Hey Riddle Riddle - #209: Enter The Tabler

Episode Date: July 20, 2022

It woodn't be a new episode of Hey Riddle Riddle without a brand new character for you to enjoy! This guy's got legs and he just won't leaf you be! Our hit rate for really good and funny completely original characters is high, but our hit rate for reading riddles is still painfully low. So not much has changed around these parts. Plus we've got a pick-up artist who happens to be an inside man, two kings sizing each other up, a bittersweet treat salesman and a visit from an old soul up to no good. Enjoy the show! Starring: Adal Rifai John Patrick Coan Erin Keif Editing by:  Casey Toney Theme by:  Arne Parrott Logo by:  Emily Kardamis & Emmaline Morris Want more? Get Weekly Bonus Eps on Patreon! Want merch? Visit our TeePublic Store! or pins, buttons & prints Want to mail us something? Hey Riddle Riddle  6351 W Montrose Ave #267 Chicago, IL, 60634 Want to leave us a voicemail? Call (805) RIDDLE-1 or (805-743-3531) Want to advertise on the show? Check out Hey Riddle Riddle via Gumball.fmSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is a head gum podcast. Okay, and let's all stretch out as far as we can bend it the waist. Okay, shut up, bend it the the waist and we're just gonna try. Wait, four words are backwards. Either way, whatever you can do. I'm gonna do four words. Okay. Backwards is too hard. And this is called praying to the puppy. Everyone pray to the puppy. Okay, and then we're gonna relax. We're gonna come up one spine at a time, one spine at a time. So we have multiple spines. We'll have one. Well, then this should be very easy for you.

And we're gonna look up to the sky. And we're gonna open our arms wide, palms up. And this is called celebrating the rain. Let's all celebrate the rain. I'm gonna come around and spit on you. I'm gonna come around and spit on you. And this is just cleansing. This is just water cleansing your soul. It's basically didn't get any water on me. I maybe was the fifth or sixth person you spit on

it. It was kind of just it felt like blowing air. Not everyone's going to get the same amount of spit and that's fine. Rain doesn't fall on everyone equally. Some people get soaking wet. Some people stay bone dry. It's not about wet equality. Okay, it's about whatever rain you get, trying to use that to nurture the nutrients and the soil of your soul.

Do you know why this is bone dry? Why was the class $400? I'm on scholarship. Oh, you're so lucky. Okay, and now when everyone puts your head down once by the time, you're gonna take your right arm, you're gonna reach into your back pocket, you're gonna pull out your credit card,

and you're gonna put it out with the chip facing towards me and close your eyes. My credit card is a chip. Excuse me? My credit card is a chip. And how does that work? It's a Tostito scoop. Oh, new minus Tostito's hint of line.

Just a terrible credit square. It's a what yeah, they're both one use credit cards and it breaks the machine. Okay, put your credit cards down and I want you to repeat after me. I am Adel Rify. I am Adel Rify. I am Adel Rify. No, but say your name. I am not welcome back to most ATMs. And for me, an ATM, to me seems like a challenge.

And as to mouth challenge. And I can go ask the mouth if I'm bidding the right way forward. If I'm bidding backwards, I can't do it. As to mouth, you do the cinnamon challenge. And I can go ask the mouth if I'm bidding the right way forward. If I'm bidding backwards, I can't do it. Ask the mouth. You do the cinnamon challenge all wrong. And I'm Aaron Keith. Hey everyone, I'm JPC and this is the cinnamon toast crunch challenge. Yum. Try to have a bowl. Try to have just one. I don't have any of my houses. This is going to be very difficult. That's Gemma's favorite. Whenever we go to Costco, we'll buy like a three pack and it is gone within days.

It is so, Coco Pepples is my number one with a bullet, but the cinnamon toast crunch. That's so good. You guys are so cool. I had also his backyard shooting cereal box. Oh, training. Al, your asshole friend, Brett Lyons told me, he was like, you know what, is good.

If you go and get the, at Costco, they have like a keto version of cinnamon toast crunch. That's, you know, that no sugar cereal and he's like, it's great. He's just like cinnamon toast crunch. I bought some of that shit. No, it doesn't. Hey dumbass, it doesn't.

Where did you say that it was from? Costco. It's like Costco has it right next to the cinnamon toast crunch. Like they're like, you can buy this cinnamon toast crunch. It's cheaper. Sure, it's worse for you, or you can buy this smaller, more expensive bag of keto of breakfast cereal that Adel's dumbass friend Brett thinks is so fucking similar.

Well, it's not. Yeah, when your friends with Brett Lyons any recommendation he gives, you just have to say you'll check it out and then don't. Here's the thing, I know that, I know that. And yet, there I was at Costco, fucking buying the goddamn keto I don't even like keto cereal and I'm not keto. There's no reason for it

Fucking Brett guys goddamn that fucking idiot. Didn't he trick you into buying a new pair of shoes? Yeah, but by the way I loved those boots and I I bought it. They were pair of Nike duck boots and Brett was like you got to get him You got to get him my fucking bottom and like two weeks later I was wearing them. I was like, you gotta get him, you gotta get him, I fucking bought him. And like two weeks later I was wearing them, I was like, hey man, these are great, I love these things. I took him back, I took him back, I didn't fit my feet.

I was like, fuck you. Fucking asshole. He'll do that all the time. But I did like him, I did like him. He'll be like, I got this device, it's the best thing ever, you gotta get one. And then I'll get one, and I'm like, yeah, it's pretty cool. Where's yours and he goes, I hated it, I returned it.

I was like, what are we doing? Oh, Where's yours? And he goes, I hated it. I returned it. I was like, what are we doing? Oh, that's fun. Yeah, he's a fun guy. Guys, I'm all jazzed up and I'm all jacked off. Yeah, you're brother Boa. You're wearing a flapper dress. Cops are to come. So everything you just said.

Your legs go all the way up to your right. I do. I do have to stop saying jacked off. But me and Mariah, when spaghetti's being like very upset, we have been saying that she's all jacked off Just kind of around the house and it's I think it's it's been to rub off out of my lexicon and to my vocabulary I do think saying the word jacked off and applying it to just being like amped up is very funny But but I bought jacked off

I just realized something and then then I would definitely want to hear what you're jacked off about I just realized the lead singer of fun. Is it his name like Jack and Tauf? He's not the lead singer of fun. He's not the lead singer. Do you think he just got you wait? By the way, Edel you just fucking stepped in it dude. Oh, I know you just stepped in it people are gonna think I'm not a fan of fun Aaron I think I'm not a fan of fun period. Uh oh, Aaron. Adam's talking shit about fun. Cracks and Eccles walks to Chicago, Pondue's fan teeth. Fun period, more like fine period.

But I'm sure that he must have been teased mercilessly. Mercilessly. Yeah, because Jack is like, hey, you're gonna go Jack and Amtoff or whatever. Oh, that's pretty good actually. Well. Hey, anyone whose first name is Jack, we or whatever. Oh, that's pretty good actually. Well. Hey, anyone whose first name is Jack, we could probably find a way to my clan of them.

