Hey Riddle Riddle - #187: Edge of the Couch w/ Elizabeth Andrews

Episode Date: February 16, 2022

This week we are joined by the amazing Elizabeth Andrews from SitcomDnD! No need to get your mind out of the gutter-we have some spicy listener submitted riddles for you! We also have a volunteer at a magic show, a couple of mice, and a very blessed firehouse. If you’re a billionaire please fund our idea of “Sex Toy Story.” Thanks! Starring: Adal Rifai John Patrick Coan Erin Keif Special Guest Elizabeth Andrews Editing by:  Casey Toney Theme by:  Arne Parrott Logo by:  Emily Kardamis & Emmaline Morris Want more? Get Weekly Bonus Eps on Patreon! Want merch? Visit our TeePublic Store! or pins, buttons & prints Want to advertise on the show? Check out Hey Riddle Riddle via Gumball.fmSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is a headgun podcast. So a few seconds of silence and then we'll be all good. Okay, that'll do it. Thank you so much. Thank you. All right, Elizabeth, great having you on. Again, this episode comes out on a six. She's waving.

Okay, by casing. Sorry. He comes back, right? No, no, no, no. No's waving. Okay, by KC. Sorry. He comes back, right? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, he's that. That was a pre-record from 2017. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

Uh. It was the cabin of a airplane. He's captain with a hot screen. And the horse is a Friday. Let's see. One, two, three, four, one. One, two, three, four, one. One, two, three, four, one.

One, two, three, four, one. One, two, three, four, one. Hey, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, I have one. Oh, please. I have one and when I, there'll be a part where you can, what do I want to say? Hey, Adel, don't you worry about that. You don't, no, I do not even worry about it. JPC, he has to say don't fuck up my bit. He's asking us to not fuck up his bit.

There'll be a part where it's almost like a rhetorical question, almost immediately, and I want you both to say no to it. Okay, gotcha. You didn't have to tell me because I wouldn't have any way, but JPC, Aaron and Keith, you both to say no to it. Okay gotcha you're gonna have to tell me because I wouldn't have it anyway But JPC and you you riddlers. No What no? Come on man Wait a second hold on wait. I can't be the asshole here before we started recording you said

Go with this and say no almost immediately. I'm gonna ask a rhetorical. We're gonna restart this Oh, okay, I'm sitting up my desk and I'm gonna ask a rhetorical we're gonna restart this. Oh, okay. I'm sitting up My desk and I'm listening so good battle by the way Not restarting this I don't know what I'm not a fucking college graduate I don't know what this eight dollar word rhetorical beads, but I did exactly as I was told to do So you think a rhetorical question is when somebody says, there it goes again, there it goes again with this $14 college word. JPCs acting like a 24 year old boy

who just realized that sometimes improv is not just about yes and it can be no but. It can be, it can, first of all, I did nothing wrong. I were fused to acknowledge that. Hi, Ritalis, what were you about to say, Ado? Huh? What were you gonna say? I was gonna say, JPC, Aaron Keefe, Riddlers. Okay.

This mission should you choose to accept it and then I was hoping you would both say we don't and I would be like, oh, will you wanna hear the mission and you both go, nope, we're good. Something like that. How is that effectively different from what I did? Let's try it. Both ideas, we don't hear the mission.

Sort of like a Charlie's Angels, but like you're both not into it. We got it, let's start over, we got it. Okay, okay, this podcast. Okay. JPC. I'm blonde. Huh? I'm blonde.

James blonde? I got it. I know my name. You know what? When I was first going through improv, this is my level one class of improv. There was a 16 year old that I think you were supposed to be 18 in class, but they allowed this kid. But 16 of the streets.

It's exact. They allowed the 16 year old guy to take classes and he vied for power at every single scene to where literally week two week two he literally played Metal God with a gun. He's like I'm God. I'm made of metal and then he pulled out a handgun Okay, he sounds like he's awesome and good at improv Hey, I hear a baby and the class was crying laughing, but not for the reasons he thought. That's so funny because every under, like 18 or around that age person I ever had in classes was like meek and shy.

And they were like, they always like held back. So it's so funny to be 16, to be like, in a class where I'm like 22 year olds, a 24 year olds to be like, nope, I'm going for it. Yeah, and this is, I mean, the class was like, 80 Bryant was at her class. It was stacked with talent. And this guy had the confidence

of a God made of metal holding a gun. That's incredible. What is a job now? I don't know. I'm truly don't want to blow up any spot, but I did a class where I think that this person was still in high school, but they were 18. Dang garbage man.

Sorry, JVZ good. They were still in high school, but they were 18. They were get that? Sorry, JVC, go ahead. They were still in high school, but they were 18. They were taking a level one, or maybe it was like a level two class, but they were in class, and they were sitting in the front row, and in the back row, before class were starting, there were two women in class who were in their early 20s, but one of them was sharing a hookup story

like with the other woman, and it's just like telling her about how she had sex with someone the other night. And this guy was sitting right in front good great for her this guy was sitting right in front of them and his face was like beat red but they couldn't see they couldn't see him but he was like very reserved very like very high school very sheltered just listening to this like kind of raunchy story and I was just I was laughing so hard inside but I was like I think I got to start class like seven minutes early

Just to like save this guy This guy for hearing the rest of the story Some pre warm warm up That's how to find that stupid seat and I'm Aaron Keith and welcome to Hey Riddle Riddle We're good there you We have a guest today. I don't want to wait anymore. I cannot wait. She is one of my best friends in the whole world,

one of the funniest people that's ever walked the planet and I think most people would agree. Her name is Elizabeth Andrews. Hi, Elizabeth. Thank you for being here. Hey guys, it's really nice to be here. Thanks for having me. Thanks for being on, Elizabeth. We are exact to have you here.

Lizard, let me ask you, when Aaron introduced you as one of her best friends and then said that you're one of the funniest people, did that kind of undercut it? Because in my opinion, if it's like, hey, this is Adam or Fai, I love the guy to death, he's also very funny. It's like, yeah, you know the guy, of course, that's what you're, that's your boy. Yeah. She's, she's being kind of territorial about it. I'm sorry.

Honestly. Yeah, I guess. I'm sorry. She's my best friend, but I'm not her best friend. She may, I have to say that. I'm not her best friend. She's my best friend. Okay, sorry.

I'm gonna try it. Hey, everybody, this is Elizabeth Andres. I don't know her for me. I never fucking met this person. One of the funniest people I've in the five minutes. One of the funniest people I've ever met. I don't fucking know him.. I never fucking met this person. One of the funniest people, I've in the five minutes, one of the funniest people I've ever met. I don't fucking know him. Yeah, I'm in funny.

Yeah, that's definitely I can deliver too. You're really like hyping me up hot. And it's like, here I come. Hello listeners. I remember in a hangout context, I once introduced someone to someone else. And I said, this is blank, blank, this is one of my best friends and my friend goes, you still say best friends.

I'm like, oh, I guess I should stop using that term after the age of six. I would have burst into tears. I say one of my best friends. So it really gives people the illusion that I got lots going on. One of a bevy, one of a bevy of besties. At all, first of all, I think that you can still say best friends. I think that that person was completely... You were the guy who did it. Yeah, well, in the moment, it made more sense for me

to kind of cut everybody else down, trying to elevate myself. You understand me in the king of a social situation, right? I'm shit, I think it's my business, you guys. You understand me in the king of a social situation, right? I'm a shit, I think, is why I'm this. You guys. You have to climb on top of your friends to get to the top of the social pile. Don't you understand?

Chris, what happens? Adelaide introduces me to her friend. I turn around and shoot Adelaide. And I say, I'm the king of friends now. I'm the king of friends. I just, a spot just opened up for my new friend who wants to take it. All of the movie Captain Phillips.

