Hey Riddle Riddle - #208: F*ck Butler!

Episode Date: July 13, 2022

Well well well. If it isn't another 'episode' of 'Hey Riddle Riddle'. You think I'm supposed to just forgive you and listen to your new content? Just because you have a hiking scene doesn't mean you're outgoing ok?? Oh a scene with 2 butlers being weird as hell? Verrrry mature. Why don't you just throw in a scene between the 3 different states of H20? You did?....Classic you. Take care of yourself Hey Riddle Riddle. I'll see you around.... Starring: Adal Rifai John Patrick Coan Erin Keif Editing by:  Casey Toney Theme by:  Arne Parrott Logo by:  Emily Kardamis & Emmaline Morris Want more? Get Weekly Bonus Eps on Patreon! Want merch? Visit our TeePublic Store! or pins, buttons & prints Want to mail us something? Hey Riddle Riddle  6351 W Montrose Ave #267 Chicago, IL, 60634 Want to leave us a voicemail? Call (805) RIDDLE-1 or (805-743-3531) Want to advertise on the show? Check out Hey Riddle Riddle via Gumball.fmSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is a little outside the price range that you were talking about. Yeah, this neighborhood is really nice. Yes, it's a very Tony neighborhood, Casey Tony, if you will. Sorry, I'm a big fan, I know who the two of you are. So this is actually one week, Lusis is one BR, one BR total. It's just one giant bedroom. The bedroom also doubles as a bathroom and a basement and an attic.

Okay, so is this a studio or? It's a studio. It's been called the studio by the makers, I guess, and the former tenants, but I call it a one bedroom house. Yeah. Now, you do have other houses above and below you and to either side, but I think you're going to feel it's pretty cozy. But you did say it doubles as a basement and an attic.

There are no stairs. I noticed that when we came in through the door, there was about a 12-foot drop and it looks like the ceiling's about 25, 30 feet up. So this is just a very deep tall room. Yes, but there is, well, there is a slide to hell. Would you like to see the slide to hell? No, I believe you. No, I believe you.

You said you were a fan? That's kind of cool. I really insist you check out the slide to hell. No, we believe you. Yeah, no, I believe you. You said you were a fan? That's kind of cool. I really insist you check out the slide. Here I'll be first. I think it's smell. I think a few sparks. And we. Huh, what's the big?

Huh, do we follow him more? I'll be honest. He was not the best realtor. I am not tied to working exclusively with him. What's a realtor? Okay, see, that's one of the issues. Yeah, that's a red flag. I'm also not totally tied to buying a place

with you right now. Yeah, I guess I misunderstood. I thought, ow! I thought you invited me to lunch. I don't know how we got here. I don't know. Ow! I'm not gonna go down there.

It does sound interesting though. I am a little bit curious. Please, not my intestines. It was like a 12-foot drop. I don't know how we get out without going down there. I mean, this is an unfurnished pit, basically, is where we are right now. Well, every time in an opening that we go down

the slide into hell It just ends up being a hey riddle riddle episode. So are we able? Is it here? You have peak my curiosity By the way the H back in this place is outstanding. I could hear Okay, so not outstanding the other way Apparently this is a one way outstanding acoustic What I'm out of fine hell. I'm JPC in a pit And we are together and I'm Aaron keep

Oh And welcome to hey riddle riddle. This is a podcast where we do riddles in a we also have a heck of a good time as well We yes, can't stop having a heck of a good time Can't stop a good time can't stop kissing welcome welcome wipe your feet the the keys under the mat Swing by any time hey do not tell people the keys are to the mat. Then those just come in at any time Well, no one's gonna just don't tell people the wipe your their feet What if they have cool stuff from their shoes? I'm kind of cool stuff could possibly be on the bottom of shoes there? A lot of people come to our podcast from walking around in an open gem mine.

So yeah. Yeah. Um, hi guys. Hi, you're talking about it? I was talking to the QVM. I have a lot of anxiety today. Everything's not going as it should. Um, but I'm over here if you guys need me.

I'm going to go lay in that hammock. And let's go. I'm going to go view of you. I have a lot of anxiety today. Everything's not going as it should. But I'm over here if you guys need me. I'm gonna go lay in that hammock and let me know if you need anything from me. Hold on, Aaron, before you go. Shop yourself into a dishwasher.

I think that's a hammock, huh? But she is swinging somehow. Yeah, Aaron, what's gone wrong and how can we help? Can we roleplay something going the right way? Can we lift you up? World is on fire. Personal life is on fire. Everything's on fire. Everything hurts. My hammock, it turns out is a dishwasher.

Lots of bad news. I think we got it. Adolf, you need anything else? I think we got a roleplay this. Remember the whole role plays to turn everything around for. Yes, there's here we go. Remember, the whole role plays to turn everything around for it. Yes, sir. Here we go. Ding dong. Ding dong. You're calling me a ding dong? Doesn't help me at all.

It's the door, ding dong. It's the door, you ding dong. Hello. Hey, I have a, whoa. It's actually a very normal food order for Aaron Keath. Hey, thanks. Nothing in here is surprising or upsetting for me a delivery person to look at. That's so nice. I normally don't get that. I feel healed.

Well, I do a lot of delivery orders around here and I gotta say this is one of the most middle of the line, very regular delivery orders that I've ever seen. Do you wanna come in and hang out? Maybe play a part in the game. I do wanna come in and hang out, but I lost a bet to a Dracula that I would have to live a day in his shoes.

So I can't enter any apartments because even though you didn't invite me in, that is Dracula rules. I could come in. Honestly, it's a long story. Hi, babe. Is there someone at the door? Sorry. It's me.

That six foot five guy from the movie we watched on Netflix about the in. Oh, you're so hot. I can't believe how much love making we've done in the past few months. You're incredible. Excuse me, ma'am. I'm sorry, I watched you walking your gorgeous dog on the street. What a beautiful well-behaved dog.

You dropped your phone, maybe like a block away and I've been calling you and tracking you down. But I just wanted to return your phone. And it was a block away, so I went ahead and just kind of answered all of your texts and emails. So I cleared that out. Let's inbox zero. Oh my God, that's amazing. And I feel like I have pretty bad luck normally. And you're returning this and you're not being,

you're not a creeper or a weirdo and there's no- No, I'm sorry, just, I saw the notifications and it drove me crazy. Also, you had a ton of Venmo requests of people trying to pay you, buddy. So the opposite of a Venmo request, I would have had to accept it all of those.

Wow. Yeah, even my new boyfriend is six five. Yep Hello down there. Sorry look up in the air balloon. It's me the mayor of LA. I just wanted to let you know We're opening up a new six flags and calling it six flags great Aaron Okay, I need I need to get this guy the hell out of here. You get out of it. You get out of here man Well, I feel worse God damn it, Edel Fuck we had it until the end we had it until the mayor declared

Like Icarus in his hot air balloon remember when Icarus wants to six flags and not how hot air balloon Remember when Icarus wants the six flags about how how dare blue I'm dead That has to be the most disturbing mascot ever created I Bleed exactly top three I'd say top three or six flags old man Dancing Too much energy for a dr. G. Narian. I'd also say the me want honeycombs. Whatever that is is terrifying and Jared from subway Yeah, okay. The Holy Trinity.

Rest in peace, Jared. So Aaron, I know that we just made you feel better and I know that we kind of solved the problems with the magic of improv. Psychologists do say that what happens to you during your day does affect you through the night. So with that, we now present Aaron's nightmare. Why did my brain go into that script? Why did my brain just do that?

Hey, it's a great to meet you too. I know this is out of your budget, the price that we talked about, but it is a... Oh my god, I'm just having a nightmare of the episode. Do you... Okay, well, let's see. I'm gonna do a quick quiz of you right now. Yes. You're being quiz. All right, so yeah, I mean, you're gonna do a quick quiz of you, right now. Yeah. You're being quiz. All right, so yeah, you're, I mean, you're being quiz. You're hosting like a Harold show.