I'll get this jack off your ants. I isn't, but Jack is short for John, right? Yeah, Jack's a weird one where, yeah. It doesn't seem like a shortening, it just seems like a reinvention. Yeah, I guess so. But anyway, the reason that I'm all jacked off is because I've been having myself a little JPC weekend,

which is where I get things done around the house. And I gotta tell ya, I love it. Would you get done? I replanted all of my plants, my house plants, because every once in a while, when you have them in the same, you know, soil for too long, the soil gets all depleted, and then you have to go buy new soil,

and you have to like put them into new homes. But here's the thing, you know, soil for too long, the soil gets all depleted. And then you have to go buy new soil, and you have to like put them into new homes. But here's the thing, it's a chore. I don't really like doing it, but while I'm doing it, I love like, I love the like intricately, like trying to get all of their roots like disconnected so that I can like size them into appropriate pots, because they'll just like grow into the shape of their container.

But that's, it's just a, it's like doing little plant surgery. It's a lot of fun to do that. And then they'll just like grow into the shape of their container. But that's, it's just a lot, it's like doing little plant surgery. It's a lot of fun to do that. And then they're all like tucked away in their nice new homes and they get to like feel around for their environments and be like, oh, I'm going to maybe check out this corner. I've never, my roots have never been in this corner before. I think it's a lot of fun. Aaron. Yeah, I think his plants are talking.

He said plant surgery. What does he do? He's re-housing plants surgery. Is he said plant surgery. What is he doing? He's re-housing plants surgery. Is he cutting out the plants and taking their brains? Okay, I think this is... Actually, the roots probably are kind of like the brains of the plant. So in a way, I kind of am doing brain surgery out of these little plants.

Yeah, I guess we do dump water on our brains. Yeah, I mean, would they get too hot? Because of all the good ideas there, how they... I'm guessing I'm just jealous and this is triggering to me because I haven't gotten anything done. Look, I mean, you've seen me record in my kitchen for many months now. Have you ever seen it this messy? Look at that. Look at that. Look at that. There's upwards of four things on your counter. So it's driving me insane and dusty in my place and there's just like things are sticky and horrible and I'm not I'm happy for you

But I'm having a hard time hearing you talk about it. Here's the little stuff done. There's always more stuff to do. Yeah, Aaron closer eyes picture this the year is 1991 Dan Acroid is driving a Town car with you in the back seat and he's driving you insane. Is this a fun idea for a movie? I like it. Is it?

I'm a baby though. Is the movie idea that you're pitching like set in the past or is it modern day dad acroid and it's set like a 91 or are you pitching a movie where we'd have to have dad acroid have done this movie a 91. We would have to the Irishman D.A. Jim. Okay. Okay. And the Irishman looked incredible.

Do you have the budget for that? Aaron, we must. Okay. Okay. We'll figure it out. We'll max out our cards. Works for me. Max out our debit card.

Well, I'm happy for your plans and I'm happy for your house. Happy cards. Yeah, must be nice. Also put a table together this weekend for our patio. We've been, oh nice. We've lived here for a year and we've been like him and Genghan

over what kind of patio furniture to buy. We finally fucking pulled the trigger, put it together, instantly stripped a screw, instantly stripped a screw, but then went to the hardware store today, Mariah went, got a replacement screw, put that, put that bad boy in and now, it's all working perfectly.

I also have the screw. He ate the screw, that one. Oh no. She's a little surgery. She's a little surgery. And also last night, you helped take a part of the table for me. So guess my superpower is like putting tables together and dismantling. They called me the table.

Why did you need a table? I didn't need a table. What's your tables around the table? Yeah, this guy came to my house and he said, let's table the conversation and then he punched me in the face. So we, Adam, why did you need a table disassembled? We, JPC and I were over at our friend Rush's place and Rush was incredibly kind to give me his he has like a custom made table that he I think he got years and years ago, but it's his custom made gaming table.

Custom made gaming table. Let me just tabulate that up quite expensive. The table. Get out of here man. I'm the table and I'm all jacked off What's up with your hair? Ow, that's so good But Ruckian, I want to think of one Oh yeah go, Aaron go ahead Okay, Aaron, if you can think of one, I appoint you as the chair of table and part Okay, well now I can't do a chair one How about the couch? The couch, couch, couch.

Set, a couch. It looks like I'm going to have to bench her. Aaron, you gotta hurry up. You gotta hurry up. Set the table. Yeah. I quit. I quit, I quit, I quit.

I quit, I quit. Oh, okay, yeah, no, okay, I quit, I quit. I quit. But he was not doing me. Well that sucks because JPC ran off with the table. So that's just Adely, Adely Yeah. No. Okay. I quit. I quit. I quit. But we but he was not sucks because JPC ran off with the table. So that's just addily. I don't go ahead. I jumped over the moon. Hey, Ditto Ditto. Um, that's not right. Hey, Ditto Ditto. Yeah, that's right. But Rosh was going to have to give me this table. And so after we played some games around midnight, we dismantled the table. JPC drove his Toyota RAV44 up front and we loaded it in and took it to my house

Mm-hmm. I'm very excited. So we're gonna put it in the in the bar so I can have game nights down there And it's a very nice table. It's very cool comes with six chairs played played many a many a D&D on that table Yes, that's our our entire D&D campaign for the last six years Yeah, when it wasn't over zoom it was on that table. Is it still the same group of people playing D&D campaign for the last six years. When it wasn't over Zoom, it was on that table. Is it still the same group of people playing D&D? We haven't played in a minute, because everybody's very busy, but yes. Yeah, it was Shadconkel, T.J. Jagadowski,

Pat Conley, Rush Howell, J.P.C., Adolfi, and then we had a guest, we had Matt Young guest for an arc and Bill Arnett guest for an arc. Yeah, also maybe not necessarily the way that I would do the building with me last, unless it's like the way that they do it with. And JPC. Yeah. And they put the biggest star at the very end.

I think it's more like an introducing JPC. That seems like the vibe. Because you're an unknown quantity. Oh, okay. Wait, you know what? I find it's my first feature on a fake movie that we're making. Okay, speaking of fake movies that we're making. Hold on, hold on. You guys want to do some riddles? No, my segue was perfect.

Hold on a second. I can't, where'd my coaster go? Did you see I put that drink down with a coaster? Should we table it? Uh, the table. The table. Table. Table. What is my whole thing? I don't know I like tables Oh, I thought you were a table am I I think you take up a part I'm not a hundred percent sure though table table. How about you go and you figured out and then you let us know Yeah, let us know and it's your own podcast at gmail.com. You tell us what I should be

Sounds like a little Gremlinremlin well Kevin my words if you my way for my way for this fuck if you want to make an entrance you should just any time that Dave Matthew song plays you should just pop up that's what I was thinking up he wakes about a table this is Dave Matthews if he's trying to flirt but also I was thinking of. He wakes up out of the table. This is Dave Matthews if he's trying to flirt, but also sing. Okay.

He wake up in the morning. I'm gonna get ya. I'm gonna get ya. I'm gonna get ya. I'm gonna get ya. I'm gonna get ya. I'm gonna get ya. I'm gonna get ya.

I'm gonna get ya. What? If I may, here is my impression of the one song lyric I relate to the least he wakes up in the morning yeah that's it holy shit that's true he don't wake up in the morning he wake up in the afternoon do you see what we're saying about doing riddles I would like to do so if that's okay with the two of you no thanks hard pass I got this big ass I got this big ass ebook of all the knack riddles from Amber that we did a few weeks ago. We're going to

hey, we're going to do some more of them. How do you wait? Big ass all-man-ac ebook. I don't know. It's big. It's if it's a ebook. I guess there's a lot of riddles in it, but I don't necessarily know that it's big. That's a really great point. It could be like 42 size font. No, I know the size of the font, that I can't know for you. Hey, yeah. We've learned.

Yeah. Five eight. He's about five eight, yeah. Five seven, I would say five seven. New season of Barry. He's so great. He's so great. Okay, so here we go.

