
Starting point is 00:19:37 the best anger to the worst. Different sizes, shapes, colors, and pieces of bound only brought out when there's at least one friend around. And it starts with Borat. Borat. Borat. Borat. Borat. Borat.
Starting point is 00:19:54 Borat. Borat. Borat. Borat. Borat. Borat. Borat. Borat.
Starting point is 00:20:02 Borat. Borat. Borat. Borat. Borat. Borat. Borat. Your Borker lounger. I bring joy to the best anger to the words and make some people angry Yes Oh, yes, I've then I would need to tell a story about a board game. I recently played Okay, go ahead. Well, I want to tell a story about a board game. I'm like what is it? All right, let's do the scene. I want to see a scene JPC, you are, I don't know,
Starting point is 00:20:28 you're fucking something to do with a board game. So you have to say. He didn't hate you had no scene. You, hold on. I know that now. I would like to see a scene. You lost. No, you lost.
Starting point is 00:20:39 You lost. I was joking. This is my brand of humor. It's a terrible humor. I wanna see a scene. You can't, hold on. You can't say, we're 180 episodes in. You can't say this is my brand of humor is a terrible humor. I want to see you seen you can't hold on you can't say we're 180 episodes and you can't say this is my brand of humor We've never seen this brand of humor before your brand of humor is puns and nothing else
Starting point is 00:20:54 Yikes, if you regret your spread of humor it deserves an email awards an email to us to let us know Uh, JPC you are Uncle Moneybags from Monopoly. Thank God. Aaron, you are Uncle Moneybags niece, and you are asking for some money, and it's very exhausting to talk to Uncle Moneybags. Hey! Talk how's the coolant tonight, we're at the bar. And we said, we'll have a dirty, hairy troublemaker.
Starting point is 00:21:24 I'm sorry, I know I'm interrupting your story. I would love to hear this Apotomy gentleman. I believe one of my Progeny is Hi, Uncle Maggie back sorry to interrupt your story. I would love to hear the end of it. First of all, love your little hat You look great So well, thank you so much from the compliment now It's not often that one of your generation Compliments one of my generation this hat was gifted to me by a Haberdasha that was no other than
Starting point is 00:21:55 Rutherford B. Hays is Haberdasha Excellent and I love your story I love that. It's just poker Nick. I this is so random Uncle money bags, but I need oh How much two point four million dollars? It's like casually Two point four million dollars. I remember when I made my first two point four I was having a sit down conversation with President Teddy Roosevelt and Mr. Roosevelt's Maybe I can cover how much you need. I'm a tiger cop and I'm a tiger cop and I'm a tiger cop and I'm a tiger cop and I'm a tiger cop and I'm a tiger cop and I'm a tiger cop and I'm a tiger cop and I'm a tiger cop and I'm a tiger cop and I'm a tiger cop and I'm a tiger cop and I'm a tiger cop and I'm a tiger cop and I'm a tiger cop and I'm a tiger cop and I'm a tiger cop and I'm a tiger cop and I'm a tiger cop and I'm a tiger cop and I'm a tiger cop and I'm a tiger cop and I'm a tiger cop and I'm a tiger cop and I'm a tiger cop and I'm a tiger cop and I'm a tiger cop and I'm a tiger cop and I'm a tiger cop and I'm a tiger cop and I'm a tiger cop and I'm a tiger cop and I'm a tiger cop and I'm a tiger cop and I'm a tiger cop and I'm a tiger cop and I'm a tiger cop and I'm a tiger cop and I'm a tiger cop and I'm a tiger cop and I'm a tiger cop and I'm a tiger cop and I'm a tiger cop and I'm a tiger cop and I'm a tiger cop and I'm a tiger cop and I'm a tiger cop and I'm a tiger cop and I'm a tiger cop and I'm a tiger cop and I'm a tiger cop and I'm a tiger cop and I'm a tiger cop and I'm a tiger cop and I'm a tiger cop and I'm a tiger cop and I'm a tiger cop and I'm a tiger cop and I'm a tiger cop and I'm a tiger and I'm a tiger cop and I'm a tiger cop and I'm a tiger cop and I'm a tiger cop and I'm a tiger cop and I'm a tiger cop and I'm a tiger cop and I'm a tiger cop and I'm a tiger and I'm a tiger cop and I'm a tiger cop and I'm a beauty contest? I forget it. I'm gonna get it myself. No, I'm woke. I'm just saying you're beautiful. Shut up.
Starting point is 00:23:08 I'm pretty excited. Uncle Moneybags give me two more million dollars. I'm a president's uncle. Please, I have some money. Uncle Moneybags, please. I have some money. Well, look at you young miss Where did you come from oh my god? I give up throw the pants in English
Starting point is 00:23:39 So the answer to that one was board game. Oh the thing I wanted to say really quick. I recently played one night werewolf Like a month ago with Sean and his cousins and he is one cousin that's a little bit younger. He's nine and he's super. Oh, a little bit younger. Significant younger. Okay, thank you, because I was like, how old do you think you are? Sean is the oldest cousin and he's the youngest cousin. So that's like the age range.
Starting point is 00:23:57 Oh, we just read this cousin. Yeah, this is a riddle. But we are playing one night where, well, I recently, I don't know what's come over me. I've been very, very competitive when I've been playing that game. It's not like me But essentially long story short I humiliated this nine-year-old I was the troublemaker and I lied and I made him call himself out for being a wear wolf and everyone Gasp because I was acting like a crazy person and just humiliated a nine year old. And he looked like he was gonna cry.