True. You come out on stage, the music's playing, you're hosting, what's, what's your script? What do you say? It's been about two years, but typically, I say something long of like, oh boy, thank you all so much. We're so happy to have you here. I hope everyone's having a wonderful day

We have two wonderful teams for you tonight opening. No, I would say closing out tonight. We have revolver Clap clap clap clap clap. But now let's walk into the stage. Let's go to the little energy going for Aaron and James something like that, but I guess I would also, no, that's not right. Cause I feel like I'd also say like, do you mention to people what long form improv is? Do you do that little thing? No, I feel like that's on the team to do. Like I think the team should be able to handle that in a own way.

So I know like revolver at some points would be like, we're gonna get a single suggestion from that single suggestion, we're gonna create an entire world on stage, a complete show, never seen before, never to be seen again. Can we just get that one word or whatever that is? We're gonna get a single suggestion from that single suggestion. We're gonna create an entire world on stage. It completes show. Never seen before, never to be seen again. Can we just get that one word or whatever that is? So I feel like the team should be able to do that in whatever way they feel. Is best for them and I don't feel the host should.

Should call me crazy, call me a saint, but when I would come out to host I would go. Tonight we got Arnie Parad on the key. Oh yes it is. How's it going tonight Arnie? I would always do that. And he'd go good. And then I go and we got Tim Lines in the key. How's it going tonight Arnie? I would always be there. And he go good. And then I go and we got Tim Lines in the booth. How you doing Tim?

I'm doing good. And then we, if you look out there, you're gonna see Stevie walking around. She's gonna be taking your order tonight. Please tip her so well, because she's so funny and great. Yeah. I'm getting too deep for you today.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bathrooms are over there. We're all sad. We're all very, just levels of depressed. Uh're all very dislovels of depressed. And that's what I would say. I go straight to plugging the food. I go, hey guys, just so you know, very special night Tuesday night,

Devil's Daughter show at a 10 p.m. Tuesday night. Really excited to announce, all of the food tonight is menu price. So the prices that you see, price of your menu is the price of the food for tonight only. So go ahead and order as much of that food as you want. You will be paying menu price, tell them all JPCs say, yeah.

I don't think I ever hosted a Harold show. I don't think I hosted a single Harold show. I think nowadays I'd be like, hey everyone, welcome so much. Thank you for coming out to support live theater. I am Adolfi and I actually have two podcasts. The first'd be like, hey everyone, welcome so much. Thank you for coming out to support live theater. I am out of five and I actually have two podcasts. The first time I saw frills and puzzles and then I would walk off stage and tell both teams

the shows canceled. The thing I would host is Brady on Mondays, a 10 PM Monday night show. I was the host of that. And I did that because I knew no one would be in the audience. And that made me feel safe. I never hosted a world news. I told my team early, early, early on. I said, I am not ever going to host a show because I do not think that the audience's first

experience of the funniest person they will ever meet should be him telling people where the bathrooms are. The first time they hear me, they should have their fucking asses glued to the back of their fucking seats laughing so fucking hard And it's it kills me to do this cuz I'm good at hosting. I'm good I'm great at telling people where a bathroom is yeah, but they're gonna want to hear my bathroom first I've got back him JPC. Where's my bathroom? I turn around go back take a left to take another left and then take a right. First door, that's not the closet. That's where your bathroom is. Tell me the law. Starbucks parking lot. You fucked up. Piss there. Oh, just piss there. Well, speaking of being back in the dishwasher, that's an

old timey saying for let's have a go at riddles. That's true. That is true. I just looked that up a little timey sayings.com. I'm so sorry. So why don't we start. We're going to start with some warm-up riddles. And then we'll make our way to these hard, full-ass adult riddles.

Here we go. We're going to have our first of your hearts. Can't lose. Can't lose. The capital of Tennessee is a long word. Can you spell it? T.

Is T a long word. Can you spell it? T. Uh, is T a long word? No, but the capital of Tennessee is a long word. Can you spell it? I don't even know the capital of Tennessee. I'll say, I'll say Nashville. I'll throw it Nashville. I know it can't be Knoxville, right? Like it can't be that interesting.

Aaron, what do you think? The capital Tennessee is a long word can you spell it and I see what you're doing with the capital of Tennessee is the capital T Yeah, and Aaron you're not far off the capital of Tennessee is a long word can you spell it? IT There you go JPC got it The only question in this riddle was can you spell it? That's that's's, that's, Thank God you got that,

because I didn't know it was spelling. What do we, hey, do we know what the capital of Tennessee is? It's not, that's, I think it's probably your butt. I think it is not, though. I do remember that reminds me, do you guys remember like playground jokes when you were a kid, but for whatever reason, I think it was, I think it was blonde jokes,

blonde jokes were huge as like, literally, no jokes. Yeah. And there was a, a, a, blonde joke that used to be told on the playground and it was this like, I, I fucking don't, I don't, I don't, I'll remember as the punchline. I think the, I think the whole premise of the joke was, it's a very long setup. No, but it's, it's, it's, it's, it's the idea of like someone challenges this blonde, um, to memorize all of the state capitals, and this blonde goes away, and they really hit the books,

and they're studying, they're studying, they have all the demonic devices, and they do all the state capitals. They go all 50 state capitals, and they go back the next week to that bar, and they go, I know every state capital, just try me. And they're like, okay, what's the state capital of Kentucky, and they say, K, and the joke is that they really studied very hard just to learn what the

capital letter is of the state. And that's that's the joke. It is because the color of their hair is that was a wild time to be like, there's all these jokes. And there's so many. they're told freely about a section of the population with a certain color of hair. But what I remember most vividly is there's one again, it's a very long story. But basically is the punchline is this blonde was working in drive through and she had headphones and a cassette player and she would never take them off and she was like messing up orders and finally the managers like, we can't have you running the drive through with this cassette

tape and headphones and they took it off and within a minute, the blonde dropped dead to the floor. And so the manager put on the headphones and pressed play. And what was on the cassette was, breathe in, breathe out. It's not funny by any stretch of the imagination. But you know what I think about this joke? It was always blonde women. When my hot take is, I think blonde men are way dumber and weirder. Oh yeah, oh yeah.

But blondes do have more fun. Do you guys remember like memorizing jokes like that? Cause I feel like I had a big part of like sec, between second and fourth grade, where most of my life was just like hearing a joke that someone else told and being like, I have to memorize that so that I can retell that joke. Well, you're a kid, so you don't have conventional money,

and so you have to use jokes as money. Jokes and snacks that your mom packed you or money when you're that age. It was also honestly, any success we have with this podcast, jokes is money. And jokes is snacks too, because I think that I'm looking at a couple of snacks right now They're both don't even Even what huh I do want to see a scene

Aaron and JPC you both are in high school. It is probably the mid 90s and Aaron you You are picking on JPC. He is a blonde man at the high school, and you've stayed up all night to concoct the perfect blonde joke to throw in his face at lunch today. Hey, Kyle. Oh, well, I've never noticed you before. Are you new to school? Yeah, right.

You've noticed me every day did Did not get the better of that excuse. Uh oh yeah are we in the same club? Is it Brittany? Hey Kyle. Do you see a ghost last night and that's what turned your hair blonde? It hit. Do you want to go on a date with me? Um... Yeah, I'd go on a date with you. Do you have something in mind? Um, yeah, let's go to the hair dye store and get you normal hair color. No, that sounds great. It's actually way easier to dye blonde hair. I love you. What? Do you want to go on Saturday or...

Hahaha. Um... Oh wait, I can't do on Saturday. Why? I'm tutoring for SAT prep. Oh, you blonde? Yeah, I know that I'm only in fifth grade, but I like to do SAT prep tutoring for people in high school. You're in the fifth grade?