Here's your first rental. This is from a Farmers Allmanac from 1900. The year. We are little airy creatures, all of different voice and features. One of us in glasses set, in a second found in jet. One of us is cased in tin,

and the fourth, a box within. A bath. And the fifth. You look pretty good. Wait, Aaron, were you trying to buy a vowel? I'm trying to buy a vowel because that's the answer. But keep going. No, no, pretend I'm not here.

It could never fly from you. I know the answer. It's the mucin' next thing. Yeah, yeah, it's the mucin' next thing. I'm an idiot. I thought it was a vowel. Aaron is correct. It is a vowel.

They are airy little things. But also, Addle is correct and that the musinx man is foul. What a foul little thing to be in that guy. Yeah. He hit on me at a bar one, so I was like, what? No. I want to say a saying. No.

Aaron, you're at a bar. TVC, you're the musinx creature and you're hitting on her. Come on. Can I have a tequila soda please? Thanks. Oh, I'm just a guy by the jukebox. Oh, sorry, sorry. You're just like all the waiters, sorry.

Hey, can I have a tequila soda please? I'll also have a tequila soda. Let me pay for her. So, well, wow, so so embarrassing. With my walnut too fast, my super deluxe Magnum condom. Feel right now. Where's that voice coming from? Hello?

Hello? I've been, I've been side your nose. Excuse me, I've been your side assistant. That's you! Ah, whoa, I haven't been this wet since, well since I met you. Hello, Aashon Te. A condom just fell out of my nose. My name's Dougie Musonex, that I met you, hello, Ash on day. A condom just fell out, I'm fine though. My name's Dougie Mucinac, that's actually mine, that's my extra large, magdom thick version

condom because a lot of my stuff breaks regular condom. Here's your drinks. You find that you like thick condoms? Is that a, is that a finish of yours? I mean, I'm a bit- I'm a bit- Sorry, I'm just hung up on the idea of thick condoms. Do you work here? You dress like all the way toers. Well, yeah, I'm a bartender. Here's your drinks. I just,

does it feel good because it makes you last longer? All that thickness of... It's really about retention. It's about what it can hold. By the way, I'm not paying for both of our drinks. I'll just get my drink and be on my way. Thank you. And I will need her to pay for the drink because, as I mentioned, I only packed my very, very thick, but not like, thick in a way that it would make what I've got thin. Just thinking that it needs to be, it's roomy inside and on the outside, you understand. Well, it was nice meeting you, Dahlgur, whatever your name is. Dahlgur, news and ex. It was nice meeting you. I'm going to actually go back over with my friends. Oh you mean you're much prettier friends? Nig, Nig, Nig, Nig.

If you say Nig it doesn't really work. You could hear that. See. I am the Neckman. They are the Neckman. I think you're ugly. I hate you. She's not pretty. You're not pretty. Everyone is shitty to their dad.

I can't imagine. Well, I can imagine the type of person that would do that. But I can't imagine myself ever being being like I'm gonna try nagging Oh, so yeah, to be the person gross That was like maybe the two thousands or something There's that book the some book came out that was like Secrets of Hanna whatever but that like pick-up artist. Yeah, and I think you had his own TV show It's just a gross time to be alive. Not that today's any different, but just a wild thing,

a wild thing that's sprung forth from the well of life is niggging as like a strategy or so gross. Well, I've been niggging you guys since episode one. Is it working? Are you trying to find me? I mean, I'm still here. I haven't thrown a drink in your face. I actually have ruined several computers.

We've had to stop episodes, because Aaron said something mean to me and that it was just black screen on my head. It's an expensive mistake. Which is when I threw a very dirty, martini thick, thick dirty martini at my computer's gate. Can I have some thick olives, please? Let me get the dirtiest.

I want to see the juice and the olive particles floating at the juice. Or that. Yeah. Anyway, have you guys ever had a dirty version, Martini? Yes. You take, so it's gin, ecto-cooler, high C. Yes. Maybe that's it.

To make it virgin, you start with the gin. OK, here we go. Here's a speaking of starting with a gin. This is from an old farmer's almanac from 1900. Same as the last one. You're gonna talk about a genie. I hope so. Oh, shit. Let me just double check is the answer. Genie. I'll be I'll be fucking embarrassed at the answer. Genie. Oh, thank God. It's not what God never sees. What a king seldom sees. What an asshole. It's gotta be that.

Could God make an asshole so quiet that he could a king could see it? Quiet. I don't know. Bring me the royal hand mirror. Oh, there it is. I truly didn't know you. I never thought anyone would call me out on it. What God never sees what a king seldom sees, what we see every day. Our own assholes. Um, what God never sees, what a king seldom sees, what we see every day.

Our own assholes. What God never sees. I actually like this one. I don't think we've had this one on the podcast before, and by that I mean we probably have. So what are the kids here? So God probably sees Aaron, let's talk through this. I don't believe in this thing, but God probably sees clouds and perligates and little angels and stuff. I guess God sees everything.

So hold on. In, uh, what God never sees. Yeah, never sees. He never sees. In what we see every day. The absence of nothing. So is it nothing?

It is not nothing. No. You see nothing every day. Was that supposed to be a subtle day at me? Not nothing. Are you my dad putting Burger King on the table when I'm 10 years old and complaining? Hey eat up. It's not nothing Or like my dad always said it's a hey, it's not somebody's asshole, but I'll eat it

It's not God's asshole, but take a look. So there's so God can he's omnipotent just like the Pope Uh-huh, just like Mark Summers. He can can see everything so what can't God see this one's hard. This is very hard at all You are there mirrors in heaven. It's not it's not no, but they do play that Justin Timberlake some mirrors in heaven Justin Timberlake not a lot in heaven because of what he did to Janet Jackson right but the song still slaps and they play it in heaven It's on a playlist. It's not the only song they play. Sure. But they also play that Michael Jackson.

Ah, you think Heaven has a DJ and not a live band? Heaven plays Michael Jackson? They play that song. They play the man of the mirror's song because it's a good song. God can't keep having this discussion. Do you see Michael Jackson here? No, he's not here.

Okay. I'm more mad that there's a DJ. I want a live band. I want a full band. Look, there's bands in different sections. This is one section of heaven where there's a DJ. In section socks. No, it does it.

It's right next to the milkshake volcano. It doesn't suck here. Yeah, and the milkshake is scalbing hot. Yeah. Well, I mean, to put it in the volcano, we had to get it super hot because it's a, you have a cold volcano. I guess we could have made it cold.

Fuck. We? Nobody's here. I just, I know, whole section of heaven and no one's here because I play Justin Timberlake and Michael Jackson exclusively Jump off a cloud lands in purgatory. So what so a king rarely sees it So what so let's go down a peg because God is a weird one because it's he's a fictional creature

He's basically other people. Acrypted. Poor people. Poor people. He's on the right track, but you haven't really honed in on the right, like a specific lane. Oh wait, so God, I think I have a thread to tug on. Aaron, God never sees the people who go to hell.