Starting point is 00:24:25 And then he tried to make a joke to make me look better. But everyone was pretty surprised. And when I'd taken it back, it was like 10 of them were like, whoa, Aaron, what the fuck? He's a kid and I was like, I don't know what happened. I'm sorry. I see them. I blacked out and I don't know.
Starting point is 00:24:44 I mean, it sounds like a win-to-win. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. I just, I'm not very proud of that moment. Don't recommend it. I play online video games and I get my ass handed to me by 12 to nine year olds on a daily basis. So I think it's fine that you gave that kid what for?
Starting point is 00:25:02 I guess it's revenge for you. Sure, yeah. Aaron, you should check out the game. It's the same craters, I believe. It's called Wear Words. Oh yeah, so that's a blast. That's fantastic, yeah. Check it. Much like in Riddle City or in Riddle High,
Starting point is 00:25:16 when a murder occurs, this is what people cry. Before searching for where all the clues have been put, a detective will claim that the... Game is a... Crime is a foot! Yeah, the game is a foot. Because the board game game is a foot. These are fun, right? Thank
Starting point is 00:25:35 you, Sean. There's only a couple more. Don't worry. Every two weeks you'll hear this in a phrase, said when JPC dabs on his own haters graves. And the last answer was crime is, no, again, it's a foot. I have foot, can still get you pregnant? I have a foot, can you walk me? Wow, no, it's the dab on member.
Starting point is 00:26:02 Oh, foot, knife. Yeah, fort, knife. Oh, foot, knife. Yeah, Fortknife. Oh, Phooetknife. Yeah. Phooetknife. Fortknife. I would like to see a scene. Bangkok.
Starting point is 00:26:12 Addle you are a 10 year old. I'm in the city in the foodazini. What happened to Bangkok? And the world is pasta. So Addle's getting warmed up for the scene. Addle, you're a 10 year old kid and you're playing Fortnite and JPC you're the age you are now and Adel, you're absolutely destroying JPC at Fortnite and you're a kid and you're definitely trying to make him feel bad about it.
Starting point is 00:26:38 Oh, I got you again, damn, I can't believe my Gugamon beat your Bush Ranger. Uh, hold on. Kid, are you, what are you reading off of? Uh, whatever Dr. Sloan, my bandolier just chimered your ruckus mancakes. You have like a random word generator that you're going off of? Uh, nice try. This round I'm going to choose Rap Scalion and I'm going to clock your Castilei Jonesy. What game do you think that we're playing?
Starting point is 00:27:13 I, I, I Google Fortnite characters and there's a list that came up and these are the names of the characters in Fortnite is what- So you think that the characters and their names are the important part of Fortnite? Listen, I, I'm, I'm amazing at this game. I don't know anything about it. Wait, you always changed. How old are you? I thought you were a little kid at first. I'm 10. You're 10. I'm an old soul minus the soul part. Look, man. It's okay. I'll be honest. I'm 33. So if you're if you're an older person, it's fine to be playing for 10 Remember like 15 years ago. There's that little kid with long hair that was like incredibly fucking jacked
Starting point is 00:27:50 How am I like I'm like ahead of my time? I love you remember 15 years ago. That's what I'm saying. Uh cuz TikTok Okay, so TikTok I mean Daddy stop playing your little game mom wanted to come to dinner Sorry, that's my wife. That's my wife. We... That's my wife. She sounds just like my mom. Hold on. Evidence? Evidence, are you in the basement?
Starting point is 00:28:16 Evidence, are you playing fort- you are grounded, sir? Me? Yeah! Why am I grounded? Well, that's- if that's my wife and your mom that you're my son. You understand? And I'm your dad and I'm bad at you and you're grounded. I hate when you come home. Where are my boys? I hate when you come home drunk and then sober up and figure it out. See? See. Oh brother. Where are my boys? If you never have one of
Starting point is 00:28:42 these, that's for the better. You start off counting sheep, then you see Aaron Sweater. Very funny, Sean. You know, polyps. No. If you never have one of these, that's for the better. You start off counting sheep, then you see Aaron Sweater. Testicular torsion. Sean. So, the last answer was...
Starting point is 00:29:01 Fortnite. Fortnite, so this isn't good night's sleep. No. And you don't want this. So this isn't good night's sleep. No. And night's tail. And night's... You don't want this. And night's bite. And night's...
Starting point is 00:29:10 Is this like a horse night admission? Fire instead of a mane. No. You have it night. What's something that you don't want to have while you're sleeping? Well, yes. Oh, except it, but it's nightmare. It's like a horse.
Starting point is 00:29:21 Oh, I said. Nightmare. Oh, JPC. That's what a nightmare is. It's a horse with. Yeah, that's what I said. Nightmare. Oh, JPC. That's what a nightmare is. It's a horse with fire instead of a nightmare. I want to see a scene. Aaron, you have just fallen asleep.
Starting point is 00:29:31 Unfortunately, you ate right before bed, so you are having a visit from a nightmare, which is a horse that comes to you in your dreams. JPC, you are the nightmare. What is it doing here? Ah! Ah! Oh my God. Get out of my bedroom.
Starting point is 00:29:47 What are you? How? You tell me how I get out of your bedroom. Just a bunch of three-point turns. What? I am 800 pounds. That is a-that is a kid's door. Well how did you get in here?