So Elizabeth. Oh yeah. What is your relationship with riddles and puzzles? Did you like sort of lateral thinking problems growing up? Yeah, I knew you were gonna ask me this. And I got to say. It breaks the reality. I knew you were gonna ask me.

So I have my papers. No, I was like, what would I say if they asked me this, and this is what I would say, is I think Riddles, my relationship with them, they piss me off. They're like magic. There's a level of dupery that I do not appreciate. I don't know if I've ever heard the term level of dupery that I do not appreciate. I don't know if I've ever heard the term level of dupery, but I'm now absolutely going to use it in every new life.

That's, every day. That's wild, Adel, because you and I saw you and me in dupery together. It was really sad when the dog dupery does. It's the way to know it. Oh, I forgot about duperree Dog going down. Dupree Dog died at the end of the movie. Elizabeth, I know what you mean. Magic makes me mad too and riddles.

But for your 28th birthday party, we went to a magic show. I needed to stare it straight on. I needed, I'm not needed to stare it straight on. I needed I'm not gonna be afraid of it. I'm not sure. Yeah, and you saw me there. The man came by and did close up magic and I told him. I told him what I thought. Elizabeth, I admire. I agree with you 100% on facing your fears. That's why I at 22 fucked a clown. While they were in clown, hurry. At the circus in front of all three rings that's so weird that you were afraid of that at all because every woman that you've ever

been with also fucked a cloud he's a king of friendship wait wait what's going on yeah what were you actually scared of I blacked out for a minute wait I can I ask Elizabeth you said that you told that close-up magician, what was what? What did you say to this person? You just be like, hey, your art forms bullshit, it doesn't impress me. Like, what did you do? He finished with a close-up magic trick, and I said, I hate you. Yeah, he really did do that.

But I said it in a way, I hope was like I loved and hate you because they won't they'll never tell you how they didn't no matter how much you ask. And here's my relationship with riddles is my uncle every summer when I saw him he'd have a riddle and he would ask give me'd have a riddle. And he would ask, give me and my sisters a riddle. And then I would never be able to figure it out. And I would always ask him, tell us, just tell us. Just tell us the answer. And he'd be like, no, no, no.

That's just ruined the magic of a riddle. He was like, grow up, he just, yeah. Just causing it to me. True, like making my mind, it makes me so mad. It makes my blood boil. I feel like every, everything anyone hates starts with a family instance. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. And that tone. No, no, no, no. No, no, no. You have to figure it out yourself. My uncle, Mike, everyone has one and every summer I'd see him. We would pack up the car, drive 12 hours down to California from Washington State, and we'd go, Uncle Mike, what's the riddle this year?

And then he would tell us, and then, in a year. Yeah, well, we only saw him once again. For good reason, because he kept doing this. Yeah. And no, he was he kept doing this. Yeah. And no, he was not a troll under a bridge. Elizabeth, I worked for a magician very briefly in doing magic shows. And so I got to, excuse me, getting emotional.

Yeah, yeah. You cried. So I got to learn how a lot of the tricks were done. And now I do a riddle podcast. So I get to also learn how a lot of the riddles are written and I gotta say on both accounts, not that impressive to know. Not as cool knowing how any of it works as you would think. So don't worry about it, you're really not missing out on a bunch. But don't you, but don't you feel good and mighty knowing the answer? No, nothing. I'm going to walk around with the feeling you're describing most days anyway, so it's like

I can't get it twice. Oh yeah. I like to, anytime someone does close up magic for me, I do one of two things. Either I like to be super impressed and like gasp and applaud way before I'm supposed to like add something to the trick. Yeah. And they always get very annoyed with me, which is totally fair, but I think it's very funny. Yeah, and they always get very annoyed with me, which is totally fair, but I think I think it's very funny Good, or the other thing I will do is once they're done

I'll just look them dead in the eyes try not give any give away any expression and then just go Devils work and walk away are you guys this just occurred to me are we the bullies? Are we the back guys oh? Are we the bullies? Are we the bad guys? Oh, are we? Are we the bullies? No, I definitely, I definitely, I definitely, yeah. Casey went through that two facts. Our symbol is a scone, crossbones. Are we the bullies? Oh my god.

Casey's back. But when I see close-up magic, I'm always like, oh, that was great, great job. Congratulations. I don't believe that for a fucking second. I went to the magic castle. I saw one of the best close-up magicians I've ever seen in my life. And I was with the...

Oh my god, they let you in there? A friend of a friend close-up magicians I've ever seen in my life. And I was with the... Oh my god, are they watching in there? A friend of a friend who was a magician who was the one who got us in. And I told him I was like, man, that was so impressive. And my friend of a magician goes, I have no idea how he does it. And I was like, you're a magician.

Like you, he's like, I know how he does most of it, but that finishing trick that he does. That's what I'm telling you. No idea. And I'm like, that's impressive. That's right, Paul. That is a refined craft. Like idea. And I'm like, that's impressive. To me, it's like refined craft. Like that is, yeah, again, I only have known like one magician

as a friend of mine, but the amount of practice that he put into doing magic was insane to me. Yeah, our spent is insane. Mm-hmm. I used to do, when I was like, between the ages of maybe 10 and 14, I did a lot of magic. Like I practiced a lot of magic and I'd like love to learn tricks and like buy stuff. And I will say the coolest trick I had was with the deck of cards.

And the secret to it all was there's one card that was magnetized. Oh, no. See, oh my god, I never knew that. And nobody can figure out how the trick I would show them was done. And because no one thinks that you could like, no one thinks like, oh, clearly there's a very thin magnet in that one playing card. So. Well, I mean, I won't give away any magic tricks,

but a lot of the times it's also like the person who's designing the illusion that really like, uh, spatially what are I see versus what space actually exists? It's all, like, it is, like, angles and stuff like that. So, I used to do shows and, like, human beings that I know would, like, slide into the tiniest little, what looked like the tiniest spaces, but then when I would look at the spaces, I would be like, oh, like, you can actually just,

you can put your whole body in there, and it's not that uncomfortable. And it is weird. It is weird how much of a mathematics trick it is to fit people into an area and then make that area look small. What about the ones? These are the ones that really get me going. Are the ones where they're like,

oh, give me your wedding ring and they tie it to a balloon and then it flies away and then they're like, but look right around your ear. And then they're like, is this your wedding ring? And they're like, yeah. And I'm like, how? Or when they're like, they're like, what am I thinking? And then they're able to know. I'm like, that's freaks the freaky jeek. I don't like it when they float.

Aaron, you're thinking of it. Oh, yeah. Okay. I like to see a scene. I'd like to see a scene. Elizabeth, if you don't mind, you are going to be a audience volunteer at a, it's not a magician. What is it called? Not a fortune teller. What's it called when they're like, we hit not hypnotist a mentalist. When someone like, oh, my list turned to a page in the book and I'm gonna tell you what letter you turn to or something. Is that mentalist? It may be, but it's also a huge issue.

There's an other issue in that as well. Yeah, yeah. So you're a magician who specializes in like reading people's minds. Who is? You are. Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh, it's not me. It's not me. Okay, guys, you've flunked that test. So JPC, you're trying to read Elizabeth's mind, but this is your first day as a mentalist and you're really struggling and hoping that she would cut you some slack Thank you. Thank you so much. Thank you. Give her a round of applause. I'll give her a round of applause Okay, and man we have never met us that correct that's true and your name is and I'm gonna this is I've never met

I'm gonna say Marjorie. It's Carper, actually. Okay, you didn't let me finish. I'm gonna say Marjorie, my assistant, I think her name is Carper. Usually that, usually that gets a big pop from the audience, of course, how can I know your name?