Okay. So maybe Aaron King never sees sees the people who go to hell. Okay. Right. So maybe, and the king never sees his poorest people. So poor people go to hell. And you guys support people every day. I see poor people. Get out of my house. Oh, sorry. I mean, I guess, I guess that's kind of,

that could be considered a correct answer, but it's not the answer that we're looking for with this red all and you said We see it almost every day or all the every we see it every day Is it something to do with our own reflection or our own face or our own Not necessarily our own reflection because I've been to Versailles and the mirrors there like in olden days when they had mirrors They sucked like they're they're not good mirrors So even when I stick when I went through the hall of

mirrors in Versailles, you can barely make out your own image because it's so gross. And when you went through the hall of mirrors in Versailles, they were playing that classic Versailles song that was like, yeah, okay, cool. Yeah, you were definitely in Versailles. And all the beers would be like real sk like the real squat. Yeah. Yeah. No, in Versailles. Also didn't Versailles write that song open Gangnam style Sexy ladies Versailles, right? It was Versailles. Thank you. Thank you so much. So Aaron, what do you think? I don't know this riddle. Okay it like their own kids? It's not their own kids. God sent Jesus to go do whatever. Kings are like, go to another city and win a battle. We got it.

Can you be more specific about what you want me to do down there? I don't care. Just whatever. Just remember. Think about it in terms of the number of these things that exist. So we've got like God, King, and what we see every day. The number of things? Oh, yeah. So like, so God is one. A king is one we are many.

Yeah, we're on the right track. And equal. Aaron, you have got an exactly correct. I'm putting a speaker in my coffee right now. Hi, what is he? I'm putting a speaker in my coffee right now. I was here. All right, Aaron, what do you got? Sweet low. Another.

Anyway, you're welcome. I love you. You two are two kings of two different kingdoms in your meeting and you're sort of like sizing each other up because you don't need a king. I have another king every day. Got it. Welcome to my palace. Please make yourself at home. I mean, don't sit in king of another king every day. Got it. Welcome to my palace.

Please make yourself at home. I mean, don't sit in a throne, but anything else is fair game. Sure, sure. So this is the entrance to the palace or this is the palace? So this is the 3a, and if we continue, we go into the 4a and then the 5a and the 6a. 6a, yes, yes, yes, yes, okay. Great, awesome. And I have to say, King Richard Richard the weasel heart. It is so nice to me I've read your tale so I've had them read to me during my bedtime, but your

Feats of strength your domination of your country just very impressive dad Absolutely absolutely and by the way, yeah King Mickey of Mouseland. Thank you You by all accounts are an excellent administrator. Thank you your subjects love you your enemies fear you Castles dope as hell. Thank you. Well goofy designed it. I am I mean you should definitely not have him killed I love it. I love your whole vibe I mean, you should definitely not have him killed. I love it. I love your whole vibe A little bit parts from the trip My castle be kind of like a full like spread waiting for visitors

Just write this way into the den, and I've actually had flown in all the way from Thailand This is a new beverage. It's called lemon aid Hmm lemonade Okay, first thing first. Gotta remove that ice. Uh, I'm not gonna be pissing off the poison all night if you know what I'm saying. So, uh, scoop that out. Um, uh.

Round to be. The lemonade is poisoned. How did you know? Oh, no. How did you know I was trying to kill you to take over your territories? It's legit, man. It's legit. I-I paid an assassin.

I paid an assassin to kill you today. Goofy? Goofy, go ahead. Is that why you said don't kill goofy goofy reveal yourself Hey goofy normal voice goofy normal voice buddy. Hey Not quite there work try it try to get into it. Do you have a word? I Didn't see you try a gorge? I just needed Aaron to detect it, but he said gorge. I actually had an interaction with Goofy yesterday.

Excuse me? I really did. Did you go to Disneyland? I went to Disneyland. Did you really? Yeah, with my buddy Michael. That's amazing. He's friend Sam, who was so nice.

I hadn't met her before, but she was lovely and John. And we were in the Disneyland side. And what's that song from? You're in Disneyland on the Disneyland side? Well, it's confusing. I think they should call the whole thing Disneyland and call one side Magic Kingdom and the other side California adventure.

Oh, I see, it's like two different parts. It's you know, Aaron is talking about how she's normally in the side of the Republican party, but she went over to the Disneyland side for just, which is also Republican, but it just says a better job at masking. Yeah, party of Dumbbell. Yeah, and then you know the song from the goofy movie. Oh, the, um, no, I don't know. I'm coming up. Well, the band in it. What is it? What's there name? Yeah, I know you're just talking about the electric. You're funny because that episode is...

Shockwave, no. You know what I mean? That band. It's... Oh, the goofy one that goes like, I want to take you to a gay bar. Gay bar. Yeah, electric six.

Yeah. Electric six, that's it. I don't know if this is him in a goofy movie, but a friend of mine, a guy named Sean, who also goes by Diane coffee, was the voice of Max Goofy in some power line, power line, power line. It's power line. So there was goofy and who's goofy's dog?

Blue, blue, that's the movie where the girl has buttons for eyes, right? Yes. Yes. It was goofy and Pluto and a woman on stage dancing to that song and everyone was dancing and then they yeah And then we were walking away and Sean was like that wasn't the actual band power line That's not goofy's not in that band. That's not right. This is not they're they're doing it wrong the cannons wrong And then we realized that goofy was right behind us walking by Wow

Hey, how are you? Help you band Oh, it's a are you? How have you been? Oh, it's a lot better to I heard that. Yeah, exactly. And so we were just, Oh, I have goofy, ma-ma-ma-ma-ma. Oh, I bet goofy was absolutely fucking pissed off. He was, he seems pretty pissed.

I think it's worth it that we maybe take a little break and give goofy time to cool down. Cut my gorshin to pieces. This is my last re-gorshin. The goofy evidence. If you haven't heard the goofy evidence, you gotta go watch that. That is one of my favorite, favorite comments of all times. Okay, wake up.

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Oh yeah. I got that a lot. Hey Adel, hey Aaron, I got a bone to pick with the two of you. Oh. Sure yeah, I wore the skeleton outfit just because I figured this was coming. Happy Halloween a few months early. It's not yet the... What is it? So you know how the two of you, I was like, guys, I am always so hungry for lunches and dinners in the like and you jokers told me, oh, JPC, it's okay. All you have to do is take some, know American paper currency tape it to your front door close the door

And then wait until someone brings you food while I kept opening the door and the money was gone So I had to take more money to my door. I think you think you didn't work at all Door cash. Yeah, you did door cash. We told you door dash is the number one thing to you We told you door dash is the number one thing to you. What the hunk? With door dash, you'll enjoy next level convenience with delivery in the hour, making it easier than ever to get whatever you want delivered to your house, whether that be back to school supplies,

or whatever it is that you eat. JPC, which I don't know, what you eat. I eat back to school supplies. But wait. JPC, all your favorite retail, grocery, and convenience stores are on the app so you can chop everything, your kids, your dogs, your family, might need for back to school. Hey, personally, just yesterday, I bought some marshes homemade premium quality buck

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I remember distinctively the stress of going back to school and going from store to store to get all my favorite snacks and Pencils and pencil cases and all the things that I needed me and my siblings and I remember how stressed my mom was And I know that she would have loved to have door dash so she could be prepared before the big Back to school day arrived so you can stock up with go-to breakfast lunchbox staples and brands that you love don't eat my school supplies JPC. CBC, but that eraser down. Put that trapper keeper down. Your mouth is too small.

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Hey, JPC. Uh, uh, yeah. You're not in trouble. I just need help. I'm, um, pranking Addle. And I'm setting up a whole website to prank him. Um, can I just need some advice? This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace.

I'm not I'm not mad at you. We're pranking. Squarespace is the only one website platform for entrepreneurs to stay in doubt and to see it online. Whether you're just starting out or managing a growing brand, Squarespace makes it easy to create a beautiful website engaged with your audience. And so anything for products that cut into time, all in one place website engaged with your audience. And so anything for products to cut into time, all in one place, all on your terms. Hey, Otto, come here, come here, come here.