Starting point is 00:30:00 You summoned me by having way too much food and then falling asleep. What? I had three bowls of cereal before bed and then a bunch of spicy leftovers and then six chocolate bars and then four glasses of wine? Where are the parents? That's what I say. Where are the parents? They're on a trip. They're rekindling their marriage. Yeah, well. I would love to be in that dream because that dream sounds fucking fantastic. But you blipped me. What's that? That's a mean. My dream name is nice. It's mean that I want to see your parents have like a lovely time in Bermuda
Starting point is 00:30:28 Yeah, I guess I'm an asshole. Ew you want to like ew These go don't go to my parents leave what you think your parents aren't having sex in Bermuda They they went there to talk no I horse get out of my room you weirdo again. I would love to get out of your room I do not like being here. This room is boring to me. There is no TV in here. Yeah, because that fucks with your sleep
Starting point is 00:30:52 having a TV in your room. Oh, yeah, what do you tell the nightmare horse what fucks with your sleep? Please explain to the nightmare horse what's good and bad for your sleep. Okay, there's a smart nightmare horse. Oh, I know. And the horse that gets summoned when people do sleep wrong.
Starting point is 00:31:07 Okay, I'm sorry, I did sleep wrong nightmare horse. Are you telling me you never have a bunch of horses cereal? Listen, kid, I don't know where you work, can knock the fucking brew out of your head, okay? So don't come to my place of business. Fuck you, man, you have to eat cereal before bed. You don't have nightmares, there isn't an even bigger horse that terrorizes you at night.
Starting point is 00:31:24 I eat nightmare grass. I eat nightmare grass! Have you ever tried to pass nightmare grass out of a horse's anus? Trust me, it cuts your shit up! I wish I was you, kid. I wish I could wear pajamas. You can't wear pajamas? That's so sad. Look at my body! They don't make pajamas for people like me. Can anyone ride you? Oh, can anyone ride me the devil?
Starting point is 00:31:50 I feel bad for that nightmare Nightmare horse has it hard You're out of your depth here. You're bound to get lost where we are you'll find water though. I thought there'd be sauce Merchus Cypriot. No. Merchus Cypriot. Merchus Cypriot. Merchus Cypriot.
Starting point is 00:32:09 Merchus Cypriot. Merchus Cypriot. Merchus Cypriot. Merchus Cypriot. Merchus Cypriot. Merchus Cypriot. Merchus Cypriot. Merchus Cypriot.
Starting point is 00:32:17 Merchus Cypriot. Merchus Cypriot. Merchus Cypriot. Merchus Cypriot. Merchus Cypriot. Merchus Cypriot. Merchus Cypriot. Merchus Cypriot. Merchus Cypriot. Merchus Cypriot. Merchus Cypriot. Merchus Cypriot. where we are. We find water. The Mariana's trench.
Starting point is 00:32:25 You got it. Mmm, the Mariana's trench. I like it better than whole soot's trench. What's the sauce? What's the sauce aspect of that? I thought there'd be sauce? Mariana's sauce. Yeah, what's the sauce aspect?
Starting point is 00:32:34 Oh, marinara. Yeah. Marinara's trench, which works into pasta, which feeds back into our pasta cast. Uh-huh, uh-huh. Thank you to Sean M. Who gave me these riddles. These were an absolute blast. And he said really sweet stuff that I don't want to read to you guys.
Starting point is 00:32:49 Cause I want you to assume that no one likes the podcast so you're working proofs. Excellent. Thank you so much. Sean, I really appreciate these riddles. They're so original and cool. Tag out. Oh, you're it. Ow. You don't tag my throat. We'll be right back to these posters. Hey, GPC. Uh, uh, yeah. You're not in trouble. I just need help.
Starting point is 00:33:25 I'm, um, pranking Adel. And I'm setting up a whole website to prank him. Um, can I just need some advice? This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace. I'm not, I'm not mad at you. We're pranking Adel. Squarespace is the only one website platform for entrepreneurs to stand out and to sit online. Whether you're
Starting point is 00:33:45 just starting out or managing a growing brand, Squarespace makes it easy to create a beautiful website, engage with your audience and sell anything for products that cut into time, all in one place, all on your terms. Hey, Otto, come here. Come here, come here. Hey, what's going on? I actually, I want to prank GPC and I want to set up a whole website to prank him. Do you have anything that like, is there like an online store that could set up on my website to sell products? Did you know that with Squarespace,
Starting point is 00:34:15 you can have custom merch, you can easily sell custom merch and create passive income stream that engages your audience and scales your brand, design your products and production and inventory and shipping are handled for you saving you time and money. What is happening? Okay.
Starting point is 00:34:30 Wait, what's going on with that all? Oh, nothing, nothing. I'm just setting up a very normal Squarespace website, not a prank thing. No, he's gonna tune you. And I'm gonna use analytics. Use insights to grow my business and learn where my site visits and sales are coming from. That's pretty cool. I'm gonna improve my website and build marketing my site visits and sales are coming from. That's pretty cool.
Starting point is 00:34:45 I'm going to improve my website and build marketing strategy based on top keywords, our popular products and content on my Prank website, the Prank site tool. Whoa, that's awesome, Aaron. I'm glad you're using Squarespace. Did you say what the website was for? I can't remember what the website was for. The website was for. Prank.