How can I, I mean, it would be insane, if I had to find it. Yeah, what could you know my name? If you did, I would be frightened. Again, Carpour, is it? Carpour. Carpour. Yes. Yes. My name is the MacNifissant Max, and we are going to do a little bit of mind magic today.

Have you ever done mind magic before? Oh, no, I haven't, but I'm excited. That's why I sat in the front row. Absolutely. Oh, you look nice up front. Thank you so much. That is a compliment that I don't hear all the time. I'm sorry.

That it's okay. I'm not gonna lie, I would love to hear it more at home. I don't hear a lot and it took me off guard. It doesn't matter. Carper, here's what we're gonna do. We're gonna start out very easy, very gentle. I'm gonna ease you into it. I'm gonna ask you to think of a state.

One of the 50 states in the United States of America that I asked you to. I'll obey you, ma. Okay, that's off the table now. We have 40 to the left. Do not tell me one state it is that you're thinking about I am going to guess it, by just asking you routine questions

that have nothing to do with the state that you're thinking of. Does that make sense to you? Okay, I guess. Are you thinking of a state? Texas, I am. No, no. Uh, okay, so those two are now off the board. It will not be Texas or Alabama.

Again, I'll ask you questions just never tell me the state. That's all you have to do is never. Okay, well, they keep the stop asking me if I do have it. Great. I will stop asking you if you do have it. Great, I will stop asking you if you do have it. What color card do you drive? Blue. Mm, blue, okay.

California. Blue Colorado. It's okay. I'm sorry. You know what, very good. Obviously these are warm ups. I'm gonna get into something a little more in depth. I'm going to, oh.

I'm gonna guess. I'm going to guess a, I'm going to, I'm gonna guess, I'm going to guess a, I'm getting it, I'm channeling this aura from you, I'm going to, I'm going to try to commune at this point, I'm gonna try to commune with a deceased relative. Do you have a relative that has passed away somewhere in the last year to 10 years? Someone that, and that you do. I do, I have to say I do.

Don't, don't tell me their name. Please, whatever you do okay don't tell me their name please whatever you do don't tell me that he's a son of a bitch though he's a son of a bitch okay knowing the gender that it like it limits so many days so please I'm glad he's dead that stupid son of a bitch see how it's standing I'm Elizabeth? So, you and I were on a Harold team called Comet in Chicago that could not be cut. Regardless of how good or bad at the Harold, we were bad. Sure, yeah. We lasted like five years, which is insane.

But what would you say is, this is leading to something. I mean, Adela and I, as teams lost in Lager. So I don't, I don't, it's insane that a team lost that Lager. Yeah, absolutely. Devils Donner and Revolver. I have never. Devils Donner just hit nine years.

Never saw it. Yeah, I think we're already like 17. Never saw it. That's crazy. We're the only five year team to make it. What a fucking brag. Yeah. It's less about, I know other teams make like big spoon. That's the name of a Harold team that lasted like seven years. They're great. I love it. They're

good at improv. Sure. Comment was this place. Are you talking your own? No, it's amazing. I'm weird. Is something. Was the channel on that team too? No, he was not? No, I think I'm meeting her to something. Was Shannels on that team too? No, he was not. No, he wasn't. Elizabeth, what would you say was the vibe of our shows and the vibe of the people on the team? Chaotic, horny, fast, paste nonsense.

And with that in mind, I was not on the tip, correct? This was not too much. JPC, uh, I can't afford it. That comes to mind. Okay, at a corny fast, paste nonsense is JPC's A little screen amp? Yeah.

Yeah. Very long. It doesn't really. It was. We were like constantly trying to kiss each other in scenes like and Oh, man one of my favorite moments in improv though was I was trying to surprise Aaron in a scene where I just like Came through the door and was like male man and it had nothing to do with what was going on Which is the best way to come in.

Sure, yeah. She swung open the door, went males here in the middle of a two person scene that had nothing to do with that. And then Aaron, without skipping a beat, turned and kissed me on the lips. And I was flabbergasted. I was shooketh to the core.

She got me. I thought I got her, and then she got me 10 times. You can She got me. I thought I got her and then she got me at the time. You can never get me. I'm so fast. No, that's not true. I get you all the time. Now, Elizabeth, we do have to say that there are a lot of people who listen to this show,

learn, try to learn improv from the things that we do. I got to say, don't do that. No. If you are a listener, don't be a mailman. That's what you're trying to say, right? Yeah, yeah. Don't be a mailman. One of the most testable professions of mail. That came from four years of mail. I've been trusting's what you're trying to say, right? Yeah, yeah, don't be a male man. One of the most detestable professions of the world.

That came from four years of male. I trust in knowing each other. I would never, but then the rest of the team, the rest of the time, was like, if I swing the door open and say something about male, I would never give me a kiss. So the rest of the show is a complete puddle of nonsense. But yeah, don't do that.

Don't do that. Yeah, I forget that you guys have listeners. Wow, what a back-end compliment. Okay, but Elizabeth, I... Honestly, that's something that we should keep in mind way more than we do. You got, yeah, I forgot that. You have an obligation. You have an obligation.

It's matter. Well, Elizabeth, to stay on theme with that, I tried to find some fast fast paced horny riddles knowing that you would enjoy them So let's get into some riddles. Oh God it did not even occur to me that we hadn't started doing Morning wake up sleepy head time for some riddles Wake up the council. Yeah, it's canceled because we got 20 inches of riddles. We wake up the fun. School's canceled. Yeah, it's canceled because we got 20 inches of riddles. Yes. So these are from JR, he and they are some real fun

horny riddles. These are called, don't put your dick in it riddles. Well, that's fun. Okay. So I was just based on our, was that Patreon or Main Feed where we had the fuck putting, put your limp dick in it? Was that a live show? That was a live show oh my god I know we at least talked about it on a live show no a live show somebody brought us fuck putting so it must have been

on the show that commercial that was a fuck putting put your limp dick in it so I assume that that's what this is based on huh did that. I just forgot we had listen. Oh God. That's we gotta start writing this stuff down Here I see to keep remembering I won't I just I just took a note have listeners Good good good good She stands tall and sleek. She's cool and feels so smooth. Thank you. Aaron Aaron as a seal But don't put your dick in her. You'll spoil all your food. Ew. I don't understand this riddle. Is it a bottle of Mrs. Butterworth syrup because I got to say you can put your dick in that. There's nothing

inherently wrong with putting your dick in. It's long as it's just you eating it. And I will say, if you can fit your dick in it, probably don't tell other people because you've given all the size away. I didn't mean to lift up this rock of knowing these things about you guys. I actually would rather let that stone go unturned. So enough out of YouTube for a while, I think. Okay, sure. I was gonna say if I had a dick, I would be putting it in any which way.

Alright, so I guess nothing from the three of you. That's what you wanted to do. A little while I think. Aaron, let me ask you a question about this riddle. Is this one of these riddles that sounds super dirty and it's like don't put your dick in it, but the answer is something like very innocuous. Exactly. Is the answer a food stuff?

Um, kind of close. She stands tall and sleek. She's cool and feels so smooth But don't put your dick in her or you'll spoil all your food Here's what is the don't what all your milk? What is is that an actual part of it or that's just like a funny little tag one? Just like a Running theme for these reddles we've only heard one of them But I'm saying like, but it's not like, don't put your dick in it,

doesn't mean like, that means the answer's gonna be not someone named Richard. It's not, that part has nothing to do with the actual suspects. Yeah, but I also wouldn't put my dick inside this thing. Got it. Got it. So it's gonna be something sharp.