Hey, what's going on? I actually, I want to prank JPC and I want to set up a whole website to prank him. Do you have anything that like, is there like an online store that could set up on my website to sell products? Did you know that with Squarespace you can have custom merch. You can easily sell custom merch and create passive income stream that engages your audience

and scales your brand, design your products and production, and inventory and shipping are handled for you saving you time and money. What is happening? Okay. Wait, what's going on with that all? Oh, nothing. Nothing. I'm just setting up a very normal Squarespace website, not a prank thing.

No, he's gonna tune you. And I'm gonna use analytics. Use insights to grow my business and learn where my site visits and sales are coming from. That's pretty cool. I'm gonna improve my website and build marketing strategy based on top keywords, our popular products and content on my prank website, the prank site too. Whoa, that's awesome, Aaron. I'm glad you're using Squarespace.

Did you say what the website was for? I can't remember what the website was for. The website was for. Prank. With Squarespace. Yes, please. You can connect to your store to Vedent Third Party tools to extend the functionality of your website.

Hey, JPC, hey, JPC. What's up, Adam? I can't believe we pranked Aaron with our little boy routine.PC, hey JPC. What's up, Adam? I can't believe we pranked Aaron with our little boy routine. Dude, we got her. Anyway, if you want to prank Aaron with your little boy routine, head to squarespace.com for a free trial and when you're ready to launch, go to squarespace.com slash riddle to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

Oh, she's back, she's back. Hey Aaron. Hey Aaron. Hey Aaron. Can we go to grandma's house? Wait, I've been pranked. But how? I don't know I did it all for the gorse the gorse Aaron I I did it all for the gorse. The gorse. Aaron.

I, the gorse. So you could take the gorse and stick it up your g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g, g How is he give you pervert vibes? He just his voice and his like energy. Do you think it's because his energy is so jacked off that he? Oh, it's like, you're right. Exactly what I think. Okay, got you. I think he just has social anxiety. I think the real, who really cru- I think Mickey's creepier.

I think Mickey's the creepiest. Yeah, that little voice, the little like, Yeah. Hey, I'd be Mickey Mouse. That voice is like, yeah, nothing. I mentioned before in the podcast, but there's that, I can't remember what show it was, but some true crime show, they talk about the Weepy Voice Killer who would like, it was a serial killer who would kill someone and then call the police from a pay phone and be

like, I did it again. I'm never gonna go to heaven now. That's exactly how he talked. I hate it. Mickey's voice is one to one. So honestly, it might have been him I Feel like Donald Duck always has piss on it

His feathers are pure yellow A lot of people's childhoods and lives I think we should quit well we're far behind But I think you're right Aaron I'm gonna pick a lot of people off right now I'm gonna go ahead and say it Daffy Duck superior duck Really to who Donald to don't hands down I We do we do we know sucks you can't part they suck Sure King

Here's your next riddle. Here's your next riddle. No other podcast mentioned the Howard D. Scream as much as we do. No other podcast meant to Howard. Hey, Casey, Casey right right now. I'm giving Casey a directive right now. Could you please get the Howard D. Scream, go find an audio clip of it and put it on our sound.

We've been so good for so long. It's an episode. I do really want to see like any cartoon from Disney with goofy in it and replace every garsh with, yeah, have we done the thing where you replace the will home scream in every movie with the Howard Dean scream because that would be fucking brilliant. We should replace the will home scream with the goofy scream because the goofy scream is, yeah, ho ho ho ho.

You know, um, in the part of Phantom of the Opera where he goes sing for me, Angel of Music, and then she's like, I want someone to edit it, but it's just the Howard Dean's scream. Sing for me, Angel of Music. Yeah. The best, the best part about this bit is we never have to do any of this stuff. You've just done it in your mind, Adir. Listen, we've helped you put that into your brain. Here's your next riddle.

That's the power of the imagination. That's the Huey Lewis. Thank you. We gotta stop talking so I can talk. Huey, Lewis, and Neu. The three of you. The three of you. The three of you.

Scrooge McDuck. Huey, I'm not talking. No, he was definitely. Nephews? They were as nephews. All they were hangers on, all they were doing is they were trying to write themselves into his will. He would do it in the loose. He would do it in the loose.

They would go, what is it that occurs once in a minute, twice in a moment and once in a million years. That is the letter, mm. That's the letter, mm. That is the letter mmm. That's a letter mmm. That is the letter mmm. Mmm. Mmm. And this next one is from 1924. I'm always alone, though in all sorts of weather, my brother and I go walking together, shot her unshotted by fortune or whim, and a roam or the land, yet in water I swim. Without me, some men's understandings were not. Yet I cannot be said to assist

them in thought. I'm at home with all classes of people. I mean, oh, I'm sorry. Yeah, I mean, come on. I'm supporting the beggar. I'm holding the queen. In some foreign countries, men cruelly beat me to punish my owner. In some lands they eat me. I'm trotting on daily in markets I'm sold, though none would exchange me for silver or gold. Cocaine and salt. Cocaine and salt. See people can sing all these fucking songs.

Everyone can do it. It's salt. Is it salt and pepper? Is it? That's such a good guess, but it is not salt and pepper. I had it in my head the whole time that it was salt, so now I don't know. I hate when I do that too.

Aaron, I don't want to say that you're close with salt because you're not, but in a way, when we all look back at this in a hundred years, we'll be like, she was pretty close with salt. So, a pillor. No, it's not rocks, it's not a pillor and it's not rocks. That's really also not what it is. It's salted ice.

It's salted ice. A lot of water. A lot of water. We know it. We go water salted ice. Okay, so salt is close. So who was in salt, Angelina Jolie? Who is John?

I got to see the program. I got to see. I got to see, I hate to break up your Eminem style, trade the thought, but I have to see a scene. Adel, you are going to be running an ice cream truck, but all of your ice cream is not real ice cream, like things like salted ice, and Heron and I are children trying to buy

some real ice cream from you. Hello. Oh, finally. Hi, can I have a cream circle please? Sorry, hey, sorry. You said hi, you didn't let me respond. You didn't ask me how my day was. Hi, how are you? I'm here with my little guy. I hold on. Oh, I'm like a cream sickle please. I'm gonna cut you off. Oh, I'm doing well. How are you? Um, was that so fucking hard? Oh, no. You went cream sickles.? I don't have cream circles, but I do have bicycles.

Bicycle ice cream. I'm sorry, it's called a... I ground up and I dismantled and ground up a bicycle and then I put it in ice cream. So it's not like... In every bite you get some bicycle. So it's not like regular ice cream that's shaped like a bike? Regular? It is regular ice cream because it's not like regular ice cream that's shaped like a bike? Regular? It is regular ice cream.

Because it's ice cream. We just want something normal. Our mom gave us two dollars. And said we can go by one thing each. Great, so two dollars will get you two scoops of paperback swirl. Um, can we try a sample first? Yeah, for $2. For $2. You can try two scoops of samples.

Um, but how will we know if we, if we like it, we might not want to, we might not. How we know if we like it. Well, uh, one, I hope you find your two fucking front teeth that you're missing. Wow, excuse me, you can't talk to my little brother like that. Is he missing two front teeth? I mean, I've said nothing wrong. I am missing two front teeth, but there we go. You did make fun of me for it.