Starting point is 00:35:00 With Squarespace, you can connect to your store to Vedent Third Party tools to extend the functionality of your website. Hey JPC, hey JPC. What's up, Vattle? I can't believe we pranked Aaron with our little boy routine. Dude, we got her. Anyway, if you want to prank Aaron with your little boy routine, head to squarespace.com for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, go to squarespace.com slash riddle to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Oh, she's back. She's back. Hey, Aaron. Aaron, can we go to grandma's house?
Starting point is 00:35:35 Wait, I've been pranked. But how? I don't know. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Hey, Adel and JPC, thank you for meeting me in the middle of the woods here. I am sort of at an impasse. I can't decide whether or not to go this way or this way. I'm having a hard time choosing a path.
Starting point is 00:35:57 You know, there never truly is a middle of the woods. Isn't it funny to think about something like that? Like, they're never truly a middle of the woods. No, this is the middle. Okay, this is it. Addle, can you help? Yeah, actually. So, as per Robert Frost, I don't know if you know his poems. He has a poem called Better Help. I believe this is written in the 1800s, but it still stands true today more than ever. Aaron, you should try Better Help. Have you heard of this? You've seen this? Mm-hmm. Because sometimes Aaron and life were faced with tough choices and the path forward isn't always clear whether you're dealing with decisions around career
Starting point is 00:36:30 relationships, being stuck in the middle of the woods. Therapy helps you stay connected to what you owl owl. Sorry that also does so fast. Therapy helps you stay connected to what you really want while you navigate life and the woods. And better help is entirely online so it's designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. I've been using it for several years, and it suits the way that my brain works way better than traditional therapy ever did. And when Aaron says traditional therapy, just so everyone's clear, what she means is tricking
Starting point is 00:37:01 two of her friends to coming to the middle of the woods, even though there isn't truly the concept of the middle of the woods, isn't that fun to think about? All you have to do is just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist, and you can switch therapists at any time for no additional charge. Hey, Aaron, GPCs putting down bread crumbs
Starting point is 00:37:18 and then immediately picking them up and eating them. Dirty bread crumbs. Mm. And he's also like really into that owl who's swooping down. Anyways, let there be your map with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash riddle today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp.
Starting point is 00:37:36 H-E-L-P.com slash riddle, R-I-D-D-L-E. R-I-D-D-L-E, the middle of riddles of D, but there is no true middle of riddle because it would be the space Am home Who are we I Clink clink clink excuse me ladies and gentlemen. I just want to make a quick toast to I just want to make a quick toast to, I know it's JPC's birthday and we're all so excited to talk about him, but I want to talk about my favorite, my favorite thing in the world.
Starting point is 00:38:13 And that is the app Rocket Bunny. Oh, yeah, Aaron, that's one of my favorite things as well. Uh-huh. Rocket Bunny is a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions. Monitor your spending and helps you lower your bills all in one place. I've been using it for years way before they were a sponsor and it helps me so much, especially around tax season. Kling, Kling, Kling, Kling, Kling, Kling.
Starting point is 00:38:36 I'm sorry, I also want to give a toast. Rocket money, well quickly and easily find your subscriptions for you and for any you don't want to pay for anymore, just hit cancel and rocket money will cancel it for you. It's that easy. Clint, Clint, Clint. It also categorizes your expenses. So you can easily track your budget in real time and also get alerted if anything looks off.
Starting point is 00:38:57 Over three million, well, Clint, Clint, Clint, over three million people have used rocket money, saving the average person up to $720 a year. We love rock. Stop. Stop. No, click, click, click, stop.
Starting point is 00:39:12 Throwing your money away, cancel unwirted subscriptions today and manage your expenses the easy way by going to rocket money.com slash riddle. That's rocket money.com slash riddle rock at money dot com slash riddle and tell them JPC's birthday got ruined by two of his friends for doing speeches about rocket money the website I love you rocket money Man, Nikadiy I feel like a woman. Oh. Da, da, da, da, da, pasta. Okay, so just, I just Googled it.
Starting point is 00:39:49 International pasta day is actually Tuesday, October 25th. Oh, you fucked. Are you serious? You fucked us. Why idiots? I don't know why I thought it was January 19th. I have no idea why. I guess I guess.
Starting point is 00:40:02 I took it again. Oh, we look so dark. I would say egg in our face, but that's gonna remind me of pasta, so I'm not even to say that. October 25th, why would they make pasta day so close to Halloween? Two very similar days if you think about it. Did you look up international pasta day before the podcast? Or you just assumed it was? I just assumed. Okay, you know what happens when you assume? You get it wrong.
Starting point is 00:40:18 You fuck it up. Well, the good news is today is actually national gun appreciation. I'm not sure if you're going to be able to do it. I'm not sure if you're going to be able to do it. I'm not sure if you know what happens when you assume you get it wrong you fuck it up Well the good news is today is actually national gun appreciation day So happy holidays to everyone for that Hold on it's also national pop court in day and national new friends day Oh, I cannot believe that national gun appreciation Day shares a day with popcorn and new friends.
Starting point is 00:40:47 That sucks. One of these things is not like the other. Okay. Okay. Man, you know what, everybody appreciate your guns today and how much they ruin the world. Make new friends but shoot the old one is popcorn and the other is cold. What better way to celebrate today than taking a cop's gun and cover a good popcorn.