Is it like a garbage disposal? Ooh, that one's a sharp. The garbage disposal has nothing to do with the other parts, which are the information. I think she, is it like a garbage disposal? Woo! I don't think Sharp! The garbage disposal has nothing to do with the other parts, which are the information. I think she's cold. Say she's cool. She's cold. She feels a little spoiled of food.

She stands constantly. She's all your food. She's all your food. But don't put your dick in her, or you'll spoil all your food. The refrigerator. Yeah! We both said at the same time.

Okay, by the way, I do know, I do know people that definitely put their dick in the refrigerator. Why? Call it down. I think for, by the way, this is like, you know, when you're a young boy, kind of just discovering your dick, you'll show a lot of stuff with your dick. And I know some people found the pressure of pushing a refrigerator door against their dick to be something that What? What? What are you talking about? Oh, you could say that. I'm telling his name. No, I'm telling you. There's only one person who thinks that Is it your brother are you trying to protect them?

I don't even have your brother. I would never protect either one of my brothers I would throw them to the wolves if I caught them doing some weird things I gotta say at my grade school or high school, if I sat at the lunch table and said, like, you guys ever put your, you ever slam your dick in their fridge door and it feels so good? I would have been, I would have had my ass be 10.

Yeah, well, we all didn't go to fucking grade school in the 1910s, okay? Some of us, some of us were freed as sexually express ourselves. When people are born with a giant, I know a common thing is the edge of a couch. We're free to sexually express ourselves. When people are born with a stick, I know a common thing is the edge of a couch. Oh, yeah. Yeah, edge of a couch.

People born with the genus when they're like 12 or 13, they're like edge of a couch, is my favorite. Oh, my favorite. Love edge of a couch, Tom Cruise. Couple of pillows. What's her name, the British actress, she's so good. Is this why people would walk into my seventh grade classroom and go edge of a couch and everyone would go crazy and I would just be like what's going on the edge

of couches. Okay next one. Yes. He's warm and inviting. He brings joy to your day but don't put your dick in him. He'll burn your skin away. Elizabeth don't laugh. Elizabeth it's not funny. burn your skin away Elizabeth don't laugh. Elizabeth it's not funny. One in inviting. Is this the sun? Is it? Is this the microwave? No.

It's not the sun. It's not the sun. I guess you couldn't take it in the sun. A raging fire. No. Can we hear it again please? He's more in inviting. He brings joy to your day.

But don't put your dick in him. He'll burn your skin away. Is it a candle? I'd say this is a part of someone's day that maybe they look forward to a lot. The afternoon. The other day. Is it your birthday? Yeah, it's a sleep time. No, coffee.

Is it a hot bath? Are you serious? I'm not saying if you got it. It's a cup of coffee. Oh man. I really don't think I was going to be able to answer any of the... I was like, they're going, they're gonna answer them. And I'm gonna laugh.

And then I'm gonna have no idea. That one makes so much more sense to me though. Do not put your dick in a hot cup of coffee. That sounds awful. I would like to see a scene. Elizabeth, you're a mom at the end of her rope and a JPC and Adela, you are her twin teenage sons. And Elizabeth, you've decided that enough is enough and they need to stop putting their

dick and things around the house. Hello, mommy. Charles? No, I'm not Charles. Ben Susan? Yes. Sit down, where's your brother Charles? I need to talk to him right now.

He's behind me, but we're evenly hited, so you can't see him behind me. Can you get out of there, mother? You're getting there. Sorry. No, sit down. Side by side. Side by side. Not behind, behind. Yes, mother.

Find mother. We'll stand abreast. I want to see four eyes staring right at these two. All right? Let me take off my glasses, mother. Yeah, take them off. And let me put my dick as I fold them inside the glasses. No, no, no.

OK, this is the meeting we're having right now. Is that we need to stop we as of right now. The rule of the house is keep the penny down and locked away. My hey, mommy, if the rules rhymed, I think we would follow them more to the letter. No, well, the penny, your weenie should never be sheeny. It should never sheeny the shun. It should never be sheeny. It should never sheeny the shun. It should never be sheeny.

You're peony should never shee the shun, okay? So stop putting lotion on our Peony. Well, no, that's important to moisturize. That's your mom, that's your mommy's number one rule. Sorry. Keep it youthful forever. Yes, mommy says dry penises are the worst penises. Have you been reading my diary? Yes, I put my dick in it

This one got locked it Can I have one thing in this freaking house where you're I mean little what we don't want to put our decks and No, no, no, we don't want to know at all. We have to fight against our nature mother. Yes How are we ever to fight against our nature? Well, I think you nature. You know what? If I can pay the bills on time and have you guys have cereal for your guys as mouth holes Then it be you guys and get You can restrain from letting letting the beasts out every once in a while Speaking of we don't want to eat the cereal that you provided. We've put our dix in it.

Yes. The cookie criss the fruit loops, the oat clusters, the grape nuts. And you also talked about working hard. And frankly, we don't want to touch your trucking account because we've put our dix in it. And in the pneumatic too. Mother, can I have the living room? Oh my god. How can I have a date in 10 minutes? Oh, I forgot I forgot about your daughter Isabella

No, this is Charles this daughter. This is Isabella. How old are you guys? Get out of here get out of the scene everybody out I need a breath Mommy's I just I'm on the scene God fucking Aaron fucking tired doing you ready to go back into the scene you I need a fluffer Okay, let's just pillow nice and softly. They can lay down Elizabeth Aaron. How you doing? Did we call scene? Are we still going? No, I'm giving me a second. I'm still in the scene.

I'm taking a break. Okay. I'm still in the scene. I'm being fluffed. I left the scene. I thought the scene was over. I'll be honest. I left.

Okay. I'll stop doing this bit. Seen. All right. Now I feel comfortable enough to come out. I'm coming out of the scene. All right. Her flesh is soft and pink. She gets wet when you squeeze her tight.

Okay. But don't put here. We can get her. Okay. You'll be stinging all night. Great. Yep. Addle that was too fast to have an answer and I would love for you to tell me what happened. Wait, what was the answer? Great proof. Oh, I'll be some sort of citrus. Bees would be bad. Bees is a worse bad bees. Bad bees. Bad bees. His sense is intoxicating. He fills your house with He sent his intoxicating. He fills your house. You got it Wow Elizabeth just had to hear his symptoms in Toxicating and it was like I was convulsing too, if you would see. Yeah.

Handle. Boom. Let's keep going. She's exciting, but sometimes aggressive. She reacts to your slightest caress. Just don't put your dick in her. It'll be a horrifying mess. Tempered purer, mattress.

I don't think that would be a mess, mess. I think that would be okay. I think it's fine if you have a temporary paedic mattress and you put your dick in it, that's okay. That's what mattresses are for. Yeah, I mean it's your mattress, you buy it, so go to the razor. You're on the definitely the right track there. Oh God, like a scooter. Yeah.

Like a sprint phone, a Motorola. Can I, Aaron, can we hear the clues again? Yes, she's exciting, but sometimes aggressive. She reacts to your slightest caress. Just don't put your dick in her. It'll be a horrifying mess. Is it Alexa? Oh.

No. Something that reacts to your every caress, is that right? Yeah, I would say it's like, I would call it trigger happy. Is it caress cattane? Mango. It's not like a gun, is it, or like a taser? No, it's not a gunner taser, it is something that is like... That was a bit out.

You touch it and something happens. You touch it a couple of l You touch it, a blender? No. Oh, blender is good. It's meant to touch it and something happens. It's like a massage gun. No, it's meant to like, hmm. If you have it in your house, house then you got a problem in your house This is not in a house. It's without like something issue a vibrator. No

I'm sorry. It's the opposite of that if you got a vibrator in your house everything's going easy. Oh a fleshlight. No I honestly Trigger I bought a flashlight for my fire printer. Cause I was like, Are they in love? Yeah, they probably get in love with me. I was like, hey, like, if you two wanna hang out without us, it's totally fine.