Yeah. Gotta go. Was that a adult woman? What was going on? I was in high school. Gotta go. Was that adult woman? What was going on? I was in high school. Uh oh. Same.

Uh oh. What's happening now? Is that Nelly? Did you guys, when did you go on like a first date? Did you ever do like dating in grade school? Mm. The first date. I don't think what, not so high school that I have like The first date, I don't think, not so much.

I remember that I have a first date, but I dated people in junior high in grade school, but it was always just like during recess or whatever, after school, someone would be like, they'd send a friend who was sort of like a, come on a horse with a flag. You know who they'd send? They'd say, send Aaron Keefe. I did that so many times that I would like to be back paid for being the messenger and so many other people's crushes. I would like that money please.

If you grew up with me, I need a Venmo request this week or I'm coming and I'm getting a collector to come and take your refrigerator, oh, what? That's first go for no date. That was Tracy Jani and that was in the Ponce de la Noie. And I remember she sent her cousin, I believe, to ask if I wanted to date. And then I remember in grade school,

so this is maybe seventh grade. I had a girlfriend, Nikki, and we were at a party and she wanted to apparently kiss me, but I was like so oblivious and like weird and anxious about it. And so finally, a friend of hers came into the bedroom and held our faces together. Uh-oh! And I was like, okay, I guess a kiss is when two people

face each other and their friend holds your heads together. My first date, like actual date, I think I was in eighth grade, but I do remember vividly in fifth grade, there was a kid in our class, two or two kids in our class that went on a date together, like outside of school, that Friday night, like they went on a date together, and they were the first two kids in our class that had ever gone on a date, and the whole class was a bus. Like everyone was like, did you hear Stevie went on a date? Oh, they went on a date, and it was just like, I remember that being all a bus, and then it was like, did you hear Stevie went on a date? Like, oh, they went on a date? And it was just like, I remember that being all of us.

And then it was like three years later, and I was like, oh yeah, this is really fun. I don't think I ever, I like had boyfriends or whatever, but I don't think I ever went on an actual date until my 20s. Like I don't think anyone actually, like in the formal sense of a going on a date, I don't think I ever had.

Like I think maybe I would go on a date with someone who had already been with for like three months. Okay. And then we would just like, I guess yeah, I think I was like maybe 18, 19, 20 when I actually got taken out on a proper date. Oh, I guess I did on my, like for my 19th birthday, get taken out on a date. Uh-oh. So, I. For my 19th birthday, I get taken out on a date.

Oh. So I'm just so curious about this. You had boyfriends, but you never went on a date? In high school? No. Just go to someone's basement. You just go to someone's basement with a group of people. Okay.

Put blankets over the lips. Got it. That's the vibe. But I didn't. But you wouldn't even go into the movies together or something like that. No, I guess, but with a group of, like, I don't know that I'm a part of a group.

Okay, it was like a formal. Got you. And then I think, when I started going on dates in my early 20s, I was going on lots of dates, and the one thing I was dating men mostly, and a thing about men in their early 20s is that they. They got their shit together, right? They got their shit together.

No. This is like a phenomenon. They only see fun matches on the floor. Oh, God. It's just one, they have like one blue navy blue sheet. It's not even a fitted sheet. It's over the bottom. They got one pillow.

But more importantly, they on first dates with dudes, they would talk about how good of a job they did organizing it. Like trying to make sure I knew, like, isn't it a great, like, didn't I pick out all the greatest things? Like, it went on a date with- I knew reservations by phone. So, and then especially like going on a date, then also with a male

Improviser in his early twenties this fucking loser took me to He's such a loser. He took me to a Mexican restaurant. That's a chain restaurant. That was in Chicago Near where I lived and he drove me an hour outside of the city No to go to one at a mall and I didn't it's like not a good restaurant And he was like isn't this so funny that we drove far to go to this shitty restaurant And then he didn't let me speak the whole date and then I dated him for like a year Wow, that's what you do when you're in your early Sorry now. I know why you're in such a weird mood today

Just just getting hit by it. Is that the most odd and brand thing you've ever heard? I think I was a sophomore in high school, and I was dating a senior from a rival high school by the name of Rebecca Dieter. We'll put her on blast because she's a wonderful person. Dude, Rebecca was fucking conning you, man. She was about to carry your ass at the dance in front of everybody.

Her parents owned a, I think it was called the Dieter and like nursery. It was like a, they sold plants and trees and all this stuff. It was a very good place. But I believe we got set up through a mutual friend and I believe we had our first date where we kind of met each other at,

because she maybe had seen me at a basketball game or something, but we went to a happy Joe's, I believe, and split a taco pizza at happy Joe's. Wow. And we were off to the races. You went to a race? We went to the race track, Arlington Race Track. And we ate our weight and food, and then we raced.

We bet on the horses. Couldn't lose. Was the horse that we lost all our money on? Okay, well, I'm sorry. I was very curious about those date stories. Addle, I believe you were telling riddles or subsh- or whatever I don't remember. In the night, a mountain.

In the morning, a meadow. What am I? And this answer makes no sense. Unless I'm dumb, which is very likely. In the night, a meadow. I'm sorry. In the night, a mountain. In the morning, a meadow. What am sorry, in the night, a mountain, in the morning, a meadow. What am I?

Was the same person that played the mountain on Game of Thrones, the same person that played meadow, a soprano, and the sopranos? Yes, Dre De Mateo. That would be kind of a new song. Dre De Mateo was my answer. No, wait, Dre De Mateo was not... She was the other one of the sopranos, right? Hey, who could remember, right?

We're all having fun here. I'm still the, I'm, Dre and Debitano. First answer, best answer. That's what I'm sticking with, Regis. I really want to, is it like, something like, earthy? Is it like part of someone's body? Is it part of the earth?

Is it organic? Um, it is, I guess it's kind of part of the earth. It's a similar term. I don't know. This riddle can found it me. So it's in the morning, it's meadow, or in the morning, it's mountain, and then in the evening, it's meadow. In the night, a mountain.

So in the night, a mountain, in the morning, a meadow. What am I? Jennifer's siglar, Jennifer's siglar. I could eat. Is it like that? Do? Is it like the do that is a... Try new meadow do. Ooh, meadow do.

Meadow do, meadow do, meadow do. Meadow do. In the night of mountain in the morning of meadow, what am I, I think I might... Is it like nighttime, or is it like K in IGHT? It's in, it's nighttime. Night time. I just have a quick question.

Is this the year that we're still liking riddles? Is that calendar year done? Unfortunately. That is a really, really great question. We're almost at the end of it. I think it's like August. I think August is when our anniversary is The answer and please please know this and tell me it's breaking my it's breaking my heart a bed

A bed. I love it. Oh, that's such a good riddle good night Mountain in the morning of meadow. What am I a bed? It's because it was like a it was like a bed of flowers Is it like I just what are we gonna it because, and I was like, it's like a better flowers. Is it like, I just, what are we gonna say to you, PZ? I was gonna say at night, you're like under the covers, and so it looks like there's a mountain on the bed,

and in the morning when you get out of bed, it looks like with like, maybe if there's like bedposts, there's something that looks like a meadow. I don't know what was that. I always sleep with a boner. I sleep on my back with a boner. Okay. I sleep on a back with a boner. Okay. I sleep on my back with a boner. I said, not a fucking...

And my knees up. Well, hold on. Yeah, mountain. I said, mountain, not a, what's really small? Come on, a foot hill. A foot hill. Thank you. I think we start calling this guy foot hillcock.