Starting point is 00:41:09 Don't do that. I gotta say don't do that, okay? Obviously, but if you are a cop, cover your own gun and popcorn away. That's not breaking anybody's laws. Is this something, what if there is a gun that shot little kernels and when you fire the gun,'m gonna pop corn or anything. That's not breaking anybody's laws. Is this something, what if there was a gun that shot little kernels, and when you fire the gun, they just pop in a popcorn,
Starting point is 00:41:29 and then they float slowly into your mouth? My uncle had a gun that shot kernels, and I think he shot four of them, and then he was executed for treason. Ha ha ha ha ha. Pretty fun wordplay. Uh huh, that's nice. All right, this riddle comes from Tim Medlin,
Starting point is 00:41:46 uh, PS Feel Free to use my name. Ladies, man. PPS. Oh, this is so weird. I didn't read this part. I didn't read this part. I'm reading this riddle at all. It's so weird.
Starting point is 00:41:55 I introduced my wife to the show, and now I think she's in love with Aaron. Weird. It's not why I'm reading this one. Kind of fun that you just cherry pick ones at the end. It's so random, right? Addle, so random. Weird, you guys.
Starting point is 00:42:10 The person that's trying to open up their marriage with a podcast, with a comedy podcast. You're what? Me? You're what? Things are, oh, Tim. Random. All right, this is different.
Starting point is 00:42:24 Random! Alright, this is different. Um, so Miss Suzy Johnson and Miss Susan Smith are a hundred percent identical twins. One day, Suzy and won the lottery, but her twins stole the ticket and Suzy's ID and tried to cash it in. Okay. Fortunately, the person who originally sold Su the ticket noticed something was off and called her to confirm her identity before Susie could make off with the winnings. How did they guess Susie wasn't really her sister? Different names. Yeah, different names. Once I you I you clever, but at the very top of the rental you said what has the last of jaw said and what has the last of Smith?
Starting point is 00:43:04 So that's. But she stole her ID. I like that whatever state this lottery is in, they're just like, okay, I just need to see a picture. Oh, no, no, no ID, just a picture. Okay, that looks close enough to what I say. Well, they don't need the ID. They, there is an ID.
Starting point is 00:43:18 But I thought you said they had different names. They do have different names. She stole her ID. She stole. One day, Susan won the lottery, but her twin stole the ticket and Susan's ID and tried to cash it in. Well, I'm sorry, but there's nothing we can do.
Starting point is 00:43:31 Oh. Because you have the same face, and it's a valid ID, so it's not the lottery's problem. Is it that one of them, the one who stole the ticket, clearly, you could just tell in her eyes, she wasn't an organ donor. I love that answer.
Starting point is 00:43:48 That's not what it is, but wow. There's just, you know, sometimes you're out to eat and you see somebody treated way to a certain way and you're like, they're not an organ donor. Clearly. I think that you're right. There's something to that. That is true. How was your date? I don't know. I could just tell he wasn't an organ donor. Would that be a deal, break free, if you would have someone who wasn't an organ donor? Here's my thing. If I was like, oh, you're not an organ donor and they're like, oh, I guess I just never thought to do it. I guess I should be an organ donor.
Starting point is 00:44:17 I'd be like, okay, that's fine. Maybe it was a confusing thing. Everybody wants to get out of B and B. There's some people who have certain health problems that they're not supposed to put organ donor on their ID or be an organ donor because of like blood conditions and other such things. Yeah. Okay. I want to see a scene. Obviously. So Adel, you are going to be basically you've been like japanoed in the life. And you're, I've been japanoed into life. A japano, a japano made you into life. You are a boy who has been turned into you. You've been Jepetto, Adel.
Starting point is 00:44:48 Huh, I understand what I'm saying. You've been Jepetto. Friend, I just have to say, I just need a second to catch up. I've just never heard Jepetto used as a verb. I just needed five seconds to catch my breath. You've been friends with JBC for 25 years and that you didn't get that right away.
Starting point is 00:45:03 Oh, little Jepred Mani, you got fucking jupettos. So Adel, you've been jupettos. You were made of wood, you got turned into a real man. And now Aaron, you work at the BMV or DMV, whichever state you're in, for me, I say BMV, but I think in Illinois it's the DMV. You work at the DMV, you're trying to convince him to be an organ donor and you don't want to give away
Starting point is 00:45:24 that you have been jupettos in the life, so you're trying to convince him to be an organ donor and you don't want to give away that you have been japan in the life So you're trying to like talk your way out of being an organ donor Great photo looks great. Um, I just need a couple more things. I just need your eye color Garge, I just can't believe it. I'm a real driver Right, I'm so glad that you're excited. Congratulations on passing the test. I just need that eye color and the other eye color. Your organ is matte finish. Matt, that's interesting.
Starting point is 00:45:52 Sorry, that's my name. My name is Matthew Fannish. Yes, of course. It looks to me that your eyes are sort of a, ooh, very. It's a wooden brown. A wooden brown, great. And you're an organ donor, I assume?
Starting point is 00:46:06 Should I put that down? Tipety type type. Oh, just don't, don't tipety type just yet. Can I think about it? Or can we talk through it? Yeah. In order for me to give you your ID today, I wouldn't need an answer soon.
Starting point is 00:46:20 There's a huge line behind you. Oh, I didn't even see it. Let me grab this string to turn my head around 360 and back to the front can I ask you a question yeah I'm gonna say you want to keep this moving I'll try if I were to say yes to organ donning and what did you call organ donating and say someone I die and someone takes my organ that organ gets put in their body, their body rejects it because it's,
Starting point is 00:46:46 I don't know, hypothetically, wood, and then they die. Am I in trouble? Am I culpable? Well, a couple of things, I don't think you could be in trouble after you die. It's all like you can be brought back to life.