Like, you're gonna do your thing. It's like toy story when you have all your sex toys come alive and they like dance. All you have, if all you have in your house and bunch of fire printers, like, come on, give them some fleshlates staying out with. And hey, maybe they'll pair off, maybe they won't, we don't know. And just like, twist or action.

Just like, do I start with a creepy neighbor kid, has real fucked up, uh, bring it on versions. Um, so, like, if you have this in your house and you're like a homeowner, you're like, oh god, I cannot believe it's come to this. Uh, uh, like a wet pack. What was the whole house with you everywhere? Oh God, I cannot believe it's come to this. Oh, right trap. Like a wet thing. What was the whole trap? Is it a mouse trap? It's a mouse trap. It's a mouse trap.

Oh, I'd like to see a thing. Response to your every caress. Yeah, you. I guess I need new mouse traps. Adel and JPC, you are too mice and you come upon a mouse trap and Adel, you're're like the cheese is right there it's definitely have some and JPC you're a little bit weary. Okay so I saved it Deborah I said listen the whole the whole in the wall that you live is just too

small for me so I moved out and then she said I'd seen someone else. Yeah I mean I'll be honest Randy she's a hundred percent in the right yeah you walked away from a great thing. Yeah I know I'm sure I want her back Oh speaking of speaking of right Over there to the right is big chunk of tea. What do we have here? You know what this is a trap But it's one of those non-lethal ones. I've seen this. This is a non-lethal I don't know this term non-lethal. Yeah, so basically what happens is you go for the cheese obviously. We want Okay, here I go. No, no, what happens is you go for the cheese, obviously, we want cheese.

Okay, here I go. No, no, I'm saying, you go for the cheese, obviously. And then it like, it's like, here I go. No, I'm saying, it's like glue or something. They basically, you get stuck, they wait to come and get you, then they like let you go outside, you get outside, you get right back into the house.

Very easy, we just use the hole we made. So yeah, have at it. Go get the cheese. It's not lethal. Here we go. Yeah. Oh, this is like. Mouse caught. Help me. Help me. Oh, shit. Kyle. Kyle. Kyle. Help me. That thing demolished your legs. I can't. I can't. I can't fill my lower half. Yeah, it's, it's bad. We'll explode now in 20 seconds. Oh, it's, it's an, it's an extra lethal one. Explode now. Yeah, Jesus, this is so mabama shit.

You're fucking in here. I can't, man, I can't. Uh, this is a, this is a weird time. I'm with her. Uh, I'm, uh, you're, you're the, you're the guy that we're seeing? I'm the mouse you see it. Yeah. I guess this is the best time to say

I'm a dude. I'm a human dude, man What? Are you shrunk yourself down and put yourself in some sort of mouse costume? I didn't shrink myself down my dad's a fucking scientist Anyway, you're trying to like prove a point. He does this almost every year on my Personal learn a lesson. I don't know what you're gonna say. You're not gonna say Rick Moranis? Because this has happened to me before. Look man, I'm not gonna get you an autograph

if that's what you're asking for. No, he's a private guy. He doesn't really do that. He's like a hermit now. He just likes parody, because he's a hermit. He's just a private guy. No, he's a hermit. Dude, fuck you.

You're dead to her, dude. He said, fuck you. You know what? Fuck you and fuck that, bro. Boom! His little mouse brain explodes. the brain that is good technology Doesn't really look like oh, what happened? I just heard a little pop looks he looks the same My dad is Rick Murrett

Thank you. Thank you. I was staying until I heard seen I learned my lesson I feel like the last two scenes. I'm like I don't think anyone's saying seeing so I'm like I was staying until I heard seen. I learned my lesson. I feel like the last two scenes I'm like I don't think anyone's saying seeing so I'm like I'm staying in it. You guys I've just broke everything. Is that a message? Yeah, well everybody let's go stretch relax have a cup of coffee put her dick in the coffee and we'll be back I'm not mad at you is sponsored by Squarespace. I'm not I'm not mad at you. We're pranking spaces to all in one website platform for entrepreneurs to stay in that agency online. Whether you're just starting out

or managing a growing brand, Squarespace makes it easy to create a beautiful website engage with your audience. And sell anything for products that cut into time, all in one place, all on your terms. Hey, Otto, come here. Hey, what's what's going on? I actually, I want to prank JPC and I want to set up a whole website to prank him.

Do you have anything that like, is there like an online store like it's set up on my website to sell products? Did you know that with Squarespace? You can have custom merch. You can easily sell custom merchant create passive income stream that engages your audience and scales your brand, design your products and production and inventory and shipping are handled for you saving you time and money. What is happening? Okay. Wait, what's going on with that all? Oh, nothing nothing nothing. I'm just setting up a very normal Squarespace website, not a prank thing.

No, he's gonna tune you. And I'm gonna use analytics. Use insights to grow my business and learn where my site visits and sales are coming from. That's pretty cool. I'm gonna improve my website and build marketing strategy based on top keywords, our popular products and content

on my prank website, the prank site too. Whoa, that's awesome, Aaron. I'm glad you're using Squarespace. Did you say what the website was for? I can't remember what the website was for. Yeah, the website was for. Prank. With Squarespace.

Yes, it is. You can connect to your store to Vedent Third Party tools to extend the functionality of your website. Hey, JPC, hey, JPC. What's up, battle? I can't believe we pranked Aaron with our little boy routine JPC, hey JPC. What's up, Madel? I can't believe we pranked Aaron with our little boy routine. Dude, we got her. Anyway, if you want to prank Aaron with your little boy routine, head to squarespace.com

for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, go to squarespace.com slash riddle to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Oh, she's back, she's back. Hey Aaron. Hey Aaron. Can we go to grandma's house? Wait, I've been pranked. But how? I don't know. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Hey, Adeland

JPC, thank you for meeting me in the middle of the woods here. I am sort of at an impasse. I can't decide whether or not to go this way or this way. I'm having a hard time choosing a path. You know, there never truly is a middle of the woods. Isn't it funny to think about something like that? There never truly is a middle of the woods. No, this is the middle. Okay, this is it.

Addle, can you help? Yeah, actually. So as per Robert Frost, I don't know if you know his poems. He has a poem called Better Help. I believe this is written in the 1800s, but it still stands true today more than ever. Aaron, you should try Better Help. Have you heard of this? You seen this?

Because sometimes Aaron and life were faced with tough choices and the path forward isn't always clear whether you're dealing with decisions around career relationships, being stuck in the middle of the woods. Therapy helps you stay connected to what you, ow, ow, sorry, that also does so fast. Therapy helps you stay connected to what you really want while you navigate life and the woods. Mm, and better help is entirely online,

so it's designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. I've been using it for several years, and it suits the way that my brain works, way better than traditional therapy ever did. And when Aaron says traditional therapy just so everyone's clear what she means is tricking two of her friends to coming to the middle of the woods, even though there isn't truly the concept of the middle of the woods, isn't that fun to think about? All you have to do is just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a license therapist and you can switch therapist at any time for no additional charge.

Hey, Aaron, a GPC's putting down bread crumbs and then immediately picking them up and eating them. Oh, dirty bread crumbs. Mmm. Mmm. And he's also like really into that owl who's swooping down. Anyways, let therapy be your map with better help. Visit betterhelp.com slash riddle today to get 10% off your first month. That's better help

H-E-L-P dot com slash riddle r-I-D-D-L-E R-I-D-D-L-E the middle of riddles of D but there is no true middle of riddle because it would be the space in the two D. I'm home. Bye, baby. I'm home. Who are we? I'm a big PC, I hope you get home. Bye, am home. I'm a big PC. I hope you get home. Bye, am home. Who are we? What is this? I, clink, clink, clink.

Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen. I just want to make a quick toast to, I know it's JPC's birthday and we're all so excited to talk about him, but I want to talk about my favorite, my favorite thing in the world. And that is the app Rocket Money. Oh, yeah, Aaron, that's one of my favorite things as well. Huh? Rocket Money is a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps you lower your bills all in one place.

I've been using it for years way before they were a sponsor, and it helps me so much, especially around tax season. Kling, cling, cling, cling, cling, cling. Sorry, I also want to give a toast. Rocket money, well quickly and easily find your subscriptions for you. And for any you don't want to pay for anymore, just hit cancel and Rocket money will cancel it for you. It's that easy.

Kling, cling, cling. Mm-hmm. It also categorizes your expenses so you can easily track your budget in real time and also get alerted if anything looks off over 3 million, oh, clink, clink, clink, over 3 million people have used rocket money saving the average person up to 720 dollars a year. We love rock stop clink, clink, clink, stop throwing your money away cancel unwanted subscriptions today and manage your expenses the easy way by going to rockatmoney.com slash riddle.

That's rockatmoney.com slash riddle. Rockatmoney.com slash riddle, and tell them JPC's birthday got ruined by two of his friends for doing speeches about rocket money, the website. I love your rocket money the website. Plank money, Plank money, Plank money. Hey, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, And welcome back from the break. We're still here with the great Elizabeth Andrews.

And we have one more of the riddles submitted by JR. You guys ready? Absolutely. Absolutely. He helps his community greatly, although he is rather short and measured. Please don't put your dick in him. You can't handle the pressure. Hose? Kinda? Wow yeah. A fire hydrant. Yeah! Wow! Nice! I thought of that all by myself. I didn't even need to hear hoes first. I didn't need to hear hoes, and I didn't hear kinda. I thought of that all by myself. I didn't even need to hear the riddle, I knew it.

I'd like to see a scene. The three of you are firefighters and the fire alarms going off, and you're sort of dragging your feet. Like, this has been a long week here. You don't really want to do the whole Rick and Merle of all those stuff firefighters have to do man everyone take their dicks out of it is it out of the point what

like your dicks out of the penis out of the I was gonna say peanut butter jars oh um your dick isn't an opinion peanut butter jar right now, is it? It is. Yeah, everyone take out your dicks. All right. Out of the peanut butter jar, we see. Hey. Well, let me slice up some apples first.

No, no, no, we don't have any time. The bell is ringing. The horns are going. We got to put on our costumes. No. Listen, Carol, when fire starts starts it's just a suggestion. It's just like, it's like, am I gonna catch on, you know, am I gonna go flame up?

Am I gonna sort of like really start to roar? So we have a good, I don't know, five to 10 minutes before the things get really bad. Really bad, okay. Yeah, look, at the end of the day, buildings are gonna burn down. Okay, we're not god, we're not stopping fire. And that's like some Prometheus shit.

We wouldn't even want that, right? I mean, he got punished for what he did. Well, to be fair, quick gotcha. Are you God? No, are you God? No, Carol, are you God? Carol, we said we'd always be honest with each other if any of us had sort of a dog in a situation.

Well, it's like a trap bit for police. If you ask a firefighter if they're God, they have to tell you. Carol, are you God? Carol, are you God? I'm God! Okay, I've been God! It's all time! We have asked Carol. Well, now that we have you here and thank you for being honest Can you tell us? What's there whatever is gonna be your next question?

Do you want to know the answer to it? Why do you start fires? All right, let me rephrase it. Sorry shit fuck. This isn't like a genie situation is it? That's it. That's it, that's all he get. Fuck that! That's all, wait, that's all Kevin gets? He didn't mean that. That's all Kevin gets and you!

I had two, I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I- I Can we at least get the answers? No. Because I don't like you guys. Fuck. Oh, they didn't even fall fucking, I don't even care that I lost my wish. Because obviously, you're not gonna give me a wish. You totally care because you're screaming. You're emotional. Look at you, you're crying, you're bleeding. Well, you're fucking joke. I mean, this sounds like a bumper sticker. God is a firefighter.

That sounds like a bumper sticker. Hey everybody. Hi. I have a firefighter. That sounds like a bumper sticker. Hey everybody, hi. Are they good news, bad news situation? Oh, what's up chief? Bad news is the zoo is completely destroyed. The good news is nothing left to save. So stay comfortable. No stress.

Hey, honestly, to me, that's good news, good news, right? Because, you know, the zoos are a little bit amoral, right? They keep these animals in containment and lions that they don't deserve to be. I'm not sure if you leave no human died. Only the animals. Only the animals. But you know what? God will, right? Yeah, I'm a Christian scientist, so I do believe that those animals, although they do not get birthdays, nope, Jehovah's Witness. I'm a Jehovah's Witness. And I'm a more Lee-Honest.

Yeah, and also be careful what you say when you say, God's will. You know, you don't know who's in the room. I mean, it's you who's in the room. It's Carol. Hi, Carol. Wait. Oh, Chief, we can fill you in. Come over here. What's up? I have two questions for you. One, was it the fire ants exhibit? It was good

Yeah, they should have put them in the Savannah. Yeah, and two Carol is God Not our Carol Well not my god. Well Carol Again, do you know what this is? They have a god They have something they got a hold on he's going through all the vowels You and sometimes Um, all right, we have one more sexy riddle um, ooh These are so...

These are from Georgia. This one's from Georgia. And may I say, I forget every time that you say, put your dick in it, every time, and it makes me laugh every time. Well, those are done. So I'm not going to tell you to put your dick in anything else, I promise.

Oh, they're all done. What? Well, I do. But you like this. This one is tangential. Tangential. Oh, sure. Because I think I've been on the show before, but Elizabeth has never done it, I do. But you will like this. This one is tangential. Tangential. Uh, I think I've been on the show before, but Elizabeth has never done it.

So I'm going to read it anyway. Okay. I go in hard and come out soft. You blow me hard. What am I? Okay. Yes. We, JPC and I know the answer to this. So you guys go have it a little

zippagatorade, go sit on the bench, just relax. Wait, what? You got to say it again. And if you wanna hear the answer to this riddle, outside of this podcast, check out the Patreon. Check out the, Hey, Riddle Station on the Patreon, because you can hear the answer to this riddle on that.

I'm signing up right now. Oh yeah, it worked. I go out and come out soft. Do you blow me hard, what am I? I come out hard and I come in soft. No, I go in hard and come out soft. I go in hard and I come out soft What's something that starts hard and then get soft? Like I mean I know the obvious It's something that's solid and then you oh boy. Everyone's gonna hear the inside of my brain. Oh, and don't hold back.

Okay. Cappulum. Cappulumi. Is it possible that this is a poop? I was thinking that too, but because if you eat just like hard pack, I go in hard. So Jimmy, see, I do want to carve out about two minutes for you to explain to the listeners and us mostly. How do you poop and what is it involved with going in? I'm saying if you eat hard tack hard tack

This is rock hard stuff. You're still gonna poop. It's not like it goes nowhere It's not like it goes nowhere. So you're saying hard food becomes poop. Okay, it becomes poop. Yes. Yes You're not you're not pooping freezing, and then putting the poop back into your bottle. I didn't say I'm not doing that. I just said, I just said the first thing. Just because I'm eating something hard and it's coming out soft, doesn't mean I'm not doing the second step,

which obviously I'm a Jehovah's Witness. You do, if you want to get in a heaven, and they only let 44,000 of us in, I think? I think 44,000, It's a really low number. There's a Jehovah's Witness Protection Program. They only have a certain ceiling. Do you want the answer? Is it bread?