Nope. I said, I don't like it. I didn't want to see a scene. Sure. Let's say that the two of you are out sort of hiking and adventuring and you stumbled upon a giant bed and you're just trying to make sense of it. Wow. I mean, honestly, when you said like when you suggested hiking, I was like, I haven't been hiking in like so long. I was like, so so fconscious. I'm like, going to be bad at it. But this is like fun. It's like, I should be doing this more.

And you're going to love this sunset. I promise it's like fun. It's like I should be doing this more. And you're gonna love the sunset. I promise it's worth it. It's gonna be so beautiful. You're gonna get to see the city a little bit. And what is this? Oh, you can see that too, right? Yeah, that is a, God, that looks like right out of a, like, I don't know, like a CB2 catalog.

That's like a fully furnished bedroom. Yeah, this is not even, this is not even like a fairy tale of the earth kind of style bedroom. This looks like it's like Creighton, there's CB2 sort of like industrial. Yeah, and by the way, I hate that I know this, but that is like a $2,500 bed fright and it's in the woods I'm sorry you

I'm having a great time And I just want to ask because I guess I want to say like I'm into it if you are but is this like a Is this is this a move? Are you doing a move right now? Is this like a? Is this like a, is this a move? Are you doing a move right now? Is this like a, is this a move? I just got to hypothetically, would it make me crazy or weird that I moved all of my furniture up a mountain over the course of three days by myself to set this up to impress someone who I had asked on a date? Am I crazy? Okay, how do you feel about that? So that's not the scenario that I quickly came up with in my mind is that you had just purchased

this. This is, this all looks brand new. So now I'm going, okay, if she did that, she keeps her stuff meticulous. Like it looks so good. So I kind of, I guess I'd into it in that respect. Maybe I'm less into the fact that you did do that over three days and you didn't even ask for help. Feels like the kind of thing a friend would help you with. Now I think he does she not have friends. How sitting for my parents who just fully designs their house and I couldn't ask for help because

hypothetically everyone would have talked me out of it and said I was selfish. Okay, so now my brain is going. Is she have that bad relationship with her family? And now my brain is going, Jeff, how many times are you going to talk to yourself out of having sex on a date? Because it seems to keep happening to you and this is by far the weirdest one, but maybe the issue is you, Jeff, because I mean, what, four weeks ago, when you had a lovely third date, you went to a restaurant, she said,

do you wanna come up and she kind of looked at you, and you did this whole inner monologue, was like, do you wanna come up with what? Do you wanna come up with a joke? I don't know what a joke's right now, so I screamed, I don't know what a joke's, and I left, and I never talked to her again. Jeff, maybe you are the problem.

I'm gonna head out. No, Jeff. James, yeah, I think you're right where it's like when you're under the covers, it's like it looks like if you were a tiny little anilocks like mountains and then we leave the bed and make your bed, it looks as flat as a plane or a meadow. That's what I thought. Yeah, if it's not that I don't know what it is, but that, I guess that makes sense. Few, I can breathe easy. Thank you so much.

Let's do one more before we go to break here. Okay, what goes around the house and in the house, but never touches the house. Six. Yeah, it's the. Adel when he's trying to be polite. Adel when he comes into your house and goes,, I this everything looks so beautiful like I shouldn't sit A good butler

Okay, I would like to see a scene JPC you're a butler and Adel this is your another butler and you're trained by him, and he's teaching you all of the best ways to buttle. Can I just say, sir, when I was informed that I would be starging underneath Mr. Clumpadoodle, I was over the moon. Mr. Clumpadoodle, I am so honored. You are a legend among butlers. Much too loud. Much too loud. Much too many words. Yes, sir. A butler.

Yes. Should be seen. Yes. But never heard. Asmelt. But never touched. But never touched. Felt.

Should be the sensation of touching their skin. Yes. Like you are feeling felt. Brilliant. Brilliant. That is bust Yes. Like you are feeling felt. Brilliant, brilliant. That is bustling. Let me see your gloves. Take these off here. It's at the right.

No, no, on your hands. On your hands. Okay, let me put them back on. I think you'll find them as fresh as white snow. White snow, yes. Let's do the finger exercises. First position. Thumbs up.

Sack of position. P-sign. Into fourth position, middle finger with all the other fingers raised so it's to never insult anyone. Very good, but I know, but I know what I'm doing. I can do the tree through the forest. You know your finger positions. Okay, Mr. Smetley, I'm going to, I'm going to do some role playing now and I'm going to be role playing as a potential client. Yes, perfect. Mr. Smetley, get my cat, it's daily milk. Right away, sir.

Oh, very good. I love the way that it was. I love the way that you kind of left it open to interpretation. Like, am I gonna fuck this butler tonight? I was trying to be flirtatious That's the delicate line that all butlers must toe but now for the second part. Oh, I guess I'm Meal on my pants Hold on out you're not guiding the exercise. Oh, yes I'm sorry, miss just met me. Yes, I think I would like a good toss about my sheets Would you join me in my bedroom for fuck about? Sir, how dare you take off white glove, slap him across the face. How dare you would think out ever

Stoop solo unbuttoned shirt, you are discussing undone's pants, you Repulse me and I will never work here again. It takes off socks. Very good there. No need to go any further, Mr. Smetley. Of course a good butler must always roll or do a nice fuck about with their clients, but they should make it very clear that they're being a bad boy about it. Yes and at the end I'll say I guess I'll clean up this mess. Yes yes no. We are a certain sacred oath of fuck butler and we are small but so powerful so fuckless, please Fuckless, please, fuckless, please that's our model Fuckless, please, but we never but but we never sneeze which means we never tell secrets. Yes, loose lips sink houses

Yeah, secrets. Yes. Luce Lips Sink Houses. Luce Lips, Jai Rating Hips. A fuckler's delight. Luce Sinks, Ruined Butler. That's what I meant to say. I had a cousin who was a butler, had a whole sink collapse on him while he was working on it for a blow.

You had a cousin who was a butler? Yes. So you're a legacy butler? I guess I am. I never thought about it. Can I rush? Well, I guess if you are, that means you technically outrank me. I'm a first-generation but on your knees, fuck Butler Bark like a dog. I would never get so buddies

I want to thank you both from the bottom of my heart for the new part of my vernacular That is am I gonna fuck this butler today? I don't know if I'm gonna say that to my friends at bars. Am I gonna Butler today I do like the I do like just being like if somebody tells me a story where they're like Oh, it got a little raunchy, but like ooh someone's a little fuck butler. Is it a hose is the answer a hose? We're doing it right now Way we're in the middle of a riddle. I don't run the house.

And in the house, but never touches the house. There. A cable modem. Interesting. Interesting. That's a bad one. Around the house and goes in the house, but never touches the house. Yeah, I hope you do. A vital sighting.

Medical hospital, medical drawings. What was it? I was at vital sighting. Because I'm carrying through the house to get to the other side That's a good answer, but incorrect think more organic Oh, a baseboards water What goes around the house and in the house but never touches electricity? Electricity and water electricity along the path we're getting closer You said more organic. So is this like dirt or...

Along those lines that it's something found? Solion nature. It's not soil, it's not ants. I didn't explain my house. If it's not ants, I don't know what's eating all the bread. Mm-hmm. I just bottle of. Okay, so it's around the, I don't know what's eating all the bread. Mm-hmm. I just bought a loaf. Um.

I don't know. Okay, so it's around the house and in the house, but never touches the house. This is a pretty good one. And it's, and it's something from nature. Air. Sorry, Aaron, what was it? Light.

You are steaming hot. The sun. The sun. The sun. The sun. Because I will never. The sun. Cause I will never. I will never let my son in my house. He has to put his dick on his own.

Boots traps my boy. You live at the yard. I think episode number one was a guy who walked his son out of his own house, right? I know I was just gonna suggest that scene. I was like, I think we could get that three years ago. So holy shit. I do want to see a quick scene before we go to break.