Starting point is 00:46:58 I can never die. So, yeah, you would, I mean, sir, I mean, everyone dies. And this is just, so you could save another life are truly multiple lives You can save like up to eight multiple lives. Wow. That's so many dolls in the workshop Oh I count dolls in the workshop. Sorry sir. Do you see that woodpecker on you? Oh? Yeah, that's my dick. Oh, I would appreciate you don't stare at it. Oh's like I'm bringing you to life
Starting point is 00:47:45 I'm not gonna give you a human dick though No way you'll abuse it. You still get the woodpecker Can we all agree that Aaron made a delicious lemon cream pie and laid it on the windowsill of my brain? I am not a big I laid nothing nowhere nothing. I did nothing. Sorry. Can you never Don't taste this delicious cream pie. Aaron put up a big side that said, don't fuck this pie.
Starting point is 00:48:08 And you're a pie fucker. We all know what we're gonna do. That's true. Okay. I got a pie fucker. Can you pie me? Uh, some extra information. Neither twin has any visible tattoos,
Starting point is 00:48:18 piercing or scars that might give away their identity. You wanna know how I got these visible scars? You want to know how I got these tattoos? Okay. So, and who who solved this? It's the person who sold them the ticket solved it? Yeah, the person who was the one that you go and cash in with didn't believe that it was her and called to make sure.
Starting point is 00:48:50 Called who? Called Suzy. How do you have the number? I'm sorry to confirm my identity before Suzy. He called Suzy and he called Suzy. Hypothetically, you have to give your phone number. So this fucking idiot gave her sister's phone number when she's impersonating her sister. Why wouldn't she just give her a phone number?
Starting point is 00:49:09 So she bought it. When she bought the ticket, she gave her phone number. You got to give her a phone number to buy a lottery ticket? Just pretend! No! Can I get this dollar scratch off? Yeah, I just need your soap and a phone number. Hey!
Starting point is 00:49:23 By the way, here's what's happening. If you're a woman and you go to a gas station and you try to buy a lottery ticket and the dude selling you the tickets, like, hey, I'm gonna need your phone number. Do not give your phone number. You will get text messages from this guy. He is not an official.
Starting point is 00:49:41 Can I double down on that? I think from now on, nobody give your phone number to a man ever again. Okay? From this moment forward, we're never giving our phone numbers. You know what? Don't give anyone your phone number or your email ever again. Be unreachable. I love that for you.
Starting point is 00:49:57 I don't need to talk to you or call you. You're fine. Everyone relax. Normalize giving a fake number to everyone. Anyone you meet, 10 digits off the note, that's your number. Everyone relaxed normalize giving a fake number to everyone Anyone you meet ten digits off the dope that's your number T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T. Can we get a bit of all? If you're working at the gas station and you know, whatever the lottery ticket guy, it is not your job to catch the fucking criminals. Leave that to somebody else, man.
Starting point is 00:50:30 Just sell the tickets and clock out, bro. But, hypathetic, it doesn't even, the phone call doesn't matter at all. He just, what matters is he didn't believe the identity. The phone call doesn't matter at all. Was one of them pregnant? No, but you're sort of on the right track. Oh, was one of them visibly having sex?
Starting point is 00:50:49 Kind of, yeah. Kind of. Sort of on the right track. She was, one of them was making out with her partner. No. Okay. There's a visual indicator that you might be having regular stuff, yes.
Starting point is 00:51:03 Suzy was wearing a wedding ring. Well, or Suzy was wearing a wedding ring while, or Suzy was wearing a wedding ring while Susan was unmarried. Although all of a sudden, so the guy who asked for the phone number was clocking wedding rings too? Yeah, this dude is trash. This guy's trying to fuck married women, and that is his whole MO, and that's what's going on.
Starting point is 00:51:23 Yeah, who would try to do that Tim? Here's my number for EO life. Fuck married women and kill them. Tim, thank you for the riddle and thank you for your wife for liking me. That's really nice and I appreciate it. Next riddle. Are we ready? Yeah, we're ready.
Starting point is 00:51:43 You guys just looked like you had frozen for a second. Are we ready? Yeah, we're just going on. Yeah, okay. You guys just looked like you had frozen for a second. But really, you didn't have any feelings in your numb. Let's go. Hey, all I wanted to thank you for all the riddles and laughs and recommendations on Patreon newsletter. So that's nice. Oh, thank you guys.
Starting point is 00:52:00 Oh, thank you. So these are from Candace, by the way. Well, actually, Aaron, that thank you wasn't for you. So because you don't give recommendations on the Patreon newsletter. No, not really. So I just want you to know that that thank you is it for you? It's for Adela and I. Okay, well then, I'm not going to read this for you anymore because I want all the riddles to have a little something about me and them, huh?
Starting point is 00:52:18 Well, I'm just saying you got yours for the last one because that guy's wife wanted to fuck you. I sometimes give recommendations. Remember, I also wrote an entire Patreon thing about where I do all my vintage shopping, and I've talked about like two TV shows before. My, if people, here's a little inside baseball. Anytime Aaron doesn't send recommendations to post to the newsletter,
Starting point is 00:52:41 I created a character called Trump, who will show up and just say whatever and I think two months ago I did a shrump thing and then JPC and I had recommendations and somebody in the comments said So is Aaron not posting recommendations and I was like I don't know how to answer this It's Trump. Oh, you not like Trump's recommendations. I'm gonna leave it up. I'm like the newsletter supposed to Wait guys Trump is here. Here's Trump. Hey everybody, I'm Trump.