Legally, I'm correct. You know what? We'll wait for the next ice cream truck, sir. You don't have our business anymore. Back away from the truck. Got me, come on. But I know, I know, I know. I know, we'll have to wait for another truck.

This guy is weird. Da da da da da da da. He looks a lot like our dad who left. No he's got a big mustache and a big beard. He looks like a dad who left. Good point. Got a big fake looking mustache and a big fake-wicking beard. I want you kids back. Wait, we walked away. What do you say? Yeah, I'm sorry. I want you kids back. I'm behind you. I want you kids back. I sold my soul to the devil. Now I'm everywhere at once. I can be anything and everyone.

I can be anything and everyone. But you couldn't be a dad to us. Down here, you're stepping on me. I'm the grass. I want you kids back. Please kiss the grass. Kiss daddy. Kiss daddy grass. You're gonna wait for the next dad. You don't have our business anymore. D-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D a book blended up into ice cream, but it had like the taste of paper, I don't know what I'm saying at this point. I first, I was like, I think I'd be into that,

but now I'm like, actually, GPC, that maybe sounds like it is a book. It maybe sounds like it tastes like a book, you're eating a book. It's a wet book. Yeah. But we had that, we had that Ginny's that was everything big, or I said,

you know what? I'm not gonna like this, but it was very fucking good. So fucking good. Okay, I tweeted about it and guess what? I did up on the front page of the Wall Street Journal because they interviewed me based off a tweet I made about Jenny's everything ice cream. Is that true? Yes.

Um, the, would you eat, if, if Ginny's came out with a paperback swirl, Adel, would you buy it? 100%. Yeah, I would too, unfortunately, I had buy that. That sounds fucking great. They can do no wrong. I Am a bibliophile which means I bible my ice cream Okay, um enough jacking off we have to get to this riddle solution. Do you guys want me to give you the riddle one more time?

Oh, yeah, I had the wrong thing in my mind. We're on the salt one. What's the give it to the former time? Take salt off your mind. I'm always alone though in all sorts of weather. My brother and I go walking together, shot her unshotted by fortune or whim, and Rome or the land, yet in water, I swim. Without me, some men's understandings were not yet I cannot be said to assist them in thought. I'm at home with all classes of people, I I mean supporting the beggar upholding the queen. In some foreign countries men

cruelly beat me to punish my owner in some lands they eat me. I'm trodden on daily in markets I'm sold though none would exchange me for silver or gold. Is it a lion? Wow it's not a lion. What made you think lion there? Um, yeah, and water, I swam. Yeah, something. Like, remember, in circuses, when the guy would hold up the chair and he'd have a whip, and he'd be like, get, sit on this chair, and then lion would sit on the chair, and he'd be like, look, it's a sturdy chair. Yeah, so I thought that holds up a queen.

This, can I, can I, can I, can I, can I, can I tell you that this word that is the answer to this riddle? It's a word. Tom Fully. It has multiple meanings and those multiple meanings are injected into this riddle. So the hominem or something? Oh, I hate them. For homophone. Yeah.

Yeah. So it actually is a word that has two different spellings as well I choose that that could apply to all of these things So one was like people walk on me, so that would be like dirt land Sidewalk Yeah, so like sidewalk but like if you spell sidewalks like differently it becomes another word Sidewalk w.k Uh-huh, this is what you cook food in.

Yeah. And that sustains the queen. This is my sidewalk when I'm stepping out of my main squeeze walk. Uh-huh. Where I squeeze my limits. What, there's one part where it says we walk side by side, and then there's like shutter and shutter.

Yeah, so I'm always alone, though it, I'm always alone, though in all sorts of weather, my brother brother and I go walking together and then what's the part after that? Shot or unshot by fortune or wind or unshot when room or the land yet in water. I swim What a shot a shot and unshot me. I could tell you it shot or unshot me But I think I would be basically Giving you the answer to the riddle. I'm ready for the answer because I'm super lost.

I can't think of anything. Shot Michael Murray. Um, okay. Let's see. So that's one. That's one whole spelling and definition of the word. Let me see if I can get you another one. Um, oh God.

Without me, some men's understandings were not yet I cannot be said to assist them in thought. What is how is not spelled? In a UGHG. No, never mind. Okay, I'm at home with all classes of people. I wean supporting the beggar upholding the queen. So no matter who you are, if you're a person, you have one.

Rice. A name. It's not a name. Nami. you're upholding the queen. So no matter who you are, if you're a person, you have one. Right. A name. It's not a name. A voice. So it's not a voice, but so think of this. It's something that all people have, and then it's something that where your brother and I go walking together.

So walking is really important. Kane, no walking boots, shoes. A shoe, a shoe would have, a cross you a shoe or a boot would have this Laces but no not like a foot That was a really hard riddle I Said me a half a cake. I don't want a full one, but I also don't want just a piece. I got a question for you Aaron What so you I mean you can't eat most but do you, because you have to eat a gluten

free cake, right? Do you ever go to the grocery store and see when they have, like, they'll have, like a quarter of a sheet cake, just packaged there and just really want to go fucking to town on that. I think about it all the time. I, yeah, all the time, especially now that my diet has become even more limited, I have like true fantasies of food. I'm not okay.

I was at the grocery store today and I was making a bee line to the back of the store because I was there for two things. I was there for milk and eggs for breakfast because it was early in the morning, I wanted to make breakfast. So I'm making a bee line and then someone puts their cart out in front of me so I just like, I'm in the morning I wanted to make breakfast. So I'm making a B-line and then someone puts their cart out in front of me.

So I just like, I'm in the kind of the bakery section. So I just take a quick left and walk around a table and suddenly I'm in this row of cakes, cupcakes, cheese cakes and breakfast dishes. And I wasn't expecting to be there and I fully did this thing in my body where I was like, don't, just don't, don't reach down right now at like 10 in the morning

as soon as the store opened and just grab like a fucking cheesecake. Do not buy a cheesecake right now, but my brain almost did because my body was just moving towards the cheesecake. I went to Costco the other day, Aaron, and I texted JPC and I was like, I'm going to Costco do you anything?

And he replied back. That's the worst. Do not get me a bag of chocolate covered pretzels, the whatever the Costco version of the chocolate covered pretzels are. He goes, do not. And so I dropped them off a bag and I got myself one. And they're fucking incredible. That sounds so good. They're so good. Adel said, running to Costco, if you need anything, and I said, Brian, I keep saying chocolate covered pretzels, but I think we're good. I said, she's always saying that anyway, I don't know where she gets this stuff. And then Adil said, I couldn't find him.

And I said, you know what? Whatever, that's, you know, it's a roller, and I said, it's Costco. And then maybe like 10 minutes later, he texted me a picture, everybody goes, I found him. And I said, well, fuck you. I do want to see a scene.

So based on the answer, I have been eating them. I've been eating them. I'm almost done with them. Yeah. Well, first of all, we do want to see a scene so based on the answer. I have been eating them. I'm almost done with them. Yeah. Well, first of all, we do have to resolve something, Aaron said something about half a cake. So we do have to resolve. She's going for, she's all, all.

Okay. That's the secret. That's the secret. And so I do want to see a scene based off soul. JPC's this Christ There you will find no God here God is dead. He listened to episode one and a died. So JPC you are This is like olden days Where kings and queen ruled the earth is olden days like discot medieval times exactly?

Everything must go so it's olden days you were like a normal peasant dude and That Aaron you are the devil you have showed up to this guy's house or or hut and you are trying to get him to sell you his soul Yeah, it's cold the winter Back in Zat Yonder door Interrupting cow. Interrupting cow. Ooh! Can I come in?