Is it bread? No, do you want the answer, Elizabeth? Oh man, see this what I'm saying? Yeah, I do. It's bubble gum. Oh, I was way off with this. I'm pissed. She laughed.

No. I want to see a scene. I'm fucking pissed. I was way off with it. I'm pissed. She laughed. No. I want to see you say I'm fucking pissed. I want to see you saying Aaron and Elizabeth, you are two very close friends. And we'll say that this is, I don't know when it was invented. We'll say that this is like the 1800s, somewhere in the 1800s.

You're two very close friends. Elizabeth, you have just invented bubble gum and the very first piece that you, besides the piece you created for yourself, the very first piece you've ever given to someone is your friend Aaron, Aaron, you're trying bubble gum for the first time. Eleanor, you're covered in mud

and I just saw you run all the way up the hill. What is it? I have something to tell you, Eloise. It's someone dead, it's what is the news? There's not much time. They're after me. After me? I discovered something no one's gonna believe me.

They're not gonna believe. You stand very close and you're starting to scare me. What is it? Eloise! Put this in your mouth. What? And tell me what you think. Trust me.

Trust me. Forgive me if I have some trust issues with you. Just let me go. You told me to do it. Put a firework in my mouth and that hurts something awful. The way before that you put a very small animal in my mouth. I'm not even sure what it is. That was for science. Come on. Hello, weease.

And then how do you do too much thinking and too much experimenting for a girl just sit Sit and do your very light piano playing like the rest of us always telling you there's not much time The countess she's coming for me. She's gonna kill me You need to take this you take this piece. It's called Bubble gum my my leg my countess You need to take this. You need to take this piece, it's called... Bubble gum. My-my leash. My counters. I believe I just heard a whisperings of the bubble gum over there in the forest. Impassable, imp?

Impassable. Yeah. The bubble gum is safe inside my vault and I will be the counters for a thousand years. Uh, counter say... Don't know how to tell you, but I looked into your vault when you went around. Oh, it is gone! Eh? Bubble gum, you say.

Well, that is a very silly word for such a dignified woman. I'm trying to find a husband you see. I'm going to be 18 by next week. I'm Irish while you're out. I slapper. Ow! That was eye. All right.

You get a role for it. Alright, you get it for roll for it. Okay, that's an 18. Aaron, six damage. Please, I find, I will try, this is the final experiment and then no more silly games for children anymore between the two of us. I don't trust you. You keep portraying my trust with all your experiments. I'm sorry Aaron, take a look at your character.

She, your character has five Mexican slaps left killed you. I am dead from the slap. Oh, you're... Well, you're not dead. Uh, go ahead and do a saving roll and use your... Your dieting. Yeah, you're dying. So it's like 10 plus your constitution modifier.

Since, tell JBC an adult to fuck off. Oh, okay. So that's a good one. That's good. That's a good one. Alright, I'll put it in my mouth. A chew, that's a good one. That's good. That's good. I'll put it in my mouth. A chew. A chew. A chew.

A chew. We don't have to chew it with me. Bless you. Quite the imp. I can hear the chewing coming from that matterhouse up the hill. I slap her. Oh, yeah. How many damage points?

It doesn't matter about what it likes! The countess is horny, so slap damage doesn't work on her. It makes her stronger. Yeah. It replenishes her health. All right, time to swallow this thing you told me to eat! No! Wait! Did you?

Aaron, would you roll for throat? Um, roll and it's a... 8 plus 2. Oh, it says fuck off. Oh, that's so weird. Fair enough. She's throwing crits all night. Eight plus two.

Huh? Yeah, it's just two for you, it's game. So your throat muscles work perfectly. The gum just slides down. It doesn't even, you don't even feel it. But why should I, why should I swallow this gum? Oh. Oh, shucks!

There's a knock upon the door, that front door, the same one that you came through. Oh! Naked! We're naked in here! Our ankles are out! The shoulders collarbones are also many more! Even better, it's the countess and I love it when my constituents are naked. Oh no, it's the countess!

You've done it again! And me? And my- and her MPS. And Darryl? Boy! Her M- her M- her M- her M- hold on, hold on. Her M- I have a name. I don't think so.

Is it Darryl? No. Forget you heard that. You signed your name away. I don't know. I know. My name has been spoken. I'm free from the curse.

Darryl! It turns into a full giant who so handsome. Oh, yeah go get me a cup of black coffee a grapefruit and refrigerated door I'm going to town on this giant I slapper Seen That was a haver-dol-relseed welcome Elizabeth Hold on hold on wait. I thought we were doing sitcom D&D Oh, what is that? Yeah, that was sitcom D&D. What did you think? Just a little taste damn don't bother listen to the trailer you got it right there sitcom D&D

Every Tuesday Every Tuesday on the head gum network. Every Tuesday is with Mori. All right. Where are we? How are we doing a time? We need seven more minutes. Great. I don't know if we can do it. Yeah, I don't know.

We're going to make it. So these are from Victoria, who is so kind in this email, and sent some riddles. So let's read some. This one is called Can Be Rough, because they know that send some riddles. So let's read some. This one is called Can Be Rough because they know that you love riddles with titles,

JPC. Oh. So it's called Can Be Rough, is this another sexy one? Nope. But. Okay, so it's not about like light choking or maybe digging your fingers into it. I slap him.

Sure. Oh, ow, ow. I tried light choking. I burdened my hands so bad on the light bulb. Yeah, yeah, it's not a skin that hardens with a year Sounded by a creature we hold dear and order shouted loud and clear I want to make me sad Harden a year Well, it's like the top of a baby's head. Oh God. Yes, the smell I want to make me sad. It may be sad. It may be sad. It may be sad. It may be sad.

It may be sad. It may be sad. It may be sad. It may be sad. It may be sad. It may be sad. It may be sad. It may be sad.

It may be sad. It may be sad. It may be sad. It may be sad. It may be sad. It may be sad. It may be sad. It may be sad.

It may be sad. It may be sad. It may be sad. It may be sad. It may be sad. It may be sad. It may be sad. It may be sad. It may be sad. It may be sad. It may be sad. encasing the ends of a rope if we twist and we tug we grow it helps us cross and bridge two slopes not this is going to be kind of hard I think for you guys okay so remember can be rough or no encasing the ends of a rope wait is it still under the under the umbrella of can-be-ruff? Or is it something that's essential? No, this is why so essential.

Why so essential? In case the ends of a rope, if we twist and we tug, we grow. It helps us cross and bridge two slopes. So the end of a rope is, the jump rope is plastic, handle. Yeah, commonly plastic or metal, that's hint one. And you may touch this daily. A handle?

Maybe. And it kind of. And it kind of. And it kind of. And it kind of. And it kind of. And it kind of. And it kind of.

And it kind of. And it kind of. And it kind of. And it kind of. And it kind of. And it kind of. And it kind of. And it kind of. And it kind of.

And it kind of. And it kind of. And it kind of. And it kind of. And it kind of. And it kind of. And it kind of. And it kind of. And it kind of. And it kind of. And it kind of. And it kind of. And it kind of. And it kind of. And it kind of. And it kind of. And that like flips burgers. What's gonna be a good stuff. Get stop finally.

What was it called? Titty booby booby titty breast. Here son, let me help you tie your titty titty titty. I know the thing at the end of a shoelace has like a funny name to it. It's an aglit. An aglit, yeah. Mm-hmm.

And why might that be central? I don't know. That's a fun word. Hey, Adam, I gotta say, if you have to ask, you're not reading my blog. Ha! This one's called Above Everything. Working men in stylish youth,

both in this find use. Car heart. Working men in stylish youth, both in this find use. Honestly, car heart started a bad car jackets. Car heart jackets and you're on the right track. It's like it's closed and it's also feel still still to boots.