Sure. JPC, you have been a mountain and now you're awake and now you're a meadow uh you you're walking outside the front door of your house to get the newspaper and you're just gonna have a quick you're you're having your your daily conversation with the sun shining brightly in the sky well there you you are, you rat bastard. You took everything from me, son. You burnt my skin, you killed all my plants. You torched my house with your chemical rays, but I will have my revenge you mark my word.

Be- not be- today. Might not be tomorrow. But one of these days when my ladders finished I'm- I'm all the way up there. And ring your stupid neck until you die. Or? Until I get that apology that I am owed. I want nothing more than what I'm owed.

People would consider me a fair man. Don't you like it that apology that I am owed I want nothing more than what I'm owed People would consider me a fair man a patient man But a man who would get what he is owed And I'll have my revenge son or I'll die trying and Aaron I've fallen over you're an neighbor who steps out to also grab their paper As I've fallen off the ladder many, many times and I've almost died. Hell, I've broken all. Oh, Jeff. Jeff, are we taking you back to the emergency room today, bud?

You're looking like you're in rough shape. I've said this a million times about ladders. You either need to build a back half so it makes a triangle or you need to lean it up against something. You need to leave it against it. You can't just have it be one straight up and down ladder but you hope we'll make it to the sky. You know what Bev? I hear you saying that every time I am falling down that ladder. I play that whole thing back in my... would you be a deer and take me to the ER I took quite a

tumble this morning. You know what I just have factor that into my schedule. It's sorry about my clothes. I ran out of clothes so this is newspaper. But it's not it won't come off. It won't come off because it is on. It is I've tied it together with chip clips so it's on and we see we see this man continues to stand outside screaming at the sun and that the time we see it uh... clock up close in the face of clock is spinning rapidly and we see the years go by this man no longer goes by jeff he shortens his first initial to just j

and he shouldn't uh... shortens his middle initial to just i think i know we're going to go okay it's j-fairro i'm Shirtons, yeah, Shirtons is middle initial to just pee. I think I know where you're going. I think I'm going. It's Jay Farrow. I'm a comedian of action Jay Farrow and uh... And why should we put you on the show? Uh, well, I don't know. I mean, my impressions. I do a lot of good impressions.

I think I remember. Do a fish rock impression. Huh, I guess I really did walk right into this. I got Jay and P. I was, there must have been another celebrity I could do JP Morgan not really a celebrity I would say One of the first billionaires not really a celebrity. I know it is baseless a celebrity. I don't think sure He's not what's broke, but he's a celebrity. Yeah, I guess your ass would let him host us

Are you getting in the car? See I'm taking him to the emergency room again Is all in his mind's eye all in his mind's eye well speaking of minds eye Let's take a quick Commercial break and I can recover from Mountain at night in meadow in the morning and we'll be right back with more Sorry that riddle was so scary at all. I'm gonna be gone for here. Jamie Lynn Siggler?

It's something like that. It's getting closer. Yeah. Hey, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, how I love, he looks sleep, I love that he looks mattress brand, best nights sleep of my life. I know not everyone is on board yet, so I secured award-winning sleeper, Merrill Sleep. She's right behind that door, Merrill Sleep. Wow, she won the Golden Pillow for best sleep, that's right. Hey, Merrill. Hello, yes, hello, yes, I'm very well rested after sleeping on my midnight

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I don't think I thought you were the person that you're doing. Oh, who are, what a, what a performance. Helix mattresses all come with a 10 to 15 year warranty depending on the model. Wow. Stunning. Yeah, look, Helix is offering 20% off all mattress orders and two free pillows for our listeners. Go to helix sleep.com slash riddle. This is their

best offer yet, and it will not last long with helix better sleep starts now. Go ahead and give her the Academy of Snorr. The Snorr. Academy of Snorr. You know what? Give me the Academy of Snorr. Glint close to falling asleep. That's why I got you there. Oh, yeah. I got that a lot. Hey, Adel, hey, Aaron, I got a bone to pick with the two of you. Oh, sure. Yeah, I wore the skeleton outfit just because I figured this was coming. Happy Halloween a few months early. It's not yet. What is it? So you know how the two of you, I was like, guys, I am always so hungry for lunches and dinners and the like and you,okers told me oh JPC it's

okay all you have to do is take some you know American paper currency tape it to your front door, close the door and then wait until someone brings you food while I kept opening the door and the money was gone so I had to take more money to my door. I think you're thinking didn't work at all. Oh, door cash. Door cash. Yeah, you did door cash. We told you door dash is the number one thing to you.

What the hunk? With door dash, you'll enjoy next level convenience with delivery in the hour, making it easier than ever to get whatever you want delivered to your house, whether that be back to school supplies or whatever it is that you eat. JPC, which I don't know, what you eat whether that be back to school supplies or whatever it is that you eat. JPC, which I don't know what you eat. I eat back to school supplies.

But what? JPC, all your favorite retail, grocery and convenience stores are on the app so you can chop everything, your kids, your dogs, your family, might need for back to school. And hey, personally, just yesterday, I bought some Marsha's homemade premium quality buck eyes, you know, those candies that are chocolate stuff with peanut butter. I just got those from DoorDash and they were on my porch within 20 minutes.

And it's very dangerous because they're delicious. Did you fill your belly and your pantry? Yes. Did you fill your backpack? I did. Okay, well then DoorDash has come again for the gold. I remember distinctively the stress of going back to school and going from store to store to get all my favorite snacks

and pencils and pencil cases and all the things that I needed me and my siblings and I remember how stressed my mom was and I know that she would have loved to have DoorDash so she could be prepared before the big back to school day arrived. So you can stock up with go-to breakfast, lunchbox staples, and brands that you love. Don't eat my school supplies, JPC. CBC, put that eraser down.

Put that trapper keeper down. Your mouth is too small. Never been told that before. Shop door dash to get everything you need for the back to school season delivered right to your door. Order now for stress-free back to school shopping. promo code Riddle to get 50% off up to $10 value. When you spend $15 or more at convenience, grocery, or retail stores on DoorDash, that's 50% off up to a $10 value. When you spend $15 or more

promo code Riddle, don't forget JPC because you keep eating those school supplies. That's code Riddle for 50% off your next order terms apply at all JPC keeps eating my gel pens Thanks door cash. I mean no, that's the one that one didn't work that one's bad Hey jpc Yeah You're not in trouble. I just need help. I'm um Prinking at all and I'm, um, pranking at all.

And I'm setting up a website to prank him. Um, can I just need some advice? This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace. I'm not, I'm not mad at you. We're pranking at all. Squarespace is the only one website platform for entrepreneurs to stand out and to see it online. Whether you're just starting out or managing a growing brand.

Squarespace makes it easy to create a beautiful website, engage with your audience, and say, let me think for products to cut into time, all in one place, all on your terms. Hey, Addle, come here, come here, come here. Hey, what's going on? I actually, I wanna prank JPC, and I wanna set up a whole website to prank him. Do you have anything that like is there like

Online store like it set up on my website to sell product. Did you know that with square space? You can have custom merch you can easily sell custom merchant create passive income stream that engages your audience and scales your brand design your products and production and Inventory and shipping are handled for you saving you time and money What is happening? Okay. Wait, what's going on with that all? Oh, nothing, nothing. I'm just setting up a very normal Squarespace website, not a prank thing. No, he's a guy with a studio. And I'm going to use analytics. Use insights to grow my business and learn where my site visits and sales are coming from. That's pretty cool.

I'm going to improve my website and build marketing strategy based on top keywords or popular products and content on my prank website for prank activity. Whoa, that's awesome, Aaron. I'm glad you're using Squarespace. Did you say what the website was for? I can't remember what the website was for. The website was for.