Oh, uh, well, declare yourself stranger. I know you're no cow, for no cow could possibly muster speech. Are you sure? Cause sometimes I can pick whatever body I want to be in and maybe. Open the door. Let me open the door just to creak to see why I'll be. I picked a cow. Let me in.

It's cold out here. There's flies near my butt. Who would I like? I just want to share. What strange matter of sorcery could... Yes, come in, cow, come in. I could eat a cow and very hungry. I haven't seen a cow in this part. So, seems like you're a little strapped for cash. And I'm a little bit...

A cash-based society. It's more like I am a... I'm tending to the land and my feudal lord demands 25% of what I... I don't need to explain feudalism to you right now. No, I invented it. Okay. I did most economic systems. I am very hungry.

My belly is a quiver. Well, I'm glad to know what might sway you. What about a bunch of quails, feathers? I'm sorry, did you say what might sway you. What about a bunch of quails, fencing? I'm sorry, did you say what might sway to me? No, you're thinking of me, a cow. I... I thought you were making a cow pudd, were you not? I'm not that smart.

By the way, you just make a cow pudd on the floor right there. Moo. You're welcome. So, here, let's look at the video. Let me ask you a question was moo your welcome a cow putt because that one to get rid of my head So I'm just want to double back on that This is not going great for me. Okay My lord welcome back. Have you obtained any souls? No Not even one I'm not good at this!

I'm going to my room! Wait, can I give you a small suggestion? What? Maybe go as a goat or a ram? No, I don't think it makes that much of a difference. I really think it does. I think people see cows and they see weakness. I think you can't take a talking cow seriously,

but if you were a goat, you would have power. Your eyes and irises would be insane, untethered. You think? Whoa, you're back, you're back. What are you some sort of? Knock, knock. Half goat, half cow, you're already in. Ugh, let me hold on, I gotta go back. I blew it again! What are you doing? I don go back. I blew it again You doing I don't know I'm not good at this just show up as yourself be you know how they always say be yourself Yeah, I got you that sweater. What does it say be yourself?

And how's bee spelled? Be and little beyond it. I go back go back. I'll go back. Go back as yourself. Okay, so you're back. You're still half cow half goat, but now it's the other way. Moo, can I come in? Moo, can I come in? I got another riddle for you guys. I like this one.

It's from 1864. I kind of like these types of riddles. What's that in the fire and not in the flame? What's that in the master and not in the name? What's that in the courtier and not in the clown? What's that in the country and not in the town? R. The letter R. I'm going to the mall later, Aaron. Are you Maltese?

Maybe. I do like those. I think that those are kind of like simple riddles, but I always love the reading of them. I think they read very fun. I agree. I like them. Okay, so here's your last one for today,

but I have plenty more of these. And this is from a farmer's almanac from 1923. Ready for this? Yes. Oh-huh. Oh, you know what I once, we, no, hold on. A whole verbal consensus what I need. I'm ready for this.

Riddle. Yeah, yeah. Uh-uh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. My great grandma was a farmer. So we, we always had a copy of the farmer's allmanak or she would have one at her place when we went visit. Sure. And the one thing I remember that I learned from the Farmers Almanac is that they allow

a certain percentage of rats, rat hair, and bugs in ketchup. Cause it's like, when they're making... Yeah, it's pretty much any industrial process, like peanut butter, ketchup, yeah, all this stuff. There's like a threshold, there's a line. There's like a 0.2 whatever percent that they will allow of like dead animals,

bones, blood, feces, hair that they're just like, it's gonna happen. And I remember reading that as a kid and being like, I never want to catch up again. And of course I have. Yeah, of course you have. Even though as a child is the last time in your life that you should be eating catch up, because it's baby food for babies. And I'm in Chicago. Yeah, when I moved to Chicago, I dumped all of my ketchup out into the river

and it turned it freaking green. A mustard is king. Yeah, wet Italian beef with mustard peppers and onions Chicago baby. All right, you've convinced me I'm moving back. Moo? Our show day. Yeah, I got that.

Okay, here we go. Ritl number nine. Well, I don't know why I said that, because it is number nine of the sheet. Often we are covered with wisdom and wit, and oft with a cloth with a dinner guest sit. In beauty around you and over your head, we are countless though numbered

when bound to be read. Curts in from 1923. Old-timey curtains. Letters. Didn't have curtains then. Curts from 1923. Old-timey curtains. Letters. Didn't have curtains then. Here's, here's on the head. Can you read it one more time? Yeah, so often we are covered with wisdom and wit.

And off with a cloth with a dinner guest set. In beauty around you and over your head, we are countless, though numbered, when bound to be red. Uh-oh. Is this fucking tables? Tables. It's not tables! Oh, hi, we figured out who you are yet.

But it is something table adjacent, and I'm not talking about a nightstand. A chair. A table leaf. A table. It's a leaf! A leaf. Leaves. It's leaves!. To a leaf leaves. It's leaves.

Hey, you okay? You have white stuff on your nostril. I thought about glue. I tried to. I tried to glue it, Chad. I thought about what I might. I thought about what might. Oh, God.

Let's stop. You tried to glue your nostrils, Chad. I'm trying to get a body. Body, hey, we make fun of you and we're annoyed by you, but you are worth something, okay? I know. I know course you buddy. Hey, we make funny you and we're annoyed by you, but You are worth something. I know I know what you're thinking. I wasn't trying to do that I was trying I was trying to see I don't know what I am Am I a table and then I was like do I need to breathe? What is this for us? We get it. We get that you're having a identity, but I don't get it

Does that make sense? I know I'm the table but, but like what is the tabler, you know? You're currently half goat half cow Oh boy, okay, let's play some voicemails. Okay, so why don't you hit us with a voicemail? I'm going to report a food crime I committed. I got Jenny's everything bagel ice cream and I put spicy honey and pickled onions on it and I ate more than two bites I think I need to turn myself into the authorities, but I don't know where I should go. Please advise. Thank you You're gonna want to find the entrance to hell. You're gonna want to high five the devil and then keep living your life, baby You're a cool bias That's a fucked pervert shit to those pickles in there, huh? Here's what I'd say with the hot honey, I'm still on board.

Yeah, with the pickles, I'm still on board. With the pickled onions, I might be out. No, I think it's so wrong, it's right. It's one of those situations. If you put capers in it, you should go directly to hell. But without capers, the other stuff, I could, I don't know. It's very good ice cream. What about if you took that ice cream

and you spread it on a bagel at eight of our breakfasts? Could you do that? I'd try that. I would try that as well. No, I'm not trying to. All right, never mind. You're not, you're, you didn't know food crime, no harm, no foul.

I hope you saw it because great, but it sounds like you did a good job. And thank you for, thank you for calling our number. It's fucking saying that. Yeah, and check out the Wall Street Journal to read an article about me enjoying that ice cream. That's a great plug for the Wall Street Journal. And if you want to leave a voicemail,

you can always leave that voicemail at 1 805 Riddle 1. That's 805 Riddle 1. Casey, do we have another one? Hey, guys. Adam, KPC here. We're back on the public. I'm not working right now, it's right here. Like background noise.

Is he being raptured? Right. We haven't had a scripting of what you guys looked like. Since the beginning of the hotout, so maybe we could describe it. So, I'm really glad it looked like you guys off-cut. I am a big fan of those. We great to see you guys out this year. I'm going to describe Aaron. can't go wrong. Aaron is, okay, let me turn down the lights here. Aaron is a nice little eight foot two package of slime. I think we should go back to describing ourselves.