Starting point is 00:53:09 I'm finally here on one of the recordings. I'm the backup member. I'm the understudy for Hey Riddle Real. I understudy all three people. I can do their voices perfectly. Trump, do JPC. Okay. Hey, it's do JPC. Okay. Hey, it's me JPC. Uh, does anyone have a cousin for my horse to fuck? Wolf, not very good, Trump. Do me. I know. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm a little too gutter. Oh, here I do.
Starting point is 00:53:37 Hey, this is Adderify. Do do do do. I'm a circus boy. I'm flying in the sky Incredible, Trump. I was way better. Trump. Trump do Aaron Hi, oh my gosh, this is so weird Is your wife in love with me? Zubzorp You can I say perfect Except you did not stick the landing. Aaron, that was me. That was me.
Starting point is 00:54:06 Trump left it, I did a me impression. Okay, I was gonna tell Trump, it's really not okay to do comically high pitched voices when you're doing women characters because that's not how women sat. No, that was you. Ooh! B-b-b-b-b!
Starting point is 00:54:23 Oh no, that's a car alarm. That's a sexy car. Yeah, that's a car alarm. That's a car alarm. That's like a female road runner, I believe. Me, me, me. Okay, ready? By the way, Candace got this, which is, this made me laugh out loud. From the inscrutable riddle of the weak board at my gym. So Candice's gym writes a riddle of the weak on a board.
Starting point is 00:54:51 I thought Candice went to your gym and I was like, Aaron, you have to stop being so up front about your life because it sounds like people are coming up to you at shows. They're trying to get their wife to fuck you. I don't go to a gym. Are you kidding? What a waste of time.
Starting point is 00:55:07 No, gyms are great. I think I've never been in one. I'm in the office. If someone saw Aaron at a gym, they'd be like, I'm sorry, remember you looking for a hospital? You're gonna be on a emergency room? Oh yeah, I am. Listen, lady, I told you, we don't sell hot dogs.
Starting point is 00:55:22 You go to the bed. I go into the LA fitness by my house every day, and I ask them if I can have a hot dog to go. And they always say no. And you say, I want to be LA fitness hot dog in my mouth. Aaron's favorite machine at the gym is the dialysis machine. Oh! Oh!
Starting point is 00:55:41 Sorry, my computer just said it's about to die. Give me one second. Aaron can do 200 pounds on the Pneeny press. Okay, more of these, more of these. More of these, okay. Okay, what other? Okay, and the machines are there. There's machines, but we don't,
Starting point is 00:55:56 that's gonna be weird. Okay, so there's like a rowing machine. The rowing machine. The rowing machine, that's gonna be something. Rowing machine versus waiting machine. Rowing. And that can send. Row, yes, Mr. Bean. Mr. Bean. Okay, so for counter. rowing machine that's gonna be something uh rowing machine versus waiting machine uh rowing napkinson royes mr. Bean okay so be counter uh salsa uh salsa lead okay okay so it's encyclical just word associate yogurt we're doing big from yogurt that yogurt that that yogurt's
Starting point is 00:56:19 ruined it's so hot what a big room oh yeah we bought time. Don't worry. Yeah, don't worry. No, it has seemed to happen. No, please don't worry. I'm gonna hear this. Okay. Kasey said few. Okay. Good men.
Starting point is 00:56:32 Sometimes I am born of silence. Other times, no. I am unseen, but I make my presence known. I harm no one, but I am unpopular with all. What am I? You are silent. I was born in it. No. Once again, we're doing bane impressions no matter the year. What am I? Ben, how do you partner John Wayne here? Where's it John Bain?
Starting point is 00:57:07 John Bain? John Bain, Grycey, John Macy's beautiful window display. Do you have the cowboy in the Vita Bay? It's not Bain. Bain can't be the answer because Bain hurts people and this said that they don't hurt nobody. Yeah, but it's unpopular. But Batman's not a nobody.
Starting point is 00:57:24 Can you read it one more time please. But Batman's not a nobody. Can you read it one more time please? Mm-hmm. Sometimes I am born of silence, other times no. I am unseen, but I make my presence known. I harm no one, but I am unpopular with all whatever. I got it, I got it. I got it.
Starting point is 00:57:38 It's a fucking fart. No, this is the guy at the gym who goes to lift the way to go, ugh. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. It's that guy. This is the guy into the gym. I stepped foot forward to open the door for someone who had their hands full and then I stepped on your way.
Starting point is 00:58:10 Okay, JBC, I have two times in the last six months use Sean's guest pass at his gym. And I walked on the treadmill and responded to Instagram messages. So how dare you? I heard you talking to Sean. I'm a Texan. I'm a Texan. What? How dare you suggest I haven't gone to the gym when I do a two-speed walk on no
Starting point is 00:58:31 incline at the gym twice in six months. And I'll have you know, GPC, that for Christmas I bought Gemma, a Peloton, and I have watched her use that several times. I would like to see a scene. What was I thinking with you? Adel, you are a guy at the gym and JPC, your guy who's never been to a gym, but you're trying to seem like you're an expert right away. Gotcha.
Starting point is 00:58:56 Are you using this machine over here? Yeah, yeah. I am using the machine, but you know what? Let me just towel it off, give it a quick spritz after you towel and go ahead. It's all yours, my man. I am all done using it. I was just curious because you're standing on top of it and I just didn't know if you were...