Prank. With Squarespace. With Squarespace. You can connect to your store to Vedent third party tools to extend the functionality of your website. Hey JPC, hey JPC. What's up, Madel? I can't believe we pranked Aaron with our little boy routine. Dude, we got her. Anyway, if you want to

prank Aaron with your little boy routine, head to squarespace.com for a free trial and when you're ready to launch, go to squarespace.com slash riddle to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Oh, she's back. She's back. Hey, Aaron, can we go to grandma's house? Wait, I've been pranked. But how? I don't know. And we are back. How's everybody doing? Aaron, how you doing?

Feeling good, feeling good. That's just good. Yeah. Yeah, I did a big bump of expired maple syrup right before we came back from right soul. I am doing great. Oh, that slow drip down the back of the throat. Yeah, I did a bump of maple syrup that isn't ripe yet.

We'll see how that goes. I need a bump of pop rocks. Let me ask you this. Now, it is, I believe what, it's July right now. If you had maple syrup in your fridge, in your fridge mind you, that expired in April. Do you think that that maple syrup is still good? Or do you think time to throw it out? Well, you know what? It's some trees for so long.

For centuries. Yeah, that like why can't, although I really do get it out when I have to eat something that's expired. Would you have to eat something that's expired? Is Joe Rogan like coming to your house with a big plate of bugs? Is like, sorry, if you want to win the $300, that's a good reference. Joe Rogan, most of the fear factor guy, who ended up being a millionaire, because we let him. Thanks everybody. Thank you 24 year old men.

You ruin most things. Hey, Eric, we're also going to buy their internet mushrooms from. Those things are going to be cool. Good point. Good point. By the way, we will do commercials for new tropics. New tropics get at us.

We will do your internet membership commercials. Three lives have I. Gentle enough to soothe the skin, light enough to caress the sky, hard enough to crack rocks. What am I? It's water, water, water, ice, rain, water, all sorts of stuff.

When your powers can bind combine you form kept in water Ro he's a place Adil is Water like just like room 10 water You know and then a GBC your Your like vapor Uh-huh, and we're all hanging out. Get in the drink.

Oh, no, I'll see you guys later, oh shit. Oh wait, good thing we're in a small container, so he'll be back. Yeah. Also, I feel, I feel dumb. I just feel dumb getting a drink. I feel cannibalistic. You're not dumb. You're not dumb. You're not dumb.

I mean, I know it's a squeeze it, but still I'm water. Squeeze it's a squeeze it's a probably 85% me. I mean, I'm water. Oh, shit, here I come again. Oh, no, I try and be kind of like go with the flow a little bit But it gets sometimes it he just feels flirty right in my crazy. Oh, no, it's just me or is it boy like hot in here? Oh, no, no Boy It's a little hot out. How are you doing? It's kind of hot. Are you a little hot? I'm sweating I don't know. I don't want you to be insulted by this, but at a couple of minutes, I'm about to look

like you. And that will not be good. Well, I can always observe you if you're okay with that. Um, I just wanted to do my own thing over here. Yeah, sure. I don't know. I just- I'm glad we're hanging out because I'm getting the middle of a very messy divorce and it's really important to be here.

I'm pretty good with this. See. I can't. I really wish people could see what J.P.C. is doing. It looks really funny. The amount of head and neck work that I had to do in that scene, I should get a Vinbo request from everyone that I went to Gritzburg. Yeah, that looked like it hurt a little bit. Yeah, I stretched a lot before we started recording.

So, I'm always in the right. I just went everyone to know, I didn a lot before we start recording. So I'm always in the right, I just want everyone to know, I didn't drink expired maple syrup today. Okay. I asked the question. No, I know a lot of people are going to say that he probably did that, but guess what? I didn't. I was asking for a friend texted me about this. And that friend's name, I don't mind saying it, was water bottle computer monitor. You're just saying what you see around the room. No, that's his name. He's had a hard loss. Oh my God. Yeah, it's pretty bad. I will say I have because Jemma's mom lives in Vermont.

So we get a lot of maple syrup sent our way. And I will say I don't think any of the bottles ever have an expiration date on them. And for a while, I was like, maybe it's like honey where honey doesn't expire. it's like the one food that doesn't expire, but then I looked at someone with my honey and they have expiration dates, so I don't understand.

I think honey has a little bit of shelf life, but maple syrup, it's only a year. That seems like not enough for maple syrup, yeah. Yeah, you can't go through a bottle in a year, that seems insane, unless you're a lumberjack. But I have waffle day. To have you, I thought, have you two heard that honey is a week? Unless I have waffle day. Have you, I thought, have you two heard that honey less you have waffle day?

Every day. Have you heard that honey does an expire? I always, I always told that honey is a one food that never expires, that they've like opened up sarcophagi and found bottles of honey and then tasted it and they're like yum yum yum. I think honey does. That's irresponsible.

Yeah, I know that they should be tasted. They've been pretty crazy. They'll open up to be sure. I think that I. That's irresponsible. I don't think they should be tasty. They'll be tasty if they could. They'll be tasty if they could. To be sure. I think that I've heard that honey, I thought honey was one of those foods that had like a 10 year expiration date. Honey will go bad, but it, like, in my mind, I know this is not the same

because I have thrown out a bottle of expired hot sauce before, but it's like hot sauce. Hot sauce should last 12 years, middle. Yes, you're only using little dabs at a time. How can you use a whole bottle like hot sauce. Hot sauce should last 12 years. Mid-a- Yes. Apps, you're only using little dabs at a time. I'm gonna use a whole bottle of hot sauce. Maybe it depends on like the additives. So if it's like pure,

if it's like honey straight from the bees asshole. Yeah, if it's honey mixed with milk, that thing's gotta be the first. I'm not sure you know what honey is. No, the bees, it's a beach shit. If it's honey straight from the bees mouth, I'm sure that maybe that doesn't expire, but once we start adding our own sugars and our own whatever

Bullshit. You think people are adding sugar to honey? Well, it has natural sugars, but I think we add I'm sure there's certain sugars that they add I'm yeah, if they can put corn syrup and honey and still call it honey legally, they will do that. They will find a way to sell put corn syrup and honey and still call it honey legally, they will do that. They will find a way to sell them. Oh, I don't even know. Can we, here's a conversation I've been wanting to have with the two of you for four years, and I'm gonna spring it on you right now.

Holy shit, okay. This is wild. We, as an entity, as a brand, as a podcast, as a show, as a collection of friends, we're doing pretty good. In that order, we're at that order. And that's how I view you in that order. We need to come to some sort of agreement in terms of we need to put our brand, we need to put our stamp on something.

Do we sell HeyritalRittleHoney? Do we sell HeyritalRittleTubeSocks? What's our marketing game? Because so far, TubeSocks is a little close to like the merch that we all already sell. I get that. But you, I understand the premise of the question is we have to pick a product to throw some hay rental rental branding on and put it out into the market.

I got that. Something where people get super excited. So like, what's his name from Breaking Bad? That guy has Tequila. The rock has Tequila. Ryan Reynolds has vodka. Yeah. Jin. Something like that, sure.

So no booze for us because we can't fully endorse booze. It's played out. It's played out. It's played out. Tea that makes you sad. Aaron, my God. That's terrible. That's terribly great.

Oh, sorry. We call it low tea. So I know there's a lot of like, I'm big on this, like vegetarian meat replacements on the market. What a behavioral hurdle does. Hey, riddle, riddle, ham. And it's vegetarian ham. No one's doing it.

It's what everything is in air clothes. It's called a riddle, riddle. Mm. Yeah, even behavioral hurdles and air quotes. So, or full quotes. Mm-hmm. So we don't actually have to be connected to it. So, fake ham, sad tea.

What do you think that is? That's good. What's yours? Honestly, I think we should create something because we put so much stress out into the world. What if we do something that, like, what if we endorse like a weighted blanket? Ooh, I think that's pretty good.