Gills, oh my goodness. No, all right, let me, I'll take over for you. I don't you're welcome. Why are you describing me or are you describing me? I'm gonna describe myself. I, imagine the kind of beauty that inspires poetry or wars. Um, just so stunning that it's hard to look directly at me. I'm actually 5'8".

I have Auburnish hair, middle length that sort of just goes right past my shoulders. I have like gray hazel eyes. I have very like tired looking eyes, like a little sad eyes. I look like a haunted doll. I very very very pale skin. And that's about my whole deal. JPC um, okay, how do you describe a snake? Oh, wait, hold on, let me describe myself. You described yourself. His pride never deserts him, but with the rich, he is liberal minded, just sincere, rational, honorable, and perhaps agreeable.

He is tall, he is handsome, noble, and admired greatly by all at the first ball until his manners contradicts his appearance. The son of a wealthy, well-established family and the master of the great estate of Pemberley. Okay, he's reading from Abraham Lincoln's biography. Yeah, I know, that's a sensibility. Don't worry about it. But that's me that's a John Fitzwilliam Patrick Cohen. Was that Pride and Pre that Brian prejudice that was mr. Darcy. Yes I just say something so quick to you DBC sure Aaron Right Mr. Darcy

Aaron any description of you that doesn't start with eyes closed you can kick right to the freakin Fuck you eyes closed, you can kick right to the freaking car. Oh, fuck you. Addle. Fuck you, Addle. I would describe myself as, I would describe myself as face down, ass up. That's the way I like the fuck. I would also describe myself as six foot four and full of muscle. I said, the Vigilite sandwich and he just, he doesn't know the words.

And I know self of a meek. I'll do it for real, do it for real. I'm a little, I'm a plaid little boy from the lumberjacks. I'm six two on a good day. Yeah, it is not raining. I have a beard. I have big pillowy lips, nice hazel eyes, a nice weird neck and shoulders that go on for days.

The rest of me is like a softwild egg. 5-11 brown eyes, brown hair, brown beard, jacked off energy. All right, Casey, do we have one more voicemail? Hi guys, this is Mrs. Stoppley from Minnesota, Big fan of the show. I'm calling in because on Crue Clue Crue episode number 139, welcome to Mississippi, Strength emoji. Aaron said to call her when I could spell Massachusetts, so time spent 10 minutes and 45 seconds. I'm delighted to say that after hours of hard work, I can't expect spell Massachusetts

and JPP has provided the delightful opportunity to call in and provide Aaron with that information. I'm actually going to spell it because those weren't the instructions provided, but take the back or whatever, and I'll call again to spell it. All right, that's all. It's me back. Hi guys, thanks for the entertainment. Sir, if you had spelled it,

you and I would be legally married right now, so thank God. But those were not the instructions. It was just to call you and say when you can't spell it. So Aaron, you got the call. That's pretty good, right? Fair enough. And that's just, I need to, I think I learned a little lesson today

on how to choose my words more carefully. I'll start now. DPC, fuck you. Hey, Aaron, if an ego married a waffle, it would, it would fucking fuck you, dude. Then it would, Edel? Edel?

I have an old edel. I have an old man from 1912 and it says, this is law across America. And it would add at all at all from 1912 and it says this is law across America any farmer who can spell Massachusetts in front of a living woman immediately marries her And you know what? Let's go back. Let's burn that fucking house is going in that direction as a country and that's a law. I love to see resurfaced Okay, you know what that's enough of our fucking bullshit for now, but we can do something very fun at the end of the show,

which is a little something called plugs, Addle, do you have anything that you would like to find folks at home to know you're up to? Oh boy, what have I been up to? I wanna plug, what's the game we play? We're playing a game called Clank Acquisitions. Clank legacies. Associated, acquisitions incorporated. Yeah, it's the Cl we play? We're playing a game called Clank Acquisitions Associated acquisitions incorporated. Yeah, it's it's the Clank legacy game. It's a clank legacy game

Boy oh boy. We're about four or five games in and we're having an absolute fucking blast So if you have a group of friends that you like to play board games with I highly recommend that game We're having so much fun with it and I think it's a four player, I think it's up to four player, I believe. Okay. Yeah. That's right. So I would say check that out if you have some board games going on. And again, I'm not, I'm never going to not say it. Quacks of Quiddlingburg. So, such a fun.

Yes. So, so fun. If you want to one off versus a legacy game, Aaron, do you have anything to plug? I would like to plug, sitcom D&D. All of season one is out right now for your binging pleasure. I think you'll enjoy it. I'm proud of it. JPC anything to plug. Dude, you know, I got to give up my plug today to Garrett the Fingarian.

There are five star review on Apple iTunes if you want to get your review featured on the show. In the plugs section, just go to Apple iTunes and write us about five star review. This one's called the magic time reference. It could be I think it. Fingarian. Garrett the Fingarian sense. This is called swan lips. JP Riddles was framed by the squirrels and they're stupidly delectable piss. He's a good honest man who has a no good brother with a goody-to-shoes wife. It's not his fault that the seductive nature of squirrels in their piss is something he cannot be helped by

mortal men. Help save this man's reputation and listen to this whatever show with these three people. Thank you so much, Garrett, the Hungarian. Thanks, Garrett. Oh, and one real thing to plug. Next week, so the last week of July, if you're listening to this on the day that it comes out, will be my last full week of Twitch streaming for the indefinite future. I'm taking a little hiatus in August and it may extend after that, but that's Monday

through Friday, 10 a.m. to 2 p.m. after that, but that's Monday through Friday, 10 a.m. to 2 p.m. Central time, twitch.tv slash shark barkman, so come and hang out and say what's up. And also, if you want to listen to the JV podcast with fourth host of the show, Janet Varney, I am on an episode that I believe comes out tomorrow or it may have come out next week or last week tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow Creeps on this JPC guesting. And you can listen to the full Hey, world of little trilogy because out of the episode,

Aaron has done an episode and now I have completed it. So go listen to our episodes on the JV Club podcast. It was very fun. I had the best time there. I had the second best time there. And I guess that leaves me with the super secret double first best time that I had. Oh man.

Yeah, I suckered. Hey, speaking of a really fun times, Aaron. Jupiter. I care about you. You don't have to do this. Thank you. Hi.

Starting, erudging, and job Patrick Collins. Casey Tony to the editing. And Marty Perrin to the music. And Bob Dupont to the music. And Bob Dupont to the music. And Bob Dupont to the music. And Bob Dupont to the music. And Bob Dupont to the music. And Bob Dupont to the music.

And Bob Dupont to the music. And Bob Dupont to the music. And Bob Dupont to the music. And Bob Dupont to the music. Hey, just wanted to leave a friendly suggestion. I think it's a riddle riddle. That's too riddled. It's season two. What if you guarantee that every episode has at least two riddles for season two?

And then you can get two and you don't know that you know stop you know it's just the painful to watch you all to the best said the whole pre-fence of being a real podcast you know pre-fence those if you pregnant and the question there a key so that by no we're not going to do that

uh... hey there falcons in those gloves that Falcons land on. If you like that, you're going to love this week's Patreon. We are going to the Rin Fair with a special guest, Janet Varney. You can listen to that plus our entire Bat Catalog at patreon.com, Sasha Riddler, but joining the crew for $5 a month or the review crew for $8 a month. Any get those ad free episodes. See you there.

$8 a month, and you get those ad free episodes. See you there!