Starting point is 00:59:14 I didn't know what's going on. I'm just scouting out my next machine. I'm just trying to get a better view so I can kind of... Yeah, exactly a bird's eye. Because this one obviously I've just worked out my glutes and Now I got to move on to my to a little lower in the body. Oh, I'm sorry. Did you say your glutes?
Starting point is 00:59:33 I don't know if I'm familiar with that muscle group or is that you just a glips? I'm not familiar with glips That what you said I must have I did watch Charlie to chocolate factory this morning So I must have had a you must have what did you assume that I said that sounds close to that? I thought you're talking about your glutes exactly. That's what I said. Okay, so I you must have assumed that I said something that doesn't make any sense Because of the thing that you said of the movie you were watching. Yeah, I was on my glutes on this one So gonna move on to my I'm gonna should go. You know what? Yeah what to my arms I'm just gonna do arms next oh nice how much do you uh upward by sub curl can I spot you by the way oh oh 20 well thank you well that's I that'll buy my gym bus you the nice part of tell that I thought. Yeah, can I spot you at all?
Starting point is 01:00:26 Yeah, close your eyes. Count to five. And then just get, well, maybe kind of, no five. Five is good, I gotta place it by. One, two, three, four, five. You're standing on the same machine. Yeah, I thought I could climb up from this, but I think when I was looking at it, it felt like that was gonna be more up, but it's pretty much... Anyway, you caught me.
Starting point is 01:00:51 You're fun, man. Do you want to do some burpees? Here, you lead. You lead. Uh, you know what? I actually can't do burpees because I have acid reflunks. And so I can't... I acid reflunks? I've flunked it a couple of times. Oh, I can't... I can't I can't reflunks. I've flunked it a couple of times. Oh, I can't I can't I can't let it get yeah You so is that like you fun chemistry is that what you're trying to say acid reflunks?
Starting point is 01:01:10 Yeah, I guess though. I mean, it's been a while. Hey, you know what what why don't you and I why don't you and I hit the elliptical machine, huh? Get the whole Olympics and one workout. Oh, how about it? I don't know if I know about this machine. You can only use it every four years or? Buddy, stick with me and you're gonna know a lot of stuff by the end of the day. What was your name again, friend? Shunk.
Starting point is 01:01:36 Shunk? Shunk corn? Your name is Shunk corn? Shunk corn. Sorry, I was eating a newter game. Shunk corn. Your name is Shunk corn Hahaha. Shark Corn. Sorry. Sorry, I was eating a newtogane. Shark Corn. Your name's Shark Corn. Uh huh. Perfect.
Starting point is 01:01:48 Shark, stick with me. My name is Bobby Peppers. Hahaha. And you, by the end of today's workout, you're gonna be more swole and more sweaty than you've been in your entire life. And that's the Bobby Peppers guarantee. This I like.
Starting point is 01:02:02 Hahaha. This I like. And then I look my eyes from your toes to the top of your head of the back down to your toes This I like and then sharks are to circle you and he can't stop moving her and or he'll die What else what else what else about you guys we closed 15 minutes ago? Can you get out? Oh did you mean did you mean to say? 15 minutes ago. Can you get out? Oh did you mean to did you mean to say Nope, I think we should keep this okay, hey Bobby do you want to grab a drink?
Starting point is 01:02:36 Yes, and I know a spot you broke all the equipment We cut to a local bar where Bobby and Shark Take a seat. No, you mean see she said it okay? I guess we don't cut to that local bar where Bobby and Shark are gonna hang out people are gonna be pissed like I'll see that in 10 episodes yeah 10 episodes later Sorry, um anything to put oh the answer was fart of course. Oh Good job, you got it was fart might make more sense in the context of it. It doesn't So Anything to plug at all
Starting point is 01:03:07 I feel like I had something but I forgot to write it down. So I'm gonna say floor Good new floors well here's mine. I mean right off the dome twitch.tv saw shark park when I'm over there playing video games You can come over and check it out. Aaron, do you have anything to plug? Yes. I have a new podcast that I've been working on for over a year called sitcom D&D. You can follow it on Twitter at sitcom D&D
Starting point is 01:03:37 and Instagram on sitcom D&D. It is like a real-play D&D podcast, record in front of a fake studio audience, where each episode is self-contained and follows a classic sitcom formula. I think Dungeons & Datties meets Cheers or New Girl. It's so fun. I'm really excited for it to come out. It comes out like the second week of February. So follow along if you want to be updated on that.
Starting point is 01:04:00 That's awesome. Happy POS today, everybody. Happy Pasta Day. Well, happy Guns popcorn and new friends day. Yes, yes. What's up from now on January 19th is Hey Riddle Riddle Pasta Appreciation Day. I think that's pretty good. I'll give you one better.
Starting point is 01:04:18 What if on January 19th every year Pasta appreciates us? I would like it for one day in the year. If Pasta says something nice about me, I say nice stuff about Pasta almost every day. I'd love to hear one compliment back. You say nice stuff about Pasta almost every single day. Spaghetti about a JPC, it's Chinatown. You think the guy who has a dog named Spaghetti doesn't say nice things about pasta every day. Oh, I messed up I put a pie on your window and you fuck up. I
Starting point is 01:04:50 Don't tell a nightmare horse how to do their job Forever you got it. It's forget about it! You're in the most deep before, hey, with the brick, you you get out for your episodes for $8 a month. See you there. BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

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