My thunder jacket for dogs. My idea was to sell, they're basically like sugar tablets It basically selling place ebos but being up front of their place ebos and so we call them Mama's little riddles and when you take them so say got it, you know say your like your foot hurts or something You take one and we're already say like this is fully a placebo like it's just sugar It's a lie. Yeah, if you're fan the show maybe you're like my foot is a little bit better But we put on the bottle it's just sugar. It's a big deal. But yeah. If you're a fan of the show, maybe you're like, ah, my foot is a little bit better. But we put on the bottle, it works for fans.

Yeah. So if you are a fan, it'll work for you. Anyone else, if you're not a listener, it will not work for you. But it works for you. But it works for you. But we never specify a fan of us. So if you're a fan of anything.

And technically on the bottle, we say it works for fans, and you can use what's inside the capsules to clean fans. So that's where the FDA comes in to say, hey, you gotta think that's not the bottle wake. No, technically we're a fan cleaning product. It works for fans. Oh, how about Hey, we're a riddle sunglasses for dogs. Okay, well now we're actually starting to do some good ideas.

Now everyone's awake and now we're popping. What would you do if you went to the store and you bought a bottle of vitamins and then you were like, oh, I wonder how many of these you take. And you looked on the back where it has like directions for use. And it was like, break open capsule, rub on a fan, clean the fan. You're like, wait a second. This says it's vitamin C.

What am I missing here? That's so funny. Well, if you own a business, hit us up. Maybe we're gonna choose one. No, we already decided to knit sunglasses for dogs. Actually, we're not looking for any feedback on this. It's sunglasses for dogs. Thank you. What are we, okay, so we need to set.

We waited sunglasses for dogs. Wait, wait, we're so waited sunglasses. Your dog is always sniffing the floor. No, no, it's just his head has a hundred pounds on it. Wow, your dog's real sleepy today. No, you just can't pick his head up because he's got weighted sunglasses for dogs by a podcast that I listen to. And he got into my mom's little pills, so he thinks he's fine.

Technically, it's not four dogs. It's for cleaning fans, but he can wear them. It's totally fine. Okay, yeah, I actually don't want to hear any more ideas. I'm 100% in on that. Wait, are we in the middle of a riddle? I don't think so. There's no way.

Thank God. Thank God, but let's do one right now. Sure. What's something that has a lot of problems, not many people are eager to solve. And I know this is topical. What's something that can, what, Aaron, what the fuck? Is it a math book?

Can you see, are you, do you have a camera behind me? Yeah, but that's not what we're talking about, is it? Is the answer a math book? You're changing the subject. I don't want to talk about the cameras I've set up in your house for something else. What's something that has a lot of problems that not many people are eager to solve? A math book, Aaron, you've absolutely fucking crushed it. And here's your reward. Not only.

Sunglasses for dogs. Not only do you get the first pair of sunglasses for dogs. Weighted sunglasses. And that it takes 24 to 30 months to arrive. They are weighted. But Aaron has a special little treat. What we're going to do is we're going to play some listener voice mails. Listener, voicemails. So speaking of fans, let's hear what the fans have to say. We're gonna play some of these voicemails in just a moment here

Does anybody happen to have the number pulled up? Oh, I have it actually. You can leave us a voicemail at any time night or day 1805 riddle 1 that number again is 1805 riddle 1. Please call us leave us a riddle leave us your thoughts Don't be weird a creepy or mean, but anything else is fair game. Hey shit for 30 seconds on these as well And I thought of a really interesting way to get that number cemented our listeners heads Yes, we have to do a little jingle So I thought why don't you say jiggle the party exists and we use the Empire carpet's jingle It was as we just say call eight oh five Empire carpets jingle. It was, it's we just say, call 805.

You know what I'm saying? Riddle one. We don't know what I'm saying. Empire. Empire. Empire. You know what I'm saying? We don't know what I'm saying.

We don't know what I'm saying. We don't know what I'm saying. We don't know what I'm saying. We don't know what I'm saying. We don't know what I'm saying. We don't know what I'm saying. We don't know what I'm saying. We don't know what I'm saying.

We don't know what I'm saying. We don't know what I'm saying. We don't know what I'm saying. We don't know what I'm saying. We don't know what I'm saying. We don't know what I'm saying. We don't know what I'm saying. We don't know what I'm saying. We the empire number with our new number. Oh, I know. Someone tries to remember it and they're going to be like, is this carpets or riddles? It's like, it's neither.

Don't forget, you can also mail us anything, Karev Heyroderrille, 6351 West Montrose Avenue, 267, that's Chicago, Illinois, 60634. Let's play our first voicemail case. He take it away. Hey there, I know that you've been scrolling through a bunch of these voicemails, but this is the one that you want to pick for a couple of reasons. Hi, my name is Tony, and I have been a big fan of Hey Riddlegiddle since day one. I also have the privilege of being one of Aaron's friends on the belief that she once heard one of my TikToks using entire audio and I think she spit out

what she was drinking, I'm not sure. But big fan of all of you guys, Adel I think was super awesome and you're living the dream. GPC, you are hilarious. I believe Erin is underappreci amazing and you are comfort, comfort podcasts to listen to you guys while I'm doing tours or just, you know, working away at work. So again, this is Tony.

I'm Roll the Big Dillion TikTok. I'm Keem Him and Big Stand and you guys bring lots of joy into my life. So thank you very much and have a good day. Wow. Tony, what a delightful message to receive. That was fantastic. I will say Aaron, do you feel underappreciated? I feel like we appreciate the hell out of you.

And yet still I am here sitting underappreciated. There's no amount of attention I can get that will feel like enough. Fair enough. I also say, Tony, I think you misspoke. You said that you listen to Heyberto Riddle while you're doing chores, which is redundant because listening to our podcast is a chore.

I also take issue with the fact that Tony said the addle was quote unquote, living the dream because Addle, I believe on this podcast, said that he orders appetizers from Jimmy John's. So it's like, come on, that can't be anyone's dream. And before Tony even plugged what his TikTok handle was, I was able to pull him up. I found his TikTok.

He's got 16,000 followers and he's got the coolest hair. Look at this. He's like, it's like a colorful little bit on the top, pretty cool haircut. Congratulations on the hair, Tony. Congrats, you're living the dream. Yeah, he comes up with my, where you page all the time and I go, there's Tony.

There's Tony. There's him. Thank you for that voicemail. I, yeah, again, Adel, even if you were to send me fresh fruit every day, you paid me a billion dollars and you non-stop talked about how great I was, I would still feel underappreciated because that's how incredible I am. I agree.

I agree. I'm just joking. I'm joking. I agree that you would feel that way. I agree that you're feeling so bad. That makes sense with your ego. Oh, I'm playing. I agree that you would feel that way. I agree that you're feeling so bad. That makes sense with your ego. Casey, can we go ahead and play the second voice, ma'am?

I've got a riddle for you. I keep losing my socks. I guess this isn't so much of a riddle as it is just sort of a question. Do you know where they are? That's all. Just need my socks back. Okay, bye. Boy oh boy, do we have a solution for your riddle?

What you're going to want to do is buy hey riddle riddle tube socks. What it is is one giant sock with two different compartments. So your feet always stay together and they have ropes that go up your thigh, wrap around in the middle and tie, so you never lose your socks again. And they can't be washed. At all six people have died from our prototype. We actually have to stop. I'm going to do a six out of 10. So I like those odds. Hey, buddy, here's a list of places you're going to look for your socks. Okay. You're going to look in between your wall and your,

what is it called? Your laundry machine. You're going to look between the wall and your, what is it called? Lot of your laundry machine. You're gonna look between the wall. Anywhere where you're like, you're washer and dryer. And there we go, laundry machine. But whatever laundry machine, you might, some people just have a washer or whatever, but whatever you have got going on. Oh, gotcha.