Yeah, sheltos. Oh, um, uh, uh, uh, uh, what are the, with the pockets? Dickies, a term of summary, little dicks. A what? A term of summer. Just a little dickies. A what? A term of summary. Yeah, this is hit one. A term of summary. Hint two is the title is poor word play.

And Hint three, which is just from me, is Ash Koshbagash. Overalls. Hey. Do hip youth still wear overalls? I feel like that was the thing when I was a kid. Grandpa, Adults. When crucial conflict was on the airwaves.

Hey, honestly, if someone writes into the show and it's like, this is what hip youth are doing, I'm like, I have no other choice but to believe you because I have no way of empirically checking to see, I don't know any hip youth. So if they're wearing overalls fine. It's none of my business. It's none of my business.

God willing, God bless. Behind closed doors, if you're in your house do what you do? I don't know That happens to me anytime I hear about like a new celebrity who's like 22. I'm like God bless It's not of my business. This is none of my business anymore pop culture. I really like wars over roles. Oh, yeah Oh, yeah, this one's called double trouble Okay underage man buying beer Caught once by a cashier catches someone looking at his clothes nice knit and buttoned. He's gorgeous

He knows same clerk there as back then. Oh shit. He asked for his Pen Fade pen. This is sort of like two answers in one. Well, and they're spelled differently. It's like, pen, his pen, pen. Underage man buying beer. Caught once by a cashier. Catches someone looking at his clothes.

Nice, knit and buttoned. He's gorgeous. He knows. Same clerk there. Uh, sorry. Same clerk there as back then. Oh, shit. He asked for his ID. Yeah, kind of word then. No, something again cardigan cardigan card again card again cardigan again. And he's wearing nice clothes.

Hardigan cardigan. Got it. Yeah, if we will record. And then Victoria's friend Bridget wrote this one, amazing riddle by Bridget. That's the name of it. Okay. Sometimes I am royalty, but I need no crown. Sometimes I am above myself or below near the ground. And when I'm small and alone, I'm a Gemini. The question is, who am I? Monarch butterfly? No. Oh yeah, cuz they're like the same on both sides with their little pattern. Yeah, it's either better Stanley Tucci. God I hope it's Tucci. The Tucci.

The Tucci. The Tucci. Oh my God, I hope that I get the Tucci on the podcast. I hope they never cancel Tucci. I hope I never hear a bad word about Tucci. If you know a bad word about Tucci, don't run into the show. Keep it to yourself. Don't tell us. Is it Tucci. If you know about where about Tucci, don't run into the show. Keep it to yourself. Don't tell us.

Is it Tucci? Is it Tucci? Is it Tucci? Kind of hard. The first three lines describe different types of one thing. Hint 2. You likely use this object daily and Hint 3, you may have used every type of this object. What's the category of subject?

Is this under double trouble still? Yeah, yeah. So sometimes I'm royalty, but I need no crown. Sometimes I am above myself or below near the ground. This is not double trouble. It's not double trouble. And when I'm small and alone, I'm a Gemini. Do you know what the sign for Gemini is?

It's twins. So that's helpful. I'm going to be the one of the most helpful parts of it. Okay. I do feel like this is a bit of a mistracked in terms of like I feel like these are just Sarah McLaughlin lyrics. Yeah. And then the next one is in the arms of an angel fly away. Is this like those two things in the kitchen that you like used to like grab like flip burgers like they'll grab our Okay, next riddle I'm all the faith. This is how I feel I make it in alone It's help folks twins is a type of this thing twin is a type of this thing twins Okay, twin engine twin Towers twin

Every type of this object you probably an, I wouldn't say type, it's size. And it's not vibrator. It could be. No, I'm twins. Wait, Eason Twin is in the title of this thing. No, Twin is a type of this thing. Type of it. Twin.

Is this a bed? Yeah, it's a bed. It's beds. Yes, it's a bed. It's big bed, little bed, twin beds. Thank you so much for all those riddles. I really loved them. That they were challenging and interesting.

So thank you for that. Yes, they were very good. And we do like them very much. Same. Let's see here. So Elizabeth, you are Goldilocks. JPC, Aaron and myself will be the three bears, and we catch you in our mattress store sleeping.

Hey lady. Oh lady. Oh, oh, oh, oh look a bear. How cute. Oh, she smells like whiskey. She wreaks of whiskey. Hi, it's so good to see you. Dad, mom's doing her Jerry Lewis impression again.

Hey lady, lady. It's okay, you mothers the best seller here, just let her work her magic. Okay, let her close. Let her close, mom close the deal. Pretty, look at your fur. Thank you so much. Hey, it's two PM on a Wednesday. Oh my god. If you like this mattress

I think we could probably work out the finances so you could be taken at home today. Oh, yeah I think I really like it how much how much Three thousand dollars, but oh No, no, no, no, she's right. That is the old price, but Tell this pretty young thing about the 50% slash that we've done. Whoa, how high? How are we gonna stay in business if we keep doing discounts this big? Mom dad, please do I don't care about making money. I care about selling I don't care about making money, I care about selling mattresses. Remember mom, dad, we're not supposed to say slash anymore

and we're not supposed to have our store inside a mall anymore. Can you go to school for the love of God? I did, I got a, I got a degree in business. Then what are you still doing working here? Get out of here. Go start a business. Go start a business. You know, I don't feel so,

oh, my poor, she was a bear. She was a bear the whole time Oh boy, oh Turning a vomit into a bear. That's the hay run over What would you like to plug? Oh my god? This is see this is so fun. I just like, man, this is like the big leagues of podcasting and I can't wait to get asked this question. Yeah, I'm into that. Well, the funny you ask Aaron, because there's a little podcast that I can plug called sitcom D&D and you and me are on it and a few other guys.

But don't let that deter you. Yeah. And it's what, it comes out yesterday. Yesterday? Yes, it came out yesterday. The first episode's already out so you can find it right now. Yes. We've been recording it for over a year.

It's been an absolute joy for my brain to get to do improv with Elizabeth again and a lot of the people who I like grew up doing improv with. So it's very magic and I'm really proud of it. And Elizabeth you guys, she plays a character named Beef. That's the whole name. It's beef and he's so funny. He's so, my favorite part. So please check out. Be his risen. Thank you, Aaron. As you can see, Aaron has a lot of practice with them. Oh, practice. So I really thank you for taking the reins on that one.

Barely know anything. I blacked out for this whole episode. Addle, anything to plug? No. No. Anything to plug? What? What do I have going on? Check out Hello from the Magic Tavern. They have a pay-per-ion. It's lots of good stuff happening over there.

It always, always a delight to listen to the show. Here's what I'll plug is I got a tattoo the other day. And I would recommend getting a tattoo. It's a fun experience. I really like it. I'm gonna get some more and I think it's a cool thing. It's fun. Great point. Do it for yourself though. Yeah. Same as always for me, twitch.tv slash shark barkman over there playing video games, but Aaron.

You kind of bury the little bit because you do have another little project that I know that you were meaning to plug. Well, I say little project, but it's do have another little project that I know that you were meaning to plug. Well, I say little project, but it's actually quite a big project and it's actually in the freaking sky. Jupiter? That's where I was going with it. Yeah, bye forever. Goodbye. And John Patrick calling. Casey Tony to the editing.

We've got our appearance in the music. Vocal created by Emily Cardamus and Emily Nemoris. Hey there TVs and stations. If you like that, you are going to love this week's Patreon. We go back to one of our favorite episodes. That's right, it's the return to public access TV. You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog by going to patreon.com such a riddle riddle and joining the clue crew for $5 a month or the review crew and add free episodes

for $8 a month. See you there! for $8 a month. See you there!