Look on both sides and behind. We're also gonna look, you're gonna lift up your mattress because sometimes it can get stuck under there in that business. You're going to look under your bed. You're going to look behind your dresser because sometimes it can get stuck in between the furniture and the wall and it hasn't even hit the floor yet. Where else? You're going to look.

You're a harkness mouth. Mm-hmm. Could be used as a gag if you're doing some sort of sex gagging or if you're having some sort of fuck buttler rig. Or if you're repl some sort of sex gagging or if you're having some sort of fuck butler rig or if you're Replicating mankind's move the soko choke and beyond that. I don't know how to help you. There's nowhere else they could be Or if you if you are a Mariah asking this question I would check literally all over the fucking house. How does a woman? Have so many places where socks could go sometimes I watch her take the socks off and I go,

is that the place? Is that where these socks are going to go? This is where these socks are going to go. Oh, I'll take my socks off anywhere. And I'm not a messy person, but I'll take my socks off in the kitchen if they want. I'll take them off in my yard if I do it. But I'll put socks anywhere. This one's like an old-timey kid song.

I'm like, I'll take my socks off in the kitchen. I'll take my socks off in the kitchen. What I do laundry in this house, I have a full-on Jumanji cosplay. I got the big blunderbuss and everything. I'm just searching all the house. I was trying to find where could these socks be? Yes, there it is.

Socks are that good. But then I blast them with a reverse blender, so they suck right up into the neck of the gun. That's what marriage is. Yeah, I was, my kids. I once, I looked everywhere for a pair of socks. I couldn't find them anywhere in the house. I looked top to bottom, every single room, every single crevice,

every little nook and cranny. I looked, losing my mind could not find them. 10 days later, I went to Target. there they were repackaged on the fucking rack mother fuckers they do it all the way back to it and maybe pay for them again again god you double paying for socks like this is Unbelievable. You're honorable. If it pleases the court, and the car say I You're honor for pleases the court ice cream for everyone Pleases the court. I'll get everybody to hear hand jobs. I'm okay. I'm well-day. I'm from the I'm from the Midwest I'm a bit of a court pleaser The court ice cream for everyone. I was up all night. I just hoping to please the court

Speaking of pleasing the court Can we please the court and play one final voice mail? Hi, I just call but I'm calling to leave another message because I keep meaning the DM Aaron on Instagram I just want to say I'm sorry for coming for you in the DMs because you said you love Everlane jeans and mine ripped. What? It didn't mean to be sad. And I love you and you're all sunshine. Bye. I love you too. It's okay. We're not in a fight. Well, I'm not mad at you. No, no, Aaron, because the jeans you said were good were bad for her. So that is a slap back at her. Also, no hold on, Adel, Adel, plus, Aaron go off 30 seconds, get your revenge girl. Fight, fight, fight. All of a sudden I'm not feeling underappreciated. I do apologize. I am really sorry that, ah, man, jeans, fuck jeans.

It's always fucking tearing that one little spot in the crotch. I'm sorry that the jeans I suggest that's on me. I take responsibility for that and I'm really sorry. And you don't have to feel bad about it. What's up, battle? By God, she's done it. She's done it by accident. You really appreciated lady.

Fuck jeans! Fuck jeans. Hey, Ritter-Rail's fuck jeans. Oh my oh my god let me I need to call my lawyer I need to call everyone else did someone say fuck jeez oh fuck but look get out of here wait you're writing fuck jeans goes to the door I'll leave right now locks the door I'm on my way out drops his pet wait a minute didn't we already have fuck yogurt put your limp dick in it? We had a fuck a lot of stuff on this. Yeah, I think that's right. Addle it's a bad podcast Does fuck jeans have legs If you want hey riddles fuck jeans to happen, please email us at Venmo $20 to

Gmail We don't have a bit more $20 to I'm not mad at you. If anyone thinks they had a weird interaction with me, literally none of you have. You've all done a great job. I'm not mad at any of you. I'm mad at you. I'd like to admit that with some of you have. And the guys who have, you know who you are. It's not. It's not.

I just stop it. I just knock it off. I get off. Speaking of plugging your Instagram, Aaron, do you have anything else that you would like to plug? Coming up soon, I'm going to be on a bunch of different podcasts. But the only one I can plug right now is hindsight is 2000. It's a great podcast, huge fan of it.

You could, I'd say a great place to start is Harrison Lot's episode. Really, they are talking about early 2000s pop culture. It's a great podcast, so check that out. And then also check out sitcom D&D. We're about to have our season finale. You to hear that? You know where to find it. Add all anything to plug Yeah, I think check out if you enjoy this show if you enjoy Hey Riddle Riddle. Please for this. I'm so sorry Aaron

We appreciate you, okay? Fucking hell. Other people need to talk Aaron. Other people need to talk. I've never been more scared of a sneeze. It is so easy to edit a sneeze out of a podcast. But Aaron, just to make it a production with every sneeze. No, I-

No, I didn't say that. No, but I sneeze. I just went, uh, Adel's gonna be so annoyed that I sneezed during his plugs. He's gonna do a bit about it. Oh, I blew it. I blew it, I blew it, I blew it, I blew it. Adel, come on. Here's allergic to my plugs.

Um, I will say, check out, if you enjoy our podcast, please check out our Patreon, go to patreon.com, uh, slash, hey, Riddle Riddle. I think you're gonna like the way you look and laugh in public at these episodes. Please check out our Patreon, go to patreon.com slash hey riddle riddle. I think you're gonna like the way you look and laugh in public at these episodes. We're so proud of all the stuff we do on there. We have, I think we have over 170 hours of bonus content. It's gotta be more lap.

It's probably 200 hours of bonus content. Plus our newsletters and plus all kinds of fun other stuff. We have review crew episode, all kinds of live streams. Just look it up, look at the tiers, see if anything is the right fit for you and check it out. Also check out Hello for the Magic Tabern. If you've never listened to that, that's another podcast I do. And we also have a Patreon. So check out those things. And again, if you own some sort of business and especially if you work in dog sunglasses, please contact us. We're dying to work specifically with dog sunglasses.

JPC, is there anything you'd like to plug? You can submit a five star review that might be featured on the phone, on the phone, on the podcast. Just go to Apple iTunes, submit a five star review. We might read it. Today's five star review comes courtesy of 805, Riddle One, Empire.

Today. The solid improv podcast, not that chaotic, really. Maybe a little unhinge. Adelaire and JCC are pretty funny folks. They know what they're doing. And they even do riddles sometimes. Five stars. Hope I did this, sir.

You did not do that right. You submitted to the wrong place. She thought you, go to iTunes. Just do the thing on iTunes. Don't leave us messages about it. Surely iTunes can hear that and dictate it to text, right? God, I hope so. I'm totally fucked. Your toast. I'm really sorry that I sneezed during her plugs,

and then the men said sorry instead of just letting it be the sneeze. I really blew it today. Well, you blew your nose. Do you know that Gizuntite is German for a certain planet? Oh, Jupiter? Oh! What's at well done, guys? What's German for buy?

Creates by Apple. Jada, by... He doesn't. All we just ain't for Apple. In Apple. He's just mumbles, ain't he? He's just mumbles, ain't he? He's just mumbles, ain't he? He's just mumbles, ain't he? He's just mumbles, ain't he?

He's just mumbles, ain't he? He's just mumbles, ain't he? He's just mumbles, ain't he? He's just mumbles, ain't he? He's just mumbles, ain't he? He's just mumbles, ain't he? He's just mumbles, ain't he? He's just mumbles, ain't he? He If you like that, you are going to love this week's Patreon.

It's the late show from our LA live show back in June with special guest, Janet Varney. You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com, saw Shay Riddler Riddle by joining the clue crew for $5 a month or the review crew for $8 a month. Any of those out for your episodes. See you there! See you there!